that feeling…

Okay okay, its been a while since I requested a matchup so sorry if i forget something! I dont mind both helluva and hazbin, i like both <3

Online I go by Dead or just D, I am not comfortable with my irl name and am still trying to figure it out

My pronouns are they/she, I'm still trying to find the right label for what I'm into though. I like everybody to sum it up tho!

I'm an INFP-t

I really like cats (I've got six), the colors blue and black, skeletons, cards/dice (i have some cool jewelry with card symbols n stuff) drawing, reading/writing and watching cartoons.

I've got diagnosed with ADD/ADHD though I'm more tired than hyper, but if you get me talking about something im interested in I could talk your ear off

I try really hard to be consious of how other people feel so I tend to back up if I can tell someone isn't enjoying the conversation/what we're doing. I also really try hard to include others in what I'm currently blabbing about by asking them questions 'cause I know what it's like to not have a say in a convo.

In terms of my appearence, I'm afab, and I'm sadly well endowed, it causes me some back issues. But on the bright side they make good pillows for friends!!

I've got short blonde hair that i dye black and i tend to wear loose clothes that are a few sizes too big. I usually tend to wear all black non gendered clothes (I'm goth) and if i feel like getting dolled up I'll wear a dress and accessories!

I need glasses cause my long distance sight is shit 💀💀💀

In terms of humor? I like making dirty jokes or dark jokes. Like, my fave dark joke is "my grandfather told me i was too reliant on technology. So i called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support"

But yeah!! Thanks for taking the time to read this <3

Matchup

I pair you with…

~ Hi Dead! Omg so I had these done two days ago, then I looked up what a charcuterie board was out of curiosity… bro it was completely finished, I didn’t save it as a draft, and lost my progress because I. Wanted to look. At pictures of charcuterie boards. Anyway I like charcuterie boards 🤭

~ Okay! So Blitzo was first that came to mind when I read about you. Firstly, y’all give off the extrovert adopts introvert trope. Except, it’s more like vague kidnapping than adopting. One meeting and you’re friends for life, no exceptions.

~ Blitzo’s favourite quality in a partner is someone who enjoys his sense of humour. This is a little bit because of his past in the circus. He not only loved that you understand and laugh at his jokes, but when you add on to them!

~He’s awful at communicating. The way you listen and genuinely show an effort in gaging his mood and engagement really means a lot to him, he notices. Blitzo works really well with someone who is patient and good at communication, because he’s lacking in that department, and you help him learn.

I pair you with…

~ This is another extrovert adopts introvert, but much less extreme. Asmodeus is interested in you, and he finds excuses and ways to see you again. If he notices the same interest is reciprocated, he’ll slowly integrate himself into your life and become a constant.

~ Loves listening to people talk. Will let you talk his ear off about your interests, and will never lose focus. Is completely invested from start to finish. Will literally sit there smiling with his heads in his hands kicking his feet.

~ Additionally, he digs that you’re so attentive in conversations. Asmodeus has a tendency to let himself become a listener when he’s in romantic relationships, mostly because he just genuinely enjoys listening to his partners speak and is such an invested listener. It’s a welcome change of pace that you’re constantly ensuring it’s a back and forth conversation, and how conscious you are of his feelings and attention. He reciprocates these efforts tenfold.

~ Super domestic. Will watch cartoons with you in a blanket pile on the couch for hours. Favourite thing is to make unique charcuterie boards and start a show together. This prompted me to go and look at pictures of fucking cheese last time.

~ Can be content with just admiring you while you draw.

~ Loves your sense of humour. Especially loves when he says something dirty to flirt, and you clap back with something super dark. It always catches him off guard, and it takes a lot to leave him speechless. He adores it.

I pair you with…

~ Loves your aesthetic.

~ “Omg I have a goth partner” type beat.

~ Unsure the trope of you guys meeting, but I had ideas for your relationship dynamic. Cherri uses you to recharge her social battery. After a long day, all she wants to do is come home to you and just rest. She’ll definitely text often throughout the day, but when she comes home she always beelines to the couch to make a next of pillows and blankets so you can watch cartoons together.

~ The ultimate cat sitter. Immediately once she hears you have cats she’s at your place. Is she with you for you or the cats? No one knows. It’s you. Don’t be surprised if you come home one day, and she’s just… there, with your cats.

~ If she finds cool jewelry that reminds her of you she’ll send you a selfie holding it next to her head, with a “?” text following to see if you want it. Sometimes it’ll be from cool little shops, but sometimes you can see the wreckage of a turf war in the background and you know she’s just looting people.

~ You both have the same sense of humour, it’s like you guys mesh so well. I imagine conversations between you go so well, you’re super excitable and somehow always find something to talk about. Every day is exciting.

Alternate pairing…

Charlie

Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia Beatrix and Jack Garland Banners

The Oath Within my Вrеаst (Intersecting Wills) event just started in the Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia (DFFOO) mobile game. This event came with 2 banners.

Oath Within my Вrеаst (Intersecting Wills) Banner 1

This banner features the following chars and their weapons:

Beatrix from Final Fantasy IX - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, LD, and Force or FR

Jack Garland from Stranger of Paradise Final Fantasy Origin - Burst or BT only

Yang Fang Leiden from Final Fantasy IV - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Lightning (Claire Farron) from Final Fantasy XIII - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Have everything on this banner except for Beatrix’s FR. Have a copy of Yang’s LD that’s been limit broken once.

Oath Within my Вrеаst (Intersecting Wills) Banner 2

This banner features the following chars and their weapons:

Beatrix from Final Fantasy IX - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, LD, and Force or FR

Yang Fang Leiden from Final Fantasy IV - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD

Lightning (Claire Farron) from Final Fantasy XIII - 15cp, 35cp, Ex, LD, and BT

Thoughts about Beatrix from Final Fantasy IX

I like Beatrix from Final Fantasy IX (#ad) well enough, but wouldn’t call her a fave or anything.

Right now, I have her 15cp, 35cp, Ex, and LD fully MLB. Her Ex has been Purpled or upgraded to Ex+ 3/3.

She has her High Armor and it’s been Realized to 0/3. She has her Bloom Stone. She has triple perfect Artifacts and 3 RF Spheres.

All of Beatrix’s Summon Boards have been completed. Unlocked parts of her Character Enhancement Boards, particularly the tiles that would give me her LD Call and LD extension passive.

Beatrix is a support who can deal pretty good damage. She provides decent enough party-wide buffs and auras. She can heal. She can dispel the buffs of enemies. She can also provide some protection against the attacks of enemies.

Beatrix isn’t really meta though. Don’t really need her. Nevertheless, I felt like tossing some tickets on her banner anyway.

This was a really bad idea though considering her FR is the only weapon I’m missing on both of the aforementioned banners. And like I said, don’t really need it.

Heck, I’m 99.99% sure that I’m not gonna bother to MLB Beatrix’s FR even if I manage to get it. At the moment, I have lots of Force weapons that I ended up pulling but never bothered to MLB so they’re all just clogging up my inventory.

I’m better off saving my tickets for future and upcoming banners but I was like, I could use more dupes of Yang’s LD for limit breaking purposes. Yang’s Ex and Lightning’s Ex give pretty good Spheres (both give Spheres that increase the ATK stat by 10%). I could totally use more copies.

These are all nothing but excuses though. I mean, yeah, my Yang LD hasn’t been fully limit broken yet but it’s not like I even have any plans of using it right now. And even if I did want to use it, I can just MLB it via Power Stones.

Yang’s Ex and Lightning’s Ex weapons may give good Spheres but I actually already have a few dupes of these lying around in my inventory. So far, haven’t had any more chars who wants these Spheres and who I actually want to give Spheres to.

In short, I really should just leave the Beatrix Intersecting Wills banners alone but couldn’t seem to help myself.

Oath Within my Вrеаst (Intersecting Wills) Banner 1 Free First Multi-Draw Results

As part of the New Year campaign, we get a free multi-draw on both of the Oath Within my Вrеаst (Intersecting Wills) banners.

Banner 1′s free pull gave me a gold orb which turned into dupes of Yang’s LD and either Beatrix’s 15cp or Lightning’s 15cp. Yay for that Yang LD dupe although I do wish I’d gotten Beatrix’s FR instead.

Oath Within my Вrеаst (Intersecting Wills) Banner 2 Free First Multi-Draw Results

My free multi-draw on the Oath Within my Вrеаst (Intersecting Wills) banner 2 gave me nothing more than a dupe of Beatrix’s 35cp. Meh. Bad pull is bad.

Oath Within my Вrеаst (Intersecting Wills) Banner 1 Tickets Pulls Results

As aforementioned, I really shouldn’t pull on either of these Intersecting Wills banners, but couldn’t seem to help it. Really felt like pulling so decided to toss some tickets here. Currently have 506 tickets on hand.

My first 10-draw gave me a gold orb which turned into a dupe of Beatrix’s Ex. Meh.

If I was gonna get a dupe Ex, wish I could have gotten either Yang’s or Lightning’s instead. Beatrix’s Ex gives a Sphere that raises the party’s MAX BRV. Still have my first copy of this just rotting in my inventory since, so far, have yet to encounter a char who wants this and who I want to give Spheres to.

My next few 10-draws gave me nothing but regular blue orbs and these all turned into dupe 15cps and 35cps so I didn’t even bother letting the animations play out.

The moment I see a regular blue orb, I just tap the screen so I can get to the draw results screen right away.

Didn’t see a point in waiting for the items I got to reveal themselves one-by-one when they all turned out to be bronze and silver trash and 15cp and 35cp gold dupes anyway. This is why I didn’t bother taking screenshots either.

So I was really surprised when I got to the draw results screen of yet another 10-draw that gave me a regular blue orb, and I noticed a weapon with a purple background.

I was like wait, isn’t that a Force weapon? Isn’t that Beatrix’s Force weapon? Sure enough, it was indeed Beatrix’s FR.

Welp, totally wasn’t expecting to see this yet or even at all, especially since I’d only done a few 10-draws so far and I kept on getting regular blue orbs.

Really pleased to see this though. So glad that I was able to get Beatrix’s FR without having to use hundreds of tickets. Still have 466 tickets left when Bea’s Force weapon came home.

This 10-draw also gave me 2 dupes of either Lightning’s 15cp or Beatrix’s 15cp.

Too bad I didn’t get any more dupes of Yang’s LD, Lightning’s Ex, and/or Yang’s Ex but it’s fine. At least I was able to get Beatrix’s FR. Done with this banner now.

Beatrix from Final Fantasy IX

Just as I feared, didn’t bother to spend the resources needed to fully MLB Beatrix’s FR. Couldn’t bring myself to do so since it seemed like such a waste when I don’t even think that I’ll be using it.

Also couldn’t bring myself to fully max out Beatrix such as by completing the rest of her Boards.

So for now, I just equipped her with her Force weapon. And that’s it. LOL. Yeah, yeah, maybe I really shouldn’t have bothered to pull for Beatrix’s FR. But hey, at least I have it in case I need it, right? LOL.

Conclusion

So, what about you? Did you pull on either of the Oath Within my Вrеаst (Intersecting Wills) banners? What do you think about Beatrix, Jack Garland, and all the other chars featured on these banners? Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions by leaving a comment below or by reblogging or replying to this post.

Notes:

screenshots are from my Dissidia Final Fantasy: Opera Omnia game account

hi excuse me maybe could we get part 2 of fave places to be kissed w fatgum midnight mirio and also maybe gang orca if u write for him😳ik he is niche i understand if no 👉👈

omg gang orca??? I’ve never written for before but I will try!!! I’m sorry if it’s not what you want fdsfdsl he is def niche im learning. HIS CIVILIAN FIT, WHY DO ME AND THIS MANS DRESS THE SAME GOODNITE. ALSO, HORIKOSHI DRAWING HIM WITH A PLASTIC BOTTLE, PLEASE THE DISRESPECT ON MY MANS NAME!! Anyways this is cute tho! I like these asks! Under the cut <3

Taishiro- Feels like a cop-out to say his stomach (but his stomach) so I’ll be bold and say Forehead. No matter what form he’s in he’s a pretty tall guy, so if you’re able to kiss his forehead that usually means you’re cozied up together on the couch or in bed or you’re sitting on a table/counter and have a good vantage point (usually with him between your legs). He thinks they’re cute and intimate, and he likes the feeling of your hands holding his cheeks while you press a nice long kiss to the center of his forehead, and if you go in for a big tight hug afterwards? Total jackpot, he could squeeze you and be squeezed by you for hours. 

Nemuri- Back, she loves being laid out in bed with you and feeling your lips drag up her spine, or graze between her shoulder blades before pressing into a soft kiss. It’s cozy and warm and if you had sex it’s a great gateway into some sleepy cuddling, but if you’re just getting started it’s easy to heat up. If sex isn’t involved at all though it’s just relaxing. It isn’t often Nemuri gets to be the one who’s besotted with someone else, but when you’re rubbing and kissing her back and talking about how pretty and cool she is? She’s totally gone for you. Bonus points if you lay on top of her after a few kisses and cuddle up. 

Mirio- idc if it’s not his fave this man has Cheeks that need to be kissed (face cheeks!! hah..unless..) His whole face is just kissable, and he won’t complain if you squish it up in your hands and smother him with them, going on and on about how nice his face is for kissing, it’ll make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside and he likes that feeling, a lot. He enjoys how innocent but emotional a few simple cheek kisses can be, he likes that they’re versatile, they can convey a lot of emotion, and bring you really close together, or they can be a simple fun greeting, a casual and easy way to let him know you missed him and are happy to see him, or a wordless request for him to come closer. If you’re sitting in his lap and you spare a few kisses to his cheeks/nose he’ll definitely be working in your favor for the rest of the day. 

Kugo- Nose! It’s safe to say Kugo doesn’t really see himself as very cute, he may really enjoy kids but he doesn’t think affection fits well into his nature, even if he’d really like it to. So when you kiss his nose it feels really innocent and sweet, it’s like a comforting reminder that he’s loved as he is, not in spite of it, but more because of it. He even feels kind of cute when you do it, especially if they’re peppering kisses where you’re cooing at him and huddling closer into his lap. If he ever seems exhausted or like he’s having a bad day the best thing to do while letting him get it all of his chest is climb into his lap and start kissing him all over, starting with his nose, he’ll be really appreciative of it by the end.

