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alphajocklover · 11 hours

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hey there. I—-iiii—-I’m sorry, I’m a lil a little ner nervous here. I have this uh, like, um, shy. Uh. Shy persona. Im a nerdyaverage gay dude. And I wanna be able to talk in front of like um crowds. Actually I um, had something in mind. I wanna become a big, jacked jock straight comedian. Telling hilarious and sometimes cringe and crude jokes. Getting egged on by my maybe like um, frat bros or something to tell like obnoxious straight dude joke or something. Yeah. Like super douchebag funny guy muscle straight bro who is the life of the party. Young and dumb dude. Is there anything you have that could make this a reality?

It’s nice to meet you Mike! You don’t mind if I call you Mike do you? I know it’s not your name, but I don’t love using real names in my work… also, if I do this right your name could actually be Mike soon. I think that’s a good name for a straight douchebag comedian. It’s kind of a pun actually, a play on open Mike. You could call yourself Mike Dick. Get it, cause it sounds like ‘my dick’? Not funny huh? I’ll admit I’m not the best at this, but you’re the one who wants to be a comedian, not me. And I’m going to tell you how. You need to do what everyone who has stage fright needs to do. You need to get up on that stage… and just start talking.

I bet you're probably very confused right now. I know that the very idea of talking in front of people fills you with dread, and you came to me so you could get that confidence, not some cheesy advice. But I swear to you that I’m not just giving you empty platitudes. When you get up on the stage, in that spotlight, everything will be ok. Not because you believe in yourself, but because that spotlight is being powered by a very special battery. You might remember my supernova transformations, from my earliest stories. You might also remember that I was able to take some of the energy from it using a special solar panel and put it in a battery. While it turns out that if you use that battery to power a light source… It has an interesting effect. Any guy caught in its rays has they’re wish granted, while also being turned into a jock.when I discovered this I thought maybe I had finally found out how InstaJock works, but the transformation isn’t instant, and I’m not sure if you could get that energy to travel through an app or anything, so it’s probably something else.

Anyways, head on up! At first you’ll be your regular, shy and geeky self, but as you bask in the spotlight and start to open up, you’ll slowly change. Your muscles will slowly grow, your body and face becoming more chiseled, and your sense of humor will slowly become more… raunchy. Thoughtful comedy will slowly turn into cheap punchlines about ‘stupid queers’ and crude stories about ‘crazy bitches with huge tits’. Your audience might not like your new style, but a confident stud like you doesn’t care about what losers like that think, and you’ll be certain to get a following of beefy straight douchebags in no time. Especially if you turn that spotlight on the audience. Have fun, and try to use that spotlight responsibly. The battery won’t last forever, and I’m not going to give you a second one.

#muscle growth tf #muscle tf #jock tf #jock transformation #jockification #nerd to jock #supernova tf #kind of #gay to straight

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kymerawrites · 11 hours

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Maffia boss! x Simon Riley

I’m way to creative, needed a small break from sir Simon Riley as I have ALOTT of ideas

I was the daughter of one of the most rich and powerful people in underworld. Too bad I was a daughter and not the son yet my mother couldn’t conceive any children after me my dad was doomed with a woman taking over his business, and I was fucking great at it.

Because of me, his empire expended way beyond Cartagena, Colombia. I got our secret formula in the USA, England, Seychelles South France, Brazil, China, Australia, and many more countries. We also had a lot of allies in politics because of me and the CIA I was booming in this business, and the people I partnered with were all crushing on me, I was the baddest bitch alive right now and everyone knew that. I was on top of the game and I liked to stay that way until I started playing a dangerous game with SAS, agent and member of the task force 141 Simon Riley.

My head was all over money. I only talked in money. I only loved money, and I only wanted money. I was a material girl I love anything that was expensive you could see it on me. I was really expensive looking woman and it made me felt super powerful. But now that I am on top of the game there are always the jealous motherfuckers that want to take you down.

“Do we have any information about this woman price?” All the task force and even general Shepard was in the meeting.

“ this is one of the most dangerous woman on our list right now Shym Medusa. She has one of the biggest maffia leaders in Colombia and has a very secretive formula of drugs that no one can find out and it makes people go to war. We need to take her down as soon as possible because she’s also overruling us.”

