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glowstickhaloboy · 7 years

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AU where jack is a librarian and bitty accidentally studies

jack loves books. bitty hates studying.

but bitty needs to try something, bc whatever hes doing now is not working, and finals are coming up, so he thinks maybe if he gets some silence and solitude things he needs to know will start sticking

so he goes to the library and lo and behold theres an adonis behind the counter with a pencil tucked behind his ear as he intently reads a biography on Joan of Arc. bitty hears his conscience speak to him in beyonces voice, telling him that this boy is his

but hes a nervous wreck now that he knows theres someone hot here so yeah hes definitely not getting any studying done

except the cute boy doesnt even look up, and bitty remembers that hes probably straight anyway because thats the way the universe likes to be, so he keeps his head down and makes his way to an empty table (but he chooses one that keeps the cute boy in sight, and he isnt sure if thats because he is a masochist or isnt one)

he does his best to vibe this guy, who only looks up from his book when someone comes to check out or ask for the bathroom key, and bitty decides that hes gotta play it cool. that boy likes knowledge, so bitty will have to pretend that he also likes knowledge and isnt absolutely boy crazy, so he opens his textbook and gets down to business, hoping that that cute boy will look over at least and notice how studious this southern young man is

and almost three hours passes where bitty actually studies. he looks at his phone and realizes what hes just tricked himself into doing. he checks back on the cute boy, who is looking at him holy hell it was only for a second and then he quickly looked at his book again and relax eric relax he was probably just zoned out and happened to be staring at your face but maybe he could also sense how good you are at making pies and is deciding whether or not your boyfriend material

its already been three hours, but bitty definitely cannot leave now that developments are taking place

but its only fifteen more minutes before someone else shows up and takes the cute boys place behind the desk. the cute boy walks into the back and comes back with a jacket slung over his shoulder. “see ya, chris,” he says, and bitty wonders if hes being loud enough for his voice to carry on purpose, and when cute boy leaves, bittles insides all start screaming and he wonders if hes being blessed or punished because that boy must do squats or something.

bitty plays it cool for another half hour after that, because he cant look like he was only here because that cute boy was, but hes really only on twitter now. then he packs up his bag and spends the entire walk back to his room thinking about the moment he glanced up and the cute boy glanced down.

and he comes back the next day. bittle may play the slow game, but he has to see where this is going. day one, a glance, and maybe if hes really lucky, by day two he might get a pleasant “good afternoon. welcome to the library.”

he doesnt. he walks right in and sits in the same spot as yesterday, and the cute boy is reading the same book, but bitty tries to keep his face controlled, because this time cute boy looked up as he came in, and unless bittle was reading too much into it, cute boy looked down again as though this wasnt supposed to mean anything, like that was what he wanted bitty to think, but secretly it did.

they continue like this for two weeks, and eric is blessed to discover that the cute boy works a four hour shift every single day. which means theres never a day bittle has to miss out on seeing his sculpted-by-the-gods face.

and then valentines day rolls around.

bitty wonders what in the world am i doing so often while he bakes on february 14th that he knows he has lost any semblance of self-control

he walks into the library thinking the exact same thing, and of course, theres the cute boy, who has moved on to reading an account of the cuban vie for independence from spain, and for the first time, bitty actually approaches the counter

“um, hi,” he says, slightly breathless from the cold, and the cute boy looks up and smiles and says “hi” back. bitty has to ignore his pounding heart and continue on with the words hes been rehearsing since he turned the oven on.

“so, ive been spending a lot of time in the library recently, and i bake a lot, and since today is valentines day, i thought it would be nice to make these cookies for everyone today, so would it be alright if i left these on the counter and people sort of just... helped themselves if they wanted one? i made a card to”

bitty reaches into the basket and holds up a card designed by his friend lardo that reads “happy valentines day! please take one (1)”

the cute boys smile widens, and he says, “yeah. wow, they look great!”

after all the work bitty put into making them, they damn well better. he hasnt worked this hard on a batch of cookies since he campaigned for ninth grade class president. still, he cant help but turn as pink as the frosting on them when the first thing this boy ever says to him is a compliment on his baking.

“its nothin’” says bitty, setting the basket down and stuffing his mittens into his pockets

the cute boy latches onto bittys damnable accent and asks with interest “where are you from?”

“oh, georgia”

“nice. im jack, im from montreal.” he sticks out his hand and bittys suddenly clams up with sweat. oh no this cant be a horrible first handshake, it needs to be warm and nice

bitty decides he has to keep the mitten on, though, because that could be considered cute, right? sweat definitely couldnt. “eric,” he says, and doesnt allow himself to think about the fact that hes just put a bright red mitten in an adonis’s hand. they both seem to be running out of charm, though, so bitty muddles through

“um, they might be a little frozen from the walk over, but they should be good in a few minutes,” he says, then scurries over to his table because two weeks is way too soon to start talking

he distracts himself with literature homework to try to forget what a darn fool he just made himself out to be, but he cant completely tune out the rustling coming from the front desk as jack makes a careful display out of bittles basket and card, even allowing it to block the laminated sign warning patrons the repercussions of keeping overdue books.

a few more students trickle in, and a couple of them go for the basket, and Professor Whitmond tromps in with his two grandkids, who leave covered in powder and sprinkles, but bitty exercises all of his willpower to block it out because he cant believe he did this

but he also wonders if jack is going to take a cookie. hes obsessed with the thought of it. he needs jack to eat one of those cookies and realize that bittle is not just a pretty face. bittles entire body is on high alert, praying for it.

and then it happens. jack reaches into the basket, pulls out a cookie, and takes a bite. bittle thinks, checkmate.

he notices jack glance over at him, and bittle is now confident enough that he chances a bright smile. those cookies are good. they would never have made it out of his kitchen if they werent his best.

jack points at the cookie, his expression one of utter astonishment, and mouths, these are amazing.

bitty raises an eyebrow. i know.

jack makes another expression of astonishment, then waves bitty to go back to his studying. bitty pretends to, but really, hes wondering if bringing in a batch of cookies every friday would be too much.