Hi! I wanted to get in on that follower ship if that’s okay? I’d like to be shipped with someone from the Bad Batch (but not Hunter idk I’m just not attracted to him) if I don’t match with any then I’ll be okay with any clone, it’s just tbb are my faves rn

So I’m 5 ft tall, with dark brown eyes and shoulder length brown hair thats wavy but also floofy and looks like a lion mane if brushed. I really enjoy learning about new stuff, drawing, playing video games and swimming. I can get anxious/depressed but I try to handle it on my own. Definitely deflect my own issues by taking care of others lol. A fun fact about me is that if someone insults me I contain my anger well, but if someone I care about gets insulted I kinda lose my shit. Oh! And I’m really bad at controlling my facial expressions. Like, I’ve had people come up to tell me they knew I wanted to beat someone even though I was being polite just from my facial expressions.

Thank you thank you so much if you’re able to do mine! If not that’s okay!💜

celebrate with me<3

hiiii<3 of coursee! thank you so much for asking

u know you went and said "not hunter" and as I kept reading I totally thought aboUT MATCHING YOU WITH HUNTER IM SO SORRY LOVE I'm laughing so hard I just- but anyways if it's not hunter then maybe

✨ Echo my sweet boy ✨

also you gave me so many amazing things I could totally work with so I'm gonna go and give you a few hcs and a little something as well.

so, you and echo right. *wiggles eyebrows*

so, your hair is beautiful I'm sure, and echo thinks so as well. i think he'd always find a way to touch your hair, either cuddling or just sitting beside each other, he likes to feel how fluffy and nice it feels under his rough hands, and he def learned how to Bride Your Hair just to have an excuse to feel it under his fingers.

Echo loves to brush/when you brush your hair and he thinks you look tHE CUTEST when it's all lion-mane like don't @ me.

He'll caught up in your deflective thing or when you're anxious/depressed and he'll do anything. ANYTHING. to make you feel better. sometimes you get annoyed bc it's fine echo, I'm alright, but my boy is very stubborn and he will and must do whatever is in his power to help you feel a little less bad.

KSHSJS so. i can't take this picture off my head of tech saying something mean to echo bc that b*tch is always saying mean things and like, you snapping and are about to throw fists at tech, obvs nothing happens bc echo stops you, and I'm not saying that he's is into that but to say you get a messy make out ses ticket right after is an understatement.

you'd be always making faces at each other, it'd be SO funny bc tech'd say something annoying and you two look at each other like 🙄🙄 and hunter always tries to hide a smile when he sees you making the sAME FACE bc u two are really meant to be.

echo adores to watch you swimming, he doesn't usually join you bc Self Conscious but he really adores watching you go in that lake you two stumbled upon a few hours ago, and his heart flutters when you laugh. you ask him to join you but he shakes his head saying it's fine. you look ethereal, he always thinks, under the sun light and in that crystalline water.

He enjoys teaching you stuff, or when you teach hIM stuff. but his favorite times are when you two try to learn something together, when you read him this book you just found out, or improving your mando'a together, laughing loudly at your bad pronunciation, kissing softly as a reward for a job well done.

he loves the most when you're drawing, though, you look so focused, determinated yet so... soft, he thinks, sometimes chewing your lip, and sometimes you find him staring, the smile appearing on your lips appears in his too, before you go back to what you're working on.

sometimes you draw him, too.

echo was sitting in the grass, cross-legged, pulling some grass out as you two waited for the others to arrive, little flowers of all colors surrounded him, the sun above was hitting him just right, half of his face seeming like glowing and you had been drawing him for the past minutes.

"what are you drawing, baby?" he asks, not looking up from the green under him, brows frowned because of the sun shining above.

it's something so casual, because lately you've been drawing a bit more than usual, you hide your little smile with your sketch book.

"oh, nothing, you know." you shrug, even if he doesn't see you, "just pretty things."

echo looks up to you, finding a glint of something in your eyes he can't quite place what it is.

"can you show me?"

"it's not done yet." he hums, going back to pulling grass between his closed fists, a warm breeze passes and he looks around to see if he catches a glimpse of hunter or any other. "wait," you start when he moves to stand, "don't move."

echo's puzzled look lasts only a second before he sees how you pick up a pace with your drawing, your eyes flickering quickly between him and whatever you're drawing.

"thought you said pretty things." his voice is like confused amusement, and you chuckle lightly.

"and I meant it."

the grin he gives you is bashful, cheeks painting in the lightest of pinks, and he's glad you can't hear how hard his heart is beating.

itsay ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)

itsay ep 3 fucking obliterated me so here i am with some more thoughts on this episode (drama) in general. this is just me being an incoherent mess bc my mind is basically just one long !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! after having watched this (once raw and again subbed). this isn’t an analysis, it’s literally me just gushing over the ep as i watch it bc boy oh BOY.

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT EVERYTHING HITTING DIFFERENT AFTER THE BOAT SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i thought the tension in the boat knocked the breath out of me, this whole ep was that x10000.

they really started us off with a bang having continued straight off from last ep with teh smelling oh-aew’s hair, huh?? teh rubbing his face with the coconut paralleled with oh-aew smelling his coconut scented shampoo?? excuse me as i cry into my hands.

teh wasn’t willing to wake up early for tarn when she wanted to draw early in the morning, but when he sees that oh-aew wants to wake up early to study, HE’S the one that makes sure that oh-aew wakes up (and he stays up to keep oh-aew company, even if it’s just over the phone). then again when they’re at the resort...love that tarn realises that too. boy ain’t subtle. also, how is it even possible that they can have that much tension just speaking over the phone?? they’re not even in the same room and the tension between the two of them is so thick i can barely breathe.

the “let me know when you’re home”!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOYFRIEND BEHAVIOUR. as soon as oh-aew asked teh why he always asked tarn that, i KNEW they were gonna put that in there for him and oh-aew and i’m glad i wasn’t disappointed :))) the look on oh-aew’s face when he saw the text!!!!!!!!!!! the way he stopped in his tracks!!!!!!!!!

i already had a feeling that oh-aew was going to be the first one to properly realise and accept his feelings for teh based on the teasers (makes sense since he already knows he likes boys...he’s more sure of his sexuality, which would of course make it easier for him to accept based on that). seeing the way he used the ‘if you get close to him and he doesn’t move away it means he likes you’ theory that teh initially told him to try on bas with teh too was really cute. and the jealousy over tarn. i LOVED that we got to see a more petty side to him when he announced he was going to room with bas partly bc of how lowkey jealous/mad he was about teh and tarn talking over the phone. it left teh so unsettled and confused (the piano music was PERFECT in that scene), and is 510% something teh would have done too (based on the previous two eps). they really are a perfect match huh. but poor bas being caught in the middle of the two of them ;;;

i liked that a lot of this ep was from oh-aew’s perspective. i feel like we got mostly teh’s pov in the first two eps, so it was really nice to see things from oh-aew’s pov too. gave us all more insight into his personality and he’s honestly SO MUCH more flirty than i thought he was going to be omg. the potato chip scene where he just crawled over to teh and ate that potato chip all the while staring straight at teh, then lying on his lap?????????? teh was (understandably) flustered after that AND SO WAS I. i was not expecting that whatsoever. i was also really impressed with how honest oh-aew was about his feelings. i love that he’s stayed true to their previous heart to heart in the boat scene last ep where he basically told teh that he wanted transparency between the two of them. he’s sticking to that, and i admire him so much for being able to be that vulnerable and true to himself. i thought there might have been more confusion with bas, but it looks like as soon as he realised his feelings might have faded/that he was feeling things for teh now, he just went with it. i know in my last text post i said that oh-aew is usually the more cautious/pragmatic of the two, but i feel like when it comes to his feelings, he seems to be really in tune with who and what he wants (more so than teh). this of course makes sense bc he’s likely had more time to come to terms with his sexuality...which is what teh’s figuring out for himself now. on top of that, oh-aew’s feelings for teh are a lot stronger than the ones he has for bas. and since he’s also more certain that teh likes him back, he’s so much bolder in how he approaches teh. and teh, to his credit, returns that honesty too when oh-aew basically pushes him into acknowledging that there’s ~something between them (hammock scene). i was kind of expecting him to push away from that/deny it, but he didn’t. he’s obviously just a lot more confused with his feelings and still needs some time to understand them and process them fully. on a related note, hammock scene was so loaded and SO well acted by the both of them. the fact that they can move from playful in one scene too achingly intense in another always throws me for a loop.

another thing i really love about the two of them is how they push one another to be better. it’s that rivalry that makes their bond even stronger, but it’s also something that worries me for future eps ngl...

but i honestly feel SO BAD for bas...clearly, he likes oh-aew, and although oh-aew was initially confused with the two of them, he’s definitely more convinced when it comes to his feelings for teh. but when bas essentially asked oh-aew out, and oh-aew said let’s invite the rest of they guys?? he looked so sad and my heart kind of broke a little. it’s like watching the poor second lead in a kdrama. and tarn too :( i really hope that when teh accepts his feelings for oh-aew, he doesn’t keep her hanging on the way that most BLs tend to do. she deserves so much better than that. my heart really hurts for the both of them, but at the same time teh and oh-aew are just magnets being pulled together at this point. they can’t stay away from each other.

the scene where teh rubs the smell of oh-aew’s coconut scented pen (from what he’s written) all over his face bc he’s at his limit and can’t stand all those pent up feelings anymore, only to race out to their special meeting place on the beach????? the moment he sees that oh-aew’s there too and he chases after him entranced (and the smile on oh-aew’s face)????? the way the instrumental ost just swells the moment they see each other????? the way they tease and dance around another yet again?????  PURE ART. A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE. THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DRAMA I HAVE EVER SEEN. this whole sequence has to be my fave scene in this ep. god, that part where the camera closes in on them and they’re face to face before oh-aew steps away again had my heart trying to flutter its way out of my CHEST. THEY HAVEN’T EVEN KISSED IN THE SERIES YET AND THEY CAN REDUCE ME TO THIS. honestly, their power is something else. the fact that they can stir so many emotions in all of us just by the way they glance at one another, by the way they dart around one another barely touching...there are dramas/movies with multiple kiss/love scenes that can’t even create that tension and longing. it’s the kind of chemistry that burns you inside out. it’s so palpable.

the thigh massage scene had me CAPTIVATED (like all their scenes tbh) and then teh’s mum came to wake me (and the both of them) up haha. but for real, there’s just something so tentative about what’s happening. these feelings are new to them, and they’re easing their way into it. always toeing the line, but not overstepping it yet. it’s primal. they keep letting those feelings build up more and more and more. and you can always feel the way it’s leading to something else. and of course it leads into the next scene where teh’s tutoring oh-aew again but the atmosphere is so incredibly heavy, so tight, that they can’t contain it anymore (i mean, the fact that they contained it for so long when they’re teenage boys with feelings for one another is already astounding enough to me). teh tries so hard, but then the back scratch happens and...THIS ICONIC SCENE...i thought they were going to kiss then (before oh-aew turned around), but then we got something else entirely and the intimacy of it all. just wow. literally not a single kiss and it was one of the most sensual scenes i have ever seen in a BL. it’s just the way they get so caught up in one another. THE YEARNING OF IT ALL. this whole ep was just pure anticipation, and i have never ever wanted two characters to kiss more than i do these two. it’s the build up that gets me (idk if this can be considered slow build since there’s only been like three eps but it sure as hell feels like it!!!!!!!!!). then teh pulls away and it’s like a smack in the gut...but at the same time, i get it. he’s not ready yet. there’s so much for him to take in and he’s not there yet (not the way oh-aew is), and just like oh-aew, it keeps us all hanging on, so close but not quite there yet.

so much of this felt like this cat and mouse game between the both of them where one of them would advance, then retract...it makes the tension between the two of them even MORE overwhelming bc you keep anticipating something, and you get fleeting moments of it, but then it’s over by the time you blink. they keep toying with one another, but not crossing the line YET bc they know that that’ll change everything the moment they do. it’s such a testament to the writing AND the acting bc it’s the chemistry that bkpp have with one another that creates all of that push and pull dynamic, that yearning and desire. having to wait a whole week again is just devastating...i think next ep seems like it might be the climax?? i’m pretty sure it’ll be the ep where teh accepts his feelings (or at least won’t be able to hold himself back physically anymore), where all the build up finally properly erupts, but at the same time, i just know that the angst is going to start piling up and idk how to feel other than terrified bc i’m way too invested now tbh.

anyway, this drama is absolutely magnificent, and all i want to do is rave about how damn good it is. so high quality. it feels so fresh, like they’re reinvented the tried and true coming of age tale in a way, and we’re all just along for the ride. it transcends the typical thai BL story (and i now understand why they were hesitant to label this as BL when it really feels like it encompasses so much more than the usual BL tropes and story). one of my fave dramas of the year by far (BL or otherwise). it’s just a class apart from any drama i’ve watched before and ticks every single box for me. stunning in every way. down to every detail and every feeling and emotion. it’s so raw and real and i can’t praise what nadao and the team have done with this enough (and we still have 2 more eps to go!!). there’s just so much meaning in every little thing, and in all those little things you can see the time and care it’s taken them to make this.

haircut / bolin x reader, soulmate au

summary: Your trip to Republic City doesn't turn out as expected, and you and your roommates find yourselves in the middle of Kuvira's attack. Three short vignettes of backstory, all wrapped up with an impromptu haircut and a sweet introduction.

a/n: oh my lord :) this was so challenging and fun to write! the only ideas i seem to ever have are also the ones i don't know how to approach, so writing this was a doozy. i’ve never written any AUs but soulmate aus have always been a personal fave. i hope that yall enjoy this one as much as i do, its less bolin-centric and takes a bit of patience, but i think it's very sweet! thank you for all your support on my previous works as well, it means a whole lot to me <3 additionally, i now have 100+ followers on this blog! thank you so much, yall :) love u all, stay safe!

read on ao3

On your 18th birthday, you got your mark. You woke up eager, jumping out of bed and stripping your sleeping clothes off to see where it had appeared. At first, you panicked— it was nowhere to be seen, rubbing your hands along the backs of your legs and arms, hoping the friction would urge it to surface. After what had felt like hours of checking in every corner of your body in the mirror, you gave up and wrapped yourself in a blanket, walking out of your bedroom in search of your mother.

