#and they do not do the proper research !!! they also do not know HOW to do the proper research oftentimes!!
Text
The Caregiver
An Outbreak story
Sandra was concerned about her stepson Jim. She is certain he has the virus. The symptoms had been there for three days now: Complete physical changes along with mental ones. Jim seemed more aggressive lately and more irritable. She was so tempted to call the authorities but was scared of what experiments they would do to her sweet boy.
“You can’t keep me cooped inside forever Sandra!” Jim growled. He paced back and forth, his eyes burning with anger. Sandra stood her ground, her expression calm but firm. “Jim, baby you’re sick! If people find out you have the virus.. they’ll put you in a research facility. You know that right?” She took a step closer, reaching out to touch his arm. But he flinched away, his fists clenched at his sides.
He looked at his stepmother as some clarity returned to his mind. He unclenched his fists and sighed. “I’m sorry mom. It’s so hard to think lately… All I want to do is…” Jim looked at his mother with compassion but with a hunger she never saw before. “What is it baby?” she asked softly, taking another step closer. Jim stepped back fighting the natural urges the virus had brought forth. “It’s nothing mom… I just need to be alone.”
Jim walked swiftly and ran up the stairs. Sandra heard her stepson’s door close behind him. Santa looked over at their family portrait in the middle of the living room. “Oh Jack! How am I going to protect him?” Sandra was scared as her sweet nerdy stepson had returned a different man. Sandra had always been afraid of losing Jim ever since Jack passed away. Now the fear was exacerbated by his current… ailment.
Sandra placed her hand on her heart as she felt it beating fast. It was from fear but it was also from her stepson’s presence. She looked at the picture of Jack and how strong and handsome he was. Jim looked so much like him now and it was affecting her.
Sandra turned on the television as the news was still talking about the outbreak. The anchor was discussing the news with their health correspondent. “Yes it has spread throughout Asia and it is confirmed to have hit Australia.” The correspondent said with a grave expression. Sandra felt a chill run down her spine. She could feel the weight of the situation pressing down on her shoulders. “And what about the flight that landed in LAX? The one with the two ehhh affected flight attendants?” The anchor asked cautiously. Sandra knew that flight well. It was the one that Jim had taken to come from a school trip just 4 days ago. “Well it seems to have transformed them into blonde…. And I’m sorry to say… bimbos. They have insatiable libidos and irresistible pheromones. The good news is the strain they have is not airborne and only transferred by fluids. They seemed to have only transferred the virus to the two pilots of the plane.” The correspondent explained. “Thank you Dr. Mullin. We remind our viewers if you notice any physical or mental changes in any of your friends or family please isolate them and call the proper authorities. When we come back more ‘outbreak’ coverage.” The anchor said as the screen cut to a commercial break.
Sandra turned off the television and sighed. She rubbed her temples as she slowly walked up the stairs. She decided to check on her stepson. The sound of grunts and slapping came from his room. Sandra shook her head knowing the sound of her son masturbating. Sandra turned to walk to her room but stopped when she heard Jim scream “mom!” Sandra rushed quickly to her son’s call. She opened the door to find her son still pleasing his engorged cock. Sandra gasped as she realized the extent of Jim’s transformation.
Jim’s body was covered in shapely muscle as his abs flexed as his hips gyrated into his hand. The room’s scent was strong as it was filled with the smell of sweat and cum. Sandra inhaled deeply and felt herself become wet with desire. Sandra looked higher and saw that Jim had a pair of her pantyhose covering his eyes and nose. “Ung mom, yes suck my cock like that.” Jim panted as Sandra felt herself walking closer to her son.
She found herself at the foot of the bed as she licked her lips. The temptation to touch her own stepson was great. “Yes, you’re gonna make me cum!” Jim’s cock erupted as streams of cum landed everywhere. Sandra quickly exited as her son uncovered his face and cleaned himself off.
Sandra rushed into her room and closed her door. She could feel her heart racing as the images were fresh in her mind. Jim’s toned body covered in sweat as he called for her. Jim holding her pantyhose to his face. He must have imagined herself sitting on him. He was so large and he came so much. “No! Stop it!” Sandra said out loud hoping to silence her naughty thoughts.
Sandra knew that Jim wasn’t her own but she practically raised him. Jack found her as a lonely young woman longing for a family. She remembered fondly the first time Jack introduced Jim to her as a young boy ten years old all that time ago. He hugged her tightly as she felt her eyes fill with tears. Sandra knew then she had found her family and she would never let anyone take it from her.
“I have to call the authorities…. For Jim’s sake.” Sandra muttered to herself as she prepared to take a shower. She reached down to undo her jeans. She gasped as felt a wet spot on her pocket. “Oh my God… is that his cum?” Sandra felt awkward as the substance covered her fingers. She played with it a bit as it felt very sticky. She smelled it as her whole body reacted. Sandra’s eyes rolled back as she felt goosebumps and her nipples hardened. She began licking her fingers as it tasted like sweet honey in her mouth. She began sucking her fingers until she realized what she was doing. She undressed and showered with cold water before hitting the bed.
“I know you want me to Sandra.” Jim said at the foot of her bed. Sandra jumped up as she saw Jim naked stroking his hard manhood. “Jim you know I hate it when you call me… Jim stop that!” Jim laughed as he walked closer to her. His body glistening with sweat, his muscles bulging under his tight skin. He smelled intoxicating, a mixture of sex and desire. She wanted to resist but couldn't find the strength. “C’mon mom you promised to take care of me when dad died. Let’s take care of each other.” Jim said as he climbed on the bed and straddled her. His thick cock pointed at her lips. Sandra felt her heart race as she opened her mouth and took him in. Jim moaned loudly as she began to suck him off. His sweet taste filled her mouth and she couldn't help but swallow.
Sandra awoke from her dream drenched in sweat as she tried to catch her breath. Her body ached as she was tempted to touch herself. She stopped herself as in a trance she got up and disrobed her pajamas. She put on her black lace bra and panties and her thigh high stockings. An outfit she hadn’t worn since Jack’s passing and walked to Jim’s bedroom.
Sandra opened the door and found Jim tossing and turning in bed. He was naked, his muscular body covered in sweat. The sheets were tangled around his legs, and he was moaning softly in his sleep. Her heart raced as she took a step closer to the bed. She reached out and gently ran her hand through his sweaty hair, causing him to stir slightly. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, her lips lingering there for a moment before pulling back.
"Jimmy?" she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. He didn't respond, still lost in his dreams. Sandra climbed onto the bed, straddling his hips, and laid her head on his chest. His heartbeat thundered in her ears, matching her own racing pulse. She could feel the heat radiating off of him, and the scent of his skin filled her nostrils. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly, feeling the warmth of his skin against her own.
She let her fingers wander, tracing the lines of his abs, teasing the hairs on his chest. Jim moaned softly, his body tensing beneath her touch. She leaned forward, capturing one of his nipples between her teeth, gently biting down. He cried out, his hips bucking upwards, seeking contact with her. She released his nipple, feeling the hard peak beneath her fingertips as it stood at attention.
Her heart raced, her breath coming faster as she leaned forward, her lips brushing against his ear. "You feel so good, Jimmy," she whispered, her voice husky. "So alive." She slid her hand lower, over his abdomen and toward his hip. Her fingers found the soft cotton of his boxers, tracing the outline of his erection through the fabric. "Let me help you feel better," she breathed, her hand moving lower still, reaching beneath the fabric and grasping him firmly.
