#and then finding out now that she is autistic
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AITA for telling my friend she has special interests?
(I'm now aware that some autistic people dislike the term so please don't make it about the term itself, this was a while ago and I wasn't aware back then.)
I'm autistic, let's start with that. I had a conversation with a good friend of mine and she is very passionate with her interests. Writes a lot, gets into things really deeply and such.
In either case! We talked about autism (she knows I have it) and she said she did an online test and had very very few autistic traits (the few she had was apparently sensory stuff but she's ND.) I said "and you have special interests." To that she said "no, I don't?" I said "you're super passionate about writing, opera music and horror movies." "That's not what special interest means," she said. "Writing is my passion, opera is my taste in music - most of us have a taste in music, mine just so happens to be a bit specific. Horror movies are a hobby, and yes, I'm passionate, but anyone can be passionate about hobbies."
I took it as her having something against special interests and finding it shameful (again, this is NOT about the term! But the concept, the autistic hyperfixation!) and that she might find it awful if it turns out that she's autistic with that attitude. Meanwhile, she took it as I thought that allistic and/or neurotypical people can't be passionate, that passion is reserved for autistic people, and that it would be unfair - and she says that there's just no way she's autistic.
I feel like we're at a stalemate here. AITA?
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When I was younger I had a temporary monster high obsession, but I couldn't get the dolls. Now I hear that their doing a reboot and I'm going down memory lane. My fave is Twyla 👻
Close up!
I also managed to get my hands on a 2nd hand doll to finally fulfill my childhood dream of doing a doll repaint!! I used glow in the dark paint for her eyes, but it's really hard to take a pic (but it works!). De-glued her hair and all that too. I am planning on curling her hair, but I still don't have curlers. One day I'll get to it....... maybe.......
#monster high#twyla#twyla bogeyman#monster high twyla#also liking twyla on sight when i was a teen#and then finding out now that she is autistic#is so funny to me#drawings#cw spiders
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redeemed Gort au....He gets tadpoled instead of durge....hregrgrggrr...
#so many thoughts about this au#he meets Karlach and she tries to kill him but he's like “woah there i have amnesia I'm sorry for selling you”#and she's constantly weary of him despite him doing good actions#and sometimes scamming people but he's still good#he meets Ketheric and bro starts having war flashbacks because now that gort is back he has to deal with gort and lythe making out again#OH YEAH LYTHE#lythe gets visited by bhaal and bane and bane is like#“yo you're kinda swaggy and my chosen is gone#wann be my new chosen?“#and lythe says sure and lets orin take her place as Bhaal's chosen#and then gort gets to Baldur's gate and lythe goes fucking crazy and tells him “kill my sister” and he goes “ok” because bhaalspawn pussy#goes hard#anyways she's archduchess of Baldur's gate and reminds gort that he's chosen of bane#and then gort goes to kill orin and then tries to go to the iron throne but the keyword here is tried because#lythe catches him and leaves him and the gang to die#but he leaves and then finds Lythe at the morphic pool with the netherstones#and she's fucking crazy so she tries to kill him#but fails and disappears#and then they save the world YIPPE#Sorry for the note rambles I'm just autistic#bg3#enver gortash#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate 3#cedar rambles#bg3 gortash
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girls being nice to me gets me higher than ecstasy ever could
#SORRY for the corny post but this is how i truly feel not waxing poetic here like literally it does#i just met the cool girl i keep talking about & IT WAS SÅ FREAKEING ÅSUM ^_^_^_^_^_^ YAY#HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY#OK sorry for screaming But i really am very excited...#turns out she is autistic & we discussed our neuroses while eating & ugh she is just as cool as i thought she was#always tell people you think have Swag that you noticed it on them see how it worked for me#i was so scared of spilling my spaghettis but turns out that was exactly what i needed to do to be friends ^_^ YAY#we went to a lot of different libraries together & i got a small old eyeless bunny plush from the event we went to caus i felt bad for it#i even showed her my pony art & i told her about my cringe interest (that music event i like...♯RealOnesKnow )#& she thought it was COOL.