Into the Monster’s Claws - Rated T - Mutsuki Tooru/Suzuya Juuzou - hero/villain high fantasy au

The wait is over (in a universe where anyone was waiting) and Chapter 6 is finally up! In this installment, Tooru has vanished into the night to traverse Big Mountain alone. Against all his efforts, the commitment of his abandoned friends and an honest stranger’s terrible confession may just save his life, for he has survived predation and peril just to wander directly into the clutches of Sorcerer Juuzou himself.

Fallen Star: Chapter 3

AO3 | FFN

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Chapter Summary: Padme reunites with Anakin, and finally tells him the news.

Fic Summary: The Clone Wars have raged on for three years. With Dooku dead, the war’s end is finally within reach, and peace may come to the galaxy.

For Jedi Knight Padmé Amidala, Senator Anakin Skywalker, and Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, the world seems to have too many other plans to let it.

[Or, a Revenge of the Sith Roleswap AU]

A/N: This is a week late, so I'm posting this chapter and next now.

I'm good at remembering what day of the week it is and that I need to update I swear.

The ride from the landing strip to the Senate Dome was only a few minutes, but to Padmé as she sat on the transport taking her and Obi-Wan back to speak to the politicians, it felt as though it might have been hours. She looked out the windows, watching the buildings of Coruscant fly by, unable to ignore the anxiety that was starting to build as she finally would get to see her husband after so long away.

“Padmé?” She looked up towards Obi-Wan, who had chosen to stand while she simply sat hunched over, in her Jedi robes. He waited patiently for a moment, but sighed when she didn’t respond. “Padmé, are you alright?”

“Physically or mentally?” The answer to both might have been a no, if she was honest. The excitement of the day combined with the strain of her turbulent pregnancy had left Padmé in a worse state of exhaustion than even the war had, and mentally...telling your husband you haven’t seen in six months you’ve been pregnant with his child while fighting in a war was not bound to win her any empathy. Obi-Wan gave her a look, so she sighed. “I don’t know how I’m going to tell Anakin. It wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Her master thought they had a one night stand, a stupid mistake where some alcohol had reminded them of some feelings they’d long since abandoned and a mistake had been made, but that didn’t make the truth any less real. She already loved the baby growing inside of her, but they never should have happened.

“Just tell him. He’s Anakin. He’d be no more capable of hating you or that child than I was when you told me.” She still remembered that night well. At first Obi-Wan had been upset, she’d felt it in the Force, but it had quickly melted away for concern and a desire to help her through those weeks when Anakin couldn’t, and a claim on one of her child as his next Padawan. “You’re both too close to let something like this destroy your friendship, there’s no sense in denying that.”

Padmé hugged him. “Thank you, Master. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I’ll always be here.” He helped her up, and she made sure to adjust her robes to hide her stomach, so as not to attract any attention from the Senate as they docked. “Unless, of course, you want help dealing with politicians.”

She held back a laugh. “Still not a fan?”

“Anakin might be one of the only politicians I can remotely tolerate, and that’s just because he’s Anakin.” Obi-Wan smiled. “Still though, you are the hero for the day, and somebody will need to report to the Jedi Council, and I’m willing to bet you’d like to avoid that as long as possible.”

“Oh, so that’s the favor I get for dealing with politicians.” Not that she minded, it just meant lots of attention she didn’t particularly want when there was only one politician she wanted to see. “Do I get another one for saving your life for the tenth time as well?”

“Ninth Padmé, it’s only been nine times. The business on Cato Neimoidia doesn’t count.” He waved as she got off the transport. Normally, she would argue that it totally did, but she could still feel the butterflies flying around in her. She could let him have that one, at least. “I’ll see you at the temple tomorrow morning for when we get our next assignment?”

“I’ll be there.” Whether Obi-Wan knew the blessing he was giving her by letting her stay the night at Anakin’s, Padmé wasn’t sure, but she appreciated him either way for it more than ever as she merged into the crowd of politicians, her eyes skimming for Anakin as she listened in on the conversations.

“Chancellor Palpatine, are you alright?” The Mace bowed as Palpatine approached, a smile on his face.

“Yes, thanks to your two Jedi Knights.” She could hear the smile in his voice momentarily before it fell, and unbidden, Padmé remembered the point he had brought up on the Invisible Hand. Was he only faking his happiness to avoid revealing his suspicions as to the fact that Dooku had a sympathetic ear among the Jedi? “They killed Count Dooku but General Grievous has escaped once again.”

“General Grievous will run and hide as he always does. He’s a coward.”

“But with Count Dooku dead, he is the leader of the Droid Army.” With her limited knowledge of politics, even Padmé could pick up the underlying threat in Palpatine’s words. “And I assure you the Senate will vote to continue the war as long as Grievous is alive.”

Mace began walking away, following after the Chancellor. “Then the Jedi Council will make finding Grievous our top priority as long as he is alive.”

She went to follow after them when she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around to see Senator Bail Organa. “General Naberrie.”

“Senator Organa. I’m happy to see you.” She smiled back at him, truly relieved to see one of Anakin’s friends. “It’s been too long since I’ve been on Coruscant.”

“So it has, I’m assuming you’ll be busy for quite some time?” he asked, watching her with a mild interest.

Padmé shook her head. “I’m hoping to be posted on Coruscant, at least at the moment. It’s been a while since I was away from the front, and while I don’t need too much rest, Obi-Wan and I could both use a few nights of peace. That is, if the war continues for much longer.” Bail looked at her, surprised. “If we kill General Grievous, there won’t be any commanders skilled enough to lead their army. It’ll fall apart, and leave the Separatists open for peace talks once and for all.”

“Of course. I hope your predictions are correct, this war has gone on too long.” For all of them, even the Senators in their lofty dome, the war had become taxing, and at times it was difficult to remember why she was even fighting in it. She understood what Bail was saying all too well.

“Senator Organa.” Anakin’s voice as he was standing there, smiling at the two of them, pulled Padmé’s attention away from the conversation. “Would you mind if I have a word with Knight Naberrie?”

Bail smiled. “Not at all. Senator Skywalker, I’m sure you’re looking forward to seeing her as well.” Bail left without another word, and the moment they were alone, Padmé couldn’t stop herself. She ran to meet Anakin as he lifted her into the air with a spin. Six months was definitely too long a period of time. More than anything else, she missed him. She missed getting to hug her husband.

The moment her feet touched the ground, Anakin tucked her head under his chin, holding onto her as though nothing else mattered and like he never wanted to let go. She let him hold her as she just enjoyed the moment, saying nothing. “I missed you.” For a moment, she wasn’t sure if she had heard him, though she realized quickly what he had said.

“I missed you too.” And she had, more than she could ever say. “I thought I’d never get to come back to Coruscant.”

“It doesn’t matter what you thought, what matters is you’re back, and you’re okay, even if it’s for only a minute it’s all I care about.” And he kissed her, and for a moment she let herself get carried away in it. It was just them, it could be another stolen moment like so many they’d had in the war, and Padmé didn’t ever want to leave that moment.

But it wasn’t like all the others, their relationship already had a consequence, a wonderful, dangerous consequence, and so she pulled away, and rather than question he simply held her close, expecting her to speak when she was ready.

“Ani, I…” She trailed off, unable to continue.

“Padmé, what’s wrong? You’re trembling.” He let go of her, and she found herself lost in the intensity of his gaze. “Did something happen?”

“It’s not wrong, I’m just scared.” She took a deep breath and attempted to release her fear into the force, but it was lodged deep in her heart. Anakin meant too much to her now; to lose him would destroy her.

Anakin kissed her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere. Whatever it is, no matter how bad it is, we’ll get through it together.”

Padmé nodded. “It’s not bad, if...if I wasn’t a Jedi, it’d be good.” She needed to stop beating around the bush, but she needed to at least keep Anakin from worrying first. He looked at her, hesitant, but at least less concerned than he had been previously. “I’m pregnant.”

The word hung in the air between them for a moment. Anakin seemed to have frozen solid trying to understand, and it was hard not to blame him given he was going to be a father at twenty-three. Still, the fact that he didn’t answer began to worry her as the silence started to drag out.

Before she could question his feelings on it, however, he burst into a smile, bigger than any he’d given her except perhaps on their wedding night after they’d exchanged their vows to belong to each other, and she felt nothing but pure happiness. “That’s...that’s wonderful.”

She couldn’t help the smile that formed on her face in response as he pulled her in close.

Anakin being supportive of their child was already one problem off of Padmé’s list and maybe, things might finally start to really look up.

-x-

It hadn’t taken long for Anakin to rush them out of the Senate upon learning Padmé was pregnant. He’d scarcely had time to tell his mother to handle any requests from Bail if they came and to cancel the rest of his meetings before running to his speeder to go home, where he sat now in his apartment with Padmé beside him, telling him about her missions and everything that had changed since they’d last been able to call.

“That day was awful.” She stifled a yawn, clearly tired. “We’d just finished up another battle against some battle droids and then I threw up. Rex was so worried and I had to explain to him it was because of the baby and not something to be worried about.”

Anakin wanted to ask about the pregnancy. He’d missed so much of it because of the war, but whenever he’d tried to broach it and their child in an attempt to figure out what was going on, she’d skirt the subject, probably sensing his regret and guilt. Why hadn’t he ended the war sooner, or convinced the Jedi to bring Padmé home when he knew she had been doing awful during their last call? Why hadn’t she tried to come home sooner?

It wasn’t worth asking right now. He didn’t want to risk upsetting her. Tonight was all about a break from their stressful lives, and Anakin was happy to both give her that break and take one himself. “Where is Rex anyways? I didn’t hear anything from him during the battle.”

“I hadn’t gotten to that yet.” She let out a small laugh. “Ahsoka contacted us while we were in the Outer Rim. She and Rex are leading part of the 501st on Mandalore to deal with Maul.”

“Snips?” Anakin sat up as she said that. “She’s alright?” He remembered how hurt Padmé had been when Ahsoka had left, how she’d felt that she’d failed her Padawan in not protecting her enough during everything. To hear that she was okay…

But rather than give a full answer, Padmé simply shrugged. “She was in a rush to deal with what happened on Mandalore, we didn’t talk long for me to know much more. She...wasn’t happy we went to Coruscant to help.”

Anakin simply held her. “She came to you for help, and you gave it to her. When you guys see each other again, you can catch up.” Knowing where her misplaced guilt was coming from, he added, “She doesn’t blame you, Angel. You did everything you could.”

“I know.” Padmé nodded, though whether she believed him or not he couldn’t say. “I’ve been thinking about the baby...about what I should do.”

The fact that she’d changed the subject to the pregnancy and their responsibility involving it to avoid speaking of Ahsoka spoke volumes for how much she wanted to avoid the topic, and how much she needed to talk about it, but Anakin wouldn’t press. “About sending them to the Temple to become Jedi?”

Padmé nodded. “And other things. If I remain with the Jedi, I won’t be able to claim them as my own. They’ll know I’m their mother, and they’ll know you’re their father, but…”

But she wouldn’t be able to be their mother so long as she remained there. If they were raised with the Jedi, she could teach them while they were still in the creche, perhaps even become their Jedi Master, but never more than that. If they stayed with him, then she would possibly be even less. “You could leave the Order.”

“You know I can’t. Once the war’s over, the Jedi will go back to being peacekeepers, everything I’ve always wanted to be.” With the title of general that Padmé had taken to as the war went on, sometimes it was hard for Anakin to remember how much she hated all the fighting. “But I want you to raise them, Anakin. If our child wants to become a Jedi, then they can make that choice, but I want you to be a part of their life no matter what.”

“You want…?” She…

“They’ll be the first freeborn Skywalker.” Padmé smiled at him, and Anakin tried to open his mouth before shutting it. Even with how tired she was, pregnant with their child, she knew just how much that would mean. “I don’t want to take that from you just because they’re gifted with the Force. No matter what, I want them to have a choice in what happens to them.” Before Anakin could kiss her, Padmé ended up laughing. “Although I may have to fight Obi-Wan on that.”

Anakin laughed at that, mostly because he was startled. “Obi-Wan?”

“He already claimed the baby as his next Padawan.” There was an amused smile on Padmé’s face. “He said I was an easy first Padawan, he can’t imagine any child of ours to be any different.”

“I’ll have to raise her to be just like me then, just so Obi-Wan has a hard time.” He kissed the crown of Padmé’s head. “So he knows?”

“Not everything, but yes Anakin. Somebody had to help me out on the battlefield.” Padmé smiled, though something about it felt empty.

Anakin didn’t have to guess what bothered her. “You hate that you had to lie to him about how this happened.”

“I can’t tell him. He wouldn’t understand.” Given Obi-Wan’s love for his Padawan, Anakin doubted that was the case, but he let her voice it anyways, unable to refute it with little more than the gut feelings he had.

So Anakin did what he did best whenever something upset his wife, he kissed her, pulling her close and serving as the best distraction he could. “Let’s worry about that later. We’re supposed to be celebrating, aren’t we?”

“You’re right.” Padmé gave him another smile, this one more genuine. “I shouldn’t be so focusing on things like this, we have time.”

Though Anakin smiled right alongside her and began working his magic to pull his wife’s attention away from all their troubles, he couldn’t help focusing on his own.

We have time.

He repeated her comment in his head, hoping that if he told himself it enough times that the war, and all of their problems, would end, and that he would be able to believe it.

-x-

It was hot. The temperature around them was boiling, and like the world was ready to burn. She couldn’t see. She couldn’t feel anything, just the air around her.

There was crying, and a ship was leaving. And despite everything she felt she had to get to that ship. She had to be there. Something important was on it.

But even more important was the figure in front of her. In this hot place, lying on the ground, unmoving, was Anakin.

Padmé bolted awake, unable to focus for a moment as she felt the cool air of the apartment in contrast to the super heated air of her dreams, trying to process what had happened. She closed her eyes, immediately releasing her fear into the Force before it took her over. A nightmare. That was all it was. A nightmare.

Before she could get up to do something to clear her head and focus on the nightmare, she felt arms wrap around her torso and turned to look at Anakin, who had likely been woken up by the sudden movement. Before she could ask anything, he spoke. “I felt your fear in the Force, but I wasn’t sleeping.”

Oh. “You weren’t?”

Anakin shook his head. “No.” He didn’t elaborate. He just knew she wasn’t okay and held her, letting her take her time to breathe. It was difficult to process, the last time she’d felt a fear like this was back at the start of the Clone Wars, when Obi-Wan…

She remembered what Anakin had told her on the flight to Geonosis that day, when he’d listened to her fears about her master. It had helped her work through her emotions then...maybe it’d help now? “I had a nightmare.”

Anakin sat up, as though realizing this would be a long conversation, and pulled her into him. “What happened?”

“I’m…” She frowned, unsure of what happened in the dream. “I don’t know. It was disjointed and...difficult to understand.”

“But definitely a nightmare?” Padmé nodded to answer his question. “Do you remember anything?”

“I heard a baby crying.” It wasn’t difficult to imagine where that part of the dream had come from. She put her hand on her growing stomach, feeling the bright light of the life inside. She was nervous about everything to do with the baby. “And I saw you...you were…” That one, she was less certain as to why. She knew Anakin was safe on Coruscant, and he could take care of himself as he’d proven over the course of the war. Anakin dying wasn’t a fear that she normally had to wrestle with at all.

Anakin kissed the top of her head as a show of support. “It was fake, I’m right here.”

Padmé smiled. “I know.” The reassurance did little to make her feel better, she was still on edge. “I’m just...worried.”

“You have a lot to be worried about.” He held her hand. “And I’ll be with you for every step of it.”

“I know.” She locked her hands in his, and they both sat in silence, unable to stop thinking about her dream. “I might talk to Obi-Wan tomorrow.”

“Using him as a therapist?” Anakin teased.

“He is older and wiser.” She was grateful for the momentary change in focus. “He might be able to figure something out about it if we can’t.”

Anakin nodded, letting her figure out what else she may have wanted to say, but she didn’t want to think about her nightmare, at least not tonight as she instead rested her head on him, listening to his heartbeat and letting it calm her down, more than her attempts to release her emotions into the Force and their conversation had at any rate. It was definitive proof that he was alive.

“Why were you awake?” Padmé asked. Anakin remained silent. “Ani?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Anakin.” Was it possible she was using his problems to ignore her own? That was entirely possible, but she wasn’t acknowledging that for the moment, instead wanting to know what was wrong.

“I had a nightmare, don’t worry about it.” He shook his head.

“After you pressured me to reveal mine?” Padmé asked. Anakin remained silent for a moment before finally answering.

“I don’t remember much, just a lot of heat, like I was burning alive.”

Normally, Padmé wouldn’t have thought twice about that nightmare. It wasn’t super uncommon and it wasn’t the first time Anakin had woken up in the night from some kind of terrible dream.

But all she could think about was the fire and heat from her dream as she watched Anakin burn alive.

“Padmé?” Him calling her name shook her out of her worry and dread. This wasn’t something to worry about. It couldn’t be something to worry about. “Is there something else?”

She shook her head. “No, it’s...it’s nothing. Let’s just go back to sleep.” As though he could sense her unwillingness to talk about it, Anakin nodded, pulling her back into bed so she could get some rest.

She relaxed into his arms, listening to his breathing as it evened out and sleep came to him.

She only wished it had come to her as well.

A Year like No Other

(Taken from, and funded by, my Patreon.)