Jim awoke and quickly jerked up. He looked around confused before focusing on his mother. "Mom?" he said, his voice thick with desire. Sandra smiled softly, her eyes locked on his erection. "You're so big," she breathed, running her hand up and down his shaft. "So hard." She leaned forward, taking him into her mouth, sucking gently at first before deepening the kiss, her tongue swirling around the head of his cock. Jim's hips bucked, pushing deeper into her mouth as he moaned loudly.
Sandra increased speed as her head jerked up and down on Jim’s cock. His hips began to thrust forward, meeting her movements with an urgency that she hadn't expected. His moans filled the room, mixing with her own wet, slurping sounds as she sucked him deeper. She could feel his hot seed building in his veins, ready to explode. “Yes please taste my cum!” he gasped, his voice hoarse.
With one last powerful thrust, Jim came, his seed erupting from his cock and splashing onto the back of her throat. Sandra swallowed eagerly, savoring the salty taste as it filled her mouth. Jim collapsed back onto the bed, his chest heaving as he fought for air. Sandra slowly pulled her mouth away, her lips still wet with his cum, and looked up at him.
“You taste so good. Ahhhh” Sandra moaned as she felt her body shake. The virus flowed into her as her older skin tightened and gained a more youthful color. The crows feet under eyes vanished as she felt her breasts firm up. She grabbed them and felt them grow in her hands. Her graying blond hair gained its vibrant blond color of her youth. Sandra’s back arched as she felt her ass grow. The stockings stretched as her thighs got a bit thicker and her calves got strong. She stood on her toes as her foot arch returned to her dancing form. She felt her tight abdomen as she smiled remembering how men desired her. She was even better than how she was then and an even more handsome man than Jack was before her.
Jim felt his cock come back to attention as he saw his mom become even hotter than she was. Jim was always attracted to her but the virus had made his desires impossible to ignore. “Damn Sandra you’re smoking hot.” Sandra with lightning speed jumped on Jim as she guided his hard member into her wet pussy. She began gyrating as Jim fell back on the bed paralyzed by pleasure. “What did I say about calling me that? I’m mommy baby” she moaned as she squeezed her inner muscles around him. Jim moaned as he felt every inch of her tight, wet heat envelop him. He thrust into her, meeting her rhythm, their skin slapping together in perfect harmony.
Jim finally looked up and caressed her body freeing her breasts from her bra. “Yes mommy. Ungh you feel so good.” Sandra moaned as she felt his hands on her. She reached down and held his wrists, guiding them up above his head, pinning him down as she continued to ride him. Jim felt helpless and utterly at her mercy, his hips bucking uselessly against the bed.
Sandra grabbed Jim’s hands and placed them on her hosiery covered thighs. Jim groaned loudly as he felt his cock twitch. “You like when mommy wears these?” she asked, her voice husky with desire. Jim nodded weakly, his hips moving involuntarily against the bed. She smiled down at him, her eyes flashing with lust. With a swift motion, she slid her hand down between their bodies and began rubbing her clit as she continued to ride him.
Her other hand moved up to cup his face, her thumb tracing circles around his lips. Jim opened his mouth, eager to taste her as she leaned down and brushed their lips together. Their tongues tangled, their breath mixing as they shared the sensation of her body moving against his.
Sandra arched her back, her nails digging into his chest as her orgasm washed over her. She cried out, her body shuddering with pleasure as she came. Jim felt her walls squeeze tight around him, her muscles contracting in the most exquisite way. His own release followed close behind, his seed spilling deep inside her as he groaned.
They both collapsed on the bed as their morals disappeared and their desires increased.
“I was so wrong to keep you cooped up here in the house. I better let you go back to school baby.”
1 week later
Jim was brought into the research facility when a student called the CDC. Apparently Jim couldn’t recall how many students he had sex with. The CDC began testing students to see who was infected and found them all. The virus was contained.
“Sir, he did spend time home before coming back to school. Should we test the mother too?”
“Negative, the virus is only transmitted via fluids. He wouldn’t fuck his mom.”
And so the virus spread.
#beautification#transformation#f2f transformation#breast expansion#bimboification#origin stories#ass expansion#beauty is power#virus#mind corruption#stepmom
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry i need to vaguepost real quick (its not about anyone here) bc i am sdgjkl so nauseous from this fucking up my nervous system on another account but GODDD i wish ppl wouldn't assume that if ur criticising a spiritual practice u must not know what ur talking about :'''))))
also the fact that ppl seem to think "well, it's a spiritual/religious/etc practice, so that means it is above criticism :)" drives me up a fucking wall,, with the huge rise of new age spiritual practices and belief systems, that is such a garbage way of thinking
so much of new age spirituality is based in racism and/or encouraging maladaptive thinking patterns and behaviours that can easily push a person into psychosis and/or white supremacy and im just...... head in my hands.
i know what the fuck im talking about bc i was deep in that world for years lmfao and it can be extremely scary in there. i still dip my toes in every now and then bc spirituality and religion and the bit where they intersect is fascinating and oftentimes very beautiful, but I have to be so careful to not fall in too deep or I'll end up in a very fucking bad place yet again lmfao. i just wish ppl wouldn't assume that "oh u said xyz spiritual thing is bad, so you must just not know what you're talking about" BRO TRUST ME. I KNOW FAR MORE THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON, AND I ALSO HAVE A VERY OPEN MIND. if i am criticising smth it is with good fucking reason !!!
#and im so careful because like. no not everyone who does xyz thing is stupid or in danger or whatever#but i think the Vague Concepts being so public is dangerous when the Actual Info is not as public.#because it encourages a lot of young people (teens and adults) who are desperate to escape their reality to feed into these things#and they do not do the proper research !!! they also do not know HOW to do the proper research oftentimes!!#so its just encouraging ppl to get into shit that encourages bigotry and poor mental health !!!#theres so much more i could say but i've already said too much probably fdsjkl im just. genuinely shaking#i hate this nervous system i hate this body i am so tired of things making me turn into a nauseous chihuahua#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
if i cant drive flicker cant either But they can have one of those battery powered kids cars, as a treat (not pictured bc i cant Draw)
let her drive around the track when its not in use she needs enrichment!!! they wanna go fast too!!
the Box still exists i think its just their bed now,,, you visit their garage & instead of a bed in the loft theres just a big metal box they curl up in
anyway . racing au by @saytrrose :3
#i know not a single thing abt vehicles but lets pretend flicker can learn how to fix them so shes not just useless#my first 2 Proper drawings of the year are putting flicker in aus . this definitely isnt sona favoritism#fun fact i Do have that top irl & No im not brave enough 2 wear it </3#i also did like . 1 research on pit crews n saw they had helmets & i Love helmets so flicker gets oen#torchs art#my ocs#tadc racing au#tadc au#sona: flicker#sona: flicker (racing)#jan 2024
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
Re: Chair Lore: Where is the Chair From?
I was joking about the seat looking like a sim chair, but after doing some research, I'm almost 100% sure they just took seats from a 2012 Ferrari 458 and put them on plexiglass platforms 😭
I couldn't find any pics that look *exactly* like the chair itself, but I think these are pretty similar, no?
It's going to bug me so much that I can't find the exact chair UGH, like with the white stripe in the middle, you know? But yes anyways, this is my theory.
