#are you still here? i hope you're at peace. but i - so selfishly - i have to know that you're not just - gone. that you're Somewhere. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stargirl-writes · 7 months

Text

promises

pairing : f! reader x rots! anakin skywalker

word count : 1k

masterlist | ao3 link

summary

ever since anakin had killed dooku, your anxiety has never settled. for you were watching him slowly lose himself in the war. and you lie late at night lost in the idea that maybe, being with you didn't make any difference at all. so, you watched him sleep, at peace, stealing what little time you could have with him.

tags : angst, comfort, love, flangst (?)

warnings : pretty much none, just angsty stuff to cry to hehe

notes : hello beautiful people! i finished the film past lives and there's this one line that just shattered me 😭 so i just wanna share this little imagine before i go to sleep :) hope ya like it 🪽🩷

likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated ! (and fuels me hehe)

Anakin Skywalker is your secret.

Your beautiful little secret.

Here wrapped in these sheets, where everything softens. Hushed. Kissed by the gentle rays of the moonlight.

You have been awake for some time now. But you didn't dare move. Anakin was still deep in his dreams exhausted from the day before. Despite his slumber, his arms wrap around you protectively.

You placed your head on his chest, following his breathing and listening to the soft thuds of his heart.

Your gaze lands on his peaceful expression.

How can someone look so beautifu?

You thought, he looked like the people in the paintings. Like how an artist would imagine a being with the perfect proportions. And he'd move as if each stroke is intended with grace.

The force made him. You'd sometimes catch yourself lost in his eyes, staring, studying the way it'd crease at the ends when he smiles. Is he even human? You'd think to yourself. He is the galaxy made flesh. That has to account for his prettiness, you think.

You take a deep breath; the scales of the ongoing war are further tipped to the Republic's advantage after Anakin had killed Dooku.

It was so close. Even the air itself has shifted. You can feel it, the end. You can almost visualize it.

Maybe then, things will change...

Selfishly, you feel your heart ache by the little amount of time you could share with Anakin. You can't help it, you have always belonged to him, and for that, you have suffered.

He is the Jedi Order's first. Before you can call him yours. You're not even sure if he is his own's anymore. Because you've watched how this war takes so much of him.

Be smarter, Be more cunning, Be more ruthless. Offer yourself again and again and again.

There's so little of him that remains.

You blinked, sighing once more. You reminded yourself that you are here, tangled in his embrace. It was enough to know that here he lies, with you.

Anakin shifts and you hold your breath. You begged the Gods to not wake him, not yet, let me have him, just for now.

Anakin mutters something. Huttese, the language he grew up on. Your eyebrows furrowed, you never really got to understanding the language even after studying it.

His heart paces under your touch. You kept your gaze on his face, deciding whether you should wake him up or have him rest.

He has been having so many nightmares lately...

His eyes abruptly open and you lent your weight on your elbow to better survey him.

"It's alright, Ani, it was just a dream" You spoke softly, careful not to startle him.

Anakin's wide-eye terror softens at the sight of you, his chest heaves trying to catch his breath.

"It's alright" You coo once more, placing a kiss on his forehead.

He presses his eyes close, and his eyes are intent in yours as he follows your breathing.

You can't help but feel a sting in your heart. He is reaching his limit, and it worries you that whenever he's away, he is close to blurring the lines and crossing it.

Anakin presses his face to your clavicle, and your hands find a way to tangle in his hair. Noticing his silence, you spoke soothingly "What's on your mind, Ani?"

Anakin's breath felt warm against your neck. You used to be able to read Anakin's thoughts. Like he'd write it down in words on pages of a novel for you to be able to understand him. But now, he's been more distant, more incoherent, and you feel as though you have to decipher every little thing that he allows you to see.

"mmm—just tired" Anakin's voice was gravelly and of resignation.

Stop turning me away. You wanted to say. But you already know that the more you try to push him, the further he'll hide away.

You take a deep breath, wishing you could take away some of the weight off his shoulders. "You know you speak in Huttese when you're asleep"

"I do?" Anakin tilts his chin, his eyes are still half-asleep.

"Yeah, I could never understand it though" You managed a wan smile.

"That's probably good for you, Huttese is a very coarse language" He claims.

"Still—" You held back your tongue, deciding it would only drive him away if you asked about his dream.

"I fear that you dream in a language I can't understand"

The silence hung. Anakin must be asleep.

Your gaze moved faraway— deep in contemplation. Wondering if you being in his life made any difference at all.

"You know, I only ever feel like myself when I'm with you, right?" Anakin speaks, voice barely above a whisper.

Your cheeks flushed scarlet, realizing your force signature may have revealed your anxieties.

"I know"

Anakin shifts his head, eyes latched on to you like he was memorizing every detail of your face.

"Ani" you began, "If there's a life after it all, will you come with me?"

Anakin's eyebrows flashed at the suddenness of your question.

"What do you mean?" He places his hand on the small of your back, tracing small circles.

"Well, I'm only wondering, will you come with me, even then?"

Anakin's expression softens, recognizing your fears. You were losing him, slowly, bit by bit. And if you're bound to him in this life, why not in the other?

When you can finally feel like you're not constantly the only one holding on.

He doesn't answer for a while, you feel the need to ramble, to withdraw.

It was silly of you to ask, he is free to choose whatever life he wants to live after it all, besides, if he decides to want to rest, you won't take that away from him, if he ever wants to—

"I'll go wherever you go" he declares, halting the thoughts plaguing your mind.

His eyes drift away from yours "I can't... I know what my duty requires of me and I'm sorry if I haven't been here for you."

"But, I'll love you in a time that isn't stolen" he promises, tucking your hair away from your face.

You felt tears glistening in your eyes. You smiled, leaning in to tenderly kiss Anakin.

The hope of it all would be enough to keep you going.

Just a little while longer.

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bookishtheaterlover7 · 13 days

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How Long Could We Be A Sad Song?

a/n: Well, it's here! The fic that I'm most anxious to write and post. Honestly, I wrote this and got inspiration when I was in my most upset and angsty mood. Which was a few months ago, and it's been sitting within the pages of Maddie (my writing notebook), and my drafts. And somehow through a very frustrating bout of Writer's Block, as well as, the fact that I was reminded and paired my own feelings to "Taylor Swift's You're Losing Me", put it into a moodboard and boom! This fic was born.

youtube

Normally, I'd dedicate this to a special friend. But this time, I'd like to deviate, and dedicate this to myself. Weird, I know. This time though, this fic will remind me that every emotion, and every feeling is valid and if vented properly, can and will flourish into something productive and beautiful.

Alright. That's enough talk from me. I hope you all enjoy the fic. And I also hope I didn't crush you, cause well... it's angst, what else can I say? 😆

Chris Evans x Secret Girlfriend!Reader

Requested: No

WARNINGS: Panic Attacks, Angst, Established Relationship, Relationship Drama, Sad Chris, Sad Dodger

Heartbreak Divider by @firefly-graphics

Enjoy!!!

*Y/C/F/M = Your Close Family Member

Outside, the night was quiet, and peaceful. The crickets calling into the night air, frogs singing in unison, adding to the ambiance. Even the noisiest neighbor seemed to have taken some time off from being the thorn on everyone’s side. But while the world seemed almost frozen, Y/n sat in her living room, her heart pounding in her ears, and a knot forming in the pit of her stomach after she told the Love of her Life that she wanted to end their 6-year relationship. The sad part was, Chris seemed so lost as Y/n’s words hung in the air.

“I-I don’t understand...” He finally said, looking up at her from resting his head between his legs, across their living room. The space feeling more like chasm the longer this dragged on.

“I know you don’t, Chris.” Y/n sighed, getting up from her chair, and kneeling beside Chris, before taking his trembling hands in hers, hoping to give him some comfort, knowing that he could spiral into a Panic Attack in his fragile state. She knew because, if she didn’t do it for herself, she’d do the same.

They let the silence of their built home surround them, like a warm blanket. Both knew that they were only delaying the inevitable, but they selfishly wanted to hang on to what little time they had left together.

Time felt like it slowed, as Y/n’s gaze remained focused on their joined hands. Taking her back to a time years ago, on a bench, when Chris first saved Y/n...

She had been touring New York with her family, unfortunately, the crowds were too overwhelming for her, and while they were forming their lines to enter the theater of some play, Y/n couldn’t focus her breathing long enough to look at the marquee, and her chest felt tighter and tighter, as she told *Y/C/F/M that she’d like to grab a bite from the stall she saw near a bench, a few ways back, and left before he/she/they could protest.

She took advantage of the open air, and tried to regulate her breathing, by taking slow deep breaths, before arriving and collapsing on the bench. Resting her head against the back of it and feeling and inhaling the passing fresh breeze. The tightness in her chest was still there, and she continued taking deep breaths in order to regulate her breathing, not even noticing the handsome stranger, standing next to her.

“Uh, hi! Excuse me? Miss? Ar-are you okay?” He greeted, his blue eyes gleaming, as Y/n took a big breath before answering.

“Huh. Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine, Sir. Just feeling a little overwhelmed. Is all.” She laughed, wiping her cheeks. Just noticing that there were tears running down them.

“I get that. No matter how many times you do this, or come here, it can still get overwhelming... May I?” The stranger asked, gesturing to the empty space next to her. To which she nodded and scooted over a little to give him some room.

He put his bag down between his legs, opened one of the pockets and pulled out a couple of tissues, before handing them to her. That Y/n gratefully accepted, dabbing at the corners of her eyes.

“The city is actually quite beautiful, but I’d prefer it if it didn’t have so many goings on, you know?” She said, breaking the comfortable silence that settled over them.

“Oh, I definitely know. It’s places like this right here, though, that helps.” He said, admiring the way the bench overlooked a cluster of buildings in the most picturesque way.

“Is that an invitation to meet here again?” Y/n laughed.

“Maybe... Are you going to take me up on it?” The stranger laughed, his face expressing hope.

“I might...” She smiled, holding her hand out, now being able to breathe easier.

“Y/n.”

“Chris.” He replied, taking it and shaking it.

It wasn’t until Y/n returned to the theater that she realized WHO she had just met. And it definitely took her a while to shake it off, and, even if it seemed like a fluke at the time, she was pretty sure that Chris winked at her from the stage that night.

She was thankful for how he helped her. And it just became a thing for them to do the other, even a couple years later, when Chris was presented a way to possibly earn money during the pandemic.

Y/n focused her gaze on the mantel, her mind wandering to when she and Chris first made this place into their home. Moving things around, deciding which items gets put on display, what color the walls are gonna be... Back when everything was possible.

“How time flies...” She trailed off.

“Y/N/N. Baby...” Chris cried, his voice breaking at the end. Which caused Y/n to swallow a sob too.

“How can I make this better? I can fix this for us.” He said, hopping down from the seat onto Y/n’s level on the floor.

“That’s the thing, Chris. You can’t.” Y/n cried, pulling her hands away, and wrapping them around herself, in an attempt to give herself some comfort, as well as ground her.

“This is the most cliche thing that I’ve ever said, but it’s not you, it’s me. I can’t handle it... It’s getting too much for me, and the sad thing is, it’s not even your fault, because it’s my own feelings, and you’re just doing your job...” She ranted, her heart going a mile a minute, her chest feeling tighter.

“Hey. Hey.” Chris said, gently taking her hands, placing one on his cheek, and cupping her cheek, allowing her to follow his breathing, slowing hers down.

They let time pass, just holding the other close. Letting the other’s presence bring their calm. Like always.

Chris has just realized how much of a colossal fuck up he just made. How the fuck did he not notice?! That Story went from wholesome to “What did I just do?!” in just a few hours.

His heart was racing a mile a minute, and he felt like he couldn’t catch his breath. Pacing back and forth on his balcony, the fresh air rendered useless in relieving him.

“Hey. Chris, everything’s going to be alright, okay?” Y/n said, putting one hand on his shoulder, getting his attention on her.

“Deep breaths. 2 seconds in, 3 seconds out. C’mon, Babe. Do it with me.” She smiled, helping him breathe through his attack.

Some time later, Y/n helped him onto their couch. Dodger hopping on next to Chris, allowing him to pet the little guy. She had left the room to grab him a glass of water. Which after handing it over to him, she sat down behind Dodger, hand on Chris’ knee, letting her presence and silent assurance say what words may fall short on.

“We can do this, Baby. We can work through this, fight it.” Chris said, pulling back to look at Y/n’s eyes, determined.

“No, Chris. We can’t. I can’t.” She said, pulling away, and standing so that she was facing away from him, the view from their window her only comfort in this moment.

“I know that you want to make this work, because you’re you. But I can’t let you. Do you really want to stay, when I feel like a ghost in my own relationship? I literally could send you the biggest most obvious sign, and I don’t think you’d hear me.”

“But I’m here, Y/N/N. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.” Chris pleaded.

“Yeah. What happens when you need to go, Chris? When they need you to do something, again. And I have to see pics of you and her, knowing full well that that’s supposed to be me. On your arm, announcing our love and our relationship to the world. Taking on every comment, every hate, every piece of scrutiny, together. Instead, the world believes in that sham, because they don’t know I exist in your life.” Y/n cried, turning towards him, not even bothering to hold her tears back anymore.

Chris tried to reach out for her, but she took a step back. Not letting him hold her, knowing full well that if he did, everything will feel right, and she won’t be able to do what she needed to.

“This is just temporary, Baby. It’ll soon end, and at some point, we can walk out of those doors, and be able to show everyone.” Chris said, tears shining in his own eyes.

“You’ve been saying that for years. And honestly, you don’t even know when will it end exactly. And it’s destroying you. I know that you only did this to help your family, but it shouldn’t be at the expense of your own happiness.” Y/n said with conviction, her gaze filled with so much intensity, Chris avoided it and made his way to their room.

“You know, I’m right, Chris.”

“Well, has it ever crossed your mind, that maybe, I’m doing this for us? That maybe, it isn’t just for myself and my family? But for our future together?” Chris yelled, exasperated.

“And you know, that I have never cared about any of that! I don’t care if you’re some world-famous actor, or some rich gazillionaire, or whatever. I care about you, Chris. I don’t know why you could never see that.” Y/n sighed in disbelief, turning away from Chris, heading out the door to grab her bags and leave, forever.

“Wait. Baby, please wait.” Chris said, grabbing her wrist, and holding it gently, not wanting to hurt her, but make one last stitch effort to make her stay.

“I love you, isn’t it enough? I’m all yours. No part of me is ever not going to be yours. We just need to hang in there a little longer.” Silence filled the air, Y/n remaining silent for what felt like hours, until she finally spoke.

“You know I will always love you, too, Chris. But I can’t stay and end up hating you as a result. I wouldn’t be able to survive that. I’m sorry.” She said, looking at his gorgeous eyes, committing them to memory, before pulling away, and continuing her short walk to the door.

She had one foot out the door, when she felt a small tug on her pant leg. Looking down at a sad Dodger, whining, begging her to stay.

“Hey, Bubba. Don’t be sad. I will never not love you. And I need you to make sure, your Daddy remembers that too. Can you do that for me?” She said, kneeling down and petting him while smiling through her tears, as Dodger barked in reply, licking her face.

“Alright. That’s my good boy.” Y/n said, giving him a final pet before nudging him away from the doorway, and closing it behind her.

The silence wasn’t as comforting without her there. Even as Dodger assumed his duties, nudging against Chris, as he petted him. He felt numb, like a huge chunk of himself was removed and no way to fill the hole.

“It’s just you and me now, Bud... Just you and me.”

a/n: You guys still good? I hope it wasn't too bad. I may need to write something to balance out the angst, but that'll be a while... 😬

Special thanks to the best girls in the world for encouraging me, and getting me through my panic attacks to finish this. I couldn't have done it without you. Love y'all! 🥹❤️

And I'm also pretty sure that this'll be the only Chris Evans as himself fanfiction I'll ever write or post... We'll see.

But will this be my last Taylor Swift x CE/Character song fic? Definitely not 😉

Until the next one! Stay safe and sane, Everyone 🫶

❤ Booky

Main Masterlist

Chris Evans Characters Masterlist

Taylor Swift x CE/Characters Songfic Masterlist 😉

Taglist: @nescavaneck @jiyascepter @royalwriteroftheuniverse @femefetalelevelingup

#chris evans fandom #chris evans x reader songfic #chris evans songfic #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans imagine #chris evans x reader #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x you #chris evans x female reader #chris evans angst #booky's written works #dodger evans #team chris #Spotify #Youtube #chris evans

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mcdonaldsplayground · 1 year

Text

| actually the worst | part 6

ao’nung x f!reader

summary: when you wake up somewhere you aren't supposed to be, you get angry with ao'nung for being so calm while you feel nothing but guilty for leaving your injured sister alone. as things with your family slowly begin to mend, you realize that ao'nung probably hates you again for snapping at him. only when yours and kiri's birthday rolls around do you get a chance to work out your highly complex relationship with the metkayina boy, but it's not exactly the solution you were expecting.

includes: enemies to lovers, teasing, swearing, suggestiveness, mentions of seizure/death, ao'nung being so bf🥵

word count: 5.7k

a/n: so this is the final part! if people are into the idea i was thinking of doing a lil' bonus part based on the not-memory from part 5 (where ao'nung visits the forest)🤔 but anyway, i just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who has read and interacted with this series, i seriously cannot believe how kind everyone is🫶 i am definitely going to keep writing other fics (and might even branch out to do some other characters, who knows🤭)

this is a bit lengthy because i was trying to wrap up a bunch of loose ends. i realized when proofreading that ao'nung kind of doesn't even show up for a good portion of the middle part??? so sorry about that🫣 also i'm sorry but i couldn’t not put a 10 things i hate about you reference in here because it’s just the exact vibe at the end, so creds to that movie for the inspo:)

You woke before the sun did, the very beginnings of warm orange and pink light only barely peeking above the horizon. It was still mostly dark, and you felt extremely disoriented. Not only were you rarely an early riser, but you also rarely woke in the middle of the beach, which is where you currently seemed to be. Not only that, but a muscular arm was slung across your waist as well, pulling you close to the body who was attached to it.

