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bananxjin · 4 years

Text

Trophy Wife || 3

↦ Coworker!Seokjin x Reader

↦ WC: 11,210

↦ Drama || Angst || Fluff || Slow Burn

↦ Trigger Warnings: Light verbal abuse/fear tactics in the beginning.

↦ Tagged: @lysannnnaa

↦ Summary: You thought you knew what you wanted -- You were sure you knew what you wanted. You thought the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage with your fiance, Touru Kim; the love of your life, the future father of your children, and the man of your dreams, but things happen. Events begin to unfold, and the relationship falls apart. You see the true colors of your husband-to-be, and you realize that maybe he’s not what you built him up to be. With everything laid out in front of you, you knew the be-all and end-all was a loving, domestic marriage.

Just not with Touru.

✨ Masterlist ✨

Scrape!

You cringed. You could almost hear the chair making a permanent mark in your wooden floor as Touru had forcefully pushed it back. It’d been awhile since Irene convinced you to do a night shift in a few weeks, and tonight you finally gathered the courage to tell Touru about it, but clearly you hadn’t prepared yourself for his reaction.

“What do you mean you’ll be working overnight!?” He demands, dark eyes glaring daggers at you. You bit your tongue and looked away from him. Your hands were tucked between your thighs, appetite long gone after having been replaced with stress and bile. You took a deep breath and tried to choose your next words carefully.

“Look,” You breathed, still unable to look at him. “I know this isn’t ideal, but it’s one night! And I managed to get that whole weekend off!” Your words sounded rushed as you tried your best to ease the tension.

You could practically feel the heat of his glare until he finally turned away to get more wine. You didn’t miss how his hip angrily bumped into the dining chair, nearly tumbling it on its side. You braced yourself for the loud impact despite it never coming.

Touru filled his wine glass to the top, swallowed it down in one large gulp, and calmly set the glass down. “Which weekend?” He deadpanned. His voice was dangerously low, and although you found it incredibly sexy, you knew better than to try seducing him in moments like this. You’d originally had tonight planned out.

Touru was a half-decent drunk. At least he usually took bad news much better when he was drunk rather than when he was sober, and he’d been drinking with you quite a bit while you were cooking. The two of you were all laughs and joking around before this. He was even being affectionate with you, wrapping his arms around your waist and swaying your bodies together, hearts so in sync. He kept kissing on your neck and the shell of your ear, whispering little ‘I love you’s as his breath tickled your skin. The two of you managed to create a loving and comfortable energy in the kitchen, so you thought now would’ve been the right time to tell him, then you guys could get past it, and you’d fall into bed together.

But it was starting to look like you’d be wrong.

“The weekend of the business dinner!” You responded, letting the faintest smile cross your face even though he still had his back turned towards you. You got your hopes up for just a second, wishing -- Hoping that’s all it would take to calm him down. “With your father?” You added on faintly.

Touru disregarded every word out of your mouth, and instead hit you with, “Who are you going to be working with?”

The dining room fell silent. Eerily silent. The air had changed in an instant, and suddenly it was like there wasn’t enough room for both of you to be in there. It was pitch black outside. You couldn’t see your neighbors houses. The street lamps weren’t even illuminating your view. It was as if the world had turned its back on you, and you’d been left to fend for yourself. The glass chandelier hanging overhead had become a spotlight and Touru was the bad cop, waiting for you to state your case. Announce your confession.

“Well?”

“Irene.” You choked out. He craned his neck just enough so he could see you over his shoulder. “Your manager?” He asked unconvinced, “She’s going to work overnight with you?”

“A-and whoever is on the overnight team.”

Liar.

“I don’t know those people very well, so I can’t think of their names off the top of my head…”

Liar, Liar. Your pants are on fire.

You tightened your thighs around your hands and shut your mouth. You were willing to do anything to salvage a night of bliss with Touru. Your relationship with him had felt so strained with him recently. The line between who was right and who’s wrong was starting to blur. Maybe both of you were in the wrong for different reasons, but who knows when -- Or if he’d ever be ready to have that discussion.

Like last time, Touru filled his glass to the brim, downed it, and set it back on the marble counter. He kept his head down and shoulders hunched for some time without saying another word to you. He almost looked like a painting standing as still as he was. You could hear the clock ticking agonizingly slow somewhere in the house as you waited. Waited for him to say something. Do something. Anything.

Finally, the muscles in his shoulders began to relax, and he let out a breath of relief. You felt like you could do the same as he turned, and walked towards you with outstretched arms. You smiled and immediately stood out of your seat, allowing yourself to be wrapped up in him.

“Everything’s going to be okay.” You muttered, standing on your tip-toes to kiss him. “I just worry about you is all.” He muttered in response, leaning down to kiss you back. “Why are you worried?” You kiss him again. “Because,”

Another kiss.

“I don’t want you to push yourself too hard. I don’t even want you to have to work.”

More kisses. “I want to support you, and eventually support our children as well.”

You relaxed in his hold and rested your chin on his chest. “Oh, I know, Darling. And I love you for supporting me. But I promise, I’m not pushing myself too hard.” You smiled at him, “If anything, I feel like I’m not pushing myself hard enough.”

Touru frowned, “You shouldn’t have to be pushing yourself at all, but…” He sighed, “I’m doing my best to support you in a way that’ll make you happy.”

You couldn’t help the happy tears that brimmed your eyes. He wanted to support you even if it’s not what he wanted? Maybe things were finally starting to turn around for your relationship. You guys just had to brave the storm before you could see the sun.

“Thank you, Touru.” You muttered happily. He smiled and leaned down to give you one more kiss. “I love you, okay?” He whispered against your lips, and you nodded.

“I love you too.”

Later, Touru tells you he needed to get some work done before he headed to bed, promising he’d clean the kitchen up tonight which you greatly appreciated.

You sank down into your steamy bath, letting the warm water relax all the tension built up in your back and muscles. “Maybe tonight’s not a lost cause…” You sighed to yourself, running your hands over your thighs.

You’d been trying to get yourself in the right mood, but it felt like you had so much running through your mind that you couldn’t seem to focus on what you want the most. With a sigh of frustration, you decide to give up and rest your eyes, reassuring yourself it’ll be better when it’s Touru’s hands touching you.

“I wonder what nightshift will be like…” You whispered to yourself. At least you got that conversation out of the way. Albeit, it was one of the most painful conversations you’ve had in awhile -- If you could even call it a conversation…

Hopefully it won’t be too bad. Sure, it means learning new things and making even more mistakes, but you already know if Jin’s there, then you have nothing to be worried about.

“Jin…”

Right. You lied to your fiance tonight. You roll your shoulders and your neck before sinking underneath the water to wet your hair.

Did you really have a choice? Tonight would’ve gone so much worse if you had told him the truth.

You come up gasping for air, pushing your hair back out of your face. Would Touru understand if you explained it to him? How you felt when he went off the rails about your coworker? It wouldn’t hurt to try, but then, you’d probably have to fess up about lying as well.

You sighed. There truly was no winning in this situation. All you could do now was bite the bullet and get the shift done and over with.

The weird thing was he only ever seemed to be offended by Jin. You don’t even have to tell Touru you worked with him once your day is over, it’s like he’ll just know. “You worked with Seokjin today, yeah?” He’ll ask in an aggressive tone. You’ve asked him before how he knew. He just shrugged and replied, “I can tell by your body language.” And something about that response left you feeling uneasy.

You’ve talked about Namjoon once or twice, but he doesn’t even think twice when your manager’s name comes up. “Maybe that’s why…” You mumbled to yourself as you massage shampoo into your scalp.

Namjoon’s a manager. He’d never jeopardize his position by flirting with an associate.

But Seokjin hasn’t flirted with you either, has he? You were sure you would notice if Jin even hinted at flirting with you. “He wouldn’t, anyway…” He’s several years older than you, and he clearly respects your relationship. He’s not even attracted to you, so he has no need.

You groaned, sinking beneath the water once again. You’re overthinking this way too much; it’s not even that big of a deal. And it’s only been a handful of times Touru’s gotten jealous -- You could probably count each time on one hand. Hell, you’re probably thinking about it more than even Touru himself is.

Smiling as you come back up, you’ve decided that no matter what it takes, you’ll make tonight about him. Perhaps you haven’t been the greatest fiancee to him these past few weeks, so you should make it up to him. It’s the least you can do.

You set your plan in motion with newfound vigor. Once you rinsed the rest of the soap off and drained the tub, you wrapped yourself up in your robe and made your way down the hall. There’s even an extra skip in your step as you really start to think about it.

You used part of your last paycheck to buy a sexy little black and pink lingerie set. The shoulder straps and panty straps are dainty little ties that are really just there for looks, but the very idea of Touru untying them and pulling them off you made you all the more excited.

“Yeah. I think she said she’ll be working from ten to six… No, six in the morning.”

‘What? Is he talking about me?’

You stopped short when you caught a bit of Touru’s conversation. “No, I get that. It’s just that…” He groaned, “It’s just that she’s so giddy over this… Stupid little retail job. She didn’t even seem upset that she has to work those hours.” He explained to the other party. “I mean… Do you think she’s cheating on me?... No, I’m going to give her a ride that night, but she’ll be catching the train home in the morning.”

You frowned, leaning against the wall as he continued talking.

‘Touru… You really think I would cheat on you?’

“I don’t know about that Seokjin guy. You know I went in there on my break last week, and they weren’t even working! They were huddled up between some racks, giggling about something on his phone! Yeah, it was just the two of them!”

‘He came into my work? But he didn’t even say anything to me...’

“I know it’s something she’ll give up on eventually, she has to if she’s going to be a mother, but I just… I don’t trust her right now.”

‘He… He doesn’t trust me.’

Your plan really crumbled right before your tearfilled eyes. With your fiance's words replaying in your mind like a broken record, you retreated to your shared bedroom. Your body felt like it was on autopilot, going through the motions as you retrieved a shirt and a pair of comfy shorts out of your drawer.

Robe tossed to the other side of the room, you shut the light out and crawled underneath the comforters, allowing yourself to cry until you eventually fell asleep.

‘Touru, is what I’m doing really so wrong?’

Autumn’s in full swing! With no work and Touru gone on a short business trip, you finally had a day to yourself!

It was a beautiful morning with the colorful leaves littering the ground, and the air still being warm, but it’s just windy enough that you could feel the seasons change. Unable to let the day go to waste, you dressed up in something cute and walked to the corner shop for some groceries. Touru would be home some time this evening, so you decided you’ll make something delicious to welcome the new season.

You made a mental note to make enough for leftovers since you can have that for lunch when you go in tomorrow night.

Ah, right… This time tomorrow, you’ll probably be getting ready for work.

You still can’t stop thinking about what Touru said; how he couldn’t trust you. Who was he talking to anyway?

He never brought it up to you himself. He probably never will either. You couldn’t wrap your mind around it; why he was still upset over this -- Or worse, why he lied about supporting you. But you’d already chosen not to let it get to you. You told yourself you’re going to become a better future-housewife to him! You’ll start making healthier dinners and after tomorrow, you’re going to tell Seulgi you need to cut your hours back a bit.

Maybe. Hopefully. If you can gather up the courage to do it.

You’re still holding out hope that Touru will come around to you having this job. Sincerely, he’ll come around, and not talk about you behind your back.

That was probably April, and he’s always indulging her.

You recalled Jin mentioned if you’re doing really well by your six month mark, Seulgi might mention giving you a pay raise. If you’re bringing in a little bit of extra cash that can be split between the two of you, maybe that’ll ease his mind a little more? If you treat him to a special gift -- Or maybe you could do a little couples getaway! You two haven’t taken a trip in some time, and he’d really be surprised if you planned one, just the two of you. No work, no family, no stressful problems to distract you guys--

Your thoughts were cut short when you heard your phone going off in your bag.

Unknown number.

“Hello?”

Your ear was suddenly filled with that squeaky, windshield wiper laugh, stopping you dead in your tracks. “Do you always sound like that when you answer the phone?” He asked through bouts of laughter. You tried to ignore the way you could imagine his face scrunching up in that cute way when he’s tickled by something.

“I’m sorry, what exactly do I sound like?” You asked, slightly offended. “Wait,” You shake your head, “Nevermind that. How did you get my number?!”

“I got it from Kyla!”

“How did she get my number?!” You demanded, but it just sent Jin into another fit of giggles. “I didn’t think to ask. Hey! Where are you at right now?”

“I’m at the farmers market.” You mumbled into the receiver. You’ve since moved on, holding the phone between your ear and your shoulder as you gathered vegetables you would need for tonight’s dinner. You wondered if you should stock up for next week as well. You remembered you also wanted to check the spices section when Jin excitedly claims, “Let’s hang out! I’ll even come pick you up!”

You dropped the head of cabbage you were examining, his suggestion sending you into a flustered frenzy. “H-hang out?!” You stuttered. “But I’m picking up food for dinner tonight! A-and I’ll have to start cooking this afternoon, I don’t know if-”

“Awe, c’mon please, (Y/n)?” His tone was light if not a bit whiny. He sounded like an annoying child begging his parents to let his friend stay the night, but something about it was making it difficult for you to tell him no. “Aren’t you the one who told me all I needed to do was ask if I wanted the company?” He continued. You could almost hear that stupid smirk in his voice.

“Well… Yeah, but-” “Pleeeease, (Y/n)?”

Everything in your mind screamed at you to tell him no. Every bell went off in your head, warning you. Just hang up, but you didn’t. The idea of spending your afternoon with Jin sounded pretty exciting in retrospect, but was it okay?

Dammit…

You sighed, letting the little basket dangle from the crook in your arm so you could massage your fingertips into your temple. “I have a few more things I wanted to look at, but I won’t be too long. Maybe fifteen minutes?”

“Alright! Send me your location! I’ll let you know when I’m there!” He giggled, “Oh, but don’t feel the need to rush if I get there early! Take your time! See you soon!” And with that, he hurriedly hung up before you could even say goodbye.

You sighed again and shoved your phone back into your bag after doing what he asked. Well, hanging out with him wouldn’t be so bad. You did enjoy his company, and it was still fairly early; just a little after noon. You knew this sporadic hang out wouldn’t cut into your cooking time at all.

You were just anxious.

But Touru wasn’t even home right now -- He’s very far from home as a matter of fact, so there’s no way he’d know you were spending time with Jin.

Wow, you’re not making this sound much better for yourself.

You took a deep breath as you maneuvered your way between aisles, searching for what you needed. It’s not like you’re having an affair, you reassured yourself. You’re allowed to have friends just like he is, so what’s the big deal? Quit stressing.

Jin was calling you back by the time you were in the checkout lane, letting you know he was sitting in the parking lot. He even went out of his way to drop by your place so you could put your groceries away real quick. You didn’t have the heart to tell him Touru was gone for the day.

It suddenly dawned on you that this was the second time you’ve been in his car. Last time, you were drunk out of your mind, so you didn’t have the time to let it bother you. Now, being all dressed up and on your way to god knows where with him, it was all you could think about.

Everything about it felt a little too cozy; a little too intimate. You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye. He had the dopiest smile on his face with one hand relaxed on the steering wheel, while the other one had a gentle grip on the automatic gear shift. He was humming along to the song playing on the radio, unaware of the way you were studying him. It was almost comforting somehow. The rhythm of the upbeat music playing on the radio, surrounded by the scent of peaches and cream courtesy of the cartoonish peach air freshener that dangled from his rearview mirror. Maybe you’d be more relaxed in a parallel universe.

You didn’t miss the way he had the sleeves of his flannel button-up neatly rolled to his elbows, or how the shirt made his arms look like they were a little too thick for the sleeves to be properly pulled down. His hands looked so nice and big, too. Like they belonged right in the positions they were in.

He looks good driving like this.