With tears in your eyes, you hugged your mom as she wished you a happy birthday, taking a deep breath and engulfing yourself in her calming scent. Upon seeing you crying, her face washed over with concern as she asked you if you’d found your mark yet. You talked through your doubts, suggesting that you might not even have a soulmate, and that no mark was ever supposed to appear, and that it just wasn’t meant to be.

“Y/n, don’t be foolish,” she reached for your hand and gave it a squeeze, “let’s check together.”

You pulled the blanket up and turned your ankles, checking on the soles of your feet, your toes. You huffed, pulling it up around your thighs and spinning unenthusiastically for her to check the backs of them. You dropped the blanket down, reaching up to slip it down off your arms.

You exposed your shoulders, your mother lifting your arms to check your armpits, in between your fingers, along your collarbone. She spun you around with her hands, checking the skin on your back. She pushed the hair on your neck forward and placed a finger on the nape of your neck, chuckling.

“Looks like we’re going to have to plan a trip to the earth kingdom sometime soon.”

.

You hadn’t left the Northern Water Tribe for your entire life until you turned 20. Living with a few childhood friends in a shared apartment, you all dreamed of one day traveling to Republic City and living it up for a couple days, Republic style. The spirits had just arrived in the City, and you all wanted to see them before the government did something to rid them, having heard great stories of large vines and friendly spirits speckled along the bustling streets.

You heard good reviews about Varrick Industries’ blimp flights from the Northern Water Tribe to Republic City, but the technology was just a bit too new (and therefore expensive), and a local fisherman offered to give you all a ride on his boat in exchange for a bit of work during the trip. You had known the fisherman to be a little unhinged, but you didn’t complain.

The four of you planned on staying at an inn not too far from the pro-bending arena, which was a huge deal, since all of you listened to pro-bending matches on the radio together religiously. Every Friday night was an event, where you helped your roommate, Tonauk, cook a large meal for everyone as a celebration of the week’s end. As all of you sat down for dinner, you would discuss your theories for the night’s matches, turning the radio on after you all had finished.

You all had to go out and buy new clothes since your wardrobes were too warm for the weather in the city, modifying a couple items of clothing you never wear, chopping off the sleeves on a lightweight tunic. You figured you could do a bit of shopping while on your vacation, but hey, things were probably cheaper here, anyway. You packed up your bags and wished to have a safe journey, and a nice, relaxing week in Republic City. It felt so strange leaving the one place you’ve been your entire life, but it felt like it was time, and you were ready.

.

To put it shortly, the trip to Republic City was an absolute disaster. The boat ride over was actually pretty bearable, though— the fisherman had the four of you working the sails most of the time, which was second nature to you, the child of a fisherman. Upon your arrival, you discovered that an angry spirit occupied the room you had reserved at the inn, forcing the four of you to opt for a cramped two-bed on the first floor. It wasn’t the best of circumstances, but you all were determined to see it through and still have a good time.

Where things really went south was when Kuvira arrived. It had been about three days into your vacation, and your roommate Niko insisted on taking a ferry trip to Air Temple Island. It was a gorgeous day and the sun felt so good on your skin, the breeze caressing your face as it flowed past you.

The four of you were absolutely clueless to what was happening in the city— the looks of concern on the Air Acolytes’ faces as you leisurely strolled through on your tour of the island, the crowds of people boarding boats in droves when you arrived back at the ferry. As you walked towards the dock, an Acolyte approached your group and told you to leave immediately, and that the city was being evacuated.

The ferry ride back to the port was probably the most stressed you’d ever been in your entire life. You and Tonauk were waterbenders, but Niko and Kala weren’t, and if they got caught up in some twisted Kuvira shit, you would never forgive yourself if you weren’t able to save them. How should we have known Kuvira was here? How were we supposed to know that “Oh, Kuvira’s coming, so let’s all silently up and leave”? It didn’t make sense, and now you were really in danger, and you felt the horrible weight of putting your friends in this situation. It was your idea to go to Republic City, but you hadn’t thought about the possibility of this happening.

That was when you had heard Niko curse something under his breath next to you, and you looked out across the water. Kuvira was here, alright— and she brought a giant mecha suit that was aiming its arm in front of itself. You covered your ears as the blast that erupted from it echoed across the water. Holy shit.

.

You were absolutely sure that you were going to die. Since the buses and trams across the city had closed down, the four of you were on foot, making your way to the train station. You all crouched and sheltered yourselves as you heard another blast close by. When the coast was clear, you all turned a corner, happening upon a stressed, scrambled group of airbenders. You hurried to offer a hand to them as they picked themselves off the ground.  It took a while to realize what was all happening in front of you. You saw that you were about 200 feet from the giant mecha suit, which you had assumed caused the airbenders to crash. Holy shit, is that the avatar?

“Excuse me? You’re not supposed to be here.” A stern voice chided from behind you.

“Yeah, what’re some civilians doing around here anyway?” You turned to look at who was speaking: two men, both eyeing your group up as you helped an airbender to their feet.

“We were making our way to the train station. We didn’t know there was an evacuation.” Tonauk defended, stepping forward.

“You didn’t know?” The green eyed one looked at Tonauk in disbelief. “We’ve been evacuating for days— There was a city-wide radio broadcast… that played aloud to the entire city.”

You recalled that you were on a day trip out to a park outside the city yesterday and probably completely missed the broadcast. “Ugh!” you exclaimed, “That’s why our ferry tickets were so cheap.”

“People will really do anything for money nowadays, huh?” Niko muttered.

“You guys went on a ferry?” the taller of the two questioned, disappointment spread across his face.

“Oh, my god,” the green-eyed one chuckled. “They went to Air Temple Island and didn’t know there was a city-wide evacuation? Like, we’re straight up under attack right now.” He gestured to the mecha suit, which had just blasted a building a block away. Kala scoffed.

“Guys?” Oh my god, it really was the Avatar! “We’d love to get to know you, but we uh, have something that we really have to deal with right now,” she forced a smile, gesturing for the two boys to join her. They turned and ran to the rest of their group, circling up to strategize.

Before you could mutter something about how some people in this city are just so impolite, the building next to you started crumbling. Tonauk attempted to shelter the four of you by drawing water up from the sewer cap nearest you, but there wasn’t enough to provide good cover. That was when you were knocked out momentarily by a few bricks that had fallen, coming to seconds later and realizing that you were stuck underneath a pile of rubble. Your hair, grown long for many years despite your mother’s wishes, was now trapped underneath some kind of machinery that had fallen from the building. Your face was stuck against the rubble beneath you. Your arms were free enough to pull the rest of your body from the bricks that held it down, but your head would not budge, your cheek pressed against some kind of electrical unit.

“Hold still!” the green-eyed boy’s voice echoed in your ears as he attempted at moving the weight on top of your hair. “Dammit, I can’t move it! Why do they make these things out of platinum?” he groaned.

“Just cut it off!” you managed to squeak out.

“If you say so,” he began, reaching in his pocket to pull out a foldable knife. You craned your neck to pull your hair taut. With one short swoosh, your head was free, but the man above you didn’t move. “I, uh…” he trailed off.

“What is it?” you picked yourself up, scanning the scene around you, relieved to see that your friends had survived.

A blush spread across his face as he reached an arm up to rest behind his head. Or, was he...? You reached up to press the earth emblem on the back of your neck, now exposed from your new haircut. “Oh my god, turn around.” you ordered him, as he turned, folding his popped collar down. You gasped to yourself as you saw that the water emblem was printed across the nape of his neck. “I, uh…” you echoed him.

“Really need to… get going?” he finished for you, “But I’m really confused, so like, if we both make it out of this alive, my friend Varrick is having a wedding, and you should come.” he turned around and his eyes sparkled, reaching out his hand to give yours a shake. “I’m Bolin. And you are?”

“Y/n,” you exhaled, giving his hand a squeeze. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You as well,” he glanced over at his group. “Okay, gotta go. Not sure where the wedding is, but come to Air Temple Island if all else fails. See you then!” Bolin gave you a reassuring smile before running off.

You looked behind you, at your friends, who were now staring at you dumbfounded. “Nice haircut.” Kala gave you a thumbs up as you walked back towards them. Bolin and the others ran off down the street, towards the mecha suit.

“So… he’s like, your…?” Niko suggested.

“I… don’t know,” you stuttered, straightening out your tunic. “but I do know that we have a wedding to go to, so let’s get the hell out of here.”

I really wish people would stop excusing their favorite character's actions with convoluted theories instead of just accepting that their faves aren't perfect. Ian should not be comparing Terry and Frank. Full stop. Especially not to Mickey's face, when Mickey is in the middle of trying to deal with the complicated feelings he has about the father that raped him by proxy and tried to actually murder him. It's ok to say "yeah you're right I don't know what you're going through but I'm here" and not make it into a shitty father competition.

And I really wish people would refrain from making groundless assumptions and recognize that trying to understand a character's motivation for doing something does not equal taking a stance on whether or not the action discussed is morally sound but alas, nonnie, we live in an imperfect world.

For those just turning in, this ask was received in response to my addition to this post.

Now, nonnie, if I understand you correctly, you disapprove of what I wrote because you see it as 1, an attempt to excuse Ian's behavior because 2, he's my favourite character and 3, therefore I can't stand to have him do something wrong. You also think that, no matter his motivations, Ian shouldn't be comparing Frank to Terry. Below, I'll quickly refutate points 2 and 3, as well as detail the difference between explanations and excuses and – hopefully – demonstrate why you can't with any sort of certainty claim that the offending post is an example of the latter. I will not really engage with the question of whether or not Ian was wrong for saying what he did, because (as we shall return to forthwith) that was not the issue originally discussed, it doesn't actually interest me, and as you do not offer any sort of reasoning for your moral judgment there really isn't anything for me to work with there anyway.

Strap in, kids; it's another long one.

Let's start with your claim that Ian is my favourite. I'm not actually going to spell it out there, but instead direct you to paragraphs 3-7 of this post. A little lazy, perhaps, but I'm sure you can appreciate why I have limited time to point out the same basic flaws twice in a fairly short period of time. (Should I pin a pic of me holding up a little sign reading ”Actually, Mickey is my favourite, even though I love Ian too” to the top of my blog? Would that be helpful?)

Moving on to point 3, I do agree with the general notion that it's fine to accept that the characters we love (no matter who that character is) are flawed and make mistakes! If you had taken the time to familiarize yourself with my thoughts on Ian and Mickey – or if you had, you know, just asked – instead of jumping to completely unsubstantiated conclusions based on a single post, you might even have realized that them being fucked up and making fucked up choices from time to time is one of the things I find most compelling about them. They are messy and complicated and human, and I love that. I neither think nor want either of them to perfect, because perfection is unrealistic is static is boring.

With that out of the way, let's get to excuses versus explanations. If one confuses the two, any attempt to discuss or explain a persons behavior will be construed as an attempt to excuse it, but to understand something and to condone it are actually two different things.

For instance, I can explain and understand why Mickey acted the way he did in 3x09, but still think kicking Ian in the face was wrong. I can explain and understand why Ian called Mickey a coward and a pussy in 4x11 but still think he was wrong for doing so. Do you see? Understanding – or trying to understand – why someone did something is not the same as saying that what they did was okay. Understanding the reasons for someone's actions might lessen the severity of our condemnation (for instance, stealing is generally considered wrong, but most of use would agree that stealing bread to feed your kid is less wrong than stealing bread because you're too stingy to pay for it) or might remove condemnation entirely (hitting someone because you are angry with them is wrong, hitting someone as part of consensual BDSM sex is fine), but understanding an action does not automatically lead to declaring said action morally correct. In short, ”why did X do Y” and ”was X right or wrong do to Y” are two different questions, and the fact that our answer to the second question often is at least partly dependent on our understanding of the first does not change that.

So explanations and excuses are not the same. And yet, sometimes the reasons for doing something (or failing to do something) are offered up as an excuse; as a reason why someone should not be held responsible for their actions, or why they were correct in performing/not performing them in the first place. That neatly leads us to the question of whether or not that's what's actually happening in the post you took exception to. And the answer to that is... you can't know. What boys-night and I discuss in the post is what Ian is actually doing (is he trying to compare trauma och convince Mickey he had it worse) and why he is doing it; that is, we are trying to understand and explain his behavior. Neither of us make any sort of statement on whether or not he was right or wrong for saying or doing what he did: that's just not the topic of conversation. Now, maybe I do think his motivations means that he's morally justified in what he said; maybe I don't. My point is that you can't know that just from what you've read in the post. You might draw some tentative conclusions, and they may be correct, but you don't know, and the reasonable and responsible way to go from there is to seek clarification by asking (polite) questions, not aggressively throwing around accusations about others grasping for straws in a despertae attempt to exonerate their favorites from wrongdoing.

(And just to remind you, even if I were making excuses for Ian, it wouldn't be because he's my favourite or becuase I can't bear to have him do wrong.)

You are perfectly free to disagree with any of the points made in the post, by the way, but you need to recognize that what we're disagreeing on then is motivation, not morality.

And, oh, of course it would have been okay to say "yeah you're right I don't know what you're going through but I'm here", but that's not what Ian did. Now, if you are happy to go ”ah, Ian fucked up, he's not perfect” and move on, that's fine. You do you, nonnie, and if analysis and discussion of character motivations isn't your jam then it isn't and I'm sure no one is going to force you to engage in it. (And if they try to, you can simply say ”I don't care” and walk away.) However, to be perfectly honest I am a bit perplexed that you should be so indignant over other fans trying to make sense of his actions. Do you still feel that way now that you – hopefully – understand that trying to explain a characters' behavior doesn't necessarily mean trying to excuse it? I mean, surely you are aware of the fact that people usually have reasons for acting the way they do, even if the way they act is shitty or misguided? (Note that I'm not saying that Ian's actions were shitty and misguided. That is not the discussion we're having.) I am rather curious, actually, as to what you think Ian's motivations were? Do you imagine he was deliberatedly diminishing Mickey's trauma? Why, if so? Do you perhaps think that he is obsessed with being The Most Victim and thus takes every opportunity to list all the ways Frank sucked? Or maybe that his mouth just moves without any thought or reason and the words just randomly happened?

