#and the poor guy has her triplets his first pregnancy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

themountainsays · 1 year

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Please give us electric boogaloo headcanons. Especially about Camilo the Colombian Zeus jajaja

Oh umm aaaaah a bit of non-graphic nsfw below and also uhhhh mentions of miscarriage(? and pregnancy and heterosexual seks. and incst, but that's what we're all here for :)

Even though Camilo is the biological father of all the kids, Isa and Mirabel's kids only ever see him as a funny uncle and he priorizes his children with Dolores (he still loves the other kids as his niblings though).

Speaking of, their family tree is pretty confusing, so the kids all see each other as cousins, and their parents' cousins as their aunts and uncles.

Ik we mentioned triplets a lot but I also like the idea of each couple having three children so uhhh let's say they're different timelines. Each couple has three children, and all off them have at least SOMETHING that makes them VERY OBVIOUSLY Camilo's, whether it be appearance, body language etc. The people in town try not to mind much. What happens in the M.adrigal household is an open secret and discussing it in length is considered bad manners.

While Isabela and Camilo trust each other enough to do what's needed in order to get her pregnant, at her request, they frankly don't enjoy it much, even when he tries to turn into Mirabel - though he's usually keeping his eyes closed and thinking about his sister, so it's not uncommon for him to accidentally turn into Dolores, which makes it all the more awkward for poor Isa, who's wondering how come so many women do this kind of thing for pleasure. She's happy to be a mother, yes, she's happy to carry her children, she's happy she has a guy she trusts enough to help her with this, but she's a top lesbian at heart and she knows that, after that day, she's gonna need to have her little sister writhing under her to feel comfortable again. Camilo feels pretty awkward as well, even if he does like women (contrary to Isabela, who doesn't like men), and he can tRY to pretend it's his sister under him (lies. Dolores always tops him. This is nothing like being with her). Two pairs of his children/niblings were already born days apart from each other, because after giving Isa a hand, he usually rushes to his sister, who's very quick to comfort him and, well. Juli and Pepa felt very nostalgic watching Dolores and Isa share the experience together, since they also had children at the same time :)

Dolores DOES convince them to try being all four of them together at one point, since her poor brother and cousin seem to struggle so much. Little Cami can barely make his little friend work half of the time, because he only wants his sister. It's awkward at first, but they soon realize how comforting it is to have their actual wives with them, and it's a technique they continue to try, even if it's not nearly was hot as Dolores expected it to be. She expected a full uhh incst fours0me with breeding and hot girls making out. She still enjoyed it though.

...I'm not into OCxCanon ships but... Belita ends up with Antonio when they're older. Alma lives long enough to witness their wedding.

I hope I'm not forgetting any important details or messing with the continuity but if I am, let's say these are two different timelines idk. Belita is around 8-12 years older than the rest of her siblings. She was conceived much earlier, when Camilo was only 15 and Dolores 21. It was a very scary experience, initially, but eventually they shared the truth and the family came around to help them raise the child, after some struggle. Camilo and Dolores decided to be a lot more careful (read: experimental) from then on, so they wouldn't be caught off guard again, and they only began to discuss the idea of more children once Dolores began approaching her thirties, and their two other children are much closer in age. Belita does have a cousin around two years younger, conceived when Camilo was 17 and Isabela was 24. Mirabel, of course, wanted to have it - she was the one asking for a baby after all, but Isabela gave her a rotund no. She was way too baby back then. They only agreed to have a child that young because Isa convinced her to let her do it, since she's older, and Mira really really really really wanted one. Her two following pregnancies are, as stated above, at the same time as Dolores'.

Belita is quite hot-tempered, but she's super helpful with the kids. She has a bit of a girl scout vibe in which she leads them through the forest to explore, but she's only allowed to do so when it rains, lest she burns everything on accident, so all of the kids get really good at survival under stormy conditions. It kinda gives Camilo a heart attack to have them in the woods like that, but Dolores reassures him that she's always keeping an ear on them.

Belita is the only one who inherited Pepa's reddish hair. It's not as bright and vibrant as hers though, it's more like cinnamon. All the other kids have very dark hair.

Camilo and Dolores' second child is named Pepa, in an attempt to quell any anger their mother may have left.

Contrary to popular belief, Mira DID try to get pregnant, because she didn't think it was fair that her sister had to handle all their children. A pregnancy is not an easy task, and they've always been painful to Isa, and it's pretty terrifying for Mira to see her big sister cry and scream in pain. Isa always insisted she be the one to carry their children, initially because Mira was too young, and later on because they were all worried that, being an incst baby herself, getting pregnant with (technically, biologically) her cousin's child may represent health complications for the baby. Biologically, cousin are "less related" than they seem, and health problems may begin to show up after a few generations of incst. As for Mira's case, she got lucky. But they all fear the worst. However, because she seems perfectly healthy, and Isa's second pregnancy was so difficult to her, Mira finally managed to convince her to let her try. They had their mother's food-medicine, after all. Mirabel was actually quite excited - she loves being a mother, but a tiny part of her always worries she's not "real" enough, because she never carried a child, and all of her children are, biologically, simply her niblings (an idea she HATES). It wasn't particularly pleasant, but she did try! She and Camilo tried several times, calculating her cycle very carefully and trying all the recommended foods and herbs and stuff. Isabela refused to leave her side, of course - anything Camilo had to do, he could do it while Mirabel lay her head on her lap. But after a year or two or more of nothing, it was undeniable that she simply couldn't get pregnant. That's one of the only health complications she has a result of her parents being siblings, she has some sort of fertility problem. Maybe she never got pregnant. Maybe she did get pregnant once, twice, multiple times, maybe, but always lost the baby. Maybe she almost managed to carry a pregnancy to term once, but in the end, her baby was a stillborn. Possibly more than one option. Whatever hurts worse. Poor girl just cries in her sister's arms for weeks until she falls asleep.

#madrigalcest #shipcest #black moth AU crack edition electric boogaloo #not safe for casita #miscarriage cw #camilores #isamira

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merakiui · 3 years

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I like to imagine Yan!Childe and his darling having twins/triplets on their first try and Darling is quietly thinking of castrating Childe every time she wakes up in the middle of the night to the babies crying. Childe’s so busy as a harbinger that he’s only ever around to play for a short while and hand out the presents he got them, but never long enough for the kids’ barely developed brain to think “oh, he’s papa”. Also it would be funny if the kids got attached to another male in the household and called HIM “Papa” right in front of Childe’s face. And all Darling can do is groan as Childe starts pacing thru the living room debating whether he should ask for time off to be a dad and correct his kids or go kill that guy first.

(cw: pregnancy + children)

Oh, that would be so chaotic. The poor darling would already have her hands full with one child, but with twins or triplets it just becomes even more hectic. It’s difficult to care for so many individuals, especially when she has to do it by herself because of Childe’s busy schedule. I’m sure she’ll get help from another person or (if she’s staying at Childe’s family’s house) his mother or older siblings will lend a hand. But I can just imagine how annoyed he is when he comes home and his children don’t recognize him.

What if they see another Fatui agent as their father because he was the one who helped Childe’s darling the most throughout her pregnancy and after she had given birth? Maybe the Fatui agent is someone kind like Viktor, who has an obvious soft spot for kids. I just think it would be very troublesome for Childe when he comes home, fully expecting to spend time with his beloved wife and children, and yet his kids won’t even call him ‘papa.’ It would be another stab in the heart if his children are scared of him because of how suddenly he picks them up, kissing their cheeks and doting on them. Now he’s really going to have to fix this.

#tw: pregnancy #tw: children #genshin chit chat

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greatbigbellies · 3 years

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New anonymous commission story! This is another hyperpregnant slice of life piece, about a couple of boys who find out that they can conceive additional babies mid-pregnancy which will grow to catch up to the largest sibling, resulting in rapid growth for one of the husbands! Contains hyperpregnancy, tmpreg, some weight gain and lactation, mild belly worship, and allusions to sex.

Leo sat in the passenger seat of he and Marko’s sedan, his boyfriend behind the wheel. The pair sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. They’d received some… rather shocking news from Leo’s most recent doctors appointment. All three babies were fine, all perfectly healthy... but that was precisely the point, all THREE were healthy. At three months in, Leo was at the tail end of his first trimester, and when he started, there was supposedly only one in his womb. Then a few weeks ago, they were suddenly expecting fraternal twins. Then finally, today, triplets, all inexplicably at the same stage of growth.

“What’s going through you mind, hon?” Marko finally asked, breaking the silence. Leo brushed a few brown, fluffy hairs out of his face with one hand, and held his tummy protectively with the other. “I’m just… I’m floored we’re having three kids! I’m just… confused I guess? Like we were set with one for a while… and then two… and now…” Leo trailed off. Marko squinted in concentration as he thought of how to word his theory. “I… think I know the pattern… I don’t think it’s a matter of the doctors just mysteriously being unable to count…” Leo could tell where this was going. “You mean…” Marko nodded. “Think about it? There was the night we conceived after the party… that’s one. Then there was minigolf night...” Marko began listing off. Leo nodded, “Yeah, Minigolf was fun, we need to do that again sometime,” Leo smiled. Marko raised an eyebrow, “Like… just the minigolf, or what came after too?”

Leo turned to him and batted his eyelashes, “I dunno, can you get another hole in one?” Marko felt himself start to blush. He was typically the more dominant one, but Leo knew how to push his buttons. “Besides, I wanna test your theory. See if I wake up with four tomorrow,” Marko was now no longer ‘starting to blush’ and was instead outright blushing. “Are you teasing me, or are you serious? Cause our turn to go golfing comes up in two blocks,” Leo put his hand in Marko’s shoulder, leaned over, and said “put another baby in me,”

Marko smiled mischievously, eager to relive their minigolf date. “But! If I win you gotta buy me a sundae. The babies want hot fudge,” Leo teased. Marko’s grin widened. “Nah hon, I’m gonna get a hole in one, beat your ass at minigolf, buy you TWO sundaes, watch you eat them, then we’ll fuck like there ain’t no tomorrow,” he said, wearing his confident smile proudly. Now it was Leo’s turn to blush, turning away and putting his hands over his mouth and cheeks. “Fuck, I hate it when you get all assertive like that,” he said through his hands. Marko laughed. “No you don’t, you little bottom!” Leo erupted in laughter himself, his adorable, irregular laugh like music to Marko’s ears.

