#always bet on blart
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It has been 2,798 days since Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 came out in theaters.
MALL COP TRIVIA #42
When Blart says, "Is it hot in here, or did I order my uniform from Rochester Big & Humid", this is a reference to Rochester, New York, which is a very humid city and used to have a store called Rochester Big & Tall.
#mall cop#paul blart#paul blart mall cop 2#mbmbam#mcelroy brothers#paul blart mall cop#trivia#movie facts#movie trivia#fun facts#till death do us blart#always bet on blart
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I think I'm going to start posting images/videos that resonate within my soul. I would like to start off strong with this.
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Safety never takes a holiday.
Paul Blart 2009
#learn something#a great man#inspiring quotes#inspiration#paul blart#paul blart mall cop#always bet on blart
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@taznovembercelebration - Day 21 - College/school
BUT ALSO this is the first chapter of that blupjeans college fic i mentioned yesterday. i’ll probably post it to ao3 or something later, but yea :O!
Being in college and opening a bakery at the same time was not the smartest choice, but Lup couldn’t really stop doing one or the other. There was no way in hell she was going to waste the scholarship she had been given, but the idea of leaving her brother to open and manage a bakery by himself was ridiculous in its own rights. Still, they were only three weeks into the semester and Lup’s schedule was overbooked and crumbling apart.
And now, on top of it all, her math professor had told her to go to tutoring to make sure she was able to do the work. If he listened to one goddamn thing she said, then he’d know that she could do math perfectly fine, she just needed a little extra time to fit it in with the rest of her schedule.
Also who the fuck needed to do college-level math while getting a goddamn music degree?
Lup made her way into the campus library, already ten minutes late. She spotted a library volunteer and made her way over, putting on her best smile to hide how frazzled she was.
“Hey,” Lup said and they looked up at her. “Do you know where the uh, student-led intro to algebra study group is? We were supposed to be meeting here at three.”
“Should be in the corner over there,” the person said kindly, sitting up a little to point towards the back of the library. “Behind the whole non-fiction section.”
“Thank you so much,” Lup said, adjusting her bag and turning away. Just as the volunteer said, the study group collected back there, spread out over two tables. It only had about six people, two of whom were obviously in charge. Lup dropped herself into a chair and put her stuff down. One of the tutors looked up. Lup couldn’t help but notice how obnoxiously thick his glasses were.
“You here for the study group?” he asked and Lup nodded.
“I don’t need help,” she said before he could get another word in. “I just haven’t had time to do my assignments and my professor told me to come. I can do it by myself, thanks.”
“Oh,” the man said. “I- alright. Well, I’m here if you need anything, okay? My name’s Barry.”
“Charmed,” Lup said, not feeling charmed at all as she pulled her book out of her bag. She didn’t tell him her name. He didn’t need to know it. There was always the chance that if she did tell him her name, word would get out that she needed to come here for help. Lup knew it wasn’t high school anymore. She knew gossip didn’t travel like that and that probably no one would care if she came here, but she couldn’t shake the habit quite yet.
She tried to ignore the group as they talked. The other tutor was named Lucas and he had a nasally voice and bandaids on all his fingers. Lucas wasn’t particularly trying to hide the fact that he thought he was better than everyone here. Maybe because of that, the other students flocked towards Barry. From what Lup could tell, though, Barry wasn’t the greatest either. Don’t get her wrong, he seemed like a decent guy, tutor, whatever. But he kept asking her if she needed help. She’d always say no. Then she’d go back to work and ten minutes later, he’d be asking again.
“Hey so-” Barry started, but Lup cut in again.
“I don’t need help,” Lup said, looking up at him. That’s when she realized there was no one else besides them here. The chairs were all empty. Barry was cleaning up the table.
“I… wasn’t gonna ask,” Barry said uncomfortably. Okay, Lup felt kind of bad for that. “Everyone else went home. I was gonna go home. Just wanted to make sure you, uh, you realized.”
“Oh,” Lup said blankly. And then, “Yeah, okay. I’ll pack up, too, I guess.”
“Alright,” Barry said. The silence was terribly awkward as they both gathered their things. Even more awkward when Lup remembered that the library only had one exit and they both were heading that way. She sped up and got ahead of him, reaching the door before he said anything else.
“Uh, hey!” Barry called out and Lup cringed, pausing at the doorway. “You coming Thursday?”
“Maybe,” Lup said, which meant yes because her professor wanted her to go to at least three groups. “I’ll check my schedule and see.”
“Cool,” Barry said. “Um, see you then. Maybe, I guess.”
“Yeah,” Lup said offhandedly. “See ya, Bluejeans.”
“I- what?”
“Blue jeans,” Lup said, waving a hand at his pants. “You wear ‘em. Like… the mom-type too. Don’t expect me not to say anything about it.”
She walked away. Calling him Bluejeans was better than calling him Thick Glasses, so she didn’t feel to bad about his flustered look.
The bus ride home was okay. Well, not okay because it was a bus ride, but, still, she was used to it. Plus side was that there were fewer people than usual. She got off at the stop closest to her apartment and climbed up the stairs until reaching her door. There was a slight moment of panic where Lup couldn’t find her keys, but it was fine because they had just fallen off her keychain and into her bag.
The apartment was… still a mess. Not that she expected any different. She flicked on the lights and set her bag down near the door. She heard movement and talking from the kitchen and went to check it out.
Taako was there, hunched over some papers, talking to someone on speakerphone. His hair was a mess and he was still in pajamas, which probably meant he hadn’t left the apartment all day. There was a bowl of baby carrots near him, a half-eaten one sitting next to his papers.
“...just got home, so I gotta go,” Taako said saying. “I’ll call soon, yeah? You’re a fuckin’ miracle worker, Steven.”
“Eh, it’s all in a day’s work,” Steven’s voice said from the phone. “We’re on your side here, kiddo.”
“Not a kiddo,” Taako said, like he always did.
“Uh-huh,” Steven said, in his the same doubtful tone he always replied in. “Talk to ya soon. And get some rest, huh? Bye.”
