#and idk it was just so weird and surreal ?!?! like u guys.. last year i was SO WHIPPED for him omg😫😅 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jonnnysuh · 2 years

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life update:

⭐️hi friends!! it's been a long time since i've posted anything but i noticed that in the time of my hiatus i accumulated quite a bit of followers so i wanted to reacquaint myself to u guys! // if you've been curious as to what i've been up to the last couple of months (omggg you're so nosy jk) here is an update

I got my license!! I'm on roads SKRRRT. I'm slowly getting confidence to drive alone to places but it's been fun having the freedom to go anywhere and know I always have the option to drive. ((I also bring around a small blue octopus plushy as a passenger on days I gotta travel by myself))

Along with getting my license, I've become more outgoing. I used to identify as a super introvert/homebody but now I actually enjoy going out and gotta do it at least once a week

I AM GRADUATING!!!!!!!!! The beginning and the middle of the semester was super hard because I was truly giving up. I had no motivation to do anything. I felt like I had no personal time and I didn’t know what to do. I was coming to peace with the idea of taking another semester or year of university. Spending time with my friends and just having talks about this stress gave me the strength to push myself. I'm the type of girl that tries again so I kept telling myself "it's not over til it's over" and tried my best until the end of the semester and I did it!!! Ya girl will be walking across a stage to get her diploma in JUNE eeeeee.

I learned to not just readjust but stand up for myself at my internship!!! Long story short: it was a messy place and I still stood my ground

I actually made some friends in my last semester of school!! idk if any of you remember but I was super nervous to go to school for the first time in two years, but I was grouped with people I really loved. We even went to an escape room together when the semester ended❤️ ((we made our projects weird as fuck but it made it sooo worth it))

I assistant directed and cowrote a music video for an up-and-coming artist with one of my closest friends. It was a surreal experience and done within a two week turnaround time and it was crazy but so fun

I finally feel comfortable with how I look. I maybe even feel beautiful. I got a super bad haircut in February and its grown to a decent length now and I've learned to do my makeup in a way I think really complements my face. I still haven’t dyed my hair red yet but it is coming I promise

I had yet another talking stage that didn't end in a relationship and I'm okay!! LMAO HE WAS A SELF-PROCLAIMED "recovering fuckboy" AND I AM A GIRL WITH COMMITMENT ISSUES SOMEONE PLS WRITE THIS FAN FICTION. But in all seriousness we both knew this about each other and we tried and nothing came out of it. Truly honestly this made me realize that I was trying to fill a void that has never made me happy in the first place. Like irl men have only caused me pain and stress. So I've refocused and poured all my time in hanging out with my friends and family and I have never been happier.

that's all for now. i would really love to write some more bc i miss being creative and the community that came with it. i missed you guys a lot. if you guys have life updates of your own i'd love to hear it <3

#about me i guess #life update eeee #may is my favourite month #thank you for reading if you got to the whole thing #ALSO GOT7 COMING BACK? may is so good

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saturndivine · 3 years

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I'm a sag Venus too (in sidereal astrology). Weirdest thing is, I've never been sexually attracted to people in my life. Like I've had tons of celebrity crushes and the lot but to actually see someone in real life, talk to them and want to date them?? Not a concept. Genuinely had a doubt that maybe I was just asexual.

I'm 24 and earlier this year, I was on Tinder talking to a guy, the first night of talking and we connected right away. Like I've had good online connections before but this felt divinely guided lmao. (It was also the first night I ever saw proper snowfall in my life and literally I have a picture of it on my phone cos it looked surreal - like magic, but also felt like a sign tbh. 💫)

He's quite different in comparison to me but I was so eager to meet him. And honestly girlll??? When I saw him and was talking to him...all I could think of was, "is this happiness? Is this the kinda stuff people go crazy about and write poetry and music for??"