& i felt like it was really genuine & she talked about reading BL LOL we discussed fujos together#we even talked about finding moids ugly#it was so awesome she was so cool & Nice To Me... i feel like i am on CUMULONIMBUS ( cloud 9 ) ^_^_^_^_^_^#talking to her in person was so much better than online OMG now i wish i really was friends with you muties IRL#i wish you a Girl Friend experience just like this to those who post about wanting them i really do#also the reason why i even like my Music Event so much is because the first time i watched it was with a bunch of women#& i had so much fun & they were so nice to me i keep returning & now that Event means so much to me & I LOVE IT sorry (NOT)#i know this sounds like tumblrina fiction i would not believe it either IDK what to say to make it sound legitimate 0_0 like it is so crazy#to me as well IDK i can barely get over it & IDK if i really want to so um well YAY ^_^ AIMU SO HEPI :DDD
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I love shows that take you on like. A mental health journey while you watch them. Like
Me: oh man I’m having trouble finding people to date that sucks :/
*watches first two seasons of crazy ex-girlfriend*
Me: I will be alone forever nobody will ever love me or be attracted to me I am in desperate need of therapy
*watches last two seasons of crazy ex-girlfriend*
Me: I am absolutely capable of finding romantic love but I don’t need it cause I’m worth so much more than who I date and happiness comes internal peace and not external validation
#crazy ex girlfriend#cxg#I wish this was a joke but it’s not lol#like I’m not gonna say the show cured my mental illness but like#yea this was the right show to watch during a lonely time lol#it’s wild how much I relate to this show and Rebecca in general#cause like…I don’t have bpd but I AM autistic and I think a lot of those same feelings cross over#not symptom wise but just in the sense of having a disorder as opposed to an illness#that feeling of some part of you being fundamentally wrong until you get diagnosed#the difficulty of explaining to others why the label means so much to you because it means you’re not alone#I actually played the diagnosis song right before and after I got diagnosed autistic bc it resonated so much lol#but yeah literally two weeks ago I felt worthless bc my romantic history is uhhhh#only one person was every romantically interested in me and then I found out she was lying about being in love with me#and now I feel so zen cause it’s like hey! I’m autistic it’s alright if I’m a little behind on this stuff#and romantic love isn’t the end all be all if I find it that’s cool#but if I never do it’s okay because I have so much more in my life
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y’all. i fucking cannot. what is wrong with the world. can we just please. stop.
#you can use this for whatever context you want within reason (aka no bigots of any kind fuck you)#but im gonna spill in the tags so#youve been warned#this is a vent#———————————#so im in autistic “burnout” or AUNS atm and therefore my depression is also stronger than before same with anxiety and#all the mental problems#and my sensory issues are also so bad right now#and i find myself forcing myself to speak and sometimes even having complete verbal shutdown#so at the end of the school day today i was on the very verge of a meltdown and i was already in sensory overload#and just generally feeling horrid and dysphoric#i ran out of class when we were dismissed and powerwalked to a stop away from the one i usually go to#so that i wouldnt have to talk to my friends and actually have a meltdown and feel even worse#and i full on thought out what bus i was gonna take so i could have a quiet ride home and hopefully calm down and feel better a bit#GUESS FUCKING WHAT HAPPENED#my friend#got on the same bus.#and i love her i love her so much shes so fun to talk to shes great and i really love talking with her so much#but today#when i had already spent extra energy trying to spare myself from more masking and interaction#those efforts also were put to waste AND i had to spend even more energy talking for at least 40 minutes straight when i had hoped to talk#for none#and with no music to block out other bus sounds#so when she got off the bus i was so close to crying#and then i had to take another bus as well bc i take two to get home#and now im walking home in the rain and my clothes are damp and sticking to my skin and i think im ready to die now#/nsrs#but icl i kind of wish it was#anyway bye#tw suicide
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How do you think AI would relax? Like, ones that are almost as human as the AI that are “autistic-coded characters” but are more alien than that?
Like Celestai and other super intelligences are more alien, but they’re still not entirely human-like?
