#and then I think on it again and I'm like 'maybe the world DOES need it actually'...
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NSFW Alphabet - Leviathan
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A/N: Sorry this took a long time. Been a busy and chaotic past month, but I'm working on things so hopefully they'll be ready to post soon. Also, Levi isn't exactly my favorite so I had hard time analyzing and accounting for all the lore we have so far.
⟡ Masterlist ⟡
‧₊˚✧ 18+ Minors Do Not Interact ✧˚₊‧
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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
If you had an intense encounter, you'd both need it, which is why he calls for his servants to come and care for the both of you. Otherwise, he doesn't mind to do some extra steps to get you comfortable.
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B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
Our nice piece of ass loves your neck. The loyalty noose would look amazing around it. Or maybe his hands?
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C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
I'd say his cum tastes like caviar. He's technically a fish too, after all. Definitely the king whose cum I'd enjoy the least. It's also not as opaque, but with a slight shimmer.
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D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
While he's having some me-time, sometimes he puts on a noose around his neck and orders himself to hang.
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E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
With how rarely he trusts anyone, I'd say he barely has any. He gets the gist, knows many positions, but hasn't tried out most of them.
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F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Any position, really. As long as you're strangling him hard enough, he doesn't care.
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G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? Etc.)
No jokes here. In fact, no jokes ever. Besides like some special circumstances.
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H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.)
Perfectly silky smooth like the rest of him. There's no room for imperfection.
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I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
If he's bedding you, you're already doing something right. I imagine him being super vulnerable figuratively as well as literally with the strangling and all.
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J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
His main source of getting off. He can't even remember the last time he's slept with someone. Once you're in the picture, however, that immediately changes and his hands focus onto you.
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K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Beside the obvious breath control and getting beat up, he also strikes me as the type that would be into voyeurism as in getting watched fucking someone.
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L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Public places are out of the question. The safety of his castle is the only place where he allows himself to get loose.
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M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Jealousy, of course. But also public humiliation as long as he sees you as more than just his subject.
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N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
Share a partner. He'd get too jealous and possessive. Unless, of course, you tie him up as a punishment. HE would actually enjoy that.
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O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Force him to go down on you and you'll have one of the best orgasms ever. In giving-head-contest he'd come close second (only beaten by the pussy devourer fly boy).
While giving him head, he'd get super whiny and needy. Tease him and he'll lose his mind.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? Etc.)
There's two ways Levi can go. Either he's downright lovemaking with you or the bedroom is a whole ass battlefield.
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Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Actually, thinking about the location again... I wanted to say that why have quickies when you're at his castle and have all the time in the world, but thinking about it, If the need arises and you're not in his chambers, he would definitely use his coffin to have a quickie with his partner.
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R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? Etc.)
Depending on the risk. He wouldn't mind seeing how long you can hang from the noose, but wouldn't try and introduce lovecraftian horrors in the bedroom.
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S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Leviathan's energy is stored in that juicy ass of his and boy, can he go for long time. The thing is, that he will, however, start complaining that he's tired and that you have to do the rest yourself.
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T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Levi doesn't really strike me as the type to use toys. His imagination is enough for him. In my mind he's more old fashioned and all these different toys are just a riffraff for him. (Meaning he's too shy to buy some and would be afraid to get caught using them.)
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U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Oh this man *italian hand motion* loves to tease, but the moment you tease back you have no time to react before you're hanging from the ceiling.
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V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Whimpers. This man whimpers and it's the best thing you've ever heard (besides Beel's purring). How loud, depends on the situation. If you're on the bottom, some might escape him. But if you're on top, oh boy, all the demons in the surrounding chambers know.
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W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Actually, not a hc, but more of an analysis of his H scene that I really want to talk about?
Okay, so Levi makes it really obvious that he wants to be beaten and straight up just abused. This just screams to me a trauma response, which is extremely sad to me. The amount of abuse he had to endure to the point where his mind equates it to pleasure just so he doesn't go bonkers?
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X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Once again, if you have the Erolabs version, you're lucky to see his sausage in the game itself. I personally agree with the ingame depiction of Levi's dick (unlike certain pierced someone's).
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Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Actually, piggybacking off the wild card analysis, I think Levi can go anytime all the time. One of trauma responses tends to be hypersexuality (but I'm not a professional psychologist, so don't take my word for it). We even know about it from the Halloween event where Minhyeok says that Levi looks like he's in the mood despite fighting off angels.
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Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Not really a sleep I'd say, but he wouldn't mind snuggling up after some exhausting workout. Just don't get too used to it since he's too busy.
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Why is everyone so biased toward One Piece? Literally every character from One Piece I see is the ugliest creature I've ever had the discourtesy to lay eyes on and they're winning by a landslide against genuinely attractive characters.
Oh boy, we've gone over this a couple times but it's been probably a month or two. It's not so much biased as it is a large and organized fandom. Plus good writing can make anyone hot even though the art style can take some getting used to.
Let me explain some fandoms have dedicated blogs that do nothing but reblog polls so that fandom can vote in random fandom related polls all in one place. Now in tournaments it is very unfair sometimes because they can organize themselves and rally to sway a vote quickly. Now I know one piece and bleach do have dedicated blogs when it comes to anime fandoms. Other non-anime fandoms that I know have blogs are Star Trek, Star Wars and Ninjago. I only know this because I used to be really big into voting in tournaments poll.
Plus I do normally share the Fandom overall week in review list and the anime and manga list. This shows the most popular Fandom related trends of the past week by Tumblr's own data. And as someone who's been following that page just for fun since probably 2012, one piece frequently is in the top 20 on the overall chart and I don't think I've ever seen it not in the top five on the anime and manga chart. The fandom is just that large and active. I mean one piece frequently trends when a new chapter or episode drops. It's just how it is.
And as someone who used to despise one piece, I did give it a shot after I watched and enjoyed the live action. Now it's actually one of my favorite animes. However, the manga is so much better due to the less than stellar pacing of the anime. The only reason I'm looking forward to the remake so much is for fixed pacing then maybe more people would give one piece of chance. Because the story and the writing is so good. However, the art style is not everyone's cup of tea and I do understand that and that is probably the number one complaint.
Fun fact, at one point there was a group of you campaigning to get one piece characters banned from my polls because the art style was misogynistic. Luckily that was short-lived because I was about to start blocking people. So let's not start that up again.
Now I will concede that the one piece fandom does like to do cursed polls And definitely request ugly characters on occasion just to watch the world burn. You know who you are. But we're talking about a show that has furries and fish people and characters that can turn into dragons and snake hybrids and dinosaur people. So there's a lot of variety in your humanoids not all of them are hot
I know it bothers a lot of people that one piece wins so many polls but I see this as a case of don't hate the player. Hate the game. So if you can't beat them, join them. So I would recommend if this really pisses you off so much start your own blog dedicated to reblogging polls for whatever fandom you think needs one. So you can start rallying and organizing your fandom against the one piece fandom so you can try to take them down. Don't know if it'll work but it's a start. Again, learn from them and use their tactics against them
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the unwinnable game
[~2.7k words. Read it here or on Ao3]
Zugzwang (from German 'compulsion to move'; pronounced [ˈtsuːktsvaŋ]) is a situation found in chess and other turn-based games wherein one player is put at a disadvantage because of their obligation to make a move.
