MIKE WHEELER + A MEDITATION ON BOUNDARIES

"Back when I thought I was straight I would go on dates with boys. The boys would usually want to kiss me. I disliked kissing, but I thought that their preferences deserved to count as much as mine, and I reasoned that they probably liked kissing more than I disliked kissing. So kissing was a morally good thing to do. I also reasoned that if I told them I disliked the kissing then they’d feel guilty and enjoy it less. So I did not tell them.  I am certain I was making some kind of critical error but it has taken me a long time to figure out what it might be." (x)

queer experience is pushing the love of your life to be with someone of the opposite gender, slowly dying inside as you hide feelings you know they’d never reciprocate

I don't think milkvans understand how badly they're going to lose

OMG FINN

"will would be a home-wrecker if byler happens."

The home:

mf he fixed it.. THERE IS NO HOME TO WRECK.

i say this as an el stan. a hardcore el stan. and i am able to say this bc i know how to admit when a character i love does some not so nice things. just keep that in mind.

el is not a good girlfriend to mike.

sure she puts his pictures up in her shrine and whatever. but those are miniscule things in a relationship. those are just flashy little things you do for show. but when you dig deeper into their relationship and look at things like how they connect emotionally, their overall behavior towards each other, how they communicate, accountability, and etc .... el falls just as short as mike does in those categories. maybe even more for some of them.

i mean like with the accountability thing. at least mike attempts to apologize to el when he fucks up. el on the other hand has hurt mike but has never apologized or attempted to apologize to him.

for instance, she broke his trust in s3 and invaded his privacy when she spied on him. and instead of apologizing when he was clearly upset about it, she just played it off as something she was allowed to do bc "she makes her own rules." making her own rules is totally fine and an important lesson she learned from max, but not when it comes at the expense of other people's feelings and privacy. and that is what happened. she didn't take mike's feelings or privacy into consideration at all and she got away with thinking what she did was ok. and then in s4 she consistently lied to mike for 6 months straight. and he was mad and hurt when he found out she lied to him for 6 months out of their relationship and she wasn't actually the person she was said she was. and yet she never apologized for that either. when he politely tried to figure out why she had lied to him and he apologized for how he treated her, she spun all the focus onto him and started grilling him abt how he never says he loves her. which yes is something she should have done bc that was clearly an issue between them, but that could have waited til after she apologized to him. mike deserved an apology for that as well. they both should have apologized but mike was the only one who ended up saying the words "im sorry." that isn't ok. relationships take accountability and effort on both sides !!

mike's "apologies" to el are definitely not perfect and they have their issues. like a lot of issues. but at least he tries. he makes an attempt at apologizing to her and fixing things between them. el doesn't. she has never really made an attempt to make things better between them when they are having issues (that they both cause). she just pushes all the blame onto mike and all the pressure of fixing things onto him. and she's never apologized to mike for her mistakes that have upset him or taken accountability.

i think it just shows us that mike is really the one who cares more abt their relationship and puts in more effort. el definitely does not care as much as he does (granted, i don't think he cares for the right reasons but that is for another day) or puts in as much effort to fix their relationship. mike ends up having to do it all and that isn't fair to him. mike deserves better than that, despite what the people who think his character revolves around el think.

el is a bad girlfriend to mike just like mike is a bad boyfriend to her. not enough people want to acknowledge that.

Me when I react to mileven^^

big ramble about mike's love languages and how that relates to his relationships with will and el ahead!

its just occurred to me that in s3, during lucas and mike's little "how to apologise to a girl when you're gay and dont have any instincts in a straight relationship" crash course, the one thing mike did actually understand as relationship advice from lucas was "girls like presents." that's the thing he focused on the most, which was a great segue into a silly montage of lucas, mike and a very fed-up will running around the mall trying to buy gifts for the girls.

however, el doesn't give a damn about presents, not really. she doesn't really react to the flowers he gives her in s4 - she cares more about the note and what it says (and what it says does not please her.) el's love language appears to be words - she keeps mike's letters, and she's acutely aware of what they all say. she needs mike to *say* that he loves her - him showing how much he cares is not enough for el. so mike focusing on giving her presents was never going to work. his way of showing affection/love is not what she naturally recognises.

but yknow who does canonically like presents?

this boi.

continued under the cut because this got long:

the only advice mike's able to take from lucas' girlfriend apology training speedrun is the one that applies to him. mike's love language is receiving gifts. this isn't a "mike's so selfish" dunk post because hes literally thirteen and it makes sense to him that if he likes presents, el must like presents too. everyone likes presents, right? but it just further shows the disconnect between them. they can't recognise what the other person needs. (side note, el never gives him any presents or compliments him during the course of their relationship if i recall. mike isn't receiving love in a way he understands either.)

