hello i love my forensic psychologist lecturer so much she is So Weird and deeply feral she gives the vibe of a falling apart toaster and is incapable of finishing a class on time she is a raccoon in a bin living in a human’s body

4 Lords Raise Rose AU Ideas

Not a single person asked for this, but that other post where I talk about the 4 lords adopting Rose but still technically being terrible people got way more popular than I expected it to, so, with about 6 shots of tequila in my system and a terrible urge to spit my thoughts out for all the internet to see and judge, I’ve decided to make a follow up post. Here’s how I think the 4 lords would take care of Rose in the event they rebelled against Mother Miranda and decided to raise Rose as their own instead, but like under the cut after a little bit cuz i accidentally went way too fucking hard with this and I don’t want ppl to get mad at me for making them scroll for an hour to get past this post:

First and foremost, I think they’d do it in stages, and what I mean by this is that Rose would essentially be given to a specific Lord for some period of her life, like a couple years, and then when she was deemed old or strong or annoying enough, she’d be moved to a different lord for some period of time and so on and so forth. They would do this because a) they all live in different areas and have shit to do so it’s easier to have Rose live with one lord at a time and then the other lords can just go visit her there from time to time, rather than try to work out a weekly custody schedule which we all know Alcina and Karl would NEVER be able to agree on so let’s not even bother, and b) because each lord would have either some skill or set of knowledge that would make them the best for caring for Rose at that specific point in her life. This way, all the lords have a (somewhat) equal chance to be a part of Rose’s life and teach her something while she’s with them. So with all that in mind now, let’s get down to who would have Rose and at what point in her life.

1. Starting off with infant Rose, I think she’d end up with the Dimitrescu’s for the first few years of her life, and the reason why I think this is because... well, Alcina IS already a mother to 3 girls, and while we don’t know a terrible amount about Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela’s “upbringing” under Alcina, we can gleam and theorize from her notes that, despite their fully grown bodies, the girls could very well have started out with the mental and physical capabilities of infants, and thus needed to be cared for and brought up in a similar manner as infants or children until they reached a certain point where they could officially be considered adults in mentality and ability, not just in physical appearance. So with this in mind, it’s entirely possible that Alcina could have at least some vague idea of how to care for an infant child through her experiences with the bug sisters; perhaps there’s some gaps in her knowledge, but if nothing else I imagine Alcina would be an infant Rose’s best shot at surviving infancy if only because the other 3 are so incompetent on how to care for a baby that Alcina looks like an expert in comparison. Not to mention that, of the possible locations for an infant to be raised, I do genuinely think that castle Dimitrescu would be the safest place for Rose to be kept during this vulnerable part of her life. Not only that but if Alcina has actually come to care for Rose as though she were one of her own daughters, then she would absolutely spoil Rose rotten with all the nicest clothes and fanciest toys, things that a small infant wouldnt be able to appreciate but would show that she’s loved and cared for nonetheless, and don’t even get me started on the bug sisters, I could see them fawning over Rose for hours on end, playing with her, singing to her, telling her stories of all the man-things they’ve gotten to play with today, and so much more. Overall, Rose would just be the most spoiled and pampered little baby with the Dimitrescus and there’s no changing my mind about this. The only thing I’m struggling to wrap my head around is how they’d feed her, since I doubt a small infant would take very well to blood wine and human flesh. I suppose it wouldn’t be terribly outrageous for them to hire a wet nurse/nanny to care for Rose during the day while the other Dimitrescus go about their daily duties, and when Rose is finally old enough to be introduced to solid food (I.e. fried human flesh cubes) they could do what they always do and turn the nurse into wine too, I guess. It’s not a solid idea but it’s more plausible than anything else I thought of so it’ll work!

2. After spending about 3 years with the Dimitrescus, Rose would then be moved to the Beneviento house. Now, If u don’t know anything about 3 year olds, then you’re probably ignorant to the fact that they are some of the craftiest, sneakiest, and most coniving groups of people to exist on this planet. 3 year olds are masters at getting into and touching just about anything and everything u don’t want them to touch, and worst of all, u won’t realize what they’re doing until they’ve already done it and left a huge mess behind, so while the Dimitrescus love and adore Rose dearly, they know it’s sadly time to hand her over when they find her sitting on top of a pile of dead bodies playing with a metal scythe in the dungeons. Once Rose is dropped off at the Beneviento house, I imagine Donna is her usual stoic self the first few weeks Rose is with her. She’s not cold or distant necessarily, in fact she’s quite happy that it’s finally her turn with precious baby Rose, but Donna isn’t exactly known for being outwardly expressive herself (and even Angie isn’t being quite as forward as she normally is), so things are quiet and peaceful for the first little while that Rose is under her care. It’s not until Rose takes an interest in her doll Angie, and more importantly the things that Donna can do with Angie, that things really start getting fun. By the end of Rose’s first month in the Beneviento house she and Donna are the best of friends and often spend their days either playing dress up and make pretend with Donna’s extensive doll collection, or playing elaborate games of cat and mouse, where Donna will set up lots of puzzles throughout the house for Rose to find and solve (I.e. rose has to match her dress to the doll with the same one as her to find a map telling her which kitchen cabinet Donna hid the chocolate in, or something like that), but be careful little Rose, Angie has been trying to get her hands on that chocolate all day, and if u take too long, she’ll find the map first and eat all the chocolate without saving you a single piece. Just silly little puzzles with enough at stake to engage the mind of a curious 3 year old, but never enough to put rose in any actual danger. Donna is nothing if not a watchful caretaker, so she makes sure she has sight of Rose at all times, occasionally giving her a hint if she’s struggling, and perhaps occasionally making things harder if that day’s puzzle is proving too easy for her. Overall, Rose’s time with Donna, while not as grand and luxurious as the Dimitrescus, was still a fun and enriching experience for the young girl, and there’s nobody in this world who thinks that Donna’s scar is cool more than Rose.

3. After another 3 years with Donna, Rose is now 6 years old and officially far too good at puzzle solving for Donna to keep up with. No matter what she tries or how hard she makes it, Rose just keeps blazing through the puzzles at an almost alarming rate, making it clear that Rose is desperately in need of not only a change in scenery, but also a change in education, and this is where Salvatore finally comes in. After leaving the Beneviento house, I think the next logical place for Rose to stay would be with Salvatore, who, with lore hinting at him perhaps being a scholarly man of some kind, would basically act as her elementary school teacher throughout the duration of her stay. Now, to be fair, Rose could have gone to Heisenburg’s factory, but Heisenberg outright refused to take her and the other 3 lords decide that the factory is simply too dangerous for Rose rn, who thus far hasn’t shown any signs of being anything other than a normal human girl with no noticeable abilities (save for a smart mouth and a terrifying habit of popping up when least expected, a habit she mostly uses to mess with Heisenberg, much to his disdain and Lady Dimitrescu’s delight), so it is to the mutant fish man’s unimaginable delight that he is unanimously voted Roses next caretaker, and the one responsible for her basic education. Despite his initial excitement however, when Rose is finally dropped off at the windmills by Donna, Salvatore realizes that he’s not 100% sure what to do with Rose now that he has her. He’d like to get started on her education right away but at the same time he’s so fearful of Rose hating him because of his disgusting appearance that he kind of just... avoids her entirely at first. He’s never far away from the little girl and is always ready to jump to her rescue should she need it, but other than that Salvatore seldom allows himself to be seen for the first month that Rose is with him, the only sign of him still being around being the platefuls of food that mysteriously appear in Rose’s room 3 times a day, as well as the occasional shiny trinket Salvatore found and thought Rose would like. At first, rose doesn’t seem to mind being left entirely to her own devices, but after every stone, log, and rotting fish corpse within 5 miles of the lake has been turned over and thoroughly examined, Rose decides she’s had quite enough of her Uncle Sal ignoring her, prompting the headstrong little girl to go looking for him herself. She finds Salvatore hiding underneath a patch of floating algae not far away from where she was playing and all but demands that the mutant man come out of the water and give her something to do or she’d tell Mother on him. Salvatore, shocked by the small child’s fearlessly blunt request, hesitates, not wanting to frighten Rose, but ultimately relents, crawling out of the water and timidly suggesting that he teach her how to read and write. Rose quickly agrees, seeming totally unbothered by Salvatore’s grotesque appearance, and the two quickly move to the schoolroom that had been set up specifically for Rose, where Salvatore spends hours upon hours a day teaching Rose everything he knows, filling the little girl’s head up first with the basics, letters and words, then numbers and simple equations, followed later by historical dates and time periods, algebraic formulas, and classic literature analysis, then biology, chemistry, physics, astrology, calculus, ecology, and so much more. Basically, anything there is to know, Salvatore knows at least something about it and he’ll make sure that Rose knows about it too. In the 3 years Rose spends with Salvatore she goes from already sharp as a whip, to being smarter than most adults even, and Salvatore takes immense pride in how intelligent and knowledgable Rose becomes thanks to his surprisingly effective teaching style. Overall, as a caretaker, Salvatore is pretty weird and doubts himself a lot, but Rose thinks he’s funny and loves learning from him so they get along very well and she loves him very dearly! He probs teaches her to swim and fish too.

