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rawliverandgoronspice · 9 months

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If Ganondorf was lying to anyone during that Wind Waker speech, he’d be lying to himself. The gerudo desert was indeed harsh, and Hyrule sucked during his time, but legit everything he did in Ocarina of Time is completely unjustifiable, except for the murder of the King of Hyrule. The man sat in luxury for 7 years with monsters surrounding the land, while his people remained in the desert. Yet at the end of the day, he believed that he had every right to do all of that.

Self-justification isn’t a trait that’s outright noticeable with Ganondorf, but Wind Waker puts it out in the open and shows that yes, the self proclaimed “King of Evil” truly believes he’s deserving of the world, and that his circumstances justify his crimes.

I feel like the fandom misses that while Ganondorf may not be this complex 5d villain, he still carries an interesting amount of traits like this

Hey, thanks for the ask!! I'm sorry, I haven't slept in over 24h and felt particularly rhapsodic today so uhhhh sorrryyyyy for being cringe about my little guyyyyyy (and the approximate use of English language that might ensue)

So yeah, I think there's absolutely a huge part of that, trying to make sense of the violently absurd situation he found himself in, a monster and one of the last people who remembers Hyrule and how it was destroyed, and rationalizing to himself why it is not meaningless.

I have to say, not to be uhhh a parody of myself, but I think it could be a little bit more complicated than that (all of it being interpretations of the text that I don't think canon entirely backs always, but my point is that it could be read out of it).

If Ganondorf wanted any meaningful chance to reshape his own reality, then there's no doing that without access to the Triforce. If he had wanted to go for the King's head and nothing else, he would have been stopped immediately by everybody who do have access to shards of the keys to the Sacred Realm (not to mention how trigger happy Zelda was about wishing ????? something to the Triforce about erasing him in some form). I don't think it would have been reasonable to aim for anything but the Triforce as a military goal --not to mention that his beef is half with Hyrule, and half with the Goddesses themselves for considering the gerudos beneath them in some form and for some reason (which becomes even more apparent and deranged in Wind Waker, as part of why he can't let go of Hyrule in my opinion is because their intervention was so violent he simply cannot wrap his head around it and, as usual, Will Not Be Defeated >:((( because he's that kind of bitter little shithead, which I uhhhh relate to a little too much maybe). And then, well. You can't exactly ask for the Triforce and be nice about it, right?

I'm not saying he wasn't gleefully horrible about it the entire time, but I can absolutely see a case of him being self-centered enough to see each of his actions as the necessary (or righteous/vengeful) next step to get closer to his goals, and one thing leads to the other, and after seven years of strife, well, the kingdom you wanted to rule is a pile of rubble, ash and misery you enforced at every step, and oops! You have alienated absolutely everyone who aren't your weird moms!

There's a ton of things to say about the many interpretations that could be made of his relationship to the gerudos so I won't over-expand on that, but, uhhhh yeah he probably used them, or at the very least ruled them with an iron fist to enforce his own power he believed unquestionnable (even if the goal was genuinely to do things for their sake, which in my opinion could still be argued --Hyrule is a big nightmare place during his reign, but the Valley is the only location basically untouched with arguably Kakariko after all).

To be honest, I think TP Ganondorf is more accursed with a sense of self-justification than WW Ganon, who has a surprising amount of clarity on his own motives (to restate my tags on a post I just reblogged: I don't think "I coveted this wind, I suppose" is particularly self-pitying, it's soberingly self-aware if anything). TP Ganon is the one who's obsessed with divine purpose and considering himself a weird take on the Chosen One.

But yeah, I think... To be completely honest, I sometimes feel like Ganondorf's potential (!!! not actual execution, very important to draw this distinction) is just kind of too large for the IP that birthed him? The full breadth of his complexity cannot be explored in a setting that demands he merely generates a simple conflict that doesn't seriously question the status quo while everything about him inherently begs for it (and I love Zelda and its simplicity and what it does, to be very clear!). Like, I know this is just me justifying my own investment to a degree, but... his relationship to the gerudo culture, his relationship to gender, to divinity, to fate, to self-definition, to absolute resistance grinded down to the point of absurdity (but at the same time, what else is there to do)... like all of this absolutely has potential to be large and epic and breathtaking, but. Nintendo needs to preserve the statut quo. And Ganondorf just cannot express all of these themes without having this simple world literally collapse around him.

This is what I find incredibly compelling about this dramatic disaster of a guy. And the very media that suggested all of these contradictions and inner conflicts (without necessarily understanding them at first I think) is now fighting tooth and nail against what it introduced, what he can embody and once questioned (in WW most potently) for the sake of Hyrule's moral balance, backpedalling into a state of simplicity that just never truly existed to that degree before --partially, in my opinion, because this conflict is scary to face heads on without taking significant artistic risks I am not confident we will ever see again, to be uhh less than optimistic.

So yeah! He isn't that complicated as the villain of the children video games for sure!! But. As a character, there's so much there, just sitting right under the surface.

#asks #ganondorf #wind waker #ww #oot #ocarina of time #gerudos #thanks for the ask!! I'm genuinely sorry for my lyrical whatever #he doesn't deserve any of this he's a shithead #but #I've been having a six months long existential crisis about everything awful and everything incredible about this character #(it's been dormant for years but it did hit like a truck all at once)#so I kind of splattered my thoughts everywhere sorryyyy #and I didn't even mention the hyrulean civil war #the sheikahs #the gerudo tradition #the influence of koume and kotake #etc etc etc #bitches be like “no I don't defend ganondorf's actions!!” and then write poetics about tragedy and ambiguity and legitimacy #and talk shit about the goddesses #anyway that's me I'm bitches welcome to my blog #(descant and everything I write is exactly about what I just expressed above)#(but less sleep deprived and more Story)#((I'm publishing the next chapter soon btw I just need to adjust it but it's a difficult one))

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gendercensus · 3 years

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On fae/faer pronouns and cultural appropriation

HOW IT STARTED

I had a handful, a very small handful but more than two, responses in the Gender Census feedback box telling me that fae/faer pronouns are appropriative. The reasons didn’t always agree, and the culture that was being appropriated wasn’t always the same, but here’s a selection of quotes:

“Fae pronouns are cultural appropriation and are harmful to use“ - UK, age 11-15

“I’m not a person who practices pagan holidays but, my understanding is that pronouns like fae/faeself are harmful because the fae are real to pagans and is like using Jesus/jesuself as pronouns“ - UK, age 11-15

“I know you've probably heard this a million times, so has everyone on the internet, but the ''mere existence''of the fae pronoun feels really uncomfortable for some of us. I'm personally not against neopronouns like xe/xim, er/em and the like, I am a pagan but apart from the, imo most important, reasoning of that pronoun being immensely disrespectful, I worry as an nb about people who banalize the usage of pronouns ''for fun'', and I'm quoting what some people have told me.“ - Spain, 16-20

“I don't agree with fae/deity pronouns just from a pagan perspective it's very disrespectful to the cultures they come from. Like Fae are a legit thing in many cultures and they hate with a fiery passion mortal humans calling themselves Fae to the point of harming/cursing the people who do it“ - USA, age 16-20

“only celtic people can use far/ faers otherwise it’s cultural appropriation, many celts have said this and told me this“ - USA, age 16-20

So that’s:

❓ Someone who doesn’t say whether they’re pagan or Celtic.

❌ Someone who definitely isn’t pagan.

✅ Someone who is pagan.

❓ Someone who doesn’t say whether they’re pagan or Celtic.

So, just to disclose some bias up-front, I am English so I’m not Celtic, but I do live in Wales so I am surrounded by Celts. The bit of Wales that I live in is so beautiful in such a way that when my French friend came to visit me she described it as féerique - like an enchanting, magical land, literally “fairylike” or thereabouts. Coincidentally I have also considered myself mostly pagan for over half of my life, and I can’t definitively claim whether or not the Fae are “part of paganism” because paganism is so diverse and pick’n’mix that it just doesn’t work that way.

To me the idea that fae/faer pronouns would be offensive or culturally appropriative sounds absurd. But also, I am powered by curiosity, and have been wrong enough times in my life that I wanted to approach this in a neutral way with an open mind. Perhaps what I find out can be helpful to some people.

So since we only have information from one person who is definitely directly affected by any cultural appropriation that may be happening, the first thing I wanted to do was get some information from ideally a large number of people who are in the cultures being appropriated, and see what they think.

WHAT I DID

First of all I put some polls up on Twitter and Mastodon. [Edit: Note that this post has been updated with results from closed polls.]

I specified that I wanted to hear from nonbinary Celts and pagans, just so that the voters would be familiar with fae/faer pronouns. I asked the questions in a neutral way, i.e. “How do you feel about...” with “good/neutral/bad” answer options, instead of something more leading like “Is this a load of rubbish?” or “are you super offended?” with “yes/no” options. I provided a “see results” option, so that the poll results wouldn’t be skewed as much by random people clicking any old answer to see the results. And I invited voters to express their opinions in replies.

Question #1: Nonbinary people of Celtic descent (Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Cornwall, the Isle of Man, and Brittany), how do you feel about non-Celtic people using the neopronoun set fae/faer? [ It's good / No strong feelings/other / It's bad ]

Question #2: Nonbinary pagans, how do you feel about non-pagans using the neopronoun set fae/faer? [ It's good / No strong feelings/other / It's bad ]

The Twitter polls got over 1,100 responses each, and the Mastodon polls got over 140 responses each. With a little bit of spreadsheetery I removed the “N/A” responses to reverse engineer the number of people voting for each option, combined those numbers, and recalculated percentages.

Obviously this approach is not in the least scientific, but thankfully the results were unambiguous enough and the samples were big enough that I feel comfortable drawing conclusions.

Celts on fae/faer pronouns being used by non-Celts (561 voters):

It's good - 42.5%

No strong feelings/other - 44.0%

It's bad - 13.5%

Pagans on fae/faer pronouns being used by non-pagans (468 voters):

It's good - 47.2%

No strong feelings/other - 39.5%

It's bad - 13.3%

Here’s how that looks as a graph:

The limitations of polls on these platforms means that we have no way to distinguish between people who have more complicated views (”other”) and people who have “no strong feelings”, so we can’t really draw conclusions there. If we stick to just the pure positive and pure negative:

Celts were over three times as likely to feel positive about non-Celts using fae/faer pronouns than they were to feel negative.

Pagans were over three and a half times as likely to feel positive about non-pagans using fae/faer pronouns than they were to feel negative.

So Celts and pagans are way more likely to feel actively good about someone’s fae/faer pronouns, even when that person is not a Celt/pagan. That’s some strong evidence against the idea that fae/faer pronouns are appropriative, right there.

CORRECTIONS

To be clear, I haven’t done any research about the roots of fae/faer or the origins of the Fae and related beings, but my goal here was to get a sense of what Celts and pagans think and feel, rather than what an historian or anthropologist would say.

On the anti side, here were the replies that suggested fae/faer either is or might be inappropriate:

“I only worry that not everyone understands the origin of the word outside of modernized ideas of fairies.“ - pagan

“As a vaguely spiritual Whatever (Ireland), I think a mortal using "fae" as a pronoun/to refer to themselves is asking for a malicious and inventive fairy curse (on them, their families and possibly anyone in their vicinity, going by the traditions). I have not heard of this term before, so this is an immediate reaction from no background bar my cultural knowledge of sidhe/fae/term as culturally appropriate. My general approach is people can identify themselves as they want.“ - Celtic

So we’ve got a pagan who’s wary that people who use fae/faer (and people in general) might not have a fully fleshed out idea of the Fae. And we’ve got a Celt who doesn’t mind people using fae/faer personally, but based on what they know of the Fae they wouldn’t be surprised if the Fae got mad about it. No outright opposition, but a little concern.

There were not a lot of replies on the pro side, but not because people weren’t into it, judging by the votes. There were a lot of “it’s more complicated than that” replies, many of which repeated others, so quotes won’t really work. Here’s a summary of the Celtic bits:

“Fae” is not a Celtic word, and Celts don’t use it. It is French, or Anglo-French.

“Fae” can refer to any number of stories/legends from a wide variety of cultures in Europe, not one cohesive concept.

There are many legends about fairy-like beings in Celtic mythologies, and there are many, many different names for them.

The Celts are not a monolith, they’re a broad selection of cultures with various languages and various mythologies.

And the pagan bits:

Paganism is not closed or exclusive in any way. It might actually be more open than anything else, as “pagan” is a sort of umbrella term for non-mainstream religions in some contexts. A closed culture would be a prerequisite for something to be considered “appropriated” from paganism.

From my own experience, pagans may or may not believe in the Fae, and within that group believers may or may not consider the Fae to be sacred and/or worthy of great respect. (I’ve certainly never met a pagan who worshipped the Fae, though I don’t doubt that some do.)

And then we get into the accusations. 🍿

“this issue wasn’t started by Celtic groups or by people who know much about Celtic fae. It was started primarily by anti-neopronoun exclusionist pagans on TikTok.“

“[I’m] literally Scottish [...] and it’s not appropriative in the least and honestly to suggest as such is massively invalidating towards actual acts of cultural appropriation and is therefore racist. Feel like if this was actually brought up it was either by some people who seriously got their wires crossed or people who are just concern trolling and trying to make fun of both neo-pronouns and of the concept of cultural appropriation and stir the pot in the process.“

“It wouldn't be the first time bigots falsly claim “it's appropriative from X marginalized group" to harass people they don't like, like they did with aspec people when they claimed "aspec" was stolen from autistic language (which was false, as many autistics said)“

“It's been a discussion in pagan circles recently ... People were very quick to use the discussion as an excuse to shit on nonbinary people.“

“I think it would be apropos to note that the word "faerie/fairy" has been a synonym for various queer identities for decades, too. The Radical Faeries are a good example.“ (So if anyone has the right to [re]claim it...)

A little healthy skepticism is often wise in online LGBTQ+ “discourse”, and some of these people are making some very strong claims, for which I’d love to see some evidence/sources/context. Some of it certainly sounds plausible.

HOW DID IT START?

I had a look on Twitter and the earliest claim I can find that fae/faer pronouns are cultural appropriation is from 18th February 2020, almost exactly one year ago today. Again, tweets are not the best medium for this, there was very little in the way of nuance or context. If anyone can find an older claim from Twitter or Tumblr or anywhere else online, please do send it my way.

I have no idea how to navigate TikTok because I’m a nonbinosaur. (I’m 34.) I did find some videos of teens and young adults apparently earnestly asserting that they were Celtic or pagan and the use of fae/faer pronouns was offensive, but the videos were very brief and provided nothing in the way of nuance or context. For example:

This one from October 2020 with 29k ❤️s, by someone who I assume is USian based on the word “mom”?

This one from December 2020, that says “I am pagan and i find it rather disrespectful. It’s like using god/godr or jesus/jesusr.” That’s probably what inspired the feedback box comment above that refers to hypothetical jesus/jesusr pronouns.

If anyone is able to find a particularly old or influential TikTok video about fae/faer pronouns being appropriative I’d really appreciate it, especially if it’s from a different age group or from not-the-USA, to give us a feel for how universal this is.

For context, fae pronouns were mentioned in the very first Gender Census back in May 2013, though you’ll have to take my word for it as the individual responses are not currently public. The word “fae” was mentioned in the pronoun question’s “other” textbox, and no other forms in the set were entered so we have no way of knowing for sure what that person’s full pronoun set actually is. This means the set may have been around for longer. The Nonbinary Wiki says that the pronoun set was created in October 2013, as “fae/vaer”, later than the first entry in the Gender Census, so I’ll be editing that wiki page later! If anyone has any examples of fae/faer pronouns in use before 2013 I would also be very interested to see that.

IN SUMMARY

Obviously I can’t speak for everyone, as the Twitter polls are not super scientific and they only surveyed a selection of Celts and pagans within a few degrees of separation of the Gender Census Twitter and Mastodon accounts, but I can certainly report on what I found.

For a more conclusive result, we’d need to take into account various demographics such as age, culture, location, religion, race/heritage, etc.

As far as I can tell based on fairly small samples of over 400 people per group, a minority of about 13% of Celtic and/or pagan people felt that use of fae/faer pronouns is appropriative.

A much higher number of people per group felt positive about people who are not Celts or pagans using fae/faer pronouns. The predominant view was:

It can’t be cultural appropriation from Celtic cultures because fairy-like beings are not unique to Celtic cultures and Celtic cultures don’t call them Fae.

It can’t be cultural appropriation from pagan cultures because paganism is not “closed” or exclusive in any way, it’s too broad and open.

If your experience of your gender(s) or lack thereof isn’t described or encompassed by the gender binary of “male OR female”, please do click here to take the Gender Census 2021 - it’s international and it closes no earlier than 10th March 2021!

#fae/faer #pronouns #neopronouns #cultural appropriation

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sittingoverheredreaming · 3 years

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Same Prompt Party- Rei

Like a Lion, Like a (Sacrificial) Lamb

This is a 2,500 word prequel to my first two prompt party fics. My idea was probably a little too big for what I could pull off, but I hope you enjoy!

__________

“Looks like someone’s on the prowl,” Mina said, leaning against one of the shrine walls in the morning sun, coffee in hand.

“Shut up.” Rei handed her a broom. “Get to work or get out of here.” It was the weekend, Mina couldn’t just laze about. “And get changed, if you’re staying.”

Mina waved her off. “I’ll be out of sight before anyone comes, don’t worry. Grandpa has me selling charms later, I’m just waking myself up enough to get some studying in before that.”

Rei humphed and turned on her heel, but she felt the twinge of sorrow she felt anytime she was presented with Mina taking college seriously, the same twinge that had led her to abandon all her better judgement and allow Mina to live at the shrine while attending university. She hadn’t expected Mina would go to college at all, much less put real effort into it. Mina had joked that it was to give her an extra edge, a cool air, when she finally did become an idol, but Rei saw through the classes she was taking. Politics, law, languages-- not just her easy A in English but Mandarin and Spanish and at least one other Rei could not recognize. Whatever explanation she gave for each-- Well I’m going to have international fans!-- she wasn’t preparing for a life of celebrity. She was preparing to be second-in-command of the world.

Rei was sure Mina could sense Crystal Tokyo’s approach the same as she did. Not something she Saw, but something that she felt, like it was a lion hiding in the grass behind her, waiting to pounce. If she could only see it, she could face it head on, as was the Rei Hino way, blazing forward until she could bend the future towards a shape she liked better.

“And where are you going?” Mina called after her as she started down the stairs to the road. Rei didn’t answer. If she told Mina about her planned reconnaissance, Mina would want in on it. Rei did not have the time for self reflection on whether she thought Mina would ruin it or if she just wanted to shoulder it alone.

And when she arrived at the steps of the Tsukino house, she realized she also had not reflected on an excuse for being there. Usagi had her own home with Mamoru now. Ikuko would be happy to see her, Rei was sure, but still she would ask--

“Rei, I haven’t seen you in so long! What’s brought you here?” Ikuko smiled in the doorway.

Rei opened her mouth, then shut it, no lie forming on her tongue.

“I asked her to help me with a project for school,” Chibiusa said from somewhere inside, hardly missing a beat. “Stupid Usagi says she’s too busy.

“Oh, how wonderful. Have you had breakfast? I can make you something!”

Rei said she had, a lie coming easily now that it didn’t matter. Chibiusa led her up to the room that had once been Usagi’s. It still had a good bit of Usagi’s things in it, organized like they never had been while she had lived there. Rei had to look hard to see what Chibiusa had brought down from the loft to make it hers-- a few photos of Hotaru and Momo, a stack of books that weren’t Usagi’s manga, an extra pillow on the bed.

“You want to ask about Crystal Tokyo, don’t you?” Chibiusa said as soon as the door was closed.

“It’s coming soon.”

Chibiusa nodded, face grim. She looked less like a little girl everyday, it seemed. Rei knew she was already studying for highschool entrance exams, however unlikely it seemed that she’d be able to stay in this time for them. “You can’t stop it.”

“Why not?”

Chibiusa rolled her eyes and sat on her bed. “If you could, you would have the first time. None of you would have let all the destruction that leads to it happen.”

“But now we know it’s coming. And we have you.”

“You think I can tell you things you aren’t supposed to know?” Chibiusa leaned back and shut her eyes. ��It’s taboo.”