“I mean… in fairness, you’re too competitive to lose on purpose, but too much of a gentleman to let a pregnant guy go hungry,” the praise elicited another more subtle blush from Marko, two ran his hand through his short, black undercut. “I mean… you need lots of calcium for the babies. There’s milk in ice cream so, like… it’s good for you right now?” Marko stumbled to his point. Leo chucked and lifted the hem of his beige sweater up to his chest, exposing his tiny first trimester tummy, looking ever so slightly pudgy from being 3 months along. Marko’s blush shifted to a deeper red and he tried to focus on the road, but was a sucker for Leo’s belly. “You’re going to get so big with four babies,” he said, his voice just slightly quivering in anticipation.

“Why stop at four?” asked Leo. “Are you serious?” replied Marko. “100%. We’ve talked about this before. We both love…” he gestured to his bare tummy, “THIS. We both have decided to take on fatherhood, why not just… shoot for the moon?” he put his shirt back down. Marko pulled into “Albatross Minigolf” and put the car in park, looking very seriously at Leo. “That’s going to be really hard on your body,” “I know,” “We’ll need a bigger car,” “I know,” “We’ll need a bigger APARTMENT!” “Marko… we’ll be fine! We only get to really do this once, lets make the most of it!” said Leo reassuringly. Marko wasn’t sure if “this” meant pregnancy, parenthood, or life in general, but he didn’t care. He kissed Leo on the lips, beyond excited to watch his boyfriend grow huge with his babies.

He got out of the car and ran around to the other side to get the door for Leo. He was more than prepared to dote on the man, already deciding he’d get Leo THREE sundaes after minigolf. After all, they’d need some calories to burn.

3 months later

Now six months along, and swollen with large sextuplets, Leo was solidly what one would call ‘very, VERY pregnant’. His usual button up flannel shirts had grown tighter and tighter until they wouldn’t button. While the pair did like the belly out, unbuttoned shirt look, Leo preferred to be more modest when in public. As the temperature dropped due to the coming of autumn, Leo had switched to his larger sweatshirts to remain covered, and even those didn’t really do the job anymore. Now looking overdue with quads, he waddled through the Willowbrook Square Mall wearing that same beige sweater he wore during minigolf night, once two sizes too big, now pulled tight over his bump and only reaching just above his navel.

To cover his lower belly, he wore a supportive belly band to help redistribute the weight of his womb and provide some modesty. Unfortunately for Leo, but much to Marko’s delight, the top hem of the belly belt and bottom hem of the shirt couldn’t quite meet, resulting in a cheeky strip of exposed tummy, complete with his popped navel peeking out.

Leo’s belly swayed slowly back and forth as he waddled next to Marko, squeezing his hand. He absolutely loved being so pregnant, but he tended to get colder feet in public. He was a sight to behold, and people weren’t shy about staring at his impressive bump. “I think that lady has intentionally hopped from store to store to keep me in view,” whispered Leo meekly, “She just keeps watching me, it’s weird,” “Bet she’s jealous of how great you look,” chuckled Marko. “Marko! I’m serious!” Leo hissed, “I like being this big but I don’t like being the center of attention!”

Marko raised an eyebrow, not liking his boyfriend being nervous. “I can talk to her if you’d like?” Leo shook his head, “Nono, I don’t want confrontation, I just want… honestly I just want a milkshake…” he said as cravings shifted his focus to his empty stomach. With each added baby to his womb, his appetite grew stronger, even as the amount of room in his smooshed digestive system grew smaller. Marko swiftly steered the pair toward the food court, knowing exactly what to get him.

Leo wasn’t much of a foodie before pregnancy, but getting knocked up had not only expanded his palette, but increased his appetite to the point Marko was constantly feeding him. He had actually become something of a good cook, and really enjoyed feeding Leo. As a result of his new caloric intake, Leo has began to physically soften with time, his thighs and ass become pillowier, and for the first time in his life, he had love handles. Marko took this as a point of pride, that his cooking was good enough to make someone a little pudgy. Of course, the constant flow of ice cream treats certainly didn’t hurt either.

“Any preferences, dear?” Marko asked as he helped Leo ease into a chair, which had to be pulled away form the table to make enough room for the belly. “Where you buying?” He asked. Marko tilted his head toward one of the chain restaurants in the court, “Sonic has the biggest shakes here, and I know you like car-” “Carmel oreo please,” grinned Leo. Marko’s heart flittered a little bit at Leo’s innocent smile, still in the honeymoon phase even after being together for so long. He nodded and made his way toward the Sonic, leaving Leo to sit and rest his aching feet.

He placed his hands on the top shelf of his belly, and scanned the food court. He was semi-used to being stared at by this point. Being visibly trans, being in a visibly gay relationship, hell, even his nose ring got glares from older folks. But this felt different, it wasn’t him they were stealing glances of, it was his belly. He felt a draft blow across the sliver of exposed skin between his sweater and belly belt, and felt a little self conscious. To make matters worse, the woman who had been stalking him made a b-line and was actually approaching him. He considered getting up and moving, but knew he’d reached the point in size and weight were he really needed Mareko’s help to do anything quickly.

“Excuse me!” she said, Leo braced for the worst. “I’m sorry, I know I’ve been following you around, we’ve made eye contact like 4 times, but I really need to ask you something,” she continued. Poor Leo grimaced and prepared for the worst. What invasive question would he have to answer this time? She took a seat at his table, sitting across from him. She made eye contact and seemed very direct, something Leo wasn’t super crazy about.

“So my friend is pregnant, and she’s carrying decuplets, and she’s really starting to struggle with her size… where did you get that tummy support thing?” Leo blinked, feeling like an overhyped bandaid was just painlessly torn off. “Oh, uh, there’s a place across town that sells maternity wear, called ‘twins n’ up’, and the owner makes their own stuff. They, uh, they custom made it for me,” he answered. The lady nodded intently and made several notes on her phone.

“Is this lady bothering you, hon?” asked Marko as he returned with 32 ounces of creamy milkshake. “No, actually she was just asking me about this!” Leo pulled the hem of his supporting belt, letting it snap back against is belly. “I swear I’m not trying to harass your husband, he’s just the first person i’ve seen who is as pregnant is my friend and I wanted to know where he got his clothes. I’ll leave you guys alone now, thank you!” she said to Marko, offering her seat to him. Marko’s protective nature made him a little cautious of the woman’s intentions, but she seemed harmless enough. “Take care!” smiled Leo as she left. Marko sat across from him, and handed him the milkshake.

Marko chuckled, “I guess we look like husbands now?” Leo took a long, indulgent sip of his shake, basking in the sugaryness of it all. “I mean, we are growing our family quite a bit,” he patted his tummy, “I think it’s a fair assumption we’re married,” Marko considered the situation for a moment and realized, yeah, it WAS a fair assumption they be married, or at least engaged… maybe it was near time he brought assumption to reality…

3 more months later

Marko and Leo were currently no longer boyfriends. Rather, they were fiances! Marko popped the question privately after a very fun and successful baby shower, and Leo immediately said yes. Some tears of happiness were shed, celebratory cake was consumed, and more babies were added to Leo’s ever swelling womb later that night. Things were progressing smoothly for the expecting couple as they’d moved from their old smaller apartment to a larger, open floor house.

Now 9 months pregnant with thirteen babies, Leo was a sight to behold. His belly was permanently bared, no wardrobe in the country able to cover his bump. Through some luck, good genes, and lots of cocoa butter, he’d managed to avoid any stretchmarks, but his navel was thoroughly popped. While he’d started the pregnancy off on the skinny side, Marko’s endless flow of food had made sure baby weight accumulated, and now everything from his legs to his chest was growing. The only part of him that didn’t seem to gain any weight was his face, which was still lithe and adorable. His fluffy brown hair had only grown fluffier and fuller with the prenatal vitamins he was taking. He had to lose his blonde highlight though, as the babies could absorb chemicals through hair exposure, strangely enough.

Marko had been hard at work unpacking their whole life into this new house, as Leo had grown too large to really do much besides be doted on, which Marko was fine with. He’d set up their bedroom, and taken the doors off their hinges and removed the doorframes to buy Leo just a few precious weeks of being able to travel through doorways. At the rate they were going, they would need every inch of their open floorplan just for Leo’s titanic tummy.

Leo’s belly now held not only tredecuplets, but enough amniotic fluid to stay full and spherical. He was clocking in at around 300 lbs, and just under half of that was belly. Through the help of Marko, Leo could still walk… but getting up and down was a challenge. Leo’s belly was beyond bigger around than he was tall, and there were substantial portions where he could no longer reach. That didn’t stop the couple from conceiving more though. Even at thirteen full and pregnant beyond words, the couple still had plans for more. Call it some kind of hedonism, but Leo loved being bred and growing ever more massive, and Marko loved to watch.

Even now, well into January, large snowflakes lazily falling outside, the pair were together, warm and happy. Leo had basically outgrown the couch at this point, his belly more wide than the cushions were deep. Instead, they had splurged on an electric recliner which was situated facing slightly to the right of the television, so that Leo could lay back in a reclined position, but only had to turn his head to see the TV, since he couldn’t see past his own tummy straight on at this point. Strong visible kicks could be seen occasionally poking out of his tightly stretched skin, often in places out of view from Leo himself.

He sat, laid back in his large, cushy recliner, eating some chinese takeout Marko had picked up for him. He set the styrofoam container on his chest, idly scooping noodles into his waiting mouth. A chow mein noodle fell into his cleavage, something he didn’t have 6 months ago, and he picked it out with his chop sticks, hoping Marko didn’t notice him miss his mouth.

