#annual review
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⚡Compilation of My Posts (2023)
👉 My Blogger 👈 有很多翻譯/文章我都還沒放到Tumblr，看得懂中文的人可以去挖寶看看哦~
🧩 Diru-related Translations
► WOWOW Interview 🔥
👉 DIR EN GREY WOWOW Interview & Document (2020)
🔗 topics & time marks
➜ #excerpt: diru wowow 2020
➜ What does DIR EN GREY mean to you? (excerpt)
➜ 對自己而言Diru是什麼？(節錄)
🔗 中文翻譯
👉 WOWOW Interview Special (2023)
🔗 The bond of DIR EN GREY
🔗 中文翻譯
► Kaoru no Dokugen (薫の読弦)
👉 Chapter 0: The person I admire (憧人)
🔗 part 1.
🔗 part 2.
🔗 part 3.
🔗 中文翻譯
👉 Chapter 29: 進化退化と相変わらずな15年
🔗 excerpt
🔗 中文翻譯
► Toshiya utakata
👉 KISS ME-GOOD BYE (悼櫻井敦司)
🔗 excerpt
🔗 中文翻譯
► Album booklet
👉 PHALARIS track by track commentary
🔗 full translation
🔗 中文翻譯
► Diru歌詞翻譯 (繁體中文)
🔗 理由 (2018 Remake ver.) (Wake 2018)
🔗 落ちた事のある空 (Ochita Koto no Aru Sora)
🔗 カムイ (Kamuy)
🧩 Diru-related Writings
🔗 Kaoru and Hong Kong Movies
🔗 忍者ハットリくん (Ninja Hattori-kun)
🔗 踊り子(Odoriko) - 村下孝蔵(Murashita Kozo)
🧩 Others
► My Writings
🔗 端午節 🐲
🔗 The 34th Golden Melody Awards｜2023.07.01 台灣金曲獎
► Live 2023 (video)
➜ #paledusk
➜ #coldrain
➜ #king gnu
➜ #dexcore
➜ #deviloof
Support me on Ko-Fi?
#index post#my stuff#compilation#annual review#dir en grey#translation by yinfu#excerpt by yinfu#yinfu writing
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For being the year I started bookbinding, it's nice to look back and see just how much I've managed to bind.
In total: 4 coptic stitch journals, 9 oneshot booklets and 3 hardcover books. Most of which are pictured above, save for the ones I've gifted away.
The last thing I bound was this A6 journal I just finished in time for the new year. I'm planning on writing down one thing a day – a thought, a quote, something new I learned, maybe even an occasional doodle.
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Oop!
#workforce#working#work#employers#employer#employees#annual review#6 month review#human resources#compensation#reality#real shit#true shit#no bull#no bullshit#Oop#there you have it#life lesson#work hard#pay raise#basic#bare minimum#straight facts#big facts#say it with your chest#be confident#truth is#tell the truth#truth#sad but true
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2023: An Author's Review
I've gotten in the habit (over the past 10+ years) of posting an author's review of what I've done on AO3. Since I started my Patreon, I've been posting it here and sharing across Tumblr and Twitter (*cough* I mean X? *cough*). I think it's good to take stock, be honest about what was possible and look and what I want for the next year. So here it is:
2023... I am not sure I'd say "astonishing" but it was a year of surprises (good and bad). It was a busy and chaotic year, but I really have been on a healing journey and both mentally and physically am much better than this time last year.
Hubs and made a temporary (planned for one year) move across the Atlantic in 2022 and came back to Ireland in July 2023. I was working part/full-time with research and grant writing, doing hands on clinical and remote parts. I enjoyed it more than I thought I would, though it was much more sedentary than what I'm used to for a day's work. It's been rough coming back... the stress on the systems from the pandemic and (frankly) fucking conservatives ruining anything good has made remaining here untenable. After losing my FIL in the autumn and my own family having ongoing health scares, Hubs and I have decided to go back to the US in 2024... So... it's been a bit of a limbo.
Even with all the chaos of a move and work and... *gestures at everything* I did manage to accomplish a few things.