“Bye,” Taako said, hanging up. He turned to face Lup, looking tired but happy. “How’d your study sesh go?”
“Fine, I guess,” Lup said, sitting next to him. She grabbed a few of the baby carrots from the bowl and he scowled at her. She grinned. “It was just a buncha nerds doing nerd things.”
“Bet Luce would love it,” Taako said and Lup shook her head.
“Nah, Luce is better than these nerds. Get this- one of the tutors claims that his grandfather made millions off inventing stuff. And he’s just bragging about it. He’s a fuckin’ prick, Koko.”
“Ouch,” Taako said.
“Yeah,” Lup said. “And the other dude kept asking me if I needed help every three seconds and I was like, pssh do I look like I need help? I’m only here because my professor fuckin’ made me come. Lemme work in peace.”
“Double ouch,” Taako said. “I’m sorry, Lu. I can help you if you want. Or maybe we can call up Dav and he can-”
“No,” Lup said. “I- no. You’ve got the bakery to work on, right? We need to get that set up. And Dav is probably on a business trip, who knows.”
“He’s not, actually,” Taako said, which surprised Lup. “Luce texted me earlier to tell me he came back early. There was a situation.”
“A bad situation?” Lup asked.
“Maybe,” Taako shrugged. “Luce said he hasn’t talked since he got back so I’m guessing something happened and he’s gone non-verbal for a while again.”
“Damn,” Lup said, leaning back in her chair. She took a bite of one of the baby carrots. “That sucks.”
“Yeah,” Taako said. “Brighter news, though? Steven’s helpin’ me with the business shit now.”
“For what price?” Lup asked.
“We gotta let Julia work there,” Taako said. “For experience, you know? But Maggie’s already wormed his way into our staff, so no doubt Julia was gonna end up with us anyway.”
“That’s true,” Lup said. “But hey, more hands can’t be bad, right?”
“Right,” Taako said. He shuffled through a few papers. “We’re still going with ‘For Goodness Bakes” for the name, right?”
“As long as ‘let’s bake the world a better place’ is still our tagline, for sure,” Lup said, snorting. They had come up with the name on the fly, after a night of no sleep and then never fulfilled their promise to choose something better. She shoved another baby carrot in her mouth. “What are we doing for dinner? Have you even eaten today? Besides baby carrots.”
“Baby carrots are food, Lup,” Taako said, snatching the bowl away from her. “And I have work to do.”
“Let’s get some takeout or something, then,” Lup said. “Put on a movie.”
“Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2,” Taako said. “And maybe some good takeout rather than the shitty burger place down the street. We’ve fuckin’ earned it, Lulu.”
She stole the carrots back with a scowl.
#taz#The Adventure Zone#lup#taz lup#taz november celebration#mine#hope u guys like it :O!#ise cube writing
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penumbra fic recs
a few people asked if i could do this and i am ALWAYS down to share some good fic so let’s go!
they call him one mall steel by scornandivory
T/ 2 chapters/ 16,285 words/ complete
what can i even say about this fic? it’s incredibly funny. the characterization is so wildly on point. the premise is that it’s a paul blart mall cop au. please read this
we're not out of the tunnel (oh, i bet you though there's an end) by sasqwitch
T/ 9 chapters/ 15,517 words/ complete
in this one, peter is dumb and gay and feels a lot of things. this is very relevant to my interests, and it did not disappoint. it’s set after season two and is what the kids call “canon divergent” and i love it a lot.
genius morons by Prim_the_Amazing
T/ 1 chapter/ 2420 words/ complete
it’s a rita and juno friendship origin story and it’s perfect. rita is... very on point and slightly terrifying in that good good rita way. made me smile a bunch!
the rest are under the cut!
night breezes by honey_butter
T/ 1 chapter/ 1103 words/ complete
this is a oneshot where juno and peter cuddle. it filled me with an intense fondness and the sort of feeling that you get when you listen to old christmas songs in june and a wave of nostalgia washes over you.
the forever kind by howlikeagod
E/ 79,340 words/ 20 chapters/ complete
it’s a jupeter college AU and also a gift to humanity. this might be my favorite fic ever. it’s an ABSOLUTE UNIT but you will not regret taking the time to read it, if you haven’t done that yet. and they were roommates!!!
angel of flesh and wires by bluejorts
E/ 5,947 words/ 1 chapter/ complete
robot hot. no further comments
means and devices by howlikeagod
E/ 28,883 words/ 1 chapter/ complete
the witch au that i never knew i needed. ben’s in this one, and he’s a ghost, and it’s perfect in every way. if i had even an ounce less of self restraint i would just recommend every penumbra fic by @eternalgirlscout but instead i will just say y’all should read them all.
for future consideration by onetiredboy
NR/ 5713 words/ 2 chapters/ complete
buddy locks juno and peter in a room and makes them talk about their feelings. one of the few first-person pov fics i really loved. it’s just real good! captures peter’s voice really well. this is another author for whom i’m really just recommending all of their fics.
nameless by Prim_the_Amazing
G/ 1898 words/ 1 chapter/ complete
peter nureyev gets amnesia. it’s pretty inconvenient what with all the names.
hold me fast and fear me not by wastrelwoods
E/ 34140 words/ 16 chapters/ complete
IT’S A FAE FIC. the worldbuilding on this is impeccable. also the characterization. also the plot. did i mention peter is fae. please read this fic.
okay that’s all for now folks! read these fics! you won’t regret it i promise
#tpp#the penumbra podcast#i may do another one of these eventually we'll see#maybe w some second citadel fics#junoverse#fic rec#fic recs#jupeter
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stupid Fun one-liners to say when capturing the boss ghosts in Luigi’s Mansion 3
Steward
"I’ll be checking out, now”
Chambrea
“who’s gonna clean this up”
Kruller
“I always did like jelly filled.” “[Insert Paul Blart Joke]”
Chef Soulfflé
"Dinner is served.”
Amadeus Wolfgeist
“Encore!”