To be fair, it seems that Ian's motivations is not something you consider relevant: you write that ”Ian should not be comparing Terry and Frank. Full stop.” And that's absolutely a moral stance you can take, albeit certainly not the only one. Maybe Ian shouldn't have said what he said Had you given any reasons for this verdict, I might even have agreed with you because I can think of several reasons why it might be better if Ian refrained from comparing Terry and Frank, no matter his motivations. (And I might not, because I can also think of several reasons why such a comparision might be justified, even though Terry is clearly the more evil of the two.) However, we shall never know, because you fail to back up your claim. I guess that's because you deem it self-evident? It is not, and until you provide any sort of reasoning for your grand proclamation, I won't engage with the question. Not going to shadow-box with you, nonnie, or do your work for you; if you want a discussion, make your case properly. Though maybe make it elsewhere – as previously noted, passing judgement on the characters is not my primary interest when discussing them. I am much more intrigued by trying to understand why characters do and say what they do and say.

Phew. Okay, that's me done, I think. I realize that you might not be very impressed with this answer, nonnie, but I hope it may to some degree reassure you that no sneaky attempt to excuse my favourite character's actions with convoluted theories was made by this humble blogger. Not this time, at least.

End Of Year Faves 2020

Tagged by the legendary @kiki-the-creator! I’m pretty late so whoever sees this can go ahead! Tag me back if you decide to join so I can check out your stuff!

Rules:

It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 8 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work!

I don’t think I have eight things to present lol. This year hasn’t been my best from a creative point of view, but I guess something is better than nothing. I’ll just put whatever I’m proudest of (including things I haven’t posted)

1. Compromised (LITG)

“Iona seems pretty blunt and out there. You can’t not notice her, you know? Rejecting six proposals though? She’s probably hard to tie down. If those were all from the same person, I extend my lashes to you babes.” Kioni paused and smirked before adding, “I can see why it’s hard to resist getting on your knees for her.”

I mean, of course! It’s the first fic I’ve posted in years that wasn’t a oneshot. I had a lot of fun coming up with Kioni and the plot; I love it too much to bail on it completely. Maybe if I stopped myself from rewriting it so much it would be updated fast. Nicky x Kioni

2. Drive and Disconnect (LITG)

“We only have a few hours before we're kicked out anyway. I know the reunion was a shitshow, but we can’t stay in our hotel rooms forever.”

Kioni rose from the edge of her bed and picked up her journal, leaving her phone on the bed. She flicked through the pages before stopping on an entry detailing a getaway she planned a year ago. This was perfect! She wasn't planning on having company on the road but spending more time with Nicky and dodging shady photographers sounded much more interesting.

Kioni and Nicky on a roadtrip! This was fun too! I made a playlist and a moodboard and everything. I haven’t gone far with this one either but hey, maybe one day. Nicky x Kioni

3. Yes, I’m Changing (LITG)

A warm hand lands on her bare shoulder. She jolts before sighing at the dark brown eyes gazing at her. “Do you get off on startling me, Nicky?” asks Kioni.

He smiles softly and draws slow circles into her skin, “I called you three times. Are you okay?”

Her heart flutters. He was always so caring, always looking out for her. And he already knew so much about her, even before the unintentional confessions they made a few minutes ago. She couldn’t lie around him if she tried, and boy has she tried. The sides of her lips curl upwards despite herself, “I’m just lost in thought, I guess.”

Ah, yes, my first contribution to the litg fandom. It’s cute! Nicky x Kioni

4. It’s 3 In The Morning (LITG)

"Where are you going?" she said, mumbling into the pillow.

"I uh," Kioni's eyes darted towards the door. She was going to be gone for a while, so the bathroom wouldn't be a valid excuse. She sighed and smiled sheepishly ."I'm gonna look for the guitar."

AJ used her free hand to fumble with her phone after reaching for it blindly on the nightstand beside her. She squinted at the light and groaned. "Kioni, it's three in the morning."

A self indulgent fic that kept me up at night! AJ x Kioni

5. Are You High? You!? (LITG)

Surely she wouldn't mind if she ate one. She popped one in her mouth and smiled. Then grimaced. It tastes weird.

Another self indulgent fic! Lottie x Hannah

6. It’s On My To-Do List (LITG)

After being on Love Island she had become accustomed to being around unnaturally gorgeous people, she had to. There's no way she could survive if she was a nervous wreck every time someone looked her in the eye. Something about Priya was different and she couldn't stand not knowing what it was. Maybe that's why she was so enamored by her…

She gasped when Priya's eyes met hers. Goosebumps raised on her skin. Kioni snapped her head towards Noah, grasping her drink more firmly.

"Oh shit, she caught me staring."

A prompt for yours truly. Priya x Kioni

7. Detective Moodboards (TWC)

Zuri Jackson

Lucille Le Beau

I finally caved and made twc ocs! I adore them and I spend way too much time thinking about them. Eventually I’ll muster up the guts to write some fics with them.

8. Venomous Tongue (TWC)

“Oh, Rebecca,” she sighed in a sickly sweet voice. “You don’t seem to understand.”

She raised her hand and planted it on her shoulder in faux comfort. Muscles tensed beneath a grey blazer. Her smile widened by a fraction. Today, Zuri embraced her burning skin. She embraced her polluting touch.

“As far as I’m concerned, I’ve already lost both my parents.”

Some mother/daughter angst for my detective, Zuri Jackson. This hurt to write but I love it. I haven’t posted it because it’s not something that actually happens, and it would be a WILD introduction to her character like SHIIIT.

im gonna talk about some doomvega stuff idk where else to post it 

slayer hc

I like selective mute slayer the most... nonverbal communication most of the time, his body language/expression vega gradually eases into learning, then for longform communication its typing into vega’s console, morse code into vega’s palm (<3) or sign language.  the few times he speaks is very curt and short, maybe just quick affirmation from vega for whatever (kisses <3) and the gayest reason of all... so he can say vega’s name tenderly 

lots of hobbies, which is more or less canon, but it's cute to think about... particularly his cooking magazines make me think he would be a good cook in a umm domestic au... but I like that he enjoys many creative things also like reading/writing/music, in addition to a scientific/engineering bg, hes kind of like... full package husband material

I dont have a ton of slayer hcs... I think hes mostly introverted, more into his hobbies, cultured... I think my only self-indulgent not canon compliant hc is he gets embarrassed easy and pretty expressive but has rbf.  hes like the shy boyfriend in the “excuse me he said no pickle” meme with vega

vega hc

vega for drawing purposes I like to make an android, tho in a fic im more inclined to regular AI vega especially in character studies and introspective writing... there's something a lot more poignant about vega reminiscing about almost being shut down while not assuming any kind of physical form... idk im just talking about what I like on a scale bc I love tons of vega interpretation

android vega:  I like to imagine an android body was created for vega per samuel’s instruction a little bit after vega became operational... kind of like a flex to match with uac creating the first cyborg body as well.  since samuel is a bit of a dick to his dad he doesnt make him w maykr proportions in mind and instead vega is given a very average human male body: about six feet tall, gentle (fatherly -_-) disposition, dark hair and brown skin, unnatural blue eyes... I think this would be good for vega to “blend” into the personnel, build camaraderie w him, though I think samuel would pull the plug on it in the long run for reasons my brain can’t put together atm lol.  this kind of self-indulgent but I like vega’s “virtual age” being 50 bc he’s samuel’s dad, and I like vega w a completely average body but thin waist like a maykr... which is a subconscious decision by samuel bc hes more accustomed to makyr bodies... but I am also just a bastard that wants thin waist dilf vega

this is maybe a reach of the fortress’s resources but I think the slayer could manage to build the same body for vega he had on the base if vega gave him the materials and instructions for it... just like a project, nothing exactly urgent, vega’s body slowly being worked on until completion.  but then... the slayer finds himself a bit attached because vega is like 100x more pleasant and soothing when he can see vega smiling at him.  im corny

I also like vega being a bit catty and passive-aggressive, but in his customer service voice.  he’s definitely not a doormat as an AI, and hes a lot more direct as umm god.  god vega I like aesthetically (SO MUCH) but I think I will hold back on my interpretation till ancient gods.  even his visual design I know will be probably significantly different from that 6-wing maykr angel concept art (if hes shown at all) but I like the aesthetic of it and will probably keep that if no canon physical body for vega is shown...

doomvega hc

very slow burn... mostly on vega’s part, but I like the almost innate way the slayer is more friendly/gentle with vega and his upgrade bots, so I think the slayer is sweet on vega

vega wondering about why the slayer chose to back him up is always a fave... and ik its not the exact reason for why dg is back in urdak but I like thinking about him going back for vega or at least I hope they make it a point in the dlc that dg is looking for vega amidst all the chaos... it would really cement their relationship together and would be so good for vega as not being seen as a tool to be thrown away (god stuff aside).  like he’s the slayer’s partner and not just an assistant or something like that

its canon that the slayer has ptsd so I think vega (in an android/robot body) can help him through episodes/nightmares... and this is pretty corny and self-indulgent but I think vega’s touch calms him bc of like... god reasons... and vega is not really sure why it feels so right to hold the slayer and comfort him but its god reasons

slayer also likes to hold android vega and his arms wrap around him easy, and vega is flush against his chest (<3) I like to imagine this after some kind of... very heartfelt “thank you” or confession from vega.  I also really like the idea of vega confessing his feelings first I think because he would have to also deal with thinking his “feelings” are real or not since he’s AI and not human and all of those schlocky sci-fi romance tropes

then theres the slayer x father vega dynamic im speculating a little about but want to wait till ancient gods to see... it seems like the slayer is vega’s right hand this time which is so exciting for them... it adds so much more versatility to their dynamic 

this got too long already I just wanted to contextualize some of my art... I want to add more later though.  anyway I love them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  theyre good

hi! hope it's been a great week ❤️ since xue yang is your fave, would you share some of your fave xue yang-centric fanfic and fanart? also, do you have any personal headcanons related to him, and are there any popular opinions/headcanons/characterizations of him you've seen in fanon that you dislike? also! do you like novel, animation, or live action xue yang the best? any or all of those as you please 😄 take care and have a lovely weekend ❤️❤️ 🔎Oh! I'm curious, yeah!🔍

*vibrates with excitement* uH OK, SO--

(jsyk, XueXiao is my MDZS OTP, so that’s going to reflect a lot in the answers/links I include below! just a quick heads up in case that ship is not your jam, which is totally okay!)

MY ART: I’ve got more under my art tag/twitter, but if I had to pick a few to highlight, there’s the scene that broke my heart the most, some fluff (because it’s what I’m weak for), and an AU that plagues my mind constantly. (also I’m one of the artists featured in the XueXiao Banquet zine that will be available at the end of the month, so keep an eye out!)

OTHERS’ ART: I could feature dozens and dozens of artists, but a couple works that I adore oh so much belong to yilingpatriarch, moobiess, kevinkevinson, alyruko, delsinsfire, airin-marine, and baoshankaro (the official illustrator of the MDZS novel’s Russian adaptation)!

FICS: so I’ve only got four included on my fic recs page (I’m always open for more suggestions!), and they are finalizer’s “piece by piece”, Sour_Idealist’s “all I ever knew of love” and “life’s illusions I recall”, and Lise’s “Defanged”.

as for which Xue Yang is my favorite...... I honestly love the manhua and CQL depictions equally for different reasons??? manhua!XY is easier to draw, and I deeply love his color scheme, attire, and cute bangs/high pony... but Wang HaoXuan is gorgeous, an incredible actor, and brought such an unexpected but spot-on soft depth to Xue Yang’s character that I’m constantly blown away by and forever grateful for... manhua!XY and CQL!XY are completely different and yet both so utterly Xue Yang, so I guess--! it’s too hard to choose I’m sorry--!

as for headcanons... I’ve mentioned before that I’m hella weak for fluff, I crave that domestic intimacy and vulnerability... so while it may be ooc, I’m all for AUs where Xue Yang leaves behind a life of murder and crime (or never gets around to it in the first place) and settles down for a nice, quiet life with Xiao XingChen. that’s not to say that I excuse or ignore his canon character’s actions! I acknowledge that Xue Yang is an incredible villain and I wouldn’t change anything about him in the novel... but it makes the soft, sweet AUs that much sweeter. <3

and regarding headcanons I don’t vibe with... I respect others’ opinions because everyone is entitled to their own, but a little part of me dies inside whenever someone says something along the lines of “Xue Yang isn’t included in this Yi City gang art/fic because he SUCKS and deserved to DIE.” like... I’m not here to convince anyone to accept/love/condone Xue Yang and his choices, but he is an integral part of the Yi City gang??? that’s like talking about the Venerated Triad and excluding Jin GuangYao because he was evil??? 

anyway. I love all four of the Yi City arc characters, I love the arc itself, and I just wish everyone could have lived as one big happy family! lol

tagged by @veliseraptor--thank you! This is fun

AO3 Name: OrodrethsMichiru

Fandoms: I did a lot more fandom hopping in my youth, attempted at various points to plant myself in a singular fandom (failed), and have since accepted that I have eclectic tastes, lol. I’d say my main fandoms at this point though at The Silmarillion, the Dragon Age series, and most recently The Untamed. I’ve become extremely terrible at actually creating since I graduated college in 2014 (and lbr my productivity suffered majorly during the Looming Mental Health Crisis I pretended wasn’t happening my junior and senior years, so not a lot happened on the publishing front then anyway). I’ve got a lot of unpublished WIPs in various other fandoms, too—Supernatural, Dominion, and Half-Life are probably the most significant, i.e., most likely to be picked back up and fiddled with. Spare me from my own ineptitude lol.

Fic you spent the most time on: Oh gosh, I mean… all of them? I’ve had several WIPs on-going since at least 2014 that I still pull out from time to time and beat my brains against. Uh, if we’re going finished, published fic, though, I began writing The Line of Kings in 2011 and didn’t finish uploading it until 2014… for which I had no excuse because the first drafts from top to bottom were fully written when I first started uploading it. (… Oh, perhaps there was a bit of an excuse; one of my professors died shortly after I uploaded the first few chapters.)

Fic you spent the least amount of time on: Hmmm. I wrote Whom They Fear in my head while emptying the dishwasher, ran back to my room, typed it out, and published it the same day. I distinctly remember that happening, so, probably that one? (Lol I was so confident back then.)

Longest fic: Certainly The Line of Kings (word count according to The Silmarillion Writer’s Guild is 29,189). 

