#another day of feeling blah
Text
..knowing will was friends with jimmy kimmel who was friends with the chef of epstein sucksass cause i dont think wils guilty of anything but i still feel bad anyway
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
20 POSTERS FOR JUNGWON'S 20TH !!!
#enhypenet#kpopco#malegroupsnet#enhypen#jungwon#heetual#how did we get here.. again.. how did i convince myself to do this again.. look.. if i never make another poster at least you know why#tbf compared to sunoo's i'm feeling better creatively bc i gave myself a bit more time blah blah blah i changed my background colour just#for these and i'm kind of digging F3F0DD idk.. like maybe i'm a yellow background girl these days.. ik poster ten is grey and now im lookin#at it with resentful eyes but idk if i saved the psd or if i have the effort to change it.. it will bug me.. no. idc idc stop asking abt it#next year riki will turn 20 and i will isolate myself for the last time.... kind of sad honestly whatever idc#UGH and poster nine is also not yellow i think it's F1F1F1 which is my go to off white.. WHATEVER what do you think about passionfruit by#nmixx lmk and thanks for looking at my posters please enjoy and lmk your fave if u have one mine is 4 or 5 <333#also im sure the quality is awful sorry about it shrug emoji#z.enhypen#z.gfx#z.jungwon#happy jungwon day
111 notes
·
View notes
Text
tried to get nice things for myself. 1 dead 3 injured
#that voice inside my head saying: you’re not worthy of nice things!!!#that other box is inside my head saying: you’re incapable of feeling joy so getting nice things will only be a reminder of that and how the#illusion of nice things is better than the reality of them due to your absolute emotional numbness so don’t even try#and another voice tiny tiny voice saying: things cost money#it’s the same thing always always always i hate it#everyone showing me their little trinkets and their funky little internet ordered things and comfort items and i’m there like#wow i’d sure like to experience that kinda joy one day#but alas the depression and absolute apathy has infested every last cell of this being and the only outcome is repression#blah
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
no but seriously the next person that makes a joke/comment about me fucking/dating my only guy friend because people 1) feel the need to press heteronormative bullshit onto every different-sex friendship and make the mass generalization that men and women always secretly want to fuck each other and 2) genuinely don’t view asexuality/aromanticism as valid and cannot comprehend how to be supportive and validating of it,, is going to get their shit rocked bc I’ve had about fucking enough of it :)
#no bc it’s happened to often#I’ve never really had guy friends tbh#like guy friends that were just mine#I’ve hung out in groups where guys were there but I’ve never had a guy friend that only me and him went and did things#bc I don’t feel safe around men uwu#but this year I’ve made a guy friend. and he’s super sweet and I really like him!! we have a great time hanging out and it’s purely platonic#he’s dating a girl and he knows I’m aroace and is totally chill with that !! so we have the understanding that I am genuinely INCAPABLE#of being into him. and he is NOT into me. we are just. friends.#but we go out to lunch/dinner and hang out and blah blah#and today we hung out to a few hours between classes and wandered around downtown and we bought matching stuffed mice lol#they’re so cute I love them#and I was showing off my mouse to people and happily explaining my day#and so many of my friends… all of my irl friends… were like#‘so you went on a date? so you’re into him? that’s a date sweetheart. you’re totally gonna get married and have babies with him’#like those are ALL things that friends actually said#and it just made me feel like actively nauseous#bc 1) the thought of it makes me sick and 2) the fact that my friends just. don’t care about my sexuality#and my expression that I’ve reiterated time and TIME again makes me crazy#bc I know that every single time i mention Caleb people are hopping on it and wanting me to date him#and this is another reason I’ve never had guy friends!!#like oh my gOd!! I’m not into men!! leave me the fuck alone!!!!!!#yeah it makes me really upset :)#that’s my complaint of the week sigh#it’s heteronormative BULLSHIT!!! and the permeation of sex into oit society!!!#some of us don’t want to fuck our guy friends!!!!#leave me alone or be fucking nice to me#nobody would make jokes if I got matching mice with a woman#I HAVE matching stuffed animals with women!! it’s just something I do with FRIENDS#why are different sex friendships different#die maybe have u considered that
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think my interview this morning went well!!