Slowly, you turned your head and nearly screamed when your eyes met the sleeping form of your worst enemy-turned crush-turned sort of friend. Ao'nung looked at peace while asleep, something that did not come easy to him when awake. It would have been kind of nice to see if you weren't so horrified by the predicament.

"Jesus christ..." You muttered to yourself, the events of the previous night coming into focus in your mind. Trying not to breathe or move too much, you attempted to slowly shimmy out of Ao'nung's grasp. You had almost successfully freed yourself when the boy beside you suddenly snapped his eyes open, looking briefly confused before his own look of horror settled in. You practically jumped away from each other.

"We fell asleep." Ao'nung said dumbly.

"Great observation, genius." You snapped, pushing yourself up from the sand while you hurriedly brushed it off your skin. "If you ever breathe a word of this to anyone, I will personally cut off your-"

"Woah! Relax, princess. Wasn't planning on it." Ao'nung held his hands up in surrender, standing as well. You stiffened at the ridiculous nickname, but decided not to get into it as you turned quickly on your heel and began jogging away from the beach. You had way more pressing things to think about now. In fact, you were growing increasingly more angry with yourself as the seconds ticked by. Were you really so delirious from fear that you let such a thing happen? Kiri needed you.. but you were selfishly allowing yourself to be consoled in the arms of a boy instead.

Ao'nung caught up to you easily, though he maintained a decent distance as he spoke. "About last night-"

"Don't." You ordered, annoyed that he wanted to talk about it and embarrassed that it even happened. "That was a mistake." You trained your eyes ahead, hoping he would take the hint and leave you alone.

"Look, forest girl, I know you're probably embarrassed because-"

You cut him off once again, finally just stopping in your tracks as you whipped around to face him. "Just stop with this stupid little flirting thing right now, okay? You don't know what I'm feeling. My twin sister almost died last night and I just left her alone when nobody knows what the hell is wrong with her! She needs me there at her side and what was I doing instead? Joking around and laughing with the guy I'm supposed to hate and then waking up beside him in the middle of the goddamn beach instead of next to her!" You spat, all of your fury and guilt spewing out along with your words. Ao'nung was frozen in place, eyes wide. "Just go away." You finished forcefully, making him flinch slightly. You didn't wait to hear a response before taking off once again toward your marui.

When you finally arrived, Neteyam, Lo'ak, and Tuk were all standing around outside the marui, looking as if they hadn't slept. A fresh wave of guilt washed over you at the thought.

"[Y/N]!" Tuk called when she noticed your approaching form, racing up to cling onto your side in a sort of hug. "Where were you?" She questioned, and Neteyam and Lo'ak nodded, waiting to hear your response. Blood rushed to your cheeks, your face growing warm in shame.

"I fell asleep on the beach." You mumbled. Not technically a lie.

"We were worried..." Neteyam said, placing a hand on your shoulder as he looked into your eyes. You could tell that he suspected you were holding back the truth. Your throat burned as you swallowed thickly.

"Sorry. I'm sorry," You breathed, ducking your head down.

"It's okay. I know it was difficult for you last night." Neteyam’s lips twisted into a sad smile, pulling you into a gentle hug. Tuk was quick to join, squeezing herself in between the two of you as she put her arms around your waists. Even Lo'ak came over, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder and offering you a look of silent understanding. You breathed in deeply, grateful for their support and easy forgiveness.

"How is she?" You finally asked, pulling away so you could peek around Lo'ak into the marui. Neteyam sighed, guiding you over to the entrance.

"She is still asleep. Ronal had to go rest before she will be able to do anything for her." You noticed your parents sitting together inside, but you focused your attention on assessing your sleeping sister, in search of any visible injuries that may have appeared since you saw her last. Thankfully, she truly did seem physically unharmed. However, it pained you to see her eyes closed and her body so still, the only sign of life coming from the occasional rise and fall of her chest. You kneeled next to her, taking her hand.

"Wake up," You whispered. "Please."

"Where did you go?" You heard your father question from his spot on the floor. You looked up slowly, your guilt creeping back. You just stared at him and your mother for a moment, trying to work out what to say.

"It does not matter, my Jake." Your mother had caught the look in your eyes, nodding in a sort of silent understanding. "She is here now."

Jake glanced between the two of you briefly before deciding to drop it. You breathed a silent sigh of relief.

"I called Norm and Max." Jake said. "They should be here in an hour or so. They may be able to tell us what happened" You nodded in approval, returning your gaze to your twin. It wasn’t ideal to have your family’s old friends risk the journey down here, but if it meant even a chance of helping Kiri then you knew it was more than worth it. You only wished they would get there faster.

The helicopter landing had gathered quite a crowd, all looking nervous at the prospect of "demons" arriving on the island. That was fair, but to you it was a welcome relief to see Norm and Max approaching alongside your father, their equipment in tow. You had promised not to leave Kiri's side, though, so you watched from through the door as they quickly scrambled over.

"[Y/N]!" Norm called when he noticed you, your lips twisting into a small smile. It may have been terrible circumstances, but it was still good to see your old friends.

"Hey, Norm. Max" You nodded in greeting and they both pulled you in for a short hug before starting to set things up. They wasted no time in placing sensors along Kiri's face and head, asking your family anything and everything you knew about what had happened.

Once everything was in place, they started running diagnostics and doing everything they could to get an idea of what was going on inside Kiri's head. It was a slow process, however, and ten minutes seemed to turn into an hour, then an hour into two. Still, you sat as close as you could without interfering, dividing your mind between trying to understand what Norm and Max were saying about your sister and just simply willing something to work so that Kiri would open her eyes.

"There's no bleed. There's no fracture. No effects of hypoxia. The brain looks good." Max said, shaking his head in confusion as he glanced through the scans they had taken.

"But we still have this interictal activity here in the prefrontal." Norm pointed out.

"Yes, she's definitely had a seizure." Max nodded, and you wondered how he could be so calm. You felt nauseous at the thought. As they continued their discussion, someone entered the marui behind you, and you turned to find Ronal looking outraged at the setup.

"I see that I am not needed here." Your heart dropped as she spoke, but you stood quickly, panicked as she turned to leave. You were about to say something when your mother grabbed Ronal's arm.

"You are Tshaik!" She hissed, sounding both angry and pleading. Clearly Norm and Max were running out of things to try, and Ronal was turning into your only hope. You caught her eyes, silently begging her to stay.

"Remove these things." She finally said, glaring down at Max and Norm.

"Out!" Neytiri growled. "You have done nothing!" She began picking things up and attempting to shoo the men outside.

"Come on, let's just take a break." Jake said quickly, ducking out the door.

"Okay, hold on! I have to take her IV out!" Norm said, rushing to get everything off of Kiri. You patted his arm in thanks as he made his way outside as well. Ronal was quick in getting her materials ready, beginning the process of a ritual you had never witnessed before. The air was tense as she worked, chanting and calling upon Eywa for aid. It was mesmerizing to watch her, though your focus remained primarily on your sister's face, waiting with baited breath for any sign of consciousness.

Finally, after what felt like years, Kiri's eyes fluttered. Your heart nearly burst out of your chest, leaning forward to grasp her hand.

"You're awake!" You breathed happily, using your free hand to gently caress her forehead, brushing some hair out of the way. Her gaze briefly flickered around the room before she began to cry, causing your heart to clench. Tears welled in your own eyes, and you fought against them, not wanting anything to blur your vision even for a moment.

"Are you ever going to let me out of sight?" Kiri questioned playfully, quirking an eyebrow in your direction. You smiled, shaking your head.

"Nope." The answer was a no-brainer. You quite literally hadn't spent a second away from your twin since she had woken up the previous day. While the rest of your family had fallen back into a semi-normal routine, you were intent upon staying with Kiri all day in the marui, even when she insisted she was feeling just fine.

"I'm not a baby, [Y/N]."

"I didn't say you were."

"Okay, but I'm not fragile either. We can't just stay holed up in here for the rest of our lives." She shot you a pointed look, growing serious.

"I know that," You sighed. "But what if I'm not there if something happens again?" The thought made your blood run cold. "I've already got enough guilt to last the rest of my life." You finished quietly, fidgeting with your fingers. Kiri's eyebrows furrowed.

"Guilt? [Y/N], what happened to me wasn't your fault. I know you think you're responsible for me, but there was nothing you could have done." She placed a hand on your arm and you looked up, meeting her eyes. "Besides, you've been hovering over me this whole time, I can guarantee that you're the world's most devoted sister." She chuckled, though you only felt worse at this, cringing a little. You had been holding in your shame for nearly two days now, and it finally came bursting to the surface in the form of a messy confession.

"I wasn't with you that night, Ki." You bit your lip before continuing. "I mean, I was, but then I started freaking out at everyone because nobody could figure out what was wrong. I only wanted to step out for a little while, just to calm down, you know?" Kiri was listening calmly, hand still resting reassuringly on your arm. "And Ao'nung was out there too, and I was crying and being hysterical and he was actually being nice for once and-"

"Oh my Eywa, he was being nice?!" Kiri's hand shot up to cover her mouth, gasping dramatically. You had to pause to process the fact that she wasn't being serious.

"Very funny, skxawng." You deadpanned. "This is serious!"

"Okay, okay, sorry!" She chuckled. "Please, continue."

"Well.. Actually that's pretty much it. Being around him was like this escape from reality, and I didn't want to go back home because I knew that meant having to think about what would happen if you- If you didn't make it or something." You swallowed thickly.

"Okay... so that's all? The moral of the story is that Ao'nung isn't as much of a douchebag as you thought?"

"No." You huffed. "The moral of the story is that I was being a selfish jerk who didn't bother to check on my sister all night because I was sleeping on the beach next to the aforementioned not-douchebag." Kiri's expression twisted into surprise briefly before she burst out laughing. The colour in your cheeks deepened.

"So I just bare my heart to you and all you can do is laugh at my stupidity?" You groaned, laying your back against the floor as you threw an arm over your eyes. However, Kiri's lighthearted reaction was making you feel a lot better. If she wasn't mad at you then maybe you didn’t have to feel so bad.

"Sorry," Kiri managed between laughs, eventually moving to lay down beside you when she gained some composure. "I just think you’re way too hard on yourself. I mean, sure, falling asleep alone with Ao'nung was a little scandalous, but you didn't really do anything wrong." She turned to her side to face you, propping up on her elbow. You did the same.

"I left you alone." You whispered, and her expression shifted into sympathy.

"You left me with our family, [Y/N]. You left because you needed help. It isn't a crime to react poorly when you're scared." The look she gave you was effective in melting the last of your guilt away, relieving some of the long-held tension in your muscles. You smiled gratefully.

"Thank you, Ki." And she smiled too, both of you taking in the quiet moment together. With Kiri, that moment didn't last too long.

"So, are you and Ao'nung exclusive now, or what?" She grinned as you rolled your eyes.

"Definitely not. Actually... I kind of snapped at him yesterday. Told him that night was a mistake and to leave me alone."

"What! Did you mean alone or alone, alone?" She questioned while you furrowed your brow in confusion.

"I guess at the time I meant alone, alone. I was really mad." You grimaced, remembering the look on Ao'nung's face after you had yelled at him.

"But you didn't mean it?"

"Well, no, I guess not." You shrugged. "But maybe it's a good thing, Ki. Everything that's ever happened between us has been so crazy and messy. It's probably for the best that we just stop trying to be... anything. Friends or otherwise." The words felt like a knife in the gut. You stared down at the ground, trying to convince yourself that you were right.

"You don't mean that." Kiri chided, her brow furrowing as she searched your eyes. "I know we always tease you, but I actually thought you really liked being around him."

I do. You thought painfully. I really do.

"It doesn't matter. He probably hates me now, for real this time." Your eyes darkened at the thought.

The arrival of your birthday was both exciting and deeply irritating. On one hand, you loved that you got to celebrate Kiri, and this time around felt extra special because of what she had just survived only days earlier. It was sort of a celebration of her recovery as well as her birthday. That being said, you hated the fact that people also insisted on celebrating you as well. It’s not that you didn’t appreciate the sentiment, but something about having everyone’s attention on you, showering you with an abundance of love and affection, was just not your thing.

So, when Tuk accidentally let it slip to you and Kiri that there was going to be a surprise party with everyone in the village invited, it was safe to say you were mortified. You had taken the entirety of the afternoon to sit in the sand by yourself and contemplate the best way to avoid the large gathering at all costs.

“You’re not getting out of this, you know.” Neteyam arrived silently from behind you, shooting you a pointed look as he sat down. “Mom and dad have this whole thing planned out. They even got Tonowari and Ronal on board.”

You groaned. “So that’s why this stupid thing is a community event?”

“Tonowari seemed strangely excited to make it into a big celebration.” Neteyam chuckled. “He kept talking about how it’s going to be so much fun to have music and dancing and a whole bunch of food and-”

“Okay, okay, I get it! Why do you insist on torturing me?” You moaned dramatically while Neteyam just laughed.

“Where was Kiri just now?” You changed the subject quickly when you noticed her returning from the village, coming from the opposite direction of your family’s marui. She had told you she was going to nap before the party.

“Oh- um- nowhere.” Neteyam was a notoriously bad liar. You raised an eyebrow, but before you could say anything, you noticed Lo’ak, Tsireya, Rotxo, and Ao’nung appear behind your sister, seemingly following her somewhere. They didn’t seem to notice where you sat, suspiciously watching them go by.

“Okay, what the hell?” You fixed your gaze back on your oldest brother, waiting for an explanation. You knew he had one because he was flushed, clearly trying not to act suspicious.

“I’m not allowed to tell you anything.” He admitted, a nervous laugh leaving his lips.

“Fine.” It took everything in you not to keep badgering him. He may not have been a good liar, but he was not one to tell other people’s secrets. “But if I find out that it has anything to do with my birthday, I’m going to kill you and Lo’ak.”

“What! But it was Kiri’s idea!” Neteyam said offendedly.

“And you and Lo’ak were stupid enough to go along with it,” You quipped. “Plus, it’s her birthday. It’s just bad manners to kill someone on their birthday.”

Neteyam laughed. “Okay, crazy. But it’s your birthday too, you know.”

“Don’t remind me.” You scowled.

“[Y/N]!” Your father called from behind you and Neteyam, squinting in the sunlight as his gaze fixed on the two of you. “Come! We need to get going soon!” He beckoned you over with a hand gesture and you sighed, allowing Neteyam to help pull you upright. You dragged your feet as you walked, hoping to prolong the inevitable.

“Neteyam, will you please get Kiri and Lo’ak?” Jake asked when you got closer, and the boy obediently dashed off in the other direction. Your fingers twitched as you thought about following.

“Don’t even think about it.” Jake laughed, throwing his arm across your shoulders as if to keep you on path with him. You rolled your eyes.

“I wasn’t thinking about anything.”

“Sure you weren’t.”

By the time everyone in your family had been rounded up, the sun had started to sink below the horizon. The darkness was anticipated, however, as a large glowing bonfire had been lit on the sand, casting a surprising amount of light all along the beach. Thankfully, the festivities had begun without any mention of you or Kiri, so you relaxed a little and tried to stay out of the middle of things. It felt more like a community get-together than a birthday party, to which you were grateful. You even started enjoying yourself a bit, eating some of the wonderful food as you soaked in the warmth of the fire and focused on the music through the chatter of the crowd.

“[Y/N]!” You heard someone call and you ripped your gaze from the fire, looking around. Tsireya stood a few feet away, smiling as she held out her hand toward you. “We’ve been looking for you! Come stand with us!” She beckoned, and you tried not to look reluctant as you followed her over to where your friends and siblings were. They had formed a sort of circle and were talking and laughing animatedly as you took a spot between Tsireya and Kiri.

Ao’nung was standing almost directly across from you while he talked with Rotxo, and it was hard to keep yourself from staring at him through the fire light. You'd seen him around the village over the past week, but neither of you had approached the other at all. He hadn’t even looked your way once in that time, which put a tiny crack in your heart. You missed the way he used to devour you with his eyes, the resulting feeling both intimidating and electrifying at the same time.