Anyway, what I'm saying is that Sag Venuses are often thought of as flaky, adventurous and hard-to-tie-down kinda lovers but I can vouch that it's not true for all. I am very playful and happy-go-lucky type with him, very bubbly and cheerful but at the same time my Cap moon makes me grounded, stable and very loyal. I haven't even thought of someone else since I started talking to him. 😂

What is your romantic experience when it comes to dating and stuff? If you don't mind sharing of course. I've never met a lot of Sag Venus people and I'd love to know. :)

idk if my thing is on the asexual spectrum tbh? cause i literally cannot imagine going outside and finding someone to date ? i wont want to date anyone until like months into a relationship its very strange and it makes me feel weird. my aqua moon doesnt help either but yeah sag venus placements really dont know what to do with love.

but it does thrill me that you found someone on tinder??? my 12th house venus could never, she dreams of the most fairytale, love at first sight romance. i dont even think sag venus is flaky, theyre fire signs so we believe in a spark and if the spark aint there idk what to say ! but i love this for u i hope yall last forever and always and its fulfilling and rewarding and healing.

my experience is actually really funny cause ive literally had five long distance relationships ??? not sure if its cause of the combination of my aquarius moon (connection through technology) and sagittarius venus (distant lovers) but ive gone on dates and blah blah blah some how i only find myself liking people across the country !

#sagittarius venus #we are here #honestly never met a sag venus so this is fun #sag venus support group #ive also accidentally ghosted people but thats just my aquarius moon forgetting i exist #not on purpose #asked and answered

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softshouyous-archive · 5 years

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omg i’m in class so i cant read everything but i saw molecules so do that one and 2 others u wanna talk about love u

MOLECULES GJKFDJG YOU WOULD HAHA THANK YOU I LOVE YOU

molecules: have you ever lost anyone close to you? if yes, how did it feel at the time and how does it feel now to talk about them? do you fear death?death //////// hm i have not thankfully! and big YES god i’ve always been scared of death i remember crying about it while i was younger and my mom’s bf of the time was like ‘dont b scared of death’ gjdkf but ugh ya it’s so scary... i hate thinking about death it makes me so sad like . the thought of losing someone and NEVER being able to see them again EVER is so scary like. it feels surreal? like someone who was in your life for x months/YEARS and suddenly? GONE forever. like if you want to call them they wont pick up if you want to text them they won’t answer. and it’s just like... i think it’s so hard to deal with never being able to see one again esp since i’m used to being able to see/contact my friends easily.... or at least know that they’re doing well.

and something that really scares me too about death is like. not knowing when the last time you’ll see someone is. like maybe you’re about to meet someone but then something happens or maybe you get into a horrible fight with someone and that’s the last of it. or maybe you haven’t seen a friend in a long time and when you decide to check up on them you can’t and it’s like AH... the uncertainness of it all... is so scary like it terrifies me.... a lot....

and i’m scared of death myself too because like.... hhh not knowing what happens after death is scary... like is there an afterlife where you get to hang out with people or does it just go to black forever..... and you just lie in darkness forever or youre like unconscious and not feeling anything... or is reincarnation a thing???? but reincarnation also makes me a little sad bc so the thought of rebirth is nice but not being able to meet the same people again in the next life??? SAD.... )): because i’m like v grateful to know all the people that i do ..... like hhhh it scares me that i eventually wont be able to see the people i care about and it may or may not happen suddenly and without being able to say bye.... like i HATE THAT hhhh

he’ll never love you: were you ever in denial about your sexuality? were you ever in denial of a crush? do you like to talk about your crushes to your friends?hm i actually can’t remember if i was in Denial but i dont doubt it? i remember it was something i struggled with for months-a year? because i just wasn’t able to settle on a label. sexuality was all vvvv new to me esp because i’d never considered being gay??? so when i suddenly started to feel romantic attraction towards girls i was like wait a fucking minute.... and i just wanted to get a label i was comfortable with to get it all over with because not having one made me feel v confused and just overall uncomfortable?? but it’s interesting to look back at how i felt about it in the beginning because now i’m just really comfortable with it and can’t imagine being straight LOLoh as for a crush i think i was in denial of the last guy crush i had HAHA it was so on and off with him.... like he’s a friend of my cousins’ so like i’d only see him a few times a year and i was like NO.... i don’t want to like him.. gdfjkghfd it made things weird ??? and idk he wasn’t someone. i wanted to like GFJDKGF that sounds so gfdjkglfdj like he’s not ? a bad person but there are some qualities of him that make me go hm.....

