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stargirl-writes · 2 months

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BEST NOTE I'VE RECEIVED HAHA!

[chapter four] the secret history of anakin skywalker

the attempt

pairing : assassin! reader x anakin skywalker word count : 3k previous | next series navigation | masterlist

sypnosis

you have only known one truth about this war, the republic and the seperatists are two sides of the same coin. but now, your master count dooku has disposed of you after your consequent failures. his betrayal fueled your thirst for revenge. and in the cruel twist of fate, you have found yourself with an arrangement with the enemy. general anakin skywalker is willing to do what it takes for the republic to win, even if it meant dealing with you, his nemesis.

chapter summary

rako hardeen escapes with two known bounty hunters on orandia. anakin skywalker claims obi wan kenobi remains alive. and a revelation by cad bane made you head down a bar and drink the night away.

warnings : drinking, contains spoilers for star war's 'the clone wars' season 4, episodes 16-17.

notes : omg hello beautiful darlings! thank you for your patience for this overdue update 🥹 i really tried to outline how this'll go and suffice to say i think i've decided to commit to an ending that feels right (for the most parts). also, i've published on ao3 as well, so if you want to read there, here's the link.

likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

The first saloon in Nal Hutta leads you to a trail to Orandia.

Rako Hardeen had not been alone. He has escaped with two known bounty hunters, Cad Bane and Moralo Eval. They had just left the planet when you and Anakin Skywalker arrived.

The Jedi emanated a rage you recognized. You noted it in his silence. How his eyes darken after realizing he had been so close to catching the man who killed his master.

Now, your ship enters the atmosphere of Orandia. A silence blanketed your mind, there were so many things that had gone wrong. You've exhausted yourself trying to find the reason for all of the things that unravel. It is simply how things are now, and you're at the mercy of fate, or rather, Anakin Skywalker's.

You center yourself on the task at hand. Finding Hardeen would secure your alliance with the Jedi.

"There!" Skywalker points towards a ship loading gas.

Your eyes followed the direction he was pointing at. You recognize Cad Bane entering the hatch.

Skywalker unfastens his seatbelt. You saw the desperation in his intense glare.

"Hold on, they're leaving" You hissed as Skywalker stood up.

You held on to the control yoke, cursing under your breath at Skywalker's recklessness. You steered the ship, following Bane's ship.

You never really excelled in flying, and it was exacerbated by the way your ship was falling behind. You heard Skywalker grunt in annoyance.

Skywalker leans down behind you, extending his arm to grab ahold of the yoke. The coldness of his bionic fingers touching yours made you flinch.

"We're trying to follow Hardeen, not lose them" He comments.

You pulled on the accelerator, and your ship levels with Hardeen's.

Skywalker presses the button on the control board and the upper hatch opens.

Before you could even implore him to slow down, he was already out, jumping toward Hardeen's ship midair.

What an idiot, you cursed.

Your ship's velocity kept on accelerating and when you turned your face, a huge hill appeared. With all your strength, you pulled the yoke, your heart racing faster than your ship.

The ship manages to get past the hill, but it screeches from the contact. The system started blaring an emergency alarm. Your instinct commanded you to your feet, bracing yourself for the crash landing.

When you open your eyes again, a numbing pain accumulates on the temples of your forehead.

You force yourself to stand up, despite the blurriness of your vision. You held on to the walls to move out.

When your mind clears, you see the smoke of Hardeen's ship in the distance. You ran up, following the light of Skywalker's saber deflecting blaster shots.

When you got near, Hardeen was strangling Skywalker by the throat. He uses the force to push you back, but you persisted.

Cad Bane was walking away, back to their ship. "Ah, Wraith" Bane half turns when he sees you.

Hardeen stands up, Skywalker falls limp and you swallow your terror.

You eyed Skywalker's lightsaber on the ground, and you drew it with no hesitation.

You stepped forward, stance ready to deflect shots, carefully shielding Skywalker away from their range.

"Skywalker, stand up," You say through gritted teeth.

Rako Hardeen studies you as if he was trying to figure out how you were igniting a saber for the Jedi.

Bane fires his blaster, allowing Hardeen to run back to their ship. You charged, but Bane's shots kept you from going any nearer.

"Why Kenobi?" You yelled to Hardeen, accepting the fact that you won't be able to pin him down just yet.

"Why did Dooku want Kenobi dead?" You insisted after Hardeen's silence.

Cad Bane sneers "Oh, you mistake it, Wraith"

Their ship's hatch was beginning to close. "Kenobi was an excess. The bounty was to kill you."

You felt your blood drain from your head, and your grip on the lightsaber loosened.

"But you're not worth the hunt anymore. Dooku has new priorities, so you're free to live another day."

The hatch closes and the ship zooms up, jumping to hyperspace.

Your knees buckle. You hadn't even considered the thought that Count Dooku would have sent someone to ensure your death. The small part of you that hoped it had been an attempt to rescue you wounds you. As if the initial betrayal didn't hurt, this made it feel even worse.

Skywalker sits up, and you feel yourself caving in. Your breaths become shallower and it felt like the ground was disappearing and you're falling with no end.

You remembered thinking the world ending not long ago. It has steadily been crumbling ever since.

When you turned to face Skywalker, he had an expression you couldn't decipher. Empathy, confusion, offering solace, he seems to be able to exhibit all.

You handed his lightsaber back. Looking away, as if you felt him see you so vulnerable.

Skywalker stands straight. The rage and wild instinct he had before vanishes, and you despised that he was looking at you with some sort of pity.

"Obi-Wan's alive" He states.

You tilted your chin at his claim.

"I thought I was imagining it then, but he's undercover as Hardeen"

You raised an eyebrow, half-convinced that he'd been so drowned in grief he was becoming deluded.