Just when you were about to look away, he abruptly turned and met your gaze. Something flickered in his eyes, and you convinced yourself you imagined it as the ghost of a smirk played at his lips. Your heart was pounding so hard you could feel it in your throat. So much for missing that feeling.

“[Y/N]?” Kiri nudged you, effectively snapping you out of it. Colour rose to your cheeks, particularly when you didn’t feel Ao’nung’s gaze leave you even as you turned toward Kiri.

“Hm?”

“I said are you having fun?” She was clearly trying to hold in a laugh. You narrowed your eyes.

“I guess this isn’t so bad.” You admitted after a few seconds of silence, glancing around the beach. As your head swivelled, you confirmed through peripheral vision that Ao’nung was still staring at you, though he was now talking casually with Lo’ak and Rotxo. You shivered slightly.

“No one’s wished me happy birthday yet, so I would call that a win.” You smiled a bit, but quickly dropped it when Kiri gave you a nervous grin.

“Don’t kill me, but I overheard dad saying that Tonowari was going to-” As if she had spoken it into existence, Tonowari suddenly called out a request for everyone to quiet down, stepping forward into the middle of the beach, glowing in the firelight.

“My people!” He grinned, spreading his hands wide in greeting. “I am glad to see everyone enjoying tonight’s festivities. While we need no reason to come together and celebrate, I do want to speak on what the celebration tonight is in honour of.” Your heart dropped out of your chest and flopped around pitifully on the sand. Tonowari turned to where you and Kiri stood, grinning widely as he beckoned for the two of you to stand by him. Kiri grabbed your hand, squeezing it lightly. While she smiled and accepted the spotlight gracefully, you imagined your expression resembled dread mixed with painful awkwardness. It was all you could do not to visibly cringe at the hundreds of eyes trained on you. However, only one pair really seemed to pierce directly into you, the intensity of it reminding you of the day you had first arrived here. Just like that day, he appeared to be seeing something about you that no one else was allowed to. It offered you a strange sort of steadiness.

“First, I would like to thank Eywa for the recovery of this young woman!” Tonowari placed a gentle hand on your sister’s shoulder. “We celebrate her health tonight.” You managed a small smile as everyone cheered, sharing a look with Kiri. You gripped her hand a little bit tighter. “And, of course, we thank Eywa for bringing the Sully family here to us. It is hard to accept change, but this has been a welcome one indeed. Join me in celebrating [Y/N] and Kiri on this wonderful day in which they were born!” You could hardly hear the cheers of the crowd as your cheeks burned and your heart pounded in your ears. As grateful as you felt, you didn’t think you could handle the attention much longer. Thankfully, Kiri nodded at Tonowari in thanks and lead you back to your friend group. Your brothers were cackling, practically beside themselves with laughter.

“Y-your face! Oh Eywa that was priceless!” Lo’ak howled. You glared, sticking out your tongue.

“Shut it, dickhead. Just because I don’t enjoy being stared at-” You didn’t get to finish as your brothers loudly cracked up again, holding their stomachs. Even Kiri, Tsireya, and Rotxo couldn’t contain themselves as they joined in. You grinned, shaking your head. “You guys are terrible. I’m going to find Tuk.” You spun on your heel, still laughing to yourself.

You skirted along the outside of the crowd, scanning for your youngest sister, when a hand suddenly grasped your arm, tugging you into the shadows of the trees, out of sight.

“What the hell are you-” You paused upon seeing who was holding onto you. “Oh. It’s you.”

“Don’t sound so disappointed, forest girl.” His eyes danced with a playfulness that you had missed, causing a skip in your heartbeat.

“Ao’nung I-” You were gearing up to apologize. You hadn’t planned on doing so, but you found it impossible not to as you stood across from him.

“Shh. Just follow me.” He turned, sliding his hold on your wrist down to lace his fingers with yours. You stiffened, eyes wide as you stared down at your interlocked hands. “Come on, freak!” He smirked, ignoring your confusion as he impatiently tugged you along. It didn’t take long for you to arrive at one of the little alcoves off the side of the island, just far enough away that you could no longer see the party on the beach and could only faintly hear it in the background over the soft lapping of the waves. You had been in this area plenty of times before, but you had never seen it at night. It was breathtakingly beautiful.

The alcove was cave-like in a way, with large slabs of rock surrounding you and tucking the two of you mostly out of sight. There was little of the glowing vegetation that typically lit up the night on the island, but it didn’t matter because what looked like thousands of tiny glowing stars were embedded in the rock around you, effectively giving the illusion of standing directly next to the sky. You gawked, unable to tear your eyes away from such a magnificent sight.

“I heard you saying that you don’t like people staring.” Ao’nung broke the silence, chuckling a little at your awe. “I figured there’s no one to do that here,” He paused, smirking. “Except me.”

You flushed, remembering the delicate way he was still gripping your hand.

“I though you hated me again.” You said quietly.

“I do hate you.” Your heart dropped at his words, but for some reason he stepped closer, his eyes fixed intently on your face.

“I hate you because of your stupid smile that makes my hands all sweaty. I hate you because you’re the only one who puts up a fight when I tease you. I hate you because you actually drive me insane sometimes, and I hate you because I never know if you want to kiss me or kill me.” He grinned. “But mostly I hate that I don’t hate you. Not even a little bit.”

This felt like a fever dream. You held your breath as if you were going to wake up any second. But you remained where you were, frozen in uncertainty. It seemed the worst time to tease him, so of course, that’s what you did.

“I think you’re drooling.” You whispered, still not entirely sure how to move or think properly in the wake of his confession. He only huffed, ducking down close to your ear in one fluid motion. His warm breath fanned across your throat as he spoke.

“This is what I’m talking about, skxawng. Your inability to be nice,” You hadn’t realized he’d been slowly inching the two of you toward the wall of stone until he gently pressed you into it, one hand moving to grip your waist while the other flattened against the wall next to your head, the only thing holding him up over you. “It's driving me crazy.” The air felt like it had been sucked entirely out of the space between you, both of your chests rising and falling quickly. Despite the way his touch set you on fire, you had goosebumps from the proximity. Everything around you was charged with tension as Ao’nung finally tipped his head back away from your ear, staring at you so hard his pupils were dilated.

“Don’t you want me to apologize for yelling at you the other day?” Your voice came out small, though you’d gained a little confidence. All the time you'd spent convincing yourself that Ao’nung didn’t like you the way liked him was clearly wasted. His ears bent slightly as he smirked.

“Not with words.”

Oh.

“Oh?” You quirked an eyebrow, your breath hitching as Ao’nung pressed closer yet, almost every possible inch of you touching except for your heads, mere millimetres apart. The tension was so delicious that you almost didn’t want to break it.

You broke it anyway, closing the gap between you as you pressed your mouth to his, nearly gasping at the contact. It’s a good thing he’s holding me up, you thought fleetingly, your knees nearly giving out. Your lips fit together perfectly, moving in sync as he looped both arms around you, cinching you to him like he wished for you to meld together. Your hands roamed his chest, eventually making their way up to his neck, feeling the soft baby hairs there and making him groan into the kiss. You smiled.

“Happy birthday, [Y/N].” He whispered against your lips, smirking slightly. Your knees felt weak again. Just when he began pressing open-mouthed kisses along your jaw, something made you both freeze.

“Ewwwwwwww!” Someone who sounded suspiciously like Tuk squealed, followed by a fake retching noise that you often heard Lo’ak make. You whipped your head around, searching through the darkness outside of the alcove, Ao’nung’s grip on you relaxing a bit but not letting go.

“Just get out of these stupid bushes, guys. They know we’re here.” Neteyam grumbled, and finally everyone came into view from the greenery they had been hiding in. You gaped. Neteyam, Tuk, Kiri, Rotxo, Tsireya, and Lo’ak were all there.

“Oh my Eywa, tell me you did not just see all of that!” You gasped, fighting the urge to rip out of Ao’nung’s grasp. In response, Lo’ak grinned before putting on a stupid face.

“Oh, [Y/N]. I hate that I don’t hate you! Oh, Ao’nung, don’t you want me to apologize?” His imitation of your voices was horrendous. “Not with words… mwah mwah mwah…” Lo’ak had wrapped his arms around himself and turned around, crudely imitating a kiss. Tsireya smacked him on the shoulder, giving him a look, though her and the others were holding back laughter.

“Why the hell did you follow us here?” You questioned angrily before remembering the earlier events of the day. You snapped your head toward Neteyam.

“Is this what they were planning earlier?!” You raged, about to stomp over to him to give him a piece of your mind. Ao’nung pulled you back.

“Yes. Your sister explained to me how you were feeling and said she wanted to help me make peace with you. We all came up with the idea to take you here to talk and get away from all of your birthday stuff.” He paused, assessing your still fuming expression. “But I swear I didn’t know they were going to come spy on us!” He hissed, glaring at everyone.

“It’s not our fault you two decided to start sucking face!” Lo’ak cried.

“We just wanted to see if you guys would apologize and be friends again.” Kiri piped up, and you knew she was telling the truth. You softened.

“Well, I guess it worked.” You shook your head, smiling in spite of yourself. Beside you, Ao’nung smiled too, a real, genuine smile. Lo’ak made another gagging noise.

“Literally kill me. You guys are disgusting. Can’t you just go back to being frenemies or something?”

“Lo’ak, if you keep being a moron then I’m going to have to tell mom and dad about what you and Tsireya get up to when-”

“Okay, okay! Geez! Why does everyone have to know my business, damn!”

Everyone laughed and began turning toward the party, slowly making their way back. You and Ao’nung trailed behind, his arm slung around your waist as you walked.

“So how does it feel to be with the most attractive guy in the world?” He smirked cockily. You just scoffed.

“I wouldn’t know.” You earned a playful shove from him, laughing.

“You’re actually the worst.” Ao’nung grinned, shaking his head.

“I know you are, but what am I?”

“An annoying little brat, then.”

You gasped, faking offence. “Rude!”

“That’s what you love about me.”

You pretend to think for a moment. “Mm, nope. Don’t think so.” You concluded, laughing loudly as Ao’nung growled playfully, stopping both of you in your tracks. He turned toward you, capturing your face entirely in his large hands.

“Take it back.”

“No thanks.” You grinned arrogantly.

“C’mon, love. Just admit that you can’t get enough of me.” You shivered at the nickname, and he smirked. That stupid little smirk. It had gotten you into a whole world of trouble. But maybe it was worth it?

He leaned in, pressing a quick, but heated kiss to your lips.

Yes, definitely worth it.

taglist:

@luvlykrispy @foreverfolkloregirly @findingourtreasure @tiddybiddy @nao-cchi @goodiesinthecloset21 @elegantkidfansoul @azaleaniath @cloakedvengeance @philiasoul @aonungmybf @joshuahongsfuturewife @shartnart1 @ayanamire @tireytesulineytiriite @bigmama123 @fucksnow @seashelldom @melsunshine @donaldsmac @littlethingsinlife @kainari144 @thesheelfsworld @in-luvais @perseny @minkyungseokie @acrobatcheeks @theblaxkbird @sakura-onesan @gengarmylove @srrybroo @abcdasf11 @trulynotavailable @dreamergirljen @ipoopedmypants47 @hangezoes-wife @scarletrosesposts @kaealowri @eggnox

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nunyabznsbabes · 9 days

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God. I am once again thinking of Buffy's journey in season six. How she ends season five by finally embracing death as her gift, finally accepting it, finding genuine peace in the afterlife after everything she's been through. She's given so much of herself, and now she finally gets to rest. The story ends exactly where it promised that it would: with the Slayer, the Chosen One, dead via saving the world. It's narratively correct. It's kind.

But then Buffy's friends say no, sorry, we still want you here with us. They force her to claw her way out of her own grave. And Dawn tells her, I need you to live, I need you, and then immediately demonstrates it by needing to be saved. And that whole season Buffy is so angry, and so tired, and so sick of being needed. They took Heaven from her. They loved her so much, wanted her so selfishly, that they couldn't let her rest. Her mom is still dead, and she's still fighting for her life every single second. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. She's still the Chosen One, but now she doesn't even get to die.

And then, in what's probably my favorite (albeit imperfect) arc of the show, she keeps living. She works a miserable customer service job. She watches her friends implode. She feels like she's failing her sister. She has nasty sex with Spike. And even through all of that, the time helps. She keeps living, and it's hard and it's scary and it totally sucks. But she reconnects with her loved ones; she keeps saving people; she starts to let herself settle. To let herself hope.

And after a really shitty few months, she has pull herself back up out of the earth again. But this time the sun is shining, and her sister is at her side, and she wants to watch her grow up. This time, Buffy chooses to claw at the dirt. This time, she chooses to live.

It's just such a simple, beautiful truth: sometimes we want to die and our loved ones won't let us. But if you give it time - if you endure those endless days where you're terrified and miserable and exhausted, and the even longer ones when you can't feel anything at all, things will get brighter. You'll find things worth living in this world for. Survive for long enough, and you'll start wanting to.

Anyways, this show and this season certainly have their issues. But I'll always be grateful for Buffy, and I'll always cry when she tells Dawn that she wants to show her the world.

#btvs #btvs meta #buffy summers #buffy season 6

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righteousdelusions · 1 year

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15. A Hope We Don't Get Caught Kiss + asaden (for @strawberryblondie-locks)

Teachers were strict about PDA in Fourth East High School.

Denji and Asa figured it out by the simple act of holding hands in the hallway. The relationship was still new, so it was kinda of awkward anyway (Asa's hand was sweating but Denji didn't comment on it), but it felt awful when a teacher scolded them.

"It's not fair! I see couples kissing all the time!" Asa complained. "Now that i have a boyfriend I can't do it! Why do we get told off for holding hands! It doesn't make any sense!"

"I guess it's one of those situations were the problem is getting caught."

"You mean people do it even if they know they could get in trouble?"

Denji smiled, toothy, crossing his arms and looking far away.

"Of course it means that, Asa." Yoru added, "You can be so dense sometimes."

Asa ignored her.

"Well... I don't know." She didn't even know what she wanted to say. "Isn't it dangerous?"

A weird thought for someone who has seen dead at the face already.

"We can do it after school anyway, I don't care, as long as we keep kissing." Denji kissed her cheek and left for his next class.

She was embarrassed, they could've caught that cheek kiss too.

*See you!" He said, with a peace sign.

-+-

"It's so stupid. Why do I feel so bad about the fact they can ground me for it."

"You are a bit of a goodie two shoes."

"Shut up! I'm not!"

"You are! You always were!"

"I'm not anymore."

Asa dropped her head to the side, thinking. She held her chin with her hand.

"Now that I think about it, that class president did tell you the same thing."

"Don't remind me of that."

"Do you really think you've changed?"

"... I just don't want to get attention for stupid things."

"Mmm. What was it what you said before we became one?"

"Don't -"

"You said you wanted to live more selfishly. And yet you can't even kiss the boy you like in school."

"Shut up!"

"And you should kiss him more often that way you'll feel more guilt when you finally turn him into a weapon."

"Shut up!!!!"

-+-

Ok. Just a kiss. Wouldn't be so bad. They just didn't have to get caught. Denji said it himself.

When Asa thought about Denji, she thought about her skin aching for staying too long at the sun and the feeling of his sharp teeth again her lips. He was wild, and it was kinda funny he didn't take it to himself to kiss her there.

Maybe he thought she was going to be awkward about it?!!! No way. She had to prove she can! To Yoru, to Denji.

To herself.

She was gonna do it.

-+-

"This is not that brave. Your chances of getting caught here are slimer," Yoru said.

"Shut up," Asa said out loud.

"... I'm not talking?"

"I'm sorry, Denji," she coughed. Then she thought to Yoru "Leave!" And she went with a roll of eyes.

"Funny, this is where we met," Denji commented.

"Yeah... Funny rooftop."

"You wanted us here for...?"

Asa couldn't stand it anymore. Her chest was beating and she was sure she was blushed. So she just leaned in and pressed her lips against Denji.

Denji breathed against her lips, Asa's way of acting making him smile. He kissed back inmediatly. He put his hands in her waist, gently.

Denji was starting to lead the kiss and it was kinda of annoying Asa, so she decided to step up and get her tongue out to play with Denji's, but she didn't know what to do so she ended up licking his front teeth, self aware and awkward.

He laughed.

"Don't make fun of me!"

"It's ok. Just don't get so nervous."

"I'm not!"

"You totally are," Yoru whispered in her mind. "You're not even going to get caught here."

Right. Asa's blush got bigger, thinking about that teacher interrupting them again.

She went for another kiss. Denji bit her lip and she wanted to hug him so bad, but her hands were playing with the lapels of his jacket.

She completely forgot about the fear of getting caught again, when the sound of the opening door and a male voice saying sorry distracted her. The door closed again.

"That fucking stalker! For fuck's sake."

Asa was starting to feel too self aware, not understanding what he meant with stalker, so she just ran away of the scene, running past the tall handsome boy.

-+-

At least, she kinda got now why people play with danger like that.

