#and I've looked at it for hours now so it's basically looks like a disaster akdbsksbkssn
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omg, your new theme, i am in loveee 😍💗
Aaawwww thank you so much sweetheart!!!! I wasn't 100% convinced of the brownish tones so this is reassuring eheh
#I want to post the Akutagawa icon but the more I look at it the more it feels off#and I've looked at it for hours now so it's basically looks like a disaster akdbsksbkssn#But again thank you so much Nyusa!! Your graphic sense is exceptional so it really means a lot coming from you (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡#not bsd#people asks me stuff#sweet asks#Although tbh I probably peaked with the August theme matching your Kyouka moodboard eheh#Beast sskk my beloveds#It was painful to take said moodboard off the pinned post 😔😔 I already miss seeing it every time I open the blog 😔😔😔
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To you, My Lady
fandom: hsr
pairing: gallagher/FEM!reader
warnings: SPOILERS FOR 2.2 AND WRITTEN BEFORE 2.3
a/n: this may be the weirdest and most far-fetched I've ever written in terms of character interpretation, but I just needed to get something out of my system after playing 2.2, I cried like a little bitch
“You’re a History Fictionologist.”
Gallagher doesn’t respond. He should’ve known. You’ve always been too perceptive, no matter how much you mask yourself as a mess.
He doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t have to; he knows the crease in your eyebrows, the raging hurt that is locked behind your frowning lips, tears prickling from the corners of your eyes. He has memorized it by heart, when he had broken your heart on several occasions.
He warned you. He had shut you down when you presented him with a bouquet of flowers, he left you to pack up your date meal on more times he can count, and barked out a condescending laugh every time you show him something you created.
And yet, you stayed. You tried to make this one-sided relationship work, and Gallagher doesn’t understand why. He also doesn’t understand why he didn’t straight-up push you away.
“Finally worked that brain of yours?” he snorts, “‘Bout time.”
Gallagher- he is merely a creation born from another pair of hands. He is a toy, a pawn, with a singular ambition; to make sure The Order never crafts their perfect world, a predetermined disaster.
Perhaps he is the creator. Perhaps he is the creation. He is a branch of the History Fictionologist.
A lie ceases to exist when the truth comes to light. His death is gradual, but he feels the instantaneous switch. The soft pull of the abyss, gently taking a part of carefully-mended facade. It won’t be so kind when the final hour comes. He’s sure you know, too.
This is expected, though. He has a meeting with Sunday later, and he will take him to Dreamflux Reef. There, he will bid the people he barely knew goodbye, and he will leave a single hound to watch over the old man.
He will have played his part.
Why did he delude you into thinking you two had a future together?
“Well.” You are clearly trying to hold back tears. The pathetic display wants to make him laugh. He doesn’t. He still doesn’t turn around. “This is it, then?”
Gallagher polished a glass. “There was never ‘this’, hun.”
“But I’ve seen the way you look at me.” you insist, “You aren’t as emotionally detached as you think you are.”
He pours in High Stakes, and plays around with the drink in the glass. “I didn’t think you were this dumb, love. You deluded yourself into thinkin’ we were something more. We’re not. To me, you’re as important as a passerby in this dreamscape.”
“Then why did you stay?” Your voice cracks. “Why didn’t you push me away?”
He drops in a dash of classic SoulGlad. “Hm. Maybe because you looked too pathetic. I dunno. I don’t feel much of anything.”
“And why are you leaving now?”
You sounded far too heartbroken, beyond the stricken looks you give him on a daily basis.
“‘Cuz you realized my identity. In a day or two, my form will be destroyed. I’ll continue exploring the cosmos in another body.” He squeezes in a Hanu sticker. It looks adorable. It reminds him of the smile you gave him the first day you met.
He still doesn’t turn around. “Darling, you have to realize you’ve been loving a dead man. I don’t know what it is about police officers and bartenders that make you hot’n bothered, but don’t run into another one.”
As he mixes his drink, there is only silence. He half-expects you to leave in a huff, but he knows better. You have never left in the long time you’ve known each other.
“... Then, if all my romantic gestures meant nothing to you,” you say, tenderly and still brimming with a love that annoys him, “Can I get one more kiss?”
“On the cheek.” He says coldly, putting down the drink on the counter. “And only because I’m basically dying.”
He closes his eyes as you turn him around. He hears a quiet hum, still sad and carrying grief, before he feels a soft brush of lips on his cheek. His hands cling to your waist, before they let go.
“Thank you.” you say, “And I’m sorry.”
He opens his eyes. Your smile is fragile and hopeless, but it carries a tinge of warmth, one that makes him close them again, because if he stares longer, something in his carefully-crafted heart may actually want to stay in this dingy apartment.
Will you go chase another man, when all is said and done? Will you marry him? Will he protect you and treasure you? Will he leave you, just as he did?
“Sure.” he answers, sliding the drink into your hands as he backs away.
He opens the apartment door, and doesn’t spare another glance. If he does, he may actually fear.
Before he leaves completely, he stops. “To you,” he murmurs, knowing you will hold onto his every word, “With this glass of ‘Farewell, My Lovely’.”
Leave. Don’t be delusional. Leave.
Hm. Perhaps he was the one deluding himself.
“To unfinished business.”
He shuts the door, and basks in the soft artificial moonlight.
He hears you wail.
He can only hope this is what Mikhail would have wanted.
#hsr gallagher x reader#gallagher x you#hsr gallagher#hsr x reader#hsr#hsr spoilers#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2
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Just read your reassurance fic and fuckin loved it. Absolutely feral for price rn. Not sure if you're still open for requests, but i am a strong believer that price gives the best hugs, holds you to his chest for comfort, problemsolving kinda hugs, but maybe something happened and now its oc/reader's time to return the favour.
This is the first time I've ever made a request so hope I did it right lol. basically I'm starving for fluff. maybe a bit of hurt/comfort.
Thank you so much for requesting!! I'm so glad you liked it!! I agree, he definitely gives incredible hugs and I would kill to experience them at least once. I hope you don't mind, but I made this an F!reader because you didn't specify and it's what I find easiest; however, if you'd like me to change this to gender neutral, let me know and I will edit this :))
Out of Your Control
Do not repost
Synopsis: After a mission gone awry, Price can't help but blame himself for everything that had gone wrong. Hugs won't solve the problem, but they will definitely help ease his nerves.
Pairing: John Price x Female!Reader (Hints of an established relationship)
Genre: Angst & Fluff / Hurt & Comfort
Warnings: Swearing, self-blame, Price cries, reader cries, use of ‘sweetheart’ and ‘love’
Word Count: 2k
General Masterlist COD:MWII Masterlist
GIF not mine
The mission was a disaster.
Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong. It was as though the enemy was expecting them, and decided to make his defence ten times stronger, quicker, and more ruthless. It was clear that the mission was doomed for failure from the start, but they prevailed nonetheless; eager to complete their task.
The place was swarming with soldiers who were armed with weapons from head to toe. So were they, but no matter how armed their Squad seemed to be, the enemy soldiers had twice as many guns, and twice as many blades. They were like flies on a hot summer’s day, doubling at speeds that didn’t seem humanly possible, and before long, they were surrounded from every corner.
Their hushed voices rang out through the comms as they considered their next course of action. Yet as Price was about to tell them to retreat - to evacuate because there was no way they would come out if this mission alive – it was already too late. Loud sirens rang out in their ears, and the rapid sounds of stomping boots made the hairs at the back of all their necks stand up. It went south too quickly for them to even attempt to deescalate the situation.
Bullets rained down like hail, and it didn’t take a genius to know they would not be getting out of this scot-free, and none of them did. Some of their injuries were worse than others, but they all looked equally beat up, as though they were on the brink of death.
It was barely an hour later that they were sat in the medical bay, with nurses and doctors running around them like headless chickens. Their frantic movements and hushed whispers made her head feel like a balloon ready to be popped, and she could only assume the others felt the same from the way their faces scrunched up with discomfort.
Price was nowhere to be seen, having ran out the moment the nurses told him he was free to go. The Captain’s injuries weren’t as severe as the others, and that only seemed to worsen the guilt he was already feeling.
It was Soap who looked the worst out of all of them, like Death himself was about to knock on his door and take him away. Yet somehow, with half of his face turned purple, and his left eye swollen shut, he still managed to send her a sweet smile the moment their eyes locked together.
She sent him a sympathetic glance in return, hissing and flinching when a bullet was suddenly extracted from the flesh of her thigh. She almost glared at the doctor who pulled the metal out of her, but stopped herself when an anti-septic was wiped over the open wound, and another wave of pain made an anguished groan leave her throat. She could only sigh and wait for this to be over; to finally leave and get some time for herself.
“Take this,” a nurse spoke with a sweet smile, giving her three small pills and a cup of water. Once she downed the medicine and emptied the small, plastic cup, the nurse nodded, “Good. Now, you get some rest, alright? You need it.”
“Thank you,” she nodded, plopping down from her bed to leave the stuffy room. She winced with every limped step she took, but decided she would rather suffer than spend the night in the medical room because of a non-fatal injury.
She wasted no time before making her way over to her room, welcoming the familiar smell with a smile on her face. The material that was soaked with her sweat and blood was pulled off her tired body, and soon replaced with something more comfortable. The new clothes were soft to the touch and didn’t stick to her bruised skin, making her sigh out in relief. She decided to wear something that would cover her up entirely, not out of modesty, but to hide the injuries from the captain’s guilt-filled eyes.
After leaving her room and making another stop to brew two cups of tea, she began making her way down a long corridor. It didn’t take her too long to arrive at Price’s office, though the wound in her thigh definitely slowed her down somewhat. His door seemed to be locked shut, for when she pressed her elbow against the handle, it didn’t budge.
With a small sigh, she knocked on the door with the rip of her boot, and waited for the door to be opened. Yet no sound came from inside the room; no gruff voice telling her to piss off; no sound of papers rustling, and no heavy footsteps making their way across the room.
She exhaled sharply, eyes closing as she kicked the door harder than before. Some of the tea trickled down from the mugs, the steaming hot liquid burning the skin of her finger. She ignored the burning sensation, instead focusing on the man who she knew was on the opposite side of the door.
“Sir, I need to speak with you,” she spoke out loud, hoping the sound of urgency in her voice would get him to open up. But alas, the silence continued. “Captain-” she looked around her, making sure there was no-one there to hear her next words, “John… please let me in.”
That seemed to get him moving, as only a few seconds passed before the door was pulled open. She walked in without waiting for permission, and placed the two hot mugs on his desk. Her eyes were quick to notice the scattered papers on his desk, his handwriting turning frantic on some of them.
Her eyes soon settled on the bearded man who walked around the desk and sat down in his chair. He had a blank look in his eyes, and she slowly sat down on the chair on the other side of the desk. She moved one of the mugs closer towards him, but he made no attempt to reach for it. His eyes didn’t even glance down to look at it.
“John,” she spoke slowly. Softly.
He didn’t look at her, and she swore his eyes were avoiding eye contact at all costs. There was a dark bruise forming on the apple of his left cheek, the skin turning a dark purple, mixed with a sickly yellow. A deep gash also decorated his clavicle, the skin red a raw, yet the wound was not deep enough to require stitches.
She could feel her heart break into a million pieces at the sight of his hopeless state. “John,” she whispered once again, “…sweetheart.”