Marko didn’t notice, too enarmored with his future husband’s massive midriff. He got to see it every day, and yet every day he somehow loved it more. His hands were almost always touching it, only off of the bump when cooking or otherwise doing housework. He knew this had to be hard for Leo, being so massive and carrying so many, so Marko worked hard to do his part. Anything Leo wanted, he got. Specific foods, foot rubs, new clothes, a bigger belly… all of it was hand delivered by Marko himself. For being the more dominant of the pairing, he’d become something of a servant as Leo grew closer to immobility.

Right now, Marko had a dining room chair pulled up next to Leo, and was working cocoa butter into the side of his tummy, working slowly to both be gentile and maximize his time spent touching it. It amazed him how no matter his size, or how many were in there, his overburdened belly still had just a little give to it. Leo smiled, watching his partner be just engrossed with his tummy. “You have such a hopeless belly kink,” he chuckled. “Hmmm? Me?” Marko said, almost missing the question cause he was staring at the belly. “Yes you! Even before I got knocked up you liked touching me there! Who’s hands were on my tummy when we made out the first time?” Marko blushed. “I mean, yeah mine... but also who was so eager he got close enough that our glasses hooked on themselves? Who was so willing he whispered how he wanted a ‘baby in him right then and there?’,” Marko teased.

Leo was the one blushing now, thinking back to one of their first dates. Little did he know just HOW MANY babies would be put in him later in life. “Is it… bad I still want you to put a baby in me?” he said, embarrassed by his own words and avoiding eye contact. Marko set aside the cocoa butter and stood up, taking a good look at the tummy that lay before him. “No… I don’t think it’s bad… but I wonder if there’s room in that belly for any more?” he teased, pressing the tips of his fingers into Leo’s exposed tummy.

“Oh come on Mark, don’t make me beg, you said you’d take care of me?” Leo teased right back, deepening his finance’s blush. “Hmmm…” he rested the side of his head on the front end of Leo’s belly, listening to the ambient, living sounds from inside. “It SOUNDS pretty full, can one guy get any more pregnant?” Leo crossed his arms and mock-pouted. “I won’t ever find out if you keep talking...” Marko leaned over Leo, casting a shadow across his face. “So you’re ready for number 14?” he grinned. Leo wrapped his hand around the back of Marko’s head and pulled him in for a kiss before whispering, “Why stop there?”

Another 3 months later

Marko had needed to make some calls. He had a few contacts with the fabrication industry, and knew some guys always willing to help him out. Now a year pregnant, and full of 20 babies, Leo no longer fit standard furniture. He was simply too large and heavy for traditional couches and chairs. Instead, Marko’s friends had put their heads together, and fashioned him a special, form fitting lounge chair, with a sturdy metal frame and soft, satiny cushions. They even thought ahead and made certain parts of it adjustable to accommodate for his growing size. And growing he was. Now beyond overdue, the growth of his still healthy brood pushed his body to new maximums. Leo often joked about how his womb would need its own zipcode soon.

Leo buttoned his shirt back up, setting the pumping apparatus on the table next to him. He’d had to start pumping his milk, or his breasts would begin leaking on their own, and frankly, he didn't want colostrum on his plaid flannels. “Hon, could you put that in the fridge?” he asked, pointing at the bottles of milk he’d produced. Marko ran his hand along the circumference of Leo’s belly as he moved past him, slightly tickling Leo in the process. He took the bottles and placed them in the fridge before circling back. “How’re you feeling honey?” he asked. “Big. Pregnant. Massive, really,” Leo answered. “Just how you like it?” Marko replied. Leo grinned, “Yeeeaaahhh,”

Marko placed his hands firmly on the expanse of pale, pregnant skin, and started kissing. Leo squirmed on his throne of pregnancy as his husband moved slowly up his belly toward his face. Marko gave him a deep, passionate kiss on the lips, causing Leo’s breath to shake slightly. “You love me so much,” he said in his quivering voice. “I”m so massive and pregnant and huge and round and you adore me like this.” he continued, getting a little emotional. “Of course I do,” replied Marko, giving his lovely husband a side-hug. “You’re my person, and you’re carrying a lot of persons, just for me, and that’s not easy. And I appreciate it. And I want you to know that I love you, both for doing that and for just being you!” Said Marko tenderly. Leo teared up a little, reaching out for another hug. Marko obliged, Leo wiping a couple tears on Marko’s 80’s style denim button-up.

“I couldn’t do all this without you, y’know… all… THIS!” Leo gestured to his astounding belly, which nudged with movement slightly in response. “You shouldn’t ever have to, babe. That’s why we have each other,” The two shared a tender silence, Marko rocking back and forth slowly. Leo sniffed and shook his head, “Augh, sorry. Pregnancy hormones… y’know… make me all emotional.” he said. “You’re allowed to be emotional, babe,” reassured Marko. “I know…” nodded Leo.

Leo’s tummy rumbled and Marko chuckled, “You also get emotional when you’re hungry…” he pointed out. Leo laughed his bubbly, infectious laugh. “Yeah, I can’t argue with that… lemme see… the babies want…” he paused, “Potato soup!” Marko nodded, making his way to the kitchen to cook a huge batch. “Anything for you, my love,”

#writing #anonymous #commissions #not bellies

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iwasbored777 · 2 years

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First of all, don’t be a coward, we know the only person brave or stupid enough to get Kagami pregnant is Adrian, secondly let’s keep this hilarious headcanon train rolling and go for Juleka and Rose for pregnancy headcanons

This is one of the best asks I ever got, it had me crying! 100/10

But my headcanon is in future (obviously) where Adrien and Marinette are married and already had their own kid but it happened WAY before the rest of their friends - I'm trying to tell you that Kagami would never have a kid with him cuz a) he's with her friend already and b) he knocked up her friend when she was a teenager so Kagami was like "nah this guy can't keep it in his pants and has never heard of protection, I'm not taking any chances". But maybe Kagami had sperm donor or something, maybe that makes more sense cuz I'm pretty sure she's a canon lesbian.

My friend did the Juleka headcanons before he knew you sent an ask about her and it's great:

Now it's time for our adorable girl, Rose:

- Rose also has the donor but it's some guy with a good medical condition and a good family, they don't know him personally but they know the name

- She goes from sweet to crazy all the time. No one knows why or how or when is that going to happen. Mood swings are INSANE with Rose!

- Rose is having triplets and she is panicking cuz it's too much kids but Juleka is super happy

- Uncle Luka is STILL trying to get pregnant women to like his music - apart from his sister - but Rose just smashed his guitar, poor guy can't catch a break. He's not even sad anymore, he's just offended

- In case you were wondering, yes, the baby Marinette and Adrien had is still madly in love with his music (I wonder why sjsksks)

- If you think Luka's music is annoying Rose, IMAGINE what Jagged's music is doing to her. The poor girl is running away every time he starts playing, Juleka told him that he sucks but he can't stop. Rose tried to jump off of the boat one time cuz she couldn't handle it

- Anarka is making fun of Jagged but feels sorry for Luka

- Speaking of boats, morning sickness is THE WORST on boats so Juleka and Rose had to move somewhere where it's calm, they also did it to protect Rose from Jagged's screeching

- Juleka is still worried because Rose was ill as a kid but Rose is telling her she'll be ok. Of course, Juleka is still overprotective of her

- Rose is crying like crazy all the time when mood swings hit her the hardest

- Juleka got her a puppy to play with as a gift before they get their babies - Luka will take care of the puppy once the babies come cuz these two won't have the time for it

- Rose has come up with at least forty possible baby names and she keeps getting more ideas but nothing sounds perfect for her

- You think your life is hard? Imagine being a sunshine flower kid married to a goth chick and you have to make a compromise for your kids' style. Nothing is ever good enough. Rose picks adorable pink dresses while Juleka picks ripped jeans but one thing they can agree on is that it's all cute cuz it's tiny

This is too adorable to write! Thanks, anon!

#miraculous ladybug #ml future headcanon #Pregnant rose #rose lavillant #juleka couffaine #Ml ask #ask and answer #Ml theory

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penguin-writes-books · 5 years

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A Study in Fate - Chapter 6

Lucy took a deep breath, leaning against the door of Emily’s car and closing her eyes. Cool air swirled around her, calming her heartbeat as she pulled her phone and earbuds out of her pocket. Sighing, she put them in her ears, subconsciously moving along to the song flooding through her earbuds.

When her hands stopped trembling a few moments later, she opened her eyes to find Buffy and Amber standing in front of her.

“There she is,” Amber said, smiling gently. Lucy nodded, gathering Amber into her arms in a warm hug. “You scared me, Luce.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled into Amber’s shoulder. “Where’s Teej?”

“Told him to take the other car home.”

“And Buffy’s here because…?” Lucy glanced over Amber’s shoulder, watching as Buffy’s eyes widened at the use of her first name. Lucy winked, smiling as Amber opened her mouth.

“She-”

“-Can speak for herself, I imagine?” Lucy teased, pulling away from the hug and looking to Buffy.

“I’m here to apologize,” Buffy supplied, stepping forward. “So, um, here goes. I’m...sorry. For everything. You’re here for what? 6 hours? And I was awful to you, and you didn't deserve that. At all. You’re more talented than I thought,” she admitted.

“That is how one apologizes, yes, good job,” Lucy chuckled, offering Buffy her hand. “I appreciate it.”

Buffy grinned, taking her hand and shaking it.

“...But I‘m still not joining the dance team,” Lucy said, grinning maliciously.

“Damn,” Buffy huffed.

“I’m just not a big ‘school dance team’ person. Cheerleading? Already in the works. Studio dance team? Already on it. But school dance teams? No thank you.”

“How the hell are you going to fit all that into your schedule? Maya told me you signed up for a 25 hour dance week,” Buffy said, eyebrows furrowed.

“Cheer is before school, with games on the weekends. I can make games after dance. And competition team will be during dance hours- I pulled some strings, and now it replaces strength and conditioning in Maya’s eyes. I guess that’s because it meets every day- also I now only have a 22 hour week- and I keep up with workouts. So anyway, I still get the key to the studio, and competitions will replace classes- shit. I forgot- I’ll be right back!”