#im not trying to speculate on whether or not i think i have the job#but i feel good about how the interview went#i am getting anxious about money again though#and this interview happened during one of the company-wide training days for the second job i just started#bc the first job is uh. i will have had one (1) shift for the entire second pay period of this month#so that one is very much a supplementary 'fill in when needed and wanted' kind of position#but unfortunately i have a conference during ANOTHER training day for the more stable job next weekend.#and i just feel like im somehow showing them that im unreliable?? and that then they will not want to schedule me??#idfk thats the fear talking. practically speaking if they didnt want me they wouldnt hire me. the store manager and the dm both#said that it's not a big deal so i will do my best to trust them#hhhhhh i have a tour booked for an apartment next tuesday afternoon and i hope . ?? i can wiggle my way in to another training sesh next we#idk if thats something i can request or try to suggest w my store manager or if i have to wait on him to get to me about it#but i will find out on monday when theres the next session that i can make#blah blah blah
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just got called ma'am by a customer.
I don't understand.
My hair is short my chest is as flat as I can fucking get it my voice is LOW, like DECENTLY LOW, what the FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME, DO I NEED TO WEAR A GOD DAMN SIGN ON MY NECK THAT SAYS I AM NOT A WOMAN. I LITERALLY LOOK LIKE A FUCKING BOY
#and now im hiding in the bathroom battling with the voice in my head that says im just being dramatic#'theyre from another generation they dont know blah blah blah'#'youre the one letting it ruin your day just get over it and move on'#'you know youre a man and thats what matters'#all shit ive HEARD from other people to somehow try to make me feel better but guess WHAT#sometimes it just gets in my head and i dont want to talk to anyone for the rest of the day!!!!!!#like he didnt even look confused. he didnt even flinch. there was no pause. no confusion. just thank you ma'am. what. do. i. have. to. do.#FUCK#trans shit#charlie chats
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
love characters with scars and birthmarks because it’s like they have a motif built into their body without me even having to make stuff up
#girls when they see evan buckley compare his birthmark to a stain or imperfection he’ll never be able to get rid of in a fic -> 😧#also girl when they see steve rogers arm scar/nose bump related to the serum not being able to ‘fix’ every imperfection#&girls when they see bradley bradshaws facial scars related to sumn ab him having healed from old hurts but still having trouble hiding them#blah blah something something about it being the more literal verion of wearing ur heart on ur sleeve#or having a chip on ur shoulder#percabeth was my first taste of the ships w matching scars trope and i never got over it#buck and eddies scars lining up when theyre face to face kinda makes me feel crazy like they literally have a line connecting their hearts..#dont think tw werewolves really scar but ? liam getting shot in the leg and theo in the shoulder in the finale kinda makes me feel crazy too#bc it corresponds even if it doesn’t directly match . and its only that way bc theo tried to shield him#lord.#another day of feeling crazy over gay people that arent even real#carolcore
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
i couldn't beat aventurine for the entire patch so i'm suuuuper behind but i finally beat him. while i regret not pulling for him since his shielding capabilities are second to none, i don't really regret it much because he's a fucking dickhead. that fight was fucking impossible.
i could hardly beat the damn bug in herta's basement to level acheron enough to do a lick of damage, but even she wasn't enough. he took out BOTH of my damage dealers, leaving me with fu xuan and bailu, the latter of which can't do damage to save her fucking life. fortunately the two of them can keep each other alive, but holy fucking shit, dude. why did it take four ults from fu xuan to deplete the 1% of his health.
ANYWAYS. not what i'm here for.
i'm nearing the end of the penacony quest and MAN. 🥲 that shit hurts SO bad.
i had been impatient and got spoilers for the major plot points (as one does), but no amount of spoilers could have prepared me for the amount of tenderness and emotion that i felt whilst learning the truth.
granted, i'm gonna need to google a deep dive on what the fuck that was all about since star rail's universe is harder for me to grasp than genshin's, but wow. WOW. WOWWWW.
anyways, i'm gonna be making a halovian oc. that's all.
