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theywhowriteandknowthings · 3 months

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Moving On - Dave York x F!Reader Chapter 8 of The Princess and The Duke.

This blog is a 18+ space, Minors, do not engage. If you are under the age of 18 you are not welcome here. Your reading and consumption of my work is your responsibility but I will endeavour to mitigate any discomfort for you, the reader, as possible. Once again, this is a 18+ space and minors should not interact.

Specific Warnings: Mentions of dick, mentions of sex toys, so much yearning, angst, step-cest, Mentions of poor parent-child relationship, parents touching sex toys without consent, mentions of childhood trauma(forgotten birthdays), food mention.

Big shout out to Hemmy (@angelofsmalldeath-codeine for writing this with me!)

Follow @vi-notifs for updates!

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[Read on AO3]

Wordcount: 7.2k

It’s been less than twenty-four hours since you returned home from the disaster of a dinner with your mother. You’re still not fully over the semi-public dredging of the traumatic childhood that you’d endured. You’re reclined on Ash’s sofa; you caress her head in your lap as you watch reruns of Buffy when a text notification comes through. Your stomach flutters with excitement when you see who it’s from.

Duke🎷: Hey, Nancy will be out for a few hours tomorrow afternoon. She should be gone long enough for you to get all your things.

“Hey, Ash?” You ask as you look up from your phone to see Sarah Michelle Gellar stake someone.

“Hmm? What’s up?”

“Are you free tomorrow afternoon to move some stuff out from my room at Dave’s?”

“I can free up my calendar, no problem. Nancy going to be there?” Ash asks as she tilts her head back to look up at you.

“Nah, Dave’s said she’s out for a few hours.”

“Shame. Would have liked to give the bitch a piece of my mind,” Ash grins at you and you stick your tongue out at her.

“Very funny,” you playfully scold her, “Alright I’ll confirm it with Dave.”

You pull your phone back up.

Princess🌙: Sure, you going to be there?

Dave types for a while before the message comes through.

Duke🎷: Only if you want me to be.

Princess🌙: We could use the extra pair of hands. How early can we get there?

You want to tell him that you do want him there, that you want to see him. But you refrain, knowing better than to say something so bold. It doesn’t stop you from thinking it.

Duke🎷: 1pm if that’s ok with you? I’ll be there.

Princess🌙 : Perfect, see you then.

Your gaze lingers, hoping – maybe foolishly – that he’s going to send another message, keep the conversation going. You’re about to lock your phone and turn your attention back to the TV when you see the little grey dots shuddering to indicate Dave typing. You bite your lip in anticipation, and you don’t miss the way Ash rolls her eyes at you before grinning.

Duke🎷: You got everything you need for the new place?

Princess🌙: Sort of? I’m taking the bed from my room at yours, if that’s ok. Otherwise, it’s pretty sparse, I’ll have to make a trip to that big furniture mall up near Tech Ridge.Duke🎷: Of course, it’s yours. If you need anything else, just let me know.

Princess🌙: Sure, thanks, Dave. See you tomorrow!

Duke 🎷: Anytime, see you then.

“Jesus! You’re like a fucking teenager,” Ash scolds you playfully as she nudges your knee with her fist.

“Fuck you,” you grumble as you ruffle her hair, heat creeping up your neck as you know you can’t deny it.

You set your phone down with a smile, feeling the anticipation bubble up in your chest as you try to focus on the TV. But it’s no use, you can’t stop thinking about Dave, you haven’t been able to since the diner last night.

~*~

Monday

Dave smirks to himself as he watches Nancy on the right screen of his work computer. She’s leafing through the photos Resnik had dropped off an hour ago. Dave has a set of copies up on the left computer screen as he sips his morning coffee.

He hates seeing photos of himself, especially when he looks so flustered. He needs to work on his cardio. Most of his recent hits have been more complex cloak and dagger affairs. Smaller margins for error. Cardio has been the last thing on his mind, and the only working out he’s been doing has been for his mental health. Weight training is a far more satisfying outlet than jogging around the block aimlessly.

His discomfort is quickly dispelled as he watches Nancy swipe the photos off the kitchen counter. The sound is muted but it’s clear she’s screaming bloody murder into the empty home. There’s a poisoning thread of guilt surrounding the scene, he never wanted to see Nancy in pain. But the memory of the dinner party burns any pity away as she tirades around the space where she had humiliated you only days before.

Dave picks up his phone and texts Resnik to commend him on a job well done when he sees a text from you. He opens it immediately, turning off the remote feed of your mother wallowing in her self-pity.

Princess🌙: Hey, you still ok for today?

Duke🎷: Of course, all good on your end?

Princess🌙: Yeah, just checking in, thank you again for this.

Duke🎷: Again, you don’t need to thank me, it’s the least I can do.

Princess🌙: Ok, well, see you at 1.

Duke🎷: See you then.

Dave watches as you start typing again, stopping for a few moments before starting up. It makes his stomach twist, like he’s waiting for something to happen. But you stop typing for good this time and he lets out a heavy breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

He loves that you’re talking again, even if it’s just about the logistics of moving your things out. It makes him check his phone at lightning speed at every news alert or email. Every time hoping it’s you, he doesn’t even know what you’d be texting about, other than the move. He knows that he’s kidding himself, you’ll soon be out of his life for good. Starting out on your own, finding someone more suitable, with less baggage.

But he lets himself live in the fantasy of it all for now. he takes peace in knowing you’re safe and that you’ll soon be free of your mother and her bullshit.

~*~

You’re restless as you pull up to Dave’s house. You’ve caught Ash stealing glances at you the whole drive, but she hasn’t said anything. You’re nervous, something about returning to the house has you on edge. But there’s excitement there too, you’re going to see Dave.

Ever since you reconnected in the diner on Saturday, you’ve been consumed with thoughts of him. When he held you, it was like being home. He makes you feel safe and peaceful.

“We’re here,” Ash says as you shake yourself from your thoughts, “Did you order that truck?”

“What truck?” You look up and your mouth falls slack as you see the white box truck with two men in blue overalls hauling the king-sized mattress into the back of the truck. The logo of a local removal company visible on the side of the vehicle.

“Not me, Dave must’ve called them,” you say as you get out of the car. You look up at the house to see Dave waiting on the porch for you. He’s leaning against the railing, his hand raised in a casual greeting as he nods to you.

“He’s down so bad for you,” Ash teases as she rounds the car, a shit-eating grin plastered on her face as she waves enthusiastically at Dave.

“Shut up,” you grumble as you nudge her side.

“Hey, Dave,” Ash shouts as she picks up the pace, practically jogging past you.

“Ashleigh,” he nods as he holds out a hand to shake, but Ash bats it away with her hand before throwing her arms around him.

Dave catches her with ease, despite her practically jumping at him. He steadies her before putting distance between them, holding her at arm’s length. You can’t help but smile at the sight as he shoots you a questioning look. You simply shrug, you have no clue what has gotten into her.

“You’re making your way into the good books, York,” Ash says as she squeezes his forearms. You watch as she says something under her breath to him before letting him go and barging into the house.

“What was that all about?” You ask as you reach the top step, trying not to show how nervous you are as you resist every urge to throw your arms around him like Ash just did. But you know that there’s no way you can risk such a PDA with the threat of the PI looming over you.

“She was grilling me about the truck,” Dave says as he looks you over, “How’re you doing?”

“I really appreciate you doing that,” you nod absently, “Things have been better,” you admit with a noncommittal grunt, “It’s good to see you though.”

The words are out of your mouth before you can stop them. Your eyes go wide as you try and think of a way to walk them back. But Dave beats you to it.

“It’s good to see you too,” his voice is low as he gives you a smile that doesn’t quite meet his eyes, “And I figured you’d struggle getting a whole king-size bed into that tiny thing.”

Dave gestures over your shoulder at the car and you wince at your lack of foresight. You turn back to see that the warmth has returned to his smile as he teases you gently. An echo of a time where things were simpler, easier.

“We should probably head in,” you say as you look over your shoulder again, paranoia prickles under your skin. It’s become something of a habit since you found out about the Private Investigator. Even in the safety of Ash’s place, you feel like you’re being watched.

“Good idea,” Dave gestures for you to go in with one hand as he waves in the removal guys with the other, “I got them to pack up the bed and desk, as well as your PC and some other bulkier pieces of furniture,” he explains as he follows you into the house.

“That’s good of you, thank you so much,” you say over your shoulder as you ascend the stairs.

“I put your prop box under a throw in the living room, I’ll get it for you before you leave,” he says, his voice barely more than a whisper, “Didn’t want the movers nosing around in there.”

Your chest constricts with affection at his thoughtfulness, and you nod in affirmation.

“Thank you,” you repeat and the soft huff of amusement from Dave makes your skin tingle.

“You don’t have to keep saying that.”

“I know, but you’re doing all this for me,” you say with a shrug as you hear Ash bustling around your old bedroom, “I just really appreciate it.”

“Hey,” Dave says as he hesitates at the bedroom door.

“What?”

“So, Ash,” he gestures to the door, “How much does she know?”

“Everything,” you say as you cringe back, expecting anger or aggression. But Dave simply nods, as if confirming his own suspicions.

“Ok, good to know,” he says as he places his palm flat on the door, “Shall we?”

You nod and he pushes the door fully open for you. You smile as Ash finishes assembling a cardboard box with a frustrated grunt. There’s a stack of flat-pack ones to her side. She exhales aggressively, blowing stray blonde hairs from her face as she looks at you both.

“About time, these things are a nightmare to put up.”

An hour goes by as the three of you pack up the rest of your belongings, all the while you and Dave share glances and smiles. With the last few boxes being packed up Ash picks up the first of them to take downstairs. You look around to see the surprising number of boxes piled up around you. You’re even more grateful for the box truck now you can see the sheer size of the move.

“Right, I’m going to start piling these downstairs for the movers to load up,” Ash says with a dramatic clap of her hands, “Besides, you two clearly need a moment alone.”

She gives you a knowing look as you see Dave shift uncomfortably as he seals up a box labelled “pillows”. You flip her the bird as she leaves, grinning at you over her shoulder as she kicks the door closed. The sound of Dave putting down the tape dispenser is loud in your ears before the room falls silent.

“She’s subtle,” Dave says as he turns to look at you, flopping down on the floor next to the box, “I like her.”

“That’s Ash for you,” you shrug as you mirror him, settling down on the floor as you realize standing around and packing up your whole life is quite strenuous. The room feels too big and far too small all at once. The echo of your voices is eerie as the air is so suddenly thick with tension.

“How do I have so many pillows it requires a whole box?” You ask rhetorically as you try and fill the silence. You look anywhere but Dave’s face as you feel the desire to touch him build. You just want to bury yourself in his arms and never leave. You’re closer to him than you realized, only a few feet away. It feels like too far and not far enough all at once.

“You’d be surprised,” Dave says softly, “I think I filled three boxes with just records when I moved out of Carol’s place.”

“Records are cool, Dave,” you roll your eyes as you meet his gaze, but the moment you do you feel like you can’t breathe. Whatever you were going to say falls dead on your lips as you see the way he’s looking at you.

His eyes are glassy, his brow furrowed, and his jaw clenched, almost as if he’s in pain. But you know that look, it’s the look he gave you when you fell apart in his arms. It’s the look of restraint, holding himself back from crossing a line. Your fingers twitch as you start to reach for his hand, the temptation too heavy to resist. Just one touch, that’s all you need. Dave leans forward, his hand reaching for yours when the bedroom door swings open. You snatch your hand back and scramble to your feet.

“Alright,” Ash’s voice cuts through the silence like a blade, “They’ve got almost everything else packed up, let’s get this room-,”

She freezes as she looks between Dave and you, clearly unprepared for the intensity of the moment she interrupted.

“Do you two need a minute? Because I can go back out there and-,”

“No,” Dave says abruptly as he gathers himself up off the floor, “I’m going to check that the movers have everything ready to go, I’ll see you both down there.”

Dave grabs the box he was packing before he exits swiftly. He doesn’t look back as he shuts the door behind him. You let out a shaky exhale as tears spring to your eyes. You wipe them away before Ash reaches you, but she holds you just the same. Her arms wrap around you, firm and strong as you let her hold you.

“I expected to walk in on the two of you dry humping on the floor,” she chuckles low in your ear, “Not caught in whatever that was.”

You shake your head and bury yourself in her shoulder.

“I love him, Ash,” you mutter as you cling to her.

“Poor bastard,” she jokes, and you can’t help but laugh, “But seriously, he’s nothing like anyone that came before, I like him for you.”

“Yeah?” You pull back as you sniffle, wiping the back of your sleeve over your lip, “Why’s that?”

Ash raises an eyebrow at you incredulously, as if you had to ask.

“He’s clearly into you for more than just sex, or a kink, or some twisted stepdad thing,” Ash says as if she’s telling you the sky is blue, “We do need to talk about how he knew where you were on your birthday, maybe not now, cus that was weird and a bit stalker-y.”

“Not today,” you groan, and Ash puts her hands up defensively.

“I know, but that aside, he’s been looking out for you from the moment you landed back in Texas. The night with that douchebag Tristan, your birthday, Saturday night with your mom. No offense babe, but no pussy is worth all that effort. Especially when you’ve not fucked for what? Weeks? Months?”

“Too long,” you say as you can’t help but smile at Ash’s crass humour.

“Exactly,” Ash says with a triumphant smile, “I like him for you, he’d be good for you.”

“Y’know, that unfortunate stepdad thing aside,” you retort, and Ash shakes her head as she smiles at you.

“We could just kill her you know?”

“Ashleigh Mae!” You say with a dramatic gasp as you smirk at her.

“Just saying,” She holds her hands up in mock surrender, “I know a guy.”

“Whatever,” you say as you turn to the last few boxes needing to be filled, “Let’s get the rest of this shit packed up.”

“Yes, boss,” Ash gives you a mock salute before grabbing another box. You shake your head and gather the last few belongings into a final moving box labelled “Misc.”.

There’s a distinct lack of emotion as you head down to the kitchen, you thought moving out would have made you feel something. You set the box down and head into the living room where Dave is staring out of the window.

“Hey,” you say softly, not wanting to startle him.

“Oh, hey, you all ready to go?” He turns to you with a distant look on his face.

“Yeah, just getting that last box,” you say, gesturing to the grey fleece throw covering the box on the sofa. You recognize it as the one from Dave’s sofa downstairs.

“Of course,” he nods and folds his arms over his chest, his eyes dropping to his feet, “There’s something else I want to run by you.”

“Oh?” You look up from the covered box of props to meet his gaze.

“I’ve got a storage unit full of stuff Nancy wouldn’t let me have in the house,” he brings a hand up to rub his jaw, a nervous habit of his, “I was thinking seeing as you said you didn’t have much to furnish the new place, you could take a look and pick some stuff out? Consider it a late birthday gift.”

“Dave, you’ve already done so much for me, I don’t know if I could accept that,” you say as your heart aches at how much he’s willing to do for you.

“It’s all just sat there gathering dust, it’s a shame for it to go to waste when it could get some use.”

You mull it over for a moment, worst case scenario it’s a bunch of junk that you might get nothing from. Best case, you might not need to traipse up to the Furniture Mall on the weekend.

“Alright, I’ll take a look,” you smile as you pick up the box of props, “I’m keeping the throw, if that wasn’t clear.”

“Of course, wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ll give the movers the details for the storage unit. I will text you the codes to enter/let me write down the codes” Dave nods as his smile reaches his eyes. You’re about to head out to the car when you remember one last thing you meant to ask.

“I know you’ve already done so much for me-,”

“I was thinking-,” Dave speaks at the same time as you and you both stop talking the moment you realise you’re cutting the other off. You can’t help but laugh as you wait for the other to start talking again.

“You go,” you say, eager to hear what Dave has to say.

“I hope this isn’t overstepping,” he starts again as he props his hands on his waist, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, “But I wanted you to know that, should you want it, I have someone I trust to install security measures on your new place. Would you be interested in something like that? I’ve just noticed how on edge you are, and with a PI sniffing around it seems like a good idea to deter any unwanted visitors.”

You feel your cheeks ache from how hard you’re smiling as Dave beat you to your own point.

“So, I was about to ask you for advice on who to call about that,” you admit, and you watch as relief washes over Dave’s face, “Because yeah, between the PI, and the prospect of living alone in a big city like Austin, I could use the extra peace of mind.”

“I’ll give him your number to get in touch and I’ll let him know to put it on my card.”

“Dave, you don’t have to-,”

“I couldn’t keep you safe in my own home, please, consider it me making it up to you.”

You consider it for a moment, a small voice in the back of your mind warns you about all the spending. But none of this is frivolous, it’s practical and a means to keep you safe. Most importantly, none of it feels transactional, he’s not doing this to buy you back. He’s protecting you.

“Ok,” you nod, convincing yourself as much as Dave, “Give him my number so we can set up the installation.”

“Excellent,” Dave says, and you stand there for a moment before realizing that this is it, there’s nothing left to say. You’ve got nothing more to stall with, you have to leave.

“Well, I guess this is it then,” you shuffle your feet nervously, “Can you get the truck to follow us to the storage place?”

“I’ll call them as soon as you leave.”

“Sure,” you say as you drum your fingers on the side of the box before you make yourself move, heading towards the door with regret and longing weighing down your movements. You get to the front door and put the box down, you can see Ash on the phone as she waves at you, “Hey, Dave?”

You step back from the door and turn to look at Dave again. His brow is raised in a silent question and your body moves before you can stop yourself. You take two long strides back into the house and wrap your arms around him. You bury your face in his t-shirt, hand fisting into the material covering his back as you breathe him in.

“Thank you.”

You breathe into his chest as you feel his broad arms wrap around you. He holds you tightly against him as he places a barely-there kiss to the top of your head. Another stolen moment, a risk you shouldn’t be taking.

“It’s ok, I got you.”

Dave whispers before giving you one last squeeze. His hold loosens and you don’t linger in his embrace, you know you’ve already pushed the limits. You step back with bleary eyes as you smile up at him before wiping away the tears.

“I’ll see you around,” you choke out before scooping up the box on the floor and practically jogging down the porch steps. You load up the box into the trunk of Ash’s car without a word before giving the movers the address to your new place.

“We’ll meet you at the storage place,” The driver says with a nod before getting into the cab.

“Ready to go?” You turn to Ash as she leans on the roof of her car, giving you an imperceptible look.

“Yeah,” she says with a nod before ducking into the car. She’s holding something back, but you can’t quite figure out what.

“You ok?” You ask as you secure your seatbelt, “You seem off.”

“I’m fine,” Ash says as she pulls out into the street, “I’m just sad for you, for the both of you.”

You don’t know what to say to that, opting instead to set route to the storage unit on Ash’s phone before placing it back on the hands-free cradle. You don’t speak for the short drive. You’re too lost in your own thoughts to fill the silence. The moving truck follows you the whole way and once you’re booked it at the front desk you make your way to Dave’s storage unit.

Row after row of red roller shutters greet you, thousands of moments of people’s lives in stasis.