Simon looked at the information “there’s no picture of her..”

Soap also agreed “how do we find a woman if we cannot even see the woman?”

Price sighed “ we also found el sin Nombre who was faceless in their business. This will be easy.”

Simon looked again at the information on the screen. He was kind of impressed a woman doing after that on her own, and have been one of the strongest leaders in the world right now he wanted to find out who she was, and of course take her down.

He didn’t realize that it might be so easy to take her down, but it was way harder to actually take her down. They infiltrated her in Columbia in a club where they went out as regular guests one of the bars she saw her sitting with a whole team of people that were seen as her ‘family’ were a few of the most skillful, murderers, snipers fighters, and even some agents. She had a strong army with the task force one for one even be powerful enough to take them down?

I was sitting on my regular table. We had a bunch of cash on the table almost too much to even count. This was my club when I implement my money and my hour into something I own it just like one of the many clubs, banks, and other things that I have taken over until I saw someone with a school mask and a bacalava sitting on across in the club. he was muscular and mysterious something pulled me towards him. He looked deep in the eye. Those eyes spoke something that I couldn’t catch.

I excuse myself from the table and walk towards the bar where I ordered a martini. I lit up a sigaret and looked at the man again, he stared me in the eye

“i’ve never seen you in my club before who are you? are you here to make a deal maybe because I’m talking cash right now.”

Simon was in shock. This woman was magnificent, beautiful, and she had an aura that said I am that woman. She look confident like she’s bragging about it.

“I’m here for you miss medusa, but I don’t know what my goals are yet, I just wanted to see such a stunning woman like you.”

“You’re playing a dangerous game doing business with me sir, it’s for the players who really want to play.”

Ghost nodded “I’m aware sugar.”

She looked him in the eye, tilting her head to side something about the way… the way he said Sugar made her impressed something not everyone could do, everyone who approached her, wasn’t that good for her, but somehow she was from this mysterious skeleton mask man.

I sipped my martini “what is your proposal? Do you have any allies or affiliates I need to know about to consider doing business with you?”

Simon instantly fell questions. How would he play this off? She was maybe one of the most stunning person he’s ever seen, he gave her the thrills no one else could in a woman, he dated a few but they were all so mediocre, he saw something in her that stood out.

“ if you join me tonight there’s no going back, from now you’re my partner and you cannot leave so I suggest you think really good about the choice you’re going to make next.”

this was a big sacrifice, but it was needed for his team. The only word he said “I’m down to do business.”

“Very well..what is your name?”

“Call me ghost.”

LMK IF YOU WANT A PART 2 bc I know I can write this GREAT

#ghost cod #simon ghost riley #cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #modern warfare #simon ghost x reader #simon riley smut #simon riley x reader #cod x reader #simon riley #task force 141 #maffia #simonxmaffia #ghost x female reader #obsessed with ghost #simon riley x you

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honeyedlashton · 2 years

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🕊 the face of an angel fr 🤍

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kaidabakugou · 10 months

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this is so random but one of my favorite things when out in a bar is asking for a wet pussy shot and seeing the bartender’s initial shock then processing what i said and smiling while nodding and shooting me a quick “yes you can” or “sure thing” but they’re smiling the entire time they’re making it

#kai.rambles #it happens every time bro it literally makes my night while out for drinks lmao #ig not many ppl order those BAHAHAHA #anywayssss the bathroom line in this bitch is so long i’m really regretting starting my night with one of those big ass heinekens #like why so big?!?! it’s like 4 regular coronas in one 🥴

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fantasykiri5 · 2 months

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Playing with color palettes for the aunt of one of my OCs and my two options are literally leafpool vs squrelflight 💀

#Kiri rambles #my art #On one hand when i came up with her I said she was light brown but on the other hand whenever I think of her I think of gulia’s mom from-#-Luca so like. Idk if I want her to be orange or brown. Her sister is a calico and I’m not sure what their brother looks like yet but said-#-brother’s kids are a light brown tabby molly and a tortie with white tom #so like. Idk #She has two half gnome kids who I keep seeing as more ginger but I don’t know if I want that to be from their gnome parent or not #she’s a tabaxi btw not a regular cat. Her name is Robin #I also have alt versions of both of these with some longer mane fur which I can’t decide if I like or not #My ocs #i guess I’m just in my indecisive bitch era becuase I really like them both. I THINK I’ll go with the brown one but I’m not sure #not tagging the wc characters… I don’t want people rbing thinking I’m actually a wc artist I haven’t read 90 percent of the books and I-#-remember almost none of that I have read