[sweet affectionate moments meme]

#i caved in and did it righr away sjsjsj #chainsaw man #asaden #denasa #csm #fanfiction #writing #garabatos #izzy.txt #i was NOT going to add Yoshida but im sorry it was just perfect absjsjdjdkkdk #anyway this is rough no proofreading barely a reread ajsjs #hope you like it sjsjs

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lumine-no-hikari · 14 days

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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #140 (part 1)

Today, J and I went up in the airplane that is owned by the airplane club he's in:

We went to the very same airport that we crashed at. We need to get the logbooks for the crashed plane, and more pictures of the damage, for insurance purposes. This time, the landing went off without a hitch, as is natural, since J knows what he's doing. The trees have lots more leaves on them now, and so I took lots of nice pictures! I'll show you the best ones:

...Okay, so wait! I know this is not airplane scenery, but this was my breakfast today and it was super great, so I wanted to share it with you! We have some kind of garlic and clam pizza with garlic knots as the crust, a slice of sausage and mushroom pizza, and a philly steak pizza! I couldn't eat all of this at once, though; the slice of sausage and mushroom that they gave me was big enough to be three slices all by itself, goodness me! The rest is in the refrigerator of the airport we departed from! It will likely be my dinner, and I'm kinda looking forward to it, actually!

...I wonder what kind of pizza you like... Hm...

Oh, and! They have a new flavor of cola out! Cola is my favorite kind of soda, and lots of different companies make it. Sometimes, they like to add flavors to cola; lime, coconut, cherry, raspberry, and vanilla are a few popular ones. But this new flavor is peach! And it was REALLY GOOD!

I'm still hoping for a mint cola or a matcha cola someday, though!! Or maybe even a chocolate one!! I know that these will probably never happen, but I can dream, ahaha~! 😄💖

...Okay, enough about all that! I'm sure you're looking forward to the pictures I took while up in the sky, right? So I'll send them along; I hope you enjoy these:

...I love taking pictures for you. I love to record all of the beautiful things I see so that I can show them to you, in hopes that you'll be able to see the beauty in these things, too.

That being said, the view from J's window was objectively better for basically the whole way up, and so I am eager to get pictures of that view on the way back, which is why today's letter is gonna come in two parts, ahahaha! 😁

Oh, oh!! And! I found some dandelion poofs when we pulled in to the airport, before we took off!

...I don't know how it is in your world, but in mine, it's a common belief that if you make a wish on a dandelion poof while blowing out air to scatter the seeds, your wish will come true. I think I'm a little too old to really put much stock in stories like that anymore, but maybe next time I see one, I'll scatter the seeds while wishing that you can have a wholesome life, filled with peace, joy, love, and safety, while being surrounded by people who genuinely care for you.

...Maybe a little selfishly, I'll also wish for just a few moments to sit next to you and drink some yummy tea with you someday. Impossible, I know, haha. But there's no harm in wishing anyway, right? 😊

I managed to snag this adorable picture of a bumblebee for you, too!! 😍 Look!

...They're so buzzy and cute, I almost can't stand it, ahahaha~!! 🤩🥰

Anyway, I will be over here at this airport for a while, derping around and not really knowing what to do with myself. 😅 So I guess I'll stop writing for now. But I will write to you again later today after I return home, and I will make sure to have a lot of good pictures for you, too - just you wait! 😄🥰💖

I love you! And please stay safe, because I'm gonna write to you again in just a little while!

Your friend, Lumine

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samieree · 1 month

Text

Born in Flames || Game of Thrones

OC x ?😏

-> Chapter XXXI ''Command''

Chapter XXXII ''Dragonstone''

This should have been their last day in Meereen. Tomorrow morning everything should be ready to sail and in about three months they will be on Dragonstone. A lot of time, but considering that she spent over four years in Essos, a few months doesn't seem that long anymore.

She has never seen anything in Westeros other than Casterly Rock and King's Landing, and soon she will finally have the opportunity to see her own lands. She wonders what they look like... She always wanted to see the Eyrie, or Highgarden and all its gardens... Or Winterfell, apparently it's huge, much bigger than the Red Keep and second only to Harrenhal. Tyrion told her that the castle made an impression on him and when he heard about the fire he was even sad and somewhere he hoped that they would rebuild what was destroyed.

She stood on the balcony and watched the sunset, this is the last time she can admire it here. She had the feeling that she didn't want to leave this place, these people, these views. Everything has become so peaceful lately, it's hard to leave these lands and go into the unknown, not knowing what awaits you. She won here, but will she win there too? This was what she feared the most, the unknown. It wasn't even about gaining the throne, it was a symbol, nothing more. She wouldn't want to get it if it didn't mean so much to people, if they didn't think a ruler must sit on the Iron Throne in King's Landing.

These are problems of the not so distant future, and now she will have to face one more thing... Telling Daario that he is staying in Essos. She put it off because she didn't want to break his heart and... And at the same time, she selfishly didn't want to deprive herself of the warmth of his arms when he hugged her. Now she can't escape it.

"Your ships are almost ready." she didn't want to take her eyes off the city, but she had to make things clear. She took the goblet of wine from the railing and returned into the room, where she set it on the table. "I saw that they were finishing painting the sails, they will definitely be done by tomorrow."

"That's good." she replied, forcing a smile. She went to sit on the couch, put her hands on her knees and started playing with her fingers.

"I wonder how the Dothraki will cope with 'poisonous water.' And then-"

"You're not coming with us." she interrupted him before she chickened out again, there was no time to put things off.

They looked at each other in silence for a moment before Daario moved closer to her and stopped in front of the couch. She could tell she surprised him with that statement, but it seemed like he didn't understand it like he should have.

Or he didn't want to understand it.

"New strategy? Second Sons will attack from the west, will we surprise them? We will take Casterly Rock and the Lannisters will remain isolated in King's Landing." he sat down next to her and grabbed her hand gently to stop her from playing with her fingers. He sensed something was wrong, but thought she was just stressed about the travel.

"Good idea." she forced herself to smile again, it was visible in her eyes. "But you're staying here. You're not sailing to Westeros."

As she crushed it out, a stone got off of her chest, but was immediately replaced by another one, caused by the fact that she clearly hurt Daario.

"But...Visenya-"

"There is finally peace in Meereen." she interrupted him, leaning out of the couch to reach for a goblet of wine and handed it to him as if it would ease his pain. "I want you and Second Sons to make sure it lasts. You will rule in my name..."

"Fuck Meereen."

"Don't say that, we have to take care of this city. And I have one more request for you: End slavery in Lys and Volantis, the last cities where it still exists. If-"

"I'm here for you, not for them." he interrupted her, not accepting the cup, which she kept holding out towards him. He got off the couch and knelt on the ground in front of her. Finally, resigned, she put the goblet back on the table. "I love you, I want to serve you, kill your enemies, give you what you want..." he sighed in frustration.

"I want to destroy slavery, completely. And you swore to me." she noticed. "So I order you to stay in Essos."

She saw that her words did not satisfy him in any way, and that was not what they were intended to do. She was supposed to be honest, not comfort him. She couldn't treat it like her relationship with Jaime, because she didn't feel anything towards him, it was easy to reject him and run away, start a new life. Daario she didn't want to abandon, she liked him, a lot. Maybe it wasn't love, but leaving a friend is never easy. Especially since it was with him that she shared the first intimate moments of her life and will never forget it.

"If I want to rule Westeros, I must make alliances. And we all know that the best way to do that is through marriage." she explained calmly when he still didn't get up from the ground and held her hand.

He sighed and then asked:

"Who are you marrying this time?"

"I don't know yet, but for someone for sure." she shrugged. Involuntarily, she raised her hand and plunged it into his hair, combing it as if it would calm him down.

"You are the Queen, not a prize for the highest bidder." her hand froze in his hair when he said that, and mostly because he was right. Unfortunately, the reality was different, she couldn't fight the whole world alone, she had to secure alliances. She has already seen what it is like to rule without the support of the strong, influential and rich. She won't let that happen again.

Her word was final, but she still felt the need to explain her decision and do it in a way that he no longer questioned it, accepted it.

"I can't sail to Westeros with my lover." she finally said, the last argument she had left.

"The king wouldn't think twice about it, he would just do it."

"The king doesn't worry about illegitimate children." she replied. "He will deny they're his and the matter will be over. I can't do that, my heir must be legitimate, otherwise the Lords won't accept him."

"Then screw the Lords." If only it were that simple... "I don't care who you have children with, who sits next to you in the throne room. I only want you, I love you, do you understand?"

She doesn't understand. She would like to, but she doesn't understand. She doesn't know what it's like to love someone so much that you can't live without him. She doesn't know what it's like to be rejected by a loved one. She can only feel sorry for him, but her decision remains unchanged.

Besides, she's waiting to meet this mysterious boy...

"Is that what you would like? Be my mistress?"

"I'm not proud of it, but... I only care about being with you. Seeing you every day, making you smile. I make you happy, I know it, you do too." she looked down, but not for long, because Daario took her chin and lifted it. "Let me go with you, fight for you."

She moved her hand from his hair to his cheek, caressing it gently before leaning in and placing a kiss on his lips. She tried to pour into it everything she felt and wanted to say, but couldn't find the right words. She wanted to give him this one more moment, hoping that it would be like a balm to his heart, and not a knife that would only deepen the wounds.

"This isn't goodbye." she whispered once she had pulled away. "We'll see each other again, I promise. Until then, we will exchange letters."

He didn't say anything. The silence was worse for her than if he continued arguing with her, or even shouting, crying, whatever. Because this silence was more eloquent than all the words in the world.

He let go of her hand and stood up. He took a step back and finally reached for the wine she had offered him earlier. He drank it all at once.

"You will get the throne you want so much, I'm sure of it. I wish I could see it." it hurt. "But I won't betray you, ever. I will do everything you wish. I hope you won't forget about me." he gave her a forced smile, she saw it. "I will wait, Visenya Targaryen, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, of the Great Grass Sea, of Dragon's Bay and my heart." after these words, he bowed slightly to her and quickly walked out, leaving her alone in this large room.

It's strange, she didn't feel lonely here before, and now the emptiness is tearing her apart.

She was supposed to talk to Tyrion that same evening, but she was unable to sit still in her chamber. Instead, she wandered the corridors of the Great Pyramid for a long time before finally finding herself in the audience chamber where she had spent so much time over the last two - or so - years. She was sitting on the stone steps, with a window behind her and a jug of wine and an empty goblet next to her. She didn't even like the taste of it, but at least she didn't feel so alone.

Hearing footsteps on the stairs, she looked up and saw that it was Tyrion who had come to her. Apparently he was fed up with waiting and decided to look for her.

"Sorry, I had to... Be alone for a while." she said, even a little too loud, because her voice echoed throughout the entire room.

Tyrion just nodded and sat down next to her, taking the jug in his hands and drinking straight from it, not bothering to go get the goblet or take hers. They sat like that in silence for a while, before Vis gathered herself to say why she felt that way and started talking.

"I left a man who loves me so much that he would do anything for me. And you know what I feel? Emptiness." she wasn't looking at him, but somewhere ahead.

It was strange for her, no heartbreak, no tears, just... Emptiness. Something that was pulling her down, that brought dark clouds over her.

"A good ruler sometimes has to sacrifice something." she didn't answer, but she took the jug from him and drank a little herself, also not bothering about pouring herself to a goblet. After one sip, she set it aside, but on the other side, so Tyrion wouldn't reach for it again. They can't get drunk here, their journey begins in the morning, and she still needs to discuss one thing with him. "He wasn't the first or the last to love you."

"Do you think Jaime..." the words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them.

It seems since she ran away it must have been at the back of her head: Wondering if Jaime really loved her. And now there was the question of whether she had hurt him as much as she hurt Daario. What must he have felt when she pushed him away while they were kissing?

Well, the cold water certainly quickly cooled his enthusiasm.

"Yes." Tyrion replied, guessing what she wanted to ask. "You could compete with Cersei, your hair is blonde enough." he managed to make her laugh a little, because she smiled, lowering her head a bit. Tyrion himself laughed briefly as well. He didn't blame her for what she did because she did it to escape. It was nice to see this girl happy and not constantly depressed at Casterly Rock or King's Landing. "He would treat you well." he added when the amusement had subsided.

"But I wouldn't be happy." she quickly retorted. He didn't dare to argue with this statement.

"So it's finally happening." Tyrion decided to change the subject. "The girl who had nothing but a name has her own army, fleet and four dragons. Everything you could want after escaping. Enough to subjugate a continent. How do you feel with it?"

For a moment she considered whether she should answer honestly. After all, the truth was that she was afraid, afraid as hell. When the idea of returning to her home lands was distant, she longed for it. Then she found a purpose in her life: Changing the world. But this only postponed her return to Westeros. She could lead the campaign to Lys and Volantis herself, but it would take months or even years. And now that she had allies ready to support her claim to the crown, she couldn't delay. If she was alone and had to build ships, she would go to these two cities in person. But one day she will see them. She will see the whole world that she is so curious about, all the places she has always dreamed of seeing.

She decided not to lie.

"I'm afraid."

I'm afraid of war, I'm afraid of death, I'm afraid of how much I might lose. I'm afraid of letting people down. I'm afraid I'll fail. I'm afraid it will all be in vain. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough, that it will turn out that I'm not suitable for the role I aspire to. I don't even realize how many things I'm afraid of, because I keep pushing these fears deep inside myself, not wanting to show weakness. This admission brought them all to the surface.

"Good." surprised, she finally looked at her interlocutor for the first time since he sat next to her. "You're in the great game now, and great game is terrifying. Only a madman like the Mad King wouldn't have doubts and fear of losing."

"What if I lose?" she asked quietly, almost in a whisper.

"You will die. And everyone who follows you too."

She shuddered, although she tried to hide it. Knowing how much there was to lose chilled her blood and motivated her to act. I cannot fail. I just can't.

"That's why I can't lose." she got up from the steps, Tyrion did it right after her. Vis finally decided to bring up the matter why she wanted to see him. "I need all the help I can get. From you too."

"I would offer you my sword, but... I don't have one."

She smiled, like she did when he joked about his brother's preferences. It was kind of cute that he wanted to fight for her, considering she will be fighting against his family.

"I have enough people to fight. I need something else from you." she reached into the small pocket behind the neckline of her dress and took out a pin, which she was still hiding from his sight. She wasn't sure about this decision yet, but she thought that everything will be revealed in time. "I had it made basing on what I remember... If you ever have any doubts, decide that you no longer want to serve me, that you are not able to fight against your family, you can resign. I will give you a horse or a ship and enough food and money to get you wherever you wish to go." he didn't say anything. He already guessed what was going on, even though he was surprised by such a move. She reached out to him and pinned the mark of the Hand of the King on his chest. "But for now... Tyrion Lannister, I name you Hand of the Queen."

Still slightly shocked, he knelt down on one knee in front of her and bowed his head. Apart from the fact that he did not expect that she would entrust him with such an important position, he had never encountered a ruler who would allow someone not to accept the honor. Moreover, you can resign at any time without telling a reason.

He will help this girl. He will do everything in his power to help her sit on the Iron Throne, because he has never met anyone in his life who deserved it more than her.

"It's an honor, my Queen. I won't betray your trust."

* * *

In the morning she stood before boarding the ship that would take her to Westeros. She was about to set foot on the ramp, but hesitated. She turned her head and looked out to sea and the multitude of other ships, under the colors of the Tyrells, Martells, and Greyjoys as well. Once she gets on board everything will change, there will be no turning back. The waves will carry them to lands that were once nothing but pain to her. Now she thought of them as a homecoming.

"Something's wrong?" she turned abruptly to ser Arthur, standing on her right.

"Nothing, just..." she stopped and looked out at the sea again. "Four years ago I left King's Landing on a similar boat. Back then I had nothing, I didn't think I could achieve anything. I ran away because I wanted to be free... And now I'm going back there, with my ships, with my army and my dragons. Sounds like a dream." she smiled, but then jumped when she unexpectedly felt a pinch on her hand. "Ouch!"

"You're definitely not dreaming this." he smiled and shrugged.

"Did you pinch my father like that too?" she muttered, pretending to be offended.

"Many times, he was very fond of talking about dreams. He only stepped on the ground when necessary."

She rolled her eyes and glanced, this time at the city she was leaving behind. For the entire continent she is leaving. Her life had changed a lot since she left, but she didn't regret taking that step. It is possible that she is the last of her kind and she will certainly not allow her to fade into oblivion in the depths of history. She left her mark forever here, in Essos, and now it's time to do the same in Westeros.

"This way, my Queen." ser Arthur pointed her to the ramp and smiled encouragingly. When she asked him one last, silent question, he only nodded.

Selaria, Daenerys, Ser Barristan, you will be proud of me.

With that in mind, she confidently placed her foot on the ramp and entered the ship, where Tyrion, Missandei, and Varys were already waiting for her.