(he does it anyway)

fridays become the staple of his relationship with jack. bittle brings in a basket of cookies, jack says something that makes bittle wonder if hes flirting or teasing, and bittle feels satisfaction drop into his gut as jack helps himself to the first of the bunch. there has never been a day where every cookie is not eaten.

and then jack changes the schedule. bitty comes in on friday with his usual basket, and jack says, “Eric. I had a question.” and bittles heart starts thumping in its stupid, traitorous way, and jack continues, “About these cookies...” and bitty thinks, oh great, theyre too much, hes only been pretending to like them for my benefit, enough is enough, “Would you mind making me a batch to send to Montreal? My parents want to try them.”

and bittys mind goes completely blank. Something about the way Jack says it completely straight throws bitty off guard. Because, yeah, hes caught on to the fact that Jack can be a bit socially awkward, but this definitely takes the proverbial cake.

“Your parents?” asks Bittle. “How do they know about my cookies?”

“I told them,” says jack, as if its obvious. “We call every friday night, and I always talk about your cookies.”

Bitty’s mind hurriedly re-writes his knowledge of the past few weeks to include the fact that Jack From The Library Has Been Speaking To His Parents About His Cookies And Now Jack’s Parents (IN MONTREAL!) Want To Eat Them.

“So, would that be too weird?” asks Jack.

“Not at all!” says Bitty, laughing slightly because hes terrified. “I can bring some in tomorrow if youd like!”

Its only when Jack smiles that Bitty feels relieved, like hes successfully navigated a minefield correctly. “Thatd be great!” says Jack. “I’ll pay you, if you want, to cover the cost of the ingredients-”

Bitty waves him away. “That’s not necessary, Jack, I’d love to.”

he goes to his seat and cuts his study time in half because he cant stop freaking out about making baked goods for jacks parents, who have never met him, and need to decide within their first taste whether bittle has any worth in their sons life

hes up half the night, and it definitely shows on his face when he brings into the library the next day. all he wants to do is say get them out of my sight.

jack accepts them with a confused look on his face, thanks bittle as bittle marches to his table and begins spreading out his books

oh yeah, and bitty has been getting weirdly good grades since all this started?? it turns out that bi-weekly flirting is the perfect reward for someone who needs to study more. his test scores have gone up dramatically, and even his GPA has gotten a modest boost.

thats only the secondary goal here, though, his real goal has always been getting jack to notice him

for three days, including baking night, bittle sleeps horribly, angsting over what jacks parents - whoever they even are - will think of his cookies. on monday, he gets his answer

“Eric!” jack greets as bittle walks into the library. hes smiling wide. “ive been told to tell you that youre moving to montreal to become my parents’ personal dessert chef.”

relief smacks into bitty like a forty-pound fist. he feels slightly whoozy. “they liked them?” he repeats.

jack just stares at him. “Eric. Have you ever had one of your cookies before.”

“No, I mean, well, yes, obviously I have, but it’s just that I’m always worried whenever new people try them that they’ll hate them, and since baking is the only thing I’m really good at, it’s important to me that people, you know, like my stuff.”

“Eric,” Jack says, for what feels like the thousandth time. “Everything you make is incredible. And baking isn’t all you’re good at. You study like a champion.” He offers Eric a fist bump.

Eric takes it for what it is, a sign of friendship, as he belatedly registers that Jack just called his baking skills amazing. Even if the boy is straight, he knows how to play Eric like a fiddle. And Eric is just gone enough to let it happen.

spring weather is finally setting in, and bitty starts to think about just how many days hes spent in the library this year, all so he can gawk at a boy he doesnt have a chance with. all this time, and he couldve been actually out there looking for someone who will genuinely be with him and make him happy.

he stops going to the library on a tuesday. by friday, he feels bad because the people on campus have come to expect his cookies every week, and he owes it to them to keep their stomachs satisfied with finals approaching. he makes a batch, not knowing what hes going to say to jack, or if jack will even care that bitty has been out by the pond enjoying his afternoons with his friends instead of hanging out inside.

he walks in with his basket, and jack seems to look both relieved and slightly cross. “Eric,” he says, because thats all he ever says. “You haven’t been here.”

Bitty shrugs. “I made cookies,” he says, and offers Jack the basket.

Jack’s brow furrows. “Is something wrong?” he asks.

“No,” says Bitty, which, because he doesn’t know what on Earth he’s feeling, is almost the truth.

Somewhat stunned into silence, Jack accepts the basket Bitty offers him and watches Bitty leave again. Bitty walks until he’s out of sight of the library, then sits on the nearest bench and wipes his eyes. He’s being ridiculous. There was literally never even anything between him and Jack. It was all made up in Bitty’s head, a fabrication based on a few standard conversations and lies garnered by baked goods. Maybe Bitty is crying because he’s such a fool. Why did he waste so much time on a needless fantasy? What was wrong with him.

“Well,” he mumbles to himself, standing. “At least your grades went up.”

this is the part where he looks up, hoping that jack might have followed him and was now waiting, out of breath, to say something meaningful and restore all of bitty’s hopes. but the sidewalk is empty, and bitty is left exactly like normal--creating a version of jack that doesnt exist based on the picture he has in his head

he goes back at the end of the day, when he knows jack will be gone, to collect his cookie basket from the library. a boy named chris hands it to him. “yeah, thanks for bringing these in today!” says chris. “the guy i work with seemed kinda down, so i think he needed a pick me up. i mean, he said that theyre for the patrons, but i got him to eat one, and i could tell he even felt better afterwards. theyre super good! i mean, i always ate them, i didnt know jack didnt, but-”

“thanks,” said bitty. he thought that if he didnt interrupt, this young man would never have stopped talking. “er, thats sweet of you.”

so for three weeks, bitty only comes in on fridays to drop off cookies. he and jack dont say a lot to each other. but as bittys mood steadily improves, jacks mood steadily worsens.

im healing, bitty thinks as he walks in on the third friday. that wasnt healthy, eric, it was sensible to get out of that.