Jin glanced over at you from the corner of his eye, smirking as soon as you turned away with flushed cheeks. “Thank you for coming out with me by the way! Hope I didn’t twist your arm too much.” He giggled, turning his eyes back to the road.

“Yeah! It’s not a problem.” You squeaked. The conversation didn’t extend much beyond that, but Jin didn’t seem bothered by it. Humming along with the tune of whatever song started playing on the radio, he was as content as he looked.

Even his voice is comforting to listen to.

Jin ended up taking you to a little bistro in the next town over. It was one of those restaurants who prided themselves on their aesthetic. The building was a sleek matte black and slotted right between a bookstore and a parking garage. Music played outside the restaurant as you and Jin were walking up. Not something abnormal in a strip mall like this, but the song that played just seemed familiar yet silly somehow.

Then you realized.

“Is… Is that the song from Ratatouille?” You asked hesitantly, but as you turned towards Jin, you saw he was already swaying along to the song, and murmuring some of the words to himself. He gave you a bright smile, nodding enthusiastically once his eyes met yours. “What? You got something against this song?” He giggled. He stood on the first step of the concrete entrance, moving in slow, practiced steps. His arms placed as if he were holding someone in a lovers embrace, slow dancing to the Disney song.

You couldn’t help the dumb little smile playing on your face. “You’re being embarrassing! C’mon!” You whined, rushing back down the stairs to try and pull him inside, but he kept dodging you, laughing at your feigned frustration.

Other people were walking by; strangers. They watched in amusement as Jin continued to dance around merrily, that big, dumb smile plastered to his face the entire time. “Jin, people are staring!”

“Let them stare!” He laughed, “This is one of my favorite songs!”

Finally matching his next movements, you stretched your arms out wide and wrapped him in a bear hug, tugging his arms down at his sides, trapping him in your embrace. “Sheesh, didn’t realize you’d be giving me dinner and a show today.” You joked lightly before looking up at him.

Jin’s eyes were already pinned on you; gazing at you with something you couldn’t make out. Your smile slowly faded, eyes tracing the features on his face. That dimple. He utilized that stupid dimple like a weapon against you. Whether he knew it or not, you’ll never know.

You swallowed, watching his nose scrunch up. The sound of his squeaky laugh mixed with your heartbeat thrumming against your eardrums, you could feel it at the base of your throat. You were in awestruck, staring at him like he’d just explained to you the meaning of life. Like he’d just dissolved all your problems in the sea of his voice. You wouldn’t mind, you thought to yourself, listening to this sound for the rest of the afternoon. Maybe even the rest of your life.

What on god’s green earth are you saying? That’s weird. Don’t think about that.

It took you a moment to realize he’d begun flapping his arms beneath your hold, wiggling around like some lanky, oversized penguin. “As much as I’m loving this full body hug, I’d love to get inside where it’s warm!” He giggled.

As if being released from some tantalizing spell, you quickly realized where you were; what you were doing, and pulled yourself away from him, giving him a constipated look as he walked ahead of you. “We would’ve already been inside if you didn’t have to act so lame all the time.” You replied stubbornly, arms folded tightly across your chest. All it did was make Jin laugh harder.

Once inside, you were immediately drawn to the greenery that was all the ferns, flowers, and other various potted plants decorating the floor and walls. It smelled like a mix between coffee beans and dark chocolate.

On the opposite end of the restaurant, there was a chef's station that sat behind a tiny room made entirely of windows. You were in awe at the man behind the counter, tossing the bread dough, folding it over several times before repeating the pattern again, then handing it over one of the bakers as he started the process over.

The hostess at the door seated you and Jin at a nice little booth that sat against the far wall right next to the chef’s station. She placed two menus on the table, mentioning “Your waiter will be with you in just a moment.” with a warm smile before walking away.

Jin smiled brilliantly at you. “Have you been here before?”

You shook your head no as you scanned the menu, noting that it was in three different languages with English being the last one. “I haven’t. Which surprises me because I grew up in the area. Is it new?” You asked curiously, looking up at him, but he just shrugged.

“Beats me. I’ve only lived here for about a year.” He told you. “But I come here quite a bit with my roommates, it’s become one of my favorite places to eat!”

You nod in understanding as the waiter dropped by, taking your orders before whisking your menus away.

Jin folded his hands together, resting his chin on top of them as he smiled at you. You quirked an eyebrow at him, taking a long sip from your complimentary water. “What’s up?” You asked.

Jin shook his head dismissively, his eyes never straying from your face. “I can tell you’re nervous. I just don’t know why.”

You shrugged in response, stirring your straw and avoiding his gaze. He was right, you were nervous. After all, your fiance seemed to be hung up on your friendship with him, and he reminded you about that every chance he got, but Jin doesn’t know that.

Should you tell him?

“Are you worried that your husband might catch us on our little date?” Jin quips with a suggestive tone.

Is…

Is that a flirt?!

You finally look up at him with wide eyes, clearly taken aback by Jin’s question, but he bursts out laughing at your expression. “Fiance, first of all.” You correct him once you’ve finally collected yourself enough to form a comprehensible sentence. “Second of all, we are not on a date.” You replied. You tried your best to sound stern with him; like you would not stand for him even making the suggestion, but it was all a smokescreen. Even hearing Jin mention the word ‘date’ immediately made your heart jump directly into your throat and your stomach churn.

Jin giggled and made a hand gesture like he was shooing a fly away. “Tomato, tomato. It might as well be a date. Just a platonic one.” He states with a wink and a single finger gun pointed in your direction.

You swallowed thickly and took another, long sip from your water. God, this man was going to be the death of you. “I’m guessing I hit the nail right on the head though, right?” He asked, almost any hint of humor dissipated from his voice.

You shrugged. “Either him, or…” You snorted humorlessly, “God forbid his mom or even worse, his sister caught me out with another man…” You mumbled against your straw.

Jin chuckled, “We’re friends! Would they really be that suspicious if they saw us together?” “It’s a long story…” You sighed.

“I’ve got time.” He replied, giving you a gentle smile. “I’ve got all the time in the world if you want to talk about it.”

You knew you were being avoidant about the subject, trying to fill Jin in as little as possible and for a few reasons. Part of you -- Albeit, a small part, really believed it was none of his business, and you were under no obligation to share any part of your personal life with him.

The thing was, Jin obviously knew that, too. Jin understood where he stands with you, and he’s not going to force you to say anything; he’s not going to force himself into your life, and if you said you wanted to drop this conversation, you knew he would. Despite how much you didn’t want to admit it to anyone, especially yourself, you appreciated that.

Appreciated him.

The other part of you, the biggest part, told you to be vague to protect him, and to protect your friendship. You’ve been with Touru for the better part of six years, and you’d lost plenty of friends along the way because they were either intimidated by Touru’s lack of friendliness towards them or because they simply felt unwelcomed.

Or in Dahyun’s case, made it their life's mission to run Touru off.

You didn’t want Jin to be scared off by Touru’s overprotectiveness. In fact, you wanted nothing more than to keep Jin around. You didn’t know for how long; obviously friendships don’t always last forever, but right now?

Right now, you reveled in his company. The way he easily brought out the best in you, making you laugh and being able to talk without the conversation ever getting stale or uncomfortable. Jin had really made an impact; really became a part of your life, and you knew you’d be devastated if he just up and disappeared.

Jin didn’t need a response to know you were uncomfortable with his question, so instead he asked, “How did you meet him?”

Lost deep in thought, you were surprised to hear Jin’s voice again. “Sorry?”

“Touru.” Jin says his name softly, still leaning on his hands. Like melted butter, your fiance’s name just rolls off his tongue in the most unexpected way. “How did you meet Touru?”

You smiled bashfully and looked towards the main entrance and out towards the street. “We met in high school.” You responded softly. “We had a few mutual friends, so we’d see each other pretty often on weekends or during breaks or whatever.”

Jin listened intently with hooded eyes and a smile that could melt anyone’s heart. You quickly peeked at him only to look back to the window again. “I went through… A pretty traumatic experience in my third year.” You cleared your throat, trapping your hands between your thighs.

“What happened?” He asked softly. Patiently.

You took a deep breath, then another one. You couldn’t even remember the last time you talked about him with anyone other than your mom. As much as you wanted to tell him, you couldn’t. “It doesn’t matter.” You lied, trying to reel yourself in. “Things were just really hard that year. I ended up missing a lot of school, and for a minute, I was almost worried I wouldn’t graduate.” You continued.

“My mom and friends were all really supportive of me, but Touru stuck out the most. I’d missed days, sometimes even weeks of school, and Touru would come by with all my homework.” You sighed. “He’d sit in the living room with me and help me work on it. Sharing his notes with me, and discussing what our teachers went over. Sometimes he’d bring gifts or food to cheer me up. He was just…”

You sighed again, “He was just really kind to me through all of it. He became my support system.” Jin nodded. “Is that why you fell in love with him?”

“I think so.” You replied, finally giving him a genuine smile. He smiled at you in return, “That’s really sweet.” He cooed, “So are you guys going to become like a power couple then? He’ll be senior vice president, and you’ll be like a lawyer or something?” He chuckled.

You tried to laugh with him, but something about the way he said it had struck a chord in your heart. “Ah, not quite. I mean look at me, I work in retail.” You responded, sounding a bit deflated.

“Was that end-goal for you?” He joked.

“Eh, not quite. I was going to school for nursing for a while -- Two years, actually. Don’t get me wrong, the program was wonderful, and I really enjoyed my time there, but it just ended up falling through.” You rubbed the back of your neck, chuckling awkwardly.

“How did it fall through?” He asked, “Did you end up killing someone by accident? No, no wait -- On purpose.” He winked at you, “It was someone you hated, wasn’t it?”

You couldn’t stop the full belly laugh just bursting out of you at his outlandish suggestion. “I said nursing! Not assassin, you freak!” You took a deep breath trying to calm down. “No, I didn’t kill anybody! Life just kind of caught up to me. Touru had proposed and bought us a house. The same year I dropped out was the year he got promoted, so we lost a lot of quality time together…”

All the memories from just a few years ago started to resurface as your laughter had finally died down.

All the arguments and hateful remarks.

We almost broke up…

You cleared your throat. “It just wasn’t going to work, so I dropped out.” You shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal, though. We’re going to have a family one day, and I want to be around for my children when they’re growing up.”

Jin looks at you in confusion. “So, will you go into a different career, then?” “Nope! I’ve decided to become a stay at home mom!”

And for the first time since he’s met you, you’d managed to render him speechless. He was dumbfounded, confused. He did his best not to let his emotions show on his face, something that he’d mastered over the years, but this time, he couldn’t bullshit you.

“I know that sounds like a crazy turn of events, but…” You muttered sheepishly. “I do mean it. I want to be a good mom to my children.”

“No, no! I totally understand that! And I support your decision!” He exclaimed a little too loudly. “If that’s what’s going to make you happy, then I’m happy for you.”

You smiled at him. Yeah, you definitely appreciate him.

“You seem so passionate about nursing, though. And it’s a stable career move; I’m surprised you’d let it pass you up.” He said, trying to sound nonchalant. “Not that I’m trying to change your mind. It would benefit you and Touru in a lot of ways. Not just financially, but also health wise, and in the case anything ever happened--” Now it was his turn to clear his throat.

“I’m sorry. Here I said I wouldn’t try to change your mind, and I’m getting way ahead of myself.” He chuckled. “I’m happy for you, (Y/n). Seriously, I mean that.”

You listened closely to his every word. Why was his encouragement making you feel so giddy? “No! You’re fine.” You replied, “If anything, I’m sorry for rambling about myself for so long.”

He smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”

Your waiter had walked up with your food before long. The two of you ate your lunch together comfortably, trading the heavy conversation for something much lighter.

“You can still back out.” Touru muttered, stopping the car in front of your work.

“You’ve been unusually quiet all night. Are you sure everything’s okay?”

You nodded, fumbling with your seatbelt. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just nervous, I think.”

Touru reached over, taking your hand in his, tracing his thumb over your knuckles. “You sure you don’t just want to go home for the evening? Once your shift starts, I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to come get you if you change your mind.”

A warmth spread through your chest at his small gesture. Here he was worried about you being up all night working your ass off, and all you could think about was how guilty you felt for lying to him. Maybe you should go home. What’s Seulgi going to do if you suddenly called in sick? Fire you?

“I’ll be fine.” You muttered, giving him a gentle smile. “This paycheck is going to be so nice, Touru. You know, I’ve been thinking about starting up a savings account. Maybe we can take a little vacation once Christmas is over.” You suggested. “Just you and me by the ocean. Or maybe we can visit Japan again! Kyoto has this lovely hotpot restaurant that just opened up, and--”

“You know how busy I’m going to be once Christmas is over, (Y/n).” Touru sighed, brows furrowed together.

“Right… I’m sorry.” You frowned. Normally it wouldn’t hurt this much, but you’ve been doing everything to try and get his spirits up recently, but every idea you’d put out there, he’d immediately shoot it down, always telling you, “I’m too busy.”

You knew his position kept him busy, but it felt like here recently, he was making less and less time for your relationship. “You should probably go in soon.” He sighed. You nodded. “Yeah. I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay?”

He nodded and leaned over to kiss you on the cheek. “Stay safe.” He muttered as you got out, shutting the door behind you.

He rolled your window down, “You’ll be home by six tomorrow?”

“I get off at six. I’ll probably be home around six forty five.” You corrected him. He nodded. “I love you.” You say meekly.

He gave you a lopsided smile, “Love you too.”

“Hey! Thanks again for helping out tonight!”

Jin had greeted you almost the second you walked through the door. You swallowed anxiously and looked back to where you knew Touru’s car was sitting, but thankfully he’d already pulled away. Or at least you hoped he had.

How often has he come in to check on you?

“It means a lot to everyone, but it really means a lot to me.” He continued, following you back to the office.

“Oh?”

He nodded, “If it hadn’t been for you, I would’ve been the only one rearranging softline tonight!” You stopped for a second. “The… The only one? I mean, aren’t there other overnight workers?”

“Oh, yeah! Jimin, Tae, Joy and Tiffany are all here! But Jimin and Tae work in home and goods, and Joy’s catching up on our online orders.”

“And Tiffany?”

“Hm? Oh, Tif’s one of our managers! She mostly works early mornings and overnight shifts, though.” He explained, “I think she’s helping with online orders too, but mostly it’s just mandatory she be here. So you’re stuck with me tonight.”

The part of your brain that’s in charge of critical thinking fizzled out like a thousand year old lightbulb. It’s okay; you should’ve expected this. After all, Irene did mention letting him know.

You’re on edge, though. You’re on edge when you clock in. On edge when Jin’s explaining the new apps on your scanner, and it feels like he’s standing entirely too close to you. You’re on edge even after he walks away, talking about, “I’ve gotta take care of Men’s, so I’m leaving you in charge of Women’s! But if you need any help, let me know and I’ll come running!”

You rolled your eyes, “I think I get the gist of it, Jin. Thank you.”

He nodded, “No problem! Oh, and we have a truck coming in around one thirty. I’ll let you know when you need to meet me on the dock, okay?”

You frowned, “The dock? You mean in the stockroom?” “Yeah, exactly! We’ll have to help unload, and then we’ll unpack the boxes and get the clothes set up on the rails.” He explained, “It won’t be that difficult! Before you know it, we’ll be going home!”

Maybe you should’ve gone home when you had the chance…

Once you fell into a routine, things didn’t seem so bad. Sure, you were left alone with thoughts of your coworker who seemed to play the role of ventriloquist with your feelings, but at least for now, you didn’t have to spend time with him.

Something about being alone in the store with no customers and nobody to bark orders at you felt cathartic. Although your job was a bit monotonous. Scanning tags, prepping clothes for clearance, sticking them with the proper sticker, and hanging them off to the side for later.

