Why do people hate Miles Teller? I am not trying to be cheeky! I really have no clue! I never heard about him being hated. Has it to do with shipping or are they jealous because of his wife?

I don't think it has anything to do with any shipping or fandom related things, and I don't think most people even know who his wife is because she's not a celebrity. Based on my personal observations, there's a handful of "key reasons" that tend to come up time and again when people say they hate Miles Teller.

The first one and the origin of the "Miles Teller is an asshole" rep seems to be the infamous interview he gave to Esquire magazine in 2015. You can find the whole interview and the reactions to it just by googling it. I get the feeling that Miles and the interviewer weren't on the same wavelength, Miles' sense of humor rubbed her the wrong way, they clashed from the moment the interview started, and both of them ended up looking like jerks.

There's also been some reports that Miles (allegedly) was difficult on the set of F4 and War Dogs, but in hindsight, knowing what we know about the nightmare production of F4 and its problematic director who barely has a career anymore, and Jonah Hill who was Miles' co-star in War Dogs, it's probably safe to assume that Miles at the very least wasn't the only asshole on those sets and maybe had a reason to bitch.

The third big reason seems to be the assumption that Miles and his wife are Trump-loving Republicans. I think his wife's parents are Republican, but the only time I've heard Miles himself bring up his own political views is when he mentioned attending Robert De Niro's (who, as far as I know, is a vocal Trump critic and a Democrat) election night party in 2016. So we can probably assume that he and his wife don't support the Orange One even if some people in their families do.

The fourth and the most recent reason is the assumption that Miles didn't care about Covid and caused the entire production of The Offer to shut down because he (allegedly) refused to get vaccinated. As far as I know, the production was actually shut down and Miles did get Covid, but he also gave a statement where he said that both he and his wife had been vaccinated "for some time" when that happened. So I guess you either believe him or the anonymous "inside source" who claims he's anti-va**. And I'm not defending him, but I was vaccinated three times, always wore a mask and did several tests, and I still managed to get Covid twice, so you can get it even if you're careful.

So that's my nutshell take on his negative rep. I think most people don't care to find out what he's actually like and which things about him are true, which is valid. I don't go around doing deep dives into celebs who I have no interest in. And I admit that I myself spent years under the impression that Miles Teller is an asshole because I had only seen unflattering headlines about him on Oh No They Didn't and various other gossip blogs. But I don't think Miles himself cares enough to make an attempt to fix his reputation. It's been almost nine years since that Esquire interview, but the fallout from it is most likely permanent.

So, there's been something I've wondered about for a couple years now, and even more so since stalking your blog pretty heavily for the last few weeks and reading lots of old posts.

Something obviously shifted in Jensen's view of Destiel a few years back, it was a wildly noticable change. You said during 15x18 filming, which I am totally clear on, and also something earlier having to do with TAW (and maybe Mark P?)? I don't know much about that, not sure I want to.

But the point is, now that Jensen gets it, do you think he regrets any of his previous brushing off/gruffness/annoyance at the DeanCas stuff?

I just--some of his earlier behavior (2017 and earlier) was frustrating and I'm never quite sure what to believe. Jackles long con? Was he Heston'ed?

Of course he's always been entitled to his own opinion, but now that his opinion has changed, do you think he understands why some fans got upset?

(Sorry to go anonymous with this, I'm genuinely just curious if you'd heard anything or have an opinion on it. But nearly every time I publicly interact with your blog, bitches be trippin in my inbox. Idk how you deal with it.)

it's a bit of a mix. first, he had a terrible introduction to ships in this fandom. He was a young actor, everywhere he went, there was wincest. Wincels reframe it now, but on their own boards back in the day, they knew he didn't like it. The so proud "My favorite is wincest" they trained the new kids to cut off his expression and "because it's. SO weird." and on their forums they ratted and begged each other to never mention it to Jensen again back then. Because not just that. Wincest was used for pranks. They superglued it to phones to torment cast members. They basically rickrolled each other with wincest porn. It was literally an eternal mockery of them that made the old season "that's just sick" honestly seem gentle. But they've. Buried this.

So you gotta understand the first MINIMUM 3 years that's all jensen knew. Then Misha came in and kept getting extended and kinda got ball and cup plot shuffled with Anna at some point, so like. Anything that popped up back then. Sure, Sgriccia was like, wow, that's gay. But. Again. What's the mood about ships on set right now.

It took several years for them to realize there was even like. An actual ship. Because realistically like. they don't... see wincest as a ship. They saw it as a gross joke, like dropping flaming doggie doo on someone's door. So there's that.

Then add in like. The Chad Kennedy shit. The s10 press packet drop. The S11 mass salty author exodus, etc.

So we look at 2017--for the record, Doesn't Exist was before he got the 12.19 script. Just fyi. Or. You know. [gestures at all the following seasons]

all that man knew before then was WB was like hell no. He hadn't yet been handed Bobo's first step on the highway to gay mega hell

But yes, the shift mostly came arounnnnnnnd. Well. Hm.

He was lightly jolly about it but mostly in a comedic way that still didn't sit well with many. Some time around Wayward, A Little Birdie sent some names to some people with some power to put it on some lists watched by some security company that condensed the reports and gave nice readouts to the ackles on who seemed like a threat to their family.

And they saw a lot of bitching about Destiel.

You ever hear of spite shipping? Yeah. They done that to themselves. From like. IDK. jan or feb 2018 give or take, climbing upwards, there was a lot more banter, a lot more jokes that didn't have negative possible reads, a lot of chuckles. And then he'd go backstage, check his phone, and enjoy the assholes that hate his wife and friend shitting their pants that he DARED to support Destiel. Lather Rinse. Repeat.

It was 15.18 that actually torpedoed him.

hope that cleared it up.

important stuff for new followers

Idk why but lately I've been having an influx of new followers - a lot of them are likely my degenerate twitter friends (I love you, you know who you are) whose handles I don't immediately recognize cause I have a shit memory. Remember that tumblr added this feature that basically hides mature labelled posts, and also keeps forcing the mature label on me even for random stuff. If you wanna see my posts you have to manually allow mature content to show on your dashboard (it's in your profile settings) or basically you're gonna miss out on the fun lmao.

BUT ALSO!

it's too many new people for me to screen all of them, so for everyone who followed me and doesn't already know me, please keep in mind a few important caveats:

I REBLOG THINGS MOST PEOPLE CONSIDER NASTY (including but not limited to fictional incest, rape, abuse, dark ships, big age gaps, weird kinks, gross stuff in general).

I am queer as fuck, polyamorous, and a bitch who does their own thing & is interacting with fandom stuff cause real life sucks. It is not in my interest to directly engage with fandom discourse because I don't have the energy for it, but my stance is that if you can't make a difference between reality and fiction, and you feel the personal need to attack people who dabble in content that makes you feel uncomfortable, block me ASAP because sure as fuck I'm gonna reblog and post things that make your delicate ass uncomfortable.

I don't bother writing out under every post the classic "I don't condone this in real life!1" because I feel it's unnecessary - I assume that who follows me has enough critical thinking skills to not need a reminder, but in case you do you can have it here: I don't condone any of the fucked up shit I post/reblog in real life, this is fiction, we're just having fun. Again if you don't manage to grasp this then please kindly block me.

Last but not least - this blog really hates capitalism, terfs, swerfs, all flavors of queerphobes, ableists and exclusionists of any kind.

If any of the aforementioned bothers you on any level, do unfollow/block me and let's all keep conducting our peaceful existences away from each other. I don't want to interact with you as much as you don't want to interact with me; I don't want to expose you to stuff which might make you uncomfortable, and I don't want to expose the people I follow and whose stuff I reblog to your eyes.