"And if he was, why would he not tell you?" You challenged his eyes to contradict you, but he looked away as if he too was only considering it. You know you could be gentler at his good news, you just can't find the heart to be more hopeful. You hoped the way he is doing now, and you're hollowed by the truth of it.

The bounty was to kill you.

"The ship crashed, we'll have to find a new one," You said.

Skywalker presses on the holo channel on his arm. The device emits a crackling sound. "There's no signal, We need to find reception"

You nod, it was getting dark anyway, so it'd be best to stay where people are.

You soon found a small village nearby. Since the planet is Huttese territory, the streets are covered with a malaise you recognized. A sense of bracedness, it all felt too familiar. So, you kept walking close behind the Jedi.

"Here" Skywalker halts in his steps, finally gathering a reception.

You stopped to survey the surroundings, you were standing in front of a bar. Finally some good luck. You thought to yourself.

"Great" You expressed with a triumphant smile. A drink would dull the feelings you were having.

Skywalker's attention shifts to your enthusiasm and you see his lips pursed in annoyance as he follows you inside.

You sat at a bar stool, Skywalker next to you. You had no credits, but that problem will have to resolve itself later.

"Two please" You ordered to the bartender.

"Tempting, but no" Skywalker comments on the shots in front of you. He presses on the holo channel. Mace Windu had been dialing him to inform him that he shouldn't interfere with Obi-Wan's mission. He missed all six of them.

You suspected Saint Windu, always dogmatic, to have been the one to purposefully leave Skywalker in the dark. Dooku always commented on Windu's involvement with the Jedi Council's misguidedness. Dooku was not wrong in teaching you that

Skywalker's exterior becomes an expression of dissent. You tried putting yourself in his shoes. Wondering if being blatantly lied to by the Order you are guided by feels like a betrayal.

Did they not trust Anakin Skywalker?

Is he not supposed to be their chosen one?

You downed your drink. The bartender comes back to pour you another.

"I was under the impression that the Jedi Order worked as a collective" You delighted in the excess of boldness brought by your third shot.

"I did too" Skywalker answers plainly. "They won't be able to send Ahsoka til early tomorrow"

You sighed, after all that occurred, you wanted to rest. The Jedi Order would never run out of Padawans to deploy to come to rescue Skywalker. Perhaps, the Council did not want Anakin following undercover Obi-Wan again.

"You've scared them off, cheers to that" You raised your shot.

Skywalker's eyebrows furrowed "What's that supposed to mean?"

You took your drink, your cheeks beginning to warm from its effect. "Well, you have these— outbursts" You criticized. "You're too involved with your feelings, maybe they wanted to delay you"

Skywalker's expression hardens, you wanted to laugh at how obvious he was with how he was feeling.

"How can I not? They made me believe Obi-Wan was dead." Skywalker eyes the glass of alcohol, and you see him try to resist the urge.

You felt a tinge of guilt rush through you for judging Anakin's turmoil. Anyone else who'd face the same betrayal he feels now would react in the same manner. You certainly would.

"Ever since your Council got involved with politics, they became too concerned with appearing righteous." You tried speaking more leniently. "They'd not want to appear as though they want to seek revenge for their dead. It'd make the Jedi look vindictive."

"It would be justice to avenge Obi-Wan" He doesn't hide the anger coating his voice.

"Yes," You agreed. His eyes pierce on yours.

"Unfortunately, they are too caught up with appearing... holy." You were having trouble trying to be eloquent in your buzzed state.

You saw him withdraw— as if he did not really disagree with your opinion. You noticed that this was becoming a pattern with him— there's a place in his mind he runs to.

Skywalker puts his drink to his lips and he grimaces at the taste. You chuckled at his expression. "What is drinking also forbidden?"

"Not entirely"

"But you don't?" You pried. Skywalker does not answer.

Perhaps the act of his drinking was an attempt to spite the Order he holds with utmost importance. If they can lie to him, he can do this.

The bartender comes back to refill both your drinks.

"You Jedi, holy, righteous saints," You thought out loud. "Honestly, your denial of emotions is the reason why you're so susceptible to giving into them...in extreme amounts"

"Yeah?" Skywalker turns to face you with eyes narrowed, locking into yours. Wanting to defend his beliefs. "And you're so sure your Sith manners are superior to our constraint?"

"I'm not a Sith" You cringed at the thought.

Skywalker's head retorts. "But you're Dooku's apprentice"

"Doesn't mean I'd give in to his cruelty"

"So you're not a Sith, what are you?"

You scoffed a breathless laugh, what are you? who are you really?

You got caught by his gaze. For a moment, you felt like you were willing to talk to Skywalker nakedly. To let him in. His eyes seemed inviting enough to let you vent out.

But you looked away.

"The same as you" That much you could say, an elusive comparison. You took a slower sip of your drink. "Perfectly crafted weapons, targeted at the right people."

Skywalker's expression softens. You thought, there was some sort of understanding he contemplated on. He, the peacekeeper reduced into a hound dog for the Republic, and you, the oppressed become a warrior leaving bloodshed.

You place your glass down, deciding you've had enough for the night. The alcohol was supposed to make you forget for a moment, but it just made you feel like you wanted to ball up and cry.

"You're right, you know," Skywalker says after a while. "I don't agree that we should keep repressing our emotions"

You wondered if he'd been able to say that out loud to any of his Jedi accomplices before.

"It's not evil to use it." You shrugged.

"You give in to it because it's reliable, it delivers you results. Anger is not supposed to be antagonized, it's your mind communicating how it feels it has been wronged. How you act on it is what matters. Anger is... corrosive, as much as it is helpful" You recognized your words as some of what Count Dooku has taught you. Lessons you lived by, lessons that made you an effective force wielder.