“hey jack,” he says happily, setting the basket of cookies on the counter. “special delivery.”

jack squints at him for a moment, with a smile that seems more like a grimace. “thanks,” is all he says. he says it in a very particular way. flat. thanks.

bitty’s brow furrows. he thinks about asking, but he grew up in the hospitable south, where the popular motto was let everyone get on with their own business or get cussed out for pryin’. “um. youre welcome.”

he almost walks out, then shouts screw it! in his mind and turns around. “are you mad or somethin’?”

jack looks up as though feigning ignorance. all the lines on his face look hard. he sighs. “no, eric. its nothing to worry about. thanks for the cookies.”

“because my mama used to teach me lessons in passive aggressive bullshit when i used her pan sheets without askin’.”

“its nothing. its me. have a good day.”

“only she never tried to brush me off when i wanted to talk to her about it.”

jack considers him. “you dont come into the library anymore,” he admitted. “im not mad at you, im just... grumpy.”

bitty has to fight hard to keep his heart bolted down. he misses his friend, he tells himself. do. not. read. into. it.

“Oh,” says Bitty. “I, um. I didn’t mean to make you upset. Er. Have you been reading anything good recently?”

jack defrosts a little and they have a nice conversation about the true crime novel jacks gotten into. bitty feels a little bad for ghosting him, and maybe he misjudged things a little by saying there was nothing there, because hey certainly got along well, but he wasnt naive enough to think there was any use kidding himself about something romantic.

by the end of it, jacks laughing, and eric finds it in himself to giggle along too, and it feels like a nice resolution. maybe you cant have it all, eric thinks, but you can have this.

he bids jack goodbye, feeling better about the whole mess, glad that he said something.

at the end of the day, chris returns bittys basket, and bitty cant help but ask how jack was today. all chris says is, “Glowing.”

For the first time, bitty and jack run into each other outside the library. theyre at the campus coffee shop, perhaps both gearing up for finals week, and jack is leaving just as bitty is entering.

“Eric,” says Jack, genuinely smiling. Bitty’s smile is also completely real.

“Jack.”

“It’s weird, but it just kind of clicked for me that you’re a real person,” says Jack, then makes a soft face of pain. “I mean, obviously you’re a real person, but I’d only ever seen you at the library before. Now that we’re somewhere else-”

“I get it,” bitty assures him. “Are you working there next year, too?”

Jack shrugs. “Who knows? I’d like to, but someone with work-study might take my place. I’m always getting yelled at for reading when I should be re-shelving books. And I get cookie dust all over the counter on Fridays.”

Blushing, Eric says, “That is entirely your fault and no one else is responsible for that.”

“Not at all.” He’s still smiling, which Bitty thinks is ridiculous. “Are you doing anything right now?”

Bitty gestures to the line ahead of him. “Buying coffee,” he says.

“Anything else?” Jack clarifies. Bitty shakes his head. “I’ll wait with you. We can sit down and drink it together.”

He has to know what he’s doing, Bitty thinks. Once again, blind hope fills his chest and Bitty says, “Sure. That’d be nice.”

by the time their cups are drained, theyre too deep in conversation to move. when a pause comes, however, jack clears his throat. “Um. Actually. Eric. I, um, just wanted to clarify something, because I think I didn’t before.”

Bitty sighs dramatically. “I knew it. You’re using me because your parents want more cookies.”

Jack’s laugh is music for Bitty’s soul. “They seriously have not stopped asking about you since I sent those cookies. I didn’t know what to say to them when you stopped coming to the library.”

Bitty turns a little quieter. “Sorry about that,” he says. not because he feels sorry for not going, but because hes sorry that jack was hurt because of it.

“It’s okay, Eric, really,” Jack says, and hes so earnest that bitty believes he means it. “Anyway, what I wanted to say was, I think I didn’t clarify that when I asked you to sit down. You know. With our coffees. I sort of intended that to be. You know. Asking you out for coffee. Because I think you’re great.”

Bitty’s heart starts beating triple-time. His eyes turn to saucer plates. “This entire time, I was trying so hard to convince myself that you would never be into me!” he all but shouts. “I couldn’t deal with having a crush on a straight boy so I avoided the library like the plague.”

Jack blinks. “I never told you I was straight, Eric.” It’s not a reprimand, but it also totally is. Bitty puts his head in his hands.

“I thought I was being a fool for one thing,” he says, “but I was being a fool for something else entirely. I am so sorry, Jack.”

“You could make it up to me by letting me buy your coffee next time.”

Eric peeks at him through the gaps in his fingers. “Don’t try to fool me into thinking you’re smooth, Mr. Zimmermann. I know you too well.”

#what even is bittys name why does he have so many good luck following that #zimbits #zimbits au #thats all i got on this one otherwise i will be literally incapable of shutting the fuck up and this will go on far longer than anyone wants #(it already has done that tho)#eric bittle #jack zimmermann #omgcp #check please #library au #fuck you this is 3k words ive spent two hours on it im not proofreading deal with it

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royalxweirdo · 7 years

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Wtf, Netflix??!