Summary of writing in 2023:
I set out with the goal of posting The Hayloft on a weekly posting schedule (without break) until complete. I'm SUPER proud of myself for managing that. It's >70k words and 38 chapters (with a 39th for ANs). Between the schedule, having 2 betas (thank you Paia and Sky), responding to comments, and the HTML bits of posting, it consumed a lot of my time (we won't mention that I finished writing it while posting)... But I'm very happy with the final product and with myself for keeping to the schedule.
In April, fresh out of 221B Con, I did a Mystrade Monday based on the prompt "Don't threaten me with a good time." It's a short one-shot, and lyric-based in title (Nod to Panic at the Disco) called Champagne, Cocaine, Gasoline. (because who doesn't want a damp Lestrade?)
So that brings us to May - when things started to get really busy as I prepped to move, and the Mystrade is Family collection, to which I submitted 2 fics. The first was in response to Paia sending me a tiktok: Mistakes Were Made (though not by me), tiktok is at the end of the fic. And I somewhat love Greg's much younger sister, Roxy. I also dipped back into the When You're Fast Asleep series with Think Happy Thoughts.
June and July were mental... packed up my life again, drove the length of the US, moved back to the other side of the Atlantic, moved BACK INTO my flat, repaired the car, resorted my jobs, lost my FIL, went back to the US for the funeral, went back to the US again for Thanksgiving. A lot of stress... not a lot of writing. But I did keep up with Hayloft posting and finished the end of September.
October, I took some of the nonsense in my real-life and the MRC server members' real-lives and made a fic strictly to name-shame people we met and or didn't like. Queue's Next was rather cathartic for that.
In November, I (finally) finished a fic for the RGBA for Lav. She'd asked for something in the Safety First/KKBB universe, and a pet... and we ended up with Blunderbuss. Because murder husbands needed an orange cat. And having dropped back into the Safety First universe, I added H is for Heel and I is for Industry Standards to the work.
Still a bit stuck in Safety First, I wrote a murder husbands Xmas fic with J is for Jingle Bells and put that up mid-December.
On Christmas Eve, I posted a soft short from the When You're Fast Asleep series called All Is Calm. The series really suits calm and warm drabble.
Because I was SO soft of Christmas Eve, I posted a SPICY short in Safety First on Christmas Day called K is for Knife's Edge. And just to round out the year, I dropped a New Year's Eve present with L is for Line of Sight.
Overall, I published shy of 100k words (though, I only wrote about 70k... Hayloft was mostly written coming into 2023, but all of the posting was this year) with 16k hits and I now have 380 user subscriptions and 7000 bookmarks. It was a solid effort and I've spent the year only writing Mystrade -- though... I've expanded my reading ships (for this I blame BeautifulFiction).
Plan for 2024: Keep myself sane. I have another few chapters for Safety First in the works... there's something so very compelling about the murder husbands. I have 2 WIPs that are very nearly done and I just need to push through the last... 2k or so. So I hope to be putting those up in the first quarter. Be on the look out for The Marshmallow Experiment and Ambien Wife (though, those are both working titles). There’s a few bigger projects that I’ve back-burnered or have been plodding along with, including "the sad one" and "the Pretty Woman one" and some complex, multichapter things. Trello has been excellent this year to keep my bunnies sorted and in some sort of order.
Working titles of a few:
Lesser Things
Used Books
Wrecking Ball
The Time Has Come
Attack the Cheese Block
Of Legwork and Dogs Bodies
Make Yourself
Bad Santa
I hope to keep adding shorts to Safety First and Badges and 'Brellas (I didn't manage any in B&B in 2023... though, Champagne was short enough). I'm not going to aim for monthly new works, I know how much time and energy the move is going to take. I also will try to learn the new features here on Patreon and the collections thing... maybe organise this a bit better.
Many thanks to everyone who has beta'd works for me through the year (this year was mostly Paia -- many times for her many many sins, but also Sky for doing a French language beta on Hayloft, Anne and Stella for the on-demand, and Mousie for the murder feedback). Thank you to the Asylum (nee Jail) - you're all gremlins and I-A-Door-You! Thank you to the MRC for being just... whatever it is you are. And the OGC - because intercontinental chat groups are their own, special nonsense!
I want to thank my patrons (you can find me on patreon here... thank you for thanking me for existing!). Everyone that has left kudos and comments and reblogs and likes. Anyone who has dropped me a message or a thought and has generally enjoyed or encouraged my writing this past year. And those of you who followed Hayloft posting and commented along the way -- amazingly supportive! ILY all!!