* * *

First, a simple, black, cotton shirt. Then the pants, reaching to the waist and emphasizing it. Then high-heeled shoes, which she tied while sitting on her bunk in her cabin. When she was finished, she stood up and reached for something that she had ordered to be done before sailing to Westeros, when she decided that she needed more practical clothes, and warmer ones. It resembled a coat, the one with buttons on the inside so they weren't visible. She smoothed out the fabric that reached about her knees. Then she adjusted the long sleeves, similar to those on the gowns she wore in Meereen. All she had left to wear was a few rings and a hair ornament, a pin with three dragon heads facing back to back. She put it in the braids at the back of her head and was ready to go.

"It uuits you." Missandei smiled at her, she was waiting for Visenya outside the door.

"It suits you too." she returned the compliment. "Do we have anything planned for today?"

"Yes, dis-"

"Dragonstone on the horizon!" they were interrupted by a shout from the deck.

Visenya didn't give Missandei a chance to repeat herself. An excitement that she hadn't even expected washed over her. She ran up the stairs to the deck of the ship and quickly walked to the bow. The crew were shouting something to each other, but she didn't pay attention to it. It was morning, she and Missandei were the first to go on deck, and from the excitement that appeared among the people, it could be concluded that it was about to get crowded.

In the distance, they could actually see their destination, Dragonstone. Hundreds of years ago, this was where her ancestors stayed when they fled Old Valyria. Now she will live here, at least for a while.

She was so absorbed that she didn't even notice that others had also appeared on board, including Tyrion, who stood on her right.

"Welcome home, Your Majesty."

She didn't count how much time had passed between the moment she saw land and when she stood on the jolly boat. The dragons flew over their heads, heading straight for the castle and flying around it. From this distance she couldn't see its full beauty yet, but she already knew it is extraordinary. She felt it.

The boat reached the shore. She waited impatiently for the steps to be placed so she could finally set foot on land. Of course, she was the first to leave and took quite large steps towards the castle. At some point, however, she stopped, looking up at the huge building. With a sigh, she crouched down, resting her hands on her knees, and then moved one of them to the wet sand.

When she sailed here, she thought that she was sailing home, that she would finally find a place for herself in the world, after all, no matter how you look at it, this is also her family home. How many people passed through these lands? When her ancestors came to this shore, it was an empty island, nothing special. And yet they chose this place as their home. She lifted her hand from the sand and ran the grains between her fingers, thinking about this new chapter that was beginning in her life. She is responsible for thousands of lives, she cannot fail them.

Hearing the screech of the dragons, she looked up back at the path in front of her. She has decided to walk on it, there is no turning back. Enough of hesitating, enough of dreaming about the future, it's time to start building it.

She stood up, dusting off her hands, and confidently moved forward. She breathed deeply, calming her heartbeat.

The first steps led to a gate, a great gate. At the ground on both sides it was surrounded by sculptures of dragon heads, and at the top their entire figures. The two Unsullied went to open the passage for her while she focused on admiring the walls, which were already very ornate in themselves.

She didn't even notice that her closest companions were following her. She felt as if she were exploring this castle herself, as if its beauty was reserved only for her. Behind the gate, there were even more stairs waiting for them, but the beauty of the castle finally became visible. The gates looked like dragon heads and the towers were topped with figures of these beasts. The building definitely looked like the seat of a family with a dragon as its sigil.

She took two steps at a time to get inside as quickly as possible. Even there, the details in the decoration were taken care of, even though the interior was not rich in small decorations, like the Red Keep. The door handles resembled dragons, and the entire door looked as if it was covered with dragon scales.

The only thing she didn't like was the Stannis Baratheon's banner hanging inside. She grabbed the fabric and pulled it down hard, throwing it to the ground. This place would never be anyone's other than her family's again. If she is the last of her house, then let it be deserted, but let no one defile it with their sigils.

After passing through several corridors, with the sound of her heels echoing first and others following behind her, they finally stopped in front of a door where stood a throne carved into the rock. Once upon a time, the heirs to the throne resided in this castle, they were titled Prince of Dragonstone and this throne was for them. Her parents also once lived here, so she would probably have been born here if it weren't for the war.

Thinking about being here and actually being within these walls were two different things. She didn't expect that this place would make such an impression on her, that it would make her think about all her ancestors, especially the most famous ones: Aegon the Conqueror and his sisters, Visenya and Rhaenys. She is the first Visenya since the Conquest, and the second woman to claim the Iron Throne.

Rhaenyra failed to go down in history as Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, even though she deserved it. It didn't make her feel optimistic, but times had changed. Rhaenyra fought against her brother, both sides had dragons, the kingdoms were divided. She is the only person in the world who has dragons. There is no male member of House Targaryen to challenge her claim to the throne.

This is how I will go down in the pages of history, right next to the Breaker of Chains - she thought, entering the large room with the throne.

The chambers needed cleaning, of course, but that's not a problem, she has enough people to do it in one day, at least the most important rooms. She didn't know the exact layout of the castle, only what she remembered from the notes in the books, but there should be another room here, just above the cliff...

She climbed the stairs almost to the throne and looked around for a passage. It was to the left, and she immediately directed her steps that way. This chamber was smaller, but no less important. A bas-relief of a dragon decorated the wall, and the main thing that took up almost the entire space was a table.

But not just any ordinary wooden table... Made of stone, in the shape of Westeros, with all the most important castles, rivers, forests and mountains carved into it. There were even figurines on it and three chairs pushed aside. Everything was dusty, left to its fate at some point. She moved to the very end of the table, her eyes wandering over the places marked on the map. This is where they will plan their next steps, where to fight the battle, and how to transport the troops.

She rested her hands on the stone table and raised her head, looking at her companions who had come here with her.

"Let's begin." she said, interrupting the sound of waves crashing on the cliffs behind her.

-> Chapter XXXIII ''Dārilaros'' -> general masterlist -> Game of Thrones/House of the Dragon masterlist

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hopefromadoomedtimeline · 9 months

Note

[ TOUCH ] for sender to trace one of receiver’s scars

it's a touch so light, if one wasn't paying attention, they might not even notice it in the first place. but mikitaka still seems to almost- flinch when he realises he's fallen into the trap of letting curiosity get the better of himself once again.

frowning lightly, his gaze flicks up to meet that of the other as he draws his hand back to his side, somewhere between embarrassed and worried.

"your life… has been quite harsh on you, hasn't it..?"

a question in functionality, but a statement in its knowing tone.

"i hope time shows you more kindness than it has thus far."

Scar memes! - No longer accepting!

He doesn't react in time when he finds a hand going towards his face, having lowered his guard so much with Mikitaka that his own hands don't even raise up to defend him against whatever fate may be throwing at him rather suddenly. It could have been a random assailant, an enemy of the town harassing what they thought were helpless bystanders (from what he was told, this town had its fair share of those who selfishly caused trouble for others.) However, this would be a very rare occasion where moving too slow would actually benefit more than anything else, as he would soon find that it was none other than Mikitaka himself who would put his hands upon the hybrid's face, pressing his finger ever so delicately against a scar across his cheek.

He says nothing at first as a question was given, unsure of how to answer the other's question, and uncertain how much of his past would be appropriate to suddenly divulge. But in the midst of his contemplation, the other speaks up once more, having inferred the answer himself.

There's a vulnerability in the moment, it was as if he had been seen and he now needed to decide whether he were to hide or acknowledge the situation. Mikitaka, for his part, seemed more open and accepting than he expected of most, but there was much he had not known about the friend he had surprisingly found a connection with, but would he accept the grandiose nature of everything? It might be too overwhelming to confess everything all at once; he simply decides to take it one step at a time, and the two would slowly understand each other more and more, and whatever happened would simply happen.

"...I- My life-"

He can't find the words. It's strange, he had told his story before, he had reflected upon his life before. And yet here and now, it was as if it was his first time.

"It's been... the stuff of nightmares some times. But that's why I appreciate moments of peace more than you'd know."

A beat.

"You know, you probably hear this all the time, but you're very kind, Mikitaka. Thank you."

#jukudoku #ask meme #q #// his touch starved ass is feeling soft rn w/ his alien buddo #// just guys being pals #// trunks being a little open let's go

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asparkbecomesaflame · 1 year

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“I healed you,” I say quietly, blinking back tears, “when you were trapped in that suit. You… left me, to be a Sith. Nine months pregnant, with our toddler. I don’t care what Palpatine said to you- you made a decision. You didn’t warn me, didn’t call me, I had the same comm number for years because I kept- I kept hoping you’d turn up. But even as Vader, you never called me.”

“Anyone else would have killed you, so weak in body and spirit. I watched this child, a child that looks like you, sounds like you, that you named our chosen names for our children, bully my son. And you just stood there. Didn’t even say anything. Just watched. You betrayed our marriage- I do not care that you needed someone. I understand needing someone. It’s been fact that you picked her of all people. Might’ve been you self-sabotaging yourself, but it still hurts. If I had been dead, it’s a terrible thing to do to my memory.”

I move in and untie Luca, setting him onto his bed, “and yet, this little son wanted nothing more than to spend time with you. Do you know why? Because Ben and I spent fifteen years talking about how wonderful his father was. I named him for you, Luca Anakin, and all he wanted to do was live up to your name. I don’t know if I would have told those stories, had I known.”

“I’m very hurt,” I look over at him, “you hurt me.”

Anakin closes his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks as he gives you a small nod. "'m sorry," he whispers, "I'm- it'll never make a difference, I know, but I can't tell you how sorry I am. It's not... because I was caught, or just because I know I'll have to work for what I had before all of this mess. I truly am just so... so angry with myself," he hangs his head, "And I don't- if it makes you feel better I know I don't deserve to be here. And I'll- I'll leave if that's what you want. Please just... please know I never stopped loving you. I never stopped dreaming about you, even after we were together and especially not after we were separated for all that time."

"I didn't reach out, you're right. Because I figured you would hate me. And I didn't- selfishly I didn't want to look at you, the one person I have cared about so deeply for nearly my whole life, and see hatred in your eyes. I decided that- that was just- the one thing I couldn't handle. Instead I've given myself something worse. Instead I now get to look at you and see all the pain I've caused you and know that we will never be sixteen again and you will never be in my arms in my bed again and I may never get to kiss you the way I've wanted to so badly," he breathes, taking a moment to hold in a sob. "I've done this to myself. And to everyone else. So maybe I don't deserve my sons. Maybe I don't deserve that second chance. They don't deserve to be associated with the person that ruined their chance to live a peaceful life here with all of you."

"But I'm not... going to stop trying," he says quietly. "I'm never going to stop trying to show all of you, in my actions or with my words, how sorry I am and how much I regret what I did. Because I love you so much that even if I get torn apart and rejected every time I make a step forward with progress, it is still worth trying to get you back."

0 notes

mykinkyyandere · 2 years

Note

I just wanted to say that I really appreciae your blog and your writing, it makes my day when i see a fic update from you, I felt like it's safe to open up to you.but if it isn't I'm sorry if my words trigger you please feel free to delete this if it does.

tw: parental abuse, beating, depression.

I know you get a lot of unfair hate from some people for writing dark fics, I'm not a doctor or an expert but I want to open up to you as someone who has lived in an abusive house for all my life.

my mother mentally abused me to the point I became terrified of making any eye contact with anyone, she made me hate my skin color,my eyes,every feature that I didn't get from her she made sure everyday that I hated it since i was a child,she even got me drugged and performed a surgery on me without my concent, then humiliated me after for the rest if her life.

my father makes me do everything possible for him and if I ever forget the smallest thing he'd beat the shit out of me and then refuses to let me get any medical attention if needed. I live in an arab country and the concept of parental abuse doesn't even exist here, I can't speak up to anyone..they'd just tell me to obey.

so as a person who lost every ounce of trust or faith in myself, I'm so broken to the point that sometimes i think i don't deserve to be loved or cared for, I still dream of someone who'd take me away and force their love and care on me even when i'm in my lowest and don't think i should be saved.

that's why i love your dark/yandere fics, it helps me cope so much when i think I don't deserve love. to imagine as if someone would take me and love me anyway even if I don't think i need it.

I have been denied of the chance to have a childhood so sometimes I long to have the comfort of a stuffed animal or a caring touch from someone, but deep down I feel like I don't deserve it either so that's where your forced regression fics comes in to save my troubled mind I honestly really love them especially the moon knight ones, I really hope you keep them coming.

so that's it, it feels a lot better now that I finally had the guts to speak up about my feelings. I want to tell you that I love and appreciate you work more than you think . and also don't listen to the haters, they have no right to attack you when you clearly put a million warning before every thing you post.. please don't let them get to your head about doing what you love❤️

TW: Parental abuse, beating, depression

Oh, darling... I'm really, really sorry what happened to you. It's absolutely safe to open up to me. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me what you've been through. 🖤

I can't tell you how sad I was reading it, but I don't want to cry because you need to be strong. I'm proud of you for holding on so far, and people have different beliefs, but in my belief, they'll experience the same thing afterlife and receive the punishment they deserve, and you'll be very happy. I know, I have friends with all kinds of different beliefs on my blog and mine is in this way. That is, when I'm sad about the painful events that have happened to me and others, but can't do anything, I try to comfort myself like this.

And you can try to comfort yourself by thinking about the possibility of getting rid of them in the future. Living alone, or anything. I'm sure you're already doing this. I hope nothing worse happens to you and you find the love you deserve. And I hope justice finds them.

I'm so glad to hear that my blog helps you, helps someone. Before I started my blog, I was just a silent reader and read for hours and hours day and night. It really gives an incredible peace of mind. I'm very happy to know that I give the same peace to others. It's really unbelievable for someone to come out and talk selfishly while people who have been through such horrible things find comfort in dark writing. I don't know, but aren't they like Karen or something?

Thank you so much for sharing it with me, I hope I was able to answer properly. Take care of yourself. 💜

#kinkyyan answers

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honklore · 3 years

Text

is nothing sacred? | quackity

(4.6k+ word count, prince!alex, augur/seer!reader, gn!reader, angst, alex has a sucky dad, reader has a sucky family, karl appears as a time traveler ofc, neg and pos religious themes, deification is the belief that when a monarch dies they will become a god, the rapids is a kingdom in this but it isn’t an smp au)

listen to: evermore by taylor swift, foreigner’s god by hozier, (the end) by levi weaver, exile by taylor swift

There’s a warm spring just outside the monastery. It’s hidden in the mountain, a few miles away from the castle walls and yet you find that it’s too close for comfort.

Every bright and loud fanfare that announces the prince’s coming and leaving echoes off of the hills and pours through your peaceful respite. It’s just enough to make you grumpy.

It’s one of those mornings again, and you find yourself floating in the hot spring, eyes open towards the sun, wishing you had more patience with the dear prince you call your best friend.

Your robe is heavy across your torso, floating around your bare legs as you ponder your plans for today. That is, if the prince doesn’t come visit you.

That would be wishful thinking, though. You don’t have to close your eyes to know that someone has blocked the sun. With a sigh, you sink your body beneath the warm water and submerge, blinking the water off of your lashes. “Alex, this is sacred ground.”

“I know,” the prince replies, squatting down to see you. “I tied my boots around my neck, see?”

You stare at the boot he’s proudly holding up, then shift your eyes to his bare feet. “Why are you here? This is my day off.”

“Excuse me for wanting to see my best friend,” Alex sneers mockingly, rolling his eyes. “Listen, are you coming back to the castle tomorrow?”

“We literally have an augury lesson at one in the morning,” you say. “So, yes.”

“Good, I’m going to disprove all of your theories.”

“They aren’t theories, Alex. I read patterns for a living, alright? I know what I’m talking about.”

“It’s not science.”

“Neither is your father deifying your grandfather,” this time you mock him.

He holds a steady gaze, lips quirked into a cheeky smile. “You’ll tell me about the night of my coronation again, right?”

“Because it warned of extreme change,” you say, voice level. “Yet I can’t figure out what’s going to happen. There’s something the stars aren’t telling me, and I have to figure it out to protect you and the kingdom.”

Alex’s eyes are a deep brown that you could probably get lost in, if he wasn’t such a little shit. “Protect me, you say?” He’s flirting now, eyes alight with the thought of annoying you, and if this spring wasn’t so important to you, you would’ve yanked him in already. “Didn’t know you cared that much about me, Y/n.”

Your robes are clinging uncomfortably to your body, accentuating the lines and curves — or lack thereof. “Hand me my towel and look away please.”

Alex closes his eyes and turns his face away, holding out the towel. “Learn anything divine from your swimming trip?”

Alex holds the towel out like a makeshift screen, and averts his eyes while you dry off and change into the clean robe he brought you. As annoying as he is, the prince is thoughtful, and he fills in the places where you lack.

“I was reflecting,” you say, buttoning the front of the robe. “It’s good for you; clears out your soul.”

Alex tosses the towel over your head and ruffles your hair. He chuckles at your protests; taunts you with warmth in his eyes. “You’re so spiritual.”

You glare at him. “I’m an augur.”

“Right,” Alex says, holding the now-wet towel close to his chest. “But you take it so seriously, sometimes.”

“I hate you,” you say, no venom in your words.

“I love you, too,” Alex says. He leans forward, almost as if to kiss your forehead, and then remembers that you’re on sacred ground, and kissing is forbidden.