You sadly thought about the many ways these lessons are now tainted with resentment. Because all of it had been for nothing. All of it had been to serve your master's interests, and he needed you to be his tool, his weapon.

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Skywalker raising a hand for the bartender to refill his drink.

"Did Dooku teach you that?" Skywalker's eyes were hooded, the intoxication manifested in his eyes. Everything else seems perfectly controlled, and you find yourself growing jealous of that, because now, your cheeks are warm, hands held tightly into fists, heart beating rapidly.

"You forget, he was once a Jedi, he was proudest of his padawan, Qui Gon Jinn"

Skywalker looks down as if he is remembering too "He was the best of us"

You're flooded with the many situations in which Dooku has made it clear you'd never be half as good as Qui Gon Jinn. "Indeed" You answered with a clipped voice.

"I think he realized the importance of acknowledging the presence of our emotions and how to act without being informed by it" Skywalker narrates. "It never meant much to me, I was too young to understand."

Then he smiles, but one out of a resignation. "I still don't know how to"

You mirrored his expression, surprised by the similarity you shared.

It's easier to imagine not giving in to rage when you're not nearly drowning in it. But it eats at your soul. It corrupts, and in the heat of the moment, it feels more cathartic to find a release by giving in to the destruction. At least, for you, your anger has always defined you. Why seek to control it when it is the only thing that can protect you? Maybe Qui Gon Jinn was really better than you, in that sense. Dooku has never really finished your training. He utilized the way you were an angry little thing.

"The answer must be in the attempt" You look up to Anakin.

It must have been the alcohol, but for one moment, you saw Anakin Skywalker smile with some sort of understanding.

The Bartender takes a long look before the both of you. "Your poisons not going to refill by itself you know" He had a sour expression you wanted to laugh at. "Pay up, then I'll leave 'ya to 'yer business"

"Oh, right, my companion here was just telling me how we'll pay you up" You raised both your wrists to Skywalker, to make it painfully obvious that you won't be able to use the force.

Skywalker's eyebrows knit when he realized what you were asking him to do.

"You don't also happen to have a spare room or two to stay for the night now, wouldn't you?" You quirked.

The Bartender eyes you both suspiciously. Skywalker sighs and raises his fingers, not taking his eyes off of you when he said "We're your guests and you'll give us a room to stay for the night"

You saw the idea sink to the Bartender, he nods and pours both your glasses. "Follow me" He smiles complacently.

"Thank you" You mouthed, taking your last shot and standing up to follow the bartender.

"I'm not sleeping on the floor" You crossed your arms as you stared at the singular bed in front of you.

Skywalker sighs almost imperceptibly. "Well, are you sure you don't have an other rooms left?" He turns to the Bartender who shakes his head profusely.

Skywalker's shoulder slumps, he walks towards the bed, tossing the pillow on the floor.

Skywalker shifts uncomfortably on the floor. "Good night" He mutters.

"Good night" You answered, sitting at the edge of the bed.

You wanted to tell him he can take the bed. You knew you're not going to sleep. The small voice festering your mind was commanding you to stay awake, to not lay vulnerable in a room with Anakin Skywalker.

He swore never to hurt you.

You can't entirely reason out the voice that remained. You can't hint that some part of you is still scared.

Not when Kenobi is apparently alive. You were anticipating he'd bring it up. The very reason you were working with him is because he wanted to avenge his master.

You relied on his grief for mercy, without it, you're not quite sure if you mattered to him anymore.

Will he turn me in? Will I live the rest of my days rotting in Coruscant?

But he did not abandon you tonight. Not yet.

Maybe he was too wounded by what the Jedi Council did to him to decide what your future will be like. It was odd, how you were discovering so many layers to Anakin Skywalker. It hadn't been so long ago when he was just a face you encountered on the battlefields of the war. Now, he feels more... real, it's quite unsettling.

To realize that even a Jedi, who is supposed to live by being of service to others, can act according to his grief. To see the chosen one lied to by the Council that was supposed to be nourishing him. To see yourself in his conflict, his anger, and his suffering. To have the bed when he's supposed to be hating on you.

You thought, perhaps you were more similar than you want to admit. He listens to your philosophies. And you don't like how he looks at you like he thinks you're still worth saving.

You won't allow him to know you. It will be an open invitation for humiliation.

In the morning, you'll have to meet with your inevitable faith.

The initial buzz of the alcohol died and you're only left with your heavy heart.

It kept bringing you back to the truth that Count Dooku, the closest thing you could've called a father, sent bounty hunters to ensure your death.

You were lost. There's nothing left to lose.

taglist : @etheriaaly @nyaaaaa008 @lenjago @byulsrecs @amixiio

pls let me know if you want to be added/removed from the taglist!

footnote

writing the politics of star wars is so challenging as it is stimulating (bc if i'm taking account of the canonical setting, i think filoni has some bias from where he stands), this whole story began as a self-indulgent enemies to lovers fic, writing a background for a reader (which acts as my original character) whilst not really finding sense in the whole 'seperatists movement' is quite... the challenge 😄 though, i hope that i can establish a set of values for the reader character so she can be believable and worth rooting for.

anyway, it's not that serious 😭 i just want to make sure that the time you spend reading this is worth it esp since i'm planning a really painful slow burn (bc it's what gets me personally haha!). so thank you for the continued support and interest darlings🩷

#TSHOAS is not abandoned !!!#thank u so much for reading ! i swear next chap will be soon !