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No day but today...
... rather apt today.
Just saw the German version of RENT this afternoon, and it was amazing! (Go and see if you can.)
Never wrote my New Year’s note this late on the day. (Didn’t really feel like doing it at all today but then -as always- i just started and here we are!)
What a fucking year! What a FUCKED up year. What a GREAT year.
As always lately, it’s been all over the place.
2023.
The year our mom died. The year we lost the last family member that’s not a sister. Now we’re truly on our own. It still hurts, mostly because of the holidays.
You get through the loss, especially if you don’t really have time to properly grieve because you have to take care of soo many things, dissolve the place your parents (and you) lived for the past 40 years, take care of all the things that need to be done, and say goodbye to being your parent's child.
Fuck, just writing this is painful as fuck. But hey, it’s New Year’s Eve - last day of the year, reveling in all the things that happened, so tears are very much allowed.
So yeah, losing mom was just horrible but as always with me there’s a BUT.
There were the most beautiful friends that got me through this. The most wonderful souls that helped me deal with a loss nobody should go through and yet we all have to.
I love you all so fucking much, you have no idea!!! Thank you for being there for me.
Seeing Robbie Williams live again was an amazing start to the year. That man's never been happier on a stage and it showed. (Which is funny, sometimes things come rather late in life!)
Seeing the usual suspects at Fed Con is always the highlight of my year! And this year even more so!
There were six glorious summer days in London. Meeting and hugging friends, enjoying the most beautiful city, exhibitions and theatre; and seeing one of the most hilarious people who I’ve NEVER thought I’d ever see live. (Stumbling into the MI premiere on my way to the Rhys gig was just a cherry on top of a rather epic gig already!). Hearing the wonderful Elliot Page read from and talk about his book was inspiring as hell; and seeing the lovely Toheeb Jimoh giving a breathtaking Romeo just rounded up a much much needed London trip.
Here’s hope I’ll be back very soon - it’s been too damn long again.
Spending a much needed and way too short day on the beach with my darling sister? Fucking priceless - I didn’t even know I needed that as much as I did. We’re definitely doing that again!!! I’ve forgotten how fucking healing the ocean is.
Speaking of ocean: MORE PIRATES!!! Yes, of course there’s them, to help and heal some more, giving me back all the SQUEE and FEELS that can make the shitty things just a tad better!!! Here’s to an announcement for Season 3 VERY SOON!!! We (read: the world) NEEDS more queer pirates to brighten our dark days!!! There's NOTHING BETTER to keep one's spirit high!
And another thing I NEVER thought may happen, just fucking happened. Going to Amsterdam with a dear friend for a gig (and some dutch culture) and then just hanging about for shits and giggles because we didn’t have anything else planned for the night. And then actually MEET the loveliest Noah Reid, TALKING to him, thanking him for coming over and getting pics with him? Yeah well, nothing I had on my 2023 bingo card.
But then again, NOTHING that happened this year was on there so yeah…
Losing our beloved family cat also hit very hard but he was old and ill. And he had a very loving home despite having to move so there’s that. I still miss the pitter patter of his paws and his enraged meow’s at 5 in the morning. (Yes, there will be a new one - soon. I just want to renovate first!)
But it’s also the small things that made this year not entirely horrible.
Random greeting cards, texts and calls from dearest friends to cheer me up. You guys don't even know how much i love you all! I hope I can repay you ALL this coming year because you fucking deserve the freaking world!!!
Spending time with my sister and forgetting the world for one glorious sun-filled, salt-tasting afternoon in the sea.
Chats and zooms with beloved friends, giggling about silly things and trying to keep each other going through the hard times but also the good.
Looking back at 2023 with about an hour to go, at home, calm and cozy in bed, waiting for midnight (slightly tipsy because WINE!), is something new for me. Usually we’ve been to the parents for Christmas and New Year’s.
Now we have to come up with something new, something for US, and we will. Next year. For now I can’t wait to see the backend of 2023.
I have high hopes for 2024.
Seeing more friends, the ones I haven’t seen in a while, and the ones I see on a regular basis. Because there’s nothing more important than the people around you, keeping you going, holding you when shit goes down and cheering you on when good things happen.
Traveling more, without the worries which will be a change.