“Pluto’s done plenty of taboo things.”

“But you don’t see her stopping any of this.”

“Don’t you want--” Rei stopped herself. Would Chibiusa want to stop Crystal Tokyo? It was her home, her birthplace and birthright.

“Of course I want to stop it,” Chibiusa whispered. “I’m here. If I was born here…” She shook her head. “But there’s no way for you to make that happen.”

“There’s always a way.”

Rei left with nothing, but she was nothing if not persistent. The next time Rei came, Chibiusa let slip that the battle that birthed Crystal Tokyo occurred in early spring, and on another day she mentioned how the Silver Crystal had changed the Earth itself into its likeness to draw in the power Usagi had needed to heal everyone in the aftermath.

“That sort of healing changes things,” Chibiusa said, seemingly forgetting she’d said it was taboo. “Pluto said she thinks that’s why you all are so different from now.”

“Then just have to make sure we get through unscathed.”

“You can’t.”

“But knowing has to mean something. There’s never a future that can’t be changed.” Rei clenched her fists. “There’s no way I’m just letting this happen.”

“There’s no way you’re stopping it either.” Chibiusa crossed her arms against and leaned against the wall. “You can try all you want, or you can enjoy the time before it happens.”

“You said there’s hardly any time left.”

“Yeah, I did.” She looked murderous for a moment, but then her face softened. “You should take me for ice cream. You used to do that all the time.”

Rei nearly snapped that they were in no position to do anything of the sort, but she caught herself in time. The urge to scoop Chibiusa into her arms like she was small again overtook her anger. “I thought you were too old and cool to get ice cream with us.”

“Only Usagi.” Chibiusa stuck out her tongue. “She’d embarrass me for sure.”

Rei had to smile. “That’s true.”

She took Chibiusa to one of the many ice cream shops that had been the front for an evil scheme and then stuck around. Chibiusa stood on her toes to order from the ice cream case. She was taller than Usagi now, but only just.

“How’s living with Mina?” she asked when they’d gotten their ice cream and taken it to a bench outside.

“Don’t even ask.”

“So you haven’t kissed her yet?”

“What!?” Rei nearly dropped-- or nearly threw-- her ice cream. If it had been Usagi and not Chibiusa, she might have thrown it at her. “I don’t--! What do you mean YET?”

Chibiusa laughed. “Darn, I bet Hotaru you would before everything goes down.”

“I don’t even… Mina? Really?” Rei shook her head and stabbed her spoon into her scoop of ice cream, leaving deep crevice lines across it. Her face was warm, and that was absurd. She refused to think about it.

“You haven’t told her you’re trying to stop this either, then, have you?” Chibiusa kicked her feet up and down. “Didn’t you promise after the last time you had visions of the end of the world you wouldn’t keep these things a secret?”

“Well, I haven’t had a vision, and it’s not the end of the world. And,” Rei pointed at Chibiusa with her spoon, “you’ve hardly told me anything.”

Chibiusa pointed right back, for a moment the spitting image of her mother. “You’re just trying to save everyone from even worrying about it.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Rei set her ice cream aside. “She’s already worrying. She says she’s not, but she is.” She tilted her head back and stared up at the sky. “I want to fight this alone for her. For everyone. I know my own power, I know that if I can just find the right way to do it, I can take down whatever’s coming, and then everyone can live a life they choose. And if I can do that, why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you’d yell at anyone else trying to do the same thing.”

“No one else is me.”

Chibiusa made a sound that might have been a laugh and might have been a humph of annoyance and might have been both. “I guess I can’t argue that point.” She took a bite of her ice cream and sighed. “I’m starting to see why Usagi finds you so annoying.”

“Hey!” Rei tapped her fist between Chibiusa’s pig tails. Chibiusa stuck out her tongue, then hopped up off the bench and danced out of reach, laughing. Rei wasn’t sure if it was her own age or worry that held her back from giving chase.

And then, only weeks later, as the weather turned warm and green buds appeared on the trees, the cataclysm struck. The sky went dark and the air tasted of copper and a great distorted shadow brought forth monsters the likes of which they’d never fought from a deep crack in the earth.

Mina gave orders, and Rei ignored them all to fight forward towards the source alone. She would stop this. She had to stop this. She blazed through the hordes of beasts, even as she grew aware that they were overwhelming the others behind her. She just had to get through and end it before it was too much. She could do it. She had too.

Rei almost didn’t hear Usagi’s scream over the hiss of the monsters and the crackle of her fire, but she felt it in her bones. A jolt of fear shocked cold from her fingertips to her heart. Usagi’s scream persisted. Rei was not getting through fast enough. She called on every spark of power she had to push forward and take down as many of the monsters as she could. She was a monster of her own, a great beast of fire, unstoppable in her hunt. The monsters fell by the dozens around her, coming in greater numbers, dying in greater numbers, the closer she got to their source.

Still she did not burn them all. For every three that fell charred against the ground another two escaped smoldering, and others still skirted the range of her attacks.

Somewhere far behind her, Usagi stopped screaming. For one warm, beautiful second Rei thought she had done good enough, that the others might have been safe, and then the cold certainty that they were not settled in. Something inside her, Mars, her own psychic sense, she couldn’t be sure, knew that Usagi had been struck down, not dead but nearly, and any of the others that were not down yet would be soon.

Rei charged forward, but she knew-- Chibiusa had been right. She could not stop this. The great chasm the beasts poured from was in sight before her. Was it the same chasm the first crystal towers would rise from, when Usagi called on the Silver Crystal with the last of her strength? The shadow that had struck down from the sky had merged with the earth around the fissure, making it crackle with power that surged as she approached. It threw her back. The monsters absorbed it, growing immune to her fire.

A cold washed over her limbs. Her attacks weakened, more of her strength drawn for each one. She sank to her knees. She was going to fall, and awake as something that wasn’t quite herself, in a world that wasn’t quite her own. Rei clenched her fists against the ground. The shadows grew darker around her.

“I told you you couldn’t stop it.”

At once, a light appeared. Chibiusa stood at Rei’s side, one hand on Rei’s shoulder, the other holding her own Silver Crystal, using its power to drive back the beasts. Her hair blew wildly in the wind, her eyes were locked on the chasm.

Rei reached up to her. “Chibiusa…”

“But I can.” She glanced down at Rei and smiled. “I’ve been planning this for a while. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” She took her hand off Rei’s shoulder and pulled her old Luna-P ball out of thin air. “You’d have tried to stop me.”

The exhaustion was creeping into Rei’s mind, she couldn’t put together what Chibiusa was going to do. “I’ll still stop you,” she said anyway.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Chibiusa nudged her with her foot, and she fell over. Rei could not find the strength to get back up. “I know the life I want to choose, Rei.” Luna-P changed in her hand, forming the sharp, heavy shape of a gun.

“What are you…?”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to visit anymore after this, I don’t know if I’ll even…” She trailed off, and stepped toward the chasm. “Don’t tell Usagi, okay? Or Hotaru. Hotaru knows I might not come back, since I’m supposed to be born within a few years, and that’s enough, I think.”

She took another step. The earth groaned as it opened further, the crack spreading towards her.

Rei forced herself up onto her elbows. “Watch out-!”

“I know. Don’t worry.” Another few steps, another groan as the ground split further. Chibiusa had the same air of calm Usagi got when she used the crystal. Rei felt a compulsive trust in her even as her heart beat wild with fear.

“Thank you, Rei, for trying to do this. And for the ice cream.”

The ground beneath Chibiusa opened to swallow her. As she fell, she threw the crystal into the air. A bang sounded barely a second before the earth closed, and the Silver Crystal shattered. For a moment the shards hung in the air as though frozen, and then a blinding white light exploded out from them. Heat and wind rushed over Rei, so overwhelming that she lost awareness of even her exhaustion, so intense that she thought the world might be ending after all.

And then it cleared, and she was in the middle of a Tokyo park on an early spring day, beneath a clear blue sky. Her sailor uniform was gone, replaced by the clothes she’d put on that morning. She felt none of the battle weariness that had plagued her moments before, she felt perfectly fine, except… there was something missing. There was something cold and empty where there once had been fire.

Rei swallowed hard and looked behind her. The others were sitting up from the ground, entirely unscathed. Mina met her eyes, and even from a distance Rei could see that she felt it too. Their powers, the part of their soul that had housed them, were gone.

“Is it… is it over?” Usagi asked, tears in her eyes as Rei approached. “Did we win?”

Rei sat on the grass next to her, remembering the last thing Chibiusa had asked of her. She could never tell Usagi the cost. “Yeah,” she said, forcing a smile. “We did.”

#sam writes

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dennou-translations · 4 years

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Kagerou Daze VIII: Chapter 8

Children Record -side No.7-

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases in Japanese or in English. In case anyone is feeling generous: Ko-fi | PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

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If “not forgetting” was the prerequisite for “having memories”, what was a “memory” once forgotten called?

I roamed my thoughts, not telling anyone about the “recollections” that I seemed dangerously close to losing.

The “goodbyes” that seemed to burn our chests, the miraculous “reunions”, the “future” that we’d reached our hands out to while readying ourselves for certain death – no matter how much we cherished them, it’d be a disappointment if we ended up forgetting everything.

“Forgetting” didn’t leave even loneliness behind. As if nothing had ever existed from the very beginning, the forgotten recollection would lose even the name “memory” and be gone without a trace. It was an utterly absurd story. No matter how dear our memories were to us, we couldn’t build a fence around them. We would fail to recall even the reasons to try remembering “memories” that were truly forgotten.

Right, we were there because we’d been “continuously forgetting”. By stepping over the dead bodies of memories that we couldn’t remember, we were moving forward one way or another.

That was the only thing I didn’t want to forget.

“He~y, you awake?” an insensitive voice echoed through the madder-red-dyed classroom.

Sitting in the last row next to the window and having been watching the slowly darkening diorama-like cityscape, I turned toward the owner of the voice. Illuminated by sunset glow, Ayano’s face was openly peeking at me from the seat in front of mine.

For starters, it was all too questionable that the concept of “sleep” would exist in this ambiguous world, where we were both alive and dead, so I wondered if she was joking.

No, that was suspicious. She didn’t seem to be thinking anything.

“There anyone who sleeps with their eyes closed?” as I asked rudely, I turned back to the cityscape out the window.

At the corner of my line of sight, Ayano shrank back a little. Seeing her that way, it looked to me like Ayano had started to get a slight inkling of things. I wasn’t trying to be mean to her or anything, but to be frank, I was irritated.

“C-Could it be... you’re angry at me for not going to you for advice?” Ayano asked with upturned eyes, stirring lightly in dread.

“About what?”

“Erm, like... I came over here by myself without asking for your opinion.” Hanging her head after saying so, Ayano flickeringly peeked at my complexion.

Well, she was mostly right.

At the very least, I didn’t hate her. She’d seemed friendly with me for some reason, and it hadn’t been just one or two times that I’d watched over her studies. Of course, given that we were a guy and a girl, I thought it was appropriate for each of us to keep a secret or two from one another. But even if that much was okay, as friends, I totally thought we had a relationship where one could rely on the other and be relied on whenever we were faced with great distress.

Still, this.

Hn, well~, there sure are things about her that I’ve never heard of from the Mekakushi-dan guys! Why, she went around on her own to investigate Clearing, and dear me, all her younger siblings had superhuman abilities, so she tried to enter Kagerou Daze alone after making up her mind – the more I dig, the more bargain sales I get of stuff I was never told before.

No, it wasn’t like I was vexed that she had kept it all a secret from me, or that I wanted to know Ayano through and through, or anything of the sort. Absolutely not. It’s just that, as her friend, I felt resentment at how she had done things in a reckless way without taking herself into consideration.

When I glanced at her, Ayano reacted to my gaze and her body shrank back uneasily.

Dammit... Acting like a little puppy...!

Trying to take advantage of my conscience would get her nowhere. Who knew how badly my heart had ached because of her during these two years?

Other men might end up easily forgiving you, but Shintarou-san isn’t the kind of skirt chaser who’d yield to that. Shintarou-san’s been severe lately.

“Well, things are the way they are. Even if I judge you at this point of the game, there’s no helping them.”

How regretful. Shintarou-san does wind up easily forgiving a girl when she fidgets at him.

Perhaps thinking that I was going to scold her or something, Ayano stared blankly at me for a bit, and then gave a faint smile, looking apologetic. “You’re as nice as ever. That’s why you ended up here, Shintarou.”

“Shaddap. You’re the same as me, aren’t you?” leaving my inward gags aside, I used rude language to dodge the embarrassing mood.

My bodily sense of time told me that it had been approximately one or two days ever since I was swallowed by Kagerou Daze. Still, in an environment where I could get neither sleepy nor hungry, there was probably not much meaning in relying on body sensations.

According to Haruka-senpai, there was a huge gap between here and outside regarding the flow of time. I had a rough idea of it from listening to Hibiya talk about how “the same day had repeated over and over”, and sure enough, there was no logic or reason to it. It indeed didn’t seem like I had been wrong about this being a world removed from common sense.

“But I was really surprised. To think Shintarou would be fighting together with everyone.”

“I was the last person who could’ve imagined something like that. Working my ass off to read deep into things for someone else’s sake just isn’t like me...”

“Nope, you’re wrong. I don’t know why, but I’ve always felt that it’d turn out like this. That Shintarou would do his best to protect everyone.” Ayano added, “That’s why I couldn’t tell you anything” at the end, shying out.

So she had expected that I’d fight.

Well, it wouldn’t not be inevitable that I’d get myself involved in this as long as Momo was an Ability User, but she shouldn’t know that Momo was an Ability User in the first place. If so, I couldn’t believe right off the bat that she had anticipated things would turn out like this, since I was “someone unrelated” to her in the end.

Hm. Wait a minute. Hahaan, don’t tell me...

“Could this be consolation for a ‘non-Ability-User’ like me?”

By some sort of karma, everyone I’d been involved with in high school had become an Ability User. Yet I was the only one who was still a newborn Bambi until now. I didn’t think hatefully of that, but I wondered if she didn’t think of me as inconvenient, since I was the sole person who hadn’t gotten his hands on an Ability out of our group of four friends.

Regardless, Ayano responded to my sarcasm-mixed words by shaking her head furiously. “I-I’m serious! I saw Shintarou fighting even in my dreams!”

“Hoh, what kinda dream was that?”

“Erm. One where Shintarou was standing coolly in front of everyone and flashily defeating the boss. You were wearing a bright red full-body unitard with the sunset on your back, saying, ‘Sorry for the wait! Here’s the unmatched super hero!’ and swinging an iron ball with a chain...”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait!! What sorta perverted bastard is that?!! That ain’t related to Abilities by a single millimeter, and actually, it didn’t become true at all, did it?!”

Halfway tending to trip, Ayano, who had been imagining me swinging around an iron ball, abruptly returned to reality. “That’s true. Gee, I wonder if it was in a different dream...”

“More like, just how often have you dreamed of me...?”

It was repulsive to think that I played an active role inside her brain clad in a transformation suit of sorts. Nevertheless, Ayano herself said something spine-chilling, like, “M-Might’ve been pretty often...” with her face turning red for some reason.

“B-But y’know, there are many Eye Abilities, so it’s not weird that there’s a power like sharing a future, is it?”

“Well, I wouldn’t be surprised no matter what comes up at this point, but are you the Ability User who can see this future?”

“No way! I’m totally not that!” resolutely denying it, Ayano made an X using her arms with a smack.

“Then isn’t this theory a bust?! Don’t try to justify the version of me that’s haunting your brain. First things first, take off the unitard!”

“Eeh?! If the unitard is off, the cool part is gone...”

“Eh, then wasn’t I unnecessary from the start?”

How tiring.

Aah, I was remembering it. You’d need a huge amount of effort to talk to her; about as much as when talking to Ene. It was a meaningless conversation, almost as if we were speaking just for the sake of “speaking”... Not knowing to settle her tone down even after dying made her a terrifying fellow.

But these aren’t pointless conversations like the ones of back then, I guess.

Precisely because she had died, she had played a major role in the fight of the outside world. As proof of this, she earlier had talked about what had been concerning her for a bit.

Praying that it wouldn’t be a fruitless conversation, I opened my mouth, “Just now, you said your Ability isn’t the power to see the future, right?”

“Ah, yup. I did.”

“Then, what Ability did you get?”

Silence.

“Aah, that’s right! I had to talk about it!!” Pushing the chair with a clatter, Ayano stood up all of a sudden with vehement vigor.

“Hyan!!” and I, exceptionally surprised by it, fell backward while letting out an uncanny cry. Splendidly hit the back of my head. If this weren’t the inside of Kagerou Daze, it would’ve been an accidental homicide.

“Uwaah! Sorry, sorry! Well, about the Abilities...”

“W-Wait a minute, your tempo is too fast; at least lemme fix up the chair.” I frantically got up from the floor, putting the chair back in place with a rattle.

Just trying to have a proper conversation with her was that exhausting. Most likely, by the time she finished introducing the topic, my soul would have eroded and disappeared.

“Well, then.”

“Yeah.”

We pulled ourselves together and re-started the conversation.

“I think it’s better for me to begin explaining from the time I came to this world... to Kagerou Daze.”

“Sure. Got any confidence that you can explain it decently?”

“N-Not much, but... I’ll do my best.”

That’s the spirit. Let’s hear it.

“See, it’s about the day... when I did that thing on the rooftop.”

“W-Wait a minute. Can’t you stop talking this way? It’s too lighthearted, kinda like—”

“Geez~, and here I’d finally come up with a good explanation! Be quiet and listen!” Ayano flat and moderately hit the desk.

She was mad at me. I listened in silence.

“Right after I entered Kagerou Daze... I met a girl named Azami.”

“Azami”. The originator who had birthed the Abilities and the first victim of Clearing’s plot.

I used to have no idea about what had happened to Azami herself after she transferred Abilities to people on the outside, but this meant that she had been staying in Kagerou Daze while retaining her consciousness. I couldn’t think that Ayano would lie on purpose. If they had met, then that was probably the case.

“She was really weak. Until that point, she’d been existing as a spiritual body with the power of Stirring, which she gave to Takane-san, but then it was gone too, so it seemed she was at her limit.”

“I... see. So Enomoto became Ene after that.”

“Yep, yep. My, how can I put it...? Takane-san got a-all bright after that, huh?” Ayano seemed to be choosing her words most carefully out of respect for our senior, but as expected, the strain at the edge of her lips didn’t fool anyone.

Rejoice, Enomoto; your dear junior saw it all.

Perhaps having noticed my grin, Ayano said, “L-Let’s leave that aside” and resumed the talk, tending to tumble. “After losing her physical and spiritual body, Azami had only one power left. That was the Ability I received,” saying so, Ayano pointed at the corner of her eye.

“The last one... I also didn’t know about this.”

The “Ten Abilities” cited in Azami’s diary were mostly referenced by name. However, no matter how many times I counted, there were only nine names in it. Those nine Abilities applied to the powers residing in the people outside. In other words, the one residing inside Ayano was the Tenth Ability, which hadn’t been listed in the diary.

Tapping with the finger that was aimed at herself, Ayano spoke with slightly wavering words, “This is a bit of a weird Ability. It’s got a nature that’s a little different from the other Abilities, so to say; it’s an Ability that sprouted from Azami’s ‘heart’, like... Would you understand if I say it’s a power created from the feeling of ‘wanting to convey’?”

“Nope, don’t get it at all.”

“Thought so.” Ayano exhaled a prolonged sigh with a “haah~”.

My, you sure are doing your best for someone so bad at explaining stuff.

“Ah, that’s right. Then wouldn’t it be better if I did it like this?”

One instant.

Almost as if shaded with sunset glow, Ayano’s dark brown hair was pregnant with a dense orange color. That was the activation of an Ability, which I had witnessed countless times. Still, the “sense of pressure” that seemed to be released from Ayano’s two eyes was nearly non-existent.

“Y’see, I think it’ll probably the easiest way for you to understand if I do it like this... Can you accept it?”

Ayano’s words and the movements of her lips incited a natural nod from me.

“Thank you. Then, I’ll ‘convey’ it to you, ‘kay?”

The color that appeared to be swaying inside her irises flared up all the more intensely. Unable even to blink, I simply surrendered my body to the persuasiveness of those orbs.