Centuries after their battle atop Mt Coronet, Rei confronts Volo in a nondescript forest, somewhere on Pasio. But the answers he's seeking aren't so easily given.
aka. a continuation of that one dialogue cliffhanger in the Mysterious Stones chapter because I'm extremely normal about these two
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“There's something you'd like to say, isn't there… Rei?”
Volo turns around and Rei musters up the bravest expression he can.
Now that he's here, he doesn't know what to say first; all his planned questions bounce around his head, clamouring for dominance. Why are you here? How? Since when? You have a Togepi and a Togekiss? Why a tournament? What do you know about the mysterious stones?
Were we ever really friends?
That is, it takes an embarrassingly long time for Rei to respond. In the end, what he says isn’t a question at all. “That Togepi in the ruins was yours.”
Volo only shrugs. He's got a languid smile on his face. “It might've been. She likes running around.”
Internally, Rei is relieved. So he hasn't been seeing things. But he doesn't let it show on his face, and crosses his arms. “Why’d you hide from everyone for months, and only show yourself now?”
“Now, I wouldn't call it hiding,” Volo replies, waving his finger. “This is a big island, and I've made a good few acquaintances here on Pasio already! Perhaps our paths simply didn't cross.”
With the number of times Rei has visited the ruins for mysterious stone research, the odds of that are vanishingly unlikely. “But why didn't you even try? It's not like I've been keeping a low profile.” Of course, the reason is probably something like I tried to end the world and it would be awkward. And that's what Rei needs Volo to say.
The Arc Phone sits heavily in his belt satchel, recording every word.
“Oh, I was just preoccupied. The ruins here are simply fascinating! Even though they're replicas, teasing apart all the ancient cultures used in their construction is such a fruitful area of study. You know me.”
Yeah, I know you. “Find anything interesting about Arceus?” Rei snarks.
“Not particularly!” Volo shakes his head, looking disappointed. Then he perks up, and continues, “Now, Dialga and Giratina however…”
“Oh?” Rei seethes quietly. Of course he had been watching. Why hadn't Giratina said anything?
“It’s curious, isn’t it, how they have seen fit to partner themselves with new wielders?” Volo smiles. “And Palkia too, I’ve heard.”
“It is interesting,” Rei forces out, adjusting his scarf. He recalls Volo's last parting line about Arceus, all those months ago. “Nice to know that they've bonded willingly with people in this time,” he says pointedly.
Ignoring Rei's tone, Volo continues, “That man, Cyrus, who controls Palkia. What a character, wouldn't you say?”
Rei has a lot of thoughts about the Sinnohans’ decision to allow Cyrus - a man who has literally tried to remake the world and not disavowed said goal - to keep the embodiment of Space with him. He'd thought Adaman and Irida had to be joking, at first. What would the Captain think if she saw what her descendant had turned the Galaxy Team into…
“I suppose you see yourself in him.” Rei says flatly.
It's only the two of them here, in the middle of a forest, in the dead of night, so Volo should have no reason to be evasive. And yet -
“Hardly,” Volo laughs off. “Intellectual curiosity, nothing more.”
This is going nowhere. Does Volo seriously think he can fool him again? Probably not - every remark is undoubtedly purposeful, but with just enough plausible deniability to appear innocent. So maybe he just wants to mess with him. Great.
A different strategy, maybe. He’ll surely make a mistake at some point if Rei keeps pushing. “This… tournament that you proposed,” Rei says. “I suppose you're participating?”
“Naturally!” Volo says cheerfully. “Battles on Pasio are done in teams, are they not? Perhaps you'd like to-”
“No.” Rei glares at him. Oh, now, that was going too far. Going to shut that line of conversation immediately.
“So hostile,” Volo sighs. “A united Hisuian contingent would've been a sight to see. Well, the clan leaders should be more receptive, at least.”
“Not if I can help it,” Rei says, crossing his arms. He’s well aware of how childish it sounds, but the thought of his friends falling for Volo’s innocent merchant act, again, is too horrible to consider. Mentally, he rapidly revises his priorities - he has to meet with Adaman and Irida as soon as possible and explain everything. Tomorrow, ideally. Does he have the energy for that? It’s something like one in the morning, right now. He's dead on his feet. But he’ll make it happen. He has to, before Volo does.
But what if he’s already too late? When had Rei last spoken to them? The dance competition, that wasn’t that long ago, right? At least a week, maybe more, his mind supplies. He'd just been so busy… and surely they would have told him if they'd met Volo.
This little anxious spiral must be evident on Rei’s face somehow, because Volo chuckles, stepping closer. “The world doesn't revolve around you, Rei. Not here.”
“You don’t get to act all high and mighty,” Rei snaps. “Not when you’re pulling everyone along on your own strings. I suppose you think you make the world go ‘round.”
But Volo has a point, no matter how much he hates to admit it. Rei’s been assuming he was someone significant to this whole saga. The appearance of the mysterious stones coincided with his and Akari’s arrival to Pasio, after all, so was he really wrong for thinking that?
And Arceus spoke to him first. That had to mean something.
“On the contrary, I simply meant that we’re all on equal ground,” Volo says. For the first time, goes unspoken.
“I’ll still beat you,” Rei vows. He’d done it before, he could do it again. No matter if he was still favoured by Arceus or not. “Because my bonds with my Pokemon, and my friends, are real. And you don’t know what that feels like.” Though intended to be a sharp jab at Volo, instead, a deep bitterness colours those final words.
Volo’s expression twists into something briefly unreadable before it settles into a polite half-smile. “You’re quick to assume the worst of me.”
“Quick?” Rei barks out a harsh laugh. “No, it was exactly the opposite.” He’d been strung along so thoroughly, accepting every strange behaviour as simply one of Volo’s little oddities. Only up at the Celestica Ruins did those allowances start to crumble – and by then, it was too late.
Volo’s look at Rei is one of intrigue. The way Rei's seen him examining ancient ruins, like he's something Volo wants to observe, or study.
And Rei has had it. Enough dancing around the subject, trying to draw it out of Volo; clearly it’s never going to happen. “Is this all just a game to you? You tried to destroy the world! You want me to think you care about anyone?”
Volo raises an eyebrow. “That's a bold claim. Surely if that had happened, it would've ended up in the history books, somewhere.”
Well – okay. The only person who knew what happened was the Professor, sort of. And Cogita. Arceus knows how she found out. But Professor Laventon didn't know half of it, even, Rei had just incoherently vented everything emotional and hurting at him, swore him to secrecy, and then hoped that he'd never have to unpack that again.
Clearly Arceus had other designs.
“We were friends.” Rei’s voice cracks a bit, there; he hates how true it is. “I thought we were friends. But you were going to kill me for standing in your way!”
Volo frowns. “Now, why would I do that?” He takes a few paces towards Rei and smiles, purposefully, grin stretching tight across his face. “I wouldn't want to lose my favourite customer, after all!”
Stumbling backwards to regain the distance, Rei exclaims, “I’ve bought maybe one thing from you. Stop calling me that!”