King MacFrights
"The King's been dethroned”
Dr. Potter
“Guess I really kicked his grass”
Ug
“You just got extinct”
Clem
“Never flushed a ghost before”
Serpci
“That was almost Tomb much to handle”
Nikki, Lindsey, and Ginny
“Abracadabra!” “That was a pretty long disappearing act”
Captain Fishook
“He’s really swimming with the fishes” “Yar har fiddle dee F-ck you”
Johnny Deepend
“Instant Red Card”
DJ Phantasmagloria
“Disco’s dead”
Hellen Gravely
"Remind me to rate this place 0 stars.”
bonus:
Morty
“Bet this’ll be on the Directors Cut”
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Paul blart mall cop 2 liveblogging part 2: electric bugaloo
Alright continuing at the 40 minute mark
Beginning of blarts speech. Yay. The first joke is bad
Huh the speech is okay so far. Well I mean its about mall cops and ridiculously emotional n stuff but alright
Ah the daughter ended up with the robbers. That was fast
How big is that suite? She's running up stairs??
The managers boyfriend is hilarious. "If being a security guard was easy anyone could do it " - "but anyone can do it"
I do however sympathise with the small anecdotes he tells. That's just what working in retail/gastronomy is like. Lots of crazy customers (and some that are really sweet)
The working manager is tearing up. She probably hates those ppl as well. Because there is no possible other reason. The speech is like 5 minutes. C'mon lady
Lmao the bad guy is kinda cool.
Aaand hes out. Blart has fallen
Ah ghost boy is back looking for maya. Why can they just walk into the bad guys suite?? Like bro if you're doing illegall stuff at least lock the door???
THE EXCHANGE BETWEEN THE DAUGHTER (with Ice ream) AND THE DAD IS INSANE? Sorry but these aren't real ppl
Aaaand hes scooting and licking up the melting ice cream. Ewwwwwww
So like a few drops are enough to get him back in his feet? Why doesn't he carry snacks??
Yay 50 minute mark
When did ghost boy get the present?? He didn't have it like two minutes ago when he got captured??
HOw did blart find the right room??
OH NO THE OLD LADY
Lmao that's what working in a hotel is like...
She is ready to die! Same lady same. I love her
I know she said she was "fine" but blart still could have helped her?? Or at least call someone?? Rude
This is an enormous hotel and only one employee at the reception??!! Nah bro
Blart surprisingly competently steals a segway. Cause apparently he cant walk
THE BANANA EWWW
THE CUTS TO HIS FACE EATING THE BANANA. this is hilarious! I understand why it's a highlight for the mcelboys
"Someone is messing with our shipment " - "unacceptable"
How is there a mall in the hotel-casino complex?? Is this a movie thing or usa USA thing?
Yess my dog has joined me on the couch as moral support!!
Kevin james does not fit in a suitcase. Half this movie is just fat jokes. This makes no sense even by the movies standards
NOT TODAY DEATH, NOT TODAY!
(How did he get even in and out if the suitcase? They usually only open from the outside??!!) (I really like the Mcelboys idea of several dimensions)
Oh no the circus
Looks fancy so far, less circus more dance performance..lots of water
And blart is wearing angel wings
Dude just get off stage it's not that hard.
Yesss 60 minute mark
And he dried himself with a giant fan and electrocuted his pursuers with the fork...
HOW DARE HE TOUCH THE ART? YOU WILL RUIN IT AHHHHHH
Lmao I didn't expect Mini kiss (the band)!
Maya is a genius and the movie should be about her
The oatmeal cookie just thrown outside
Oh dear a montage. Blart is getting ready with all the new security stuff
This is wild and boring at the same time
The marbles are so underwhelming it's kinda funny
The random re-tasering without looking is good . Actually has me... well exhaling through the nose
Ahhh 70 minutes!! Almost done
Uhh balrt and bad guy are shittalking each other and just standing there yelling?
Paul Blart the non-entety, kinda fitting
Why us Khan getting a haircut in the middle of the night?
Footlocker??? Whyyyyy that makes no sense
The fights are okay. Both sides are equally incompetent it seems
Awwe I like Eduardo. Such a softy
Well blart made it to the helipad
Blart in a wavy black wig is a look
The slime of the gun is really badly animated
Why oatmeal concealer? why not oatmeal scrub?? (Or Maya blinds a man)
"Always bet on blart"
ONLY 10 MINUTES LEFT
The davina (hotel manager) storyline makes no sense
Blart gets the safety-medal of honor huh well I guess might as well
Is giving his daughter the money?
A cop on a horse. Blart is interested. The "flirty"walk is weird. She's just giving him her number like that??! Lady you can do better.
DONE I MADE IT. FINALLY
End thoughts: it's an okay movie with bad writing and okay acting. Some scenes ar fun parodies of action movies. If you wanna pay money for it - dont. If it's on tv idk check it out and see how long you can make it.
#plot#paul blart mall cop 2#paul blart#mbmbam#long post#liveblog#til death do us blart#i will never watch it again#the banana and the okd lady are kinda funny#its a few scenes flimsy held togerther by
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Hey yeah YHS marching band AU that absolutely nobody asked for and I'm too insecure to put anywhere else and I wish I could make this anon but it's a lot im sorry dkfmf
Sam - absolutely trumpet player you cannot change my mind, for the reasons I submitted
Grian - based on another analysis, I feel he'd be a good percussionist. He consistently has to change himself to keep up with the standards. Quick to adapt, and keeping everything together. Probably pit captain if I'm being honest, because that'd mean he'd have to master a whole lot of skills.
Taurtis - I think a brass instrument (french horn, trombone, etc) would do him well. At first look, very similar to Sam; however, if you look closer he isn't even similar. It plays more of a supporting role at times, but occasionally takes over the main part in a way that forces everything else to quiet down for just a moment around them. I think trombone would work best personally, but I can see tuba or baritone.
Chan - you cannot convince me she is not a woodwind. I can absolutely see flute or clarinet, because at first they really can't be heard but bro they are FOLLOWING man. They're doing GOOD and nobody tells them. Its either that or color guard and that'd be epic.