and YA i totally do!!! i only talk to my friends about crushes ghfdjgkdfgf i think it’s really fun LOL

pretty girl: who was the most recent crush you had? do you still like them? did you tell them/do you want to tell them?OH my last crush was like three years ago LOL and nope i moved past it after like.... five months? it’s interesting like all my girl crushes have been short compared to the guy crushes i’ve had which is intersting bc the guy crushes were less genuine..... ?? anyway a part of me DID want to tell her and idk why??? like when i like someone there’s always a part of me that wants to let them know??? even though i KNOW that they don’t like me back.... but i guess the chance of them liking me back is there??? (even if extremely minimal LOL) like the hope of them liking me back you know... but hm would i want to tell her... a part of me wants to just to see how she’d react LOL but i don’t think i would bc the risk of making things weird plus idk how that would even come up LOL

#i have like.... never had a genuine crush on a guy #not even the friend of my cousins like idk abt that one....#and idk if i'll ever have a genuine one for a while bc any time i see a guy i wanna run in the opposite direction GJDFKGFD men scawi....#ALSO sorry the first one was a vvv long rant abt death gfdhkjf i've been mildly thinking abt it and hhhh #also i'm you looking at your phone in class GFDKG thank you again meggan wuv you <33 #long post #death /#chickenfetus #lovemail

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spirit-shroud · 5 years

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heeey there! how's your day so far? :D

god okay i had SUCH A DAY yesterday

so like i got on a bus from my town to nyc at like 1 am bc i’m out visiting family for a month and its all cool and fine, i listened to some night vale, zoned out, wrote a vivid 250k slow burn self insert fanfic in my head, it was fun. i dont mind public transport all that much tbh it’s like, the pinnacle of shitty but there’s just something very. human about how uncomfortable it is. like. we really made Long Cars and stripped them completely of amenities and comfort. whack. so that was fine

and then i got like. into nyc. and i had to take like. a second bus to get to the right place in long island where i’d eventually be collected and all that. i, exhausted, sleepless, at 440 in the morning rolled up to the info desk w my second ticket like ‘HEY where do i go for this’ and the guy is just like ‘oh it’s terminal X’ and im just like ‘okay that says long island that seems legit, i’m not gonna fact check that.’ so i waited and read a little (started reading It Devours and let me tell u potato girl is my favourite and i have known her for roughly 9 pages. but thats a tangent) n checked my watch and was like ‘hey so it’s like. 540 and boarding was at 530.’ and walked up to the info desk to ask what was up, if the bus was late, etc. and he tells me that i need to be up three whole floors and across the building to be at the right terminal. so i’m just like ‘oh god, oh fuck’ and he just looks at me like ‘good luck’ and i just start like. Running towards the elevator

this nice lady with a stroller asked me if i was ok and i was like ‘no actually’ and we both took a moment in the elevator to do the stressful half-glance, half-sigh thing people do when they’re uncomfortable and in a bus station at 6am and life just sucks. it was a nice bit of solidarity, but far too shortlived. i got off the elevator and started running towards terminal Y with the last energy my legs have, because by this point i’d been awake for over 20 hours and i’m usually awake for like, 10. i arrive, and stop a guy who looked like he worked there like ‘hey uhhh is this bus still here’ and he said. something that sounded like a terminal number but i like. can’t hear. idk what it is about port authority but it has like. anti-hearing magic set up at every point in the station. and so i went out just like ‘oh. it’s. not here.’ and had a panic attack for like five minutes and angrily texted some people before just being like ‘yeah whatever this might as well be happening’ and figuring out what i’d do next.