A lot of people are now calling 2020 the lost year and it’s not difficult to see why. Most of us have never had a year remotely like this last one. For some of us, the calendar began to blur, weeks and even months merging into one another in a sickly, uneasy timelessness that had us double-checking what day it was. For others, there was stress after stress, as we worried about our health, our jobs, our governments, even our countries. And the two experiences certainly weren’t mutually exclusive.

This month, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on that, acknowledging both the struggles and the successes. It’s sometimes been a difficult twelve months for me, but it certainly hasn’t been without its inspirations and its wonderful moments. I wanted to share some of those, to talk about a few ideas and to spotlight the things that helped me through 2020. I hope it helps. I figure it’s as good a time as any for us to be sharing our blessings.

And I think that first involves celebrating you. I think that’s very important. This past month, a year on from the first COVID cases being widely-reported (and also the first reports of cases where I live), I’ve read a lot by people asking questions like “What difference does it all make?” or “What is the point?” when they look back. They ask these questions when they think about things like their life changes, their mask wearing, their activism or their voting. They see an ongoing pandemic, social unrest or political inaction and wonder why they should make an effort while others are lax or apathetic. It’s natural to wonder that. I think anyone can understand the fatigue, the cynicism and the disillusionment.

But I also, get this, have a Hot Take on this that says that the choices you made were vital. When you chose to wear a mask, to socially distance, to restrict when and where you went, you actively helped fight a deadly virus. You may well have saved lives, saved someone’s health, protected livelihoods by acting as you have. When you voted, shared a cause on social media, attended a protest or talked to even one person about helping others or making the world better, you contributed to improving your society.

In fact, I have capital-O Opinions about these things so strap in and hold on, 'cause here they come.

I’ve been very fortunate to share much of my work on the internet over the years, which is a very particular medium, and sometimes that work reaches a lot of people. My experience of this is that you never know who it truly reaches, or when, or even how, and most of the time you never find out. There’s certainly an immediacy to things where you can see, pretty quickly, what the instant reaction to something is, but that’s fleeting. It doesn’t last and, within moments, there’s already something newer demanding more responses.

In time, the true consequences of things shake out. People get back to you with their more considered opinions. Sometimes months, even years after you do something, you find out from someone what they thought about it, how it affected them or even how they were changed. It can take time for a person to realise how they were changed, too, and we rarely have perspective in the moment. Sometimes it takes us years to appreciate the choices and the actions of our friends, our family members, our teachers, our communities. People have contacted me about work I’ve done long, long after I first shared it, and many of those people have come from places that I never expected, have found my work in ways that I never expected. I think, now, that consequence never travels in straight lines. That cause and effect are strangers rather than siblings.

And so I hope it’s clear that the ramble you have so kindly indulged is meant to say that we don’t always notice the good things that we have done. We ask “What difference does it all make?” or “What is the point?” because we don’t get those answers immediately, or for a long time, or sometimes ever. But not knowing when we saved someone’s health, when we changed someone’s mind, even when we inspired someone’s actions doesn’t mean that we aren’t making a difference. There is a point to our life changes, our mask wearing, our activism and our voting.

I hope you can celebrate yourself and give yourself credit for the choices you made this last year. They have mattered.

I also want to thank you so, so much for supporting my Patreon. I know many of you have been with me since day one, for more than two years now, and I’m so grateful for both your capital-P Patronage and your presence, whether that’s in our Discord community or through your comments and your correspondence. That’s made a big difference to me this past year, helping me pay rent and put food on the table during a time when so much has been uncertain. 2020 was to be my first full year back in Canada after a complicated, circuitous absence and I had half-finished projects, freelance ideas and half a dozen tabs open in my browser with writing residencies to apply for, everywhere from nearby Richmond to the Yukon Territory. I hoped this would be a year that I’d both finally see more of Canada and be able to write about it, too. A lot of things didn’t quite work out, freelance budgets were slashed, work timelines lengthened and I became ill, but as I look back now I’m thankful for a great deal.

I still managed to fulfill some ambitions. At the start of 2020 I’d been finishing up some work on Zafir, which had been an absolute delight, and I was not far off starting spring work on Magical Kitties Save the Day. The close of the year saw me resuming work on a Feng Shui expansion and each of these projects has been really good for me. All of them gave me a chance to work with skillful, progressive people and to become a better designer.

As spring continued, I decided to make a one-off video about board gaming and mental health during a pandemic, partly to offer a practical and helpful introduction to playing board games online and looking after yourself, but also because I wanted people to feel that their actions during a pandemic mattered. Among the things I referenced and linked to, I’ve continued dipping into Headspace from time to time, and this helpful list of brief work-from-home tips has been further updated. I’ve also since further investigated the terrific work of Dr. Ali Mattu, a psychologist and therapist who has produced a lot of material over the last year focusing on how to handle the pandemic.

With the summer came widespread protests across the United States, which highlighted the oppressive and fatal consequences of systemic racism and the urgent need for police reform, both issues not exclusive to the that country (for me, the events echoed the protests that began on my Tottenham street in  2011 and the violent response to 2010’s student protests). I shared a list of resources that I thought were important at the time, but there also followed a wide call for white people to make more effort to both seek out, engage with and promote motion pictures made by Black Americans, or which reflected the Black experience. It wasn’t a big ask and, as well as watching films that had been recommended many times over (such as Us, Da 5 Bloods, The Last Black Man in San Francisco and the excellent BlacKkKlansman, which was the best film I saw last year), I also tried to diversify my social media feeds more. Instagram was host to a growing discussion about how the platform seems to (deliberately or accidentally) divide people by race, something which I think may still be the case, and several nature photographers I follow promoted Tsalani Lassiter and Rae Wynn-Grant. To my delight, among many of the things they speak about and share, both are experts on bears.

I thought it was important to look more closely at Canada, too, so I made more of an effort to follow Indigenous issues and have begun reading Indigenous news sources, including First Nations Drum, Windspeaker and the Nunatsiaq News. CBC runs its own Indigenous news section, much of which is written by Indigenous reporters.A lot of freelance and writing opportunities dried up as the pandemic contracted the world’s economies, but in 2020 I was able to start writing for VICE, working with my old colleague and friend Rob Zacny, and interview the world’s most famous board game designer. VICE has written a lot of relevant, helpful and informative material about current events over the last year and I was heartened by the words of a fellow VICE writer, Gita Jackson, who concluded her essay about living in The Cool Zone of historical possibility by reminding us how “In The Cool Zone, we can also rediscover hope.”

This year I was also inspired by Faith Fundal’s widely-shared CBC podcast They and Us, which was an excellent (and still rare) example of a mainstream media exploration of gender identity and trans rights, and really pleased for my friend Brendan, who launched his podcast project Hey, Lesson! in the autumn. Of course, I can’t mention podcasts without again reminding you of my love for the spooky, supernatural Death by Monsters, which I got to host last winter. It was my dear friend Paula, one of its presenters, who recommended that I start streaming regularly, something I now do here. She was absolutely right when she talked about how positive and social an experience it can be. It’s been a real joy, as well as added some important structure and schedule to my week.

And, of course, the arrival of my first full year as a Canadian resident meant that I got to celebrate my first anniversary as a Canadian resident. I paid my taxes! Let me tell you, it was a slightly confusing and esoteric experience, but it was also one of those mundane, humdrum things that confirms and validates you. Though I didn’t get to throw a party for that anniversary, I did get to enjoy my birthday celebrations before the pandemic really hit. My partner surprised me with a trip to the not-quite-remote-but-definitely-secluded Gibsons, on the quiet British Columbia coastline, which was the best birthday gift anyone’s ever given me and a chance to see more of the rocky, forested, mountainous fringes of a place I’ve fallen so in love with. Before Vancouver closed down, I was also able to collect more than a dozen people (representing five different nationalities!) together in a brewery and then a restaurant, something that now feels like an extremely alien concept. For some of us in our friend group, it’s the last memory we have of coming together and being in the same space. That gives it a pronounced poignancy, a bittersweet quality.

Finally, I’d like to share two more things with you. The first is particularly peculiar and personal: I found my wizard. After drafting this piece last summer, then sharing it in the autumn, a few suggestions led me not straight to my goal, but ultimately down the right path. The game that I was thinking of is called The Tomb of Drewan and I very much doubt that anyone, anywhere is likely to have heard of it. It’s thirty-nine years old this year and it was distributed by a publisher in Berkshire, not so far from where I grew up. It only took me three and a half decades to see what it looks like in colour.

Tracking down this game was a softly satisfying experience. It’s exactly as I remember. Everything makes sense. Reading through the manual reminds me of how difficult it was to try and understand this thing through a monochrome monitor, though I also think it was likely way too complex for the child I was. I don’t think I ever got anywhere. I don’t think I ever could have. But I at least know that my memory has served me well. That wizard was as real as could be.

The second thing is something about my own missing year, something that has also resurfaced in my memory as we’ve plodded through 2020. In the long, dark winter months, in the unstructured days and the collapsing weeks, I’ve been transported back to the early 2000s and to a time that now feels very familiar. Here's what that was like.

I’d been writing professionally for a few years, comfortably and competently, while still living in suburban Hampshire. As publishing moved from magazines to the internet, my work began to dry up, my options narrowed and, honestly, I didn’t respond to this shift by producing my best material. I also didn’t know what to do about all this change, becoming directionless and unsure. I didn’t yet have the confidence to take some of the larger steps that I eventually did and, instead, somewhere in all that I began to move backward. I struggled to find work. I slept the strangest hours. I was frustrated, but it also didn’t matter nearly enough to me because also, I was no longer motivated.

I have memories of waking up at all kinds of times of day and night. Of not knowing where to go. Of running out of things to take photographs of, after looking at the same local sights over and over. It was like living at the bottom of a well, with a tiny, distant view of the world and no handholds for climbing out. I wasted time because I had time to waste, something I deeply regret now, and I became crabby, unhealthy and inward-looking. I was far from my best.

The last time I was in England I found myself going through old things from the early 2000s. I found many of the books I read, a great deal of writing I’d done and, in particular, a lot of my old RPG notes. A lot of old RPG notes, an absolute wealth of work that far exceeded anything I’d done outside of any work except that on Paranoia. I’ve written before about my roleplaying past and how I have fond memories of it, but I had completely forgotten exactly how much material I had collected together. I had so many biographies that I’d indexed them. I was starting to form an encyclopedia of everything I’d done, just so that I could find and reference the things I needed.

I had also read so much, which both prepared me for my degree and began to make me a better writer. I’d mostly stopped reading in my mid-teens and this was a new spurt of interest that led me toward many of the tastes and preferences I have today. I began to develop my fiction and non-fiction writing styles and I developed an interest in non-fiction that had paid me back a thousandfold.

I was building a new me.

I see now that I didn’t lose a year. I was certainly caught in a swamp of sorts, struggling to make progress, but the experiences I had during that time still mattered. They didn’t matter right away and they didn’t matter in any way that seemed at all obvious to me at the time, but they helped to shape me and to guide me, to show me both what I wanted and, certainly, what I didn’t want. If I had the chance to repeat it, I’d for sure live that missing year differently. I’d live it so much better, so much wiser and so much more fruitfully, but I can at least see it now as not the waste I long thought that it was.

And so I hope it’s clear that the ramble you have so kindly indulged is meant to say that, some time in the future, you may look back on 2020 and find your successes, your satisfaction, even your strength. I don’t mean to disregard anyone’s suffering or sadness, your feelings are valid and the pain, loss and difficulties you’ve encountered are very real. I don’t much like people who dismiss the feelings of others and I apologise if I’ve been too glib. I think a past version of myself needed to read something like this, a long time ago, and I only want to give them, you or anyone who might see this, hope for the future, a few reasons to be optimistic and, very importantly, a reminder to celebrate yourself.

Happy 2021. You made a difference. You always have.

💜💜AU Fics! (+ two I don’t know how to categorize) 💜💜

So I’m saying they are AU, and they are, but canon-divergent AUs. Apparently I don’t read many full divorced-from-the-source AUs. (Some other folks have recced ones like that for the @tuafeedbackfest so do go check that out!) These ones are all ‘what if it was like the show but’ kind of AUs, and I love seeing what changes and what stays the same.

hell of a feeling though by @agreatperhaps12

Klaus is never quite sure, until the moment he's getting punched in the face, whether the ghost of Ben following him around is anything more than an extremely vivid hallucination.

Rating: NR⎜Word Count: 46k+⎜Complete (4/4)

This fic is extremely great. It starts pre-series, and then the third chapter tracks an alternative timeline to the show (although only slightly as the AU is only slightly divergent - until all of a sudden it is most definitely Not) and the last chapter is for the after. Basically every setting you could possibly want, and it’s all written so well with such great characterization of Klaus. It made me scream plenty.

If Your Life Won’t Wait by queenbaskerville

Klaus somehow, somehow, figures out how to manifest himself visibly, as some sort of shade passing as a living man, to talk a high-as-a-kite Luther into going home. He doesn’t touch Luther once, and his ghostly self feels a bit lightheaded, but he walks beside Luther until they’re back to the Academy and Luther has fallen asleep on the staircase.

“I’ll tell him I’m dead when he’s sober,” Klaus tells Ben. “I’ll do it.”

“Okay,” says Ben.

Klaus doesn’t.

aka, When Klaus dies on the dance floor, God kicks him out of the afterlife. But she only kicks him out halfway.

Rating: T⎜Word Count: 23k+⎜Complete (7/7)

I love love this fic! It’s such a neat idea, and the changes it makes in the timeline of the show - even though it only diverges from the end of 1x07 - are pretty huge. And then we get some family bonding via dealing with some incredibly hard to handle things, like Klaus being dead, and all the difficult but important conversations sorting that out entails. 

can i dream for a few months more? by intheflowers

A woman dreams of the child she gave away. It's fine as long as she can deny what she sees. (When she finally wakes up to the reality of the situation it will be too late.)

On the other side of the world, a boy dreams of a woman he does not know. While he's too young to understand who she really is, one day he'll figure it out. (And by then he will have other things to worry about. By then, all he'll really want is a safe place to sleep.)

Or: I go wild with the idea of Klaus having the power to dreamwalk and meeting his birth mother that way.

Rating: T⎜Word Count: 33k+⎜Complete (3/3)

I’m aware that I need to read alllll of what intheflowers has written, based on all the other recs I’ve seen, and also based on the fact that this fic is so amazing. Just gorgeously written, and such a cool concept that leads to both the painful hurt and the beautiful comfort. I literally just finished reading it but I have to read it again and leave loooong comments.

learn to live with it by Princex_N

Klaus doesn't know where to start and doesn't know how to stop.

He's the only one who tries to get used to it, because what other choice does he have? The others still wait, still ask when he'll be done playing around, still yell at him for being annoying, but no one seems to stop and realize that there's nothing he can do about it.

Klaus gets used to it, but he's the only one who does.

Rating: G⎜Word Count: 4k+⎜Complete (1/1)

A fic where Klaus has Tourette’s Syndrome, set pre-series (although there’s more fic in the series, including one with Allison set in the post-not-apocalypse). I haven’t seen anyone rec this one I don’t think but it’s really unique and it fits very well into the established facts of canon.

Comes And Goes (In Waves) series by hujwernoo

The apocalypse happens, Five arrives in the rubble, and his entire family is dead.

However, one of them has power over ghosts. And even if being dead seriously sucks sometimes, Klaus is going to be there for his brother.

There is an abundance of fics about Klaus surviving the apocalypse and being there for Five, and while I love those fics I wanted to up the angst factor by about 1000. So here's one where he doesn't survive, and is still there anyways.

I know everybody has recced this, but that’s just because it’s that good. A massive labor that absolutely becomes its own universe by the time it starts tangling up with canon in its 8th installment, ‘for the ones who try again.’ I’ll make special mention of the 6th one, ‘for the ones who need a hand,’ because I really like that one particularly. You’ve got to read in order on this one though!

The next two fic are ones that I really wanted to give mention to, but couldn’t fit in with any of my other lists:

once there was a tree by @giugiubees

She looks at the display on the wall. She’s dusted it countless times. There are many prized insects pinned within the gleaming glass case. The insects are rare or extremely beautiful or both. So it is odd, that in the corner, sits an Eastern Tiger Swallowtail. It is yellow, but it doesn’t shine for attention. It sits quietly in its death, seemingly content to have simply lived at all. Grace blinks.

A fix-it where they dig Grace out of the ruins of the mansion but her memory files are damaged. Or, a robot coma dream sequence type of thing.

Rating: T⎜Word Count: 2k+⎜Complete (1/1)

It’s a lot of feelings about Grace and being a mom and being a robot and it’s written in this beautiful dreamlike way. There’s little moments of the Hargreeves as kids, and some moments set during the series, and it’s all swirled around together. It will break your heart. 

Out of the Woods by bob-fish

In 2003, they stopped the clock on the apocalypse. Back in 2019, they find they've accidentally declared war on the people who want it restarted. Can the Hargreeves siblings survive another full assault by the Commission? Can they escape to Five's remote and inadequately-sized safehouse for long enough to come up with a plan? Do they stand a chance against the might of the Temps Aeternalis Commission? Will they all murder each other first? And why the hell did nobody think to bring toilet paper?