“Recipient of free samples, semantics,” Volo shrugs, entirely unaffected, and Rei wars with the competing urges to punch him or bolt into the treeline.
“Play dumb all you want,” Rei hisses, “but you’ve already shown your hand. I could tell them everything. You won’t be able to fool anyone ever again.” Least of all me.
Volo tilts his head with a smirk. “Well then, why are you here?” he asks, calling Rei’s bluff.
And though he can’t know that the Arc Phone is listening in Rei’s satchel, Rei realises that his motivations must be laughably transparent. Maybe Volo thinks Akari, or Cynthia, is watching the whole thing from the treeline. The specifics of it don’t matter, really. Rei’s been outplayed from the very beginning.
Volo makes a little movement with his hand. There's a sudden rustle of movement behind Rei, and he whips around, hand on Decidueye's Pokeball -
But it's just Volo's Togepi, who warbles in alarm and quickly toddles past him.
“What would people rather believe in?” Volo says lightly. “The accusations of a boy who jumps at shadows?” He bends down to pick up Togepi. “Or in the innocence of their friend?”
In Volo's arms, Togepi lets out an adorable squeak.
Over the Pokeball on his belt, Rei’s hand is trembling with misfired adrenaline. He carefully drops his hand to his side and raises his head up high. “Cynthia trusts me. I’ve been here for months, and we’ve worked together on the mysterious stones since they were first found.”
“And so?” Volo shrugs. “A working relationship is hardly worth much. I thought you would've known better, with what Kamado did…”
Rei flinches.
The worst part about it all was that no matter what ulterior motives Volo might have had, back then, when he’d been thrown out into the wild with barely a few days’ worth of supplies – Volo had been there for him when nobody else was.
Volo had seen Rei fall apart and put himself back together with forced cheer. And so, he knew exactly where the cracks were, where to strike with his words to disassemble Rei all over again.
Of course Rei knows Cynthia is responsible, and smart, and has been nothing but friendly to him – but he doesn't really know her, does he? And Volo is her ancestor. Which is pretty obvious, honestly. She’d probably like him immediately.
Just like everyone else did. Including Rei.
“Besides, you're not the only one who's been making friends in high places,” Volo adds smoothly. “I’ve heard that Bettie’s word is quite well regarded.”
So now that Rei had wised up to Volo's true nature, he'd gone and found himself new people to use. “You’ve always been like this, then,” Rei huffs. None of it had been real; their entire ‘friendship’ had been predicated on Rei's usefulness. “They deserve to know the truth about you.”
“Truth? Or your own opinion?” Volo scoffs. “You think so highly of yourself, Rei, but you're not the beloved Hero of Hisui here. No…” he smiles. “You're entirely ordinary. Do remember, it was everyone in that stadium who heard Arceus' voice.”
Admittedly, that stings. He'd thought - maybe - that Arceus was finally telling him why He'd brought Rei here. What he was supposed to do in this strange new land. But he'd failed, unable to clearly hear Arceus’ voice.
Rei spares a thought for the Arc Phone, once a vessel for divine inspiration, now reduced to recording mortals’ petty feuds. His messages to Arceus have been left on read for months. He's probably allowed to be a bit petty, at this point.
Volo continues, “Imagine! Any one of us could become Arceus’ champion.” Togepi makes a little noise. “Yes, even you,” he says indulgently, lifting her up to face him, and she goes cross-eyed following his waving finger.
It's horribly cute, the sort of thing Rei would've been charmed by before. And it's clear Volo is no longer taking Rei seriously at all.
What starts out as a wavering thought suddenly asserts itself with startling clarity. “I don't need anything from you,” Rei realises. He'd told himself he was here for evidence, something concrete he could hold against Volo, and that was true. But beyond that, he'd been after something entirely more personal.
He can walk away.
“I don't need anything from you,” he repeats, with force this time.
Volo turns his attention away from Togepi, and this of all things is what finally seems to make him genuinely confused. “Leaving so soon, Rei?”
Rei doesn't elaborate. He turns on his heel to stalk through the forest back to civilisation. Now, because if he says anything more he doesn't know if he'll ever bring himself to stop. Because he's asking for something he'll never get.
Volo's saying something. He doesn't care to catch all the words, though some of it filters through - “challenge”, “tournament”, and “rivals” among them. The general shape of the message is clear. They'll meet again; Rei's powerless to stop that. But as best he can, he'll shake off whatever lingering grip Volo still has on him.
He doesn't stop walking as the trodden earth turns to paved cobbles under his feet, and he makes it all the way up his building's winding stairs to the little studio apartment that he's been given. Home, for now. Collapsing onto the lone armchair, he takes the Arc Phone out of his satchel and turns off the recording. Thank Arceus for divinely bestowed infinite storage, he supposes.
Rei knows that if he were to listen to it, there'd be nothing of use. Only hidden barbs and Rei’s own ugly, wounded anger. It feels fitting to delete it, to banish the whole encounter to memory, and perhaps eventually, less than that.
He doesn't, and instead tucks it away in a folder several layers deep.
Maybe Professor Laventon wrote about the whole disaster in his private diaries. Rei knows he has them, bless the man. He'd once stumbled into the Professor's office late at night, after an exhausting, terrifying escape from an Alpha, ready to tell Laventon off for sending him there – and startled the Professor fiercely, who quickly shut the manuscript he was writing with a blush. So even if Rei had sworn him to secrecy, he might have confided in the written word.
That's something he can set Cynthia on digging up, then. Even just the suggestion that Laventon, the First Pokemon Professor, had such personal writings, would probably send her into an unstoppable research frenzy. That much about her, at least, he knows. If it still existed in this era, Cynthia would almost certainly find it.
And maybe he doesn't need evidence. Not for the people who matter, anyway.
Akari’s only a few doors away, their apartments close neighbours just like back in Jubilife Village. If he wanted, he could wander over there once the sun rose, have her fantastic tamago rice, and tell her everything.
Is he ready to take that step into thin air? To trust that he'll be believed, in something that's infinitely more convoluted and improbable than the simple plea – “I don't know why the sky is red, it's not my fault, I only ever did what you told me to” –
Well. Volo might've been the last one to break his trust, but he was in no way the first.
Can he make good on those words that he’d levelled so confidently against Volo? That his bonds with his friends are real?
Akari had never doubted. And Adaman and Irida had gone against Kamado's will, risking the standing of their people, just to help him. He would be doing them a disservice if he didn't at least try.
And in this dangerous game, it might be the only winning move.
Even as he makes this decision, he feels the pull of sleep. It's offensively late, or early, in the morning now, depending on perspective, and all of this is Tomorrow Rei’s problem.
There's no energy left to even stumble to bed. Rei falls asleep right there in the lumpy armchair, hand loosely gripped around the Arc Phone, Adaman and Irida’s Poryphone numbers on the screen, ready and waiting.
And, though Rei will certainly wake up sore with a crick in his neck come the morning…
For the first time in a long while, his dreams are not restless.