so then the guy i stopped earlier was just like ‘hey im the driver actually you’re like the only person going to LI this way so let’s head off’ and i’m probably looking at this guy with an expression between Deep Suspicion and Genuine Reverence, if you can imagine. he takes my ticket, i get on. we get sorted out where i’m being dropped off and everything and i’m just like ‘hey ykno this feels a little weird. this is surreal. this isn’t how things normally roll’ so my instinct was to like... bring up the route on gps, keep my keys between my fingers and made sure i wasn’t listening to anything just so i was like. 100% alert. i had my bags around me in such a way i could push out the emergency window and roll the fuck away if needed. i kept constant correspondence with some people in my discord just so if i stopped responding they’d know something potentially went awry. i was prepared. i was paranoid and exhausted and frankly in far too much post-public transport haze to be dealing with anything that was happening. the world was upsetting. new york city is just as full of pigeons as i remember, and long island is really nice this time of year, even if it went up to 111 F today.

but i did not get murdered nor taken on some very strange route, in fact, the driver was very nice and understanding that i was frazzled as hell because that is the default state of Bus, and i was collected up by my family. we got a bagel and coffee and then i passed out for like five hours and it was fantastic

and today was otherwise nice, like, post-nap we just kinda hung out w our parent in laws and ate pizza and got into arguments about politics and it went well. and now i’m supposed to be sleeping because these guys get up at like, the crack of dawn, but instead i’m watching anime kjsdfhgljkdhfjgksdf i think we’re going to the beach today

so yeah! i went on An Adventure! too much of one. but, it just be like that sometimes. i hope your day has been far less befrazzling

#kc takes questions

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mariska · 5 years

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dawn of......the final day

so! we're coming up on that content ban deadline and i have no idea if my blog is still gonna be here anymore lol. im gonna say that its probably gonna be fine, but who knows with how dysfunctional this site's always been. ANYWAYS. im typing a big sappy thing out anyways, just in case. i always felt bad that sites i used as a kid got shut down without me being able to say goodbye to people.

idk how many of u know this, but i've been using this same blog since 2010. i was 13 when i signed up for this account (im 21 now). i've changed a LOT, and in other ways i havent (feels kind of funny that my possible last week on this site was when i got back into naruto; this blog was almost exclusively naruto content when i first made it lol), but, like, i kind of grew up on here, so regardless of whether my account gets obliterated or not, it feels a lil bit surreal seeing a lot of people jump ship. i've learned a lot of stuff in 8 years. i honestly feel very disconnected from my teenage self so thinking about how young i was when i started this blog and realizing, like, 'woah, that WAS me' is just! kind of a weird thing to think about.

but, like, i made a lot of great friends on here and have a lot of fun memories from various communities i've been a part of throughout the years (my lollipop chainsaw obsession when i was 15 was probably when i did the most socializing and met most of my present day buddies). i wouldn't have met my girlfriend if it weren't for connections made on this site, and even in only a few months of us being together so far, i couldnt imagine a reality without her in it. i will always be so, so grateful for that.

if any of my mutuals on here, or even followers that have just enjoyed my content for however long, disappear this week or decide to leave, i just want to say thank you for everything!! even if we didn't get to talk, just making connections with people or seeing you all pop up in my notifications always made me really happy. thank you all for always being so kind to me. i think part of what i liked the most about being on this site was that i never really became, like, popular or whatever, my follower count has always been kind of average (im at like 1000 something but i stopped checking or caring years ago) and because of that i feel like i was able to make a nice little community out of everyone who interacted with me here. all of you have always been really kind and patient with me through all the times i've vented my emotional frustrations on here and talked about my medical issues and existential dread and all that. it really means a lot to me. it's helped me feel much less alone over the years.

anyways, to anyone who's reading, thanks for all the good times!! if we all disappear then just know im really glad i could meet all of you. if we dont disappear, then just consider this a big ol sappy thank you post for all the years you guys have put up with my posts. LOL

my instagram is queenkoriandr if any of you wanna keep up with me there. im not up for making a move to twitter so thats gonna be my main social media thing if this site goes up in flames