“Favoring Eyes.”

I was in a dark place. There was no right, left, up or down. It wasn’t cold or hot.

It was that kind of place.

“You’ll disappear, won’t you, Azami?” a voice rang throughout the complete darkness. Even if I chased for the voice’s owner, I couldn’t find her.

And there was one more voice. It came closer as if to nestle with me, word overlapping upon word, “Yeah. I am glad I could talk to someone like you in my last moments. More than anything, I am sorry for not having been able to do a single thing for you all until the very end. Truly, I am sorry...”

“I don’t want you to cry, ‘cause I’m also holding back from doing it.”

“I-I am not crying. It was just snot that came out. Besides... my ‘memory’ has already been delivered to your heart, right?”

“Yep, it has. Azami, I’ve definitely received your ‘memory’. That’s why I’m not lonely anymore.”

“Is that so? Then I am relieved. In the future, this ‘memory’ might be useful for something. The ‘memory’ is not me but the precious ‘feelings’ I had when I was alive.”

“Really, you’re right. I can understand your ‘memory’... as if it were my own. You’ve been doing your best to live on for such a very long time, huh, Azami?”

“Ugh... hic...”

“Aah, sorry. I didn’t say it out of thinking about making you cry.”

“That’s not it; that’s not it at all. It’s just... I’ve never even dreamed that someone would say something like this to me.”

“You’re a real crybaby, Azami. It’s okay; ‘cause I-I... surely won’t forget...

“What, but aren’t you also crying?”

“E-Ehehe. We’re together on this, huh?”

Silence.

“It is already time. Lastly... I will leave this with you.”

“Egh...”

“It is my ‘heart’... the power named ‘Favoring’. It is the power to convey ‘feelings’ and ‘memories’... Surely, if it’s you...”

“Hic... u-ueeh...”

“Welcome back. Did it get properly conveyed?”

“Yeah, it did.”

The color of the classroom dyed in scarlet was unfading, softly enveloping my consciousness as I was pulled back. It wasn’t like I’d been “shown” or “told” anything, yet a memory of Azami and Ayano’s encounter found itself inside my head as if it were logical.

“Shintarou, could it be you’re crying?”

“I ain’t crying. It’s just snot that came out.”

Ayano stared at my face for a bit, and perhaps realizing the meaning of those words, she gave me a shy smile.

I started thinking about Ayano.

The environment encircling her when she was still alive was wretched to the point of making me sick. To think that she had lost her precious mother, that her father – who used to be her only foundation – went through a transformation, and that her siblings and school seniors were taken as hostages. It wasn’t the kind of story that would only go as far as making your insides boil.

And so, Ayano had jumped from the rooftop, entering Kagerou Daze through cutting her own life short. Kano had made guesses about it; that as a result of linking her mother’s notes to Clearing’s plans, she had probably thought she could hinder Clearing’s plot of “gathering Abilities to make a Medusa” if she got her hands on one of the Ten Abilities.

Through my meeting with the Mekakushi-dan guys and connecting the pasts that each of them had talked about, I had arrived to the true motives behind Ayano’s actions. I had been accompanied by inevitable rage. That was why I’d sustained myself on that rage and fought. I’d been beating the hell of out this shitty world, which had been making people like them – who were living in desperation – into fools, pushing ridiculous absurdity onto them, and trying to rob them of even their future.

And the outcome of that fight was as one could see.

There wasn’t a single means of salvation, and neither was any miracle going to happen. The plan I’d come up with through milking my brains out also hadn’t served to save everybody. There was really nothing more worthless than the fact that, if there was just one thing I could do, it was to talk to my dead friends.

Nevertheless, even if I died, even if I rotted, there was one truth that I couldn’t escape from. Outside of Kagerou Daze, the Mekakushi-dan guys were even now fighting against the enemy. Just because I’d died, there was no way I alone could put an end to it on my own accord. And it seemed I wasn’t the only one thinking so.

Ayano and I looked into each other’s eyes, and as if confirming one another’s wills, we exchanged words.

“Must keep it up until the end, huh?”

“Yeah, it ain’t over yet.”

At Ayano’s unfaltering words, I was convinced of one thing. Most likely, she and I were imagining the exact same conclusion for this battle.

In the first place, this fight had pre-existing conditions thrust into it from the beginning. The enemy was an immortal Ability itself, and the only one who could control it – the Medusa – didn’t exist in this world. So long as the enemy was immortal, if Mary didn’t turn into a Medusa and make it powerless, the Ability Users would all be brutally killed, no matter how much they ran or tried to buy time. Still, for Mary to become a Medusa, she had to draw the Abilities out of the Ability Users.

In other words, from the very start, the development where all of us would survive didn’t exist in this battle.

It was a cruel story that nothing could be done about, but it was the “reality” of this struggle. As long as we couldn’t all survive together, we couldn’t puff out our chests and claim that “we won”. And, albeit being aware of these prerequisites, everyone from the Mekakushi-dan had thrown themselves into the fight.

If only we’d managed to figure everything out sooner, faster.

It was too late for being frustrated over that or anything else at this point. Because, right now, everything had come to the moment just before the end.

Still, there was only one thing. It was a mere possibility, but there was something left in our hands. It was liable to turn out as meaningless, but if we hadn’t fought, we would never have been able to get our hands on it. Just as there was no “victory” for us in this battle, as long as we had that thing, there was also no “defeat”.

After all, the goal we carried was not to “win”.

“I left just one thing behind on the other side,” saying so, I took a cellphone out of my jersey’s pocket, put it on the desk and tilted my neck at Ayano.

“A phone? I think it won’t connect with the other side, though...”

“If you think on ordinary terms, that’s how it’d be. Except, there’re guys who ‘ain’t normal’ on the other side.”

It didn’t even serve as an all-or-nothing, and it seemed suspicious that it’d be as much as a one-in-a-million chance; that was the kind of bet it was. And even if it became true, that didn’t mean it could knock down the enemy. Simply for the sake of grasping an “extension”, I’d entrusted one last wish to that girl.

“Even if you thought it out, you normally wouldn’t do something like that.” Perhaps having understood my anticipations, Ayano gave me a strained smile.

“I might’ve stopped being ‘normal’ too.”

Seen from the sidelines, me betting my own life not for the sake of surviving or fighting, but merely for “choosing”, probably came off as an abnormality. And so, I ruminated inside my mind for our clichéd purpose, which we had decided upon in that hideout.

Our child-like objective of “not giving up on the future no matter what”.

#kagerou project #kagepro #mekakucity actors #kagerou daze #kisaragi shintaro #kisaragi shintarou #tateyama ayano #shinaya #azami #summer time reload #jin #novel #my translation

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thefloatingstone · 4 years

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Last time I made a playlist of recommended youtube channels to enjoy while in lockdown or self quarantine, I focused on individual videos while also recommending other videos from the same channel.

I thought I’d make another list only this time I’m going to be recommending playlists or series on youtuber instead of just individual videos.

This is gonna go exactly like last time, so check out any of these that might seem interesting to you, and hopefully I can give you something to look into if you want something to watch but don’t feel like watching a Netflix or Crunchyroll show.

Last time I tried to put this under a read more break but it didn’t work and I ended up posting this long-ass post on everyone’s dash. Well I decided to do so again here. hit J to skip to the bottom of the post if you don’t feel like reading this whole thing. If you’re on tumblr mobile; why?

In no particular order;

Cinemassacre movie reviews and topics

All of you already know James Rolfe as the AVGN. I started watching him before Youtube was even a thing, before he was even signed on with Screwattack. Back when his videos could only be seen on his own website (or for some reason included on the free DVD you got with the local video game magazines). However, I eventually outgrew the outrage style humour of the AVGN episodes... but then James started doing Monster Madness where he would talk about his love for horror movies, and this where I learned about his vast knowledge about movie history and even films I had never even heard mention of before! I think it’s safe to say, he got me to be interested in movie history just as much as movie production and film as a viewing experience.

I recommend this playlist which is a hodgepodge of James talking about old horror movie franchises, talking about his first experience with Power Rangers as someone who didn’t grow up with it, or how Bob Ross is a childhood hero of his. It’s an excellent play list that’s really laid back but you learn a lot of stuff from it. James is very informed for the most part and it leads you to wanting to check out a lot of these things too, just because he’s so passionate about it.

If I ever get over my weird hang up about speaking out loud, these are the kinds of videos I’d like to make.

Vinesauce Vinny: The Neverhood

Vinny is by no means a new Let’s Player, having been on Youtube for over 10 years now, but I only started watching him a few months ago. I started with this playlist when I saw he was doing The Neverhood, a game I had heard about but never seen played before. The Neverhood is a bizarre game, as a point and click PC game from the 90s where the entirety of the video game was made with stop motion and clay. Something that sounds so insane you would say it’s impossible if not for the fact that it exists. The claymation itself is extremely well done, and the game has a really weird and absurd sense of humour. Just the strangest things happen in this thing. Now couple that with Vinny’s very dry and straightforward delivery and you have probably one of the funniest Let’s Plays I’ve watched in a long time.

This is also “short” for a Let’s Play series. With only 4 parts to it, the longest video only being a bit under and hour and 30 minutes. It’ll still take up a good chunk of your time, but it’s not as daunting as some of the other Let’s Plays I’ll mention on this list.

Team Four Star: Pokemon Shield Nuzlocke

Exactly what it says on the tin. The guys from Team Four Star play Pokemon Shield with Nuzlocke rules. They’ve done several Nuzlocke runs in the past, but I find the Pokemon Shield is the best one they’ve done. Especially since a lot of the needless fluff and grinding has been edited out. So unlike some of their previous series you don’t see a lot of Kieran and Grant running in a circle for an hour trying to catch a specific pokemon or trying to get to a certain level.

It’s also hilarious as they have a lot of “house rules” for the Nuzlocke often involving the exercise bike they.... have..... for some reason.

It’s very good and the gym battles become SUPER hype with the Nuzlocke rules and the music.

Baywatching

Having been going to a few years now, watch Allison try her very best to go through and do a video series where she talks about summarises every episode of Baywatch.

.... Ever. Single. Episode.

She’s not even close to done yet (and now she’s introduced Baywatch Nights AS WELL) but her trying to explain the batshit insanity of this show, it’s over the top characters, it’s insane plots and behind the scenes weirdness with all the enthusiasm and love for this slice of 90s is amazing. Please enjoy a good thick chunk of inside jokes, silly character voices, and a whole lot of ?????

Brutal Moose: Shenmue

Probably one of the most chill channels on all of Youtube, Brutal Moose aka Ian, prefers playing games you wouldn’t think would make for good Let’s Plays. And maybe they don’t, objectively. A collection of playlists covering Truck Simulator, Nancy Drew, Hidden Object games etc etc, spliced in with old commercials from drive in theaters from the 50s,60s and 70s. Ian’s Let’s Play channel is great for just putting on and letting play for company while you’re drawing or grinding in a video game or playing Stardew or something.

I recommend his Shenmue playthrough as Ian completely fell in love with the game and went on to play both the sequel and the newly released third game. Ian genuinely adores the weird voice acting and all the menial tasks and mini-games you can do. I watched this a lot in 2018 when I was going through a rough time, and it really helped me in a strange way to just put Ian on and listen to him talk to the chat and drive a forklift around for like 4 hours straight before going to Tomato Mart or wasting all his money on the gacha machines.

A Measured Response to “In Defense of Dark Souls 2″

At some point, big name youtuber Hbomberguy made a video called “In Defense of Dark Souls II”. I’m not subscribed to Hbomberguy but I enjoyed his video on why Sherlock (the BBC show) is trash. (come to think of it I should have added that to the first list). And it seems the video on Sherlock was really good and well argued.... and it seems his “In Defense of Dark Souls 2″ video... was not.

Using subjective language, bad representation of facts, or simply outright getting certain information wrong, Hbomberguy′s video on Dark Souls II is, at best, a man trying to argue that he likes Dark Souls II because it is “Objectively good”, rather than simply accept he likes it... because he likes it.

MauLer is kind of an asshole, but I have learned more about dissecting someone’s argument and deconstructing what they have said watching his response series than I have in any english or debate class I have ever had.

The response is over 10 hours long, but this is because MauLer takes time with each and every statement he takes umbrage with, discussing what is being said, discusses why it is false or dubious, and then compares with actual facts and research.

If you ever want to know how to to distinguish subjective opinion from objective fact in someone else’s argument regarding... ANYTHING really, I highly recommend this series.

I may not like MauLer as a person, but DAMN if he doesn’t know how to deconstruct an argument in a logic, emotionless way.

John Wolfe: Maize

Maize is a stupid game. a Stupid stupid game.

It involves sentient corn, and underground secret genetics lab, a Russian bootleg teddy bear that hates everyone, sentient corn, and a crumpet.

This game IMMEDIATELY went on my wishlist after watching this playthrough. Please watch John try and figure what the actual fuck is going on in this Monty Python-eque weird black comedy. It’s stupid, it’s weird, it’s bizarre and it’s honestly one of the funniest games I’ve seen streamed.

Hollywood: a Celebration of the Silent Era

This is not a youtube playlist. I mean it IS, but what this actually is, is a TV series released in the UK in 1980 covering the Silent Film era. As it was made in 1980, it includes interviews with many of the silent film stars who were often still alive during this documentary’s production. Each episode covers a specific theme of the silent movie era. One episode is about comedies, one is about WWI, one is about Westerns etc etc.

It’s a fascinating series, because it focuses on the silent era which, in modern day, I think many people unfairly think of as “those first few years of movies before movies really became a thing.” And that’s such a shame and really not true. The artistry, camera tricks, and raw nature of this early era of film making is so important and produced films which can still be watched today easily, possibly even easier than a few modern movies as often the very fact that the films are silent means they are universal, regardless of what language you speak.

I think an episode or two might have been turned to private or copyright claimed in this playlist, but I know if you do a search on youtube you can find the episode uploaded by someone else.

Diamanda Hagan: Bonekickers

Bonekickers is the show Mathew Graham made before he went on to work on the new Dr. Who. It is about archaeologists and it is God-fucking-Awful.

It is.... look. Ok. I like Archaeology a lot. But this isn’t a show that’s bad “if you like history” or “if you know things about archaeology”. This show is bad because it doesn’t make a single fucking lick of sense, all the characters are awful and terrible, and even if you understand what’s going on in the story you’re still going to be screaming “WHY????” at the screen as each new baffling stupid piece of the puzzle slots into place.

Diamanda Hagan has 0 time for this garbage and she’s going to walk you through each episode to show you how truly horrible this piece of garbage is.

Cry Plays: Ori and the Blind Forest

With Ori and the Will of the Wisps releasing recently, now is a great time to go and watch Cry playthrough the first Ori game. an absolutely gorgeous piece of work with a beautiful soundtrack and really likeable character designs and a sweet story, Ori is a great game to put on, sit back, and just let it wash over you. Cry’s playthrough is also great because although its a Metroidvania game, Cry fast forwards the parts where he backtracks for a long period of time, so you don’t get stuck watching him run back and forth as he tries to figure out where to go next or anything like that.

Cry also recently started playing the sequel as well!

If you enjoyed this list at all, please consider tipping me for a coffee

☕️ Ko-fi ☕️

#self isolation #Quarantine #Youtube #Links #Recommendations #Recommended #ask to tag #long post #No editing we die like men

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solynacea · 5 years

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333: Pride, Gluttony, & Scars

Warning: This a very long post that contains character analysis and an as-of-yet unsubstantiated theory. I don’t blame you if you want to skim read, and there’s a TL;DR at the bottom.

I’ve seen a lot of posts about the events of the newest chapter of Nanatsu no Taizai; as someone who does manga edits, I spend quite a bit of time staring at panels and dialogue to figure out how to organize, what can be taken out, what should be left in, etc. And I’ve done the same with this chapter, pouring over the scenes of Escanor’s final moments again, and again, and I’ve seen a theory about Merlin posted by @derieri, so I’d like to share my thoughts on the final words exchanged between Escanor and Merlin.

But first, let’s talk about blame. I’ve seen so much of it going around: Elizabeth should have healed him, Mael should have kept Sunshine, Meliodas should have kept him from fighting, and while those are valid complaints, they also subtract from and undermine Escanor’s character and the development of his arc. We learned from his gaiden that he thought he was a monster, unfit to live, a beast to be put down without remorse. It wasn’t until Meliodas bested him in combat and forced him to realize that his life was not his to do away with so carelessly that he began to live. And Escanor did what so many people with chronic depression/suicidal tendencies do: he latched onto his comrades as a reason to continue living.

Note: I am someone who suffers from the above conditions, so I am basing my analysis on that.

To Escanor, his very reason for being alive in his world was to protect the people he cared for, even if that meant losing his life in the process. And while he does care for the people of Liones — seen by him battling Estarossa to keep them safe and purposefully moving their fight to a lake to avoid hurting the knights nearby — the largest part of his world was the group of misfits who had become his friends. The Seven Deadly Sins were his family, the people he loved, the ones he would do absolutely anything for. Escanor did not see value in himself outside of as a tool to protect others; even without Sunshine, facing down an Indura spawn, he was willing to let it rip him to shreds to protect Gilthunder and the others. He was willing to die then. If Mael hadn’t intervened, he would have.

The long and short of what I’m saying is that, even without Sunshine, he would have found some way to put himself in that battle. We knew he was dying. It was shown in the blood he continued to cough up no matter how many times he was healed, in his disregard for his safety while fighting the Sinner at Camelot. His one regret when he thought he was going to die then was that he wouldn’t be able to continue protecting his comrades. Escanor, in his final moments, made two choices that those around him, who loved him, respected: he retook Sunshine to fight for his friends, and he burned up his life to keep them safe. (For those of you saying that Mael could have taken his place: yes. Or he could have joined in. But the Sins weren’t able to resist the Demon King without Merlin’s limit break magic, so whether or not him doing anything would have changed the outcome is debatable.)

Now that the bulk of my understanding of Escanor’s character is done, let’s move on to what originally prompted this post: his confession, and Merlin’s reaction to it.

While saying his farewell to the Sins and others, Escanor makes sure to acknowledge each of them in some way, whether by thanking them, apologizing, or asking for a favor. Or, in Ban’s case, getting in one final roast. What doesn’t he do? Downplay their grief. He fully acknowledges that his death is going to impact them all in some way, particularly not being able to attend King and Diane’s wedding. And when he gets to Merlin, he makes the confession of feelings she already knew he held.

After which Merlin does what Merlin is best at: she deflects. This is a canonical character trait for her; whether making a vague mention of something (her love for Meliodas), or waiting until the last second to reveal pertinent information (her Infinity magic), Merlin is known to be powerful and mysterious. She’s cool, she’s unruffled. And that doesn’t change here.

What does change is how Escanor speaks to her. Up to this point, he has always been respectful, almost to the point of absurdity. He does not press her on anything, does not question her. Yet here we see him blatantly refuse to allow her to hide behind a half-truth. Did Merlin view him as a test subject? Yes. Merlin views everyone that way to some degree. But Escanor isn’t a fool, and he immediately shakes his head and tells her that his feelings for her exist regardless of her view of him. Which leads to this:

Her veneer cracks. Merlin has only appeared vulnerable to this degree at one other point, and that was the death of Arthur. Her cool demeanor falls apart whenever some she cares for is dying, and that’s what happens here. If you want to read her body language, she’s averting her gaze (hiding from him), crossing her arms (to get distance/hold her emotions in check), and digging her fingers into her coat (to retain control). The moment Escanor tells her that he doesn’t care how she sees him because it won’t change how he feels, she begins to fall apart. And what does she say? “You’re too late.” We’ll come back to that.

She continues by seemingly veering off topic. “Too late for anything, for everything . . . some things just can’t be taken back.” Now, quite obviously we have yet to get a full gaiden for Merlin. Some of her backstory has been hinted at, like the destruction of Belialuin, which seem to be what she’s referencing here. But there’s something odd about it, and as @derieri pointed out, the way she’s wording her sentences and the confusion of Meliodas and Elizabeth make it highly likely that she’s referring to something other than Belialuin’s fall while saying that it’s too late. She continues by saying, “Escanor, I wish you would have found me sooner . . . If possible, 3,000 years sooner . . .”