#trainer rei#rei pokemon#volo#volo pokemon#pokemas#pokemon#rei#fanfiction#// tikposting#// fanfic#so. pokemas has been gripping me so hard the past couple of months#that it's even tempted me into writing fic again after three years#yes i know this is about to be rendered non canon in just a few days when the next chapter drops#but i had to get it all out beforehand because gosh there's so much story potential#(btw if you've watched the datamined version please avoid spoilers I'm waiting for official in game release. thank you!!!!)#rei tries to play the game volo's way and fails miserably: the fic#he's out here trying to set up a trap not realising it's extremely obvious#when he does realise it's ten moves into the actual game and he's in the middle of a trap himself. fun#rei pov is very fun he has many many thoughts about things#thanks for reading!!#// tikart
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just revisited scs, and was wondering if pearl still joins hermitcraft in season 8 as she does? and if so, what are three's thoughts and feelings on this? if we go by hermitcraft rules, it'd have to had voted her in, and it does care about pearl in some capacity due to her link with martyn and jimmy so it'd want her somewhere safe, but is their relationship still rocky at that point? has it gotten better? and how does it evolve through their time on hermitcraft? is boatem still a thing, or do three and pearl give each other more space?
sorry if you've answered something like this before, but i'm curious
so here's how it goes in my head, although as always, anyone is free to have their own headcanons for it:
so by season eight, given the messy timeline i've created, three has had some time and distance. additionally, i like to think that it and everyone else DID keep up their promises to stay in contact. pearl and three's relationship will probably never be as close as pearl and grian's, but pearl is TRYING and three is willing to give her a shot when they're not standing right next to each other and she isn't in the middle of grief as much, so they form a tentative bond.
pearl doesn't join season eight because of three; three doesn't invite her. however, i'd like to think that pearl, maybe on the prodding of "her friends are actually talking to her again", has tentatively started doing her own builds again and showing them off and something like that dragon build of her blows up. so when names are being floated for season eight, and someone's already floated gem as a possibility, someone says pearl's name. and three doesn't know. three doesn't know if they'll be able to handle each other living on the same server. but it's now been at least a year and a half since scs and with scs's messy timeline probably longer, right. three is much more self-assured and has a better idea of who it is. and like, it thinks about it, but maybe pearl gives away she's still living on evo in a call, and three thinks about it, and...
the thing is: three had needed someone to say "you can come here when you run away" two years ago about the same thing. it can at least try.
this is to say: pearl joining hermitcraft is not three's idea or three's invitation. but three gives her its endorsement, and eventually its vote. pearl joins in season eight. three and pearl then proceed to try to completely avoid each other for like, at least a month. i don't want to take pearl and impulse bonding away from the world, so i think maybe pearl still bases near there, but the friendship groups in three's timeline are a little shifted ANYWAY, even if they're similar, so we can shift people around a little. maybe three drags mumbo off to go follow iskall and etho into the shattered savannah. god, can you imagine, actually, that would be hysterical.
but the thing is, even though the hermits spend a lot of time alone, they also spend a lot of time together, and like... three IS friends with impulse. and it is Conspicuous that they're avoiding each other, and they can't do it forever. it's pearl who screws her courage to the sticking place first and invites three to help her with an interior room of her build. three, not actually quite good enough at emotions to recognize "here come do an interior, thing i know grian hated but you like" as the very deliberate olive branch it is but good enough at emotions to know it probably shouldn't avoid, accepts.
and it goes... well. it surprises both of them how well it goes, actually. maybe it shouldn't; they've been in contact after all, and they've had time to soothe and process their relationship. they part back to their own bases again with the promise to do it again, and they do not avoid each other for the rest of the season. they don't seek each other out, often--they're not quite ready for that--but they don't avoid each other, either.
it's not perfect. pearl still sometimes looks at three like she's looking at a dead man. three still sometimes wants to scream when she does.
but there are many times, now, when they can forget how they met in the first place, and just chat about build pallets and pranks and shapes and llamas and everything else together.
that's close enough to healing.
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(sending hugs)
what are your thoughts about aithusa? personally i love her way to much, but she rarely comes up in fandom discourse
HEY :D
Thoughts about AIthusa, huh?
I have many of those. Thoughts, I mean. In my brain. They like to swim around and create a whole mess of things sometimes.
I think the reason why Aithusa doesn't come up in fandom discourse often is because there isn't very much to say.
Aithusa was born, then color coded as a sign for the golden future of Camelot and was then abandoned by Merlin. Tortured by a crazy guy. Then raised by Morgana and used to create the sword that later killed Arthur. Whenever they come up in fandom discouse, it's mostly about Merlin doing his job as Dragon Lord right or wrong.
But you wanted my thoughts, so I'm gonna allow my head to spin weird shit around the ungendered Dragon. (That is why I will use they/them pronouns for Aithusa.)
When it comes to Aithusa's name, not the canon translation, I mean what it literally means, it's hard to find, since they used old English for the language of magic, and I think Greek for the language of the Dragon Lords (which doesn't necessarily have to apply to the Dragon names) and I haven't seen anyone make a post about it. All I get from Google translate is "Hey you" in Gaelic and that's a bit useless. Or well, this:
The automatic language recognition in Google would let me interpret Aithusa as a gift to the world. Or Arthur, depending on your shipping interests.
Or, you know, if I could make up the Old English maybe pseudo-parts of the word (the writers were very lazy in BBC Merlin, they are literally quoting Beowulf when Merlin magics the blue ball in the poisoned chalice.). Something fitting I found in my old English dictionary is
agan, meaning to possess, and to own, and thus (spelled with a thorn which my keyboard doesn't have) meaning as follows. So, in my absolutely amateurish and interpretational, and way too far reaching ways, I would say Aithusa could mean: A(gan) thus (a): To own the future.
(Again, you asked for my thoughts, this is not canon and probably pointless, I just needed to go down this route first.)
In the fandom wiki, we find THESE informations on Aithusa.
So, things we do know are very few
Aithusa is a baby
Aithusa was tortured and is therefore crippled
Aithusa cannot talk
Aithusa probably has Stockholm Syndrom because of Morgana
But you know, I think it's very interesting to know that Aithusa is the Light of the Sun, the literal sign for a Golden Future and that very sign can be hurt by a mere human. Not only does this mean that humans can kill Dragons (the Dragon lore doesn't make any sense, I swear to god) but it's also meant to be symbolism.
Merlin, just like Arthur, is shown to be his own doom through Aithusa. They are hidden, tortured, kept from living their truth, abandoned by everyone who should be leading and protecting them.
With Aithusa being born it means that at that point, Merlin had already fulfilled his destiny. At this point in time, the golden age is already there and it should have been a sign for Merlin to speak up about his magic. He never did, that's why Aithusa remains mute.
And just like magic itself, when harmed or in danger, Aithusa can easily be used for evil.
Apart from the symbolism and their part in Arthur's death, Aithusa doesn't contribute much to the story, I think. Yes, they console Morgana and they are like the continuation of the Dragon lineage, but that's ultimately pointless. Aithusa will be, inevitably, be the last Dragon. Which is honestly really cruel, but again, parallel to Merlin himself. That's where Aithusa's arc ends, unfortuntaley.
Personally, knowing all that, I find Aithusa hard to use as the character they are in canon. With what little defines their character, you have to ultimately change everything about them to use them in fun fics and comics and stuff. That's why they end up as a little dog creature so often.