✌️

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sad-clefable · 6 years

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backstreets back *ALRIGHT*

what is UP my guys it’s been a hot minute since i posted here. my life has changed a Lot recently (some good, some bad) and due to some of the circumstances i’m in i think i’m gonna come back to this blog at least for now?? so here’s a quick list of what’s been going down in Alex town:

-my bf/bff/fp of nearly three years broke up w me a couple of months ago. so that’s been REALLY hard of course, but not as bad as i thought it might be?? meaning i didn’t attempt anything harmful. this is mostly bc of school (which i’ll talk abt in a sec) and DBT (which i will also talk abt in a sec). so yeah that’s been a big sad thing and we haven’t talked since he broke up w me so ᕕ( ツ )ᕗ it’s weird

-the dbt group i’m in is a 64 week thing and next week is my last!! like i’m still sad and have problems but it’s really helped in some aspects, one of the biggest being interpersonal relationships. i’ve gotten a lot closer to a lot of good friends and ive learned how to text people first and ask for help and they’ve all helped me out a TON with my breakup. i love my friends and they’re amazing

-i graduated high school last saturday!! which is great bc i won’t have to see my ex and a few other ppl i don’t like for a long long time probably!!!! so that’s pretty great. and next year for college i’m going to university of minnesota twin cities and majoring in psych and minoring in spanish!!! so i’m excited to kinda start over a bit and be in a new place

-speaking of college, my roommate has been a big thing lately!!! i met her on snapchat and she’s amazing and i love her BUT she’s turning into my crush/fp which isn’t very good!!!!! the last like year of my relationship w my fp we were good at communicating and most of my problems surrounding the fp thing went away but now they’re coming back again and this time she’s Not neurotypical like my ex was so that makes it even trickier to figure out???? i also actually met her for the first time irl today!!!! which was amazing and surreal but uh the main reason i’m coming back here is i realized How Bad my fp problems are and i’m dying so!!!!! y’all will probably hear more about that later bc it’s a mess and i hate my brain a lot :-)

anyway that’s the main stuff!!!! also quick note i have a couple asks in my inbox and i have no idea how old they are so i’m gonna just delete them hdkshdksj so if u still want me to answer ur ask feel free to send it again bc i’m very happy to talk and give advice and receive advice or whatever!!! i just wanna start fresh w that. also idk how many active followers i have left lol but if ur still here hi ily thank u for reading this and sticking around

#personal

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bluinary · 6 years

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Tag game - Get to Know me!

I was tagged by @sonderous-opia . (check out her blog, her tags are a treat)

Name: Juli

Gender: Female

Star sign:Virgo

Height: 5′5

Sexuality: bi, maybe pan, who knows

What image do you have as wallpaper: my best friends on my phone, aesthetic filthy frank on my laptop

Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?: yah, and a professor

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?: probably dead

If you could be anywhere else right now, where?: school

What was your coolest Halloween costume?: I’ve had limited Halloweens (like 3 I think), so there’s not much to draw from, BUT I’m a theatre kid, and I made my own transforming dress when I played R&H’s Cinderella. I think it turned out very well.

What’s your favorite 90s show?: O O F. Probably Freaks & Geeks, or NGE.

Who was your last kiss?: Some guy named Brandon

Have you ever been stood up?: No

Have you ever been to Las Vegas?: only in passing.

Favorite pair of shoes: me ol’ boots

Favorite fruit: apples

Favorite book: East of Eden, John Steinbeck

Stupidest thing you’ve ever done: T H E R E A R E TOO M A N Y, but top five are:

Walking down a busy road, not realizing my dress was caught under my backpack and my granny panty-clad ass was in full view of every stranger for a solid fifteen minutes

Full-out wrestling/fighting (bc I threw punches) a friend 2x my weight in public (my tits fell out, so he won)

Walking up to a man in Hagrid cosplay and loudly shouting, “IS THAT MY NIGGA DUMBLEDORE”

Threatening to break my glasses if my class didnt stop laughing @me (they didnt, i broke em, I was 6)

screaming upon realizing a disabled man at a McDonald’s was not, in fact, a statue (and saying “yah” when he said he was ugly BECAUSE I DIDNT KNOW WHAT HE’D SAID)

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor, if u couldn’t tell.