*fyi, I'm planning a drawing with this chair and my thought process with finding reference is always "this has to be exactly perfect and 100% accurate" so thats why I'm being incredibly specific and over-detailed about this 😭 please don't think I'm weird
#THIS HAS GONE ON WAY TOO MUCH 😭😭😭😭😭#im sitting here like. did i really spend ~30 mins looking at fucking car seats#i just need to find proper reference okay!! so i can do the chair justice!!!#well anyways derangement part 2: somehow even worse#i think im also going to make a comp post with him in 2013 w the chair#bcs i was looking at them and EEEEEEE so many cute pics!!!!!#also yeah lol felipe had one too. equality 🙏#but also I need to remind myself. its literally ferrari with ferrai chairs that for all i know could be custom#i would love if i do all this inane research and dont even end up finishing my drawings 😭😭#they live in my head and haunt me daily <3 im just scared i cant portray perfectly so!#someone left a tag on the other lore post about how they wish they could care abt anything as much as i care abt the chair#and im like HEY...okay fine youre not wrong#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#catie.rambling.txt#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
27 notes
·
View notes
Note
Okay so, I saw your city-states post today and like, I know silly goofy haha post but also I have this comic I’ve been writing for a while that I don’t entirely have the political system for and like,, if I can DM you about it I’d love to discuss and worldbuild??? If you want??? Maybe??
I’d also just love to hear ya ramble too ^^”
perhaps not in dms but! If you want to send an ask with some of the worldbuilding you've already got down I'm good to answer with some questions and pointers to help you get started with it, as well as other political systems you might want to look at for inspiration + remember that for a story you don't need to have all the worldbuilding figured out, just the parts that are actually relevant for the narrative you're building
#[.asks]#coldandfoggy#Im comically bad at dms and I don't know how to do this well enough to brainstorm with someone else But I /am/ down to give a starting poin#like. I've answered something like that earlier today as a reference for what I can offer here : ) yippee#also because I keep my dms for art commissions :') if I were to offer a proper brainstorming session for this I'd maybe charge for it#if it as like. anything that required me to do external research aside from just yapping#alas I don't think people would pay me to help sort of out the politics of their fictional world! rip. I should have been an evil advisor /
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Iggy, my large hermit crab, on any given day: I *hate* you and I am prepared to pinch you at all times for any reason!!! I will run to a corner when you enter the room bc you are big and scary!!
Iggy when I break out the catappa leaves: LEAF??? MOTHER HAS PROVIDED LEAF???? I LIKE LEAF SLIGHTLY MORE THAN I HATE MOTHER!
#he then proceeds to crunch and devour the leaf in five minutes flat#while the other two crabs give zero fucks about the leaf#personal#text post#not dragon age#jules speaks#while i have you here in the tags did you know that with proper care hermit crabs can live for 30+ years?#but no one (no not even pet stores) will tell you how to take care of them properly when you buy them#do your research!!!#also don't get them because they don't breed in captivity and are all wild caught#most hermit crabs purchased as pets live for a few months to a year#and the ones at beach stores often have underlying conditions#from being kept in such horrible conditions#hermit crab mites mostly and those will kill a crab if not treated#this has been a hermit crab psa
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
"this social psychology experiment proves humans are inherently cruel and domineering!" "no this other social psychology experiment proves humans are inherently kind and cooperative!" everyone learn that singular experiments cannot be taken as conclusive proof of anything + consider that perhaps literally no amount of social psychology studies will ever "prove" any kind of inherent, all-encompassing moral truth about all of humanity and will only ever be an example of possible group conduct in certain conditions, in a certain culture and time, among certain people
#97#sorry for the occasional random complaining about psych experiments#but truly theyre soooo irritating#bc theyre flashy and kinda fun to learn about so people know abt them quite a bit#but theyre never presented with like.#the necessary understanding of the scientific method or proper balancing of their claims to qualify what exactly they supposedly show.#so instead people are just encouraged to draw the simplest conclusions.#often misanthropic ones bc of how badly done many of these so-called experiments are (and i do not recognize many of these as experiments#due to the lack of application of the scientific method eg researcher intervention lack of control group etc)#(and not being reproducible quite often as well)#(imo shit like for example most infamous stanford prison experiment but also many others are just demonstrations.)#(not a scientific experiment. did not involve the scientific method. just some guy doing ethical misconduct in a basement.)#not hating on psych research as a field btw i literally would like to do psych research#however the way cherrypicked flashy and impressive or shocking isolated experiments are placed front and center in the popular understandin#of psych imo just misinforms the public greatly and often about like. yknow stuff you probably dont want to ingrain into people?#like. for example if you want to talk about the way perceived authority can lead many people to commit acts they morally dont agree with?#yes the milgram experiment is like a good thing to learn about imo.#however that experiment is like.. almost coupled in the popular consciousness w again the stanford prison scientific mishandling#and its conclusion is broadened to 'if given the chance all people will brutalize and abuse other people'#when the kindest possible interpretation of that mess is that if you take milgrams experiment but the researchers are in denial that#they are also inducing obedience to authority and also theyre using real people as the abused subject instead of an actor#and also every subject selected is a college aged white man whos interested in prison environments#then yes it turns pretty fucking bad.#but its not about the nature of humanity. its about an event of that obedience to authority leading some very specific subjects#who are not representative of the general population whatsoever#into behaviors which should never have been allowed to take place in an ethical research environment
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
#this whole mini series takes place between episode 2 and 3 btw#racules likely just doesn't want to keep arguing about who's the spy bc he probably knows it's not the researcher though i don't necessaril#think that he genuinely thinks boshimaru is the spy at this moment like he knows it could be possible but doesn't see it as definite#he kept his promise of a proper burial had they just discarded her carelessly they would not have found the crown#the other researcher also puts trust in racules' promise to take care of his burial once he's executed and i think it shows how racules#is respected by his staff and there's and understanding between them#i'd like to see how this has changed since so much has happened from episode 3 to 20#also wondering how the researching changes under gira bc i doubt he'd want to kill them for knowing too much#i don't think it was something racules even necessarily 'wanted' to do but saw that they could be a threat to his kingdom's security and wa#able to say he'd do it as he found it necessary#but then again we never actually saw him kill anyone and he makes a lot of threats he never goes through with#vedalia was taken over by a bugnarak and he took the bugnarak out and that just so happened to also end vedalia's life#it seems like racules has to believe that this was right for vedalia as she cared about shugoddam and her findings and would have preferred#death over being used by the buganark#i have a lot of feelings about this as you can see#king ohger lb#super sentai lb#king ohger spoilers#umbrella.thoughts#umbrella.posts
13 notes
·
View notes
Note
hey engi
my car has a flat
can you teach me how to change a tire
Howdy! Alright, first I gotta know how it happened, we might just be able to use one of those lil' tire repair kits, or if it's something bigger then we might just have to replace yer tire.
#[[I dunno how to do this over a post also nite that i'm not a professional- just like medic I don't know that much about being an engineer-#I just play the character :) ]]#but be sure to do some research before doing anything- and wear proper ppe. also make sure that if you have people workinv on your car#they're not scamming you. they'll often try to tell yoy that there are a bunch if other problems with your car so make sure you have#somebody trustworthy#tf2#tf2 engineer#engineer team fortress#team fortress#team fortress two#engie team fortress#emotionally intuitive engineer#engie tf2#team fortress 2#dad engie
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don’t think they will publish any phd positions for this fall which feels both good (I don’t have to make a decision) and bad (I would like to do it) but by god I am signing up for that damn Portuguese course in time this year
#I’ve been wanting to do it since so long#and I do love research and Italian and linguistics#but I also think the job I currently have is such a good opportunity and also probably less stressful more orderly#it will probably change a bit during the year too and I’m curious to see how that’ll be#I don’t know that I’m ready to let go just yet#but yeah man idk#but yes finally doing that Portuguese course would be so good#I think I need the consistency and the proper basics and stuff#also praying it’s not too much work because I mean 150% between work and studies is a lot#comunque yeah#snicksnack
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
before you adopt an "unusual" pet of any kind, I think it's really, really important to ask yourself why you absolutely need to have this specific species in your house. not just if you think you can take care of this pet, but why exactly you need this kind of pet, instead of a more common domestic animal which 1. will be better understood and researched due to many years of having lived in close quarters with people and 2. will be much, much easier to find proper vet care for.