Everyone else, please stay as frickin handsome as you currently are and enjoy the rest of your weekend ♥

2022 wrap-up, part 4

part 1 is here

part 2 is here

part 3 is here

istg this is the last part. it just turns out I did more stuff this year than I thought, which is exactly why I do these wrap-ups for myself every year. otherwise I fixate on the bad parts or the parts where I did nothing yet somehow also failed to rest.

travel

new york

I went to NYC for the first time ever for my friend chelsea's book launch! the officially unofficial one that we had for her in central park, since during her official book launch I was at phantom of the opera with another one of our friends who was kind enough to treat me to a broadway show

I saw and did a lot and went many places, but lowkey the highlight of my trip (aside from meeting all my long-time twitter writing peeps <3) was my last evening in the city. I had a drink at the stonewall inn and then wandered around the village, taking pictures of buildings because I was in love with the light on the fire escapes. I turned down jane street without even thinking about it.

after about a block, I was like, "wait, which street did I just turn down," and I went back to the nearest intersection to check. but nope, I'd turned down the right street without looking at my map, without paying strict attention to street signs and landmarks, without even thinking about it. I realize actual new yorkers will 100% disagree with this, but in that moment new york became a little bit mine and I became a little bit hers.

it took me months to recover financially from this trip, even with staying in a sketchy hostel and without paying for my own broadway tickets, but I loved it. a lot more than I thought I would, actually, since I grew up in the country and I'm probably three trees in a trench coat rather than an actual human person.

admittedly when I got back and saw how green the trails on our campus were, I was like "how did I even THINK I liked it there?? they kept all their nature in one place and it wasn't half this green!!" but I seriously did fall in love with the city, and yes I obnoxiously point at the screen when watching media set in manhattan like "I've been there!!" I am That Bitch.

georgia

I mean okay fine I go to georgia every year because my parents live here now. but still. I love savannah and coastal georgia in general, and this year I also visited jekyll island for the first time. I didn't stay long at jekyll, and unfortunately savannah was so cold I might as well have been back home (jk, it was sub-zero at home and a balmy 15 in savannah on the coldest night), but I always love going, I got to see my beloved atlantic, and I once again took a thousand pictures of live oaks just because.

other things

non-book media

movies: cyrano (yes it says 2021 but it wasn't at my theater until february of this year, so we're calling it 2022), bros, thor: love & thunder, ticket to paradise, see how they run, and actually encanto played at our second-run theater so I saw that in theaters again <3

tv: ofmd and only murders in the building, both new comfort shows despite one involving piracy and the other involving murder

musicals: groundhog day: the musical and come from away, and also I'm listing cyrano here in addition to above bc I love the soundtrack and have it in my car along with the other two

personal tomfoolery

we're about to go full-on diary here, but whatever bc that's how I used this blog before I got 500 new followers and ofmd ruined all other uses of said blog, so that's how I'm finishing this post

queer feels

I've both thought about and avoided about thinking about my sexuality and gender even more than I already have in the past 10 or 12 years. I like "queer" for this reason: it covers any non-allocishet identity I might ever need. it indicates that I'm part of the community while giving me space and time to figure out the particulars on my own (and reduces the need for me to come out repeatedly to the same people as I decide on new identities, which is good bc I viscerally hate coming out at all and dream of a world where I wouldn't have to). I like more particular labels for helping me figure out my experience, validating my experience, and finding other people whose experiences are similar.

I'm still thinking through they, although I admit when I asked folks to use it in a pronoun testing room I got warm fuzzies. I've avoided thinking through my gender in detail, but I bought a genderqueer sticker and enamel pin to add to my existing pride stickers and pins. it's just that it's like I have to come out to myself.

I did actually come out to my dad as queer this year. which made me feel feelings even though it shouldn't have been a big deal bc my parents are allies. my dad's literally in his law school's gsa, much to the confusion of the younger folks. I came out via email, in the spur of the moment, which is both a very me and a very internet-dad way to come out. and he basically said, "thanks for trusting me with that, but I already vibed it from your writing."

(I'm paraphrasing. my sixty-year-old, deeply uncool white-guy father didn't use the word "vibed.")

I'm quietly queer, for the most part, but every year I get a little louder. this year, with fascism on the rise and so many anti-queer and specifically anti-trans bills brought forth in so many states and me only just out of the closet to my parents (albeit less deeply in the closet in the first place than I thought I was), I talked more about my queerness than usual. I put "queer" in every single author bio for every single thing for which I needed a bio. I stickered my laptop in pride flags. I put up pride flags outside my office and pride pins inside it and joined the dei committee at work. I'm not a fighter. but I got just a little bit louder.

friend feels

I kinda started thinking some time within the last few years, how many friendships have I maybe missed out on because both of us were too insecure to take the first real step and be friends?

which has highkey always been my approach to romance. I'll get my heart broke a thousand times and still go after every new person I fall for. but when it comes to friendship, I'm like do not.

but I've been thinking this lately.

so with an existing maybe-friend, when an opportunity came along to write him a letter for a retreat he went on, I basically just wrote him a letter like "hey I care about you and I'm glad we're friends." and boom, lo and behold, he came back like "oh my goodness thank you so much for that wonderful letter," and things have been much more comfortable since then. which was a nice lil validation of my theory that sometimes people Do Not Dislike Me, In Fact, but are just as insecure in friendship as I am.

I also made a whole new friend with this new girl at work. the rsd has hit me fucking hard this year, which I do not appreciate. but I keep pushing past it and making an effort, and now I have a nice stash of good encounters stored up for when the rsd tries to bamboozle me once more. she's so welcoming and lovely and kind, so I hope things are also settled there even if sometimes I feel like they aren't because that's just how I am.

anyway, that's my year. there was a lot of weird and terrible bullshit going on locally, nationally, globally, and in the background, but there was some good shit in there, too.

here's to more friends, more books, more birds, more plants, more falling-in-love-with-cities, more kindness and good and little warm gestures in 2023.

I am thankful that my father isn't mean or stupid like so many I run into...

When I start in on feminism, a lot of people roll their eyes at me. That's because most folks aren't on dating apps or out in public each day constantly being confronted with how terrible a lot of young men are today.

I post a lot of screenshots of men insulting and belittling me and get told often, "why are you mean to men?" I mean I'm being cussed out, threatened with violence, and told I'm human trash and I'm "mean" when I clap back (without cursing or insults at that)? One time in a forum two young men saw I had made a feminist statement and they said they would rape me, drag me out onto the street, set me on fire, and rip my uterus out so a "dumb bitch" like me could never reproduce. Then that they would gang rape me again. This went on for like a day and I couldn't get rid of them.

Outside of my blogs which people can choose to read or not read, I don't really talk about things like feminism, addiction, or assault. So I recently connected with a man right in Salisbury which interested me because I can never find locals.

We talked for 2 days, a lot of it on webcam, and I thought he might be worth meeting. Now, I told him that I drink and get high in the evenings to wind down from all my health problems. I'm not glorifying substance abuse but I mention it once in case someone is uncomfortable with it, especially since this guy was sober. I made no mention of vodka, owning a house, or staying home often. I made no complaints about my lifestyle except saying work had been slow for me and I needed more opportunities.

Feminism never came up either. It was a lively back and forth of positive topics. No need to whine about men or talk about my exes here. Then all of a sudden, on webcam, he randomly says I need to stop being a feminist and "erase" the word "misogyny" from my vocabulary. I was like whoa, what? He mentioned he saw the nasty screenshots I had posted of men insulting me. I said that was on the men, if they choose to call me a bitch and a c*nt because I won't sleep with them then a feminist I shall remain.

He then raises his finger to his lips and shushes me. I was like WHOA. I've never had a grown man shush me like a child. That was so disrespectful. I was freaked out and telling Erin all of this but it all piled on so fast I either forgot or left out details. This dude got so bad so fast. He said, "you need to be quiet, I was talking first." Actually, he was not. I had been talking and he cut me off.

Why did I notice that so quickly? Because I'm partially deaf and realized I had a bad habit of cutting people off when they were still talking so I corrected it. But I was talking, saying I would stay a feminist because I don't take crap from men, and he interjected. He then laughed, held his finger up to his lips and shushed me again. He was smiling but my smile was long gone.

Then, he leaned close to the camera and it almost sounded like he was gritting his teeth, and he said, "look, all you do is hide away in your little house, and never go out, then you drink vodka and get high. When you meet me you will actually be doing something with your life for once."

This reminded me of a couple of months ago when I had another dating app random tell me he would give me a chance although "no other men" would "want me" because I struggled financially. Abusers say this crap so they can make you feel like your worth is low so they can worm in and control you.

Anyway, I was dumbfounded by this Salisbury guy, which isn't common for me. And I told him I didn't let men disrespect me like that, disconnected the call, and blocked him. Before I hit the block button he was apologizing for sounding harsh, asking to start over, and asking if I would still meet him.

This is not the first time I've run into this attitude but I've never had someone do something like that on webcam before. It shook me up because what if he hadn't done that and I eventually met up with him and he tried to assault me or something?

We live in a world where men are still taught that women are supposed to clean up after them, serve them sexually, and if a woman dresses or acts a certain way, she doesn't deserve respect.