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fandom-fae · 11 months

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honestly. on one hand. i really really really like the version of peter pan from once upon a time, in the way that the actor does a phenomenal job, the character has great dialogue and is just overall really really enjoyable to watch imo. but then i remember how he kept wendy in a cage for like 300 years and like

i stan him but that is so. AGSJDHJDHDJ. like i feel SO BAD for wendy there. this poor girl honestlyyy. like. that’s so disturbing honestly. like i can’t imagine much things that would mess with someone’s psyche more than that. like if he had just kept her on the island then fine, but constantly in that tiny hanging cage??? big OOF.

like i’m sure she’d need like permanent therapy afterwards and even then how would you even begin to unpack that in therapy???? like??????

#like pan ily but was that necessary?????#the worst part abt liking villains is when they do stuff like that ahdkndkfnfkf #(that part is a joke. just to be clear)#like idk he’s so cool but that makes me side eye him anyway. also cuz like? what was that like?? like was she just kinda there or did he/the #lost boys actually interact with her? on a regular basis i mean. other than giving her like food and whatever. and like if yes. then how did #they interact? was it taunting her? more civil? maybe with some of the lost boys even friendly? or just plain threatening??#like there are things that are way more outright and obviously cruel but this is like probably the worst thing he’s done bc its so prolonged #like abandoning rumple was bad already. but he couldn’t have known that that pain would last for hundreds of years instead of a few decades #and the thing with killian’s brother liam was also not great (i don’t remember the details of that scene so idk rn if he told them about how #the water works exactly or not so idk if he was being a total bitch or if they just didn’t listen) but either way liam’s pain was also not #that long yk? like he died and that was that. sure- killian’s grief was v v long but idk if i’m counting that bc he’s not the one that was #directly hurt yk? anyway yeah. AND THEN THE THING W WENDY. like taking her as a hostage is one thing but doing that for iirc THREE fucking #centuries in such a tiny ass uncomfortable looking cage???????? that’s ridiculous #like i can’t even fathom how much her psyche would be messed up by that irl #moi #fandoms #ouat peter pan #ouat wendy darling #peter pan ouat #wendy darling ouat #once upon a time #ouat #hajshdifjjdjd #sorry for the rant but it was fun and will happen again <3

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adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy · 3 months

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work today was fucking terrible

#they put me back into the regular rotation and Jesus fucking Christ it’s like I’m learning to do everything again from scratch #and that bitch brought a team of leader from her store in Cali and they’re changing everything and they’re forcing ppl #to do two person tasks alone #and they’re constantly on our asses micromanaging everything we do #so everyone was so behind bc news flash asshole u can’t expect us to be as fast and efficient as you are when you’ve been doing this #for 15 years and most of us haven’t even been doing this for a single year #that’s like forcing a first grader to do college chem #and i overheard a convo between my lead and one of the new ones and he said that whoever doesn’t meet their standards #is getting their hours cut so they’re basically forcing us to quit if you can’t function to their insane standard #and I’m so rusty after 3 months of just doing prep that I was just behind the whole time from the second I started #I need to find a new job now!! all the other girls are looking too like this is ridiculous #we’re not robots we’re people #I want to d word

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pisces-gf · 4 months

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driving got me feeling a Certain Way .

#i feel like im going insane like .#the number of ppl that just straight up have their whole ass phone right in front of their face is INSANE #like u know ur going to get someone killed right ?? RIGHT ?????#best case they’re causing unnecessary traffic which is also fucking infuriating like U CAN FUCKING WAIT TO SEND A TEXT. U CAN WAIT.#& it seems like running stop signs & red lights is becoming more regular like .#like . u know that’s gonna get YOU killed one day right???? ur gonna run a fucking stop & another idiot is also gonna run that same stop #& ur both hopefully going to die so therere less of you out here driving like fucjing assholes #i don’t fucking get it but ig there’s nothing to get bc they’re probably the stupidest pieces of shit ever & will never think they’re #in the wrong .#@everyone who does any or all of the above pls kill urself immediately i am so serious #while we’re on the topic they should put a brick wall at the end of lanes thatre about to end #if ur not going to fucking merge before the lane ends then ur not merging at all asshole #it’s ur responsibility to find a spot to merge in #it is not my job to make sure that the lil baby drivers have space to merge in a mile AFTER the fucking lane ends #don’t let me catch u out in the streets being a bitch bc i’m at my wits end .