It wasn’t fun, but it wasn’t bad either. Tonight gave you the opportunity to do your job in peace. Just you and the overhead music. On occasion, you’d hear people make calls over the walkie. Either asking for assistance or requesting location in the store, but you weren’t paying much attention.

Someone who’d gone on their break -- Jimin, maybe? He was on the radio at one point, giggling and explaining to the staff that a watermelon truck had tumped over in one of the shopping districts, and they showed live news footage of the watermelons rolling across the highway.

“Nobody got hurt, but the way the news anchor called them ‘Runaway melons’ had me in tears!” He squeaked out. You could faintly hear Jin laughing from across the store, and it even made you chuckle a bit.

Your mind wandered to Jin. Wondered if he was doing the same thing you were doing. You were still thinking about what he said yesterday. How he seemed to be enthusiastic about you being a nurse.

“Enthusiastic…” You snorted to yourself.

All he said was finishing the course would be beneficial. It’s not like he said you should go back.

Still, something about the way he acted about the whole ordeal stuck with you; made you feel good. Hopeful, even. It’s been awhile since you dropped out, but you still had those credits. Sure, you might need to freshen up on some of your courses, but you could have your degree in another year and a half if you went back in January.

It’s been two years. Maybe things will be different this time.

A new song started playing on the overhead -- A song they’d been playing quite a bit recently. You didn’t know the name, but you had a bit of a love-hate relationship to the song. The lyrics were soft and sweet. A simple, but romantic song about falling in love with someone.

“I wanna give you more that’s All that I wanted to show everybody. I wanna tell the world, want everyone to see That you belong to me.”

“Hey, softline! Your trucks here!” One of the boys called over the radio. “Got it! (Y/n), are you free? Can you meet me on the dock?”

“On my way.” You sighed.

Then there’s that -- Almost like some kind of conspiracy you’ve conjured up in your mind. It felt like everytime that damn song came on, all of a sudden, Jin had to be in your presence, or you needed to speak to Jin. So far, it’d happened every time. Without fail.

You didn’t mind at first; you didn’t even think about it at first. Just an accident. A minor coincidence, nothing to make a fuss over. Then it started to become something of a routine, but there was no way anyone could’ve planned it! You were pretty sure the store couldn’t even control the playlist that played over the speakers, and it’s not like you and Jin had a routine yourselves.

It was sporadic. Something that just kind of happened that way. You’d been conditioned into associating that song with him, and being trapped in the stockroom alone with him. While listening to what you’ve come to know as Jin’s song…

It made you nervous.

“I think I’m falling for you. And I know that I adore you. And I think I’m falling for you. I know that I adore you.”

Unloading the truck moved along pretty quickly, now all that was left…

Was doing the rest of the work.

You and Jin fell in sync, dividing up the work so the process could move as steadily and quickly as possible. Jin’s song had long since ended, but you couldn’t stop thinking about it.

You couldn’t help but wonder if Jin noticed the same pattern. Notice the lyrics everytime while the two of you worked together. Or notice the way the song had started to take its toll on your heart every time he was around.

God, get ahold of yourself! It’s obviously just a coincidence!

You frowned as you tried to shake your thoughts away. You always did have a tendency of noticing detail; the little bits and pieces of life that don’t really matter. “You read into situations way too much.” Touru’s always told you. “You’re always too busy being worried about things that aren’t even worth being worried about.”

Maybe he’s right. Maybe this doesn’t matter.

“God, they play this song way too much, don’t you think?” Jin sighed dramatically, giving you a spook as he broke you out of your thoughts.

You focused on it for a moment.

“Kiss me… Down by the broken tree house. Lead me… Upon this hanging tire. Swing swing… Swing the spinning step. You’ll wear those shoes, and I will… Wear that dress. Ooh~”

You shrugged, pulling more clothes out of the box you’d been working on. “I don’t know, do they? I kind of like this song!” You chirped. It had always been one of those songs you could see playing at your wedding. Sure, it might be a bit cliche, but isn’t all romance cliche? You wouldn’t mind if your romance with Touru was a bit more cliche like it was when the two of you were in high school.

Maybe it’s just because we’re out of that cupcake stage in our relationship, you thought to yourself. “Really?” Jin sounded surprised at your confession. “It’s not that I don’t like the song! It just seems like I’m way too busy everytime it plays!” He sighed. “I’ve started thinking about it anytime I’m doing chores I don’t enjoy.”

“Awe, you don’t like unpacking fifty pound boxes?” You smirked playfully, shifting on your knees a bit so you weren’t so uncomfortable on the concrete floor. Jin groans as he reaches for another box beside you, setting it on the cart in front of him. “Well, usually I don’t, but tonight I actually have good company!” He chirps happily.

“Maybe if the song starts playing when I’m spending time with you, I can start associating it with good memories.” He giggled. The sound of tape ripping loudly off the box cut right through the conversation, preventing any further comments on your end. Still, it did nothing to prevent the heat from quickly spreading across your cheeks.

You shouldn’t say such things so carelessly, Jin. You’ll give a girl the wrong idea.

“What? Cat got your tongue?” Jin laughed, softly kicking you in the butt with his foot. You grunt and give him a look over your shoulder. “No! I’m just busy!” You stuttered, but it only made him laugh more.

“You just got quiet is all! I got worried about you.” He smirked. “Thought you fell asleep on me.” “Oh, please!” You rolled your eyes, “I used to pull all nighters all the time in college. This is a piece of cake for me.”

You wiped your hands on your jeans after folding the last few shirts. Your legs felt numb and straightening your back almost felt impossible, but you muscled through it anyway, turning side to side to wake those muscles up. “Ugh. Hey, can you give me a hand? I can’t hardly feel my thighs.” You asked shyly, reaching your hand up towards Jin.

He grasped you firmly by the wrist and carefully pulled you to your feet. “Thanks.” You groaned, lifting your arms and arching your back into a much needed stretch. “God, I didn’t realize how bad I needed that.” You moaned, twisting your body a bit.

When you look up again, the last thing you expected to see was Jin’s hooded gaze focused intently on your face. Eyes wavering, brows furrowed in concentration as if they’re searching for something, and it makes your heart skip a beat.

“Jin…?”

You could see his hand reaching towards your face in your peripheral vision, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to tear your eyes away from his. Hyper aware of the rising and falling of your chest, and the way his pillow lips were just slightly parted.

You let out a soft gasp as you felt the pads of his fingers just barely graze your cheek and you feared you were done for. Pupils dilated, closing your eyes, expecting the pull towards him, and the touch of his plush kiss--

No. Instead, you feel something being pulled off your cheek.

“You had tape on your face.” He smirked.

Your eyes shot wide open; it was like someone had just doused you with cold water, but you were anything but cold. You could feel the heat all over as your cheeks burned pinky red with embarrassment. You touched your palm to your face where the tape had been. “I-I knew that!” You exclaimed defensively, “I was saving it for later!”

“You thought I was going to kiss you.” Jin stated proudly, that proud grin plastered to his face like he’d just won first prize and he could now rub it in his competitors face. Except instead of a first prize, he’d received the satisfaction of seeing you in a new light. Getting to see you nearly crumble for him from the touch of his fingertips alone, oh it overfilled his cup with pride.

Nevertheless, you were determined to stand your ground. “Don’t be ridiculous.”You responded in a mock-serious tone, brows furrowed and shoulders straight. “Why would you kiss me? And in here of all places?!”

You turned away without waiting for his response. Ready to get back to work and forget that horrendous moment entirely, but Jin had other plans as he took your chin between his thumb and his forefinger, forcing you to look at him.

“Oh, really?” He tested you, his voice dropping an octave. “What if I wanted to kiss you in here?” He whispered, giving your chin the lightest tug. You suck in a sharp breath, bracing your hands against his chest as you tripped forward, and his steady breaths actually faltered as you stumbled closer. Was he as nervous as you were?

Jin's other palm jutted out to catch you, caressing your hip like ocean waves on the shore. This was a dangerous game to be playing with him. You should pull away. You love Touru; your engagement to Touru meant everything. The two of you could get caught! Tiffany could write you up for fooling around and not doing your job!

But you couldn't have been further from reality right now. No, instead here you stood, nearly chest to chest with this man, speechless, lost somewhere between the deep, dark hues in his eyes and those flowery lips parted just enough so you could see his tongue. Yes, his lips caught your eye once again. His fingertips just barely grazed the skin on your chin, keeping you there, holding you, waiting for you to make the first move.

Not because Jin couldn't do it himself. Because he respected you. Respected your boundaries and respected your relationship. He didn’t expect anything from you, but he did want to play. Just a little bit. Just to see if you would play along if that’s what you wanted. If he was what you wanted.

But what did you want? What did you truly want?

You shouldn’t want anything from him. You should be embarrassed; you should be a lot of things! For months now, you've been fighting yourself. Fighting your feelings and your affections towards this man, but was it really because you didn't care for him? Perhaps it was the opposite this entire time.

You do care about him, but how? And what does he mean to you now that he’s staring you down? Openly staring at your face; staring at your lips like they are the most addictive thing this world has to offer, and he may go delirious if he doesn't get to feel you; doesn't get to feel your lips against his.

Would it be wrong to say you want to feel his lips too?

You'd be lying to yourself if you said you hadn't been sneaking glances at his lips for awhile. Hadn't been imagining how those pillow soft lips feel against your skin, warm and moist and soft as they should be. Would it feel like home kissing him? Or would it feel like a sin?

Could it be both?

He smirked at your fucked out look. His tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip, and Jin didn’t miss the shaky breath you took in upon watching him do it; the way your pupils further dilated. Yeah, you’re not fooling anyone. You’d let him kiss you in a heartbeat, even if it were in this dingy stockroom.

Alone. In a dingy stockroom.

"Well?" He rasped, tugging you ever so closer. Just enough that you could smell hints of strawberries and vanilla on his skin. Something so unexpected, yet so much like him.

His hands are so big and warm…

Yes, he'd become a constant in your life. Maybe even a comfort. Something to escape the problems you knew you had with Touru. Something you didn't want to admit you definitely had, but there had to be a line somewhere. At what point were you becoming too comfortable with him? At what point would it be sabotaging your relationship?

Was this really worth ruining what you had with Touru? Surely it’s just lust, maybe even a moment of weakness. You don’t love him; you don’t have a future with him. You have a future with your fiance back home. Being the perfect wife to him, and the perfect mother to your children.

Is that what would make you happy? Is that what you want?

You always wanted to have that picture perfect marriage with Touru, but how were you supposed to when so many times, he'd gone against your wishes?

How was your marriage supposed to be perfect when so many times, he'd gone against your happiness for the sake of his own selfishness? Would Jin be any better?

“I…” You slid your hands up just enough so your fingertips were grazing his broad shoulders. His gaze shifted between your lips and your bedroom eyes, but he never leaned in first. Never pushed himself onto you. Despite his setup, he’s handed the reins over to you. You’re in control.

Maybe this can just be your little secret.

"Ay, Seokjin!" One of the male overnighters called -- Taehyung, you believed.

"What's your location? I could use some help in Home and Goods."

Jin’s pupils were blown out wide as they honed in on your face, although your gaze had quickly shifted to his brown eyes, something in his brain was clearly not on track with the rest of him. Something devious in the forefront of his mind that told him to be selfish; take what he wanted. Because it was clear the one woman he so desperately wanted definitely wanted him back. At least in the moment.

A minute passed. Then another. And another. You knew better than to assume Jin would make the first move, but still, something deep, deep within you really wanted him to. Maybe so you wouldn’t have to take the blame? Or was it because you wanted him to want you?

"I'm in the stockroom..." he murmured into the mic on his headset, still holding eye contact.

Quiet. It was almost as if the two of you would do your best to keep this up for as long as you could before reality could set back in despite neither of you having hardly touched the other.

"Well hurry up! I just told ya I needed assistance!"

Time seemed to catch up. You found yourself breathing again. You could hear the clock ticking and the music playing on the overhead. You even noticed the sound of Jin's ragged breaths as if he'd just run a mile. He was so worked up.

Silence fell over the stockroom once more; not even the sound of music could cut through it nor the way another voice calls over the walkie. Everything goes over your head, but at least you felt like you could finally breathe again.

In one clumsy motion, you jerked your whole body away from him, but the tight space doesn't allow you much room. Your arms swung about and you tumbled over your feet as you tried to catch your balance, but in the end, you managed to smack into one of the shelving units behind you. You grunt as an empty box fell over your head.

“Oh my god! Are you okay?” Jin squeaked, rushing forward to pull it off you, but you twisted every which way to prevent him from touching you. “I-I’m fine!” You yelled, ripping the box off your head and tossing it away. “I’m taking my lunch! Please excuse me!”

You ran like a madwoman. You ran out of the stockroom. You ran through the empty store. Your legs carried you like you were on a mission to save the world.

But your only mission was to find the women’s restroom.

So you could panic in peace.

You (Not so subtly) checked all the stalls, even going as far as to kick one of the doors wide open just to be certain…

You were alone.

You sat against the far wall, as far as humanly possible as you could get from the door. From Seokjin. You could hear your heartbeat thrumming against your eardrums, but somehow, you could hear the memory of Jin’s ragged breath even louder mixed with the deep, sultry sound of his voice…

“What if I wanted to kiss you in here?”

What if? WHAT IF!

Did he?!

“Ugh!” You screamed and nearly smacked your head against the tile wall behind you. You were going to let him kiss you, no questions asked! You leaned into him! You let him put his hands on you, and you put your hands on him! Touched him! With your bare hands!

You couldn’t stop the thoughts running rampant; the anxiety of having to face him again! What were you supposed to say to that? “Hey, sorry for running off like an idiot. It’s just that you really got me hot and bothered, and I’m in a committed relationship, so none of that bullshit!”

Jin isn’t worth ruining your relationship with Touru. Yes, he’s one of your best friends. Yes, he is a good looking man. Yes, he makes you happy. No, he is not the love of your life.

You took deep breaths in a vain attempt to calm your racing heart. You pulled your phone from your back pocket. Staring at her contact photo for a split second, you wondered if telling her is really the best decision.

You sent the text message before you could second-guess yourself.

“Hey! Are you awake?”

A minute. Two minutes pass. Two minutes turns into three, and you begin to think she’s probably not going to respond. That is until your phone starts ringing.

“H--”

“Of course I’m awake! What are you doing up this late?”

You sighed a sigh caught somewhere between relief and despair. “I’m at work.” “Whaaaaat?” Dahyun laughed.

“I’m doing an overnight shift.” You sighed again. “Wow! They bumped you up pretty quickly, didn’t they?” She laughed. “Gotta say! I’m surprised you texted me! I’m even more surprised you picked up! Feels like you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder since the last time we hung out!” She snickered. You could tell by the tone of her voice she clearly felt no remorse or even an ounce of guilt for her crime.

“Yeah, well don’t think for a second that I’m not still salty. You ditched me for your girlfriend! And you left me with Jin of all people!”

“Hey. Hey.” Dahyun cut you off, suddenly taking on a serious tone. “Chae was hungry.” She joked. “Aaaaannnndd she was feeling a little under the weather. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I’d just left her alone?”

“Yeah, well Chae texted me the next morning to see how my quote-unquote: One night stand went.” You responded sarcastically, “So something tells me you might be fibbing.” Although Dahyun made some attempt to hide it, you could clearly hear her snickering on the other line.

“Anyway that’s not why I’m bothering you.” “Oh?”

You nodded as if she were sitting on the bathroom floor with you. “I’m working with Jin tonight, and… Something happened. Something weird. While we were in the back.”

“Ooh, do tell! I’m always down for late night gossip!” Dahyun giggled excitedly, “Wait, he didn’t touch you or anything, did he?”