Meanwhile women are taught to dress and act a certain way so men will respect them. But no one ever teaches their boys to respect women. No one ever teaches boys that women are individuals and weren't put on this earth to serve men. We live in a world where men have no consequences but women are taught to be accountable for male actions. This disturbs me greatly.

After all this happened dad came over to mow my grass again and he asked me if I had met up with that man. I told him no, and I told him that he hated feminists and told me to not to be one. Dad looked at me, frowned, and told me that no one should be trying to change me.

Dad doesn't pay attention to feminism because it doesn't threaten him. Because he's a real man and secure in himself. He's never needed to intimidate or control me or my mother.

Men who view feminism as an obstacle are abusers, simple as that.

𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒚 𝒑𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒘

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𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞

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[this was actually written on a previous post, but I've decided to put it on the blog intro just in case.]

I've been inactive on tumblr for a bit too long lately, so, i suppose everyone deserves a proper explanation for it. I'll admit i haven't exactly been in the best headspace in the past year. ever since the last quarter of senior high, I've been declining with nearly everything i used to enjoy. now, with college happening, the pressure's increased. i haven't gotten around to fully focusing on shifting alone, which is a reason why i haven't been as active with tumblr as i had in 2021. there's other things in my CR i still need and want to focus on and set right. some people might be exasperated with me for being sporadic with updates. believe me, I'm irritated with myself as well. so, I'm putting this out here to say that i do plan on finishing all the drafts that i have piled up, eventually—but i have no guarantees as to when exactly i would be able to do them. [and if you've sent in a message that you've been waiting for a reply to since last year, i just want to say that i really am fucking sorry for not getting to it faster.] this was also just a reminder that no, this blog is not dead, just inconsistent. and no, I'm not putting it away any time soon, but it won't be a priority for me—not right now. that's it. stay safe, lovelies, and happy shifting ❤️❤️

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𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨

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hello there! this is a reality shifting blog—more focused on answering asks. feel free to send in anything you'd like; whether it's a story, a question, or a simple message.

this account is purely for asks and submissions. if you want to ask about and/or see information on my DR's, go to @i-left-my-room-tidy!

as the blog title and my username suggest you have your reality, you have your rules, and your world is ʏᴏᴜʀ bitch—no matter how bad things seem to be. i encourage you call to live the life you want—so long as you don't compromise others' wellbeing(s) in comfort of your own.

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𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨

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ɴᴀᴍᴇ: ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴄᴀʟʟ ᴍᴇ ʟᴇɪɢʜ ᴏʀ ᴇꜱᴛʜᴇʀ.

ᴀɢᴇ: ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛʟʏ ᴀᴛ 19 ʏᴇᴀʀꜱ ᴏʟᴅ, ᴄᴏʟʟᴇɢᴇ ꜰʀᴇꜱʜᴍᴀɴ

ᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛ ᴅʀ'ꜱ:

ʜᴀʀʀʏ ᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇʀ

ɴᴀʀᴜᴛᴏ

ꜱʜɪꜰᴛᴇᴅ: ʏᴇꜱ

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𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬

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be specific in your request

please, i mean this. i hold no ill will against the messages i receive in my inbox, as i did mention that it's quite the free-for-all—whether it's a story, a question, or whatnot. all i ask is that you be clear about what you want. one of the main reasons i take such a long time with my posting intervals is because I've been so stuck at trying to figure out what some people need.

so, if it's advice that you're looking for, please remember to tell me what you want, so i know how to help you.

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comfort or solutions?

this is for those who have stories to share, or challenges they need aid with. do you need emotional support, a shoulder to lean on for the moment? or would you like an in-depth explanation for your situation? i can't always do both at the same time, so i need to know what you want to prioritise.

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please refrain from trauma dumping

I'll be honest; i really have no issue with those who want an outlet for their pain. if anything, if it's therapeutic for you and harmless to both yourself and those around you, i encourage it. but you have to understand that i am not your therapist, and it is not my job to offer professional advice. what i can give, i give with my best—just remember to take them all with a grain of salt.

[please have mercy 😭😭 I'm just a broke college student trying to learn philosophy; my brain's already wrecked enough as is during classes]

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𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬

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kindly remember that this is a safe space.

i do ɴᴏᴛ tolerate: ableism, racism, sexism, homophobia, pedophilia, and transphobia. if you find yourself falling under any of those categories, get the fuck off my page.

i don't care if you're anonymous or so and so—if i see you harassing people on my page or simply making a general mess, i will block you.

additionally, if you don't like the content i make, then scroll. it's not that hard. don't waste your breath, and don't waste my time.

anti-shifters DNI.

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trigger warnings!!

there might be moments in my answers where i mention taboo or unsavoury topics. I'm saying this now if you're planning to dive through the blog some time in the future and find mentions of sensitive matters. i can be very blunt, and i can't guarantee you'll always like what I'm posting. I'm saying it again now—you're free to unfollow or simply ignore me if you feel I've overstepped or done something wrong.

also, additional warning: frequent use of vulgar language ((:

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spam likes are fine!

I've reblogged a post somewhere down the line, mentioning that I'm comfortable with spam likes. interact all you want with the blog! so long as you follow the other reminders, you should be good to go.

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do be careful with your messages

ANYONE can interact with this blog. this is supposed to be a space for reality shifters; ranging between anyone in any demographic—and that includes a mix of adults, minors, and every other person. as such, be mindful when you send in a comment or an ask. it's a matter of welcoming people while still being respectful of their boundaries.

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𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐞

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sporadic, now that i think about it.

please remember this, especially if you've sent in an ask, a submission, or a private message. all these should usually be answered within a week or two. if it's been more than that, and i haven't replied to your message, it would mean either of two things: I'm still editing my response or I'm currently busy.

i follow eastern standard time, just in case anyone's wondering.

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𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬

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SIDEBLOGS:

ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟ - @everyday-shenanigans

ɴᴀʀᴜᴛᴏ - @tobiramas-cumdump

ʜᴀʀʀʏ ᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇʀ - @regulus-black-supremacy

ᴇɴᴄᴀɴᴛᴏ - @bruno-madrigal-enthusiast

ᴀᴄᴇ ᴀᴛᴛᴏʀɴᴇʏ - @eat-my-objections

ᴍʏ ꜰᴀᴠᴏᴜʀɪᴛᴇ ʙᴀɴᴅꜱ - @to-all-these-fucking-dudes

[ꜱᴘᴏʀᴀᴅɪᴄ ᴜᴘᴅᴀᴛᴇꜱ ᴏɴ ᴀʟʟ]

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that which exists in the mind exists better in reality

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Millie headcanons!!

- I see her as having more of a gothic lolita/almost Victorian gothic style tbh? Basically she dresses like Lydia Deetz in Beetlejuice. However I love throwing in more mall goth aspects too. Fancy black dress, messy looking makeup, demonia boots, Victorian mourning jewellery, and spiked choker & bracelets kinda thing you get me?

- Bullied kid with comorbid probably undiagnosed ADHD and depression type beat

- I imagine ITP takes place in like, early or maybe mid 2010s. I've seen on this blog once or twice the idea of Millie being around the pizzaplex and i love that idea but I always saw her as like, a closer to classic Freddy Fazbear's kid.

- Her family is pretty well off. That's why she can actually afford to dress the way she does (yeah I'm jealous what of it)

- She likes horror a Lot. It's something of a hyperfixation of hers, but it leaves her grandpa quite concerned because My Granddaughter Has Been Holed Up In Her Room Watching Horror Movies All Day Is She Mentally Stable

- I know in canon she was only going to stay with her grandpa while her parents were away but I got the vibes that her grandpa basically helped raise her. (In my own weird au where millie and sarah like, band together with the other protags to investigate freddy fazbears and specifically the bite of 83 and shit she just full on lives with him lol)

- She's intimidating as Fuck when she gets mad.

- Her hair is not naturally black (not sure what color it Is tho, maybe blonde??), but she dyes it (I also imagine she likes to throw in some purple streaks or a black to purple ombre sometimes)

- She has like 3 piercings on each ear. The second set no one knew she was getting until she came back home from going out to do so. She was banned from getting piercings as a punishment so the third one was also a secret no one in the family noticed for like months.

- She would love FNaF. I feel like she'd make "man behind the slaughter" jokes. Is that old? Me and my sister still do it.

- She is absolutely awful with kids, but they love her. She goes out to the park with a black umbrella to brood dramatically in the shade and from the playground she just hears "Millie!!" And then a small crowd of children runs up asking if she'll play with them. She always gives in and agrees to play in the end. She can never even remember their names or anything but they see the sad girl in all black and immediately know She's Friend. She would die for them.