Rating: M⎜Word Count: 60k+⎜In-Progress (5/7)

I really have to go back and re-read and properly comment on this fic! It’s unfinished and hasn’t been updated in a while, but maybe enough people going and reading and commenting will help get us the last two chapters! A post-apocalypse fic that sends the Hargreeves on a plotty road trip/on the run. Very interesting and cool and even though I don’t have a good list for it, I couldn’t let the even pass without mentioning this one!

Two’s Company, Three’s Allowed, a TRR fanfic

@speedyoperarascalparty@brightpinkpeppercorn@sleepwalkingelite@zaffrenotes@ao719@choicesfanatic86@darley1101@flowerpowell@gardeningourmet@kinkykingliam@livingthroughchoices@likethetailofacomet @andy-loves-corgis@silviasutton1989 @blackcatkita @flowerpowell @endlessly-searching-for-you

Back on track with the main story...

An Unusual Wedding 1

‘Well that didn’t go too badly.’ said Lucy with a sigh of relief as the reporter’s car drove off. Drake ran his finger around his collar, simulating choking, and undid the top button.

‘The sooner I’m out of this suit the better.’ he grumbled. Brad clapped him on the back. The three of them went back into the house, to relax in the drawing room.

‘Well done Drake, your foot went nowhere near your mouth.’ he grinned ‘We’ll make you a proper Duke yet.’

‘When hell freezes over.’ he retorted.

‘Come on now, don’t paint all the nobles with the same brush.’ said Lucy ‘Remember Penelope’s parents – and Kiara’s aren’t all bad either. And Maxwell…’

‘Maxwell is… Maxwell. I’d challenge anyone to label him.’ said Brad.

‘Oh I can think of a few labels for him.’ said Drake. ‘not all of them complimentary. Plus I daren’t go near him in case he’s planning on writing another book. Who knows what he’s making of our arrangement. Maxwell writing a bonkbuster is not a flattering thought.’

‘Bonkbuster?’ asked Liam. The King wasn’t always up to date on current memes and colloquialisms.

‘Kiss and tell.’ explained Drake, and Brad looked blank for a moment, then his face cleared.

‘Oh I see. No that would not be a good thing.’ he said with alarm. ‘What goes on behind closed doors – well it would be speculation anyway as he’s not involved, but still…’he shuddered at the thought.

‘So what’s next?’ asked Lucy. ‘It seems like we have time to kill as I’m not out of the woods yet. I’m still under doctor’s orders.’

‘We do have a wedding ceremony to arrange.’ replied Brad. ‘Drake, I know you don’t like showy elaborate occasions, and we told the Press that it would be a private ceremony – so what’s your preference?’ Drake looked thoughtful.

‘My ideal would be just the three of us.’ he mused. ‘but Savannah would kick my backside into the middle of next week if I got married without her there.’

‘Hana would be hurt too, and Maxwell.’ said Lucy ‘Plus we have to have a photographer.’

‘Please let it be simple.’ pleaded Drake. ‘before you know it we’ll have a couple of hundred guests and have to hold it in the cathedral.’

‘Okay so let’s be realistic, absolute minimum guest list?’

‘Savannah and Bertie, Maxwell, Bertrand and Hana.’

‘How about the Queen Mother? asked Lucy.

‘I’ll invite her but I’m not sure if she will come. I think Drake is right, absolute minimum is just that. How about location?’

‘Somewhere remote and private.’ said Drake, and Lucy nodded.

‘How about the cabin up in the hills here?’ This time Lucy made a face.

‘I’m not ready to go up those mountain tracks again.  Not just yet.’ 

‘How about that place we went camping?’ asked Brad ‘It’s remote and overlooks the sea and we all have happy memories of being together there.’

‘That actually sounds like an excellent idea.’ agreed Drake, and Lucy nodded.

‘So apart from our guest list, there will have to be security, a photographer, and a celebrant.’ said Brad

‘How about Ana de Luca for the Press?’ suggested Lucy. ‘We’re on friendly terms after all we’ve been through, I’m sure she’d be happy to cover it.’

‘Bastien to arrange a security detail then, so that just leaves a celebrant. Leo would possibly be available.’ Brad said, walking up and down in front of the window, hands clasped behind his back. Lucy sat on an overstuffed sofa next to Drake, holding his hand.

‘I could wear my wedding dress a second time, but what about afterwards? Should we have some sort of reception?’

‘How about a barbecue or picnic?’ grinned Drake ‘Keep it really simple, we won’t need catering staff, and the guests can camp out too.’ Lucy giggled.

‘That sounds like a lot of fun – what do you think, Brad?’

‘I’m happy with whatever you two want to do – after all I’m sort of a third wheel in all this.’ Lucy’s face fell, and she got up and stood in front of him, holding his hands in hers and gazing into his eyes.

‘We’re all equals in this partnership Brad.’ she said softly.

‘Thankyou Lucy my dearest, but I had my day in the cathedral, and Drake was in the background. It’s only fair that the focus is more on him this time, even if there are less than twelve guests rather than the whole country watching.’ Lucy put her hands on his shoulders and pulled herself up to kiss him on the lips.

‘You’re so selfless. I love you so much’ she smiled, hugging him close. Drake smiled fondly, not minding the moment of intimacy, knowing that he was securely held in Lucy’s affection.

‘Ok, so all we have left is a date.’ said Brad. ‘anything else is just window dressing.’

‘Can we do it in a week? asked Drake. ‘The sooner the better as far as I’m concerned, though if it was just us three I’d do it tomorrow.’

‘Right.’ said Brad ‘Lets split the task. Lucy, you should open up a group chat with Hana and Maxwell, and Drake, you can talk to Savannah. I will contact Ana and Leo. We can share progress at dinner time.’

 --------

Alone in his room, Drake stared at his phone. He had just finished talking to Savannah and the entry taking up all his attention now was marked ‘Mom. His stomach knotted, his heart beat a steady elevated rhythm, and his palms felt clammy. It would be early morning where she was. He had not spoken to her for months, not even to tell her he’d found Savannah. He knew his mother and sister had been in contact since then, and she knew about little Bartie. Savannah had said she’d wanted to come over and meet her new grandson but was waiting for her daughter’s wedding to Bertrand. Apparently when his name had been mentioned, his mother had said ‘When Drake wants to talk to me, he can.’

And he did want to, more than anything.

But what can you say when you’ve not talked for months, not spoken about such a vital thing as rediscovering your sister after she went missing for over a year? Unless Savannah had told her, she knew nothing of Lucy, nothing of his internal battle over falling for his best friend’s – his King’s – prospective wife, nothing of his descent into near alcoholism. What would she think of the odd relationship he was about to commit himself to? Never mind that his mother had chosen to leave them after his father died…

He screwed his eyes shut and pressed his fingers to his forehead. The afterimage of the screen remained on his retina. He tried to think it through – what if he told her nothing? She would find out through Savannah or even worse, through the media. He realised that she might wake to the press banging on her door, hounding her, despite being out in the wilds of Texas on the family ranch. She might already have heard…

He had to ring now. Before he could talk himself out of it, he stabbed at the screen.

He heard the tone of the phone ringing and waited, his stomach doing somersaults. It felt like an eternity before it stopped. There was a pause before she spoke.

‘Drake?’ tears pricked his eyes at the sound of her voice, not sleepy as he expected, but alert – and guarded.

‘Mom.’ His voice was unsteady. There was another pause.

‘Speak to me, son.’

‘Mom, I’m – I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. So much has happened.’

‘So I hear. Your sister has kept me updated – though maybe you have more to tell me than she’s said. I told her, if you want to tell me anything about – about yourself – that it has to come from you, not from her.’

‘Mom, maybe if you were closer, if you weren’t so far away.’ he began, then bit his tongue.

‘I’m sorry, son.’ there was genuine regret in her voice. ‘I’m sorry I’m not there with you. But I couldn’t stay. Everything about Cordonia reminded me of your father, and I hated the place because it had destroyed him. I wanted to take you and Savannah with me – but Brad assured me you would have a home in Cordonia, and it wasn’t fair to take you away from everything you knew. I wanted you to finish your education, not uproot yourself and end up somewhere you felt out of place…’

‘But I was out of place anyway,’ he wanted to say, ‘All those stuck up nobles looking down their noses at me. I wanted to be with you, but you shut me off,’ Instead he had stayed to look after Savannah, who loved being at court. Look how well that had turned out in the short term, he thought. But instead he swallowed his pride, realising that there was another long silence developing. He had to put it all behind him, try to forgive, even if it was impossible to forget.

‘I fell in love.  I fell in love with – with my best friend’s girl.’

‘Oh son.’ there was regret in her voice.

‘But – but she loves me too… and I’m so happy.’

‘Son?’ her voice was choked up, but no more words came, and he had to fight his way past the ache in his own throat.

‘Mom, we’re getting married.’ he blurted out. Silence… he could hear her sniffling.

‘Drake… what about…’

‘It’s all ok, it’s all fine. We’re going to be together, the three of us.’ it all came out in a rush. ‘You – it’s strange, it’s ok here, you can – can do that sort of thing now. Brad’s made it legal.’

‘I know, son. Constantine was married to Brad and Leo’s mothers when we first moved there.’

‘You knew?’

‘Your father, rest his soul, told me and it wasn’t a secret then.’

‘So – it’s Brad and Lucy - and me. Did Savvy tell you about Lucy?’

‘I could hardly not know about her. I follow the foreign news.  She sounds like a remarkable woman.’ There was a note of curiosity in her voice now.

‘I had to tell you. We’re getting married very soon. Within the week.’

‘I’m happy for you.’

‘Do you want to – can you come?’

‘Oh Drake – Drake, of course I want to.’ They were both crying now, but it was happy tears. ‘I’ll book the flight straight away.’

‘I can pay for it. You can stay at Lucy’s place - well, it’s mine too. I’m a Duke – would you believe it?’

‘Drake Walker, you have a lot to answer for, and we have a lot of catching up to do.’

‘I love you Mom.’

‘I love you too, son.’

‘See you soon. Tell me when you’re arriving.’

‘Till then, son.’

After she hung up, he continued to stare at the phone for a while. Then he stood up and gave a whoop, punching the air. He ran into the corridor and burst into Brad’s room. Brad looked up from his phone, startled.

‘Mom’s coming - she’s coming to the wedding!’ he cried in triumph, and Brad’s face broke into a broad smile as he put his phone down. He crossed the room and threw his arms around Drake, patting him strongly on the back before stepping back again.

‘That’s great news Drake. It will be good to see her again. Congratulations.’

‘I’ve got to tell Lucy. We’ve got to get a room ready for her. I have to call Savannah too.’ and Drake ran out into the corridor again.

Part One: Congratulations, It’s a Boy. (Two and a Half Men S06E02)

Episode Summary: Sam and the reader investigate a case about missing babies whose parents are being murdered, and upon working a crime scene, discover a baby boy. Dean is called to help after the reader and Sam are unsure of what to do. However, while taking care of the orphaned child, the reader and Dean discover something about themselves—they make decent parents.  Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 4,210.

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

People would go to great length to keep people they loved safe. But, no matter what, tragedy can strike at anytime. And that was the tricky thing about life. Sometimes it can be casual and comfortable, settling you into a routine that almost feels a bit boring, and other times, it kicks you straight in the teeth from how brutal it could be. You can never predict when danger comes. Until you went on the road and started hunting, you lived a relatively quiet life. The only dangers of life you heard were from the news you occasionally watched and the stories the Winchesters boys told you on the occasions they stayed with you. Life was quiet, even a little boring back in the day. Now you spent your days hunting, and the nights by your lonesome. Or, if you were feeling desperate, slip into bed with someone you onced called your best friend. The lines felt a bit blurry of where you ended up with him after coming back from the dead.

You knew you had the options of going back to a life you knew before; a nice, cozy home with empty halls and an empty bed. But that wasn't for you. Dean decided that's what he wanted to do. He wanted to start fresh. Pick a new location to live that was miles away from the house that was left with broken furniture and specs of blood that Dean spent a few hours trying to clean up so Lisa wouldn't notice. She did, eventually. The woman didn't fuss over the broken lamps or stained carpet. It was just things, long as he was okay, that's all that mattered. Dean wished he could see things with the optimistic attitude like she had. But he cared. He looked at that little spot of blood over and over again every morning for three days everything that happened. It was a constant reminder of what kind of danger he was putting the people he loved in. And how easy history could repeat itself on him if he wasn’t careful enough.

He couldn't save you, he couldn't stop his brother from taking the swan dive. And the little spot of blood on the floor made him feel the same gut wrenching anxiety when he realized that Lisa and Ben were put in danger like this. The people he swore to protect, the people that he cared for as they had did for him. It could have been their blood he saw. Dean couldn't let history repeat itself on this family. So, after looking around, he found a nice neighborhood a few states away. And called to rent a house before he even asked Lisa. He couldn't be too safe, anymore.

+ + +

At the age of twenty-nine, you could have had a ring on your finger and a stable job with a degree in some major you went to college for along with mortgaging a house in one of the nice neighborhoods that you had been visiting over the past week. But their manicured lawns and newest minivans in the driveways couldn’t stop the happy families from facing a terrible danger in this quiet town. Something was going on here. Over the past several days you had been following the lead of couples being brutally slaughtered. But that wasn’t the worst of it. Each of them had been new parents of a sixth month old child. And each of them had disappeared without a trace.

You and Sam had been diligent on trying to track this case closely, hoping to find some lead at the next crime scene to figure out who this baby napper was. But you were too late this time. You let out a sigh when you stared at a flyer of the most recent victim of a sixth month old that vanished without a trace, his parents murdered in the house just behind you. The police had been here for the past hour, but even with the help of some fake badges and formal clothing, the detective working the case couldn’t give you any sort of new information from the previous cases that you had been working. It was like someone was sticking to the same routine. But leaving no trace to make a lead that was even the remotely bit useful for anyone.

“Where’d you find them, again?” You managed to take your gaze away from the flyer and to the detective you had been talking to for the past few minutes, hoping to find some new information.

“We found the parents upstairs. Pretty brutal.” He said, nodding his head to the house behind you with the yellow police tape blocking out any citizen that didn’t have a badge. You watched as his face grimaced as he began to recall the scene. You asked him if this could have been a possible break in, the detective shook his head at the theory. “No, alarm never went off.”

“Any leads on the baby?” Sam asked, his eyes lingering to the photocopied picture of the baby for a moment. The detective answered with a no, prompting the younger Winchester to appear worried as he furrowed his brow even more. “So, what do you think? You think it’s okay? Alive?”

The detective answered with an honest hunch, “I did yesterday.”

You let out another quiet sigh from how this situation didn't seem to show any signs of a happy ending. Any hunt with children always sent you on edge, and with the fact that you had several vanishing into thin air only made you feel more tense of what this outcome was going to be. If there was something menacing going on here, time wasn’t on your side. You thanked the detective for helping you and Sam out before you decided to see what the house could offer the both of you in terms of evidence that might help figure out what was going on here. But you were doubtful when you ducked underneath the yellow police tape and headed inside.

+ + +

You spent a good hour and a half going through every square foot of that home, scanning the rooms thoroughly with the EMF reader and keeping in mind for any traces of sulfur. Hell, you even kept an eye out for anything the police might have missed considering how the son of a bitch got into the house to murder the couple and steal a baby. But there was nothing. No emf, no sulfur, not even a broken window. Whoever this was just slipped into a place with the doors and windows locked. Maybe the victims knew their killer. But you made sure to cross off that possible motive early on. Nobody knew each other, the only thing they had in common were being parents to sixth month old children.

You and Sam headed out of the house a short while after you decided there was really nothing else here to look at, like the rest of the crime scenes, you left more confused and angry like before. You gave a smile to the detective you previously talked to and pulled out your phone, deciding to call Samuel and give him the frustrating update. "Hey. Sam and I have been all over this. No sulfur. No EMF. Hell, not even a drop of blood or fingerprints." You said, ducking below the police tape and following behind the younger Winchester. "I hate to say this, but I'm starting to think this isn't our kind of thing." "Four couples slaughtered in one part of the state within days of each other. That's four babies taken from locked houses. Damn it!" Samuel cursed underneath his breath over the line, probably because he was trying to work this new thing called a laptop he had an entire year to learn. But you couldn't teach an old dog new tricks. "Explain to me how any version of that is natural." "Honestly, wish I had some answers. This feels all sorts of wrong to me. And way too gruesome to be one of those Lifetime movies where a deranged woman befriends a pregnant lady and then kills her for the baby." You said, mindlessly speaking with a pop culture reference that made the man on the other line fall silent. "Never mind. I think it's safe to say this one might be for the police. Nothing screams monster...well, our kind, at least." "Okay, so either we've got monsters grabbing babies to make baby stew, or we've got a bunch of psychotic yokels grabbing babies to make baby stew. Either way, it's baby stew, which is bad." Samuel said, painting a gruesome picture that made you grimace at the thought of what might really be going on here. "Yeah..." You agreed with the older man as you slowly looked away from the house across the street and to your friend, who was standing on the sidewalk with a bored looking expression on his face. You furrowed your brow as you placed your hand over the receiver over the phone, all too tempted to call the younger man on his behavior. "Sam, am I boring you, by chance? Do you have some place to be?"

“What? No.” Sam mumbled, his face scrunching up from your sudden hostile behavior. “I get it, Y/N. We’re working the case. I’m focused as you are.”