“No!” You screeched, “Jesus christ. No. We… I don’t really know how or why, but we almost kissed.”

You explained the situation to Dahyun pretty quickly, although you made it a point to leave out how you compared Jin to Touru as a lover. “He just… He acted like he was going to do it. Like he wanted to, but I don’t know how to take it.” You sighed. “I really don’t want to bring it up to him, but I’m stuck here for a few more hours.”

Dahyun sighed on the other end. “Sounds like a sleazy move to me.” She responded. “Not in the, “Oh, he’s trying to get in between you and Touru!” Sense, because.. Well, you already know where I stand on that.”

You rolled your eyes so hard you thought you caught a glimpse of your brain for a moment . “It seems more like he might’ve been toying with you, which isn’t cool.” She sighed. “I don’t know, I could be wrong! Maybe he was flirting with you, and he really does want to kiss you.” She quickly backtracked.

“You of all people should know I’m no expert on boys. Unfortunately, I don’t think you’ll know how he feels unless… You ask him yourself.” She said, sadly. “I’m sorry. I don’t have all the answers this time, honey.”

You frowned. “I know, but that’s okay! Thank you for listening to my bullshit anyway.”

Although Dahyun had her little quirks about her, she was still above all else, your very best friend, and you loved her regardless. You knew you could turn to her, and she always had her ways of calming you down, reassuring you that whatever was going on, it wasn’t the end of the world. She was quickly able to do that tonight, even if just for a moment. Jumping into her plans to take Chae on a secret trip so she could finally propose to her.

“And you’re going to be my maid of honor when we get married, right?” “Of course! Who else--”

A voice in your earpiece -- A voice you were dreading to hear, cut you off before you could talk much longer. “Hey, (Y/n)! I just wanted to check if you were back from lunch yet.”

You sighed sadly. “That’s my cue to leave. I’ve gotta go.” You nearly cried into the phone receiver. “It’s okay, babe. Just remember, tonight has to end eventually!” Dahyun shouted encouragingly. “You’re going to get through this!”

With one more reassuring push, Dahyun finally let you off the phone, and you unwillingly dragged yourself back to the stockroom, albeit you were alone this time. With Jin next in line to take his lunch, you’re left to unpack and organize clothes comfortably.

You were thankful for the half hour he was gone. It gave you enough time to gather the courage to confront him, and maybe set up some boundaries if that wasn’t already clear to him.

But the thirty minutes had come and gone. Jin gave you the heads up that he was back on the floor, but he never returned to the stockroom. Another hour had gone by doing the work of two people by yourself.

You weren’t upset -- Well, maybe a little bit. He shouldn’t have left you to work on this project alone, but what’s even worse, was he too much of a coward to face you head-on after the scene he’d created?

You couldn’t speak though. You’d heard Jin interacting with your other coworkers plenty of times. Both over the walkie, and even caught small glimpses of him after you went back to Women’s to finish up what you’d been doing earlier in the night. As much as you wanted to talk to him, you yourself didn’t have the courage. Jin had left you feeling embarrassed among other things. Other feelings you weren’t ready to explore.

You were the first one to be clocked out at six O’clock. You didn't’ see nor speak to Jin at all after his lunch, which was both weird and disheartening.

Was Dahyun right? Was he really just being sleazy?

Even worse… Had Touru been right about Jin this whole time?

“(Y/n)... (Y/n)!”

You halted suddenly as you’re grabbed by the shoulder and turned around to face--

“Jin…”

He smiled sadly. “(Y/n) Can I talk to you for a moment?”

You rolled your eyes, burying your face deeper into your scarf and your hands deeper into your pockets. Maybe if you tried hard enough, you could turn yourself into a cocoon and avoid him altogether. “I guess…”

“I just wanted to apologize for earlier. In the stockroom, I mean.” He sighed. “A-and for not apologizing sooner! I was just trying to get a rise out of you, but I didn’t stop to think that it might’ve made you uncomfortable, and that was shitty of me. I’m really sorry.”

The apples of your cheeks glowered with embarrassment under the rising sun, but you silently hoped Jin would just mistake it for the cool air kissing your skin. “It’s fine. I figured you were just teasing me, so I didn’t let it bother me.” You lied. “Just don’t do it again.”

Jin smiled. “You have my word!” He exclaimed happily. Merrily, as if his smile didn’t send your heart racing a mile a minute. “Hey, do you need a ride to the station? Or just a ride home, maybe?”

You quietly shook your head. “The sun’s coming up, I think I’ll make it. I’ll see you next week, okay?”

“Yeah, of course!” Jin wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace. You were quick to hug him back before turning on your heel, and making a B-line for the train station.

Hm, so it was just a joke…

That’s a good thing! That means your friendship isn’t ruined! And you successfully got through the night, and you can now go home to your loving fiance! Everything is going to be just fine!

… So why does the very thought of it make your heart ache?

31 notes · View notes

himbowelsh · 4 years

Note

Could you please do Robert Leckie for the Valentine’s asks? Thank you :)

valentines day alphabet ( accepting! )

A : AFFECTION. how does your muse show affection?

Bob is particular about physical affection in general (see EMBRACE below), so his ways of showing affection tend to be more subtle. He’s not above bribing people bringing people gifts, if he feels like he needs to secure their affection; he’s also a very intent listener with a genuine interest in people, and his compassion works to his advantage when loved ones are opening up to him. People feel seen when Bob listens to them --- and he doesn’t forget what they say.

B : BOUQUET. does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Bitch doesn’t know the first damn thing about flowers. He’ll rock up somewhere with a lone flower obviously picked from the bush in the front yard and think he’s smooth. Banned from three flower shops in the state of New Jersey, but that’s a different story.

C : CHOCOLATE. does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

“I’m not a fan of chocolate,” he says, deadpan, while literally digging through a box of Russel Stover. He loves the ones with nuts.

D : DATE. what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Hey, he’ll go classic, take someone out to dinner --- but he’s going to make it good. Bob will find a way to scatter surprises throughout the night, either by ordering a special dessert when his date’s in the bathroom, or taking the long way around on the way home so they can catch some fireworks in the local park. Bob wants to give his dates something to remember by the end of the night --- something more than the very memorable parting kiss on the doorstep.

E : EMBRACE. does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

He pretends to be casual with physical affection, but it’s really quite significant for him. Bob is careful with how he holds himself, very conscious of his own body language; he likes to portray himself a certain way, and that Bob Leckie hands out back slaps like it’s nothing. Privately, though, he doesn’t like to be touched much. Bob will invite physical affection only when he really needs it, and then he tends to be a clingy hugger. If he’s actively seeking out physical affection from someone else, it’s his way of admitting he feels vulnerable.

F : FLIRT. is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

Could teach a master class in flirting --- not that the lessons would be good, or the advice useful, but he absolutely believes he’s that smooth. The worst part is, he kind of is? Maybe it’s the cute smile, maybe it’s the wit, but Bob has a way of charming women. He’s talented with his mouth in more ways than one. His method of flirting is wit, good looks, and a bit of irresistible charm. (He’s such a lad, he picks a girl flowers from her own garden, don’t date him, dON’T---)

G : GIFT. is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

Hmm. He’s... a very determined gift-giver, who utilizes the resources at hand. He’s not going to import the perfect gift from another country, but he’ll pay attention to what people want in the moment, and try his best to obtain it for them. Gift giving is a double-edged sword for Bob. He’s naturally generous, and really enjoys giving gifts... but part of that satisfaction comes from the gratitude of people around him, and the feeling that he’s a bit more important to them. That, by making them happy in this moment, he stands out in their minds a bit more. (We stan a boy who wasn’t hugged enough as a child!)

H : HEART. is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He rushes into it quicker than he should. When Bob falls in love, he goes beyond the person themselves --- he falls in love with the fantasy. The life they could have, the life he imagines he wants with them... and this fantasy isn’t always grounded in reality, but he wants it so badly in the moment. He takes love as deeply as he takes rejection, and his heart is as easily won as broken.

I : I LOVE YOU. does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

He’s so casual about it. While walking out the door, a quick kiss on the cheek, “Love you.” While slipping into bed and turning off the light, “’Night, love you.” While looking at a meal his partner’s cooked, “Wow, I love you.” He even teases with it sometimes... but this affected casualness is all a way of hiding how much he means it, how much he loves just getting to love someone, and being loved back. By saying it so often, that makes it concrete --- maybe that’ll make it last forever. There’s no denying how much delight he gets in saying it, though.

J : JEALOUSY. does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

Very, very jealous, in ways that can sometimes be ugly. He... does not like to feel like his partner’s attention is slipping. This will result in one of his patented Bob Leckie Attention Grabs. He might actually pick a fight, just to get his partner’s full attention on him once more; he’ll brood and pout and be cross for several days, until his partner finally forces him to sit down and talk it out. He just... worries, is all. Not in a way where he’ll invade his partner’s privacy, but he will make it a Big Goddamn Deal when it doesn’t have to be.

K : KISS. is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

He gets into it very quickly, and is determined to please. Bob approaches kissing like a dance; if two bodies don’t find the right rhythm, they can’t really hit it off, can they? His hands move all over, getting the feel of his partner’s body, but he otherwise stays very still. His mouth is active, impetuous, nipping their lips and teasing them with his tongue as though eager to claim them. If he can win a noise from them --- either a sigh or a gasp --- it feels like a victory.

L : LOVE. who does your muse love?

He likes himself a whole lot, but also hates himself, so it’s weird. He loves... gah, it’s a hard question. Shouldn’t be, but it is. Once Bob decides to let himself care for someone, he cares about them very deeply. He loves his friends, the group he’s been through so much with --- they’re probably the closest people to him, just because they accept him, bugs and all.

M : MOONLIGHT. is morning or night a more romantic setting?

He comes alive at night; Bob is, unfortunately, a night owl. And also a morning person. If he’s awake, he tends to be annoyingly awake, and is up for getting weird at any hour of the day.

N : NAUGHTY. what is your muse like in bed?

He’s got a lot of enthusiasm. Technique? Finesse? Not so much, but Bob puts in the effort, okay? He’s very sensual, focused on enjoying himself in the moment --- the bedroom is one of the few places Bob can get out of his own head --- but it doesn’t quite work when you get turned on that quickly, Bob. His problem is that he’s lowkey always horny (which explains... 58% of his character) so when he finally gets to rock ‘n roll, sometimes he rolls before he can get rocking. Not his fault, not every time, it just... happens. He makes up for it by being a generous lover who’s very good with his mouth, and can move his tongue in ways that would get a nun trembling. Bob’s patient. When he’s not focused on his own pleasure, he can drag his partner’s out for hours, drawing them up to the brink multiple times before pulling them back. He enjoys hearing them moan, feeling them squirm against him, just knowing that he’s the cause of all of it... and, when they finally are allowed to go over the edge, he loves nothing more than to watch.

O : ODE. does your muse have a way with words?

Annoyingly so. He’s very good at stringing words together, in a way that dances on just the right side of pretentious; when he wants to reach someone’s soul, he can hit a perfect heartfelt note, winning them over. He’s tried his hand at poetry before, but love poetry is well and truly beyond his talent, so please don’t let him try. It’s laughably bad.

P : PARTNER. what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Someone who can put up with his bullshit. No, okay, he’d lowkey need someone with the patience of a saint. Someone... grounded, for all the times he isn’t; someone with a clear head, who can look at a situation from an objective angle and give their take on it. He’d like someone capable of expressing themselves eloquently, maybe someone who doesn’t hold back their emotions. Someone sympathetic. Someone who listens, but who can tell a story that keeps people engaged. If they can talk him out of his brooding moods, they’re his greatest ally. If they’ll read his writing and offer opinions (even critiques), he’ll be head over heels.

Q : QUESTION. would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

No, don’t worry. He’s going to ask. Bob might actually ask too soon, before the relationship is really there yet. He doesn’t take being told to slow his roll well, but when his partner points out that they’ve only been dating for six months and there are things they still don’t know about each other, he’s forced to see reason. At least, something close to reason; he keeps the ring in his desk drawer, waiting for “a rainy day” that will inevitably arrive sooner or later.

R : ROMANCE. is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

A self-proclaimed cynic, disgusted by his own romantic longings. Someone please exorcise him.

S : SWEETHEART. did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

Leckie was a flirt from the day he realized he could fast-talk people; he always had charm, even as a little kid, and it won over plenty of people. Little Bob craved attention, and sought it out from his teachers, who encouraged him; and his classmates, who either loved or hated him. He had about... three elementary school girlfriends. None of them lasted long.

T : TRUE LOVE. does your muse believe in true love?

Please. He may fantasize about a picture-perfect romance, but he’s not naive, okay? Pssh.

U : UNREQUITED. has your muse had their heart broken?

Well... Stella sure didn’t feel good. It wasn’t as though Bob was head-over-heels in love with her; he just thought he was, and had already moved to the stage of fantasizing about their children. He wanted that life, with a family who loved him, people who cared for him and wanted him around... Mama Karamanlis was nothing like his own mother, and actually made him feel wanted. Maybe he was in love with that, more than Stella, but losing her felt like losing a rib. And knowing it was because she didn’t think he’d make it back? Let’s just say there were a few moments after that where Bob didn’t want to make it back.

V : VALENTINE. how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

He has an actual hatred for it. Genuine vitriol. It’s weird, because Valentine’s Day has had... legit no impact on his life so far. It’s done nothing to him. He just insists it’s a commercialized garbage day, and refuses to go out on principle.

W : WEDDING. would your muse get married? why / why not?

He... I mean, yeah. It’s definitely something he wants. He’s got it all planned out --- nice house, successful career, doting spouse, two or three kids... of course, life’s never that simple, he knows that, but it’s what he wants. The fantasy is Bob’s problem. He’s bound to be dissatisfied with actual married life, or even the idea of marrying a particular partner, until that ideal is shattered. It’ll hurt like losing a limb, but in the end, reality is sometimes better than a dream.

X : XOXO. does your muse use / like pet names?

Oh yeah, and he’s gross about it. “Darling”, “honey”, “sweetheart”, just to see his partner blush... or roll their eyes at him. Either works. He thinks he’s adorable.

Y : YOURS. does your muse get protective easily?

Yes! Same with jealousy --- sometimes Bob will jump to conclusions, and it’s just like, “slow your roll there, marine”. He’s an overthinker, but he’s also quick with his fists, which is a dangerous combination. When he sees a situation that’s definitely not right (i.e. someone he cares about is blatantly being made uncomfortable, or is in danger) he will step in. No hesitation, suddenly he’s just there, with a gleam of challenge in his eyes and a biting remark on the tip of his tongue. If he can’t diffuse the situation with a few words... well, he’s prepared to get punched in the face for someone else’s sake.

Z : ZZZ. how many people has your muse slept with?

He doesn’t exactly sleep around, but again --- he’s a flirt. He’s popular, with ladies especially. Several back in Jersey, of course Stella in Melbourne, and he wasn’t exactly getting anything in the Army hospital, but after he gets home... he’s not above sleeping with coworkers, either, so the news office has gotten a little awkward at times. 5 - 6 partners, good for him.

#robert leckie #the pacific #i... love this man so much #this is my first in depth look at leckie and it came so easily???#i wrote this in an hour #normally these take 2-3 hours but his was EASY because he's just #so multilayered?? so interesting??#some of his worst flaws are my worst flaws and i hate him i LOVE him #headcanons #Anonymous

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abjectaspiringfailure · 5 years

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Words of Advice - Eto's parallels with Amon, Touka, Kurona, Kaneki, and Suzuya

I wanted to take a look at both Eto’s conversation with the twins and Amon’s conversation with Suzuya in the same arc. That is, what Eto and Amon were saying to both the twins and Suzuya, and why they were saying it. Furthermore, I want to address that what Eto says to the twins is something we’ve all seen before with Amon and Touka’s past conversations with Kaneki.