I grew up with dogs. as a kid, I thought I wanted a pet dragon. seeing as this wish was somewhat difficult to grant for myself, as an adult, I sat down and evaluated what exactly it was kid-me thought would be so awesome about having a dragon for an animal companion.
"well," I told myself, "I really want a pet that's more emotionally guarded than a dog. something that won't love just anyone; I want to feel special by virtue of being 'chosen' by something that is normally aloof and hard to get close to. oh, and I want it to be cool-looking! it has to move all majestically and be sleek and elegant, and I want it to be fun to watch! I'm also drawn to the idea of misunderstood animals that people think are evil, but actually they're sensitive, beautiful, fascinating creatures, and we could learn so much from them if only we could overcome our own biases and see them for the raw, natural sincerity they embody!"
hopped on down to the shelter and picked up a cat
#deerchatter#i know i wax on and on about how cats are the perfect pets etc etc but the thing is that im right#personal bias aside i have to admit i always kind of side-eye ppl who want pet foxes and skunks and whatever else#like im sure some ppl have them as parts of research projects and stuff like that#but a lot of ppl also. dont. lol#making wise and compassionate choices for your pet start before you acquire them. being responsible starts in the planning process#if you ask me pet ownership should be about mutual benefit not just between the owner and pet but between species#sure maybe you'll figure out how to take proper care of a fox. but what about foxes as a species?#what impact will your choice in pet have on the species as a whole? will more people want pet foxes because they see yours?#will more be sold because you got one? does this add or detract from the amount of happy healthy foxes in the world?#im far from an expert on the subject so i don't know the answer but i think these are important questions to ask yourself.#what i do know is there are countless cats in the world who can only thrive under human guardianship. who need homes.#i saw overlap between what i wanted and what this animal species needed. and 4 years later it's still a perfect match#i love my little baby dragon so much
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
urghdjf i need an interest to just absolutely throw myself into
#most promising rn is greco roman mythology/history but also i want a research phase w some sort of animal just not sure which i want to#tackle first. or how#or when. that is the main issue actually. winter break i guess idk#personal#for now i’ll just have to settle for physics because HOLY SHIT it is going so bad rn i cannot stress enough how poorly i am doing in this#class. i have never done this bad ever and passing it is going to be such a pain <- hang on need to say that when i typed that autocorrect#suggested a bunch of bread emojis that’s really funny actually. anyway. going to be such a pain if it’s even possible#met w my physics prof today to go over a game plan and he says it is ‘not at all out of the realm of possibility’ but oh my god. i cannot#believe how much i am stressing over the prospect of needing to get like a 73 on the next two exams like that SHOULD NOT fill me w#unspeakable dread and fear that should be fine. and yet#also when i asked him if he hs any recommendations for resources besides our textbook he told me no i just need to use the textbook#‘properly.’ which. okay fuck you then <3 i read the chapters all the way through and take pages of notes on them like i don’t know how much#more proper you want me to get. clearly it is not working if i am averaging a 45% on exams. but whatever !#the physics chronicles#sorry that completely derailed from the original purpose of this post
1 note
·
View note
Text
FATHER, CAN I DIE?
✶﹒ platonic yandere! manhwa fathers x suicidal/overworked daughter! reader.
tw : suicide attempt, neglect, blood, etc.
erno etam
erno is a psychopath, or atleast— that's how you see him. at first, this guy pay no attention to you at all. but he doesn't neglected you (or atleast that's what your maids were saying to make you feel better). he still gives you whatever you want and needed, give you clothings, house and foods. but affection? nah, there's no way he will love someone boring as you.
erno sees everyone as chess pieces, and yes, unfortunately you were also one of those chess pieces. yes, you were an important piece because of your abilities when it comes on magic and military tactics. but it doesn't changed the fact that he can dispose of you whenever he wanted.
and maybe because of his treatment to you and how everyone ridicule you because of erno's treatment. became the last straw to make you do that thing. and damn, the maid who saw your half dead body laying on your research lab and with your slashed throat— got traumatized. to the point that after she saw you like that and called the doctor and the other members of the etam family, she resigned and unfortunately a year after become crazy.
but it wasn't the same for erno. because the time that he saw that sight— he became interested. he remembered when he saw you for the first time as a baby. how you held his finger as if it was your own way to say that you wants to live.
when you woken up, you were disappointed to see the face of your younger siblings as well as your grandfather who scolded you to the point that your ears were about to burst. but what caught your attention was erno who started acting like a proper father for the first time. and seeing that glint on his eyes, the excitement that you felt for the first time started to disappear when you realized that— ah, damn. this is another game for erno's perspective.
nevertheless, you still gave him what he wanted. a perfect oldest daughter who will never disappoint him. you showed him a façade that he wanted. and with the months where he acted like a proper and perfect father who adores his daughter. you realized one thing and you couldn't help but to scoff as your hand traced the bandage around your neck. this guy, he finds you interesting for the first time— he finds the fact that his daughter almost killed herself, he finds the sight of his daughter half dead and bleeding— interesting.
it makes your stomach churn, it was disgusting— he is disgusting. you couldn't help but to wonder why in the are you so desperate to have his attention before? damn it.
but since this is what he wanted, you couldn't help but to think— why can't you give what he wanted? the sight of you dying and bleeding to death? and that's how your suicide attempts started. at first, it was simple such as poisoning yourself, drowning, etc. at first you used the methods where you were sure that it wouldn't hurt you that much.
and erno doesn't know why— he only spent few months acting like a proper father to you. but the sight of you unconscious in your bed was enough to make his hand shook. was it because of fear? why is he scared in the first place?
he spent a week trying to think about the reason. but then, while he was on the palace— he got a message from home saying that you jumped from the castle inside the etam estate. and now, he realized why the hell is he scared. hurrying to get back home, the only thing that erno has inside his mind was his daughter.
those times you tried to impress him, those times that you tried to get his attention, those times that you crave for his affection. and those times when he carried you as a newborn for the first time. erno realized that he fucked up— to the point that he couldn't do anything to change it anymore.
and after once he got home, he was welcomed by the sight of his daughter— sitting down on her bed with bandage around your head and those lifeless eyes of yours. erno felt as if he wanted to cry. and by the time he heard that you got amnesia because of what happened. erno was delighted— delighted by the fact that he was given another chance to fix your relationship. a chance to redeem his self.
but maybe, because of what he did before— no matter what he do. you became obsessed on dying. and your how do we quote it? "turning in new leaf" father got scared that you might succeed in doing that.
and that was the time he resorted onto something that he knew will affect your life, but he doesn't care. you have him, he will take care of you— you don't have to worry. your father got your back.
the only thing that you remembered before erno broke your legs and arms was the series of apologies that he whispered on your ear. and now, you become dependent to him just like what he wanted. don't worry, your father won't disappoint you this time.
“ i know it hurts, little cupcake. but this is what happens when you don't listen to father's requests!"
#manhwa x reader#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x y/n#yandere headcanons#yandere manhwa#yandere manhwa x reader#platonic yandere#platonic yandere x reader#erno etam#I'm being raised by villains#imagines#headcannons#platonic yandere headcannons#tw.suicide#tw.yandere
765 notes
·
View notes
Text
Mandatory PE Class
Markus walked through the university campus, his face clearly showing his annoyance at the situation he was going through. His school decided to "promote physical activity among the student body", and by "promote" they meant a mandatory Physical Education class every junior had to go through. And Marcus was not happy about it.