Maybe…finally going to see the Bestie on HER home turf (haven’t told her that one yet, but that’s a thing I want to do!).
So…
That’s the annual look-back. Tears were shed writing this, but there were also smiles. Because in the end the only things that matter are the memories we make - good AND bad.
Again: No Day But Today.
Hug your loved ones, tell them you love them. Make amends if you need to. End things that needs to be ended. Live your life to the fullest because we all only have this one life.
Make it count, people. Make it fucking count!!!
Happy New Year. May 2024 be a fantastic one! May it be peaceful and happy, with all the wonderful things still to come!!!
#personal#annual review#happy new year#tw: loss of a parent#(just in case)#no pics this year#maybe edit them tomorrow
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Bitches, my annual performance review is coming up in about a month. I'm not really worried about a bad review but... This is my first review at a job where the employee is expected to provide input??? There's not really guidance re: what we're supposed to be writing, other than 'narrative summary of annual accomplishments' which is hella vague.
Any advice? Tips? Rec's on what to include/exclude? Input from Bitch Nation? Googling isn't proving helpful, so I feel like I'm going in blind, and the coworkers I'd be willing to ask are in different roles so I can't really borrow from their old ones.
We got you, baby!
Consider your self-evaluation for your performance review as your time to brag, guilt-free. Pretend to be your own hype man! Talk about how fucking awesome you are, all the shit you've accomplished! Even if what you've accomplished is "mastered X skill" and "completed Y project." You want to show that you have done the job, and if you can, that you've done it WELL.
If it's easier, put that shit in bullet lists under the categories of "skills mastered," "projects completed," "productivity increased," "revenue increased," stuff like that.
Oh, and end the meeting by asking for a fuckin raise. You deserve it.
Hope that helps, kitten. We're rooting for you!
My Secret Weapon for Preparing for Awkward Boss Confrontations
You Need To Ask for a Fucking Raise
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What do you mean 2022 is ending? (Or: Annual Review!)
Hello hello hello -yes, I'm alive and I still remember my Tumblr password! Good news all around on this the last night of the year :)
2022 has been a year of many changes, personal achievements, and several moves (one including to another country!) and start-overs, so while on a personal level it has been extremely satisfying and full of plans, my reading and reading-related activities took a setback. I went MIA on bookblr, I disappeared on poor Carrie in the Forgotten YA Gems book group in GR, I have no idea what has gone on in the publishing world, and I definitely didn't read as much as I wanted to. But sometimes life is just like that, and we don't have the emotional energy to do 1482459 things at once (much as we'd like to...), so I'll say that it was okay and it was what I needed for 2022. I hope 2023 will be different so I can come back and pester y'all once again! I miss my online reading spaces as much as I miss the books themselves.
But let's not start being melodramatic... I DID READ SOME THINGS. Let's recap!
As I mentioned on my 2022 is here post, this year I set myself no goals other than "vibes".... And to read 90 books, which should have been more than fine to achieve but, for the first time in four years, didn´t happen.
Goodreads has been shaming me for the entire year...
That said, 52 books is still quite a lot (one book a week!) so here are my top 5:
La suma de los días - Isabel Allende [link to GR]
El peligro de estar cuerda - Rosa Montero [link to GR]
The League of Gentlewomen Witches (Dangerous Damsels #2) - India Holton [link to GR]
The four books of the Wayward Children saga I read this year, by Seanan McGuire [link to saga]
Love on the Brain - Ali Hazelwood [link to GR]
I also participated in the Reading the World and the 2022 Summer Bingo Challenges!
If you'd like to see for yourself what I actually read so you can ask for reviews or comments (or tell me your own thoughts!), you can find me on Goodreads and Storygraph. I keep them very updated so everything is there!
And now, on to you: how have you been? How were your reading years? What are you loving, what are you reading, what has been published and you loved/hated, what is going to be published and you can't wait to get your hands on it? Tell me everything!
And a happy start to 2023 for all!
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2022 in Short Stories
I read a lot, and halfway through this year I started a conscious project to read more short fiction, and keep a record of my reading. That's a goal for 2023, too: I'm subscribed to Apex and Lady Churchill's Rosebud Wristlet and I need to decide whether Fiyah AND Uncanny Magazine is a step too far or whether I should flip a coin (I am someone who doesn't always promptly read my magazine subscriptions, because I own them, so all manner of procrastination becomes possible).