“These places always give me the creeps,” Ash says with a shudder as you get to the row where Dave’s unit is. You stroll down the numbered units, checking for 461 as you go.

“Yeah, it’s like a graveyard, rows and rows of dormant spaces.”

“Jesus,” Ash scoffs as she nudges you with her shoulder, “I was thinking more along the lines of where people hide their dirty secrets, or their drug money like in Breaking Bad.”

“I mean, those options aren’t exactly much better.”

“I’d much rather walk into this unit to find stacks of cash or his secret balloon fetish than dead bodies,” Ash says as you stop in front of the unit.

“Here’s to finding something less terrifying than a dead body,” you joke as you use the code lock to open it up.

The roller shutter opens with a rattle and a crash as the mechanism locks open. You fumble for the pull cord for the light. The bright fluorescent tube lighting blinds you for a moment before your eyes adjust.

There are metal racks lining the walls, with boxes of photo albums, books, and all manner of very personal items stacked up to the ceiling. In the middle of the room are larger items covered in sheets, the furniture Dave mentioned, you guess. There’s a whole rack devoted to records, and you watch Ash’s eyes light up as she sees them. She hurries over to the shelving unit and immediately pulls out a box labelled “The Stones”.

“Wow,” Ash lets out a low whistle as she steps into the tightly packed space, “Did he just pack his whole life up in here when he married your mom?”

“Seems that way,” you say absently as you notice a box filled with framed photographs, “It’s not like Nancy let him decorate his own home. You saw how sad and beige it was in there. All of this would have just been clutter to Nancy, and God forbid her man bring reminders of his life before, or his family into her home.”

You pull out the top one, almost without thinking. You see a younger Dave with a small, dark-haired girl on his shoulders, her tiny hands fisted in his hair as he smiles at the camera. A slightly older looking girl is hanging off his pant leg, caught in a fit of laughter as Dave has a hand on either child, steadying them both.

You’re not sure which one is which, but their names come to you immediately.

“Molly and Alice,” you whisper to yourself as you grip the frame in your hands, you wonder if it was Carol that took the photo. You’re surprised that you don’t feel any jealousy towards her. Instead, your mind immediately fills with the thought of having that life with Dave. Being the one behind the camera, capturing these moments of him and his girls. Being a part of those moments with him, a part of his life. A family.

You feel the shiver run down your spine as you refuse to admit to yourself that hope for that life with Dave has already taken root. It’s been festering inside you for some time but seeing him happy with his girls makes you face it. The need to have that life with him is all-consuming, threatening to swallow you whole. It’s too much for you to bear because you don’t know you’d be able to cope if it all came apart at the seams. Right now, you have to focus on you, on your life.

You put the frame down in haste and make yourself walk away, there’s a thick, tight feeling in your throat. You press on, moving to the covered furniture and pull the dust covers away to reveal a full-size record console. You recognize it mostly from film and TV, not having seen one in person before. The dark grey, mesh covered speakers the biggest giveaway, but you have no idea how it opens.

“Oh my fucking god,” Ash squeals at your elbow and you wince at the way your ears are ringing, “This is a Wrensilva!”

“A what?” You ask as you watch Ash run her hands over the wooden surface of the console, clearly looking for something.

“It’s only one of the best modern record consoles on the market, these things go for ten grand or more.”

Ash explains with an excited energy usually only reserved for Sarah Michelle Gellar, Taylor Swift, and women she’s dating. Her fingers find purchase on the wooden panel on top and the hinge moves soundlessly as she pushes the cover open.

“This is pristine,” She breathes as her hands ghost over the brushed aluminum dials and knobs, as if she’s afraid to touch it.

“Shame he never had the chance to use it,” you say with sadness as you remember the small tabletop turntable in Dave’s basement. A far cry from the opulent piece of art before you.

“Do you think we could play something?” Ash says, already rifling through boxes of records to find something to play.

“If you can find somewhere to plug it in, be my guest,” You shrug as you pull off some more dust sheets to reveal a hoard of expensive-looking furniture. Everything is lacquered wood, there’s a dining table and chairs that would be way too big in your new studio apartment. You eye up a mahogany wardrobe with beautiful glass doors that would fit well in your bedroom.

The final item you uncover is a beautiful wooden writing desk with a curved shutter. There are drawers on either side of the space where a chair would go, with intricate brass handles on all of them. You push up the wooden shutter to reveal the desk itself. It opens with ease, revealing small drawers and open spaces for letters and other small items along the top.

The flat surface has a leather mat inset into the wood, gold detailing in each corner. You run your fingertips over the smooth surface and imagine sitting at the desk with your laptop, pouring over legal notes and case briefs. There’s a perfect spot to put a desk lamp on the right.

You hear the needle drop, with the softest of scratches, and feel yourself take in a small breath as you wait for the music to start. The hauntingly beautiful sound of Nina Simone is crystal clear, and unbelievably rich through the bassy speakers. Clearly, Ash had found a power outlet. Feeling Good is one of your favorite songs, Ash knows this, and you smile as you look over your shoulder at her.

“Louis Armstrong, The California Ramblers,” Ash says approvingly as she saunters over to you, “Man has excellent taste.”

“I mean, have you seen me?” You scoff and Ash looks at you with a shocked expression, jaw hung open as she grins up at you.

“Are we doing this? Fully admitting you two are horny as fuck for one another?”

“After today, it’s more than a little obvious, don’t you think?” You say with a shrug, your lips pulled up into an unapologetic grin.

“Giiiiirl,” Ash squeals as she shakes her head in disbelief, “Ok but can we talk about those fucking grey sweatpants he wore today? I’m gay and I couldn’t help but fucking fixate.”

“Don’t,” you push on her shoulder as you feel your cheeks heat up, “I swear he wore them today to fucking torment me.”

“Is it as big as it looks?”

“Jesus Christ, Ash, for a lesbian you’re way too into dicks.”

“Women can have dicks too,” Ash points out and you roll your eyes.

“You’re way too into the dick of a cis man then,” you counter, and she just shrugs as she grins at you.

“You’re no fun,” Ash huffs, realizing you aren’t going to divest the size of Dave’s cock to her.

“It’s also fucking gorgeous,” you say as you head towards the door of the unit, not so much as looking at Ash as you go. The movers are waiting for you outside and you quickly tell them which pieces to take out to the truck.

“You’re such a fucking tease,” Ash groans as she scrambles after you, “Could we at least go dildo shopping so you can point out an adequate substitute?”

“You’re so fucking gross,” you laugh as you turn off the console, putting the record back in its sleeve before unplugging it. Ash replaces the lid of the console and paws at it balefully, like a lovesick puppy.

“That’s not a no,” Ash wiggles her eyebrows at you as you put the boxes back on the shelving units.

“Only if you buy me one too, Nancy ruined my favorite one by fondling it before covering it in mashed potatoes.”

“No, not Vibro Vibescal?!”

“The very same,” You say solemnly as you make your way back to the door of the storage unit, “No way could I bring myself to put him inside me after that, food and pussies just don’t mix.”

“And no-one wants their moms touching their toys.”

“Ugh don’t,” you groan as you lean against the exterior wall, you’re so ready to get home and start unpacking.

“So, what will you call the new one?” Ash asks as she rests her head on your shoulder, snaking an arm around your waist.

“I dunno,” you muse, “Maybe Hole Filler?”

“I don’t get it,” Ash says, and you can hear the pout in her tone as you watch the movers grab the writing desk. The last item.

“Like Joel Miller, from The Last of Us?”

“Too far a walk to get to the punch line,” Ash grumbles as she tries to think of something else.

“We good to go?” You hail one of the movers as he passes you both.

“All set, just checking, this the address?” The man asks as he holds out his phone, the address already inputted on the Maps app.

“That’s the one,” you nod and start locking up the unit.

“See you there, ma’am.”

You smile to yourself at the honorific. The moment you’re happy everything is set up you loop your arm through Ash’s own. You stroll back to the car, your heart a little heavier. You try not to dwell on the way you can’t stop thinking about the photo of Dave and his girls.

~*~

You unlock the front door to your open plan apartment with a jingle of keys and hurried movements. The second-floor apartment is exactly as you remembered it. Dark hardwood floors, high ceilings with arched windows. The walls are a soft blue, bare, but for a few framed posters the last occupant left. You make a mental note to take them down. You head through the main living space, beckoning Ash to come inside.

“Shit, how much is this costing you?” Ash says as she steps in behind you.

“Not as much as you’d think. Two people died in the bedroom; the rental company couldn’t shift the place. Apparently, it was big news a year ago?”

“People died in here?” Ash whispers.

“Ash, people die in homes all the time,” you sigh as you watch the movers pile the furniture into the middle of the room, “I’m much more afraid of the living.”

“But like,” Ash looks around the open space with wide eyes, “Isn’t it weird?”

“All I care about is that it’s almost half as cheap as anything else for rent in this part of Austin,” you shrug, dead people can’t hurt you.

“You’re far braver than me,” Ash says with a shudder, “I couldn’t live in an apartment that has ghosts.”

“Ghosts aren’t real, Ash,” you laugh as the movers start to bring up the furniture.

“Where do you want us to set things up?” The lead mover asks as he wipes his brow.

“It’s fine, I’ll sort it,” you say with a wave of your hand, not wanting to pay extra to have them set up the bed and other items.

“Mr York pre-paid for the service, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Alright,” you nod, your heart fluttering at Dave’s thoughtfulness.

You instruct the movers to set up the bed in the other room, the only space that isn’t open plan. Then they set up the chairs and desk in the main room, the desk sits beautifully under the main window, looking out into the city below. They stack the moving boxes in your bedroom.

The moment the movers are gone you head back down to Ash’s car to get your prop box. You expect Ash to come back up with you, but she shakes her head.

“I’ve gotta catch up on work, but we’ll do something this weekend yeah? Maybe throw a housewarming? Invite Peter?”

“Sounds good,” you say as you pull her into a firm half-hug as you balance the prop box on your hip, “Thank you so much for today.”

“Anytime,” she tilts her head at you with a smile, “But please, don’t get murdered by your ghosts.”

“I promise,” you say with an exasperated sigh as you hold your hand over your heart. She sighs at your lack of sincerity before getting into her car. You wave her off as she leaves, only heading back up to your apartment after she disappears from view. You reach the top step, about to enter the main building when you feel the prickle of uncertainty under your skin. You look over your shoulder, scanning the street for anything out of place. But there’s nothing there, just the typical bustle of people going about their business. There aren’t any obvious signs of a PI, but you feel unease as you slip inside.

You lock your door behind you, already eager for Dave to get his security contractor in to set up the alarm and cameras. You set your prop box down on your bed before you start unpacking the rest of your clothes and bedding. The wardrobe just about fits all your clothes, but you make a note on your phone to plan a trip to IKEA at some point for a chest of drawers for the rest of your clothes. You think of anything you need for the kitchen, cutlery, plates, all that mundane stuff.

You set your laptop up on the writing desk and pull over one of the wingback chairs, it’s too low to really use the desk comfortably but it’ll do for now. Your dual monitors and PC tower won’t fit on this. Another thing to add to the list, a computer desk for your room as you’d left the old one at Nancy’s. But the writing desk is perfect for studying, with ample room for a laptop and books as well as a lamp. Another thing to add to the list.

“Fuck,” you huff to yourself as you realize that the small – if expensive – offering of Dave’s furnishings certainly made a dent in what you need, but your new place was far from complete. You order pizza before taking a long shower, the water pressure is delightful. You pad back out into the bedroom in just a towel, grateful for the generous adjoining bathroom, and pull the throw off the prop box.

You hold the fabric to your nose, inhaling the sweet scent of home, of Dave. It’s faint, but it still fills you with a rush and you think about that morning you woke up in Dave’s arms. The way his lips brushed against yours in the haze of waking. The first real moment that you crossed a line echo in your mind as you feel nothing but euphoria as you press your face into the fleecy fabric.

You throw the blanket over your shoulders as you open the box. A smile tugs at the corners of your mouth as you see the olive-green hoodie and “USMC” logo front and center in the box. You drop your towel and pull the oversized garment on. You groan audibly at the smell of Dave’s bodywash, and his natural scent that you never can truly place as you pull it over your head. It’s like a hit of adrenaline spiking through you, it makes you bold.

You find a pair of leggings to pull on before grabbing your phone. You dial Dave’s number, heading over to the loveseat in the middle of the apartment. You flop down and to your dismay he doesn’t pick up. You glance at the time and realize it’s almost ten, a little late for a call. You open up Instagram to scroll when the call comes in.

“Everything ok?” There’s an urgency in Dave’s voice that makes your stomach flutter.

“Everything’s great just finished unpacking,” you say as you try not to whine at his voice in your ear, “Thank you, Dave. I know I keep saying it. But really, I can’t express how much all this means to me.”

“Like I said, think of it as a late birthday present.”

“This is a bit much for one birthday,” you argue, both of you are stalling again, neither wanting to hang up.

“I think you’ve had more than enough shitty birthdays to warrant being spoiled this time around.”

You don’t know what to say, because he’s not wrong. This is the most you’ve been spoiled in your life, not that the bar is all that high. But it’s nice to be seen, to have someone acknowledge it and try and make amends. Even if it isn’t his responsibility. But that’s probably why it means so much more to you.

“I found the hoodie,” you say as you bite your lip, all you can smell is Dave.

“I hope you didn’t mind me putting it in there,” he says, his voice lower now, almost a purr in your ear, “I always thought it looked better on you.”

“It feels like home.”

You know you’re being too forward, but you miss him, you wish he was here. But you can’t say any of that out loud, but you need to say something.

“You’re a good man, Dave,” you say softly, your voice barely more than a whisper.

“I try,” he says, and you hear something low, sorrowful in his voice as he speaks, “Anything you need, you know where I am.”

“I do, see you around, Dave.”

“Bye, Princess,” The nickname makes your heart flutter, and you hear a grunt of discomfort on the other line as Dave realizes what he’s said, “I-, I didn’t mean-,”

“See you around, Duke.”

You hang up the phone before he can say anything more, astonished at your own boldness. You squeal to yourself like you’re a teenager again, drifting dangerously close to outwardly flirting with him.

But the thing that is clear to you now, if you ever really had any doubts about how Dave felt have dissipated.

He feels the same way, whatever it is you have, no matter how irresponsible it is, it’s mutual.

Follow @vi-notifs for updates!

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misscrawfords · 2 years

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The whole thing about minors absolving themselves from responsibility for seeing things on the internet they shouldn't see is like...so funny to me??

I remember getting into fandom when I was 12/13 or so and I remember the first ever HP fanfic I read (the P&P ones I was reading earlier were very tame) was a Snape/fem!Harry teacher/student fic that contained a very tame sex scene towards the end IIRC.

I clicked on it without having any preconceptions of shipping or ratings or warnings, I just thought that "what if Harry was a girl" was a cool concept. I loved the fic because it was interesting, exciting, and well-written. (I don't know if I'd think that now if I read it again but 12 year old me was into it.) It didn't mean I thought teachers and students should get it on IRL, it didn't mean I was attracted to Snape, it meant literally nothing except that I was into this story.

After staying very much in my lane and not reading anything NC-17 because it wasn't suitable for me (I was a rule abiding sort of girl), I started to get curious. I read some R rated stuff for Harry/Hermione and quite enjoyed the sex scenes as part of my teenage acquisition of knowledge about the world and relationships. After all, I wasn't getting it from anywhere else and there was nothing worse about getting it from The Paradigm of Uncertainty as from watching Friends or Buffy which my contemporaries were doing.

Sometimes I read stuff that I didn't like. I clicked on a fic once that was a NC-17 Giant Squid orgy fic. I was curious as to how that would even work. I guess I found out! The writing was pretty bad... Did this have any effect on my mental or emotional development? None, whatsoever. Sometimes things weren't tagged very well or at all, because there wasn't really tagging back on FF.net and I really did start reading something and realise I didn't want to continue. Excessive violence, rape, certain ships - they were not for me. And then I'd give a mental shudder and click the back button. Or I'd continue out of curiosity to see what all this was about and then go, "Okay, so I guess that's what it's about and some people must like this but I don't" and then click the back button.

I read quite a bit of R/NC-17 rated Snape/Hermione stuff when I was a teenager - novel length plot-heavy fics with one or two sex scenes in near the end. Looking back, I do wonder at that considering my main ship was the super vanilla Harry/Hermione. I think these fics tended to be written by older people and were therefore better written and really intriguingly plotted. I still think about one of them that was unfinished after about 50 chapters but was soooo good. I never thought about the ethics of me reading this. I never considered that the fact I was cool with 17 year old Hermione getting together with Snape meant I was cool with it happening IRL - I wasn't. I thought it was awful when there was a rumour about our French teacher and one of the students. My fanfic reading life and my real life had really no connection. There was nothing ethical or moral or problematic about what I was reading online. It was just part of growing up.

Now that I am a teacher, I steer clear of high school teacher/student fics. From an older perspective, I do feel like that would be weird and potentially damaging if my online identity were discovered. It isn't something I'm into now because I can't not take my real life perspective here into account in terms of understanding the power difference involved. But I don't have a problem with my younger self being into it and I wouldn't have a problem if I discovered one of my students was into reading it. It's not a moral thing.

I just do not understand a) why it's so bad if kids/teenagers occasionally read or see something upsetting or simply something they don't like online. (Yes, there is a difference between what goes down in fanfic and what can be seen visually on places like tiktok or hardcore pornography sites though. That wasn't an issue in my day so I do realise things have changed.) Seeing things you don't like or upset you a bit is part of life and you have to learn how to deal with it. The things that upset me most came from physical books adults gave me, thinking I might like it, and watching Jumanji at a completely age appropriate time during a sleepover. You never know when something is going to really affect you. And b) why it's so difficult to take responsibility for your own internet use. At 13 I knew perfectly well that if I clicked on a NC-17 story with content I probably wouldn't like... I probably wouldn't have a great time. If I did it anyway, that was on me. And the "back" button was always there. It's not rocket science.

#fandom

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swashbucklery · 1 year

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i used to run cross country on the road where they filmed the bus scsene that buffy takes to leave sunnydale, before a chunk of the road fell into the ocean (pretty sure they also used it to film the end scene of DEBS) and I used to think about how Buffy was THERE. but your tags about the use of full of grace and that scene and the vibes — it’s been years since I thought about it but it all came rushing back. just. SO good.

There was something so - like, when that show was airing I was a few years younger than Buffy's canonical age, so in a lot of ways she felt like my cool older sister. I remember being like, I'm sure once I'm sixteen I'll also be mature enough to fight demons etc etc.

And now that I'm a grownup, I can look back at the show and both see its problems and see it's strengths. I can also look back at the extra layers that kid-me could not have picked up on - the way that in hindsight, sixteen is so young and one of the horrors of the show is the way that this girl, who is in many ways a kid and actually keeps saying please let me be a kid, is responsible for the entire world. The ways that translates into a metaphor (unintentional, let's not give Mr. W any credit here) for the ways in which girls are socialized and the ways that high-achieving, "strong," "smart" girls are still squeezed through the mold of misogyny and expected to be so much more than just to be enough.

