Absolutely gorgeous commission I got from @deannamb

I've been staring at this all week and I'm still speechless at how beautiful this turned out.

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 2 - Psyche Skills

Part 1 - Part 3

;3

"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.

I've decided the only reason Lloyd, known descendant of dragons, didn't tell this to Egalt, who refuses to train non-dragons, is for the same reason he never mentioned he's the First Spinjitsu Master's grandson. It just never came up. Nobody asked him directly about it. And besides, he's only like, one-fourth dragon, so does it really count? He doesn't look like a dragon, and he has never in his life considered himself a dragon. Mentioning his ancestry to Egalt probably would've just made him look like some hotshot, or make him more annoyed. There's no need to bring up such a silly little fact. He's sure it won't be important later.

man, reading ch3 was a ride, it's like all fun and jokes and then all of sudden, Nope! It's time to be sad now! but it's so good with it? like, I really enjoyed how seriously you took it, and that moment in the classroom was really like 'oh shit this is legit' in a way that had my heart just sinking in my chest and with the tone whiplash from the rest of the fic so far, it was just literally so good to read. also, seeing byleth and the rest of the class just kinda grapple with wth to do with dimitri while he's deep in this episode is just very interesting, especially when they all have their own hangups and issues with everything. 👍

YESSSSS. I'm always so excited to post the moment the story actually kicks into gear, and this chapter was it for Weekenders. A lot of fun.

I wrote a post a while back about people's discomfort with writing severe mental illness,

and while I wouldn't say Weekenders is a spite fic, it was influenced by how difficult it was to find non-modern AU fic that wrote Dimitri specifically as somebody on the schizophrenia spectrum/bipolar.

It was so hit-me-over-the-head obvious while I was playing! His entire personality and behavior flipped on a DIME in Part 1, and it flipped 'back' in Part 2. He couldn't switch topics, he was ranting incoherently, he was having headaches, he was doing nothing but training, he obviously wasn't sleeping or grooming, he was convinced a 12yo had orchestrated an assasination - that's not depression/anxiety/PTSD, and it's not even just a psychotic episode (mania does have elements of psychosis, hence the paranoid delusions). And, obviously, the actual hallucinations, delusions, antisocialness, lack of grooming, impulsivity, etc, of Part 2 that rang very loudly of a schizophrenic/schizoaffective psychotic break.

But equally important is the fact that Dimitri's illness did not make him hateful and homicidal. Dimitri was always a hateful person. I don't think he's naturally hateful nearly to the degree that he shows while having an episode, but one of the most important lines in the BL route is when Dedue just says that Dimitri was always angry and hateful, and that he just hid it. His behavior in late Part 1/part 2 is him losing all capability to hide it. I don't think he's a pathological liar, and I don't think the Dimitri we see throughout Part 1 is 'fake' - I just think he withholds a lot. Dimitri's cruelty is just as important as his generosity. His hatred is as important as his empathy. The horrible sides of his illness are just as important as the comfortable sides. Do you see what I mean?

That is what interests me about Dimitri so much. Dimitri wants to be Marth. Dimitri tries to be Chrom. Dimitri dresses up like Roy. He is not. He is an angry, paranoid, brutal murderer. Any depiction of Dimitri that forgets that - that unironically only protrays the Dimitri that he shows the world and never the sides of him that he's ashamed of - is kinda buying what he's selling, and it both demonstrates a deep disinterest in who he is and a discomfort with the sides of his illness that aren't palatable.

Dimitri's psychosis did not make him hateful (I think his PTSD had a lot more to do with his anger problems). It made him scared. Mania and psychosis are a very, very scary experience. His mind is constantly telling him that he's in danger, that Byleth's in danger, that everybody and everything around him wants to hurt and kill him, that he is a sinner if he doesn't avenge his dead family. And Dimitri is a good child soldier, and he knows that we destroy our enemies with prejudice. He's a good leader, and he knows that the BL are never safe and that their enemies are everywhere. He's a good son, and he knows that you have to avenge them. Violence solves problems and Dimitri is scared and angry and if he doesn't solve the problem he can't protect the woman and people he loves.

This is serious to me! I'm trying not to make this THAT long but I could go ooooon lol. I understanding wanting to either make him realistically/explicitly schizophrenic OR make him violent, because violent schizophrenics are a bad and harmful stereotype. But I think both sides of him are important, because I don't want to whitewash Dimitri's illness or his experiences. It's scary for the people around you. It very frequenty is triggered from trauma and hardship and it is informed by your life. Like many characters in FE3H, Dimitri is the product of the evils of his world.

Byleth's arc in this story is about her growing into a human being. It is shown as a beautiful thing. It is wonderful to be a person. It would contradict the message of the story to show Dimitri as anything else but a human being - flaws, traumas, SMI and all. He was Marth to her. That's the point.

I went on for soooo long lol but thanks for the ask!

silly tlt stuff :3

@vincentaureliuslin @tatsumisheep3

these are actually awful pictures TwT

but we have weapons now!!!! :3

left is a real prop dagger i think? its used by an ensemble member for capture the flag and i think luke also uses it after last day of summer

right is a captuee the flag sword (the pvc sword behind it is what we use for rehearsal) and thats what most campers get for capture the flag :3 i think theyre made of wood (idk im doin hand to hand)

the sheild was flipped over :/ but im guessin thats the apollo one. theres like nine or something. one for each of the actually represented cabins? idk

anyway hopefully i can go to costuming next week. i should be able to FINALLY unless the schedule gets changed last minute. uhh i went to sets for a bit this week and i think most people are workin on the columns but we had to scavange for plywood from an old platform...and that took. over an hour :/// i might force someone in props to kidnap me so i can see the minotaur (i say that as if i dont already go to tech that im not signed up for) and maybe get pictures of the shields

I haven't napped this much since I was on antidepressants

h.

me: this will be under 10k!

the fic, only half complete: is over 10k

every time a person shows up in my notes liking or reblogging all the 12 monkeys content i have my heart grows 3 sizes like the grinch :) because nobody in my offline life has seen the whole show and at most a handful of people i know even on tumblr are familiar with it but it’s one of the best crafted stories i’ve ever been told and the rare scifi i genuinely adore and it plays with time! and morality! and somehow manages to be both tropetastic and existential at once! while also being about a fucking plague (i started watching it in 2020 because I Make Good Choices) yet it’s also funny and the best of all the things, a story of found family

tagged by @lightyaoigami <3!! rules- shuffle your 'on repeat' playlist and list the first ten songs, then tag ten people!

Hayloft II - Mother Mother

You Stupid Bitch - Girl In Red

Char - Crystal Castles

Letter From A Thief - Chevelle

Cigarettes & Feelings - The Haunt

Permanent Reblellion - L.S. Dunes

I Hope You're Happy - Blue October

Guilt - Radical Face

The Middle - Jimmy Eats World

Interlude: I'm Not Angry Anymore - Paramore

tagging @cat-boy-girl @oberon-vortigern @mothscales @tuffcatdad @taekonaut @backalleysamurai @apheliavampire @chiefyartsreblogs @ohkaiden @l3irdl3rain & anyone that wants to join in!! <3

internet safety is a wonderful thing and so important and i love being safe online soooooo much

*grips my pen violently trying to do lineart* dont make another brozone au dont do it dont make it based off persona shadows DONT-

(more ranting about it in the tags cause if i did it here we'd be lookin at paragraphs of text and that aint the vibe today)

i think about allie s/tevens all the time i'm so sorry

school ki yaad aa rahi hai