But anyway. After 57 single short stories and three collections in about six months, I thought I'd call out a few of my favorites.
The Massage Lady at the Munjeon Bathhouse by Isabel J. Kim (Clarkesworld)
A story about stagnation and opportunity. I don't really want to give more away.
On the Day You Spend Forever With Your Dog by Adam R. Shannon (Apex, 2018)
Do you want to cry about time travel? This is how you cry about time travel.
An Eight Treasure Hunt by Anya Ow (Translunar Travelers Lounge)
Two strangers cross paths: one is hunting for a mythical ingredient so they can participate as a chef in the famous Eight Treasure Feast and the other has their own problems. Set in the same world as Seven Parts Full.
Girl, Cat, Wolf, Moon by Rati Mehrotra (Uncanny Magazine)
As a child, a misadventure leads Lila to spend the night in the kingdom of cats. She spends the rest of her life trying to get back there.
The Scholar of the Bamboo Flute by Aliette de Bodard (Uncanny Magazine)
An ambitious student on scholarship seeks out an exclusive mentor and walks into a larger story than they had anticipated.
unWindr
I was pointed here by @bzedan, and this is a delightful, horrifying story told in vignettes-- er, reviews.
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Reflecting on 2023
Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know.”
― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
The…
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So, Last Year...
I normally reckon on the first fortnight of the new year as being the cut off point for a review of the old one, so I’m just about squeaking into my self-appointed timeframe with this. I don’t always do a retro look at the year gone by on my blog, but you’re getting one this time! This is my potted history of 2023 as it appeared here: many of you will have previously seen the posts I’m going to…
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IPLOOK's 2023: A Year of Growth and Expansion in Telecom
In 2023, IPLOOK has made significant strides in expanding its global presence and executing its strategic vision.
IPLOOK, a leading provider of mobile core network solutions, looks back with pride on its transformative year in 2023. As an industry trailblazer, IPLOOK demonstrated its unwavering commitment to global expansion, strategic partnerships, and cutting-edge solutions that empower network operators worldwide. Here are the notable highlights that defined IPLOOK's successful 2023:
Participation in Major Industry Events
· MWC Barcelona Mobile Carriers Show, Pittsburgh
· MVNOs World Congress, Amsterdam
· PT EXPO, Beijing
· MWC Shanghai IFA, Berlin
· Futurecom, São Paulo
· AfricaCom, Cape Town
IPLOOK brought its End-to-End Core Network Solutions to industry professionals of every continent, making a big splash at all the annual notable ICT industry trade shows. IPLOOK engaged with thousands of attendees, generating valuable leads and building its brand as a leading provider of innovative mobile solutions.
Innovation, Technology
· 3GPP RAN Meeting
· Updated Product Roadmap
· Launched product
IPLOOK actively contributed to the 3GPP RAN Meeting. IPLOOK's participation underscored its dedication to shaping industry standards, advancing network technologies, and working on defining the future of mobile networks with industry experts. The core network provider also released its self-developed management and orchestration platform iMANO and the latest product roadmap, showing the ambitious for the upcoming years.
Scaled up
· IPLOOK Headquarter Expansion
· Branch Offices Opening and Pre-establishment
To support its growth and provide a dynamic work environment for its team, IPLOOK's HQ in China underwent an extensive expansion. This new office space embodies the company's commitment to innovation and collaboration, while also reflecting its increasing workforce and operations. Additionally, IPLOOK established a new office in Türkiye, enhancing its local support and paving the way for future offices worldwide to cater to global business needs.
Building on the success of 2023, the company will continue to expand its global presence, cultivate partnerships, and deliver advanced core network solutions. With its focus on shaping the future of the industry, IPLOOK is poised for continued growth and success in 2024.
Source: https://www.iplook.com/info/iplooks-2023-a-year-of-growth-and-expansion-in-telecom-i00357i1.html
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What are the consequences of overdue enterprise annual report?
1. If the enterprise fails to do annual report on time, it will be listed in the abnormal operation list by the Industry and Commerce Department; If the enterprise has not moved out the list after 3 years, it will be included in the list of seriously illegal and dishonest enterprises;
2. After being listed in the list of serious illegal and dishonest enterprises, enterprises will not be able to borrow, invest, enter and exit the country, participate in bidding, government procurement, etc., and their credit will be questioned when cooperating with others, which will seriously affect the long-term development of the enterprises;
3. After being included in the list of serious illegal and dishonest enterprises, enterprises legal persons will be restricted in the registration of new companies, operations, and employment qualifications, affecting their personal development.