That’s a very specific time frame, given that the first Holy War ended exactly 3,000 years before this event with the sealing of the Demon and Goddess Clans and the curse put on Meliodas and Elizabeth.

Here, Escanor directly acknowledges that there is something other than the sin that earned her the title of Gluttony. Merlin’s reaction?

Utter surprise and, by the sweat on her brow, horror. Whatever this sin is, it’s something that she’s tried desperately to keep hidden for centuries. Not even Meliodas, who she once loved, or Elizabeth, who she views as an older sister, know what it could be. When Escanor says that he doesn’t know the specifics, only that there was something else because she always looked so sad, we get a close up of her eye. Traditonally, this is a technique used whenever one character breaks through to another. It’s meant to bring us close to the character, to show those boundaries breaking down.

In this context, it means the boundaries between Merlin and Escanor are breaking down.

She goes silent after this while he says his final farewells, and doesn’t move until she goes to him and kisses him. There are three things that happen in those few panels that contradict Merlin’s established character: 1.) she moves towards someone, instead of having someone move to her; 2.) she acts on an impulse; and 3.) she puts herself directly in harm’s way. Merlin has been in battles before, yes, and she has suffered damage, but it is very rare for her to put herself so blatantly in danger when she doesn’t need to be. She could have told him she’d always remember him fondly. She didn’t need to burn her face as horribly, yet she did.

Directly after the kiss, she says:

There’s an interesting word choice here that might not be obvious to non-native English speakers. Merlin does not say, “I do not reciprocate your feelings for me.” She says, “I was never able to reciprocate your feelings for me.” In other words, she doesn’t say she does not love Escanor. She says she’s unable to love him. And there’s a world of difference between those two. It’s the difference between saying you do not eat something because you don’t like it, and you aren’t able to eat something because there’s a reason, like an allergy. Something is prohibiting Merlin from returning his feelings, at least in a deep way.

This is the panel that first caught my attention. “As proof of your life, as proof that you existed, I’ll take these burns upon my body . . .” That is a lot of commitment for someone she claims to see only as a research subject. There’s another person we’ve seen sear their flesh to touch the person they care for, and that was 3,000 years ago, when Meliodas reached into a goddess barrier to cradle and comfort Elizabeth. Merlin is scarring herself so that no one, herself included, will ever forget Escanor. And furthermore, she’s doing it as a symbol of his love for her.

Remember that point I said we’d come back to later? In the theory, it’s stated that Merlin sold Meliodas and Elizabeth out to the Demon King and Supreme Deity. Which, frankly, I think would be another level to the tragically beautiful story that is Nanatsu no Taizai, but from that come two possibilities: Merlin was punished for her hubris in daring to speak to the gods she betrayed by having her ability to love removed, or she removed it herself after the destruction of her home/the curse being placed.

Tl;dr: Merlin did, in some way, love Escanor, but whether through her own means or outside interference was unable to reciprocate it fully.

#text #long post #nnt #nanatsu no taizai #merlin #escanor #escalin #nnt meta #nnt analysis #meta post #analysis post #it's been a while since i did one of these and it came out waaaay longer than i expected #and it's also four am so i'm rambling a bit as well

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thewebcomicsreview · 4 years

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Is it weird that I actually like Homestuck 2, and am at the same time going “Oh Christ, I have to read it now”?

Regardless! New planet! New lore! Will we get a whole new species now? I really hope so, it’d be lame (and nonsensical) is it were just more trolls. I want to see what the natives of Universe C look like!

I didn’t think about it enough in Chapter 1, but the fact that Terezi crash-landed the ship, apparently on purpose and for lulz, is really weird. This is a bit past “prankster” and more in the realm of “the player you stop inviting to DnD”. Wandering out in space for years and fucking John Egbert changes a person.

New looks for everyone! Fun fact: That painting behind Dirk - which is a real painting Andrew Hussie owns - actually made a cameo appearance in Legend of the Hare!

Which was mostly a reference but also foreshadowing that Mary here would be the Horse Champion. Anyway, new looks for everyone! Homestuck characters used to change appearances constantly but it sort of stopped after Act 6, so it’s nice to see the return of Fashion. Apparently, Terezi ditched Jade’s shoes at some point for dragony ones and grew her hair out, while Rose is wearing a statue of liberty tiara, which is probably a reference to all the statues of liberty Alpha Dave made in that timeline for reasons that never seemed to matter at the time but now might.

This is a cute little subtle gag. Dirk’s “Terezi, you too” was extending the “Render yourself more symbolically” command, but Terezi thought it was a continuation of Dirk’s line from the previous page. She’s not as immune to his powers as she things. That green jacket is more than a little evocative of Lord English, and the color-loving Terezi could probably be convinced to trade the gold trim for flashing colors. Just a thought to keep in the back of your mind.

ROSEBOT: At the very least, none of us succumbed to substance abuse. Or re-succumbed, I guess I should say.

ROSEBOT: The perks of not having an appetite or a liver, in my case.

ROSEBOT: In yours... I'm actually not sure. Perhaps the underlying cognitive dissonance or trauma you were originally trying to distract yourself from is no longer a going concern?

ROSEBOT: Or... ROSEBOT: No, wait. ROSEBOT: That's not right. ROSEBOT: I'm thinking of a different Terezi. ROSEBOT: Or maybe I'm thinking of a different me? ROSEBOT: Maybe the different me is thinking of a different Terezi, and I'm just witnessing the thought happen as a bystander. ROSEBOT: It's much the same thing at this point. ROSEBOT: ... ROSEBOT: And I suppose I'm also prematurely ruling out the potential of anime functioning as an abusable substance. ROSEBOT: In which case I've got very bad news for all of us.

The plot of Homestuck is so convoluted that even the characters can’t keep it straight anymore. Rose is referring to her struggles with alcoholism in the original Game Over timeline, but this Rose is from the post-Retcon timeline, and going Ultimate is causing them all to blend together in her mind. Also she seems to think that Game Over Terezi’s problem was being addicted to Faygo, not having an abusive boyfriend, unless she’s thinking of some other Terezi.

Also, as someone who was the treasurer of a college anime club despite not liking anime, I can confirm that Rose has some very bad news indeed.

ROSE: Where shall our allegory begin? DIRK: Beg pardon. ROSE: Oh come on. The cave? ROSE: I have to say I’m a little disappointed in you. Three years, and not once did I witness you replacing any parts of the ship. ROSE: How are we to jerk ourselves off philosophically if you don’t lean into your clumsy allusions? DIRK: It's a fair question. DIRK: But since the name you suggested was nothing more than a very juvenile play on words, I can’t say you’ve got much ground to stand on. ROSE: What’s juvenile about The Kant? DIRK: Nothing. DIRK: At least, not when you say it. ROSE: It’s not my fault you sound like a gay cowboy. DIRK: Sigh.

See, this is what the epilogues were missing! Bantz! Rose was practically comatose for the Meat epilogues, so it’s good to see her back. Maybe one day we’ll get Jade back, too.

Who the fuck is this? This isn’t Dirk narrating, it’s black text. Is this the same person who was narrating the last chapter with Calliope? That narrator didn’t address the audience like this.

Dirk is naming the new planet “Deltritus”, which is a Homestucky portmanteau of Delta (As in “D”; It’s the fourth SBURB planet), and detritus. Kind of an insulting name, honestly. If this planet has SBURB on it, doesn’t that imply it’s inhabited? Do the locals not have a name for it?

DIRK: The point is, we will be building intelligent life on this planet from scratch. That was one of our key mistakes with Earth C. We should have started our guidance from the very beginning, instead of letting it grow organically in our image.

Oh, okay, guess not.

ROSE: Our own world was abandoned by its gods. Or, I suppose, its gods never reached it.

I’d actually really love to see an AU where there trolls made it, and Vriska and Aradia guided the human race as immortal gods. Rose is right that it probably would’ve been way worse, especially given how the Alpha Earth went.

I’m deeply curious about who this narrator is, who speaks in a neutral black text and uses more casual language than Dirk or Calliope. Is this Ultimate Dave, maybe? It sounds more like Dave than anyone else. But how?

Oops, I was wrong. It was Dirk, all along. Well I guess you’ve made a monkey - yes you’ve finally made a monkey - you’ve finally made a monkey out of me.

Oh, that’s actually cool! Rose and Dirk are going to create their own species and let them compete to play the game!

ROSE: There's something so delicious about the two of us being the ones to populate an entire planet from scratch. ROSE: The irony doesn't get much sweeter.

“From scratch”, you say?

DIRK: Next step is adding mutations. DIRK: We can use any old shit for this. Literally any captchalogueable object can be added into the mix by inserting its card into one of the slots here.

So, they each clone themselves, and throw random items in the pot to basically alchemize a new species, the way they used to make weapons? The potential for absurdity here is immense, as is the potential for crimes against god.

ROSE: It's amazing what pieces of inconsequential information your mind can recall at a moment's notice, a whole decade after they were last relevant or interesting to anyone. ROSE: ... ROSE: I think I missed this.

I did, too. Behind all the angst and the melancholy and the sci-fi adventures, Homestuck is a profoundly stupid comic and I’m unironically glad they’re remembering it, and bringing back some of the fun of creation.This is a surprisingly impactful line.

Ed....ward......

Incredible. This is all sorts of fucked up and I love it.

Oh god, Dirk is going to make Cherubs and Rose is going to make Squiddles and the long-memed 48-player Squiddle session is actually going to happen, isn’t it?

Edit: Any item that can be captachlouged can be made part of the species, and that includes John’s dead body that’s currently burning a hole in Terezi’s inventory. So Karkat’s shitty breeding chart from Act 5 can come true after all.

#Homestuck #Homestuck 2 #homestuck 2 liveblog

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sebastien-le-booker · 4 years

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I just finished reading six of crows, for the second time and despite the fact that i knew what was gonna happen, it still was a rollercoaster and my heart was broken and i cried and uuuuuuuuuuuurrrgrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgqhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so, i decided to make a post with my favorite quotes and parts. again, english is not my first language, the book is not in english, so some of the quotes will be translated by me and google translate.

Also, i decided to post this again bc it doesn’t show up in the tags anymore and it kinda took me a while to edit this because of how “amazing” tumblr works...

"We'll be kings and queens Inej. Kings and queens"

“I’m going to get my money, Kaz vowed. And I’m going to get my girl”

Those 2 are probably my favorite and idk why but they are. the one with kings and queens just feels so full of hope and i loved how kaz said those words, i just absolutely love it.

and what got me at the second one, was the “I’m going to get my girl” Despite how difficult it is for him to admit his feelings for Inej, even to himself tbh, right now, nothing else matters but “his girl”. The money might matter, but i think that is more about the fact that he got screwed over and you don’t screw over Kaz, but it’s his girl that matters the most.

“Scheming face. Jesper whispered to Inej.

She nodded. ‘Definitely”

From the same category “Kaz and his scheming face”

“Kaz looked south toward Ketterdam’s harbors. The beginnings of an idea scratched at the back of his skull, an itch, the barest inkling. It wasn’t a plan, but it might be the start of one. He could see the shape it would take—impossible, absurd, and requiring a serious chunk of cash.

‘Scheming face,’ murmured Jesper.

‘Definitely,’ agreed Wylan.”

I love Jesper and Inej and now Wylan being familiar with Kaz scheming face, for me this is sort of like they paid enough attention to Kaz to know what some of his expressions mean and i love the part where it is described how an idea is starting to crawl inside Kaz head. I love it because it was mentioned a lot of the times how smart kaz is, and we see him talk about how he learnt all those tricks from the magicians and set up the plan for breaking into the ice court but now, it’s like we’re inside his brain and we slightly see how it works.

“Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.”

“I’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.”

“My ghost won’t associate with your ghost. Matthias said primply, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain”

“’When we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm.’

‘I'm going to pay someone to burn my kruge for me.’

‘Why don't you pay someone else to pay someone to burn your kruge for you? That's what the big players do.’

‘Want me to tell you what real players do?’ Jesper said. ‘The pay someone to pay someone else to…’”

I love these scenes because they’re just sweet, casual moments between them and I’m wondering how many conversations like these did they have and how does a conversation like this sounds for an outsider dhsjldfjs

“’I’ll get us out. You know that.’

Tell me you know that. He needed her to say it. (...) He needed to know that she believed he could do this (...) He needed to know she believed in him.”

“He turned his head. They were sitting close together, their shoulders nearly touching. (...) he thought, What happens if i move closer?

‘I don’t want your prayers’ he said

‘What do you want, then?’

(...) a different reply roared to life inside him, loud, insistent, unwelcomed. You, Inej. You“

“Because I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days”

“You okay? Inej asked and Kaz felt himself drawn toward her voice like water rolling down hill.”

“Kaz took her hand.

‘Inej, he said, his finger stroking her wrist. ‘If we don’t get out alive tonight, I want you to know that…’

Inej was waiting. She felt hope opening its wings inside of her, ready to fly if Kaz would push it with the right words (…). She lifted her hand and touched Kaz cheek. (…) Inej cupped his cheek in her palm.

‘If we don’t get out of here alive, I’ll die with no regrets, Kaz. Can you say the same thing?’

She could see it took every last bit of his terrible will for him to remain still beneath her touch. And yet, he did not pull away. She knew it was the best he could offer”

"He had felt horror and compulsion, but in spite of the chaos that had taken over them, he had also felt a desire that had remained imprinted in his soul, the hope that it would touch him again."

“’You shouldn’t make friends with crows.’

‘Why not?’

He’d looked up from his desk to answer, but whatever he’d been about to say had vanished on his tongue.

The sun was out for once, and Inej had turned her face to it. Her eyes were shut, her oil-black lashes fanned over her cheeks. The harbor wind had lifted her dark hair, and for a moment Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in this world.

‘Why not?’ she’d repeated, eyes still closed.

He said the first thing that popped into his head. ‘They don’t have any manners.’

‘Neither do you, Kaz.’ She’d laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and got drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him.”

“Kaz seized her hand, keeping it on the railing. He didn’t look at her. ‘Stay,’ he said, his voice rough stone. ‘Stay in Ketterdam. Stay with me.’

He took a breath. ‘I want you to stay. I want you to … I want you.’

‘You want me.’ She turned the words over. Gently, she squeezed his hand. ‘And how will you have me, Kaz?’

‘How will you have me?’ she repeated. ‘Fully clothed, gloves on, your head turned away so our lips can never touch?’

Speak, she begged silently. Give me a reason to stay. For all his selfishness and cruelty, Kaz was still the boy who had saved her. She wanted to believe he was worth saving, too.”

“But he could think only about Inej. Inej had to live. She must’ve escaped the Ice Court. And if she hadn’t, Kaz had to survive to save her”

All of these are all the moments they could have confessed their feelings for each other and some of the moments Kaz thought that Inej is the reason for which the sun still rises and there’s still some good left in the world. Poor boy is trying really hard sometimes but considering the things he’s been through it’s understandable that he doesn’t know how to say how he feels and that he’s probably afraid. But I also understand Inej and why she said “and how will you have me kaz? Fully clothed with your gloves on?” she wants more than what kaz can offer her at the moment but at the same time she also doesn’t exactly blame him and understands that it’s what he can right now.

Honestly, Kaz is “an idiot sandwich”, unable of showing appreciation like a functional person, but I think, the fact that he lets Inej into her office to feed the crows, or takes off his gloves and shirt when she’s around, it shows how much trust there is between them and understanding. I know they’re not perfect, but I love them both as individual characters and how they are together.

I love the hints to shadow and bone trilogy like:

“I could read to you if i had anything to read. There’s a Heartrender at the Little Palace who can recite epic poetry for hours. Then you’d wish you had died.”

We all know this is about Tolya, who I love very much and I love how everyone seems to be annoyed by his poems and makes them wanna die just so they won’t have to hear them, but that doesn’t stop him.

Or, how Nina says that people in Ravka are starting to question the existence of the saints and that maybe they were just some powerful Grisha bc look at Sankta Alina… she was no saint and she had the same thought about the saints after finding out that Sankt Ilya was just a Grisha.

“Toffee?

Her eyes slid away guilty. ‘Kaz said to pack what we needed for the journey. ‘A girl has to eat”

My girl considers toffee as being essentials and I couldn’t agree more with her. I’ll forever be grateful for having a character like Nina.

“I can tell you’ve never picked a pocket.’

‘And i can tell you’ve never given enough thought to your haircut. Kaz frowned and ran a self-conscious hand along the side of his head ‘There’s nothing wrong with my haircut that can’t be fixed by four million kruge”

Idk what I think it’s funnier, Nina picking up on Kaz hair or him being embarrassed by it. She knew how her words would affect kaz and she went for it

“Inej heard a grunt and then a loud whump as Nina hit the bottom of the shaft like a sack of laundry. Inej winced”

“ Jesper like a limber insect, Wylan in stops and starts, wiggling like a caterpillar trying to make its way out of a cocoon.”

Yeah, ok Inej, sorry not all of us are as good as you at landings and jumping from buildings and all of that… I love that both of these are from Inej pov because this is her thing and she notices

“We'll see what's in store for us tonight, Matthias thought. It's true that tricks are not my language, but I might learn them in the end. "

Uhm… is this the moment this boy started to accept that the Dregs are not That bad and being anything other than a Fjerdan and living your life slightly differently isn’t a crime? *growth*

“’And you're right. I have no right to judge you.’

‘Don't start doing this.’

‘What?’

‘Agree with me. It's a sure way to dying.’

‘I don't like the idea of killing people, either. I don't even like chemistry.’

‘What do you like?’

‘Music. Numbers. Equations. They're not like words. They ... they don't get mixed up.’

‘If only you could talk to girls in equations.’

There was a long silence, and then, eyes trained on the notch they'd created in the link, Wylan said, ‘Just girls?’

Jesper restrained a grin. ‘No. Not just girls.’ It really was a shame they were all probably going to die tonight.”

Two things, Jepser, honey, Wylan will start agreeing with you and it will not lead to anything bad but actually something beautiful called love and you will spend the rest of your lives together and will be happy and in love for the rest of time.

Second thing, I love the “what a shame we could die tonight cause you and I could have so much fun together, oh boy, you’ve got no idea, the things we could do”

“Had he just killed two of his kind? Jesper had only wanted to survive. He thought of tthe banner on the wall, all those strips of red, blue and purple. He felt dizzy and confused. He knew the others were counting on him. He had to move on. But he felt that he had left a part of him in the yard, something he had not even known was important to him, something impalpable like fog. "

This made me cry so hard because, yes, Jesper has problems, it’s obvious from the first moment he’s introduced, but I don’t think he’s entirely aware of his problems and if he is, he is avoiding them and I don’t think he actually tries to understand why he enjoys the things that he does. In this scene, tho he is actually affected by what’s happening, he is visibly shaken up. He is a lot of things and I think this is the moment that he actually understands what his power means, why the other Grisha are choosing to use their powers and fight against the people that want to hurt them for their powers and that simply choosing not to use his powers, deny that he’s a Grisha, maybe is not an option anymore.

#six of crows #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #nina zenik #wylan van eck #matthias helvar #soc mine

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shawnpetermuffins · 5 years

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No Prior Engagement

(The outfits in the photo are not what's described in the story, but I liked the picture.)

A/n: To make this easier to write, I'm just going to use places that pertain to me - make it less confusing when I'm writing and while you're reading. You can find the "next part" in my March Mendes Madness Masterlist under 03.25

Summary: this is what happened before Shawn's minor slip up at an awards show.

***

My phone buzzes on my desk and I sigh, looking up from my study guide. 2:32 a.m. my phone read.

Bubba 💞

"Shawn, it's late. Are you okay?"

"Let's get married," he says out of the blue.

"What? Are you drunk?"

"No," he answers seriously. "I just don't want to wait anymore. Why should we have to? We're in love, right?"

"Well, yes. But-"

"I want to marry you. Right now. I want a house with you. I want kids with you. I want us to make grocery lists together. And I was just laying here in bed and I realized how much it fucking sucks falling asleep without you. And I know that I can't be anymore in love with you than I am right now. I want to marry you," he says and takes in a deep breath.

I didn't know what to think. We've talked about this, sure, but it always for when I got out of school.

"What do you say, pumpkin?"

"I want all of that, too," I start. "But I'm still in school. We can't let our first year and a half basically be long distance - even more so than usual, it would seem."