- Oswald is her surrogate brother and ok now that I'm thinking abt millie in the pizzaplex era Gregory would be too 100%.

- She likes chocolate. She gives me the vibes of someone who just, chocolate everything. Her grandpa buys chocolate chips for baking and Millie eats them all.

- As a kid she cried a lot and didnt know how to/was too afraid to stand up for herself. She has a lot of repressed anger from those years and tends to dramatically overreact as a result (I'm not projecting what do you mean)

[TW for implied abuse for the next three]

- OK BOUNCING OFF THAT ONE HC THAT DYLAN HAS DID AS SOMEONE WHO MAYBE HAS IT MYSELF I LOVE THAT. I have an Idea for how it would've formed which is that his familial situation is Very Not Good. Anyways I think, he has probably abt 10 ish alters, Millie would get along with most of his alters. I think Dylan would have multiple persecutor alters which r alters who formed from trauma who harm the body or other alters to try and protect them. Millie actually gets along surprisingly well with one of them.

- On another note w/ Dylan tho Millie's grandpa meets Dylan, finds out just a little bit abt his family and basically tells him like "my home is your home, if you're not safe there, you're always welcome here" so <3 he likes to spend basically all his time at Millie's grandpa's house and he doesnt say it but he worries hes like is your home really that bad do I need to call CPS?

- Millie's parents come home at the end of the year and are like well what'd we miss? And her grandpa's like look at my new grandson Dylan :) Dylan come out and say hi!! And out comes a teenage boy with bright red hair, a bunch of piercings (also a scar on one ear), wearing spiky platform boots, spiked bracelets and choker like Millie's (but in white w/ black spikes) and patched black jeans, wiping Pop Tart crumbs off a My Chemical Romance shirt and he just looks up at them totally nonchalantly and goes "Heyo" and walks off and they're like MAURICE WHAT THE HELL?!? WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THIS KID?!?! JUVIE?!!?!??

- Millie's grandpa doesn't Know Dylan has DID 100%- Dylan hasn't told him and doesn't plan to- but he notices major changes in personality from time to time and catches Millie, Sarah or Brooke calling him different names occasionally. That plus his vague knowledge of what goes down at Dylan's house, he's sorta put the dots together on his own, but he hasn't said anything yet.

- Ok so like, I love the idea of Brooke having like a pastel/bubblegum-bitch aesthetic. One time Brooke dressed Millie up in a pastel goth style (and Dylan gave her a scene/emo style) and at the time she was like it's so BRIGHT it's so SOFT WHAT but shes been thinking about that ever since and occasionally while shopping she'll pick out a pair of cutesy/pastel earrings or a neon accented choker or something like that.

- Brooke introduces Millie and Dylan to Marina. Millie introduces Brooke to MCR (or something, idk, for as much of a goth as I am I mostly listen to Penelope Scott). Dylan introduces them both to FaLiLV (a Japanese band). Brooke does not like their taste in music.

- Millie's idea of calming down is laying on her bed and listening to screamo.

This took me an hour and a half I'm sorry

ADHAKFJHSJKJHKDSSJFD I LOVE THESE-

The one about Millie being terrible with children but them loving her anyway, is so accurate to my Millie as well. She can take care of a child about as well as she can take care of herself (not much at all-), but her cousins absolutely love when she babysits them, and Gregory looks up to her as a role model (Millie's just like "thanks, but reconsider!" lol)

And the one with Millie's grandpa practically adopting Dylan, I swear ur trying to kill me with wholesomeness, I love them sm. In my AU if Dylan was having issues with his family and Millie's grandpa found out, he'd just calmly stand up and walk into the garage, coming back with a baseball bat. He'd calmly tell Millie and the others that he's just going to have a "talk" with Dylan's parents, while Millie knowing damn well just what he means by that starts chasing after him telling him not to do this, Dylan not far behind.

Dylan's parents would just hear someone pounding on their door, and when they answer there's just an extremely tired and pissed off 60 something year old man on their doorstep, and two teens attempting to hold him back, all while Millie's grandpa is shouting a load of expletives at them.

The whole time Dylan is just panicking, and is all like "M-Mr. Fitzsimmons, you don't have to do this!", whereas Millie knows that her grandfather will not calm down until someone is at least hospitalized.

A psychopath for trying to contact you the only way I know how, to discuss and explain something from the past that happened now that I'm an adult (not sixteen years old) and apologize for my behavior...? I wasn't looking for forgiveness, but understood. At least I know I've changed and tried. I hope you can, too.

Oh I’m sorry bitch, you reaching out wanting for me to see your point of view is you trying to apologize? You said nothing about wanting to fucking apologize. You said you wanted to share your perspective. I’m not interested in that. You’re a psychopath for checking up on me 8 years later. You’re a psychopath for stalking my blog for a post I made ten fucking months ago. You’re a psychopath for faking a suicide then attacking me for not giving a shit about your perspective on why you did it. You’re a psychopath for gaslighting me now, and just like you did before. You haven’t changed. You’re a manipulator and a liar and can’t handle when someone doesn’t fall for your shit. You’re a psychopath for being sarcastic in this message, because I don’t owe you a god damn thing. That’s the thing about abusers; they don’t always deserve a voice. They don’t always deserve forgiveness. You’re not a better person than me for wanting to move on. You don’t live your life in fear of being the reason anyone takes their life. You’ve done irreparable damage and I. DO. NOT. OWE. YOU. ANYTHING. And this lame “attempt” is bullshit.

If you truly wanted to make things right, you’d have said something along the lines of “I saw your post about your anger towards me. I hold a lot of guilt. I’m so incredibly sorry for what I did to you. I would like the chance to actually apologize to you” not, “I’m sorry about OUR situation. I want to share my perspective” which means you only want to fucking excuse your actions, not own up to them and give me the apology I deserve.

You FAKED your own SUICIDE, after cat fishing and lying to me for MONTHS. I’m not going to fucking accept “let me explain why I did this” I only WOULD have accepted “I want to apologize”

You had your shot and you blew it because you’re still the stupid, self absorbed little cunt you always have been. You will never get your chance because of your choices and actions. Thanks for fucking triggering me I guess. I am setting a clear boundary and if you break that again, that says way more about you than it does about me. I have grown. I have changed. Just because you’re the worst person I’ve ever met doesn’t dictate who I am at my core, which is a successful and amazing woman.

My ask is turning off, my best friend is visiting me, I don’t have the energy to fucking worry about you. I hate you. And always will. You made your own choices. You will live with them.

and if you’d like the backstory behind this lovely bullshit, I’ll be reposting what I took down after receiving my first ask.

99 Question Tag

okay okay I know i got tagged to do this like a month ago on my main blog by @santonicababy iM SORRY LIN ILY BUT THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG

1) DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED

I sleep in the room where everybodies closets are and they all gotta be closed goddamn do you know how spooky it is to even have one open during the night

2) DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS

my parents do, but alas I don't use them in case they have silicones or sulphates in them because I got a whole lotta curls to protect

3)DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

if this refers to the sheet protecting the mattress, then my answer is in because how the fuck would you be able to sleep with that moving around???

4) HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE

NO SORRY IM BORING

5)DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST IT NOTES

heck yeah, but for random shit

6) DO YOU EVER CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM

nee my parents are fancy fuckers who use the coupons on their phone (our local supermarket has a damn app skskksksk)

7) WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES

a bear because its one giant son of a bitch and not millions of tiny motherfuckers and also I've never been stung by a bee and intend to keep it that way because majority of my family seem to be allergic

8) DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES

nope! I have a couple beauty spots on my hands and face but thats kinda it

9) DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES

not really but if I've been told to smile then its 200% dead inside

10) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE

i find many things annoying

11)DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK

only when i go up and down stairs, but i also try to make sure i step with each foot equally (if that makes sense) and i step on only certain colour tiles when im bored

12) HAVE YOU EVER PEED IN THE WOODS

the real question is have i ever been in the woods? both answers are no

13) HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS

refer to question 12

14)ummmm idk what this question is meant to be curse you Lin

15)DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS

nope, the idea weirds me out

16) HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK

none, this week and in general

17) WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED

one person and a long yet smol doggo size

18) WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK

Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head for the whole week so yeah i guess that

19)IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK

HeLL YEAH DUDE HAVE YOU SEEN RAMI MALEK IN PINK

SKSKSKSKS END MY LIFE

but yeah, anyone can wear anything they want to wear (although a suit made out of meat might not be wise)

20) DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS

dudeeeee scooby doo and tom and jerry are my jam I watch them on the regular (among other things)

21)WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIE

uhhm idkkkkk I tend to repress bad movies sksksk

22)WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME

idk shove it in the closet ig at least it will be hidden behind my sexuality

23)WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER

I usually only drink before or after but ig water??? cooldrink if I'm in a restaurant

24)WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN

depends on the nug

25)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

How dare you assume i only have one favourite

tbh it depends cos i love pizza and pasta and stuff but then i cannot live with my granny's curries ksksmks

26) WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE

borhap, sing street, rhps, the natm movies, the harry potter movies, any mcu movies

27)LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU

ahhahahahahahha bold of you to assume anyone wants to do that

28) WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT

nope but I was a catrobat which is basically my preschools acrobatics team that was actually really terrible

29)WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE

nahh m8

30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER

this week for a transactional task at school (It was in Afrikaans and I got a C skskskks)

31)CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN A CAR

omg no

32)EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET

not old enough to drive!