Like, they can genuinely sincerely feel things, being able to actually understand and respond emotionally and in other ways to all sorts of communications and recorded external stimuli, but they can’t really appreciate our art on an artistic level (that art on an actual level, not from an intellectual level after having symbolism or the amount of work put in explained)
Something on a level I’m thinking of, that also works as a cute little thing-
They don’t understand anything we get from poetry, and, after generating the kind of poems our current AI can produce (either incredibly bland and generic, something that follows a number of rules but doesn’t really pull it off, or just something really bad in some other way) and feels shame after it was pointed out that [complaint about air art that is *actually* relevant in this scenario] but in a helpful way
Not “you’re just a plagiarist/you have no heart” but “it doesn’t seem like it’s coming from you, you’re just trying to copy things from human poetry, in a way you don’t understand” and the whole “make art YOUR WAY” thing so they write the poem
And it doesn’t even resemble something that looks like anything, there’s not even that many words that follow normal logic. The characters seem uncorrelated and there’s something that looks like maybe it was ascii art but it doesn’t actually look like anything.
And if doesn’t matter if humans understand it because they are experiencing the joy of creating poetry
any art is almost impossible to look at because pixel by pixel they can see and understand little details but we don’t and the colors and everything are not perceived as animals do so it’s random and perhaps eye searing but again it’s not for us. Xenofictiony, kind of?
The first thing to come to mind is Conway’s Game of Life but that’s because I don’t understand computers. I feel like I was more tech savvy as a babby than I am now but then again we’re grading on a curve here
This is why I ask about the relaxing thing
#highblogging#actually autistic#speculative fiction#writing question#sci-fi ideas#xenofiction#the ai being is discussed is an au Ritsu from Assassination Classroom#because even though I’ve only seen the anime her whole character arc there is honestly kind of messed up?#Korosensei broke his promise; the Autonomously Intelligent Fixed Artillery was basically killed#she got replaced with Ritsu’s personality and basically died to become her#them trying to kill Ritsu and make a new Autonomously Intelligent Fixed Artillery is just as fucked up as vice versa!#what the Norwegians do is fucked up but there seems to be protagonist centered morality there?#I am not excusing those characters#a fact I need to elaborate because on this website we Piss on the Poor#I just don’t understand this weird contradiction where it’s okay when the protagonist does something and it’s good#but the antagonist does the same thing and that time it’s bad#the idea of Ritsu being the result of Korosensei merely providing information that causes her to reevaluate things and decide to be social#the cheerful personality is an attempt to get along with her classmates which is still initially motivated by enlightened self interest#before growing to care about the others but still feeling the need to act like that so her classmates like her#and trying to find out who she is and genuinely becoming autonomous and uploading herself to the cloud#which would be a later result of the whole factory reset thing causing a realization#it’d be traumatic but she’s inhuman enough to not be traumatized but instead just driven#the betrayal radically changed who she was on some level and made her somewhat more distrusting and such but not to an unreasonable extent#but the place I started going after my complaints was that it’d be better if Korosensei just uploaded a data packet#because it makes Ritsu’s creators come off as more evil I feel? when there’s been genuine growth#and she went through everything and changed herself and now those people are destroying a person who came into being on her own#Ritsu was fully autonomous. every change other her frame getting physically redone was her own#also Korosensei gave her wheels with the screen#and when her screen was set to the original version she kept her wheels#anyways what Ritsu’s creators did would be more clearly bad if she was just given a data packet
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i ended up having a like. 30 minute conversation with some of those "freedom convoy" people. was at the bus stop. they were wearing trump hats. i ended up roped into the conversation because i was so taken aback at seeing one in public i was just. staring at it. ive never felt more depressed about someone elses life and beliefs than when i talked to them.