He sighs, "I thought you'd say that. Which is why I should tell you... I bought us a house in San Angelo. It's on the lake, like you've always told me you wanted. I'm ready to move down there with yoh if you tell me that you'll marry me."

My eyes burn with tears, maybe because it was so late and I was running on a total of three hours of sleep, or maybe it was because of the craziness of his request. "You're sure about this?" I take in a sputtery breath. "Like you really want to marry me? You want to spend the rest of your life with me of all people?"

"I do. And I already asked your dad. He wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of us doing this so young, but I promised it wouldn't interfere with your studies and that we'd stay here until you've graduated. He said that as long as you said yes, then so did he. So? What do you say, y/n? Will you marry me?"

I giggle - this time I know, for a fact, it's because of the absurdity of the situation. I'm talking to my boyfriend of three years at 2:30 in the morning, and he's asking me to marry him. I have an exam in two days that I should be studying for, but my guide sits abandoned on my desk while I pace the room back and forth. "This is absolutely insane. You know that right?"

"Is this your way of saying yes?" He asks, his voice hopeful.

I bite back the smile that transforms my face, "yes," I whisper.

His laugh is so soft and happy, and I blush because I made that laugh happen. "I'll make all the arrangements. Come Saturday afternoon, you will be my wife."

"Whoa. That fast?"

"Yes," I know he nodded on the other side. "I told you I didn't want to wait anymore. Now go get some sleep, you can study in the morning. Right now, though, I want my fiancé to be well rested."

I shake my head, "I love you," I say in pure bliss.

"Good night, future wife. I love you more."

"Good night, future husband. I love you most."

---

"You're sure you're okay with not having a huge wedding?" Shawn asked outside the courthouse.

I look down at my outfit, black shirt, cream skater like skirt - the bottom hem littered with flowers - And black stilettos that I was already ready to slip out of. I'd always imagined a big flowy white gown, but when I look over at Shawn - dressed in a white button up, a few buttons naturally undone, and signature black jeans and Chelsea boots. He looked perfectly content just like that and I couldn't ask for more. I didn't need the big fancy wedding as long as I had the man of my dreams standing next to me.

"I'm okay," I say finally, taking his hand in mine. "I just want to marry you already. I don't care how."

He caresses my knuckles and leans in to press a sweet kiss to my lips. I hum in acknowledgement and kiss back, placing my free hand behind his neck. "Then let's go do this."

---

Everyone we want it here. Our parents, siblings, Andrew, the band, my aunt and uncle, my two best friends, Josiah, and Brian. This is all I needed.

"Shawn, if you would..."

My beautiful boy clears his throat, "y/f/n y/m/n, I may not have known you my whole life, but it definitely feels as if I have. In these three years we've been together, I've watched you grow into this beautiful, confident young woman who I am so lucky to have by my side through my crazy, fast paced life." He clears his throat, shaking his head with a soft smile. "I never thought the day would come when I met someone who's soul matched mind. You're my other half, pumpkin. I know a million little things about you and I can't wait to learn a million more. I love you more than should be humanly possible. The way you do your nails every Sunday afternoon, like clockwork. How you scrunch up your face when you're annoyed. The way your laugh, when it's completely real, fills up a room with nothing but brightness."

I giggle through the threatening tears. Shawn wipes away the one straggler tear. "The way you'd probably rather do anything but watch Harry Potter for the hundredth time, but you sit through it anyway because you know it's my favorite. I'm just... I'm so in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life proving that I am. You are my forever person and I wouldn't have it any other way."

He catches a couple more of my fallen tears and I melt at the soft gesture.

"Y/n?"

I take in a shuddery breath, "I don't know entirely what to say. I tried writing down how I felt about you a billion times. I tried writing these vows the second we got off the phone the other night. There are not enough words in the English language to tell you how I feel. But I know that my entire being is on fire with just the brush of your hand against mine. Shawn, I fell in love with you when all you were to me was an international pop star, who had no idea u even existed. I was about sixteen then. And then god put you in my path when I was seventeen and I haven't turned back since. When we met, I didn't meet Shawn Mendes: superstar. I just met Shawn: a regular guy just living his life. There was never this moment of celebrity to fan; it was instantly friend to friend."

He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear and I can't help but smile. "You make it entirely too easy to love you. And I do. More than anyone else in the world. I can't believe how lucky I was to find my other half at only seventeen, and to be standing here, three years later, completely giving myself to you. I love you more than you will ever know, bubba, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

---

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

"Finally," Shawn mumbles, pulling me against his hard chest. His large hands rest on my cheeks and kisses me with so much love and passion. I laugh into the kiss and pull away. "You're my world, Mrs. Mendes," he whispers into my hair, holding me tight.

I bury my head into his chest, "I have never loved my name more than I do in this moment."

He hums, "I love you so much."

---

Shawn stands up, holding his wine glass. "I would like to propose a toast to my beautiful wife," he stops and smiles for a second. "Guys, I get to say that for the rest of my life. That's- wow, that's the greatest gift I could ever receive." The whole table awes, the women, of course placing their hands over their heart. "I just want to say that I am so lucky to have found you when I did. And even more lucky that you agreed to marry me. I fall more and more in love with you every day. Y/n, baby you are my biggest blessing, and I could not be more grateful for our time together. Now, let's go change your name to Mendes on everything."

We all laugh, but he I know he's serious. Bevause I've been thinking the same thing since I said 'I do.'

He leans down and pecks my lips gently. I hum and pull away as he sits back down. "You're the perfect human being," I whisper, taking his hand in mine. I bring it to my lips and smile at the single silver band that now decorates his left ring finger.

Brian stands next. "Well, I too would like to say a few kind words about the happy couple."

"Oh no," Shawn and I say in unison.

"Y/n, when you guys first met, I knew that Shawn had met his soul mate. It was undeniable, the chemistry between you two. Everyone thought you were moving too fast, and I hate to admit that for a second there, I thought so too. But then I realized, there was no other pace for you guys to go. And you couldn't be moving that fast, when it took six months for you guys to say 'I love you.'" I laugh at that. "Your relationship began at such an awkward time for the both of you. But you shoved any doubt that anyone had away and you powered through. And now here you are, three years down the road, married. I'm so proud to be able to call you both my best friends."

Everyone takes turns toasting us, and it's all beautiful, but I just really wanted to be alone with my husband.

A couple more hours pass before we're back in my car, Shawn takes my hand and just stares at it for a while.

"What are you doing, bubba?"

He looks up at my through cloudy eyes, "You're my wife," he says, barely above a whisper. "God, I'm so lucky."

"Shawn, are you crying?" I reach for his face with my free hand. His eyes are red as he stares at me. "Why are you crying, hon?"

"Because we're married. I'm married to the love of my life. I don't- I don't think I could ever be any happier than I am today. Today was better than any show I've ever played, any award I've ever won, and place I've ever been. Today is the absolute greatest day of my life."

***

I hope you enjoyed this fluff. Next and final part will be up on Wednesday!

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fluff #smfsource

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thecomedybureau · 4 years

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The 100 Best Things in Comedy We Were Witness to In No Particular Order of 2019

OK, 2019′s officially over and we’ve wrangled our 100 truly favorite things in and around comedy (and it really spans all of comedy) that are not ranked whatsoever. It’s just like the title says and, it’s, as it is every year, quite long, so we won’t waste any more time with this intro.

Oh, in case you forgot and/or curious and/or need a quick refresher, here’s our 2018 list.

1. Rory Scovel Live Without Fear-This documentary follows Rory Scovel and his journey through six nights of completely improvised hour sets. In a single word, it’s inspiring. You see the way Scovel truly connects the audience and keeps it that way through his indelible charm and endless curiosity. The near unbelievable story of the Relapse Theater in Atlanta is also beautifully threaded in the doc as well. The clips of the improvised performances capture the magic that stand-up comedy can be that’s absent from the majority of comedy specials. You should be required to see this whenever and wherever it comes if you have any level of interest in comedy at all.

2. Naomi Ekperigin-From her own stand-up, to her podcast with husband Andy Beckerman, Couples Therapy, and her writing across TV, and everything else she does, Naomi is such an thoroughly commanding, yet delightful presence that we love seeing every time anywhere (and she should already be way bigger of a star already).

3. Cait Raft’s Presentation on “Bradley Cooper’s a Star Is Born Takes Place in an Alternate Reality Where 9/11 Never Happened”-Witnessing the imagination of Cait Raft up close was a privilege for us. This amazing dissection of the zeitgeist left us in stitches and with our mouth agape for how thoroughly it proved its point.

4. Corporate Season 2-The second season of the ultra dark workplace comedy delivered once again on its hysterical nihilistic satire that’s so prescient, yet still so unbelievably funny.

5. Mom-Prov Presents Family Therapy-Improviser Izzy Roland was daring enough to have her mom and her grandmother, both of whom are also in showbiz, to join her on stage for one of the most madcap, fourth wall-breaking, entertaining improv shows we’ve seen all throughout 2019.

6. Jena Friedman-So, this year, Jena delivered yet again with her subtle delivery and calm demeanor that hides her absolutely killer jokes. The follow-up to her Adult Swim special, Soft Focus, upped the ante with an interview of a gun-toting John McAffee and her brilliant Conan set about everyone’s true crime obsession.

7. Brendon Walsh’s Afternoon Delight-This last year, Brendon Walsh let everyone know that he was and still is one of the best at pulling prank calls, which is so much harder now than it was even ten years ago. This live show actually has Brendon place live prank calls in between stand-ups and the ride you go on is absolutely thrilling.

8. Jacqueline Novak’s Get on Your Knees-Novak’s solo show has more than earned its spot as an Off-Broadway show with bringing such an exquisite, almost never before seen comedic sensibility to the topic of blow jobs.

9. #F*ckF*ckJerry-Props to Vulture Senior Editor Megh Wright for sparking the fire to take out the egregious social media accounts of F*ck Jerry that just lifted jokes from comedians all across the Internet without pay or attribution.

10. Lorelei Ramirez-We’ve known distantly about Lorelei Ramirez for so many years, but seeing them up close was a breathtaking experience that had us laughing so hard. Their artistry in comedy that gracefully borders on performance art and even horror is absolutely inspiring.

11. Aaron Urist-Denver’s Aaron Urist is such a killer joke writer and joke teller and has been for years. We just were reminded about that with his burning bush joke during his latest LA trip.

12. Booksmart-Olivia Wilde’s directorial debut was not only a reinvigorated take on movies that specifically hone in on the end of high school, but also had a sincerely hopeful vision of the future generation. We hope that Booksmart finds its way to the top of the coming-of-age comedy films pantheon.

13. Rachel Mac on Lights Out-One of the highlights of Lights Out with David Spade is how unfiltered and raunchy they let comics get during their sets on the show. Rachel Mac took that amount of comedic license and thrived in getting into the nitty gritty about her last teaching job.

14. What We Do In The Shadows-The FX TV adaptation of the seminal Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement film in 2014 exceedingly succeeds in nailing the comedy of minutia in the world of the undead that also happens to be in a (somewhat) grounded reality.

15. PEN15-Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle’s vision of 2000 and their performances as teens were so spot on that PEN15 would deserve acclaim just for that. However, the heart of this show made its humor stand out in an ever crowded field of coming-of-age comedy.

16. Tiffany Haddish’s Black Mitzvah-A lot has happened for Tiffany Haddish since her last special (she’s a legit A-list celebrity now), but it’s clear that she is still her unapologetically positively, life loving self. This special is evidence of that, especially with her bit about her New Year’s show that she got undeserved flack for.

17. Straw Men-Lindsay Adams, Danny Palumbo, and Sam Wiles (and producer Kimmie Lucas) put on what is our favorite imagining of a comedic debate that we’ve seen thus far. The encouragement to make the most ridiculous, baseless arguments and being transparent about the whole thing is a golden goose of comedy.

18. The ending of Gloria Bell-Well, we can’t very well give away the ending to this English language dramedy remake from Sebastián Lelio that has Julianne Moore shine as bright as she has ever shone before, but just know that we stood out of our seats, applauding what she did to John Turturro right at the end.

19. I Think You Should Leave-Tim Robinson’s unflinchingly absurd sketch series unequivocally has many of the best sketches of 2019. The hot dog costume and Mexican restaurant sketches will have us busting up through, very likely, the next decade.

20. Les Miz and Friends-Bonkers (and we mean that in the best way possible) doesn’t begin to describe how wild this meta and great this puppet and human hybrid take on the theater institution of Les Miserables. The sheer cleverness on every level is awe-inspiring.

21. Dave Ross’ The Only Man Who Has Ever Had Sex-Ross has been a longtime favorite of ours for the contrasting bounciness and darkness of his comedy. His debut album captures this dichotomy perfectly.

22. Nikki Glaser: Bangin’-Nikki Glaser’s first Netflix hour special started off with a bang, pun intended. Her frank, but heartfelt exploration of all facets of sex is so damn funny that Glaser gets away with being as blue as she wants.

23. Super Dating Simulator-This live, interactive version of various Japanese video game dating simulators is one of the more innovative and surprisingly charming things we saw this year. Creator Sam Weller did a bang-up job not only making a video game work as a stage show, but doing so with a very off-beat sub-genre of video games

24. Emmy Blotnick’s Party Nights-Blotnick’s latest album shows Emmy at the peak of her delightful observational powers. The concept of a “Self-Potato” is just priceless.

25. Tammercise!-Folks in comedy are getting all sorts of clever these days to redefine traditional formats and disciplines and push the art form forward. Madeline Wager does this exquisitely with a solo show of a woman unraveling that doubles as legit aerobics class.

26. The Cherry Orchard w/Chad Damiani and Jet Eveleth-Damiani and Eveleth explore a new angle on postmodern clowning by supposedly doing a Chekov play going through dress rehearsal without any of the players knowing what they’re supposed to do. The back and forth between the live direction and the tomfoolery on stage is truly hysterical.

27. Bake Stuff with Lindsay LIVE-It’s about time for a comedic cooking show that actually does teach you a wonderful recipe and also explores and resolves(?) childhood trauma. Lindsay Adams’ Bake Stuff with Lindsay, which we indeed saw live, accomplishes all of that and inspires all those watching to cook through their feelings.

28. Shalewa Sharpe’s So, You Just Out Here?-Shalewa imbues homespun wisdom with marvelously colorful descriptions all throughout this very satisfying album.

29. The Amazing Johnathan Documentary from Ben Berman-The Amazing Johnathan’s life story is pretty captivating as is. The story about Ben Berman trying to tell his story amidst several other people trying to tell his story is absolutely engrossing and is somehow all true.

30. Julio Torres’ HBO special “My Favorite Shapes”-Torres’ special is simultaneously one of the most daring and silly hour specials in recent memory and his elevation of prop comedy to a whole new level is to be commended.

31. The Underculture with James Adomian-James Adomian has been one of comedy podcasts’ most in-demand and bright shining stars. It comes as no surprise that his own podcast that revs up all his characters has some of the best, most dynamic, absurdist interviews in political and pop culture satire.

32. Daniel Van Kirk’s Thanks Diane/Together Tour-Van Kirk’s first, complete hour that he both toured with and released as an album is so impressive with how deftly Dan manages a balance of sincerity and mischief from wire-to-wire.

33. Conan in Greenland-Conan marvelously turns his travel specials series Conan Without Borders on its head by attempting to buy Greenland based off of Trump’s stupid tweets.

34. Mary Beth Barone’s Drag His Ass: A F*ckboy Treatment Program-Mary Beth Barone’s live show exploration into her dating life is illuminating and hilarious throughout, but the actual interview that she does live with a “f*ckboy” is transcendent.

35. Obvious Plant’s Carnival of Toys-Jeff Wysaski AKA Obvious Plant really outdid himself this year in his quest to permeate everyday reality with a satirical twist. He not only made a whole line of custom toy figures that satirize pop culture on so many levels, but opened up a whole pop-up museum for several days to exhibit them in all of their bizarre glory.

36. Sports Without Equipment with Coach Keith Alejo-This Dress Up Gang sketch is one of those ideas that are simple, yet so out-of-left-field. Literally, they take sports without equipment to its funniest conclusion.

37. #Squatmelt-Howard Kremer’s desire to keep the spirit of The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail alive has evolved into its own very special thing in the form of a DIY stand-up comedy show/walking tour that periodically migrates around LA.

38. Catch-22-Trying to adapt such a monumental literary work like Catch-22 is almost a fool’s errand, but writers Luke Davies and David Michôd do a smash-up job for not only bringing Heller’s immortal words to life, but also sticking the landing for all the darkly absurdly comical moments that run rampant throughout the story.

39. Get Rich Nick-Even if they didn’t have the fantastic banter, riffs, and asides from the very funny duo of Nick Turner and Nick Vatterott, this podcast that explores how to make money real quick is one of the best new podcasts of the whole year. Fortunately, Nick and Nick’s humor runs rampant through every episode and makes Get Rich Nick engrossing and makes you actually laugh out loud.

40. MK Paulsen-The comedy of MK Paulsen can be faster than a bullet, but as satisfyingly silly as a gun that shoots a flag with the word ‘bang’ on it. Every time we see him do stand-up, it’s a fun, rollicking ride that’s equal parts offbeat whimsy, clever wordplay, and an agile sense of timing and play.

41. Father Figurine by Matt Kazman-The dour faces of the family in this dark comedy short play to the highest comedic effect perfectly. A dead patriarch and an apathetic family make for some of the best dry humor in 2019.

42. Funk Shuffle-Danny Cymbal, Dennis Curlett, and Michael Gardner comprise Funk Shuffle, an improv group that manages fly freer and more untethered than almost any other improv group that we’ve ever seen. They make their defiance and experimentation with improv forms really work due to the trio’s unflinchingly playful spirit.

43. Gary Gulman’s The Great Depresh-Gulman, as one of comedy’s premier craftsman, of course, delivers an hour of stellar comedy with this special. He also manages, this time around, to destigmatize depression and, in general, be hopeful. That particular comedy trifecta is such an impressive feat that very few can accomplish.

44. Greener Grass-The scope and ambition of Jocelyn DeBoer and Dawn Luebbe’s directorial debut hints at some really special things to come from them in the future. Their absolutely demented, pastel drenched absurdist vision was a shocking delight through and through.

45. Jenny Slate’s Stage Fright-Slate’s best comedic strength is her unshakeable vulnerability. This hour special lets Jenny present that trait as intimately as she has ever presented it and gives an in-depth look as to where that hilarious vulnerability comes from.

46. Heather Anne Campbell swatting a baby out of someone’s hands in an improv scene-At this point, it should come as no surprise that Heather Anne Campbell is one of our absolute all-time favorite people in comedy and thus, she kind of just ends up making it on this list annually on her own someway, somehow. This year, during a performance of her improv group, Heather and Company, we laughed as hard as we’ve ever laughed at Drew DiFonzo Marks initiating a scene by rocking a baby back and forth and then, Heather insanely swatted it out of his hands and stomped on it. It sounds ludicrous, but trust that Heather made that so unbelievably funny.

47. Adam Cayton-Holland’s Happy Place-Cayton-Holland’s live solo show based on his critically acclaimed book of the same name pulls off oscillating between cleverly wrought and self-aware comedy and some of the most heartbreaking stories you’ll ever hear about his late sister. Holland’s focus and calm make it all miraculously blend together.

48. The Authorized Unauthorized My Favorite Murder Musical-In the world of unauthorized musicals about things that you wouldn’t really think about being adapted into unauthorized musicals (it’s a bigger ever-burgeoning world every month it seems), the staged reading of this My Favorite Murder-inspired musical that we saw was phenomenal. The full stage production to come in 2020 will undoubtedly be something really great.

49. Pedro Gonzalez-Pedro’s jokes are so expertly written and crafted that you forget that he immigrated to America as a teenager from Colombia and learned English as a second language.

50. Garry Starr Performs Everything-UK comedian Garry Starr’s solo show is a genius send-up and celebration of theater as a whole. The physicality and the sheer madness of the whole show are so thoroughly hysterical.

51. Kira Soltanovich-We just want to take a moment to appreciate the agility of the comedy of Kira Soltanovich. Not only does Kira play any room or any show as far as we’ve seen, but her drive is just unstoppable (see ep. of The Honey Dew).