(TG 98, 25, 3)

While Amon’s similarities with Suzuya are well known, Eto’s similarities with the twins, but specifically Kurona, is something I think isn’t noted enough. I also wanted to include an analysis of both Kurona and Suzuya respectively in this analysis - and what Eto’s and Amon’s words to them both meant.

(TG 97)

The first time Eto meets the twins directly is in Kanou’s lab. She runs off when Aogiri meets Anti-Aogiri, but she’s not really trying to escape here. If she did, she could easily outrun them and they’d never find her, as evidenced by her later usage of her superior agility to evade them and make them lose sight of her. Instead, Eto gets just far away enough from the battle where her conversation with the twins won’t be disturbed, and then waits for them to meet up with her. Eto says a lot of things to the twins, but what are her opening and closing interactions with her pertaining to?

(TG 98)

Her opening is taunting them. Specifically, in regards to the fact that they have small kagunes. Now, what’s her closing interaction with them? The last question she asks them is “what does a ‘former human’ think about eating humans?” Note that she puts “become a ghoul” and “former human” in quotes - that’ll be important later.

The twins themselves are no longer able to eat normal food. They are forced now to eat what ghouls eat - other people, be they humans or ghouls. Eto’s words to the twins here are actually similar to the same words said to Kaneki by both Amon and Touka earlier in the manga, with some interesting contrasts. To get into what Eto’s actually saying here, we should compare those situations, and contrast the twins eagerness to be ghouls with Kaneki’s hesistance.

(TG 100, 5)

Notably, Kaneki and the twins are (at first glance) seemingly complete inversions of this state of being. Kaneki had literally no choice in the manner of his ghoul conversion, where as the twins chose to give up their humanity. He was attacked by Rize, and Kanou used his as a convenient test subject, his first experiment using Rize, as preparation for the twins ghoulification. He laments leaving the perceived safety of the human world, and preceived entering into the violent and turbulent world of ghouls.

This is partially because Kaneki hadn’t realized the omnipresent cohabitation status of ghouls among humans. While Kaneki lived a rough childhood, thanks to Hide, he was protected from the harsh realities of his world. But this is especially so especially so with regards to ghouls.

(TG 7)

So when he becomes a ghoul, that’s what ends up becoming among the most shocking things to him in a series of shocking revelations. That the ghouls were always there, this violence and mayhem was always within walking distance, it’s just only now becoming tangible to him. His denials of being a ghoul, and his persistence to claim he’s human, are understandable. First impressions are important, and Kaneki’s first impression, his first few face-to-face encounters with what he acknowledges as ghouls, are incredibly violent.

His predation by Rize, followed by Touka’s killing of a man right in front of him, then his own stumbling upon a freshly killed human by an unknown ghoul when expecting to find a nice home cooked style meal, then watching Nishki kill that ghoul and threaten to kill him, and then topping it off with Nishki being fought off by Touka. Kaneki’s outburst towards Touka makes sense in that regard. His only reprieve from this violence was Yoshimura’s brief offering of food up until that point.

(TG 8)

The idea that he, a person that never engaged in violent acts in his life, would be forced to do battle with other ghouls just to survive is a horrifying prospect. His fears are shown to have a strong basis in reality, and he almost loses his life along with Hide’s later on when he fights Nishki. It’s only because of his willingness to do anything for Hide, and the immense innate power of Rize’s kagune, that he survives his first battle. Even then, this almost backfires, and he needs to be bailed out by Touka before he ends up eating Hide.

(TG 95)

But the twins are completely different. They were there to witness the deaths of their parents at the hands of a ghoul. After this, they were brought into the CCG to become ghoul investigators, as many orphaned by ghouls did.

(TG 102)

So they were brought up with the experience of the horror ghouls could inflict against their loved ones, in an environment that taught the dehumanization of ghouls, and found themselves surrounded by others who were in the same predicament. Instead of receiving proper mental health treatment and counseling, they’re turned into weapons against ghouls. Amon’s speech here is likely meant to represent a microcosm of what they’re taught in the institution. Ghouls are just monsters. Ghouls kill everyone they can. They ruined your life - now they’re going to ruin others. Unless they’re stopped. By you, of course.

If a firsthand experience with a ghoul killing your family when you’re a child is the only experience you ever had, Amon’s speech sounds like a nice ideal. Amon, a man they greatly respect, lays it out so simply here. A very black and white justice for a black and white world. You save the world by focusing on getting rid of the bad people.

(TG;re 66)

Reducing the “enemy” to a vague and easy identifiable “other”, rather than acknowledging their existence as anything other than evil, makes things so much simpler. Everything, all of it, it’s their fault. It’s a comfort, in a sense, because it’s easier than thinking about the implications of one’s actions and making choices of your own. And if you start by putting this idea into the mind of children, they’re easier to influence because they lack experience in the world to tell them otherwise. However, this type of thinking can easily backfire. For example, if someone else is aware of it, and is willing to use the same tactics to subvert this programming.

(TG 102)

The twins’ encounter of Suzuya, which we’ll be going into more detail later, likely factored into their disillusionment with the CCG to some extent. From their point of view, the CCG knew that Suzuya was killing animals and was dangerous, but they didn’t care. They knew he was being a “problem child” but they let him roam around free. Instead, they saw the CCG as merely gossiping about Suzuya towards other students. But that’s nothing compared to what Kanou shows them.

(TG;re 93)

Kanou comes into their lives and shows them this new truth. Presented with this new reality, with such overwhelming evidence, they instantly turn on the CCG and humanity. Because when you remove nuance, it’s easy to turn on the “other”. Many times in Tokyo Ghoul, a character changes their entire life outlook by realizing that things aren’t always as they appear. Sometimes, this works out. Other times, such as here? It does not. Because there is no real attempt at understanding at any level, because Kanou really didn’t want them to understand. Kanou wanted them to learn the lesson he wanted them to learn, in the way that most suited his agenda.

(TG;re 93)

Just as Kaneki was sheltered from the world of ghouls, they were sheltered from the world of humanity. They were told a simple truth - humans good, ghouls bad. So if ghouls aren’t the problem, humanity then becomes the problem. The CCG becomes worse than ghouls. After all, they’re the ones who are really distorting the world.

Kanou’s usage of their parents, and his usurpation of the role of guardian figure in their life can’t be understated in how important it was in his manipulations of the twins.

(TG 102)

Their idea of a good afterlife is an afterlife where everyone meets their parents. Placing emphasis on family, blood or otherwise, is common in Tokyo Ghoul. But for the twins, it’s probably one of their defining features. And its understandable. Their childhood before the tragedy was happy, they were well loved, and they always had one another.

(TG;re 93)

So when Kanou comes in and appeals to them with a new justice, when he appeals to clearing the disgrace of their parents, of course they jump in on for ghoulification. Kanou’s making an appeal in the light of the idea that he’s their father’s fellow researcher, that he is on the same path as their father was. He was a collaborator like their father was, and he is now having the same crisis of consciousness he once did. But now, unlike then, they have a means to fix it, and stop further tragedies.

If you actually take a step back to think about what Kanou’s proposing to the twins here, it makes no sense from a logical perspective. Turning into ghouls doesn’t somehow bring back their parents. It doesn’t stop the immoral ghoulification experiments, because they’re literally undergoing the ghoulification experiments.

(TG 102)

The twins dismissal of Suzuya as just a pseudofriend of justice is, in a sense, a rebuke towards the CCG they once aspired to join. Kanou took advantage of that mental blindspots the twins had. The idea that the world was simple black and white from years of propaganda and horrible trauma. He appealed to the idea that they were special, that there was something only they could do, as Amon and the Academy instructors did. He became the parental figure of their life, using the nostalgia of their old home and wonderful life to win them over. All because he wanted some experimental test subjects.

(TG 98)

Which is exactly what Eto says here.

Kanou never revealed his overarching plan. He never explained how ghoulification surgeries would fix the “distortion of the world”. So of course this was never going to work out for the twins. He never really planned it to, and they trusted him in full. This isn’t the twins fault, here, Kanou never should have manipulated them in this manner. They were indoctrinated and emotionally unstable children that he took advantage of. Kanou manipulated them into the same situation that Kaneki ended up in - and he made them complicit with his own actions.

(TG 98)

Eto tells the twins have no one they can rely on but one another with this statement. They’re just two ghouls, with no ghoul family or friends, and no place in the human world. They’re not as extraordinary as they think they are, as evidenced by her effortlessly dancing around them. They’re cocky, and understandably so, given their constantly reinforced “unique” status for most of their life, but that’s not enough to cut it. There’s more here, but we’ll focus on that part for now.

Because if all you have to rely on is one another, that means you have to protect one another, right? They need to stop trusting others, put up barriers between themselves and the outside world, because others are just hurting them. Which brings us back to her closing statements, which are reminiscent of Touka’s and Amon’s own words to Kaneki.

(TG 98, 3)

Touka’s questioning towards Kaneki highlights another similarity between the twins and Kaneki - what they’re eating, and what they’re no longer eating. Both Eto and Touka question the twins and Kaneki respectively about what food tastes like, but like above, the contrasts are obvious.

(TG 3)

In Kaneki’s case, he never considered what it was like to be a ghoul. He just considered that type of life hell after becoming a ghoul for a few weeks - he says this to the face of another ghoul who had just helped him not too long ago, without even considering their feelings. He’s begging Touka for help while telling her that her entire existence is horrible. Her blatant dismissal and belittling of him, while asking her own pointed questions on how easy it is to live as a human compared to a ghoul are meant to voice her own frustrations at this situation.

(TG 25)

Kaneki didn’t have a choice to become like this, but neither did Touka. Touka didn’t ask to be born at all, let alone be born a ghoul. She simply is a ghoul. No more, no less. Touka didn’t decide that she wanted to eat humans - Touka simply is forced to eat humans.

(TG;re 63)

The twins chose to undergo a procedure that they believed would change their entire species. They chose to give up the comforts of the human world - its relative safety and security - for the troubled and dangerous life of a ghoul. They, like Kaneki, didn’t actually consider what it meant to be a ghoul. Choosing a body which, as Eto would later describe it herself in ;re, as being otherwise only acquired as being “born wrong”. A body that leaves one alone.

(TG 98, 25)

Amon’s questioning of Kaneki here about the number of innocent people ghouls kill and eat is misplaced for Kaneki, obviously, but it’s less so if he were to be saying it about other ghouls. Like Kurona and Nashiro. Eto’s questioning here is very piercing to the twins, because the twins weren’t really thinking about the consequences or logic behind their transformation. The twins chose to become the very thing they were originally training to fight against. They chose to opt into the world of ghouls, with nothing but themselves to rely on, simply because Kanou told them it was the right thing to do.

(TG 98)

Eto’s saying these things to them, but they have no recourse against her. They can’t physically stop her, because her agility is many times greater than their own. They were smart enough to figure these things out on their own, but Kanou went out of his way to influence them. To warp the CCG’s own propaganda for his own usage, giving them a new (but ultimately familiar) sense of purpose. That’s why this reaction is so strong here. Nothing Eto says here to the twins are things they couldn’t figure out on their own, or, on some level, already know to be true.

“Baby kagunes”

“How many people have you killed?”

“What does a former human think about eating humans?”

Eto chooses to focus on the twins’ small kagunes and closes on their eating of other humans because she criticizing them for eating humans, and not cannibalizing other ghouls. Because if they were cannibalizing other ghouls, they wouldn’t have small kagunes, they wouldn’t be as weak as they are, and they would know the taste of other ghouls, and not humans. She makes her point clear by effortlessly dancing around them.

TG 98, 64

It’s not a coincidence that Kaneki mentions cannibalism in this very chapter, right after Eto’s confrontation with the twins, referencing and taking on the mannerism and logic of Yamori while doing so. Cannibalism is the secret to Kaneki’s strength, and is the reason he is able to become as strong as he is as fast as he does. This is incredibly relevant to Kurona’s and Nashiro’s stories. Kaneki is compared to the twins multiple times in this arc, but as we later learn from Kurona, Kanou was always comparing the twins to Kaneki.

TG;re 109

As we later learn in ;re during the laboratory raid, he makes his obsession with Kaneki clear to the twins. He declares Kaneki a success and berates the twins as failures because Kaneki is far more powerful than the twins. While Eto opens and closes with the twins lack of ghoul cannibalization, the meat of her interactions with the twins is that Kanou is just using them.

Right after Eto’s confrontation with the twins and Kanou’s confrontation with Kanou, the CCG arrives. Both of the twins and Kaneki get into battles against Suzuya and Shinohara respectively.

TG 98, 101

The twins completely ignore Eto’s warnings about their lack of strength and skill, and that they can’t rely on Kanou. In fact, they fall into the same pitfalls against Suzuya that they do against Eto minutes earlier. Just like how Eto dances around the twins signaling her superior power, Suzuya does the same. It’s clear the difference in their skills and abilities is there, but the twins are disregarding that fact - they still believe their own power and skill, due to how exceptional it is, will carry them through. There just isn’t enough time for them to properly process the information, and Suzuya and the CCG are enemies that arrive conveniently enough for them to ignore the revelations.

For Kaneki’s part, Kaneki’s… just kinda lost it, of course, because he’s overworked. So, lets compare these two fights. The parallels are immediately apparent. Kaneki and Shinohara are the “seniors”, while the twins and Suzuya are the “juniors”.

TG 101

Both Kaneki and Shinohara use kakujas, be it through their own or through their quinques. The twins and Suzuya, meanwhile, fight with just kagunes and regular quinques. The point is communicated rather easily - the seniors are more powerful than the juniors. However, there is some foreshadowing of who will win their respected fights evident even before the battle, and it’s actually kinda clever.

Adapting to environments and growing is key to success in life, and especially battle. Both Kaneki and Suzuya have “ugraded” over their “baseline equipment” using Yamori, cannibalizing him in the literal (Kaneki) and metaphorical (Suzuya) sense. This puts them a step above the twins and Shinohara, who are using the same “equipment” and level of training as they do in their first canonical fights in the manga.

During the course of the battle, both Kaneki and Shiro take nearly the exact same wound.

TG 104, 103

A blow right to the kakuhou. Kaneki even takes this wound from a bikaku type quinque of similar power rating, wielded by a more experienced, stronger investigator, who has had their strength enhanced even further by a kakuja quinque. By all rights, Kaneki should be the one who dies. His injury is far worse. But as anyone who’s reading this should know, he doesn’t. He goes on to defeat Shinohara.

TG 105, 103

Meanwhile, Kurona is forced to flee from a victorious Suzuya. Kurona banks her hopes on Kanou - her “father” - saving her sister. But of course, he doesn’t. He tells Kuro to discard Shiro just as he told Kuro to discard Madam A. He’s entirely callused, and his response of “We can just have you make new friends!” may as well be worse than mockery. He doesn’t even make an attempt to save Nashiro, or put in the effort to alleviate her suffering, or console Kurona.

TG 105, 107

And the reasoning for why Shiro’s injuries were irrecoverable is simple - because Kuro and Shiro only had one kakuhou due to their lack of cannibalization. When her only kakuhou was too damaged, she was unable to repair it. She was unable to heal the injuries Suzuya inflicted on her. Kaneki, meanwhile, had multiple kakuhou, and by taking a bite out of Shinohara was able to fully heal his wounds.

TG 99

Her lack of cannibalization leads to her lack of power. She loses her fight against Suzuya, and subsequently, she banks her hopes on Kanou saving her sister. But Kanou doesn’t save her sister, because Kanou doesn’t actually care about Kuro or Shiro. Kanou merely saw the twins as a means to an end - and failures to that end. He had hoped that killing their emotions would, in some way, increase their power past Kaneki’s.