when mike fucks up with el, he needs a training course from lucas on how to fix it and he still doesn't understand what's going on (and lets not forget mike is smart as fuck, he should logically be able to work this out.) then, like four hours later chronologically, he fucks up with will. he visibly realises he's fucked up as soon as he says the infamous INMFYDLG line and without anyone telling him to, he travels miles in the pouring rain to fix it. notably, with words. will is also not interested in presents. mike isnt often (maybe ever?) shown giving him a present, but he gives will plenty of heartfelt words and verbally appreciates will. in season 4, he fights with will and el on the same day AGAIN, and what does he do? he brings el a plate of eggos, which she rejects by not touching them. they fight more, "a fight you can't come back from." and then later, his apology to will - he doesn't bring any gifts or peace offerings, he just calmly talks to him and apologises sincerely. and it works perfectly - they're back to sharing their feelings with each other and being best friends. the tension in their relationship is basically gone after that.

on a related note, let's look at what will and el do when they first see mike after a year, mike! six months. el plans a whole day together, doing all this crazy fun stuff like breakfast burritos and rollerskating, and mike goes with it but his response is noticeably a little confused. think about mike as a character - he's nerdy, a little awkward, he likes comic books, video games, movies, and stories. he's got his close friends but he's not really a social butterfly. he'd probably be just as happy to go home and watch movies together and hang out, rather than meet a bunch of el's "friends." it all goes to shit, as we know, which is neither el nor mike's fault, but it does.

will brings the painting to their reunion. will has been working on this painting for like a week, probably. he's poured tons of effort and time into it. he obviously doesn't get a chance to give it to him until the van, but when he does?

mike loves it.

that awestruck smile - this is for him and will made it. and we know mike particularly likes receiving will's art, he's been shown to have more of it on his walls than even joyce does. this is also why mike is so confused - these tags perfectly describe why mike is so messed up about the painting, imo. he likes gifts, and brings one for el, but el doesnt give him one back. but then will does, and he loves it, but will says its from el.

but this also explains why after the painting reveal, mike looks a little bit like he might know something's up.

gift giving/receiving and words of affirmation are the love languages that mike understands best, remember. so will byers, visibly emotional, has just given him an epic speech about how great "el" thinks he is, while presenting him with a handmade gift that's perfectly thought out for mike's interests that he poured hours of work into. let's not forget mike is very intelligent. i dont think he's fully oblivious like fandom thinks he is - when it comes to mike wheeler feeling appreciated, will has absolutely nailed it, and that's his downfall when it comes to hiding his feelings. he's too good at knowing what makes mike feel loved. so now mike's got to deal with will's perfectly adapted tokens of love and how instinctually easy he finds it to please will, vs his girlfriend, who never really makes him feel appreciated, and his own inability to make her feel appreciated

they are so so so close to get it lmao

I'm sure others have noticed this. It's hilarious. During El and Mike fight, little Will the Wise is there, too.

And when Mike says Who said that I didn't? (say I Love You), for a moment we see the photo of Mike waving. Hello, I, Mike, say that I didn't!

These writers are trolls. I love them

Thinking about this post by @pholiabanna and wondering how everyone (including the nebulous “GA”) understood bedroom decor + poster implications for the character’s primary attraction with this for Steve

And this for Billy

And even this for Nance—

—but the implications of this/these (+ the one-way-into-the-closet street sign) for Mike is lost on everyone.

Just. You know. Wondering why that might be

can we talk about how devastating this shot is?? the fact it’s the last shot we get of mike that can have, honestly, an ambiguous meaning behind it.. if you look at it surface level.

this isn’t the portrayal you look for when someone just saw their friends move away. we know mike when he loses someone, he’s emotional. we see him crying when he’s saying goodbyes in s3. but, in this specific moment, he can’t even walk normally. he just stands there with no physical emotion at all.

this isn’t a sense of loss, but a sense of realization of something he couldn’t see sooner - or, maybe, something he didn’t want to see at all.

he realized something when he felt everything all at once when will told him he’d never find another party, but nothing at all when el kissed him.

this is more than a “i dont wanna grow up” situation for mike.

this shot is practically a cliffhanger for mike’s character, but it’s very overlooked by the “mike’s the worst character now!” crowd, and it sucks!

me watching Mike and El get married in the local village with 3 waterfalls

I was scrolling through the mileven tag, and I saw an argument that I thought was pretty convincing at first.

it was basically "if mileven breaks up in season 5 it's all Wills fault, because he put unrealistic expectations on Mike and Els relationship with the van scene" scene

Then I actually thought about it, what Will said was basically, El will always love you and she needs you, she won't ever stop loving you or forget about you.

How is that "unrealistic" isn't that what you want in a healthy relationship ....

The thing about El’s ring is that i don’t think it symbolizes romantic love. If it did, it would’ve been addressed in the show. Instead, we only see it and know about it thanks to confirmation by production.

It’s also really similar to Nancy’s s1 ring (if not the same!). From the boy who wanted his family to adopt El, who went “Will you be like my brother?”….

This is symbol of love, just not romantic. Just familiar, platonic, and I just don’t see El taking it off even after they break up

If I said that Eddie's "I love you" to Dustin in the same episode as Mike's monologue was a reminder that not all love confessions are romantic.....