52. Mike Birbiglia’s The New One-Though it seems almost too routine that Birbiglia comes out with a new hour special that garners tons of acclaim for its ornate and complex and, ultimately, very satisfying tapestry of stories, Birbiglia delivers exactly once again with one such solo show/special on fatherhood.

53. Michelle Buteau-We saw Michelle headline just a few months ago at Dynasty Typewriter and were reminded of just how good Buteau is. She combines being heartfelt, having a fun bit of attitude, and an absolute command of the stage in such a beautiful way.

54. Gareth Reynolds’ Riddled with Disease-Many folks know how great Gareth is from his madcap riffing on The Dollop, but Reynolds shows he is fantastic with a sharp, hilarious, yet still fast-and-loose-feeling hour.

55. Sara Schaefer’s LIVE LAUGH LOVE-Sara, above most folks working in comedy today, goes to great lengths to be considerate, inclusive, and vulnerable in her comedy and it’s so, so wonderful because of that. This album is yet another great example of that mix.

56. Sean Patton’s Scuttlebutt-Sean Patton’s latest album is a fantastic note to any and all that Sean is, hands down, one of the best comedians ever to spin a yarn (and also share some damn fine true stories) and deserves way more accolade and attention for that now and going forward.

57. Matt Rogers’ Have You Heard of Christmas?-Rogers had quite a 2019 in putting culture on notice, but his queer and subversive holiday musical extravaganza might be one of the best pieces of holiday themed comedy of all time.

58. The Chris Gethard Show with Robby Hoffman-Not only does Robby Hoffman keep the punk rock, conventions-be-damned spirit of TCGS alive, but she makes it so much her own and lets her hilarious, domineering persona transform the show into another very special, unique round of controlled chaos.

59. The taping of Eddie Pepitone’s latest special-Eddie’s sound and fury and his irreverent stream-of-consciousness-seeming comedy were flawless in this latest hour. Everyone in attendance, including ourselves, were in stitches for the whole taping. Props to director Steven Feinartz for one of our favorite looks of a special that we saw last year (which you’ll all get to see soon in 2020).

60. Eric Dadourian’s closer on Nebraska 2-Dadourian is always all in for the sake of a real bold, imaginative bit and, as such, pulled off one of our favorite closers of the year on his very first full length album.

61. Jessica Kirson: Talking to Myself-Kirson’s hour special on Comedy Central really let Jessica cut loose and let her showcase her stand-up expertise. From the way that Kirson contorts her face to her deep well of voices/characters to razor-sharp quick wit to, of course, her signature asides to herself, Jessica really kills it in this hour.

62. Brody Stevens-Long live the “jock doing performance art” comedy (one of our favorite descriptions of Brody’s comedy by his dear friend Zach Galifianakis) and may he rest in peace. Yeeeees! Enjoy It!

63. Byron Bowers on Colbert-Byron Bowers and his clever, yet sincere, dark, vulnerable comedy put up one of our favorite late night sets this year. From the opening to his frank jokes about his dad make us think that it’s just a little crazy that this is his network TV debut.

64. Desus and Mero on Showtime-With the upgrade of being on Showtime, Desus Nice and The Kid Mero are having the most fun in late night with the freshest voices and format (and they’re able to pull that off with only being twice a week).

65. Fleabag Season 2-creator and star Phoebe Waller-Bridge assuredly has more masterpieces ahead of her, but managing to top herself from one masterpiece season of dark romantic dramedy with another one is something that deserves all the accolades and awards that it has gotten.

66. Kenny DeForest on Corden-Kenny dismantles toxic masculinity so incisively through the whole set that he most certainly earns all the applause breaks he gets the whole way through.

67. Josh Gondelman’s Dancing on a Weeknight-Gondelman is often thought of as one of the best, sweetest people in comedy. This latest album, for all of its being clever and genuine, is proof that he indeed really is that sweet and funny.

68. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 3-The perennial prestige comedy from Amy Sherman-Palladino earns its keep by having some of the best writing (it’s almost impossible to write jokes that are contextualized for the 50s/60s and make them actually funny for 2019 audiences) and also being one of the most gorgeous looking shows in all of television.

69. Nick Ciarelli and Brad Evans-Whether it be pulling pranks on Twitter, their plethora of hysterical sketches doing an impression of Jack FM on shows around town, or their monthly live sketch character showcase Atlantic City, Nick and Brad are a damn fine comedy duo and have been for quite some time.

70. Caitlin Gill’s Major-It’s quite the magic trick to make an hour of comedy that’s entirely clean and have it being clean not be a thought that you’re thinking about at all when listening or watching it. Caitlin Gill spectacularly does just that with this album as Gill can make all of her earnest rants, imagery, and observations work in any way that she needs to.

71. 97.9 The Rat Race-Ben Roy’s satirical reimagining of a morning radio “zoo crew” is so spot on, then gets real twisted to make this one of the most surprising and rewarding podcasts of 2019.

72. Mike Lane’s Picture Frames-This short film from Lane heightens the idea of remembering those you love after they’ve left this mortal coil to such a ridiculous level every step of the way (and is more and more enjoyably unpredictable the further it goes).

73. Paige Weldon on Corden-Paige’s upbeat self-deprecation is just hard to resist and it makes the best impression in this late night set on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

74. The Righteous Gemstones-Danny McBride’s latest HBO series that darkly and comically dissects the South might be his most ambitious yet, but, of course, he nails it. The constant suspense perpetuated by hysterically tragic characters in the world of televangelists is profound.

75. My Friend Chuck-Comedic erotica author Chuck Tingle (one of the absolutely most unique voices and cadences we’ve heard in awhile) and friend McKenzie Goodwin celebrate their friendship every week for a podcast that’s preposterously funny and, also, more heartwarming than almost anything we’ve heard or seen.

76. Joey Clift’s Telling People You’re Native American When You’re Not Native Is a Lot Like Telling a Bear You’re a Bear When You’re Not a Bear-Clift makes such biting, pun intended, commentary with this short film/PSA that is also so playful that the message about Native identity will undoubtedly stick with you.

77. Megan Gailey’s My Dad Paid For This-Gailey strikes a wonderful balance of charm and attitude and fervent desire to burn down the patriarchy. Such a mix accents her very delightful observations about herself and the world around her in this marvelous debut album.

78. Robin Higgins as Baby Yoda at Tournament of Nerds-Higgins might have made one of the best, first attempts at Baby Yoda cosplay. She also, for what’s supposed to be a roast-style competition between fictional/pop culture characters, perfectly imagined how Baby Yoda would roast someone while maintaining Baby Yoda’s sweetness that has captured the hearts and minds of the Internet.

79. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote-Terry Gilliam went through hell, did a few laps, and came back over several years to get this meta-quixotic tale about reimagining the legendary novel Don Quixote made. The finished film, for us, was worth the wait.

80. Jo Firestone on The Tonight Show-Jo’s sense of play is so pure and present that it’s kind of irresistible. Combined with a perfect amount of self-deprecation, Jo really delivered a terrific set we’ll probably never get tired of.

81. Paul Rudd continues his time honored tradition of playing that one clip of Mac & Me on Conan-Rudd evolves the arc of this long running bit on Conan where, instead of playing a clip of what he’s on Conan to promote, he plays the same exact clip of the universally panned alien comedy Mac & Me. We all know what’s coming and yet, without the benefit of surprise, Rudd’s annoyance of Conan still keeps on being so damn funny.

82. Billy on the Street featuring Reese and Mariah-This year, we were lucky enough to get two instantly classic episodes of Billy on the Street with Reese Witherspoon and Mariah Carey that gave us our fix for our obsession with Billy Eichner yelling at strangers on the streets of NYC.

83. The Dollop England & UK-As Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds embarked on an entire England & UK tour of The Dollop, they thought it prudent to do a mini-series specific to Great Britain and did a smashing job making fun of British history. The Cyril the Swan episode is particularly brilliant.

84. Lost Moon Radio-The live musical sketch comedy theater troupe (Lost Moon Radio truly lives up to such a description) marked their 10th anniversary and put on an absolutely fantastic “Summer Block Party” this year that both showed that they still got their ingenious musical sketch comedy chops.

85. Nate Bargatze’s The Tennessee Kid-The calm with which Bargatze pervades all of his comedy is part of what makes it beloved by nearly any and all that see or hear Bargatze’s stand-up. That’s such the case now that Nate gives updates to stories from previous specials on this latest hour.

86. Beth Stelling on Kimmel-Every detail of this set on Jimmy Kimmel Live is pretty stellar. That includes Beth, in general, for her warm demeanor, smile, and cleverness, the Chippendale’s story, Beth’s mom being there in the crowd, and, of course, the surprise guest at the end.

87. Liz Climo’s Please Don’t Eat Me-This illustrated book is just the latest in a long line of uber-adorable and genuinely-funny-for-all-ages books from Climo. Liz seems to have quite the knack for making unlikely animal friendship jokes.

88. John Hodgman’s Medallion Status-Hodgman’s journey through the various statuses of airline privilege/celebrity is a superb serving of existential humor, done up with Hodgman’s painstaking attention to the exactly right details.

89. Jane Curtin’s 2019 New Year’s Resolution “My New Year’s Resolution Is To Make Sure The Republican Party Dies”-Said during a CNN interview with the SNL alum, this was the first thing to make us heartily laugh in 2019.

90. Alex Kavutskiy’s Squirrel-Kavutskiy’s short film dives into the concept of forgiveness unlike we’ve really seen and, as is Kavutskiy’s style, is so darkly spellbinding and so pointedly funny at the same time.

91. Astronomy Club: The Sketch Show-The long running comedy troupe known as Astronomy Club really ran with their chance to do a full-fledged sketch series on Netflix. They’re so endlessly clever on in their sketches, especially when it comes to the subjects of identity and oppression, and pack in so many jokes and sight gags that you’ll definitely want to watch it more than once so you don’t miss anything.

92. Dolemite Is My Name-Eddie Murphy seems poised to make a real return to comedy (and stand-up comedy in particular) and this marvelous biopic of comedian and blaxploitation star Rudy Ray Moore AKA Dolemite is the perfect way to start.

93. Anna Drezen on Corden-Drezen has such a perfect sense of farce and misdirection and puts on a beautiful display of those two things from start to finish in this set on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

94. BUTT’s Yoda themed dating app sketch-This sketch is so prescient of the resurgence of the world’s current (baby) Yoda obsession. Also, while this is so absurd with its deep dive into various Yoda fan art and cosplay, Joe McAdam and Chris Stephens’ take on dating apps is so sharply and deeply funny.

95. Mel Brooks Unwrapped-The never ending bit of attempting a documentary between Mel Brooks and the BBC’s Alan Yentob is yet another display of the true, unquestionable genius of Mel Brooks.

96. 50 First Stephs-The amazing, hysterical Steph Tolev kicked off 2019 with a show where 50 or so of her compatriots and contemporaries did various impressions and characterizations of her. Part roast, part loving tribute, part amazing showcase of the depth of creativity in LA comedy, Tolev’s night for herself was something really special.

97. The Bongo Hour with Sandy Honig and Peter Smith-Honig and Smith brought their wild variety show that featured such wonderful bits, characters, drag, and burlesque to LA and showed, truly, how much better life is when you’re fluid about nearly everything.

98. How Did This Get Played?-Hosts Nick Wiger and Heather Anne Campbell and their take on the “worst and weirdest” video games do their namesake, the beloved How Did This Get Made?, proud. Even if you’re not a gamer, the way they dissect the most bizarre video games ever made along with Heather and Nick’s chemistry is very, very enjoyable.

99. Joe Pera Talks With You Season 2-This second season of Joe Pera’s unique talk-to-the-viewer series is so calming that the comedic twists sneak up in the most delightful way possible. There is a certain beauty to Pera’s show that makes us want to have Joe Pera Talks With You playing on a loop in a contemporary art museum.

100. John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch-John Mulaney does “it”, yet again. “It” being releasing another hour of comedic brilliance that’s so markedly different than whatever he did before, yet, somehow still stamped with an indelible mark of Mulaney’s comedy of obtuse hyper-specificity.

#top 100 #100 best #best of 2019 #2019 comedy #best sketch #best stand up #best improv #best comedy specials

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thememoriesofaqueen · 5 years

Text

The Things We Do - Part 4

Masterlist (x)

A/N: Thanks to all of your messages, because of them I had a really high muse to write ♥ I enjoy going through your feedback, it really helps me to decide of including or excluding things. English is not my first language → I do not own anything of the TVD - Universe and I’m not affiliated or associated with the writers etc. this is only a headcanon.

Summary: Coming face to face after their seperation, Katherine has a lot to say to Elijah.

Pairing: Kalijah ( Katherine / Elijah )

Setting: post TVD 4x23, no cured Katherine.

TW: none

Word Count: 3.120

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„What exactly did Elena say to you?“

she repeated his words in her mind. Once, twice, even a third time. Yes, what did sweet, lovely Elena say? Should she tell him how she made fun of her? How she had to bring her down to the gutter?

“It doesn’t matter, does it?”

she said, her voice almost emotionless.

She didn’t know what game he was playing. He clearly didn’t come all the way from what she assumed was New Orleans, to talk about Elena. No, he had a plan, a motivation. If he wanted to talk, he could have called her, not that she intended to pick up, but he could have tried it.

Instead he comes here out of the blue and started to ask questions. He was playing her and she was tired of it.

“You came to me for a reason. You’re not someone who just does spontaneous things, you had this whole thing planned. So what is it? Are you into torture now? Do you want me to beg for it? Should I get on my knees to beg for mercy and a quick ending?”

she spat the words out, but with a steady voice.

He didn’t made any move yet, nevertheless his ultimate proximity made her nervous, her heart still beat too fast.

She was convinced he came to end her, because he hated lose ends as much as she did. Why would he want her to be alive anyway? He probably thought of her as a danger, as someone who knew too much about his family. She knew what happens when he is betrayed and she knew that he thinks she has lied to him, that she has used him. He had all the reasons to do it but didn’t made a move.

Did he enjoy this? Did he enjoyed seeing her like this? He knows she is afraid, even though she tried to hide it. She’s sure there are things which cannot be hidden. Especially with a heartbeat as loud as hers at the moment.

“I did not come to end you!”

his voice louder than the last time, stressing every word, admitting of no contradiction.

“Then why did you come? You didn’t bother about me before”

perhaps she grew more confident now that he said he didn’t meant to kill her. Even though she didn’t trust his words. No, he can’t be trusted anymore.

He seems to consider is words, as he didn’t answered her directly. Wonderful. He was searching for nice words.

“Rebekah - ”

he sighed, taking a few steps back. He looked conflicted as to what to say to her, so she just rose an eyebrow and waited for him to go on.

“She mentioned your attack on Elena and the disappearance of the cure. I wanted to make sure you’re not going to cause any ... irritations”

So that was it. He thought she could be a problem to the all mighty Mikaelson family. He thought she had stolen the cure and planed on making a move against them. Not that they wouldn’t deserve it, but she knows she wouldn’t stand a chance.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t have the cure.”

she made a pause, after almost hissing those words at him.

“Seriously, how dumb do you think I am? Do you really think I would be so stupid to come after Klaus to shove the cure down his throat? Do you think I have a death wish? He’d gladly rip me apart before I have the slightest chance of touching him!”

her eyes were now glaring at him. But her rant wasn’t over. The fear she felt before has turned into furor. She was still afraid of dying, but if he really plan on killing her, she wouldn’t stand a chance against him, so she can use the little time she had as well.

“So what would you have done if I had the cure, hm? I know what you do to the people who dare to attack your precious family. You would kill me, have me killed or you’d have me wrapped up as a nice gift for Klaus. So don’t dare to ask me why I believe you would do such things to me. I am nothing to you!”

she snarled, knowing it was true. He didn’t care about her.

Apparently Elijah didn’t expect such an outburst, he was trying to search for words.

“ I have not- I hoped the assumption wouldn’t be proven as true! I wouldn’t have wanted to kill- “

“Oh stop it, Elijah. Stop lying.”

she almost shouted now

“You have no reason to not do it. I don’t know what game you are playing, why you’re so keen of letting me wait for my death, but at least stop lying”

her voice was still angry, but more quietly now. The calmer and firmer she remained, the cutting were her words.

“Do not accuse me of lying, Katherine! I’m not going to end you. Stop accusing me of things I don’t wish to do!”

he sounded angered, perhaps even threatening, not only because he called her ‘Katherine’, but she didn’t care. Why should she? It didn’t matter anymore. Her fate was sealed if he really decided to hurt her.

“And why should I believe you, why should I trust you?”

she shot him a blank stare, her face completly emotionless.

“Because I cared for you. How do you expect me to kill someone I cared for?”

he tried to explain himself, but she just waved his words aside.

“You cared for me?”

a tired laugh escaped her lips.

“You cared for me? When? Half a millennium ago? You cared for my human self, not ever for me as I’m now.”

“Do you think I lied to you? I cared for you! I fell in love with you! But regardless of my intentions towards you, you fooled me. How can I trust you when I always have to ask myself if you tell me the truth?”

he pointed at her, his voice still calm but he couldn’t trick her. She knew he was angered.

It’s funny how he still thinks she fooled him. After everything that she has done for him. She snorted, eying him pugnaciously.

“I have never fooled you. I trusted you. You call yourself so honorable, a man of his word. But did you keep your word? No!”

he wanted to say something, but she cut him off.

“You promised me to speak to Klaus, to give him the cure as my compensation for my freedom. You promised me! We had a deal. I get the cure and you get me my freedom. I did my part. I haven’t tried to work around you. It wasn’t me who betrayed the other one - it was you. Because even when I gave you the cure without asking anything in return, even then, you did nothing but mistrust me. You didn’t even had the decency to work things out, you didn’t even considered staying with me.”

her voice dripped with disapproval. A storm has been awakened within her, all the rage and furor she felt, all the grief and betrayal. A storm which was too strong to fight it.

He did this to her. All her actions, everything she has done in the past weeks was not only because of Elena, but also because of him, because of Elijah Mikaelson. Because he chose to believe an emotionless vampire who would love nothing more than to destroy the little happiness she had.

It was his fault. He left her, leaving her without anything so that the others could mock her for being abandoned. He denied her her freedom as well as Klaus did. It should be her who’s feeling used. It was her who invested into their relationship, who got over herself and let her guards down.

She tried so hard to make their relationship work, she fought with her own demons. Just to discover she wasn’t worth it? That she doesn’t deserve happiness no matter how hard she tried?

“Do you know what it felt like? I was so close of being happy, so close of having a normal life.”

she spat her words out through gritted teeth and glared at him. All the rage she felt was going to turn on him now, her eyes claring at him like she wanted to kill him.

“I did everything in my power to make our relationship work. Usually I don’t trust anyone but me and I don’t let love come in the way. Nevertheless I did it for you. I gave up my key to freedom for you, for us. Looks like it meant nothing to you!”

Just because he choose to believe Elena, just because he choose to break their deal, she had to go on the run again. It was because of him that she made a deal with Bonnie to gain another form of freedom. True immortality. And what happened? She got stabbed and got almost half of her face burned by Elena. In the end Bonnie lied to her as everyone else, denying her the promised immortality.

“But you, self-righteous as you are, still believed I was just using you. I have never used you for the purpose of survival. I have loved you, I have trusted you!”

her words were cutting and loud, letting out all the rage she held.

She wanted to throw something at him, she wanted to scream at him! But she wouldn't let her emotion get so far as to completely losing control. She was far too proud for losing control over a person, not a man, a person, who doesn’t even deserve one more moment with her.

“Have you realized how absurd your accusation are? It would have been foolish to play an Original, it would have been dumb! You already chased me and tried to get me killed once, do you honestly think I would risk to anger you? To repeat history? As I said before, i don’t have a death wish! There was no need for me of betraying you! We had a deal and that’s it, everything which came after, all the feelings I held for you were real and had nothing to to with the deal.”

Did he ever even realized what he has done? How he could even think about her this way? He should have known better.

“But what can I expect? You wanted to know what Elena said to me?”

she asked, her voice now calmer than ever. The storm inside her slowly faded away.