"Good." You grumbled underneath your breath. You averted your gaze away for a moment to focus your attention back to the conversation with Samuel, but you couldn't help yourself when you made a remark about the younger Winchester's behavior that had been far different the past year from the man you had remembered from a life before. A year ago if he was working this case he was be focused, desperate to find some sort of answer to what the hell was going on here. Now he seemed distant, and more nonchalant than you were comfortable with. "You know, sometimes I wonder about you, Sammy."

“Sometimes I wonder about me too.” You looked at the man from the corner of your eye when you heard Sam whisper a comment to himself, but you heard every part of it. You let out a quiet sigh and finally brought your attention back to Samuel as you dropped your hand back down to your side to continue speaking.

"Well, all of us should go back over everything, see if there's anything we missed."  You suggested as you began looking around the outside of the home, curious to see if the police might have missed anything. You saw was mostly just a garden, the wife must have had a green thumb along with recently mowed lawn. But you noticed the sign for an alarm company, you felt a spark ignite in your head. "Hey, detective said the alarm in the house never went off.  Could you see if anybody else had a security system from Harper Caine Security."

"Yeah. Sure." Samuel agreed, but he sounded the least bit enthusiastic about it. "Any chance I get to hop on a computer.”

You let out a quiet chuckle and thanked the man for his help before ending the call. You shoved the phone back into your pocket and dropped the smile when you looked over at Sam. Nodding your head to the car, you followed behind him, knowing the both of you had your own work to do to figure out what the hell was going on here.

+ + +

A monster's work was truly never done, and neither was yours until you killed it once and for all. Samuel managed to find a perfect match with the same security company not too long after you had called him earlier in the day. There was another couple not too far away from the previous home you had visited. And conveniently enough, they happened to have a sixth month old baby at home. You and Sam decided it was your best lead to catch this thing off guard. In the dead of night, you narrowed your eyes as you leaned forward in the passenger’s seat to look to see the house across the street. The porch light was off and there was no light coming from any of the windows, which lead you to a few conclusions. Either the family was peacefully sleeping, or you were a little too late for the party.

Either way, you weren’t leaving this place until you were sure the baby inside was safe. You and Sam headed out of the car and stopped to make a quick stop to the trunk, making sure to bring the obligatory guns and flashlights for safety precaution. You didn’t know what, or who, the hell you were about to come in contact with when you stepped inside the house. Whatever it was, it wasn’t snatching another baby on your watch if you could stop it. You concealed the weapon into the back of your jeans as you cautiously looked over your shoulder, making sure there wasn’t any neighbors walking their dog at three in the morning. When the coast was clear, you and Sam began walking toward the house, and passing by the same security system that was nothing more than decoration at this point.

Sam did the honors of picking the lock and swinging open the front door. with ease. Both of you waited for a moment to hear any sort of noise that sounded like regular activity, or footsteps to the front door when someone realized it had opened. You were greeted with silence. Drawing out your gun and flashlight, you began to follow behind, quietly maneuvering around the house until you were greeted with the gruesome slight of what you were expecting to see. You winced to see the father sitting in his recliner, throat slashes with his shirt soaked in blood. His wife laid at his feet, she was flat on her back, probably killed after she saw her attacker and tried to make a run for it. However, what was far different from the other crime scenes were a trail of bloody footprints. You looked over at Sam and raised your brow in curiosity.  

The both of you did the next logical step; you followed the bloody footsteps to see where they lead. You walked into what appeared to be the dining room, but in a strange turn of events, the footsteps moved in two directions, straightforward and upstairs. Sam nodded his head to the stairs, deciding to go that route, leaving you alone to inspect the rest of the downstairs by yourself. Inhaling a deep breath, you set your eyes on the first door you had spotted to your right and decided to start there. Ever so slowly, you reached out your free hand turned the knob, all before swinging opening the door and got ready to aim. But there was nothing there. You let out the quietest scoff when you were almost spooked out by a broom closet.

Shutting the door, you began looking around the room again, wondering where a baby snatcher would be hiding. You looked over your shoulder to see there was a door open ever so slightly, and when your eyes dropped to the floor, you noticed the bloody footprints lead directly into the room. You turned your body around and got ready to open up the door even wider to step inside, but it seemed somebody didn’t like that. You barely made it a step before you felt someone place their hands on your chest and you went flying backwards, landing roughly on the floor and your gun went scattering across the floor.

“Sam—” Your first instinct was to call out the younger Winchester’s name to inform him that you had found the baby snatcher. But you were cut off when you felt a hand try to put his grubby fingers near your mouth to silence you. You retaliated by elbowing him in the stomach and swinging your leg up, kicking him at least a foot back and gave you enough time to shout, "Get your hands off me, you son of a bitch!"

You quickly grabbed the knife from your pocket and flicked it open, slashing it across the man’s arm when he tried to attack you again. A simple cut across the forearm made his skin start to sizzle from the contact of pure silver. Your eyes widened in a bit surprise from the reaction as you quickly got ready to stab him for good to stop this once and for all, but it seemed the creature didn’t want to put up a fight. You got back to your feet and watched as he scurried off. You were tempted to follow after, but you looked over at the room he came out of, wondering if he forgot something. There was no way to know for sure until you went looking for yourself.

You cautiously began to make your way into the kitchen as you opened the door and made your way across the wooden floorboards, trying your hardest to be quiet as possible, not sure if the man was working with a partner. Your grip around the knife tightened when you heard the sound of very soft clattering echo across the room, and to the laundry room nestled in the other side. It could have been a cat, it could have been another monster hiding. You quietly made your way over to the table from where the noises were coming from and dropped yourself to a crouch. You counted down to three as you positioned the knife, getting ready to attack. But what you saw when you lifted up the tablecloth was something of happiness, and a bit of despair.

“Hi there, cutie.” You were greeted with the sight of a baby boy, who appeared to have been fine when you took a moment to look him over. Your lips stretched into a warm smile as you quickly put your knife down and reached out to grab him. Cradling him in your arms, you began to rock him back and forth, quietly shushing him as you heard him beginning to start crying. You heard footsteps across the floor, and just a second later, you were greeted with Sam again...who didn’t look the least bit happy at what you were holding. “Congratulations, Sammy. It’s a boy.”

+ + +

This wasn’t good. Not good at all. But you didn’t think it would have required the help of Dean, Sam thought differently. You checked the rearview mirror every few seconds to see the baby was quiet as the younger Winchester raced down the empty highway. You had tried to tell him that Dean wasn’t going to take the bait and come out for this. He was out for good. The man had proved it when he packed up Lisa and Ben to another state, wanting to start fresh. Sam wanted to call his brother. The more help you had on this hunt, the better. You punched in the older Winchester’s new number and made sure to put it on speaker, not giving Sam a chance to talk while driving with an infant in the car. He rolled his eyes from your behavior.

“Sam?” Dean’s worried voice filled the car, he picked up after one ring.

“Y/N and I need your help. Now. We’re working this job.” Sam tried to explain the situation to his older brother, but the man didn’t want to hear it. And the younger Winchester wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Look, I just need you with me on this. Okay?”

“I’m out. I’m staying out.” Dean said. "You've got Y/N. You should be covered."

“Please. She’s only so useful. Make an exception.” Sam nearly hissed at the man, not in the mood to have an argument over the phone. You tossed the man a dirty glare from his remark as he looked to the rearview mirror, spotting the same face that made him grimace and look back to the road. “Look, we’re thirty minutes away. And I will drive to your door if you don’t meet us.”

“What’s so nuts you gotta threaten a damn drive-by?”

+ + +

He honestly thought you were joking at first, but he was still going to meet you to see it with his own two eyes. You crossed your arms over your chest and leaned against the hood of Sam's car, watching as a pale tan truck began to slowly pull up to the dirt road all of you had agreed to meet. Dean didn’t seem the least bit happy when he got out of the truck to greet you and his brother so late at night. He walked forward to the both of you and asked where it was.

“Strapped down in the backseat.” You said, nodding your head to the back of the car. Pushing yourself to your feet, you followed behind as Dean headed to see this for himself. And all it took was one simple glance to see that you were right about what you said. There was, in fact, a sixth month old baby currently occupying the backseat while sitting in his carseat. The older Winchester didn’t seem the least bit amused from what was going on. You gave him a smile at what you dragged him into. “Welcome to the party, Guttenberg.”

+ + +

It was the next morning after Dean agreed to meet you and do this case, but there was a few things he needed to do before he could leave Lisa and Ben alone. You weren’t personally happy with the idea of dragging the older Winchester out into the field again when he had a family to take care of now. But you had to admit, with a baby now in your hands, you had to worry about its safety and someone constantly looking out for him. You hadn’t taken your eyes off of him ever since he came into your possession. While you waited for Dean to meet you, you peeked into the backseat window and waved at him, smiling when his lips stretched ever so slightly, showing off his toothless smile. Sam kept his distance, only giving it glances every so often to make sure it was still alive and breathing.

You looked away from the window when you saw Dean's truck finally pull up, meeting you again on the outskirts of town so he could ditch his truck for a few days. He grabbed his duffel bag full of clothes and headed forward. "So," He didn't waste any breath in getting down to business as he made his way to the trunk to stash his belongings. "What do we know about this thing?"

“Well, uh, it was fast. And it freaked when Y/N cut it with silver.” Sam explained the situation as he followed behind, knowing the information of this monster being affected by silver narrowed it down to about everything nasty out there. “We got a ghoul, a zombie, a shifter or about a dozen other things.”

“I don’t recall seeing babynapping in the profile.” Dean said. You scoffed underneath your breath and opened up the backseat door, knowing there was one thing he was right about. You made sure, yet again, the baby was secured tightly in the car seat. You smiled and began to talk to him in a cooing and soft voice. Dean looked over his shoulder to see that he was just staring at you with not much of an expression. “Well, feel free to speak up if you know anything.”

"That would make our lives so much better. Yes, it would. Huh, cutie?" You asked the baby as he began to smile ever so slightly from Dean's question. You let out a quiet laugh and reached out to quietly play with him, but you became distracted for a moment when you heard a quiet alarm going off. "Seatbelt, Dean."

"What am I in, third grade?” The oldest Winchester grumbled, not seeming the least bit happy when he was forced to take a safety precaution. “A car should drive, not be a bitch."

You were about to tell Dean to watch his language around the baby, but it seemed that he was rather amused. He began to babble quietly and made this littlest noise that sounded like he was trying to blow out air. “Crap.” You muttered underneath your breath, suddenly it hit you of how unprepared the three of you were. “We’re gonna need to get some supplies.”

“We have a whole arsenal in the trunk, Y/N.” Sam said.

“What? No, that’s not what I’m talking about.” You said, shaking your head. “Baby supplies.”

You watched as the brothers’ faces began to drop ever so slightly at the realization of how much harder this was going to be than you expected. Sam turned the car on and hit the gas, hitting the nearest store for whatever the three of you were going to need to keep this thing alive. You let out a quiet sigh and looked at the baby for a moment. He stared at you, and lucky for him, he had no clue of what the hell was going on here.  

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Road to Ruin [Chapter 5] Jackson

Pairing: Jackson Wang x Reader Rating: Somewhere between R and NC-17 I suppose Synopsis: Reader and Jackson are trying to get back to the dorms, but the ride back doesn’t go as smoothly as either of them planned. Author’s Note: I hope you guys enjoy this! Sorry for such a long wait but the last few weeks of the semester were killing me and I didn’t have the brain power to focus on writing. I hope this and the next chapter I’m working on will more than make up for the lack of updates. [BAMBAM IS IN THIS CHAPTER!] Also, credit for the gif is here.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

“They’re your friends.”

Your name: submit What is this? // <![CDATA[ function replaceAll(find, replace, str) { return str.replace(new RegExp(find, 'g'), replace); } function myHandler() { var input = document.getElementById("inputTxt").value; document.body.innerHTML = replaceAll('Y/N', document.getElementById("inputTxt").value, document.body.innerHTML); } // ]]>

Y/N took my hand without any hesitation. It didn't take her long before she was clutching my forearm, pressing herself into my arm for comfort.

Now, as her best friend, I understood. She needed to know that she wouldn't get lost. I was familiar in a sea of faces that she'd probably never known or seen before tonight. She just needed the sense of trust that came with her best friend being there.

But as a guy, I couldn't help but notice the warmth of her chest engulfing my bare arm. With how plunging the neckline was on her dress, she didn't have many options as to where to push her chest into and that much I understood too. But that didn't mean I wasn't affected by it. I could even feel the curve of one of her breasts against my arm and I almost wanted to point it out.

But I didn't.

Because I'm a good guy...

...for the most part.

Once I reached the backyard, my eyes scanned the crowd until I found the guy I was looking for. Tugging Y/N along, I lifted my free hand to cup around my mouth.

"Yo JB!"

The second I called out, his head shot toward me. A wide smile, and a friendly nod were thrown in my direction before he said something to the group he was with. He looked to be wrapping up the conversation.

I threw a glance back at Y/N and grinned. "Let me ask if he's cool with driving us back."

"Are you sure he didn't drink?" she asked.

"We'll see when he gets over here," I shrugged.

JB was one of those friends I made within the first month of moving to Korea. He was somewhat hard to read and I got on his nerves easily. But like amazing cakes, with a little time in the oven, he found a way to like me. Despite all the times he said we couldn't be friends due to him training with the judo group and I with fencing, somehow we were close enough to dole out favors for one another when the time came to it.

Walking over, JB flashed another friendly smile as his eyes took in the scene. Assessing the situation his eyes looked over Y/N before settling back on me.

"You need my keys for an hour?" He asked, eyebrows raised.

I didn't have to look at my best friend to know she was confused. On any other night that would've been the request. JB would lend me his keys for an hour, I would lock me and some random girl in the backseat of his car and we would see where the hour took us. But tonight was not that night.

"Actually, was seeing when you were leaving," I replied.

"You know me, I'm always ready to leave," he said, dodging a drunk girl who stumbled her way through the backyard.

He was such an odd guy. For someone who loved his alone time, he came to most of the parties. Part of me believed it was because he was the father figure in the friend group. If he could help it, he would go to all the ragers if just to make sure his friends were taken care of and had a way back to the dorms if they decided to leave. But if he had a real choice without his conscience butting in, he'd probably be at home watching cat videos.

That or doing in-depth research on the lives of old cat men.

"Would it be a hassle to catch a ride back to the dorms with you?" I asked, giving him a look I hoped he could fully understand. I didn't want to have to ask him more than once and I especially didn't want to have to resort to asking Jinyoung if he could call a cab.  

"I would love nothing more than to leave, but the last time I saw BamBam, he looked about drunk enough to say something stupid to the wrong people," he said, the apologetic smile greeting me now. "I should probably stay and make sure he gets back to the dorms."

"You could just pile him into the car with us," I reasoned.

JB gave a long glance at Y/N and grinned. "What's the rush to get back to the dorms? It's not like you can get up to much when the guys live way on the other side of the building. She wouldn't make it past Jangki and you know that."

"I don't know that," I mumbled.

"You do. You're the reason I know that," he rebutted, bringing up the one time I tried to sneak a girl into my dorm. The punishment was severe that time.

Sighing deeply, I shrugged, "That's not all that important though. I'm not sleeping with my best friend."

JB looked confused for a millisecond before he took another long look at the oddly quiet girl slightly behind me.

"Whoa, wait, don't tell me that's..."

"It's--"

"Y/N?"

Her grip immediately tightened on my arm as JB took a step closer, obviously trying to see if he was right. And just like before, I didn't need to turn around to know that she rolled her eyes before she replied.

"I swear, you smear expensive foundation on your face and somehow everyone pretends they can't recognize you," she shot back, obviously directed toward the taller male in front of us.

At Y/N's statement, JB sheepishly smiled before tearing his eyes away. "I didn't mean it to sound like...I was just surprised?" When an awkward pause went on too long, JB seemed too desperate to fill it. "I've never seen you dressed like that."

I looked behind me to see Y/N awkwardly nodding, pulling my arm further into her chest, something I doubted was possible only moments before. I couldn't be positive why she was acting so shy considering the amount of bravado she has in general, but I knew this party was a factor in her weird behavior.

"So, what do you say? You drive us home, with or without BamBam that's definitely your call, and I owe you one," I said, trying to push the conversation along.  

JB looked between Y/N and me, obviously trying to weigh his options and figure out if what he wanted to do was in line with what he believed he needed to do.

"Meet me out in the front yard in fifteen minutes."

Nearly twenty minutes later, we were piled into a car, JB in the driver's seat, Yugyeom sitting in the front seat. Squished into the backseat was Y/N who took to looking out of the window and ignoring everyone currently in the car, BamBam who drunkenly giggled in the middle and me on the far side. No matter how much I insisted Y/N sit in the middle, BamBam wanted to sit there.  

And now, it was just awkward in the car.

"Noona," BamBam called, his head rolling to the Y/N's side.

She didn't respond, looking out of the window. When BamBam noticed, he whined more. "Noona."

More silence filled the car and it was becoming increasingly awkward.

"Noona!" BamBam called, stomping his foot atop my own. It earned him a sharp jab to the ribs and he groaned. "Noona!"

Blinking slowly, Y/N finally turned to look at the younger guy beside her. For a moment, I wondered if she was going to say something, anything really. But instead she stared at him for a couple of beats before she looked away.

"Oh my god," BamBam mumbled. "You kind of look like this girl from the training facility."