Shortest fic: Mmmmm, I’ve posted a literal drabble-fic, Unrequited, so that probably takes the cake (100).

Most hits: Following Lise’s example to rule out multi-chapter fics, if I total the hits/read counts from the various platforms I’ve actually posted fic on, I’m left with Whom They Fear as the most hits. Out of my (lol woefully insubstantial) AO3 portfolio, it would be Insomnia.

Most kudos: Drawing solely from AO3 for this stat (as neither fanfiction.net nor the SWG have a kudos function [… that I’m aware of; it’s been A WHILE guys]), it would be Wait Until The Light Breaks.

Most comment threads: The AO3 contenders are dead even here, but tallying up across platforms, it’s Wait Until The Light Breaks.

Fave fic you wrote: I mean, I have a lot of incomplete stuff that I’m very proud of the word craft I managed to achieve. But if we’re going strictly completed (or at least uploaded) fic… Wait Until The Light Breaks, definitely. A lot of things came together brilliantly for that fic (not least of which being my discovery of Sara Berkeley Tolchin’s poem "What Just Happened?" as I was wrapping the fic itself up, which… okay, so, the fic itself features Maeglin right after his parents’ deaths, and the poem, broadly, deals with reacting to a major emotional upheaval/event, featuring miners as a metaphor. I couldn’t write a coincidence like that in a story without feeling like it strained suspension of disbelief), and I’m still fairly proud of how the prose holds up. Of course, if I ever manage to finish other fics again, that’ll be subject to change, lol.

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: hahaaaaaahaaaaha, listen, I’ve been rewriting Line of Kings since I started it, I am still rewriting it, and that’s why it hasn’t migrated to AO3, because I have no idea if I want the original published version to still exist online or if I want to torch it and pretend I didn’t write some of the absolute cringe in it. Eugh. Also, I’ve been writing its new opening chapter for five years now, so… yeah, absolutely I would rewrite Line of Kings. 

Although, having said that, Insomnia has absolutely inspired a mini-series of sorts featuring Maglor and Curufin (… and the theme of not being able to sleep) throughout three points in their lives, so I supposed that counts as an expansion?

Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning: So I’ve got two main WIPs I’m focused on right now; one of them is the penultimate part of the aforementioned (currently unnamed) Maglor-Curufin trilogy; the other is a Lise-inspired Untamed AU featuring Xue Yang if he’d been adopted into Baixue Temple and grown up alongside Song Lan (it fails to be a fix it fic whoops). Soooooooo since I have no self control and crave validation, I’ll do excerpts from both.

Silm-fic Excerpt:

“Off to catch up on your beauty sleep,” he observes mildly. Then he straightens out of his lounging posture and makes as if to stride past me, down the hall. Toward Nelyo’s room. “Time for a changing of the guard, wouldn’t you say?”

I catch his wrist as it brushes past, tight enough to feel the delicate bones beneath the skin. Atarinkë stops. “Leave him be, Curvo.” He pulls against my grip, testing it; I squeeze until I feel his bones grind together and dredge up echoes of our father’s voice. “I mean it.” This time Atarinkë goes entirely still, stiff in my grasp, and despite myself I feel a thrill of satisfaction.

I should know better, of course. Like an animal, Atarinkë is most dangerous when wounded.

 And Untamed AU Excerpt:

The orphan—Xue Yang—is still bruised the first time they meet properly, the marks faded to sickly yellow. He watches Song Lan from across Chen Daozhang’s tea table as if Song Lan is a tiger waiting to spring. He ignores the tea steaming gently in front of him, and seems to ignore Chen Daozhang’s attempts to get him to introduce himself to Song Lan. Every so often, he snakes an arm—his right arm, Song Lan notices—out to grab a clumsy handful of peanuts from the bowl on the table. He doesn’t eat them, but drops them into the pile growing in his lap, his brow furrowed, as though daring Chen Daozhang to say something of it. 

I tag—oh goodness, I don’t actually know. Any of my writeblr friends who see this and wanna hop in? Tag me if you do, I wanna see your stuff <3 but I also don’t want to pressure anybody

suzalulu fics for when ao3 isn’t enough

a couple of gen mixed in, but if you have rose tinted shades they’ll work fine

btw these aren’t necessarily exclusive to ffn; some authors have imported their works between sites and thus you might come across something you’ve read in ao3 already.

I may or may not have been depressed that I can’t find fic recs besides this one (which has a lotta good fics, I thrived here) and the lj rec lists dont even load so yeah.

on another note, in the midst of making this, I also found this fic rec (the best playground for my angst loving heart tbh) so I decided to remove the overlaps I found.

i’m personally a fan of dark fic (more like unhealthy codependence) so there’s that I guess

1. In Birdcages | toujourspret

Escaping is only the illusion of freedom when your wings have been clipped.

2. Guileless | J Plash

“Stay with me,” Suzaku whispers, and pretends he doesn’t see the lie when Lelouch says “okay”. Because Lelouch can’t be Zero, not again. All the evidence proves it. And Suzaku couldn’t love Zero like this. 

3. To Err Is Human | tastes-like-ciel

All Zero had to do was string together a few words to bring the knight to his knees. Suzaku never stood a chance and Lelouch never saw the betrayal coming.

4. The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend | tastes-like-ciel

Zero and Suzaku call for a truce in order to defeat a common enemy in their never ending war for Lelouch’s affections. Their enemy’s name? Gino.

5. Excused Absences | YamiPaladinofChaos

Maybe Zero’s meeting with his secret lover?“ The Black Knights discuss their leader’s absence.

6. Scarred But Not Stronger | YamiPaladinofChaos

Suzaku always makes Lelouch stand up again, even when neither of them really wants it. Nunnally and Suzaku, after Kaminejima.

7. Abandon Thyself | Sanjuno

“The strongest soldier cannot balance long upon the blade that does divide his honor and his heart, and whatever way he falls, the cut will kill him.” ― Susanna Kearsley, The Firebird

8. Sleeping Beauty | tastes-like-ciel

And so the brave and noble Prince Suzaku rescued the lovely Princess Lelouch and, in doing so, created a fairytale bound to be told long after they were dead and gone. AU. NOT a Genderswitch.

9. Battleship Grey | tastes-like-ciel

On the day of Nunnally’s kidnapping, Suzaku was absent because of military duties. With no one to aid him, Lelouch was forced to face Mao on his own.

10. Leading Moves | elarielf

Lelouch may be the “girly” one and the “uke” in the relationship, but the whole world knows who wears the pants in his and Suzaku’s relationship.

11. Just Another Game | elarielf

Lelouch takes Suzaku to one of his chess matches, only this time Lelouch loses. The other player orders Suzaku to screw Lelouch over the chess table while he watches.

12. Higame | elarielf

Suzaku thought that all the times Lelouch went out to gamble with Rivalz they were really having sex.

13. Retribution | spare

But somewhere between grabbing Lelouch by the collar of his shirt and shoving him against the wall and glaring into his eyes—one violet, the other glowing red even in the dim light, Suzaku had miscalculated.

14. Get Your Hands Off My Girl… Er, Guy… | elarielf

AU, in which Suzaku and Lelouch go to a club with Rivalz and a guy starts to flirt with Lelouch… So Suzaku gets angry, and at the end they start to fight for Lelouch.

15. Walk On In | Tainted Ink And Paper

Lelouch had an odd habit of taking strays… especially unwanted ones. Suzaku, the Japanese biker who waltzes into his home without permission, comes with more baggage than he can handle… like the Black Knights, like Zero.

16. Mismatched Yarn | Cat In My Fridge

Because in the end, when everything else had been stripped away, there was still one thing Lelouch had to give: himself.

17. All That Remains | LawliPop

Something terrible has happened.

18. Forever, With You | VirtualDraconium

They thought Zero Requiem would be the end of their problems. However, due to unexpected events a considerable amount of time later, the two are brought together once more. Very post-turn 25.

19. Requiem | LawliPop

It was the word on everyone’s lips. A quiet murmur that steadily grew louder with each passing second until it evolved into a celebratory chant.

20. Pure Hearted Love | DnKS-giRLs

What if, instead of waging war against Japan, Britannia sought after an alliance by arranging a political marriage between them? What if the two parties involved was Lelouch vi Britannia and Kururugi Suzaku?

21. Snapshots | DnKS-giRLs

A collection of one shots following the event of Pure Hearted Love. Some mere snapshots portraying the live of Lelouch vi Britannia and Kururugi Suzaku as the royal couple of The Holy Empire of Britannia.

22. Juicy Footage | Coral Blush

Gino thinks Lelouch is sexy, and Suzaku wonders if it’s possible to break his friend’s fingers when no one is looking.

23. In My Memory | KiraxMomo

When all you have are memories, you cling to them. When those memories start to fade, what do you do?

24. Twisted | pretense

“Protect Lelouch and Kill Zero… Well isn’t that just grand?”

25. Mosaic | abovethenightsky

Through the years, the pieces fall into place. It takes Lelouch and Suzaku a little while to learn, but eventually they do. Follows the dynamic duo through R1 and R2, and cycles of fluff, angst, and forgiveness.

26. Revision |  DnKS-giRLs

After the regicide, Zero found himself walking to Emperor Lelouch’s bedroom with fear in his heart. Yes, this is a CRACK fic.

27. The Royal Command | Seto’s Darkness

After defeating Britannia in a bitter war, Suzaku Kururugi is the Prince of Japan who takes a liking to the purple-eyed prisoner, Lelouch.

28. At The World’s End | Seto’s Darkness

Lelouch has always copied Suzaku, the stronger of the two of them. And Suzaku will always protect Lelouch, no matter what.

29. The Moments Between | Zure96

After Charles erases Lelouch’s memory of Zero and Nunnally he has another plan for him before sending him back to Ashford to draw out C.C. Placed in Suzaku’s care, will the newly appointed Knight of Seven abuse his power? Or will he do his duty?

30. Windowless | ucco

Euphemia may hold the title of being Suzaku’s girlfriend, but she’ll never own his heart.

31. The Elegy of Suzaku Kururugi | Coeurlito

The Zero Requiem was not the end. For Suzaku Kururugi, it will never be the end.

32. Thunder and Lightning | Jynova

Thunder and lightning. Two different words denoting the same entity. Two parts of the same phenomena, separated only by the expanse of time. Lelouch Vi Britannia/Lelouch Lamperouge/Zero/99th Emperor of Britannia/Emperor of the World, strikes so brightly. Suzaku Kururugi, plain and simple in his thundering justice.

33. Wrong | faecree

After Euphie’s confession to him, Suzaku simply felt wrong. And, when something feels wrong, isn’t the best way to properly remedy the situation to counter it with something “right” instead?

34. Safe and Sound | Lovelily Lion

In a different world they were ordinary boys caught in a dystopian society bent on watching them lay down their lives. Lelouch grieves over the lover he never had and Suzaku finds a way to get back to him at all costs.

35. Ariadne’s Thread | anlaaria

It could have been perfect. Inception AU.

36. the disloyal order of sunflowers | tenshiplz

Marianne’s eldest son—eight years old and proud of it—the eleventh Prince to the Britannian throne, had attempted to escape three times in the past two days over that wall, but this fourth time was the charm.

37. Fanfic ABCs | Cat In My Fridge

Turning lesbian seemed like the logical thing to do when Suzaku and Lelouch kept being MIA having sex in yaoi fanfiction. At the time, anyway.

38. Retrograde | Libek

At the end of R1, on a whim, Lelouch receives a very different punishment for his actions. Now everyone must deal with the consequences. Themes of “white” slavery, and yes, he does now technically belong to Suzaku.

39. A Friendly Chat | Vermillion Lies

Emperor Charles and Suzaku have a brief conversation regarding memories.

40. Behind Those Wonderful Double Grand Doors |  DnKS-giRLs

That day, the four ladies of Ashford Academy heard some very interesting things behind the closed door of student council room. And what part exactly does aloe gel play in that?

41. Selfish | shimo hyozan

If he was just given the chance, he would’ve been selfish.

42. In Loving Memory | Strawberry Scented Paperclip

An accident has left Suzaku with no recollection of the past two years. He doesn’t mind much, but who’s that dark haired stranger haunting his dreams, and why is his girlfriend acting so distant?

43. The Emperor’s Waltz | realms of fic

Empires may grow and crumble, but music plays forever. 

44. Seeing Double | elarielf

Two Suzakus teaming up against Lelouch, Rock'n'Dolless’s Kiss doujin style. Consensual; semi-public outdoors. …because there can’t be too much Suzaku?

45. Absolution | ficshun

Suzaku must make a choice when confronted with the truth of Zero’s identity.