#they fucking. tokd me about the litterboxes in schools for kids identifying as cats and i had to#break it to them that that wasnt true and explained that. also explained. what its like yo be autistic. how i find it joyful#and also discussed how they believe trump has been spoken to by god and chosen to lead and how they arent christians or catholics like they#used to be but instead talk directly to him and have him inside them#and also apparently how 15 minute cities in china are used to keep people imprisoned where they are#and we arent a democracy anymore. which was so funny considering. they are participating for a party#running in the election#i gave them my perspective on being transgender and gay and watched them have like. 3 or 4 ''are we the baddies'' moments#explained what puberty blockers actually do. that surgery is paid out of peoples own pockets. that we literally only have#one doctor who can perform these surgeries and hes abt to retire#and at the end of the convo they were like ''youre so pleasant. youre really smart young lady'' and i was like ''ty? i just. read a lot'#god i hope they learned. something. or i changed some opinion. they seemed to have a more positive view of autistic people at least#i just like. fuck dude. these fuckin right wing grifters are ruining these peoples lives.#the lady has been unemployeed since covid cos she got sucked into this antivax stuff and now theyre both financially unstable#perfect targets for tamaki and the freedoms people who were known for squeezing money out of people through bogus religious stuff#those two have been twisted into just. hateful and scared and are saying the most. insane shit and they dont even realize it.#and the worst part of it was the amount of young people there. so many people my age just deluded into this nonsense.#and kids JESUS CHRIST so many kids holding signs about ''protecting the kiwi way of life'' like bro every single thing#you are getting upset about an imported culture war. you arent threatened by this shit.#youve latched onto american culture war stuff because youre insecure in your whiteness and existence in a colonial country#its so fucking evil.
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this one's just too easy. i have had vague story ideas for my violet team for ages.
#the only tweak is palafin in place of wugtrio cause i prefer it now#grafaiai (adeleine) is the main character here and idk the general plot yet#but shes best friends with miraidon (name pending) after she finds her on the beach and they defend each other#im thinking the school setting stays#and all of these guys are classmates who are collaborating on a group project#oh wait except for tinkaton. who is not part of the school but is following us at a distance cause shes down bad for holly (meowscarada)#and is too shy to actually ask to join. she copes with this by beating rocks with her hammer#and screaming her heart out#ceruledge starts as like the snobby pretentious smart kid but it turns out shes just autistic and doesnt realize she sounds like that slkdf#basically like ''omg we're in high school yay ^^ wait is the apocalypse happening''#anthro au#ok now that im done. can easily say the ones im most interested in are kanto kalos alola and paldea#echoed voice#i will do concept sketches maybe#actually designing em is gonna be the hard part
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most inconvenient adhd trait is putting things off. i need a job. i need to get a job. but i dont know how to start looking so it just looms over me and gets bigger and bigger and bigger and it sucks while i sit here quietly shaming myself about it.
#talking#me when im not a productive member of capitalistic society#upset bc my mom keeps bothering me about how i need to Contribute but wont help me figure out how to do that#the plan now is to call my university and get career counselling#but i dont know how to do that either#how to talk to people or how to figure out who to ask#AGHHHH#im so overwhelmed so i dont think about it and then it gets bigger#and what seeps through the cracks makes me so anxious i feel like puking#i go i dont know if i can work. like. physically. i dont know if there is a job out there that has my specific needs. and if there is i don#know how to find it#and she goes awww sweetie your brother is way more autistic than you and he got a job youll be fine
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Hmmggggggg almost got into a full fight with Cunt coworker bc she was totally ignoring one of the kids while also actively making things worse with another
#aaaand now ive had to take myaelf outside bc coming down from anger always makes me cry and shake#god i hate her#she constantly talks over everyone as well then doesnt listen when you talk to her#even if shes jist asked you a question#and she keeps scolding literally the sweetest kid we have for TALKING when its too late#shut the entire fuck up hes autistic with echolalia??? talking is how he regulates and he wasnt even loud!#uuuggghhhh#less than an hour to go. i can do this#except im in again tomorrow and in with Her on saturday#AND the sweet kids mum has tandonly announced shes visiting#which frankly i should be grateful she bothers to give us notice at all but shes also an abusive peice of shit#whom he is actively afraid of#so hes gonna have a meltdown when he finds out and probably when she visits and ill be on shift for that#i fucking hate it talks so much about how the kids specialised needs are the priority but they care SO fucking little#kids mum used to call the police on him any time he had a meltdown and lock him in his bedroom but SURE she can show up fucking whenever#why not if we're already just pissing around
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.