With that, she was rushing back into the studio. They watched her go for a few moments before turning back to one another.

“Is she just...Permanently renouncing sleep?” Buffy asked, leaning against the car.

“She already has,” Amber said casually. “And yes, she’s always like this.”

“Hmm. Fair enough.” Buffy smiled as Lucy stepped back out of the studio. “What’d you do now?”

“Got Maya to let be choreograph the team’s numbers for the competition in two weeks,” Lucy said, smirking smugly.

“All of them?” Buffy asked.

“Mhm, why not?”

“That’s insane! How did Maya Beck let you do that? Her own son wasn’t even allowed to when he asked two seasons ago. Granted, Jonah Beck is awful. Should definitely just stick with his guitar. But he is her son. Like- the literal and actual continuation of her family. They’re not flesh and blood, but-”

“They’re family, we get it.” Lucy rolled her eyes in amusement as she and Amber slid into the car. “You getting in?”

“I- what?”

“Don’t you want a ride home?” Lucy asked, smiling like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“...Please don’t kill me,” Buffy mumbled, sliding into the backseat. “Jesus Christ, this thing is worth more than three times my mother’s entire pregnancy of American medical bills. And that woman needed an emergency C-section.”

“Interesting yardstick you’re using there,” Lucy chuckled, pulling out of the parking lot.

“Yeah, yeah. You still haven’t answered my question, though.”

“It’s like you said, Buffy.” Lucy briefly made eye contact with her in the rearview mirror. “I’m more talented than you might think.”

“...You are so fucking cocky, Kippen number 1,” Buffy said, gesturing for Lucy to take a right.

“So are Kippens 2-3,” Amber responded. “So what are you going to do for the competition?”

“I don’t know yet. But I do have a hell of an idea for a duo and one for a group routine. We don’t have nearly enough people for the group though, there are only seven girls including me. And no boys.”

“What are you gonna do?”

“...Probably some bullshit ‘7 Rings’ piece for the group. A duo to ‘Ghost of You’? That one’s gonna take a hell of a lot of work. Maybe a trio to ‘Hold On’-”

“Which one?” Amber interrupted.

“Extreme Music.”

“And you’ll be performing in all of these, I imagine?”

“Well, yeah. Maya said I’m probably best off taking the reins for a few competitions until I can get my girls in shape.

“Good. Anything else?”

“A solo. My solo.”

“Wait, are you going to-”

“Yup.” Lucy cut Amber off, hands tightening on the wheel.

“I thought you said you’d never perform that one again, no matter how much we liked it.”

“What? No! Not that one! That solo can rot, it’s awful. I mean ‘War of Hearts’.” Amber let out a low whistle, eyes wide.

“What’s ‘War of Hearts’?” Buffy asked from the back seat, leaning forward in interest. Amber waved her off, manicured acrylics dismissing her.

“Hang on. You’re going to pull out that solo on your first competition?”

“I don’t see why not.” Lucy shrugged.

“Because you almost died last time!”

“I did not ‘almost die’! I broke my leg and ankle, calm down. Plus, it’s never been performed in front of an audience, the choreo is done, and I only need one prop,” she bargained, rolling her eyes at Amber.

“A prop that almost paralyzed you last time!”

“I was not- okay I was almost paralyzed,” she conceded. “But it wasn’t the table’s fault! I just, uh, screwed up the fall. A little.”

“A little? Lucy, you had like three surgeries because they couldn’t figure out what the hell to do all at once!” Amber argued.

“What the hell is this routine?!” Buffy yelled. “It sounds like she has to like jump to her peril.”

“Not much better! She has to fucking fouetté off a table!”

“I do not fouetté off the table! I fouetté to the edge of the table and then fall off!” Lucy defended. She slowed to a stop at a red light, glancing at Buffy in the rearview mirror. “Very different experiences. Trust me, I’ve done both. Why are you so worried about this, anyway?” She drummed her fingers against the wheel, waiting for the light to turn.

“Lucy! You came back home a little banged up last time. But if you’d fallen a little further onto your neck? You wouldn’t have come home at all.”

Amber squeezed her eyes shut, pointing to the green light in front of them to distract from the fact that she was crying. Lucy sighed, waiting for the traffic in front of them to start through the light before she followed.

“Okay, I won’t-” Lucy was cut off by a flash of dark blue metal crossing her peripheral vision. Someone was about to run their light and kill them all. She’d always imagined she’d know what to do in this situation. Maybe she’d hit the breaks, maybe she’d turn out of the way. And yet somehow, she was on autopilot. She swerved to avoid the car, but it was too late. A loud shatter of glass signaled the car smashing into the passenger side of theirs.

Lucy paced back and forth in the hallway, phone pressed to her ear.

“Goddamnit TJ, pick up!” She nearly threw her phone across the hallway, but Buffy’s hand on her forearm stopped her. “Hey! You’re okay!”

“Just needed some stitches. Thank God I was sitting behind you, not Amber.”

“I am so sorry, Buffy. If I hadn’t offered you that ride…”

“If you hadn’t offered me that ride, maybe it would have been me and my mom in that accident. It wasn’t your fault, Lucy.”

“Is she on her way? Your mom?”

“Yeah, but it’s not her I’m worried about. Any word from TJ?” she asked, sitting down in a chair against the wall. Lucy sat down next to her, shaking her head and burying it in her hands.

“Nothing yet. I’m gonna try Aunt Em.” She put her phone to her ear, reciting the same word over and over. Please.

“Hello?”

“Emily? Oh thank God,” Lucy sighed. “Listen, is TJ with you? He’s not answering his phone.”

“No, he headed to the park to play some basketball, what’s going on?’

“I’ll explain later. Just get TJ and come to the hospital. Amber’s in a coma.”

“What?!”

“Just get down here!”

“On my way.” Lucy sighed, hanging up and running her hands through her hair.

“Em’s coming. She’s gotta run by the park to get TJ.”

“How many cars does that woman have?”

“How many billions was my family born into?” Lucy retorted.

“Do I want to know?”

“Nope,” she laughed, popping the ‘p’. “The Kippens are neither humble nor poor, though I wish we were the former.”

“You know, your lack of humility? It’s kind of your most signature characteristic in my mind to date. Care to change that?”

“...You do know that ‘to date’ is literally just one date to you, right? You met me this morning, Buffy.”

Buffy simply nodded in defeat, leaning back into her chair.

“...But, we are more complex than lack of humility,” she said.

“Alright, give me a rundown,” Buffy said, grinning. “I want the full out, ever present narrator in a teenage romcom description.”

And who was Lucy to say no to that?

“You ever seen Heathers?”

“...Yes? Do I want to know where this is going?”

“The Kippen triplets are kind of...that.” Lucy put on her best narrator voice, a dramatic expression on her face as she readied herself to speak about herself in the third person.

“Really?” Buffy asked. “Like- felony arson and all?”

“No,” Lucy laughed. “Like- they’re the Heathers. Chandler, Duke, and McNamara.”

“Then who’s who?”

“Well, there’s TJ, or Heather Duke in our case. Kind of seems like your classic white douchebag jock, but he’s actually a really sweet guy. He’s the baby of the triplets, but packs a hell of an angry punch. Don’t get in his way unless you absolutely have to. That goes for all three of them though; they’re a bit of a feisty trio.

“Um, then Amber, the middle triplet. And our Heather McNamara. She’s… A bit of a popular girl cliche. She and Lucy were co-captains of the cheer squad in New York. She, TJ, and Lucy are best friends, and together… They’re kind of a murderous group. Amber knows how to throw a punch pretty damn well for a rich girl with stiletto shaped acrylics- she’s just as good as TJ. Maybe better. If she wants something, she knows how to get it.”

“And that leaves…?” Buffy prompted.

“Heather Chandler. Lucy Kippen. In our case, one and the same. Lucy’s pretty much the head bitch of her life.”

“Fascinating,” Buffy said, propping her chin up on her hand. “Does that make you a mythic bitch?”

“Yeah alright, that’s over now,” Lucy said, reverting to her natural voice. “Listen, I’m just a normal person, Buffy.”

“You’re a Kippen.”

“Okay, I’m like… 70% a normal person.”

“Alright, but I’m only really concerned for your whole 100%?” Buffy said slowly.

“Alright fine. I’m a dancer. 100%.”

“One hell of a cop-out you’ve got there.”

“Ugh, fine! My favorite color is red, I get all A's in school, my favorite subject is math, my lucky number is 28, I am 6’1”, I weigh 127.8 pounds, my favorite animal is a cat. Anything I missed?”

“Hold up, you only weigh 128 pounds and you’re 6’1”? Alright, not my business. I know.”

“Good. Don’t criticize a ballerina’s weight, idiot,” she teased, knocking her shoulder into Buffy’s.

“I know, I realized it the second I said it,” Buffy apologized sheepishly.

“Don’t sweat it, Driscoll. It’s all good.”

“Have you met me? On the outside, totally good. But definitely gonna sweat it, Kippen. You will actually never hear the end of this apologetic tirade.”

“Please don’t bore me with that.”

“Ms. Kippen?” Lucy turned her attention to the doctor standing in front of her.

“Yes?”

“Your sister is still unconscious, but you’re welcome to see her now,” Dr. Lawrence said gingerly.

“Oh- thank you so much. Is- is she…?”

“We can’t be sure of anything right now, Ms. Kippen.”

“Okay, thank you. Um, Buffy, stay here and tell TJ and Emily where I am? Please?”

“I’m not going anywhere, Kippen. I’ll tell them.”

“Thank you,” Lucy whispered, turning to follow Dr. Lawrence.

She stepped into Amber’s room, breath catching in her throat. She’d never seen her sister like this; she was covered in bandages and stitched up cuts. Lucy pulled a chair up to Amber’s bedside, sitting down with a heavy sigh.