Marcus was an introvert - he didn't particularly enjoy parties, going to bars, or other typical college activities. He spent his time reading, researching and weightlifting. This might seem weird for a "nerd", but whenever Marcus put on his noise-canceling headphones and grabbed the bar with 100 or so pounds on it, he felt like he could finally relax.
But even though Marcus enjoyed going to the gym, he enjoyed it when he was there alone - no one with him, the amount of people in the gym at a minimum. These were the perfect conditions for him. This class would not be it. He would have to deal with God knows how many people, plus most likely some smart ass coach, who thinks he's the next Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The university gave him a choice of what he wanted to do during the class and Marcus chose weight training, hoping he would be left alone and allowed to just follow his usual routine without any interruptions.
Marcus arrived at the athletics department's building and after wandering through its corridors he found his way to Weight Room C09. He knocked and heard a booming voice invite him inside. He opened the door and walked into a smallish locker room, where a few guys were getting ready and another man, clearly older than the others, stood on the side and waited. That was probably the coach.
"Marcus, right?" the supposed coach walked up to Marcus. "I'm Assistant Coach Baker and I'll be leading your group this semester." He extended his hand and Marcus shook it reluctantly. He quickly turned around and began changing into his gym gear.
Once everyone was ready (and there weren't many people in Marcus' group - only 6 guys) the group led by Coach Baker moved to the weight room proper. Marcus wanted to walk up to Baker and ask him if he could just do his own routine, but before he had mustered up the courage to do this Baker began warming up and expected the rest to do the same. Marcus rolled his eyes and sighed, before joining the group.
The next hour passed slowly. Baker had the group do a fairly quick and lite set of exercises, lite for Marcus at least. After the class had ended everyone was getting out of their sweaty shirts in the locker room. Marcus put his gear in his backpack and as the rest of the students began leaving the room, he walked up to Coach Baker.
"Sir, could I make a certain request?" He asked, a bit shy.
"Oh, Marcus, yeah? I also wanna talk with you about something. But go on." He wanted to talk with Marcus about something? That didn't sound great. He stood silent for a moment.
"So..." Baker looked at Marcus, his eyebrow raised.
"Oh yeah. So... I was wondering... I, I go to the gym quite often, and have for a few years now... and so I thought... Would it be a problem if during these PE classes I... I just followed my usual routine and you, you just did what you have planned with the rest?"
Coach smiled as he listened. Marcus wasn't sure if this was a good or a bad thing.
"Well, Marcus, I'm glad you see the importance of exercise. But I don't want no divisions in my group, you understand. I want to work with all of you, show something to everyone. Although, because you asked, I'll be sure to adjust the exercises for your level." Marcus nodded, although he wasn't really happy with Baker's response. "And while we're talking, I wanted to ask you something - would you be interested in trying out for our football team?"
This took Marcus by surprise. The football team? Where did that idea come from? He was not about to join a group of brain dead jocks.
"What?" he simply asked, confused.
"Well, I have noticed your strength during our hour together. And I think you would do great on the gridiron." Baker put his hand on Marcus' shoulder. Marcus did not like that.
"Wel, uhm... thank you for the proposition, but... no, I'm, I don't think I would fit in."
"Are you sure? I could help you fit in just right." Baker grinned again.
"Yeah... I'm sure... Mr. Baker" Marcus stood there and avoided eye contact with the older man.
"Call me Coach" Baker laughed. "If you're sure... well, I ain't gonna force ya. Now go, I'll see you next week."
As Marcus left the building he sighed. This was going to be an exhausting semester.
Reality turned out weirder than he expected.
As the months progressed Marcus attended every PE class, his annoyance with Baker's refusal to just let him do what he wanted not strong enough to risk messing with his attendance. Baker meanwhile stuck to his word, and for the most part Marcus was doing what the rest of the group was doing.
Although... this wasn't the whole truth. Because even though Marcus wasn't allowed to do his own thing, while doing the exercises Baker would come up to him and ask him to change something about the movements, add more weight, do another variant of the exercise. So even though he was working with the group, he did get the chance to do way more challenging things.
Baker himself was weirdly invested, at least that's how it seemed to Marcus. He very much got into that role of the supportive coach, he stood next to Marcus, counted his reps, motivated him to "just push further". Marcus found that strange, but didn't want to get into any kind of argument with the coach, so he just went along with this.
As the semester came to an end Marcus also had to admit he got something out of these classes. The exercises Baker had him do were pushing his limits, and he did adjust his normal gym routine to include stuff he learnt from him As he looked in the mirror, standing in his room on the day of the last class before the end of the semester he had to admit he was bigger than 5 months prior.
The last class came and went pretty uneventfully. Marcus beat his PB on the bench by 10 pounds and after an hour he came back to the locker room sweaty and gross. Baker thanked all the guys for coming, asked them to continue going to the gym and said goodbye.
As Marcus got ready to leave the locker room Baker looked at him and said "See you at practice, 90" and went back to the weight room. Marcus had no idea what that meant, but the class was over so he just shrugged and left.
Marcus entered his dorm room and sat behind his desk. He had some work to do on a paper he wanted to submit next week. He opened his laptop and quickly got to work. After a while he needed something to drink so he stood up and walked up to his mini fridge. There he noticed a mug standing on top of it. It was a cup branded with the logo of the Lions, his university's football team.
This was weird, as Marcus did not recall ever getting any merchandise like that. Maybe someone left it here by mistake, Marcus didn't know. But it seemed it was the only clean mug he had, so he quickly poured soda into it and went back to his laptop.
He got into the flow of writing and research pretty quickly. Then, around half an hour later, he was surprised by a notification from some group chat. 10 unread messages from "jungle kingssss 💪". What the hell was that? Marcus was sure he never joined such a conversation. Maybe it was some new kind of scam.
The notifications just kept coming, and at one point instead of deleting it Marcus clicked on it and a chat window appeared.
nah bruh, ya slayed that bitch well dude - steroidss#96
dude concentrate ffs - big dog jake#7
stfu bros where the fuck is tron where ya need him - mike chief#53
hes jerkin of or meal preppin bro, ya know that - steroidss#96
Marcus looked at the chat, even though he had no idea what he was looking at. It seemed he somehow had access to a group chat of some random meatheads. Although the numbers from their nicknames were tickling something at the back of his head, somehow.
if hes jerkin his fat dick ill kick his fat ass, we have state to fuckin beat - big dog jake#7
State? What does it mean they have to beat-- oh yeah, the Lions' next game is against Ohio State.
Wait.
What does that we mean in "we have state to beat"?
How did he know the Lions' schedule?
Marcus felt his head spin a little. Was he sick? He looked at the screen again and suddenly a new message appeared.
am not fuckin jerkin off you piece of shit, got fuckin dumbass school to take care of you idiots - tron's big dick#90
Marcus looked down. His fingers were still touching the keys. HE WROTE THAT!
And that we... It meant the football team! Marcus was reading the football team's group conversation. How the fuck did this happen?!
dunno why i even bother wit any of your stupid fat asses you fuckin shits - tron's big dick#90
Marcus jumped out of the chair. He did it again! His fingers were betraying him. He shut the laptop down and opened the window. Maybe he had to breathe in some fresh air. Was he hallucinating? Was this some infection? What was happening to him?!
He sat on his bed and breathed in, then out. In and out, in and out. In and out. In and out-- was he drooling!? Marcus wiped the drool from his face. It was getting late and he decided it would be beneficial to go to bed early. He turned around to get to his bed only to notice a sweaty hoodie with badly cut-off sleeves. It had the Lions' logo on the front and the number 90 on the back.
This was not happening.