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stargirl-writes · 2 months

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#idk but this would work on me #like cmon silly pretty ponies

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stargirl-writes · 2 months

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the notes on this one have been blowing up recently 😭 happy hearts day my loves !

denial

pairing : force healer jedi! reader x anakin skywalker

word count : 1.5k

masterlist

summary

anakin skywalker confessed his love for you. except, you turned him down, reminding yourself of your duty to the jedi. weeks would have passed and you're reaching a breaking point where you can no longer deny how you felt about him.

tags : angst, mutual pining, fluff towards the end,

warnings : pretty much just denial of how reader feels, and angst with a happy ending (!)

notes : hi lovely people! this is the first thing i'll post under this blog! thank u for taking interest in my little imagine, i hope you like it!

likes, reblogs, and comments are highly appreciated !

It has been a few weeks since Anakin Skywalker told you he loved you. For a moment, the cruelest thing to do seemed like the sweetest thing he could say.

For you both know that the Jedi Council will forbid you to delight in this feeling.

No attachments, live to serve the good, clear lines. No devotions.

You didn't understand how loving someone can be so corrupting, after all, the Jedi Code taught you compassion for all things. That in itself is an act of love. Living so detached from things just makes it all feel... meaningless.

Why hurt for love? Why hurt for not loving?

But now, ever since Anakin told you he wanted you, you are held by a ravenous grip that left you feeling breathless. Suffocated.

Because the truth was simple: You wanted to hoard Anakin in your heart and keep him there. You wanted Anakin.

Of course, you didn't mean it. Anakin Skywalker is the only one who truly knew you. He shredded down your walls to find you where you're most vulnerable and loved you anyway. He wasn't scared of the things about you he didn't understand. Things you, too, find difficult to accept.

But caught by the abruptness, you could only tell him "We can't" before storming out of the room that one night.

You were perplexed, because for the longest time you have resigned yourself to the idea that you were the only one feeling it.

And now he says he loves you. All along.

He loved you.

He loved you despite, despite, despite...

And you turned him down.

Because you can't....

You were bound by duty first. And your duty is to serve the Republic. You can't have Anakin, not if he is supposed to be the chosen one.

You still cried in your sleep; angry and tremendously sorry you turned the closest thing to love away.

You can't take the Republic's only chance of surviving this war. He was meant for something larger than you are. Larger than both of you. You understood this, but it didn't really make it hurt any less.

It fell into this odd... silence between both of you.

You'd catch yourself looking for him in every room you find yourself in. A force of habit. His force signature used to be a warm beacon of light to anchor you, now every time you sense Anakin, your heart aches.

Haunted by the images in your mind of what could be if you allowed him to love you. Terrified that you've allowed yourself to want to share a lifetime with him.

You can't. You wouldn't.

You shuffle in your bed, unable to find a spot so you can comfortably rest. You were becoming more frustrated, for your mind just won't turn itself off.

You grabbed your robe and pulled your hair away from your face, tying it back.

With a sigh, you sit up. It would be futile to attempt any sleep, dawn was already breaking from the windows of the Jedi Temple.

Force healing is something that not every Jedi practices, for it requires a deeper state of discipline and precision. Besides, there are medical droids that can take care of the wounded.

The council had briefed you on your mission for today, you're stationed at the med-bay to overlook the casualties after the recent attack on Kamino.

You valued healing; no matter how forgotten it may have been for the Jedi Order. So, this mission is equally important to you as fighting in the front lines.

The halls of the temple were still quiet, deep in sleep. You wander around, not really knowing where to head.

You hear a shuffle from behind, and instinctively, you turn.

You halt at a balcony— entranced by the rising sun. You breathed deep, wondering when all became so complicated.

A pair of blue eyes meet your doe-eyed gaze. You surveyed him, he looked like he just came from battle, his robes were covered in dust, and his eyes were glossy as if he had been awake for some time, too.

"Anakin" you breathed out, realizing it had been the first time you addressed him after the night he confessed.

"[Name]" He answers, sounding tired.

Your heart thumps, unsure, and half-terrified that if he calls your name again, you might fall to pieces.

"How did the mission on Kamino go?" You say, trying to find any topic other than—

Anakin steps forward, leaning against the balcony. You hold your breath. Being so close to him felt like all air vanishes.

"It went alright" Anakin answers, his gaze falling into the horizon.

Your eyes trail on his arm, noticing the dried blood, a gash maybe, you step forward, wanting to get a closer look, your healing instincts telling you something was off.

"You're hurt" You say, your hand carefully moving his robe.

Anakin sharply turns at your touch. Then his eyes bore into yours. You lifted your fingers, realizing you may have startled him.

Anakin always had you. Part of the reason you were persistent in learning healing. Because the anxiety of him hurting never settled, and you wanted to be equipped to take care of him.

"Let me do this, it won't take long" You insisted, because you knew Anakin too well, and he'd not get it checked until someone else forces him to sit down at the med-bay.

The wound started closing and after a moment, it was like it wasn't there in the first place.

Anakin nods, his eyes never leave yours.

You felt it, a ripple through the force. A very specific frequency. A jedi might mistake his hurt as that of a physical one. But you have memorized him too much to read through his pretenses.

The wounds hurt, yes. But he is carrying a lot more pain than he lets on.

So, you continued. Your fingers graze over his skin, channelling the force, willing it to heal the gash.

You withdrew your touch. The silence lingered. It's a silence that makes you feel mad, because it feels like this is how it'll always be for you and Anakin now. Delicately dancing around the elephant in the room.

The silence amplified the voice screaming in your heart.

You may as well just say it out loud because your force signature is latched with it. It involuntarily pours your heart out.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

"Anakin" you began, your lips opening and closing unable to find words to express how you felt.

He turns his head, standing straight, he had an expression you recognized. Some sort of braceness, like he was already anticipating for you to break his heart again.

"I'm sorry" was all you could say.

Even if you would've ran away with him if he asked you to.

Clear lines. No attachments. You'd cross them all if he asked you to.

This was the right thing to do, you think...

"Don't" Anakin shakes his head "Don't... I know you don't mean it" His eyes fall to his feet.