I could literally hear Y/N's blood simmering.

"I mean, you have a similar face, but...you can't be her."

I watched as Yugyeom turned his head slightly, asking his friend politely to drink the water he gave him when they first entered the car. But BamBam was clearly intoxicated and on a mission to air his own thoughts.

"Why not?" JB asked. His voice was filled with genuine curiosity. And while I knew JB didn't mean anything negative by it and BamBam was too drunk to comprehend what he was doing, I was getting more uncomfortable by the second.

BamBam gave a shrug, "She doesn't ever leave the compound does she?"

I couldn't stare at anyone in the car at the moment. In that particular second, I wondered what it would take to wish to be anywhere but here and transported there. I couldn't be sure how embarrassed Y/N was at this situation, but I was sure I felt embarrassed enough for the both of us.

"Sure she does," Yugyeom countered softly.

BamBam snorted, "Please, going to see your parents for the night is not considered leaving the compound. But this girl right here--" he attempted to point straight at Y/N but was instead pointing at the window frame in the door, "you look vaguely like her, I'll give it to you. But to your credit, she isn't quite as sexy as you are."

"Bam," JB spoke up, his voice laced with warning.  

At the same time, Yugyeom sighed exasperatedly. I could even hear myself wincing at BamBam's choice of words. The only person in the car who remained remotely quiet was Y/N. But I didn't dare tear my eyes away from JB's headrest.

"When has Y/N ever worn a dress? JB, have you ever seen her wear one?" BamBam asked, obviously wanting someone to justify his line of thought.

Instead, JB remained silent and Yugyeom shifted in his seat. I chanced a peak at BamBam and he looked drunker than I remembered.

"BamBam-ah, you might want to just try to sleep while we drive back to the dorm," I mumbled, resting my forehead against the back of JB's headrest.

BamBam made an obnoxious sound with his mouth before he replied. "Joke's on you, I'm not even tired. Jackson, I know Y/N is your friend, but you have to admit, she never tries."

"What?" I asked, my voice sharper than I initially intended. I understood BamBam would've never said anything like this if he were sober, but that meant nothing when I felt the need to defend Y/N.

"Please shut up," Yugyeom quietly pled from the passenger seat.

"Look at what she wears every day. Sweatpants? Who owns that many sweatpants besides Y/N? Not to mention she never wears makeup," BamBam listed.

"She doesn't need it though," I pointed out. "Not everyone wants to appear three skin tones lighter than they actually are."

BamBam snorted and laughed loudly, his hand slapping against my shoulder hard. "And she's always working out."

"All of us are always working out; we're athletes," I pointed out again. "She's top of the women's sabre class for a reason."

"I'm just saying if she put a little effort in her look like this girl over here, she might've snagged a guy by now."

My eyes cut to my right. I looked beyond BamBam to see Y/N. The light from street lamps that we passed illuminated her face just enough for me to see her jaw clenching and unclenching. She was visibly upset with this conversation and was ready for it to be over.

But we had another thirty minutes to go on this drive and BamBam seemed interested in continuing.

"Oh, I almost forgot this part too. Jackson has to be her only friend huh?"

"BamBam, you should shut up," JB warned again from the front seat.

Of course, the drunken idiot ignored his friend and continued on. "I mean, you're literally the only person she hangs out with Jackson."

I didn't respond to that because I didn't know how. Saying that she hung out with Youngjae wouldn't really prove any counter point I wanted to make.

Before any of us could say much of anything, BamBam included, there was a soft voice that cut through the tension.

"Pull over."

JB didn't respond. And perhaps he found a way to tune out the current conversation and intoxicated BamBam. Moments passed as the whole car waited to see if JB would comply.

"Pull over," Y/N repeated, the volume of her voice rising slightly.

JB continued to ignore her or still hadn't heard.

"JB pull the car over," Y/N said, her voice hoarse as she looked away from the window.

Finally JB threw a glance through the rearview mirror before looking ahead again. "We're nearly there."

"Pull over."

"We're in the middle of nowhere on the highway--"

"Pull over."

"Y/N, it's 2 in the morni--"

"JB--"

"Y/N," I tried to step in.

"Pull this fucking car over!" Y/N shouted, kicking Yugyeom's seat. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Yugyeom jump at the sound of her voice and the kick to the back of his seat. My eyes then caught JB mentally fighting with himself before he pulled the car over.

I suspected Y/N wanted the car parked for the chance to slap BamBam with as much force as she could. I even considered her verbally laying into him and not wanting the distraction that came with a moving car. In retrospect, none of those reasons made sense because what happened next only seemed natural after her request.

Before the car came to a complete stop, Y/N swung the door open with some force before exiting the car completely, shoving BamBam over in the process.

“What is she doing?” JB asked, turning around to look at where she was going.

I watched in shock as my best friend climbed out of the car and began walking at a brisk pace in the opposite direction the car was headed.

Fumbling with the door handle, I clambered to get out of the car. Part of me was just nervous as to what could possibly happen to Y/N while she stood alone on a highway at night. Another part of me was worried about who she could encounter while dressed in an extremely low-cut dress at night on a highway. But the larger part was worried for my best friend's feelings. A lot of time passed since she heard someone so open and frank about the way they saw her, but she wasn't niave enough to believe no one talked about her this way. But regardless of whether they said it to her face or behind her back, it had to hurt.

I didn't bother to shut the door behind me as I climbed out of the car and began to run after her, surprised at how far she was able to travel in such a small amount of time.

"Y/N!" I called out, maintaining a comfortable jog as I slowly closed the distance between us.

She didn't respond, in fact, she didn't even turn around.  

The sigh that escaped me almost sounded too pathetic, but I refused to give up. It was too cool, dark and creepy outside for her to walk. And she wasn't even headed in the right direction!

"Hey!" I shouted at her.

In this particular moment, I wished my level of cardio was on par with Y/N. She was religious about her time in the cardio room where as I dedicated a solid two hours five times a week to intense cardio training. For Y/N, everyday was intense cardio day, whether it was a fifteen minute run or a two-hour session.

"Y/N, if you think for one second I'm leaving, you're dumber than you look," I said, knowing this would get a rise out of her.  

Was it the best idea to poke an already annoyed lioness? No, it was incredibly stupid. But I also couldn't help it. I needed to do something to turn her around and start talking.

And just like I suspected, she immediately froze at my statement. She was standing directly under a street lamp and I could fully see her outfit. On any other night I might've complimented her outfit choice and followed that up with how she didn't have to wear all the makeup that currently layered up on her face. But she didn't need that right now, that much I could work out on my own. Y/N needed a best friend and that meant giving comfort and being willing to agree with any insult she decided to hurl at any of my friends seated in the car behind us.

"Where are you going?" I asked, this time my voice filled with seriousness and sincerity.

Y/N didn't immediately respond. I watched as she balled her hands into fists, obviously trying her hardest to hold in the tirade that was probably building since we got into the car at Jinyoung's place. My mouth dried as her head lowered, my stomach lurching in a way it hadn't for a while. An overwhelming sensation filtered through me, accompanying my stomach's weird behavior, a feeling very similar to what it would feel like if someone poured ice water directly into the pit of my stomach. I couldn't exactly pinpoint what sensation or emotion it was, but I held my ground regardless.

Slowly, my best friend turned around, the wind ruffling her hair a bit as she inhaled deeply. Her eyes were focused on the car behind me, but I stayed focused on her, attempting to analyze her facial expression. It was definitely bothered, but it didn't seem halfway as pissed off as it did in the car and I was wondering why.

"Go back to the car Jackson," she said, her voice low and barely traveling the distance between us.

My brows furrowed immediately at her request. "Why would I when you're all the way over here?"

"They're your friends."

There was an almost immediate response that I nearly blurted until my mind told me to slow down. What did she mean by that? Yes, I was friends with JB and BamBam was a friendly face at parties I went to but why would she differentiate like that. She knew I was her best friend. Was she lumping me in with BamBam's drunken demeanor?  

"So? That doesn't mean you get to walk along the highway at night."

"Go back to the car, I'll meet you back at the dorms," she said dejectedly, giving me one last glance before she turned back around.

"No! I'm not leaving you out here alone," I stated firmly, my voice carrying. "Where are you even going?"

"Anywhere is better than being in that car."

Her voice did something I never heard it do before. There was a slight break in it. And as soon as the break appeared as she tried to make it past the word "better," I felt that familiar ice water-poured-over-my-stomach feeling.

"I just want to be alone right now," she said simply.

And that's when the feeling finally registered. That sickening and uncomfortable feeling slowly inching over every part of me was guilt. I felt overwhelming guilt. After all it was my idea to hitch a ride from JB and I put up no kind of objection when JB insisted that BamBam come with us no matter how intoxicated he was. Part of me knew that drunk BamBam had a tendency to lose his filter. Anything was fair game for him to talk about and it didn't matter whether the person was present or not. Tonight's victim seemed to be Y/N.

Looking down, feeling ashamed as well, I knew I couldn't make myself feel better because I defended her in the car.  

"It's cold, it's dark and anything can happen," I pointed out, taking a few steps forward.

"I can take care of myself."

"I'm not doubting that, I just...please come back to the car."

The begging tone to my voice wasn't intentional, but it was sometimes effective when dealing with an angry Y/N. Deep down she didn't like seeing me upset either, so sometimes the voice could get her to comply. A thick tension could be felt around the whole area, encompassing the two of us and the car sitting idle with three other people inside. For a brief moment, I wondered if JB was reading BamBam the riot act or if BamBam was drunkenly dancing to no music, but I hoped that JB was tearing him a new asshole.

"I'll be fine," she mumbled softly.

"Please?"

My dark brown eyes caught her glance and we held it for a moment. A pained and somewhat disingenuous smile shifted onto her features.

"Those are your friends."

"Yeah, but you're my best friend."

I suddenly felt so small. Out of all my friends, Y/N knew me the best. There wasn't a single person at the training facility that I talked to the way I did with her. I couldn't pinpoint why or how it even started, but she was someone I trusted. Most of my friends outside of her were friends I knew through parties and social outings. These were the kinds of friends that expected a smile and light chats, something easily digestible and to keep the vibe fun.  

They may have been my friends, but they didn't know much about me. They didn't know how much I sacrificed to be in Korea. They didn't know who my parents were and how much I loved them. They didn't even know how much fencing actually meant to me. Sure, I laugh a lot and look like I don't give a shit, but fencing means a lot to me and the only person I felt comfortable enough to say that to was my best friend.  

And now it felt like my best friend was pushing me away.

Y/N slowly turned and she offered me a sad smile, obviously trying to hold back her tears. "Seriously, I'll be okay. Go have fun. I'll call you when I make it back to the dorms."

"You're going in the wrong direction."

"I'll see you in the weight room, 8 a.m."

Before I could properly respond, she took off at a faster pace than before, covering a good amount of distance before she was beyond the curve of the road and out of sight.

And like an idiot I just stood there.

I still can’t believe I fucking got into med school

In my previous post I mentioned I got accepted into medical school, and damn I still can’t believe that happened (  ﾟДﾟ)

DOKTOR CRIMSON IS ACTUALLY GONNA BE DOCTOR CRIMSON WAT

I was looking at American Association of Medical Colleges (AAMC) data sheets earlier and HOLY COW I can’t believe how lucky I am to even be offered an acceptance! Not to mention that I got into one of my top choices, a wonderful school with excellent academic programs and diverse patient populations. I am truly grateful to be in this position and so proud of myself...

FUCK YEAH DOCTOR CRIMSON!

Keep reading if you don’t mind me rambling.

Just to give a rough idea how competitive MD programs are in the US. There are roughly 150 accredited MD schools total. Usually a school receives a few thousand applications per year. Some schools may receive 10k+. Schools only accept enough to fill a class of about 100 students (some schools accept more, some schools accept less). That means the average acceptance rate for med school is about 5%. If you compare this to applying to college, you are literally applying to Harvard everywhere.... Out of 53042 applicants total in the US, only 21030 get accepted somewhere. That means 60% of applicants don’t get in anywhere every year, and that’s quite scary.

I had no fucking idea if I would get in or not. Like many have said, this process is literally a crapshoot (;o;)

The school I will be attending this fall had about 8k+ applications total. They only accept enough to fill a class of roughly less than 200 students. That’s a little more than 2% of all applicants for this school....

HOW THE FUCK DID I BECOME THE 2%??? Like I checked the facebook page for my class and I saw people who went to college at Harvard, UPenn, Princeton etc.?

I guess hard work does pay off and I’m not too dumb haha (ﾟ∀ﾟﾉ)ﾉ

So lemme talk about my application process last year. There’s a forum called Student Doctor Network (SDN) that I usually go to for resources applying to med school. People who post there are typically higher achievers compared to average applicants. When I was on the waitlist, seeing people getting multiple acceptances and even having the luxury to decide between school A vs. B really got me at the low point. 

I submitted 26-27 primaries back in July but ended up only being complete at 23 schools due to budget. Unlike some superstar applicants I didn’t get an early interview in August/September nor did I get an outright acceptance mid-October. My first interview came from my state school in October and I got my second interview in November. Normally my state school would be my best bet in getting into medical school since they have an in-state preference. However, my state school interview resulted in a rejection right before my second interview (like the decision was made literally a week before). 

I cried like an idiot that day and the following day. I didn’t want to tell anyone and I thought getting into med school was over for me. I got rejected by my state school, the school with the highest probability of being accepted at all. How am I supposed to get in a school that is ranked much better and more competitive than my state school? Honestly, I fucked up that interview myself and I knew what I did wrong (I regretted it right after I did it). I walked out of that interview feeling rather miserable and uncertain. Also part of it was because I was inexperienced and probably should’ve prepared more for my first interview. But still, it hurt, and it hurt a lot. Even today whenever I think about it, it’ll always an opportunity I missed. If I did get accepted to my state school, things would be very different right now.

I was lost. I finally decided to tell only one person, my good senpai and friend, who also happened to be an MD-PhD student. He told me to do a mock interview if possible. So I did it, got some feedback. Didn’t feel like I’ve improved much but more practice is always better. I went to my second interview with a much-relaxed attitude. My second interview was at the school that eventually accepted me and was the 2nd or 3rd school I wanted to go to out of my top choices (my #1 choice rejected me pre-interview haha). It felt really different than my first interview. I actually liked the school better despite I didn’t know anyone in the area nor did I have many ties to the school. I could tell my conversation between me and my interviewer was much better than my first interview. He even asked me about my art and con experiences, which probably had some influence in getting me an acceptance. I drew him a little sketch doodle with a person sitting in a coffee mug at the end of my interview. I walked out feeling confident, and the rest of the interviews I attended never gave me that same feeling.  

It then became a long wait until February when I finally received more interviews. But then again it was late in the cycle, I didn’t have much hope getting into those schools. I was placed on the supposedly high priority waitlist from the 2nd school I interviewed at the same month. After attending those other interviews, I knew the 2nd school, one of my top choices out of all schools, would be my best bet getting in at that point. With the help of a friend editing, I submitted an update letter within the same day I received the wait list status.

It was then another long wait. After May 1st med school traffic day, I was anxiously waiting for waitlist movements. A batch of waitlist acceptances had gone out the first week for the 2nd school I interviewed at. If I couldn’t get in somewhere during May, I would have to prepare for another application cycle. I was also looking for a new job at the same time since my current job didn’t pay much, let alone the fact I needed more money if I had to go through this application process again. I was extremely stressed. Other schools I interviewed at also threw me on their waitlists. My relationship with my family wasn’t great at that point either. I wanted to give up so much. I kept thinking: what did I do wrong this cycle? My GPA and MCAT definitely weren’t the factors keeping me out of med school. I had a good amount of clinical experience and research. My other extracurriculars weren’t extraordinary, but it did have some uniqueness. I guess it was it my interview? I mean, I’m not the most talkative person but I think I’m alright in small conversations. I admit I’m rather low energy compared to even a lot of other introverts, but how would I improve that next time? Should I just give up?

I was ready to meet with my pre-med advisor that Saturday morning for a new committee letter. I decided to check my email once more before I left the door.

HOLY GOD OF CHEESECAKES I DON’T HAVE TO APPLY AGAIN ANYMORE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHA

And that’s my med school application year in a summary.

Big hugs and gross smooches to @theathelier~ I literally would’ve never made it to med school without your essay edits and emotional support! You know how upset I was those months before May. I tend to not show it in front of others but deep inside I was struggling very hard. I had some really negative thoughts at some point (really negative thoughts) but I keep thinking about you and other friends who have shown me support (yes, thank you @phoodledoodles for starting a med school specifically for me with a 1:1 student to faculty ratio and guaranteed nap time every day if I didn’t get in). I would’ve felt so guilty if I didn’t get in this cycle because all the effort you put in reading my essays QAQ Love you and I will make my best attempt to visit! *we still need to go to that pho place together*

@phoodledoodles @aeryecho I love you both, too <3

I’d like to mention @shinionlydrawsfreestyle for being my secret role model during my application cycle haha *senpai plz notice me face* I actually remember you on SDN from last application cycle (along with bananafish haha), I never expected to find your tumblr page. At first I felt yeah I’m probably the only weeb trash artist that does cons and digital art as a hobby while pursuing a main career that’s not even remotely related. And then I was searching “reviews for acrylic charms” and I found your blog and I read your bio that you said you were a med student and I went HOLY CRAP I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE. 