Average hours of sleep : probs like,,,, 6 hours maybe less idk

Blankets you sleep with: two comforters, two light blankets, I cocoon

Favorite Bands: Gorillaz, Young The Giant, Coldplay, Fall Out Boy, fun.

Favorite solo artists: Shiloh Dynasty, Joji, Sarah Jeffe, Hannah Georgas, Daughter

Song Stuck in My Head: AAAAKUMA NO CHIKARAAAAA

Last movie I watched: The FMA live action (it was great!)

Last TV show I watched: I was showing my mom the live action version of Erased (which is also good! She loves it btw)

Why did I create my blog: there was Izaya/Namie fanart lo and once ago that looked nice, but when I clicked it, I was redirected to make an account. And it began.

What do I post: My blog’s a weird amalgamation of fandom metas/memes, normal memes, surreal text posts, my own sadboi posts, and my actual content that I create sometimes.

When did I create my blog: a little before my 13th birthday, so late-ish 2012.

Do I have other blogs?: I have my writing sideblog, as well as a few forgotten sideblog projects (like an anime mbti analysis blog that still gets asks, even though I haven’t posted in literally years).

Do you get asks?: Not really, except the obscure ones I just mentioned. Occasionally, though, I’ll get a prompt, some well wishes, or a v sweet message.

Following blogs: 1,504 blogs. I have attachment issues, you see,

Favorite colors: navy, maroon, and general muted autumn hues

Lucky numbers: I’d like to think 4 and 7.

Instruments: very little piano, even less guitar, and does the throat count

What am I wearing?: pale pink tee and a long, flowy white skirt (I always got compliments on this outfit at university, but it rly just means i havent done my laundry)

Dream Job: stage actress.

Dream trip: [chanting] Japan, Italy, Iceland-

Favorite Food: coffee. Unproblematic and comforting.

Nationality: American

Followers: 515 (and I still can only ever get, like, 6 notes on my art……..sigh……)

Reasons for your url: well, u see, i lik blue

I tag: @pickalilywrites @swinsword @jungianca6 @wonderinghopingdreaming @laura-arro-babbles @all-time-rper @sweetreikuri @someboredloser @annieleonhardt @askladarmin @runnin-out-oftime @spoilerarlert and anyone who wants to do this!

#about me #thank u for the tag!!#oh shit i havent taken my birth control for two whole days #sup im juli and im rly tryna pretend i dont have to go to work tomorrow morning lololololol

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wooowthanks · 7 years

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CIMP + idk

Like with all big (or small, or medium-sized) events in my life, I’d commemorate it by writing some sort of long winded essay thing while ignoring the responsibilities I have at the present, so here it is - I graduated from CIMP! Yay!

It feels surreal, though, because I still keep expecting to go back in a few weeks; to go back to weird talks + fun run games with Siew Theng, Sharon and Vin or to go back to sitting in the colourful A-levels corner near MDM4U class with Vin to gossip. But yeah, we’ve all graduated and it’s a bittersweet feeling.

I remember being super nervous at the beginning of the course; I remember trying to google the CIMP schedule and also counting out my marks because I was so sure I was gonna screw up the presentations and assignments (I mean, I still did that in sem 2 so HAHA), but I didn’t screw up and I’m super grateful for that. This is probably incredibly cheesy, but CIMP has thought me that I’m capable of being more than I think I am and that I can achieve things. It’s super weird, because out of all the subjects I thought I would be horrible at (ENG4U, Writer’s Craft, and Challenge and Change in Society), I did the best for those (I got awards for the highest mark in ENG4U and C&C lol). And I didn’t screw up Advanced Functions, unlike my Add Maths paper all those years ago.