"No, I do" You answer swiftly— no longer able to deny how much it had hurted you too.

You felt tears threatening to cascade down your face. You've heard it said that love turns people soft, but you have never felt more broken now that you have loved something you can't have.

"Anakin, when I said we can't, it's because I can't take you for myself. You're meant for larger things. Only with the Jedi can you fulfill your destiny" You rambled, verbalizing the thoughts you convinced yourself to believe in at night.

Anakin's eyebrows furrowed, but you continued "It doesn't mean I didn't, that I don't—" You halted, your heart and mind tearing you apart.

"[Name]" he calls, "You are no small thing in my life" He tucks a loose strand of hair to your ear.

"I meant it when I told you I love you." His palm presses on your cheeks.

You thought you could crumble beneath his touch.

These weeks, the small amount of time you spent trying to convince yourself that his feelings will eventually pass, never faltered the way how you felt. His absence felt like half of you was missing. And now, he was here, insisting softly.

You can't hold it in anymore.

So, in the absence of words, you pressed your lips against his— slowly, gently, slipping into the intimacy you only ever shared with him.

I love you.

You say between the kisses, hoping it'd suffice for you can't quite bring yourself to say it just yet.

Nothing in the world belonged to you, just this love you were overpouring with. And this kiss— it felt like the beginning of something eternal.

Whatever that may be.

#i got flowers but also i'm spending the day reading fanfic too haha!#also like wrote this on my bday last year #cause who isn't weeping on their bday

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stargirl-writes · 3 months

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padme, preserved

asia moe whittler / princess leia #2 (2015) / star wars battlefront ii screencap (2017) / darth vader #4 (2020) / 2009 star wars costume exhibit in australia

#the leia one had a little kick #c's ref: padmé

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stargirl-writes · 3 months

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Star Wars | Anakin Skywalker’s Cyborg Hand

Anakin’s first prosthetic was, like almost all replacement limbs, specially built for him. He was quite content that it was not covered by synthetic flesh. The droid-like appearance of its skeletal frame, complete with exposed wiring did not bother him in the slightest. When Anakin married Padmé Amidala, his new arm was still unmodified and carried no armour plating. The gold fingertips used electrostatic technology to create signals that were transmitted through a synthennet neural interface linked to Anakin’s own nervous system at the stump of his flesh-and-blood arm. The servos in the arm meant it was significantly stronger than a human arm, meaning Anakin had to be conscious of not accidently crushing things in his grip.

As with pretty much every piece of technology left in his care, it wasn’t long before Anakin began to modify his mechno-arm. He fitted to it armour plates which were shielded to prevent outside electric interference from disrupting its function. Although he wore a protective glove over it as a matter of course, one of Skywalker’s first changes was the addition of this armour. As well as additional strengthening golden supports to the forearm, Anakin added curving matt-black plates. To the back of the hand and the fingers, he added additional plating that allowed the hand to absorb – and dish out – significant punishment before taking any actual damage. Anakin even modified the glove he wore, adding an auto-seal function at the cuff that ensured no liquids or even airborne corrosives could easily reach his mechno-arm components.

The realities of conflict meant that Anakin didn’t just carry spare parts for his cybernetic arm. He ensured that, as often as possible, he had access to a full replacement.

– Star Wars Fact Files

#c's ref: anakin

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stargirl-writes · 3 months

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coming back home.

₊˚ପ⊹ 1.4 k | masterlist | fluff / light angst. | no warnings apply.

a certain sadness envelopes your heart as you are going back home after sneaking the night away with anakin skywalker. but as the end comes so close, something inside you rekindles. a new spark of hope.

To be made in flesh was a humiliation

To be limited, by a body that exhausts. For there are so many things you still want to do. But this body tires despite your revolt against it.

As your gaze travels to the deep blue of the Coruscant skies, you feel little. You can zoom into space and travel to the ever-expanding galaxy. You can go to stars in an arms reach. But still, you are reminded of your humanness. The cosmic horror of feeling like a grain of sand on a beach.

And even if you have scanned the galaxy, the fear lingers.

What’s my place in all this?

Where do you belong? If you can scatter yourself to atoms across the stars, will there be any place to keep you whole?

You let out a deep exhale, pushing these thoughts back as they lead to a path you don’t want to venture right now.

Not when Anakin was right here, to your right, one hand on the wheel of the airspeeder and another laced with your fingers.

He was not wearing his usual Jedi attire. A loose tunic replaced his everyday clothes. An unassuming outfit that one might mistake him as an everyday laborer for. It was a disguise so you both could roam around the lower levels of Coruscant without the attention.

Only the scar tracing his temple down to his cheekbone would indicate he’d been a soldier. That he’d been fighting the war at the front lines. But despite that, you were able to sneak to Uhmandasee Market, a place that even the more cultured among Coruscant’s surface dwellers would brave for a more authentic culinary experience.

Stripped away from your usual uniforms and duties, you finally had the space to simply be and enjoy each other’s company.

The faded neon lights blur as Anakin drives back up to the surface. This was the most pleasant evening you have had since the year began. You didn’t want to go back to the temple, back to your responsibilities. Not yet.

“Anakin,” You called.

“Hm?” He tilts his chin, his eyes still fixed on the traffic.

There was an ease in his expression. One that was so hard to see these days.

“I don’t want to go back yet”

His lips turned to a soft smile. "Let’s drive around” He lifts your entangled arms and plants a kiss to your palm.

Yes. A little more time. Just this once.

The cool city air was brushing from his face. His stance, which was trained to always be upright, slumped back lazily. His breaths were even as if they unraveled and never would tighten again. In the gleaming lights of the city, Anakin looked so right, so in place. The war carved an unending sort of fear in him. It was written in his eyes. The way he’d look at you as if he was memorizing. As if he could lose you anytime.