Bonus Round: cgkinkmemeii fill personal faves

Lelouch is alive with a code, sex with Suzaku ensues

Lelouch turns to Refrain, dubcon

Lelouch switch between good au and canon

Suzalulu RP as each other 

Photographer!zaku

Decayed by rex_sun sidestory (by rex_sun)

MMORPG pk Zero

Student Council/table-kun

Continue? [Yes/No]

Lelouch has fujo fangirls

Cold!lelouch, Passionate!zero

Conflicted!zaku after R1

eyes are windows to the soul

post-R1 non-con

ghost!lelouch

Fraze & Bea

Fraze: Did you tell her no yet? Bea: No Bea: and hi, how are you, too Fraze: Clock's ticking, babe. You don't want me to do it for us Bea: You mean you don't want to do it either Bea: 'cos you know we should go Fraze: I don't wanna 'cause she'll kick off which will make me kick off but I will if you're not gonna, like Bea: Well yeah, and she'd be the one with a point to argue, not you Bea: it's what Christmas is all about Bea: we've got no valid excuse not to be there Fraze: I've got plenty of points, I've made 'em to you and I will to her as well if that's what it takes Fraze: Our family is right here, we don't need to drag the kids there to prove another fucking point entirely Bea: It isn't worth starting a row over, come on Fraze: You know I've started 'em for less, come on Bea: Well can you not, just this once Bea: it doesn't need to be any kind of drama Bea: it's barely longer than a standard car journey Bea: they'll be fine Fraze: Yeah 'cause that's the issue Fraze: Any kind of family thing is a drama Bea: We can't avoid them forever Bea: may as well get it over with when the distraction of Christmas is there Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: Alright, you've got a point Bea: I always do Bea: must be annoying Fraze: That ain't the word I'd use Bea: Spell it out so small ears don't pick it up Fraze: You know I'm shit at spelling that's just cruel, babe Bea: Exactly Bea: be fucked if I didn't know how to get you to be quiet by now Fraze: I'll be quiet as you like if it means they go to sleep for longer than an hour at a time Bea: I'm not a miracle worker Bea: contrary to popular belief Fraze: Shh, you had 'em all fooled Bea: Piss off Bea: How bad can it be, yeah Fraze: If your big plan is that you go back without me, you might wanna go back to the drawing board Fraze: Like you said, there's no chance of working actual miracles Bea: Neither that stupid nor that kind to you to be making a plan like that Bea: just saying, the worst has happened, can't give retroactive advice/contraception Bea: so everyone will just have to deal and make best Bea: us included Fraze: At least we waited 'til you'd finished school if not uni Fraze: They can still all give out plenty of unwanted advice though, that small mercy aside Fraze: Don't you wanna keep 'em at arms length a while longer? Bea: Oh yeah, let's make it a competition, that'll be fun Bea: it's just their job, not like you have ever listened so you don't have to start now Bea: I'm fine with going back, obviously Fraze: Comparisons are getting drawn like it or not, always have been Fraze: Same goes for judgements Bea: Not between family Bea: there's no need for that Fraze: Don't be naive, especially between family Fraze: Joe'll score points just for turning up, Tommo'll get a few more for making it to 18 without knocking anyone up Bea: Don't be a baby Bea: or expect me to apologize or feel bad for you that you won't be getting a pat on the back this year Fraze: I don't Fraze: But don't expect me to go along with your pretence of not giving a fuck what they think Fraze: I know you do Bea: I don't Fraze: You ain't gonna get the points awarded for keeping hold of me, those are all Ali's for that lad not doing whatever immediate runner my Ma reckoned on Bea: I literally just said I don't care Bea: do you think I have time for point scoring Fraze: And I just said I know you do Fraze: What else is there to go back for? Stay here if you don't give a shit Bea: You wanna stay here because you do Bea: so how does that make any sense Fraze: I give more of a shit about us, what doesn't make sense about that? Bea: What do you think is gonna happen Bea: seriously Fraze: Do you have time for their bullshit or don't you? Make up for your fucking mind Bea: I've got no time for avoidance Fraze: Well done you Bea: Jesus Bea: you're doing my head in now Fraze: What, you suddenly don't want my congrats? 'Cause it sounded like you were really angling for that Bea: I'm angling for you to grow a pair, actually Fraze: Doing what I'm told by you ain't what grow a pair means Bea: No but facing your mother is Fraze: Sitting down to Christmas dinner and playing nice ain't even close Bea: and staying here doing fuck all about it really proves our point Fraze: What do you want me to do, beg her forgiveness? I ain't sorry for any of it and I ain't gonna be just 'cause she is Bea: Then show up for your family and show her as much Fraze: Jesus, I'd hate you if I didn't love you so fucking much Bea: You better Fraze: Marry me, I'll prove it Bea: Shut up Fraze: Say yes and shut me up Bea: You're so stupid Fraze: I'm not that stupid Bea: I've not got the energy to debate Bea: already told you Fraze: Then don't Fraze: I'm telling you I ain't, take me at my word Bea: I'm not that stupid Bea: I don't take anyone at their word, don't take it personal Fraze: You're not stupid but you are funny Bea: Hilarious Bea: shame I can't say the same for you really Fraze: Stop holding onto it, Red, it's been years since I played class clown Bea: Yeah right Fraze: Yeah right Bea: not that long since you were still in uni Fraze: I weren't in the laughing mood then, was I? Bea: Well, who was Fraze: Every other fucker on my course basically Fraze: Nobody who matters Bea: I'm not sorry Fraze: Nor me Bea: Sure about that? Fraze: Meaning what? Bea: Meaning if you wanna go back and have the time of your life then go right ahead Fraze: If I went back I wouldn't have the time of my life just like I didn't the first time Bea: Alright Fraze: Is it? If you wanna have a dig at me for jacking it in now's the time, like Bea: That's not what this is Fraze: It can be, if you want Fraze: I'm making it easy enough for you Bea: That's easy for you Fraze: What? Bea: Easy for you to think I'm being a cunt about not finishing uni when I'm saying the opposite Bea: if that's what YOU actually want, then go ahead and do it Bea: I'm not going to be the one to decide for you either way Fraze: I was what I wanted so I did it, end of Fraze: It ain't your decision and I weren't asking you to make it Bea: So as I said, alright Fraze: Yeah Fraze: And like I said, you still get to have an opinion regardless Bea: What, like I'm bothered? Bea: it's not the be-all-end-all Bea: you still have a plan Fraze: 'Course I do Fraze: I'm not a fucking amateur, or as much of an idiot as you like to reckon Bea: I don't reckon anything of the sort, moron Bea: I'm saying I know Fraze: Obviously, you know whatever's worth knowing, always have done Bea: Too right Fraze: So if you wanna go, we'll go Bea: We're going Bea: it wasn't ever up for discussion but glad to have you on board Fraze: You do make me laugh, babe Bea: Hilarious, I remember Fraze: Good, don't forget Fraze: You're gonna need that sense of humour when we get there Bea: You're so dramatic, honestly Fraze: You're so in love with me, take a deep breath, honestly Bea: Yeah, you're 2 months too late to tell me to breathe, dickhead Fraze: Well, they were 3 months too early for me to need to Bea: You could've, I wouldn't have heard you to be pissed off Fraze: Now you tell me, cheers Bea: Some of us were a little busy at the time Fraze: Don't worry, next time I'll properly take the chance to say whatever I like Bea: Were you even there or? Bea: what next time Fraze: I'm just saying, we once said there wasn't gonna be any time Fraze: Didn't stick to that, did we? Bea: 1. It was an accident Bea: 2. Once is enough thanks Fraze: I'm not trying to argue otherwise, like Fraze: I was there Bea: You literally were, oh my God Fraze: Yeah, reckon I said that a fair few times myself there and then Fraze: Not that God showed up Bea: Don't imagine he's any good with a scalpel anyway Fraze: Not good at fuck all but voyeurism by all accounts Bea: and plagues, give him credit Fraze: Yeah, those locusts really boss, like Bea: Exactly Fraze: You gonna support me if I go study religion then? Bea: I will Bea: but your dad? no way, like Fraze: Fuck him, never gonna be his fave anyway Fraze: Gotta be born a girl for that Bea: Poor baby Fraze: Not for long, Red, stick around for the riches Bea: Where do you think I'm going? Fraze: Anywhere you want Bea: My question still stands then Fraze: I've told you loads of times before, the world is ours, babe Fraze: and now there's 2 more of us Fraze: The only question is what do you want Bea: You Bea: Us Bea: that's all I want right now Fraze: I see that and raise you no more holidays that are in a fucking caravan Fraze: Winter ain't gonna last forever and just 'cause I let you talk me into going back there for Christmas, don't think I'm agreeing to that bullshit Bea: I don't think anyone is going to even suggest we can all fit into a caravan anymore Fraze: Do you wanna make that bet though? Fraze: If my kids never see the inside of a caravan I'll go to my grave less begrudgingly Bea: You're such a snob, babe Fraze: They're having the best of everything, no less, whatever it takes Fraze: And that ain't even close, simple as Bea: Don't need to tell me like I don't know the score Fraze: I'm just saying, my Ma can make all the comparisons she wants, we're not them and it's not gonna be like that Bea: It's different for you than it is me Fraze: I know Bea: But it'll be good different for them, that we can agree on Fraze: 'Course Bea: I'll start packing then Fraze: I'll be back to give you a hand soon Bea: Not that hard Bea: get used to having a massive bag full of nappies and bottles and spare clothes on you at all times Fraze: Maybe not the suitcases but the babies we can't just shove in there and zip up, slightly more work, like Fraze: Have you already wrapped everyone's shit or should I just throw it in a gift bag? Bea: They aren't getting their own seats so you will have to hold one of 'em, yeah Bea: and you really think I didn't get it all posted there Bea: not an amateur Fraze: Alright but if you didn't get Joe an even itchier jumper than last year I'm reconsidering this whole marriage thing Bea: Thanks for the tip Bea: I'll have to reconsider my gift, obviously Fraze: Shut up Fraze: Me too now I'm sending the ring back Bea: Ha ha Fraze: You can laugh the personalised engraving has fucked my refund chances right up Bea: Well that was your first mistake Bea: can't reuse it on another girl either Bea: rookie Fraze: Write me a list when you can find the time, babe Bea: Easy Fraze: Good Bea: You know you have to be nice to your sister when we're there Fraze: Do I fuck Fraze: You be nice to yours Bea: My sister didn't have a baby a few weeks ago Fraze: So what? Fraze: You'd kill her if she fucking did Bea: So what is she doesn't need drama from you right now Fraze: She ain't getting drama from me but she ain't getting a round of applause either Bea: I'm not saying you have to go that far am I Bea: just don't start either Fraze: You're saying keep my mouth shut but I'm saying why the fuck should I? Fraze: A supposedly high IQ and a boyfriend who supposedly ain't an utter waste of space don't change the fact she's still a kid Bea: Because what do you think it will achieve? Bea: Literally nothing Bea: you'll only make it worse, if anything, so save your breath Fraze: Instead you want me to sit back and do literally nothing Bea: Whatever, be the big brother you want to be Bea: I'm not getting involved Fraze: This is why we shouldn't go Fraze: It's bullshit Bea: What do you propose, you never see her again because it makes you feel weird Bea: Get real Fraze: Yeah 'cause what you're proposing is so much better Fraze: We all just pretend everything is fucking fine when it isn't Bea: You can't do anything about it Bea: it's her life to fuck up however she pleases, she weren't going to ask for your permission at any point, like Fraze: I can't do anything about any of 'em that's the whole point Bea: Yeah Bea: that's always been the case and always will be Fraze: Exactly Fraze: Why would I wanna sit there and act like I don't know that? Bea: 'cos that's life Bea: it's the same for everybody else Fraze: I hope one of 'em somewhere is having a convo about what a fuck up I am Fraze: God, if you're listening, like, come on Bea: Really? Fraze: Don't let me down, Ma Fraze: 'Cause if they think this is as good as everything gets and everything really is fine for this family then fucking hell Bea: This is news? Bea: Mediocrity is aspirational to most people Bea: if everyone was the best it'd be meaningless and we'd have nothing to do in the meantime Fraze: Cheers, babe Fraze: I wouldn't want anyone else in my corner Bea: Don't be disingenuous when you really mean it Fraze: I don't talk like you swallowed a dictionary at me when I'm declaring my love Bea: That's what that was? Bea: You should work on that Fraze: I won't put it exactly like that in the vows Fraze: You saved me, you know, that's how I know it's something that can happen Fraze: I don't wanna just leave 'em to it but I can't do the same for 'em either Bea: I know Bea: it's a fool's errand Bea: but a noble one Fraze: I hate feeling like such a stupid cunt Bea: I know that too Bea: kinda signed up for a lifetime of it though Bea: not saying I'm so smart, before you suggest Fraze: I'll say it for you Fraze: 'Cause you are Bea: Hmm Bea: thanks Fraze: It don't even feel like a compliment anymore 'cause it's just been like that, something I've known, since the first time I met you Bea: Don't be soppy Bea: I'm meant to be the hormonal one, you'll set me off Fraze: You want me to be nice to everyone but you? Fuck that Bea: 'Course not Bea: we're a team Fraze: We better be 'cause they want us to stay til after New Year's Bea: We always have been Fraze: Yeah Fraze: I ain't forgotten Bea: Should hope not Fraze: I'm so knackered I feel braindead right now but I reckon it's actually semi functioning Fraze: Take that kids Bea: That's something Bea: need all the funds we can get now Fraze: How are you? Bea: Now he asks Bea: fine, of course Bea: he's being grizzly but nothing I can't handle Fraze: Put up with me long enough, yeah? I know you wanna say it Bea: Now you mention it, like Fraze: Do you need me to grab anything on the way back? Bea: something to eat if you're planning on it tonight Fraze: Don't tell either of 'em it's part of the plan, like Fraze: Might get a second then Bea: You reckon they've already got malicious intent Fraze: I ain't ruling it out Bea: They are yours, after-all Fraze: They better be Bea: As if Fraze: Too early to tell if they look like me Bea: Do you want me on your side or not Bea: think on Fraze: I ain't surviving Christmas if you ain't Fraze: So depends if you want me to or not Bea: That depends if you wanna keep implying things Fraze: Come on Bea: You Fraze: If I reckoned there was any truth to it we wouldn't be having this conversation Fraze: You know that as well as I do Bea: Not very supportive Bea: but fair Fraze: I love you but I've got my limits, babe and I don't reckon they stretch to doing night feeds for kids that ain't mine Bea: Always good to know Fraze: Keep it in mind, yeah Bea: Back at you Fraze: Fuck that, I need your genetics to balance out mine Fraze: Especially now the model missus of my childhood dreams ain't gonna happen Fraze: No wildcards, cheers Bea: Please, don't let me stop you Fraze: Shut up Bea: Go on Bea: I said no Bea: practically a free agent Fraze: I'd rather you said no every time than some girl I don't want saying yeah Bea: Cute Fraze: Don't take the piss Bea: Me? Never Bea: You're just so adorable, babe Fraze: Tis the season for you to have a day off it, like Bea: Don't make me repeat myself Fraze: Why not? Fraze: You've signed yourself up to a lifetime of that Bea: They're all we've got to talk about already? Fraze: Christ, I hope not Bea: Let's never be those people, yeah Bea: another rule Fraze: I don't mind that one Fraze: I'll even swear to it Bea: No need to spill blood on it Bea: but good Fraze: No takebacks either way Bea: Yeah Fraze: Good Bea: How long have you got left? Bea: need interaction with an actual adult human Fraze: One foot out the door, babe Bea: Thank God Fraze: My sentiments exactly Bea: I have missed you Fraze: Yeah? Bea: You know I have Fraze: I know it's more fun hearing it from you Bea: Well I have Bea: can't claim the babies have too but you know Bea: they're selfish little bastards Fraze: It's alright we've established they're mine, you ain't gotta milk it Bea: 😂 Fraze: I've missed you Fraze: Them too Bea: It must be weird being away from them Fraze: It's fucked but I'm on my way back via the shop Bea: You don't really mind though, do you? Fraze: Like you said, we need all the funds we can get Fraze: Gotta do what I gotta do Fraze: They need you more than they do me right now Bea: Yeah Bea: and there's only so much time I can give them too Fraze: Exactly Fraze: What about you, do you mind? Bea: I don't know Bea: it is what it is regardless, like you said Fraze: Yeah, but if there's anything you wanna do different we'll figure it out Bea: I need to finish Uni Bea: I'm going to be there for a long time yet Bea: we can do it Fraze: 'Course you do and 'course we can Bea: I can take until Summer term, doing long distance Bea: but then I'll need to go back full-time Bea: still the plan, they'll nearly be a year Fraze: It's still a good plan Bea: I think so Fraze: No need to repeat myself going on about how smart you are then Bea: Still, always fun hearing it from you Fraze: Still, I've got other compliments up my sleeve Bea: Only if you're lying Bea: I wonder if the gym creche will take them this young Fraze: You can always lie about how old they are if not Fraze: Every fucker knows twins are smaller Bea: Especially ones that can't hold on Fraze: Go easy though, yeah? Bea: I'm not pregnant now Fraze: You know what I mean Fraze: It ain't been that long Bea: Long enough Fraze: Come on Bea: Don't be a baby about it Fraze: Don't be a bitch about it Bea: Shut up and come home Fraze: Shut up and listen to me Bea: Don't treat me like an idiot Fraze: Don't treat me like an idiot either Bea: I'm not Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: I know you and you should know I ain't gonna stand there while you go fucking mental over this Bea: It isn't mental to want to look good Fraze: Nah it ain't but you do Bea: If that were true you would've said it however many messages up so Fraze: If I'd said it however many messages ago you'd have said that you wanna get out of the house or whatever Fraze: I ain't telling you not to go I'm telling you not to go mad Bea: Not planning on becoming a bodybuilder, like Fraze: That ain't what worries me, like Bea: Don't worry Bea: I promise, I'll be fine Fraze: You know the drill by now, Bea Bea: Come on Bea: I'm not my sister Fraze: Your sister ain't my problem, you are Bea: Charming Fraze: A charm offensive ain't gonna get through to you Bea: Calling me a problem ain't gonna get you anything you want Fraze: Come on Fraze: I'm saying I don't care about your sister, I care about you Bea: and I'm saying you're making a non-issue an issue right now Fraze: Alright Bea: Is it? Fraze: If you say so, babe Fraze: I ain't calling you a liar Bea: Good Bea: Don't worry about me okay Bea: We have so much more important things to focus on Fraze: Fuck that, there's nobody more important than you Bea: I think you're legally obligated to say otherwise now Fraze: I wouldn't have them if it weren't for you Fraze: I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you Fraze: It ain't nothing you don't already know Bea: Babe Fraze: I'll shut up now Bea: You know it's more than mutual, don't you Bea: You and me, always, no matter what Fraze: Yeah Bea: I mean it now Bea: no bullshit trial separation stuff again Fraze: I don't wanna be away from you when I have to be working, you ain't getting rid now that I'm on my way back Bea: I don't want rid Bea: never did Fraze: And it goes without saying how fucking beautiful you look but if you need to hear it you will Bea: I'm not desperate or asking for constant reassurance Bea: I'm not that girl Fraze: I know who you are Bea: Yeah Bea: It's just a lot Bea: I wanna feel more like me again Fraze: What else can I do? Bea: There's nothing else you need to do Bea: honest Fraze: But I still wanna Fraze: I'll look after 'em so you can go to the gym or wherever else Bea: I'd rather see you first Fraze: It don't have to be now, the offer stands Bea: Thanks Bea: seriously Fraze: You'd do it for me Fraze: We're a team, you said it Bea: I love you Fraze: Yeah, I know Fraze: I love you too Bea: Hurry up now though Fraze: We need to eat, babe Fraze: I've already pushed to the front of this queue Bea: Damn Bea: when he's a provider Fraze: When ain't I been? Used to provide you with drinks when we were kids, like Bea: It wasn't always you, thank you Fraze: You had your moments, cheers for each one Bea: How dare you Bea: it was a solid 50/50 Fraze: That ain't how I remember it Bea: Convienient Bea: you can't remember a lot of things Fraze: It really weren't at the time but it was worth it to impress you, I remember that Bea: I was not that impressed Fraze: Bullshit Bea: Not bullshit Bea: shut up Fraze: I'm getting in the car, you shut up Bea: Oh yeah, blame me if you crash Bea: that's nice Fraze: It'll be your fault Fraze: And my life insurance ain't all that either so you might wanna think on Bea: 😑 Bea: Go away then Fraze: See you soon then Bea: 💘 Fraze: You're gonna do better than that when I come through the door, yeah? Bea: Focus Bea: I'm NOT making you crash, remember Fraze: You're gonna make me do another detour if you don't say yeah Bea: Really Fraze: Alright no, I'm too tired to be fucking about but humour me, like Fraze: I wanna feel more like me too, and we both know who that cunt is Bea: I happen to like that cunt Fraze: Marry him then Bea: Ha ha Fraze: Pour me a drink, babe Bea: Watch me put it in a bottle Bea: 🍼 Fraze: I'll take what I can get, including those measures Bea: You ain't getting 8oz Bea: but nice try Fraze: That's only my first try Fraze: We'll see Bea: You will, babe Fraze: Nice try yourself Bea: Shut up or I'll start without you Fraze: Are you making that a promise or a threat? Bea: Keep me waiting and find out Fraze: [honey he's home cos honestly shh but we all know its a swag entrance cos he's really missed and loves them all] Bea: [renuinted and it feels so good] Fraze: [just kissing like they in a film casually instead of being two young harassed parents, have your moment babes] Bea: [live your best life lads 'cos the struggle is real] Fraze: [hence him coming in from the rain for that semi throwback cos yolo]