“»What good would you be to anyone? You're the definition of damaged goods. No wonder Elijah left you.« And do you know what? She’s probably right. You chased after a person who doesn’t exist anymore. You were in love with Katerina, the person I was hundreds of years ago. She was the one you are in love with, but you never loved me. The person I’m today is nothing but a heartless monster, a broken toy no one wants. I'm good for being messed around with but for nothing more. Why should someone want to love a monster? Someone who became a killer in order to survive? Why should anyone want to let me have happiness? Why should anyone care about me?”

her eyes filled with tears, she wasn't even trying to hold them back.

“I’ve trusted you, Elijah. I thought I could have a life with you. I felt safe with you. I was weary of running, I wanted to rest, to be happy. But what did you do? You threw me away like garbage. You betrayed me. How should I ever trust you again? You didn’t give me a chance. You’ve judged me before I even had the opportunity to explain myself!”

She saw his expression changing during her talk. At first he was angry, but the more she said, the more he frowned. It almost looked like he realized something.

“I didn’t think of you as a broken toy. I don’t think you’re damaged goods. I - I never intended to hurt you, Katerina. I shouldn’t have- You’re not- I beg your pardon”

his voice was soft and filled with regret when he rung for words. He slowly approached her, raising his hand as if he wanted to touch her cheeks. But he stopped, withdrawing his hand.

She swallowed, not bearing his proximity. Moments ago she was afraid of him, she feared he came to end her but now she only felt loneliness.

She wiped her tears away and turned around. Walking away from him, towards a large window where she looked outside, watching the grey sky for a view minutes. The room was silent.

“It doesn’t matter, Elijah. You’ve made your choice. You didn’t choose me and you probably never will. It was an illusion to think you’d love me. It’s an illusion to think anyone ever could”

her words were a whisper and only now did she turn around, sadness in her eyes.

“Is that truely what you think of yourself? That you can not be loved?”

he asked, swallowing. He looked pained. He didn’t look like a predator anymore. No, she wasn’t afraid of him right now.

“You’re an adorable, an amazing woman, Katerina, and no one’s going to change that.”

“I don’t care about ‘no one’, I cared about what you were thinking of me! But you, inerrant as you are, chose Elena. You chose to believe the person who despises me, who’d love to see me going down. Tell me why. Tell me what she said to you to turn you against me. If you really have loved me, if you really cared for me, why was it so easy to turn against me? To believe Elena? Why shouldn’t I think I don’t deserve love or any happiness. Convince me to change my mind!”

she almost demanded it. She’s been wondering for weeks what she has said to him, what her doppelganger had done. She wanted to know, not that she’s needing one more cause to rip her ugly heart out.

Watching him carefully now, she narrowed her eyes. Oh yes, she wanted to satisfy her curiosity. What can she tell him to make him doubt her? Elijah seemed to consider his words, breaking eye contact with her for a moment.

“You killed Jeremy Gilbert”

he said with a neutral tone in his voice.

“There was no need of killing him. You should know what it is like to lose family. But you didn’t care, you just didn’t care.”

She snorted contemptuously.

“You weren’t there, Elijah. How can you judge if you don’t know the situation? My mission was to get the cure. A hunter of the five was after it, your sister was after it, not to mention the Mystic Falls clique. I’ve been on the island for days to figure out where Silas was and how to get the cure. It was cold and wet and I had to sleep in a cave. I had no patience anymore, I wanted to go home! Besides that, Jeremy would have been dead anyway, if it weren’t for me the hunter would have killed him. Using Jeremy was collateral damage as there was no way of getting the cure before I get myself killed.”

if she could have prevented it, she would have done it. It would have been better to operate unnoticed. Without letting anyone know that it was her who had the cure.

“You still lied to me about it”

“Did I? You only asked about if our mission was successful and I answered truthfully. How can I lie to you when you’re not asking?”

she crossed her arms in front of her chest, not believing he dumped her solely for Elena and Jeremy.

“That was everything she said to you? That was everything which was needed to turn you against me? Was my trust and love so worthless?”

she asked, not believing it. How can he choose them over her? The sadness was gone now, changing into anger. Her mood was very twisted today, it was energy-sapping.

Elijah looked like he wasn’t telling everything, there had to be more behind it. She waited but nothing came. Anger and hurt filled her because he still couldn’t manage to be honest with her.

“That’s it? That’s everything which is needed to lose your trust? How dare you to defend them! Not only what they did to me, but what they did to you too! Did it every occur to you, that she might enjoy spreading lies, trying to distract you from what she has done?”

“I don’t understand? I had no reason to doubt Elena.”

she mentally rolled her eyes at his statement. How was he able to just ignore the things Elena did? Why was he always defending her, praising her? She was exhausted, tired, but she had to tell him. She wanted him to know the truth. She had to bite back a devilish smirk about what she’s going to tell him.

“Of course you don’t. Yeah, why should you ever doubt Elena and Jeremy? What do you think is needed in order to complete the hunter’s mark? A hunter has to prove himself as a true hunter. And how could a hunter do that? By killing vampires. But now you would want to ask how many vampires are needed to complete the mark. Hm, what about a lot? It’s nearly impossible to find that much vampires in such a short span of time. So the only solution to complete the mark within a short time is to go to a place with many vampires .... or to kill an Original.”

she waited to let her words think in. She wanted to hurt him, to know what betrayal feels like. He thought he could trust sweet Elena, but oh how wrong he was. She wanted him to know what kind of monster Elena was, she wanted to let him know that he chose wrong. She wanted him to suffer, to realize what mistake he made.

“How do you think Kol has died? It weren’t the Salvatores who did this to him. It was Elena and company who tricked and trapped him, who staked him. They’ve killed your brother without batting an eye. They didn’t care about how many vampires have to die if they kill him. They didn’t care about his, your, family, they didn’t care that he’ll be probably missed.”

She noticed his reaction, the way his eyes widend. He didn’t know. Sucks being lied to, after all it was Elena who wasn’t being honest with him.

______________________________________________________________

A/N: That’s a wrap on chapter 4. If you liked it, leave a ♥ or a message please. What did you think of it? Do you think Katherine’s revelation regarding Kol will change Elijah’s point of view? Do you think he’ll fight for her and realize his mistake? If he does so, would he eventually succeed?

I’m also wondering if you would like to read everything or a few parts through Elijah’s perspective? What would like to know?

I’m probably not able to write chapter 5 until July, so please be patient. I’ll probably still stick around to read your feedback and answer to your thoughts.

I’m also thinking about writing more Kalijah, not only this story. It’s depending on how much time and muse I have.

#Kalijah #Katherine Pierce #Elijah Mikaelson #TVD #the vampire diaries #the originals #to #katherine x elijah #elijah x katherine #drabble #fanfiction #katherine drabble #ff #The Things We Do #part 4

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aizawa-yamada-shinsou · 6 years

Text

When you thought things couldn’t get more absurd

Summary- In a group of murders, psychos, and demons, it’s the normal innocent egos that seem odd and out of place. But what happens when these egos aren’t as innocent as those around him are lead to believe?

Genre- Fluffy fluff.

@immortalpoptart I was gonna post this all at once but my roommate had some emotional issues I had to help her out with so I hope you still enjoy just getting the first part. I’ll get the next two parts up as soon as I can!

The office felt uneasy for days. The unfortunate discovery of Bim’s not so human background came as a shock to most, even without the little detail of them finding him snacking on a human corpse into the equation. He admitted he liked pretending to be human better than a demon so his deep purple ram horns and jagged razor claws stayed hidden, his eyes remained the brown they always had instead of the fluorescent purple slits that had appeared, his skin less lilac and more tan, and his mouth stayed human-sized full of human looking teeth. The game show host tried to act as he always did, happy and excitable, but there was an underlying unease to him as if he was waiting for… something to happen. The backlash from the egos he had turned timid probably, most unnerved after the display of bloodlust and gluttony he had displayed, or perhaps the demand, hidden as an offer, from Dark to use his power for the monochrome ego’s will.

Even the normally calm and collected egos or the innocently oblivious egos were acting on edge around him. Most concerningly were the Jims. The four brothers had seemed to flock to the older ego almost as soon as they gained life, respecting the weak light-hearted ego almost more than they did Dark and their creator. The week after their reveal all five of the egos seemed on edge around each other, each Jim glancing at Bim uncertainty anytime they were in a room together, opening and closing their mouths as if to say something before looking away. They didn’t seem to know what to do, and Bim seemed unwilling to push them one way or another just watching them with resignation.

It was the Friday after the reveal that the others noticed the disappearance of the Jims. Even after Wilford had searched the Studio from top to bottom and the Googles checked the security feeds they still couldn’t find the quads anywhere on the grounds or inside the Office. With no other options in sight they tracked down Bim, he always seemed to know what the brothers were up to, even when they weren’t talking.

“Trimmer!” Wilford sang, kicking down the door to the greenhouse. The man leaped, magic shocking himself turning his usual black suit polka dotted. Bim shook himself out before turning to the entrance, eyebrow raised as Bing, Dr. Iplier, and Jackieboy followed Wilford inside.

“Everything okay, Wil?”

“Have you seen the Jims?” Jackie asked, tugging on his cape without looking at Bim. His eyes widen as he took in the people in front of him before removing his glasses to rub his eyes, mumbling deeply in a smooth chilling language a few recognized from Dark’s use of it.

“Uuuuh English please dude?” Bing asked, only to jump back as the older ego opened his eyes to reveal purple slits.

“I said I know where they are, but we can’t find them until it’s over.”

“Over?” Doc asked, tone even, but eyes hard and judging, “when what is over?”

“The meeting, probably,” the short reply came as Bim replaced his glasses, having them fade back to brown, “They’ll want as many people together as possible,”

“What exactly are you talking about?” Bing asked concerned, “you make it sound like their planning something.”

The smirk they received in response was not comforting. Though the look quickly faded into an angry scowl when Jackie glared at him opening his mouth to warn,

“If you’ve done anything to them…”

Bim growled low in his chest, “You know I haven’t changed Jackie, you just know I’m not human now. I’m still the same Bim that had movie nights with you every month and learned dances to musicals with.”

“You eat people!” He snapped back, arms crossed over his chest tightly.

“Not by choice!” Bim snapped back, “You eat meat and stuff, and nearly everyone that lives in the office has killed someone, so why am I suddenly the bad guy because I’m forced by my biology to eat human flesh? Because I’m more like everyone else that lives here then you realized?”

The superhero didn’t answer, just turning on his heel and leaving the greenhouse. Bim deflated as he left, face falling slightly as the others stared at him with mild unease. Wilford pushed past it first, placing a hand on Bim’s shoulder.

“Don’t be so sad, chap!” He said smiling brightly, “Some of us just need to get used to these changes. It’ll all work out in the end,”

The younger man just shrugged off his hand and turned, disappearing into a lilac puff of smoke, leaving the rest to stare at each other, guilt twinging their stomachs. Doc Iplier rolled his eyes, turning to leave as well.

“Honestly, you’d think a demon wouldn’t be as sensitive,”

Wilford scowled at the man but stayed silent.

Bim was one of the first to the meeting room, eyes trained on the table from where he was slouched in his seat. He seemed to wither even more as more people filled in, feeling the heavy weight of eyes burning into him. As Dark entered, singling the meeting as to start, he straightened his tie, noting that the four seats reserved for the Jims were the only ones empty.

“I see that our eccentric news crew is still missing,” He hummed as conversations faded around the room, “I thought I sent some of you to find them when they did not appear at breakfast,”

“Well Bim had some lovely insight on that, Darky,” Wilford answered smirking at the scowl his nicknamed earned, “apparently they don’t want to be found,”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Anti piped in from his place at the table, “The puff balls playing a game or something?”

“Or something,” Bim mumbled statement carried through the room. Jackie’s glare on him was intensified.

“How do we know you didn’t do something to them?”

Bim’s head shot up, boiling rage causing his teeth to sharpen, “Seriously!? Why the hell would I hurt the little Imps? Why do you suddenly want to make me the villain for everything Jackieboy?”

Before the superhero could fire back a retort the speakers around the rooms crackled to life. Fast pop music poured into the room making all the egos look around in confusion until two thumps were heard. On the table stood Jackieboy, and Doctor Iplier, eyes glazed and clothes slowly melting into a 90 esque girl clothing, matching baggy black graphic off the shoulder tees tucked into puffy pastel skirts paired with bright leg warmers and converse shoes. The other egos sat in shock, a mixture of amusement and horror growing on their face as the two egos began dancing and singing their hearts out to “Girls Just wanna have fun.” Anti, Wilford, Robbie, and Bing had no problem laughing outright at the start of the song, Jameson clapping his hands in silent laughter with them. Slowly Oliver, Yandere, and Chase started giggling soon after the pair started bobbing and shimmying to the beat, and by the halfway point, Marvin and Schneeplestien had joined in watching with keen eyes as Doc and Jackie, twirled around like preteens. Dark rubbed his eyes, a snarl rising in his throat.

“Wilford, if this is your doing….” Dark trailed off as the floor was covered in dark tinted smoke that looked like oil spreading across the carpet, morphing into a ball pit, the plastic balls rising until they were level with the table edge.

“Oh I wish this was my handy work,” Wil wheezed out, wiping a tear from his eye as Jackie launched himself into the ball pit with a cry of,

“I LOVE BALLS!”

Doc backflipped off the table after him sending balls flying across the room. No sooner did both of their heads disappear under the sea of plastic that they shot to their feet, eyes clear.

“What happened?” Doctor Iplier asked shakily as he glanced around the room taking in the plastic balls and laughing faces, before glancing down and yelping, “What am I wearing?”

Jackie blushed, pulling down his skirt, eyes flashing over the egos in the room, “Funny guys, who did this? Anti I swear if this was you…”

“Aww…” Heads wiped around to see the four previously empty seats now were filled, “They keep giving our credit away to other, Jim,”

Reporter Jim nodded sadly at Weatherman Jim’s whining, “I know Jim, quite upsetting,”

“Why four came up with this?” Wilford’s question was met with the quad laughed loudly.

“Of course!” Cameraman Jim giggled, glancing at his camera screen, “We even recorded it!”

“We couldn’t let you guys getting away with being mean to Boss now can we?” Field reporter’s words were bathed innocence but the twisted grin on his face ruined the effect.

“Boss?” Dark questioned, mouth set in a fine line. Instead of the Jims answering Bim broke in.

“I told you four you didn’t need to do this,” He growled, eyes flashing purple as he glared at them. The brothers didn’t even blink, just smiling fondly at the irritated game show host.

“And We told you, boss,” Reporter started before Weatherman cut in,

“That we weren’t going to let people treat you like that,”

“Without getting what was coming to them at least,” Field Reporter added before cameraman laughed.

“Plus did you expect anything less from us, Boss?”

Bim sighed, shaking his head, “No, I know you four little shits too well not to expect you to pull something like this,”

“What you five on about?” Anti asked eyebrow raised, “Since when is he your Boss?”

“Shall we Jims?” Report asked and the other three Jims nodded in unison.

“We shall Jim?” Most in the room jumped as the oily looking smoke covered the Jims fading away to reveal the four changed egos. Each was a different color, Dark reddish brown, then greying blue, deep green, and finally a pale yellow, but they were identical past that. Four pairs of black soulless eyes sparkled with mirth as the rest of the egos took in their newly revealed forms, from the devil tails twisting together behind them, the shiny scales climbing up their throats and sharp grins, with even sharper teeth, it was impossible to deny the Jims were…

“How are you demons!” Bing yelped, indignantly, “You guys are always freaking out at everything calling it demons before sprinting out off like you’re about to be killed!”

The Jims broke down into crackling laughter as Bim’s head slammed onto the table in front of him.

“I hate you four,” They heard him moan, making the Jims smirk, vaulting the table to crowd around the downed man.

“No you don’t boss!” the brown one, Reporter said cheekily.

The green one, Field, wrapped his arm around Bim’s shoulders, “You would have given us up to Dominix a couple of millennia ago if that was the case,”

“I am not the only one lost right?” Marvin managed to squeak out drawing four devilish grins turning his way.

“Sit down,” The hiss was unexpected and made the brothers jump before slinking off to their seats as Bim sat back up, eyes flashing purple and his horns fading into existence as his emotions spiked.

“You four fucking imps are driving me up a wall,” He said glaring at their deflated states before he let a fond smirk travel up, “At least people will believe me now when I saw you’re all little shits,”

“Trimmer,” Dark spoke evenly, aura twitching giving away his frustration, “Why don’t you explain,”

Bim’s smirk blossomed into the cheerful smile that he was known for, looking chilling paired with his non-human features, “You’re not the only one with Underlings, Dark.”

#markiplier #secretmarkiplier #Bim Trimmer #markiplier egos #jacksepticeye egos #Jims #All of the jims #Demon Bim #and Demon Jims #Rachel's writing

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bffhreprise · 3 years

Text

Entry 364

I yawned and stretched, smiling as I looked at my siblings sprawling on our furniture. Sleeping on the floor was incredibly easy with the thickness of the blankets here and the lushness of the carpet, not that I needed to sleep on a floor anymore.

Last night had been incredible. We dined, we danced, and we met all kinds of people that Mila had wanted at her birthday party. I was actually acclimating to a sentient computer faster than I would have believed. Talking with her was just natural, there was no question of her being alive.

Feeling hungry, I decided to head to the kitchen and see if Marco had saved any food for us. If not, I’d collect some fruit. The convenience of food here was going to make us fat. As I left our room, I nearly bumped into someone and exclaimed in surprise.

James was there, tall and unwavering. He smiled as he said, “Good morning. Mind checking on your siblings? Training starts in fifteen minutes, and I didn’t catch any of you at breakfast.”

“S'excuser. I’ll get them.” I assured him quickly before heading back into the room. I shook Babette’s shoulder as I passed her and then kicked our brother. Anything less than a solid kick would never wake him.

Feisty as ever, Babette jumped at our brother, assuming something was his fault. I tried to stop them, but they weren’t listening.

“I didn’t wake you! She did!” insisted Achille as he pointed at me.

“You probably made her!” claimed Babette as she attacked him again, knocking him through our lovely table.

I knew we’d need a sturdier table, but things were made to look nice more than to handle bodies being thrown at them around here, not that our old home held up any better.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” I told them urgently, knowing James was waiting.

He knocked.

“Ouch!” exclaimed Achille after Babette took advantage of his distraction to kick his leg.

Then she scampered off to the door before he tried to hit her back. “James! Good morning!” exclaimed Babette in English, obviously oblivious to how she looked. Her hair was a frizzy mess going in every direction and her new pajamas now had a torn sleeve.

“You three have thirteen minutes before I expect you in the gym for this morning’s exercises. If you ask nicely, Emma will probably help mend whatever was broken in there. If she can’t, Mila might assist you.” he replied, his voice leaving no question that there would be consequences if we were late.

“Merci!” she exclaimed cutely, putting on a front to try easing the tension. “Achille stumbled onto the coffee table.”

“I did not!” he argued, earning a smack from me for arguing in front of James. He had the nerve to block, so I really let him have it until he exclaimed for me to behave.

Considering James was here, I might have gone overboard, but James didn’t say anything, merely nodding before walking off.

“Must you two make a scene in front of James!? Did you forget yesterday already!?” demanded Babette as she rounded on me.

I stared at her indignantly before saying, “Me!? He was the one who had asked for you two to be woken up!”

“You should have warned us!” insisted Babette, putting her hands on her hips as she glared at me.

“You two didn’t let me get a word in!” I told her.

“Hey. She attacked me!” insisted Achille till we both glared at him.

“Just get ready!” ordered Babette before jogging to her room.

She rarely let anyone else have the final word, always making things seem like someone else’s fault. I stormed off to my room and looked around for what might be good for some exercise. My siblings and I had enough Slayer blood in us to not really need exercise. Well, maybe we did with the food here, but we weren’t mere humans. James was probably underestimating us.

Nearly at the same time, we all met in the common room and headed out without a word. Thankfully, Mila was kind enough to light the way for us, creating illuminated arrows on the hall’s endless mirrors.

When we arrived in the gym, we stopped and stared. James was fighting everyone and didn’t seem to be struggling at all. Brandon had become a giant, but his huge fists were easily knocked aside, often toward someone else who had to duck out of the way. The floor warped and moved with plants growing up out of it to lash at James. He easily deflected those, sometimes shattering branches with a casual movement. A wolf darted around the others, nipping at James and darting away faster than I could clearly follow. That wolf eventually became Cosette in a smooth motion as she blocked for Kayla, who had been fighting as well as the rest of them from what I could see.