Season 2 was the year I started watching the show and so it'll always be the season that Hits for me because it was the year I really started to get long-form TV and fall in love with characters in the medium. Buffy was my first fandom and the arc, at the time, of Angel turning and then Buffy having to put aside her heartbreak and fix it was. I don't know if it was actually something that hadn't been done before but in terms of what I could access on TV in my world, it was the pinnacle of the art form. I remember writing quotes from Passions in my teenage diary and being like Wow This Show Is So Deep, I Know How To Appreciate Art Now.

This was also, you have to understand/remember, pre-streaming anything. This was the year I learned how to use the record function on my family's VHS player so that I could watch the episodes without waiting for them to play in reruns. This was pre-Napster. If there was a moving song on a show you had to track down the artist, hope they had a CD out, get a ride to the mall to go to your local HMV and then buy the physical disc. This was also the era when there wasn't necessarily 100% crossover pop-cuture wise; if an American artist was Big it made it to Canadian stores but there were a lot of California indie bands that you just couldn't listen to if you didn't live in the US. Sarah McLachlan is Canadian and "Full of Grace" is the last track on Surfacing, which was an album everyone had at the time because "Building A Mystery" and "Adia" were huge on the radio that year. So it was also like - being able to sit with those feelings because I could actually access that song and listen to it again, you know?

#this is also incidentally one of the reasons #that i will fight the entire internet over dawn summers #and the internet backlash over her #because fuck you i was in this show's fandom and i was dawn summers' age #it was SO COOL to see a genuine teenager on this show #as a way of subverting the late-90s teen tv trope of teenagers that talk and act like adults #and i will never forget that feeling of super relating to like #yeah there's a character who gets to have buffy summers as her cool older sister #that's amazing #and then have the entire adult section of this fandom talk ENDLESSLY about how ANNOYING she was #anyway the point is season two was great #dawn summers is great #i have grown up to be giles and i'm embracing it #and there are things about how tv could be accessed in the 90s and early 2000s #that fundamentally shifted how fandom was even possible #and i love reflecting on it #not because it was better per se - teenage me would have KILLED for on-demand streaming and being able #to listen to official show tracklists on her iphone hours after the episode aired #but gosh was it a different way of relating to media #fandom nursing home roommates association #j swashbucklery mcinternetface: professional cryptid #night of the living anons #btvs

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jennycalendar · 3 years

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my top ten calendiles fics (that i wrote)

this rec list took me a solid chunk of time to compile, because my fics are my babies and i honestly wanna throw quite a few of them up here. but EVENTUALLY i stopped being indecisive and finally managed to get this sorted, so here goes! if you wanna read some of my stuff, this is the stuff that i am the most proud of/in love with/would cry if someone asked me leading questions about it + drew me fanart of it. these are not ranked except for the top two, because the first one is my baby and the second one is still very beloved to me.

under the cut, because i have loving commentary!

1. as day follows night (multi-chapter)

Looking for a safe place to stay after her accidental murder of the Deputy Mayor, Faith Lehane allies herself with a mysteriously powerful witch—and stumbles into a fairytale mystery that's bigger than anything she could have anticipated.

(this fic is my goddamn baby. this fic is my C H I L D. this fic is the fic that i took extensive notes for and spent most of my freshman year of college thinking about and ended up as this terrifying love letter to fairy tales and jenny calendar and the complexity of the way she chooses to love people. i love this fic with every fiber of my being and always will.)

2. i still want to be your girl (multi-chapter)

Five years ago, Jenny Calendar ran from Sunnydale and didn't come back. Now, with the First threatening Sunnydale and the Slayer line, she's returned to help stop the apocalypse--but Rupert Giles isn't the man she remembers, and he isn't exactly delighted to have her back in his life again.

(i have a very persistent soft spot for later-seasons giles, but this was one of the few fics where i went “okay but what about battle-hardened jenny” and i’m very proud of the result. it was really fun to think about what might have changed about jenny over the course of five years, and now that i’m thinking about it, i might be really interested in writing a giles pov of this fic at some point? that’s totally a concept to come back to at some point. anyway.)

3. kind of like hydrogen peroxide

Here was the problem: Ripper had no idea how to talk to Jenny without somehow managing to make her want to kill him.

(i do NOT deserve rights if a fic from the ripper au doesn’t make its way onto this list, and this one is my very favorite. i love thinking about dumb teenage giles who pretends to be a rebel but is actually very very soft and very very in love with his equally dumb and genuinely rebellious girlfriend.)

4. spirit-touched

“Thank you, Buffy,” Giles said, “but I would prefer to conduct this research on my own. I’ll be looking into some rather…” He felt himself blushing, and resented it. “Some rather intimate details of ghost-human relations.”

“What does that—oh god, you want to figure out how to have sex with Ms. Calendar,” said Buffy.

(making this the first smutfic i posted was still the most cursed power move i have ever pulled off. anyway that influx of asks in 2016 about ghost jenny and human giles and their sex life inspired this and it ended up being SO funny and SO sweet and i am SO proud of it.)

5. very really married

Giles and Jenny's flights to Sunnydale both stop over in Las Vegas. On the same day. Naturally, a chance encounter leads to a drunken marriage, one that they mutually agree to keep up for appearances.

Which is to say: Giles is going to have to figure out how to hide his fake marriage from his new Slayer (and everyone else) while also hiding his new Slayer from his fake wife (and everyone else). And his complex feelings for Jenny aren't helping anything.

(EVEN NOW, THIS FIC MAKES ME GIGGLE TO THINK ABOUT. i am saving my reread of this particular gem for a rainy day, because it was my love letter to season one and my daydreamy fantasy re: what it would look like if giles and jenny had silly odd-couple energy that really just came from them being fake married and badly hiding it as they fall very deeply in love.)

6. days in goodness spent

This feeling—whatever Giles is feeling—this is bone-deep. He’s never felt it before. He’s been in love before, he’s admired someone before, he’s respected someone before, but this feels like all of those three things held together by something else he can’t quite name. He searches, desperately, for the words that will tell Jenny this, but nothing that has been written can describe the way it feels to be held by her right now.

(In which Rupert Giles gets the chance to fall in love all the way, and it changes him just a little.)

(this one didn’t immediately come to mind when i was drawing up the list, but my brief rereads led me to conclude that it is an underappreciated gem! i’ve written a lot of different takes on giles and jenny’s relationship, but i particularly love calling giles out for idealizing jenny. also i like that this is more abstract than some of my other older pieces, where i really get into the nuts and bolts of wanting to depict Every Single Part of giles and jenny’s relationship trajectory. this one has more fun with the flow of the story.)

7. no one else could heal my pain

“Friday,” Giles echoed.

“Yeah. As an overnight weekend trip to hunt down some books I need.” Ms. Calendar smiled playfully at him. “Isn’t that the kind of thing you’d do for fun anyway?”

(this one was SO recent and SO fun! it’s kind of my love letter to the standalone longfics i consumed voraciously when i was fourteen, because there are some really great older calendiles fics that are just long and winding adventure-y narratives about the two of them goofing off and falling in love. i wanted to echo that here a little bit and it was a delight to write.)

8. myosotis latifolia

Years and years ago, the truth would spill out, and Rupert—in his endless romanticism—would take her hands and tell her she only needed him by her side to feel welcome and loved. But it’s been over a decade since they’ve been that close, and those years have created a distance between them just as insurmountable as the distance between them, now, on the steps leading into his lavish gardens.

(Rupert Giles is an esteemed member of the Watchers' Council, as well as a happily married father. Jenny Calendar knows that that's never been what he wanted.)

(ahaha this one is a big ouch moment but i really love it regardless? i think that giles and jenny are kinda fundamentally incompatible in a lot of ways, and part of the intrigue of their relationship is watching them try and figure out how to compromise and adjust after years of being rigid and inflexible individuals -- giles intellectually, jenny emotionally. so this fic is a lot about that.)

9. the grieving process

After Buffy's death, Giles makes his way to Jenny in LA.

(i don’t know why this one still sticks with me! it just! does! it holds up and i love it and if you wanna read about giles and jenny falling in love in a way that is healthy and authentic without any secrets -- but also obviously very sad -- definitely pick this one up.)

10. decently clothed

“Jenny, are you selecting my wardrobe based solely on what is and isn’t easy to divest me of?”

“…no,” said Jenny.

“That’s not even remotely convincing.”

(i wrote this one during a particularly difficult time in my life, and it was a really special moment for me, because i’d just come out of a period where it had been difficult for me to find the time or emotional energy to write. whenever i return to it, this fic is suffused in that warm and hopeful joy i felt when i posted it and realized that i had not, in fact, lost my touch. so it’s always gonna mean the world to me.

plus it is very silly and sweet! my specialties.)

#fic #calendiles #so i stayed up till 3am for this. i do not deserve rights anymore

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dudebroreg · 4 years

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In the isolation of this quarantine, I’m gonna resurrect THIS old ass argument. “Can Spike still rightfully end up with Buffy after his actions, and if he can’t, isn’t the same true for Angel?” and “Is Spuffy as meaningful as or even compare to Bangel?”. The following “conversation” is hypothetical and “person” represents most of the arguments I’ve seen people on the other side of this make. Person: I don’t see how anyone could possibly ship Buffy and Spike after the bathroom scene. Me: He didn’t have a soul when he did that. Once he does have a soul, the evil he did is no longer his fault unless he repeats the behavior, but their slow-burned bond and her eventual love for who he becomes in Chosen is real. It’s canon that she fell in love with him when their fingers locked before his death if you take Joss’s words as truth, and even if you don’t and need something to be solidified on the program to accept it as canon, interpreting what Buffy felt in those last moments as romantic love is no more or less provable than the “she was just saying it to make Spike feel better” take. It makes complete sense that Spike thought she was lying after all of his experiences, though. That’s part of his own tragedy. That angst is part of why we love them as a pairing. Person: Wow look at you making excuses for one of the worst things someone can possibly do. There’s no going back after that. Idc what the plot did to justify his actions, and it’s despicable to think that the show would still give them anything resembling a love story after that. Boo hoo about his little tragedy. Am I supposed to feel bad after what he tried to do to her? Me: Okay fine, I see your point. I don’t see how anyone could possibly ship Buffy and Angel after he went on a killing spree meant to emotionally torture her, targeted her friends and family, KILLED JENNY and not only got off on the pain it inflicted on Buffy’s father figure but set it up to be as devastating for Giles as humanly possible, and almost brought Hell on Earth which would have killed millions in global genocide all for his twisted amusement. I don’t see how anyone could feel bad about him having a sword driven through him and pulled into Acathla after what he tried to do to Buffy, to her loved ones, and to the entire fucking world. Oh also he tried to drive a sword into her face right before her badass comeback. Person: He didn’t have a soul when he did that. It’s not Angel’s fault what Angelus does. It’s not really him, but Bangel’s epic eternal love at first sight is real and will never die. Me: .... Person: ... It’s different because Spike is a little more human even when he doesn’t have a soul. Me: Does that mean he deserves less credit or more? :/ :/ Person: ANGEL AND ANGELUS IS DIFFERENT FROM SOULLESS SPIKE AND SPIKE. Me: Nah same lore same rules breh. Soulless Spike seems more human because William was a sentimental sap and hopeless romantic when he was sired and so Spike was a deranged version of that personality, but still a demon and still wired to do evil, no matter how deeply he feels for someone. Liam was a self-indulgent douche who lived primarily for his own satisfaction when he was sired and thus became Angelus. Like in life, Angelus in death gave into all of his wicked cravings but without guilt or remorse. Who Spike and Angel are without a soul fits who they were with a soul perfectly within the rules of Buffyverse vampirism. But Soulless Spike is still Soulless Spike, he is still supernaturally coded to be a monster, and his ensouled version deserves the same level of forgiveness or lack thereof as his grandsire. If you don’t think Buffy should be with someone who’s done unspeakable things regardless of the supernatural reason for it, fine, but that’s not what you’re saying. Me: The bathroom scene was hard to watch but an important turning point because he realized that in his chipped state he can’t be his fully monstrous self nor can he be a good man. His options were to get the chip removed and be William the Bloody again, or get his soul and attempt to be a good man. The decision he made was something Angelus would never do, which I could use to say Spike is just better, but really they’re just different people with different motives. Bangel and Spuffy present the same issues with the concept of being pardoned via soul and if either vampire is really “worthy” of her romantic affections, no matter how much you try to twist Buffy/Spike as the more unshippable pairing to suit your own preference on which character Buffy should have a future with.

Person: ARE YOU SAYING SEASON 6 SPUFFY WASN’T TOXIC?! Me: Nah it definitely was, but Spuffy fandom in large part really doesn’t want Buffy to end up with season 6 Spike. Many of us think their “relationship” when he was soulless was *entertaining* and added character depth, and that they had real moments of connection in the midst of the ugliness, but most of us recognize how unhealthy it was and that it was no recipe for happily-ever-after. Irl there would be no turning back but also irl people are not literal demons who can go and win a soul to make up for some missing piece of them, just as Angel’s situation would also not happen in our reality. Me: A lot of us DO want her to end up with fully actualized soul-having Spike as he was by the end of season 7, in season 5 of Angel, and post series. Bangel is the passionate all-consuming first love story, but they NEVER achieved the level of understanding and full realization of the other that Spuffy ultimately did. Probably in part because Buffy was a fuckin’ high school teenager when Bangel happened, but that’s vampire genre for ya. Me: The speech Spike gave Buffy in Touched is something Angel could NEVER deliver at any point we’ve seen them, because Angel never knew her the way Spike did, and Buffy’s conceptualization of Angel is super idealistic and passion-charged, lacking the full range of understanding she has of Spike, probably because, again, she was a fuckin’ high school teenager when Bangel happened. Me: If she loves both of them, which I believe she does and the creator of the verse believes she does, it would take years for Buffy and Angel to discover and know each other to the depths that Buffy and Spike already do. Never mind that Buffy and Angel changed - they didn’t even know each other THAT well when they were together. The more Angel the Series dives into the whole of Angel, the more clear that becomes, and Buffy wasn’t anywhere near her full growth when he left for LA. Why go back and rebuild Buffy’s first major relationship when Spike is right there, the feelings are developed enough to where if she said “I absolutely do love you and you were wrong for doubting it” it wouldn’t seem wild whatsoever, and the natural romantic endpoint of her journey has more substance there? Because you just like Bangel more? Cool! You do you, but Buffy/Angel is still in no way the morally superior tv couple. Me: Also, not to be a dick on that whole love-at-first-sight deal, but it’s canon that Angel loved her the moment he saw her, which is weird to me since the first time he saw her was watching her creepily from a distance when she was 15 years-old in a short skirt and literally sucking on a lollipop. Okay so I’m just being a prick with that last part because that too is a byproduct of 90s TV and vampire genre. “Bangel or Spuffy” is mostly a “which type of fictional relationship do I vibe with?” based debate. Bangel is one of those epic earth-shattering-consuming-my-whole-being-at-first-kiss romances, and the people who love that kinda thing will be inclined to support them, and I do love Angel as a whole. What I will always fight, no matter how old this subject and these shows get, is this wack idea that there are problems within Spuffy that make it more unshippable than Bangel, or even more hilariously that Buffy “deserves” better than Spike and yet “deserves” Angel.

Though, if you tell me you think she’s too good for both of them, you have a much stronger case there, but that doesn’t make me love Spuffy any less, nor would it make someone else stop loving Bangel.

#buffy summers #spuffy #buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #spike #william the bloody #angel #angel the series #btvs discourse #shipper discourse

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glowyjellyfish · 4 years

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For some reason, despite not having watched the show in roughly seven years according to when I last wrote thoughts about it, I decided last week to start listening to a podcast about Buffy the Vampire Slayer because October. The podcast turned out to be amazing, and despite being thoroughly disillusioned with Joss and worried that would change how I see the show too much, I started watching along with the podcast. Well, really I’m playing catch-up. I just started the Reptile Boy podcast episode, and I just finished The Pack in actually watching. My perception has changed, but mostly in a more mature/woke direction, I’m seeing more problematic stuff and wanting to deconstruct it, but it’s not hampering my love of the characters. I am trying to use death of the author to try to deconstruct and watsonianly explain things, but sometimes it’s better to just go “the writers fucked up” or “yup, that’s a weird and creepy Joss fetish” and let the characters off the hook and be a Doylist.

Here are the thoughts I’ve had so far, which as you can see cheerfully spanned the entire range of the show, because season one doesn’t give me personally a lot to work with.

-Xander is borderline Nice Guy in season one, and I don’t like it. I am enjoying deconstructing him and figuring him out more than I ever did before, though, despite an uneasy feeling that doylistically it started from Joss’ idea of how a average dorky teenage boy would act when surrounded by awesome girls and then reasons for it were added later. It’s really genuinely interesting that Xander’s the heart of the team and has all the feelings about everybody and wears his heart on his sleeve, crushing a lot because of that leaving him vulnerable in addition to hormones, and that growing up in an abusive and neglectful household led to insecurity and overcompensation and poor coping skills. And it’s a really fascinating idea that he despises vampires because he lost one of his best friends to them, and can’t handle the idea of any being capable of redemption or good behavior because he semi-accidentally staked Jesse while trying that concept out and if they can be redeemable then he can’t forgive himself, but of course the show didn’t want to talk about Jesse and preferred to heavily imply if not outright say that Xander’s feelings about vampires were mostly about jealousy over Buffy, which is the most Nice Guy angle they could have possibly chosen. (I... can’t say I totally mind, as Jesse’s behavior was objectively worse than s1 Xander, but still I think it would have been better to not ignore his impact on Xander.) I’m glad Xander more or less gets over his crush after season one and doesn’t wade any further into Nice Guy territory, if I recall correctly, and I’m not claiming it’s unreasonable for him to have had it in the first place, it’s just so much of his behavior regarding it is so uncomfortable, and it could have been handled loads better.

-weirdly, The Pack is the first episode of season one that I found I still thoroughly liked. I did enjoy the show deconstructing/dealing with some of the Xander problems by cranking them up to eleven, and part of it is that I am a sucker for werewolf and werewolf-like stories, and also a sucker for supernatural things happening to the Normal Harmless People in media, but I honestly think a big part of it is how little the episode uses terrible s1 special effects to play the story out. It’s all in the acting, and there was some really convincing and good acting going on.

-I discovered that the last time I watched seven years ago, I concluded that despite his general attitude, Angel genuinely likes being around fun and lighthearted people. I want to bask in that concept for a moment before I turn it around to an earlier point, and say that if Xander wasn’t constantly openly hostile to Angel, they could very well be bros, and I am bummed the show never tried. I mean, jealousy or not, Xander’s vampire issues should still be a problem. But I like the idea of Angel just silently enjoying Xander’s dumb jokes and his naivety, and logically Angel would also super appreciate Xander being adamant about killing him when he’s gone evil. In fact, even if they never became bro’s in canon, I’m going to declare it headcanon that Angel quite liked Xander as a person, and just did not take kindly to constant jabs at his nature. Although, honestly, Angel probably would be a little jealous of Xander regardless for being the most emphatically human person around, (especially considering what a disaster Angel was when he was Liam? He wouldn’t see Xander and think “what a foolish child”, he’d think “is this what I could have been if I was alive now? if I had a couple good people in my life to protect me and help me grow into a better person?”), and wouldn’t really enjoy Xander constantly reminding him that Xander is human and Angel is not. So here’s the revised headcanon: Angel likes Xander as a person, and would quietly consider him a friend if Xander wasn’t openly hostile to him. Angel does not super enjoy spending time with Xander since it means constant needling and reminders that Xander has what Angel never got, but he does appreciate that Xander never lets his guard down and by extension reminds Angel not to let his guard down, either. I will have to see if that holds up as I rewatch; I am still mired in season 1 and I haven’t gotten up to them even sharing a scene yet.