4. So another 3 years come and go with incredible speed, and its with great sadness on Salvatore’s part that Heisenberg finally comes banging on the fish man’s door, all but demanding that he now be given his turn with Rose. Now, personally, I can see several different arguments being raised by the other 3 lords over why its a terrible idea to let a 9 year old anywhere near Heisenberg, much less be given into his care fully. After about 9 years of seeing his siblings paling around with the constantly growing child, and looking like theyre having the time of their lives all the while, however, Karl decides that perhaps there’s more to this little girl than he originally thought, and, with his interest now piqued (or at the very least looking forward to pissing the other 3 off for entertainment purposes), that its only fair that he be given a turn with her now too, seeing as how he’s the only one who hasn’t been given the chance to be her caretaker yet. This naturally does NOT go over well with the other 3 lords. Alcina all but threatens to kill Karl should he step so much as within 10 ft of Rose, while Donna pipes up and demands to know what his sudden interest in Rose is. Even Salvatore, who is quick to flinch away from direct conflict, goes as far as to harshly point out the plethora of times Karl had outright denied their previous attempts to get him to engage with Rose, so why on earth would they hand her over to him now when he’s previously shown to have absolutely no interest in her? After a long spout of yelling between the 4 siblings, an agreement is reached, wherein Rose herself will be given the chance to decide whether she wants to go with Heisenberg, or whether she’ll return to one of the other 3 lords for the time being. It is to Alcina, Donna, and Salvatore’s absolute horror however, that Rose enthusiastically agrees to go with her Uncle Karl to live in his factory, and with the deal already set, the other lords can do nothing to stop her from going. The trip to drop off Rose at heisenberg’s factory is a long and arduous one, especially for Salvatore, who sobs the whole way there about Rose forgetting about him despite the young girl’s insistence that she’d visit. The first thing Karl does after officially having Rose handed over to him, is give her an extensive list of all the places in the factory in which she is under no circumstances permitted to enter without his permission (which basically only leaves the control room and the old storage closet that acts as her bedroom as viable places for Rose to go and explore). The second thing Karl does is dump her in her new storage closet bedroom and then hightail it for his workshop to work on whatever sick and twisted amalgamation he’s got cooked up this time around. At first, Rose isn’t terribly bothered by this, since she’s used to having something of an “adjustment period” when she’s with a new caretaker, but unfortunately for her, this adjustment period lasts a hell of a lot longer than the others did, and by the time 3 months of almost no meaningful contact with Karl, Rose decides to take matters into her own hands and ascends into the depths of the factory despite the express orders not to do so. Now, going back to the idea that the 4 lords are still pretty terrible people, I doubt Rose has been kept ignorant to the less savory aspects of her caretaker’s lives, and tbh she probably doesn’t think anything of the fact that the Dimitrescus makes wine out of the blood of virgin women or that Salvatore still does cadou experiments (and had her help on occasion), but I imagine even Rose would find the projects Karl works on to be at least a little

4, cont. gruesome and horrifying in nature, especially since Heisenberg is the one she knows the least about. However, instead of turning Rose away from Heisenberg, these terrifying metal creatures she sees locked up only spark her already insatiable curiosity, and by the time she finally tracks Karl down, Rose is all but trembling to learn more about this horrifyingly fascinating metal world. Unfortunately, Karl is not nearly as happy to see Rose as Rose is to see him, and the engineer all but grabs Rose by the scruff of her neck and drags her back up to the control room, yelling and screaming at her all the while about how she was explicitly instructed not to enter these parts of the factory without his permission. Needless to say that Rose does not enjoy this treatment and immediately lashes out, half out of anger and half out of confusion as to why Karl was treating her like this. He was the one who wanted her here in the first place, so why the hell was he just ignoring her now? It didn’t make any sense and it was starting to piss Rose off, so naturally the only thing left for her to do in order to solve this complicated situation would be to continue to disobey Karl until he either gave up and sent her back to one of the other lords, or finally payed some damn attention to her for once. So that’s exactly what she did. Every single day Rose left her room (which Karl kept telling himself he needed to put a lock on, but never did cuz he’s an idiot) and descended down into the depths of the factory looking for something ogle at or tinker with, and every single day Karl would track her down wherever she’d managed to get to and throw her back upstairs threatening to feed her to the lycans if she did it again. This incredibly frustrating cycle continued on for the better part of the next month or so, finally coming to a head when Rose managed to wander into the part of the factory where the... less than successful experiments got put whenever Karl doesn’t have any further use for them but is feeling too lazy to kill them off himself. Long story short, Rose runs into a Sturm that chases her around the factory, causing all manner of mayhem and destruction, and would have torn her to ribbons had it not been for Karl, who jumped in at the last second and was able to fend the damn thing off long enough for Rose to get the ever living fuck out and back up to the control room where it’s safe. There’s a lot of loud noises and explosions coming from deep within the factory that last for what feels like an eternity, but Rose doesn’t dare venture out again until everything has gone eerily quiet and a deep sense of worry has settled in the pit of her stomach over what had become of her latest caretaker. Turns out the Sturm had recognized its creator and, after watching its initial prey escape because of said creator, quickly decided that it fucking hated Karl with every fiber of its being and wanted him dead if it was the last thing it’s propellers did. Now, we all know that Karl is a big strong boy who’s more than capable of handling his own creations and taking down strong enemies, but the Sturm is a creation that even he struggles to control on good days and today is decidedly not a good day so not only does Karl not have the slightest bit of control over the death machine trying to kill him, but its also a lot stronger than Karl initially thought and apparently not picky about the method which causes Karl’s death, which is evidenced by the nearly dead Sturm ramming itself into a power generator as a final act of defiance and nearly blowing up the whole factory and everybody inside. Heisenberg is able to contain the explosion somehow but not without considerable damage to himself first. Rose is, naturally, quite horrified to find Karl passed out in the elevator that had taken him up from the lower levels of the factory where the explosion was, skin burnt nearly to a crisp in certain areas and blood pooling from just about every part of him, and immediately heads over to try and help her injured caretaker.

4, cont. again cuz I physically can’t stop myself. Now, I imagine that any normal 9 year old probably wouldnt be able to handle this sort of situation in any meaningful way, but i think we can all agree that Rose is the furthest thing from normal (especially considering who raised her) and has probably seen enough blood and gore to not be terribly freaked out by it, but this is where things get a little speculative because we don’t know what Rose’s powers are exactly but we do know from the final cutscene that she does have them, perhaps even a plethora of abilities, and I like to think that some of those powers are related to Ethan’s superhuman healing capabilities, but unlike Ethan however, who from what we’ve seen could only heal himself, Rose can actually heal other people (tho this isn’t something she’s aware of at this point in time). The second the elevator door opens to reveal, what looks to be, a half-dead Karl slumped over in the corner, Rose panics and runs to him, doing everything she can think of save for maybe grabbing him by the collar or slapping him across the face, to try and get Karl to wake up, except nothing works, he wont wake up no matter how hard Rose tries and i imagine this must be incredibly distressing for Rose who never intended for something like this to happen or for her caretaker to die because he had to protect her even tho he told her not to go down there because its dangerous and anything down there WOULD kill her if given the opportunity. Anyways Rose is now full on sobbing on top of Karl like only a 9 year old who just discovered that her actions have consequences can, but unbeknownst to her (and technically Karl cuz he’s a little busy bleeding out all over the floor) Karl’s wounds are slowly beginning to close, the burns on his face and hands shift from a bright red to a dark brown before crusting over and flaking off, and even his breathing, which had been labored and inconsistent at first, began to level out slightly. Karl woke up not long after that and was surprised to find that a) he was still alive, which was cool, b) he was injured but not in indescribable pain, also cool, and c) there was a literal sobbing child all but sitting on top of him, which is definitely not something Karl was expecting but he supposed he’s been met with worse things upon waking up after almost dying so why question it. After taking a moment to gather their bearings, the two return to the safer parts of the factory to rest and recover and for the most part this little incident of their’s goes largely unspoken, with Rose not exactly in the mood to talk about how her disobedience nearly got herself and Karl killed, and Karl being too fucking tired to go after her about it, especially since she seems to have learned her lesson. The only downside to this whole thing is that now Karl has a busted up fuckin leg thats gonna take an eternity to heal even for him, and with so much work to still do he’s more or less forced to drag Rose around the factory and use her like the annoying assistant he never wanted (except he did want her, thats how this whole fucking mess started, you lug), except that Rose, who is more than used to playing lab assistant from her time with Salvatore, quickly proves to be a rather capable and handy person to have around, if only because she knows the difference between a philips and a flathead screwdriver even better than he does. An amicable, if still slightly awkward peace settles over Heisenberg’s factory once Karl starts actively engaging with Rose and giving her something to do on a daily basis, even if its just standing around watching him work and occasionally having her questions about what he’s doing answered. It doesn’t take very long after that for Karl to begin realizing that perhaps throwing a huge tantrum to get Rose to come here only to ditch her upstairs by herself for 3 months might not have been the smartest (or most considerate) thing he’s ever done, and even goes as far as to (kinda) apologize to Rose for being such a dick to her since she arrived.

4, last one i swear. Rose forgives him, though not before adding that she already knew he was an asshole from Alcina, which earns her a halfhearted swipe from Karl that Rose easily dodges with a childish giggle. From that point on their relationship improves astronomically as Karl finally gives in and teaches Rose about about engineering and everything else that goes into making the metal horrors that he’s known for. Karl is shocked at how quickly Rose picks up on the trade, getting to the point where Karl wonders if he should start giving Rose her own projects to work on, but quickly rolls his eyes and groans when he remember that Salvatore was the one responsible for her education up until this point, the mere thought of having to give compliments to that “moronic freak” for giving Rose such a good educational foundation makes him want to vomit despite how secretly impressed he is. Overall, Rose’s time with Heisenberg starts out shaky, very shaky even, but after a bit of disaster and some swallowing of the pride on Karl’s part, they end up growing quite close and have a nice fun Uncle and martass Neice dynamic. They make a good team and Karl does genuinely enjoy having a little assistant around to help him with his projects, even if Rose can sound a bit too much like Alcina on some days for his liking.