Still, the very thought of what he might’ve done sends an unwanted flutter throughout your chest.

Wax drips onto the closed letter. You dip the silver stamp into the dark purple puddle, leaving the royal seal behind.

Inside is a letter to your family. It’s a prophecy you’ve received just for them. Despite them disowning you for your gift, you still find it important to warn them of upcoming woe. Like now, for instance, when you wish to warn them about the upcoming rainstorm that could ruin their crops if they don’t take precautions.

You rub your temples and blow out the candle, leaving you in silent darkness.

Your room is on the highest tower of the castle. The turret is small; a circular room with a circular bed and a circular desk and a glass, circular ceiling that showcases the stars to you each night. There’s a telescope standing against the window, a chest for your clothes, and the writing desk you’re seated upon. However, your bathroom is a few stories down, near the bottom of the tower and closer to accessible plumbing.

The door behind you bursts open, and you know it’s the young prince and his lack of basic manners when it comes to privacy. Your privacy, anyway. “What is it, Alex?”

“I’ve been waiting for you in the tower for an hour now, silly,” Alex’s words get softer as the light from the corridor pours in, and he can see what you’ve been up to. He stills, smile faltering. “You had another vision of them.”

“I wish they would stop,” you mutter. If you clench your eyes tightly enough, you can will any tears to suck back into your head. Then you can suffer through a headache, like you always do. You’ve had this “gift” since you were a little kid; you know the ups and downs of using it.

Not that it gives you much choice sometimes.

“Are you drinking the–“

“No,” you snap at Alex. “Look, suppressing them only makes it worse. Prophecies become... darker. I see things I can’t unsee. I have to allow them through.”

Alex has a hurt look on his face, but you can’t tell if it’s because you snapped at him or because he doesn’t want to see you in pain. You selfishly hope it’s the latter.

“We can talk about something less harsh on the mind.” Alex sits on your chest, avoiding your bed. It’s another sacred place for you, same as the monastery grounds. Alex knows the rules of being a seer; the ancient laws you practice. He’s read the same books as you — if just to understand you better. He’s the most loyal friend you can think of: the only person in the entire kingdom who has never questioned your beliefs.

“I can’t stand the thought of them getting hurt,” you admit. “And with the vision about your coronation... I’m so scared this kingdom is going to crumble and it’s going to be because I couldn’t prevent it.”

Alex fiddles with his necklace. It’s a rune, one for protection. You used to wear a similar one beneath your robes, but with your fear of something happening, you’ve made Alex promise to wear it.

“It’s not your job to keep the kingdom from crumbling,” Alex relays. “All you need to do is tell me what you see. Then I hint to my father ways to change the kingdom. After that, it’s up to fate.”

You bite your lip. “Fate has a tricky way of playing its own hand.”

“Then it was never in your hands in the first place, yes?” Alex speaks honestly, but there’s a bit of cheek to his voice that eases your nerves.

You smile sadly. “Your father is too prideful, Alex. I can see it; the ravens, they flock the castle whenever he makes a speech. He wants to become a god. He wants something that’s impossible.”

“He deified Grandfather,” Alex quips, no emotion backing his voice. “Like you said earlier. It’s just to start the tradition, so that when he dies he’ll become holy, too.”

“I told him it was wrong. I told him that the stars foresee ruin if he stays on this trail of pride.” You cast your eyes down to your family’s letter. “No one believes me.”

“I believe you,” Alex’s soft voice urges you to look at him.

He’s quiet. The rune is resting on his outstretched palm and he’s looking at you. “Do you think I’d take these lessons and wear these trinkets if I thought you were wrong?”

“Maybe you do it because we’re friends,” you say. You're well aware of the fact that the prince is the only person in the entire kingdom who advocates for your beliefs. But with the rest of the realm against you, you can't help but think that deep down, he's making fun of you, too.

"You sure do worry a lot for someone who can foresee the future."

You choke out a laugh and run your hands down your face. "I'm sorry, Alex. I'm so sorry. I just– I feel like if I can't prevent every bad thing I predict, then it's my fault when they happen. I wish I was ignorant to omens."

Alex tuts. He pouts at you, dragging his lower lip between his teeth and holding it there for just a beat too long. “Let’s skip lessons today. You should rest.”

“Alex—“

“Ah!” Alex stands up. He begins to unclip his cufflinks from the hem of his sleeve before he passes you a coy glance. “That’s Prince Alexis to you, and if I say you should rest, then you should rest.”

You grumble, but inwardly you’re thankful.

There’s an altar, rectified in the middle of the castle courtyard. Though it was once a place of healing — a place seers would go to cleanse their minds — it is now standing in ruins.

You lay down your offerings anyway. Dried rose petals, and a few copper coins saved up. You wait with the objects until a few crows come to diligently take them away. To where? You don’t know. You’ve never asked.

Alex’s father plans to take down the altar and replace it with a shrine of himself. The knowledge of change reeks the air with a foul scent only you can smell.

It’s as if the entire kingdom is rotting and you’re the only one who knows.

You lift your hood off of your face and continue your walk throughout the court. Those you pass politely ignore you, though some choose to sneer at your mannerisms. The king has them wrapped in his prideful rule, and your heart aches for them.

There is no freedom in serving man. This much, you know.

You find yourself in the tower, waiting for the prince to come in time for his lessons.

“Father says he wants me to study more practical subjects,” Alex relates to you.

He’s lying across the balcony floor, and you are perpendicular, with your head on his stomach. You feel every breath he takes, and something about the closeness comforts you in a way you refuse to analyze.

“I’m not sure what else you could learn,” you say. Your eyes are stuck on a chip in the balcony railing. Stone that hardly cracks, and of course your foundation is crumbling quicker than your resolve. “You have lessons from dawn till dusk.”

“And you’re the only tutor I care for,” he says with a flippant sort of tone. “I don’t know what I’d do if I saw you less. I already wish I had more time with you.”

You’ve spoken to nuns and monks and those who swear off love in servitude to the one they worship. Most admit that it’s a lonely existence, and a torture to make up for their sins. You understand that true love must be as sacred as an old god, and to worship another person would be the greatest act of devotion. For how else do you serve a creator than by worshiping the created?

You don’t think kings are meant to be worshipped. No one with that much power should be revered with such ignorance.

But a prince is different. To worship a prince alone, in secret, for just yourself... perhaps that is the most spiritual devotion of all. Perhaps it is the most torturous.

Hearing Alex’s words makes your heart yearn for a future that can never be. You don’t need a vision to tell you that his father will soon grow tired of you. Of course you will soon be sent out of the kingdom, and Alex will forget about you in time.

You know this without a doubt in your heart, and yet Alex still clings to these moments with you.

You’d do anything to keep him safe.

“Where will I go?” You ask. “Where will I be accepted?”

Alex’s breath hitches; you feel it. And you know what he wants to say — you know what lingers at the tip of his tongue.

With me.

Your family sends back the letter, unopened. You try not to cry about it, but the truth is that you feel more alone than ever. Surely you are the last of your kind, and no one cares in the least about what you have to say.

Except maybe Alex. Lovely, beautiful Alexis. He could no sooner harm a butterfly’s wing than deny you your beliefs.

But Alex is not king. He is merely a prince, and the king does not like you. It’s a miracle you’ve lasted this long.

“You fill my son’s head with nonsense,” the king paces back and forth in front of his empty thrown.

You hide your hands in the sleeves of your robe. “Your Majesty, I only relay what I see. I fear your kingdom is in danger.”

“And you think it my fault? Tell me, what if the stars told me to deify my father? What if I am following my own visions?” The royal cackles. “You have no sensible argument. All you have are silly dreams and lies to propel your own agenda. I will not have you spoiling my son’s brain.”

“Your Majesty—“

“I forbid you to speak on anything of the sort from hence forth. The altar will be torn down, and any peep from you regarding these readings will result in instant banishment.”

The sentence hurts more than it should, considering you aren’t being willed to die. You’re quite lucky in this sentence, considering you can still see Alex. Though, a part of you cracks and splinters to think of suppressing your visions.

The vision of Alex’s coronation still remains. You fear for the prince’s life. You fear the king will have something to do with it.

How do you tell the boy you adore that his father may be his downfall?

How do you get him to believe you?

The warm spring only gets hotter as the seasons change. You sink your head under, and the heat of the water burns your closed eyelids. Your head is killing you; pounding from holding back your emotions: your tears.

The monks don’t even worship the same as you. They lend you their springs and advice, but they aren’t the same. There are no other augurs in The Rapids, so no one else really knows how taxing the job is.

More visions come to you when you’re stressed, so you try your hardest to calm yourself. The water scalds your skin, but it distracts your mind enough to keep the visions away.

It’s all the same. All the visions are the same — Alex gets crowned king and overturns the deifying decree. And only days later, he’s assassinated, and the regent — his father — takes back the throne.

As the old proverb goes: pride cometh before a fall, and the king certainly has enough pride. You just don’t want Alex to get caught in the fall.

“You’re so predictable.” Alex’s voice is warbled.

It takes a minute for the water to release from your ears.

Surfaced, you can see Alex crouched by the bank, careful not to fall in. He’s got that same gentle smile — thin, rouge lips and eyes that seem to shine when they look at you. Alex never judges. He never makes fun of your methods. He’s simply there for you, and your heart longs to be there for him as well.

“This place is sacred,” you blurt. Seeing Alex’s face in the light of the sunset just makes you think of your visions. What would a world without Alex even look like? You aren’t sure you want to find out.

You start to cry, and Alex holds a hand out silently.

He helps you out — holds out the robe for you. His boots are around his neck, and you focus on the thinness of his ankles while you clothe yourself.

“You can’t hold me.” You say plainly.

“I know,” Alex’s voice is watery. “Let’s get you back to the palace, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you sniff. “Okay.”

“I’m not dead.” Alex lightly scratches your arm. Up and down. Up and down. “I’m not going to die.”

Your shoulders are braced against his side. You keep your gaze on the white smoke rising off of his incense cone.

This is his room, and his bed, because those aren’t sacred. His bed can be slept in and snuggled in and kissed in and loved in. He has scratchy cotton sheets and incense that is too old to really smell like anything.

He’s a prince with messy documents surrounding his desk and curtains that haven’t been dusted in days. Some days you wonder if the entire castle has forgotten about him. You don’t want to bring it up — don’t want to ask — but it flummoxes you.

You reach for his hand and stop its motions. “I’m sorry I bring you into all of this.”

“I want you to bring me into everything,” Alex slurs. He’s staying awake for you, and you know it. He rests his temple against your head. “I don’t want you to keep anything from me.”

You hum. His body is warm against yours. Too warm, to the extent where you know you’ll wake up in the uncomfortable sort of sweat that comes when a child falls asleep on you, or when you fall asleep without the window open.

Something heavy squeezes your chest. It feels like your ribcage is sentient — hugging and pressing into your lungs until it’s nearly impossible to breathe without an uncomfortable stutter.

Alex falls asleep quick, so you don’t worry about him noticing.

You settle against him and breathe through your nose. The feeling will pass — it always does. You feel this way whenever Alex reveals something so vulnerable to you. You reckon it’s something to do with the tenderness of his voice, or the earnest squeeze of his hand.

There’s a need to protect him. You want to be there for him, more than anything else in the world.

Stripped of your job — the altar torn down — you resort back to your first and foremost activity: Alex’s best friend and (unofficial) advisor.

In this position, you’re confident in your abilities. You know just as well as anyone that you’d rather die than see the prince harmed in any way.

You’re kicked out of the tower, and your telescopes are left to dust. The king locks the door personally, ardent in his attempt to keep you away from any visions that might harm his reign.

You stay in Alex’s room, on a spare bed mat near the fireplace.

Of course, Alex has offered his bed, but you refuse to bother him any more than you have to. And now, with your rituals forbidden, you need a place to privately gather your thoughts.

The flames lick the stone furnace and you lie still. You watch them dance and close your eyes, hoping to rest without any visions or nightmares.

But the nightmares come, and they’re always the same.

When you wake in a fervent sweat, you know that only one thing will keep you from fearing Alex’s death. So, you crawl beneath his scratchy sheets.

You don’t snuggle into him or bother his slumber. All you need to do is know that he’s here. You rest your smallest finger against his bare arm and fall asleep to the sound of an owl hooting outside the window.

On the morning of Alex’s coronation, fog rises from the earth. You see it as a sign: this day will be confusing and blurred.

Alex is just excited to have cooler weather. The blistering heat has been plaguing the kingdom for days, so to have a day of fog and hollow wind sounds like heaven to the prince.

You wear your runes beneath your robe, and the weight of them is less than the weight of knowing you’re dead if you’re caught. But you need them; need this day to come and go without blood and tears.

Alex cannot see you. He’s far too busy with final rehearsals and receiving guests from far and wide.

You stray beyond the castle, into the square, where traders and travelers have set up shop in the hopes of making a profit.

There’s a sign. Fortunes Read Here. It’s tacked over a purple curtain, and you can see amber light shining through a thin slit. Like maybe someone is in there. Like maybe you aren’t alone.

You walk in.

Disappointment smacks against your ribs like a heavy wave against jagged rocks. It’s a scam. A boy no younger than yourself is sitting behind a table, with a green sash tied over his forehead. There’s a mystical rune of some kind that looks like a portal, and it’s tacked to nearly every surface you can see with dripping green paint. The place looks like that of a madman, and you fear you’re about to be mocked.

“Hello,” he says. He doesn’t offer a name. The blues of his eyes flicker from time to time with a shimmery purple, and you think it’s a trick of the light.

“Are you going to laugh at me?” You sit across from him. “Once I leave, are you going to think of me as just another gullible customer?”

“Can you not tell the future?” He says, and he grabs the crystal ball and tucks it under the table. “I can sense it. You want answers, genuine answers, not some promise of success.”

“Who are you?”

“Karl,” he says. “I’m from the village of The Rapids, but you know, magic is looked down upon. I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them what I know.”

You trace the lines of the rune. Your brain fogs, but as you repeat the motion, it clears up, and you suddenly see Karl, clear as day, standing in a crowd and watching Alex make a speech. “You’ve been there? You’ve been to the future?”

“Look closer,” Karl mumbles.

So you focus on the details, and you can see the black banners of mourning, and the redness of Alex’s eyes. “Oh. This is his grandfather’s funeral. This is the year before I became Alex’s tutor.”

“Walk closer.”

Unsure what he means, you continue to trace the rune, and imagine yourself walking through the crowd. Only Karl moves instead, so you pause your tracing and look at Karl.

He’s got his eyes closed, and his eyebrows furrowed. “Why did you come here? What did you want to see?”

You brought me here, you think of saying, but you wonder if this is what Karl can do. If he can travel to the past and show people what he sees. “I- I suppose I want to know why he was deified. Was it a plot?”

You trace the rune again, and Karl walks over to the king, where he stands apart from the podium. Even though his son is giving a heartfelt speech, he’s not listening at all. Instead, he’s talking to one of his trusted advisors.

“I will make a wonderful god.”

“Prince Alexis hates the new creed,” the advisor observes. “Surely he’ll overrule it once he is king.”

“Yes,” the king says. “Well, I suppose we’ll just have to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

You gasp, and even Karl seems winded as you stop tracing the rune.

He places his palms on the table. “So that’s what you wanted to find out. A regicide plot.”

“I have to find Alex,” you mutter. You stand and rip one of your runes off of your neck. Intuition. “Here, take it. You should go.”

“I can’t go into the future,” Karl warns. “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“No,” you think of Alex’s words. “None of us can predict fate. I have to go.”

You run out of the tent, and when you look back, it’s gone, left with nothing but a dirty sign labeled Fortunes Read Here.

Perhaps it’s past tense now.

Your purple robe billows behind you as you rush into the castle in search of the prince.

The staff says they haven’t seen him, the lords are already drunk off of mulled wine. His own tailors are running around, fearing they won’t be able to dress him in time.

So he’s gone, and that means you’re too late.

Or rather, maybe Alex is smarter than you give him credit for, and he’s gone to the one place his father won’t go.

You head up to the tower.

He’s there. Of course he’s there. And he’s in only part of his ceremonial clothes, leather pants and a cream-white collared shirt. He’s leaning his palms against the stone railing and staring out against the wind, like he’s waiting for it to speak to him. Tears slip down his cheeks and drop into the air.

“Alex…” You wrap your arms around his soft waist, squeezing tight to try and convey how thankful you are that he knew to get away. “Your father… He’s—”

“He poisoned my breakfast,” Alex whimpers. He grabs blindly for your arms, and at the touch of your skin, he folds in on himself; shifts around to face you, and buries his face into your neck. “My taster… He thought my taster was out. But he wasn’t. Now he’s dead, and the counsel are trying to figure out what to do with my father.”

“Alex, I’m so sorry.”

He cries harder, and you think your hug must feel weak compared to the comfort he so clearly needs right now. “I have to go tell the lords and the staff. We have to postpone the coronation until everyone involved is apprehended.”