Congrats on finishing MS1 and good luck next year studying step 1, senpai!

Ah if my secondaries were like this post I would’ve never gotten in med school :P Thanks for reading if you got this far.

Love and Peace~

September 19, 2018: 1:33 pm:

September 19, 2018: 12:25 pm:<br><br>The State of Oregon has been taken over ... StoneMan .Warrior - 2018-09-19T16:23:43-0400 - Updated: 2018-09-19T16:33:11-0400

September 19, 2018: 12:25 pm: The State of Oregon has been taken over by terrorists. The terrorists used Nitrous Oxide mixed with Versed airborne gas as a weapon to take over the State of Oregon. The terrorists who used the airborne gas mixture targeted the Oregon State Police. The Oregon State Police were all killed and/or taken and held in captivity. The terrorists who used the Nitrous Oxide/Versed airborne gas mixture to kill and take captive the Oregon State Police replaced those State Police with Canadian trained Mounted Police and actors who are trained to portray a variety of roles, such as the roles played in movies. The terrorists who took over the State of Oregon and then killed and replaced the Oregon State Police are trained by the Vatican at various training locations. Many of the terrorists trained in Quebec Canada. Many of the terrorists trained at La Sierra Community College, and at Loma Linda University which were taken over imany years ago, possibly in the 1980's. The terrorists who took over the state of Oregon with the use of Nitrous Oxide mixed with Versed airborne gas belong to the Seventh Day Adventist Church. The terrorists of the Seventh Day Adventist Church work in close association to the Screen Actors Guild. With the Screen Actors Guild, the Seventh Day Adventists have an arsenal of manpower in the form of actors who are trained and able to fulfill any kind of role when such a portrayal is necessary, such as the portrayal of police officers. Once the terrorists who used Nitrous Oxide/Versed airborne gas mixture were successful at taking over the Oregon State Police, they were then able and equipped to take over all of the Oregon State agencies of all kinds, effectively taking over the entire State of Oregon Government. Over the course of time I have lived in Oregon, about twenty-two years, I have watched as the terrorists grew from what appeared to be a large organized crime group, to seeing and realizing that the truth of it is that these people are an army of trained soldiers who just happen to look like people who attend church regularly. The reality is that the terrorist army's uniform are the same as the clothing and other attire that church goers wear. The uniform that the terrorist army wears, in fact, are the same clothing and attire that any person would wear while doing whatever activity that people do. The terrorist army wears the same clothing and they perform the same kinds of tasks as do carpenters, plumbers, gardeners, doctors, teachers, athletes, roofers, lawyers, and any and all professions that are normal, socially acceptable professions. The terrorist army wears the uniform of the Oregon State Police, and the US National Guard. The reason the terrorists wear the uniform of the US National Guard is that the terrorists used Nitrous Oxide mixed with Versed airborne gas to take, kill, hold captive, and replace the us National Guard in Oregon. Over the years I have reported the terrorist activities to the appropriate agencies many dozens of times. I reported what I saw, what I heard, what I knew, and even explained what I did not know. I have made reports to the following agencies over the course of more than twenty years. The reports included that I thought that there was an organized crime group of people doing criminal activities, that kind of report was made a long time ago. More recently, the reports I have made are more accurate, I report that the terrorists use Nitrous Oxide/Versed poisone gas mixture to kill and take captive American Citizens and that the terrorists have killed and replaced the National Guard and the Oregon State Police. The agencies reported to: Many calls to 911, The Josephine County Sheriff. The Oregon State Police. I made a personal visit to the Oregon National Guard in Josephine County, the building there was empty and the parking lot was empty, the fencing around the area were HumVees and other military equipment are stored had been knocked down and driven over with vehicles. The parking lot had been repaved within a few days prior to the visit I made there. The door to the National Guard facility was unlocked and open, I went inside, and there was no furniture. I remember being scared at what I had found at the Oregon US National Guard facility that is located at the Grants Pass Municipal Airport, because there was no one there, and most of the HumVees were gone, and the ones that remained were broken and left with the doors opened. I reported to the Governor of Oregon John Kitzhaber. I reported to the White House under George W. Bush by telephone. I reported to the White House under Barack Obama by telephone, by US Postage Mail, and by Internet Email. I wrote Barack Obama a handwritten letter describing the terrorism with the blood of a Victim who's arm I had found on my front porch. The arm may have been the arm of my daughter, and I explained that in the handwritten letter in human blood to Barack Obama. I have reported to Donald J. Trump at the White House by Internet mail at the White House web site at least three times. I have reported to the CIA online. I have reported to the National Security Administration. I have reported to the Department of Homeland Security. I have reported to the FBI at three of the five Oregon locations by telephone and to the FBI headquarters in Washington DC. I have also reported to the FBI on the Internet at the website that is especially there for reporting terrorist activities many times. I have reported to the State Police in other States besides Oregon, I have forgotten which ones. I have reported to some of the big companies, such as the Power Company and my Bank, and the bank my Mortgage is with, and have asked that they forward the message to Washington DC. I have reported to the Immigration Office called ICE online. I have reported to the Office of Cyber Security. I have reported to the US Navy at least three occasions. To all of these agencies and more, I have reported terrorists armies are using poison gas to kill and capture American Citizens in the State of Oregon. To these agencies, I have reported that the Oregon State Police are impostors and have been overtaken by the terrorists with the airborne gas, and that some may be held in captivity and could possibly still be alive, and requested that they try to find them. I reported that the State Police sends assassins to those who report the terrorism. ALL OF THE AGENCIES I REPORTED TO CALLED THE STATE POLICE AND ASSASSINS WERE SENT TO KILL ME. Fight terrorism with a Bic Lighter, the gas is flammable. A spark is all the is necessary to burst or launch a terrorist who has a rectally holstered tank of Nitrous Oxide. Most of the terrorists holster the gas rectally, there are other means, however, the rectally holstered tank is the norm. Light them up and watch as they burst into bits. None of the agencies have responded to the reports of terrorists using poison gas to kill American Citizens in any way. None of the agencies have responded to reports of terrorists using poison gas to kill Police Officers. None of the agencies have responded to reports of terrorists who used poison gas to kill the United States National Guard Soldiers in the State of Oregon. I think there is only one thing that I can say as a result of trying to get help in fighting these terrorists... The terrorists have taken over the USA, and there is no one left who is able to respond to the threat. Is there another way to interpret the absence of a response?

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+1'd by: Reege's Tech Reviews

StoneMan .Warrior - 2018-09-19T17:36:42-0400

September 19. 2018: 2:19 pm: I just went outside to check my mailbox. There is no sign of any help to fight against the terrorist army that has taken over everything in Oregon. Inside of my mailbox was a notice from Pacific Power Corporation. They have notified me in writing that they plan on sending more representatives to my home. They claim that the need to replace my power meters. I have three digital power meters that do not require a meter reader. They say that they are going to install "Smart Meters" that have two-way communication built into them. This means that the meter's can be turned off by persons remotely, without having to send representatives. There is no benefit to the consumer with the new "Smart Meter". This new meter is a weapon. It will be used to remotely turn off the power to American Citizens during the coldest of winter months. That is how they will use the two-way communication technology. I called the power company and I explained how the Pacific Power Corporation Tree maintenance people are actually French Canadians and are using Nitrous Oxide at the residences of the American Citizens who have property  that requires easement maintenance. I asked the representative to have the Pacific Power Security people check the identification of the people who do contract work in the easements for Pacific Power Corporation. I advised that the people associated with the tree maintenance of Wrights Tree Service and Trees Incorporated are all part of the same group of people and that the only difference is the words that are written on the truck. I told the representative that I am not willing to open my gate for the technicians to change the meters, but that if it is really necessary that they technicians can walk around the gate for access to the meters. I advised that I was scared of people who do work for Pacific Power Corporation and that it is dangerous to come here for both me and the technicians. I advised that I am prepared. Pacific Power Corporation has been taken over by the same terrorists that I was reporting about on the phone call. So, essentially what I have done is called the terrorists at Pacific Power and informed them that they are terrorists, and to have there terrorist security people make sure that the terrorists are actually terrorists... basically, that is what the phone call I just made to Pacific Power Corporation regarding "Smart Meter" installation amounted to.

A former Bessemer Venture Partners principal just closed his own $30 million fund, and here’s how

Sunil Nagaraj, who’d studied computer science as an undergrad at UNC Chapel Hill, landed a pretty nice gig after deciding to pursue an MBA at Harvard Business School. He wound up working as a principal for Bessemer Venture Partners, a top-tier venture firm with locations around the world.

Nagaraj helped source a number of deals at the firm over the next six years, too, investments that made him proud, like bets on the identity platform AuthO and the online dating site Zoosk, for example. But he was itching to meet with even younger companies, and he was itching to strike out on his own. So in the summer of 2017, he did, and now, 18 months of so later, Nagaraj says he has finally closed his debut fund with $30 million.

The name of the firm is Ubiquity Ventures, and its focus is on “software beyond the screen,” says Nagaraj, pointing to one investment, New Zealand-based Halter, as an example of what he means. How it works: with the help of a solar-powered, GPS-enabled neck band for cows, Halter’s app allows farmers to remotely guide their herds when it’s time for the animals to milked. Its software also keep the cows out of rivers and drains by creating virtual fences and can detect when cows are in heat or about to give birth, among other things.

We asked Nagaraj last night about leaving Bessemer, and what he has learned that other aspiring VCs – – as well as current VCs who aspire to leave their firms — might learn from his path. Our chat has been edited for length.

TC: You had a plum gig at Bessemer. Why leave it?

SN: I learned everything I know about venture investing from the team at Bessemer, especially from working alongside [partner] David Cowan . . But even though Bessemer’s large fund size and robust team provide enormous support and rigorous processes, that can be the wrong fit for very early seed capital and nascent technical sectors with uncertain outcomes. There are certain things I treasure about my new role that wouldn’t have been possible within any large firm, including spending one day each week coding and nerding out on new technologies.

TC: What gave you the confidence to bounce?

SN: There’s never a moment where it feels comfortable or rational to jump. Every founder of a startup or VC firm rolls their eyes when they hear someone say “I would jump for the right opportunity” or “I would jump if it made sense.” For me, I was in the midst of uncovering my inner nerd and beginning to see some of my investments take off  and those things, combined with some inspiration from the OG wave of single GP firms — and Manu Kumar at K9 Ventures in particular — got the ball rolling.

TC: Who wrote your first check who was not a family member?

SN: David Cowan. Next was John Hollar, CEO of the Computer History Museum for the last 10 years. (He stepped down last year.) We’ve known each other since 2009, when I arrived in the Valley and launched the Computer History Museum NextGen Board. He was a reference for VCs when I raised venture capital as an entrepreneur in 2010, and his confidence in Ubiquity was critical jump start.

TC: What was the hardest check to land?

SN The hardest capital to raise was institutional capital. Institutional investors like universities and pension funds tend to be savvier and have their pick of the litter, so I feel fortunate to have both categories of investors in my debut fund. Understandably, there are many hurdles to clear on track record, references, and portfolio construction for an institutional investor to commit to a new fund.

TC: You’ve already made nine investments, so presumably you were investing as you were getting your capital commitments. How much of the fund is left?

SN:  Yes, I have been investing since my first closing at the end of September 2017. I can’t say exact numbers, but Ubiquity is on schedule with capital deployment. Levl, which prevents the spoofing of wireless devices, and Eclypsium, which protects software in the real world from malware, were my first two investments; I made both in October 2017.

TC: How many companies do you anticipate funding altogether with this first fund?

SN: 20

TC: What happens if a company like Halter takes off and you want to continue funding it? Is the plan to use SPVs? AngelList?

SN: I have a healthy capital reserve for follow-on funding. After that, my priority is to ensure my LPs have access, likely via SPVs.

TC: Does Ubiquity have a geographic focus?

SN: Two portfolio companies are in the Pacific Northwest, another splits its time between Palo Alto and Israel, three more are in Palo Alto, and two are in Pasadena. Then there’s Halter in New Zealand. It’s not a total accident that zero are in San Francisco itself. My focus on software beyond the screen, deeply technical founders, and reasonable valuations hasn’t uncovered any SF investments so far.

TC: Are you price sensitive? What did you learn about this at Bessemer?

SN: Price matters to anyone buying anything. There’s a pervasive belief that a few companies make up all the returns in the Valley, so you shouldn’t worry about price if you have a winner. This may be true when looking retrospectively, but it’s sloppy thinking to apply when it is impossible to know if your current deal will be one of the massive winners. Also, high prices and pricing a deal to perfection too often results in down rounds and a messy aftermath for founders. My time at Bessemer allowed me to see so many good and bad startup outcomes, where price discipline only helps.

TC: How much traction does a startup need to have to get a check from you?

SN: Zero. I’m looking to back founders who are technical, know their problem space cold, and are going after a problem that fits tightly with Ubiquity’s thesis of software leaping off the screen and into the real world around us. I meet technical experts pre-idea, as well as founders with early products. My investments rarely have revenue when I invest,  but they should by the end of their seed runway.

TC: How much of an ownership stake are you targeting?

SN: Ten to twenty percent.

TC: What’s harder about starting your own firm than you anticipated would be the case?

SN: I wrongly believed that launching a venture firm would be similar to launching a startup. In startup fundraising, VCs are evaluating a specific product/market/customer. They have a very compressed time frame to decide. And they have monthly board meetings to provide regular input and even trigger changes.

With VC firm fundraising, their own investors have no concrete data about the future investments that will eventually populate the fund.  They’re on the receiving end of quarterly updates. And they’re called “limited” partners because they exercise no authority over investment decisions. The two worlds couldn’t be more different. As a result, LPs are charged with a much trickier decision and have a much deeper diligence process to make what amounts to a 10-year commitment.

TC: Anything easier than you’d guessed it would be, striking out on your own?

SN: Having no overhead allows me to focus 100 percent of my time on startups. It is more wonderful than I imagined.

Via Connie Loizos https://techcrunch.com

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/countdown-whats-the-deal-with-eugene-melnyks-video-to-senators-fans/

Countdown: What's the deal with Eugene Melnyk's video to Senators fans?

The Ottawa Senators have not been by any stretch of the term a model franchise. (Photo by Andre Ringuette/NHLI via Getty Images)

More

The Countdown is a quick look at some of the big stories in hockey in the last week. This time, we look at that insane-o Melnyk video, Steve Goodbyzerman (working on the copyright now), a Bruins trade, future labor strife, and so on!

8. Ottawa still, somehow

You know you have put together a good video when your social media team blasts it out at like 10:30 on a Monday night.

I could use a lot of words to describe the Eugene Melnyk/Mark Borowiecki joint that ran on the Senators’ Twitter page this week but the one I’ve seen most often is “bizarre,” and that really works for me. Yeah, Melnyk is wearing a jersey that could be more than a decade old, and not one of the Adidas ones that are now entering their second season. Yeah, he tells Borowiecki that the team is in the dumpster within 45 seconds of the video starting. This is all very funny, to me.

What’s being talked about less, and which is significantly more incredible to me, is that Melnyk told Borowiecki that the team plans to use 10 rookies this year — TTTTTEEEEEEENNNNNNNNN — just days before the team starts training camp. This is incredible because the Senators likely don’t have 10 guys in their farm system who can be legitimate NHLers. Like, it doesn’t seem physically possible to roster that many young guys, even if you can find a way to get your veteran roster down to just a baker’s dozen.

Okay, Erik Karlsson is getting traded before the season starts, we can all agree on that. Maybe the team also finds a way to offload Mark Stone, Bobby Ryan, Matt Duchene, and perhaps even Craig Anderson at some point as well. Even if you don’t get a single NHL-level player back for it, which seems impossible, that still leaves you with like three or four vets you have to get rid of. This is a ludicrous claim on its face.

And then like two seconds later, Melnyk doubles down on that: The team will roster 15 or even 16 kids next year. To be fair, they only have 11 guys signed for next season, and at least two of them (Ryan and Anderson) are trade bait right now, so that’s conceivable. But can you even imagine what an NHL team of 15 or 16 first- and second-year players, plus veterans like Marian Gaborik and Mark Borowiecki actually looks like? They’d be lucky to win 20 games. I’m not kidding.

This is the worst franchise in professional sports. Maybe ever. I don’t know how they keep topping themselves but apparently they also gave Shawn Simpson from TSN radio a five-hour interview for the assistant GM job, so perhaps all things are possible.

7. Unsigned RFAs

This is something I’ve checked in on periodically over the summer, but here we are on Sept. 12 — camps officially open today baby!!!! — and there are still eight unsigned RFAs who need contracts.

Some quick updates I’ve seen in the past few days: Darnell Nurse is apparently far apart with the Oilers on what’s a good contract for him (could be trouble). Willy Nylander might show up to camp without a contract and continue playing in good faith (yikes!). The Sabres want something “fair” from Sam Reinhart (bad news for the player). Vegas is acting like Shea Theodore is being unreasonable (also not good for the player).

You all have cap space. Let’s get these fellas signed! No big deal!

6. Hockey culture

I touched on it a little bit in WWL this week but the Josh Ho-Sang thing still annoys me, as does the “Believe me dude, no NFL player could EVER play in the NHL” nonsense that came out last week from a bunch of humorless, dumb scolds.