-I have been thinking a little about the escalation of Willow’s heartbrokenness over the course of the series, and… I know there’s a good topic there but it just makes me sad to think about.

-on willow: I think she’s bi and the show/joss is just bi-phobic. Watsonianly, she just never had a full education in the nuances of sexual orientation, and emphasized her gayness to reassure Tara and to embrace a label to define herself. However, while I think she’s bi, I would describe her as having more attraction to women than men, and might even argue that all her attraction to men is demisexual—Xander’s obvious, and Oz did all the pursuing and showed all the interest early on. I think Willow was excited to be desired and to achieve the milestone of not only “boyfriend” but “cool boyfriend in a band” that helped distance herself from nerdiness, and it took a little while for that to build up to attraction and love. Not super long, but long enough for her to doubt her attraction when thinking about it in hindsight.

-speaking of Oz I have so many Oz thoughts. Oz, I love you, but where did you get the idea that you need to solve all your problems yourself and not talk to anybody about it? Stoicism is cool and all but use your words, Oz. You would solve so many of your problems if you learned how to communicate! WHO TAUGHT YOU TO BEHAVE THIS WAY. I haven’t gotten up to him yet but my fandom brain’s already there, he’s my favorite and I can’t wait to try applying this perception to him in action.

-I would love to peek into the alternate universe where Oz didn’t leave. Hell, I want to know what would have happened both if everything else was basically the same but Oz was still around as a main character (say, he wanted some distance to work on control but didn’t leave town; Willow was very upset about it but perhaps not to the same degree, and still met Tara while looking for a way to train/practice magic and developed feelings for her; New Moon Rising happened similarly but Oz doesn’t leave town at the end; alternately he did leave but just for the first stretch of episodes and he stays after NMR), and also in the different scenario where because Oz isn’t leaving, Xander is picked to be The Gay One. I mean, he’d have to be bi, too, and my mind honestly boggles at the hurdles the show might have had to leap to make it plausible, but I would like to see it. What kind of boyfriend would the show have given Xander, and why am I thinking of Schitt’s Creek when I wonder what a gay romance for Xander would look like?

...but I’m reeeeally getting ahead of myself now. I did not expect to have so many of my thoughts be about a. the dudes and b. Xander, but what can you do? Soon I’ll have material to talk about, for example, how amazing Cordelia is, but for now...

(and yes, I have been pinging from one fandom to the next in order to find The Right One, and doing one or two thought-dumps before I find myself moving on to a different one without finishing the first. I do not control the hyperfixation. I might go back and forth when the newest one loses its shine, but I am really enjoying the concept of revisiting Buffy for October, and might proceed to do the same with Teen Wolf when I’m done if only for a fascinated comparison between the two and what inspired what and what was improved upon or done worse. Might. Hyperfixation, remember.)

#buffy the vampire slayer #btvs

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fvckyouimaprophet · 4 years

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Salty Asks! 1, 2, 5, 11, 19, and 22! Am I supposed to send you a fandom with these? Idk. Pick whichever one you feel like talking about!

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

Harry Potter: Dramione. I’m aware they basically Drarry but heterosexual, but they nonetheless rub me the wrong way, and I feel like so many of the fics involving them have Draco using literal slurs! Also, Harmony because they work really well as friends. They moment when they dance to O Children by Nick Cave is such a pure friendship moment.

Glee: Brittana. Brittany was the equivalent of a child, so it just always felt very weird to me. I feel like they wanted her to be quirky, but she just came across as stuck at six years old, and yikes.

Riverdale: Barchie. I’m sorry. I just find them really boring. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Star Wars: Reylo. TROS just didn't need to happen like that. We didn’t need to redeem him, and they didn’t need to be a thing!!

Marvel: Stony. This is mostly because I can't see past Stucky. But I also I just feel like I cannot picture Tony Stark as bisexual or queer or anything other than straight. I know this is controversial, but I just can’t. 🙈

The L Word: Shane and Carmen. Listen, I know this is queer woman blasphemy. But the writers wrote Shane so that she’s just a chronic cheater, and it feels impossible to get past that. She treated Carmen awfully. Plus, Sarah Shahi is great, but it was painful to watch her try to be Mexican.

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

Nuna (Luna/Neville): Listen, I love them so much as friends, but they just don’t vibe as a couple. They’re the perfect examples of outcasts finding each other and bonding.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

You probably were wondering why Klaine wasn’t up above. Well, it’s here. The show ruined them too, of course, starting in season three. But I used to love Klaine in season two! The first three Glee fics I wrote were Klaine, and I think to date my longest Glee fic is an abandoned Klaine fic (~70K).

But I have never seen any other fandom fight over ships the way that Glee did. It was just stressful, and it made me turned off to the ship and the show.

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

Harry Potter: Lavender Brown and Cho Chang. Of course, the writing with Cho is racist—of course. I want to acknowledge that and not minimize it as a valid reason to be frustrated with her character. However, I feel like both of them (and Ginny to a lesser extent) are hated because they’re women and love interests.

Buffy: Dawn Summers. I actually really related to her growing up, and I felt like she’s a good portrayal of a younger girl who goes through a lot of trauma and needs to adapt. She’s funny, and she just gets slammed for getting herself into trouble and needing attention, but frankly with her life, she turned out remarkably okay. I also have a million problems with Xander, and I refuse to acknowledge that they get together in the comics, but I really appreciated (in an older brother sort of way!) the moment in the last season when he bonds with her over feeling helpless.

Buffy (again): Riley Finn. This may be my most controversial take. Listen, I don’t love him. And I think he wasn’t the right match for Buffy, and he definitely has issues he needs to work through. But considering that one of her boyfriends was a horrifying stalker and the other big ship was ruined by a really bad writing choice involving attempted rape, Riley gets more shit than he deserves. He also was super manipulated by his professor, and that clearly messed him up. When you see him with his wife later on, he seems to have gotten the therapy he needed and be much healthier.

Mad Men: Pete and Betty. Neither are good people, but you know what, they're really fucking fun as characters. Also, Betty deserved so much better than she got.

Friday Night Lights: Julie Taylor. Okay, she definitely had her moments where I got frustrated with her. But much like Dawn, she's just a teenage girl, and a lot of the hate definitely stems from that.

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Broadly, I feel like there’s a push toward sanitized art that frustrates me. I don’t think that a piece of art needs to let you know that something is “bad” when they depict it. I think art can show something that’s morally reprehensible and not have it be explicitly condemned without condoning it.

There certainly is art that shows bad things and condones it, but I don’t think that it’s a given with every piece of art.

I’m especially seeing a weird wave of artists getting cancelled for dealing with AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL topics in complicated ways. There was a whole wave of comics people who wrote autobiographical graphic novels dealing with CSA, incest, and other topics, and they were told they were basically evil for depicting it and that by drawing the art, it made... them... pedophiles?

Listen, it’s just... let people deal with their traumas in complicated ways. Understand that just because a show or a book or a comic doesn’t explicitly have another character say, “Why, this is evil!” that the creator doesn’t necessarily agree with it.

There’s plenty of good art that gives you a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach without telling you that you should feel that way. Trust that it’s intentional. Approach art in good faith.

22. Popular character you hate?

Glee: Blaine Anderson. In my rewatch two or three years ago, I will say that I didn’t hate him, just disliked him. I think fandom amplified my feelings while I was watching, but I certainly still found him annoying. Sorry to all my followers who like him!

Angel: Fred Burkle. She was a nerdy boy's wet dream, and she never felt like a character to me. It felt like a weird wish fulfillment fantasy on Whedon's part to have her end up with Wesley (before dying of course). I love Amy Acker and think she did what she could with the role, but I think there was no salvaging the character. Everything from her voice to the way she held herself felt like the vague outline of a shy, nerdy girl who every incel nerd jerks off to.

Breaking Bad: Jesse Pinkman. I want to clarify that I'm not in the fandom. I actually didn't like Breaking Bad and thought it's a pretty empty show barring a few episodes and scenes. Everyone found him to be a softie who Walt manipulates, but frankly, I think he's just as shitty of a person as Walt, and I found him so annoying. I think without fail the worst episodes of the show are centered around him (thinking about the episodes where Jesse’s a cartoon version of a depressed person and has a giant party at his house), and it's where it's most clear that their biggest problem with writing was giving any actual soul or depth to their main characters.

#sirdorkalot #ask #long post

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ofstormsandwolves · 4 years

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Ghost Town 1/2

Rupert Giles, Buffy Summers, Xander Harris, Willow Rosenberg, Ethan Rayne

Part of Ripper and Anne

Alternate Universe, Episode rewrite

When Halloween sweeps through Sunnydale, Buffy is thrilled to find out she's in for a quiet night at the Bronze with Willow and Xander. But things might not go anywhere near as smoothly when something strange begins to happen...

“What are you doing for Halloween?”

Ripper eyed the three teenagers with disdain as he put the finishing touches to dinner. Ever since he and Buffy had headed for the nearest Hellmouth, and he’d ended up with two more teens to look after, Ripper had found himself questioning most of his life choices. Today’s question was ‘why the hell did I agree to train two teenagers to fight vampires?’

The teenagers in question- Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris- attended Sunnydale High, and had taken it upon themselves not only to annoy Ripper in his own home, but also in his place of work as the high school’s librarian. But they had also allowed Buffy to spend more time with kids her own age, and he couldn’t help but be relieved about that.

“I don’t know,” Buffy responded to Xander’s question with a shrug, before turning to peer over at Ripper who was still in the kitchen. “What are we doing on Halloween?”

Rolling his eyes, Ripper slid the lasagne he’d been making into the oven and set the timer before heading out to the sitting room. “Nothing. The Hellmouth should be quiet.”

He was met with three incredulous stares from the teens.

“Really?” Buffy asked sceptically, wrinkling her nose as she processed the information. “I... Get a night off?”

Ripper watched as her expression shifted from one of confusion to one of excitement as it finally sank in.

“Vampires and demons generally stay under the radar on Halloween,” Ripper explained. “We shouldn’t have any problems that night. Why?”

“There’s a Halloween party at the Bronze,” Willow explained quickly. “They do it every year. Two years ago, Xander and I went as Mulder and Scully. Last year, Xander was a soldier. I was a ghost.”

Ripper arched an eyebrow at that, but said nothing. Instead, he turned back to Buffy, who was staring up at him with wide, pleading eyes.

“Does that mean I can go?” she asked hopefully. “I mean, if there aren’t going to be any vampires or demons, I can totally go to the Bronze without slacking off on my sacred duty, right?”

Shrugging, Ripper sat down in the armchair and snagged the remote control from Xander. “Do what you want; I’m not your father. Or your Watcher.”

In his peripheral vision, he could see the three teens grinning. Immediately, they huddled closer together to begin discussing their Halloween plans.

“First thing’s first, you need a costume,” Xander reminded Buffy seriously.

“There’s a great new place that’s opened in town!” Willow announced excitedly. “We could meet you there after school!”

Great, Ripper though. At least he’d get the library to himself for an afternoon.

Read the rest on AO3

#buffy fanfic #Ripper and Anne #buffy summers #rupert giles #xander harris #willow rosenberg #Buffy The Vampire Slayer #my fanfic

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kurtty-drabbles · 4 years

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The Omen au (part 2)

N/A: I should be studying and I´ll but I want to make this piece first. I hope is mercifully short and straight to the point.

@djinmer4 @dannybagpipesarecalling @bamfoftheundead

If Kitty got any illusion that everything would be completely different in Brotherhood, well, reality and fantasy don´t walk hand in hand as in the end, teenagers with powers are still teenagers. And once again, smart girls like Kitty are called as …

“NERD!” a little group of typical mean girls giggles as they truly believe that call someone nerd will prompt them to tears. Sadly, the bullies are not updated with reality as Nerd does not have the same impact as it did in the past.

“Nice work, NERD” they continue after Kitty got the question right, but, when Kitty did get the next question wrong they continue to their mockery using the word “Nerd” over and over.

Don´t be ignorant, Kitten.

And Kitty Pryde has Pryde in her name for a good reason, so, she turns to the girl behind her(one of the girls who was abusing the word NERD) who is named Marrow and smirks at her. “Yep, I´m nerd, Jewish and mutant and I´m here and you going to see me a lot, so, could stop? You´ll end up losing your voice by stating the obvious” her tone is deadpan now as she keeps the smile.

Marrow blinks and is amused as her fingers are playing with Kitty´s lock. “The Nerd has guts to talk with me? Who would think?!”

“And this nerd can phase anything and anywhere, remember that” she warns the other girl as the locks of Marrow´s hand are being phased as if they are air.

“Kitten got claws, I like it”

______________________________________________________________________________

The next class should be the same, except, it got worse, Marrow seems to be taken an odd liking to Kitty to the point she presents her with a dead rat, but, while this she can deal with it… Lance Alvers is not one thing she was not ready.

It seems Lance firmly believes that if you bully a girl hard enough she´ll eventually like you back and Kitty is here to challenge that as she´s not a punchbag for anyone.

“Fuck of, Lance” Kitty is not one to swear and it shows in her face. Kitty´s temper got the best of her and this got more attention either from Lancer and his friends who are now after Kitty.

And the girl manages to hide without having a plan in her mind.

Don´t be ignorant, Kitten.

Sure, sure, next time I´ll just punch his face and be done with.

___________________________________________________________________________

Rogue did give her a tour in the school, of course, she did, but, in the end, it matters nothing since Kitty ended up getting lost and has no idea where she is.

“The attic?” Kitty mutters to herself and realizes how desert this area actually is. “Should I go?” Kitty never really liked attics or basements and seeing how desert it was she can´t help by thinking how similar this is to a horror movie.

She´s making her mind about the attic when she listens to sounds of boots, heavy boots, and the instinct fight or flight kick in and she phases through the wall.

“Anne Marie, do you have the key?”

“Sure thing” and Rogue´s voice is pretty loud as she´s handing a plastic bag to her mother to get the key. As they climb to the attic, Kitty is unnoticed by the two women who have plastic bags with colourful and bright gift paper.

“What?” she mutters to herself and could hear before the door be completely closed the two speaking with someone. ________________________________________________________________________

Raven and Rogue arrive at the attic with the gifts in hand and aren´t surprised to see the attic in such immaculate state. “You did another spring cleaning? It looks really good” Raven speaks first noticing the few changes Michael did with the mobile. The couch that used to be near the window is now on the other side.

“We brought you gifts” Rogue replies happily handing him the gift, the one with an orange gift paper caught his golden eyes. And Michael opens to see a small radio portable.

Of course, Raven said that the attic is soundproof and he can listen to whatever song he wishes.

“Even Hanna Montana?” Michael asked with glee in his eyes.

“Michael, Hanna Montana is out, now the new thing is MCcfly” Rogue states proudly to her little brother.

“Oh, I wouldn´t know…Hanna Montana is all I can see here, my TV is, well, you know, is not working well since our last conversation” Michael replied looking at the TV and the only channel that is passing well is the reruns one and Hanna Montana is the one being aired now.

Rogue gulps and looks down suddenly the smile on her face dies and Raven interferes. “Michael, all we do is to protect you, yes, Rogue was out of line that day and we´ll fix your TV, but, Micheal you can´t leave the attic, is for your protection”

“I know” his saccharine tone is enough to make Rogue gaze upon his golden eyes. “Everything my sister and mother do for me is to protect me and I´m grateful…I´m just saying that to me, right now, Hanna Montana is the best thing…is the only thing”

__________________________________________________________________________

Kitty watches from her hide spot Rogue and Mystique leaving with no plastic bag in their hands and Rogue uses the key to lock the attic, they sure stay too long to just put plastic bags in the attic(and those plastics contain presents if the gift paper can be any indication)

Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back.

So, considering this, Kitty went to the attic, after all, what´s life without some adventure? Maybe, there´s nothing in the attic aside from gifts.

______________________________________________________________________

She has no key and the attic´s door is odd, to say the least. Rogue used a key but there´s no keyhole or a proper door here, she puts her hand for a moment can feel the numbness for a moment until it is completely phased through the wooden.

Once she phases herself, Kitty is in one of the cleanest and nicest room she could ever imagine.

“Hi” someone greets her from above, not god, as she looks above and see an azzure man with golden eyes and a smile on his face. She would have screamed in horror a few weeks ago, but, now she´s too used by now (example, Marrow has no problem in showing her mutation and Kitty can fault her for many things but that) “who are you?”

“A curious cat” she jokes and introduces herself and she´s aware she´s an intruder in his room. “My name is Kitty Pryde, and you?”

“Oh, my name is Michael Darkholme and this is my room, pretty cool, isn´t it?” Michael states amused. “Are you one of the new kids?”

“The one and only, and you? I didn´t see you in the class…OH SHIT, I missed the rest of my classes” now she realizes that her curiosity can be a flaw.

Michael chuckles amused. “I love here, and no, right now, I´m not a student and you won´t see me in the classes” his tone is a bit sad and Kitty stop thinking about her own grades to look at Michael, he seems very healthy so why isn´t down there with the others?

“Why? If I may ask…I´m a stranger and all that, but, you seem a cool and blue kid, so why not be there and suffer with me all Lance´s nonsense?” Kitty asked and this makes Michael smiles a little.

“Who is Lance? And I´m here for my own safety” his tone concludes any question she may do now. The TV is on and after Hanna Montana´s episode, the announcement promises Buffy, the vampire slayer.

“Do you want to watch TV with me?” Michael asked amused noticing her reaction. “You seem to know this Buffy series more than me”

“Well, ok, one episode, if that won´t bother you”

“Nope, and I´ll ask you tons of questions about the show”

As they begin to watch the episode Michael is thinking how he´s Rapunzel, Kitty is Flynn Ryder and they will get out of this tower together.

#the omen au #michael darkholme #yandere!Kurt #yandere!michael #Kitty Pryde #kurtty yet

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cromulentbookreview · 5 years

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What We Do in the New Orleans Shadows

♪ Long before the Superdome / Where the saints of football play / Lived a city that the damned call home / Hear their hellish roundelay / New Orleans! Home of pirates, drunks and whores / New Orleans! Tacky, overpriced souvenir stores / / If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip / To the Sodom and Gomorrah on the Mississip / New Orleans / Stinking, rotten, vomiting vile... New Orleans! / Putrid, brackish, maggoty, foul / New Orleans! ♪

And by that, I mean: The Beautiful by Renée Ahdieh!