I am about to fucking RANT! 😂😂😂

❗️❗️Spoilers for the Death Note movie ahead (if you haven’t already seen it)❗️❗️ _====================_

Okay, so… I haven’t done a review on anything in almost a year, but that isnt the reason I literally can’t think of a way to start my review on this, besides “FUCK THIS REMAKE!”. I really wanted to start this review (and any reviews i do) off in a more… i guess “professional” way, but there’s absolutely no way I can think of besides that. I’m probably going to skip around a but, all in all i wanna try to keep events in order. So starting from him just sitting there watching the football players and cheerleaders practice, the Death Note falls, blah blah blah, and then a random storm just happens, at first I’m thinking maybe they did that as a excuse for the DN showing up, so i let that slide, although i know its an Americanized remake, i would’ve really liked for them to at least keep him seeing the DN fall from the window in his classroom the same as the anime/manga, I digress though. Then theres the random fight and Mr. Turner (I’m not even gonna fucking call him Light… he doesn’t deserve it) tries to jump in and “save” this girl from these bullies, he gets knocked out and then gets in trouble for doing other people’s work & gets detention 😐… Kay. So this is where I start drifting away from it. Instead of “Turner” meeting Ryuk in his bedroom like he does in the anime, Ryuk shows up in the classroom and to add another layer of bullshit… “Turner” proceeds to scream like a baby back bitch. Thankfully Willem Dafoe was there to actually add something to that scene. Ryuk then makes “Turner” use the DN on the bully that knocked him out (I have to say i kind of enjoyed that scene, strictly for gore lol). Afterwards, he goes home and has a particularly awkward dinner with his Dad to set up his reason (His mom’s murder) to use the DN to rid the world of criminals like his Mother’s killer. Okay, good enough I guess, but then the scene after is where i was completely fucking done. He goes to to talk to Mia Sutton (Misa, who is now his classmate instead of a ‘Kira’ obsessed celeb🙄) and flat out tells her about the DN, lets her watch him kill someone and then brings her back to his house so they can grope each other. Now to get started on my problem with Mia/Misa in general, the first problem of course being the name change. Secondly, as I stated before, she’s his classmate and he is romantically interested in her. In the anime/manga/other live action remakes, Light Yagami used Misa and wasn’t interested in her in any way other than a pawn. He was supposed to be ready to throw her life away like a squished spider wrapped in tissue, the second she fucked up. They completely disregarded something that we are supposed to be consistently reminded of so it shows he is a power crazed nut job with a God Complex. Third, Mia/Misa shares “Turner’s” DN. She doesn’t find one and meet Rem. Which was a fucking critical part in his killing L and clearing his name (she also doesn’t get the shinigami eyes, which was upsetting to me because they were awesome in general lol). Basically Mia/Misa is a sidekick he makes out with and she occasionally gets to write in the Note🤷🏽‍♀️. Shortly after, they find a way to come up with the name Kira and the killing spree ensues. This is where the fucking beacon of hope comes in, people! KEITH MOTHER FUCKING STANFEILD aka L. Lawliett finally enters stage right, and I honestly almost didn’t make it this far, but my overwhelming want to see Keith body his part as L kept me going strong, and he did not disappoint! The mannerisms were spot on, he eats sweets almost every waking minute, the way he sits, slouches, and take off his shoes almost every where is fucking perfect, and also the scene where “His” dad comes to meet L and Watari hands him an ice cream come upon arrival (i was actually happy to see that they did that part, even with the changes to the scene). The only problem i had was with the press conference scene. I would’ve really liked to have seen them do the part where he sets up a criminal on death row and has Light kill him on live TV, mostly because that was where you really see the first small glimpse of just how cunning L is, and that, in turn, sets up the epic Potato Chip scene 😂. “Turner” ends up being followed and they stop writing in the note for a little bit. Mia suggests they kill the person following him and he disagrees, thats when the dynamic changes with Mia & “Turner”. She takes matters into her own hands and kills off “Turner’s” father’s team of detectives. They hold another press conference and this time his father is the one speaking. Mia suggests they kill his fucking father😐. For lack of a better description… im just going to say ‘thats where shit hits the fan’ (although shit hit the fan long before L even appeared). They don’t kill his dad and thats how L finds out “Turner” is Kira. L finds him in a small diner and tells him he knows he is Kira… “Turner” proceeds to fucking dry snitch on himself THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION.!! If it was that easy in the actual anime/manga… the shit would’ve been over in season 1, probably about 10 eps in. So after that painful scene Light decides to use Watari to get L’s name by writing Watari’s name in the DN, but he only has 2 days to do it and Watari will die. He sends Watari out to find the orphanage he grew up in and find his file so he can give “Turner” L’s real name, he tries to use one of the DN’s rules (If the page with the name is burned before time is up, they dont die) as a loophole to save Watari before he dies, but he can only use that one time on one person. L finds out Watari is gone, goes batshit and heads to “Turner’s” house with the force right behind him. Mia is asked to leave so she heads upstairs. She, of course, eavesdrops and while “Turner’s” dad is busy choke-holding the fuck out of L, she runs upstairs to do sneaky shit. The police raid the house to find the DN, but Mia has it. The next day, theres a dance and thats where she decides to give it back to “Turner”. He heads somewhere to check up on Watari’s progress and he starts to say “forget it” when he thinks Watari isnt going to find it in time. “Turner” goes to find the page with his name on it and lo & behold, it’s not there, Watari is shot and killed. Light does a little writing himself, and when he goes back to the dance he confronts Mia and she hits him with the bullshit! She ripped out he the page AND wrote “Turner’s” name in the book. Im not going to lie to you… I was shook 😂. She tells light to bring her the book and relinquish it to her and then she’ll burn the page with his name on it. This kinda pissed me off because Light wouldn’t have even let this shit escalate this far, Misa would’ve been dealt with the moment he sensed any type of insubordination. He does do some smart shit and ends up living in the end but the way it happens is all over the place… its just… bullshit, like the rest of the movie. The ending…. im just going to sum this bullshit up. “Turner” gets the book, the police come, he has to go to the ferris wheel to meet Mia, he gets chased by L, some crazy Kira fan knocks L upside the head with a 2x4 and “Turner” gets on he ferris wheel with Mia after making sure no one else gets on. Mia finds out he wrote her name in the book and she would die if she took the book from him, the ferris wheel fucks up and Mia falls to her death after “accidentally” ripping the page with “Turner’s” name on it out of the DN, and it, all too conveniently, falls into a burning trashcan *gasp*. L finally gets there after waking up, sees the page burning and reads it before its gone. “Turner” falls into the ocean, is eventually saved and hospitalized and the DN is returned to him by one of his pawns. His dense ass father shows up and finally puts 2+2 together, which is where he tells his dad everything. Meanwhile, L finds out where Mia hid the page with Watari’s name on it. Theres a cliff hanger where L is contemplating writing “Turner’s” name on the page. Ryuk laughs, “Turner” asks why and then Ryuk says “ You humans are so interesting.”, then it ends.