Dom - A trumpet, percussionist, or Saxaphone. I know that's really a wide variety, but I think he fits honestly all of them. Trumpet for similar reasons to Sam with the whole ego deal, but I honestly don't think it'd fit at the same time. He believes he's playing his own part in a way in a world that revolves around him, applying to all of them. I really can't help but see him as a percussionist, but a Saxaphone would work really well in my opinion considering how they get main parts rivaling the trumpets. Even so, I think it'd be mega cool if dom and Sam had a rivalry over first chair trumpet. I can see him moving to color guard and getting shamed by his dad.
Invader - I like to think maybe a tuba., baritone, trombone, or somewhere in the low brass section. An instrument girls normally don't play, and a bit lower. Something that makes people go wOaH because tbh this school is on something when it comes to remarks like that. She's probably pretty good honestly.
JTS - HE IS A SAXOPHONE PLAYER CHANGE MY MIND. He's mEGA GOOD AT IT and the reason anyone can afford props is because of his dad and him
Gareth - probably band director for music only for Gareth reasons
Okami - color guard director.
Rowan - Marching band director like.,he does the movements. I swear this exists I'm not stupid
Ellen - French horn or clarinet is my best bet. Keeping up and supporting and having their moments to shine. It compliments lighter instruments well, and when they can be heard dang can they sound haunting. If not that, they'd be in color guard. Probably color guard captain.
Silly - head drum major, absolutely. Plays practically every instrument. Also elected band president. She refuses to choose a second in command until she's certain.
Soul owl - second in command for drum major. Originally was in color guard, but also knew how to play flute. Often prefers to do that, and somewhat regrets being second in command, but puts her all into it.
Sookie - clarinet, possibly elected third in command drum major but have that role up to focus on clarinet because she enjoyed it so much.
Yuki - ABSOLUTELY IN COLOR GUARD, and if any instrument they'd be playing mellophone. Outstanding at flagwork and considered second in command if anything comes in it.
This would be a lot more if it were to focus much more on the earlier rivalry with Dom is the thing. Sam and Taurtis were probably friends since really young, but didn't really talk through elementary. In middle, they latched onto each other as they were the only people who knew each other in band. Sam gets in a rivalry with Dom, and they consistently fight for first chair trumpet. It's a lot of young teasing, so it's a lot more wholesome than how toxic everything was late season and somewhat still early season. In freshmen year, Dom joins the trumpets. He finds he doesn't like it there, but thoroughly enjoys talking with the girls who are in guard. Next year ends up joining them instead. His father said that isn't manly enough, accuses him of being a terrible son, and throws him out. He focuses on color guard and might be taken in by Paul Blart in this case or just live around the school. This year invader might join in for color guard as well just to comfort dom in a way because I've always seen them having a very wholesome sibling relationship. As they make it to sophomore year, new kid junior Grian comes in. They're not too familiar, but he ends up being treat at pit. Pretty much takes over as pit captain, and while hesitant Grian pretty much clicks right in with them.
Junior year Taurtis mentions possibly quitting band that very year, and Sam gets VERY DEFENSIVE. ends up getting in a relationship with yuki, and boom its this really.. cursed issue of a couple. Grian comforts taurtis with all the chaos, but it's sort of sucky.
All the romantic subplots are the same and stuff, but it's just a bit more wholesome with band stuff I feel
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I once again know nothing about band culture or anything i was the choir kid but this? incredibly valid and blessed
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ok you’ve all been waiting for it my thoughts on the sonic movie!!!
under cut cause long
so overall! I really liked the movie! I think it sorta landed pretty in the ballpark of what I sorta expected quality-of-plot wise and how much I’d be entertained by it. which is satisfying!!! I’m going to like, stream of thought this, starting with some criticisms which are gonna be kinda hefty cause im critiquing something I care about
so right away I really disliked the “record scratch so this is me I bet you’re wondering how I got in this situation” opening like I’m not sure if it was intentionally a self aware joke on that being cliche and dumb but it does like, really frustrate me cause my philosophy for most stories is Start your story where it begins!! which made the backstory infodump more frustrating on top of that, like, I think that’s an easy mistake to make to want to spill your Backstory right away but it’s not necessary! the audience doesn’t NEED to know immediately what sonic was like in his homeworld and his tragic separation from it. we already have the audiences suspension of disbelief in play because they know they’re watching.. a movie about sonic the hedgehog in the real world. I think the backstory stuff would have been much more impactful as a flashback later on, especially when sonic’s whole arc is how lonely and isolated he is. it would be a better punch in the heart to later on be like so by the way as a child his guardian probably died and sent him to earth for his own safety. so that was like AUGH you blew it
next up that i think was unnecessary like, completely, was establishing that sonic already knew the main cop guy and his wife (omg I already forgot their names..because they were not memorable but we’ll get to that fjdsg) and like, secretly immersed himself into their life that’s ?? odd to me? I think it would have been fine to just have sonic be like attached to the whole small town and he thinks the cop is cool and calls him donut lord, and that’s the extent of it like cause the problem is later down the plot when sonic finds out cop guy is leaving green hills and flips out about it.. I’m like, not sure if I believe sonic, immersing himself in their life, had NOT known that was a thing cop guy wanted to do like he NEVER heard about that??? but that’s like whatever
I don’t really like the cop guy as the protag human like. oof he was very bland and I’m trying to figure out how to put this into words............ I feel like a character like him isn’t someone the audience can really connect to. this guy has a virtually perfect life with a house and a dog and a job and a wife, his Conflict is that he wants to move to california and see more action and save people, but the WEIRDEST thing about it is that the prospect of leaving his little town behind isn’t really shaking him up at all. it shakes SONIC up later, but up until that point.... the cop just has legit a perfect life and it’s kinda sad because sonic appearing in it physically becomes something that immediately has the effect of “starting to ruin it” and thats why the cop is so like, mean about things at first.