This was just a dream.
Marcus told himself that repeatedly as he got into his PJs. He checked if his laptop was turned off and laid on his bed. He could swear he could feel a faint smell of sweat and... cum? But this didn't stop him from quickly falling asleep.
Marcus was dragged out of sleep by his alarm clock. He slowly got his body into an upright position, then began going through his usual morning routine.
He made himself a protein shake with added creatine.
He ate the oatmeal and eggs he always had for breakfast.
He put on the sweaty shirt from two days ago. It was fine, no one would notice. And he looked hot in it anyways.
He sent a message on the group chat.
you bitches ready to get dominated n pushed into the grass by my fat dick - tron's big dick#90
He got his gear ready and put his duffel bag on his shoulder.
the faggot of the team has spoken everybody - hall/of/glory#38
Marcus walked through the campus. He let out a dumb chuckle as he read the message. Jalen was the best.
not everyone can slay pussy like tron, bitch - tron's big dick#90
He entered the building and walked towards the locker room-- Marcus suddenly stopped and looked around.
Where was he?
He didn't remember waking up.
He didn't remember dressing up.
He didn't remember coming here.
Where was he?
As he tried to understand what the fuck was going on Assistant Coach Baker appeared, walking through the corridor, coming towards him.
"You know why you're here, Marcus?"
"No!" Marcus shouted, surprising himself, but not Baker.
"As I thought. Follow me" the older man waved at him and Marcus instinctively followed his lead. They walked through the football wing of the athletics department until they reached a door. Locker Room L01.
They both entered - Baker first, Marcus second - and Coach pointed to an open locker. Marcus walked up to it and looked inside.
Jersey. Number 90. Schoeder. His name.
Shoulder pads.
Cleats.
Condoms.
Gym gear.
It all reeked of sweat.
So fuckin' musky.
Huhuhuhuh, a proper jock's smell, bro
bro
bruh
WHAT!?
Coach came up to Marcus and looked him in the eyes.
"Do you know why you're here, 90?"
Marcus opened his mouth and tried to answer. But no words came out.
Coach grinned and took a sweaty Under Armour shirt from his locker. He then put the shirt up to his nostrils.
Marcus automatically inhaled and a fog descended over his mind. He took a few more sniffs. So sweaty, so musky. A fuckin' football jock's smell. A stupid grin appeared on his face, drool began flowing from his mouth. Bruh, that was so fuckin' good bro.
"Sick bro..." Tron drawled and put his arms into a double bicep pose. Coach Baker just smiled and took back the shirt before throwing it into the locker.
"Now, 90, put on the gear. I've trained a new defensive end for 5 months. Let's see it it was worth the hassle." He patted Tron on the back before barking at him. "Main field in 2 minutes or you won't be able to walk for a week, 90!"
"Huhuhuhuh" Tron responded with a dumb chuckle. "Yeah, Coach. No worries, dude."
He then quickly got ready and ran out onto the field.
whos ready for a fuckin beatin - tron's big dick#90
674 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anti-ism is psuedoscience and a moral panic rolled into one
One of the most dangerous things about therapyspeak leaving the intended audience is that now antis feel fully qualified to tell survivors how they should and should not be coping, even to the point of attempting to override/contradict the advice of certified therapists.
I've had antis tell me the fiction I enjoy writing is retraumatizing myself, that I am doing harm by writing it; when I responded that actually, my therapist signed off on the stories I wrote (even when I mentioned the specific phrase "consensual nonconsent"), they said that my therapist doesn't know what she's talking about since she sanctioned my coping mechanism and explicitly labels her practice as kink-positive. Antis are attempting to make me, a survivor with mental illness that could ultimately be fatal if I leave a psychologist's care, disregard the advice of the medical professional supervising me when they have no certification at all. This could, if I were a more vulnerable person, be dangerous for not only my trust in my therapist, but it could sabotage my treatment as well.
They are using what amounts to little more than memes, based on misinformation, that use a few intelligent-sounding phrases that very rarely apply the way they think they do, as a wedge to attempt to assert themselves as authorities who can, with certainty, dictate the appropriate course of treatment for a total stranger, including telling them to disregard the therapies administered by a trained professional.
In other words? Antis are frighteningly similar to anti-vaxxers, who took medical terminology they didn't understand, applied it to shaky cause-effect logic models, started a moral panic, used statements generated by that moral panic as a citogenesis-fueled proof their initial starting of the moral panic was justified, damaged the doctor-patient relationship of millions of total strangers, jeopardized the healthcare of those strangers who now believed their doctor to be incompetent for following accepted medical best practice, and fomented dangerous fringe political ideologies that coupled themselves to other conspiracies based on rejecting commonly-acknowledged practices.
"Vaccines cause autism! Narrative therapy that implements any form of controversial kink causes retraumatization of the writer, reader, or both, and starts the writer on an inescapable slippery slope to becoming an abuser themself! It's better to be dead than autistic! It's better to suffer feelings of shame and/or isolation in silence than it is to use fiction to put a voice to your feelings! Your child is vaccine-damaged from thimerosal and is getting sick from virus-shedding! Your fiction caused me to groom myself and you're a porn-addicted monster for not facing your trauma the proper way! Your doctor doesn't know what's good for you, I do! Only I understand how your body/mind work and what treatment is appropriate for you! Your doctor has been manipulated by Big Pharma/kink supporters! The empirical-study-informed best practices for pediatrics/psychology are what's wrong, not me, whose research is carefully informed by TikTok videos and Twitter posts carefully formulated to cause amygdalar growth to keep me afraid so I will continue to engage with fear-mongering content that causes my politics to shift towards the alt-right, who coincidentally also push narratives based in fear, not in medicine! I am being perfectly logical here!"
Antis fundamentally reject empirical medicine just the way anti-vaxxers do. They just seem to get a free pass on it since it's "only" mental healthcare they are sabotaging, and few people acknowledge it as something as legitimate and lifesaving as other medical care.
723 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hazbin Hotel:
Human!Alastor x Housewife!Reader
~Understanding Asexuality~
Warnings‼️- Established relationship, angst to fluff, mentions of pregnancy, fem!reader, maybe OOC Alastor??, mentions of cannibalism but only for like one sentence.
Setting is Alastor’s time period, 1900-1930s.
A/N: I hope I did Alastor’s character justice! He might be slightly out of character?? I can’t imagine him actually getting in a relationship, I mean man is literally a serial killer- so I tried- ENJOY
~I would also like to say, I am not asexual or aromatic myself. This is just my take on Alastor’s sexuality/how he handles it. If I made any mistakes, please correct me but I tried to be as respectful as possible. I tried to do some research on the history of asexuality during the time period, but remember I am not perfect and this is a FAKE scenario with a FICTIONAL character.~
You like to think you know your husband like the back of your hand.
The two of you got married young, falling hard for the young radio host was easy. Many other maidens had, their affections for Alastor painfully obvious. All the while Alastor had no plans on perusing any of the women who fancied him. He was love blind, not really understanding the amount of people attracted to him, or why they were.
What wasn’t to like? He was an attractive young man, charming, and a true gentleman. But the idea of settling down, having to commit himself to one individual the rest of his life, didn’t appeal to him.
Especially with how tainted his brain was with his little hobbies.
He never got the special feeling everyone spoke about. Butterflies, increased heart palpitations, sweaty palms. The mere thought of it was enough to have his face contorting in mild disgust.
That opinion didn’t change when he met you. There was no ‘love at first sight’ feeling for him. You were polite and put together and that was something Alastor could appreciate. He didn’t quite understand your advances towards him. Seeing your interest towards him as friendly banter, while you saw his reactions to it as rejection.