This time, his eyes moved to look into hers. They were glazed over, and she could tell he was close to cracking, the guilt eating him up alive.
“This wasn’t your fault, John,” she told him with a shake of her head.
He let out a humourless laugh. The type of laugh that told her just how deep in despair he was. “Yeah, it was. I should’ve known better.”
“John, no.” She disagreed, “You couldn’t have predicted this.”
“No, but I should’ve been ready for it,” he argued, “I should’ve been prepared for things to go wrong.”
“And you were,” she spoke softly, “But we were all taken by surprise. None of us could have known this was going to happen. No matter how prepared we could have been. No matter what you think you could’ve done, we were simply too outnumbered.”
With a tilt of his head, he exhaled sharply, “This was supposed to be an easy mission. In and out.” ��
She nodded in understanding, “And it would’ve been if the information you were given was correct,” she pointed out. “This one was out of your hands, John.”
He shook his head in disagreement, hie eyes trained on the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing in the room. With a small wince, she pushed herself off the chair and walked over towards him. Her fingers curled around his jaw and she moved him so that his eyes were locked with hers.
“John, what matters is that we’re all alive.” She told him, “You’re fine. The boys are fine. I’m fine. We’re all okay.”
With a blank stare, his hand moved to her thigh and applied some pressure in the exact spot where the bullet had penetrated her skin. He didn’t do it hard, in fact, he barely touched the area. Yet despite all that, she felt like a thousand needles were stabbed into her sore skin at once.
She choked at the pain that travelled through her body, and her hand instinctively pulled his away. He stared at her with a look that told her he did not believe a word she just told him. How could he when the soft, and otherwise welcome gesture caused her so much pain.
“You don’t sound fine to me, love.”
“John.” She scolded, “This isn’t something that’s never happened to me before. I’ve lost count of how many times I got shot, and I’m sure you have too.”
He didn’t respond to the accusation, his eyes only closing in shame. With a small, yet deep sigh, she managed to pull him towards her. The non-bruised side of his face was pressed against her chest, and her arms wrapped securely around him. The palm of her left hand cradled the back of his head, whilst the other moved to rub comforting circles on his shoulders.
“I know you won’t believe me,” she whispered, “But none of us blame you. Not Ghost, not Soap, not Gaz, and most definitely not me”
Upon hearing her words, he wrapped his arms around her torso and pulled her even closer to him than she was before. A small whimper left his lips, and he moved his face so that his nose was pressing against her. She moved down, carefully not to startle him, and kissed the crown of his head. She kept her face there, only tightening her hold around him when his body began to shake; the dam which he had built breaking into pieces as he allowed his emotions to flow freely.
His tears soaked through her shirt, and the situation made her own eyes well with tears. She didn’t care when they began to roll down her cheeks, or when his fingers clenched around the material of her shirt and pulled on it. She only cared that he finally let himself feel, without shoving his emotions away until they became unbearable.
“We would never blame you for this. Sometimes things are out of our control, okay?” She hummed against him, “There’s no point in beating ourselves up over it. It’s in the past. We can’t change it, so let it go. Please, just let it go.”
A sob wrecked through his body, and his fingers let go of her shirt to dig into her skin. He managed to nod against her, and she felt as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She knew the guilt had not fully left him, and that they still had a long way to go, but this was progress. She was just glad he was willing to try and move past it, and no matter how long it would take him, she would remain by his side the entire time.
She would wrap her arms around him and hold him close as he let the tears flow freely, just as he had done for her so many times before. She would hold him for as long as he needed her to, even if her arms began to ache, she would keep her arms wrapped securely around him.
“Just please…” she sniffled, “Don’t beat yourself up over this. We’re all going to be fine. Nothing a little rest and some medicine can’t fix.”
“And some stitches.”
“Yeah,” she let out a small laugh as her lips pressed against his hair once more, “And some stitches.”
#captain price x reader#john price x reader#john price x you#john price#captain price#hurt/comfort#captain price x you#price x reader#price x you#cod John price#cod captain John price#cod captain price#cod x reader#cod x you#cod modern warfare#cod mw2#cod mwii#modern warfare 2#modern warfare ii#modern warfare x reader#modern warfare x you
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I'd love to hear anymore of your headcanons for Trans!Erica it's something I didn't know I needed in my life till right now!
omg omg yaaaaay!!!
so it's something i've seen a few times, back in the day, but i didn't know i was trans/nonbinary at the time so i didn't explore it too much.
but literally, i've been obsessing over the idea of trans!erica for the last few weeks since i've decided to dip my toes back into fandom and here's what i think:
erica has the biggest transformation on the show imo and her storyline could really VERY easily have been a trans storyline. so here is my trans!erica head canon (that turned into like a mini fic):
happiest she's ever been
ao3
erica has been struggling with her feelings of gender and sexuality for quite some time, but doesn't really know what they mean. until stiles.
stiles, this bisexual king, who has spent hours and hours obsessing and hyper-fixating on figuring out his own sexuality and reconfirming his own gender. he's learned so much about the queer community since discovering he might be bi that he's practically an expert on the subject.
erica doesn't really know what to make of stiles, but when he comes out as bi, she wonders if maybe he'd be a safe person to talk to. after all, he did do a bunch of research when he learned she was epileptic so he could better support her and yell at people for incorrect biases. he's always been nice to her, really.
she finally gets the nerve to talk to him, and when she does, she blurts, "so you're bi."
but stiles knows that look. he's worn it on his face a million times before he met derek. so he takes her hand and walks her to a more private spot.
they start talking, and the more stiles talks, the more relaxed erica feels around him. she finally, and quietly, asks, "what if i like... dresses and skirts and high heels and lipstick and... girl things."
stiles launches into all the research he's done on trans identities, and even recommends her some trans and nonbinary books he'd read in his rabbit hole. erica types the recommendations into her phone, despite already memorizing the titles.
she works up the courage to get them from the local library, where her crush, boyd, volunteers. she's shaking when she checks out the books, but boyd simply lifts one up and says, "this is one of my favourites. you'll have to let me know your thoughts once you've finished it."
so erica starts with that one. she loves it. she cries, she smiles, she laughs, and she clings to the characters as if she was them. and then she reads the next, and the next.
she tells stiles she's trans first. he's delighted and more than happy to help her in any way possible.
she changes her name after the main character in boyd's favourite book.
erica and stiles go shopping. it's a disaster. stiles asks if it's okay if he tells some of his friends, who will be more than understanding, willing, and protective of her secret, who can help her shop for women's clothes better than he can. she hesitates but agrees.
lydia, allison, kira, and malia all come to her rescue. within a weekend, erica has been completely transformed. she knows the basics of makeup. knows what clothes she likes, and what clothes she hates. she's broken in her new pairs of leopard print high heels.
and she's gained a thousand times the confidence she used to have.
"so," lydia asks, as she paints erica's nails. "tell us. have your eye on anyone?"
"well... i do, but i don't think he'd like me like this."
the girls all look at her, and then allison says with a decisiveness that warms erica's heart: "if that's true, then he's not the one for you."
"you should give him a chance though," kira encourages. "maybe he'll be different."
"maybe." but erica's not sure.
she looks over at the library books she still has to return.
maybe.
and maybe happens on a friday. the library is usually quieter then. she spends over an hour getting ready, changing her mind, and trying to figure out what to wear. but she manages. she only has to message the girls' group chat twice with make-up questions, so she counts that as a win.
walking into the library, she's nervous. she doesn't know what to expect. but there he is, beautiful as ever, standing behind the counter. their eyes meet. she almost expects him to make a face.
instead he says, "i don't believe we've properly met. i'm vernon boyd."
"erica," she says, stumbling over her chosen name. "erica reyes."
he smiles and asks, "so, what did you think of the book?"
and she knows. right then and there, this is the love of her life.
so when monday rolls around, she enters the cafeteria in her new look, embracing her true self, and has more confidence than she's ever experienced before. she doesn't know what shocks people more: her coming out as trans or her sitting with vernon boyd and holding hands.
but she's the happiest she's ever been.
#ask answers#angryqueercrypted#berica#berica headcanons#erica reyes#trans erica reyes#teen wolf#teen wolf headcanon#vernon boyd#gooooooooood god i missed them so much
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I know a lot of folks don't like ADHD meds, for a variety of reasons, but oh my god. Oh my motherfucking god. These are a godsend for me.
I've been on concerta for about a year now (lowest dosage) and it's helped improve my focus and has lowered my depression. I thought it was amazing. Recently, I got my dosage upped.
My bedroom was a high level depression pit. It was nasty. I haven't actually slept in my own bed in months because it was covered in stuff. But it was so overwhelming to look at that it triggered executive dysfunction with just a glance, and so I never could clean it. My room is now clean; reorganized, dusted, vacuumed, disinfected, redecorated- it's been YEARS since it looked this nice.
I'm in grade 12.5 because I was so dysfunctional in grade 11 that I dropped out halfway through. I spent grade 12 making up for it; but even then, on my first dosage and doing better, I wasn't doing great. I haven't taken notes in years. I have winged almost every test I've ever taken. I wrote every essay the night before it was due. Rough drafts who? I managed to pull decent grades, sometimes even pretty good ones. But it was never ending stress because of my habits and I was almost always behind.
I'm ahead in my classes now. I'm doing assignments the day they're assigned. I'm writing notes and brainstorming pages of ideas and breaking things down for myself. I'm getting straight 90s. I haven't felt this confident and secure in academics since middle school.
Our house was never totally clean. The basement (my charge) was always a disaster. Having people over was at best a little shameful and at worst downright humiliating. My mother cleans, but the messes she makes outweigh it. It was my job to handle the basics, at least, after school every day. I couldn't. I could do a few things, but I got burnt out or bored too fast to complete a day's work. Small projects were put off for months.
I come home from school now and within a couple of hours, I've vacuumed upstairs and downstairs, I've done the dishes, I've taken out the trash, I've brushed the cats, I've cleaned the living room and the kitchen, I've switched the laundry- yesterday I used the toilet and then just. Reorganized the entire bathroom. Today I came home and immediately untangled the huge knotted ball of my mother's necklaces that she asked me to fix for her weeks ago. On Saturday not only did I brush my cats, I also shampooed them, conditioned them, and clipped their claws.
I used to hoard clothing because going through them was the most tedious, boring task in existence. I've recently donated over six full garbage bags worth of stuff.
I used to have to write down every single task as soon as it was given, even if there were only two, because I'd always forget at least one thing. Now I can remember upwards of five things at once, even better than the person who assigned the task in the first place.
My moods feel more regulated, I'm socializing more, I'm advocating for myself in situations where I'd previously let people walk over me, I'm making goals for the future, I have more real free time, I'm less stressed- it's a little sad that I've spent almost a decade not getting this, but I am BEYOND thrilled that I get to have this now :D
Anyway, lil happy rant because I'm very very excited!! Thanks for reading, byyyye~
#adhd#living with adhd#adhd meds#medicated#i am living my best life#so far#it will be even better when i get out of my toxic living environment#but for now#i'm taking the win#!!!
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Dune: Part Two - Some of the best pieces of Anti-Christ Propaganda I've ever seen. And by itself? A well produced, well made film. Though it is heavy-handed aka long as shit (Movie Recommendation )
Holy Wars, Chosen One rising from the Desert, Third Eye's and shit, Free people/"Fremen" fighting for their desert land, Fall of The House of Atreidas/Collapse of Empires *cough America cough cough*, seeing timelines, Nukes n shit.
youtube
The powers that be really, REALLY want nuclear war. If it ain’t a Civil War, us killing each other, they want nukes flying.