“Hey, Ambs. I don’t know if you can hear me, but, you know. I’m still going to talk to you. God, I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say, Amber. I’m supposed to have this eloquent speech about how you’ve changed me as a person and I miss you so much and please come back, but… I don’t know what there is to say. You’re my best friend, Ambs. TJ and I would be lost without you. But you already knew that. And I’m not- I’m not going to tell you to wake up. Because, if you have to go, Ambs, I get it. I’ll cry and scream and I’ll break down and probably resent you a little bit, but I’ll get it. If you need to go, I want you to know that I understand. However, I am definitely going to plead with you here a little bit. Please, please wake up, Amber. I can’t do all of this without you. TJ relies on us for fucking everything, and I rely on you two, too. There have been three of us since the very beginning, Amber. And there will be three of us until the end. So just- God, just wake up.”

“You think that works?” Lucy turned around to find TJ leaning against the doorframe.

“Teej,” she breathed, looping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug.

“How’s our girl?”

“She’s… Alive. Somehow.”

“She’s a fighter. Learned from the best, I guess.”

“Who?” Lucy asked, meeting TJ’s eyes.

“You, dumbass,” he teased. “You are by far the strongest person we know.”

“I’m strong and a dumbass?”

“You’re a multitasker. Hell of a good one, too.”

“Well, if a girl an be a strong dumbass, there’s nothing else to want!” Lucy said with a roll of her eyes and a shove of TJ’s shoulder.

“My point exactly. Listen, do you mind if I…?” he gestured to Amber. Lucy nodded, squeezing his forearm.

“I’ll go find Buffy. And maybe also a coffee. Want anything?”

“Um… I could really go for some chocolate.”

“On it,” Lucy promised. “Be back soon.”

As Lucy stepped out of the room, TJ sat down in the seat she left behind. She gently let the door click closed, turning down the hall toward the waiting room.

“How’s she doing?” Buffy immediately asked, standing up when Lucy stepped out of the hallway. “Um, this is my mom.”

“Ms. Driscoll,” Lucy said, extending a hand to the woman next to Buffy. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“You too, Lucy. Please, call me Pat. How’s your sister?”

“She’s good. I guess. She’s alive. Comatose, but well and truly alive.”

“I’m so glad.”

“Lucy!” Emily exclaimed, rushing forward to hug Lucy tightly. “I’m so sorry, honey.”

“It was awful, Em,” Lucy sobbed into Emily’s chest. “And it’s all my fault.”

“Hey. This is not your fault, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong, kiddo.” Emily’s voice was measured and careful as she pulled back to squeeze Lucy’s hand. “In fact, you did everything right. You tried to avoid the accident, you were quick to call 911. Hell, you have Amber’s blood on your leotard because you kept her conscious until the EMT came. You’re basically a damn superhero, Lucy Eleanora Kippen.”

“Eleanora?” Buffy hissed, eyes wide.

“I didn’t choose it,” Lucy defended, glancing down at her outfit. “Holy shit. That’s actually Amber’s blood.”

“You didn’t notice?” Pat asked.

“Not really. I- I’ll change… at some point. But for now, I am on a coffee and chocolate run.”

“Coffee… and chocolate?” Buffy asked.

“Long story. Come with me?” Lucy asked quickly.

“Uh, sure?” Lucy tugged her down the hall without a second thought, only stopping when they found a coffee machine.

“What’s going on? You good?”

“Yep,” Lucy said, pulling Buffy forward and kissing her. Buffy’s hands tangled in her hair as she stood on her toes to reach Lucy’s lips. They pulled apart after a few moments, and Lucy nodded decisively.

“Uhh…” Buffy said slowly. “What was that about, exactly?”

“Thank you.” Lucy nodded again, as if confirming something, before disappearing back down the hallway.

“...Any time.”

#Andi Mack #luffy #lucy kippen #buffy driscoll #amber kippen #tj kippen #a study in fate fic

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ofheartandmind · 6 years

Text

And Baby makes...Five?

A/N: I was suppose to start part 3 of A Galaxy of Lies, but I wrote this instead. Sorry.

The triple au is gold and I plan to write a lot more of it though. I’ve actually never seen a story about pregnancy with the triplets, so I thought I’d go for it.

Warnings: Mentions of vomit, unplanned pregnancy, contraceptives, all around cheesiness and fluff

Summary: Finding out you’re pregnant can be nerve-wracking. But finding out your pregnant when you have three boyfriends is just down right confusing.

You knew something was not quite right when you had woken up.

Not that where you had woken up wasn’t wonderful. Like everyday you had opened your eyes only for your sight to be blocked out by a bunch of unruly blonde hair, belonging to Matty. He slept on his side facing you, his corded arm draped diagonally across your stomach and hip. His sweet breath at your face.

Then on your otherside, head resting on yours was Kylo. You could feel his right arm encircling your neck and his hand gently clutching your breast. He never seemed to mind the pain this caused his arm when it undoubtedly caused it to fall asleep. And of course, there was Ben. He slept on his stomach, unlike his brothers, loving to be cradled in between your legs. Throughout the night he would nuzzle his face into your hip bones, happy as a clam.

Normally you were happy as well, warm and cozy and nestled up with your boyfriends. However, today you were nauseous as can be. You thought back to last night, thinking of what could have upset it. Kylo had cooked, but it was fresh and you had only ate a little. In fact, you hadn’t had a big appetite lately, so it couldn’t have been that.

You pondered for another moment until your stomach painfully lurched and you had no choice but to rip yourself out of bed. Springing from both the boys and the covers, you figured you must of stepped on poor Ben’s back from hearing him yelp in surprise. But you were too focused on spewing into the porcelain of the toilet to care. Seconds later soft hands grazed your neck and pulled your hair out the way. This was followed by a husky coo of “it’s okay princess, get it all out,” by a voice you knew to be Matt.

When you were done a cup of mouthwash and your toothbrush was waiting for you. Along with three handsome and confused boys.

“Baby are you sick?” asked Matt

“I can call the doctor,” Kylo suggested.

“Did you have to step on my back?” Ben whined, before getting whacked on the head by Kylo

You smiled at their concern and left the adjoining bathroom to approach them. You hugged Ben in apology and he accepted it by pulling you in closer. You turned to his brothers. “Thanks you three, but I think I’m okay now.”

Kylo looked unconvinced, “But something else has to be wrong. Was it something you ate?”

Ben chuckled at his older brother, “I bet it was that nasty Carbo-whatever the fuck, you made last night. Told you we should've gotten tacos.

“First of all it’s called Carbonara, you uncultured fucker. Second, you sure didn’t mind stuffing your face with it,” Kylo sneered.

“Cause I felt bad for you.”

Matt groaned, realizing a fight was starting and began to try and mediate. You sat on the bed watching the boys interact in amusement. Your boys loved to argue, but they also loved you just as much and their worrying showed it. However you weren’t worried much, that is until you felt the familiar feeling of nausea spark up in you again. You turned away not wanting the boys to see your face.

Something had to be wrong.

“Are you okay?” Rey asked you during lunch at work five days later.

She had caught you in the middle of a bad headache. One of many you’ve been having lately. You hadn’t been as open with the boys since getting sick the other morning. You had told them you felt fine, but it was a big lie and they knew it, but said nothing. That hurt you more than any physical affliction.

Your bouts of vomiting and headaches had gotten worse and telling them would have put them in a frenzy. So Rey, your co-worker and also their cousin would be the first person you were going to confess to.

“So its headaches and nausea? Anything else?” she asked, and shyly you also admitted to having incredibly sensitive breasts as of late.

Twiddling your fingers you looked at her anxiously, “I mean, I’m no hypochondriac, but do you think it’s something...serious?”

Rey looked at you stunned, “Are you serious? Do you really think you’re just sick?

You gulped, “What, you think it may be something more serious?

You honestly hadn’t expected to be laughed at, but Rey was howling, and it was almost a little offensive.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry,” the girl gasped, “ but did it never occur to you, that you could be pregnant?”

Next it was your turn to laugh.

“Excuse me, what’s so funny? You have three boyfriends, it’s not that crazy of a claim,” Rey said.

“But it’s because I have three boyfriends that I’m incredible careful.” You said defending yourself. “I’m on a really strong birth control, they always use condoms and still sometimes I even make them pull-”

“Okay! Okay! Please, I don’t need to hear all that,” Rey wrinkled her nose is disgust, “I’m related to those big oafs.”

You laughed, “but you have to see my point. I’m super careful, we’ve never even had a big scare about it.”

Rey sighed, “Okay but still, contraceptives are never 100%. I would just be sure, go buy a test at least.”

You had listened to Rey’s advice. If you were being truthful your friend was very right. You very well could be pregnant but your fear had lead you to suppress any possibility of it at first. It wasn’t that you didn’t want children with Kylo, Ben and Matt, but that you didn’t want to face the scrutiny of others.

Your relationship was obviously not traditional and many a time while out, doing errands or on dates you and the boys had faced the judgement of people who didn’t understand. Your boys did their best to shield you from it and their immediate family was very accepting, but you knew what people thought. Having a baby would make everything complicated, plus who even knew if the boys even wanted a baby with you?

Though you had know them for five years, dated them for three, children together had never been talked about seriously.

But looking down at the three sticks sitting on your bathroom counter while your phone timer beeped ominously in the background, you knew now that that talk would have to happen. Because now you knew, you were definitely pregnant.

You were trying not to panic. You flinched as a wave of anxiety crashed through your body. This was insane. “I’m pregnant,” you whispered out loud holding your stomach. Fuck, you didn’t even know whose it was. Whenever you had sex it was together, all three of them would take turns inside of you. You’d never be able to tell for sure until the baby was born. “Baby. Our baby,” you whispered again with a smile, letting the panic be replaced with love.

“So much for safe sex,” you joked, looking at your birth control pills in the glass cabinet.

Ten minutes later you heard a car pull into yard and then footsteps and the backdoor opening. Your name was hollered by one of them, tell you they were back from shopping.With a exhale, you picked up one of the tests and exited the bathroom.

Matt and Ben were bringing in groceries from the car when you got to the kitchen. Kylo had just hung up his coat in the closet and saw you come out the bathroom first. He pulled you in for a kiss but stopped and raised an eyebrow at your flushed appearance.