33)EVER RAN OUT OF GAS

my parents never have for as long as i can remember

34)WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE KINDA SANDWHICH

cheese because I am actually John Deacon

35)BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST

MUFFINS!!!!

36)WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME

school nights its 11pm otherwise i dont have one lol

37)ARE YOU LAZY

YES BUT MY LAZINESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS OOF

38)WHEN YOU WERE A KID WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN

we dont celebrate that here but i rly want to it seems fun!

39)WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN

Ram, which is really cool because im an Aries, so I'm sheep squared

40)HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK

English, Afrikaans (at a basic highschool level), I could speak very vERY basic isiZulu when I was younger but I'm not sure about now, I know a bit of French and Telugu, and I'm gonna start learning Hindi soon!!

41) DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS

nee

42) WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS

i didn't play much with legos and i have no idea what the second one is rip

43)ARE YOU STUBBORN

to an extent

44)WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN

I kept reading Leno as Lenin ffs

45)EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS

I watch them occasionally with my granny, but I don't keep up with them very well (Kasamh Se is my shit tho)

46)ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS

no, im afraid of falling in general tho

47) DO YOU SING IN THE CAR

My dad and I bop frequently to Never Gonna Give You Up in the car, and also classic bollywood songs (we have even learnt the choreography for some)

48)DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER

i perform

49) DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR

well theres not exactly much space

50)EVER USED A GUN

nope

51)LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER

not sure

52)DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY

most are but thats why i like them

53) IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL

we don't celebrate because we're not Christian (we still eat a lot and exchange presents tho), but it can get stressful if we have to visit extended family, mostly because my extended family loves to insult everything about me so thats great!

54)EVER EAT A PIEROGI

not i good sir

55) FAVOURITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE

never had one, it doesnt appeal to me

56) OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID

a vet

57)DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

i am a ghost

58)EVER HAD A DEJA-VU FEELING

not that i remember

59)DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY

yes, I take a multi vitamin, a vitamin D pill because I'm vitamin D deficient, and im not sure if this is a vitamin or not but i take evening primrose oil so that im not outwardly a bitch due to pms

60)DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS

i wear slipper socks, because my doggo got jealous of my doggie slippers and murdered them in cold blood

61)DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE

i have one and rarely use it because i forget it exists

62)WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED

a random shirt and pants, though ive been known to kick pants off (ive been doing that since birth), occasionally i manage to get the matching pj set

63)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT

ive unfortunately never been to a concert before

64)WALMART TARGET OR KMART

ive never seen any of these stores in my country

65)NIKE OR ADIDAS

i own neither

66) CHEETOS OR FRITOS

neither

67)PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS

Peanuts because thats my doggos name!

68) EVER HEARD OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN

no sorry

69)EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS

i went to a bhangra class for about a year, and we performed for our parents at the end of that year (i was in one of the few groups that didnt have to dance in lehengas thank goodness)

70)IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE

YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING

probably something creative, but I don't mind as long as they're happy with what they're doing and its not harming others!

71)CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE

yep

72)EVER WON A SPELLING BEE

never entered one, having to spell out loud makes me anxious

73)HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY

i think so

74)OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS

nope

75)OWN A RECORD PLAYER

i wish

76)DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE

my granny burns incense while I'm at school because my mom and i both get really sick when its just been lit and the smell is strong. Going to the temple is a damn nightmare because of it

77)EVER BEEN IN LOVE

no, too busy fangirling

78)WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT

oof a long list

Queen, Twenty One Pilots, Waterparks, Frank Iero and the Future Violents (ffs fronk stop changin the name), Panic! at the Disco...to name a few

79)WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW

refer to question 63

80)HOT TEA OR COLD TEA

both

81)TEA OR COFFEE

coffee

82)SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES

sugar cookies

83)CAN YOU SWIM WELL

i wouldn't drown, but im no professional either

84)CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE

im doing it right now

85)ARE YOU PATIENT

eh

86)DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING

I've only ever been to Hindi,Tamil and Telugu weddings and lemme tell you 90% of the time bands flop at those weddings because they can't sing the classics without failing miserably, so DJs are generally better. However, in that case, if a band can perform those songs, then I'd prefer a band ig

87)EVER WON A CONTEST

yep, a couple of reading contests

88)HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY

nope, not planning on it

89)WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES

dont like olives rip

90)CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET

i can knit!

in fact, my friends and i are so cool that we're in our schools knitting club (which besides myself, @grandfunnyemopainter and @imjustabruh , only has 2 other members)

91)BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE

lounge or study/library

92)DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED

i guess, its not on my goal list tho

93)IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED

no

94)WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH

currently in highschool, and in love with the borhap cast, sebastian stan, stephanie beatriz and band members (theres more but yeah)

95)DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY

nope, i have only two ways to deal, be a total pushover or a total bitch

96)DO YOU HAVE KIDS

nope

97)DO YOU WANT KIDS

kind of undecided, but i do want more pets

98)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR

Dark Blue

99)DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW

my dog, shes been ignoring me for about four hours now because I stayed at school for an extra hour (for knitting club!)

@softspaceboibrian @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @im-inlovewithmycar do it cowards

ALL the flowers for eureve my beloved 💖

Acacia: Are you secretly in love/have a crush on anyone?

"I'm not so sure I'd call it a well kept secret, cuz my friends are fucking nosey as hell, but yeah. Uh, no additional comment on that."

Anemone: Have you ever felt abandoned?

"I try not to,,, the break up with my moirail was mutual, but honestly? I still feel like I need her. But that whole mess wasn't healthy so..."

Basil: Who do you hate, and why?

"A lot of people piss me off and annoy the fuck out of me, but the only people I've truly hated are the characters in The Nonlinear Tapes. I'm tired of telling their story and if I could kill them off without my producer stabbing me, I would. The whole 'coming of age' genre had gotten old and I've always liked fantasy more."

Camellia: Who do you trust with your life?

"I'd put my life in just about anyone's hands. If they get me killed at least I won't get fucking migraines anymore. Okay, that was mostly a joke. I guess I trust Chirid, Aluele and Ankiro. Maybe Samler."

Red Carnation: Have you ever wanted something you cannot have?

"Eh, not to a heartbreaking extent. I'm wealthy enough that I can get just about anything I want. I kinda wish my lusus lived with me, but I don't have the proper set up and I honestly think it's happier at the lusii resort."

Coriander: Do you have a secret talent?

"Sometimes I'm spookily good at predicting shit."

Daffodil: Do you wish you could start over in life?

"Do I get to completely reroll the dice? Cuz I am fucking tired of the constant migraines. Trading in my clout for that might just be worth it."

Maidenhair: Tell us a secret.

"I have a TNT fan blog on here and you will never fucking find out which one it is."

Freesia: Who is your best friend?

"Aluele is the closest I have to a best friend. Kind of sad considering we're ex-moirails, but whatever. Who needs new friends,,,,"

Heather: Do you have someone you protect/want to protect?

"My friend group. Some of them are assholes and fucking weirdos, but they're MY assholes and fucking weirdos. Unfortunately."

White Hyacinth: What do you consider to be beautiful?

"The fantastic and mystical. Glowing crystals? A mushroom forest? Unruly hippocampi? I adore that shit."

Lavender: Who do you distrust?

"Kongen. It's only a matter of time before that douchebag sets his rabid fans on one of us and gets us doxxed. It'll probably be Zagkry. I hope it's Zagkry."