You accepted his dismissal of your feelings, knowing you had given it your best shot. It didn’t stop Alastor from adoring your company. Whether it be on the dance floor or attending the diner you worked at. You were an incredible friend to him, nothing more.
Safe to say, Alastor didn’t suddenly catch feelings for you. There was no sudden change in his feelings.
But there were whispers
Unwanted Attention being brought on Alastor.
Gossip was high. Many mouths questioning Alastor’s true intent with you. Why was he always along side such a pretty thing without courting her? Were the two of you involved in secret affairs?
The theories grew, and while Alastor loved the attention being a radio host brought him, gossip was bad if he needed to keep his personal life under wraps. Besides, what kind of gentleman would he be if he let others tarnish your good name? Getting with you was more of an effort to fit into norms rather than it being for ‘true love’.
Slowly he showed signs of affection towards you. Holding your hand in public, taking you on more proper dates, even kissing your cheek once or twice when he saw hushed whispers from nearby crowds. The affection was sudden, but not unwelcome to you. Your feelings had never truly gone away for the radio host, and you pinned his original rejections on him being shy.
It wasn’t long after his advances he asked your official partnership. To be frank, you were easy and Alastor needed a cover. His true intentions were cruel, but you were blindsided by your longtime crush and friend being interested in you.
But you weren’t completely naïve.
While yes, you loved Alastor with all your heart, you knew in the back of your mind he had ulterior motivations. Every chaste kiss, every hand hold, every hug, felt rushed and nervous. Your whole relationship with Alastor felt fast paced, as only a few months after having the gall to ask you out, he was asking you to marry him.
It felt forced.
The feeling you tried to ignore, hoping it was just your insecurities causing the sinking feeling in your gut. You of course said yes to Alastor’s proposal. Knowing deep down you loved him and should not question if he did so in return.
Before you knew it, you were dressed in white in front friends and family, listening to wedding bells chime gleefully.
You could recall joyous laughter and dancing, talking about your soon future with the radio host whose last name you had now shared. Sharing drinks with friends to celebrate you ‘winning’ over Alastor. It all moved so fast yet you were happy with the results.
Alastor couldn’t have agreed more considering the chatter about the two of you had died down ever since his proposal. (Besides a few heartbroken maidens who heard the handsome host was officially off the market) Less eyes were on him which was good for the estranged hobbies he would indulge in.
You and Alastor moved in together and it felt like smooth sailing.
Until the next thing people expected from the two of you. That of course being children.
Alastor and you would constantly hear all about the subject from your mother, who was desperate to have some grandkids running around. At the mention of children you felt flustered and embarrassed, considering you and Alastor had yet to be intimate with one another.
It was through the subject, however, that sinking feeling returned. As your mother rambled on about grandchildren, you occasionally piped in with your own opinion. When your husband realized having children was something you actually wanted, you caught him grimacing at the idea.
The look he gave made your heart feel heavy in your chest. The sinking only worsened when he begrudgingly agreed with your mother, saying how the two of you would provide her with grandchildren with time.
Forced.
You felt guilty. You knew Alastor was lying with his words. It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to seduce your husband before. It was actually something you expected to happen and for the radio host to initiate.
Alastor would be lying if he said he didn’t start to feel genuine fondness towards you. You knew him well, better than any other friend he had.
You knew his schedule, his habits, his preferences. It scared him how much you could read his mind like a book. All the reason more to keep you sheltered away from how cruel of a man he truly was.
You were simply too good for him. Too innocent.
But when it came to intimacy, the radio host showed absolutely no interest. Coming up with one excuse after another to not be intimate with you. His rejection left you feeling unwanted and almost abandoned. Your own husband didn’t seem to enjoy your affections and it hurt your heart. You started to question if you were the cause of his discomfort. Was he just not attracted to you? Were you being too pushy?
Your mind even wandered to the late nights Alastor would stay out. Was he seeing someone else, perhaps? He could have anyone he wanted really, despite your marriage, there were many women who would still flirt with him. Had one caught his eye that he favored over you?
Anxiety and insecurity riddled your body for a long time before you started to search for possible answers. After work, you would head to a library of the outskirts of town. You didn’t want anyone you knew possibly catching you wildly scanning through books for possible answers.
The library didn’t provide much comfort. You found unsatisfactory answers, many of which ended in advice on how to ‘properly seduce a man’.
You didn’t want to force your husband to be intimate with you. Making desperate attempts that would ultimately be denied as they had been in the past.
You dug a little deeper, with a lot of the same results. You were just at your wits end with all the repetitive failure to find anything that felt right. However, one article caught your eye. A book that had dusted over from the lack of acknowledgment. Out of luck you reached for it, hoping to find any answers. Reading through the contents, it opened a whole new world of terminology and knowledge about a community you didn’t know existed.
You found comfort knowing there were possibly other people like your husband. That his rejections could possibly be the cause of something else other than you. You decided to take the article home with you, along with a few others, to read into it more at home.
————————————————————————
Through your research, you had started to understand your husband’s behavior more and more. You wouldn’t truly know the answers unless you had simply asked him, but at the same time, it felt better to consider this an option than to believe something was wrong with your marriage.
There were other people who exhibited traits your husband showed when it came to intimacy. Those who didn’t enjoy such pleasures or desires. It was a spectrum, one that you had never heard of. But it all made sense the more you read into different people’s experiences.
Some people’s stories you read stated how intimacy rarely crossed their mind. Before, you had only heard stories of friends being hyper sexual, with high sex drive that would oftentimes cause high gossip. It made sense that there were bound to be people at the other end of the stick, who felt the opposite. Of course they could acknowledge it was a thing. However the need/want to experience such things would rarely and sometimes never spark. It didn’t make these people strange or less human, it was simply how they felt.
You hear the door swing open, interrupting your thoughts. You swear to yourself silently, hurrying to close the books and articles you were reading up on. You shove the disorganized papers into the large book, then shove it underneath the table, out of view. You stand, brushing off your dress, and quickly go over to the stove.
“Hi honey! You’re home early.” You shout across the house to your husband. You grab your apron, messily tying the back of it.
“Oh I finished up early today, thought you would enjoy the surprise.” Alastor’s voice responds, his footsteps approaching the kitchen.
Grabbing a pot, you fill it with water as Alastor enters the room. He approaches you, putting a finger under your chin and bringing you closer. He gives your cheek a small peck, his fingers barely grazing your hip.
Forced.
You smile towards your lover, setting the full pot over the unlit stovetop. Adrenaline runs through your veins as you watch Alastor go and sit at the table. You clear your throat, avoiding looking at your husband. You open up the cabinets, looking around for ingredients to start on supper.
“How was your day, love?” You ask, trying to be as casual as you could. Alastor caught on to your anxiety, but decided to ignore it. He hummed, adjusting his glasses on his face.
“As normal as any other, dear. There was actually quite the crazy story, today about-..” Alastor went on about his radio show and the topics he had covered. You nod occasionally to show you could hear him, but his words didn’t really process in your head. You couldn’t focus with you heart drumming in your ears. Pulling out random ingredients from the cabinets, trying to think of anything to make for dinner, Alastor continues to speak. His voice a source of comfort despite him unknowingly being the cause of your anxious behavior.
“..they apparently continued their actions anyway! Don’t these men have any class? I swear to you the nerve of… some.. folk..” You tuned back into Alastor’s rambling just as he hear him start to trail off. You hear his seat pull back, making a creaking noise as he leans back and looks under the table. Feeling his gaze on you for a moment, you don’t dare to look back at your husband. He had seen what you tried to poorly hide.