The Eternal's had good cinematography, so did The Ritual but those can't even touch this.
This movie, in IMAX? Was/IS a must see experience, religious experience even. If you haven't seen it in IMAX, Do it. Please. Don’t miss out.
But outside the realm of conspiracy, they're just well made movies on their own. The sequel had way better pacing, Part 1 was just 2 hour setup and it was worth it. So so worth it.
This movie is 2 films in one package, if you paid to see this? You're not wasting your money if you went to see this experience.
My biggest complaint besides the hefty runtime, expansive lore being somewhat crammed & rapid fired at the audience (hence a LOT of exposition), would be the fact that we never get to see exactly how the worm riders dismount or how a caravan riding the worms back- then get OFF the worm in the first place.
Jessica was pregnant, how did she get on the worm?! And how did they get her off the worm?
See we’re shown how dangerous it is to get on a worm, every step involves mounting it while it’s in motion, it doesn’t stop to let you onboard. So how they transport crowds looks cool, but it in the movie specifically (fuck the books) the movie didn’t show that detail.
Now, let’s put credit where it’s due: These two movies by themselves are a serious feat, especially in this nauseating cinematic universe era of film-making.
This isn’t Star Wars, this isn’t Marvel or DC.
This is custom lore from a lesser known title, and a sequel with the magnitude of Avengers Infinity War in just 2 movies, coming off of one film with 2 hours of setup (which is basically what Part One was). All in just 4 years, not enough people are addressing how impressive that these two movies exist & executed in the way they were.
This isn’t DUNE II, but “Part Two”. The same narrative, same story, effortless momentum. Way better filmmaking than Endgame, better story, and better music (Hans Zimmer annihilated this OST, as usual).
This easily could’ve been a storytelling disaster, a contrived, over-ambitious mess with yet another messy Messiah overtone that falls on it's face, but it did well.
And while Paul isn't the most engaging main character (he has some gary stu-ish traits, which was ironically written to be part of the narrative) but he is no boyscout.
He cries, he will train, he is taught, he outbursts, he gets emotional, and when he's serious, it's serious. Not perfect, and is a man of vengeance, not Talk no Jutsu, not punching away the darkness of someone's heart to free their inner child or some bullshit:
Paul is here to handle business. Period. And you slowly see him developing emotional calluses to the point where you see him becoming something else entirely.
And that's ALL imma say, for now. Go watch the movie.
It could've been mess, but it works.
It ain’t no masterpiece, don’t mistake my compliments for hype, the movies are not perfect- but I didn’t expect this to impress, at all.
The music is just the movie's voice. The DNA.
youtube
Hans Zimmer's vision for music, coding the DNA for all the films he composes for is: Otherwordly.
Especially post- 2010, it’s like composing Interstellar was a period of transcendence for him.
Ever since that movie, his style entered a whole new realm, it’s almost intimidating how good he is.
Woke culture be damned, Films like this (while propaganda) still demonstrates in a good way, exactly what Hollywood's true potential is capable of.
#lisan al gaib#dune#dune part two#coming of the prince#keep your eyes on israel#propaganda#good filmmaking#movie recommendation#anti christ#Youtube#lessermook#the one
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8/100.
Ahh! All the 🤬ing things. I'm starting to get overwhelmed again by all the things. I find that I'm using this blog as a way to get my thoughts organized and less overwhelming. What about you? Does blogging help you? Do you have another place you write stuff down to organize your thoughts?
Right. So further to yesterday's exciting job-related events, I did meet with the contact about a job a mutual friend recommended me for. But I won't be taking it. Basically it pays too little for too many hours too far away to make it worth my while. Given my current hourly rate and schedule, it doesn't make sense for me to take the job. So that's that. On the bright side, my resume is all up-to-date and looks pretty fantastic if I do say so myself. And now I know for sure the opportunity was not a good fit for me and not kicking myself with "what-if"s.
Next.
Day before yesterday's to-do list, with updates:
Figure out what healthy and nutritious food I will consume today ✓
So I did manage to make myself a healthy and nutritious meal two days ago, as well as yesterday, but guess what? I need to make myself a healthy and nutritious meal again today. 😮💨 For my kid too, actually. So I'll need to get some fresh produce today.
Wash bed cover my cat puked on 😿🤦🏻♀️ ✓
I did wash it AND I even put it in the dryer but omg I again forgot all about it. Have not checked if it dried completely. Hopefully it hasn't been sitting damp in the dryer for the past two days 😮💨
Do up invoices! ✓
I did this! Even sent them! Now I just need to remember to remind people to remember to pay me 😮💨
Deal with dishes. ✓
Did it. Need to do it again today. Rinse. Repeat.
Deposit cheque.
Roll out knots in leg muscle. ✓
Did it. A lot. But still have massive tight knots all up my leg so need to continue doing this.
Pick up paint primer.
So actually, someone has some leftover primer they can give me for free. I sourced it from our local Buy Nothing group. Do you have one of those where you live? It's a Facebook group for neighbours to exchange unwanted items for free. If there isn't one where you live, I highly recommend you consider starting one. It is a fabulous way to give items a second life and keep things out of the landfill. Be part of the solution!
Do Sun Salutation x10
Did not do this. Not even once.
Take inhaler
I remembered to do this! But I've still got stuff in my lungs so should keep this on the list for a while.
Ok, let's update this Bad Boy.
To-do:
Take bed cover out of dryer.
Deposit cheque. ✓
Pick up paint primer. ✓
Pick up produce, bread, milk, butter, sandwich stuff. ✓
Recurring:
Roll out knots in leg muscle.
Do Sun Salutation x10
Take inhaler
Let's do this! 💪
---
Back from errands, I'm so tired and sleepy now. My plantar fasciitis is flaring up too. I've iced it, now applying heat. I feel like just napping 😴 But I've set the timer for 20 minutes, then I need to:
Clean up disaster in kitchen: empty dishwasher, load dishwasher, clear off table.
#100 days of productivity#100dop#to do list#chores#procrastination#motivation#get motivated#motivateyourself#running errands#overwhelmed#mental clutter#jobs#jobsearch#jobseekers#applying for jobs#resume#buy nothing#declutter#recycle#upcycle#sharing economy
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more of disaster detective nora
Because I just want them to thrive on chaos and be proud that they got at least 0.3% of the work done.
lots of scarpering, running and just being like super hyper when she's made a crack in the case
chugging concentration pills like food until she just goes "beh, they don't work" because Nora here thinks she can win her war against sleep
ends up sleeping over a whole mess of files, waking up to find half of them gone because she left the window open fuck
chugs coffee by the metric ton
walks around interrogating people with tired bags under her eyes and just bloodshot pupils, shoving her ID up people's faces and going "TELL ME EVERYTHING." and it's like the scariest shit ever
getting distracted like seven times and sidetracked fourteen times
can't do math. No. No conception of time or space or basic calculations to get a godforsaken doughnut so she's like "hi ok just put it on my card PLEASE I can't do with change"
wearing the same pair of denim trousers five days in a row with perfume
coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee
existential crisis which involves at least three plaguing pieces of doubt in her head
reconsidering her career and going all full disappointed Asian parent "why couldn't I have been a doctor instead?"
Getting sidetracked because there's a magazine and everyone looks like they're having a fest and a half and she's just lowkey jealous but highkey finds them super pretty
Spending a lot of time thinking if she should get a tie because it'll go with her outfit
Thinking if she should splurge on those disco boots and just shave her hair and go absolutely insane and hit mid life crisis at age 32
Remembers she's a responsible adult and does responsible work for two minutes before getting in another hour of nap time, only to wake up at fuckin 9pm at night
Ruby's gone
Luke's gone
Heck even Mafalda has gone after sticking a sticky note on her face, telling her she should get going or else
m o r e. c o f f e e . extra bitter because she hates herself
going through like five depressive episodes because she made like only one decent break in the case and nothing else
Sad-listens to ABBA for a whole hour.
Sad-works and rushes everything up by 12am
Goes back home
Gets yelled at by Uncle Tommy
Doesn't sleep at all. Still thinking about the case. Gets a jolt of LIGHTNING and continues to work on other pending shit at like 3 in the morning
Never sleeps at all
Wakes up at 4, decides to be healthy and goes back to sleep. Wakes up at 5, decides "okay you were in the NYPD for god's sake build up those muscles" and goes back to bed
It's eight. She's late.
Fuuuuuck catch three buses, wait for like fifteen cabs and Ubers, shit, Run Nora, Run! Running, just sprinting across like an absolute mad person.
Finally makes it only for this to repeat over and over and over and over again.
bonus: + trystan's reactions
"Nora seriously, STOP! TELL ME WHERE WE ARE GOING! okay we're -- I thought this guy was in the other street!"
"you need food" "no i-" "actual PROPER breakfast, this is an insult to me and my entire home country" *goes on this passionate slavic rant about how cuisine brought them all together* "and that's why you need proper food!"
"Get a cot." "No, I quite like the desk actually." "You literally have a keypad print on your face. Are you okay."
"Drakovian coffee is better. This American swill is nothing but water mildly flavoured- I SAID WHAT I SAID, DETECTIVE!"
*talking to an annoying witness* "okay I promise my partner here is not dangerous. She's a prominent private--" "AND I'LL TELL YOU ONE MORE THING, YOUR MOTHER-" "detective, you're really not helping your case."
"that is enough Wikipedia for one day, you do not need to know about tectonic plates for now."
"I'm not American and I know how to add cents and dollars!" "I've got this figured out!! It's three-- hold on, three -- what's three plus --" "Seventeen. I've paid for it. Keep the change. Detective, seriously, this is primary school maths! We're cracking open the books now."
"is that the same jeans you wore yesterday?" "No, i have multiple pairs of the same thing." "There's a lollipop stuck to it that's been there since Monday."
"DRAKOVIAN COFFEE IS BETTER." "FUCK YOU."
"you deserve all happiness, Nora."
"you are an excellent private detective and I could not have done anything without-"
"THAT IS ENOUGH VOGUE - oh wait, is that -- my, that is a wonderful piece! Hold on, I'm not finished with this page - this is absolutely breathtaking -- why must people be so wonderful-looking?"
"get a tie." "But I don't want to." "Then don't." "But I want to."
"no." "But disco boots." "As a fashion connoisseur, I forbid you from hitting that button." "Sparkly shit, cmon man." "No."
"YES you are responsible! Finally! We're back on track and--"
"too soon?" "Too soon." "Hold on I died again at this Flappy Bird game, this is STUPID!"
"you're still here?" (Groggy) "of course I am."
"HOW AREN'T YOU ASLEEP" "I WAS" "IN YOUR PENTHOUSE!" "I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALONE" "I'LL BE FINE" *more squabbling*
"DRAKOVIAN COFFEE" "Trystan I swear to fucking God I will punch you-"
"it's okay, we'll get back to this" "it's NOT okay!"
"Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight --"
"you'd better get your eight hours worth' of rest." "Yes sir." "No because I might just personally threaten you." "Ha your threats don't work - holy shit okay fine you can stare, glare, I get it fine, FINE."