You want to be able to tell Anakin that it’d be alright. That there will be an after.

There should be, the universe isn’t that cruel to not give you an ending you have earned.

But how can you ease his fears when they are mostly rooted in losing you?

You promised him that you’ll always come back to him. That seemed to be enough to calm the dark thoughts in his mind. Because when all of this is done, you could just be.

No longer knowing glances across the room.

No more assuming the Jedi formality in a room full of people.

No longer trying to hide.

No more trying to gather all your discipline to fight the urge to wrap your arms around him whenever you get to see him.

No more wondering where your place had been because it had always been with him.

If you truly have gone past the point of no return and scattered yourself in atoms across the stars, one thing remains true. That they’d only whisper his name. Because, you can become endless. None more of that human limitation.

You felt something from within rekindle.

A spark of hope.

Hope required so much destruction. Of holding yourself in your arms, bracing for the better, of expecting it’d turn out well when the possibility of the latter truth is heartbreaking.

It takes so much courage. And with this war already requiring every bit of it, you thought, you’d run yourself spent.

Seeming to flush in the momentary ripple in the force, Anakin says, “Obi-Wan was dispatched to Utapau to deal with Grievous today”

You look up, smiling. The end was so near. Maybe that’s why you were scared. Because the air itself has shifted with it. You can almost see the after painting in your brain.

“We can go. Run away, leave this all behind”

“Yes,” You delighted in the fantasy.

But there was an agony that blanketed your mind. And Anakin did not miss it too. You tear your gaze away, cursing the force for having him memorize you so that he can recognize every shift in your emotions.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. The war is ending. You’re right, we could go.” Your heart lodged into your throat.

But he remains unconvinced. It took him one look to stir the speeder upward, away from the designated lanes, closer to the stars. Reverting all his attention to you.

“What is it, angel?” He repeats, voice a lot more inviting urging you to say what's on your mind.

You shyly look up, ashamed to be feeling so solemn. “No, really, I am happy that this is all ending…” You trailed, not wanting to ruin this night.

But he looks at you, listening and waiting for you to continue.

“I just can’t help but think of the years we’ve lost. What we should have done with it.” You revealed the causes of your regrets.

“I don’t know. I just can’t stop thinking about it” You added, trying to dilute the sadness.

His palms find a way to cup your face. His fingers pressing softly against the thin skin of your neck.

“We can never take it back, I know, maybe in another lifetime” You managed a wan smile.

Then his head dips, chuckling at your last remark. “Why not in this one?”

You can’t help but mirror the smile plastered on his face.

“You’re such a geek” You giggled, retreating to your seat.

“No, I’m serious. We can still make all of this worthwhile” He claims, gaze now falling to the Coruscant skies.

“Well, I’ve always wanted to see the outside of this galaxy. What lies beyond” The thought of having all the time after it cheered you up.

“I was thinking to go back to Uhmandasee”

You chuckled, never having considered exploring this galaxy first. “Of course.”

Perhaps, when that near future comes, you’ll finally be able to. Even with your human limitations. A lifetime of searching the stars doesn’t sound so bad, after all.

Gold wrapped the surface of Coruscant as dawn came. Like you had anticipated, the Jedi Council has already assigned you to your final missions.

You woke up with this renewed view. A promise of tomorrow. Your heart no longer lodged with every step you take.

Just one more.

"I hope you don't mind, I just wanted to look at you a little longer" Anakin tucks you in a corner.

Your ship waited by the hanger, the hatch already wide open.

You smiled up, trying to inspire some hope "You'll have all the time when I come home"

His eyes flickered. Then he purses his lips. A second of doubt, then he blinks, as if awakened from some dream. It was like the roles switched and now he was the one riddled with fear. Your fingers tangled in his hair, giving him a final look before stepping back. You were ready to finish this mission.

An arm clasps around yours before you could step inside your ship.

"Come back to me" He says with a longing look. It was like he was pleading you to stay. But he knows you can't so he'd settle for the promise of you coming back.

"I'll always come back to you" You repeated the vow you have always said before departing.

He nods, gently letting go.

As your ship enters the atmosphere and into hyperspace. You wondered whether you should've read into that look in his eyes.

There was something he was trying to communicate. One that you may have missed as you flush with a newfound excitement. Because that wasn't a goodbye. Not to you, anyway.

love love love doomed by the narrative characters.

and yes, reader will never find her way back to the only place she thought she belongs to because anakin will turn to vader haha!

[but you can always reject the canon, why not]

#anakin (ciella's ver)#anakin skywalker #star wars #sw #anakin x reader #anakin x you #star wars anakin #anakin #anakin fanfiction #anakin skywalker fanfiction

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stargirl-writes · 3 months

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I'm excited to announce that I have signed a book deal with Del Rey at Penguin Random House in the US and Michael Joseph in the UK for my debut novel, Alchemised, a standalone dark fantasy set in a war-torn world of necromancy and alchemy, in which a healer with amnesia is taken as a prisoner of war and must fight to protect her lost memories and the secrets hidden among them. It will grapple with themes of trauma and survival, legacy, and the way that love can drive one to extreme darkness, and it is, as you may be able to tell, a reimagined version of Manacled.

I know I’ve been rather quiet about my publishing journey, and a lot of that has been because I didn’t want to spark any concerns or worry that I might be abruptly taking away a story that is such a deep part of myself and that I know has meant so much to so many people. This process has unfolded very slowly and quietly because I have tried to be mindful as I could be in every step of the way.

As most of you know, I have been a reader in fandom long before I ever began to write. Fanfiction is incredibly special to me, and I have tried to do my best not to undermine its legal protection or allow my works to do so either. During the last several years, there has been a growing issue with illegal sales of Manacled, putting both me and the incredible community that shares fanfiction freely in legal jeopardy.