see I don’t really like that it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. if I were to rewrite this keeping the general ideas in mind, I would have opted for a ... paul blart crossed with judy hopps. a guy who’s life isn’t all in order, maybe not living in trash but he doesn’t have a wife, he DREAMS of being a cop and saving people, but he doesn’t quite have what it takes physically/mentally or maybe he’s too afraid to even try. he loves his rural town but thinks like, maybe if I move to the big city I’ll find myself maybe he’s offered a job there for something boring and is like resigning to a boring life idk there’s a lot you can do but you get the idea! a lonely underdog with big dreams. so when Sonic comes into his life, its WAY more impactful to paul hopps.....judy blart...... that Sonic pleads for help saving his life and this sudden adventure isn’t ruining his life either.
then LATER when we get to sonic being upset that paul hopps wants to leave, it’s less this awkward confrontation “how dare you wanna live your already in motion dreams somewhere ELSE because people love you HERE” (like .. oof bad take tbh) it would be a much nicer “why do you want to leave your home to become a hero when everyone here already sees you as one” and instead of the shabby like “well I guess I’ll stay because i crossed off saving someone from my bucket list” paul hopps would feel fulfilled he saved sonic and I actually you know what? I’d change up the whole scene with the turtle to be at the end where paul hopps becomes a cop in green hills and he like, saves a turtle crossing the road and is like! that’s what its all about being a hero! like thats cute and resonates with an audience, the message like, being a hero just means being kind and doing the right thing, which is way more suitable for a sonic movie when the sonic series has always been a campy power of friendship thing.
in a similar vein, the cop being a lonely underdog would give him a better connection with sonic, so that even if he was annoyed by him at first he’d later have the understanding they’re one in the same, you know? connections people!! themes!!!!
anyway but enough of that au
so the last thing I’m like iffy about is how robotnik was handled. like jim carry is funny and stuff but it felt like a bit of a mess like, this character is repeatedly reminding us what a hard ass I’M SUPERIOR THAN YOU MY IQ IS HUGE but then being super mega goofy, like I’m all for eccentric scientists but it felt kind of disconnected? and idk like not to be that guy but man.. i remember when sonic 06 came out and everyone hated how eggman was slimmed down to what he looked like in that game jfkdfsgksdj like my brain really doesn’t find a fully slender bodied eggman palatable like......... let my mans be fat ... WHICH tbh I’m a little nervous because at the end of the movie we see this implication that robotnik is turning more visually into the eggman we know with the stache and bald head but I’m worried they’re gonna also go with “and he also gets fat” cause I don’t like that sort of thing, you know?
i think that’s all for my major criticisms!! but otherwise like! the movie was genuinely really fun and goofy and it felt very in spirit with the sonic franchise!
if you read bogleech’s post I agree with him whole heartedly that this is the best characterization of sonic. it feels almost like?????? the characterization he was MEANT To have but he always ended up going TOO MUCH in the direction of confident and cocky and being too cool and successful about it? I love sonic with that hyper teenager-like personality, it’s incredibly charming and cute, like I never Hated sonic as a character but he was defs like... lower on my list of characters in the franchise I found interesting. I felt like I could connect with movie sonic a lot and like! i’d want to be his friend, you know? I really really want to see more of him like that!
I also agree big time that the movie had the best use of bullet time I’ve ever seen! I’m like omg?? WHY hasnt that ever been a mechanic in a game?
and overall just like the cuteness like............I literally almost cried when the little girl gave sonic her shoes like AAAAAAAAAAAAA WEEPS............ and the end with sonic getting his own room thats so super cute too!!!!
oh and the post credits scene with tails was SO FUCKING HYPE like, people in the theater audibly gasped and started being like YESSSSSSS tails looks really great!
so like YEAH dabs ,, being a story snob aside it was a fun and cute movie and I’m glad to hear it trumped detective pikachu for a video game movie I’m glad it’s brought some attention to the sonic franchise! like while it’s cool in some aspects that Nerd Culture is mainstream now, it’s absolutely exhausting the HUGE focus on that is marvel and DC and all that stuff........ like theres nothing wrong w/ liking that but its like.. hm.... idk how to explain it but................. as someone who was bullied a lot in school for liking things like sonic.. like I guess stuff like that people usually see as lame stuff for babies??? superheroes are more like, macho and palatable to adults?? it’s been a good experience for all my normie coworkers to ask what I did for valentines day and I tell them “I saw the sonic the hedgehog movie” and I BRACE myself reflexively to be laughed at but not a single person did they were just like oh cool! how was it? like it really makes me appreciate I got to at least grow up and feel a little more accepted!
so THATS my thoughts feel free to comment and discuss!
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my cold let up for 10 seconds so i can talk abt twrp gemsonas
sung’s is pretty much already made like u can place this man in any au and everything has already p much been decided
ok ko au? done. steven universe au? perfect. paul blart mall cop au? YOU BET
naturally his weapon is a pair of nunchucks and his gem is the core
it’s labradorite bc even though it’s a mainly blue gem it makes me think of labrador retrievers so
OH apparently it means intuition, inner spirit, protection, and psychic abilities which is a cool side note to the more important labrador retriever thing
he’s probably reformed the most out of the group?( i’m going by costume changes so i think he’s had the most edits???)
phobos is a carnelian but it’s on his forehead under the helmet so it usually isn’t seen unless it’s caught in the light
i’m not saying the others are particularly reckless but like..... they’re reckless
sung reforms like 2 times a week, havve generally refuses to/is a mess, meouch doesn’t rly care but has good luck (has only reformed like 3 times ever)
phobos is super protective of his gem and while he’s also only reformed like 3 times as well, he’s had a worse time of it/the changes were more drastic
that or he’s definitely like fallen off of something and cracked it like there’s an old video that’s like pre-device i think and the camera just turns back to phobos perched on top of something like ????? what the fuck are you doing- so like going off of lore he’s probably super serious and reformed once exiled from his planet/reformed again trying to kill meouch but going off of phobos irl doing weird things he also probably had to reform after doing smtn stupid
he summons up his weapon and it’s just....... gun
meouch is like he’s kidding right he must’ve just found that somewhere
*chk chk* “are you SERIOUS”
meouch summons up his sword and is spinning it around but phobos just pulls the gun on him like that scene in indiana jones
carnelian also just seems like a regal/historical gem??