“What’s wrong?” he asked making the other two Solos look at you.

You really had no plan on how to do this, so you chose to be blunt. Beckoning them all close, you took another breath.

“Kylo, Ben, Matt, I have to tell you guys something. you said, pulling the pregnancy test from behind your back. “I’m pregnant.”

It was quiet for a moment, a moment long enough for tears to well up in your eyes as you took this as a sign of rejection.

“I know that this is a-a surprise, b-but I j-just wanted you all to know,” you explain feeling yourself begin to shake.

You went to speak again but were stopped as you were pulled into Kylo’s chest. You felt another brother press against your back and then another at your side. But still you couldn’t help the sobs that left you. You were so emotional. But being held your boyfriends knocked down the wall you had reluctantly built between you and them in the last week.

They all pulled away slightly when you stopped, keeping at least one arm or hand on you when Ben asked, “is this what you were hiding, love?”

You shook your head, “No, no. I just thought I was sick and didn’t want you guys to worry. But I just found out today…that I’m pregnant.” Matt dropped to his knees suddenly, burning his face in your tummy.

“A baby, a baby, your having our baby,” he purred, muffled by your clothing.

You frowned hearing Matt say ‘our’, “I don’t know which one of you it belongs to…” you said sadly.

Kylo, who had been the quiet caught you chin between his fingers, “what do you mean ‘which one it belongs to’? Just like Matt said, it’s ours. Just like you belong to all of us, so does this baby.”

A warmth blossomed in you chest at his words. Any panic you had before melted at the sincerely and love radiating around you from your three lovers.

Matt then stood back up and kissed you deeply, “did you really think we wouldn’t want this?” he asked. When you said you weren’t sure he pressed his forehead to yours. “Muffin, you are the most important thing to us in the world. Anything you’d give us would be treasured, especially a baby. How could we say no anyway? We’re adults and have a house and we all have careers. It’s perfect.” “

“Plus Kylo got a raise, so I can just quit my job and stay at home with you for the whole nine months, mhmm?” suggested Ben with a wink, his arms encircling you from the back. You giggled at Ben, watching Kylo and Matt roll their eyes at their lazy brother.

This was the happiest you had felt in the last week.

Your boys brought you to the living room couch to sit down once they realized how long you’d been standing. And for the rest of the night you watched them as they eagerly began taking care of you.

Amongst their bickering and them smothering you with attention you couldn’t help but blurt out, “I love you three so much,” laughing when they looked at you surprised. But then looking down at your stomach you couldn’t help but correct yourself, “No, I love all four of you so much.”

#kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren imagine #ben solo x reader #solo triplets #solo triplets au #Matt the radar technician #ben solo imagine #reader insert #star wars fanfiction #ben solo x you #kylo ren

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bizarropurugly · 7 years

Text

Quicky summary of Zed and Candler’s lives under cut

tw for rape mention, pedophilia mention, child abuse, pregnancy mention, etc

Zed first:

Zed was given up for adoption as a baby by his parents because of traditionalist values they had about fertility, and it had been determined zed would never be able to have kids. They gave him to a demigod named Nanny who took care of kids without families, and he was her last child. He had a pretty happy childhood in which he knew Candler briefly (Candler would soon after be put up for adoption by his abusive family), and he was homeschooled but still had plenty of socialization.

He had a girlfriend for a while as a teen but when she found out he was unisex (everyone in his race has the same body parts) she broke up with him over some cissexist crap, which made him realize he wasn't really interested in relationships at the moment? Instead he focused on his studies, having decided he wanted to be a baker. He was a good student so he got into advanced placement stuff, and started college early.

That's when his sister Zen found him, who was excited to reintroduce him to their family and invited him over to her apartment. But it turned out to be a trap, she had lured him to a hotel and sexually assaulted him repeatedly, implying she was going to kill him. She dehumanized him severely by stating his lack of fertility made him not a person anymore, and kept calling him slut/whore/bitch during the act. He managed to escape but in the process fell off a balcony so he was sent to the hospital by bystanders, but nobody saw her and he refused to turn her in. After that he became incredibly docile and passive and an easy target for cruel people, and didn't get into relationships at all, period, not even friendships. This was compounded by the fact his sister kept finding him and tormenting him further.

But he managed to become a successful baker and bought a building that was a cafe on the ground floor and a home on the second floor. Some time later he heard about a local craft shop that was under threat of closure, and he sent them some goodwill and money. Turns out it was a shop Candler had opened to sell candles and other wax items, and he came to see Zed and was incredibly excited to meet with him again. However he had a unhealthy obsession with Zed and was often a harassing nuisance more than anything, constantly hitting on him, having no idea about personal space, etc. But he managed to worm into Zed's heart at least enough that, when it came time again that Candler had no money, Zed invited him to live with him so he wouldn't have to be doing the dangerous things he was doing for money.

After some time of living together, Candler realized Zed had been sexually assaulted because Zed had a shut down from Candler's pestering, recognizing his own behaviour in Zed's lack of response, and made a promise to pull back the shenanigans while also swearing to find his assailant and killing them. Not long after, Zen tried to attack Zed again and Candler walked in on it, and managed to get Zed away from her and beat her up. From Zed's point of view she never bothered him again after that and he assumed she had finally become a better person, but in reality Candler kidnapped her and left her for dead among his gang mates.

After that the two got closer, with Candler not only being less abusive but also just in general learning gradually about all the things that are Not Okay that he had internalized, and that what he was doing wasn't really love, but obsession. He became a much better person, which was when Zed finally started getting more feelings for him. But of course, it was freaking him out because of the years of repression, the history of abuse, etc, he had never really had a sexual interest in his life. A lot of confusion and awkward stuff happened but eventually Zed confessed his feelings and they got together. Still more confusion and awkward stuff for a while, though, as they both work towards a healthier idea about relationships and stuff.

Some drama happened in which Candler tried to escape the gang he was in, which then attacked Zed, which lead to Zed being told that Candler had killed people, including Zed's sister, and supposedly had assaulted people, which made Zed question their entire relationship of course, but before he could really deal with that, Candler was hospitalized and put into a coma over the rescue attempt, and Zed discovered Candler had been planning to propose, which made things... a lot harder to deal with. When Candler comes to, Zed demands he talk about literally everything in his life, which meant confessions of violence, though the sexual abuse was actually "by proxy" (as in, he was being forced with physical violence and death threats, and this all happened while he was a teen, so *he* didn't actually do it). For a while it was very awkward between them, it was difficult to wrestle with, but in the end Zed forgave him.

They get married soon after that, and soon after that they discover Zed is pregnant, which turns out to be twins, and that was some incredible hardship for both of them but everything turns out. The reason Zed became pregnant was literally a miracle - the god of their world, Tito, has a mortal disguise of which Zed and Candler knew personally, and the demigod Nanny was created by Tito as a way to take care of himself, and so as Nanny's last kid he decided to grant Zed a brief moment of fertility as a "wedding present". Of course they don't know he's really a god and that he did that, they just know there was a miracle and they couldn't be happier.

And now Candler:

Candler was born into an abusive family. His family was also traditionalist with his race's values of having as many kids as possible, and they also always have twins, triplets, etc, but his parents had a hard time conceiving. Candler only had 3 older siblings, and was born with a stillborn twin. They treated him terribly, basically taking out their frustrations on him, including not letting him go to school and leaving him alone at home, and not getting him any toys or clothes or anything. In fact, the first time they left him with a babysitter, he was genuinely afraid they would never come back - because they would definitely be back for their stuff, but if he's not at home then they have no reason to come back.

But it was when he was being left at a babysitter's that he met Zed, and Zed was basically the only kid who was nice to him and actually wanted to be his friend (because the other kids took from the adults, who took from his parents that he was a problem child). He developed a crush on Zed, but never got to express it because he was so painfully shy. After his little twin sisters were born, they all three got dropped off at an orphanage.

The orphanage was really awful and this was when he first experienced sexual abuse. The man who ran it took an interest in him and basically forced him to be around him all the time, and the man was an evil, violent man that exposed Candler to sex as well as murder in one instance. The nurses of the orphanage had been preparing a case against him to get the place shut down and him arrested, but he was warned before the raid and kidnapped Candler, while Candler's little sisters went to a proper home. They'd be separated until he was an adult.

The man left him with a poor family that he had power over so that he knew they'd never turn him in for child abuse and kidnapping. Out of fear of the man, they didn't let Candler attend school or even go to the doctor's. In fact, they often dealt with any time Candler was sick with a fake doctor that was conning them, often making Candler sicker and messing with him bad, which is how Candler developed his phobia of doctors, needles, and medicine. Originally I had written this was how he got ridiculously tall and other hormonal problems but that seems far-fetched.

His hypersexuality started emerging and the orphanage man found out and was disgusted by it, cutting the family off entirely for "ruining" him, putting them in more financial straits but at the same time relieving them of this evil man and letting them parent Candler at least a little more securely, though they were still afraid to let him go to school. Eventually he starts wandering and is preyed on by a guy who claimed to just be "teaching" him how things work, and that leaves him more reclusive and unsure how to handle his sexuality, and he doesn't want to talk about it.

He gets picked up by a man in the gang he would eventually join, who skews his idea of sexuality even further by hammering in the whole "if your body reacts then you like it and it's not rape" and basically making him his sex slave throughout the rest of his teen years, particularly through keeping him on a choke chain and demanding he wear it whenever he was with him. Through this man he would be made to "perform" for others in the gang, be used as a bartering tool, be attacked in other violent ways, be forced to attack others, etc. He developed anger issues, violent tendencies, suicidal thoughts, the idea that sex is bad/gross, etc and wound up leaving his family and within the same week killing the man, both in a fit of rage. The messed up hierarchy way of the gang meant this let him "move up" which meant less traumatic events happened after this, but he had to develope some wits in order to avoid getting back in that position, and it didn't always work...