5. 3 more years come and go and now Rose is a strong and healthy 12 years old, perhaps riddled with a few more scars and smearings of ash and motor oil across her skin than when she first arrived but still strong and capable nonetheless. Going back to that first statement however, this of course means that it’s time for the other 3 lords to come banging on Karl’s door for a change, all but demanding that Rose be handed back over to them. Karl of course refuses, telling them all to fuck off and that Rose didn’t want a leave the factory, so upon realization that all 4 lords were gathered here with the intention of taking Rose back to live with them indefinitely, a fight immediately breaks out between the 4 siblings, as each one makes their case as to why Rose should be returned to them and not the other 3, which of course none of the 4 lords can come to an agreement about because they ALL want Rose to stay with them. So after another long and pointlessly arduous argument, Alcina finally breaks, proclaiming that they’d be here for all eternity of they didn’t make a decision now, and that, like the first time the 4 siblings argued over whether Rose should go with Heisenberg or return to one of the previous lords, Rose would be the one to decide which of her four caretakers she would return to. The agreement is made reluctantly, mostly on the part of Salvatore, Donna, and Heisenberg, but there was seemingly no other way for them to come to a decision, so it would unfortunately have to be up to Rose to decide which of her 4 caretakers she wants to stay with permanently. Rose is quickly brought before the 4 lords and explained the situation, before being given some time to herself to think and make her final decision. A tense and uneasy silence falls over the 4 lords as they wait for the little girl, who they had shown an uncharacteristic amount of mercy and time and devotion and love in the 12 years since Mother Miranda had brought her to the village with the intention of using her to revive an already lost and long-gone baby that she never would have gotten back no matter how hard she tried. Although they refused to admit it to one another, the lords all secretly knew that Rose had wormed her way into each of their cold, dead hearts, reviving an aspect of their humanity that they’d all thought had been lost ages ago. Rose came to the village bringing with her a wave of death and destruction, and yet throughout her childhood she has brought them nothing but light and life, illuminating their previously dark and desolate existences. The 4 lords loved their Rose very dearly and desperately wanted her to be happy, yet each of them possesses a dark and selfish desire to have Rose pick them over the other 3, to come and live with them forever and fill the hole deep inside them that they never knew needed filling. After a short while, Rose comes back out and stands before her 4 beloved caretakers, looking around nervously as she picks at her fingernails. The silence is thick and heavy as the 4 lords stare at the young girl, waiting with bated breaths for her to give her final verdict. Rose continues to say nothing as tears begin to flow from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks in thick streams as the girl begins to sob, dropping her head and clenching her dress. The 4 lords look between one another in confusion, unsure of what to do with this sudden burst of tears. Rose tearfully admits that she can’t and doesn’t want to choose which of the 4 lords she wants to live with permanently because she loves them all very much and wants to be able to see and live with all of them, like they’ve done thus far. Although the lords detest the idea of having to share Rose with anyone, they reluctantly come to an agreement for the girl’s sake, deciding that they would continue with the arrangement they’ve had thus far, only that Rose would switch between caretakers every 3 months instead of every 3 years, giving rose plenty of opportunities to see each of her caretakers just like she wanted. From then on, Rose continues to live her life

5, cont. growing up and learning more and more from each of her beloved caretakers. Although Rose would likely never know what a normal life looks like, living with 4 criminally insane monsters in the remote mountain village in Romania, it would be impossible to say that she wouldn’t have a happy life despite that. Perhaps its because the girl simply doesn’t know any better, so she doesn’t have the ability to see just how messed up her life and her 4 caretakers really are, but i imagine that Rose probably wouldn’t care very much to learn even if she had the opportunity. She’s a happy little girl living a strange but enjoyable life with the only family she’ll ever need. What more could she possibly ask for?

6. As for how Mother Miranda would play into this whole scenario I’ve just drunkenly spat out, im honestly not 100% sure. Ive seen some people suggesting that MM just kinda chills and lets the lords do what they want with Rose, but tbh I honestly don’t see that happening in this universe. MM would still have been just as crazy and driven to get Eva back as she was in canon, so i doubt she’d willingly standby and let her “false children” take away her one shot of getting her real child back simply because they didn’t want to hurt her, i just don’t personally see that happening. The two most likely scenarios i can come up with is that the Lords either banded together and look Miranda on together, their combined forces being enough to take her down and kill her, OR, Ethan is the one to take down MM like he did in canon but he passes out before he can get to rose, giving the lords (who he hadn’t ended up killing but just escaping from i guess) the opportunity to slide in, grab rose, and hightail it out of there, leaving Ethan’s body to be retrieved by Chris, who, due to not seeing or hearing Rose anywhere, believes that Rose must have been accidentally killed along with MM, which he later tells to Ethan and Mia. Regardless of how MM gets taken out of the picture (or if she’s given room to potentially come back later), the 4 lords retreat with Rose and begin the whole cycle I explained up above, but i did want to briefly address how I saw MM fitting into all of this since she is a vital part of the original story and the biggest obstacle to the lords having anything to do with Rose.

Anyways, that was so much longer than I intended it to be but I had so much fun with it just because it gave me the opportunity to spit some fun ideas and potential plot points out about this cool AU that I like and hope someone does SOMETHING with, please god someone do it, I’d do it myself but i have enough projects at the moment unfortunately. If you managed to make it all the way to the bottom, thank you for reading all of that, I appreciate it, and I hope you enjoyed at least some parts of this, and maybe even agree with some of the things I said. Feel free to leave your own ideas in the comments, I’d love to read them and hopefully if enough people like this maybe i will actually do something with it. Who knows? I certainly dont. Anyways thank you for reading all this, i hope you have a great day, and maybe ill see you around in another post. Bye!!! <3

do you think every disabled character in wc is handled poorly? i understand theres def some cases of ableism but at the same time when i hear ppl say that its usually bc the disabled cat wasnt able to become a warrior due to their disability. and i feel like ppl forget, that not everyone irl CAN do what they want after they become disabled. ex. someone wants to be an athlete, but their legs have to be amputated. a cat like briarlight esp i feel is p realistic and could be a source of comfort

Hello there, thank you for writing in. I’m going to reply to this question with a series of questions I think are a bit more useful, given what you’re trying to ask me. I hope that’ll clarify what is a deeply complex, multilayered issue. 

Do I think Erin Hunter handles anything in the series “well”? Not really. I don’t have a high opinion of the work of the collective and, broadly speaking, I think every right note they play, metaphorically speaking, is an instance of chance rather than effort, skill, or intention. Stopped clocks are right twice a day, mediocre writers will sometimes do something cool by accident, similar principle. That’s not to say Erin Hunter hasn’t ever done anything on purpose--just that overall the underlying drive of the series isn’t so much quality as it is quantity, and speed of production, and it shows. 

Do I think Erin Hunter puts any significant research into how they portray disability? No. I do not think it is a priority for this series. They’re not trying to make a meaningful work of literature, or capture a realistic experience of disability, or tell especially impactful or thoughtful stories, or even make a particularly good or coherent fantasy world. Warriors is a specifically commercial product that was commissioned by HarperCollins to appeal to a particular demographic of drama-loving, cat-loving kids. It’s not really trying to do anything but sell books, because it’s a business, so the text in many ways reflects that. They’re not going for disability representation, in my opinion. They’re including disability in many cases as a plot-point or an obstacle. 

Do I think this means that people can’t connect to these characters and narratives in meaningful ways? No. Often I say that a work is completed only when it is read. Before that point, it doesn’t have a meaning: a reader finishes the work through the act of reading, and interpretation, and filling in the spaces and resonance of the story with their own values and experiences. When people talk about subjectivity, this is what they are talking about. What this means in the context of disabled characters in Warriors is that these characters and their stories can be multiple, conflicting, even mutually exclusive things at the same time, to different people, for different reasons. 

Do I think characters have to be “good” to be significant to someone? No. I think genuinely “bad” (i.e., not researched or poorly researched, cliche, thoughtlessly written, problematic, etc. etc.) characters can be deeply meaningful, and often are. Ditto above: for many people, and especially marginalised or stigmatised people, reading is almost always an act of translation, wherein the person is reading against the creative work of the dominant culture in a way that the author likely didn’t intend or didn’t even imagine. There’s a long documented history of this in queer culture, but it’s true for just about everyone who is rarely (or unfairly) represented in media. Disabled people often have to read deeply imperfect works of fiction featuring disability and reinterpret them in the process--whether to relate to a kind of disability they don’t experience themselves but which is the closest they’re offered to something familiar, or to turn positive and meaningful what is intended as narrative punishment, or simply to create what’s commonly called headcanon about “non-disabled” characters who echo their personal experiences. 

Do I think everyone has to agree? Extremely no. As I said before, people will actually always disagree, because all people have different needs and different experiences. What can be interpreted as empowering to one person might be very othering and painful for another. There is no “right” answer, because, again, that is how subjectivity works. This is especially true because marginalised communities are often many different kinds of people with different lives and needs brought together over a trait or traits they share due to the need for solidarity as protection and power--but only in a broad sense. It’s why there is often intracommunity fighting over representation: there isn’t enough, there’s only scraps, and so each person’s personal interpretation can feel threatening to people whose needs are different. You can see examples of this especially when it comes to arguments over character sexuality: a queer female character might be interpreted as bisexual by bisexual people who relate to her and want her to be, while being interpreted as lesbian by lesbians who also relate to her and want her to be like them. Who is correct? Often these different interpretations based on different needs are presented as if one interpretation is theft from the other, when in fact the situation is indicative of the huge dearth of options for queer people. It becomes increasingly more intense when it comes to “canon” representations, because of the long history of having to read against the grain I mentioned above: there��s novelty and, for some people, validation in “canon” certainty. And again, all of this is also true for disabled people and other stigmatised groups. 