After consulting with the OTW as well as other lawyers, it has grown clear that as a transformative writer I have limited options in protecting my stories from this kind of exploitation, but I wasn’t sure what to do; I didn’t want to just take the story down, in part because I worried that might only exacerbate the issue, but I didn’t know what other options I had. Then I suddenly had this idea of alchemy, which was peculiarly appropriate; an academic world filled with unique transmutational abilities, and a necromantic war against people who had discovered the secrets of immortality, and I could see a path to reimagining the story while still holding on to as much of the original spirit of Manacled as possible.

I began redrafting the concept privately around Christmas 2022, and then as if the universe had aligned, just as I was finishing, Caitlin Mahony and Rivka Bergman of WME reached out to me and were delightfully enthusiastic about concepts and ideas for my new alchemical world and the ways I had reimagined the story.

I'm thrilled to be working with Emily Archbold, my visionary editor at Del Rey, along with Rebecca Hilsdon at Michael Joseph in the UK, to polish this novel for publication in Fall 2025. I feel uniquely privileged that both my publishing teams are familiar with Manacled and understand how special it is to so many people, and how important it is that this reimagining captures the same spirit while also having its own wings.

Manacled is not going anywhere at present. It will remain online throughout 2024, at which point it will, if you’ll pardon the pun, alchemise for 2025 and be removed from AO3.

I'm so thankful to all of you who've enjoyed my works, and I hope that I can continue to rely on your support as I take my next steps as an author.

#a reimagined manacled oh my god

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stargirl-writes · 3 months

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HE BURNS LIKE THE SUN INSIDE!! I WOULD BEAR YOUR BURDENS FOR YOU IF I COULD!!

#c's ref: anakin

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stargirl-writes · 3 months

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↝you have to share a bed w the last character in your saved images

thank u for the tag luuuv @bby-imasociopath 🤍!

currently rewatching twd && i've saved so many pics of him plss 😭

no pressure tags ! [ @erinkeifer @starbeltconstellation ]

tag game.

꒰ you have to share a bed w the last character in your saved images. ꒱

tag’d by @aemonddtargaryen (ty for thinking of me.)

i am the happiest girl on the island cuddled in between my kook kings

⊹ no pressure tags — @rafesthroatbaby @drewstarkeyslut @drudyslut @amournoir @arctvrvs @joequinns @cosmicanakin @heartsforvin

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stargirl-writes · 3 months

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friendly reminder this is anakin skywalker talking to his wife’s best friend, one of only 3 people present (bail, obi wan, yoda) at the birth of his children and the death of his wife, and the eventual father of his daughter

also, he will watch as this man’s planet blows up while bail organa is on the planet…while restraining his daughter

#ciella's fav canon notes

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stargirl-writes · 3 months

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all of us strangers (2023), adam & harry / portrait of a boy with grief, wale ayinla / sonnet of the wreath of roses, federico garcia lorca / an oresteia, anne carson / dancing with ghosts, hania rani & patrick wilson / every poem is a child of love, marina tsvetaeva / meditation: my grief, the sun, sanna wani

#shattered is not the word...#insensate probably frm weeping sm #web weaves (ciella's ver)

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stargirl-writes · 3 months

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aftermath

padme amidala x anakin/vader

angst, rated m for some dark themes. [ptsd, dissociation]

where in padmé amidala chooses to live for her twins.

literally started writing this drabble bc of this art ! not proofread! just word-vomitted these so if the plot is incoherent, no it isn't!

perhaps, this story would've ended along with anakin dying on mustafar.

not long after, padmé amidala delivered her child, well children. luke and leia.

despite the blinding pain of childbirth and her breaking heart, padmé's resolve was strong.

she needs to live for her children.

the moment her children were born, all connections she felt with the force severs.

the detachment made her feel blind, she hasn't even noticed how much she relied on that invisible string that without it she feels lost.

but looking in the eyes of both her children, she knew she needed to stand strong.

padmé was decisive, reacting with every situation in her life with a well-thought action.

her years being queen has trained her to always act now, feel later.

so, it was a blur, how shortly after giving birth, she was able to contact senator bail organa and the queen to ask for refuge.

naboo wasn't even an option. it felt like she'd regress into a place she can't relate to.

every memory she had with her loved ones, with anakin, all stained with bitterness and some sort of hurt.

especially now that the republic was overthrown by an empire led by palpatine. naboo would be the first place they'd go looking for her.

bail organa offered a place for padmé and her children.

padmé didn't miss the excitement of the pair over her little girl. they've always wanted to have a child, too.

it was padmé's idea to create a public funeral.

the queen amidala needed to die along the republic.

it would protect the babies from anyone ever intending to look for them.

quietly, she grieved for the person that she once was. daughter, lover, queen, senator.

and her heart broke all over again as she realizes that no matter how hard she'll try, she'll never be able to provide the life she wants for luke and leia.

in aldeeran, padmé finally let herself feel.

the weight of it, it feels like if she stops holding on, she'd crush underneath.

she tries not to think about how much she contributed to anakin's downfall.

she's seen how those aspects of anakin would slip from time to time. the slightest hints of the parts of him she didn't think would consume him.

it's always been there.

had she made some decisions differently, perhaps this wouldn't be the future she is facing.

some days, she'd catch herself slipping...

she'd blink and she'd find that the day has passed and she'd remain frozen on the same spot as she were.

at first, she didn't want to believe it, must be some trick her mind was doing.

of course that's easier to stomach than to admit that there's some irreversible damage that came.

what was important was the wellness of the children.

she'd convince herself she'd have captured stars so she can give it to them.

the empire grew more everyday as did the children.

leia was starting to look like her more and more, padmé wishes her mother could've met her.