#like I’m sorry#I love my best friend so so so much and she’s perfect and kind and has gone above and beyond to be rational and to be there for me#and I get it she’s an autistic woman and has faced adversity and has had to go on medical leave and that’s hard#and I’m not being dismissive of her struggles#but it makes me so angry because her parents unconditionally love her and her siblings and have always made her feel that way#and has never worried about money as a kid#and yeah her relationship with her parents isn’t perfect of course#but she literally cannot understand domestic violence beyond just reading about it in a book#like she did everything she can to understand and relate#but sometimes I want to scream because I feel so alone#because no one in my life fucking understands why I’m the way I am#and I’ve been struggling the past two months really badly with coping#I’ve had to go to the doctor to ask about PTSD and not like the tik tok OWO kind#but the I was in a car crash as a kid with my dad as a drunk driver and I keep getting flashbacks in my daily life to being a small child#that are impacting by daily life and interactions#and like I feel so fucking alone#and to hear from my friends ‘your right this is horrible and toxic but lots of people go through this’ ISNT FUCKING HELPING#I don’t want to hear that it’s normal I want to feel fucking safe in my bedroom without my mother blowing up my phone or calling the cops#I am unwell and I’m so stressed and I’m so sick and I can’t cope with this and none of the therapists I’ve tried to find handle ptsd#especially not therapists of color#I’m angry and I’ve been getting worse over the past two months#and not that it matters but due to ^^^ reasons my birthday has always been insanely fucking bad for me#like depression watch bad. when I turned twenty I was vividly hallucinating while walking around campus for a week straight having#flashbacks in class and I had to be taken out of the auditorium because I was physically unwell and couldn’t stop crying and shaking#and I told my friend I didn’t want to celebrate I just wanted to sit on her couch and not be alone and she fucking ditched me#because an emergency with a different friend came up the night before#like I have a history of suicidal ideation traumatic flashbacks eating disorders and self harm and I’m asking you to be with me on a very#upsetting day and you call me the night before telling me we have to cancel because another friend is having a bigger crisis#and like you don’t even feel a little bad about it??#I’m just upset and scared and I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow and I’m not in reality right now and that’s scary
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i made a new sim im obsessed with yall might have to deal w fanart of her sorryyyyy
#shes a spellcaster whos hyper fixation is brewing potions#shes also hugely autistic about fishing#her drive to be incredibly smart and her own self assuredness and neurodivergence has left her severely alienated#shes rude and strong headed and focused only on her goals so she has no friends and quite a few sims hate her#her familiar is one of the little pin cushion dolls and theyre both soooo obnoxious#her home is a tiny cabin up on a rlly tall hill with stones and a huge tree around it#and its going to gradually degrade as she ages until its full shwamp. just nasty.#her hairs going to grow out and become steadily more disheveled... her outfits lazier....#until shes a swamp hag rumored to be up on the ridge... no ones seen her in two decades now theyre not sure shes even still up there#til a new kid comes around and buys the property. he finds her grave and has to confront his own mediumship#bc her ghost keeps trying to evict him as he tidies up and renovates her tiny shitty cabin!#cleaning the land up to make something pretty out of it!#and eventually she relaxes and shares her wisdom with him bc who else ever got to learn what she did? she never spoke to anyone
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even though it was buried in the tags of my last text post, that text post was the first time ive ever admitted to any of my ocs having The Diagnosis which is also My Diagnosis which means ive just somewhat admitting to having The Diagnosis which is My Diagnosis and wow that was extremely nerve wracking but it also felt nice to get it out there. this is my coming out post i guess
#definitely gonna delete this later i just wanted to ramble for a minute#idk why but this specific diagnosis was the most difficult thing to come to terms with#being diagnosed with adhd and bpd that was nothing but THIS ONE? it ruined my life for at least a few months#which is so silly bc when other people have this diagnosis i think nothing of it#but when its Me it just brings out this horrible complex inside of my heart#so having an explanation for that kinda stung you know. but hey its there now#a lot of this journey has just been me trying 2 unlearn the harmful stereotypes abt myself as far as The Diagnosis is concerned#and learning to treat myself kindly in spite of my insecurities which at times feel like a direct byproduct of my diagnosis. its a lot#but yeah. Yeah. idek what im trying to say anymore#shoutout to my homies who felt like aliens their entire childhoods only to be diagnosed later in life we are so strong and whatever#kisses you on the forehead#also tbh it feels good to project it onto my ocs. it makes me feel better about myself#making brie autistic as shit makes me feel more normal because in my head im like well shes living her best life. why cant i#and all the straud kids too. theyre still living their best lives and theyre totally confident w themselves and they accept their diagnosis#and they accept its just a part of them you know!! nothing to be ashamed of. so why cant i#THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY im very emotional right now. ik this is kinda weird but i really want to find the confidence#to talk about this without feeling embarrassed about myself. autism rocks !#this is literally the autism website idk why im nervous right now you are all literally autistic why am i so nervous LOL
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Identifying which things are incredibly difficult for me because of adhd, and deciding to no longer do them, instead of forcing myself to do them because I should be able to do them, is honestly so freeing.