#company services#company registration#companystartup#shanghai#wfoe shanghai#annual review#annual report
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2023 Annual Review
"I might as well copy-paste last year's Annual Review..."
Of course, even last year I thought the same thing. "A tiger doesn't change its stripes," and now in my 35th year, it's apparent I won't be changing mine.
What went well this year?
Parenting. I'm very aware of the cost of lackluster parenting. "It's a terrible thing to do to someone." No matter how strained I am, I've said I am going to be a dedicated father. This year I dedicated myself to both my girls and continued my usual routine of rallying the boy to greatness.
When parenting, I track their milestones and development because I want the children to be able to play at (and somewhat over) the level of their peers so that they're able to play with the maximal number of children. Milestones are also easily measured: they can do the thing or not. My son still struggles to relate to his peers today because he's never been on their level, and it's a pitiable thing which I personally experienced as a child. It lead to my poor self-esteem and lack of ambition. When I celebrate milestones, this is why.
Violet. "My little storm cloud." 🖤 Violet continues to meet her milestones. She's ahem strong-willed, sweet, intelligent, curious, and funny: I think she's picked up on my ability to parody -- songs and such -- and she'll make up her own little parodies of various things. This year she became a lot less fearful.
Olivia. "Child of light." I thought Violet was an especially happy baby; Olivia redefined that for me. For her first year, we called her the colon D baby. This guy -> :D
Olivia is an absolute joy to be around. She took 13 months to walk, which was a surprise given that Violet was fully walking at 10 ½ months, but it looks like she instead allocated her effort towards speech, because this girl can talk. And enunciate! She's also good with her fine motor skills.
My wife was able to flawlessly breastfeed Olivia for six straight months, which is a big achievement.
Made two new friends. Each from different countries, and each of them web developers. I always love hearing about other cultures and it was because of my Argentinian friend that I...
Started learning Spanish; soft-quit PGO. This year I finally was able to put down Pokémon GO. Partially because I'm playing Pokemon Sleep now, but mostly that I was a little too obsessive about PvP and I felt childish being distracted in public so that I could play the PvE events.
I started Duolingo mid-November. My learning strategy is slow-paced and with frequent review. I fully achieve "legendary" on the current unit before moving on to the next. It's working, and it's got to be better for my cognition, and certainly for my life.
Rearranged the house. My wife came up with the plan. My son took my old office and my new office is in the study, previously our entertainment room. I could barely stand living in this house before, but now I'm comfortable.
Game development. I may have burned myself doing it, but I can't argue with the results. I don't think I've ever been better poised for a successful year than I am now.
This year I also received the most volunteer help I ever have. Aforementioned Argentinian friend wrote a robust weather script, and Tinydark's Raigen helped develop tinydark.com and Hub features; I'm also excited to announce we've been able to hire him to work remotely at my workplace. We even had an artist draw some holiday costumes for Tinyblob, our mascot.
Health. I took almost three months off eating "optional sugar," breaking my nightly ice cream routine. I'd felt like I was starting to get fat, so I simultaneously started focusing more on building my upper body. I went as far as to take before-and-afters for Facebook, but I eventually had to stop so I could focus on game dev.
Though I stopped my upper body work, I did start jogging in the morning. I fell out of the habit once Daylight Saving Time hit, and the girls' circadian rhythms were an hour ahead.
Artificial Intelligence. Not exactly "my" win, but AI has been instrumental in this year's high production. To think it's only gotten better throughout the year and stands to get even better, it's such a privilege to be able to use AI. That's just code; assets have always been a problem for my game development, but AI trivializes some of my asset issues (it's still pretty bad proper asset generation).
What didn't go so well?
Relentless work ethic. I have a long, contemplative post on this here, but: I am too ambitious. "A good problem to have." Well, in August I had my first real panic attack at 3AM. I thought it was a heart attack at first. But what's mildly concerning is that I felt stronger for it after; I overcame it on my own and that now that I know what it is, I'm better prepared for it. I didn't feel like I should try to avoid this at all, but rather that I'm more prepared for a second panic attack. Seems kinda not-a-good mentality.