*More midnight squabbling. Trystan's yelling the importance of sleep at her in Drakovian. Nora's yelling back in Chinese. Both are stupidly sleep deprived to even talk in English.*
"FINALLY, it's eight o'clock! How are you late?" "How are you early?" "Easy, I sleep. And also I got you Drakovian coffee which-" "TRYSTAN THORNE I WILL KILL YOU."
They're just disasters who are openly disastrous only to the other lmao. Nora's like super cool with her aura of mystery and swagger but inside she's like a violent tornado child who shouldn't be left alone for five seconds because she's already wandered off to watch cool explosions and Trystan's the same, except he's the one starting those explosions.
#disaster detective nora#nora x trystan#incorrect thorne rose#thorne rose headcanons#crimes of passion
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Up early on a Saturday (it's my Friday) again. Usually I get to work early to open the cafe for breakfast service so that our bee pick up customers have a coffee and hot food option on site; a lot of them drive for hours to pick up their nucs and packages, even from out of state. Just coming from north Texas is basically out of state by sheer distance alone lol.
But today is BuzzFest, our annual summer festival about all things bees. We have the American Honey Princess visiting from Iowa, multiple other apiaries and honey producers vending and doing demonstrations, honey tastings and trivia, educational demonstrations, food trucks and arts and crafts and games (including a bouncy castle and a water slide!)... It's expected to be a big event, hopefully nearing 1,000+ customers between 11-3 today.
I'm assigned to retail, so I'm lucky enough to get to stay in the shade and AC. I've been told that when in retail, you just stand behind the register all day, no time or space to do anything else. You have to force bathroom and food breaks for each other. I'm not too worried, I've worked many a high volume, high chaos event before. This is just my first experience with it at the farm. We've spent all week as a team prepping for it, and it should be great. I wanted to make kolaches for my coworkers for a morning treat, but I stayed at work so late yesterday and was exhausted when I got home last night and decided not to stay up late baking lol. I'll grab some from the bakery down the street and try to make everyone a latte or something at work instead.
Because of the absolute disaster that has been this years bee pick up season, everything has been pushed back at least two weeks. Usually BuzzFest, which is the same weekend every year, signals the end of the crazy bee season, but we still have orders going into June. I was kind of looking forward to the break, but it seems we're not quite there yet.
The kids have some family events planned for the beginning of June, so we're getting them a week or so later this year for summer break than usual. We want them to have fun with their free time, so we're cool with it... Plus honestly, I'm hoping it will show good faith for December when I have to ask to keep them longer for an event with my side of the family 😁 my grandma is slowly deteriorating from rheumatoid arthritis and parkinson's, and my mom wants all the generations to be able to spend another holiday with her while we can. I want the kids to be able to participate in my family too. And, it'll let me get through the late bee season with relative ease, I suppose. I'm not gonna lie, I take on a lot of the caretaking responsibility when the kids are around usually, but now my husband has to step up for once lol bc I'm busting my ass full time and won't have the mental or physical energy left over most days to do all I normally do for everyone. He's already suffering the experience of doing regular weekly chores alone and taking care of the dogs all day lolol.
We're also anxiously and concernedly waiting for word on the debt ceiling crisis. They've extended the decision date to June 5, but we won't know if my husband will stop receiving paychecks soon or not, and it's crushing everything with stress pressure. He makes more than me in his military retirement and we depend on his income for survival; I can't support us alone. If they cut military support and punish the average voter for no goddamn reason, per usual, we'll suffer significantly. He's even warned his ex wife that if things go south, we may not be able to afford having the kids visit for summer. We won't be able to feed them. We've already unsubscribed from any extra services like entertainment and delivery and such which we deemed not absolutely necessary, just in preparation. We've re-budgeted and cut out any possible extra spending and reduced allowances for gas and food. I'm hoping it's all a stupid pissing contest like it was about a decade ago, and things will somehow turn out okay. Hope beyond hope.
Time to go work for those pennies baby lol
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Tag Game: Eight Shows to Get to Know Me
Tagged by @agent-p-94 Thanks for the tag! 🥰🥰
agent-p-94's post here
In order of nothing with added details no one asked for because I can't do anything without rambling on forever and I could talk about all these shows for literal hours (ask me to please, I'd love to):
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: My chaotic comfort show. Been watching for years and years and its always good for some stupid laughs at crazy insane horrible people doing the most whack ass shit imaginable. And like so many episodes so like endless watchability.
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency: Watched for the first time in Aug 2020 and while it isn't currently as severe a hyperfixation and obsession as it was when I first watched it, its leveled out to a more stable and steady love and appreciation and like come on, the fandom is great. Ya'll are the best.
In the Flesh: This show is beautiful and heartbreaking and has a permanent place in my heart. I end up rewatching it basically every year just because I just have to. It always makes me cry.
Dead Like Me/Pushing Daisies/Hannibal: I'm just going to combine all three of these Bryan Fuller masterpieces that were all cancelled too soon to be fair. All of them are special in their own way and I adore the unique comedy, the snappy and intelligent dialogue, the irreverent and unique takes on death, and the eccentric and wild characters. (I never finished Wonderfalls, the other main Bryan Fuller show, so its not on the list sorry lol).
The Good Place: Such a good show. I went into it the first watched through (back when it was just the first season out) and had no idea what to expect and it just... I mean if you've seen it you know what the first season puts you through... and what looks like a silly dumb show about dumb bad people in the afterlife becomes this wonderful show about humans learning and growing and changing even after their lives are over. It's about our duty to be kind and understanding to other people, about finding ways to live with the gray parts of morality. A comedy show that talks about ethics and moral philosophy throughout the whole show without it feeling like a big boring slog. And ends in such a beautiful way that makes my heart ache and makes me cry just remembering it.
Community: This show is great. It's hilarious. I love the characters. I love the like theme episodes and dumb comedy and the catch phrases and wacky nonsense. It's just fun and great.
Schitt's Creek: This is a show that's just fun to stick on in the background now that I've rewatched like multiple times and know the whole story. I love seeing the characters grow and learn and get closer to each other. The way that they love each other as a family and end up spreading that love to the town, how they find their places and its just a beautiful, silly, and heartwarming show. (Will never be over the loss of Ted and Alexis. They were so special together.)
Tied for the final place: Parks and Recreation, Merlin, Doctor Who: These are shows that had a major impact on me, but I haven't actually rewatched in a few years. I used to do so many watches of Parks and Rec and I still have a love for the show and Benslie is a true OTP. Merlin is great and I'll rewatch episodes here and there but it can be a bit of a slog getting through entire seasons especially knowing how it all ends (😭). And Doctor Who, I'll say probably was the show that made me end up here (on tumblr). I watched in 2012, freshman year of college not really knowing anything about fandoms or like forum places like this, ended up on Instagram to check out more Doctor Who pics and memes and saw a ton of screenshots of tumblr and then finally gave in to make my own account in 2013. And now it's 10 years later and I'm a disaster. So thanks a lot Doctor Who...
Tagging... uhhhhhhh.... idk @hbdttg @trash-mammall @mowi0205 @definesupposedtobe @lavinialost (but like no pressure just ignore this if you dont wanna) plus anyone else that wants to do it!
#tag game#eight shows#i feel like these are all pretty like current but also the most lastingly impactful shows i like#theres some others ive gotten sporadically obsessed over but like kind of faded out to not being in my brain much#but like i feel like i pretty consistently come back to these ones#and i do love them all#i wish i had a million hours and a million attentions so i could rewatch them all#my brain has been refusing to let me focus on any sort of media content that is not scrolling on my phone#but im pretty sure its becuase work has been a lot recently and i just dont have the energy to focus once i get home#and probably also because my brain knows i need to get my taxes done and im not allowed to do watching things until then#and thats been like.... over a month that ive been intending to come home and finish my taxes and just... havent.#need to do them tomorrow... or i guess today now...
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The Reaper and The Death Angel Part 43
This chapter is so super long, the season 4 adjacent plot line should be done by chapter 44. My life is still shit but as always, chapters will be put out no matter what.
Series Masterlist
Part 42
Contains: Angst, blood, surgery, fluff, hurt/comfort, discussions of suicide marked with XXX, protective Jax, caretaker Jax, domestic violence follows the plot of 4x09 -4x10, more serious plot changes, like so many the canon is just a dead shell in the corner, nightmares, panic attacks.
7.3K Words
Comment if you want to be tagged/removed or follow #the reaper and the death angel.
Disaster strikes
"The fundraiser went over well."
Ima handed you the Charming Gazette, "wow, Oswald will have a lifetime seat if he keeps going like this. Did juice fix your servers?"
She nodded, "yep, it took a while but we're back to full speed. Have you heard from the flower people?"
You nodded, "yep, they will have the sunflowers delivered the day before and they will be able to provide the giant ones for the centrepieces. Billy has booked out the hall so you're basically all set."
She smiled, "that was a lot easier than I thought it would be."
You shook your head, "other people are the problem, wait till you get someone who wants to invite four plus ones."
"I'll just let you deal with them."
You nodded, "hell yeah, I'll make sure no one causes you problems. Have you heard anything from your parents?"
Her face fell, "they don't want anything to do with it."
You shrugged, "then they don't deserve to spend your special day with you."
"Hey Juicy, is everything alright?"
He sat down on the couch in your office, Abel walking over from his play space to show Juice his drawing "yeah, I just wanted to have some time away from it all, and you said I could stop by at anytime."
You nodded, "well, take all the time you need, I've got a post to do so just find me if you need anything."
When you returned to your office half an hour later, Juice was sitting at the tiny plastic table reading Abel one of his books. "You're really good with him."
Juice smiled, "thanks, I better get back. Thank you for letting me stay here."
You smiled, "no problem, you sure you're doing ok?"
He shrugged, "there's been a lot going on."
You sat down on the couch and patted the cushion for him to sit next to you, "you wanna tell me about it."
He took a deep breath, "I don't know what to do anymore, the time inside, Miles. Everything feels so upside down."
You nodded, "I can understand that, not to mention you had everything happen with Potter. You have every reason to be upset."
"What do I do?"
You place a hand on his shoulder, "you remember that you've made it up till now and you take it one day at a time, hell, one hour at a time. You'll be fine Juice and if you need anything at anytime, just ask."
He offered you a soft smile and left, running into Jax in the hall, "what are you doing here?"
Juice swallowed, "just looking for an update on Miles, I was hoping she might find something new."
Abel raced up to Jax when he walked into your office, "did Juice get what he was looking for?"
You shook your head, "there's nothing new on Miles, I don't think there ever will be."
Jax crossed his arms, "is something going on with him." His tone was a little harsh.
XXXXXXXXX
"He watched his friend die and had a man he didn't know threaten him with ex-communication or death from the people who are meant to love and respect him. What do you think's going on with him? I worried he's going to do something serious and then we won't have Juice anymore."
Jax huffed, "Sons don't…"
You cut him off, "Sons don't what, kill themselves? Neither do Marines and two men in my unit, my dear dear friends have blown their brains out. I spent so much time wondering if I could have done more. Until you've seen someone you care about blow their head apart with a shotgun, you don't get to talk."
XXXXXXXXXX
Jax was taken aback by your reaction, "I'm disappointed in you Jax, I thought you cared about Juice more than that."
Jax's face fell, "you're right, I didn't know you lost two people to suicide."
You huffed, "because I know how people feel about it, why would I bring up something so painful when you're so quick to dismiss what Juice is going through."
Abel picked up on your tone and wandered over, "what's wrong mummy?"
You bent down and held his little hand, "nothing sweetie, you ready to go with Daddy?"