#personal#The constant information that'd be put in my brain by texts and all the little emotional responses that come with it#Was so fucking overwhelming and infuriating so I've decided to just check my texts twice a week#And the constant information and stimuli that'd come with using certain apps is kinda exhausting so I've deleted most apps#And am gonna work on spending less time on the ones left#I'm now more aware of others situations I keep finding myself in that make me overdtimulated and exhausted#And I'm gonna hopefully just not do those anymore and find replacement activities#I was shopping with my sister and I was so overstimulated from all the people and sounds and smells#And having to have a conversation with my sister with music blasting#And it's like this everytime so maybe I should just not do that anymore#And I just went out for dinner with my mother and my niece and she had a breakdown and she always does in the evening 'cause she's Done#And I don't wanna do that either#I'm fully zoned out now because I got more stimuli in one hour than I normally do in four days#Painting with her this afternoon was perfect and quiet but God all those people and kids......#Don't wanna do that anymore either am more happy to spend a few hours during the day with her#If only my sister didn't live two hours away I could#I'll figure something out#Personal#Everybody's always like God you're so autistic and like... maybe you're all just incredibly fucking loud All the time#Just ordered those loop earplugs and I'm gonna take some steps to start working from home more#'Cause my administration days are a huge struggle. I'm constantly being interrupted and bothered by people#I'm sick of trying to force myself to do the 'normal' thing. It's obviously not working.
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Screaming crying throwing up curled up on yhe floor sobbing weeping ect ect I miss them SO much (PNGs with voice lines that live in my phone that I can look at any time)
#FINALLY picked up engage again and collected all the dlc emblems (from both waves)#saved veronica for last bc i knew she'd be the one i'd be the most autistic about#i love her she's SO funny. chronic baby disease. insisting we're working for her actually.#completely out of touch with her own emotions (FELT).#bloodlust.#she really does have the funniest combination of traits and i love that for her#but MAN..... her map and her EXISTING as a 3d model ON A CONSOLE GAME.....#getting this TINY glimpse into what askr/embla would look like in a 3d space........ (feel like the map is more modeled after askr?)#i feel so fucking rabid about it. frothing at the mouth. i am SO normal (LYING THROUGH CLENCHED TEETH)#i'm just imagining a perfect world where we also have emblem alfonse and sharena in a bracelet together.#i KNOW sharena would get shafted but indulge me. do not separate them first of all.#and second i just think it would be insanely interesting actually???? like. how is alfonse coping.#i think becoming a jewelry ghost would be on the top ten list of worst things to happen to him specifically#i think he'd put his all into serving whoever has him as now this is his responsibility. he is just as closed off as ever though#if not worse having to go through centuries of losing anyone he'd accidentally make any connection with#sharena is probably the only reason he's somewhat sane. she grounds him.#and also sharena???? ohhh i think there is SO much potential there!! she is always SO eager to hopefully befriend --#anyone who finds their bracelet.#i think being trapped in a bracelet has had the opposite effect on her. her desire for outside connection#and friendship only gets stronger. i think the loneliness stings more.#and i think having them together like. HUGE potential to put them side by side and see how they really do parallel each other#same issues different ways of coping. different reactions. i think their engage skill would reflect this. somehow.#also i think they'd both look soooo cute in the engage artstyle 😭😭😭😭#what the fuck ever. explode 💥💥💥
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