My sincerest apologies to the city of New Orleans, which I hear is quite lovely. I’d like to go there someday, but only when I can be assured that I, as a female, am considered a human being with rights in the State of Louisiana. Anyway, whenever I think of New Orleans, all I can hear in my head is the song from A Streetcar Named Marge. And then I think about beignets. Mmm. And how I never learned French, instead I spent all my time learning German, which is useless, unless you’re hoping to eavesdrop on German tourists (a note to German tourists: Rede keinen Scheiß, es gibt Amerikaner die dich verstehen können. Ihr kränkte uns...)

Anyway, on to The Beautiful.

New Orleans! 1872! The crinoline is out and bustles are in! Corsets continue to be the worst! The Gilded Age is just getting started (even though the book won’t be published for another year) and Belle Époque is big in France! Imperialism is everything! Ulysses S. Grant is drinking whiskey under his desk! Meanwhile, seventeen-year-old Celine Rousseau has fled her life as a dressmaker at one of the finest ateliers in Paris to join a convent in New Orleans. As you do when shit happens. Luckily, Celine made a friend on the boat ride over - Pippa, another girl fleeing shitty circumstances in favor of life in a convent. Once in New Orleans, both girls are enchanted by the city, and I absolutely have to hand it to Renée Ahdieh for knowing how to capture a setting. The way she describes it, you can practically smell the city of New Orleans. Especially the food. Dear God, the food. Mmm.

I missed ALA Annual last year when it was held in New Orleans (and by “missed” I mean “couldn’t afford to go”) and just reading this book made me kick myself for not going.

Back to Celine, though. The whole point of going to live at the Ursuline Convent of New Orleans is for her to lay low and find herself a good husband so she can escape the aforementioned shit that went down in Paris. Pippa has the same goal, though she is way more focused on the “finding a good husband” thing than Celine is. One day, while selling bric-a-brac to raise money for the convent, a strange woman named Odette compliments Celine on her sewing skills. Once she learns that Celine is a dressmaker, Odette immediately commissions Celine to make her a dress for a masquerade ball. Because, of course, it’s Mardi Gras. In fictionland, it’s never not Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

Anyway, Odette is high up in some shady New Orleanian society called La Cour des Lions which seems to be full of hyper-beautiful people with all sorts of special skills. La Cour des Lions is led by the mysterious and largely absent Comte de Saint Germain, and is rumored to be embedded pretty deep in local politics and business. While on her way to fit Odette for her dress, Celine, accompanied by Pippa, encounters the comte’s nephew and heir, the absolutely gorgeous Sebastian St. Germain, as he mercilessly beats an unarmed man in an alleyway for reasons that are never made clear. (Seriously, we never do find out for sure why he was beating up some dude in an alley, at least, not in the ARC text).

Also, I like to imagine that Bastian looks like Taika Waititi.

Also I’d like to imagine he has Taika Waititi’s accent.

When Celine encounters Bastian again at Odette’s club, they quickly go from being complete strangers to head over heels in love. Because teenagers. But that’s all interrupted when Pippa stumbles upon the body of a girl drained of all her blood. Suddenly the police are involved, led by rival love interest, Michael Grimaldi, who happens to be a former childhood friend of Bastien, and thus, the future love triangle is established.

Also, if you haven’t already guessed by now (I mean, the presence of the Comte de St Germain is a pretty big hint) La Cour des Lions are vampires. Because somehow, even though New Orleans averages a total of 216 sunny days per year, vampires live there.

Maybe Laszlo is onto something, there.

Still, vampires live there, sticking to the indoors and shadows (or managing to daywalk like Colin Robinson or something. Not sure as the book does specify that sunlight does kill these vampires...). La Cour des Lions are in a centuries long feud with something called the Brotherhood, who are....I’ll let you guess.

Did you guess?

Oh, come on.

You know.

I’ll give you a hint.

Yes, because warewolves and vampires go together like...warewolves and vampires, honestly why not.

So we’ve got all this going down with Celine smack dab in the middle. Now there’s a serial killer on the loose and they seem to be fascinated with Celine in particular...

So! The Beautiful. It’s a return to the YA vampire genre, so...yay? I dunno, vampires just aren’t my thing. Twilight was huge when I was in high school and college and I tried reading it, but...euch. No. Honestly, outside of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the O.G. Dracula, and What We Do in the Shadows, vampire stories just don’t do anything for me. I never bought into the idea of exchanging a mortal life with sunshine and never committing murder for one in which you can never go out during the day and have to murder people for food. Plus, immortality sounds like it really sucks. Who wants to outlive their whole family? Their friends? Literally everybody you’ve ever known? Immortality means having to watch all of your pets die, over and over again, forever. Yeah, no thanks. Not to mention the fact that, after a few decades without aging, people will start to notice. “Hey, it’s been thirty years, why do you still look like you’re 18 do you have a disease or something?”

Yeah, I’d rather have my limited time and then be reincarnated. I like that idea way better than being ageless and alive forever and ever. Didn’t any of you read Tuck Everlasting? Winnie made the right choice, you guys.

So while the setting and the writing for The Beautiful are fantastic, as soon as the story brought vampires in, my brain just switched into “eeeehhh” mode. I also have a hard time with romances where the two love interests go from “hey person I just met” to “I love you and will die for you” very quickly. Again, not really my thing. Most of the problems I had with this book just stemmed from my own biases. YA Vampire romances just aren’t my thing. What We Do in the Shadows (movie and TV series!) is more my thing.

HOWEVER.

Just because something is not my thing, doesn’t mean it’s not your thing. If YA paranormal romances featuring vampires and warewolves running around late 19th century New Orleans sounds like your jam, then in all likelihood, you will really love The Beautiful and I recommend you go and get it when it comes out. Remember: I’m just an idiot with a tumblr account, just because I’m meh on a certain book doesn’t mean it won’t be your new favorite thing ever. I’ll admit, if Renée Ahdieh wrote a New Orleans travel guide, I’d read it in a heartbeat because holy shit she knows how to transport you to a time and place.

Have at it, YA Paranormal Vampire Romance fans. I’ll be over here, watching What We do in the Shadows.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone fond of YA Paranormal Vampire Romances (see above), fans of historical fiction, anyone looking for something cool set in New Orleans

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anybody not fond of YA Paranormal Vampire Romances.

RELEASE DATE: October 8, 2019

RATING: 3/5

VAMPIRE RATING:

#the beautiful #renee ahdieh #young adult #vampires #vampire ya #ya historical fiction #ya fantasy #ya paranormal romance #new orleans #19th century fiction #fiction set in new orleans #book review #warewolves #what we do in the shadows #a streetcar named marge

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preserving-ferretbrain · 5 years

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When Harry Met Buffy

by Dan H

Thursday, 14 June 2007

Dan compares portrayals of childhood in the popular media. Or something.~

(This article contains spoilers for a TV series which everybody has seen, and a set of books which everybody has read. Just so you know.)

At some point during my university career, I had to make a choice between actually getting a decent degree and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Needless to say there was no competition, and I am now the proud owner of a 2.2 in Physics and a lot of information about Sunnydale.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer went off the rails a bit in the later seasons. It went off the rails for a number of reasons - tensions among the cast and crew, Joss Whedon being distracted by other projects, Marti Noxon - but its biggest problem, in my opinion, was that it lost sight of its core metaphor.

The strength of Buffy seasons 1-3 was that it stuck to a very clear, very simple formula. You take a stock Teen Issue (I'm going out with a guy who isn't suitable, my mother is putting me under a lot of pressure, I'm trying to live up to my elder brother) and then give it a supernatural slant (I'm going out with a vampire, my mother is literally possessing my body, I've animated the dead body of my elder brother and am trying to build him a girlfriend out of corpse parts). That was the way it worked. It kept this formula more or less throughout series four and five, but it mixed up the formula a bit: Joyce's illness in series five is wholly mundane, and it's college life that causes Buffy's biggest problems in series four, not the cybernetic killing machine. Series six and seven went even further, making "Buffy never learned to live in the real world because she spent all of her time fighting monsters" a central theme, despite the fact that the "monsters" had always been placeholders for real-world issues.

To put it another way, the great strength of Buffy is that it tackles teenage concerns from a resolutely teenage perspective. When you're sixteen, after all, everything is the end of the world. Buffy's distorted, teenaged view of reality, where a bad breakup is an unimaginable horror and high school is doing its damnedest to kill you becomes literal reality. This works brilliantly for three series, and then they start to run into problems.

The thing is, Buffy grows up. The show covers seven years, and Joss felt that it was very important that she not stay sixteen forever.

The problem is that a big part of growing up is the development of your worldview. Learning that things don't really work the way you thought they did. Or, to put it another way, a big part of being twenty-two is realising what a pillock you were when you were sixteen.

But Buffy can't really do that, because she's a fictional character, and her sixteen-year-old worldview is the literal truth of the earlier series. Angel, her high-school boyfriend, really was the love of her life, and when things went wrong he actually lost his soul and started killing people. You can't get a sense of perspective on something like that. You can't look back on your youth and say "gosh, it seems so silly now to have worried about the Master rising and plunging the world into hell." Its early-season strengths become its late-season flaws. Buffy can never truly grow up, because she is trapped, forever, in a world where her teenage angst is physical reality.

Which brings me to Harry Potter.

Like Buffy, Harry Potter has a seven-year arc, over which his creator takes great pride in telling us that He Will Grow Up. And, like the nutrimatic machine, Harry's problems are Almost But Not Quite Totally Unlike Buffy's.

The Potter books are told exclusively from Harry's point of view: so much so that Harry has to spend half of each book skulking around under his invisibility cloak so he can hear all the plot-dumps Rowling needs to pass on to the reader. However, unlike Buffy, we don't follow Harry from a world inside his own head. We follow him around looking over his shoulder, but we are only observers. Buffy/Angel is convincing because, on some level, we feel what Buffy is feeling, and we are swept away in an overwhelming rush of teenage emotion. Harry/Ginny, on the other hand, feels lacklustre, because we see it from the outside, as two awkward teens fumbling through a parody of romance.

The Potter approach is not without its advantages. It makes the seven-year arc somewhat more consistent: we know from the start that it's Voldemort and the Death Eaters and the War in The Wizarding World which is important, and Harry's journey from two-dimensional eleven-year-old to two-dimensional-eighteen-year-old is essentially one of learning facts about his world. (On a tangent, it's interesting to note that Potter has a detailed, prewritten world with a large mythology, and Buffy doesn't).

an earlier article

, I compared the Potter books to the works of Enid Blyton and like Blyton, Rowling writes about children from the outside. She writes about childhood in hindsight, and seems to view it with a mixture of sentimentality and contempt. Your school days, she seems to say, were the most wonderful days of your life, because you were too dumb to realise how crappy the world really was.

All of this would be fair enough, a lot of Children's books do basically work like that: the hero starts out as a picture of youth and innocence, only to have it stripped away by exposure to Real World Issues. It's the To Kill a Mockingbird school of children's fiction: the child gradually learns about the complexities of the real world, progressing from a nave worldview to a sophisticated one over the course of the story. His Dark Materials follows a similar formula. The problem with Potter is that the "real world" of the Potterverse is so utterly childish. Harry is growing up into a world where everybody is still obsessed with school, where the only person that He Who Must Not Be Named is afraid of is his old teacher, where three fifteen year old kids competing in a school sporting event is international news.

So Harry's journey is that of a child growing up and learning about the world, but what he learns is that there is no world outside of Hogwarts. Unlike Buffy, whose later-season problems are the result of legitimate creative decisions, Harry's late-series implausibility is a result of his inhabiting a world which is poorly conceived and badly realised.

Harry Potter is often praised for dealing with difficult real-world themes, like death and racism. It doesn't. It's true that people die in the books, but they do so as a result of magical, fantasy violence, which simply doesn't capture the experience of bereavement in a meaningful way. Quite a lot of children, reading Harry Potter, might well have lost a friend or family member due to illness, old age, or accident. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that none of them have had anybody they care about killed by evil wizards. The deaths in Harry Potter are part of the fantasy, they're no more real than chocolate frogs and Quiddich.

Then there's the "racism". Wizardry apparently runs in families, and those who don't come from a wizarding line get called "mudbloods". There's some half-baked talk of killing the mudbloods, but nobody ever does anything about it, and it's only ever evil people that even think like that. That isn't confronting the issue of racism, that's using a cheap metaphor for racism as another way to demonstrate how evil your villains are. It is a metaphor, furthermore, which only has any impact if your audience already recognises it - we know that it's wrong for Draco to call Hermione a mudblood, because it's "like racism". It's not using a fantasy world to explore a real world issue, it's using a real world issue to explore a fantasy world.

And this, I think, is why I think Buffy succeeds and Potter - despite sales figures - ultimately fails. Buffy has its metaphors screwed on right. Well, apart from that bit with the crackhouse in series six. Buffy takes issues that its audience will be highly familiar with (academic pressure, romantic disaster, teenage insecurity) and uses the language of the supernatural to explore them in an emotionally believable way. Harry Potter, on the other hand uses real-world issues (racism, slavery, death) as a cheap way to add colour to an otherwise unconvincing fantasy world.

In Sunnydale, Joss Whedon created a world which reflects the mind of a young girl growing up in America, and he succeeded admirably. In Hogwarts, Joanne Rowling attempted to create a dark, believable world for a young boy to grow up in, and she failed dismally.Themes:

J.K. Rowling

Books

TV & Movies

Young Adult / Children

Whedonverse

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Rami

at 09:00 on 2007-06-15Hmmm... that's interesting. I'm one of the few people who's neither read Harry (though I've seen one of the films) nor watched Buffy (not consistently, at least), but I'm inclined to agree that Whedon's way of presenting his world is deeper and more meaningful though perhaps less immediately obvious. Heck, I didn't appreciate Whedon at all until I saw Firefly...

#Ferretbrain #Harry Potter #Buffy the Vampire Slayer #Dan H #J.K. Rowling

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dictionarywrites · 6 years

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No Wishing

Set in the aftermath of S03E02: Dead Man’s Party. Giles & Buffy. Rated T.

Giles, even knowing he oughtn't overstep his bounds as a Watcher, does his best to offer Buffy some words of comfort. He can't help but feel for the girl.

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In the aftermath of the attack of Ovu Mobani, Rupert rests on the hood of his car, which is messily parked on the curb outside of the Summers house. It’s bent out of shape, to say the least – he’ll need to have his windshield replaced, as well as to remove the more severe of the dents in the hood, but that’s to be expected in the wake of the evening’s happenings.

He’s exhausted, and now that the adrenaline has seen fit to drain from his body, there’s an awful ache in his left shoulder, one that he’s eager to ice once he can muster up the energy to make the drive home.

Sitting alone with his glasses loosely held in his hand, he is aware of the children saying their stunted goodbyes to Buffy before each of them makes a move home, Oz walking with Willow, and Xander and Cordelia slipping into Cordelia’s car. They’re being distant with her, and even without his spectacles on, her can see the tired slump of her shoulders across the lawn, see the way her gaze is slightly downcast…

Poor girl.

It strikes him, at times like these, just how young she is, just how much of a weight she has on her shoulders – and how, for all of her efforts, she is likely to be buried in a fresh grave at a young age, no matter how much he tries to protect her.

Inhaling slowly, Rupert glances down toward the tarmac at the edge of the road, and he stares for a long few moments at the grey blur of the hard stone, trying to reconcile the depth of the exhausted emotion he feels with that which he is supposed to be as a Watcher. Rupert Giles is meant to be distant, unemotional; he is meant to be a tutor, a taskmaster, a figure of authority, not—

The Slayer isn’t meant to be protected: she is meant to protect.

And the Watcher ought Watch, ought offer tutelage, not—

The way the base had dropped out of his stomach when she had gone missing still strikes him with shame and guilt; the way he had worked himself into such desperate flights of fancy, such hope, when he had found scant leads on her disappearance; and the relief he had felt to see her hale and hearty, back in Sunnydale, and be unable to so much as show a sliver of it…

And that is all aside from the way Joyce had looked at him, when she had blamed him, and what can he do? What can he say? Even now, she looks at him with such quiet hatred, because he has overstepped his place – and hasn’t he? He is a bad Watcher, because he acts more like a father; and he is a terrible father, because he isn’t her father.

He isn’t any of these children’s fathers, and it isn’t his place to care.

He oughtn’t care.

“Hey, Giles,” Buffy says softly, and he glances up from the ground. In her pink dress, with her hair tied up, she looks the very picture of sweetness – she looks precisely her age, and it makes his heart pang. She oughtn’t be the Slayer. Why had he never been prepared for this? For the understanding that the Slayer would be young, and innocent, and deserving of anything but her destiny? Something must be showing in his face in his exhaustion, because Buffy’s expression of casual care gives way to a furrowed brow and parted lips, her concern plain on her features. “You okay?”

“Oh, yes, of course, of course,” Rupert demurs hurriedly, drawing himself to straighten his back properly and sliding his glasses back onto his nose. His shoulder gives a sharp twinge of pain, and he keeps his expression schooled into neutrality, not allowing it to show on his face. “Merely tired, that’s all. How is your mother?”

“She’s okay,” Buffy murmurs, and he watches helplessly as she moves to sit down on the hood of the car beside him, her hands neatly settling into her lap. She stares down at them as if they might hold the secrets to the universe, and he sees the silver band of Angel’s Claddagh ring on her finger. He waits for her to say something, waits for her to lay some of her problems out for him to stare at uselessly: he waits in vain, because she remains quite silent. She looks so sad it agonises him, but what can he do? He wishes—

But what is the sense in wishing anything?

“You fought very well tonight,” Rupert says quietly, and he wishes he could put his hand on her shoulder, perhaps even half hug her, as he has seen Joyce do with her, drawing Buffy against her breast. What must that be like, to be a parent? “You do know that, don’t you?” Buffy continues to stare down at her hands, and Rupert glances toward the house. Joyce is concerning herself with duct-taping the screen on the windows back into place, as a stop-gap before calling a repairman in the morning… “Buffy, I don’t know what the others are saying to you, or what your mother has said, but— You have been under a great deal of stress, in the past few years. While you have perhaps been vain, at times, and while I might have been momentarily disappointed that you’ve elected to pursue some fancy instead of your studies, I have only ever – and will only ever – be proud of you. While I was worried for you, when you took your leave, and while I was most relieved to have you back, I hope you understand that I’m not angry at you for it.”

Buffy’s head remains angled down, but she sniffles quietly, and he wonders if this is what parenthood is like – if he’s supposed to feel like he’s been cleaved in two, if it’s supposed to hurt like this.

“Thank you,” Buffy says in a very small, thick voice. “I— I know that I don’t thank you enough, Giles, um… But I really appreciate what you do for me, and for the rest of us. I’m sorry I ran away, I didn’t— It’s just that no one understands, and I have to do everything on my own, and even though everyone can help with stuff, they can’t help with… With the big things.”

Like killing Angel.

It goes unspoken, but Rupert hears it nonetheless – he hears the hitch in her voice, the low sob that she tries to swallow back. Inhaling softly, steeling himself, he reaches out, and he gently places his hand on her left shoulder, feeling the pink taffeta of her dress under his palm.