Do I think this is a problem? Not exactly. It is what it is. It is the expected effect of the circumstances. Enforced scarcity creates both the need for community organising and solidarity and the oppressive pressure to prioritise one’s self first and leave everyone else in the dust (or else it might happen to you). The system will always pit suppressed people against each other constantly, because it actively benefits from intracommunity fighting. Who needs enemies when you have friends like these, and so on. A solution is absolutely for everyone in community to hold space for these different needs and values, and to uplift and support despite these differences, but it’s not anyone’s fault for feeling threatened or upset when you don’t have much and feel like the thing that you do have is being taken away. It’s a normal, if not really helpful, human response. But until people learn and internalised that the media is multifaceted and able to be many things at once, without any of those things being untrue or impacting your truth of the text, then there will be fighting. 

Do I think my opinion on disability on Warriors is all that important? No, not really. I can relate to some characters in some moment through that translation, but my opinion on, say, Jayfeather is nowhere near as worthy of consideration than that of someone who is blind. I don’t have that experience and it’s not something I can bring meaningful thinking about, really. That’s true for all these characters. If you want to learn about disability, prioritise reading work about disabled rights and activism that is done by disabled people, and literary criticism from disabled people. And as I mentioned above, remember that community isn’t a monolith: it’s a survival tactic, that brings together many different people with disparate experiences of the world. So research widely. 

Finally--do I think there’s only one kind of disabled narrative worth telling? No. For some people, a disabled character achieving a specific, ability-focused dream is a good story. For other people, a story that acknowledges and deals with the realities, and limitations, of disability is a good story. The same person might want both of those stories at different times, depending on their mood. That’s okay. Sometimes there’s power and delight in a fantasy of overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles and defying all expectations. Sometimes there’s value and catharsis in a narrative that delves into the challenges and grief and oppression experienced because of disability. There’s no one truth. 

To round all this off, I’m going to give my favourite example of this, which is Cinderella. I think it’s a great and useful tool, since for many it’s familiar and it’s very simple. Not much happens. In the story, she is bullied and tormented, until a fairy godmother gifts her over several nights with the opportunity to go to a royal ball, where she dances with a prince. The prince eventually is able to find Cinderella, due to a shoe left behind, and they are married. In some versions, the family that mistreated her are killed. In others, they’re forgiven. 

Some people hate the story of Cinderella, because she is seen as passive. She tolerates the bullying and never fights back. She does every chore she’s told. She is given an opportunity by a fairy godmother, and she doesn’t help herself go to the ball. She runs from the prince and he does the work to find her again. Eventually, she’s married and the prince, presumably, keeps her in happiness and comfort for the rest of her life. 

For some, this story is infuriating, because Cinderella doesn’t “save herself”: she is largely saved by external forces. She is seen as a quintessential damsel-in-distress, and especially for people who have been bullied, infantalised, or made to feel less capable or weak, that can be a real point of personal pain and discomfort. 

However, for some others, Cinderella is a figure of strength, because she is able to endure such hostile environments and terrible people and never gives up her gentle nature or her hope. She never becomes cruel, or bitter. She is brave in daring to go outside her tiny, trapped world, and she is brave to let the prince find her. She doesn’t have to fight or struggle to earn her reward of happiness and prove her worth, because she was always deserving of love and kindness. The prince recognises at once, narratively speaking, her goodness and virtue, and stops at nothing to deliver her a better life. 

Depending on the version, the wicked family disfigure themselves for their own greed--or are punished, which for some is a revenge fantasy; or Cinderella forgives them and once again shows her tenacious kindness, which for others is a different revenge fantasy. 

The point? Cinderella is the same character in the same story, but these are almost unrecognisable readings when you put them side-by-side. Which one is right? Which one is better? In my opinion, those are the wrong questions. I hope this (long, sorry) reply is a set of more useful ones. 

poppy, snapdragon, zinnia

poppy :   what comforts your muse ?

comfort is a bit of an alien concept to bradley tbh..... she rly didn’t grow up w a lot of it. her mum did her best bt a lot of the time bradley had to comfort her rather than the other way around. bradley had to adapt to her surroundings in a way bc anything else would be like surviving as a hothouse orchid in antarctica which is just <3 not gna happen. bc of this bradley can find comfort during even the most terrifying moments. it’s a bit like she goes someplace else inside her head. she’s good at detaching frm situations. she does this a lot when she needs comfort. sometimes when she lays in bed she pretends her mum’s laying w her and that bradley’s stroking the hair from her face like she used to whenever she got bad. rooftops comfort bradley. it’s like how cats seek high vantage points to feel secure bc they can oversee everything from their perch on top of the world. growing up bradley wld go to this one rooftop that overlooked the train tracks n whenever it came by she’d just like. scream as loud as she could n let the sound of the train swallow it. sometimes she pictured all the birds falling dead frm the sky when it happened or a hole tearing it open or great jagged cracks appearing in the pavement. it was nice to feel powerful for once. another thing is she likes going to deserted playgrounds in the dead of the night n jst sitting smoking on the creaky swingset like a victorian demon child from an old haunted manor in a horror movie. smashing things brings her catharsis. can’t express how angry she is all the time so letting any of that out brings a lot of relief. she’s also embarrassed to admit it n never would bt growing up she had an imaginary friend she made up a whole life for who worked for her father bt didn’t agree w the things he did n got her n her mum out to hv another life. sometimes he visits her in dreams n bradley’s so angry at him for not existing tht she attacks him w a butcher’s knife.

snapdragon :   is your muse merciful ?  why or why not ?

not rly honestly. i mean... she kind of just hasn’t been allowed to be merciful. or like. if her dad witnessed her being that way ever it would be like kill bill sirens blaring n bradley wld know she’d massively fucked up. he thinks getting upset is a childish trait n he also thinks compassion falls into this category which is completely fking absurd n unreasonable but that’s just him. so like... bradley’s kind of absorbed some of this mindset. or it’s like. a prison door she’s constantly trying to pick the lock of bt it’s very difficult not to fall into this path that tony’s made to feel so natural of just... not giving a fk about anyone even herself. that said there is like... idk. i don’t excuse any of bradley’s actions n she’s objectively bad in a lot of ways bt there’s also a tiny part of her heart that wants to be good like. she doesn’t Want to be like her dad in any way it’s kind of just the cards she’s been dealt but that doesn’t mean she isn’t constantly trying to reshuffle them as if it’ll make a new set appear. in very rare occasions bradley does let some ppl off the hook n give them a break like.... if she can tell ur actually a genuinely good person she won’t rly understand it bc that doesn’t quite compute w her experience of the world or the way she’s come to know things are in life but she’ll like. not want to completely eviscerate it if she doesn’t have a proper reason to. she’s kind of confusing honestly like. she’ll be so violent n outrageous one day n then another she’ll be walking alone n see a bee drowning in a puddle n crouch down to flick it out with a leaf. her brain’s very morally ambiguous it’s almost as if there’s a little ember of light in there that doesn’t want to die but more often than not is snuffed out to the point that u think she’s pitch black.

zinnia :   how has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse ?   has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives ?

god............... slides on a pair of blacked out sunglasses n also a black leather jacket from the matrix so noone can see my eyes tearing up n they think i look so fking stylish they’re distracted by the look i’m serving.......... losing her mum was like. can’t even think of a sentence big enough to capture how deeply wrong it made bradley feel in her bones abt everything. it felt a bit like the world had stopped turning. her mum had this vintage jewellery box with a silky lining and a little ballerina that would turn rly slowly whenever u wound it as if it was just about to kick the bucket forever every single time n bradley like. when her mum disappeared she wld listen to the little song it made every night for months. she’d call her mum’s number n get her voicemail n leave so many. at first they were angry bt then they turned into just talking as if she was listening on the other end. sometimes she’d even pause for a small silence like she hoped a voice come. eventually the ballerina stopped twirling n her mum’s voicemail got full but bradley never felt finished no matter how many things tried to tell her she was. bradley loved her mum like. she loved her more than anything. her being gone turned out what little light she had n bradley still isn’t sure how to turn it back on. she hasn’t rly tried to b honest with u. she isn’t sure she wants to see any more. might just b easier to live in the dark if u pretend u never knew what the light was like in the first place. if u don’t expect anything different.

Bloodborne!Mia Hawke thoughts

tbh up until a certain moment, Mia didn’t really think a lot abt what was happening. She was a soldier and as long as she’s fighting she doesn’t feel like she needs to think about anything beyond surviving and in Yharnam it seems like she needs it a lot

She’s scared, yes, and frustrated about how easy it is to die in this world, and the fact that death has no real meaning in here is confusing as hell for her so she’s angry most of the time

At first she really dislikes the Hunter’s Dream, mostly because she deeply hates Gehrman for reasons she doesn’t understand yet. But she does grow very fond of the Doll, and of the messengers. 

Still, because this is Mia, as angry as she is, she is also very worried and distressed abt what’s happening in Yharnam, because there are STILL people there, like Gilbert and the nasty old lady and Gascoigne’s daughters who need help.

Eileen is probably the person Mia’s the most relieved to see in the waking world, because unlike everyone else she seems to be the only one that makes sense, and she looks up to her and worries for her inmensely. AS absurd as it may seem, bc Eileen isn’t motherly at all, Mia sees kind of a mother figure and a mentor in Eileen. Of course she would never tell her this, but the two enjoy some friendly mutual roasting when they meet up.

For a while, after meeting up with Gascoigne’s daughters, Mia genuinely believed she could help him go back to his family. It took her like 1k deaths at his hands for her to give up on that and as a result she wasn’t particularly proud of having killed him to get into Cathedral Ward. She didn’t dare go back to his daughter, and refuses to talk about Gascoigne when questioned, and still has the music box in her inventory, as well as Viola’s red jeweld brooch.