He nodded, "ok."
Jax put a hand on your elbow, "I'm sorry y/n, it won't happen again and I'll try harder with Juice."
You nodded, "thank you, that's all I ask."
*****
Torres always makes Jax's blood run cold, "I have three dozen men coming today, they'll be here by noon, we'll back you up."
Jax rubbed his face as he walked away, "we really don't want to be starting shit with the Niners. If they are buying for Lobo, this guy is going to slaughter them. That changes the whole dynamic of the town and wipes diplomacy of the table for good."
"Maybe it's time to clean house, relationships are overrated."
They drove back to Clay's place to hold chapel, it was strange sitting around the dinner table talking about how to avoid a blood bath. "This ain't us leading the charge, it's Romeo and Luis."
Jax could feel the tension in the room, "look, if the Niners are working with Lobo, we'll get them to arrange a meet and take it from there, send this beef back to the border."
"Yeah, cause all out plans with these guys have worked out just fine."
The sarcasm was dripping from Bobby's lips, "ENOUGH, we voted it in, we play it out. You can't get behind that, turn in your Goddamn patch."
Chibs coming in from his phone call calmed the room, "the Irish, O'Shay and Roarke." Clay took the phone and walked away, leaving the others to talk.
To Clay surprise, they were all ok with the large weapons but nevertheless they wanted to come and sit down with everyone to avoid issues. What Clay didn't know is that men in suits with American accents came to visit hours before, telling them to be ok with it or they wouldn't be anything anymore.
"Set the meet, we'll be there."
*****
You could cut the air with a knife as they walked into the warehouse, the hello was fast and laced with false friendliness. Clay question about why so many people were there clearly set off alarm bells. LaRoy and the Niners were hiding something and they could tell. "We hear you're moving out of H, got a new product."
LaRoy smiled, "the carousel of progress."
"Cocaine carousel?"
LaRoy's tone got nasty, "not your business. You sell the guns and I'll sell the drugs."
Jax, on the other hand, was calm as he explained the situation, LaRoy responded with the same standoffish rebuttal. Then Torres walked in, "I ain't gonna tell you anything but I have a feeling these guys might be weighing in."
LaRoy took in the men with guns, "what is this, you set me up?"
LaRoy spat on Torres after he said something to him in Spanish, then Torres was going at him while Jax stood between them. A fight broke out and Jax used the distraction to try and talk LaRoy down "these assholes will cut off your Goddamn head, be cool and I will try to get you out of here alive."
"Lobo approached us last month, before you guys even got out. We didn't know about Galindo."
He sounded like he was telling the truth, "what did they offer?" It was the standard fair, money and power if LaRoy and the Niners jumped into bed with them, "call them, tell them you have a big buyer with an urgent need." When LaRoy said nothing, Luis sent the room cold with this blank stare, "I'm going to line up your men, I'm going to gun them done, then I'm going to drop their bodies on their mother's doorsteps."
"Let us talk to him." Jax wished he had you here, you would have been about to stop this with one hard look, "come on." Jax pulled LaRoy away and did his best to reason with the man. It was clear that LaRoy was scared of Lobo but Jax gave him a decent solution, work with the Mayans to cut in the Niners and go from there.
****
"Yeah?"
You heard Vance talk a deep breath, "Gemma and the ex-chief found Piney, what do you want us to do?"
You shook your head, "nothing right now, if Opie shows up we're going to have to jump the gun, tell everyone to be ready to debrief the guys at a moment's notice. Have Parada and Torres heard any more from Clay?"
"They're giving him Willows contact now, are you good with it being tomorrow?"
You took a deep breath, "fine, I'll make sure Abel is nowhere near the park and I'll pick a place away from civilians, make sure he gets the meeting with Clay on camera. How did it go with Pope?"
You could hear the smile in his voice, "he is perfectly willing to back this move with his muscle, but he said the Niners might be a problem."
"The Club is dealing with that now."
He huffed, "how does Sam feel about feeding you information without knowing why?"
You shrugged, "he does know why, he just can't prove this theory."
Vance gave a short laugh, "we're almost done, I'll make sure you have a direct line to Willows in case something goes wrong, you want Aden close by?"
"Please, if I get shot he needs to be in close by to keep everyone in line."
You could hear him typing on the other end, "done, we'll talk once Willows has the footage."
****
"So where's this new buyer?"
LaRoy did his best to stay calm, "waiting for my call. Do you have the blow?"
A black duffle was dropped on the hard floor, "three keys, half already cut and bagged." As LaRoy placed the phone call, the shooting started. It was an even match until the grenade launcher came out. Between the flying bullets and the fleeing Lobos, tempers hit a fever pitch.
"Line em up."
Jax took a deep breath and tried to think like you, "this isn't Mexico, we're not kings here, we've got to work with other crews. You start gunning people down, no one is going to trust us. You wanna move your product, we need relationships."
Torres tried to get a word in, "not this relationship."
"LaRoy made a mistake, better message is that he changed his mind. Decided to roll with Galindo. You kill this guy, you're killing everything."
Torres placed a finger on the middle of LaRoy's chest, "one more bad decision and I wipe nineteenth street off the map."
A calm came over the room as they walked away, "you got a minute?"
Clay walked over to a quiet corner with Torres, "this is Tito Willows, he's the solution to your doctor problem. She's too highly trained for a snatch and grab, Mr Willows is the best sniper we have."
Clay looked the man over, "I was told you needed this dealt with right away, when do you want it done."
Clay rubbed his face, "she takes her kid to the park at the same time every week, that's tomorrow."
Willows nodded, "I'll be there, my fee is twenty thousand dollars, you'll pay half before the hit and half when she's dead, the first half in non-refundable no matter the outcome."
Clay smiled, "make it quick and don't fuck up her face."
Willows shrugged, "if I can get a headshot I will, you'll just have to have a closed casket."
Clay felt a cold chill go down his spine, he was starting to feel in over his head. "Fine, I'll get you the money tonight."
Clay and the others left, leaving the men to call you, "you got an update for me."
Tito smiled, "yeah, he wants you dead. I got the whole thing on video liked you asked and I'll have the cash as proof."
"I guess I should make sure my will is ready to go in case you miss."
There was a chuckle, "I'm not Russo Morticia but you know I don't miss."
You huffed, "if there was ever a day to miss Tito it would be when you're shooting at me. If my kid is around you abort regardless, understand?"
"Of course, I'll see you tomorrow."
****
They were all back at T-M, Jax was smoking on the picnic bench when Bobby walked up to him, "you were great today. Talking the cartel down, saving LaRoy, all those other guys was impressive. This Club needs that, can't lose you."
Jax bristled, "what are you talking about?"
Bobby huffed, "Clay told me you're jumping out with him."
Jax chewed on his cheek, "well Clay lied, I told him that he had a year to get the Club out of guns and drugs or I'd leave. I guess he lied to me about that since he told you I was leaving."
Bobby was taken aback, "he told me you were leaving regardless, why would he lie?"
"Because he has no plans to get the Club out of guns and drugs." Jax was stomping towards the Clubhouse before Bobby could speak again, he didn't even bother knocking as he opened the door.
"You lied to Bobby, told him I was getting out."
Clay shifted his glasses to his nose, "I'm sorry, you know we can't get out of guns by the end of the year, you told me you'd leave so I just took the initiative and let Bobby know. I'm only trying to protect what we worked so hard to build."
Jax shook his head, "at this rate, there's not going to be much left of that building. The cartel was a mistake."
"You almost took Bobby's head off for barking that same gripe."
Jax huffed, "I'm not just griping about it, we need an exit strategy, I'm gonna come up with one then we're out. We're going to put the guns and the drugs up for a vote and we are going to wash our hands of everything that's killing us."
"What are you talking about."
Jax was done with Clay, "we're going to make this deal with the Irish, get Romeo his WMDs and then we're gonna sit down and plan a way to get this Club free of Galindo, see and end date and then we're done." Jax got up before Clay could respond, just as he was walking out the door, Clay spoke again.
"Doctor pussy's clouding who you are son."
Jax turned on his heel, and the look on his face made Clay's heart jump, Jax was stalking back towards him like he was going to beat him to death, "if you ever talk that way about y/n again, I will pound those half dead hands so hard into this table, you won't ever be able to hold that Gavel again."
****
"I live with so many lies Clay, so many things I can never speak of, I'm ok with that. I do it to protect what we have. But I can't lie to you, you're the only truth I have."
Clay nodded, "I know Baby."
Gemma took a deep breath, "I went to the cabin today, I know why you did it. I know you read JT letters, burned the copies."
"So, what do we do with this truth."
Gemma was worried, "nothing, it stays between us. Piney wanted a hard was out, going out defending John was the noblest way for him. But it stops here, y/n hasn't brought the letters up again, she has no intention of giving them to Jax or anyone, she never has."
"Ok, I believe you."
Gemma stood up and placed her hands on Clay's cheeks, "look me in the eyes and tell me you won't hurt her."
Clay smiled softly, "I promise I won't hurt y/n. I love you Gemma, everything I do is for you."
Clay put Gemma in her car and kissed her goodbye then called Willows, "you can pick up your payment in the morning, I'll tell you when she's at the park."
"Done."
****
Gemma heard the safe open as she was getting breakfast, she acted like she was none the wiser as he came around the corner, "morning."
She had her head in the fridge, "hey, you're up early."
His tone was a little harsh, "yeah, me and Jax have got to handle this Mexican thing."
"I'm afraid to ask."
Clay's tone didn't improve, "then don't, me and Jax have got it handled. I'll see you later." Gemma ran over to the safe only to find money missing, she did her best to ignore the cold chill running down her spine.
****
"Alright, I've got half the day off, so I'm thinking Abel comes to work with Sam then you bring him to the park for the afternoon."
Jax smiled, "I like that, he's been helping us fix cars."
You giggled, "I hoping that if I get him into cars he'll never go near those death machines you people love."
Jax shook his head and pulled you into his arms, "I don't know, he is my little helper."
"Don't let Sam hear you say that, he'll get jealous."
Jax chuckled, "how's the wedding planning going?"
You smiled, "I'm baking the cake samples on the weekend, then starting to look at dishes we can all put together."
Jax shook his head, "is this how our wedding is going to go?"
You nodded, "DIY is best, plus, it's not about how much money you spend or what your invites look like, it's about two people who love each other."
Jax smiled, "I can't wait, I guess it will be easy for you since you're using Sam and Ima as a test case."
You shook your head, "don't tell them that."
****
"Here's your ten grand."
Tito smiled, "thanks, I call you when I'm there make sure you're one hundred per cent on taking her out. You know I've met her before, she's an outstanding soldier, I can't promise a kill but I'll do my best. This is your last chance to pull out, I told you I'm keeping the cash regardless."
Clay had no idea you knew each other, "nah, I want it done. How did you know her?"
Tito smiled, "it's a long story man, I can't say I'll be sad to put a bullet in her."
Clay smiled, "she's like that, I'm surprised someone hasn't done her in already."
Tito did his best not to give away how well this was going, or that he had it all on camera, "she's a real bitch, you know she outranked me when we worked together, that's the first and last time I take orders from a woman."
Clay tilted his head, "she was a civilian, how did she outrank you?'
Tito huffed, "how do you think, she's a bitch with a brain and the military love to keep the squints happy. Hell, if I do her, I might offer you a discount for the pleasure."