Aaa im so full of poke hype and lovv! <3

I feel like maybe doodling my kid self, for some reason?? Like embrace the nostalg and also show some love to that awkward lil kid who didnt really know who they were yet. Its interesting how much i've changed over the years!

Hell i might even draw personas of myself dressed as all the protags from all the different generations? But they'd be mostly the same for like the first 20 years, just me getting real tall and fat lol. I had almost floor length hair for SO LONG it felt really freeing to chop it all off and i never went back! I think i kept it cos it was loke.. Camoflage? The only 'girly' thing i had so i could pretend to myself that i was straight and cis. Plus a literal shield cos i could be 90% hair and just one eye poking out XD So yeah it'd be funny looking at me over time, its just this girly-looking kid getting increasingly more macho outfits and increasingly more girly hair and increasingly more socially anxious, until within the space of 18-25 i suddenly have this giant self discovery freedom explosion and change completely! Its funny how if anything i look less masculine now? Like im way more comfortable with the fact that i'm someone in between genders, and its not a binary of having to be something i'm not just to escape some other thing i'm not. Its also kinda funny how these gender roles felt so restrictive when i was crammed into one of them, yet dressing with both at once seems just as freeing as having neither. Tho still no matter how i dress i always get misgendered one way or another since non-binary acceptance is still far from the norm. But still im so much more me than i've ever been before, and its great to look back so i can realize how far i've come!

So lol maybe i'll just draw old kid me playing "her" first pokemon game, and leave out the next decade and a half of the same thing but taller. And i could just draw current me in a few different attempts at a pokemon outfit? Like when i did my sprite edits i just did me in my usual outfit i wear IRL, now im thinking maybe i shoulda designed a wish fullfillment ideal gym leader costume or something? Tho im too lazy to start the sprite edit project all over again with this new design lol. Oh and maybe also draw my pokemon go outfit? I dont wear it all the time but i had a fun lil look i wore the other day that i ended up laughing at cos i accidentalky wore all blue even tho i picked Team Valor! Now i wanna wear it all the time lol. Oo and maybe cosplay as my fave characters? If i cant afford to do it IRL i can at least draw it!

So yeh in summary somehow i feel really confident in my identity today and i wanna draw pics of me. Mild ego time!!! Or rather just wishing i could fly back in time and motivate my kid self by showing them that they woukd actually have the freedom to be themself some day. I dont even really think of it as "I used to be a girl" but just that i was always feeling this way and didnt know the words for it, or that other people felt the same way and it wasnt an 'abomination against god'. And for some reason playing a gane with selectable genders really helped me let out some of my feelings during that confused childhood of absolute repression. "I just pick a random gender each time cos it doesnt really matter right? Doesnt everyone just pick the one with the outfit they'd rather wear?" I absolutely knew that was a lame excuse and none of these other kids actually felt that way, but at least it kept people from suspecting i had queer reasons for my queer actions. In a time where i didnt even know what queer meant except that it was Somehow Bad. Gah, this is why sex education needs to be inclusive! Even when i was old enough to learn about straight sex i apparantly wasnt old enough to learn about gay and trans people! Let alone asexuality lol... Man it was a whole nother mess to be dealing with an anomolous lack of sexual attraction at the same time as i was repressing something everyone told me was 'inherantly too dirty for teenagers to know about'. For so long i was just told that crossdressing was 'a sick fetish men have for wearing women's underwear' not just.. A woman is a woman and is telling you she's a woman and you wont listen to her. And for some reason they always obsessed with MTF trans folk in these sensationalist hate sermons, i guess because 'a man who gets off on dressing like a woman' just sounds like the more disgusting version when youre a sexist homophobic transphobic piece of shit throwing your bigotry at children. And at the same time also aphobic and telling me i need surgery on my genitals if i dont want sex. Mannnn kids those days.. i really hope kids these days have it better! I hope everyone who dealt with that shit managed to find love and support eventually, even if its still a damn crime they had it denied to them during their most important childhood years. The whole concept of 'an innocent carefree childhood' is so unknown to me, its ironic people claim they want to keep "lgbt politics" away from children in order to preserve that innocent childhood...

Aaaaanyway im rambling lol! In summary pokemon was one of my only coping methods during that childhood and the only small way i could pretend someone accepted me. Even if it was just by whispering no when the professor said 'are you a boy or a girl' and being happy at the little genderless mons like magnemite or the legendaries. I dont think i would have ever realized it was actually POSSIBLE and had words for the complex dysphoria i was feeling, if i hadnt played this dumb lil series of games.

Anyway thats probably also why i never had any attatchment to gen 1 despite being born right as the first wave of pokemania was coming out. The memories i have of those times are complex. Im just excited to revisit kanto as a new and happy person and maybe make new memories! I already barely remembered actual Yellow compared to FRLG, it was kind of a trip to play it on virtual console and remember all the tiny bits of sexist writing that games used to have during that era. It was like 'whoa i never noticed this was wrong as a kid, this finally explains why it made me uncomfortable!' Also the gameplay was glitchy and the plot nonexistant and the translation rudimentary and limited. And the mons weren't very good and i prefer pretty much every other generation and especially Garbodor and Vanillite, dammit!

Ok im going offtopic again

So yeah like i said im happy that Let's Go has managed to make me hype even thougj i didnt enjoy kanto the first time around! And its good how much it represents my journey out of that shitty childhood so now i can revisit it and pretend this is my first time and None Of That Happened, Thanks

So anyway bunni draws past self. And gets emotional. And rambles for hours in a dumb post.

Ok bye

Claim-BalemxReader

A/N: Really this was just an excuse to write a bit of a smutty piece for my fave daddy. Inspired by talks with @jackdawsonsgrl , I don’t even remember what we were talking about specifically…

MOOD MUSIC: Silent Night by Svrcina

***

Passion was a very dominating sensation, often bringing those it victimized to their knees in an uncontrolled fury. You were no slave to it by any means, but it was a difficult thing to deny when those heavenly green eyes chose you as their source of interest. To pretend you didn’t care would be a waste, because you were so far intrigued by the notion of holding Balem Abrasax’s eye. Especially when all the noble women would be in attendance of this ball.

“He’s been staring all night.” Your friend chimed in, a knowing smile on her red lips as she nudged your arm. Every woman in this palace wanted his attention, but you were deemed lucky enough to have it. You weren’t an easy person to woo, but that glare of his was working wonders on your senses. It’s like he was ravishing you in his thoughts, bringing you to completion in multiple ways that left you positively breathless for more. You had an inkling that he handled his women like his business, thoroughly and with pleasure.

“He’s just shopping around. Trying to find the prettiest gem in the store.” Without a doubt, you knew men well enough to understand their carnal desires. Balem was not a man to waste his precious time, he used it wisely and that even included his romantic dealings. If he wanted you, he’d pursue you, and you planned on reaping the rewards of the chase tonight. “Look at him, he’s practically bedding me with his eyes alone.” You smirked at your friend, eyes teasingly drawing Balem closer until he was at the bar, taking slow sips of his drink that he had been nursing for the night. “I can’t deny that he’s quite handsome…” You lifted your wine glass up, trying to ignore his stare, anything to rile the Primary up.

“He’s more than handsome. Go talk to him.” She pushed you gently forward, her own excitement of possibly holding the Primary’s attention getting the best of her. You barely knew him, save for the gossip that floated about the parties and dinners you attended. He was well off, eldest of 3, and was about as cruel and calculating as rulers came. That didn’t turn you off of him though, if anything, his power was a royal intrigue worth knowing.

“Something tells me he’s a man who always gets his way…” You tilted your glass up to your lips, letting your lipstick stain the rim as you once again found his gaze. “I wouldn’t want to play into that just yet, where would be the fun?”

“You’re just as much a tease then, Y/N.”

“Maybe.” You smirked down at her, deciding it was now or never whether to string the Primary along. He may rule half the universe, but getting you to spread your legs wouldn’t be an easy task. The men you chose to invite into your chambers worked hard for it, and Balem would be no different. You’d watch him eat from the palm of your hand, before letting him have his way with you. “I’ll be back.”

“Where are you going?”

“Somewhere more private.” You smiled coyly at her, winking before descending down the steps of the palace. This entire alcazar belonged to some rich prince of this galaxy, but that did not mean you couldn’t utilize its more private quarters to your benefit. Balem likely held some influence over the royal anyway, and knowing him he’d follow shortly after your departure. His obvious interest in you strong enough to carry him away from the party.