TG 98, 62

Eto’s comments about Kanou buying their home meaning nothing? Her comments about how her parents were the only ones who truly loved them? These are mimicking Kaneki’s own thoughts on his situation with his aunt. Kaneki’s conclusions, based on his analysis of his aunt’s actions, is similar to Eto’s judgements on Kanou. That this is the last thing that Eto says to the twins before she starts bringing up the fact that they’re just eating humans, is again, meant to stress they can only rely on each other. That they need to put barriers between themselves and others, while making themselves as strong as possible.

TG 89, 92

That Kanou would turn on the twins is actually foreshadowed well in advance.

Kanou is remorseless (something he himself admits), and entirely dedicated to his goal. To him, there is nothing he will not sacrifice. He actively encouraged Kuro to abandon Madam A the moment she becomes inconvenient to protect. He speaks only of Kaneki with his daughters and laments the failures of his floppy that has rejected Rize’s kakouhou. His doing so with Nashiro right next to him is meant to foreshadow the treatment Kanou himself will put Nashiro through. Of course he would abandon Shiro at the drop of a hat, just as he abandoned the floppy when it went on the “Taro route”, just as he abandoned Madam A.

However, this doesn’t make Eto’s methods of communicating what she did correct. A more proper method to communicate a warning is shown just chapters later.

TG 107, 101

Because Amon’s warning to Suzuya is similar to Eto’s warning to the twins. Amon warns him not to split up from Shinohara, and not to be so calloused about Shinohara’s life, because he’ll regret that. Amon actually showed concern for Suzuya earlier during the battle, he’s just only getting the chance to voice it to him now.

TG 100, 107

And just like the twins, Suzuya brushes it off. But the difference between the two situations is rather clear cut. Suzuya has more time to think about his situation, and he’s being told this information from an ally, not an enemy. Come to the 20th Ward battle, and Suzuya does exactly what the twins did: ignore the warning given.

TG 134, 101

He decides to engage Kuzen while alone, just as he did the twins. And just as he did the twins, he confidently proclaimed that he was going to take something from his opponent, only to have something taken from him. Against an even stronger opponent. Suzuya attempts to use the same strategy he used against weaker opponents whom he had the advantage over, against a stronger opponent who had the advantage over him.

TG 134, TG 102

Suzuya’s leg injury is not as simple of a patch job as it is his stomach wound. It’s a far more debilitating of an injury that removes him from the battle. Much like Kurona, he treats his wound as if it’s not a big deal. Kurona saying “she can heal” and Suzuya saying “it doesn’t hurt” foreshadowing what happens to both Nashiro and Shinohara. Because Nashiro doesn’t heal, and Shinohara does hurt.

So of course when Eto shows up, he’s in perhaps the worst possible position. While the entrance became synonymous with Eto later on for much of the fandom, it didn’t originate with her.

TG 135, 136, 60

For example, we see a similar event with Suzuya earlier on. Both Eto and Suzuya end up breaking blockades of overly confident opponents, leading to their allied forces subsequently making the charge in the ensuring chaos.

TG 136,141, 60, 77

Followed right after by the overconfident forces dismaying that their plans were foiled. Both sides mention one of their more important fighters, both of whom were incapacitated by Kaneki, who defeated them in their kagune derived states, and defeated them in their kakuja derived states. Both Ayato and Takizawa, the ones who brought attention to their lost ally, end up being taken by Noro and make their next on screen appearances with Aogiri Tree. Both of the characters Kaneki defeats but refuses to kill end up leaving Aogiri Tree, and end up fighting against it either metaphorically (Yamori as a quinque) or literally (Amon as a One Eyed Ghoul).

TG 54, 49

When they’re introduced into the Aogiri arc, they are very similar. Both are small and childlike in stature and mannerisms. The stitching on Suzuya’s arms and legs makes the appearance comparable to Eto’s bandaged arms and legs. The stitches on her hoodie lining up roughly where Suzuya’s are; the stitches on his neck, on her scarf. Even his hair has the same type of general as Eto’s hood, and her own hair when she pulls it back. The character design of these two character elicits immediate visual comparisons to how similar they are.

TG 135

That’s the reason that special attention is brought to Suzuya and Shinohara when she makes her entrance. So of course, now Suzuya is the on the receiving end of the type of pain he inflicted on Kurona and Shiro.

TG 107

Because Eto was watching the entire engagement on the monitors. She saw Suzuya’s response to Amon, and she saw Suzuya’s fight. And while she’s seeming to talk about Amon here, she’s actually not. Or rather, she’s talking about who Amon was talking about - Suzuya. There’s a reason why the chapter Eto begins torturing Shinohara has a flashback that directly parallels the Yasuhisa twins when Suzuya began torturing them. Eto’s reaction is in response to this chapter, as Suzuya’s reaction is a response to the twins reaction earlier. There is a reason why Eto isolates Shinohara and tortures him specifically, rather than anyone else.

TG 137, 103

The flashback immediately opens with Suzuya being told he has his new quinque Sasori (Skorpion as most people know it now), which is the name of the chapter wherein Suzuya tortures the twins. Shinohara tells him to use his knives for the good for others, but instead he uses them for himself. Shinohara’s comments about humans breaking is mimicked by Suzuya about breaking ghouls. Suzuya’s comments about not caring about people he doesn’t like and wanting them to die coalesces into gleeful torturing the twins physically and psychologically, forcing them to watch one another as he makes them die.

TG 137, 102

He was actually ecstatic to jump at the chance to do so. Suzuya wanted to kill the twins ever since they saw him the night he encountered Tokage and was framed for the murder of the animals by the staff. He thought the twins hated him the entire time since the academy. The irony is that they actually didn’t. The hatred, up until this point in time, was entirely one sided on Suzuya’s part.

TG 102

Kurona and Nashiro actually stuck up for Suzuya, despite his eccentricities. Despite seeing him crushing ants all day and avoiding class, things that would normally be red flags for others. They didn’t actually think badly of him, and they doubted he’d be capable of killing cats and dogs like the staff member attempted to imply. They didn’t even care about his past of being raised by a ghoul. This only changed when they saw him that night, but they still didn’t hate him. Even when they met in the lab, Kurona didn’t seem to be angry at Suzuya, so much as take his employment as confirmation of Kanou’s words about the corruption of the CCG.

That is, until he tortured her as he made Nashiro watch. Then made her watch as he killed Nashiro, mocking her all the while, taunting her all the while. The thing is, this was logically what was going to happen here.

TG 103, 122

The very same tactics that Suzuya learned under Big Madam are being employed here against other children who have been manipulated by a parental authority figure. Note that when Suzuya says “after 46 more times, please die” he’d already hit Kurona six times. The total number of hits (51) is the same as the number of seconds he was hung by meat hooks in his flashback to his treatment by Big Madam. What Suzuya is doing here is acting out the trauma inflicted upon him as closely as he can. This is entirely the fault of the person who decided that Suzuya needs not be brought into psychiatric care, but sent out to fight against other children as a soldier. That person being, of course, Shinohara.

TG 122

Shinohara knew exactly what he was doing here. He was warned, rather explicitly, that Suzuya had incredibly dangerous tendencies. Suzuya needed severe psychiatric help, not having his skills for torture and murder further fostered and turned on other children in the form of Kuro and Shiro. Shinohara rightfully recognizes that Suzuya is a victim, but then proceeds to overturn the decision to keep him out of the CCG’s academy.

Note that the discussion wasn’t about punishing Suzuya for being forced to kill for Big Madam. The discussion was about the CCG’s standard operating procedure of turning victims of ghouls into indoctrinated soldiers. Suzuya was deemed to mentally unstable to become a CCG investigator due to his violent tendencies. This is what leads to Suzuya being framed by the CCG Academy for killing animals. This is what leads Suzuya to assault a police officer and physically maim him. This is what leads to his hatred and downward spiral against Kurona and Nashiro.

Shinohara had every warning sign even before the twins. After the assault on the police officer, Shinohara says this:

TG 137

Had Suzuya not reacted as he did, he wouldn’t have triggered Eto’s reaction here. What Shinohara tells Suzuya is that if he gets angry at someone, he should act out that anger on him. But Suzuya didn’t, and took out that anger on the twins. Now as Suzuya promised, Shinohara suffers the same fate as Nashiro. That’s why this scene pops up during Eto’s torture of Shinohara.

TG 137

Eto’s not just referring to Suzuya and Shinohara here. She’s referring to Suzuya and Kurona.

TG 143, 107

Because at the end of their respective battles, both Suzuya and Kurona end up in similar states. Both of our two survivors take their respective partners to doctors. Both of the doctors tell them that there’s no real chance of survival here for Nashiro and Shinohara respectively.

TG 110

Amon’s words to Suzuya at Kanou’s lab weren’t empty. He was speaking from his own experiences. After all, Amon’s partner at the time is Akira because he lost Kureo, a mentor figure to him, as Shinohara was to Suzuya.

Because when Kureo Mado split up from Amon, that was when Kureo Mado needed him the most. When Amon’s talking to Suzuya here, this is what he’s thinking of. The loss of his mentor - the loss he wants Suzuya to avoid. Suzuya doesn’t take Amon seriously, because Suzuya’s not in a position to understand. He struggles to understand why anyone care about death, because people die all the time. And technically speaking, he’s correct. But empathy is what makes people care about the death of others.

TG 28, 137

Suzuya empathized with Shinohara - and as Amon said, Suzuya regretted his rash decisions. In the end, both Amon and Suzuya ended up sharing the same loss.

Amon’s focus for Suzuya was on staying with the mentor figure and family you care for because you should fear losing the ones you love. Eto, meanwhile, focuses on increasing personal power and putting barriers between oneself and those around you.

This is not the only character that Eto interacts with whom she does this with.

(TG 114)

The subtext of this scene is that Eto was encouraging Hinami to cannibalize, as she cannibalized at her age, even if Hinami doesn’t realize it at the time. Because the “worries” Hinami has are related to her weakness, and the fastest way for a ghoul to grow in strength is to cannibalize. Eto’s own struggles against a Mado Senior are what got both Hinami and Eto on the CCG’s radar, at least publicly.

(TG;re 43)

This is also made explicit with her confrontation against Kanae (which is another discussion entirely in and of itself which is too big to cover in this post or honestly, even one post). Eto has an obsession with the power gained through cannibalization. This is part of Eto’s complex, brought on by her own personal insecurities.

(TG 62, TG;re 3, TG;re 73)

Characters having complexes is brought up multiple times throughout both Tokyo Ghoul and Tokyo Ghoul;re. The above three are notable examples and just plainly explained. For this I’m only going to briefly touch on these examples to explain the point. That is, how it shows in their actions. We could go more in depth with just his complexes, but for now, we’ll keep it simple, and I’ll make another more in depth post later.

(TG’re 83, TG 139, TG 138, TG;re 74, TG;re 65)

Arima’s obsession with eyes is a result of losing his own eyesight, which is caused by his ghoul parent DNA causing artificially fast aging in his otherwise human body. He takes out his anger by engaging in extreme sadism towards ghouls. Specifically, for this complex, he goes for the eyes, but especially ghouls’ left eyes whenever the opportunity presents itself. When looking straight at someone, it’s like looking at yourself in the mirror; the image is flipped. Your right eye looks into their left eye, and vice verse. He’s gauging out his own weak eye that he sees in others. He’s resentful of their eyes.

There’s more to Arima than that, of course, but I’m using this to demonstrate Ishida’s usage of complexes to assist in explaining or elaborating upon character action, which he bakes into his characterization. Eto’s obsession with cannibalization hints at a similar, but obviously different, obsession with kakuja power.

(TG;re 61)

Eto’s loss against Kuriowa was a wake up call about her own weakness, that she was nowhere near as powerful as she thought she was. Despite her statement here that she tried to win through quantity, she still didn’t stop increasing her own strength and continued to cannibalize.

(TG 136, TG;re 61)

It’s pretty evident in her kakuja when she was 14 versus her kakuja when she was 24. Eto never stopped acquiring personal power, even if she gained an army.

TG;re 86,

I’ve brought this up in other posts I made, but all implications are that Arima treated Eto as his own Quinque before he decided on Kaneki. The stance Eto takes while Arima looms over her is no different than the stance Kaneki makes for a reason - because Eto and Arima weren’t equals. Their walking side by side is even preceded, in the chapter before, by Haise walking side by side with Arima.

(TG;re 86, 85)

It’s the same thing, just from a different perspective. Even everything Eto says to Kaneki is the exact same thing that Akira tells him in the first chapter of ;re. Even Kaneki’s stance with the Qs behind him communicates the same general image, and the same general message. “You must either surpass Arima and create One Eyed Ghouls more powerful than him to create hope for Ghouls/CCG”.

TG;re 86, 1

This is highly relevant to the discussion at hand - because Arima rather explicitly uses a mother figure to manipulate Haise to his own ends in Akira. This is meant to communicate that Arima’s involvement with regards to Ghoulification programs of both Aogiri and the CCG. This makes sense, of course. Arima is the One Eyed King; he’d want as many One Eyed Ghouls on the board as he could get.

TG;re 15

Arima is deferred to by Yoshitoki of all people with regards to whether or not Urie’s frame opening should be allowed. This is meant to indicate that Arima is directly involved and highly influential in the Qs program. This makes sense on multiple levels - if your goal is to create investigators that surpass Arima, Arima’s approval makes sense. He’s the best gauge of his own strength. Yoshitoki also defers to Arima on multiple occassions throughout the manga and trusts him greatly, such as thinking of him on Rushima, or discussing Furuta with him.

Urie’s curiosity is meant to lampshade the importance of this scene, which when taken into account his reveal as the One Eyed King, takes on a new meaning. It’s because of Arima’s recommendation that Urie be allowed to undergo the frame opening procedure that leads Urie down a dark path that leads him to lose control of himself and go completely berserk on multiple occassions.

TG 98, TG;re 45

I bring this up because the way that Eto describes the twins as being used as Kanou isn’t that far off from the way Arima manipulates Haise in ;re using Akira. In fact, it is literally the same thing. Arima picked up on the trauma of Kaneki’s childhood and his abuse at the hands of his mother leading to his deference to authority figures and mother figures in particular, especially those who are willing to use corporal punishment (eg Akira Mado). Akira also looks past his “killing” of Amon to literally embrace him. This information is also introduced during Eto’s torture of Kanae to indicate the relation of those two events - but again, that will be an entirely different post.

Eto is not speaking about Kanou’s manipulations and the twins without reasoning - she’s speaking about this from her own experiences. Eto wasn’t strong enough on her own to defeat V or defend herself and what she cared for, so she ended up under the thumb of Arima. Eto’s first appearance as a One Eyed Ghoul also shows she has “merely” an ordinary kagune, and this appearance is implied to be shortly after Noroi’s death.

As I’ve mentioned in other posts, in Eto’s first chronological appearance as the One Eyed Owl, she doesn’t have a kakuja, and it’s a direct parallel to Touka and Hinami’s experiences with Kasuka Mado.

TG;re 66

It’s actually explicit that a strong impetus for Eto’s rebellion was, in fact, the loss of Noroi. Because her mother was dead before she could remember, and she says she’s unable to accept Furuta’s premise about “peace” as the one on the receiving end of that “peace”. Most likely, given how these situations played out, Eto wasn’t cannibalizing ghouls until after Noroi’s death. In fact, it’s actually rather likely she wasn’t eating like a ghoul at all.

TG 98

This explains why Eto is putting “become a ghoul” and “former human” in quotes here; because this doesn’t logically make any sense for her to do so for the twins. They did not quote-unquote become ghouls and they were not quote-unquote former humans, they became ghouls and they are former humans. Eto’s quotation marks here only make any form of logical sense if she’s talking about somebody else; and the only logical person here for her to be talking about aside from them is herself.