And I’m so grateful for getting all the lecturers I got. These people actually take out the time to remember everyone by name, and to give feedback for every single paper or test we sat for. Yeah, maybe it’s how the programme is structured, but it still shows just how great this pre-U programme has been.

Cleaning out my notes, and looking back on all these things I spent my time on has made me realize just how fast time passes. It only lasted a year, and even though the semesters seemed to drag on, it all really happened too fast. My degree programme only lasts for three years, and then after that I’ll (hopefully) get a job and after that, what?

I’m not ready for the future, and maybe me wanting to stay in the present illustrates just how much of a creature of habit I am but yeah. Everything is moving so fast and I hate not being able to control it; I hate not knowing what’s the right path and what’s not. That’s why I’m so easily triggered when you don’t tell me things, guys, because I don’t like not being to get answers by just googling it. Jokes aside, I hope I’m taking the right path now. The “right” path now has a lot of face to face social interaction with adults right now, and oh God, I can feel the awkwardness creeping up on me already.

But still. I’ve graduated from college and while I’m not ready for Uni, I’m leaving it all with God.

#2017 #CIMP #CIMP Sunway #Journal

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yiiixuannnnnnn-blog · 6 years

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first love

we started talking 2 years back in june, some time around my birthday, we were nothing but really really close friends that told each other everything, it felt really nice to have someone to rant and tell stories to bc not everyone around me were patient enough to listen to my rants and shit as im a rlly emotional person, my mood swings r the WORST, yet he was able to tolerate everything, i felt nothing but so so so blessed to have him bt my side, not to mention i was born to get along better with guys than girls.

around mid-september, a senior dude from my school started talking to me through instagram, at that point i didn’t know anything abt what love or a relationship was, i was like a new born against that topic. that dude and i talked for abt a week and he confessed to me telling me that he’s had a crush on me for a really long time, i told him to give me some time. but the complicated part was that, that dude was my best friend’s boyfriend’s best friend (they’ve alrdy broken up now), so he was trying so hard to persuade me to give him a chance and that he was a good guy and all, i didn’t know what to do .

i told him that someone confessed to me and asked him what i should do, he told me to follow my heart and give it a try if i wanted to. i dont wanna go too far w the details but yeah i ended up dating that dude but it didn’t last for even a month bc he was too clingy to the point i was disgusted, i broke up w him giving him the excuse that my parents didn’t allow me to date till i go to college which was clearly a lie.

at that time he was also dating another girl, her name was mun, he told me he wasn’t happy that they were dating at all, he cut himself, lost alot of sleep, i asked him why but he didnt wanna tell me, i was rlly worried bc i was afraid he’d do smtg stupid. i rmb that day, it was rainy and i jus got home from school, i was laying in bed and it was rlly dark, i got a text from him :

‘i broke up w mun’

‘what happened?’

‘she’s a bitch, she cheated on me w so many people, i dont think i wanna live anymore’

his love life has been tough all along, he was too sensitive and emotional that all his exes dumped him bc of that but i found that unique, him being sensitive and emotional was wat made him HIM, people only looked at his bad side but he was a rlly sweet and caring guy. so that was the day he exposed everything about mun to me, everything that he hid for the past months, he rlly rlly loved her.

mid-november, when school holidays started, we were texting as usual, it was 3am and we were joking and laughing about things. all of a sudden he said :

‘wait ah brb gimme 10 mins’

so i said okay and waited, about only 5 mins later, he texted me :

‘i like you’

i was shocked, at the same time i was happy, i didn’t reply to the ‘i like you’ part but instead i made fun of him and said :

‘did that take u 10 mins to say it’

i teased him as i always do, he said :

‘no i tried to come up w a better line but i couldn’t think of one’

the way he said that sounded so silly and cute i smiled so wide, i could feel him shivering on the other side of my phone as i knew he was an extremely shy person.