“It’s alright,” he whispers, leaning in a little closer. “I know that you, ah… I know that you loved him, Buffy, and it is the world’s greatest cruelty that you were forced to— Your feelings in this matter aren’t unfounded, you know. It’s very easy for Xander to see your feelings for Angel as unimportant, to see his vampiric form as so distinct from the form you knew, but to grieve is to be expected. Even without his soul, it was still a face you loved, and… I— I’m sorry.” Buffy raises her head, and he sees that there are no tears in her eyes, although her cheeks are slightly wet. Her gaze is hard as she stares forward, and he sees her clench her jaw.

“Thanks, Giles,” Buffy says, a little stiffly. He’s said something wrong, he knows he has, but what, he doesn’t know. He wishes he could ask, but he can’t, and he draws his hand back from its too-paternal place on her shoulder, clenching it into a loose fist and holding it against his chest. “Are you sure you’re okay to drive home right now? You look pretty beat – you could probably sleep on the couch, just ‘til morning.”

It’s a kind offer. She’s kinder than he ever expected to her, much as she can be as vapid as any teenage girl – Buffy is kind, and thoughtful, and genuinely sweet, at times. That makes it harder, actually, to retain any semblance of distance. Wouldn’t it be easier, were Buffy the horrible little monster so many make her out to be? Wouldn’t it be easier, if he saw in Buffy what Snyder seems to?

She’d be happier, were she back in school. He’ll speak with Snyder tomorrow, he thinks, speak with him and put this matter of Buffy’s expulsion to bed. That snivelling little…

“No, no,” Rupert murmurs, and he shakes his head. Joyce is glancing toward them, her expression slightly pinched, and he pulls himself from the hood of his car, moving toward the driver’s door. The way that she’d looked at him, the way that she’d said it: I blame you. “I couldn’t possibly. I’ll see you sometime this week, alright?”

“Uh huh,” Buffy says, nodding. “Sure.”

Before she can step away, Rupert says, “Buffy?” and she turns back to look at him, expectant. “I’m merely going to reiterate what I said a moment ago: I will always be proud of you. Always.”

Buffy’s expression changes, her hard eyes softening slightly (and beginning to shine in the dim light), and when she smiles, Rupert feels something in his chest. Not merely pride, no, but a deep affection, and a wish that he could make all of this better, somehow. That he could fix it for her.

It isn’t meant to be like this: a Watcher isn’t meant to feel these things.

“Thanks, Giles,” Buffy says, almost shyly, and he drops into the seat of the car as she walks back toward the house, looking at the road ahead of him. He’ll speak with Snyder – he will. He’ll make sure Buffy can come back to school.

And—

And he needs to keep this in check. Needs to distance himself once more.

These are reasonable objectives. Doable.

He wishes—

No.

No wishing.

Flicking on the ignition, he leans back into the seat of the car, and he squints around the great, spiderwebbing crack in his windshield. He drives home in silence, and does his level best not to think.

#as defined by dictionary #rupert giles #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #fanfic #dictionary writes #haha kill me

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jbuffyangel · 6 years

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Truth and Lies: Arrow 6x18 Review (Fundamentals)

I love Vertigo. We get the best Olicity episodes out of this drug and "Fundamentals" did NOT disappoint. Angsty Arrow driven mad by his own internal demons and the love of his life fighting through the darkness to reach the light within him?

If you are wondering why this review is delayed it's because I've been watching "Fundamentals” on a loop. And binging Westworld, but that's not my fault. @callistawolf told me to watch it. But really also watching "Fundamentals" on a loop. There’s so much to unpack that this took me three days to write and another full day to gif.

I am prepared to say 6x18 might be my favorite episode of the season. I think I liked it better than the wedding AND the wedding RECEPTION. I know I know. That's crazy talk, but that's what Vertigo does man. EMBRACE THE INSANITY BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME.

Let's dig in...

Olicity

I'm not really sure how to divide this review into sections primarily because it's just a mass of Oliver losing his shiznit, punctuated with extremely excellent scenes with Felicity. So we're rolling fast and loose on the headings. Cool? Cool.

I like angst. No, that's not right. I LOVE ANGST. You really can't survive seven years of watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer live, in your formative teenage years, and not come out with the ability to embrace the pain. But I don't enjoy angst that's just angst for angst's sake. (Yeah that's a sentence. I think.) I want angst with purpose. I want it to move the characters somewhere or at the very least reveal truths. Maybe they are truths we already know and simply need confirmed once and awhile. Maybe they are truths we didn't even know existed. Regardless, if angst has a point then I'm in.

Some may disagree with me regarding the angst in "Fundamentals." It may feel like ground we've already covered, and I can certainly understand why some may have that opinion. I have a differing one, however. I feel 6x18 unearthed some new truths regarding Oliver Queen and his journey this season that I have not previously considered.

Source: @olivergifs

The opening is familiar, but new. The Arrow is back! It's been so long since we've seen Oliver as the Arrow that the action felt fresh. Immediately there was a different vibe compared to all the other action scenes we've seen over the past three years. It is dark, brutally violent and fast. And extremely hot.

The Arrow moves like a shadow and creates a visceral reaction of fear. That piece is familiar. The skill set of the Arrow and the Green Arrow remain the same, but their tactics are not. The Green Arrow works within a team. He is quick, but deliberate. Strategic, but adaptable. He is threatening, but instills a sense of calm. The Green Arrow doesn't shy from the light the same way the Arrow does. Both masks serve justice, but one instills hope while the other instills fear. We are supposed to notice a difference between these two personas, which is why "Fundamentals" opens fast and hard with the violence of the Arrow. It's to remind us of Oliver Queen's evolution and how far he's come. What drives and fuels the Arrow is something the Green Arrow does not have:

Rage.

Oliver has opened up his heart over the last six years. He rediscovered brotherhood and friendship. Oliver fell in love and became a father. The anger created by the injustice all around him and his five years of trauma is no longer burning him up inside. Oliver faced the worst parts of himself, and by doing so, the anger gave way to something else. Something more hopeful. The Green Arrow fights injustice just like the Arrow, but the tactic is not merely to beat it down. The Green Arrow wants to build upon the ashes of injustice. Oliver also recognizes the mask is not the only avenue in which he can be of service to Star City. He finally realized the man behind the mask can also have an impact.

Or at least... that's what Oliver tried to do. As usual our hero fails as much as he succeeds, but real change does not come without failure. The problem is Oliver does not understand where he went wrong. Team Arrow has fallen apart. Rene and Dinah betrayed him. Curtis turned his back on Oliver. And John Diggle, his brother, left him.

"You've become a better man, but a worse leader."

John's words are haunting Oliver because he doesn't understand them. How can he be a better man, the man John always asked him to be, and a worse leader?

Listen, I am 100% on Team Oliver with this one. That's straight up bonkers and Diggle doesn't have Vertigo as an excuse. We're also supposed to wonder what in the blazing hell happened to Oliver that he's wearing the Arrow suit, going full rage-a-thon, and walking into what is obviously a suicide mission (even for him).

*Drugs, drugs, druggidy, drugs* Oh sorry. We're supposed to be pretending we don't know why Oliver is cuckoo for cocoa puffs right now. My bad.

Source: felicityssoliver

So, we're flashing back to ten hours earlier. Now it's really important to remember we are supposed to be confused with the timeline. Both the police captain and the DA have accused Oliver of firing them to impede the Green Arrow investigation . Unfortunately, Oliver just fired them because they admitted to being Diaz's lackeys and not because he has actual proof. I think. Last week's episode was so many levels of screwy I kind of stopped paying attention to some of the details. Anywho, Oliver begs his genius wife to get some rock solid evidence against them so he can hold onto his day job. Also, avoiding prison would be neat.

The SCPD security monitors go white noise at exactly 10:13 every night, so Felicity rapidly deduces Diaz is monitoring his lackeys at that time. Oliver agrees and wouldn't you know that's prime Green Arrow time! Felicity immediately tells Oliver he can't go in there alone because suicide, but he's too jazzed about ending all his Diaz problems to listen.

Source: felicitysmoakgifs

Felicity, bless her heart, decides to play marriage counselor one more time and parent traps Oliver and Diggle into meeting into the bunker. Yes, she actually uses the words "parent trap" and it's awesome. I love one cupcake. Also, the original Parent Trap with Hayley Mills will always be the superior version. Come fight me.

It's a disaster. Both Oliver and Diggle are still extremely pissed off at each other, which is fair. This was one horrid fight. Diggle informs Oliver he's considering taking a job at A.R.G.U.S. and Oliver offers a solid burn in return:

“Last time you needed something from A.R.G.U.S., you had to steal it.”

I, once again, am on Team Oliver on this one. I don't mind the snippiness and think it's fairly warranted. If John is looking to find a purpose beyond Oliver Queen and live outside his shadow (and he is - even if he can't admit it yet), then I fail to see how A.R.G.U.S. is any different. Diggle needs a purpose of his own. As much as I will love seeing a Dyla team up, I don't think it really solves John's problem all that much. A.R.G.U.S. is Lyla's purpose. It always has been. I'm not saying John can't find purpose with his wife and her employer. He certainly can, but a lot of John's argument against Oliver was about striking out on his OWN. This isn't exactly an independent venture. So, I understand why Oliver may see some hypocrisy on the wall.

Diggle: Oliver, you keep up that attitude man you are gonna end up all alone.

Oliver: I've listened to your advice for the last six years. I think I've earned a reprieve.

Oliver has taken, what I feel, is a lot of unnecessary shit from everyone and quite frankly it's way more entertaining to see him swinging back than simply taking it. Felicity is disappointed her little make up session didn't end with bromance hugs and kisses, but Diggle is not surprised. He essentially tells Felicity Oliver is stubborn, alienates people with his attitude, and likes to be alone - and nobody knows that better than her.

It's an irritating comment and not a fair one. If that was all true than Oliver would have never married Felicity in the first place. Diggle keeps throwing ALL of Oliver's past mistakes in his face (and now Felicity's) to continue making his argument as to why Oliver is a crappy leader. Again, Diggle's beef and his snarky comments would have made so much more sense in SEASON THREE.

The real goal of the comment is to make Felicity worry Oliver will ice her out next, which is as about as mean as John Diggle gets. However, it's primarily intended to make us worry about the status of their marriage. I RAISED YOU BETTER THOUGH.

Oliver has a meeting with Councilmen Kullens who tells him he can't fire the very people who are investigating him. That looks really bad. Oliver insists the two are working for Diaz.

Kullens: From what I understand, Ricardo Diaz is a second rate drug dealer who was released from prison on a technicality.

He got the second rate part right. Kullens cannot fathom how a two bit hood like Diaz could possibly coerce city officials like the DA and police captain and oh my god it's even more stupid when I type it. Can we put an arrow in this guy? He bugs me. Kullens informs Oliver impeachment proceedings begin that afternoon and he'll have a chance to please his case then, which means Oliver is on the clock and needs to get some evidence FAST.

Oliver races home to check in with Felicity and take William to his science fair. The kid cloned cabbage. Yes, CLONED.

This is one character we never want to have a dark spiral on Arrow. Use your powers for good William. That's all I'm saying son.

On top of being a child genius, William is also extremely OCD about time. So, when Oliver comes in late his son is extra anxious to get going. This is my child in TV form. She puts her winter coat and snow pants on 20 minutes before she leaves for the bus, stands in the kitchen watching TV, so she's in direct eye line to clock because GOD FORBID she's a micro second late.

Unfortunately, the evidence Felicity compiles against Diaz is only something a police department to get their hands on or... the Green Arrow.

Oliver drops to that lower octave which increases the hot by several levels.

Felicity tries to joke her way out of it by telling Oliver to inform the council he's married to a super hacker and HUBBY IS NOT AMUSED. It's one thing for him to get imprisoned, but he cannot joke about it happening to Felicity. Ugh. I love him.

Unfortunately, Oliver's adorableness is short lived. He rapidly spirals into an asshole. Felicity tries to explain that she tried to set up a believable trail for the evidence but that she ran out of time.

Oliver: You ran out of time because you're focusing on making John and I reconcile instead of doing your job!

HIT THE DECKS. HUBBY IS ABOUT TO BLOW! I think my husband values his life to much to ever say something like to me, but he's been at this a little bit longer than Oliver. Give him a decade. He'll learn.

Felicity is WTF and rightfully so. They segue into arguing about whether or not Felicity is on Oliver's side.

(She is you big, angry tree trunk).

William chooses this exact moment to interrupt their argument by reminding his father that they are running late. When my parent's fought I found the nearest exit. Read the room kid.

Oliver blows. Big time. He yells at William while simultaneously destroying the science fair project. Ah man, that was cloned cabbage dude. That would have made an interesting salad.

Cue awkward silence and horrified looks from Felicity and William. I am so uncomfortable. This feels voyeuristic. *She says while having zero issues watching Olicity sex scenes on a loop.*

Source: @olivergifs

Oliver tries to apologize to William, who storms out, and explain to Felicity it was an accident but she tells him to get the fuck out. I added the fuck because that was the tone and if we were on cable it would have absolutely been there.

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

MAMA BEAR MODE ACTIVATED.

Nobody messes with the cub. Not even Dad. Honestly, the addition of William was one of my big worries for Season 6 because I questioned how Arrow would integrate the child into the story lines. But William has become one of my favorite parts of the season, particularly when it comes to his relationship with Felicity. Felicity becoming the world's best step mother is not remotely surprising, but it doesn't lessen the joy watching it develop on screen. William has come to depend on her just as much as Oliver. Maybe even more because they bond frequently over their genius level IQs.

Sometimes you need to tell your child "Not right now" in a stern voice. Sometimes raising your voice is required. Sometimes you blow a fuse as a parent. We are, after all, only human and humans are imperfect. Parents make mistakes. Oliver raising his voice to William didn't bother me too much. Although, I think he could have directed a little more tough love when his son wandered off from the bunker into the field and almost got himself blown up. Screaming over being late to the science fair was a gross overreaction. A stern "take a number buddy" would have sufficed just fine. And yeah, sometimes you have to tell a kid twice because he’s a kid.

What bothered me was the violence of Oliver's reaction. The way he whirled around at William, breaking the science fair project as he did, wasn't simply frustration. It was rage. We haven't seen this level of rage from Oliver in an extremely long time. Even in his fight with Diggle, he tempered his anger and fought defensively during the brawl.

Oliver has a temper. It's a fact of his personality. Nearly every person in Oliver's life has been on the receiving end of it at one point or another - including Felicity. However, Oliver has directed a violent reaction to those who can physically take him on - Diggle, Roy, Rene and Dinah.

Oliver has always been calculated, even to a certain extent controlled, as to who he responds physically to in anger. He has NEVER reacted violently against those he views as physically defenseless against him.

His physical altercation with Thea was defensive even though Thea can kick his ass. He never took Laurel on even after she became BC and I know there were times he just wanted to lay her flat on her ass. The only real exception was when he confronted Moira as the Green Arrow, but she shot him so we see how that went.

There is only one time I can recall Oliver using his body in a physically threatening way against Felicity. Although, there was so much sexual tension I often wonder if he just used the moment to get up in her bubble and enjoy a little physical proximity. Regardless, there's a reason the first time Oliver Queen got in Felicity's Smoak's face was the last time. SHE was the one who put HIM down hard. Strength doesn't have to equate to the physical kind. Felicity Smoak is Oliver's match in every way. She puts his alpha male ass in its place every time he's ever tried to pull this nonsense with her, which is why it only happened once. Any time after was often in defense of others. Felicity always makes Oliver back down.

But this moment is different. The hair trigger rage we often saw in the early seasons of Arrow has returned and Oliver directed it at his son, a defenseless child. There's no excuse for it. Yet, Felicity's reaction is no different than the one we saw in 1x15.

She steps from behind the counter and defensively approaches Oliver with so much speed and protectiveness over William he is the one who immediately backs away.

Source: mingrose

The movement immediately forces Oliver to turn his attention away from William and direct it to Felicity. It's essentially Felicity putting her body between William and Oliver. That said, she always uses her anger and strength to deescalate the situation. Felicity essentially puts Oliver in a time out by kicking him out of the apartment and rightfully so.

So, obviously we are supposed to be asking what the hell is wrong with Oliver? Diggle's words are supposed to haunt us. Perhaps Oliver hasn't changed after all.

Oliver descends to his bunker of solitude. He's obsessively watching the video feed of white noise on a loop, so he's in a super healthy space.

The scrambling of the video and the white noise in between is symbolic for what's happening in Oliver's mind. He's on a loop of white noise that he can't figure his way out of.

There's a knock at the bunker door and this should have immediately tipped everyone off to something being amiss. Why would Felicity knock? When Oliver turns around she just appears. Out of nowhere she's standing behind him. He's startled and Felicity wonders why. Oliver tries to explain what he heard, but can't. The knock had a pounding, distant, echoing sound to it. Like someone trying to open a tightly shut door closed long ago. It's the sound of Oliver's past beating it's way open. He just doesn't know it yet.

Felicity has her arms tightly crossed and keeps her distance from Oliver. He immediately tries to explain what happened, but again he can't because Oliver doesn't understand it himself. He doesn't know why he lost it on William other than things are beginning to pile up.

That's as far as he gets. Felicity coldly and resolutely tells Oliver they should take some space. Oliver is heartbreakingly confused until he looks down at Felicity's crossed arms and realizes she took her ring off.

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

The devastation rapidly begins to overtake his confusion, but even then this has to be a joke right?

Oliver almost laughs until he realizes it’s not. Then he becomes helpless as his world begins to crumble.

Source: @olivergifs

Felicity tells Oliver he crossed a line with William. A line he should never cross.

Felicity asking Oliver for a separation sounds like a protective measure for William, but it still doesn't make sense. It's a 180 degree turn. It's too fast. Too abrupt. If you are still harboring PTSD from the Olicity break up in Season 4, and particularly if you read cast interviews previewing the episode, it's understandable why this scene would be extremely alarming. For some, I am sure it was confirmation of a deeply rooted fear Arrow is going to divorce Olicity soon after they married them. This is just another stop in the never ending "will they/won't they" ride.

But there is something in Felicity's speech to Oliver that should have tipped you off something else was going on.

No matter how disappointed or angry Felicity is with Oliver this is simply not something she would ever say under any circumstance. Felicity never believed, not even for a second, that Oliver was the violent, rage filled, monster he tried to portray himself as and believed himself to be. And that's the key right there. This is something OLIVER would say.

William discovering the monster within is a deep rooted fear of Oliver's - not Felicity’s. She never believed the monster existed.

When Felicity looks at Oliver all she has ever seen is a man with a deeply good heart. Felicity always saw the light within Oliver, even when he could not see it himself. Especially when Oliver couldn't see it.

Felicity has admitted she fell in love with Oliver the first moment she met him because of what she saw. Her love is rooted in that belief.

That's not to say Felicity's belief in Oliver's goodness has not been challenged over the years. Particularly when Oliver was doing everything he could to make Felicity believe the monster was real and he was beyond change. Yet, time and again she saw through the facade of darkness to the truth - the light within.