Don't get me wrong, I love Aithusa. But I love FANON Aithusa, just like I prefer fanon Sir Leon over canon Sir Leon.
Because fanon Aithusa is like a domesticated chicken that Merlin keeps in his rooms or fights custody over with Morgana while Arthur is either oblivious, supportive, or being gaslit.
But maybe I am overlooking a lot of things. So, if any of you like to disagree or add anything to my points, feel free to engage ^^
#bbc merlin#merlin#Aithusa#faq#ask#answer#merlin meta#sorry if this wasn't what you expected#I never know what to do with Aithusa
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Hii, i’m big fan of your page. Everyday I scroll you page lol.
And i wanna ask ur opinion, is true that Dir now is more popular than before especially for english speaker fan? I see many english comment in Dir page (IG, youtube, twitter) than before
And peoples really noisy about AI and write rude comment in The devil in me (youtube). Maybe people write that comment because hate the MV. In my opinion, they are like new comer in Dir music world lol.
I think Dir also did video editing in previous video (i’m not sure it’s AI or anything else), like in Glass skin, Rinkaku, agitated.
And about the delay of The Devil MV, i think they are lazy to upload because so much negative comment before watching (lol kidding)
But in my opinion, AI not that cheap and still use money, effort, dresser, makeup artist, time and team for making that MV. So I disagree to people who said this is really cheap, artist thief that no use dresser, make up artist or more worker.
But actually yess, i agree art never can be replace by AI. But hey, this is just MV not art exhibition or art competition.
I feel like why people in this era too focus on something else than main masterpiece.
#sorryformyenglish have a great day!
Sorry for the slightly late reply; I had prepared my reply a few days ago but I'm glad I waited since the promotional edit of the PV was released since. Thank you for your visits!
I'm really not sure whether Dir en grey has increased their fanbase... And shows that play on nostalgia are not an accurate reference, so even if the shows this year were to be sold out, it doesn't mean anything because that could totally drop next time they tour with new material, unfortunately. I think that the European tour definitely awakened temporary fans who could disappear again once the buzz has died down.
Dir en grey's director has definitely used CGI in the past, but you still needed artists to achieve anything. I don't know exactly how the AI that the director used for The Devil In Me works, but the common conception is that you just input requests and the robot does everything for you. It's certainly a lazier way. And no clue how much using that technology costs, but it's not equal to several artists' and actors' salaries, probably.
Sadly, the behind-the-scenes on the Devil In Me video disc did not offer anything in the way of a hint at what the AI is and how they used it...
I'm still of the opinion that maybe it can take Dir en greys videos farther than they've been able to so far, and maybe materialize the director's vision more accurately. But yeah, if everything moving forward is AI-generated, that would leave a sour taste. Already, the Otogi backdrop video didn't seem like something that only an AI could come up with: artists would have done at least the same job, if not better, to be honest.
With The Devil In Me PV, I'll have to actually watch the Netflix documentary on John Wayne Gacy, but I'm having difficulty reconciliating how the lyrics tie in with either the killer's life or the person in the video who is chatting with an AI to try and see inside the killer's mind. That's not what the lyrics evoke to me at all...
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Cross posted on AO3, may be edited in the future, it was written very shortly after the game actually came out.
Explicit, MDNI.
Zayne gets injured, MC saves him, and Zayne has very normal feelings about it.
Feelings like: femdom, etc.
"Zayne! Zayne! Can you hear me? Come on, get up, you have to get up, we need to go now!"
The world is fuzzy at the edges, and there's a tinny sort of ringing in his ears, but he hears his hunters voice. She's upset. Why?
Arms stronger than they should be tug at the lapels of his white doctors coat, dragging him up off the concrete, and he blinks hard several times. His head is swimming.
Zayne groans, deep and low as his awareness slowly returns, able to blearily look around and recall that right, yes, we were at my favorite sweets shop... And then...
"I know it hurts, Zayne, but I really, really need you to get up right now." That's her voice again, and then he can see her. Right in front of him, holding him halfway off the ground. There's blood smeared across her lips, cheek, and eye, and her hair is ashy with dust, no hint of the real color underneath it all.
It occurs to him that it's concerning he can't recall what exactly has happened. Was it Wanderers? Some sort of accident? A weak cough escapes him as his shoes scrape across the loose pebbles on the road.
Everything hurts. Like one giant bruise all over his body. But he is slowly regaining his senses. He does have at least that.
All around them is destruction: rubble and dust and shouts for loved ones piercing through the fog. The air smells and tastes metallic as his hunter helps him up onto shaky feet, hoisting one of his arms over her shoulder and wrapping the other around his middle.
"Can you walk? We need to get you to Akso now."
Her pupils are blown, and eyes wild. It's a look he hasn't seen on her before. Despite the pain and danger they are in, there is something about her in this very moment(maybe the blood, the adrenaline, this demeanor he's never seen before) that makes his gut clench.
Ought to dissect that later, he thinks. Then again, perhaps not.
"Akso?" His voice is rough, throat sticky with dust.
"Yes, you broke at least two of your ribs in that explosion, you need medical care, do you understand?"
His eyes drop down to hers, and he realizes just how much they are touching in this moment. All the way from their feet to her head, becoming a long line of heat down the right side of his body.
What timing, Doctor Li.
"I understand." He confirms to her, and plants his gaze firmly ahead of them, forcing his attention onto the task at hand rather than the way that look in her eyes makes him feel.
--
Weeks later he is still recalling that day, though who can blame him, confined to bed rest as he is? Three broken ribs and a full month of leave from the hospital, it's difficult to find ways to entertain himself.
Zayne closes his eyes and he sees her covered in sweat, that single minded determination carving deep lines into her face. If she'd had to, she would have dragged his limp body to the doors of the hospital. It was a look that told him, "I'm not losing you too. Not today." It was that look that had given him the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
It aroused him deep in his gut, somewhere he hadn't even known existed.
It was disturbing, in more ways than one.
He'd begun to have dreams.
Dreams of her coming home to his apartment, the door closing with more force than necessary, her dirty boots crossing through the kitchen with purpose. And when she found that purpose, she would have that same look on her face. In some of the dreams she'd still have blood on her face, and she'd lick the droplets away, just as she did while she labored to save his life that day.
She would grab him by the knot of his tie, stifling his surprise with a bruising kiss, plundering his mouth like a woman starved, using her unexpected strength to push him back against the wall, to cover him with her smaller frame. He would moan into her throat and her lips would curve into a smile against his.
One night, he wakes around four in the morning after dreaming of his hunters battle lust and he finds himself in an uncomfortable, sticky mess.
Zayne knows he loves her. He has since he was a boy, that has never changed, but through the years, his crush has waxed and waned, but remained fundamentally childlike. It hasn't been until they reconnected this past year that he'd even begun to let his thoughts drift to more unsavory places. And now... Well he determines that this new... Discovery of his remain well and firmly hidden.
Her presence in his life is too precious to waste with his depraved imagination.