meouch is a lepidolite bc of the old purple outfit? it’s in a v shape on his back (like the v shape... design.. thing on the front of his outfit)
just has a cool space sword esp so i could make that indiana jones joke
isn’t careless but doesn’t go overboard w protecting his gem like he knows the smuggling business is dangerous and just generally feels like hey whatever happens happens/isn’t in as much danger anymore so he doesn’t rly have to worry abt it now either
havve is bloodstone (his eyes are the red spots on bloodstones but his gem(s) might also include the black space behind them?)
might be a fusion of two bloodstones with both eyes as the gems? can a fusion be half synthetic, half dying gem??? (can a family be 4 boys)
(maybe the fusion was super evident before with that half&half outfit?)
has reformed but doesn’t like to and is currently wearing away/slightly cracked or is at least super exhausted and could stand to sleep like humans do
gets to wield TWO knives
just takes them out of his eyes
sung & havve: sunstone (weapon: kusarigama) (silently protective, capable of horrific destruction but doesn’t act on it, most stable fusion!)
sung & phobos: moonstone (weapon: longbow) (wise but also really odd, impulsive- does things without telling anyone/does things he knows is dangerous or foolish)
sung & meouch: tanzanite (weapon: double bladed sword) (always hyped for something, swears a lot, either cares too much or not at all)
meouch & phobos: fluorite (weapon: bazooka) (A MESS, the most unstable fusion, longs for order but is destructive and their physical form is chaotic, meticulous but almost effortlessly so)
meouch & havve: tourmaline (weapon: trident) (mischievous/likes to cause havoc, breaks the rules often but never gets caught, sleeps a lot, always keeps promises and always holds grudges)
phobos & havve: rutile (weapon: grenades) (doesn’t speak but is the most expressive/moves around a lot, introspective and has gone through the most considering their separate traumas lore wise- though sung and havve fused is a close second, is oddly silly though like [hm i sure have gone through a lot... /tries to do a backflip])
all together: fire opal (weapon: slingshot) (kinda like when ur friend group is all craving different food and u order all of it instead of choosing one/arguing abt it- well put together and on the same wavelength when fused as a group)
#hey my fever brain isnt letting me make any sense so im sorry if this is like#absolute nonsense#idk if it's even readable#twrp#coming upw weapons is the most fun part#i love making gemsonas theyre so fun to do??#like i spent TOO much time on this but it was rly fun so....
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Safety Takes a holiday?
For the next two weeks Sad Blart fall cop will not be releasing any new chapters. Later on in the month though this will be rectified and the story of the worlds most depressed mall cop WILL CONTINUE. With the end of section one in sight. It will feel like an intense first season finale of a tv show. Once section one is complete, section 2 will continue with more epic and emotional chapters throughout.
SAD BLART WILL RETURN WITH IN THE NEXT 3 WEEKS!
For now though you can find our story on
Wwattpad
Qoutev
Fanfic.net
and A03
Enjoy and always cry with blart! Bet on his return at the end of April. You won't want to miss itBeen a while since we updated our Wattpad. Quotev and Tumblr have been the priority but I'd like to put this here too.
Safety takes a holiday?
No this is not an April fools joke though we wish it was. For the next two weeks, Sad Blart Fall cop will not be releasing any new chapters. Later on in the month though this will be rectified and the story of the world's most depressed mall cop will continue with the end of section one insight. It will feel like an intense first season finale of a tv show. Once section one is complete, section 2 will continue with more epic and emotional chapters throughout.
Sad Blart will return within the next 3 weeks with multiple new chapters!
THE END OF SECTION ONE IS NEAR.
For now, though you can find our story either on Quotev or on these platforms
Wattpad
Fanfic. Net
And a03
Enjoy and always cry with Blart! Bet on his return at the end of April. You won't want to miss it.
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MALL COP TRIVIA #57
Gary Valentine, Kevin James, Shelly Desai, and Bas Rutten appeared in Here Comes the Boom as well as PBMC2 (2012).
#mall cop#paul blart#paul blart mall cop 2#mbmbam#mcelroy brothers#paul blart mall cop#trivia#movie facts#movie trivia#fun facts#till death do us blart#always bet on blart#fun movie facts#here comes the boom
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hi im a paul blart enthusiast
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Ot7 medival time period au with jinyoung as a prince and the rest of got7 as his advisors and friends please!
Warnings: None
Authors: TJ, Chewy, Mia, Phi, Jessica, Keannah, Qi, Miranda, Jenni, Jo, Sally, Angel
Word Count: 1.3k
A/N: As you can all tell by the long list of authors, we decided to do a special collab for this prompt! We put a lot of serious effort into this, so we hope you enjoy~ ^^
Edit: Happy April Fools’ 2017! This is a fake prompt and joke fic that we wrote together this year! Each author contributed around 100 words, and we were only allowed to see the last sentence of what was written before our turn. This was the result, we hope you enjoyed the crack-y fun~
~~
“Have you heard? They’re holding a competition with all the neighboring kingdoms to see who can win our Prince’s hand in marriage!” Youngjae was slightly out of breath as he came to a halt in front of the stables, eyes shining with excitement at the news.
The other stablehand, however, didn’t seem to share his enthusiasm, not even bothering to look up from the pile of dung he was currently shoveling.
“They’re trying to find a suitor for Prince Jinyoung?” Yugyeom wrinkled his nose, clearly unimpressed, “Would anyone even want to marry him?”
“Why would anybody not want to marry him?” Youngjae sighed. “He’s so pretty, and sweet, yet also a little bit sharp. Like a perfect tart!”
“Ugh,” Yugyeom groaned, snatching away the small engraving of Jinyoung’s profile Youngjae was drooling over. “All you have to do I bake him some sweets when he asks. I have to clean his room.”
“It would be an honor to clean the Prince’s room!” Youngjae pouted. “I bet it smells like roses.”
“It’s a pigsty,” Yugyeom deadpanned.
Youngjae gasped, “Do not slander the great Prince Jinyoung’s name!”
“I’m sorry, what about my name?” a new voice inquired.