So her main thrust in all of her discussions with other ghouls is that they should be cannibalizing, that they need to enhance their ghoul power, because otherwise they’re weak. And if you’re weak, you’ll lose what you value. You’ll be alone. Someone will manipulate you. Keep strong, because only your parents will love you, and push others away, because they’ll just use you.

Eto targeted the twins because she could relate to them. They made a similar choice to what she made, choosing to “become a ghoul” and becoming “former humans”. Their situation with Kanou was what she saw as analogous to her situation with Arima. Arima and Kanou even end their stories the same way.

TG;re 82, 149

Because both Arima and Kanou decide to kill themselves in front of their adopted child after they got what they wanted. Arima wanted a One Eyed Ghoul that could beat him, and Kanou wanted the Washuu’s secrets exposed. Both decided that their final act would be to exert power over their adopted children - Arima depriving Kaneki of his decision to have both of them live, and Kanou depriving Kurona of her revenge. Neither Arima or Kanou ever really cared much about the damage that their deaths would cause. There is far more to the situation than that, far more, but for this post, we’ll stop it there.

In the end, both Eto’s and Amon’s words, and Suzuya’s and Eto’s subsequent actions giving meaning to those words, inform most of the character development Kurona and Suzuya undergo in ;re. The varying ideologies of Amon and Eto inform both Suzuya and Kurona greatly. This is very noticeable in Kurona.

TG;re 53, 56, 81, 87

As one of the characters Kurona takes on the most is, in fact, Eto. But Eto’s advice fails Kurona, because Eto herself never managed to successfully manage her own issues. Eto’s advice no longer has the proper context and came too late for Kurona to properly use it. Nashiro had already died, and her cannibalization which allowed her the strength to overpower Suzuya was rendered meaningless because she was already alone, just as Eto is alone. Pushing others away is a dangerous game even if you’re not already alone - and Kurona has no one.

TG;re 80, 87

Amon’s advice to Suzuya, meanwhile, is still highly relevant to his situation. Suzuya manages to change himself so substantially by his experiences in TG, that by TG;re, he’s seen in a different light. His subordinates follow him, not because they’re his subordinates, but because he genuinely cares about those around him. He’s a completely different person. Physical strength and acknowledging the reality of your situation are, of course, important. But no amount of strength can allow you victory if you are well and truly alone. Quantity is a quality in its own right - and while there are no certainties in life, as these situations show, they do help tip the scales in ones favor.

TG 107, 106

This is foreshadowed by Kaneki’s interactions with Amon and Banjou in Tokyo Ghoul. Does Kaneki manage to defeat Shinohara in battle? Yes. But Kaneki’s goals are not related to being the strongest and killing Shinohara - his goal is to avoid loneliness, and protect the ones he loves. Kaneki’s become strong and developed a kakuja through his cannibalization - but his isolation and loneliness are killing him metaphorically and physically. Kaneki is individually stronger than any one person of the CCG members he fights at the Kanou lab raid, but he ends up losing his fight against Suzuya and Amon because he is alone, worn down, and uncertain.

Kurona and Suzuya are quite alike in that their situations were negatively impacted by the bad decisions of both humans and ghouls. However, the differences between them stem from the differences between humans and ghouls in the world of Tokyo Ghoul. Suzuya is afforded the protections and safety of the human world - while Kurona is not. She’s alone, fighting both humans and ghouls alike.

You can’t save anyone if you, yourself, are not saved. Amon was “saved” by his friends, as Suzuya was by his family (his squad). Note that “saved” is not the same as “flawless” - both Suzuya and Amon have immense flaws that make them so appealing as characters, things that they address through confronting their emotions and theirselves. Eto is someone who, as I mentioned earlier, has too many issues of her own to give as good of advice as Amon.

TG;re Volume 5 Black Goat bonus

Eto is, of course, aware of her own short comings. She sees herself as inherently toxic and believes everything she touches dies - like her mother, or Noroi. This is communicated partly through her novels and their negative endings for characters. Her using such a harsh tone with the twins and others (such as when she later pushes Hinami away after initially showing her kindness), as opposed to Amon’s friendly tone with Suzuya and others, is meant to keep them away from herself.

There’s more I’d like to discuss about all of these characters, but I’ll just leave it at here for now. I feel like I can always add more and I haven’t really been putting out any content recently.

#tokyo ghoul #tg meta #Eto Yoshimura #kurona yasuhisa #juuzou suzuya #kotarou amon #Ken Kaneki #Touka Kirishima #Arima Kishou #akihiro kanou #yukinori shinohara #Nashiro Yasuhisa

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sol1056 · 6 years

Note

EPs: "we chose Netflix to explore things like sexuality" (nothing was explored or was explicit for even 2 seconds) "when they told us u cant kill Shiro, we knew we could push the reveal 4 later" (so nice of them to admit they stopped our rep just to be able to kill him) "when we found out about byg we knew we coulnt kill Shiro & we thought we'll find rep w another character. Then we learned we could go on w/ Shiro as the rep" (theres ANOTHER REP WE DIDNT GET?? Was it vague then erased? Whatt??)

I think these are two separate issues. One is related to who made VLD, and the other is related to the EPs’ ignorance of characterization. The second overlaps with a bunch of asks I’ve recently gotten about race and representation, so here I’m just keeping it to a general discussion of characterization, with Lance as example. And then about Shiro in particular, how the EPs’ statements reveal their lack of thought.

Behind the cut.

remember where these people came from

The team behind VLD is almost entirely formerly Nickelodeon. DreamWorks wanted to break into television on a much larger scale, and since they almost always promote from outside the company, they lured over Margie Cohn from her position as a Nick VP. As VP/exec levels tend to do, Cohn brought a bunch of people with her.

One of those was Mark Taylor, who’d been involved in both AtLA and LoK. Taylor, in turn, brought JDS, LM, and I think one or two of the other producers. Taylor also probably brought over Hamilton, Chan, and Hedrick, as known entities with proven track records.

These are people who — for for the last ten or more years — have swum in Nickelodeon’s considerably more conservative fishbowl. It’s entirely possible (given what people tell me about storylines in HTTYD, and DW’s open support of She-Ra) the former Nickelodeon team automatically downgraded DW’s “go ahead and explore these heavier/darker topics” to mean “maybe kinda mention in passing but don’t be too obvious about it.”

Now, to be fair, the EPs may have pushed for more LGBT+ rep, and their obstacle might not have been DW, but Taylor. It’d explain how the EPs could praise everyone (read: DreamWorks staff) as supportive, yet allso complain about pushback (read: Taylor’s Nickelodeon-influenced sensibilities). Two different parties were calling the shots.

It’s also possible what the EPs saw as ‘rep’ was still considerably toned-down from what DW execs (and the VAs) may’ve expected. After all, that one-minute scene in VLD might’ve required an act of god at Nickelodeon. VLD’s staff may have genuinely considered this scene landmark because even that tiny bit was far more than their previous employer would’ve allowed.

Cue the victory lap and excited chatter, and seeming blindness to Korra being long since surpassed by Steven Universe, Young Justice, Bob’s Burgers, Adventure Time, Gravity Falls, RWBY, Rick and Morty, Clarence, BoJack Horseman, Danger & Eggs, Big Mouth, and Summer Camp Island. Remember, it wasn’t until 2016 that Nickelodeon would have a married gay couple (in The Loud House), and they’re not even central characters. The VLD staff may’ve thought itself bold, and unprepared for the reality of modern (non-Nickelodeon) audience expectations.

No, I don’t think that absolves them. It just seems the most reasonable explanation. That is, short of seeing the EPs as so utterly cynical they’d pump up the audience for what amounted to a nothingburger in light of what else popular media now delivers.

and then there’s representation

VLD’s troubles can all be traced to one crucial detail: the EPs don’t understand that characters are the bedrock of stories. And as such, there are no shortcuts.

Ever had the misfortune to catch a home decorating show? Here we have a windowless basement: mock up a mantle from polystyrene, paint the walls gray, put up sconces with flickering lightbulbs… it’s still a basement. It’s just now desperately pretending to be something it isn’t. The bones of the structure are undeniably American Suburbia, not generic castle keep, and those bones are integral to how we experience the space.

The average person isn’t trained to be aware of those bones — the underlying architecture — and its subtle impact on our experience, just as most non-storytellers aren’t trained to see how and where and why characters create plot. I guarantee you, though, you will never mistake a late-century Kmart for the Centre Pompidou or the Forbidden City or Mount Vernon. Just as you would never mistake a beginner’s first novel for Lord of the Rings or Left Hand of Darkness.

That is, the dressed stone isn’t paint and plaster; it’s a core element informing (even dictating) height, width, and depth of a space. Characterization is the same: it must be structural. In turn, characters inform the breadth and depth of the story. If your characterization is shallow, wild swerves and dramatic reveals can make the story fun, but they will never make it deep.

I empathize with the (hopefully genuine) intent to avoid making Shiro’s sexuality a ‘reveal.’ The unfortunate truth is: waiting 60+ episodes to even mention in passing makes it a reveal. It wasn’t structural, or viewers would’ve been sensing it from the very beginning.

This isn’t a haircut or a pair of jeans. It’s a person’s identity, and that has crucial impact on hopes, fears, desires, and needs. It doesn’t start only once the audience is let in on the secret; it was always there. It should’ve informed the character’s actions and reactions all along.

If Lance is Cuban, and the story takes place in a quasi-future America, then to understand Lance’s perspective, we need to ask questions like: is Cuba still under embargo? Is it a free democracy now, or did Lance’s family flee at some point? Is he part of an exchange program, or is there a lottery that let him come to the US for his education? Did he leave his family behind? How young was he, when he left? What was his childhood like, and how does that differ from what he found in America? What was his parents’ relationship like, and how does that influence his expectations for friends and lovers?

Was he fluent in English when he arrived, or did he only become fluent later? Does his Spanish have a noticeable accent, and if so, has he felt isolated from other Latinx at school? Or is he the only Latino at the Garrison? Is he proud of his heritage, or ashamed of it? Did he get bullied for being foreign, and how did that change what he says/does? Even if America is joyfully multi-cultural, he’d still be an immigrant or foreigner, and that’s a different experience from a non-white community that’s multi-generation American. What was his impression of his new life? What compared favorably (or not) to his childhood?

It’s not just, “He’s a boy from Cuba.” You have to think about what it means to be ‘from Cuba’ and how this is different from, say, growing up next door to the Garrison (like Pidge probably did). If you put that much thought into it, if you talk to people who’ve lived that experience, if you push yourself to imagine as deeply as you can how Lance’s life would have shaped him?

By the time you’re done, Lance would never need to say a word.

His reactions, his assumptions, maybe a few mannerisms, his humor, a few throwaway comments about his family or things he did as a kid — and there would be Cubans in the audience going, “hey, wait a minute, he’s just like my cousin.” Or brother or uncle or friend. By the time someone asks at a panel? Half the audience would be saying, yeah, we were right, Lance is totally Cuban.

Or you don’t think about it, and you use stereotypes in hopes that’ll do the work for you. As @sjwwerewolf commented:

Man, I’m ready to rant about Voltron. I’m Cuban. Lance, oh boy, Lance. From season 1 on, he has been written as a huge stereotype. The flirtatious, passionate comic relief character who’s dumb. Like. He’s literally Antman’s sidekick. That character. All you need to make him a full caricature is like, “I have a gangster brother.“

The stereotype is a shortcut. It’s slapping on behaviors without thought for a real person’s experiences or perspectives. VLD is, sadly, full of them: the Latino (wannabe) lover, the big guy who likes food (with only the slightest twist to have him actually good at cooking), the boyish-girl who’s a brain and likes computers more than people, etc.

just pull shiro out of a hat

At some point early on, the EPs said (once again in an interview, not in the story) that VLD is a world without homophobia. The story itself contradicts that ideal, or at least, it emphasizes a certain level of heternormativity over an open embrace of diverse relationships. What’s in our face for six seasons is Lance’s lover-boy stereotype, Allura’s attraction to Lotor, Lotor’s attraction to Allura, Matt’s attraction to Allura, and so on… and the closest we get to anything resembling an alternate attraction is one blush from a servant in a flashback, and Kuron’s startled reaction to Keith’s return.

All VLD had to do was have Hunk mention his moms. Or Coran mention his late husband. Or Lance mention his sister’s wife. Something explicit to offset the heterosexual attractions going on. Frankly, for six seasons it was an open question whether homosexuality even existed in VLD: the absence of a negative is not proof of the presence of a positive.

That absence means we really have no idea how being queer in VLD’s world would affect a character — and it would, have no doubt. Our sexuality affects every single one of us; it’s just that straight people have the benefit of seeing the roadmap of their sexuality played out in a million books, movies, and television shows. If you haven’t given thought to whether this is also true in your world, then you don’t really know how a character could discover, define, and map their sexuality, or how they’d quantify or qualify relationships that overlap their sexual preferences. You don’t understand the structure.

That lack of thought means, nine times out of ten, the creator has said to themselves, “it’s easier to just say this character’s experience of their sexuality is exactly like the one I, as a straight person, vaguely recall having (that I never actually had to question because it was already mapped out for me, everywhere I looked).” That’s not a queer character. That’s a character with a label slapped on their forehead that says here be a queer character. It’s paint, because the structure underneath is straight person.

Which means that of course the EPs could consider making someone else “the rep,” because they really seem to believe this is as easy as removing the label from Shiro’s forehead and sticking it on someone else. And it’s not. People don’t work like that. Sexuality is no more a simple paint-job than race, gender, culture, or dis/ability. Each of these things is etched on our bones, literally or metaphorically, and that changes us all the way through.

The short version, then, is: no, we wouldn’t have gotten any other rep, just as we haven’t truly gotten any rep as VLD was delivered. Shiro has a label on his forehead, but unless and until the canonical story demonstrates this goes all the way down to his bones… he’s just a straight suburban basement with a mediocre paint job and some fake queer columns.

#vld #voltron #characterization #representation #sol thinks about stuff

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culinaryinquisitor-blog · 6 years

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It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

New Post has been published on https://culinaryinquisitor.com/it-takes-two-cooking-projects-for-you-and-your-va/

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

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[Photograph: Vicky Wasik, Shao Z.]

Let’s make one thing clear right out of the gate: Cooking as a couple isn’t for everyone. (Two years ago, we published a whole essay about this, albeit with a happy ending.) Maybe neither of you has Daniel’s sky-high standards in the kitchen, but successfully assembling a dinner together is one of those projects that tend to pull the veil off a relationship, exposing the tender spots of tension therein: needs for control or approval, tiny currents of judginess or thin competitive streaks. Even absent the complexity introduced by romance, deeply intertwined lives, and intimate knowledge of each other’s foibles, suddenly teaming up on a task that you’re used to doing alone can be a tough row to hoe—think of workplace collaboration, or The Amazing Race. You’ve been warned, is what we’re saying.

But! You’ve clicked on this article, you’ve read this far, and you’re a grown-up (we hope) who (we’ll assume) can point to the strength of your relationship and/or past triumphant team-cooking experiences as ample counterevidence. You already know that making a meal together can be a lovely expression of love, a way to create Valentine’s in your and your partner’s own image, on your own schedule, and avoid the headaches of dining out on that particular day. You’re here for recipes, not marriage advice, for chrissake! Well, fine.

While you can split up the duties required of almost any dish, some projects make more sense for this purpose than others. At the top of the list are any recipes that involve a lot of painstaking assembly, including items made in bulk to be frozen (dumplings and ravioli!) or stored in the pantry (DIY Milk Duds!) for later. Some of these recipes won’t make entrées, much less full meals, but we’ve included them because they provide good opportunities for collaboration, and because cooking projects can be enjoyable and worthwhile even if they don’t directly result in dinner. Pour a couple of glasses of wine and peruse this list together now, then stock up on everything you need well in advance, so you can be as relaxed as possible on the day of.