After all, while he's been bored and cooped up in his apartment, with strict instructions from every person in his life to "Sit and rest, for once!" She has been visiting him almost daily. Usually not for long, as her own work keeps her extraordinarily busy(he supposes he's never noticed just how hard and much she works before, because he himself is often entrenched in his own), but always with an easy smile and some sort of treat for him. Chocolate, or cookies, one afternoon a little fruit tart from a vendor she passed on her way to see him.
Most of the time, it is no challenge for him to recognize that her friendship is far, far too valuable to risk losing.
Today, she knocks on his door, and when he opens it, he almost forgets.
She's a mess.
There's a fairly large, but shallow cut across most of her face, from her cheek down to her chin, her hair is pulled up haphazardly, the leather glove she normally wears is missing, and her clothes, though neat, have small tears across one of her knees, and her shoulder.
Zayne swallows before he greets her.
"Difficult day?"
She exhales a chuckle. "Just a long one, sorry. I was going to go home to clean up, but by then it would have been pretty late, and I was already nearby when I finished, so I thought I'd just uh... Drop in."
She's sheepish, rubbing the back of her neck with one hand, and Zayne forces himself to look away, making eye contact with the corner of the wall instead. There's a chip in the paint.
"Really, you needn't trouble yourself on my behalf, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. You require rest as well as I."
What would it feel like, right now, to have her press up against him? Warm. Solid, he thinks. Would she grab him by his jaw? Turn his face this way and that?
He imagines how she would taste. Salty and metallic, he thinks, especially now. His hunter, shoving him onto his back in his bed, she would be impatient, barely taking the time to undo their pants before sheathing herself on his cock, using her palms on his chest for leverage to fuck herself as she pleased.
"Yeah, well then we might as well rest together, huh?"
She pulls him from his depraved thoughts.
Zayne realizes that the heat between his legs, if not controlled soon, will become a much larger problem(no pun intended).
"You have quite the knack for turning phrases, you know." His tone stays even, and he turns away, inviting her inside without another word, his excuse being the television in his living room that needs muting.
"And you never have this much time off. It's kinda fun, really."
He hears the click of the door shutting, and the turn of the lock.
"I brought you something, too."
Thud on the kitchen counter. Whatever it is, it sounds hefty. While he pretends to look for his remote, he adjusts himself in his pants, burning with shame for this predicament.
"What is it this time?"
"Brownies! Salted caramel flavored. They're my favorite."
She appears quite suddenly in the corner of his vision, and he jumps, feeling his face grow hot.
"Thoughtful as always." He smiles, and hits the mute button on another story of wanderer attacks.
His hunter frowns, leaning her body around to get a good look at him.
"Something's wrong. What's wrong?" Her tone leaves no room for arguments, and Zayne's eyes go a bit wide just for a moment.
"What makes you think anything is wrong? Other than my broken ribs?" He doesn't realize it, but he imitates her in the way he tilts his head. The mirth in her eyes makes his chest ache.
"You're blushing, Doctor Zayne." Her tongue pokes out from between her teeth with her smile.
"Perhaps I'm coming down with a fever." He counters.
She squints, but moves away, rolling not just her eyes, but her whole head. "Oooh-kay. Then perhaps I should leave, huh? Keep you from spreading your virus all over Linkon?"
His mouth opens, but he has no immediate response.
"Uh-huh." She oozes with smugness.
God he wants her. Whether in his dreams, or right now, either will do. He's wanted her for so long. And now she's so close. Zayne feels his entire chest go tight with longing. He wants everything with her. For her.
He wants her to be with him always. If he could put a tiny little hunter in his pocket and keep her there he would, just so he could pull her out when he likes to soothe the ache in his soul that she both creates and fills in equal measure.
He wants her just like this, messy and stinking of rain and sweat and blood, he wants her sweetness, her humor, her easy charisma.
And God he wants her to claim him. He wants the battle lust, her fingernails deep in his scalp, the stinging on his back. He wants her to take whatever she likes from him, his body, his soul, his everything.
"I wasn't blushing. You are mistaken." Somehow he keeps his voice even and calm, though inside he fights to keep from pouncing on her.
Down, boy.
Recognition flashes across her face.
And then a flurry of emotions he has trouble naming. Confusion, shock, and something else he can't define, but it reminds him of the day they were in that explosion, and she became someone he didn't know.
His hunter steps forward, further into his space, and on instinct, Zayne steps back, his swallow loud in the quiet apartment.
She must see something on his face. Fear, he thinks. And her expression of bewilderment changes as her gaze flickers rapidly across his features, first his eyes, his mouth, the bob in his throat, the fist clenched at his side, and then back to his mouth.
Her movements are slow as she takes another step forward, as if she's afraid to spook him, like one would a wild animal. She grabs the front of his shirt, and he swallows back a whine.
His hunter sees this too.
"Why haven't you said anything?"
"You frighten me sometimes."
Do I, Doctor Zayne?" Her eyes are dark, and she pulls him down to her, tilting her head just so, and holds him a hairsbreadth away from her lips.
He can taste her breath. It makes his knees weak. God, if you are there, don't wake me from this dream.
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I was randomly thinking about this little tidbit again and realized I never posted this video on here, so I thought I'd give you all psychic damage tonight.
Misha: “Obviously Chuck would be younger [in The Winchesters], and he’d be played by a…”
Jensen: “Somebody much younger than Rob Benedict, like Alex Calvert.”
–August 2022
(The Winchesters started airing in October 2022 and ended in March 2023)
Yeah...
that
checks
out.
#jack kline#chuck won#chuck won theory#they were FUCKING insane for this.#spnwin#the winchesters#jensen ackles#misha collins#video#liiiiiike.... lmao. JENSEN'S SMIRK#sometimes I think 'I'm too lazy to write a long-form meta/book about the prequel. I'll just do bits and pieces eventually'#and then I think on it again and I'm like 'maybe the world DOES need it actually'...