“Excuse me.” You avoided the other guests scattered on the lower levels, merely offering them sweet smiles, and small talk. There wasn’t anywhere in particular you were heading, but you figured your legs would carry you right where you needed to be.

As you slid through the crowds, you felt this familiar excitement, one that caused the hairs on the back of your neck to stand. It was thrilling to say the least, knowing that his presence alone was enough to garner such a response from you. You can only imagine how wonderful it must be to finally pick that forbidden fruit and fulfill every craving of yours.

With one last turn around the corner, you found yourself stranded on a balcony, so far away and alone in this grand hall that there was a slight fear within you. Perhaps that was the frenzy of your emotions piling up, but you were eager to move this little game of chess along. You had made your move, and by the sound of the soft but assured footsteps down the hall…Balem had just made his.

“You’re not very subtle, my lord.” Your breath carried over your wine stained lips, mixing with the soft breeze that flew outside the alcazar. Suddenly everything, every movement, became so distinct in nature. It was overwhelming, but you would not cave to his appeal so quickly.

“Subtlety is for the craven.” Balem easily fired back, stopping by your side as he drew a sip of wine from his glass. You tried your hardest to ignore his company, if only to draw a more eager response from him. The mistake would be letting yourself gaze upon him again, in all his dignified glory. He was surely the most handsome man you set your eyes on, and ogling him only proved to disrupt all sensible thought within your mind. The only detail you could comprehend was that of your own heart beating wildly in your chest.

“Or,” You weakly cleared your throat, suddenly under some spell of his, or possibly your own, doing. That strength and resolve you felt earlier seemed to be waning, and you figured it was the proximity you now had with this enigma of a man. “Perhaps women prefer men to take their time…”

Balem scoffed in amusement, leaning casually back into the pillar he was near as he judged you silently with his eyes. He couldn’t immediately decipher what exactly you wished from him, but he knew women enough to gauge their more lustful desires. The way you stood, so stiff and feigning contempt towards his company, he could tell just how deep that need to bed him went. He allowed his eyes to trail down your exquisite features, tracing your jawline and admiring the way your lips puffed out in your vain attempts to mask your arousal. It amused him to no end, but in truth, that little fight you put up heightened his want of you. “I know when to take my time, and I know when not to waste it. So tell me, my dear…” Balem’s tone grew dark, layered in flirtation that sent you reeling. He pushed from the pillar, cape falling from his arm and draping to the ground in its black and silver brilliance. “Am I wasting my time?”

His salacious grin stole your breath, making you realize this battle of dominance you started wouldn’t be so easily won. It was a mistake to even think such a thing, because of all the men you heard of in high court, Balem was the one most women yearned for and most men feared. He would not be timid, weak-willed, and he’d prove himself a fine lover. The problem was, you didn’t cater to many men, and you always felt them equal to you, if not below. Balem, however, was the first to unsettle your nerves in such a manner. “I really couldn’t say, my lord.” You tried to sound confident, but with each step he drew closer you felt your resolve breaking. From far he seemed so untouchable to you, like a myth only spoken of for the sake of entertainment. It was the reason you felt so inclined to seduce him, but having him so near…it dawned on you how very real this man actually was.

“What happened to that fire in your eyes?” He smirked, clearly enjoying the effect he had on you. “I was fond of it, now you’re just as dull as the other women who vie for my attention.”

It shouldn’t be possible for a man’s arrogance to be so attractive, but the way those words slipped from his lips made you fight the pathetic moan in your throat.

“Does that ego enchant women into your bed, because it certainly doesn’t mesmerize me.” Aroused or not, you would never let him walk over you, even if his display of egotistical charm made you want to fall into his arms.

Balem hummed in obvious approval, noting that spark of feistiness burn again in your beautiful gaze. He was transfixed by it, just another reason you managed to catch his eye up in the ballroom. You were a heavenly creature to him already, with your curvaceous figure, tempting pout, and legs that showed through the slits of your dress. He wanted nothing more than to feel them wrapped around him in pleasure, your body pressed against his and breath panting out his name. Every detail of your existence provoked his undivided attention, but that flame in your eyes is what truly did him in. To see a woman like you utterly dominated, he’d be so thrilled to have that honor. “There it is. Such a strength in you.” He gracefully took the wine from your hands, setting both your glasses down on the table nearby. He seemed intent on winning your favor, and truthfully, he was doing wonderfully. “To see it break, to watch you cave to the whims of your lover…I imagine it’s a lovely sight.”

He dared to move closer, covering any chance of escape you might’ve had. Not that the idea ever struck you, this meeting was more pleasant than any festivity going on above. “No ones ever had the pleasure, my lord.” You licked your lips, bringing forth the determination you felt before. Even if Balem had a hold on you, you realized now you had some leverage of your own.

“It’s a shame.” Balem whispered, his palm pressing into the stone wall behind you, free hand boldly grasping your hip. Whatever this was, whatever it came to be, you no longer cared for the details. You merely wanted to begin this dance, because the closer he got, the hotter your body felt in its throes of passion.

“Then be the first, my lord.” Your lips brushed his ear as you leaned forward, coquettish grin on your features as you pulled away and watched that delighted gleam in his eyes. That would be the end of your seductive courtship, because the second you dared to move away, he descended on you like a ravenous beast starving for its prey.

His lips were warm in their touch, fingertips dancing along your curve until they came to rest on your lower back. Balem was devoted to you now, even if in your impassioned affair, he would do all he could to bestow every pleasure on your willing body. Nothing brought him more joy than watching you crumble before him in your state of unbridled need.

“Oh, gods…” Your breath hitched, neck tilting back when he bit softly at your pulse, trail of kisses now venturing further over your fevered skin. It was shameful to admit, but even with past lovers, nothing came close to feeling as wonderful as his simple kiss. Each one he planted along your body made you thirst for more, and the lower he went, the harder it was to keep quiet. “Don’t stop…”

Balem clicked his tongue in playful disbelief, because surely you didn’t think he’d stop his descent on your body. How could he? There was so much to explore along your sinful figure it delighted him to no end. “Did I not make myself clear before, sweet little bird?” He chuckled between kisses on your chest, happy you chose a low neckline to entice men’s gazes tonight. “I know when to take my time.” He caressed the curve of your breast with his plump lips, tip of his tongue barely peeking out to taste the fine flesh beneath. It was smooth to the touch, awakening his more primal senses and causing a groan to escape him. The only thing better than partaking in that intimate action, was hearing the breathless whimper you let out.

“Balem-“

He smiled devilishly, dragging his lips back up your throat and brushing them over your parted ones. “Say it agin.” He all but demanded, still lingering close to your lips as if to tease you into a claiming kiss.

“Then do something to make me say it.” He would not be rewarded for simply being magnificent, you promised yourself that, and if he wanted to hear his name fall from your lips…well, you expected a little something in return.

“Aren’t you a delight.” He growled back to you, though you could clearly see how arousing he found your request to be. He may like his women at his mercy, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t find temptation in one who battled his control. “Very well…” Balem closed the distance between your mouths, his tongue immediately pushing passed your lips and seeking yours in a sensual dance. It massaged erotically over your own, making you moan happily into his mouth and shamefully rub against him like some creature in heat.

The minute he pulled away, you found yourself already missing his kiss, but how could you whine when those expert fingers slid between your bodies. Finding their path down your chest and stomach until they seemed content below your navel. He teasingly traced around it, causing ripples of pleasure to shoot south and warm your insides. It made you squirm weakly, but the more he did it, the more you wanted to push him onto the table behind him. “Lower.” You nudged him, hoping he’d stop this madness and give you what you wanted.

“Beg me, you feisty little thing.” Balem encouraged you, albeit in a frustrated manner that left you smiling. He seemed pleased by the fight, but he was no doubt already itching to be inside you as well. If that bulge in his pants was anything to go by.

“Is that what all your lovers do? Hm? Grovel at your feet for some form of intimacy?”

Balem eyed you curiously, the start of a smirk playing on his lips when he stopped at your heaving chest. You could tease, bite back and judge him all you wanted, because the evidence of his effect on you was in front of him. There was nothing more he needed, because that was advantage enough in his favor. “Most do.”

“Well, I-ahh…” Your words trailed into a soft moan, hips bucking forward when his fingers slipped divinely over your thigh and under the slit of your dress. “I don’t think…” Pants of broken words were all you could muster, between his talented fingers and soft caress of kisses, it was difficult to even think straight. “You’ll find that here, my lord…” Even through the pleasurable sensations, you managed to snap at him, awaiting his response in the form of more torturous affections. It was as if he already knew your body, finding every patch of skin that responded eagerly to his brief, yet exciting, touches. Trying to sustain your composure against the wall was becoming harder, and as he rubbed over your clit through your panties, that would be the end of that battle. Your back arched from the stone, hands grasping at his black leather tunic in your fit of ecstasy. You wondered, momentarily, how one man could cause such a satisfaction within you. It was almost unfair how easily he could tear apart your resolve and bring you to nothing more than a puddle of moans and whimpers.

“It seems I already have.” Balem smirked proudly, watching in contentment as you writhed against the stone and into his hand. He felt the desirous heat of your sex, pulsing madly against his palm as he rubbed and massaged your clit. If he had no sense of control or pride, he’d of pulled that offending material of your undergarments aside and taken you. Hard and fast, if only to see that confident woman break before him, to bend under his will. Until then, he was more than capable and willing to supply you with a dose of bliss like none had before.

“Is this what you had in mind when you came down here?” He hotly whispered into your ear, licking over it sensually as you keened out for more. “Did you think you’d bewitch me into your chambers? That I’d blindly follow and grant every one of your desires and commands?” His breath of a laugh ghosted along your skin, causing chills to shoot over your body. It took all you had not to mumble a curse to him, because the pathetic truth was, you had believed this entire event was going to work in your favor. That every detail was yours to choose and create, but Balem had stolen that from you. You were completely, and utterly, under his servitude. “How wrong you were.”

You clutched his shoulder, digging your nails into the fine leather as another wave of bliss wracked your body. It was frustrating to feel so helpless with him, but somewhere, some part of you was positively in awe of it. “Do you a-always, mmm…”

Balem’s finger ran along your slit, admiring how wet your panties had gotten. He didn’t even need to move them to feel just how desperate you were for more, but he’d be lying if that knowledge hadn’t caused a craving to taste you for himself.

“Talk this much?” You finally got out, praying silently that he’d get the hint and just ravish you now. His teasing was far too much by this point, and if he kept this little game up you’d whine and begin begging to the point of regret.

“If you learned your place, I wouldn’t have to.” Balem was driven by the fight of dominance between you both. Even when he could so clearly see his victory in sight, he still found pleasure in the way you denied him. So unlike the many women he bedded, where they quickly succumbed to him and spread their legs with an eager nature. They were still satisfying to lay with, but you had gained his respect and attention now. He was only ever going to want a woman like you, or perhaps even just be content with taking you as his lover. “Are you done then, with this foolish game of yours?”

You gasped into his neck, burying your face into his shoulder and trying desperately not to give into the sensations just yet. He was thriving off your suffering, you knew that, but having a man so easily take ahold of you…there was nothing like it. The submissive part of your personality was absolutely joyous, already celebrating how tenacious Balem was. To give in now though, after so much thought, you simply could not end it there. “No…”

It was the answer he expected, and one that brought him a pleasure he was happy to have. He was proud of you, oddly enough, because that unyielding firmness of yours set him off in ways that he’d adore to show you. “Good little bird…keep that up, and I may reward you for it.” With furtive fingers, he pressed on, sliding your garment aside and finally granting himself the indulgence of your wet heat.

“Balem!” You scratched unashamedly at his clothing, gently lifting your leg to wrap around his waist when he inserted his fingers. He explored slowly, torturously so, but you still couldn’t help the euphoria that took you. It wouldn’t be long before you caved to the pleasure, especially when he anchored his fingers inside and massaged greedily at your sweet spot. He was hellbent on watching you scream his name, and when he pressed down harder you all but lost your train of thought. “Ah!”

“You are a vision…” Balem groaned deeply in want, head falling against your shoulder as he tried to will away the ache of his erection. There was no chance he’d allow himself to fulfill every part of his appetite for you, because there was no fun in granting all your needs quite yet. He’d string you along, give you what you needed right now, and then walk away to see you come crawling to his alcazar for more. He rather enjoyed the chase, and knowing you’d provide him the perfect one, he was looking forward to this twisted relationship you had taken up. “Tell me how much you want this. Enlighten me.” He grinned over your flushed skin, nipping delicately at your shoulder and neck. It left behind small bruises, giving the world a taste of who you had just committed immoral acts with.

“I-“ You tugged him closer, hands drifting over his strong muscles, and down to his backside where you so graciously cupped his ass. Every fiber in you longed to feel that swollen need of his pressed into you, but he would not budge for once. He seemed pleased by your needy actions, but he only chuckled in mild entertainment, his hand slipping from the wall to collect around your thigh that hung at his hip.

Balem’s hand held violently onto your leg, his fingers speeding up their thrusts and bringing you to a complete halt of any sane thoughts. Your body stiffened against him, mouth hanging open in a silent scream when he bit down on your throat, once again proving his claim over you. In your rapture nothing else seemed to matter now, and even when he slipped his fingers out and turned you harshly around you paid little mind to it. As far as you were concerned, Balem could do as he pleased from here on out.

“You’ve no idea how beautiful you sound, do you?” Balem nuzzled along the nape of your neck, taking in the heavy scent of your perfume and sweat that mingled perfectly together. He slid his slick fingers up your side, sweeping them over your open front and trailing your own juices along your bare skin. There was something animalistic about it, but it only served to entice you both into another bout of passion. “You’ve only sampled a taste of what I can give you,” Balem lustfully spoke, lips peeling away from your ear as he brought his fingers to your lips. Your lipstick was smeared over your mouth messily, giving you that tantalizing glow he found impossibly attractive in a woman. “I hope to see you again soon, sweet little bird.” He smirked one last time, tracing his coated fingers over your lips and allowing you to taste yourself on them. He reluctantly withdrew from you, trying to ignore how delightful it felt to have your backside pressed against his clothed cock. But he would leave it at that for now, merely taking tonight’s memory with him and using it as leverage to seduce you further into his bed. “Do not disappointment me.”

*** A/N: 👌🏻