Through this gang and sex work he was able to purchase an old, old storefront that... basically was just two rooms, a big front room and a back room, and lived in it, only a bed and a toilet and a little refrigerator. He learned candle-making from his adoptive family and tried to make a "decent" living, but couldn't keep his hours, or stay neat, and the place was pretty... run down and creepy looking. So he never really got to leave that gang as it was his only place of finances... until Zed sent him some money as a show of goodwill, and he found his childhood friend again. Through all this trauma he had been using memories of Zed to cope with it all. Which is how he developed his unhealthy obsession with Zed. So when he realized this was the same Zed he had known as a kid, he was through the roof happy.

But then he still couldn't maintain his finances, and Zed had learned about that he was doing dangerous things to make money, so he offered him a place to live so he wouldn't have to, which was incredibly shocking to Candler because he had never had anyone be so genuinely caring to him, and he had kind of gotten the idea that he wasn't a person either. So even though he had idolized Zed this whole time, it was still shocking. And this is where we converge with what I said about Zed's backstory. Except it's a bit more emotional from his end because he never really thought he'd live past the age of 30.

(As an additional note here: Candler’s name is actually Marcellus, but he went by Candler since he started living with his adopted family as a false name, and only his twin sisters knew his real name, until Candler finally told Zed, after which he no longer went by it from anyone. He does not like nicknames at all because of all the trauma he went through under his false name.)

#zed n candler

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kaironlokethor · 5 years

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What happens in the snowy wasteland STAYS in the snowy wasteland!

< LAST FIRST NEXT>

We have a changling druid/warlock PC (Lucious), dragonborn fighter PC (Dragon), his fiancee/Lucious’ sister a changling fighter NPC (Nox), a tiefling rogue PC (Kairon) and his tiefling warlock wife NPC (Mur’deth), a half-elf rogue/assassin PC (Shadow) and his fiancee an aarakocra ranger NPC (Ali)

We are working on trying to usurp the King of the Versal Empire, and are currently trying to recruit troops in secret to our revolution

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-We got word that the Drow Republic were planning an attack on the Versal Empire and going to mow down a small town we recently got on our side. We go to try to get them to stop and Kairon has the highest charisma stat so he’s the speaker. I try to talk them into joining us, but the general won’t join us because “You promise us peace but what about when your insolent spawn decide to attack us” so Kairon punched him, the entire party got mad at me, the general gave us a day to prepare for the attack and left. I ended up intimidating him into standing down and then all his troops sided with me- DM: So, all the troops follow you, Kairon, as you walk back towards your party Lucious: Who are they? Kairon: Our new troops! Lucious: Drow? Are you sure? Kairon: They’re with US now. They’re OUR troops now. Lucious: -I’m just going to narrow my eyes at Kairon- Kairon: I GOT YOU MILITARY TRAINED TROOPS! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME YOU RACIST LITTLE MAN?

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-Kairon and Dragon are traveling together. I can’t remember exactly what happened but Kairon more than likely did something stupid- Shadow OOC: Wow, really? Kairon OOC: OH SHUT UP LUCOUS! YOU’RE NOT EVEN HERE Lucious OOC: Wh- me? That was shadow! Kairon OOC: Oh.... Lucious OOC: It’s just a reflex at this point isn’t it?

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DM: Quick break! I’ll be right back! Kairon OOC: So....Here we pause....Shadow stroking his bird (he was petting his new hawk), Lucious being....Lucious, and Kairon and Dragon enjoying a romantic evening in a cabin in the middle of winter. Sheep skin rug, fireplace, ale...(we were traveling to find survivors of the Drow attacking and we got caught in a blizzard and had to take shelter in a cabin) Lucious OOC: Oh wow Kairon OOC: I bet it’s pretty cold, I slide closer to Dragon Dragon OOC: Oooooh no. Lucious OOC: What about your wife?? MUR’DETH??? WHO IS RIGHT THERE WITH YOU Kairon: She doesn’t mind DM: Yeah, she’ll take the winner Lucious OOC: Winner? How do you know who loses? DM: Who ever....finishes first. Kairon OOC: How do we know who wins? DM: Roll performance -Dragon rolls pretty low, I beat him by a lot- DM: So Kairon wins. When you two are finished, Dragon rolls over to fall asleep and Kairon goes again with Mur’deth. She is happy with how things turned out, but she couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like if Dragon had won Kairon OOC: Wait, did that? OMFG IT’S OFFICIAL! WE ROLLED SO IT’S CANNON! Dragon: Yeah....sure

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-a little while later, we are joking about the cabin scene- Lucious OOC: Wait, Dragon, how are you going to explain this to your fiancee? Dragon: It was for warmth! For survival! Kairon OOC: Omfg Dragon: What happens in the snowy wasteland STAYS in the snowy wasteland!

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-We are looking through the snow for survivors- DM: Dragon, you don’t find any people, but you do find a ring. It seems to be calling out to you Dragon: Okay, I pick it up DM: You hear whispers in the back of your head, they sound almost demonic. Do you want to roll arcana? Dragon: It’s probably evil....I can seduce that Lucious OOC: Seduce? Kairon OOC: Is it a cockring now? Shadow OOC: You mean DEDUCE? DM: So, Dragon seduces the ring, and Dragon OOC: You guys are the worst

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DM: Kairon, you see some movement in the snow Kairon: I am going to investigate it DM: As you get closer, you see it is just a dog. It is hardly moving Kairon: Oh shit. I am going to pick him up and hand him to Mur’deth, since she has her rod of warmth still DM: Mur’deth takes the puppy and INTO HER BOSOM Dragon: Poor puppy getting suffocated by tits Kairon: Well, that IS where she had her rod of warmth........

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-Dragon and I get back to the rest of the party. I went to a tavern and Dragon went to join the rest of the party. Mur’deth ended up looking for me and telling everyone else about our trip- DM (as Nox): You two fucked? Dragon: It was for survival! Like in the trenches and fucking Germany and stuff! DM: Wait, what history class did YOU go to? Kairon OOC: Ah, yes, Survival instincts, like fighting the entirety of Germany Lucious: So...You and Kairon....and then... Dragon: Idk! Not much happened! We found a dog!

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DM: Okay, so Kairon OOC: OH SHIT DM: What this time? Kairon OOC: I forgot to use Starzennia. With Dragon and Mur’deth....we didn’t use protection.... DM: Thanks for reminding me! Lucious OOC: Oh, Teacher! Didn’t you say we had homework due today? DM: Yeah, basically. So Mur’deth is preggers. It’s twins. (rolled a d20 for pregnancy and then a d4 for how many children) Lucious: Oh shit, that’s great. Oh my god Kairon: WELL LUCIOUS AT LEAST WE’RE MARRIED! AND IT’S NOT TRIPLETS! LIKE BERTHA!

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DM: While they’re doing that...Kairon, Mur’deth taps your shoulder and pulls you aside Kairon: Oooooh shit... DM: She tells you she’s pregnant Kairon: Oh shit....wow.....okay.....I’m sorry? I don’t really....how do I react to this? Lucious OOC: Uhhh, how about ‘Congrats’? Kairon OOC: We were waiting! We can’t bring a baby into the middle of a revolution! We were the RESPONSIBLE ONES! We used Starzennia almost every time! Lucious OOC: Well, not EVERY time Kairon OOC: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

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-Kairon ended up putting on a demon ring that tried to turn him into a demon, he had to go somewhere to get it un-cursed. We had to get on a boat and go to an island. Ali got pregnant a few sessions ago but none of our characters know that yet- DM: So, as you guys are about a day into the voyage, Ali comes upstairs. She looks kind of uneasy Kairon: Oh shit. I’m going to go make sure she’s okay Lucious: You don’t even like Ali! Kairon: Yeah but I don’t want her to fucking die! Lucious: Fair point. I’m going to go too DM (As Ali): I...My stomach hurts...I think I ate something bad! I think I’m dying! Kairon: Ooooh fuck DM: You see there is blood on her clothes, and her pants are kind of wet Kairon: omfg did you get shot? Did you get caught in crossfire when we pillaged the other pirate ship?? DM (as Ali): N-No....I don’t think so... Kairon: Lucious, I think she got shot... DM (as Ali): No...I didn’t get shot! -And with that she collapses- Lucious: I am going to catch her and help her down! -Anyway, Lucious and I end up delivering a baby. Lucious is up by her head making sure she keeps breathing and pushing and Kairon is down n’ dirty delivering a fucking baby- Kairon: You were PREGNANT? DM (as Ali): Well...I guess that WASN’T the watermelon I ate.... Kairon: Ya don’t say....Who’s is it? DM (as Ali): Well, yours, silly! Don’t you remember? Kairon: W....what? -I go pale and look to make sure Mur’deth isn’t around- DM (as Ali): I’m just joking! Clearly it’s not yours, no horns, see? he’s a little aarakocra! Kairon: That....that isn’t how it works...but okay

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In order to break the curse, Kairon had to put his hand in some holy water or something. When he does, he goes into a pitch black plain and meets The Fiend who makes him answer some riddles. Kairon was a smart ass and almost got himself killed...he had 1HP woops- DM: And with that, The Fiend waves his hand, and the darkness is lifted, he is gone. Kairon, your knees go weak, you fall against the edge of the fountain, and cough up blood. Lucious: Did we see all that? DM: No, all you saw was Kairon plunge his hand in the water, and then start vomiting up blood Lucious: Well, okay....that’s probably not normal Kairon: wow....THANKS Lucious!

#dnd #d&d #dungeons and dragons #tiefling #changling #half-elf #dragonborn #aarakocra #rogue #assassin #warlock #druid #fighter

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iamsoneurotic · 7 years

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All Kinds of 3��s...

I’m not even providing a witty lead up. It’s happening again.

I mean at this point it’s already Facebook official, so the element of surprise is gone. Actually what would have been a great surprise would be to write an entire post and NOT say anything. Then like, on the baby’s third birthday be like “SURPRISE!”... I may still do that. Nobody reads this.