She’s died a couple of times trying to help Eileen defeat Henryk; Eileen told her she doesn’t want her there, but Mia’s stubborn and terrified that Eileen might be killed, and believes Henryk’s madness is her own fault for killing Gascoigne. To her, helping Eileen is more important right now than defeating Vicar Amelia.

(She doesn’t feel nearly as much sympathy for Amelia as she did for Gascoigne: after all, this whole Healing Church ordeal sounds super fucking suspicious even for her)

The chapel dweller in the Oedon Chapel creeps her out, but she grows to like his genuine concern for others and desire to help. She’s a woman of few words and regrets not being able to give him the conversation he wants, but precisely because of this she promises to help as many ppl reach his chapel, so he has someone to keep him company.

So far, Mia thinks Alfred is weird but in a good way: he hasn’t tried to bash her skull in on sight, which earns him a few points, and despite very clearly being a religious man he doesn’t seem to be about to start lecturing her, which she appreciates. Also he’s big and blonde so he’s exactly her type so she deffo keeps coming back to him as often as she can

Mia has only met up with Djura once and he killed her really fast. She truly doesn’t understand his obsession with defending beasts, when it’s clear none of them can be saved; then again, sometimes she questions herself, because as a soldier she doesn’t feel particularly bad about taking lives most of the time and wonders if Djura might be right and she’s just a violent, bloodstarved person.

hello i’m arriving to the party an entire day late and this is Not Surprising at All to anybody who knows me slightly well because i’m late to everything. said late writer is ya boy , felix  ! i’m 20, i use he / him pronouns, annnd you don’t wanna know about me, you want to know about actual Nerd incarnate , yongbin .

his stats are here ,  bio is being rewritten because my dumbass deleted it from my drive , and all i have left to say is that you can like this if you want me to message you on here or discord to plot instead, since i’m usually faster on there … usually …

note: talks of surgery / birth defects,  &  kinda nsfw

⦑ felix. / 20. / gmt. / he/him. ⦒ woah ! tell me i did not just see cho yong bin walk past us, they’re the child of the cho family right ? they’re twenty three now, so i wonder if they’re here training to become an anarchist hacker. i heard they’re really intuitive & vexatious, so i’d say stay away from them unless you really wanna try your luck. no wonder they’re so notorious though, with the face of byun baekhyun i’d be interested in them as well. anyway, back to what i was saying. - yongbin, pain in the ass, and his most common sobriquet, zero ( name’s inspired by binary code btw ) , was a self taught anarchist hacker , but he sure as hell hasn’t been doing it for free all this time. he’s immensely adept and writes concise code and thoroughly enjoys annoying people and wreaking havoc in that precise order.

- hacker is kind of a blanket term, bin’s speciality was in blackmail, identity theft, exploiting vulnerabilities in various networks and systems, and causing all sorts of chaos online. when he was younger and before he was intimately familiar with the academy, he offered out his services to online rebel groups ( both good and bad ) and wasn’t officially apart of any system or group.

- this was subject to change a few years later when he was caught out on a slight mistake tracing back to his ip, assessed by an official representative of the school, who was impressed by his abilities and offered him an ultimatum: to join the academy or go to a detention camp.

- behind the screen bin was born with a pretty serious congenital heart defect. he needed surgery to survive, if only temporarily. every ten years or so, he’d have to do the same, with more or less no guarantee that they would all be successful. ( i would like to think that when he joined the academy some sort of technology maestro has helped him w / his respiratory issues so lmk if there’s a potential plot link there )

- bin is also an orphan who went through a very jaded system . he never knew his parents and frankly doesn’t care to know them, but little does he know that they have been tracing him from birth and were the sole reason why he got his place in the first place, ultimately unable to take care of him when their careers, both arms dealers, were too dangerous for a kid. his craft and experiences with life has made him instinctively cynical about his parents’ generation so like.. trusting an institution full of teachers their age was not and would never have been an ‘ideal’ for him. 

- his part time job used to be at a pc repair shop and he liked working there a lot, most people would question why he’d ultimately then go on to ruin a life he was happy with just to constantly risk getting into trouble. yongbin’s answer ? Because he’s Chaotic Neutral Thats Why

- socially, surprisingly unlike how most hackers are portrayed as nerds w sellotape on their glasses n a pocket protector ( he has a pocket protector but thats besides the point ) zero is outgoing in school and onwards, liked seeing what other people were interested in, pushing boundaries and keeping up with his friends just by listening and absorbing information.

- he isn’t exactly well liked, because his brain to mouth filter malfunctioned a lot of times which caused friction, But he definitely knows how to make and maintain friendships if you can handle him vanishing off the face of the earth and replying to your text from two weeks ago at 4 am like wyd

PERSONALITY

- zero’s life has mostly been not very fun, and he definitely realises this, but he’s not really the type to sit around and cry about it. mostly, he tries to take it with a stiff upper lip and a good sense of humour. he’s snarky and dry and enjoys getting into cyber-wars with other comp nerds in his limited friendship group. he definitely also enjoys sending lil viruses to other ppl in hearst just to let you know just how much your firewall sucks

- he’s got a real bad habit of getting wayyy in over his head with things. he’s like, a lil bit of a troublemaker — a back-talking, muttering under his breath, sneaking into places he shouldn’t, kind of troublemaker, but nothing too offensive. however, he sometimes gets into Actual Trouble because he makes the world’s worst choices and follows the world’s worst people’s advice. his personal motto is, “oh fuck. why?”

- he can be affectionate and immensely appreciative of anyone who’s genuinely kind toward him, even if his pride won’t let him come right out and say so. he’s p creative and resourceful — definitely can think you out of a pinch, even if he’s not so great at solving his own shit.

- friend wise, he’s attentive and thoughtful; sharp as a tack, funny as anything, and would totally rather help you out with your problems than get into deep discussions about his because opening that big ol book of issues is not gonna be fun for Anybody - romantically he’s inwardly pansexual for a long while but to people around him that probably.. wouldn’t be that big of a surprise. don’t talk to him about real love though he really is a computer machine with 0 emotions in that realm

tinie headcanon list because ive been slowly gathering them in my head for Days

-  has a handful of piercings on his ears , but the one he’s known for most is his labret piercing

- has a chameleon called cookie and donates to a dog shelter wherein his favourite stray dog ( known as flash ) lives. and yes he’s naming them after computer terms. no he wont Reconsider

- proud owner of 1 terabyte of hentai stored on his external hard drive that he’d gladly d*e for n is not ashamed of it in the slightest this zone is kink shame free !!!!

- loves to go exploring around the grimier parts of the academy and places you rlly wouldn’t expect him to be to clear his mind. abandoned classrooms, warehouses, etc.

- talk to him about conspiracy theories about alien life forms for a friend

- has absolutely awful hand eye co-ordination despite it playing in to a big part of their training so just know he’s probably dying first, or just teach him to throw a punch and not somehow hurt himself ? Blease

- sticks his tongue out while he’s hacking or doing anything that requires concentration. can’t multi-task and will ignore everything in his general surroundings to give 110 percent to whatever he’s doing.

- is a scorpio so sorry u cant trust anything he says i dont make the rules the astrological gods do

that’s all i’ve got up to now and i hope this gives you a bit of background into what he’s about. i think i’ll finish here before i write more trash so [ hacker voice ] im out

ppl really are just like “lol ur just sad bcuz ur not allowed to be lazy” when mentally ill & disabled people complain about capitalism making them actually want to commit suicide because it makes us all seem like burdens.

how can you have such a lack of empathy?? for a fucking Second just imagine what it would be like from that persons perspective before telling them that they should suck it up and just do it (somehow?? despite their situations making that near impossible, if not outright).

idk what to tell you if you think that this is a thing that is okay to let happen. it is not uncommon to any degree for people in this type of situation to feel like a burden and to consider things as drastic as suicide. that isn’t uncommon. that happens, a lot. but you’d rather believe that we are all in some kind of evil group of dumb kids who pretend just because they want to be lazy??? there are kids who do that, yeah, but the majority of people who complain about this kind of thing aren’t like that.

you can continue to tell us that we are awful people for thinking this way, and i want you to know that it isn’t helping. you saying that shit is upright making it worse. even if it WAS true, what is the point of saying it? you are implying that people who go through this Deserve to feel like burdens and Deserve to want to commit suicide, even if that wasn’t your intention. that is what we see when you type that out.

you all act like we never have tried and we are just sitting with our unknowing perceptions of how things work, but let me tell you that almost all of us have tried, multiple times at that. finding a job with these circumstances in the first place is incredibly difficult. i can sometimes do an okay job at getting people to believe that i’m normal because my appearance isn’t really affected by what i go through, while other people don’t have that grace. and even then, even when i was hired after months and months of searching and being turned down over and over and over because my personality wasn’t what they wanted..... my employer would eventually learn that i am not normal. it’s Really hard to hide that type of thing when it affects you every single day of your life, turns out.

even taking the horrible process of getting hired into account, people will act like when you are hired that you are good and it’s all easy from there. it isn’t. it really isn’t. i worked as long as i did for my past jobs because i went in thinking that everything wrong with me would go away when i finally got to that point. because that’s what people act like. unfortunately, that isn’t how it works. i would find myself dreading work after a month or two. by the third month i would consider suicide nearly every minute on the job, to the point of me getting so scared that my employer would notice and i would get fired or i would end up quitting because i don’t want to die just yet.

you can go on and on about how young adults these days are just too sensitive and don’t understand anything, but like... im starting to think that everyone from older generations that felt this way just... died? killed themselves? or couldn’t find a job and ended up on the streets? you know that tons of homeless people are mentally ill or disabled to some extent, right? you know that, right??? and even with all of that you still continue to say how entitled we all are when we literally just want to survive.