#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ]#blah blah indeed#cause what am i talking about#i feel like now is a good time to mention that i'm currently taking another trip to urgent care bc my illness subsided for all of TWO DAYS.#so im back to ... being sick.#ugh.#needless to say i have plenty of time with star rail since im calling out tomorrow
1 note
·
View note
Photo
hmmm who dis
#my art#wip#iwtv#interview with the vampire#good stuff needs to stop coming out i need more time to draw out my feelings aha#y'know i actually wanted to draw jacob anderson when he was in doctor who last year#never got around to as always but now another chance aha#wanna draw more than just him tho...#blah and i also wanna draw sandman and doctor who and mass effect and just animals in general...#wish there was more time in a day
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#i feel so so stupid#the person in question is a man and i'll name him dan#like a month ago i accepted dan's friend request on facebook because we're both members of an ace attorney group#he's an admin in the group and posts very often. he draws nice and his memes are funny#he sent me a text in messenger out of the blue after liking a post of me where i was sad about my situation as an uni student and blah blah#i thanked him and i thought that'd be all but he texted me again and i'm not someone who ignores people just like that so i kept replying#but because i'm an idiot i gave him my whatsapp number so now he texts me every day#dan doesn't look like a bad man but... i've started to feel uncomfortable when talking to him#he says things like 'you're pretty' 'i like drawing your hair' and i just nod and smile because UGH.#I'M TOO NICE AND I DON'T HAVE IT IN MY TO TELL HIM I DON'T LIKE IT#he's like 30 y/o and from another country and he is going bald... 💀#i checked his old pictures on his profile and i want to know what the heck happened for him to age poorly#if i'm honest... i don't really want to talk to him again but how should i tell him? i know the solution is:#'it's been nice getting to know you but you make me uncomfortable and you're old and bald. you shouldn't be texting a 22 y/o woman. bye'#but the stupid part of my brain that is doing all the thinking is afraid of confronting dan and coming off as a brat#yet i know i owe him nothing and should speak up...#*deep sigh*#personal
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
as of rn the general november vibe is “if you want to keep talking to me then you have to do so first because unless you’re one of maybe ten people (and that’s being generous with the number) I do not think you want to hear from me” so if you DO want to hear from me then you have to make that known, otherwise idk, we’ll see
#deity dialogue#we shall see how long I last this time#probably once I realize people are going to actually reach out to me first but I start to miss hearing from them because that’s typically#what happens#idk how to articulate how I feel#I don’t like dislike or blame anyone for me feeling the way that I do#but I very much am upset and feel like I’m trying to hard and that it’s a burden and that I need to stop trying to get peoples attention and#trying to get people to talk to me#but this post itself could also be seen as another pathetic attempt to get people to actually want to talk to me#blah blah crystal you’re so sad and pathetic this is why you’re friends all hate you ♥️#it’s just another case of crystal feels like they’re nothing and they should stop trying because it doesn’t matter whether they do or not#and it seems easier to just stop trying to force myself into relationships but it also hurts to stop as well#oh hey I finally started crying I’ve been trying to cry all day so I can it out of my system#who knew all it took was once again thinking about how stupid I and my feelings are lmao#basically I’m having a hard time with like feeling wanted and like I’m not an annoyance lately#and I don’t want to continue annoying people and adding to that feeling#so if you want to hear from me then I’d love that I love my friends I love hearing from y’all#I just am dumb and upset and stupid
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
is fine is fine is fine is fine is fineeeeeee <- trying not to cry
#bnlejeghhh’z.#we didn’t measure for a bookshelf and we didn’t order one and now my dads leaving tomorrow#and we don’t have time and my mom apparently still believes in gender roles so we can’t order one now#even though i’m gonna be home all day tomorrow and we have time to build kt#so i just.#isgsghhhhh this is so stupid i wanted that bookshelf and now i have to wait a week and#i shouldn’t be crying about this i just wanted the bookshelf and i got so exicted#:( is this another adhd thing. i feel like it is. impatient and emotional dysregulation blah blah something something
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
You know what freaks me out a little? Being Bakugou or Izuku's "one and only" BUT we are a previous ex (on peaceful partings) of one of their friends or each other. I don't even know what to do with that like Kirishima would prolly be cool with it but everything else makes my mind spin Xd
OH GOD... so much here to unpack, I don't even know where to begin (and hopefully you don't mind me exploring this)!!!
What does peaceful partings even mean in this case? Sure things might be mutual, but that doesn't give us the reason... and I feel like there's a huge difference in results if, when you broke up... they still loved you and just couldn't focus on your relationship, or you both just fell out of love (yowch!).
In the latter situation, I think things would be rough at first... but would start getting better at a very steady pace. With no hard feelings between you, and both Deku and Bakugo being somewhat reasonable people when everything makes sense... the only thing you'd all really struggle with is... the awkwardness of being face to face with each other while being on the other's arm.