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Do you ever like.. get a sudden surge of love and admiration and just general happiness because of a friend, so much so that it's almost overwhelming, and you are just so, so glad you met them and hope you'll never have to let them go and get to keep them in your life forever? Yeah ❤️💖🐗🧚♂️🦄
#i should go to sleep#but these are the moments i wonder again if i know what a crush feels like and if i can tell the difference between periodical very strong#but platonic affection for a friend and having a tiny crush on them#oh well. in the end does it matter?#but it would still be nice to be able to tell the difference. if nothing else then to know when i actually have a crush on someone i'm not#that close to like that friend or that fond of#fucking hell god please never let me have to let them go. i don't think i've ever met someone i'm that comfortable around and around whom#it's so easy to just be myself#or rarely. maybe with two other friends i don't feel the need to hold back myself from blurting stuff out and interrupting them and#apologising and asking them to continue or just like.. say whatever comes to mind or touch electric pasture fences to see if it still stings#(it does btw but in a sensorally really nice way 10/10 would recommend)#why do amazing people often live so damn far away? last time i met a bunch of people i really got to love was almost lifesaving and#definitely mental health saving. we used to talk every day and now i barely know what any of them are up to :( covid really fucked us over#with everyone just trying to survive and stay sane. we really lost touch and now it#*it's hard to get that back because we're strewn across europe and brasil and the us and everyone's an adult with responsibilities now#i miss them :( gotta try harder to rekindle that#anyway @the universe or whatever fuckers listening: if you put me in circumstances that make me lose touch with her like with them#i'll set the world on fire. she's become far too important to me to let that happen#okay as always i couldn't damn shut up in the tags alright bye bye good night whatever my cat's purring now instead of snoring#scientists of tumblr invent a teleportation machine now. i want to lie in a park and watch dogs and read side by side and remember how good#life can be#mine
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woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way
but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D
anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎
#sterechats :)#09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway#what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again?#probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D#10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire#like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it#I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring!#but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3#11:00 pm - I need to get out of here#I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me#everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense#why am I even writing these tags what does it matter#I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing#maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore#I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha#11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one#how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good#everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now#here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah)#11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive#in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love#I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day#maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it!#maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead...#1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am#not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep#and I don't want this to post when I'm awake#I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always#because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really#I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay
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The Question #8 (1987)
#book club#the question#vic sage#dc comics#comics#needle#needles#ask me if you need a new tag for that#anyway a rare moment of vulnerability from Vic at a time when he's completely convinced he's about to die#when i said that he has an obsession with second chances i seriously meant it#and again i think Spaulding is a fantastic antagonist. stories that make you wonder what 'doing good' means#and whether justification can come from motives#because objectively speaking its very bad to burn people or skin them alive. obviously very bad.#and yet hes doing so much good through his other actions that you have to stop and think about how people aren't just one thing#no one's a saint and no one is a devil.#to paraphrase vic himself later on: maybe there's not one good person in the whole world#Vic's been a real piece of shit. does all the good he's doing now atone for all of the horrible things he's done?#is atonement even Possible?#does it matter?#can we get that quote thats like 'I CARE IF I'M GOOD!' because i think it's fitting here#anyway on a lighter note i think the professor he mentions here could be Tot based on other clues he gives.#which would be kind of funny since tot clearly doesnt give a shit
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i shld sleep oh my god
#🌙.rambles#i am somehow not rlly sleepy despite barely having sleep but my head does ache slightly. but just a few more stuff left in this week n#i'll properly rest for a bit ! bcs next week even though we're gna have a break ofc there's like.. prom n then that vacation right after T_#gna be fun but i'm. definitely gna be rlly tired. n.. nah i need to stop overthinking abt sm stuff#just. anxious that i might end up being too shy. usually in social events like that i realize i#end up pushing myself a bit too much n then it ends w me just putting on a strong facade#i'm worried too i think bcs two of my friends haven't.. reconciled yet? so. yeah it is possible i may have to deal w some stuff during prom#fuck. i'm just. worried abt a lot of things in general. but i'm mostly overthinking it. everything.#sigh in general i'm being too harsh on myself again. wtf maybe it's the sleep-deprivation or smth bcs ik i'll manage it all#i believe in myself n know i'm capable but. it's just.. overwhelming rn i think. n it. hurts bcs it's like before in a way..? n like my wol#i wonder. what we'd all do if we were hypothetically given the chance to be able to do whatever we wanted in a day n have whatever we want#without changing the reality we have now or yeah no consequences at all. just a lil day in an alternate world we could control#if you were to choose for yourself n only for yourself what would you do?#sob ig i relate w rinoa too bcs of that strong facade part. i wrote that for my wol too#but like even w all that in the end uh. every time i read these sort of stuff it comforts me deep down#bcs i remember back then when i rlly just had my family#that.. loneliness. i write abt it a lot huh. not that i'm exactly seeking for something. maybe before bcs i didn't talk w my friends anymor#but now i suppose it's just something painfully constant. but not really too#i can't.. put it into words rn n i'm low on sleep. but i rmb just daydreaming to myself back then of my wol's development though#from heavensward.. sorta hiding herself n having to be strong for others. though she so desperately just wants to let her guard down#n be free yk. a break from all her responsibilities n rest.. she's young after all. but while i do relate with that it's still#yk particularly w the context of my wol being yeah the warrior of light in ffxiv. but. i rmb writing of how then that was being strong for#her. n.. yeah she was healing from stuff then. that's hw. but in stormblood ooh i wrote here that she put her emotions to the side#bottled them. became more serious n i tied that w being a samurai main back in stb w duty stuff help this connects well but it's funny#hesitant in heavensward to trying to do things more on her own in stormblood to.. accepting it all in shadowbringers#shy/quiet was more in hw while being serious/calm was in stb. raghhh i rmb my notes well in 2021 but i'm so afraid to look at like#the stuff i wrote last year 💀 but. oh my this is embarrassing but i do like how i even just dump my thoughts. it's bittersweetly beautiful#maybe i'm trying to accept everything at once or yk putting too much pressure on myself to improve holistically.#like.. i want to write before i grow older than my fav charas yk? n then just think of lots of stuff too n.#be productive. study. n idk just more more more in general but i could be less harsh on myself. yeah
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Ruh roh..
#j talks#this is some personal / self image talk fyi so. proceed with caution i guess#anyways had the realization that i just.#don't actually take selfies anymore...#which idk. isn't that big of a deal but. then i was like. huh#maybe my self image issues are manifesting before my eyes oops#anyways. i need to cut my hair. i've needed to cut it for a long time but i told myself i couldn't until [redacted]#it'll get done in the next month...i hope.#i hate. being a person sometimes#also i have so much acne scarring....i've trying doing stuff for it and like. my acne in general is a LOT better but#it really does bother me and it sucks :/#anyways i have to go back to telling myself i'm hot and fix my self esteem i guess#also have been having a gender identity crisis again but i think its just. that me vs the world feeling y'know#wow sleepy brain j go off i guess
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pain and agony of having so much to learn to make more things but I need a job/further schooling to learn but I have to have made the things first
#.txt#Painful cycle unable to find value in my art but I already gave up and I'm already trying again some one needs to make this easier#And I think my life would be simpler if I just focused on drawing over 3D and tech anim but the time it would take#To function at a professional level as some sort of concept artist.#Also fine artist and concept artist community is well. Unfortunately unbearable.#Lacking so much animation experience in 2D and 3D I'm having trouble focusing on it to move forward.#The most experience I have is in 3D character art at this point probably but inability to finish things which also plagues#Every other concentration. As well.#I am sitting alone in the room trying to find something of value to express and it will never reach anyone. Existential dread like.#I think it's the searching for storytelling skills limiting me because I do not have the competitive nature#To be that into raw technical skills. Which is killing my ability to make a portfolio.#If I had more time to just keep on keeping on at my part time job I think I would just make the graphic novel I want to make.#To have something expressed and in the world. And then I could actually focus on technical things.#But this thinking has just become a roadblock it is not feasible but I do have several paths planned I just have to.#Recognize what is useful to me. But not just giving up anytime I have a new idea.#My interest goes between implementing animation within a greater scene and also the technical minutia I think is whats killing me.#Making multiple portfolios at once. Which isn't so bad bc ideally I'd be doing generalist work. But generalist means more time limitations.#My brain is convinced it can just work past time as a factor. Which is how we reach the problem I am having now (need money).#I think something I need to recognize is I've always thought my perspective and understanding of stories held some value.#But that only stands from my own perspective and it does not have value outside of that.#Even if it does reach other people it does not retain interest. And while it benefits me internally. I'm not making a career of it.#Which is fine.#I think the things I valued from story can still be found in technical skills. And anyone can develop a technical skill with some time.#If I keep my focus.#I think that's something close to a resolution I've been looking for. Been needing some profound change in my life and I think the desire#And constant failure of communication has been what's preventing me from moving forward.#I want to go out and do things. That is possible. Focus on skill and ability. Maybe the other stuff will come later.#Digesting this and hopefully not spending my days sleeping anymore.