my dream for what i want my future to be isn’t crazy or over the top. i just want to live with my boyfriend, get married in a few years, and maybe try to go to school when i feel ready. my goal in life is to just be happy. it isn’t to be rich or famous like you all seem to think it is. i just want to survive with the person i love. i want to be happy. why is that such an awful thing to want? how am i a bad person for wanting to be happy?

im quiet and always do as im told. i dont go out of my way to make things hard for other people. yes, doing things can be really hard for me, and they normally are. but ill end up doing it, it just might take a while. the problem with how things work is the expectation of happening fast and without issue. i’ve always done things slowly because of how much thought i put into everything. it has always, even since i was very young, difficult for me to work myself towards doing something.

this isn’t something that developed during high school like so many people seem to assume. i’ve been depressed and anxious for as long as i can remember. i remember being REALLY weird when i was very young, and that’s because i didn’t understand what was wrong with me. i was miserable most of the time, even as early as elementary school. i feel like i didn’t ever have the happy, lazy experience that everyone assumes i’m trying to keep in my life. i can’t keep that if i never had it. and even if i could somehow make it happen, it hasn’t. i’m in a pretty understanding situation with my boyfriend, and i’m given time to do things. he understands how hard things are for me, and doesn’t automatically just call me lazy like everyone else seems to. it makes me feel like i have some kind of worth.

isn’t it depressing to think about the fact that i will often find myself thinking that i am worthless because of the lack of what i do? i will find myself looking at me at the core and think “yeah this is worthless, and it should be thrown away”. even when i do well i think this way. nothing is ever enough, and no matter how hard i work to ignore it, my issues won’t magically vanish. i WISH they did. and i’ve tried so hard to make that happen. but it doesn’t. this isn’t something that is simply just a made up problem that i’ve convinced myself to believe. i was suffering from this before i even knew you COULD be like this. i just always thought that i was weird and broken and unlovable and... worthless. even as a kid. i tried the same tactic of making myself do tons of things in order to try to make it go away, but it didn’t work. being the smart kid never worked. being the kid who really wanted to have fun and play but assumed i couldn’t because i needed to work harder to be ‘normal’ like all the other kids Never Worked. i never had more than 5 friends at a time for the large majority of my school life. that got a little better in high school when i started to accept whats wrong with me, but even then it was still pretty bleak.

i just. i don’t get how people can come on here, look at a post written by someone struggling for other people struggling, and then tell everyone who agrees with it that they are all just lazy and awful people. does that make you feel good about yourself? you know that we all already know that we are far from normal, right? i know only one or two people who have gone through this all without mental illness or disability contributing, but so many more who experience it with those things being the core.

if you hate disabled and mentally ill people, just say it. because you acting like you are morally superior because you are lucky enough to be able to tolerate the work environment of today is obviously how you feel. we know that people hate us. we do. i’ve been verbally abused plenty over this exact thing, from lots of different people acting like they “know the best” for me.

please just. stop talking to us if you are so unwilling to listen. we listen to you constantly. its a rare case to come across other people being loud about this type of thing without outright looking for it. if you look for it, you can find it, but i wouldn’t have ever thought to do that for most of my life. the only reason i learned what was wrong with me was because a school counselor in middle school got so concerned for me that she made me see her once a week to talk about how i see the world. and turns out, most people DONT see it the way i do! wow! sounds stupid but i actually had NO idea that i saw things so differently than other people. what a shocker, right? well, it sure was for me when i was just learning then that some people have things like depression or anxiety.

im done with this post. im tired and im going to think about something else.

Natasha's judgment is so off for a spy. Could we get insight as to how they're thinking? I know you wrote a chapter but maybe some backstory or such to explain why she dislikes Tony on principle? Why she's so quick to insult Maria and choose Steve? Is she caught up in the goodness and honestly Steve seems to project? Does her judgment on his decisions become biased bc she's used to reading ppl who mean harm not ppl who unintentionally/subconsciously harm? Does Steve make her feel like she's good

I’ll see what I can do to clarify this in-story, because odds are you’re not the only one who’s seeing it. Hopefully, though, at least some of my reasoning showed through.

Under the cut, because cue meta and you guys know how much I ramble when I get going:

There’s several factors to it all:

First and foremost, there’s the unreliable narrator thing to consider. 

JARVIS, for instance, hasn’t trusted her since before she stabbed Tony in the neck, back in IM2. 

Add to that how he died trying to protect Tony [and at least managed to give a bit of a warning, when the Penthouse Incident happened], coming back online [with all the trauma that entails, even if he doesn’t quite show it], to see Natasha doing absolutely nothing while Tony was a flick of the wrist from a snapped neck, and you get a budding Skynet who harbors absolutely no goodwill towards Natasha Romanov [and it shows through in his POV, even if it’s hopefully subtle].

Tony’s slightly more chill, but he’s known that Natasha doesn’t like him, and after the disaster that was his sole attempt to reach out towards Bruce, well…once bitten, twice shy. 

Then, during the Penthouse Incident, he’s 50% on the defensive while the other 50% is in shock because JARVIS died and only Maria Hill even cared. [That he was being attacked was secondary, at that point.] So when someone’s attacking the only one who gives a damn about JARVIS, Tony’s not exactly feeling very charitable towards the woman who introduced herself as Natalie Rushman. 

…also, anyone notice the codependence going on between Tony and JARVIS? There’s a reason I’ve been warning for it.

As for my take on Natasha’s perspective: I did my best, and hopefully my dislike didn’t show [much]. 

Thing is, TWiFFON is a spitefic at heart.

I started it in reaction to the turn the fandom took when it comes to Tony Stark especially after Civil War, so I’m not going to be exactly very friendly towards Natasha [or anyone on Team Cap for that matter, if you guys haven’t already noticed]. 

And that leads me to the next point.

Fun fact: I actually like Natasha, for the most part. Her characterization throughout the entirety of the MCU’s been through the wringer, fluctuating from movie to movie, though, and I took advantage of that when I outlined this fic.

See, Phase1-and-pre-AoU!Natasha’s got a good head on her shoulders. Her, I like: she’s badass and loyal to people rather than institutions and ruthless enough to do what’s necessary to keep her people safe [gee doesn’t that sound familiar]. She’s outwitted Loki [even if he was under the influence of the Scepter at the time], and survived the Red Room, for crying out loud! [If you’ve read my fic idea Welcome to the Family, you know that’s the one I had in mind at the time of writing.]

…however, that’s not the Natasha we’ve seen recently.

Phase2-especially-post-AoU!Natasha didn’t think to call the genius who’s company she infiltrated during a time they could’ve really used his expertise, didn’t see the problem in letting the fugitives she’d been helping chase go, and didn’t think twice about attacking the Crown Prince of a monarchy that just lost its King. I know it’s probably just bad writing in general [where the hell did the Bruce/Natasha thing even come from? Or the wanting a kid thing?! Canon or not, that’s just…nope], but still.

She unironically tried to go “I’m not the one who should watch my back”, in Civil War, despite having painted a target on anyone she ever worked with [yes I’m still salty about it], so it really should be no surprise that this is the Natasha I have in mind when writing TWiFFON. [Not very nice, but like I said, spitefic.]

So, that’s a good chunk on my approach to Natasha, right there. The rest involves her backstory.

I’ve yet to read a comic, but via tumblr and Phase 1, I got the feeling that the Red Room isn’t exactly very kind. [No comment on Phase 2′s interpretation bc I hate AoU with a passion rivaled only by Civil War.] As such, I can extrapolate from there that Natasha’s had some hardcore training, and to be fair, she’s very good at what she does, and her confidence in her skills is mostly justified.

However, she’s been born and raised as a living weapon, a child soldier and spy: that skillset is not exactly conductive towards being an analyst, or tactician.

Infiltrate consulates and take out hit squads singlehandedly? Sure. Reading people for the short term so she can use that to her advantage? Absolutely. But what she gets up to later on in the MCU is nowhere in her job description [coughcough*analysisinIM2*cough]. She can make a decent facsimile of it, sure, but she just isn’t qualified to diagnose people [though I have a headcanon for that scenario that explains why, but that’s something for another post].

But she can read people very well, and since it’s worked thus far, Natasha doesn’t think twice about it. Due to the life she’s had, she doesn’t look back, which I completely understand because if she had she might’ve drowned in regret because I get the feeling the Red Room’s upbringing was nothing less than cutthroat. Those two things get a special mention because of how she’s introduced to Tony.

Now, let me backtrack a little: I’ve done some meta before on how good Tony is at masks, enough so that he’s fooling everyone even as he’s dying. He grew up in front of the cameras, and learned how to work them from a master of the art [his mom, in my AUs].

So, when a spy rocks up expecting a show, Tony puts it on, and Natasha buys it. I don’t doubt she twisted some things to suit the analysis at the end, of course, but between his public image and his masks, Natasha ends up falling in the same trap everyone else does.

Anyone who gets close to him knows it’s bull, but since Tony in TWiFFON is more guarded than ever before, and he’s not about to let Natasha in now.

As for Steve Rogers…Tony’s image is a general “everyone knows” thing; it’s subtle and low-key “oh what’s he done now? Another Fashion Week Fiasco?” Kardashian-style sort of thing, which is part of why Natasha fell for it. Steve’s image, on the other hand, was blatant propaganda since the start and only became more so over time […I wonder what the Second Red Scare would’ve looked like, in the MCU now, ngl], so for Natasha, with her Red Room upbringing, it’s pretty damn easy for her to tell. 

From when she first meets Steve, and later on down the road, it’s a no-brainer to look past the propaganda and notice the lonely man who’s adrift in a world that’s moved on without him. And from there, it’s very [almost scarily, for someone who’s very guarded when it comes to personal stuff] easy to make friends. 

Steve sees Natasha where others see the Black Widow, which isn’t something many people do [Phil and Clint’re the exception, not the norm], though, so it makes sense that she warms up to him so quickly. Plus he’s a good man, and given the life she’s had, Natasha can fully appreciate just how few of them there are in the world.