This was so underwhelming it was upsetting to me. It leapt over so much of the original plot and changed so much that I almost didn’t even make it to the scene L was introduced. The only reason I even watched until the end was my unbridled want to see Keith Stanfeild play Lawliett and to see how Willem Dafoe did portraying Ryuk, and to say “they did good” is a FUCKING UNDERSTATEMENT! They were the saving faces if the entire movie. There are people out there that actually enjoyed the movie and thats okay, to each their own, but I could not deal. They get brownie points for the gore, Ryuk’s design, and Keith & Willem’s performance. Other than that, it was steaming garbage. To end this review/rant, I would just like to reiterate what I said at the beginning. Fuck. This. Remake!

That is all…😒

#Death Note #Death Note Movie #netflix #this movie sucked #wtf #light turner #like...#fucking seriously?!

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shakespearean-tc · 5 years

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Teacher Crush Background

Originally posted March 29th, 2019 Some background on me and A.

I know that like, I haven’t known him for 2 or 3 years like others in the community, but… I dunno I really needed to get my story out because keeping this in is so hard

He started teaching at my high school around late January. He’s small for a guy, like 5′ 5-6″. I’m almost 5′ 10″ so??? theres an issue haha but hes adorable. We’re 6 years apart? Does this even matter? Who knows.

Anyway, he began as our student teacher and I seriously thought that he was such a dork at the beginning. It was an endearing thought, but he seemed so quirky? Which isn’t a bad thing but he had sO MuCH ENERGy. hes a millenial so like he knows all of the memes and vines and omg i just- Yeah. He’s a good teacher and he’s gone through some rough stuff, but he’s just??? Such a wonderful guy.

Eventually, I found out he was a huge nerd? i was just talking about Legend of Zelda with my friend and he just literally like I swear to god, his ears perked up and he was like “Yo were you just talking about Majora’s Mask?” And i was like “Uh wow, yeah i was how tf did you-” “OMG I LITERALLY LOVE THAT GAME SO MUCH ITS MY FAVORITE”

But I guess??? I’ll just like share some times when I really was like “omg i think i have a crush” because why tf not i dunno what the heck im doing

1- This is like 2 weeks in since he’s been teaching us. We were doing an exercise so that we could work on our natural reactions, yeah? You would say a word and the other people in your group would answer with the first word that came to mind. Because in theatre, it’s really difficult to fake a genuine reaction to something and also because improvisation my dudes

But anyhow, I was bored and I just kinda was like “Trauma.” And my friend, E, goes, “PTSD” and then my other friend just yells “TYLER” and A just leaped up and was like “CONCERN?!??!?!” and so he just walked over and we were laughing so hard i could hardly breathe, but he just looked at us, slightly concerned, and my friend made some stupid comment, I cant even remember what it was but i started laughing even harder that i snORTED and he looked at me and I just went bright red and he started laughing SO HARD THAT HE WAS ALMOST CRYING and we finally calmed down and i just kinda mumbled “omg i hate my laugh that was awful” and he just smiled at me and was like “Hey, don’t. it’s real and it’s an awesome laugh. i love it.”

2- This was probably about a month in or so. Middle of February. He started out coming to class dressed like?? Really nice, and hes got long hair so he always wore it in a ponytail. He was in like slacks and dress shirt, tie, etc, etc. I always thought it was kinda cute, but then one day, out of the blue- He shows up to class with his hair down, jeans, sneakers, a zelda shirt and this really nice leather jacket- i swear to god he walked into class and i like glanced up from my sketchbook and had to do a friggin double take??? He looked like a different man??? but he looked so much more comfortable like jeez wow he looked so nice, and now he dresses like this all the time

3- One day after class, i was packing up my stuff, and it was just me and him in the classroom. out of the blue he started coughing really hard and really bad and i like dropped everything and was like “OmG ARE YOU OKAY DO YOU NEED HELP” and he just kinda shook his head, and drank some water. after a minute he turned to me, and was like “No, im ok, im okay” and i was like “okay, but??? are you sure??? that scared me” and he sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose and said “listen, idk if ill tell the rest of the class, but… you cant tell anyone about this because its embarrassing.” and i was here thinking “wtf is it??” and he says “I have Cystic fibrosis (ill refer to this as CF later on in my blog posts at some points).” and i looked at him all weird and was like “what is that” and he tells me “its hard to explain but basically my lungs dont work right and its hard for me to breathe a lot of the time.” and i just “how come ive never heard of it?” He says “Its really rare. its a life threatening disease, and i dont like to tell many people about it because i feel like they treat me like im delicate and fragile, and i dont want to be treated like that. please don’t tell anyone else.” and i smiled softly and nodded. “Okay I won’t. Just… let me know if you need help.” He smiled at me. “Thanks M. Will do. Have a good day.”

4- In late February. We were working on memorising our scenes that we had written and one of the other groups had just finished theirs. it was a very sad scene and he was like “Ouch, right in my feels. good job guys.” And he started walking out of the room, when one of the girls was talking to me and said “yeah, were gonna have her die in the end” and by now, A is out of the room, but i hear like a very soft thumpthumpthumpthump and he runs back into the room and yells “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’VE DONE THIS” and runs out, leaving the rest of us dying of laughter. (another time me and my friend were quoting vines and she goes “say colorado!” and he runs up behind up and just “IM A GIRAFFE”)

We’re really good friends, always talking after class and sharing jokes. He sometimes rants with me after school.

I guess this last one is when I realised I was… almost falling in love with him. I know it sounds so silly, but idk its nice to finally be able to say it.