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#tag talk#a short one today. I just.. idk.#I've realized I still haven't grown out of my twelve year old behavior of immediate hostility to people who function differently from me#I can view them from an outside perspective but I can't engage personally with people who are different from me#I can make the conscious choice to be kind and empathetic but it's always deliberate and painful effort.#which like. a lot of it is about what we're different on#I'm not going to apologize for hostility towards people with conservative. puritan. or fundamentalist views.#but other things are just innocuous human differences and my brain cannot allow that to exist in this my perfect mirror world#and I'm torn because I know I should be more accepting of difference and variance in the world but it's genuine work to maintain that#should I be expected to put out that energy? or can I not sit back with my limited social circle where I am comfortable.#idk. I will once again affirm that just because other people like me does not mean I have to like other people.#I have grown enough that I have gates in my walls now. and certain people are let in and out#but I still think I need to maintain that no-fly list for people who take a lot of coping to handle and do not provide any returns.#not to be utilitarian about it but social transaction isn't entirely false. I enjoy someone and they enjoy me therefore we hang out.#a good and healthy relationship should be mutually beneficial to some degree#parents receive a sense of fulfillment. legacy. and children receive support. patients receive help and therapist receive money#friends receive an emotional outlet. a social enjoyment. and a personal connection.#if your friends drain far more than they fill then maybe that's not sustainable friendship#jajaja I lied that wasn't a short ramble at all
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A Workshop for Creating Magical/ Fictional Crystals: A Guide from a Geologist
Hi folks, its me, here to talk about fictional writing again! Today I'm just tackling the idea of magical stones/mana stones by looking at existing minerals today and some neat properties that they have, and how you can apply these things to a fictional world. The goal is mainly to help you if you are stuck trying to come up with a unique magic system, or a unique identification/characteristic of your mineral.
First Things First: Mineral Shapes
I am exhausted, petered out, down-right fatigued by seeing every mineral depicted with having the crystal structure of calcite and quartz. There are soooooo many cooler, more interesting crystal structures, don't you think you would stop and take a look at a perfect cube in nature? It is completely unsettling.
Second: Color
Color within minerals can either be really important, or not important at all! It is your choice to decide if color is going to be something that means something to your mineral. But what are some times when the color is important? Well.... there are some elements that are called chromophores, this classification just indicates that these elements, when present, will determine the color of whatever they are in. So, if you wanted to treat mana like a chromophore, you could say, "Oh everything that contains mana turns green!" This could mean that regardless of the mineral, if that mineral is a specific color, it means it contains mana. This concept is exciting because you can just stop here and use minerals that already exist! You can also use it as an indicator for a magical ore! Chromophores are typically metals, so if you are making a new metal weapon, making the ore of that metal a unique color would make a lot of sense!
However, your mineral can also just be every color of the rainbow like quartz and perhaps that's what makes identifying your mana stones elusive and create an illusion of scarcity that your character can solve.
There are other things that can change the colors of minerals, like radiation damage, and electron exchange, but I think that is beyond what would be helpful! So lets talk about some unique color properties that happen in nature that seem magical in the first place! Maybe you don't need to design a mana stone, but you want a unique gemstone that only the royal family passes down or something (IDK).
The first one is the alexandrite effect! This is where a mineral can change color in natural light vs. incandescent light. (the mineral itself is not changing, but the lights contain different amounts of different colors that then get absorbed by the stone). Even if you don't use electricity in your fictional world, you could have the colors change in the presence of light magic. This could create fun misunderstandings about what the mineral is reacting to!
Pleochroism
Pleochroism is something that most minerals have, it is frequently used to help identify minerals in thin sections, however minerals are usually not pleochroic enough for it to be visible to the naked eye! Pleochroism is just a fancy name to describe the change in how light is absorbed based on the angle of the mineral! So if you scroll up to the first image where I showed a lot of crystal shapes, most of them have angles where they are longer and shorter! This will effect the way light travels in the crystal. Tanzanite is a popular mineral that does this.
Photochromism
This is when a mineral will change color (in a reversible way) when exposed to UV light (or sunlight), I am not going to go too into the details of why this is happening because it would require me to read some research papers and I just don't feel like it. The mineral that is best known for this is Hackmanite!
Alright! These are all the really cool color effects that might inspire you or maybe not, but now I am going to talk about how you might find your minerals within a rock!
When I see a lot of magical caves/mines, typically I see them with some variation of a geode honestly, but most minerals are not found like that! Now I am sure most of you guys have seen a geode, so I will not really talk about those, but I will talk briefly about porphyroblasts which is when the mineral grows larger than the minerals around it, this happens in metamorphic minerals!
sorry random stranger, but this is an image of garnets inside a finer-grained rock at gore mountain in New York!
Another way you might find minerals is in a pegmatite! This is when all minerals are really large! This is a formed from really slow crystalizing magma!
But something else to think about is that your mineral might just be massive, it doesn't have to have distinct crystals, it may be similar to jadeite where small grains grow together which leaves it looking smooth and seamless! A note about all of these is that you would have to mine into the rock to find these, there would not be any natural caves in these rocks! Caves are only ever really formed in limestones and maybe marbles (rocks that react with acid).
How can your characters identify these minerals?
Typically when you are out in the field you will look to see what type of rocks the minerals are found in (The overall texture of the rock will tell you how it formed). If you know how the rock formed, it will narrow down the amount of minerals you need to think about by quite a bit! Next, you are going to look closely at it and observe its crystal structure, does it have an obvious crystal? if so what is the general shape? If it is broken, how did it break? Did it fracture like glass or did it break along uniform planes. Some minerals have a thing called cleavage (breaks along planes of weakness). If a mineral exhibits this habit, it will again help narrow this down. Next we can look at color. Color can be misleading, because minerals like quartz can be any color imaginable, but minerals like olivine will always be green! The next thing your character can do is test for hardness, minerals all have a specific hardness that can help identify it as well.
After you go through all of this, your mineral might have some special property! This could be magnetism, fluorescence, reactions to acid, or any of the color changing effects I mentioned above! Other than that, your character can take it back to a lab and do a number of things to identify it, but the most typical thing would be for them to make a thin section (very thin piece of the rock) and observe it under a cross polarized microscope!
On that note folks! I hope this helped in some way in thinking of new magic mineral properties! I have other guides that explore some different fictional worldbuilding issues you might run into, but if you have any topics you would like me to cover please that I haven't mentioned already, let me know!
#geology#rocks#creative writing#fictional world#worldbuilding#dnd#dnd worldbuilding#worldbuilding stuff#writing resources#info post#information#writing
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