And since we’ve already established that Natasha’s fiercely protective of the few people she likes, it makes sense she’s just as fierce to attack if the situation ever arises.

During the Penthouse Incident, Natasha’s immediate take-away of the situation was: Tony’d fucked up somehow and needed to own up to it, meanwhile Maria Hill was on his payroll, defending him when he was in the wrong, and had a gun pointed in the general direction of the people she liked more than the people she didn’t. Of course Natasha was going to yell at her for it! 

And it wasn’t like Thor was going to hurt Tony or anything, his hand was obviously positioned in a way that was meant to be nonlethal and if he’d really wanted to kill Tony his grip would’ve been different.

After the fact, once Ultron’s made clear just what he is, she’s mildly apologetic about it. But since she didn’t really like Tony anyway and Maria Hill seemed to have forgotten about it, well, it wasn’t like it was anything major anyway, right?

...meanwhile, Maria’s very good at hiding her grudge and venting whenever she’s at one of the SWORD meet-ups while the others are patting her on the back while continuing to plan Phase 3 and checking out rich protocols, but that’s a story for another day.

Also: bear in mind that Natasha, in my AUs, has the Red Room’s version of the serum, so she forgets that not everyone’s as durable as she is. [that’s the only explanation for why I see her being so chill during That One Scene because the alternative’s incoherent internal screaming]

Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here!  I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing.  ok. alright. cool.  Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon.  just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like.  They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality.  I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish.  This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids.  What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him.  I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet.  No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is.  Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one.  They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like.  Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed.  The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it.  Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me.  alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible.  Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected.  Was very invested during it.  ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out.  Where are the 02 kids.  You should’ve brought them in to save the day.  That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun.  Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps.  Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty.  I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development.  He’s basically an entirely different person.  Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe.  He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE.  The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back.  They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei???  Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much.  It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters.  Whatever.  AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk?  This entire time???  Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends???  Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried.  Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao.  God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely.  Would I have still been bitter?  Yes.  But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise.  It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults.  These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining.  They do not work when placed into an adult setting.  Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world?  I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like.  Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure.  It doesn’t work.  Digimon Tri is basically that except real.  Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience.  It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that.  Like!  Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL.  Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life.  I want bad puns and emotional characters.  That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be.  Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars.  It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better.  You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead.  If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series.  Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS.  I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri?  But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish.  Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies.  Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit.  I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons.  It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments.  If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it.  It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept.  And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up.  It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon.  It raises interesting questions about the timeline too.  We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project?  (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over)  But what about Diaboromon?  I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well.  Could Diaboromon still be out there too?  It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction.  Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil?  Like ?  That’s a pretty important thing.  The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02.  And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still.  It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened)  MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so.  God there’s just.  So much wrong with Tri.  I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care.  There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me.  I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

match up with a haikyuu, knb and ao no exorcist male pls? I'm a 160cm cancerian ambivert-NFP girl with long black wavy hair, curvy body, who loves cuddles n getting spoiled but i have my mood swings. Im a very romantic, cheesy n friendly person, loud, cheerful, can be extremely weird once u get to know me. I wear my emotions at my sleeve and is VERY easy to please. Despite being a fun-loving, carefree girl at times, im mature enough to lend my older sisters a shoulder when they need it. (cont-)

(-cont) I love dancing, reading/writing poetry, swimming, extreme sports, beaches, animals n going in road trips. Im adventurous but have my lazy days where i spend the whole day doing nothing in bed. Im a strong girl, i survived chemotherapy bfore. I dont judge, read people like an open book and try my best to be kind to everyone, im a very emotional n sensitive person. I have adult ADHD which comes with depression n anxiety. I have days where i breakdown n need constant reassurements. (cont-)

(-cont) im polite and respectful to people esp elderly people. I love talking, i can talk about a lot of things, ranging from stupid topics to questioning the world’s existence, to cheesy/sappy shit to deep life conversations. I get along with ppl of all ages. I LOVE my friends (note most of them are childhood friends and are guys, bcus guys have less drama), they spoil me which will prob make my bf jealous. THANKS GUYS!

Sorry for the wait! Thanks for your patience and I hope you’ll like your matchups C:

Your matchups are…:

Haikyuu!! - Sugawara Koushi

Suga’s first impression of you is that you’re no stranger to guys. He sees you around school often, always with an entourage of guys who you appear to be friendly and close to. At first, he’s just someone in the background and you don’t notice him - he’s just another pretty boy, after all. You don’t see him completely until you run into him on the street and he reaches a hand out to you as he introduces himself. You remember who he is and you let him walk you home. The silence is awkward, but you keep a steady stream of questions flowing and by the time you reach your home, both of you are laughing and friendly to one another. Suga says he’ll see you around before heading off.

Somehow, Suga gets sucked into your existing pool of friends, but he manages to stand out because of his attractiveness and charm. He enjoys your weirdness and your playfulness, but he can also sense your serious side, especially when it comes to touchy subjects with your friends or in school. He walks home with you when he doesn’t have practice and you make every walk last longer by taking detours or alternate routes. Suga contributes to this by making his own journeys through the neighborhood and the two of you begin to discover elements about the community you never knew existed. These walks are never quiet now - you’re always talking, always engaging in Suga in a variety of topics. His range of knowledge helps when it comes to the random subject changes.

There are days when you and Suga are at one another’s houses simply working on homework or reading, days when you two are out and about running rampant in the city, and days when you’re planning road trips to get out of the city. Whenever you seem to have a bad day, Suga drops everything and marches over to you to make sure you have company and necessary essentials. Sometimes he won’t be able to make it because of volleyball so your other friends take charge, but their care isn’t the same as his. Suga is the team mom, after all.

Your closeness with Suga appears to be the same as with your other guy friends so when the shift occurs, neither of you notice. Suga is first to confess his feelings though and he insists that no matter how you feel about him, he’ll always love you.

OtsuboTaisuke (Kuroko no Basuke): His height and appearance might makehim appear rather intimidating at first, but he’s actually pretty friendly andisn’t that hard to approach. Your talkativeness actually makes it rather easyfor the two of you to get friendlier with each other since there’s always some mundanetopic you can use as conversation fodder. While at first, Otsubo will merely greetyou upon seeing you around the school since that’s the polite thing to do, butafter having a few conversations with you, those casual greetings will turninto longer talks between the two of you. He won’t mind listening to whateverit is you have to say, finding the majority of the topics you decide to bringup to be interesting though sometimes he can’t help but wonder how those sort of topics end up beingchosen. Your politeness and respect towards others definitely is a part of youthat Otsubo finds admirable since that can’t be said about some people. Plus,with how easy it is to get along with you, you’re certainly someone Otsubowants to hang out with more.

While it’s not like the two of you have a lot in common, it’ssimply entertaining being around you and that’s more than enough for Otsubo towant to be friends with you. Though basketball is the main sport he’s into,learning about your interest in extreme sports does intrigue him and prompt himto ask you more about it and that might lead to you inviting him to try it withyou one of these days. He also wouldn’t mind going swimming with you if you’reinterested since that’s a good way to get in some exercise too. If you’reinterested and asks him, Otsubo would totally be up to teaching you or playingbasketball with you too! Since Otsubo is the captain of the basketball team, hehas responsibilities he has to tend to and practices to attend of course, sothere are often days where he can’t spend much time with you. He’d love to hearabout your adventures that you go on with your other friends though, or he’d chastiseyou a bit for lazing around in bed being unproductive but he won’t mean that ina negative way much. It’s also really refreshing how even with your fun-lovingand carefree side, you can be pretty mature when time calls for it. Sometimesbeing the captain will lead to Otsubo feeling rather stressed and it’d be niceif he could talk to you as a way to let off some steam. On the flip side,Otsubo will also be willing to lend you his ear and shoulder when you need it.

It surprises Otsubo how you wear your emotions on yoursleeve and it sort of contrasts with him. Not that he has a hard time showinghis emotions or anything but he just keeps them in check more often. It doesmake seeing how you’re feeling that day easier though but with how sensitiveand emotional you are, it can also be a bad thing since you might end up beinghurt easily. When Otsubo notices that you’re upset or feeling down, he’ll tryhis best to cheer you up. If you need someone to listen to your problems andrants, he’ll lend you an ear. If you just want someone to be there with you, he’llquickly offer to stay with you. He isn’t super affectionate or used to beingaffectionate but if it’ll help make you feel better, he could learn to enjoygiving you cuddles. Otsubo is good at lifting his teammates’ spirits on thecourt and he hopes that works off the court too since it’ll certainly come inhandy in helping you. He might be at a loss regarding what to do when yourbreakdowns occur and will turn to his friends, your friends (if he knows themor have spoken to them before) and probably the internet to help him figure outhow to help you. He wouldn’t mind providing you with the reassurance you needto feel better, as long as it helps you. Your anxiety and depression also hashim stumped since he hasn’t friended people like you before, but Otsubo isdefinitely willing to learn.

Your cheery personality rubs off on Otsubo the more he’saround you and he finds your romantic cheesy side to be quite adorable. Hedoesn’t know much about romance at all and will probably resort to the Internet(after asking Takao once and getting teased in response) to see what sort of “romantic”acts he can do for you to make you smile. Giving you chocolates and flowers arethe first thing he tries, and then if you seem okay with him being close toyou, he’ll attempt holding your hand and giving you hugs. He does feel jealous at times at how closeyou and your childhood friends are but will understand that that’s just howyour relationship with them is and won’t interfere. As long as you’re happy andyou make time to spend with him, that’s all he needs.