This was the 1st of March. It was the night we were performing our scenes, and there was like 100-150 people in the audience. I have bad stage fright, but what you need to know is that I had a boyfriend a few years back who killed himself, and sometimes I see people that look like him, and i almost get… triggered?? Idk how to explain it but i break down. Anyway, we were backstage and I was helping one of the groups carry off their props when, for some reason, I looked out into the audience and I froze. Because in my eyes, there was a man sitting there that looked identical to my dead boyfriend. I started to shake, and I dropped the prop I was holding. Luckily the lights were almost completely out, so the audience could hardly see anything. My friend grabbed me and the prop and dragged me off stage. I got out into the hall next to the theatre and i just stood there, like a deer in headlights. the hall was almost completely empty, and my friend was like “are you alright?” i told her i was fine, and that I just needed a minute. she went back into the theatre to watch the other groups perform. i was alone in the hall now, and everything hit me like a brick. i began to get really dizzy and i started to lean against the wall. every time i closed my eyes, all i saw was that man, and i started to sob. i was shaking and i felt like i was going to die. i was already really anxious about our scene, and i was hitting the wall with my fist because i was kinda mad at myself. my boyfriend had been dead for about a year, and i got so upset with myself when i thought about it because i blamed myself for everything and i felt stupid because he’d been gone for so long. my knuckles started to bleed and thats when I heard the backstage door shut and I whipped my head around to see A there. I quickly tried to wipe away my tears and pretend like I was fine. He looked at me, and the rest went as such:

A: “M? What’s the matter? Why are you crying? Are you okay?” Me: “Yeah, I’m fine. Totally fine. Peachy. I’m great.”

I laughed and I wiped more tears from my eyes, but the salt started to sting my bleeding knuckles. I hissed in pain, and his eyes widened. He grabbed my hand.

A: “M? What… Why are your knuckles bleeding? You’re- You’re crying. You’re obviously not alright.”

I laughed again, shaking my head.

Me: “No. I’m fine.” A: “Your knuckles are bleeding. You are NOT fine. Please. Tell me. What’s going on?”

I took a deep breath, and I heard the other door open. The other group must’ve been finished with their scene. Some of the other kids began filing out and I tried to make it look like I hadn’t been crying.

“Excuse me?” I heard someone ask.

A and I both turned around. And lo, and behold. That man. was right there. I dont know his name. i know nothing about him. but he was a spitting image of my boyfriend. “Do you know when (name of my classmate) is performing her scene? She’s my younger sister, and I’ve got to get home soon, but I don’t want to miss it.” He informed us.

I turned around again, trying not to freak out while A told him that they would be on stage soon. The man went back into the theatre, along with my classmates. I was choking back tears and A must’ve noticed. A: “M? Are you sure you’re okay? You look like a deer in headlights.” Me: “Who is he? I- I don’t want to see him again, he looks like- like-” At this point in time, I couldn’t hold much back. I began to cry all over again and A sat me down against the wall. I told him everything. I told him about my boyfriend, the suicide, my anxiety, how I was so scared to get on stage, and that I couldn’t handle seeing that man. I told him all of it. When I was done, he reached for his shirt collar and pulled out a locket. He opened it, showing it to me. A: “Do you see her?” There was a young woman in the photo with A, and they were both laughing.

Me: “She’s pretty. Who is she?” A: “My sister. She passed away from CF when I was 16. I wear this locket to remind me of her and how she was one of the only people who believed in me, especially when no one else did. Everyday, it keeps me strong, and reminds me that I can go through hard things and make it out alright in the end. Now, I want you to listen closely. First of all, your boyfriend’s suicide was NOT your fault, okay? No matter what. It was his decision, and I know that he wouldn’t want you to spend your entire life blaming yourself for something he chose. Second, you have no reason to be scared on stage. I’ve seen you trying so hard to get your lines memorised and become this character. You’re such an amazing actress and you’ve no reason to feel uneasy. Stage fright is hard. It really is.” He grabbed my hands at this point. “But you are AMAZING. And you are going to be so wonderful up there on stage. I have faith in you M.”

I swallowed, and nodded, wiping my eyes. He stood up, and helped me stand up. A: “Now c’mon. Let’s go see if we can find some bandaids for your hands.” We both went to the classroom, found some bandaids and cleaned off my hands. When it came time for our scene, he wished me good luck. For once, I felt confident. I felt like I was alright. After the entire show was over, we were cleaning up the stage. My friends were waiting outside for me by my car and I went over to A. He set down the prop he was holding and turned to me, smiling. A: “You were great! I told you that you could do it!” Me: “Thanks A. I just wanted to let you know that tonight meant a lot to me. I was really upset and anxious, but you made me feel a lot better. You’re a great teacher, and I’m so glad that you’re with us.” He smiled really big. A: “Thanks M. That means a lot to me. You have a lot of potential, and I love talking with you. Have a good night.” I bid him farewell, and since then? Things have been different. We’re… friends, I suppose. We talk after class more often, we have intellectual discussions over email, we share an emotional bond. I guess that’s when I really realised I was basically in love with him. He’s one of the only people in my life who I can feel completely comfortable around, someone that I trust with basically everything. He makes me feel special and of worth, and I know it all sounds so silly, but I really adore him. Thanks for reading this whole big long post, i guess

i really like the tcc community to be honest, even though im remotely new to it. a lot of people seem really cool if you ever want to rant to me or just talk, im here to listen!

#teacher crush #teacher x student #tcc #tcc blog #tcc community #teacher #student #student teacher #tc

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sassmastercas · 7 years

Text

I hate you, I love you

Title: I hate you, I love you (part 2)

Part 1 here

Word Count: 1,324

Pairing: Cas x Reader

Series Summary: (This is a very crappy summary I’m sorry XD) After a killer hunt with Cas, the Reader is starting to realize the true depth of her feelings for her angel friend. Instead of talking about it though, she takes the Winchester way out and tries to drink away her feelings, which of course doesn’t work. All the alcohol does is leave her vulnerable to strangers with mal-intentions and to a flood of feelings she can’t seem to shake. Little does the Reader know that this one night at the bar will change everything.