Homemade Mozzarella

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

High-quality fresh mozzarella—those delicate, moist orbs with a mild flavor of little more than good milk—can be hard to come by if you don’t live in Italy, or, at least, within close range of a well-supplied Italian grocery. Are you and your innamorato destined to go without? Not if we have anything to say about it. Armed with nonhomogenized, low-temperature-pasteurized milk (best obtained from a local farmers market), a couple of specialty ingredients you can order online, and a thorough reading of our explanation, you can take matters into your own hands, kind of literally. The teaming-up part comes when it’s time to stretch and shape the curd: After it’s been divided, both of you can stretch and lovingly shape your own balls of mozz before lowering them into whey to rest. For maximum collaboration, shape the cheese into tiny bocconcini instead of full-size balls, the better to pop into each other’s mouths right after they’re made. No, really: Eat these immediately, totally naked (the cheese, we mean, but y’all do y’all!), or with just a sprinkling of sea salt. Don’t even think about putting them in the fridge for later—true love might wait, but fresh mozzarella does not.

Get the recipe for Fresh Mozzarella From Scratch »

Pasta, All Ways

The Best Fresh Pasta Sheets

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Like making your own mozzarella, rolling and cutting your own fresh pasta dough will give you more than a terrific feeling of personal accomplishment; it’ll also result in a far tastier product than you’ll be able to buy at the vast majority of stores. One person can handle making the dough, sure, but kneading it is time-consuming, so it’s a good candidate for dividing between partners. If you’re using a manual pasta roller, it also helps to have one person feeding the dough in while the other turns the crank. If you’re lucky enough to have a stand mixer attachment for making pasta, well, take turns standing there and looking pretty. (Speaking of looking pretty: Incorporating beet purée is an easy way to turn your pasta a vibrant shade of pink that’s made for Valentine’s Day, without imparting any noticeable beet flavor.)

Get the recipe for Classic Fresh Egg Pasta »

This recipe makes pasta sheets that are ideal for slicing into linguine or fettuccine. Looking for something more involved? May we suggest…

Ravioli and Tortellini

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

If you and your valentine still have energy to burn after rolling out that homemade pasta dough, there’s nothing stopping you from turning it into an impressive spread of mushroom tortellini, ravioli filled with ricotta or butternut squash and blue cheese, or—for the high achievers among you, the couples who go running together in matching compression tights, you know who you are—an eye-popping dish of uovo in raviolo, extra-large ravioli filled with creamy ricotta and a soft-yolked egg. You will probably need a ravioli mold, or at least a fluted pastry wheel, when it’s time to cut the dough shapes, and you’ll definitely want both sets of hands available for portioning out the filling. If you’re making standard ravioli or tortellini, by all means enjoy your work for dinner in the evening, but make enough to freeze and eat later, too.

Stuffed Shells

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Want something a little softer and easier? A filled pasta that’s not quite as handcrafted, but still delicious, one that’ll leave you plenty of time for drinking wine and playing video games? Try our classic ricotta- and spinach-stuffed shells, or this incredible version with shells filled with crab, shrimp, and scallops, a bit like the love child of crab cakes and pasta Alfredo. Both of them start with store-bought dried pasta, but will still go a lot faster when you’ve got two people to do the stuffing.

Ricotta Gnudi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Gnudi comes from the old Tuscan-language equivalent of the word for “naked” in Italian, a name that’s both thematically appropriate for Valentine’s and practically descriptive of the dish: dumpling-like spheres of soft and creamy ricotta that lack a true pasta shell. Instead, they’re individually coated in a layer of semolina flour—a step that’s made quicker and easier with a partner—then allowed to sit until the thinnest of skins form on their exteriors. You’ll need to plan ahead for that step, as it can take a few days, and, above all, don’t skimp on the quality of the ricotta! With barely a fig leaf of pasta to cover it, so to speak, the cheese is highly exposed, which means it needs to be in top form. If excellent ricotta, containing no gums or stabilizers, isn’t available commercially where you live, tack on a bonus cooking project by making your own—it’s much easier than you think.

Get the recipe for Ricotta and Black Pepper Gnudi With Sage and Brown Butter »

A Dumpling Feast

[Photograph: Shao Z.]

With the help of store-bought wonton wrappers, making your own dumpling feast becomes as simple as whipping up the filling and starting up a two-person assembly line: one person to drop filling by the spoonful into each dumpling skin, the other to wet the edges, press, and seal. (For the sake of conjugal harmony, be sure to switch roles now and then, since partner #2 does the lion’s share of the work here.) We’ve got a number of recipes that start with store-bought wrappers, for dumplings as invitingly easy as they are tasty: pan-fried vegetable dumplings stuffed with wood ear mushrooms, five-spice tofu, and seitan; cute little shrimp and pork siu mai, made extra rich with pork fat mixed into the filling; Japanese pork and cabbage gyoza; and Sichuan-style wontons that pack a punch with hot, sour, sweet, and savory flavors. (Don’t forget the dipping sauces, too!)

Not enough of a challenge for you, unstoppable power couple that you are? Try your hands at dumplings that are homemade from start to finish, including the wrappers—like diaphanous har gow crammed with plump shrimp, or hearty Taiwanese pan-fried leek buns (shui jian bao). Perhaps the crowning achievement in a homemade-dumpling résumé, if there is such a thing, is xiao long bao, or soup dumplings, twist-topped bundles of dough hiding a liquid center of broth that gushes when you bite into it. Though they’re not all that difficult to make, they do rely on the gelatin content of homemade broth, so get ready for some extra canoodling over a mound of chicken backs.

You can find even more homemade-dumpling recipes to try out, either solo or together, here.

Tamales

[Photograph: Joshua Bousel]

Yes, tamales have a reputation, and a pretty well-deserved one at that, for being terribly labor-intensive. But dammit, is it ever hard to come by a truly good tamale—light, flavorful masa dough wrapped around a savory core of fillings—in the US, unless you live in one of a very few places with strong Mexican-American influences…or unless you have a special someone to help you make them at home. Our guide smooths the way for you by describing the testing process in detail and including photographs of each step in the assembly process. With help from his wife, Josh was able to put together 60 tamales in under half an hour—not a bad turnaround time—before steaming them or freezing for later. Choose a filling of red chili with chicken, roasted peppers and Oaxaca cheese, or green chili with pork.

Sushi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Making makizushi (sushi rolls) is one of the most enjoyable yet approachable hands-on cooking projects you can dream up. It’s less humdrum than filling dumplings or assembling tamales, and, while it does take a bit of practice and maybe just a smidge of artistry, don’t be intimidated! Equipped with a couple of bamboo rolling mats for turning out tight, even rolls—and as long as you remember to keep your hands moistened and avoid laying the rice and fillings on too thick—you’ll be proudly snapping selfies with your very own maki rolls in short order. Look for fresh, soft, deep-green nori sheets, and, of course, use only the freshest raw fish you can find.

Get the recipe for Makizushi (Sushi Rolls) »

See all of our Sushi Week posts »

Spring Rolls

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Though many American eaters associate the name with the crispy, golden-fried sticks from Thai takeout menus, “spring rolls” is a catchall term that encompasses a wide range of filled-and-rolled appetizers, including the lighter, greener version pictured above. At any other time of year, they’re great for entertaining: Set out a platter of filling options—this recipe calls for fried tofu matchsticks, pea shoots, julienned carrots, and piles of fresh herbs—and a stack of flexible rice paper wrappers, and let everyone make their own. For Valentine’s, limit the guest list to just the two of you, stuff yourselves silly, and don’t skimp on the sweet/salty/spicy peanut-tamarind dipping sauce.

Get the recipe for Easy Vegan Crispy Tofu Spring Rolls »

Desserts

Sandwich Cookies

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Any homemade cookie from one of Stella’s recipes should be enough to get you in the mood (or maybe that’s just me I’m thinking of), but sandwich-style cookies will give you an extra chance to lightly touch elbows as you apply dollops of creme and carefully center those top wafers. Choose from BraveTart’s incredible “fauxreos”, bright and crunchy ginger-lemon cookies, E.L. Fudge–style chocolate-filled vanilla cookies, peanut butter and jelly cookies for the kid in you, and soft and tender alfajores con cajeta, to name a few. Springing for a heart-shaped cutter will of course automatically increase your cuteness quotient by 10%.

Milk Duds

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

There’s something about a slightly messy DIY project, especially if the mess it produces is edible, that can’t help but feel a little sensual. You’ve got to check your inhibitions at the door if you want to plunge your hands into a vat of melted chocolate, and that’s exactly how you’ll be coating these chewy caramels—which happily introduces the possibility of secretly touching fingers inside the pot and devising clever methods of getting all that chocolate off of each other. You don’t need us for that, but you will want to closely follow Stella’s instructions for making the caramel, and read up on Kenji’s guide to tempering chocolate.

Get the recipe for Homemade Milk Duds »

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tebbyclinic11 · 6 years

Text

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

New Post has been published on http://kitchengadgetsreviews.com/it-takes-two-cooking-projects-for-you-and-your-va/

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

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[Photograph: Vicky Wasik, Shao Z.]

Homemade Mozzarella

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Fresh Mozzarella From Scratch »

Pasta, All Ways

The Best Fresh Pasta Sheets

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Classic Fresh Egg Pasta »

This recipe makes pasta sheets that are ideal for slicing into linguine or fettuccine. Looking for something more involved? May we suggest…

Ravioli and Tortellini

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Stuffed Shells

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Ricotta Gnudi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Ricotta and Black Pepper Gnudi With Sage and Brown Butter »

A Dumpling Feast

[Photograph: Shao Z.]

You can find even more homemade-dumpling recipes to try out, either solo or together, here.

Tamales

[Photograph: Joshua Bousel]

Sushi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Makizushi (Sushi Rolls) »

See all of our Sushi Week posts »

Spring Rolls

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Easy Vegan Crispy Tofu Spring Rolls »

Desserts

Sandwich Cookies

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Milk Duds

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Homemade Milk Duds »

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cookingawe · 6 years

Text

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

New Post has been published on http://cookingawe.com/it-takes-two-cooking-projects-for-you-and-your-va/

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

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[Photograph: Vicky Wasik, Shao Z.]

Homemade Mozzarella

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Fresh Mozzarella From Scratch »

Pasta, All Ways

The Best Fresh Pasta Sheets

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Classic Fresh Egg Pasta »

This recipe makes pasta sheets that are ideal for slicing into linguine or fettuccine. Looking for something more involved? May we suggest…

Ravioli and Tortellini

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Stuffed Shells

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Ricotta Gnudi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Ricotta and Black Pepper Gnudi With Sage and Brown Butter »

A Dumpling Feast

[Photograph: Shao Z.]

You can find even more homemade-dumpling recipes to try out, either solo or together, here.

Tamales

[Photograph: Joshua Bousel]

Sushi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Makizushi (Sushi Rolls) »

See all of our Sushi Week posts »

Spring Rolls

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Easy Vegan Crispy Tofu Spring Rolls »

Desserts

Sandwich Cookies

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Milk Duds

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Homemade Milk Duds »

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cucinacarmela-blog · 6 years

Text

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

New Post has been published on https://cucinacarmela.com/it-takes-two-cooking-projects-for-you-and-your-va/

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

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[Photograph: Vicky Wasik, Shao Z.]

Homemade Mozzarella

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Fresh Mozzarella From Scratch »

Pasta, All Ways

The Best Fresh Pasta Sheets

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Classic Fresh Egg Pasta »

This recipe makes pasta sheets that are ideal for slicing into linguine or fettuccine. Looking for something more involved? May we suggest…

Ravioli and Tortellini

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Stuffed Shells

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Ricotta Gnudi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Ricotta and Black Pepper Gnudi With Sage and Brown Butter »

A Dumpling Feast

[Photograph: Shao Z.]

You can find even more homemade-dumpling recipes to try out, either solo or together, here.

Tamales

[Photograph: Joshua Bousel]

Sushi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Makizushi (Sushi Rolls) »

See all of our Sushi Week posts »

Spring Rolls

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Easy Vegan Crispy Tofu Spring Rolls »

Desserts

Sandwich Cookies

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Milk Duds

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Homemade Milk Duds »

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awells933-blog · 6 years

Text

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

New Post has been published on http://mycookingzone.net/it-takes-two-cooking-projects-for-you-and-your-va/

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

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[Photograph: Vicky Wasik, Shao Z.]

Homemade Mozzarella

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Fresh Mozzarella From Scratch »

Pasta, All Ways

The Best Fresh Pasta Sheets

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Classic Fresh Egg Pasta »

This recipe makes pasta sheets that are ideal for slicing into linguine or fettuccine. Looking for something more involved? May we suggest…

Ravioli and Tortellini

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Stuffed Shells

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Ricotta Gnudi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Ricotta and Black Pepper Gnudi With Sage and Brown Butter »

A Dumpling Feast

[Photograph: Shao Z.]

You can find even more homemade-dumpling recipes to try out, either solo or together, here.

Tamales

[Photograph: Joshua Bousel]

Sushi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Makizushi (Sushi Rolls) »

See all of our Sushi Week posts »

Spring Rolls

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Easy Vegan Crispy Tofu Spring Rolls »

Desserts

Sandwich Cookies

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Milk Duds

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Homemade Milk Duds »

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cookszone-blog · 6 years

Text

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

New Post has been published on https://healthy-cook.com/it-takes-two-cooking-projects-for-you-and-your-va/

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

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[Photograph: Vicky Wasik, Shao Z.]

Homemade Mozzarella

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Fresh Mozzarella From Scratch »

Pasta, All Ways

The Best Fresh Pasta Sheets

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Classic Fresh Egg Pasta »

This recipe makes pasta sheets that are ideal for slicing into linguine or fettuccine. Looking for something more involved? May we suggest…

Ravioli and Tortellini

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Stuffed Shells

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Ricotta Gnudi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Ricotta and Black Pepper Gnudi With Sage and Brown Butter »

A Dumpling Feast

[Photograph: Shao Z.]

You can find even more homemade-dumpling recipes to try out, either solo or together, here.

Tamales

[Photograph: Joshua Bousel]

Sushi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Makizushi (Sushi Rolls) »

See all of our Sushi Week posts »

Spring Rolls

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Easy Vegan Crispy Tofu Spring Rolls »

Desserts

Sandwich Cookies

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Milk Duds

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Homemade Milk Duds »

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sloan01 · 6 years

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New Post has been published on https://www.cooksutopia.com/it-takes-two-cooking-projects-for-you-and-your-va/

It Takes Two: Cooking Projects for You and Your Va...

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[Photograph: Vicky Wasik, Shao Z.]

Homemade Mozzarella

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Fresh Mozzarella From Scratch »

Pasta, All Ways

The Best Fresh Pasta Sheets

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Classic Fresh Egg Pasta »

This recipe makes pasta sheets that are ideal for slicing into linguine or fettuccine. Looking for something more involved? May we suggest…

Ravioli and Tortellini

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Stuffed Shells

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Ricotta Gnudi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Ricotta and Black Pepper Gnudi With Sage and Brown Butter »

A Dumpling Feast

[Photograph: Shao Z.]

You can find even more homemade-dumpling recipes to try out, either solo or together, here.

Tamales

[Photograph: Joshua Bousel]

Sushi

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Makizushi (Sushi Rolls) »

See all of our Sushi Week posts »

Spring Rolls

[Photograph: J. Kenji López-Alt]

Get the recipe for Easy Vegan Crispy Tofu Spring Rolls »

Desserts

Sandwich Cookies

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Milk Duds

[Photograph: Vicky Wasik]

Get the recipe for Homemade Milk Duds »

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