Oliver has "killed" Felicity via LOA gas and shattered their life together with a lie that seemed almost impossible to forgive. I'm not saying yelling at William and shattering cloned cabbage wasn't bad, but I wouldn't rank it in the top ten worst things Oliver Queen has ever done. Let's remember she fell in love with him when he had a penchant for breaking necks. All I'm saying is, Felicity has a high threshold for Oliver Queen darkness.

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

So, surgically cutting the cord on their marriage like this feels offs. Extremely off. It is Oliver who fears William will learn of his father's darker side. Not Felicity. Felicity confirming Oliver's worst fear, that he is truly a monster, doesn't sound like her voice. It sounds like Oliver's voice.

Now would be a real good time to remember Diaz and BS maniacally laughing over their last vile of Vertigo at the end of last week's episode. Although, I will give Arrow kudos. They did their level best to fool everyone with the way they cut this episode together.

Source: @olivergifs

The knocking returns after a heart to heart with Lance. This time it is louder and more insistent. Oliver cannot ignore it. Instinctively he picks up a gun, walks to the elevator doors as they open

Source: leraswift13

and there stands Adrian Chase.

Prommy is back to play mind games! TIME FOR SOME CRAZY!!!!

Oliver doesn't understand how Adrian can still be alive because, ya know, bullet to the brain. Adrian's response is basically, "It's Arrow man.. Didn't you fall off a mountain once? Nobody ever really dies."

Now, I know Oliver is trippin on the light fantastic, but that's some solid logic under Vertigo. I give him credit. Prometheus still scares the ever loving crap out of me and the ensuing battle with Oliver is more exciting than all the villains combined this season. I miss you Josh Seggara. Please come back.

Oliver holds Adrian in the same neck hold in 5x23. He dares Oliver to do it and once again we see the moral struggle tearing Oliver apart. He fights the urge once more, but then Adrian reminds him that his mercy cost the mother of his child her life. Oliver snaps when Adrian threatens William and Felicity once again. He snaps his neck.

Source: @olivergifs

Sparing Adrian's life was a moment of triumph for Oliver in Season 5. It was proof to Oliver that he was not the man Adrian Chase accused him of being. He knew the threat Adrian posed, but taking his life would simply be confirmation Oliver was a monster. Killing Adrian Chase would be proving him right.

If Oliver killed Adrian the island would have exploded and everyone, including Oliver, would have died. His mercy didn't stop Adrian from killing himself and ultimately killing Samantha, but that choice was Adrian's. Not Oliver's. There was no avenue Oliver could choose that would not result in the spilling of innocent blood. It is why Adrian Chase is so diabolically evil. Yet, Oliver still harbors guilt over Samantha. Particularly since Diggle used her death as a knife to twist in his back. He still believes there's a way he could have saved everyone, which is the curse of being a hero. The God Complex is often more crippling than any villain.

If you didn't figure out Oliver is hallucinating by the time Adrian pops up alive again, then I can't help you my friend. But if it helps Oliver figures it out and tells everybody what's going on.

Source: @olivergifs

Hallucinating Adrian Chase is the pitch perfect choice to show the manifestation of Oliver's fears. Refresher course - this is what Vertigo does. It really makes you wonder why anyone willing takes this drug if all you get from the high is seeing your deepest fears become real. Can't say that's a party favor I'd be interested in partaking in.

Oliver Queen essentially created Prometheus, so therefore Adrian Chase represented Oliver's darker half. Prometheus is what Oliver could have become if he never met John Diggle and Felicity Smoak. He was Arrow's most effective villain because he was a living confirmation of everything Oliver feared he was.

I give you The Adrian Chase As Oliver Queen's Inner Voice highlights:

Adrian: I always was the one person who saw you for the murderer you are. What are you doing? Oh you are running a blood test. you think you've been dosed with something. You know there is another explanation. A more likely one in my considered opinion. You're finally going crazy. It's completely understandable, Ollie. You've lost everything, even the people I couldn't manage to take from you. I really like this Ricardo Diaz. If he didn't exist I'd have to think of him myself. He's going about this exactly right. Don't hurt the people that you love. Just get them all to abandon you. It's actually the easiest thing in the world. I told you this Ollie. I told you this man! Everything you touch dies. What you're going through right now, losing your team, your wife, the impeachment, all of it is happening just like I told you it would. And nothing in that blood test is gonna change that.

Adrian: It's tough to say you're in a good place when your oldest friend leaves you high and dry.

Oliver: John made his choice.

Adrian: And deep down you know he's right. You've changed Oliver. Sure, maybe you are a better Oliver Queen. A happier Oliver Queen. But it has sure made you a worse hero. You have a wife, son, you're the mayor - all of which yes may be going away, but still it's a fair assumption. You are stretched too thin buddy. Maybe you've gotten so good at being Oliver Queen that the Green Arrow's mission is suffering. You may be happier, but the people that you love - they're not.

Yes, I typed that all out because every line is gold.

Source: dctvgifs

It's very difficult to watch Oliver's brain beat the shit out of him so effectively. Stay strong my son!

In a nice reverse from 3x01, Oliver and the Arrow come face to face once again. Only it's not Oliver Queen who is the villain. It's the Arrow.

For those wondering haven't we déjà'd this vu already, the answer is yes. But the point is to show the flip. Oliver isn't afraid of being Oliver Queen anymore. His fear has shifted into something else entirely. Oliver is afraid being Oliver Queen isn't enough.

He's become everything John and Felicity believed he could be. Oliver has embraced his humanity and in doing so has become a better friend, lover and father. He is actively trying to save the city during the day and in the night. Oliver is trying to be everything to everyone all the time. And yet everything is falling apart. Oliver is still losing everyone he loves. He is still all alone.

It's one thing to be afraid of embracing his humanity. It's another for Oliver to realize even when he does he still falls short. The city is still in shambles, people he loves still die, his team betrayed him, his best friend, wife and son left him and Star City is intent on taking not only his job, but his freedom. And it all happened when Oliver was being the very best version of himself.

Oliver compartmentalized himself because he feared if he merged the two personas then all that would remain is a monster.

It took a very long time,

and facing the absolute worst in himself, to realize there is a good man

under the mask.

However, now Oliver has combined those two personas and yet nothing is getting better. Trying to be everything to everyone and yet still not feeling like enough is crushing.

It's almost more comforting to believe he hasn't changed at all - that Oliver can understand. If Oliver Queen "the hero" is simply a facade, and the monster who fails and alienates everyone while leaving a trail of bodies in his wake still remains, then this all makes sense. As much as it terrifies Oliver, he can understand why everyone has finally left him.

Oliver chose to stop hiding from love.

It is the bond that tethers him to his humanity and what allows the light to break through all the pain, loss and trauma. He has chosen to love with everything he has, and to his horror, it's not enough. His love for his city is not enough.

Source: @olivergifs

His love for his team is not enough.

His love for his brother is not enough.

His love for his son is not enough.

His love for his wife is not enough.

Source: feilcityqueen

This is a different ballgame. It's not a repeat of Season 4. Oliver tried being his best self and FAILED.

Season 6 he succeeded, but it did not create any different result.

It's a confirmation of his worst fear. Any version of Oliver Queen is alienating. Any version of Oliver Queen is a failure.

Oliver always had the mask to blame. He always had the monster to hide behind as the reason why everything he touches he destroys.

But that's gone now.

He conquered his demons.

So, all he's left with is Oliver Queen, but he is incapable of building anything.

He will never be the man he wants to be, the man Oliver promised his father he would be, because that man still falls spectacularly short. That's almost a fate worse than death for Oliver. We've asked Oliver to try for six years. He did. He failed. So now what?

Source: @olivergifs

The only conclusion Oliver can come to is... he was right all along. The monster and the man are one in the same. Oliver will never escape the darkness because he is darkness. Whatever light he has is ultimately powerless to overshadow it.

So, suffice it to say Oliver is spiraling down the insanity hole. The drug is taking a stronger hold on him. He can no longer distinguish the lies from the truth. If he was right all along then the only option is to shut Oliver Queen down again. He lost sight of the mission and losing everything even as Oliver Queen proves to him that the mission is all that matters. He has become the mask and only the mask. The only way he can truly serve it is the way he originally intended. Alone and as the Arrow - the conduit for the darkness within.

If you think Oliver is off his rocker then you'd be right. HE'S ON VERTIGO. He's supposed to be off his rocker. None of this is right. Our boy is so many levels of wrong it'd take me another six years to explain all of them.

Oliver decides this is still a really excellent time to make decisions that will absolutely impact his ability to live as a free man.

Oliver hands over the evidence because it's the only card he has to play to stop the impeachment.

AND QUENTIN LET’S HIM! For the love of God man don't hand Oliver the bullet and help him load the gun! Tackle him. HE IS HIGH AS A KITE. This is not the time we allow Oliver to make decisions. This is the time we tie him to a chair!

Then, Adrian/Oliver convinces himself to go after Diaz.

Adrian: The only way to prove you are the hero you say that you are and keep being mayor is to take down Diaz tonight.

The way Chase uses his finger as a gun to Oliver's head when he says, "I'm in here" sends chills down my spine. It's a striking parallel to the last image we saw of Prometheus.

Adrian always believed Oliver would be the hand causing his own destruction and we are alarmingly close to him being right. Even closer than we were in Season 5.

Source: oliverxfelicity

Felicity and William return from the science fair and her purse starts beeping. Felicity has a GPS on Oliver's bow because that's the smart thing to do when he's fighting crime every night. So the newbies can pass me with their royal indignation. Don't want to get dead? Then get okay with trackers dipshits!

Enough of this hallucination bullshit. Let's get down to what is REAL and TRUE.

Felicity calls Quentin after Oliver doesn't pick up his cell and he fills her in on what's really going on.

Quentin: He said you kicked him out.

Felicity: No, I didn't. I would never!

For all those worried Arrow will eventually take another Season 4 route with Olicity, it’s time to let it go.

Arrow is not interested in will they/won't they with Olicity anymore. Admittedly, they drove that arc into the ground, but THIS episode is about the shift not only in Oliver and Felicity's relationship, but in the way Arrow views it.

Yes, they are going to have angst. Yes, they are going to face problems. Yes, they are going to fight. But none of this will break them apart. Their love is Arrow's anchor. It is what holds this show steady.

The pattern is the same Every. Single. Year. We get snip its of Olicity scenes punctuated by big episodes. 6x18 is a big episode with a big purpose. Arrow played on the audience's fears and insecurities with the promo and cast interviews, because they are Oliver's fears and insecurities too. The show is giving Oliver and the audience one last scare (because it's a television show and that's what television shows do), but now it's time to get down to business. Now it's time to deal in truth.

Oliver and Felicity are married. There are no more break ups. This is forever. PERIOD. Oliver will never leave Felicity and Felicity will never leave Oliver.

FUNDAMENTAL DEFINITION:

adjective

1. serving as, or being an essential part of, a foundation or basis; basic; underlying: fundamental principles; the fundamental structure.

2. of, relating to, or affecting the foundation or basis: a fundamental revision.

3. being an original or primary source: a fundamental idea.

noun

5. a basic principle, rule, law, or the like, that serves as the ground work of a system; essential part: to master the fundamentals of a trade.

There is a double meaning to the episode title. Yes, Oliver is returning to what he believes were the core “fundamentals” of the mission. However, Arrow is outright stating that the solidity of Olicity’s relationship is also a fundamental of the show.

Still don't believe it? Well, then buckle up because Arrow is going to show you how true it is with what can only be called FANFICTION COME TO LIFE.

William, bless his pure soul, eavesdrops on Felicity's call and is all in on mission "Save Dad."

Source: dctvgifs

He hands Felicity a pair of running shoes and holy mother of freaking crap I've never seen the show make this much sense! Felicity is wearing practical shoes in the field y'all!!!!!!!!!

Quentin does his best to stop the beast, but he's no match for Oliver on a regular day. Oliver high on Vertigo and reverting back to the Arrow? Umm... no chance Quentin. Oliver knocks him out cold. A for effort though bud.

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

Felicity channeling her inner B*rry All*n to save her batcrap crazy husband is a big mood.

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

Felicity saying she's going to save her husband is an even bigger mood. And Felicity saying the word husband is hotter than Oliver saying wife. I don't know why.

This is not the first time Arrow has used Felicity to break through Oliver's delusion,

but is the first time they've used such a direct approach. What follows is probably one of my all time favorite Olicity scenes - and that's saying something after being on the air for six years.

Source: feilcityqueen

Everything swimming in Oliver's mind is lies, so Felicity has to use the truth to break through. At first she tries using William because he used to be a hindrance to Oliver's willingness to sacrifice himself. However, even in the haze of crazy Oliver knows if he dies then William still has Felicity. He will never be alone. Typically, this should be a comforting line, and while it remains a beautiful commentary on the bond Felicity and William have formed, it is utterly terrifying to hear Oliver so willfully discard his own necessity in his son's life. And that's because of the lies in his mind. His love for his son is not enough. He is a monster. He is a failure. William will be better off.

So, Felicity uses another truth. It's the one she finally confessed to Oliver the day she asked him to marry her. The day all Oliver's dreams came true. Losing Oliver is Felicity's worst fear realized. Would he willingly do that to her? Will Oliver abandon her again?

Oliver believes he can't abandon what he doesn't have. Felicity left him first. Another hallucination Felicity can only combat with what is real.

Felicity calls Oliver baby. It's canon.

I really wish I could sew worth a damn because I'd embroider "I'm glue, baby" on a pillow. Also, be prepared for me to abuse that gif in asks. Fair warning.

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

Oliver hears her voice and the truth in her words. He desperately wants to believe she is real, but he is so terribly lost. Oliver cannot see what is real with his mind. So, Felicity tells him to feel with his heart instead.

From the moment Felicity Smoak entered Oliver's life she found a way to not only touch his heart,

but to break it wide open.

Felicity has found Oliver every moment he's been lost.

Vertigo is not a challenge for Felicity Smoak.

She found her way through Oliver's darkness and showed him the light within.

He hears her words, feels the certainty of her love against his chest,

and Oliver knows who he is again.

Felicity's truth is the very beat of Oliver's heart.

Oliver reaches for Felicity's hand, holds her close, and lets the light guide him through the dark. Just like they've done before.

Just like they will always do.

Light can travel without end. It is infinite and so are Oliver and Felicity.

The relief Oliver feels is overwhelming and he smiles. Just like that the Arrow fades and Oliver Queen returns.

Diaz gets impatient and decides to attack,

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

which means we get an old school Olicity stunt.

I am super chill about it.

Felicity offers Oliver a Vertigo cure all based off of her hard core partying days of the past.

My kingdom to see Goth Felicity Smoak at a rave... high.

Quentin commends the bad assness that is Felicity Smoak while he recovers from his absolute trouncing.

All it takes is Felicity calling Oliver her man and he becomes a friggin rainbow. He is putty in her hands.

Source: @oliverfelicitygifs

I cannot even believe we are getting these lines.

There is so much eye sex in their trip down memory lane that I am convinced they took the Arrow suit home for their own special kind of spin.

Source: @oliverfelicitygifs

You know Felicity has fantasized, so I think it's high time they make it a reality.

Oliver's high on crazy has given way to clarity.

This is worrying given everything we've heard his brain say over the last hour. He's not completely throwing the baby out with the bath water. He remains committed to being a husband and father. He’d like to remain mayor, but finds out he's going to be impeached. Still, Oliver believes in the good he can do as the Green Arrow. However, he is reverting back to doing things alone.

Source: dctvgifs

Felicity stresses what a colossally bad idea this is back at the apartment, but Oliver is determined to separate his worlds again.

Source: oliverfelicitygifs

Lord, boy. It took us five bloody years to get you to this spot, one fight with Diggle and some bad crack, and we're right back to Compartmentalization Oliver.

Oliver regresses in some way every single season. It's always a mistake and it always reveals some greater lesson Oliver has to learn. Comparatively speaking, this is fairly late in the season for Oliver to be regressing which in and of itself shows some character growth. It probably means we'll be dealing with the consequences of this choice into the beginning of Season 7.

So, where do I think this road leading? The fundamental and inescapable truth is compartmentalization does not work. Oliver was on the right track merging his two selves. Quentin is right. Oliver is a better man, but everyone's reaction to it (fueled by their own issues) is throwing him off. He will fail even as Oliver Queen and the Green Arrow, but that doesn't mean the path is wrong.

This road Oliver is about to travel alone is only going to lead to more problems. The season trajectory is pretty clearly moving from Oliver united with those he loves to Oliver separated from those he loves. My guess is prison. But I don't believe Oliver is the character who needs to change the most. My hope is watching Oliver travel this road alone, and still fighting to be the hero he is, will trigger change in the supporting characters. A fallen hero could stop all their childish nonsense and make everyone realize they have to stop blaming Oliver for everything and take responsibility for their own lives. I include Oliver in this as well. For better or worse, Oliver holds himself responsible for EVERYONE. And that's what he has to learn. Oliver is enough, but he cannot be everything.

Source: olivergifs

Quentin and Oliver

Quentin Lance is firmly wearing his Team Oliver hat this episode and it's a welcomed reprieve from his usual crazy pants talk. I guess since Oliver is going insane Quentin had to sober up - mentally speaking.

The scenes between Oliver and Lance are some of their best all year if not the duration of the show.

Source: @olivergifs

Oliver is still a young man trying to make his way through the world. The fact that he's also an orphan seems magnified now that Thea and Diggle have left him. Captain Lance, bless his soul, steps up into the father figure role Oliver desperately needs right now.

Oliver tells Lance Diggle quit the team and blames Oliver for its disintegration. Lance is quick to defend Oliver, who to his credit, does remind Quentin he's not there to witness Oliver's leadership style.

Source: @olivergifs

STANDING. FUCKING. OVATION.

A supporting character is talking sense y'all!

And it's LANCE. Did not see that coming given his trajectory this season. He's spot on. What Oliver has wanted more than anything from Quentin Lance is his respect and he has it. Oliver earned it with six years of hard work and NOBODY gets to take that away from him. Not even John Diggle.

Oliver calls Lance to give him the evidence that clears him of impeachment but incriminates him as the Green Arrow. Quentin asks what Oliver is going to do and he answers helplessly, "I don't know." He tearfully tells Lance that Felicity wants a separation and that he lost his temper with William. Oliver is as lost, alone and heartbroken as we've ever seen him. Quentin accurately points out that losing his shiznit on William is more of a night on the couch punishment and a separation is extreme. Ummm.... YEAH.

But Oliver simply believes Felicity has left him like everyone else. UGH.

Source: @olivergifs

This might be one of the most heartbreaking lines Oliver Queen has ever spoken

and again shows how much he's grown. The old Oliver would simply shut down and solider on. The fact that he's allowing himself to feel this pain and question where everything went wrong shows Oliver embracing his humanity rather than hide from it.

Quentin has probably the best answer and gives the most insight into what is going on with all the people in Oliver's life - particularly John Diggle.