My body. I said my forward neck posture would be my focus of the year, and I did a passable job of it, but it wasn't enough. I still get headaches and they feel like they're getting worse. We don't have the money nor do I have the bandwidth to see a rolfer, and I'm not sure what to do other than try to keep my posture in mind throughout the day. I tried to train myself to sleep without a pillow but had minimal success. I typically lay down once a day, mid-day if work allows it, for about 15 minutes just to clear my head and alleviate some of the pain.
I also abused caffeine: by my definition, two cups/packets/sessions a day. That likely contributed to the panic attack.
My focus. Nothing new here. It's just hard to truly focus when my morning's waylaid by children and I'm needed throughout the day. Interruptions break focus, so that's that: I cannot truly focus. The time I get at night is rarely good for focusing considering it's so scarce, the girls could wake up at any time, and that's typically the bulk of time I get to spend talking with my wife.
Buried. Two-under-two, working my job, working tinydark, doing (it seems) more chores than the typical husband does, my crumbling body and keeping myself healthy are the primary stressors.
No sympathy allowed; I chose this path and would choose it again.
Finances. We had two kids in two years (I regret not waiting an extra six months) so it's to be expected, but we've found ourselves deep in the negatives at the end of the year. Inflation's a real killer. We (ie: my wife) made some progress with the decision to grocery shop at two different stores for our weekly shopping trip, but the extra store is Trader Joe's... full of novel temptations. We're still better off for it, anyway.
Released neither Black Crown: Exhumed nor Bean Grower. I did have to take two weeks off for some contracting, but ultimately I just decided to spend more time on URPG, and everything takes longer than I expect.
What did I learn?
I feel like this year, I didn't get too worked up about our lack of financial progress. It feels more like acceptance than complacency. I will be free, unburied when my dream is realized: we just need to save up enough money for a down payment on a new house build, then sustain our finances while it's built, and finally sell this house for a minimum of $100k in the bank when all is said and done. I have confirmed this is entirely possible, and I'm grateful to have moved South before the pandemic. This is why it's acceptance: achieving this peace of mind is the only way I can finally buy the ice cream.
Otherwise, I've meditated on it, and honestly: I don't know that I really learned anything notable. At least as far as wisdom vs. tangible knowledge.
Goals and Expectations: 2024
Game dev. I can at least guarantee Bean Grower's getting a final release, presumably onto an app store. I'm giving myself three damn months for it. Black Crown is also getting three damn months, but I will concede that Steam Store support might be a stretch goal. Either way, I'm ending this year with two full titles under my belt.
Financial recovery. Sort of a given, and who knows, maybe the 15,000 hours I've spent building a game studio will actually pan out this year.
-- --
Welp, figger that's it.
Vael
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Scratching My Head All This Time in 2023.
Oh, you know I’m about to go in. 2023 was just all over crazy! It had me on point, it had me on rotation and it had me bugged out. But at the end of me asking these crazy questions, we might understand it better. But…since this is the last Scratching My Head all this time of the year, it’s not the last! So, as we countdown to the last ticks of 2023, and we prepare for our Watch Night Services,…
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#2023#AI Images#Annual Review#Black History#Education#Milwaukee#Shaking My Head All This Time#White supremacy#Wisconsin
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2023 Review
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2022.
Well, it has been a year indeed.
Talk about rollercoaster.
Looking back, two things immediately come to mind: the loss of my father, and OFMD.
Yeah, I know, that’s some insane comparison.
But once again, fandom helped me through real life horrors.
Losing dad was hard, but (yes, there’s a but) overall it was a relief. He’s been sick and weak for a while, and everyone who only remotely knew him, knew how terrible that was for him. He wasn’t able to do the things he wanted to do, couldn’t really do anything much at all towards the end. He was suffering a lot (as was my mom) so him finally finding peace was the best for him. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s what it was for us.
The time after that was…weird.
But we got through it, made sure mom was doing okay; and after the funeral life continued - as it tends to do.
Everything was a tad dulled and tinged with grief but when I (finally) listened to Tumblr which kept raving about that ‘gay pirate show’, well things… changed.