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citizen-zero · 1 year

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After years of my mom obsessing over my hair and forcing me to do various treatments on it and threatening punishment if I didn’t comply. I’ve come to understand why Britney shaved her head that one time. I know that was something she did as part of a mental breakdown but fuck yeah good for her. I get it.

#and the stupid bitch still doesn’t get it or maybe she refuses to #like you can’t pretend you’re just worried and you don’t understand why I’m angry when you’ve spent years strong arming me into #putting castor oil in my hair and attempting to put mayonnaise in it and I think the only thing that stopped her was my dermatologist #bc he said it wouldn’t do anything at best and also don’t put fucking condiments in your hair #but she really wanted to and I don’t remember this but she might’ve hit me over my refusal #and she’d threaten to take my phone away or deny me something else if I didn’t let her do shit #and then recently she FaceTimed me while I was at DND and tried persuading me to see an endocrinologist #like saying oh she had a friend with the same problem and went to an endocrinologist and the birth control was the issue #(never mind the fact that my BC is the reason I don’t have painful cystic acne anymore and do have a regular period again)#and she was trying to push me into going #and I kept saying I wasn’t having this conversation w her now bc I was busy and she was just like ‘so when are we going to have it’#and basically trying to push past my boundary of I’m fucking busy and this conversation doesn’t need to happen now #I just hung up on her and went on airplane mode but fuck even thinking about it makes me so angry like I want to punch her kinds of angry #and honestly if she hadn’t kept ignoring me and hadn’t kept trying to have this conversation after I said I was busy maybe I would’ve taken #it into consideration and looked into seeing one sometime #but honestly now I absolutely fucking refuse unless my doctor and I agree it’d be a good idea #fuck off mom fuck off and mind your own fucking business #personal #erika's blog and bar

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milo-is-rambling · 1 year

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Omg yesterday at my moms therapy I said how well I had been doing and feeling like I can actually handle life and my mom was immediately like “that’s because you’ve been taking your meds regularly again” and like completely brushed off any progress I had actually made and I had to be like yeah totally that’s it that’s why exactly when I haven’t taken my meds for a week straight in idk how long

#I was like yup totally that sure is why I’ve been feeling good totally #not at all that I’ve been spending time to do things I like and journal and process my feelings in healthy ways or that I am consciously #making strides towards regular person sanity #and she fucking brought up adhd meds again like FUCK OFFFFFFF HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY I DONT WANT TO TAKE THEM BEFORE IT CLICKS #I. DONT. WANT. TO. TAKE. THEM. they are a tool in MY mental health toolbox bitch back off my toolbox I know you fucking live adhd meds and #won’t shut up about them but I am happy now and I don’t like my brain on adhd meds and the only reason you want me on them is because you #like me more when I’m doing stereotypically productive tasks so you’d rather have me cleaning the house and not doing the shit I love than #you would have me not taking my meds and making art and writing poetry #like god #she just doesn’t fucking get it #I cannot create when I take adhd meds. that part of my brain just like dissolves.#the way I work is that constantly I have a million projects on the back burner in my mind and when I get inspired I make one #when I take my adhd meds I can’t just pick up a fun project I don’t get those ideas I can’t write poetry I can’t make art it’s like it sever #severs the line between my creative mind and my regular mind and I have nothing in my life that I need to be THAT focused on right now #but I have my perscruption still! like if I ever need it it’s there but that’s not your fucking decision that’s mine and you need to back #off my brain because it is a delicate fucking ecosystem up there in my head and I’m not going to fuck with anything until I have to #god. sorry. went on a bit of a rant. I am just so sick of arguing over my mom wanting to control the way I medicate myself. I am an adult #and she is not inside my brain so she needs to listen when I tell her how things affect me #she takes adhd meds like twice every day and hates the feeling of not being on them but I just don’t like them and she won’t fucking drop it #okay I am getting mad about adhd meds and my mother right before I have to be in the car with her all morning i need to relax #we’re going to psychic we’re gonna have fun #we’re not going to argue about this again.