You think of what he does when you feel alone. He visits your spring, and he takes off his shoes. He takes you to his bed and scratches your arm. He kisses your head and hums old lullabies from his childhood until you fall asleep.

So you grab his hand, and you pull him down the few stairs where your old bedroom lies. And you bring him toward your bed, but he stops you.

“It’s sacred to you,” he hiccups.

“You’re sacred to me,” you finally decide, and you let him crawl under your sheets.

You untie his boots and pull them off of his feet, along with his socks. Then you take the blanket and pull it up to his chin. You kiss his forehead and crawl in next to him. And you scratch his arm, up and down, and you hum old lullabies from your own childhood until he falls asleep.

While he’s asleep, you trace the moles across his cheeks and close your eyes. Suddenly, it’s like Karl’s tent, only you can see into the future, not the past. And you aren’t Karl, you’re Y/n.

The sun is bright on Alex’s back, skin tanned and warm. You’re swimming with him in the spring, and all that is sacred to you is him. All that matters is him, so he can float in the spring, and he can kiss you on holy ground, and if he can’t be deified in the kingdom, he can be deified in your soul.

And when you stop your motions, you’re back in your bed. Alex is there, sweet Alex, snoring softly and snuggling into your warmth, like you keep him safe. Like your visions aren’t the ones he believed in at all.

He has always believed solely in you.

#quackity fluff #quackity fanfic #quackity scenarios #quackity angst #mcyt fanfiction #quackity x reader #quackity x you #mcyt x reader #pixiecap//

213 notes · View notes

the-darklings · 3 years

Note

I love s/v so much. just...wow...i'm so invested in them and miss them so much but at the same time I hope you're taking care of yourself and I'll always be here to patiently wait for more. just wanted thank you for giving me honest to god one of the most interesting relationships I've ever read about.

—savour.

wc: 813

pairing: santino d’antonio x v

notes: canon-compliant and set in the miscellaneous time period after prague but before naples. this was actually written months ago during a sprint on coa discord server. I missed them too so hope you like it. Enjoy!

Santino frowns deeply, looking as dismayed as a person can be. Eyes narrowed, lips pinched tight, eyebrows curved downwards, he looks like a toddler about to refuse his veggies.

“Stop being grumpy,” you mutter under your breath with a roll of your eyes, stepping in front of him. Your eyes lift to his, and you bite back a smirk. “Grumpy.”

“Amore, please,” he begins, stressing the pet name as he stares at his reflection over your shoulder with disbelief. “This is appalling.”

“It suits you.”

“It does not, in fact, suit me.”

You grab the pale pink scarf between your fingers, twisting the material around your palm. It’s an effort not to lose your nerve and break down into fits of laughter as you stare up at the Italian mafioso with an innocent smile.

“It’s a charity event where people will be doing money laundering,” you point out neutrally and adjust the scarf over his pristine white suit. A fresh-cut, fitting him to perfection of course. Armani if you had to guess but haven’t checked the tag yet. The black shirt under is neatly pressed with a Camorra golden maroon pin resting under it. He looks every inch the spoilt mafia heir; dangerous as he is handsome. The pastel pink silk scarf had been your suggestion, however. A playful jest more than anything. Mostly just to mess with him but it honestly doesn’t look as bad as he makes it out to be. You thought it might but Santino somehow manages to pull it off. As he does most things much to your silent irritation. “You will fit right in with your pimp look.”

His mouth falls open, his eyes snapping to you. “Amore,” he calls out again, affronted. “I can’t believe you would say such a thing about me.”

Your eyebrow arches and you step aside, showing him the full picture. “Look at you,” you say lightly, fighting back a laugh tickling the back of your throat. “Perfect.”

“You are an awful, cruel woman.”

Your expression is of perfect innocence as you stare at each other in the fitting room mirror. “I thought you said I’m your favourite person in the world….yesterday.”

Santino sniffs, his chin tilting upwards with a slight roll of his eyes. “My statement was false and therefore I am retracting it immediately.”

“Aw, look at you,” you tease mildly, switching to Italian on purpose. “Using big words.”

Santino’s eyes spark and he reaches out at once, his arm snaking around your waist and tugging you closer while he continues staring at your joined reflection in the mirror. “Come with me.”

“I’m working tomorrow.”

A clean job. Simple assassination but it will still take you away for the entire duration of this event Santino is attending. And will keep you that way. This gathering might be fun to attend but sadly you don’t have much time for fun when Tarasov keeps yanking the chain.

“I don’t care,” he exhales, reckless as always, leaning closer and ghosting his nose over the top of your head. One of side of his face is still visible, and you note the quiet, intent longing you glimpse in those emerald eyes when he looks your way. “Come anyway.”

For a second, just one, you press into his side, savouring his warmth selfishly.

This always happens, you think. Somehow every friendly moment between you finds a way to slip into almost intimacy. Or, perhaps, the very foundation of your relationship with this man is built on that intimacy.

“Of course you don’t care,” you point out and rest your cheek against his shoulder for a moment. “But duty calls. I’m sure your plus one will be less boring this time.”

He complained about his last plus one when you couldn’t attend with him for two days straight.

“Ah, cara mia, you know I have no desire for another plus one,” he states lightly but his expression is serious, drawn. There is a brief second of hesitation before he seemingly settles on whatever he wants to do. A gentle, warm pressure presses into your hair and you watch Santino’s reflection. The way his eyes flutter close momentarily. Take in the gentle peace that seems to settle over him at the contact between you. Always savouring the nearness, the heat, because he knows that you will pull away eventually. “Just you. Even if you will likely punch me in the kidneys for this, no?”

You fiddle the material of his scarf, a small smile blooming, “No, not this time, I don’t think.”

His eyes find your own in the mirror again, his head tilting till his cheek rests against your hair and he gazes at your joined bodies.

His expression is calm, content.

You try not to let the fierce longing you see burning there eat away at you.

For now, everything is good. For now, you’re happy.

That’s enough.

#santino d'antonio x reader #santino d'antonio #john wick fic #john wick #john wick imagine #riccardo scamarcio #s: i can wait #ahh i've missed them...and i'm writing ch18 as i'm posting this so....to anyone still around #SOON #anon #asks

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agentgumsh0e · 2 years

Note

The noisy chatter and music reduce to a muffle before dissolving into silence. Nothing but your footsteps are heard as you step out of the elevator onto the roof and for a second you think you came up too quick. Then you hear it. His voice. Smooth and saccharine but to your taste.

"Hello, my rose."

There it is, the loving nickname he gave you. No matter how many times he says it, you'll always melt when you hear it.

"Aamir… Stop it, you're making me blush already," you huff out as you walk over to him.

"Wanted me all to yourself?"

"Hmm, perhaps," he jests with a smirk on his face. Oh, his face.

His mask is sitting on the table beside you. You take the chance to admire his features, every scar and mark. Subconsciously, your hands move to sandwhich his face, earning a chuckle from the sentinel. The side of his eyes crinkle and his smile widens as he stares back at you.

Being able to see him without his mask is, with no doubt, a strong symbol of how much trust he has in you. Your thumbs swipe over his cheekbones before you slide your hands down his shoulders to pull him in for a hug. He rests his head on you as you both stay like that for a while.

It's a peaceful and painfully domestic moment, something you wish could be normal but know that it'll only be a distant dream. All you can do is cherish these little moments of serenity you both squeeze in.

"Oh, I almost forgot what I called you up here for-- Here, a gift."

He breaks away from the hug to pick up a well-concealed present from below the table. Your eyes meet his before you take it, unravelling the ribbon to find a pair of charcoal black combat boots, decorated with [F/C] accents. Shiny yet sturdy steel covers the backstay and toe cap, ensuring that any kick to the face will give them a bruise that'll last a while.

Your hands run over the material, feeling how pristine it is. Grinning, you hug the man again. With an arm around your waist and a hand holding your chin, he leans in to give you a peck. Even if it lasts only for a brief moment, your brain short-circuits and you're left slightly dazed. Till this day, you're still enamoured by this handsome devil you call your significant other.

"I noticed that you tend to stare at them so I decided to get you your own pair, that and your current ones are damaged from the last mission."

"Aamir, I-"

"Oh, one more thing," he adds.

You stare at him quizzically, wondering what it is. He pulls out a small box from his pocket, opening it to reveal an anklet. It's made of gold and a round blue diamond sits in the middle of it. The gem glistens under the moonlight and you feel your heart jump faster. With no doubt, this is expensive.

"Yes, I deliberately chose these colors because of my suit. Hope you don't mind this being a little reminder to everyone that you're mine, haha."

"I- I really can't say how much this means to me. You didn't have to spend so much-"

"You're worth it, darling. I'd give you the whole world and more."

Tears well up in your eyes as you grab him by the collar, hoping to press in every bit of passion and love you have into this kiss. His hand carefully holds the back of your head as he kisses back harder, wanting to give you the confirmation that he loves you. Your heart skips and your nerves feel like they've been lit on fire, but this fire isn't burning you, it feels as if it's gently enveloping you to give you a warm embrace.

You both part for air and your forehead meets his. He smiles and you smile back. Loved is how you feel right now, incredibly so. You stare into his eyes as you cling onto this special moment between the two of you, selfishly not wanting to let go.

I THINK IVE BEEN BLESSED...SO CUTE 😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

#valorant #cypher

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deanandthephantoms · 3 years

Text

We're a Perfect Harmony PT.4 - Reader x Charlie

A/N: Sorry it took so long for this next chapter to be posted i really struggled with this one. Thanks for the advice and encouragement to keep me going @julie-thefatones and @happinessinthedarkesttimes you're both gems <3. - Hopefully you'll all enjoy this new part!

Summary: Charlie and Y/N meet again in real life after a year of face timing.. Will it be just like last year or will thing be different? How will Y/N deal with her feelings for Charlie? And what happens when Emma is suddenly around all the time? We’ll find out in this chapter..

Wordcount: About 5700

Other Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3

Playing pretend..

A year had passed and summer came around again. There however was one major difference with last year. Around this time last year I felt scared and anxious because I was about to go on this camp with all those people I didn't know. Now I felt super excited cause I was about to see all of my friends again after such a long time. Madi was the only one I had seen a few times cause she lived somewhat close to me. I had talked to the rest regularly and had of course seen Charlie almost every day over Face time. There however was this tiny voice in my head, a voice that was telling me things would be awkward. I was afraid things would be different, afraid they suddenly wouldn’t like me anymore and possibly the biggest fear; afraid that Charlie and I would not have as good of a time as we had last year, I for some reason was afraid our real life click had vanished. Even though I knew that would not be the case and I desperately tried telling myself that, I couldn’t help but feel nervous on my way over there. The fact that I had developed feelings for Charlie didn’t help either. I didn’t want to like him like that and I would do everything in my power to deny the fact that I did. I was so lost in my own anxious mind I didn’t even notice the fact that we had arrived on camp..

Once I got off the bus there was the same big crowd as there was last year. This time however my eyes instantly fell on the boy I was most excited to see. I felt my heart jump a little and butterflies emerged in my stomach at the sight of him. At the same time he seemed to have noticed my bus arrived. And as soon as our eyes locked he dropped everything he was holding and came running towards me. “ NUGGEEEEETTT!!” He picked me up from the ground and spun me around while giving me the tightest hug “ YOU’RE FINALLY HERE!!” i wrapped my arms around his neck and held on to him as tight as I could. Being in his arms made me feel like all my doubts and fears were never even there. I just felt calm , peaceful and happy. ”It's so good to finally see you again Charlieee” he then put me back down to look at me with the brightest smile “ what do you mean? you literally saw me last night, you dork.” he says playfully. “ yeah, I know. But you know Face time is nice and all but it doesn’t beat seeing someone in real life right?” “ oh I get it, I definitely missed doing this” he says while pulling me in for another tight hug. “ Me too” I mumble into his shoulder. We let go of each other and I start to gather my stuff from the bus, when Charlie sees me struggling with a big and heavy bag he comes over to me and laughs “Let me get that for you.” and without allowing me to even say anything he takes the bag from my hands. He then walks me and all my stuff to my bedroom and when I open the door I see Madison is already there. I see a grin appear on her face when she sees me and Charlie who’s still carrying all my stuff. “HIIIII Y/N and Charlie!” she greets us. “Maaaaads!” I say while pulling her in for a hug, trying my best to hide the girl’s stupid grin from Charlie. Not that he would think anything of it, but I wasn’t gonna risk it either. I then let go of her and finally take my stuff from Charlie’s hands. “Thank you” I just tell him with a smile. "No probem" He smiles at me before pulling mads in for a hug "Goood to seee you mads!" He then leaves us alone suddenly remembering he had literally dropped all his stuff for me.

“Sooooo remind me again how there’s nothing going on between you two?” Madison says the moment Charlie left the room. I let out a groan causing Madison to laugh. “I already told you. We’re just friends Mads, Charlie was just being nice.” “Just being nice? Really Y/N? Me and Charlie have been friends for years. He has never dropped everything for me or Sav or Jadah or basically anyone.” I wasn’t even gonna fight her on this.. I knew nothing would change this girl’s mind. So instead I just said “Look Mads, whatever it is that may or may not be going on, can we not talk about this when he’s around?” “Don’t worry. I won’t mention anything. Even if I wanted to I can’t. Emma is in our group this year so..” I know I told Emma I would like to get to know her better this year but I’m not sure how I felt about the fact that she was in our group now.. Super selfishly I may be a bit scared it would have it’s negative effects on the time I would get to spend with Charlie. I couldn’t think like that though, she was his girlfriend if there was anyone deserving of his time it was her. “Oh wow, I didn’t see that one coming. I bet Charlie is very excited about it, I know he tried to get her into this group last year but back then she didn’t want to..” there's a short silence “Charlie didn’t tell you?” Mads seemed genuinely surprised by this fact. “No.. I bet he just forgot about it or something..”

There was no time to think anything of it because Savannah and Jadah came bursting into the room, we all just screamed gathering in one big group hug in the middle of our room. Mads couldn’t help but tell Jadah and Savannah about how Charlie had carried my bags for me which made them once again tease me. But once I asked them to not do this when he was around they promised me they wouldn’t and I trusted them. We talked and giggled while unpacking our bags and then our last roommate came in.. “Hello Girls” She said. She sounded and looked somewhat shy and or uncomfortable I couldn’t tell for sure. But I did know she could use a hug. I got up and embraced her into a warm hug. “Hi Emma! I heard you’re in our group this year. That’s cool!” and I wasn’t just saying that to be nice.. The way she came into the room reminded me of how I had felt last year. I felt for her and wanted to make sure she actually felt welcome. My gesture seemed to have taken her by surprise “Hi Y/N, I eh I am yeah. Thank you.” She smiled at me. A genuine one. Who know maybe Emma and me could actually become friends after our rough start last year..

When I was done unpacking I decided to go out and see if Jeremy and Owen had arrived yet. Emma came with me so I took this chance of getting to know her a bit better. I learned that she had an older brother and that she had a great connection with her parents. She loved baking and wanted to work with small kids in the future. That was gonna be something we could bond over. That’s when is saw the boys. “JER , OWEN!” I yelled all excited before running up to them and pulling the both of them into a hug. “Y/N!” they both yelled back “You actually came back!” Owen added. That’s when Charlie threw himself into the conversation. “Of course she came back Owen. She just couldn’t miss us any longer.” He said clearly teasing. i shoot charlie a look and he just sticks his tongue out to me. “Glad to see you two getting along” He then said to me and Emma before throwing his arm around Emma and giving her a quick kiss. Oof.. I was gonna have to get used to this. I’m sure I would have to see a lot more of this now Emma was in our group. It’s not that it bothered me that much, I mean I expected to see them together. It was fine. But I couldn’t stop myself from hoping they would not be stuck together like that the entire week.

Just like last year we were placed into smaller groups and during our first activity we met this new boy called Sacha. He was kind of cute and on top of that he seemed really nice. That’s when a plan started to form.. The girls were pretty sure about the fact that I liked Charlie heck i was convinced everyone could see it.. I needed a form of distraction, something to keep everyone from obsessing over how i actually felt. And that’s where Sacha came in.. What if I just started casually telling people I thought Sacha was cute I mean he had blonde hair and blue eyes I had once mentioned that was my type.. Surely that would get their minds of me and Charlie? Since Sacha was new to the group I decided to invest some time in genuinely getting to know him, making sure he felt welcome and all that. Just like the rest of the group he was into music and loved playing the guitar and had the ambition to become an actor. I couldn’t help but think this guy was gonna get along with Charlie quite well.

As if I had summoned him Charlie came up to us and sat down beside me. – actually, he couldn’t sit closer to me if he tried..- “Hey guys!” “Hi Charles” I said to him with a big smile. – I really had to stop reacting to him that way..- "Sacha and I were actually just talking about how he loves playing the guitar.” “Oh? Awesome! We should totally jam sometime!” and just like that I was sat between two boys fangirling over guitars and guitar players I had admittedly never heard of.. “Aaalright” I interrupted the two. “I’m gonna go find the girls.” I give Charlies leg a quick pat before getting up and walking off.