Clay smiled, "and I'd be happy to take it."
Tito shot his hand out, "to a short but enjoyable relationship."
Clay accepted his hand, "call me when it's done."
****
"What's this one?"
Jax pointed to the battery on the car he was working on, "da batty."
Jax tried not to laugh, "that's right, what about this one?"
His finger moved to the "da engin."
Jax put Abel down and stuck out his arm for a high five which Abel accepted. Sam was working on another car on the other side of the garage, "he's getting better, he'll have his own shirt in no time."
"He sure is smart."
Sam chuckled, "yeah, my sister did a good job while you guys were inside, have you watched the videos she took yet?"
Jax nodded, "yeah, she put them on the TV in the bedroom, I watch them while she's on night shift. He really likes helping her in the garden."
Sam smiled, "he's like any other little kid, he likes mud."
"Y/n loves Abel like her own Jax, I know without a doubt in my mind she would die for that little boy. You don't need to worry about her leaving if things with the cartel get too much."
Jax smiled, "are you still worried that I'll leave her?"
Sam nodded, "every damn day."
****
"I'm heading to the park now."
You took a deep breath and collected to your things, ready for the events that were about to take place, "great, I can see the seats, I'll text before I start shooting." You hung up and drove off, arriving at the park soon after, there were only a few people here but you still sat away from everyone.
"Be there soon, Abel had so much fun today."
The text from Jax sped things up a bit, you called Sam in a hurry in hopes of slowing things down, "yeah, you good?"
You hoped he hadn't told anyone you called him, "I need you to stall Jax for five minutes, I can't tell you why and don't let him know I called."
Sam sighed, "alright."
He hung up and you texted Willows, "it's got to be now, my kid's on the way."
"Get ready."
You took a deep breath and looked around, no one was in the line of fire so you reached up and made it look like you were stretching to give the signal, seconds later, the wood in front of you exploded. You looked around and started running, a bullet landing in a tree inches from you. People were running and hiding, far away from the line of fire, as you reached the bathroom, you felt a bullet whizz by your head. You dropped and the concrete by your leg was hit, then you felt a searing pain in your ankle.
Looking down, there was blood pouring out of a hole in your boot but the shooting has stopped. You took out your phone after it beeped, "did I hit you?" You texted back, "it was a ricochet, I'll be fine. Get lost and call Aden so he come meet me at the hospital."
"Done, I'm so fucking sorry."
*****
When Jax drove up to the park, he was stopped by a cop. "What's going on?"
Candy Eglee, the blonde deputy that Jax knew well walked up to the car, "let him through."
Jax drove up and parked, only to see you waiting on a gurney with the paramedics, "what the hell happened?"
Jax was stuck between getting Abel out and running over to you, "y/n says it was a sniper, no one heard the shots. She's fine, the paramedics said it was a superficial wound." Hale wandered over and looked in the back, "I'll take it from here Candy."
Jax put his head in his hands, "I've told the ambulance to stay, I'll wait with Abel so you can talk to her, then I'll drive you to St Thomas."
Jax ran over to you just as they loaded you into the ambulance, "Oh my God, y/n. What happened?" You didn't look like you were in pain but your voice gave it away.
"A sniper with shit aim, I can see the bullet under the skin Jax. I'll be fine, in fact, I should be home by tonight. Where's Abel?"
Jax didn't relax, "with Hale, I'll meet you at the hospital ok Darlin."
You smiled softly at him, "ok beloved. I love you." Jax grabbed your hand and kissed it as the paramedics prepared to leave.
"I love you too."
****
Jax stopped by T-M to drop Abel off while Hale waited in the car, everyone knew something was very wrong by how he was acting. Gemma walked up to him and took in his worried expression, "what's wrong? I thought you were going to have lunch with y/n."
Jax shook his head, "Jackson?"
He took and deep breath and walked over to where everyone was standing, "y/n has been shot, she's on her way to the hospital."
"What, where was she shot?"
Jax rubbed his face, "in the leg, she said it wasn't that bad but there was a lot of blood, I don't know."
Sam put his hand on Jax's shoulder, "you're going to leave Abel with your mum and we're all going to head up there, someone should already be there with her so take five minutes to calm down, she doesn't need you a mess right now."
Clay shook his head, "you guys go, I'll call Romeo and let him know what's happened."
Clay walked off with Gemma hot on his heels, coming to a stop as he sat down at the table, "I need to ask you a question." Gemma shut the door and did her best not to sound accusatory.
"What."
Clay already sounded angry, "why did you take all the money out of the safe?"
Clay spun in his chair, "what did I tell you about digging into Club business?"
Gemma shook her head, "it's not Club money."
Clay was openly angry now, "that's right, it's my money and as long as you have enough to take care of the house and amuse yourself, you don't need to worry about it."
"Did you really just say that to me?"
The look on his face would have frozen hell, "maybe I should be saying shit like that to you more often, remind you that you aren't a member of this Club, you're an old lady and don't forget it."
Gemma nodded, "ok." Without another word, she left.
****
When Jax got to the hospital, Derek was there waiting for him, "hey man, you doing alright?"
Jax didn't respond, "where's y/n?"
Derek placed a hand on his upper back and led him to the chairs, "she's in X-ray, Aden's with her. She's fine dude but she's in a rotten mood so unless you want her to bite your head off, you need to calm down."
Jax shook his head, "did they say how bad is was?"
Derek shrugged, "Aden said she told the nurse to give the painkillers to someone who needed them, I think she's fine."
Ten minutes later, a nurse came to get Jax and take him into your room. "Hey, where's Abel."
Jax sat down as close to you as he could, "with my mum, when's the doctor getting here?"
Just as you were about to answer, the doctor walked in and slapped the X-ray on the screen, "fucking shit balls."
Jax looked terrified, "what, what's wrong?"
You shook your head, "nothing really, other than some microfractures that don't need any intervention, there a hunk on concrete heading towards my ankle joint so I'll need surgery."
The doctor nodded, "yes, she's right. However, it will be quick. We'll go in, clean the wound and remove any foreign bodies, it will take half an hour max, then you'll need three weeks in a soft cast and it will take another three for the swelling to go down completely, so you'll be off your feet for just over a month."
You nodded, "can I go home tonight?"
The doctor shook his head, "tomorrow at the earliest, I'll go tell them to prep the OR now."
You nodded, "can you send Hale in, I'll give him my statement while I wait for this to be done." Aden left and came back with Hale five minutes later.
"How are you feeling?"
You shrugged, "fine, my leg hurts."
Jax stood up, "I'll go get a nurse and see if they can give you something."
You put and hand on his forearm and shook your head, "they're going to give me plenty of drugs soon, it can wait." Aden smiled as he took in Jax's worried expression.
You waved your hand and Hale sat on the end of the bed, "tell me what happened."
You took a deep breath, "I was sitting at the tables waiting for Abel and Jax to arrive, we have lunch at that park at the same time every week because Wednesdays are split into two shifts for me. I got the text that they were leaving then the shooting started." Hale was going from writing notes to looking at you.
"The table was hit and I started running, then bullets hit close by but not close enough to be dangerous. I realised that the bathroom entrance was suitable cover and I managed to get into the doorway when the concrete by my leg was hit. I never saw or heard the shooter and I never received any threats beforehand."
Hale nodded, "thank you, if you can think of anything else give me a call. I'll keep you updated on the case as we go."
You nodded "thanks."
He left and the doctor walked in, "you ready to go?"
You nodded and took off your engagement ring and handed it to Jax, "keep this safe for me. I'm gonna want it back."
Jax smiled softly and leaned down to kiss you, "I'll be here when you wake up."
****
The others arrived just as Jax walked out of your room, "what's going on?"
Clay was doing his best to sound worried, "they're taking her for surgery now, she should be home by tomorrow. It had to be Lobo."
Clay kept his face neutral, "I called Romeo, I haven't heard back yet."
Jax nodded, "call LaRoy, he knows how to get in touch with Lobo. I told y/n I'd be here when she woke, I don't want anything happening without me there."
Opie put a hand on his shoulder, "we'll call Alvarez, get him to help."
Jax nodded and Sam checked his phone, "Billy just landed with Frank, they'll be here soon. No one will get through them."
Jax rubbed his face and moved to sit down in the waiting room next to Aden, "you don't need to stay man, I'll look after her."
Sam nodded, "alright, just keep me posted."
Forty minutes later, the doctor came out, "everything went very well, there was no damage to the underlying structures and she'll be back to normal in a few weeks. You can go and see her now but forewarning, the meds have made her a little loopy."
Aden laughed, "that's happened before, I got to film this for the guys." Jax shook his head but brought Aden in any way.
Jax felt warmth in his chest when you shot him a wide smile, "Jackson, you're still here. Come and sit with me."
Aden was doing his best not to laugh, "how are you feeling?"
He sat as close to you as he could and you grabbed his hand, "oh, my leg hurts but I don't care. I haven't been this high since…I'm not allowed to talk about that."
You looked at your left hand, "where's my ring?"
Jax shook his head, "it's safe with me, you can have to back when your pupils are back to normal."
You nodded, "ok, you're so pretty, like really pretty, I don't think it's fair."
Jax lifted his hand and stroked your cheek, "you are off your face."
You shrugged, "maybe, so when are you busting me out of here?"
Jax chuckled, "when the doc says you can leave."
"You're no fun, Aden, can you get me out of here?"
Aden shook his head, "when the doc says I can."
You reached over and grabbed Jax's hand, "you don't need to stay, I know the Club comes before me, Aden is good company and he'll let me watch the surgery feed."
Jax could swear he felt his heart stop, "I can stay as long as you need."
You shook your head, "no, you have Club business to deal with. It's alright, I'm used to it."
Aden stood up, "come on, I'll walk you out." Jax was reluctant to leave but also he didn't want to leave the others waiting. Aden paused just as they exited the hospital, "don't take anything she said in there to heart Jax, we all know she comes first and that you'd do anything for her. This happened the last time she got hurt real bad and she was the exact same, it's not what she knows to be the truth, it's just what she worries about."
Jax gave Aden a soft smile, "thanks man, make sure she isn't alone for too long."
Aden nodded, "we'll look after her until you come back tonight."
****
They went to the Niners' headquarters with the Mayans, the moment the Mayans were spotted, the bullets started flying. "LaRoy, LaRoy, get out here."
LaRoy walked out of the office with a scowl on his face, "what the hell Laroy?" They could hear the rage in Jax's voice. Tempers weren't just hot, things were seconds away from popping off again.
"Lobo took out three of my men this morning, we're all a little skittish."
In the corner, Marcus fired off a shot which landed between the eyes of one of LaRoy's lieutenants. "You just killed one of my best soldiers ese."
LaRoy was talking like he was going to kill Marcus so Jax took a deep breath and stepped in front of his gun, "alright, you both lost a guy, you're even."
"no we ain't. Get out."
Jax stepped closer, "we need your contact for Lobo Sonora." LaRoy wasn't listening so they left and Jax was left filled with anger. When he tried to go with the others for the meet with Romeo, Clay sent him back to the hospital. By the time he got there, he was still as high strung as when he left.
****
Clay met Willows and Romeo on the side of the road, "what the hell was that?"
Willows didn't raise his voice, "I told you she'd be hard to kill, if you want the job done you're going to have to get me into the hospital."