I will forever be grateful for those i follow that they kept screaming about it otherwise i’d never checked it out. But I was fandomless, there wasn’t anything I was currently obsessing over, and I needed something to distract me from that massive loss.
And by the Gods, that they did. That perfect little show, full of queer love and wonderful friendships, of beautiful sentiments and funny quips was JUST what I needed. It filled the empty space in my heart and helped me through the toughest times.
I have lost count of how many times I’ve watched it by now (and will again once the UK will finally get it officially just to experience the SQUEE that will happen when it airs!).
I love every damn thing about that show: its amazing creator, that insanely talented cast and the wonderful crew making sure every single one can shine and sparkle as they deserve!!!
Nothing was ever the same after April 3rd, the day I left hanging with the most gruesome cliffhanger in a while and no renewal in sight!!!
Once again I am soo soo glad for the friends that fall in love with the same things - but then again, this damn show is just soo fucking perfect and everyone else really need to get their shit together to even get close to the level of perfection that show has!!!
The show and its cast has occupied my mind ever since (and will continue to do so once season 2 comes out so expect more screaming about it in next year’s review).
But there have been more lovely and wonderful things - it’s almost as if this year wanted to make up for the pain.
I’ve been to London again!! TWICE!! Six glorious days in the summer, and four in autumn. Summer was on my own, and boy did I enjoy that. Having time for myself, doing the things I wanted to do, being on my own with my thoughts - there’s nothing better to recharge the batteries.
But I wasn’t lonely: finally met some old friends again and got to spend some quality time with them; I saw one of my fav musician again, after almost a decade of not being able to do so. London in summer is gorgeous, London during Pride month is even better! I saw an amazing queer Shakespeare which I wished I could’ve seen twice; Come From Away will ALWAYS make my heart soar and I’ve spent hours in a beautifully immersive Van Gogh exhibition.
When I came back, I even got to spent more amazing time with my dear C, went to see Queen - even though the one souvenir i didn’t ask for put me in quarantine for 10 days! (Still so thankful for 3 vaccinations and a very mild case!)
There was a brief visit at B’s to see her boys and spent some time with her as well - it’s been too damn long since I’ve seen her (even though I LOVE her video chats when she can squeeze them in in between her kids!)
Another London trip, seeing David Tennant (hating the play - a very first!), LOVING Letter Live at the RAH (beautiful beautiful place; def going to go back!); getting tipsy in the skies and walking all the steps!!!
And just when I thought the year couldn’t get any better, there’s the chance to see the one and only Taika Waititi live and in colour! (Massive shoutout to the like minded and equally obsessed people that helped me secure a ticket for the show!)
GAH!! That’s still a thing I never thought to happen! And yet it did. And once again, a new fandom always comes with the most lovely people - thank you, Twitter (even though you’re currently a terrible hell hole!) for connecting fandoms across borders!!!
WHAT A NIGHT that was!!! Even though he was tiny and far away on that stage, that night will forever be seared into my memories! (hell, even just typing it out makes me grin like a loon!)
There was one small hiccup as mom had to go to hospital for an astonishing four weeks, but she’s back home again and feeling more or less okay, so I’ll take that!!! (Plus, she’s gotten through her 1st Covid infection rather nicely, thanks to 4 vaccinations and despite everything else a rather healthy constitution it seems!)
And now it’s New Year’s Eve - another one for the books.
Closing out 2022 on a more optimistic note though.
Pandemic slowly but surely turning into an endemic which means less restrictions and more travel for me. Maybe even working without face masks in the spring.
It’s getting there. And I'm hopeful, and looking forward to all the things 2023 has to offer.
For seeing old and new friends again.
For seeing my beloved London again.
For making plans and doing things and enjoying life to the fucking fullest because it is too damn short to not do all the things you want to do!!!
BUT once again, I will not make too many plans, these days being spontaneous is the better way to do things without being too disappointed.
So, for the new year: hug your loved ones; tell them you love them; look after them; make friends; let go of the things that are not good for you!
ENJOY life as much as you can. Be it in big things or the small ones - as long as it brings you joy and makes you smile, it’s a GOOD thing!!!
Here’s to a glorious 2023 - have the most wonderful year, my darlings!!!
#personal#annual review#happy new year#tw: loss of a family member#(just in case)#these are basically just for me but if anyone else reads them#consider yourself warned#2022#new year's note
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