It was the same voice that Jinyoung heard in his nightmares. The ones where he’s pantless in front of his high school crush, slave to a village of unicorns, or some other acid dream he had after binging anime while eating ice cream straight from the bucket and fell asleep on the couch.
But Jinyoung wasn’t dreaming. He’s standing in the kitchen, smuggling ramen from the cabinets, stuffing them in his shirt in preparation of his all-night cram session for Psych. And the new voice wasn’t a dream-like apparition, but a breathing body waiting for some type of explanation.
When Jinyoung turned back to greet the new voice with a sinking sense of something like regret and guilt morphed together, he dropped all his ramen and gaped because he was not expecting that.
He’s not quite sure if anything could’ve prepared him for whatever strange thing was lurching in front of him, his heart hesitating just as his bowl shattered to the ground. Jinyoung vaguely registered something hot against his feet, barely protected by thin socks covered in faded thread and dust, and he blinked. His eyes were frozen wide, unblinkingly caught between gears as his mind worked desperately to apply logic to the situation. It was impossible, he knew that, but he’d always been a skeptic. Panic started to filter into Jinyoung’s thoughts as the figure stalked forward, feet scraping against the ground.
He quickly turned to run, the sound of his steps echoing against the pavement. It only took him a moment to realize that whoever was following him had begun to chase after him as well. He willed himself to run faster, desperately trying to ignore the burning in his lungs and the way his legs began to protest with each step, but it was so hard. His body began to slow down, despite his internal pleading, and soon he was collapsing onto the pavement with a pained gasp, tears already springing to his eyes.
“Please,” he whispered as they approach, feeling the eerie presence of the figure staring down at him.
“Please what, pretty boy?” The figure was still hazy in his sight, still none but a silhouette as he swallowed down the nervous pool of saliva in his mouth.
The footsteps came to an abrupt halt, leaning over him dauntingly as he tried to find the words lodged in his throat. The figure tilted its head curiously, shuffling was heard, and it’s voice was a little closer this time.
“What is it you wanted to tell me, hm?”
His body trembled and quivered out of fear, still wracking his brain to find his pleading words in hopes of getting his way.
Defeat weighed his shoulders down as he came to realise his impending doom. Slowly, slowly the arm of the the Masked Singer™ lowered itself down onto his shoulder. There would be no turning back now.
“I am your father” the distorted voice intoned.
Shock filled his body. Trembling, he made his demand.
“Prove it. Sing to me the songs of my people.”
Jackson took a deep breath and paused for a moment to gather himself, heart pounding in his chest, blood rushing in his veins. He opened his mouth, hand resting over his frantic heart, and to the tune of Pompeii by Bastille, sang, “Paul-Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Paul-Paul Blart: Mall Cop–”
A single tear rolled down Jaebum’s cheek as he watched, and Jackson blinked away his own tears. Then, very suddenly, Jaebum fell to his knees in front of the two-storey tall Paul Blart: Mall Cop poster and began to cry, “Paul-Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Paul-Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Paul-Paul Blart: Mall Cop–”
“Oh, praise thee,” Jackson shrieked, “praise thee Paul Blart: Mall Cop!”
He fell to his knees.
“What are you doing.” It was phrased as a question but the words fell from his mouth as a statement. Jinyoung had heard a shrill, panicked scream as he passed by the room, and immediately regretted following his curiosity to find a writhing Jackson on the floor, panting and shrieking.
Jackson did not answer; instead, he proceeded to scream different variations of “praise” as Jinyoung slowly backed away. His Plan A was originally to run away as far as he could, rename himself “Junior,” and live his life peacefully in a small country town where no obnoxious young adults by the name of Jackson could ever disturb him again. His goal, however, was shattered as he backed away straight into Jaebum’s sturdy chest and questioning, narrowed eyes.
“What the hell is going on in there?” Jaebum demanded, startled by the fear reflected in Jinyoung’s eyes.
“Hyung!” his voice was warbled, strained and pitchy and his knuckles were gripped white from where he was clenching his hands. Jaebum tried to stitch the whole scene together, eyes frantically darting around every incriminating corner of the room.
Jinyoung was by the open window, its curtains billowing out. The toppled lamp stand on the other side of the room, Coco petrified and shivering behind it. The amassment of dirty laundry across the furniture (not that that was particularly new). Yugyeom curled into a ball in the centre of the room. A figure covered by a blanket, unmoving.
Jaebum’s eyes bulged open, “Why is there a dead person in our dorm!??” The stress he felt, it was consuming at this point.
Despite the completely, very goddamn serious moment, Jinyoung scoffed and rolled his eyes. “That’s not a dead body, hyung. That’s just Jackson. he’s taking a nap.
“A nap?” He questioned. The doe-eyed youth only threw him a halfhearted nod. Jaebum squinted his eyes narrowly at Jackson’s figure before looking up suspiciously back at Jinyoung. He ultimately decided to let the questions in his mind stay unvoiced, opting for a small shrug and smile. He’d known the younger male for too long to question his antics, especially since he’d witnessed the wrath of Jinyoung for all this time. Jaebum reckoned that obliviousness was the true key to a peaceful and long life. “I don’t even want to know,” he let out.
“What are you talking about,” Jinyoung questioned. “Are you trying to evade this conversation?”
Jaebum laughed nervously, gaze still looking back and forth from the boy in front of him to the boy lying splayed out on the ground. “Just pretend I was never here today.” He blurted out, “We can save this conversation for another day.”
He threw the younger male what he hoped was a convincingly amicable grin before hurrying his steps towards the door. He should’ve known that he didn’t drop toothpaste on his shirt this morning for nothing—t’was all a warning from the deities above. And so Jaebum stumbled his way out the door, leaving behind Jinyoung to dwell on unfinished conversations.
Shouldering past him was Mark, mildly stunned and clearly smashed, holding half a plate of h’ordeuvres and covered in confetti. “What’d I miss,” he managed to enunciate impressively, before passing out into the umbrella stand. Politely, Jinyoung covered him with a teacloth, before continuing to brood in considerable peace.