Once that barrier is toppled, however, they're pretty happy for you (if not just a little bitter that you couldn't make it work. All internal though).
In the former case, though (which I almost think is more likely)... jeez.
Depends on some different factors obvs, but... I think it would definitely take a much longer time for things to go back to normal, and esp. if it was going from Bakugo to Deku or vice versa, vs. Kiri, who would probably hide his brokenhearted-ness extremely well (for your sake and his friend's.)
However it goes, Bakugo OR Deku, whether they OR you leave first because of their focus being elsewhere... it's never really about not being compatible, you know? It's just about timing... so I feel like seeing you w/ the other one isn't only hurtful because they themselves want you back... but because they're so close in both relationship and hero rankings... that it's almost as though their bro-code is violated.
And that's not something you can get over with just a quick chat. Truly, mind spinning is the LEAST of it.
Anyway, I think Bakugo seeing you with Deku would end up sparking his inferiority complex again... and Deku seeing you w/ Bakugo might be what finally severs the relationship past an irreparable point (and either way... your feelings regarding the whole thing are pushed to the back burner for a bit, no matter how much they love you). They'll always be allies... but maybe never again friends, and if they do reconnect, it's YEARS later, once all is said and done.
I think what's kind of interesting, though... is maybe going from Deku or Bakugo... to Kirishima or even Todoroki. Like, the two former boys spend so much time trying to prove themselves to the world (in an attempt to make it better for you)... that they just end up pushing you away.
It's not like they really think that Kiri or Todo are lesser men... but it IS odd to them since it becomes clear that you chose kindness and understanding over... waiting for either Baku or Deku to succeed in their goals. You never cared whether they were the strongest or not (they already were), just about how much they were willing to sacrifice for you. And Kiri, Todoroki, Shinso, WHOEVER, just happened to give you more.
#bakugo#deku#god sorry i got so into this#i wasnt sure how much i was supposed to put and then it was already written LOL#but anyway#just the other day actually i was thinking about bakugo begging you to wait for him#and i thought something like 'oh well he can ask but it doesn't mean he's promised forever'#and i think that's a lot of this#deku or bakugo breaking up w/ u thinking that you'll wait#and you do wait. and you do want them back. but ur not gonna like. sabotage your own happiness#when someone like kiri or todoroki offers it to you#or even bakugo offers it to you when deku becomes number one#or deku when bakugo lets work consume him#blah blah blah#but anyway they finally reach their goal and dont realize how late they really are#like ur already over them and committed to someone else#even if they tried to beg its too late#and given how they feel abt one another.... if it WAS the other....... devastating#like 'when did that happen? didn't they know they were... mine? waiting for me?'#sorry it aint work like that !!!!!!!!#mmmm i love this flavor#anyway i shut up now hope this was alright!#ask#anon#caitie things#bakugo thoughts#deku thoughts
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me, wanting to go for a walk to starbucks in my new skirt, trying to cheer myself up: I'm sure it'll be fine! If a little thigh shows it's fine. Gonna get myself a lil treat :)
Me: goes outside
The wind: SKIES OUT THIGHS OUT BITCH
Me: 😳 I'm just gonna go home......
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Daily Log 7
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Finished all of the little things I carved out of avocado pits, will maybe post pictures at some point? I painted some sections (like for the eye I carved, I made part of it white for contrast, etc.) and then generally glazed them with some shiny paint stuff. Now I really wish I had more avocado pits, I was unsure at first, but I have some new ideas.. I want to try inlaying stones like I've seen in some pictures, similar to the same ones I use for eyes in my sculptures. >:3 (random google image example of the stones inside, like this sort of thing V)
Low effort/small house cleaning tasks, did a few dishes, put up laundry, organized things, put up the recycling, paid bills, etc.
Still extremely sleepy and unfocused, it was hot last night and the cats woke me up multiple times so I only got a few hours of sleep and barely had any energy to do anything and also had a headache and back pain a lot of the day. ToT
Finally made an appointment I was supposed to make like 4 days ago lol..