I find the girls outside on a bench “heellooo, what are we talking about?” I say while joining them. “boys, actually.” Savannah says with a grin on her face. “Jadah was telling us about this dude she met.” Boys? Great. Time to put my Sacha plan to action.. “ahh I wanna hear all about it Ja!” “Soo.. since we’re on the topic of boys.. What do we think about Sacha?” I ask nonchalantly. We all seem to agree on the fact that he seems nice and pretty cool. “I was just talking to him. That’s until Charlie interrupted us.. I think he’s kind of cute actually..” Madison looks at me with a suspicious face. Then Emma speaks up “ohh, You like Sacha?” “well I mean.. I’ve only just met him. But he is totally the type of guy I would usually fall for..” “Who is?” I hear Owen ask behind me. Before him and Jer join us. “Y/N likes Sacha.” Emma just happily replies. “Ohhh does sheee?” Jer says and I instantly see two boys with a teasing smirk looking at me. I had not expected it would be so easy to convince people.. Although I could tell Madi was not convinced at all, but she promised she wouldn’t say anything so it was gonna be fine.. I think.

Later that night our group was chilling by the campfire. Charlie and Sacha both had brought their guitar and were jamming away. Emma was resting her head on Charlie’s shoulder and was actually engaging in our conversations. I found myself taking in the scene and being completely fine with it. I felt happy and at peace it was only the first night and i was already wishing it would never end again. That’s when almost everyone of our group decided it was bedtime. “You coming too Y/N?” Madi asks me. I shared a quick look with Charlie before replying “Yeah, I eh, I’ll be right there.” Apparently Madi got the message loud and clear and wished us a goodnight before leaving with Sav and Jadah. Emma shared a kiss with Charlie before quickly following after the other girls. I hugged Owen, Jer and Sacha goodnight.

And then it was just me and Charlie. Suddenly I was not completely sure what to do.. so I just sat there just looking at the boy I very secretly liked. That’s when he scooted closer to me and just casually threw his arm around me before breaking the silence “I’m glad we still have our little late night moments together..” I felt myself relax at his touch and automatically just melt into him. “Yeah me too. I was actually feeling really selfish for wishing we still would have this..” I admit. “How is that selfish? We both agreed that last year the late nights were our favorite part.. Hoping that would happen again this year isn’t a bad thing Y/N.” “Yeah.. I don’t know. Now that Emma is in our group I thought she would be around a lot more and that would maybe mean the end for our late nights. But you know she’s your girlfriend so wishing for time alone with you felt wrong? You must be happy with the fact that she agreed to join our group though? ” “ yeah.. I get that.. and honestly it totally could have been that way. She can be a bit clingy and sometimes has some trust issues when it comes to me and spending time with others.. but yeah I’m happy to see she seems to be pretty chill and trusting this week. I hope she’ll open up more and really become friends with my friends you know. Would make it all a lot more fun for the both of us.“

“Well.. I guess, for us, maybe it helps that she thinks that I like Sacha.” I blurt out before even realizing it. I had become way too comfortable with telling this man everything.. “oh.. Do you?” I swear I heard a change of tone in his voice but that might have just been some diehard wishful thinking on my end.. “I.. I don’t know. I’ve only just met him Charles.” “I mean i get it, he’s a pretty cool guy. He’d be lucky to have you Nugget.” “Oh stop it. I really am not as brilliant as you still seem to think I am. ” “Eh. YES YOU ARE Y/N. and getting more and more brilliant every day actually.” “Well, that’s all on you then. Since you’re the only thing that has been in each and everyday over the past year.” He laughs. The sound of that fills my heart with even more love for him. “I’ll gladly take that credit. I’ll make sure to tell Sacha you’re only this awesome because of me.” “Ah yes greeeeat plan Gillespie! Maybe he’ll date you then.” I laugh. “Oof imagine the great music that would come out of it! But no. He’s all yours “Y/L/N.” Charlie and me joke around like that for a while before deciding it’s time for bed. When we arrive at my door Charlie pulls me in for a tight hug. “So good to finally not have to do this virtually.. Sweet dreams Nugget.” “Sweet dreams Charles.” He holds onto me a little longer just hugging me in silence before he lets go. “goodnight” he says and with a smile walks off to his own room. That smile was one day gonna be the death of me.. good thing the owner of that smile didn’t know that..

The next morning I woke up to the sound of my roommates chatting away. “Morning sleepyhead” I hear Madison say as I open my eyes. “Morningg” I groan which makes the other girls laugh. “It got that late already huh?” Savannah says teasingly. “You guys know me.. I don’t need a lot of sleep.” “uhu. Sureeee you don’t.” Sav says again. I just sigh as a response and get myself out of bed to get ready. As I get out of our room to freshen myself up I bump into Charlie who is standing in front of our door. As I’m about to say sorry he just wraps his arms around me ‘Good morning Nugget!” every bit of feeling dead and grumpy instantly disappears . I rest my head against his chest for a good second. “Good morning, Charlie.” Realizing the fact that the other girls may soon get out of our room I wiggle out of his grip and just smile at the always happy look on his face. “I was actually about to go freshen up, I’ll see you at breakfast okay?” “You look perfectly fine to me you know. But okay, I’ll save you a spot at the table.” “Thanks, Charlie” I smile at him before making my way to the bathroom.

Once I’m done the other girls are done as well and together we make our way to breakfast, and as promised Charlie saved us all a pot at the table. Emma sat down next to him giving him a quick good morning kiss. I find my old familiar spot across from Charlie and Sacha sits down next to me. “Morning Sacha!” I greet him. I instantly feel multiple eyes on the two of us. Pretending like I’m not noticing that but happy with the fact people are apparently believing that I like him, I continue my conversation with Sacha and soon enough the others join in.

Later that day we had some sports activities. It’s a very hot and sunny day so the minute the activity was over our group made it’s way to the shadow under some trees. Charlie was the first one to fall down into the grass and I was quick to follow. I don’t know what took over me but I decided to use him as a pillow. I sat down next to him only to slowly fall back and let my head rest on his stomach. Surprisingly no questions were being asked about this and no comments we’re being made.. Emma lies down on the other side of Charlie resting her head on his chest and Owen lies down next to me , using my stomach as a pillow causing me to giggle at the tickle of his hair. Before we knew it we we’re just one big pile of people using each other as a pillow.

We just chilled like that for a second not saying much. I felt every breath Charlie took under me and I noticed that was a weirdly calming thing to me, without even trying my breathing matched his. Never had I ever felt as at peace as in this moment so i couldn’t help but feel just the tiniest bit sad when we had to get up to freshen up before dinner. There really was no denying this man had an influence on everything I did, liked and felt. There was no denying that I liked and possibly even loved this boy. I was gonna have to be careful with my actions if I wanted to make sure no one else knew about that.

Later that night Emma came up to me "Hey Y/N? Can I talk to you for a second?" I feel myself getting nervous, what could this possibly be about? "Yes of course. What’s up Emma?" I follow her towards a quiet place on the campground. ‘I..I just wanted to talk to you..’ she sounds sad. I sit down next to her putting my arm around her shoulder “Are you okay Ems?” “Honestly I don’t know. I’ve been feeling insecure and Charlie is not making it any better at the moment. “ “oh.. I’m sorry. Do you know where the insecurity is coming from?” I say hoping to kind of avoid discussing Charlie with his girlfriend. “Well. I’ve always been a bit anxious and insecure.. I’ve been bullied a lot as a kid but even at home it was always about my brother and it’s like I almost don’t exist? Don’t get me wrong you’ve all been super nice. And I know you’re all Charlies friends and he hasn’t seen you all in a year and so obviously he’s gonna be excited to hang out with all of you but I guess I just feel a bit left behind?” I had no idea about the fact that Emma had somewhat of a same life story as me. I know what being bullied can do to a person.. “Wow. I’m sorry you had to go through that Ems.. and I get that, that all makes you insecure and anxious I’ve been struggling with that as well.. But this is a safe place, you don’t have to feel insecure or left behind. You’re always welcome to hang out with us. I’m sure Charlie wouldn’t mind either.” “Yeah you say that now, last year we got into a fight over me jumping into a conversation between you and him and during the last year we’ve gotten in a few more fights that come down to the same topic of me not wanting him to do something or me wanting to come along to something he’s doing..”

I wasn’t aware of the fact that there had been more fights between them.. Apparently Charlie had not been telling me everything, not that he was obligated to do so but I just thought he did? “Oh.. I did not know that.. sorry. But can I be honest with you Emma?” “No you couldn’t have it’s okay. and yes. Actually please do. “ I take a deep breath before speaking again “ Well.. I of course have not been there for all the fights.. I know of the one of last year cause Charlie told me about it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want you to join us. It’s the way you did it.. If you would have just joined us everything would have been fine. But I got the feeling you we’re trying to make very sure that I knew Charlie was taken.. and that’s what he didn’t like. I think ,and you can correct me if I’m wrong, maybe you’re scared of losing Charlie? If so, don't be.. I know Charlie really loves you. I think all he wants from you is trust that he will be faithful to you and maybe some space sometimes to do his own things. But I also know for a fact that he wants to spent time with you and he wants you to spent time with his friends so you can all hang out more.. Maybe just have a good conversation with him about where you’re coming from and what you would like and / or need from eachother?”

“yeah.. You may be right there. I know I was acting horrible last year, I just really thought you were on your way to steal Charlie from me.. Sorry about that. You and Charlie both did not deserve that.. I don’t know though.. I believe that he loves me and all but if you’d ask him to name a list of things he loves most in this world I’m pretty sure things like food and music would come first and then maybe at one point he’ll be like oh yes and Emma of course.” I can’t help but smile just a little at the amount of love this boy indeed has for food and music but quickly compose myself again. “ I’m not sure Em.. Sure he loves music and food and stuff he makes that very obvious. But from things he told me I know you’re so so important to him.. Just talk to him about all of this okay? You really gotta be honest about your feelings with him..” “Yeah.. Thanks Y/N. I appreciate you listening to me and actually giving me advice on all of this.” “ yeah no worries. Any time. “ I say while giving her a smile. We fall silent for a second and I stand up holding my hand out to her “ So are you ready to get back to the others?” She nods and takes my hand. We make our way towards our group and once we get close I share a quick look with Charlie, a look that tells me he wonders if everything is okay. I just give him a reassuring smile and the smile I get in return is the end of that small silent conversation. After playing some fun and very competitive boardgames with our entire group, it in the end is just me and Charlie again.

We end up finding a quiet spot in the middle of a field and just like earlier that day he lies down in the grass and I lie down next to him with my head resting on his stomach, one of his hands now reaching up to softly play with my hair. We just lie there in silence for a while looking up at the stars admiring the beauty of it all, and in my case very much enjoying this warm and fuzzy feeling this boy was giving me right now. I feel Charlie taking a deep breath underneath me before he breaks the peaceful silence “Soo.. was everything okay? That conversation with Emma I mean..” I take a second to consider my options, should I tell him? It doesn’t feel right to hide something from him but at the same time it is not my place at all to talk about Emma’s feelings.. I decide on keeping our conversation private.. “Yeah. No eh she just needed to get a few things of her chest. Don’t worry about it. It was nice getting to know her a bit better actually. She even apologized for last year..” “She did? I’m really glad to see you two getting along.. I’m happy she found someone in you she can open up to. I sometimes feels like even I can’t be that person for her..” I sigh. “I’m sure that’s not true Charlie.. at the very least I know she wants you to be that person. And for what it’s worth.. You are that person to me..” Not my very best line when it comes to hiding how I feel but this boy needed to know it wasn’t his fault at all. I can feel him let out a small silent laugh. “For what it’s worth? Really nugget? You do know that hearing that means a lot to me right?” “Does it? I mean you’re just so easy to talk to, and you’re always so nice and understanding. I would quite literally trust you with my life, Gillespie.” “Well for what it’s worth Y/L/N, I trust you with mine as well.” I can’t help but smile at that.

“Hey Charlie, can I ask you something?” I say softly, not being mad about it if he wouldn’t hear it. but he does.. “Yeah, anything. You know that..” he says still playing around with my hair. “Why didn’t you tell me about the whole Emma coming to camp and being in our group thing? Not that you had to! I’m just curious?” He’s silent for a while.. “Charlie..?” “Honestly? I guess.. Seeing how things we’re last year, I maybe was afraid you wouldn’t come if you knew?” he says and I let out a little laugh. “It was not that bad Charles.. She just didn’t like me very much.. But that did not bother me enough to not come here.. I’ve missed all of you too much over the past year..” “I missed you too much” I barely even whisper. “Good. cause I really need you here. “ I could not deny that hearing that made the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. He needed me? I reach up with my hand to grab his free hand and give it a light squeeze. “Well, I’m not going anywhere. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. Although maybe I should be going to sleep..” as I’m about to get up and let go of his hand he grabs mine tightly and pulls me back down “Naaah-aah. You can stay here a little longer.” He says teasingly.

“You really think you’re teasing me by doing that? Gonna have to try harder than that Gillespie. “ I laugh. “Is that a dare? Cause I will. But in this case no. I’m not teasing. I Just would like us to stay up a little longer.” I lay my head back down on his stomach and he instantly finds his way back to my hair. “Fine then. I’ll stay. And yes, maybe that was a dare..” He starts to laugh as soon I said that. “What?” I ask him. “You have no clue what you’re getting yourself into Nugget. I’ll have you know that annoying someone and teasing them is actually one of my talents.” “uhhu. Right. I think you’ll soon learn that I’m not THAT easy to annoy.” “Oh it’s so on now.” “Bring it, Gillespie.” We just lay there a little while longer talking and teasing each other. My head never leaving his stomach and his hand never leaving my hair. Until Charlie notices I’m getting more and more silent.

“Really Y/N? You’re falling asleep on me? You could have just told me that I was boring you , you know. “NO THAT’S NOT…” “HA! See. Already got you there.” He laughs. “You’re the actual worst Char.. but no. I was actually just very comfortable and that made me sleepy. You make quite a good pillow you know.” “Well thank you Y/N.. I trained long and hard for that. We’re gonna have to get you to bed now though." he starts to sit up causing my head to slide towards his lap but I don’t plan on moving any time soon. When he’s fully sat up he just looks at me and my head that’s now in his lap. “Come on nugget. Time to go!” “Naaah-aah. We can stay here a little longer.” I smile up at him mimicking his words from before.

“Are you sure about that?” He leans forward a bit his face now sort of hovering above mine with a suspicious smile spread on it, and I feel a slight panic grow in me. What is he doing? What is he thinking? When I don’t move but also don’t say a word he continues. “Well alright then..” and that’s when he starts to tickle me making me laugh uncontrollably and as soon as I get the chance it roll away from him. “Fine. You win, we’ll go to bed” I say while getting up, offering him my hand to help him up as well. He takes it and I pull him up. “Good decision nugget. Good decision” he says teasingly and I playfully hit his arm “Oh shut up Charles..” when I’m in bed my brain is racing. What was happening between me and Charlie? I mean we were just friends obviously.. but I couldn’t deny that we were in someway getting a whole lot closer? And why did it feel like I was in the middle of the relationship between Emma and Charlie? I was gonna have to figure out a way to get out of that position.. and I was gonna have to try a whole lot harder when it comes to hiding my feelings for Charlie as well. I basically told him he’s my person and I like laying on top of him? COULD I BE ANYMORE OBVIOUS? My mind keeps running like that for a while before I get, 3 hours of sleep at most.

The next morning I am the last to join everyone at the breakfast table, somewhat surprised to see my spot across from Charlie is saved for me. “Good morning” I greet everyone feeling more dead than alive. A bunch of happy and cheerful good mornings are being thrown my way while I sit down. I can hear everyone talking but what they’re saying isn’t even really getting through to me that’s how tired I am. At this point I’m just staring in the distance trying to stay awake. That is until I literally get slapped back to reality by Charlie. I just look at him, mouth wide open in pure shock. Not that it was hard or painful but I never expected him to do that.. “WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!” He just laughs, which normally would make me feel all better but in this case made me more annoyed which apparently was showing cause the laughing stopped. “So you are alive! Had to make sure since we were talking to you and you were not responding to a single word we said. ” “I’m Sorry..” he adds after noticing the fact my facial expression has not changed one bit. I relax my face even though I’m still shocked by the fact that he did that. “It’s okay. Sorry guys I just really have not slept the best last night.. But I’m here now, what we’re we talking about?” Glad no one asks me about why I had a bad night we just fall right back into the conversation they we’re having beforehand.

The rest of the day was, lucky for me, pretty easy-going we were just chilling in the sun and Charlie and Sacha had both gotten their guitars out and we were all singing songs together. I could not stop myself from thinking that the whole guitar playing thing somehow made Charlie even more attractive. Sacha wasn’t bad either though.. maybe I just had a thing for guitar players? That’s until out singing gets interupted by Charlie’s phone ringing, he gets up and walks away from us before picking up. When he gets back though I can tell something is wrong.. my thoughts being confirmed by Charlie who picks up his guitar and gives us a quick “excuse me for a sec..” before storming off..

Continue reading in Part 5 :)

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