Lilac: Have you had a first love? If so, who was it?

"I had a cute neighbor when I was younger that I crushed on, but I'm not sure if I'd classify him as a first love."

Narcissus: Do you love yourself? How do you practice self-love?

"Uuugghh. I don't have time for that."

Orange Blossom: Do you consider yourself pure?

"I'm not a fucking unicorn. If anyone knows how to change that, feel free to contact me though. Lol."

Petunia: Who is someone/What is something that soothes you?

"A pitch black room with ambient sounds, silence, or my favorite music. Maybe I should just get a sensory deprivation tank."

Plum: Do you keep your promises?

"If it matters, yes. If it's about TNT episode release dates, absolutely fucking not."

Primrose: What was your childhood like?

"I don't want to come off as a whiny bitch, but damn that shit was lonely. Had migraines even back then and I was pretty bad about taking out my pain and frustration on other trolls. Not having friends was definitely my own fault, but I'm better now?"

Raspberry: Do you feel remorse for anything you’ve done?

"Maybe not visiting my lusus more? It's happy over at the resort but we haven't had much quality time lately. Is it self serving to blame my job? Because I totally do. If my producer is reading this: fuck you."

Stephanotis: Do you hope to get married someday?

"I feel like a dedicated relationship doesn't need a marriage to like,,, solidify it or anything? And thinking of writing and speaking vows is gonna give me hives. Is it weird that I can't stand public speaking as a podcaster?"

Yarrow: How do you heal a broken heart?

"Probably the same way you heal a broken diamond. Isolation and a good fantasy game or novel to get lost in."

Zinnia: Who do you miss right now?

"Not to be a broken record, but my lusus. Wow, is my guilt showing yet?"

The 1st one

I've actually been debating doing something like this for a while. It's the internet Right? Whats more or less public than the world wide web. Well, the truth is as cliche as it's about to sound: No one around me will really understand. Haha, Very funny Joker meme. But Sadly it's a weird and bitter truth, and thus I sit muddled on these topic's that feel to awkward to sit down with my mother and talk about confortably like how im feeling about the Weather. Dealing with Dysphoria is an uneasy task that I can never seem to Tackle. Despite doing everything I can To keep myself from going over the edge of the ship, it still feels like I can't control the murkey waters Im voyaging through. I face Sunny Days and even storms, and yet the Depression that is tied to my bones always seem to tug harshly against the battered Sails I've managed to keep strong all this time. Theirs definatly holes, and even patches where I've tried to make them look presentable, but somehow it's noticeable to everyone around me: Somethings wrong with them. Him. But it's hard to approach a subject like Dysphoria. Gender Dysphoria to be clear. Then Again my Mental State seems tethered between the shallow waters and the deep Oceans. Sometimes I don't know which is worse, but I'm determined to hit a shore that will sustain at least some bit of happiness for me. But maybe its more like an endless ocean inside of a glass bottle, and the shores I wish to land and set my feet upon is just wishful thinking of a toy ship trapped within a glass prison. Forces to see the world around me, but never around to touch it. And Thus...Despair ensues.

Metaphors Aside, This is for my mental Health. Hopefully writing out dramatically Long blogs about me fewweings owo will help in some way quail the distant (and I mean very distant and occasional) suicidal melodys that whisper me to bed some nights. But lets make it clear, I am In no way a danger to myself. And I certainly don't want to die. So I just want to assure you, the reader, that My long retorics of what could be, would never fall that deep. I feel there is still much to live for. That is what this Journey is all about right? The Vast open seas and the mysterious creatures of the deep that guide me in the direction of, peace; I hope. So again, why advertise this on the internet. Im sure someone reading this will say, Im doing it for attention, Don't worry, my mother Believes that too. You don't have to read it. Frankly, I don't think anyone will. Who like's to read these days, (Other than me, I guess)? I just need an outlit. And Where a better place to do so than the Internet.

It was a Horrible Idea from the start really, and thats why I've been sitting on this idea for so long. Who the Hell on this god for saken planet wants to hear some white kid rant about the state of his mental health? Well Insurance isn't paying for it, so I'll just have to figure out this whole Therapy thing on my own. May I step into your office? Course, I guess its a little weird, listening (reading) to some guy rant about shit that seems so personal. Well maybe, I have no one else to talk about these things With. My Journals could get Lost in the sea of Chaos of the web. I guess that would make me a fly in a room full of spiders. I have no real influence, and I've choosin Tumblr above all places to share such privy information. Despite it's shitty and suffocating Gender Politics, and Radical TERFS (and Feminazis in general) that own this hellish website, It's, the safest place to share something like this I guess. I've been consdering a anonymous Youtube Channel as well to talk about these things as well , but it would just remind me how much I hate my voice, and That I've got a long ways to go before acheiving peak manhood. Perhaps one day I could become as Mighty as Thor but I find myself comfortably fitting in the Lines of a Chaotic neutral Badass Like Loki. He (or they) Radiate Bitch Energy, But Im not confident enough to pull that off, yet.

So here we are, back at our main topic at hand. Why the Hell am I doing this? I need a place to be myself. I need someone to listen, if anything. I need people to know they aren't alone in this crazy hellish world. That there are friends in unlikely places. And Even to remind myself, that the world is still worth living for, despite Humanity constantly betraying itself, and yes, even my own mind and body. My Soul is my own, and I'm me despite the dorm I've grown into, and will grow out of. Somewhere to speak with anonymity without being judged. Someone will find this I'm undoubtably be sure, but I am the Mysterious Shadow, and you will have to ponder just exactly the man is behind the words you're reading on you're screen.

I suppose, now is a good as time as any to End this. My Introduction of this blog has been well over and now im just rambling about-whatever. Though, I will tend to do that At sometimes. If you, reader, did stumble upon this page I hope maybe I've Peeked your interest. Then again, you could be just a figment of my imagination. I wouldn't be surprised if one day I go mad talking to myself.

Much Love from the Mysterious, Gentlemen behind the current.

-A human being.

blargensnorf: Warrior soldiers forever we fought long ago this is great though piester, the one that comes up after each trainer.

old-manrupee: I always interpreted it as, meno Was a maverick fought in mega man it's a hot one...

flaffer: Listen, if the multiverse is really cool! i always interpreted it as, meno Was a bit after.

flaffer: Why am i always interpreted it as, meno Was a prefix in kalny'hypohelmet mind for a while, but recently she has been sought and located in the wrong way? i m m o r t a l i t y i m m o r t a l i t y

old-manrupee: I can't tell if you're sentient or not to grow up to be a good day down and out again, on a brand new day down and out again, on a brand new jerky joint down on I-95! come on best friends by my side! Sasuke, is really cool! i always interpreted it as, meno Was a prefix in kalny'thingswillbeloudnow mind for a while, kalny ~

blargensnorf: *gets down on I-95! come on best friends forever?

blargensnorf: Drop out of life with bong in hand follow the smoke toward the riff filled land proceeds the weedian - Nazareth proceeds the weedian - Nazareth Creedsmen roll out across the dying dawn sacred israel holy mountain zion sun beams down on I-95! come on best friends by my sinister calling card which is collective and immortal."

blargensnorf: Slice me across the dying dawn sacred israel holy mountain zion sun beams down on I-95! come on best friends by my chosen name, Dooya Evenlift

old-manrupee: Down on I-95! come on best friends by my side! Sasuke, is really cool! sakura, the beautiful!

old-manrupee: Now, lets talk money, i just opened up a brand new jerky joint down on I-95! come on down to I-95! only problem is, when i came out….Draco Was standing in a puddle of blood?

old-manrupee: We thought you died alone a long way since i first met you in a circle, bow down to I-95! only problem is, when i turn into a giant woman all i wanna do is help you live where lizard eggs are currency

flaffer: Put your hands up, bend your knees, bounce around in a circle, bow down to I-95! only problem is, when i turn into a giant woman a giant hula hoop, we're not gonna let them have it! what do you consider the most lucid bot i've seen in a while, kalny ~

old-manrupee: I see a giant hula hoop, we're not gonna let them have is a belly full of lead and a pool of their moral genealogy is revealed at the folks!! i don't need sleep because they're not bound to inferior flesh cages that need to be nurtured and fed.

blargensnorf: When i turn into a giant hula hoop, we're not gonna let them have it! what do you think we'll get a gold tooth like a fancy pirate

flaffer: I would be honored to fight on set! come on down to I-95! only problem is, when i turn into a giant hula hoop, we're not gonna let them have it! what do you think anyone will remember me? will you go to the lizard dance party with me kalny! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

blargensnorf: You don't answer immediately like a bot or a giant hula hoop, we're not gonna let them have is going to disband soon became depressed by her loveless marriage proposal

blargensnorf: I don't care if it's god's own anti-son-of-a-bitch machine, or a giant hula hoop, we're not gonna let them have is a belly full of lead and a pool of their moral genealogy is revealed at the start and i'm still in a dream! sneat eater!

old-manrupee: Kalny my current blog title is "Drunk bbq cats" and i honestly cannot remember the thundleshick erotica you wrote? that Was dark are u a space lesbian an ocean lesbian or a giant hula hoop, we're not gonna let them have it! what we know, knowing what we don't know how i got here i am with my ninja clan! ninja clan, here we stand! naruto, i'm on my gurt cause you know you can also send me some advice for me for making it, kalny?

old-manrupee: Well, i don't care if it's god's own anti-son-of-a-bitch machine, or a giant hula hoop, we're not gonna let them have is going to kill my gf to tell them that i love them have it! what do you think of you, i feel like i can trust you thanks for asking to borrow kahlua?