A/N: I am so sorry if this isn’t as great as it could have been, it’s been such a long time since I wrote that I practically had to start back at square one. This was inspired by the song, I hate you, I love you by Gnash. Also, for those who don’t recognize this url, my previous was supernaturaltookover. As always, feedback is welcome and much much much appreciated. <3 Let me know if you’d like to be tagged, tags are at the bottom.

Warnings: None

It had been over a month and a half since you last spoke to Cas, and over a month and a half since you last had a decent night’s sleep, even after long and brutal hunts. Every second you were left alone with your thoughts was plagued with theories about what Cas could be doing with Hannah, the things they could be complaining about regarding humans, the sights he would be taking time to see ,despite their eminent mission, with her by his side because such wonders would only be accessible by angels. Whenever you managed to shake that dread away, all you could think about was how one night with Cas changed you forever; you would never love anyone with so much passion like how you loved him, nor would anyone ever hurt you as much as he did.

Every day was a constant battle to keep yourself from going insane, but luckily you weren’t alone in it. All your best friend had to do to expunge all the details from about what happened that night was use his puppy-dog eyes. They work every single time and on anyone, you were no exception. Sam had known about your feelings for Cas since the very beginning so telling him was no big deal, its Dean you still had to get in the loop.

The Winchesters were your family and you loved both of them to death, but you had always been a bit closer to Sam than you had been to Dean given that you met him first when Dean was in purgatory. Getting close to Dean definitely took longer but now you wouldn’t know what you’d do without him. Hell, not only has Dean saved your life more times than you could count but he’s even helped you get dates a while and a half ago, unknowing that all you really needed was a distraction from your true feelings. It killed you not telling Dean, but you knew that if he knew, he would spill to Cas. Even if you did manage to get Dean to keep his mouth shut, Cas would be able to sense that he was hiding something because of their “more profound bond”. You would have avoided telling Dean entirely if you didn’t have a new feeling of dread caused by the fact that you hadn’t bleed in over a month and a half, since the last time you were with Cas.

Every corner of your brain was telling you it was impossible for an angel and a human to conceive, but your gut was telling you otherwise. Even though none of the signs were there, you still couldn’t help but feel…hope… believe that you could possibly be a mother. Ever since you choose to give up the 9-5 to save people from all the big, the bad, and the ugly in the world, you knew you had to give up the prospects of the apple pie life. But for the first time in a long, long time, you felt a little shroud of hope that maybe theres still a chance for you to have that life. And with that hope came the fear that you would have to raise that life alone.

All of this had just kept eating at you for weeks until finally one early morning while making breakfast you decided to put all your fears and doubt to rest with the stupid white stick with the pink end.

It was supposed to be a lazy Saturday morning, but since no news had popped about more “words of god” in weeks, everyone was getting pretty antsy. Luckily, Dean found a case not a few hours from the bunker so that’s where you were all headed around noon. But of course your thoughts wouldn’t let you sleep, so after slaving for a couple hours at 5 am in the kitchen making a pumpkin pancake mix from scratch, shredding potatoes for hashbrowns, and putting the frittata in the oven to cook, you decided it was the perfect time to take the pregnancy test: the boys were sleeping and wouldn’t be awake for a few hours, all of the breakfast prep was done, and once you knew everything was normal, you would be able to sleep comfortably in the car for a few hours.

The few minutes you had to wait after you peed on the stick felt like hours, all you could do was pace back forth in the bathroom, feeling the cool ceramic tiles on the soles of your feet. You hadn’t even noticed you were biting the nail of your thumb, probably ingesting the splotches of black nail polish that remained after weeks, until you heard the ding of the oven so loud it startled you out of your thoughts.

You ran to kitchen to pull your frittata out of the oven; there was no way you were going to let it burn, especially since you made it with extra bacon, just for Dean. Plus, it would only take 30 seconds to take it out and put it on the stove top to cool.

Lo and behold, a minute later you were back on your way to the bathroom to let a little white stick tell you what you already knew. As you pushed open the white wooden bathroom door, instead of finding the pregnancy test on the counter of the porcelain sink where you left it, you found it in Sam’s hand, his eyes what you imagined were riddled with sleep before were now awake with shock.

“What are you doing awake?!” you exasperated, “and give me that” you snatched the pregnancy test from his hands.

Before you took a look at the gray LCD screen, Sam half questioned, half stated, “You’re pregnant?!”

You looked down to see the screen showing 2 black lines. You felt as if the ground had dissipated from beneath you and your legs just followed. Sam caught you before you hit the ground and pulled you into his chest, holding you tight. You didn’t know how long you just let your tears of happiness, joy, fear, and disbelief just stain his gray v-neck, but when you finally gained the strength to pull yourself together, you knew exactly what was coming next.

“(Y/N)… you need to tell Cas”, he coaxed.

Wiping a tear from your eye, you nodded in agreement, “I know, but I’m just not ready”. Just minutes ago you were ready to lay your life on the line to save a random stranger from the supernatural, and now you couldn’t even have a cup of coffee without worrying about the harmful effects of caffeine on the growing life inside of you. It was all so overwhelming you felt your eyes starting to water again.

“Hey,” Sam put his hand on your shoulder and stared you dead in the eye, “It’s going to be okay. I promise” he pulled you in for one last hug before he pushed you to your bedroom, assuring you that he could handle making the pancakes and telling dean that you just weren’t feeling well enough to hunt. Even though you were able to relax a little and even fall in and out of sleep for quite some time after Sam and Dean left, around midnight, you woke up to a feeling that you weren’t alone in your room.

You felt an energy creep up your body, shocking you awake just to find a badly injured, bruised and broken Cas standing on the far side of your room by the door. His trenchcoat and white shirt were stained red from blood. His once flawless face now had more unhealed scars than you did on your whole body. His eyes were flooded with pain and agony. When he opened his mouth to speak, his voice was unrecognizable. What you remembered to be strong and confident was now frail and raspy.