Alastor leans down, grabbing the book with articles sticking out of the side. He hums, opening the book a skimming over the contents of what he found.
“Darling, what’s all this?” He asks, eyebrows furrowing as he read through the article. Tensing at his tone, you avoid looking towards him and keep quiet. Your mind racing almost as fast as your heart. Your voice was caught in your throat, trying to come up with an excuse. Any excuse.
It takes a moment to gain your composure. Eventually you speak, after clearing your throat in an attempt to get rid of the lump stuck there.
“I was just.. doing some reading.. on uhm..” Gosh, this was embarrassing to admit. Your face flushes to pink as you continue, “I just had some concerns.. I suppose I was feeling a bit insecure about our relationship-..”
“Our relationship?” Alastor questions, staring daggers into your back. His tone showing signs of irritation and discomfort. You turn towards your husband. There was no hiding how you felt now. You couldn’t lie to him when he had the evidence in his hands.
“I.. suppose I was worried.. for my own selfish reasons. I got to wondering why you didn’t seem attracted.. to me.” Alastor glares slightly at your words, drumming his fingers against the table. He knew exactly what you meant with your words, his nose instinctively cringing up in mild disgust. He opens his mouth to speak again, but is cut off quickly by you.
“I know it’s something silly to be concerned about, it shouldn’t be a concern at all. I shouldn’t have questioned you. Dare I say it was wrong of me.” You quickly tried to explain to ease your husbands silent anger.
Alastor stayed quiet, teeth gritting as his all too fake smile cracked at the seems. He felt on edge. He couldn’t have you questioning him like this, opening him up and making him vulnerable. You made him question how well he was really hiding his true identity. You could tap in to what he was feeling and it irked him. He cleared his throat, interwining his fingers together to create a cradle for his chin to sit.
“I don’t see how your concerns are important, dear. Our relationship is fine without such activities. Do you not believe that to be true? I love you, do I not?” Alastor asked, a small smile plastered on his face.
Forced
“Do you?” You find yourself asking before you can process the question yourself. Alastor’s wide eyes make you replay your words. You gasp, covering your mouth with both hands. What were you thinking??
Both you and your husband stay quiet for a period of time, staring at each other with wide eyes. Alastor breaks his gaze, looking towards the wallpaper design in the kitchen that suddenly interested him. Your voice catches in your throat. It felt like you couldn’t speak for what felt like forever. Heavy weight on your chest when you uttered the question you’d been keeping inside since you said your I do’s.
Taking a breath to regain yourself, you look towards the stove. Scattered abandoned ingredients of what dinner was supposed to be left there. You glance towards Alastor, voice barely a whisper as you speak to him.
“I understand..” Your muttered voice doesn’t reach him, causing him to look at you and turn his head. You see him in your peripheral vision, then repeat yourself;
“I understand if you don’t.. or if you don’t want to partake in any.. intimate actions with me..” You start, grabbing a potato that had been abandoned on the counter. You start to rinse it under the sink water.
“From what I’ve read, you’re not alone. There apparently are men and women alike who don’t share an interest for sexual acts and behaviors. You’re not the only one..”
“I’m not accusing you of anything.. I’m not trying.. to make you feel bad. I just wanted to understand.. and I do. Please let me.”
Alastor stares at you while you speak. His silence feels like rejection. The same rejection you felt when you had first met him, but this was worse. Your heart ached, your chest felt tight, and your eyes felt like they were drowning in welled up tears.
You loved Alastor.
But never would you force him to return it.
You hear your husband stand from his place at the table, slow steps walking towards you. You feel his presence behind you. You silently prepare yourself for an onslaught of ‘how dare you’s and ‘who do you think you are’s.
Instead you feel warm hands hook underneath your arms, pulling you back towards Alastor’s body. Your body tenses, as you drop the vegetable you were once washing into the sink. Alastor leaned forward, resting his nose in the crook of your neck. Leaning down and hugging you tight.
Flood gates open as soft tears spill down your flushed cheeks. You gently hold onto Alastor’s arm with one hand, trying to stay perfectly still as if your husband were a stray animal. As if you move, he’d flinch away.
Alastor pulls away from your neck, looking at your face. His hand reaches up, standing straight, as he caresses one of your cheeks. He smears the tears across your cheek in an attempt to wipe them away, before leaning into you. Breath hitting yours before his lips meet yours.
Authentic
You’d never felt such a gentle and loving kiss from your husband. It felt so genuine and kind. You kiss back weakly, only hoping to make him feel the warm feeling he gave you.
Alastor never truly did understand his admiration for you. He never regretted marrying you. Of course you were always a good friend for him, one that he would work hard to keep safe. To keep you hidden away from who he was. Your happiness was always in the back of his mind as an essential. Sure he hated how you read him so easily, like it was second nature. But he hated it because if you knew the truth, you wouldn’t be safe.
He hated it because a part of him did love you.
Pulling away from the kiss, Alastor keeps you close to him, watching more soft tears fall down your face. He brings his other hand up, letting you face him while he grabs out a handkerchief from his pocket. Gently dabbing away the tears on your face, he looks at you with such soft eyes. Such genuine eyes.
“Thank you.” Is all he says. It wasn’t a satisfying answer. You wanted more than anything a long list of answers to all your worries.
But invisible weight lifts off your shoulders. Closing your eyes and letting out a breath that felt much deserved to let go. It was a solution, an answer no matter how much it truly did explain. You had made an effort to understand your husband, when most would force their ways through the barriers he set around himself. That was something Alastor could appreciate.
He never understood why you took the time in your life to be patient. Be understanding. How an angel like you ended up with the demon he was.
But he hoped you wouldn’t regret it just the way he never regretted you.
——————————BONUS———————————
“…and I told her, if she ever had a problem with him again, take it up with me! And just like that, her husband was on a platter! Such a shame, his body was almost as disgusting as his behavior!”
Alastor sipped his tea as he listened to Rosie ramble. He never broke his gaze away from her, hanging on to every word she had to say. He delicately set down his cup on the porcelain saucer. Everything about Rosie.. her charm, her personality, her humor.
It all lead back to the thought of you. Someone he admired and felt comfortable with.
“Are you alright, Al? You’re kinda gawking over there..” Rosie asked, practically seeing the gears turning in Alastor’s head. Alastor blinked out of his thoughts, watching Rosie give a smile at him and tilt her head.
“I’m fine, dear, it’s just..” Alastor glanced to the side, his signature smile softening into something genuine. “You remind me of someone.” He explained quietly.
The mention raised Rosie’s interest, ready for any gossip Alastor had to spill. She leaned in close, grinning ear to ear. “Ooo! Don’t be shy, who do I remind ya of?”
Alastor looked at Rosie and he could’ve sworn that in her midnight eyes, he could see yours. Staring back at him through his soul. How could he describe you? Someone who just knew him despite how hard he tried to hide. Someone who acknowledged him over and over again despite his own uncertainties.
“She was the dearest darling to ever grace the earth.” Alastor found himself muttering. Rosie melted at the compliment he not only gave you, but her as well. She saw genuine adoration in the radio demons eyes when he spoke of you.
While what you had with Alastor wasn’t entirely real, he wouldn’t have exchanged your marriage for anything. After all, when everyone else didn’t and refused to.
You understood.
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel headcanon#hazbin#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin x reader#hazbin hotel alastor#rosie and alastor#alastor the radio demon#alastor x reader#hazbin hotel rosie
780 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
watmalik
Far Away From Home
z-paladin
-Eats all the trail mix in your house-
musicals-in-sweden
Musicals in Sweden
darke15
✪ Hᴀʀʙɪɴɢᴇʀ ᴏғ Cʜᴀᴏs ✪