People in this sport always cry about “no one pays attention to us” and then the second someone does, it’s “[expletive] you! You have no right to talk about us!” If the NHL was even 10 percent more fun, maybe they’d show one highlight on SportsCenter. But this is an impossibility under the current system because only rich white people who embody the “eff-you, got mine” attitude are allowed to have opinions about it without being vehemently shushed.

Simply put: We gotta stop old white guys who “played the game” from running this sport. Not sure how we do it but email me and we’ll work on a plan.

5. Counting on the Caps

I’ve seen so much stuff in the past couple of weeks about “The Caps could have a big year again! They might repeat.” Are we forgetting that like, as of the end of the regular season, we all thought they kinda sucked? Then they went out and made literally zero improvements to their roster this summer, and in fact canceled out the one they made (addition-by-subtraction with Brooks Orpik) and re-signed the guy!

The Caps needed absolutely everything to go right in the playoffs after getting a HUGE shooting-percentage season that papered over Braden Holtby playing in a toilet for six months. Think that happens again? I mean, it could because there’s a lot of talent there, but I’m not holding my breath either.

4. The Lightning?

So Steve Yzerman stepped down as GM yesterday, kind of unexpectedly. People tweeted after the fact that they’d heard it might happen but that’s one of those things that’s easy to say in hindsight if you want to seem really plugged in.

“I’d heard rumblings Montreal was gonna trade Max Pacioretty for a middle-six forward and a good prospect who’s by no means a sure thing, I just couldn’t report it.”

Anyway, Julien BriseBois is the new GM and I don’t expect Tampa to miss a beat because everyone has been saying for years that he’s miles beyond competent. Why he didn’t get a job before this is for someone else to figure out, but he’s got one now and with a Cup contender. Not bad, because one of his first moves will probably be trading Dan Girardi, Ryan Callahan, and a brand new Adidas Senators jersey from NHL.com for Erik Karlsson and Bobby Ryan, both of whom have 80 percent salary retained somehow.

The Bolts will be fine. Yzerman has left them in a pretty good position to win for the next six or seven years at least. Must be nice, eh Julien?

As for Yzerman, well, he’s gonna stay on as a “senior advisor” to the club while living in Michigan (and spending more time with his family). Once his contract ends next summer, he’ll assuredly put on his waders and stand waist-deep in whatever mess Ken Holland leaves for him. Not the best career or life decision to leave Tampa, where he managed the Lightning, to move to Detroit and manage the Red Wings, but you gotta do you.

3. The Bruins

To go from having Adam McQuaid at $2.75 million being your eighth-best defenseman (and someone you probably can’t demote) to having Steve Kampfer at $650,000 in that same position (and being able to send him to Providence so fast McQuaid’s head will still spin) is a pretty good day-before-camp move.

Now if only they could find a buyer for Kevan Miller…

2. The owners, baby!!!!

We’re about a year out from someone being able to end the current CBA and media people are already starting to make noise like, “Well if there’s a work stoppage, it’s probably gonna be the players’ fault because the owners are pretty happy right now.” Pretty gross, but people always have to carry water to keep the sources happy.

Yeah, no kidding they’re happy. They’ve won huge concessions the last THREE lockouts. Players are gonna be looking to get back like a quarter of the money they give up in escrow (which, like, if you’re a guy who makes $3.5 million, that’s not how much you actually make) and maybe more flexibility around going to the Olympics.

There’s basically no chance the players strike but just like when people say to small business owners, “Do you think you could pay us something even remotely resembling a living wage?” and those brave Entrepreneurs prostrate themselves screaming “I’M A JOB CREATOR AND YOU WANT TO KILL OPPORUNTITY” through the rolled-up tinted windows of their $95,000 SUVs, owners will throw a huge temper tantrum and have another lockout.

But this time it’ll be the players’ fault because, just like every big corporation in America was happy with last year’s tax reform, hey look, the owners are happy with the system in place now. Because it heavily heavily heavily favors their interests.

1. Vegas

Something I didn’t get a chance to talk about in Monday’s Habs/Knights take, because it wasn’t germane to what I actually wanted to talk about, is how good this Pacioretty deal was for Vegas.

Just unbelievable.

They offloaded an overpaid guy (for whom they overpaid in trade, to be fair) and got an elite left wing for the cost of a prospect and a pick. As I said above, Nick Suzuki seems like he’s going to be good, but he’s probably not going to be Pacioretty-level prolific and there are plenty of question marks.

This is the sign of a team making moves because it knows it can be competitive, especially in that division. Let’s put it this way: The Golden Knights now have a second line of Pacioretty – Stastny – Tuch for the next four years at a relatively low price point (less than $11.5 million next season, then $13.5 million plus whatever Tuch re-signs for after that). And that’s behind an elite top line that somehow costs only $15.25 million next season.

That Pacioretty extension, by the way, was a just-right amount of money and a shockingly reasonable number of years. To avoid going five-plus with a guy who’s gonna be just a few months from being 30 when that deal kicks in was just fantastic for the club.

I still have plenty of questions about that forward depth and defense overall, but this is an unequivocal win for George McPhee. He not only replaced James Neal and David Perron, he improved on both of them without breaking the bank.

(Not ranked this week: Nothing.

Camps open, people are en route to China already, hockey’s back. I love it and you!!!!)

More NHL coverage on Yahoo Sports:

Ryan Lambert is a Yahoo! Sports hockey columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

(All stats via Corsica unless otherwise noted.)

Source: https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/countdown-whats-deal-eugene-melnyks-video-senators-fans-142739626.html

How to rev up your page speed for better website performance

Page speed is now a ranking factor on mobile search. That means it’s a critically important component in all of your search engine optimization (SEO) efforts because of its impact on user experience.

According to research conducted by Financial Times, a 1-second slower page results in a 5 percent reduction in reader engagement.

Google states over half of the visits made to mobile sites are abandoned if it takes more than 3 seconds for the screen to load.

The bottom line is simple: Page speed plays a significant role in performance, whether we’re talking about paid or organic search, reader engagement, sales or lead generation.

Fortunately, improving page speed isn’t some arcane and mysterious dark art. You won’t need to brew a special potion, summon demons, or sell your soul. You’ll just need to have a decent understanding of certain technologies and invest some good old-fashioned hard work to bring it all together.

Establish a baseline

The first step is to establish a baseline. By doing that, we can obtain a quantifiable measurement of speed and identify the work we’ll need to do to improve it. Some of the tools I use for this are:

WebPageTest.org.

GTmetrix.com.

Google PageSpeed Insights.

Google PageSpeed Insights

Once you have your tools lined up and a baseline, it’s time to get to work.

Understand how websites work

Most people — including many of those who claim to be developers — lack a proper understanding of how websites really work. That’s why we see so many bloated and inefficient websites today.

We’re at an interesting point in internet history where literally anyone can create a website with just a few clicks. While that comes with certain advantages, it also creates a whole world of new problems.

Think about it like this: If someone knew nothing about architecture, but used software that enabled them to create blueprints for a bridge with just a few clicks, would you feel comfortable driving across that bridge once it was built? I certainly wouldn’t.

That’s because there is a lot more to architecture than our own personal preferences. There are specific structures required to serve specific purposes. There are precise calculations to determine the load-bearing capacity of various components. And there are code and zoning laws to help ensure a building is safe and fits into the local community.

It’s the same thing with websites.

In order to ensure your website loads quickly, you need to understand hypertext markup language (HTML), cascading style sheets (CSS) and JavaScript at a bare minimum. Ideally, you should also have at least a working knowledge of hypertext preprocessor (PHP) and the inner workings of WordPress. Having a good handle on these elements will allow you to dig into the nuts and bolts of a website and fix the things that are slowing it down.

Minimize HTTP requests

Once upon a time, bandwidth was a minuscule fraction of what we enjoy today, so back then, we would compensate by slicing large images into a series of smaller images. Rather than waiting for a single large image to load, visitors would see the image load in chunks.

Today, the bandwidth available through even a basic internet connection is much better. This has led to lazy developers and impatient visitors.

Each hypertext transfer protocol (HTTP) request increases the time it takes for a page to load. Often significantly. In fact, the impact can be so dramatic that a smaller web page with more HTTP requests may actually take longer to fully load than a larger web page with fewer HTTP requests.

How do we reduce the number of HTTP requests our pages make? This is where we roll up our sleeves and start digging into the source code of our website. What we’re looking for here are opportunities to merge or eliminate certain HTTP requests.

CSS and JavaScript files are often the low-hanging fruit here because so many websites have a ton of both. There are three options to handle this:

Consolidate all CSS and JavaScript files into one single CSS file and JavaScript file.

Install a plug-in that mimics this functionality on the front end, while leaving the actual CSS and JavaScript files untouched on the back end.

When possible, delete calls to CSS and JavaScript files completely.

In most cases, you’ll need to use a combination of these options. That’s because if your website is built on WordPress, merging CSS and JavaScript files from plug-ins into a single file could cause problems when one or more of those plug-ins are updated.

Generally, I’ll first identify any CSS and JavaScript files that aren’t needed and remove them. The speed improvement you can make at this stage can be significant because many themes load a lot of unnecessary files. This might include fonts you aren’t using, separate CSS files for color variations and individual JavaScript files for functionality that you aren’t using, to name just a few.

Next, I ensure that all CSS and JavaScript files for that website are merged into a single CSS file and JavaScript file.

Finally, I’ll utilize a plug-in that merges all CSS and JavaScript files — for the theme as well the plug-ins — into a single file when the page is loaded, leaving the actual files untouched in the background.

I recommend using sprites to trim back HTTP requests generated by image files. This won’t work for every image, but it efficiently uses images that are used repeatedly throughout a website. This might include your logo, social media icons and navigational elements.

The idea here is that you put all of these images into a single file, and then use CSS to define the container for that element and appropriately position the image within that container. Now, instead of a dozen or more individual HTTP requests, you can simply make one. How’s that for efficient?

You may also want to consider replacing at least some of those images with a web font like FontAwesome.com, which gives you a lot more flexibility with the same or smaller file size.

If you go that route, you should download the necessary files and host them locally rather than remotely. Calls to external files can have a dramatic and detrimental effect on page speed. I’ve seen differences as large as one second or more when a website loads a file from an external source.

Go easy on the plug-ins

Plug-ins are some of the things that make WordPress awesome. They’re also some of the things that can make it terrible because they could be poorly programmed, resulting in poor performance. They also often load several CSS, JavaScript and image files, even those already loaded, such as JQuery.

This can get real messy real quick.

Each plug-in, no matter how lightweight, will place a load on your server when it serves a web page. Add up a few and the difference is noticeable, and that’s before we even talk about the CSS, JavaScript and image files it may need to load.

Here’s the problem: adding plug-ins often starts small but quickly evolves into an uncontrollable monster because web designers presenting themselves as web developers don’t know how to program the functionality they need. So they add one plug-in here and another there, and before you know it, there are dozens humming along behind the scenes.

I was involved in a project where an agency wanted to use their “developer,” who was really nothing more than a guy who installed plug-ins. To achieve the functionality the client wanted, the “developer” ended up installing 46 plug-ins! As you can imagine, the website slowed to a crawl, and since the “developer” didn’t know how to program and relied on the plug-ins, he hardcoded a warning within the admin area for the client not to update the plug-ins.

What a mess.

I recommend either investing the time to learn PHP and JavaScript or hiring a real developer who can build the functionality you need without a lot of bloated extras that will slow down a website.

Ditch the discount web hosting

We all want to save money, but your web hosting is not where you want to cut corners. It’s not a commodity. There’s a tremendous difference between that $10 a month hosting package from a bottom-end web host and a $30 a month hosting package from a higher-end web host like WP Engine.

Cheap web hosting is cheap for a reason.

Bargain hosting packages are not built for performance, they simply cram as many websites as they can onto each server and don’t optimize for speed. As a result, your website will load painfully slowly.

I’ve had this conversation with many clients, and often, their response is something to the effect of “Well, it loads quickly for me.”

Here’s the thing: it really doesn’t.

Most people have an unconscious bias toward their own website because they have an emotional attachment to it. They overlook its flaws because it’s theirs. Sort of like a parent who is not bothered by their children screaming at a restaurant while most of the other guests are.

But don’t take my word for it, there are several tools you can use to test the actual speed of a website.

A few years ago, I started making web hosting a top priority to help my clients achieve faster loading web pages. A friend recommended one of the specialized WordPress hosting companies, and I decided to give it a try.

I was floored in the very best way. Up until that point, I had always used bargain web hosting and tried to optimize for speed using caching plug-ins. But a WordPress hosting company operates specifically to serve WordPress at blazingly high speeds and is well worth the investment. I was seeing a 40 percent increase in speed even before caching and other fine tunings.

Invest in robust, high-quality web hosting and put in the same fine-tuning for speed that you ordinarily would. You’ll achieve a dramatic improvement over most, if not all of your competitors.

Leverage minification, caching and a CDN

Once you’ve gone through all my previous steps and have gotten to this point, you are ready to fine-tune. Your next steps can still create significant improvements, but you should expect a bit of trial and error as you move forward.

Minification. Minification is the process of stripping out unnecessary characters from CSS and JavaScript files. This includes white space, comments and trailing semicolons. The goal here is to make the files smaller.

This one might be tricky because it often breaks a website, so you’ll need to experiment to see how aggressive you can be and which files you can include.

You can manually process the files, but I prefer to use a plug-in that does this on the fly so that my files remain easily readable. It makes editing them a lot easier. Depending on your web host, this may already be built into their system.

Caching. Caching dramatically improves page speed because it saves dynamically generated HTML files and serves them from the cache (i.e., reusing previously generated data) each time a request is made, rather than running all of the PHP scripts from WordPress every time a page is loaded.

Caching, like minification, can be tricky because certain settings may break your website, so expect to face some trial and error here, too.

You have two options here:

If you’re still using bargain web hosting, you can use a plug-in like W3 Total Cache, WP-Rocket.me, or WP Super Cache.

If you’re using a web host optimized for WordPress, they probably already have caching built into their system.

Content delivery network. A content delivery network (CDN) hosts multiple copies of your files (HTML, CSS, JavaScript, images, fonts and so on) on different servers all over the world so that rather than visitors downloading them directly from your server, they download them from one that is closer to them. This results in a dramatically faster download.

There are both free and paid options available, and you’ll have to evaluate what they offer compared to your needs.

I recommend visiting HTML-CSS-JS.com to find solid HTML, CSS and JS tools plus editors, code optimizers and more.

Speed is critical to your success

Improving page speed isn’t some mystical process, but it is highly important for SEO, user experience, and conversions. Invest the time to learn how to improve your page speed or hire a professional to help you. Doing so will help boost your profits, your rankings and customer retention.

About The Author

Jeremy Knauff is the founder of Spartan Media, a digital marketing agency in Tampa, Florida. He’s also a proud father, husband, and US Marine Corps veteran. After 18 years in the digital marketing industry, he’s learned a thing or two, and today, while still serving his clients, he’s working to share his knowledge with the industry to help even more people. Source

The post How to rev up your page speed for better website performance appeared first on Gorilla Authority.

Alumni Spotlight – Sean Henry

Sean graduated from MTI College’s IT Network Administration program in November 2015. He chose this degree because he believes it to be a skill that is in high demand and realized it is something he is very passionate about. It took him some time to come to this understanding, but the payoff has been well worth it. Immediately after high school, Sean enrolled at his local community college, bouncing from major to major, unsure of what he wanted to pursue. “I really couldn’t find something that would hold my interest and be able to pay the bills,” he recalled. He began looking into IT at the community college but became frustrated with the timeline. If that was something he was going to pursue, it would have taken him about three or four years, because classes were only offered at certain times and dates. Unfortunately, it was something that was just not able to work out with his schedule. “So, I looked around and tried to find a place to get IT training done,” Sean explained. “I found MTI and I loved them because the whole campus works in conjunction with one another. You never had a problem getting the classes you needed to graduate on time.”

According to Sean, the other main factor that determined his decision to enroll at MTI College was the Career Services department. After his first year at MTI, he would have access to temp agencies and job listings that would be mailed out to him to help find jobs within his field. “The job placement rate, within six months after graduation, was 95% when I was there. It couldn’t be beat. I wanted to go to school, and after I was done, I wanted a job. And a 95% chance I’d get a job after the program? That is icing on the cake.”

Sean’s experience at MTI was both humbling and impactful. “My first year there, I walked in thinking I knew so much about computers and the first several classes were introductory and would be very easy.” Although Sean was innately skilled at IT work, his courses were not as easy as he expected. He had one professor in particular who really made an impression. “He is an amazing human being and changed the way I looked at the IT field. Previously I looked at it as something I was good at. Something I could do to support myself and make decent money doing it. But, he helped mold it into a passion for me.” With both respect and a laugh, Sean added, “He really cultivated me and my fellow students into IT professionals as opposed to computer nerds.”

Prior to MTI, the extent of Sean’s experience was fixing computers for his family members and friends. But now, he just finished signing a contract to work as a PC technician for the Roseville Joint Union High School District. He was drawn to this position because his family is in education, as well. His mother works in upper-level management for a university in California and his father is a professor. This position combines his passion for IT and working in an educational environment. “I love being around people who want to learn,” he explained. His responsibilities will range anywhere from basic troubleshooting, to hardware and software updates, to fixing malfunctioning machines and removing viruses. Previous to this position, Sean worked at a software company as a helpdesk analyst, his official title being Customer Experience Specialist. He would work over the phone with employees, utilizing remote control assistance, for a CRM program that the company had built in-house. Sean would also troubleshoot email problems as well as help people get set up with new email addresses and domains.