Source: clevercloudpoetry

Can I get an amen?

This is as close as Arrow has come to confirming my suspicions about John Diggle. Oliver becoming a better man means he doesn't need John in the same way. That's incredibly painful for Diggle and would certainly cause him to question his life and purpose.

I am the youngest of three girls. My parents sold my childhood home when I graduated from high school and moved away to college. My father was anxious to move out of our increasingly violent area, but my mother had other motivations. She told me the house made her sad. Every where she looked was another memory of raising her babies and now we were all moved out. We didn't need her in the same way anymore and it hurt. My mother needed a fresh start - a new purpose. The new house was really good for her and allowed her to shift into the new phase of life with my father more easily.

Oliver has grown up and moved away to college for lack of a better word. Everywhere John Diggle looks on Team Arrow is another memory and a stark reminder that he's no longer needed in the same way he once was. He's looking for a fresh start and a new purpose. John needs something beyond raising Oliver Queen the same way my mother needed something beyond raising her children. Unfortunately, Diggle hasn't dug deep into any of this yet. Instead of some self reflection, John has relied on an old standby to explain his rudderless direction - it is all Oliver Queen's fault. John believes this is a stagnancy in Oliver's growth, and not his own, when in fact the direct opposite is true.

What has not changed is the power of Diggle's words and the impact they have on Oliver. He acknowledges what Quentin says might be true, but also fears Diggle may be right - that he hasn't changed at all. Quentin delivers another humdinger of a line:

"Come on. I don't buy that. From what you've told me about John and Curtis and all those guys - they've got their own issues alright? They're just putting them on you."

Hello Quentin Lance. I have missed you.

Source: @oliverfelicitygifs

Oliver's voice breaks when he asks Quentin about Felicity, but Lance is unwavering. He adamantly reassures Oliver that Felicity loves him and this will all blow over eventually. He just needs to stay the course and Quentin will be by his side. Robert and Moira Queen could not have done any better and I have never loved Quentin Lance more than in this moment.

While this speech gives me all the feels it also fills me with dreaded certainty. Lance is reminiscing about the past. He's admiring how far Oliver has come and is basically the perfect father figure. These signs tend to point to full character evolution. We are on episode 18. This means one thing:

Quentin Lance is going to die.

Just mentally prepare okay? His character arc has circled the drain all season with this "BS is my daughter" crazy. Now he's done a 180 by embracing sanity and offering wise and sage advice for Oliver. You know who else offered sage advice to Oliver just before their deaths?

Sara.

L*urel.

Sageyness is one of the seven signs of impending death on Arrow. Particularly when it comes to Lances. Prepare your souls.

Oliver and L*urel

Speaking of L*urel, we are paid a visit from Oliver's departed ex when he hallucinates his way back into the Queen Mansion (I miss the mansion y'all). There is L*urel,

Source: supercanaries

wearing her Red Coat of Pain.

Since Oliver's deepest fears often equate to his deepest guilt then seeing L*urel at her most innocent, before she knew about Oliver's cheating and the consequences for all parties involved that it unleashed, is not surprising.

Source: katie-mcgraths

In some ways, Oliver kept L*urel frozen in this time even when she was alive. The image of who Oliver saw L*urel as, eternally innocent and broken by his deceit, never quite matched up to the woman we saw on screen. Particularly when Arrow went above and beyond to show L*urel was anything but innocent.

Sara: Do you remember when you spilled that beer on me at Tommy’s party? Well, I wasn’t even supposed to go. But I snuck out out of the house because I knew you were gonna be there. And I had this embarassing crush on you. And, Laurel she knew it. And that’s why the party got broken up by the cops. She tipped off our dad. Then I was grounded for a month and the next thing I knew... you and Laurel were together.

Oliver: You think she did all of that on purpose?

Sara: Not everybody is what they seem.

L*urel was not broken by Oliver's deceit, but by her own anger.

What's important to remember is this isn't Adrian's voice we're hearing. This is Oliver. So everything Adrian is saying is what OLIVER believes.

How he really feels about L*urel becoming the BC is not a pretty picture.

Adrian: My question is why did you let her become the Bl*ck C*n*ry in the first place? She's a lawyer. What, after a couple self defense classes and a few sparring sessions you think she's ready to go handle thugs and killers?

I mean... he's not wrong.

It's refreshing to actually HEAR Arrow admit to the unbelievability of L*urel's training. Yeah yeah, I know she trained with a boxer/vigilante for a couple episodes. Somehow that's supposed to equate to the years Oliver spent training with martial arts experts, an ASIS agent, a highly skilled and lethal Russian mob organization, and an elite member of the League of Assassins. Or the years Sara trained with the League of Assassins. At least they gave Thea six months of intensive training with Malcolm Merlyn, who was also trained by the LOA.

Oh that's right. She trained with Nyssa too. For three episodes (that we saw). L*urel was barely able to stop a knife attack in 3x21 (after supposedly training with Nyssa for several weeks) and then suddenly she's taking several armed LOA members down in 3x22. But you bet, totally believable arc. Made total sense.

Oliver harbors serious guilt over L*urel's death and this hallucination is simply a manifestation of that. There are truths, but also a hefty dose of lies.

Source: supercanaries

The primarily lie being Oliver believing he could have stopped L*urel from becoming BC, or is responsible for the life she chose, or her death in any way. The truth is Oliver wasn't supportive of LL becoming BC and he did everything he could to stop her.

In fact he told L*urel, to her face, he thought she was a liability, a loose cannon in the field, and was going to get herself killed one day.

And he was fucking right.

Oliver begrudgingly accepted her decision, but that was primarily because Diggle and Felicity illogically had L*urel’s back.

JOHN DIGGLE IS A SPECIAL FORCES SOLIDER AND HE SIGNED OFF ON LL IN THE FIELD WITH NO TRAINING AT ALL. AGAIN, MAKES TOTAL SENSE SHOW.

Quite frankly, Oliver had bigger fish to fry in Season 3 and he had to move on.

After L*urel resurrected Sara in Season 4, who then tried to kill Thea and put her in the hospital, she threw another "it's all about me" bitch fit

and Oliver folded.

He helped get Sara's soul back and all of their issues were swept under the rug.

Then Arrow killed L*urel.

So, listen buddy. Sure, L*urel eventually worked her way to capable, but to be frank you had very little to do with it and THAT'S where the guilt comes from. The sparring sessions you speak of only took place a few episodes before she died. This is Oliver's God Complex rearing his ugly head again. Maybe if he trained L*urel more (or at all), maybe if he protected her better in the field, maybe if he found a way to keep her out of the field entirely - then she would be still be alive.

Nope. Sorry fella. None of that would have worked, because L*urel was L*urel and she was gonna do what she damn well pleased. Never mind the fact that Damien Darhk magically froze the team and they were all essentially defenseless when he killed her, but that's just details. Oliver thinking he is somehow responsible for her death in any way takes away from the legitimate heroism L*urel earned.

He understood that in Season 4, but he's pretty high right now. So, I'll give him a pass this time.

Legit question though. If you are a LL fan - why are you still watching Arrow?

I am curious, because I have never seen a show so willingly shade their own creation at every turn like Arrow does with LL. They flat out called her BC arc a bunch of illogical nonsense.

I appreciate the brutal honesty from the show, but it's a zing that packs some punch. After six years of this aren't y'all tired? A few interspersed scenes of Bl*ck S*ren should as hell wouldn't keep me around.

Straight Thoughts

I've never felt so spiritually connected to Felicity Smoak in all my life. Source: felicitysmoakgifs

I appreciated that Arrow used a flashback during Oliver's hallucination with Rene to show his injury was not remotely Oliver's fault. I like when my show talks sense.

Oliver's hallucination of the newbies was the most accurate. They are petty babies in real life too.

Adrian's scar on his temple from the bullet wound is unnerving.

Don't ever kill Raisa again, show. My heart can't take it. Not even when it's fake.

"I always wondered why nobody just does that. Kill you straight." Diaz needs to watch Season 3. See how that option goes. Source: dctvgifs

"Not a great track record when it comes to hiring DA's though." Of all of Adrian Chases' lines are fab, but this is my fave.

This evil cupcake. Source: olivergifs

"He's buying us expensive gifts if he knows what's good for him." Felicity wifes like I wife.

I love this kid. Source: olivergifs

Arrow wisely previewed an Olicity kiss for the all villain ep this week.

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me. 6x18 gifs credited.

#arrow #olicity #arrow 6x18 #oliver queen #felicity smoak #arrow reviews #quentin lance #arrow spoilers #anti laurel lance #anti black canary #anti lauriver #arrow season 6 #season 6 episode review #season 6 episode reviews

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takaraphoenix · 6 years

Note

Odd question but what do you think of the “fujoshi” community? Harmless fun or harmful fetishization?

Oh, oh I’m getting a headache just reading that question…

No, it is not fetisihzation that is utter bullshit. No it is not harmful, that is even more bullshit.

The people accusing fujoshi of fetishization do the exact same thing. They write the exact same stories and draw the exact same fanarts about the exact same gays. But because the creators in one case are females, they are the devil and they are fetishizing.

By every definition of the word, I am a fujoshi too - a female fan of mlm ships. Yaoi or shounen-ai, if you wish to continue using Japanese terms.

What fujoshi discourse boils down to is a group of people being misogynistic crybabies and not allowing females to have genuine interests.

The term “CIShet woman” is thrown around like a slur in this discourse - disregarding that not all fujoshi are CIS or het. I, for my part, am a lesbian. It’s literally only about those people’s hatred for women, really.

Because the exact same content is totally fine if it is made by a gay man.

They don’t even realize how ridiculous that is.

If we would ever only get representation if it gets written by a person from the group in question, we would literally barely get anything.

Most gay stories were written by straight men and women. Most stories involving characters of color used to be written by white writers. Someone has to pave the way - and it is the group that is most “accepted” to do the job. In the case of writing for Hollywood, those would be the white men. Does that mean we have no right to see movies about women or characters of color or non-straights? No, no it does not.

As a lesbian, I can still enjoy Willow and Tara as a lesbian couple on Buffy even though they were written by a CIShet man. I still get to enjoy Elena’s coming out story on One Day at a Time even though the show was not written by a lesbian.

So if you, as a gay man, can not accept seeing a mlm couple written by a woman, then the problem is not the woman who invests her time into writing this, it is with you.

Especially since we are talking fandom here.

We’re not even talking Hollywood. We’re talking about authors on AO3 and fanarts on DeviantArt and on here. We’re talking about fans, people who love something and dedicate their own time into creating something for free, something that you and everybody else gets to enjoy without getting any form of payment for it.

So instead of being grateful for the content, those people insult, belittle, bully and even threaten the creators.

THAT IS WHAT IS HARMFUL.

A woman creating art or stories is and can by definition not be harmful, because it is fiction about fictional characters and it is on the internet where you can just avoid it if you do not agree with it.

But those people who made this into a “discourse”, they are the ones being harmful because they mistreat people who do something they enjoy.

People crying that “Those women enjoying what I am enjoying and what is clearly aimed only at me because it represents me, they are ruining the thing for me!!!” are the exact same type of whiny babies as the men who started crying this exact same sentence when women started showing interest in nerd culture - you all do remember that, right? The uproar against female fans in the MCU and DC and Star Wars and Star Trek culture because how dare women show any interest in these things that “belong” to men. All this shit about “fake nerd girls” that female fans of those shows and movies have to put up with, just for being female and interested in this thing.

Women aren’t allowed to have interests.

That is literally what this boils down to.

95% of canonically gay anime and manga were written by fujoshi - most of the things those antis consume was created by fujoshi.

The most ridiculous thing I ever saw on the topic was an anti making a post that fujoshi aren’t allowed to go and see Love, Simon because it is not meant for them, it is meant for gays.

It is not.

I, as a lesbian, wish to see this movie about a gay teen romance, because heaven knows I won’t get my lesbian teen romance any time soon on this big scale.

And the wildest part? Love, Simon was literally written by a fujoshi. By the very thing they hate - the CIShet white woman. The very kind of person they want to forbid from seeing this movie. That is the author of the book.

It’s a ridiculous double-standard and it baffles me that so many people on this hellsite don’t seem to grasp that.

Representation only matters if it is written by the minority represented and no one else aside from said minority is allowed to enjoy this.

That is literally like saying white people and non-black POC aren’t allowed to watch Black Planther or make fan content to it because it solemnly belongs to black people? Aren’t allowed to see Coco because it is clearly only aimed at Latinx people…? Oh yes, it is very clearly created for this group of people and from everything I’ve seen on this site, they’re the ones who get the most enjoyment out of it and out of the representation it brought with it - but that… that doesn’t mean that no one else is allowed to enjoy this.

I saw Coco five times by now and I’m white as fuck and I highly doubt that Latinx people in the fandom will give me shit for writing fanfiction for it, or accuse me of “fetishizing” their culture just because I’d write fanfiction for this movie. Which I am, literally working on a fic for that, hence the example.

Just because something is aimed at a certain group does not mean only they can enjoy it.

It’s a ridiculous concept of double standard that is being used in the fujoshi discourse.

I’m a woman, but I’m still allowed to consume media aimed at men - holy shit, aren’t we literally trying to break gender norms these days, like, seriously?

I’m a lesbian, but I’m still allowed to consume media featuring straights and gays and bisexuals and everything else under the rainbow. It’s not like I am only allowed to watch lesbian shows… because then I would literally have nothing to watch.

I’m white, but I’m still allowed to consume media featuring and focusing on characters of color. Because holy shit, I also don’t want the all-white casts anymore, it’s intensely stale and boring and outdated?? We are literally glad that we finally broke this kind of writing when it comes to representation in this aspect, so how could you want to revert back in the case of representing sexualities…?

If everyone is only allowed to consume media that focuses on representation of themselves, then you are really living in the stone-ages. They do know that this led to Hollywood and TV shows being predominantly white and male, right?

Fujoshi are female fans creating content for other fans.

Fujoshi discourse is overgrown babies crying about women having interests, using bogus claims like “Stop fetishizing ME!!!”.

No one is fetishizing you, unless you are a male celebrity and reading RPF about yourself. Those are literally the only people who can cry out about personally being fetishized. Celebrities who are being directly lusted after and have smut written about them.

Someone writing about something that includes part of your identity does not and will never personally fetishize you.

Hentai anime about big boobed girls? Does not personally fetishize me just because I’m a busty girl. It’s gross as fuck and I don’t like it, but I can just avoid it and I don’t feel personally victimized by its existence.

That is fetishization though. Women with waists that should break under the laws of physique and boobs trice the size of their heads. That is fetishizing women.

If fujoshi would be fetishizing gays, then they would be with such emphasis of their glorious cocks and mighty balls or some shit.

Essentially 50% of the things fujoshi create are soft. Fanfiction, fanart, doujinshi - fluff, about cuddling, two characters holding each other, that 50k slow-burn coffee shop AU you read last month.

Writing about a healthy, slow relationship is not and never will be “fetishization” - and it sure as heck will never be fetishization of you personally, because it isn’t about you.

Now to get back to a point I mentioned earlier.

Not every fujoshi is CIShet. For me, personally, writing about mlm relationships and reading about them was dealing with my own homosexuality - because we don’t get female gay love.

I could walk into any bookstore and thanks to Japanese fujoshi authors, I could just buy a manga about two teenage boys, discovering their sexuality and dealing with it. No sex involved. Not a single manga I own written by a fujoshi is even yaoi. Sex doesn’t have to be in it. Like I said, most content is impossibly soft and fluffy in nature.

And it helped me come to terms with my own sexuality, with the fact that it is possible to not be straight.

It’s harder to write about wlw ships than it is to write about mlm ships by sheer math alone.

Look, say, at the Avengers - you had one female character and five male characters in that lead team. There wasn’t even an option to write about a wlw ship, while you have ten possible mlm ships. So, what are you supposed to write about as a woman? Natasha masturbating for 20k words, or what? Because I, as a woman, am not allowed to write about men…?

Look at the Voltron fandom, where you have five male characters and two female… but oh my, one of the females is literally 15 while the other is an ancient alien; not the kind of ship I sail, so again no wlw ship to write about, but just as many mlm options as in the above mentioned.

And that is a pattern.

Franchises - anime, manga, cartoon, TV shows, movies, books - are dominated by male characters. Most lead characters are male. They are more fleshed out, better developed than the rare female characters.

Even nowadays, the male characters are still mostly more dynamic and more interesting than the females, because the females are either the Mother Character, the mere bland Love Interest who doesn’t get developed beyond being a love interest to the male lead, or the Badass Female whose only real trade is that she can kick ass, but real personality mostly still comes short.

So yeah, it’s virtually not a surprise that fanfiction authors - male and female alike - mostly latch onto mlm ships and write and draw about them, because there are statistically speaking more male characters in fandom and more mlm options than wlw options.

And if you forbid women from being interested in male characters and their relationships, if you forbid women from participating in fandom, if you forbid women from creating for the things they love…

There would be no fandoms.

Literally.

Fanfiction started because women wanted to see Spock and Kirk fuck. While there are many male creators by now, fandom has always been rather dominated by women, who created and set the path.

So we are good enough to put you where you are now, but now we are forbidden from participating in the very thing we created? Literally, the thing we created - because most of your boyslove manga and anime were created by fujoshi. So you are allowed to consume that but you do not allow the people who are like the author to also enjoy it…? Really?

And then there is also still that accusation that, somehow, “we” evil CIShet women get off to fetishizing “you” poor gay men.

I’m ace. I don’t get off to the smut I write. I write the sex scenes because they are part of the relationship, just as I write the wooing and getting together. It ain’t about “getting off”. It’s about the enjoyment of writing.

And while I, personally, don’t identify as a fujoshi because I don’t like the term, others do - and others have a right to. Just like I would never call myself a stan of anything, because I don’t like the term - but by definition I most likely do stan a lot of characters and shows and things.

I think a big problem is that fujoshi, translated, means “rotten woman” and somehow the butthurt crybabies who feel personally victimized by fujoshi see that as meaning something bad.

Yes, the words rotten woman do not exactly scream “Oh, this is a nice thing!”, but those people don’t even bother looking up the meaning - because words have meanings, connotations attached to them. And meanings change. Just because something seems to “say” one thing if you do a literal translation of it does not necessarily mean that the word also means the same thing that said literal translation offers. That is not how language works.

And at its very core, all that fujoshi means is “female fan of mlm”. The term itself was coined during times where liking gays and being gay was even more scandalous than today. You were rotten if you liked gays, a disgusting, rotten person - and yet still those women weren’t stopped. They created.

They created things that future generations got to enjoy. They created a pathway.

And if people today want to call themselves fujoshi because they identify with the term, then absolutely no one has a right to judge them, has the right to assign a different meaning to that term.

How do we, today in this day and age where we are all about claiming our own identity, have people out there who think they can dictate the identity and interests of others?

How is the gay community so rotten that there are people not allowing women to have an interest and condemning them for the label they chose for themselves…?

That is the disgusting and harmful part of the fujoshi discourse, really.

#Fujoshi Discourse #Misogyny #Misogyny in Fandom #Anonymous

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