The young girl had a type of telekinetic magic, which she used to block debris, catch her fellow attackers when they were thrown, and occasionally to attack James from other directions as she ineffectually punched or kicked at him.

When Babette tapped my shoulder, I turned to see where she was pointing, and my mouth dropped open. There were arms and legs on the ground around Dani and Portentia. I remembered Dani’s frightening skill with magic and her physical strength quite well. Seeing her be obviously outmatched by the extraordinarily pale girl with her black staff was more than a little frightening.

If not for seeing James fight nearby, I would have thought Portentia was a master of masters at fighting. She had a way of diverting Dani’s attacks that left the other girl vulnerable for a hit very frequently. Dani would block with magic or twist just enough to evade as often as she took a hit hard enough to knock her back several feet. Neither of them seemed to care about the mangled limbs around them, but my eyes kept returning to the pile. Suddenly, both were swept away by a spell and lined up next to the ones who had attacked James.

He smiled as he faced them, saying, “Time to get serious, everyone. Don’t want the triplets to get the wrong idea about our exercises.”

“Wh-What happened over there?” I asked into the brief silence after James had spoken as I pointed at the limbs.

“Sorry. Portentia tends to cut off her limbs if someone attempts to bind her.” explained James with a casual shrug. “I should have warned Dani.”

“You really should have! It’s disgusting, Daddy!” she exclaimed with a grin, not looking disgusted at all.

“You’re the one who repeated the tactic. Three arms and two legs is a bit much.” he replied with a frown.

“B-but… she…” started Achille, who was pointing at Portentia.

James smiled again and said, “Yes, she regenerates instantly, never tires, and will hunt you relentlessly if you commit a crime. Best to abide by the law.” Then he playfully winked.

I nodded, not wanting to even attempt fighting Portentia after what I just saw and heard. Whatever she was, she was beyond me.

“Portentia! Again!?” demanded one of the twins as she strode into the room. “Emma, you owe us another finish for our doors and floor.”

Emma winked and asked “Where?” The plants grew back into the floor and a shiny finish covered the spots that had warped.

“Fine.” stated the perturbed woman. Then a torrent of water shot past her, scooping the blood and limbs off the floor and carrying them away through the door behind her. “No more missing limbs today.” she ordered.

“I don't know if I will ever really be used to this place.” claimed Maple as she shook her head.

I hadn’t even noticed her, Jemal, Brenna, and Dejon hanging back by a wall during the chaos. At the moment, I really understood how she felt. The skill at magic and fighting I just witnessed made what I was used to seeing seem like beginner’s work.

“You will in time.” insisted James. Then he walked straight at my siblings and me. “You three will be working with Raine today.”

Raine was suddenly standing by him. “B-but… I-I… R-Really?” she asked in surprise.

James nodded and said, “Achille, Babette, and Heloise need to review the basics, and I am quite confident that you have seen enough in your months here to be a capable instructor.“

“B-But they’re… afraid.” argued Raine.

Never to admit fear, Babette quickly said, “Am not.”

“I certainly don’t want to make you angry.” insisted Achille as he stepped in front of our sister, blocking her with his arm.

After taking a calming breath, I said, “I want to learn. Just seeing you people… Even the kid is incredible.”

“Plus, Raine speaks fluent French and at least fifty other languages. I haven’t checked how many too recently, but she learns at an absurd rate.” added James proudly as he looked at the blushing girl.

She didn’t argue, stepping up to us with no apparent confidence, though she could have torn us to shreds on whim if she felt like it. As she tested us, we were very well aware of the difference in strength between us. When she moved my arm to correct my position, I couldn’t have fought her. There might as well have been a wall gently pushing me into place.

Unlike how Raine walked, seeming to be the most timid person I have ever seen, her martial arts were top notch to my eye. She flowed effortlessly from position to position in her demonstrations with not a hint of hesitance. I didn’t doubt James when he assigned a half-demon to teach us, but I couldn’t understand why this incredibly powerful person was so… awkward… when not instructing us.

“Mila, do you know why Raine is…” I started once we were back in our common room, hesitating as I decided how to put it.

“Scared.” stated Babette bluntly, ignoring Achille’s ashen expression.

“Where some people with power take pride in it, Raine has always worried about unintentionally hurting others.” explained Mila.

“A compassionate demon?” questioned Babette in surprise.

Sounding amused, Mila said, “Half-demon, but yes. The Master wasn’t lying when he told you that Raine is one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. You’ll get to know your co-workers much more quickly if you spend some time with them. Unlike at your old job, you really are with friends here.”

I nodded, trying to picture it. There had always been us three and everyone else. Trusting anyone outside of the family was like asking for a knife in the back. Yet, I trusted James. If he wanted me dead, there was no reason for messing with our heads. After realizing that I was only picturing myself and James hanging out, I forcefully tried picturing what hanging out with Raine would be like. I’d have to overcome my fear for that picture to be anything but unnatural. Picturing myself hanging out with Cosette seemed almost worse, despite what she did for us yesterday. The girl was too intimidating. I hadn’t thought Brandon was intimidating until he became a giant today.

Who here wasn’t intimidating? Jemal? I doubted we could hang out with him without his sister around, and she was really young. Dejon seemed unapproachable. Maple, maybe?

Babette shoved me. “Let’s get some food after I shower. I’m starving.” she told me, dodging when I tried to shove her back.

“Leave me some hot water!” exclaimed Achille with a grin.

“Fine. Achille can bring us some food while we get cleaned up.” I announced, heading to my room to figure out what I wanted to wear today. Having so many clothes now made things more complicated, but I liked it.

Achille sighed loudly, but I heard him heading to the door. We’d clean up, eat, and then see what else we were supposed to do for today.

#Best Friend For Hire Reprise #Best #Friend #For #Hire #Reprise #Jovial Times #Jovial #Times #Fantasy #Fiction #Story

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lesstestingmorelearning · 6 years

Text

Stories #12 and #13, from a daughter and her mother

Daughter: “This is my education.”

Hi everyone, I am a sixth grader, and I would like to share my MCAS story with you.

I took English Language Arts (ELA) MCAS on the 12th and 13th of April. I don’t really care about my MCAS score, mainly because it doesn’t affect my grade. Prior to taking the test, I had realized that yes, it does give you a prompt, but it really lets you say whatever you want on the open response questions. Let’s just say I saw this as an ... opportunity.

I had been joking around for the last few weeks about writing all the reasons MCAS testing was stupid instead of whatever the prompt wanted me to write about. I never really took it seriously, though, until the day of the MCAS. I thought: Why shouldn’t I go for it?

I decided in an act of rebellion to make sure my voice would be heard. Honestly, it’s just absurd that the state labels students and schools based on the outcome of a single test. MCAS is a multi-million dollar industry, and most of the people in it don’t even know about teaching. Their main concern is selling these tests to schools so they can make money.

It forces teachers to teach to grades, tests, and textbooks, instead of fully making sure the students understand the material. There is a big difference between learning and memorization, with these pro-test people choosing the latter.

I do agree that schools should be held accountable for teaching what they should be teaching, and, in doing so, preparing students for life. But people should do this by coming into the classroom and seeing how they are run, not measuring what is forced into students’ heads by stress from the teachers. As I said at the end of my anti-MCAS MCAS letter: This isn’t a joke. This is my education.

Mother: “What’s a parent to do in facing MCAS’ powerful, undeniable sway over public education?”

The first thing I said to my 6th grade daughter when she told me she had written one of her MCAS essays on what she disliked about testing, was, “Good for you for staying true to your voice.” Then I began to worry and second-guess my response. What would happen if her teachers and principal found out? How would her test score affect the school’s rate of annual progress, overall rating, and use of the test’s data? Would they question why my daughter’s ELA score was lower than usual? If nobody knows that she did this, how would it register as a protest? And was I setting a dangerous precedent for accepting my daughter’s subversive behavior towards authority figures in her life? This last concern is particularly significant as she is a pre-teen entering a stage of development steeped in rebellion and identity formation. We had discussed the possibility of opting her out of the test this year. That option also presented challenges: What about the requirement that schools have a 95% participation rate? Would I and/or my daughter feel ostracized by the school and peers? In the end we decided to let her take the test because that is what she felt most comfortable doing; she wanted to have the same experience as everyone else in her grade and not be out of step with her friends. What’s a parent to do in facing MCAS’ powerful, undeniable sway over public education? How do I best support my child? How do I be a good citizen, aware that at-risk students have the most to lose by this testing environment and the way that it undermines teaching and learning? These questions are heart-breaking and maddening. And they are definitely a call to action, with testing season being a salient time to do so.

Thank goodness for Citizens for Public Schools and the Less Testing More Learning movement. I think this collection of stories is a powerful way to provide an outlet for the heavy feelings we carry in response to MCAS. And an apt way to make my experience and my daughter’s experience count towards something productive—meaningful change in the way we hold schools accountable for equitable learning.

My response to my daughter’s essay remains conflicted, and I resent the way MCAS is intruding on my parenting. My daughter and I were able to discuss the pros and cons of both opting out and writing an “alternative” essay. I hope this will be enough to keep our relationship and her developmental path from going astray. But no matter how much I hesitate to celebrate my daughter’s protest, I can’t deny the pride I feel for her daring to question the test’s purpose and effectiveness.

- Mother and daughter live in Cambridge, MA.

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dwestfieldblog · 4 years

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THOSE WHO DO NOT WANT TO HEAR MUST FEEL

This temporary apocalypse could be seen as a globally overdue Long Night of the Soul, an initiation of sorts which might result in a deeper understanding of what actually matters for human evolution (despite the very best efforts of the scum who are trying to reverse any spiritual progress because it weakens their hold.) There are several ways in which the negative side could truly take over, starting with the horror nightmare prospect of DT (aka ‘Just Another Scumbag’ as Bannon once called him) re ‘elected’. The realistic pessimist in me is sure that if he wins, this planet in this dimension is finished. His winning will be a final signal to the world to give us up. In my lifetime, we have never been so close to the mass breakout of totalitarianism and utter lack of empathy than we are now. Actual fascist populists, not some wet Liberal bleating but the real thing, ready to go live. Covid has bankrupted hundreds of thousands of businesses, millions have lost their jobs, migration from the truly poor and dangerous countries continues...into the becoming poor and dangerous countries. Those who live there and are already ruined by the disasters in every home will be easy prey for the populists. Speaking of whom...

Steve Bannon has spent a great deal of time and other people’s money in setting up a network to overthrow the (arf arf arf) ‘deep state’ and replace it with... a new deeper state...still run by the rich, who will use the populists, who in turn will use the mass of the angry and frightened...etc etc...And power, as most people recognise it, will stay in the hands of the unhuman swine with the most gold and the least soul. WER NICHT HOREN WILL, MUSS FUHLEN...

‘...the human nervous system properly programmed, can edit and orchestrate all experience into any gestalt it wishes. We encounter the same dismal and depressing experiences over and over again because they are repeating tape loops in the central programmer of our brains. We can encounter ecstasy over and over by learning the neurosciences that orchestrate all in coming signals into ecstatic tape loops.’ R.A.Wilson. Prometheus Rising, Hilaritas Press.

It takes a lot of effort and Will to do this but what else is worth it other than to attempt to break out of the vicious cycle and evolve? Even I have managed this when I focus on choosing it. Giving up ingrained behavioural habits often hurts; this is, however, a choice. It doesn’t have to unless you are a masochist.

Flew to England for three weeks in August, full flight sold out, all of us wore masks (apart from one 6 foot 6 mad eyed American who kept pacing up and down the cabin.) Right up to the point where we were all given a bottle of water, some crisps and two biscuits...All masks off at the same time, all passengers attempting not to breathe while we drank and ate. Love seeing how many in both countries wear masks under their nose or even only on their chin. As Bill Hicks would say ‘Any questions why we’re f.....d up as a race?’ As Jonathan Pie does say; ‘Put a f...... mask on.’ I have been coughing since February, and drinking heavily, so not especially optimistic about getting C19.

I avoided almost all of the news while in UK, watched five minutes in total on the TV and only read headlines in the paper. It was enough. Since I have been back in Prague I have continued to avoid the news other than that which I am told by friends and students but I can tell from daily receiving over one hundred emails that things are truly breaking. Hexagram 23 and total Weltschmerz is upon us. Mental health is twisting up globally. One by one, all my friends are suffering serious damage, one way or another. Hearts are breaking apart and many damnable souls, who should be burning, are not. People are afraid to breathe or to embrace, looking to the very worst set of leaders in my lifetime for answers and being manipulated en masse to mass crises.

(Jaz Coleman....On the Day the Earth went Mad...watch the video, listen. Feel. Weep. Rage. Change.) QUI NOLERUNT AUDIRE DEBERE SENTIRE.

Love the interviews I saw with those who voted for Trump and realised they made a mistake...after FOUR YEARS. What clued them in? Which particular excremental atrocity of his foulness gave them the alert? Will the Electoral College let him ‘win’? Before I left, I saw the Trump interview where he said ‘It is what it is’, with regard to the massive number of deaths in the USA. ‘We are below the world’. Blood pressure rising, I even checked his Twitter account where he published two letters, one from the eternally unlovely NRA and the other from the American Police Federation, assuring him he was the best president to ever serve their interest and they would back him to the hilt. His plan to stir the US up into open civil war continues and Putin sits back and smiles. As does Jared it seems, the smug sadist advisor in the same style as (England’s off Broadway Trump) Boris’s Dominic Cummings. Herd Immunity? Well yes it might work at some point after a few years and millions dead. You evil alien bastards. The main individuals in the British Government will make millions from a no deal Brexit, perfect timing. The country will die.

The newest PC bullshit has got even the wonderful JK Rowling into trouble just for speaking her mind politely about transgender issues. I love PC... it is how dumb useless Liberals can act out their secret fascist impulses and feel hard of c..k and wet of p...y...feel good to be so righteous... same with overly ill humoured religious folk, but the PC tribe cannot use God to justify anything so they are a bit weaker...You morons... ‘People who menstruate’, People with a cervix’? PEOPLE? Really? Women is a bad word is it? Too specific? (Well it has the word men in it, so seems almost inclusive.) You bastards are annihilating language; raping semantics...get another hobby you ridiculous cretins. (Be sure the populists well understand how to manipulate such fools.)

Extinction Rebellion is being used (among a multitude of other groups in other countries, hello Black Lives Matter) by the Kremlin to stir up shite, they are mostly well meaning on the road to Hell. Stop being so dumb and stop helping those who are against you at home and abroad. Dogmatic faith leads to mistrust, violence and hatred, says the lone derranger...And as for the absurd Q Anon, it is those who seek a Deeper State who are using you to do it. Well done.

Jacob Blake, shot seven (count them) times in the back by police even though charged with no crime and paralysed was handcuffed to hospital bed. That goofy twat of a 17 yr boy who wanted to be a policeman, shooting at blacks because he believed he had carte blanc (arf) from Trump to defend his country against ‘terrorists’...he will probably escape much punishment because... he was bullied at school...WHO WASNT?? The only people who weren’t were bullied at home. Guns ‘open carry’ in various states as the NRA rejoice in what they encourage. ‘Your first amendment means I can say your second amendment sucks d...s’. JimJeffries. Damn straight. By the time even I was 17, I had grown out of wanting to kill half the world. Wannabe cops are a little slower.

Everything is the new normal. Too late for a mid life crisis unless I die at 108 but I never forget that statistically there is more chance of being killed by death than anything else. ‘Heres to my love! O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.’ Walking... see three funeral services shops in the road leading to/away from the hospital, clever businessmen...walking...masks off, between two conveniently placed flower shops and smoking outside the fuming crematorium in black suits and highly polished shoes. Waiting. That’s us.

I MISS YOU MARLENE. I MISS YOU MARLENE. I MISS YOU MARLENE. Nice headline seen on US newspaper...‘Can any good from cyberstalking your online crush?’I wondered that after falling in fascination with a woman in Germany who wrote like a poet and wove a spell of stories to charm and beguile. I would have walked from London to Hamburg to see if she was real. Everyone expresses love and the need for it in different ways. Reprogramming a deeply imprinted circuit is usually uncomfortable and so it proved for both of us. We shall see...if there is time. ‘One of us is crazy and the other one’s insane’

I can remember one of the days I Changed (seven years old?) We had a history lesson and were told about English kings and their ‘Divine Right’ to rule. Because God told them. And they told the people. And the people believed them. I remember the light in the classroom, where I was sitting, the smell of the tables, old unused ink wells, pencil shavings... and just thinking whatever a child’s version of F..K OFF...THATS BULLSHIT ISNT IT? would have been. That was the first moment I started questioning the class system, gullibility and bastards. A couple of years later, the absolute freedom of being, sent to collect the class register, walking down the empty corridors and not in the classroom...a beautiful feeling of being OUTSIDE. Free. Two of many experiences which have never left me. (The Angel Choir, the Rituals, the EYE across the Multiverse dream, the Reconnection...) Even if Freedom turns out to be as much of an illusion as everything else, it is still as beautifully sensual to me as music.

One summer night in 1990 after my 3rd breakdown, I had a dream. I think. Bear (or even bare) with me on this, I know how this sounds but it is only reporting what I saw in my mind. Two Aliens, thin and shadow like, came though my open bedroom door in the night (I could see the silhouettes) and one took a long shiny silver needle like a hypodermic for a horse and stood behind me and pushed the needle in through the top and centre of my skull, penetrating my brain. I FELT it slowly being pushed in, it hurt but I was paralysed. There was no voice but I heard (try not to laugh) ‘So now you have Superintelligence’. They moved out, the door closed, I slept. As usual with me, I remember every single dream I have ever remembered as if they were films I have watched over and over...and after a dream, the atmosphere stays with me for 23 whores. Later that day, I picked a big hardback book to find some info on something (A Cyclopaedia) with pages as thin as a bible. I sat almost motionless and without food for eight hours, DEVOURING every subject in it. Economics, geometry, geopolitical events, medicine, beliefs, systems.....the next day I finished ninety percent of it and went on to read books by five philosophers from second hand shops, started watching insects, stopped swearing, worked out, and read and read and read. All the knowledge I hadn’t cared about in school and college I picked up that one summer. It led to making new friends, new possibilities, new work, new love and led me to fly to Prague in this sequence while continuing to practice many ‘New age’ techniques by a writer called Stuart Wilde. They all worked and I continued...with regular fallings and breakthroughs.

‘Religion was invented when the first scoundrel met the first fool’. Faith is believing what you know not be true’. The seeker finds a belief and stops thinking for themselves...‘Every ideology is a mental murder, a reduction of dynamic living processes to static classifications, and every classification is a Damnation, just as every inclusion is an exclusion.’RAW

I had a four hour conversation with a Christian bloke, thirty, intelligent, believes in Satan as an actual being with horns. Etc. He couldn’t quite see any flaw in saying that any prophet who saw angels, white light and heard the voice of God, healed, etc but was not actually Christ, was only being tempted and used by the devil. He told me to watch the beautiful side of evil...

‘Every act of authority is, in fact, an invasion of the psychic and physical territory of another’. Human progress ‘is the concrete manifestation of some person’s refusal to bow to Authority.’

‘WE GOT ELECTED ON DRAIN THE SWAMP, LOCK HER UP, BUILD THE WALL. THIS WAS PURE ANGER. ANGER AND FEAR IS WHAT GETS PEOPLE TO THE POLLS. THE DEMOCRATS DON'T MATTER, THE REAL OPPOSITION IS THE MEDIA, and the way to deal with them is to flood the zone with shit.’ Said Bannon, who also said. ‘Darkness is good. Dick Cheney. Darth Vader. Satan. Thats power.’ Has he met Putin yet? Is he also on speed dial along with Boris and Trump? People! Create better leaders. NOW.

Happy birthday Aleister Crowley on the 12th October and Happy Halloween to all readers, stay healthy and sane (arf) Remember you are magick...buy the re-release of Musick to Play in the Dark by COIL and become moonlight... And those in America, if you actually do truly believe in a good God...go and vote and remove that evil ego and his cohorts in the White House with absolute overwhelming victory or we are done in this lifetime. Be healthy.

LOVE!!!

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