Clay shook his head, "nah, forget it. Jax is never gonna leave her side and she's got all her friends around, no one's going to be able to get to her. I'll talk to her, get her to see reason. In the meantime, we need to give Jax a few Lobos, satisfy his need for revenge."
"Understood, we'll be in touch."
****
You were asleep when Jax walked into your room, "how's she doing?"
Billy smiled, "fine, the drugs have worn off so you don't need to worry about her telling you national secrets, she told me you had the nicest butt she had ever seen on a man and I'm never going to tell you forget it."
Jax let out one short laugh, "you can go man, I'll be here for the rest of the night."
Billy nodded, "we'll be staying at your place until she kicks us out, don't worry about Abel, we'll look after him."
"Thanks, I call you later and tell you how everything is going."
Jax laid next to you and placed a hand on your face, you roused as he pulled you into his arms, "hey, how did everything go?"
Jax stopped you before you could ask any more, "don't worry about that right now, just rest, I'll fill you in later."
You nodded, "ok, I love you."
Jax smiled softly, "I love you too."
You giggled a bit, "I may have told Billy that your butt was the perfect handful and a half per cheek, so everyone will know by the time he gets back home."
Jax huffed, "that's alright Darlin, you were pretty stoned."
You nodded, "yes I was."
Jax could hear the tiredness coming into your voice, "close your eyes pretty girl, I'll wake you up for dinner."
"Yay, hospital slop." When Jax went to reply, you were already asleep.
****
"What's the matter, change your mind because they didn't kill her."
Gemma was pissed, "I don't know what you're talking about."
Gemma stopped up to Clay, "you promised me, you looked in the eye and promised me you wouldn't hurt y/n."
Clay slammed the safe door, "you're insane, I had nothing to do with what happened to y/n."
"You took money out of this safe this morning, hours later, somebody goes after y/n. She'd probably do dead if that guy wasn't such a bad shot."
Clay turned on his heel, "you need to stop, right now."
She knew he was lying, "Jesus Christ, Abel could have been hurt."
Clay kicked a chair over, "Enough!"
Gemma gave him a nasty smile, "maybe Jax needs to know that truth." Gemma pulled her gun as Clay got closer, "you stay away from me you, you son of a bitch. You stay away from my family." Clay stepped closer and Gemma fired but she missed, then Clay was on top of her.
Gemma did her best to fight back but she was no match, she knew now without a doubt, as his fists hit her face, that he was beyond saving.
*****
"Do you want to say goodnight to Abel?"
You nodded and reached out, "hello sweetie, how was your day?"
You could hear Frank and Billy at the other end, "fun mummy, uncle Fank is nice."
You chuckled, "I know, did you eat your veggies?"
He giggled, "yes mummy, auntie Ima made tatos."
"Alright honey, you can tell me all about it when I get home. Goodnight sweetie."
His reply sounded a little sad, "goodnight mummy." You hung up and handed the phone back to Jax who walked over and sat in the chair next to you.
"Tell me what I can do for you."
You reached out and placed a hand on his cheek, "you can stop worrying about me, I'm fine."
'Please get mad at me y/n, scream at me or something, I know this is all my fault."
You placed your hand on his face, "my sweet, noble Jackson, you weren't the one firing the gun, how could this be your fault? I don't blame you even a little, I know what I was getting into when I decided to stay here in Charming. Now please stop worrying and go get the nurse to bring you a cot so you can spend the night with me."
Jax looked so sad, "I'm never going to be good enough for you."
You sat up as best you could, "we've been over this Teller, you don't get to decide that. Now please, I don't want to fight you on this, I just want you to hold me so I can get a good night's sleep and get out of here."
Jax kept his composure until he got out of the room, Kip walked up to him looking worried, "you ok man?"
Jax wiped his face, "I'm fine. I'm going to stay here tonight, you can head home."
Kip nodded, "sure, call if you need anything."
Jax walked up to the nurse's station and tried to calm his shaking voice, "what can I get you doll?"
Jax gave her a soft smile, "can I get another bed to spend the night in there with my fiancee?"
She nodded, "sure sweets, I'll have someone bring something in." Jax walked back to your room, already feeling a little better.
"They'll be back here with a bed soon."
You smiled at him, "I don't think they'll let us screw here so you'll have to keep to your side."
Jax shook his head, "I don't know how you're so ok with all this."
You shrugged, "because I've been here a billion times, it's barely a flesh wound, now stop worrying and come to bed before I change my mind and get Billy and his flat ass to stay with me."
Jax chuckled, "we can't have that now." He laid next to you while you waited for the other bed to arrive, "does your leg hurt?"
You shook your head, "only a little, nothing that time and rest won't fix. Now stop worrying about me."
Jax went to reply when the bed arrived, "hey doll, the OT will be here mid morning to get you some crutches then you'll be on your way. You need anything?"
You shook your head, "nah, thank you for bringing the bed."
She left and Jax settled down for the night, "goodnight darlin."
You reached your hand across the gap and grabbed his, "goodnight beloved."
****
There was blood everywhere, you crawled through the sand to get to Travis who was bleeding out on the ground, he was choking on his own blood when you got to him, "I can't feel me legs, are they still there?"
You looked down to see nothing but gore, "nope, but your dick still looks intack."
He laughed as best he could, "I'm going to die here, aren't I?"
The sand next to you exploded and you picked Travis up by his vest and dragged him away, "we all are Travis, I promise I'll save my last two bullets so they don't get us."
He huffed, "always the logical one." A noise pulled your attention away, an insurgent holding Billy's decapitated head high up in the air while his mouth was fixed in a scream.
You shot awake, unable to breathe. There was someone touching you; or trying to. As your hands came up to defend yourself, you threw a flat hand out, hoping to hit the face that was coming into view but the hand grabbed you had familiar callouses that encompassed your wrist, "it's me, y/n it's Jax, you're ok."
"I….."
Jax could hear you trying to hack in a breath, "it's ok, I'm here." He placed your hand on his chest, "hey hey, just breathe with me with, in and out, that's it." His heart was steady under your hands, "I'm here, I'm not going to let anything happen to you." You managed to take in a tiny breath, then one more as Jax kept talking.
"There you go, good girl, can you keep doing that?"
You nodded, "I'm sorry."
He took your face in his hands, "you don't need to be sorry, just focus on breathing for me." Jax felt a strange sense of calm come over him, you shifted to the far side of the bed, Jax laying next to you and pulling you into his arms, "you're safe, I'm not going to let anything else happen to you."
You were suddenly overcome with exhaustion, "get some rest Darlin, it will be morning by the time you know it."
****
You were still in Jax's arms when you woke up, Jax smiling down at you as you opened your eyes, "morning."
You gave him a sleepy smile, "good morning beloved. I'm sorry about last night, I kinda lost it."
Jax shook his head, "you had a night terror and then a panic attack, you didn't lose it, it's ok y/n."
He pressed a kiss to your lips, "I've got some things with the Club to sort out but I'll be back as soon as I can."
You nodded, "it's ok, I need some time to myself anyway." Jax huffed, "I'll be back before they let you out, tell me how the OT goes."
You nodded, "will do, have fun out there."
He kissed you again, "I'll see you soon."
The moment he left, you called Vance, "it's got to happen today the second I'm out, get men to collect the guys. How did the meetings go?"
Vance took a deep breath, "Alvarez is pissed that Clay lied to him but he wasn't surprised that you are what you are, he's on board but only If Jax takes over. Pope is the same, he wants to add the to mule but the same goes, he wants very little to do with Clay."
You rubbed your face, "the Irish?"
Vance huffed, "have been made aware that they will no longer be breathing if they don't play ball, our friends in the Irish Catholic Church were happy to help. It's all come together, you want us to send someone to pick you up?"
"Yeah, and make sure that job is ready for me once this is over, none of them are ever going to want to see me again when they find out what I've been doing.
Part 44
As always, please comment if you can, it really helps me stay motivated.
#the reaper and the death angel#Jax teller#sons of anarchy#sons of anarchy imagine#fluff#soa#jax teller#sons of anarhcy fanficton#sons of anarchy fluff#jax teller imagine#jax teller fanfiction#jax teller x you#jax teller x reader#jax teller x oc#samcrow#jax teller fluff#charlie hunnam#fix it fanfiction#jax teller smut#charlie hunnam imagine#charlie hunnam fanfiction#jackson teller
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Vent below the break.
I just want to primal scream. I want someone to take care of me. I want to go ape shit with no consequences. I just want to let it all out in a Vesuvius-esque fashion, without worrying about the proverbial Pompeians.
I have to ask again, why am I writing? Why am I trying? It's not for me. I can play with my stories in my head, and be completely content. I started writing, because I thought people were looking for things like this, because I was. I agonize over every piece, I watch, and rewatch to get dialogue correct. I freaking research how houses are set up, to get the details JUST right. I use extant images to get the details JUST right. I stress, I agonize, I force myself not to give up, just to post, and see something with no grammar, no punctuation. Written in all lower case, no imagery, basically just a porno transcribed into a word document, and slapped on here, with 60,000 notes in ten minutes. Then I watch the stuff I agonized over, tried so hard to do, felt so freaking proud of, because ideas just don't come to me anymore...it just rots with a handful of interactions over the course of months.
No one cares about my new oneshot. No one interacts with me, unless I'm going ape shit. I share my heart, I share things I'm proud of, and just like the rest of my life, it's not good enough.
I had so many ideas when I was younger, but depression, anxiety, rejection, has just destroyed it.
I go out of my way to word things gently, to be soft, to encourage everyone, to make sure no one feels alienated...but the world just stomps over me with muddy boots.
My anxiety is out of control, I'm trying not to cry, my stomach has hurt for weeks now, my chest is tight, the house is a disaster, I've wasted another week, and I just can't. I'm so damn tired...I literally get up, stay awake an hour or so, eat, sleep, wake up, stay up a few hours, do chores, and sleep, then I'm up until 3am, and repeat the process.
But I'm a self aware Lego, as my dear friend called me. I fall down, I shatter, then I pull myself back together, and move on until the next break.
Now to force myself to stay awake, because I just want to sleep right now.
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I've gone back to writing Aloy and Kotallo in the next chapter of Wings, and I'm dying of feels all over again
She struggles to define the nature of these emotions; all she can do is feel them. There was never anything she could do to counter his intensity, not that she’d wanted to. By the time she’d met him, she was so used to people either pretending she didn’t exist, or staring at her like whatever entity they’d titled her that day. Anointed. Savior. Champion.
But Kotallo sees her, always has. Beyond the titles and the roles given to her, even the ones she gave herself.
Lover, he’d called her at the Falls, a word that belongs to them alone, now. One that explains why she fits so seamlessly against him, why it seems like her skin was always meant to touch his. Why she’s so at peace near him, yet her heart thrums within her ribs like a raging Thunderjaw at the thoughts of anything happening to him.
This attachment is a weakness, her feelings for him a potential disaster, all too aware of how devasting it would be, to lose him the way she’d lost Rost, the way she’d lost Varl. She thinks about how miserable she was these past three weeks, kept from his side.
She would rather keep him while she can.
“You are troubled.”
His voice is low, and quiet, the first words any of them speaks in what has to be a few hours now. They’ve shared very few since the Falls, although she has no doubt he’s been aware of her state of consciousness all night, just as she’s been aware of his.
“Just…thinking,” she eventually answers, as quietly.
The next rush of air against her head is different, like a silent laugh, and granted, that’s the most basic answer she could give him, considering breathing and thinking are two things she does at the same frequency.