#got7#jj project#jackbum#yugjae#ot7#7clicks#character:yugyeom#character:youngjae#character:jinyoung#character:jackson#character:jb#character:mark#author:tj#author:chewy#author:mia#author:phi#author:jessica#author:keannah#author:qi#author:miranda#author:jo#author:sally#author:angel#jjproject
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things i think about season 4 (or 34 points i feel compelled to make, shoved under a readmore):
1) every named blade except keith and kolivan has died so CONGRATS IF YOUR NAME STARTS WITH K UR SAFE
2) literally shiro has a bayard for the first time in FOUR SEASONS and we couldn’t have even three seconds of coran asking him to show off during their showbiz episode? literally what the fuck is wrong with y’all
3) they literally fucking wrote keith out of voltron and it makes sense how it happened and it sets him up for a DOOZY of a char arc
involving him learning his own form of leadership (he was directing those rebel fighters and talking back to kolivan you CAN’T tell me he’s not a good leader after that) (he just wasn’t good at leading voltron) (PROBABLY BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW MUCH SHIRO NEEDS BLACK) (and also because of how out of place he’s always felt with them RIP)
........my fucking heart hurts
4) people are saying they don’t like the showbiz ep but like... if you look at the way worm!coran distilled their characters, you can tell how self-aware the writers are. like, they’ve written hunk as a joke and in the episode coran wrote him as a joke. they favored keith’s development over allura’s last few seasons (...she has magical powers and can shapeshift and they mentioned it once and then not again until like... now) and coran LITERALLY made allura be keith, like that is pretty obviously some shade at something. maybe the fandom’s complaints? idk, but it seems like they Know what they’re doing.
5) THE REUNION EP goddamn that was so good, that setup with the code books and the flashbacks and then the CEMETERY!!! THAT MONUMENT! god the monument was beautiful...
6) matt is such a fucking meme oh my god. okay who wants to bet that lance is going to get super jealous and insecure over the smart boy who acts like him but that people appreciate more? (this could go on a bingo card: LANGST OVER MATT) the heart eyes over allura thing pisses me off but.... i’m so ticked off about how they handle her like OOOH every boy is obviously fawning over her because EYE CANDY fuckin
7) the alteans trying to get milkshakes by talking to the cow was fuckign wonderful and THAT WAS WHAT I MEANT BY SEASON 3 LACKING ANY FUNNY BITS. like s3 had a few one off jokes but the whole rest of the time was die-hard angst and it... was not good
8) “keith’s tearing apart the team” LIARS. the team is tearing apart keith and i will not STAND FOR THIS SLANDER. also??? ‘we’ll always have your back’ or whatever bull shiro pulled out of his ass i’m. you literally did not? if one single one of y’all had stopped to talk to the boy you would have realized how awful he was feeling about everything. but no, shiro’s brilliant words of advice were ‘suck it up and be the leader even tho i can clearly see that no one likes you as the black paladin, least of all yourself’. god they were just... so cold to keith. blah blah i’m a keith stan but like... dudes. did you see how much he was hurting? and NO ONE wanted to talk to him. he’s still the loner to the team he would DIE FOR, WITHOUT HESITATION. this kid STOOD IN FRONT OF ZARKON, all alone, on the miniscule off chance that he could save the universe and be done with it. i’m
9) still need that hunk/lance development (allura’s is starting to pick up, thank god, but.........)
10) what the fUCK is up with shiro? he has never been this angry before. i can see how hard a blow it was to lose the support of the black lion, but it’s literally never been his MO to angrily order people around.
11) god no one is... talking to each other? no one but the holt sibs. fucking rip communication.
12) WHERE. THE FUCK. IS SLAV. bye bye to literally the smartest person in the universe i guess???
13) ...keith was the first actual paladin to make a paladin vlog, so where does that fit in with the timeline? also RIP MY HEART
14) FUCK YES THEY’RE ON OLKARION!!! FUCK FUCKING YES!!!
15) dudes... voltron still has a sword. WITHOUT keith. in both of the last formations, keith’s bayard, either the black or the red, made the sword. what is up with that??
16) NARTI.
17) i REALLY 100% expected axca to be diehard lotor fangirl but her loyalty is greater than that. i’m love her??? she’s literally lawful good and I WON’T HEAR ANY WORDS AGAINST HER. I WANT HER BACKSTORY.
18) they left the goddamn cat behind. also, for real, i thought he was gonna murder the cat.
19) something’s up with jack haggar. can she consciously turn her face blue? or is it somehow linked to her memory?
20) zarkon is a zombie now wrapped in a tin can and im DYING
21) RIP galra command tbh. lotor is rogue, zarkon is relying on quintessence to stay alive, haggar currently gives NO fucks (we’ll handle it ourselves now lets BLOW UP THIS ENTIRE THIRD OF THE EMPIRE i’m???)
22) what the goddamn fuck is lotor’s backstory??? does he know who haggar even is? is he also 10 thousand years old???? hOW??? I NEED TO KNOW DAMMNIT
23) pidge’s room is so GOOD. plus the gaming system??? heck yeah.
24) pidge and hunk showering each other in compliments gives me life honestly
25) I LITERALLY JUST WANT KEITH TO BE OKAY if someone gets mad at him again and ignores the literal, like, four times he was about to GIVE HIS LIFE for the cause i’ll just.... explode
26) lance and his aerial dancing I’m?????
27) paul blart mall cop has voltron figurines that is all
28) how did that unilu trader become a war vet??
29) how is sam holt going to fit into this???
30) my dudes the galra ships can go underwater that is TERRIFYING
31) THE MERMAID PLANET IS IN THE COALITION
32) how did matt get the scar on his face HOW DID IT GET THERE
33) ....and there were some good hugs in there. keith/shiro hug, pidge/matt hug, matt/shiro hug, group hug with KEEF :”D
34) IF ONLY THEY EVER TALKED TO EACH OTHER LMFAO. aside from lance’s sudden speeches mid-life-or-death-situation i guess??? like wtf dude.
#13th#October#2017#October 13th 2017#liveblogging voltron#voltron season 4#this is basically a sweet and salty post#its like sweet and sour but with salt#x queues me
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