Sean’s confidence in his ability to perform well in the IT field is inspiring. He attributed this to how well prepared he was through his education at MTI. “I learned enough there that I have not had any problems at all,” he explained. Not once thus far has he felt he did not know what he needed to in order to succeed. “So far with the credentials I earned there, if I get an interview, I get the job. I’ve only interviewed twice since I left MTI and I got the job both times. Partly because of the credentials I earned that they offered and partially because of the shop courses they had.” Sean also had two courses that were focused on preparing students for their career search. These classes taught him how to interview and how to write a resume. “They taught me everything I needed to know about walking into an interview and making the best possible impression.”

Looking back on his journey, Sean undoubtedly made the right choice. “One of the things that a lot of people don’t realize about the IT field is how fulfilling it could be. Because everyone thinks it’s just sitting behind a computer and typing, but really, in all of the jobs that I have had so far, I very much enjoy the fact that I am making other people’s days better.” Before MTI, Sean was a bit of a wanderer. He did not know what he wanted to do with his life and went through multiple majors to figure it out. He started off in culinary science, then went to biology. From there, he tried chemistry and then nutrition. But now, Sean is fixing problems for people and he could not be happier. “A lot of people discount just how people-oriented the IT field really is. And that’s my favorite part of it. I arrive with a smile on my face and leave with a smile on theirs.”

Moving forward, Sean wants to continue building his work experience to move into a higher-level position. He would enjoy being either a network engineer or a server administrator. He has all of the certifications he needs for a server administrator position because of additional courses he was able to take at MTI. He will have to take additional courses in order to be certified as a network engineer, which he plans on doing soon. In this moment, however, he is embracing how far he has come. “I’m employed. I’m a proud member of society. A few months ago, I was able to move out and am paying the bills on my own. MTI really was the launching platform for my adult, professional life.” He even referred his “better half” to MTI, as well. “I basically dragged her behind me,” he laughed. She went through one of MTI’s healthcare programs and had no problem getting a job in the medical field once she graduated.

Honestly, Sean would recommend MTI College to everyone. “MTI really sparked a fire in me that nowhere else really had. And every day now I go to a job that I love doing. I wake up in the morning happy to go to work. I don’t think that had I picked one of those other fields that I could have said that.”

The post Alumni Spotlight – Sean Henry appeared first on MTI College.

from MTI College https://www.mticollege.edu/alumni-spotlight-sean-henry/ from MTI College https://mticolleges.tumblr.com/post/165842784243

Alumni Spotlight Sean Henry

Sean graduated from MTI College’s IT Network Administration program in November 2015. He chose this degree because he believes it to be a skill that is in high demand and realized it is something he is very passionate about. It took him some time to come to this understanding, but the payoff has been well worth it. Immediately after high school, Sean enrolled at his local community college, bouncing from major to major, unsure of what he wanted to pursue. “I really couldn’t find something that would hold my interest and be able to pay the bills,” he recalled. He began looking into IT at the community college but became frustrated with the timeline. If that was something he was going to pursue, it would have taken him about three or four years, because classes were only offered at certain times and dates. Unfortunately, it was something that was just not able to work out with his schedule. “So, I looked around and tried to find a place to get IT training done,” Sean explained. “I found MTI and I loved them because the whole campus works in conjunction with one another. You never had a problem getting the classes you needed to graduate on time.”

According to Sean, the other main factor that determined his decision to enroll at MTI College was the Career Services department. After his first year at MTI, he would have access to temp agencies and job listings that would be mailed out to him to help find jobs within his field. “The job placement rate, within six months after graduation, was 95% when I was there. It couldn’t be beat. I wanted to go to school, and after I was done, I wanted a job. And a 95% chance I’d get a job after the program? That is icing on the cake.”

Sean’s experience at MTI was both humbling and impactful. “My first year there, I walked in thinking I knew so much about computers and the first several classes were introductory and would be very easy.” Although Sean was innately skilled at IT work, his courses were not as easy as he expected. He had one professor in particular who really made an impression. “He is an amazing human being and changed the way I looked at the IT field. Previously I looked at it as something I was good at. Something I could do to support myself and make decent money doing it. But, he helped mold it into a passion for me.” With both respect and a laugh, Sean added, “He really cultivated me and my fellow students into IT professionals as opposed to computer nerds.”

Prior to MTI, the extent of Sean’s experience was fixing computers for his family members and friends. But now, he just finished signing a contract to work as a PC technician for the Roseville Joint Union High School District. He was drawn to this position because his family is in education, as well. His mother works in upper-level management for a university in California and his father is a professor. This position combines his passion for IT and working in an educational environment. “I love being around people who want to learn,” he explained. His responsibilities will range anywhere from basic troubleshooting, to hardware and software updates, to fixing malfunctioning machines and removing viruses. Previous to this position, Sean worked at a software company as a helpdesk analyst, his official title being Customer Experience Specialist. He would work over the phone with employees, utilizing remote control assistance, for a CRM program that the company had built in-house. Sean would also troubleshoot email problems as well as help people get set up with new email addresses and domains.

Sean’s confidence in his ability to perform well in the IT field is inspiring. He attributed this to how well prepared he was through his education at MTI. “I learned enough there that I have not had any problems at all,” he explained. Not once thus far has he felt he did not know what he needed to in order to succeed. “So far with the credentials I earned there, if I get an interview, I get the job. I’ve only interviewed twice since I left MTI and I got the job both times. Partly because of the credentials I earned that they offered and partially because of the shop courses they had.” Sean also had two courses that were focused on preparing students for their career search. These classes taught him how to interview and how to write a resume. “They taught me everything I needed to know about walking into an interview and making the best possible impression.”

Looking back on his journey, Sean undoubtedly made the right choice. “One of the things that a lot of people don’t realize about the IT field is how fulfilling it could be. Because everyone thinks it’s just sitting behind a computer and typing, but really, in all of the jobs that I have had so far, I very much enjoy the fact that I am making other people’s days better.” Before MTI, Sean was a bit of a wanderer. He did not know what he wanted to do with his life and went through multiple majors to figure it out. He started off in culinary science, then went to biology. From there, he tried chemistry and then nutrition. But now, Sean is fixing problems for people and he could not be happier. “A lot of people discount just how people-oriented the IT field really is. And that’s my favorite part of it. I arrive with a smile on my face and leave with a smile on theirs.”

Moving forward, Sean wants to continue building his work experience to move into a higher-level position. He would enjoy being either a network engineer or a server administrator. He has all of the certifications he needs for a server administrator position because of additional courses he was able to take at MTI. He will have to take additional courses in order to be certified as a network engineer, which he plans on doing soon. In this moment, however, he is embracing how far he has come. “I’m employed. I’m a proud member of society. A few months ago, I was able to move out and am paying the bills on my own. MTI really was the launching platform for my adult, professional life.” He even referred his “better half” to MTI, as well. “I basically dragged her behind me,” he laughed. She went through one of MTI’s healthcare programs and had no problem getting a job in the medical field once she graduated.

Honestly, Sean would recommend MTI College to everyone. “MTI really sparked a fire in me that nowhere else really had. And every day now I go to a job that I love doing. I wake up in the morning happy to go to work. I don’t think that had I picked one of those other fields that I could have said that.”

The post Alumni Spotlight – Sean Henry appeared first on MTI College.

from https://www.mticollege.edu/alumni-spotlight-sean-henry/

from MTI College - Blog http://mticolleges.weebly.com/blog/alumni-spotlight-sean-henry

Alumni Spotlight – Sean Henry

Sean graduated from MTI College’s IT Network Administration program in November 2015. He chose this degree because he believes it to be a skill that is in high demand and realized it is something he is very passionate about. It took him some time to come to this understanding, but the payoff has been well worth it. Immediately after high school, Sean enrolled at his local community college, bouncing from major to major, unsure of what he wanted to pursue. “I really couldn’t find something that would hold my interest and be able to pay the bills,” he recalled. He began looking into IT at the community college but became frustrated with the timeline. If that was something he was going to pursue, it would have taken him about three or four years, because classes were only offered at certain times and dates. Unfortunately, it was something that was just not able to work out with his schedule. “So, I looked around and tried to find a place to get IT training done,” Sean explained. “I found MTI and I loved them because the whole campus works in conjunction with one another. You never had a problem getting the classes you needed to graduate on time.”

According to Sean, the other main factor that determined his decision to enroll at MTI College was the Career Services department. After his first year at MTI, he would have access to temp agencies and job listings that would be mailed out to him to help find jobs within his field. “The job placement rate, within six months after graduation, was 95% when I was there. It couldn’t be beat. I wanted to go to school, and after I was done, I wanted a job. And a 95% chance I’d get a job after the program? That is icing on the cake.”

Sean’s experience at MTI was both humbling and impactful. “My first year there, I walked in thinking I knew so much about computers and the first several classes were introductory and would be very easy.” Although Sean was innately skilled at IT work, his courses were not as easy as he expected. He had one professor in particular who really made an impression. “He is an amazing human being and changed the way I looked at the IT field. Previously I looked at it as something I was good at. Something I could do to support myself and make decent money doing it. But, he helped mold it into a passion for me.” With both respect and a laugh, Sean added, “He really cultivated me and my fellow students into IT professionals as opposed to computer nerds.”

Prior to MTI, the extent of Sean’s experience was fixing computers for his family members and friends. But now, he just finished signing a contract to work as a PC technician for the Roseville Joint Union High School District. He was drawn to this position because his family is in education, as well. His mother works in upper-level management for a university in California and his father is a professor. This position combines his passion for IT and working in an educational environment. “I love being around people who want to learn,” he explained. His responsibilities will range anywhere from basic troubleshooting, to hardware and software updates, to fixing malfunctioning machines and removing viruses. Previous to this position, Sean worked at a software company as a helpdesk analyst, his official title being Customer Experience Specialist. He would work over the phone with employees, utilizing remote control assistance, for a CRM program that the company had built in-house. Sean would also troubleshoot email problems as well as help people get set up with new email addresses and domains.

Sean’s confidence in his ability to perform well in the IT field is inspiring. He attributed this to how well prepared he was through his education at MTI. “I learned enough there that I have not had any problems at all,” he explained. Not once thus far has he felt he did not know what he needed to in order to succeed. “So far with the credentials I earned there, if I get an interview, I get the job. I’ve only interviewed twice since I left MTI and I got the job both times. Partly because of the credentials I earned that they offered and partially because of the shop courses they had.” Sean also had two courses that were focused on preparing students for their career search. These classes taught him how to interview and how to write a resume. “They taught me everything I needed to know about walking into an interview and making the best possible impression.”

Looking back on his journey, Sean undoubtedly made the right choice. “One of the things that a lot of people don’t realize about the IT field is how fulfilling it could be. Because everyone thinks it’s just sitting behind a computer and typing, but really, in all of the jobs that I have had so far, I very much enjoy the fact that I am making other people’s days better.” Before MTI, Sean was a bit of a wanderer. He did not know what he wanted to do with his life and went through multiple majors to figure it out. He started off in culinary science, then went to biology. From there, he tried chemistry and then nutrition. But now, Sean is fixing problems for people and he could not be happier. “A lot of people discount just how people-oriented the IT field really is. And that’s my favorite part of it. I arrive with a smile on my face and leave with a smile on theirs.”

Moving forward, Sean wants to continue building his work experience to move into a higher-level position. He would enjoy being either a network engineer or a server administrator. He has all of the certifications he needs for a server administrator position because of additional courses he was able to take at MTI. He will have to take additional courses in order to be certified as a network engineer, which he plans on doing soon. In this moment, however, he is embracing how far he has come. “I’m employed. I’m a proud member of society. A few months ago, I was able to move out and am paying the bills on my own. MTI really was the launching platform for my adult, professional life.” He even referred his “better half” to MTI, as well. “I basically dragged her behind me,” he laughed. She went through one of MTI’s healthcare programs and had no problem getting a job in the medical field once she graduated.

Honestly, Sean would recommend MTI College to everyone. “MTI really sparked a fire in me that nowhere else really had. And every day now I go to a job that I love doing. I wake up in the morning happy to go to work. I don’t think that had I picked one of those other fields that I could have said that.”

The post Alumni Spotlight – Sean Henry appeared first on MTI College.

from https://www.mticollege.edu/alumni-spotlight-sean-henry/ from MTI College http://mticolleges.blogspot.com/2017/09/alumni-spotlight-sean-henry.html

Alumni Spotlight – Sean Henry

Sean graduated from MTI College’s IT Network Administration program in November 2015. He chose this degree because he believes it to be a skill that is in high demand and realized it is something he is very passionate about. It took him some time to come to this understanding, but the payoff has been well worth it. Immediately after high school, Sean enrolled at his local community college, bouncing from major to major, unsure of what he wanted to pursue. “I really couldn’t find something that would hold my interest and be able to pay the bills,” he recalled. He began looking into IT at the community college but became frustrated with the timeline. If that was something he was going to pursue, it would have taken him about three or four years, because classes were only offered at certain times and dates. Unfortunately, it was something that was just not able to work out with his schedule. “So, I looked around and tried to find a place to get IT training done,” Sean explained. “I found MTI and I loved them because the whole campus works in conjunction with one another. You never had a problem getting the classes you needed to graduate on time.”

According to Sean, the other main factor that determined his decision to enroll at MTI College was the Career Services department. After his first year at MTI, he would have access to temp agencies and job listings that would be mailed out to him to help find jobs within his field. “The job placement rate, within six months after graduation, was 95% when I was there. It couldn’t be beat. I wanted to go to school, and after I was done, I wanted a job. And a 95% chance I’d get a job after the program? That is icing on the cake.”

Sean’s experience at MTI was both humbling and impactful. “My first year there, I walked in thinking I knew so much about computers and the first several classes were introductory and would be very easy.” Although Sean was innately skilled at IT work, his courses were not as easy as he expected. He had one professor in particular who really made an impression. “He is an amazing human being and changed the way I looked at the IT field. Previously I looked at it as something I was good at. Something I could do to support myself and make decent money doing it. But, he helped mold it into a passion for me.” With both respect and a laugh, Sean added, “He really cultivated me and my fellow students into IT professionals as opposed to computer nerds.”

Prior to MTI, the extent of Sean’s experience was fixing computers for his family members and friends. But now, he just finished signing a contract to work as a PC technician for the Roseville Joint Union High School District. He was drawn to this position because his family is in education, as well. His mother works in upper-level management for a university in California and his father is a professor. This position combines his passion for IT and working in an educational environment. “I love being around people who want to learn,” he explained. His responsibilities will range anywhere from basic troubleshooting, to hardware and software updates, to fixing malfunctioning machines and removing viruses. Previous to this position, Sean worked at a software company as a helpdesk analyst, his official title being Customer Experience Specialist. He would work over the phone with employees, utilizing remote control assistance, for a CRM program that the company had built in-house. Sean would also troubleshoot email problems as well as help people get set up with new email addresses and domains.

Sean’s confidence in his ability to perform well in the IT field is inspiring. He attributed this to how well prepared he was through his education at MTI. “I learned enough there that I have not had any problems at all,” he explained. Not once thus far has he felt he did not know what he needed to in order to succeed. “So far with the credentials I earned there, if I get an interview, I get the job. I’ve only interviewed twice since I left MTI and I got the job both times. Partly because of the credentials I earned that they offered and partially because of the shop courses they had.” Sean also had two courses that were focused on preparing students for their career search. These classes taught him how to interview and how to write a resume. “They taught me everything I needed to know about walking into an interview and making the best possible impression.”

Looking back on his journey, Sean undoubtedly made the right choice. “One of the things that a lot of people don’t realize about the IT field is how fulfilling it could be. Because everyone thinks it’s just sitting behind a computer and typing, but really, in all of the jobs that I have had so far, I very much enjoy the fact that I am making other people’s days better.” Before MTI, Sean was a bit of a wanderer. He did not know what he wanted to do with his life and went through multiple majors to figure it out. He started off in culinary science, then went to biology. From there, he tried chemistry and then nutrition. But now, Sean is fixing problems for people and he could not be happier. “A lot of people discount just how people-oriented the IT field really is. And that’s my favorite part of it. I arrive with a smile on my face and leave with a smile on theirs.”

Moving forward, Sean wants to continue building his work experience to move into a higher-level position. He would enjoy being either a network engineer or a server administrator. He has all of the certifications he needs for a server administrator position because of additional courses he was able to take at MTI. He will have to take additional courses in order to be certified as a network engineer, which he plans on doing soon. In this moment, however, he is embracing how far he has come. “I’m employed. I’m a proud member of society. A few months ago, I was able to move out and am paying the bills on my own. MTI really was the launching platform for my adult, professional life.” He even referred his “better half” to MTI, as well. “I basically dragged her behind me,” he laughed. She went through one of MTI’s healthcare programs and had no problem getting a job in the medical field once she graduated.

Honestly, Sean would recommend MTI College to everyone. “MTI really sparked a fire in me that nowhere else really had. And every day now I go to a job that I love doing. I wake up in the morning happy to go to work. I don’t think that had I picked one of those other fields that I could have said that.”

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from MTI College https://www.mticollege.edu/alumni-spotlight-sean-henry/