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spinsterennui · 2 years

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Making lasagna!!!!!

#aren’t i such a homey bitch #i make the nyt cooking recipe #for all crust sheet pan lasagna #but i use jarred sauce #but seriously it’s AWESOME #tonight i added an extra layer tho #bc our oven is super small #so we can’t use a regular sized cookie sheet #so i use a smaller one but it’s a bit deeper #anywho i’m so excited it’s finally not so hot out #bc i have more energy and feel like cooking #plus the oven doesn’t make the house unbearable

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crybaby-bkg · 2 years

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I hate when the littlest things trigger me soooo badly like I know it’s bc I need a social media break but it’s so fucking frustrating to have to come to this realization bc someone posted something that I don’t agree with and it made me have heart palpitations and panic and get chest pains. so dramatic I hate it and I also hate when taking a break really works and I exercise and watch calming movies and rest well bc WHY DOES IT REALLY WORK

#grrrr #I need a break from here and other platforms #especially Tim Tom like there are so many bad takes and so much normalized harassment #and I just can’t mentally handle it anymore #I shouldn’t be seeing people being told to kys just bc they’re slightly different from you ON THE REGULAR #even when I keep saying I don’t wanna see that kinda content #tired of the anime community on there being full of stupid shit and the SAME tired ass discourse and harassment #I’m tired of people always being surveillanced without their consent and being told that they should just suck it up #tired tired tired #think I’m gonna watch a new show tomorrow and finish up one I’m watching already #bc I cant handle this stupid overwhelming shit anymore #SORRY I RANTED SO MUCH I just had to get it off my chest here bc I feel like #I complain about this stuff so much to the same people #okay I’m gonna go read and lay down #—in store chit chat! 🍫#AND ANOTHER THING ☝🏼#cannot STAND people who never wanna support or help you but always cry bc they want the same shit they don’t wanna give #and passive aggressive and shady ass people too like good golly bitch GROW UP!!!!!! SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST!!!!#okay I’m done fr this time maybe

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ribcageteeth · 2 years

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10 characters 10 fandoms 10 characters

@aceofvase tagged me, hooray!

Ghostface (Billy Loomis/Stu Macher) (Scream)

Atem/Yami Yugi (Yugioh)

Eowyn (Lord of the Rings)

Guybrush Threepwood (Monkey Island)

Piccolo (Dragon Ball Z)

Ash Williams (The Evil Dead)

Sophie Hatter (Howl’s Moving Castle)

Simon the Ice King (Adventure Time)

Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III (Critical Role)

Griffith (Berserk)

I don’t know what that says about me, but I’m sure it’s a lot. I’ll tag @theonyxranger @krispykrememossnuts @primrosey and @spooksohana, but no pressure.

#june did some explanations so i’m gonna do that too!#1: ok so when I was a little kid i had a nightmare that there was a monster trying to break down the door to my room and it was terrifying #BUT when the door broke it was Ghostface on the other side and it immediately took me out of it. i was like ‘oh. that’s just Ghostface.’#‘He isn’t scary he just falls down a lot and makes does silly voices on the phone. That’s not a monster that’s my friend Ghostface’#and ever since then he’s been my friend Ghostface #2: Atem is my ultimate comfort character. something about being the other half of a pair and learning who you are through your friends #3: we love a bad bitch who breaks a prophecy by loophole. I love that she’s a regular person and she manages through sheer determination #4: speaking of being Just Some Guy. Guybrush is the smartest idiot i know and i love that #5: big green husband love of my life ( ꈍᴗꈍ) but also Scary Man Takes Care Of Kid is a trope I love #6: hes a genius he’s a war criminal he’s a scoundrel he’s a hero he has one braincell and a chainsaw hand what more do you want. he’s trans #7: book Sophie has one of my favorite magical powers: it works because you say it works #she also takes absolutely no shit and keeps the curse up herself because she likes the freedom of being old #8: look i have a lot of feelings about the Ice King and they’re way too complicated to leave in the tags of this post #9: finally a toxic revenge narrative that doesn’t condemn the revenge and it’s so early on that the rest of his arc is just healing #10: look. what do you want me to say. i can’t defend that one. horrible awful nasty garbage man. i love him so much. i hope he dies.#tag game