Gave wet food to the cats (this is an ordeal because George eats way faster than Noodle, so I have to separate them and stand guard so George doesn't vacuum his up immediately then run over and try to eat all of his brothers food.. evil boy must be watched to prevent his crimes )
Edited videos for like.. 15 minutes but still have not been very productive on that front (or editing costume photos or anything) due to shoulder pain and stuff making it hard to type/use mouse much on the computer. grrbbb >:V
Spent 10 minutes looking up a weird pendant I had in my rock collection area and found out it's an old piece of costume jewelry from the 60s(?) and could be worth like $200 potentially, which is cool. I'm not sure if I'll sell it though because I do think it's quite unique and good for a prop when making wizard character inventories, etc, and I'd never be able to find anything like it again (it's this one below.. it's very weird.. looks like something a mage would have lol)
Translated the tapestry text for 5 minutes, and got out some tubs of clothes to start organizing them to sell outfits and stuff online, but then felt ill and had to go lay down so now the tubs are just sitting out on the floor ghgh..
Notable sights: It rained a bit and the sky was very pretty at one point. Didn't get to go outside today due to schedule/low energy, so no clovers or anything. Saw a fat squirrel out the window once though. Also when I was looking through my "rock collection" (which also includes marbles, dice, pieces of glass, stones, gems, rubber balls, seashells, smooth wood, jewelry scraps, etc. ggh.. really more "shiny things collection" but it's mostly rocks, so) for interesting stones to possibly put into avocado pits in the future, I saw a lot of pretty rocks I hadn't thought about in a while, so that was nice.
Goals moving forward: Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.
Notable foods: Nothing really.. but it's an asparagus day tomorrow I think so.. >:)c hehehehe... Oh, I did try a bite of corn, which I really really love corn but am not supposed to have it on my diet. The miniscule morsel was sufficiently cherished. Still craving hearty stuff despite resuming my iron supplements lol..
#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public#declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now#just want to do worldbuilding I want to work on the language I want to do these sorts of things#furstrating to just walk around in a haze all day unable to focus on mental tasks like that#One of the most important things in my entire life actually is being able to think about little elves and magic and etc.#annoying to have multiple days in a row where I make very little progress on that aside from thinking of a few little story#ideas or something here and there. I should have had the text translated already and finished the worldbuilding slideshow#already and made a game set in my world already and so on and so forth.. grr#There's another upcoming heatwave again and summer is soon so I think it will only get worsw#the more often I feel warm and sick or cant sleep due to the temperature etc.#But I am trying to catch up somehow.. a little.. lol#I think it's very common to feel like you're not making enough progress in life on the things that matter the most to you#especially during capitalism and with low income and mental/physical health issues and during a still ongoing pandemic#threat and etc. etc. etc. like.. Logically I get it and I know it's not something to be too worked up over because that's just how#probably half of the population feels at all times especially people who are in similar situations to me#but still.. my brain is like Yes i know the facts of the situation No i do not care#if someone else came to me like 'ough Im feeling so unproductive for xyz reason' I'd reassure them and talk about how#it's situational and a lot of people feel that way and it's the system we live in and blah blah#but when it's ME it's like.. No.. This Situation Is Different Of Course. Surely It Is Much More Terrible#If You Haven't Finished Your Entire ToDo List By The End Of The Week Then The World Will Explode#ANYWAY..#daily log
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#my brain: what if u just lay down and listen to radiohead all day#me: ...hey uh r u doing ok?#i might do it lmao bc i need to read papers and write stuff#so i could justify if. just laying here and listening to radiohead as i work#im just feeling blah. itll pass soon enough#sending out another round of emails to a bunch of old men like: pwease let me join ur lab?#bc all the photosynthesis guys are old ass men apparently. mostly white or indian#thry r doing some rad cyanobacteria stuff in india. also in Germany#sigh... energy where? how?#im just so tired. is it anemia? oh fuck its probably pms nooooooooo#i have to go out in the field starting Thursday 😭 i dont wanna deal with the agony of my body in revolt#on top of hours and hours of tedious field work rip#skip me pls body. pls dont do that to me#lmao one of the guys emailed me back already and copied another professor 😭 like my guy thank u for taking me seriously#also hes from an area of the us i would love to visit at the v least so 👀#unrelated#oh god. the intrusive thoughts r kicking up. shut up. shut up shut up.#waste of time. shut the fuck up. go away#so fucking annoying. brain why? stop beaming me stupid terrible impulses#dont listen to them. i dont have time for that shit. shut up
8 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
sheisoverhere
She Is Over Here
chriswoodspain
Chris Wood Spain
femmehq
FEMME WURLD
ioanlozano-blog
CANNABIS MARKETING
pt40dr
Playing The 40 Drum Rudiments