She wants to tell him what’s troubling her indeed, share those thoughts and emotions, but words of that nature don’t come easy for her, never have.
Aloy does what she does best, then.
She acts, uncurling herself from where she’s been nestled most of the night, shifting upon his cot and against him so she can look at him, for the first time since they lay down here, after he’d taken the brew for his pain. The only light in the room comes from the single candle he’d lit, its flickering flame indicating it will soon expire.
His face is as it was, then, bare, if not for traces of paint, like the rest of his body, like the rest of her body, her skin bearing his mark.
Lover…
She gets lost in his gaze, warm, and safe, and overwhelmed, until his arm moves around her, gathering her closer, pressing his forehead upon hers, nose against nose.
#first draft galore#word barf that gives me feels#aloy x kotallo#i'd love to finish this fic before the DLC comes out 😅#(although i do have plans for a sequel 😭)#on the wings of the ten
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Breaking Ryan AU
TW: Drugs (I mean it's an AU based on Breaking Bad what did you expect)
What started out as my brain trying to make me lose hours of sleep, slowly turned into me making a slightly cracked AU for Punch-Out that was basically Breaking Bad but with steroids instead of meth.
Side Note: I've never actually sat down and watched a full episode of Breaking Bad in my life (I've only ever seen clips and read a brief synopsis on the plot) so if the AU sort of devolves from the plot, now you know why. Also this is only the basic intro as to how this all started so more stuff may be added to the AU. Though regardless as to how it goes, Mac is probably gonna need some therapy after this ngl.
Aran Ryan in this timeline has a second job as a gym teacher in the High School that Little Mac attends. He does it so he can get a bit of extra cash to look after his two siblings (a 5 year old girl and a 15 boy) while also avoiding their psychopath of a mom. Being a boxer in the WVBA can pay a lot but when your the biggest cheater there, a mix of lawsuits and the possibility of being banned is just a recipe for disaster ready to be baked. And the teacher job only barley contributes to the bills because we all know what the average pay of a teacher is like.
So what do you do when one job doesn't pay much and you could be fired from the other job? You get into the drug business of course!
One day, while Ryan was readying himself to fight against Little Mac, a strange unmarked package was delivered to the WVBA. When Ryan asked Macho Man about the package, he thought it was Ryan delivering his monthly steroids and gave 10k on the spot while telling him not to tell anyone else. That's when Ryan had an idea. if he got 10k alone from Macho Man, then he could get even more from other people.
The next day after he lost to Mac, Ryan learned through the school cafeteria about an underground market that could host more details about the drug business. The market had anything you could think of, as long as you can think of it, it was probably there. Somewhere in that market were two kids seeing banned books. One of the books was a book on how to make steroids that was only worth 50 dollars, just the thing he needed. Once he got the book he thought that was all he had to do before entering the business.
That was until it was busted and shut down after a bomb threat was made by several vendors, even attempting to sneak in several explosives into the boy's locker room. A list was made that listed several students as being apart of the underground market. One name on the list caught Ryan's eye. That name was Mac's.
Turns out that Mac was kinda tied to the underground market, but only in supplying things to several vendors in the market. He only got out of being expelled/sent to summer school when one of the vendors was able to frame another kid as him. Ryan was more than slightly surprised that no one recognised him as a professional boxer, but didn't really care because Ryan realized something. Ryan would need a partner to help him out in the business, and since Mac had experience in smuggling things into a school building he could probably sneak drugs into other places.
Once another day of school had ended, Rysn pulled Mac to the side and said something to the affect of "If you don't help me with my drug business I'll find a way to tell the principle about you actually helping the underground market". With Mac now blackmailed willingly joining the business, and Ryan already having an RV with the set destination for one of the more shady parts of the Bronx being pinned down, let the breaking of bads commence!
(more will be written another time)
#punch out!!#punch out au#little mac#aran ryan#why was i brain storming this when i should be getting school work done?
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My family's rest home in Hawkes Bay got power back on Sunday, 6 days after Cyclone Gabrielle knocked it out. It went out for a few hours yesterday and 1 hour today but we were told to expect that.
It's really shown us where the holes in our disaster preparedness are, even though we have passed a dozen Ministry of Health Audits with the disaster kits we had, what the MoH and their auditors say will be sufficient is not. We're starting to stock up on the things we found we needed and when supply lines are better and things are back in stock we'll buy all the things that would have been reeeeeally useful. I'm also getting stuff for my own home kit. I've bought or will buy:
A portable power supply and solar panel charger for it, you can also charge from a car. It has a built in torch and you can charge any USB chargable devices from it several times, you can run a regular appliance from it but that will drain it very quickly.
A solar camping shower. Not very useful if there's no sun but it would have been perfect post cyclone because the weather was gorgeously sunny afterward.
USB chargable camping lights I can charge from my portable power supply.
Headlamps, way easier than a handheld torch.
I bought a little camp stove that runs on butane canisters after the 2017 earthquake here but I realize I did not have anywhere near enough canisters. The canisters last 10 years so I've given all the 6 year old ones ones from my kit to a cousin who was feeding 4 kids on the camp stove and I will stock up majorly on new ones.
Basically raid the camping section of your local department store, if it looks like it would be useful when you're camping with no power then it will be useful in a disaster.
Cash, the power went out, all the card readers were down, people needed cash and all the ATMs emptied out.
Milk powder, you can mix up only the amount you need and not have to worry about refrigeration.
Shelf stable food that is a whole meal on it's own and is easy to cook or heat through on a camp stove or BBQ. You're too exhausted to make a meal out of ingredients and it's too hard to make anything complicated. Also vitamins because the food I'm describing isn't usually very nutritious.
Cooking oil, that's the thing everyone forgot to put in their kits and ran out of from their kitchens.
TOILET PAPER!!!!!! You need a stockpile. It's the first thing shops sell out of. We're going to hide it in the ceiling of the rest home so that we have an emergency stockpile and no one can take off with a few rolls here and there until it's all gone
Baby-wipes. Deodorant. Dry shampoo. Clean underwear. We usually account for drinking water in our disaster planning but you don't know when you will next be able to have a shower or wash clothes.
Heavy duty rubbish bags. When the power goes out the stuff in your fridge and freezer can end up going very nasty. If you can; bury it in your yard (deep enough that animals can't get to it), if not you're going to need to tie it up tight in heavy duty rubbish bags and put them somewhere that they're not in the sun and not going to contaminate anything. Also if it's a flood you're going to have all sorts of fabric things that will be contaminates by flood water and will start to get very smelly very quickly and you'll want to bag up whatever you can. Rubbish is a major issue in Hawkes Bay right now because the main dump was flood damaged, the power was out and people had to throw out loads of spoiled food, a load of ready to harvest crops washed up in places it would be a hazard to leave them rotting, people were clearing out homes where EVERYTHING would have to be trashed because it was contaminated with floodwater that had who knows what in it (in some areas definitely sewerage). The council got 1 waste facility opened up 6 days after the flood but 5 of those days were blazing sun so you can imagine how nasty some of the rubbish is.
Also this is truely nasty but ziplock bags if you don't have a garden you can dig a latrine in, you may have to poo in a bag and you bet you're gonna want to be able to seal it. I have a garden but I'm going to put ziplocks in my disaster kit in case I need to dispose of any waste like used bandages.
I have meds for myself but I'm going to get hold of some basic pet meds. There's a lot of dogs in Hawkes Bay who are getting gastro bugs right now because their owners have taken them for walks in areas where the flood water's have gone down and it's dried out, but the silt is still there. The dogs have gotten contaminated silt on their paws, licked their paws, and now they're getting sick. I wouldn't take my dogs out where they might come into contact with contaminants but I want a few basic meds just in case it's unavoidable. Plus one of my dogs is on an anti-seizure prescription and it didn't even occur to me that I should put some of her prescription meds in the disaster kit with a spares of our prescriptions.
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Some rules, I suppose
I suppose I should start with some basic rules for requests, even if nobody really cares all that much. Greetings, call me SC.
-I’m really only gonna write for the characters that I, personally, think need more content. So, really, only the characters that I really like.
-if you need help coming up with a request, I now have a prompts List!
-Ok this is gonna sound so mean but please don’t take it the wrong way: I’m not gonna write any LGBTQ stuff because that makes me uncomfortable. My sincerest and most humble apologies, i promise i don’t hate y’all.
-surprise, surprise, look who went through some sight character development. Just a bit. I still will only be writing for afab reader, however! I won't be ignoring characters' sexualities. So I will be headcanoning certain characters as Bi, specifically. (Lmao the opposite of bi erasure) sorry if this is weird, but I've gotten slightly more comfortable with the idea of certain characters being bisexual disasters. Still don't hate the LGBT+ people, I'm just not quite comfortable writing anything but straight relationships as of right now. (Please don't come after me, I spent a half hour re-writing this trying to be as inoffensive as possible TwT)
-It has been decided. I do, in fact, write NSFW headcanons. Check out my blog specifically for this sort of thing, @herehavesomespicyheadcanons. All previous NSFW posts will be moved there, and any naughty asks from here will be answered there.
-would you like oneshots? I can do that. Give me something interesting to work with and i might be able to get past my horrible writer’s block (ack).
-be patient please, it could take me anywhere from 2 hours to 5 months to get around to writing your requests. I get absolutely horrid writer’s block, and i am also a bit of a perfectionist with my writing.
-absolutely no incest or pedophilia. End of discussion. I don’t care if Ferid Bathory is the character i’m writing about, the answer is no.
-not gonna write for threesomes. They make me uncomfy.
-I now tag any general questions as 'SC's faq'. Check through those tags to see if I've already answered your questions! If I do not respond to your question, assume I've already answered it before!
Fandoms/characters I write for (subject to change)
My Hero Academia
Hitoshi Shinso, Neito Monoma, Tamaki Amajiki, Mr. Compress, Denki Kaminari
Fullmetal Alchemist
Envy, Ling Yao, Alphonse Elric, Edward Elric
Fairy Tail
Freed Justine, Rogue Cheney, Midnight/Macbeth, Lahar
Blue Exorcist
Rin Okumera, Mephisto Pheles, Renzo Shima
Demon Slayer
Obanai Iguro, Enmu, Zenitsu Agatsuma
The Disastrous Life of Saiki K
Shun Kaido, Uryoku Chono
Death Note
L Lawleit, Mello, Near, Touta Matsuda
Servamp
Pretty much any of them, but my faves are Tsubaki, Sakuya, and probably Kuro and Lawless.
Seraph of the End
Ferid Bathory, Lacus Welt, Rene Simm, Urd Geales, Ky Luc
Naruto
Gaara, Neji, Rock Lee
Bungo Stray Dogs
Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, Edgar Allen Poe, Sigma, Fyodor(?), Doppo Kunikida(?), Kenji Miyazawa (?), Edogawa Ranpo (?), Mushitarou Oguri
Black Butler
Ash Landers, Snake, Charles Grey, Aleister Chambers, Drossel Keinz, Gregory Violet
The Case Study of Vanitas
Noé Archiviste, Vanitas, Johann, Roland
Nanbaka
Seitarou Tanabata, Ruka Gojou, Kiji Mitsuba
Yona of the Dawn
Jae-Ha, Tae-Jun
Events/Extras
Twelve Days of Christmas
SC’s Silly Little Q+A (permanent event)
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Last Seen Blogs
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