I wanted to work in something about 3 being a charm, but that kind of implies that you screwed up with the first two and THIS will be the child that saves your family from failure, but I’d like to think we’ve done pretty dang good with our first two kids. The mere fact that I was able to keep them alive (edit - not kill them, let’s be honest, mommy keeps them alive, daddy just tries not to drop them too much) proves that first and second times are a charm. I’m very charming.

We’re going to be finding out the gender next week and I don’t really want to emphasize what Rach is hoping for out of fear the child will read this someday and think it’s the equivalent of being a duplicate Happy Meal toy - but it’s pretty obvious what she wants considering we have 2 of one gender and none of the other… She wants a girl. There I said it.

Really, Rach, I still say if it’s a boy and you're disappointed by that, put it in a dress while I’m at work one day and don’t tell anybody. Get it out of your system. Problem solved.

… That part about not telling anybody is very important though. Please don’t tell me.

Anyway - 2018 was always going to be the year of Baby #3. Not that THIS particular instance was the plan, but it would have been right around now anyway. Rachael’s one demand about this post was that I not make any jokes about or references to the conception of the child. So I won’t reference the conception. Not even a little. Absolutely will not talk about how babies are made and how this pregnancy is no different from how most babies are created.

Look at me doing what I’m told like a good husband.

So we found out in June that we’re essentially not going to have our lives back until 2036. It was a weird couple of months because the prior month we had a pregnancy scare which turned out to be just a weird menstrual cycle from some hormone-related pills Rach was taking… I hate the word menstrual almost as much as the word cervix - oh dear lord I’ve used both terms in the same sentence, I’m going to throw up. Shouldn’t ‘lady’ terms be more feminine?? Why can’t they have nice terms for female-related items… Like Vas Deferens, that’s a male-related and highly inoffensive word to the ears. You know what, ladies? You can have that word. It’s not like anyone ever says it anyway. Name a non-med school conversation that you’ve ever had which included the word Vas Deferens. Seriously, we’re not using it, swap it with cervix and let’s move on from ever having to mentally scar our brains with that word ever again.

See, this is the part about pregnancies that I hate the most. It’s not the hormones, it’s not the bills, it’s not the fear of finances… It’s the freaking awful words you have to hear for 9 months straight. Everything is all about mucus and cervixes and uteruses and fetuses and cramping and contractions and I’m fully aware that I’m supposed to be using commas instead of “ands” but I have mom-brain by proxy so I don’t care. That’s the other thing - I’m getting pregnancy symptoms! I’ve heard that this is a real thing that can happen, and it’s finally happening after 3 of these pregnancies. I’m hormonal, on edge, tired, I get headaches, mom-brain, nausea… It’s freaking ridiculous. Don’t even get me going on my baby bump!

In all fairness, this has been a pretty rough pregnancy for Rach. Probably the worst first trimester ever. She’s been incredibly nauseous, cranky, tired… Basically the usual pregnancy symptoms, only cranked to 11. The poor girl is MISERABLE. I feel bad, but at the same time I don’t really like having to be in charge of watching the boys while she naps and recovers. Nobody feels a father’s pain and struggle.

Oh dear, I was talking about menstrual cycles (*shivers*) wasn’t I… I can’t keep a consistent thought to save my life. The point of that was, because we had a scare the month before which ended up being a 10-day late period, we just figured that this was no different and she’d get her period super late again… well it was kind of true, only instead of being a month late, it’s going to be about a year late. The reason I’m posing with 3 pregnancy tests isn’t because we’re going to have 3 kids or because there’s triplets on the way (God willing), it’s because Rach took 3 separate tests because she couldn’t believe it was even a possibility… I obviously can’t go into any further detail than that because I’ve been banned from discussing certain topics by my modest wife.

We’re due February 13th. I feel like this is necessary information to give when posting about a pregnancy. People like that sort of thing. People also like pictures… So here’s the little munchkin:

I should rephrase - not “munchkin”, we’re referring to this baby as our “ Lil’ Lily Pad”... Milo was very unoriginally “Sweet-Pea”, Noli was “Cupcake”, later appropriately changed to “Beefcake”, now we’ve got a Lily Pad. Not really sure what the obsession with naming unborn babies after foods. I often wonder if we as parents subconsciously entertain the idea of cannibalizing things we love. “You’re so cute I could just eat you up!” or “I just want to nibble on those cheeks!”... We’re lost as a society.

So that’s all I got on Baby #3. Now onto Baby #2! Noli’s a 3 year old!!! Yesterday was my little bug’s birthday. Did I talk about how I call him “bug”? I don’t remember... mom-brain by proxy, remember. He was a cuddle bug, so I started calling him Noli-bug, now he’s just Bug. I don’t know why it’s so appropriate for him. There’s just something about that little stocky, squishy body that just screams “little bug”. I feel like he’s destined to be in a gang someday with that name.

Anyway, he’s 3 and I’m just so proud and in love with the little bugger. The boy is a cuddly ray of sunshine. He loves hugging and kissing and saying “I love you”, and we in-turn soak it up like a sponge. He’ll just walk over and sit on you without any warning and nuzzle right up. He’ll put his arm around you, he’ll stop whatever he’s doing at random to look at you and say he loves you, then he’ll kiss you on the hand or on the head. Sometimes he’ll play with your hair or rub your arm… It’s so much adorableness that you literally feel like you’re going to implode with bliss. Rachael says he’s the best little boyfriend she’s ever had… It’s probably true – I hated PDA when we were dating. Now I just sort of wait around corners and in dark shadows and guerrilla-style attack Rachael with hugs and kisses and retreat before she can tell me to stop… Okay, that came off as a little… assault-y? Sorry, but when your wife is pregnant, it’s very difficult to get so much as a high-five. You’re more likely to get slapped and commanded to turn down the thermostat… Which I gladly accept because at least she’s touching me. Why am I talking about this…

As I mentioned in my last post - Noli is still obsessed with Spider-Man. It’s actually gotten worse. We’re at a point now where you literally can’t give him anything without him demanding a Spider-Man version of it. My dad wants to get a boat: “A SPIDEY-BOAT??”. We take the boys for milkshakes: “CAN I HAVE A SPIDEY MILKSHAKE??” (hence he gets strawberry because it’s red, and anything that isn’t red isn’t spider-man… I don’t even think he likes strawberry shakes, but it’s all he’ll accept).

The worst thing you can do for a kid who’s obsessed with something specific like this is buy them one of those ‘surprise’ toys where you don’t know what you’re going to get… You had better pray to God that there’s a Spider-Man toy in there because if it’s Batman we’re all taking a trip to Meltdown Town. I tried to buy him one of those things at the airport. I bought two, one for Noli and one for Milo. I let Noli open the first one, it was Gamora (from Guardians of the Galaxy). Naturally… he was peeved. So without Milo knowing, I let Noli open the second one… It was Venom. Good lord, we were so close!! So he begins his freakout, and I quickly scramble to salvage the situation and tell him it’s “Black Spider-Man”. He called my bluff immediately. Apparently he, like Milo, is now impervious to my lies and deceptions (which I 100% rely on to maintain peace in my home). So what did he do? He ran to mommy and said “Daddy said this is Black Spider-Man… BUT IT’S NOT!”. Rach tells me to stop lying to the kids, Milo doesn’t get to open a toy, Noli is ticked off and somehow I’m now the bad guy for trying to be nice and buying my kids some freaking toys!

Christmas is so cancelled.

Luckily Milo didn’t seem to care all that much. He’s pretty chill about stuff like that. Not picky about his toys, not obsessed with anything in particular except for Math (because he’s an evil genius – yeah, you laugh, but you’ll all remember this blog in 30 years when he conquers a nation through an impressive combination of quantum physics and basic arithmetic). You should hear that boy talk, he’s practically an adult now. I can actually have conversations with him… granted they’re conversations through the mind of a 4 year old, so they go to some weird places, but when I talk to him, it’s almost as though he’s actually listening to me and understanding… Of course that just makes me even angrier when he pretends to not hear me when I tell him to eat, or go potty, or put his shoes on, or clean up his toys, or go to bed, or answer my questions, or stop bossing his brother around, or don’t touch the tv, or don’t touch the garbage, or don’t touch the toilet, or don’t throw your toys, or where did you get that plutonium, or stop building Lego nuclear warheads with it… Basic 4-year old stuff.

I’m still trying to figure out where that red telephone in his bedroom came from.

Sidetracked again. I joke a lot about Milo being insanely intelligent (which, yes, he is), but Noli’s no dummy either. His vocabulary is incredible now and he really just absorbs knowledge like a sponge (I’ve used ‘like a sponge’ twice now in this post). I overhear Milo actually teaching him words and numbers when they play together in the other room… When I say “other room” I’m referring to our living room on the other side of our house. When we’re home, we spend most of our time in the Family Room (TV room? Is that actually the Living Room and the other room is the Family room? I don’t get house things), but on the other side of the house, there’s the Living Room - which Noli refers to as “The Other Room”, but given that he’s 3 and can’t pronounce things terribly well, he says “Dove Room”... Which is just what we call it now, The Dove Room.

I love how he pronounces stuff, he still can’t say his “G” and “K” sounds, so he just replaces them with H’s… So instead of “Okay” it’s “Ohay”, or instead of Kabob it’s “Hobob”... I like Hobob, I feel like I could make a homeless cartoon character named Hobob and make a fortune off of insensitive people like myself. He could exist in the same universe as “Cider-Man”. I’m totally making the “Faux-Vengers”. Copyright Mark Marianelli 2017.

Anyway, I’ve rambled long enough and Rachael always scolds me for making these posts too long, so I’ll end it here…

Noli, you’re what our family has always needed, you give us endless hours of laughter, and the world just seems a little more hopeful with you in it. I love you, I love that you’re here, I’m proud of you and I can’t think of anything more joyous than watching you grow. I can’t wait to see what a wonderful big brother you’ll be soon. Happy Birthday, Little Bug.

Love, ~ Bat-Dad (Yeah, he thinks I’m Batman)

#dad #Daddy blog #daddyblog #parenthood #parenting #children #kids #pregnancy #humor #spiderman

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