Ao no Exorcist - Suguro Ryuji (Bon)

At the beginning, all of your guy friends will protect you from Bon because of hos frightening he appears. You insist that it’s just his face and not much can be done to fix that…but after a while, you realize you really shouldn’t approach him. He’s loud, rash, competitive…yup, you should definitely keep your distance. Despite this, you still run into him in the halls sometimes and he doesn’t pay you attention, so you try to not look at him either. Still, when he accidentally runs into you and makes you drop your supplies, he takes the time to help you pick them up and make sure you’re okay before continuing on his way. Maybe he isn’t so bad after all.

His academic prowess is outstanding and you’re surprised to hear that he’s at the top of his class. Since none of your friends can rival him, you decide to approach Bon and ask him to tutor you in your weaker subjects. He tries to shrug you off by recommending you to another student, but his own friends persuade him to take you on. You can tell he’s serious about the schoolwork so you keep your playfulness down during the tutoring sessions. Afterwards, you do what you can to loosen Bon up by taking him to your favorite stores or on walks to your favorite hiding spots. He’s still uptight and serious during class, but once school is over and no one else is around, he relaxes around you and even though he doesn’t quite admit it, he loves the playful side of you.

In your downtime, the two of you can be found reading a lot. You can’t get Bon to read anything other than bibles and holy scripts, so you read poetry to him in exchange for listening to him recite fatal verses. Bon is capable of keeping up with your shenanigans, which makes up for his lack of talkativeness - he’s a big-mouth, but when it comes to nonsensical things or philosophical subjects, he tends to be quiet. He’s also great at perceiving emotions so he’ll be able to tell if you’re having a bad day or not. He’s still working on comforting you though, so your other friends will have to school him in that department.

Relationships and friendships are pretty much the same to Bon, so his friends have to help spell out his feelings for you. He doesn’t exactly confess and when he does, he stutters and mumbles the words. It doesn’t matter too much to him if you don’t return his feelings…so long he’s able to remain as your friend, he’s happy to be whatever you want him to be.

Episode #2: “I have no material for a confessional” - John

Cole got voted out? Who is Cole? Oh the one who proclaimed that "the real bitch has arrived"...bye.

Ok so now that Cole is gone, my next target if we lose I think Bryce should be next. The tribe shoulda known what would happen when me and Nick got put together :) only the inevitable tribe swap can screw this up.

So I have no idea who that first boot guy was, but rip the first of many people!  I hope to not follow him out the door anytime soon lmfao...

This challenge looks like it'll be fun and brain blasting, but I'm so bad at everything, so we shall have to see how I perform!  I really want to thrive in this pre-merge portion and not only form alliances but also show that I can do a challenge for my tribe and do it well!

Hi! I’m Nicole! I’ve been doing so terrible in this game so far, I already got a strike for not submitting a confessional and also abstained from last immunity. I absolutely HAVE TO pull my weight this round or my tribe is gonna hate my guts. I love Alice in Wonderland so I’m sad that I am doing so pooorly but hopefully I still have time to turn it around.

I did the challenge and i hope i did well enough to give us points to win immunity. Dont really want to go to tribal. I really like my tribe. It is time tho to have somewhat game talk. Right now Im feeling like I want to align with sharky, dennis, and charlie. But need to see who they would want to work with. I also really like Brian. So by default if we do lose, my target might be Nicole which sucks but we havent really talked. Those are my thoughts so far.

I started my game talk with Dennis and he wants to work together which is great. (Hopefully he is telling the truth). Next we talked about who we should bring in and he said charlie and Im down with that because Charlie is awesome. I brought up Sharky and Dennis said that he was chill and would work with him. He’s asking Charlie and I’ll be asking Sharky. Hopefully this four person alliance works. I really like to work with them three.

Okay challenge performance: Not my best? Outfit I wore while I did my challenge: cute.

Okay the game has officially BEGUN. Maynor just came to me pitching an alliance. I feel great about working with because we get on really well. The only hiccup is that he followed it with pitching us working with Dennis and Charlie as a 4 person alliance. I really want to work with Brian though so I'm going to try and get him to keep his options open...but I have an alliance at least.

Does Nicole have a personality? I'm really not sure because our conversation has consisted of NOTHING. I want to work with women...but not Nicole…

Charlie and Sharky both agreed to be part of the 4 person alliance. This is great because we will have majority on our tribe. Hopefully its true tho. Sharky is down to be my duo partner in this game and im 100% truthful about that. I would totally go to the end with him. Lets just hope we win immunity today so we can avoid tribal again.

Okay so this alliance is in motion and Brian is getting left behind...I have to figure out a way to warn him without freaking him out

Wowee, tribal. Not a fan. I should be Gucci but like maybe a new Gucci gang will usurp me. Though I do severely doubt it lol. wooo! Did someone mention that I have an exam tomorrow as well? Love this. Brb gonna have a mental breakdown.

WE WON. Thank god. The longer we stay on this winning streak the longer I can keep from having to make real choices in who I align with.

From here on out Maynor and I will be a power couple known only as The Scream Team.

All I know is Keaton BETTTER STAY. If he leaves, ima kick his ass

Alliance of 4 is great. Going to make a chat later with host. Need to come up with an alliance name first. We won immunity which is awesome. We are now only tribe to have all memebers still. Which is good and bad since we could be targets during a swap for having everyone still in the game. Lets 🤞 that doesn’t happen.

ok so jayden stays ignoring but finally started talking to me for like 4 minutes so love that!! he really cares. and like still ppl force me to have convos with them like i just want a social game sorry to inconvenience u!! love naomi smalls. uh i have a f2 now! me and nathan WILL win this game know that we scored the highest in the challenge too.. WHICH WE WON! WOOOOH

Keaton has decided he wants to be buddies with me and BC now so *surprise* that’s an alliance now. Woohoo. Keaton’s growing on me a lot actually - it took him a while to get started but now he’s arguably one of my favorites. Keep it up Keaton!

At this point it’s getting increasingly obvious that BC wants to be everyone’s best friend. The alliance with Matt happened because BC had a chat with both of us the night before about allying separately. And Keaton initiated the alliance yesterday because of a conversation he had with BC. And then apparently BC gets on really well with Marie as well? From my perspective, he’s spreading himself too thin and it could bite him in the ass if he’s not careful.

As for the vote, it’s between Marie and John. BC and I are leaning John. The guy hasn’t talked to me once since the first night. He’s putting in super low effort, and I’d rather have someone like Marie who actually tries to be a part of the team. Matt and Keaton seem to be leaning Marie though. I’m going to try to push BC into committing against John without being too vocal either way myself. If Marie winds up going, it’s not the end of the world, but I’d really like to see John gone.

Also, a swap would be great right about now pls and ty

Sooooo I have an idol... a legacy advantage... a majority alliance... and our tribe won immunity... I think I’m the most powerful player in the game right now... let’s just stay that way!

I just sent in to create the Four of a Kind alliance which is me, Dennis, Charlie, and Sharky. Sharky and I named our duo alliance. I feel that Sharky is genuine to were I trust that he does want to work together. I still want to bond with Brian because I really like him. Nicole is mostly offline so idk. Our conversation like stopped.

So apparently the hosts want me to make one of these so I will. Not much to talk about since im in the majority and we aren't going to tribal. Bryce is presumably going next although he is good at challenges and appreciates Travis Scott. But according to Nathan he tried to target me so ya know.

So my phone is gone... this is sad and for now I have no way of getting it back so I am not quitting until I get voted out but I am not giving up.

So I’m shook I survived the first vote and we won thank god. I’m so happy for Nathan he really stood up for me last round and I’ve got his back no matter what now! I’m just hoping that Bryce isn’t angry with me for the cole vote oops

I thought I was clever. I was going to let other people take charge of this vote, let someone who cared more about who got voted out decide who goes. No need to get blood on my hands this early, right?

well APPARENTLY we're all so fucking bright that we all had the same great idea. none of us are going to dare suggest we have a preference here, and we're going to sit around until late tonight going "ya idk im fine with whatever". because that's what survivor's all about.

at least Keaton's hinting aggressively that he prefers to vote Marie here. if he were a little more active he'd be a lock for my favorite on the tribe.

Why I get paranoid: I thought why not share why I’m paranoid when I play games... Survivor is a very cut throat killer game and when thinking about how to control that part to me to where I can be cut throat with no regrets. I turn that on at merge and cut away the paranoia because I simply know that once merge hits there is some respect to everyone left in so I feel a bit more comfortable making the plays I do but before merge it’s kind of stressful... fun fact about me is I never have gotten premerge in an official group game. So in a sense I guess I’m paranoid because the pressure is on premerge and merge is where I really start to pull it together because if I go out there’s simply no reason to really care what place I get.

So, some developments. First of all me and Dennis feel like we've cracked a part of the puzzle on the search thing, as the wording was the same in two different things we found. Praying that Dennis gets and advantage. Imagine if we held all the powers by day 5 hahahaha.

Also, Dennis told me Maynor wants to make an alliance with me him and Sharky. I do feel good about this but would rather have Brian involved tbh. Despite this, me and Brian talked and I feel good about my relationship with him. He's a really nice guy!

Dennis didn't get anything on the hunt.. boooo. I am kinda wondering whether he's lying to me, cos I don't really understand why he tried to talk 4 times when there was another option... idk I trust him but I hope he's not hiding any advantage from me.

The alliance also got made. Good to feel comfortable in a group tbh

So happy we won the challenge!! I was a high scorer in this challenge, maybe I need to tone it down, don't want to seem a threat lol!!

I am a little bit worried about having told Sharky about the idol. Idk if I can trust him yet. It felt kinda awkward when I promised him I'd share the idol with him, I am genuine about that but I hope he sees that.

I have no idea what’s happening this vote so I’m gonna vote Keaton because he’s the one I’ve talked to the least and hopefully I don’t get voted out ughhh

John is voted out 4-1-1.