Me: Alright, time to lick the spider.
My Sister: Gale is going to disapprove--you might wanna send him to Camp.
Me: Oh, Hell no. I want him to scold me. 😏
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Who would be in your gang to investigate where a sound came from inside the house?
Alright the first person in my Mystery Gang line up would be Choi Minho (SHINee). He's level headed, he'd take the lead, and would a) he'd pretend like he didn't hear the sound just so no one else is scared and pretend like he's just humoring you by going to investigate b) he's making sure everyone is safe the whole time big caretaker vibes and c) he's ready to fight whatever and whoever is there. I mean have you seen his body??
Second is: Changbin. He's loud, he's beefy, but he's also cracking jokes and making sure that no one is too scared. He's right behind Minho, protecting the group, but turning around to whisper jokes to you OR he's telling the ghosts "make a sound if you want a kiss" and giggling about it. But if there is something lurking: you'll never hear it or anything else again rip your ear drums bc he's screaming and picking you up and runninggggg
Third is: Yeosang for the aggressive skepticism. He's keeping everyone cool and has all of the plausible deniability to keep the group in check. He's got answers for why the lights are flickering, what the sound was, and a reason that the knives randomly went flying. He will rationalize everything to keep you and the group calm and level headed. Even when you're running away after Minho punched a spectral entity in the face.
and finally: Hyunjin. He's throwing salt over his shoulder and banishing los espookies as y'all high tail it out of there because, and I quote, "I'm too pretty to get cursed and I'm making sure none of you get cursed either." The blood mage really does come in handy sometimes.
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oh god shut up. you didn't even know the damn kid.
"The children are always ours, every single one of them, all over the globe, and I am beginning to suspect that whoever is incapable of recognizing this may be incapable of morality." — James Baldwin
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(after misunderstanding what someone said and embarrassing myself) oh great now they hate me and want to kill me with rocks
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I rarely check on Tumblr, but when I do, I don't look at my following page. I either briefly check the tags of my blorbos, or the page of my one fav mutual.
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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