‘i like you too :)’

that was the day a new chapter of us beginned.

he was the most caring and loving boy i’ve ever met, he would bring chocolates for me in sch to cheer me up, deal with my moodswings perfectly, cheer me up when im sad, even though he has his own problems daily, he prioritises me over anything else, and so many more things that it felt so surreal as if i was living in a fairytale.

my friends would tell me he has a weird temper and i was too good for him but i didn’t give a shit at all, all i wanted was him.

there were days where it was so late at night but he wouldn’t go to sleep just bc i was losing sleep, he would tell me that he wouldn’t go to bed unless i do, i felt bad for most of the days when that happened bc he was a sleepy ass head who loved to sleep and snuggle like a cat. but there were also days where he fell asleep before i did, i didn’t mind at all bc i knew tht at least he tried to stay up, which i found cute.

there were nights he would tell me that his parents fought and that his mum was crying which made him upset, it rlly sucks when he’s upset bc most of the time he wouldn’t open up to me abt it and he’ll keep it to himself which was rlly upsetting for me as a friend and a girlfriend to not be able to help, he wouldn’t pick up his phone or anything, just complete silence from him.

he always told me that he missed his siblings that moved to australia, i’ve seen several pictures of him and his siblings, he smiled so wide i could barely see his eyes. he told me he showed a picture of me to his siblings and mother, he said they complimented me and wanted to meet me so i told him i would if i ever get a chance to.

february 11th, he started to avoid me and stopped replying to my texts, it was so frustrating bc i dint know what i did wrong at all, in fact i was sure that i did not do anything wrong. for a month, he didn’t reply me or even look at me in the eye when we saw each other in school, i was pissed, i asked him what was wrong but he said nothing, so i didn’t bother to ask anything anymore and just left it as it was.

of course i was upset, i would cry for hours and wonder what went wrong, i didn’t understand what was going on between us, no messages or any calls from him, nothing at all, i was so upset i could barely fall asleep, eat or focus on my studies, i barely smiled.

one morning i got a text from him, a breakup text, i don’t rmb what it said but i do rmb my best friend telling me that the text wasn’t written by him when i showed it to her, she said it was written by her. i went crazy.

for the next 2 months i felt empty, i felt as if my soul had left my body and a big piece of my heart went missing, i went from a cheerful girl who laughed at everything into a girl who was sad and depressed all day long. i wasn’t able to fall asleep without crying and having my pillow wet for a night, it was rlly chaotic, at that time my relationship w my parents were also on the edge of tearing apart. my parents didn’t know that i was going thru a breakup so they were merciless when it comes to using words against me, i was so hurt till i felt numb after awhile, my face was expressionless, emotionless, and i felt listless.

after the two months when i was slowly recovering, he texted me. using all the sweet and cute languages, my heart felt alive again somehow. and we started talking again as if nothing happened before. i felt happy again, to the point it blinded me, i forgot abt everyth he did to me and was forgiving him without me knowing it, until he did it again.

no messages, no calls, no nothing, for a month, i felt like my soul that jus got back into my body left again. i didn’t bother to ask what was going on as we weren’t rlly official AGAIN at tht time, my best friend which was his friend told me :

‘you know he started talking to his ex again right, they’ve been going out and staying over at each other’s houses’

my heart broke.

soon i heard that his ex didn’t like him back at all, for some reason i felt happy, as if i was avenged. i dont wanna speak much about my emotions but yes, he did say many things to me and i felt like shit, its too much emotions idk how to put them in words.

i told myself tht i dont wanna have any harsh feelings and that him and i r still friends but i low key hated him to death. i hated him for hurting me, i cursed him so badly and wanted to him die and pay for everything he’s done to me.

i took a year to get over him completely, here i am now living a happy life with good friends around me. i realised that life isn’t jus about getting a boyfriend or girlfriend and living happily ever after like all fairytales, in fact they’re not true and will never come true, its not all about getting butterflies and kisses, its about being able to go through shit tgt and be strong even after it all.

here’s to my first one ever,

xoxo

( yes, it’s my true story )

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