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woundedheartwithin · 1 month

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I have a doctor’s appointment next week and that’s gonna be fucking hilarious because it’s supposed to be for a drug test for the adhd meds I haven’t been able to get for the last two months to make sure I’m not doing drugs, and I’m not doing drugs and never have done drugs, I’m not even doing my prescribed drugs because I literally can’t fucking find them, but what I have done is stab myself with a needle that went directly into the heel of my hand from a bottle of cattle antibiotics, so I get to tell him about that instead

#she speaks #hi doc I may have accidentally stuck myself with nuflor #i didn’t inject myself! but it did go straight from the bottle into my hand #the good news is I didn’t have any side effects other than it hurting like a bitch and nearly making me pass the fuck out #it somehow miraculously missed every single delicate structure in that part of my hand and then bruised in a weird place #but it’s all good now like it never even happened!#oh also it’s the same hand as the finger that my goat nearly bit off isn’t that funny?!#girl why don’t you ever go to the fucking hospital you may ask?#the answer is simple. I don’t have any fucking money #and my insurance sucks #and regular doctor visits are $30 #and I already had this one scheduled like three months ago so 🤷🏼‍♀️#I’m not dead so it’s fine #unfortunately

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bubblegumbeyotch · 3 months

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.

#whyyyyy am i so annoyed and pessimistic all the timeeeee #like a friend invited me out and was talking about potential places to go #and i was like ugh all of these places sound like a hassle and i just wanna stay in my house #and not go anywhere or do anything #like idk when my attitude shifted like this bc i used to be super social #but it feels like nowadays i only want to be alone #or at most in the company of like maybe one or two people #everything just feels so overwhelming and like a lot of things are objectively going right in my life #for the first time in a long time #and i feel like an asshole because it’s like damn bitch this still won’t make you happy?#like i finally have a stable job and a loving relationship and i still find ways to make myself miserable #and i just feel like an ungrateful bitch #how do i stop being so fucking irritable? how do i stop being insufferable to be around?#like i feel rude bc im always leaving plans early and i always feel so out of it while im out with people #like i’m just a spectator and then people expect me to participate in whatever’s going on #and i have to work so hard just to act like a regular fucking person #who isn’t seething and grappling with some unknowable thing under the surface #and of course i realize i am not unique in this at all. everyone’s going through something #but i guess i just feel bad bc it’s affecting my relationships #like i feel so isolated from everyone and so reluctant to open up #and like how do i be like hey sorry man im not avoiding you bc i hate you i just feel unfit for human consumption right now #like what does that even mean?#anyway i don’t wanna go to work. im so tired #personal

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milo-is-rambling · 1 year

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Me when I’ve been taking my meds consistently for a week and then I suddenly feel like I have no motivation for art or poetry 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

#I’m almost more depressed when I take my meds bc I am happy but all of my passion is gone #like all I do is sit around and smoke weed and watch watch tv instead of curating mood boards or writing poetry or trying three different #art mediums in one day #like it’s so fucking depressing that I either have to be so fucked up mentally that I can’t hold a job or I have to be so happy that the #only thing I have any real calling for is doing something repetitive and boring for money #like girl this can’t be my way of life forever it just can’t be #feel like I’m going to cry thinking about being mentally ill forever #either I take meds and feel like a numb zombie or I don’t take meds and I’m creative and passionate but I also might hurt myself or worse #like bruh. why can’t I be happy and also creative #idk if I’m taking too much or too little meds. might up myself back to my regular dose soon of a pill morning and night but I just hate #taking meds and that opens the door for it to be even harder for me to remember to take them morning and night and it gives me heartburn ugh #wah wah wah I’m a big whiney baby because I don’t want to kill myself and therefore I have to go be an adult and try to get a job that’s #really my fuckin issue. I’m just whining and bitching cause I don’t wanna put the effort into being happy #I’ll get over myself and journal or read or just step away from the internet for a little bit and suddenly I’ll be back to loving life

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