He only croaked two words, “Help…me…”

Tagging: @sis-tafics @d-s-winchester @deals-with-demons @teamfreewill-imagine@importantwordsgohere @sherlock44 @thegirlwiththemarkofcain

#supernatural #fan fiction #supernatural fanfiction #castiel x reader #cas x reader #Sam Winchester #dean winchester #castiel #ks writes spn

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charlesef3 · 6 years

Text

Not to be, not even a question

Damnit, i still miss her

Get over it

Nah, i love her

Man its been a year get over her

No not that stupid ass way yall mean when you say it the instant you go out with someone, i mean i honest to god love her

So what she doesnt even like you now

Maybe i can change, maybe she'll give another chance then

Shes done with you, shes onto better things

No way man i-

Look man heres the reality, regardless of how fucking 'heart-broken' you are she aint going for it, and if she did would you really wanna damn pity relationship? Honestly knowing that you love her more than she does you?

...

Look, shes special i get that. But your not, shes gonna date some fucking amazing guy or girl out there, like nobel Prize type shit, and your gonna still be the highschool fling

I know...

So why the fuck are you still agonizing over her. If you know that move the fuck on

I knew that from the get go, i shouldnt have let her convince me otherwise but i cant-

Shut the fuck up, this isnt a goddamnned story where the pauper gets the princess, fuck around, date other chicks, youll get over her

No, date one girl while wanting another? Fuck kinda bullshit is that

Well you're fucked then period

Well i could...

You could what

I honestly dont know anymore, ive tried everything, i even begged her

But i thought you didnt

But i did, for her

...dude

Wanna know the worst part?

What

The worst part is, after she broke me off like a month later she hmu wanting to get back together. And you know what my dumbass did?

Whatd you do

I said no, i said motherfucking no just because i was scared shed leave me again. Saddest part about that? I already couldnt function right without her. She was my bestfriend, my girlfriend, my everything already, yet i said no. Wait a littlw longer make sure shes sure

Damn so its your fault

Yeah, and then i had the nerve to try to aak her out a month later, and youll never guess what she said

No?

She said no, didnt tell me why just no

She waa probably already moving on talking to someone else man, itd been what? 2 months?

She was, she told me that after awhile, but honestly man? Honestly i probably couldve bounced back or maybe tried to forget her a little better had she not said that one thing

Whatd she say?

'I do still love you, not like a friend or a bestfriend, i love you'

...

Then not even 15 minutes later i fucked up

Howd you manage that this time?

I was talking to her bestfriend about everything like it was just ok to, like it wasnt on purpose, it came up in conversation while she was complaining about her first love, but my dumbass sat there talking to her going back and forth about it

... And what did the girl do when she found out?

She cut me off again, that was enough to just snip the last thread of a chance i might've had, went from maybe i could have a chance again to she wants to be strictly social media type friends, not bestfriends, not even good friends

...

And i can honestly say its all my fault you know?

...i know

It was fun though, i enjoyed every second with her, and even now stuck on her. I know id never take any of that back. She was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Probably the best thing that ever will

There's other girls out there man

None like her, shes one of a kind i promise you

...

You know, your the only one i can talk to like this

I know

Anyone else somehow itd get out, or theyd just find some reason to be mad at me and never talk to me again

I know, ive seen

Is it ok for me to just stay single for good? Everyone thinks i have hoes anyways

The way you think, until you stop loving her thats probably the best move

Ill never stop loving her

You'll never find love that'll be reciprocated then

Thats something ill have to deal with

Why, why so head over heels for her

...

What about her makes her so special from the trillions of people on this earth

Everything

Everything?

Everything, from how she liked to bury her face in my chest when she was feeling shy. To how she never would believe anything i told her not from first hand experience, hell even the way she likes to switch it up how she dresses, she goes from a couple days looking comfortable asf to a couple days belonging on a throne,

Theres plenty of girls like that out there, shes special not all that special

And then shes caring beyond belief, like god. There were times where i honestly didnt want to tell her things because shed be sad for someone elses sake you know? And jesus how she hated it when i wouldnt tell her things, i actually had to weigh out whether itd be worse to actually not tell her 😂,

...

Awe man and don't even get me started on hoe creative she is, like she honestly made me think about allot of things in a new light. Albeit she was a tad bit impatient, but even that i thought was cute asf,

...

And man she had some beautiful eyes, like honestly whoever eyes are the windows to the soul? HAD to have seen hers

...

And i hated seeing her sad dog, like that shits actually painful, like there was this one time where i was about to move right? She started crying, like honestly crying and it hurt so fucking much man, like i actually went around and had to move in with my cousin near me cause i straight couldnt deal with the thought of making her that sad

Damn dog, sounds like you had something special there

Mannnnn i haven't told even quarter of it, that would take more time than this entire conversation

LMAO chill

Lol aight aight.... But man she had the body of a goddess too 😵, like everything about her is just right, like head to toe she is gorgeous

Damn

Lol but that's enough i guess man, im depressed ats and lo and behold of course my depression hit there,

Depression? Cause of her?

Pfft, she is in no way shape or form the cause or even assistant of my depression. She was one of maybe 2 people i trusted to help me deal with it

Ah damn ok

Well shit it was a little relieving talking to myself but now its time to bury this conversation under a ton of aesthetic pictures

Why?

Because everyone i trust with this kinda info about me invariably leaves me, one reason or another after having a convo like this they just *poof* , its at the point where i dont even trust them to read it and not disappear

Damn dog

Its cool though, i still got a bit of time before the pressure kills me

Yeah but we need someone

...

We do

Like i said, burying this whole thing, you get the morale though, whatever else. We still love her, and we always will

Yeah... I guess she was kinda the best thing to happen to us

Goodbye, and goodluck

Thanks man we need it...

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