and luke inherited every trait anakin had. it startles her sometimes, to look at him and find traces of anakin still living.

because anakin was gone. he left. and all there is for her now is to live on.

a small group of senators were beginning to spark a resistance.

around this time, the children were beginning to talk.

padmé was firm in teaching them to never speak her name in public.

in another life, perhaps she'd be teaching them the names of the flowers that grew in naboo.

but in this one, she has to teach her kids to forget she was their mother when talking outside.

leia had understood this little game, and got on to calling her 'paddie', while luke had never really stopped calling her mama.

when the kids went to sleep, she'd weeped, for this is not how she had envisioned raising her children to be.

she was supposed to be having these moments with anakin.

this... hypervigilance, it never really would go away. especially since force-sensitive children are being hunted everyday.

the queen and bail organa would do best to have padmé involved with the resistance.

padmé knew this was them trying to keep her old self alive.

which made her dislike it more— because it felt like she was becoming less and less of who she once was.

she did fight then. she'd risk everything to make sure that the senators don't forget who the people they are supposed to be serving.

she has different priorities now.

looking back at it, she realizes, she played right into the part the emperor laid out for her.

did any of it ever matter?

stepping into the role of queen prematurely, hiding her love, trying to be the voice of reason in a room filled with people who have gone so tone-deaf. did any of it change anything at all?

she blinks and she finds that it already had been dark and leia was standing in front of her with teary wide eyes.

"what's wrong, my baby?" padmé kneels down to the little girl.

"you won't wake up, mama" her little palms were on padmé's cheek.

padmé's breath hitches as she realized, she must've gotten lost again.

it was getting harder to control when her thoughts appear. she'd tell herself to focus at the task at hand and not think about how worried she was about it, she doesn't have to worry so much, all of it was in the past. no one was going to take the children. she should stop thinking about someone taking the children—

she pauses and bites her cheek, forcing herself to not cry in front of leia. who had to witness that. who was so scared she started crying.

"it's fine, my love, i was just having a dream" padmé kisses the girl's forehead.

with inquisitors hunting down the galaxy, padmé knew she had to teach her children about the force.

they were barely nine. and padmé had to break it down to them as if she can sum the world in a bedtime story.

they thought it was some sort of magic.

luke was starting to say some things that would terrify padmé.

she told them how their father died a hero. she'd spare them the truth of him until they are a little bit older.

and luke would say that he's not gone.

meanwhile, leia had gone around the society of aldeeran.

padmé will never come back again. she hardly ever hears her name anymore. (if not for the organas)

no one really knew she had survived except for them, obi-wan, and yoda.

in the beginning, padmé refused to let leia be seen in public.

it felt like inviting this new sith lord to come at her own doorstep.

but then the queen insisted that under their roof, leia would always be protected.

the queen has grown so fond of leia. and with padmé playing the strict parent, leia would go off to the queen.

but leia should get a chance to live normally, no matter how little of it she is given.

in aldeeran society, leia had been the organa's adopted daughter.

there was still a little wince whenever leia says her new name...

but at least, the little girl's lonely eyes sparked once more.

and it broke padmé's heart all over again.

of all the things she can't give her. all the things she should have.

one time, luke and leia had been outside the castle walls.

padmé had disguised this new lesson as a game. a play of cat and mouse.

leia was agile. and she has a habit of climbing trees.

luke was instinctive, and always found his way to his sister.

it was padme's turn, hiding from the twins when she peaked and found that both the kids had tripped over the string she laid out.

she quietly chuckles at the sight, they should learn to never let their guard down! anakin would've loved doing something like this, yes.

luke had quickly gathered himself and he helped his sister back to his feet. they had strategized that their mother would approximately be where padmé was hiding.

the kids were growing so fast— padmé felt as though she already knows the people they will be.

it was painting in her brain. leia; quick-witted, discerning, a bit stubborn. and luke; kind-hearted, compassionate, and loyal.

she was already proud of who they'll be. they only need to stick together. then she might finally get some peace.

minutes passed by and padmé was beginning to worry because the twins' footsteps trail away.

her blood drops when she heard leia screaming.

she ran towards the source, finding a lone luke weeping.

"they took her!" he cries

padmé kneels down to take the boy in her arms.

despite her racing heart, she forced herself to remain in tact for luke.

"who did, luke? who took leia?"

padmé was ready to storm off when the queen informed her of the possible reasons leia was taken.

bail implores padmé to pause and think about what would happen if she went finding her daughter.

it would reveal her. it would reveal the twins.

"i can't... if anything happens to her" padmé's voice was failing her. she looks over the couple to find luke had been listening.

"maybe it's time we call on someone fit to face the inquisitors" bail suggests.

and obi-wan appears the next day.

padmé has long accepted that obi-wan had to do what he has done.

but of course, the sight of him still stings. everything she could have had if he stayed in the ship for just a little longer.

but all that's past now. because she needs his help.

obi-wan left soon after. padmé had held her breath ever since.

the empire has never shown any mercy to innocent children. leia would not be spared.

luke had come to her bed late that night.

the little boy had started apologizing, his words incoherent.

he said that he should've just stayed with his sister so she'd still be here.

and she held her son, reassuring that it was never his fault.

it hauntingly reminded padmé of when she held anakin after he started blaming himself for shmi skywalker's death.

the next morning, bail organa was the one to tell padme that theed has burned to the ground because of darth vader.

and that leia was with obi-wan on the way back.

her anguish was superseded by relief when leia returned.

along it was obi-wan's guilt-ridden eyes when he said—

"anakin's alive"

am gonna continue this thought later plss i have so much what ifs for this!!!

#star wars #sw #padme amidala #padme #padme naberrie #anakin skywalker #padme x anakin #anakin x padme #padme (ciella's ver)#—ciella's drabbles

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