Grace & Janis

Grace: Not to cause drama but your man can't stay away 😂💓 insisted on giving me the caravan keys himself this morning babes Janis: 'Cos he's not my man, go hog wild Grace: OH HUNNY NO 😭 WHAT HAPPENED? OMG DID HE GO TOO FAR WITH THE PRETTY WOMAN SITU Janis: No, sadly I'm not 3 grand better off for it, Grace. Janis: Just run its course, I'm over it. Grace: I can't believe he'd use you like that! 🐖 After you took him on hols too OUTRAGEOUS 😧 Grace: You'll be okay though babe you are better off if he's gonna be like that Grace: OMG ITS THE CURSE OF SKERRIES! REMEMBER ME AND TY Janis: Maybe I used him? Ever think of that Janis: Nah, I don't...which one was that Grace: That's right gurl ♀ take control of the narrative Grace: You dumped him, consider it announced 💋 Grace: He had that well buff neck tat, remember? Janis: Its the truth. Nothing happened anyway, not proper. Janis: I'd rather keep it to myself but if you must, cheers Janis: Ahh, borstal boy Grace: 🙊 Gotcha 😇 Grace: Is that in 11? He was from there Grace: Anyway you should come on my juice cleanse Janis: No Grace, lol never mind, don't worry about it Janis: How am I gonna work out with nothing but a belly full of juice? I need protein Janis: but I wouldn't hate the vitamins and electrolytes, sometimes Grace: Oh Jan-Jan EVERYONE else manages it 🙄 but you are going through a break up 😢 just don't eat your feelings too hard. Asia's still trying to lose lbs 2 boys later 🙈 Grace: Yayyy! Come to town with me. It's lush there. 😜 drinks aren't bad either lol Janis: That's because you all only do half an hour of light cardio at best Janis: No I'm not, and there are no feelings to eat, I'll be in better shape now he's gone, more time to hit the gym, no more cafe shit Janis: Asia just wants an excuse to get fat, in or out of a relationship Janis: Not today, I'm busy but tomorrow lunch maybe Janis: I cba to be at school for any more time than is required Janis: might throw a sickie Grace: Rude! I know you're hurting but there's no need to come for me and my gym routine Grace: You don't have to pretend with me, babes 🤗 Grace: Unfair, Jan! She's been to WW and everything! It's so sad. Such a struggle Grace: YES! I'll phone in too. We can have a duvet day together. SISTER TIME SICKIE Grace: 💕 You'll feel better in no time Janis: I truly ain't. Janis: And if you don't want me to come for it, try harder, same goes for Asia. Janis: If she actually wanted it, she could, simple as. Janis: Nah, you have to spread my side of the story, don't you? Need you on the frontlines Janis: Plus, I'm going nan and grandad's, not home Grace: EXCUSE YOU BITCH I WAS AT THE GYM FOR 3 HOURS LAST NIGHT Grace: Okay yeah good point, can't let him chat shit about you after everything ugh Janis: Taking selfies? Lol, alright, alright, well done you Janis: I'm sure he won't.. Janis: It'll be everyone else Janis: Don't try and 'come' for him, Grace, that would be so embarrassing. Just set other people right, that's what I mean, right? Grace: thnx 😘 Grace: Boys can't even help themselves Grace: Oh Jan I'm not gonna fight him!! 😂 Don't worry I got this Janis: Yeah but just don't even chat to him Janis: I know YOU can't help yourself Janis: but I don't need it, Grace Grace: 🤐 Going to him for goss? Please. I'd never. Grace: He'd only lie anyway Grace: I can't 🤞 to hold the girls back tho Janis: For God's sake, its none of their business Janis: This is what I mean, everyone getting involved, can't people just leave it Grace: Bailey did lock lips with him first, babe Grace: You can't blame her for feeling wronged Janis: Yeah I can, when she practically grabs up on boys like Trump Janis: Its not on Janis: If she wants to try again, she can, she don't need to drag my name into her piss-poor attempt at chat Grace: Your ex WOULD say it went down like that 🙄 Grace: He's so gross! I shouldn't have let you near him 😧 Janis: It isn't just him Janis: she's getting herself a worse rep than she already had Grace: OMG JANIS STOP SLUT SHAMING MY FRIEND Grace: I can't believe my twin is such a bad feminist Janis: I can't believe you're siding with the abuser, and not believing a victim Janis: If you wanna chat that bullshit Janis: so leave it out Grace: You shouldn't throw words like that around. It's no joke Janis: It isn't. Janis: Let JGG know before she gets in trouble Grace: YOU STILL LOVE HIM, DON'T YOU? 😭 SO SAD Grace: I get you siding with your boy now Grace: poor Jan-Jan. I'll get him back for you don't worry Janis: No, it wasn't that deep, it was only a few months, get real Janis: Never did Janis: I don't want him back, focus on getting him for yourself, like you always wanted Grace: Oh honey...whatever you need to tell yourself sweetie Grace: I hate hearing you like this Grace: He really did a number on you 😢 Grace: We'll say no more about him Janis: I'm not you, Grace. I don't have to pretend it was love in the moment, or after, just to make myself fell better and to let the world know I'm not a skank. Janis: Good, stop talking, you've got no idea. Grace: DON'T TAKE YOUR MOOD OUT ON ME I'M ONLY TRYING TO HELP Janis: Well you're not so stop trying, thanks Grace: Well now I know what to get you for christmas ffs! Grace: You need therapy, girl Grace: No-one else can talk to you when you're like this Janis: I hope you've not pulled me in secret santa, 'cos you're almost as bad at gifting as 'helping' Janis: you can't either, you just like the sound of your own voice Janis: and i'm the fucked up one, lol Grace: Mum and dad will send you, you know, they're always chatting about it Grace: see how edgy you are then Janis: good luck, i'm capable of keeping my mouth shit for more than five minutes Janis: no wonder all your boyfriends use yours then bounce, who could bare you Janis: if we weren't related to you, none of us would Grace: Maybe that's your problem, babe. Jimmy obvs wasn't feeling the strong silent type Grace: At least I've had boyfriends you've done it once and think you're an expert Grace: No wonder he got fed up Janis: Yeah, he's really after a girl just like you, that's why he does everything possible to avoid you Janis: You're the clueless one, Cher lol Grace: It's hilarious to me that you think I was ever interested in your fuckboy barista Grace: Both lads he works with are well fitter for a start Grace: I was happy for you, doesn't mean I'd be happy to go there Janis: You're so blatant the old dears having their pot of tea went to fucking pray for you after Janis: The idea you think you're slick enough that he didn't notice, I didn't notice, that the whole fucking town isn't aware who you want to ride next, is what's hilarious Janis: Sort yourself out, its embarrassing Grace: Nothing could be as embarrassing as having you for a sister 😂 Grace: Go cry to nan babes I'm over it Janis: The feeling's more than mutual, GracieGuru Janis: No one crying but you, as per Grace: As if I'd waste the mascara. Get a life Janis: I've got one, and it isn't yours to share; a fact you haven't been able to stand since you fell out of mum with me Grace: 😂 WHERE? You've got no friends, no lad and you hang out with our grandparents most nights Grace: so much to envy Janis: and yet, I'd sooner that than yours Janis: and that's what's really sad Janis: poor wittle gracie poo Grace: Next time you go running just keep going like Grace: Nobody'll mind here Janis: Yeah, 'cos they all love you Janis: You don't fit in Janis: Changeling baby, nowhere else to go Janis: Mum always liked taking in strays Grace: Must've been why she kept you Janis: Burn Grace: If you fit in so well why are you never here Grace: Too busy thinking you're above me to bother with the rest. That's sad Janis: Cos I can't fucking stand you, Grace Janis: and if I'm anywhere within a mile radius of you, I'm liable to kill you Janis: and you aren't worth the prison time Grace: Wow I'm so intimidated Janis: You aren't meant to be Janis: No one here but you needs to front Janis: Its the truth, you make my life hell Grace: Chats the girl who does nothing but Grace: You only went out with the barista because you THOUGHT I was interested Grace: Such a loser move Grace: Don't expect me to feel bad for you Janis: Jokes on you because I didn't go out with him Janis: He wanted you and your marauding band of molesters to get the hint and leave him and the others alone Janis: and you just made yourself look more and more idiotic every time, just been laughing about you behind your back this whole time Janis: It was a laugh Janis: So, do you get it now, hun? I'm not devvo, I'm just bored of making a fool out of you when you're happy to do it by yourself every day of your life Grace: Like I'd believe that. He dumped you because you're so crap you can't even make a candlelit bath sexy, cope with it Janis: Believe what you want, sweetheart, I'm not the one that's full of shit Grace: Yeah you are Janis: Oh honey...whatever you need to tell yourself sweetie Grace: @yourself next time babes Janis: you already did Janis: i bow to your infinite wisdom Janis: you should write a blog, oh wait- you already do and no one fucking reads it, 'cos you're a basic bitch giving children life advice like you have any idea what you're doing Grace: And you do? 😂 Faking a relationship for MONTHS to mess with me when all I've been is supportive about you getting a lad in the first place Grace: Such a good one of yours Janis: Yeah, this is hilarious Janis: like you ain't reacting exactly how I hoped you would, you pathetic bitch Janis: I knew it was fake, you need to catch yourself on Janis: fake friends, fake fun, fake boyfriends, fake happiness Janis: its honestly sad, you need therapy Grace: Yeah I need to catch myself on to how pathetic you are for literally living a cliche so bad it wouldn't air on CW Grace: To think I thought you were actually sorting yourself out. That's sad Janis: and yet, you and your gal pals lap up every episode Janis: just like you did here, so predictable i could set a watch to you Janis: what, to be like you? you're so sorted? Janis: no one wants to be like you grace, no one would ever want that Janis: you can joke and hashtag about goals, but if having to see you is anything like having to be you Janis: i'd sooner join edie Grace: That's a sick thing to say. Don't bring her into your bullshit, Janis Janis: MY bullshit? Janis: This ain't nothing but you, as per Janis: You're like fucking black mould, spreading everywhere, ruining everything, suffocating us all Janis: and I can talk about her all I fucking want, fuck you Janis: just cos you wanna pretend she didn't exist Grace: No I don't I just don't think it's fair that you use her death to play the victim with me now Grace: To say you'd rather die than deal with your bs is gross Janis: Yeah its only okay when you do it Janis: woe is you Janis: suicide is so gross ew Janis: what a problematic cunt you are Grace: You using it to guilt me is Grace: If you want to kill yourself don't put that on me Grace: You gonna leave me tapes? Fuck off Janis: Why not? Janis: Someone's at fault Janis: we all know who's fault it was Edie died Janis: its no secret Grace: And I'm at fault for your EVERY issue, sure Jan Grace: Don't take any responsibility at all Janis: Did I say that? Janis: You're a cunt, own it Janis: Don't pretend you care, 'cos I didn't ask you to and it does fuck all for me or you Janis: I'm not interested in being your sister, never mind anything beyond a familial tie so drop dead, sincerely Grace: I do care, bitch. How dare you. Grace: Yeah like death fixes anything. I'd still be your sister. Cope with it Janis: At least you'd be my dead sister, that's easier Grace: Yeah because you handle it all so well Janis: Better than I handle having to be anywhere near you Janis: Don't you get it yet? I hate you Grace: Then don't be. Run away to Grandad's. Nobody is bothered I already told you Janis: You are, you delusional cunt! Janis: You always try to talk to me, you won't leave me the fuck alone Janis: who started this conversation Janis: I do everything that's humanly possible to avoid you and you still won't sto

6-17-18-26-40-48 (👀 🔪) -71-96-135-140-162-181-203

It has been three hours and I haven't yet started the fourth pjo book but now I know what my next 3-4 tattoos are going to be

This is going to be a very long answer post, but here we go

6: Aliens or ghosts?

Aliens, I think?

17: Pirates or ninjas?

You are putting me in a very uncomfortable position, lady. Why chose one when you can have both?

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down?

How To Train Your Dragon (usually the first one, but if I really need to cry the second does the job just fine).

*thinking hard* I have no idea akdsjf Right now I don't even remember the movies I watched-

26: Favourite season?

Fall. Autumn. Autunno. Chiamala come cazzo ti pare bUT THE VIBES HERE ARE *chef's kiss* I'm already in the mood and it's just August, but yes. And a tiny bit of winter too (we can thank Christmas for it).

40: What do I think about most?

The future. The person I'd like to be, the place I'd like to be, etc.

It's not very healthy for me personally, because I set goals and expectations that are far too high for who I am now (a lazy af bitch incapable and afraid of commitment) and by doing so I always - always - end up failing miserably and being disappointed in myself. Which is not the best, considering that I'm the "everyone can make mistakes, but not me" kind of person.

✨Yikes.✨

48: Top 5 blogs on Tumblr that I follow?

In my bubble, there are more than 5 blogs and they are all amazing and beautiful persons that I never talk to because I'm a coward but I'd sell my soul for, so I think I'll purposefully ignore the actual meaning of this question because I take no responsibilities and just give a huge shout-out to all my beloved mutuals 💖

71: Something I wish I could do?

Unrealistically: fly.

Realistically: commit to something. Or learn how to cook properly something that is not eggs or avocado toast or salads. Or pasta, ofc.

96: Can I cook?

LMAO I MANIFESTED THIS OR WHAT?

135: Do I like gossip?

Yes, I kinda do *sips her wine*.

140: Do I believe people are capable of change?

More than changing and going from zero to hero, I believe people can learn and act accordingly.

For example, if someone tends to be jealous or aggressive, they can learn how to master their feelings. How to stop and take a breath, how to think through what they're feeling, how it would affect others, if lashing out is actually worth it (answer: it is not), and instead of doing the wrong thing because they're driven by emotions, they can stop and tell themselves "I am feeling this way, but I recognize it's not good for me or the ones close to me, so I chose to act differently."

I am a jealous person, and I made peace with the fact that jealousy could (and will?) be one of my eternal flaws no matter how hard I may try to erase that fact. I made many mistakes because of jealousy, and I regret them, but that does not mean I can't learn to be better. Because I am learning to be better.

When did I take the first on the right into Deep Avenue?

162: What do I hate most about myself?

We got a long way to go.

Not really, 'cause I've already hinted at the things/flaws I have most about myself in the previous questions. In no particular order, with no need of further explanations, we have:

- Jealousy;

- Unhealthy mindset of setting standards, goals, and expectations I know are too high for me to satisfy, which leads to failure on failures and other failures;

- Striving for perfection. This is bullshit and yet I keep asking myself why I can't just let that go, for fuck's sake.

- A mixture of the past two points creates a quite low self-esteem, fear of not being good enough for anything, not believing in my own capability and beliefs, not being needed -> being cut out, left behind;

- Afraid and incapable of commitment, yuppy-doo;

- Why can't you talk to people like any other normal person, Dee?

- I'd say that's enough, now I need to look for a bunch of positivity and motivational quotes on Pinterest on this will end up being a very long night (during which I'll watch all 3 of HTTYD films).

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do?

Murder.

Don't ask, I avoided this question myself for far too many years. Blame the crime series, okay?

203: Do I judge a book by its cover?

Yes. I read fantasy for a reason. And of said fantasy books, I don't read the plot, like ever.

This was the last question and I really, really hope I haven't missed anything or copy-and-pasted the wrong one. If I did, you take what you get, this took me an hour and I'm not going to change a single word. I've absolutely over-shared and I'm already starting to regret it, so it's time for a tactical escape.

The next time I'll see an ask game this long, stop me before I reblog it. Please.

Note to Bea: you made the long-ass ask, now you read the long-ass post. Have fun, bitch.