Tsugumi, Hitaki and Hayato | Nil Admirari no Tenbin

Can we know why she went from best friend to fat footed bitch please👀😂

No worries if not, I'm just up late

lol i actually think i called her a fat footed bitch BEFORE we stopped being friends (altho... probs not much before) becauseeeeee... the last year we were friends was rocky for me and her.

BUT, and prepare yourself: it's really LONG and convoluted because TECHNICALLY it was all a misunderstanding (and related to some unaddressed trauma she had), but basically... her and her sister INVITED me and a plus one (who ended up being my friend) to go see a concert with them and carpool to the train station together, where we'd all subway to the venue. This part all goes fine.

BUT, it's on the way home, after we've trained back to her car... when it's like 2 in the morning, that she (ex-best friend) tells us that she's not planning on taking me or my friend home. She's just driving back to her house where she'll leave us to do whatever for our own ride, BECAUSE, she says, "we never asked for her to carpool us back home."

And this is kind of a problem because... since we just assumed she'd give us a ride home, WE HAVE NO BACKUP PLAN, and neither my mom nor my friend's family is picking up the phone, and so essentially, if she doesn't drive us, we're stranded in the middle of the night.

Of course, as my friend argues (even though I know she'd never call one for herself bc she was terrified of men) we could've gotten an uber... but it's both really late at night and, because this was just after highschool and I WAS FRESHLY 18, just an awful idea.

But the thing that makes it even more weird... is like, as we're arguing, her sister (who literally co-owns the car with her) offers to drive instead... and it's only then that she finally agrees to take us home...

Except that, once we're on the road, SHE PURPOSEFULLY misses our exit and just goes to her house anyway??????? (and by this point, i'm crying, not really because i'm upset at the scenario as a whole, though that too, but because i think she's just not acting like a friend AND BEING hypocritical, as well as the girl who i invited is chronically ill and needs to get home for her medication and bathroom and etc. and I just feel so bad)

So we eventually get to her house... where, once arriving, she just fucks off!!!!!!! and leaves us outside!!! And thankfully, her sister (who is actually still my friend, I love her lol) offers to go back and drop us off at home...

But the whole thing just ends up spiraling because... WELL, there's a lot of reasons, lol:

I left a bunch of makeup and a jacket at her house and text her to make sure i can pick it up later... and she yells at me (over text) about always being selfish asking other people to do stuff for me

This starts another fight where I tell her I just want an apology for not driving me home and that i was never expecting her to drop off the makeup LOL

She doesn't apologize and instead texts a mutual friend trying to get her to talk to me too

and i just stop responding to her altogether

And by the time she messages me again, a couple months later (by which we're both in different states having started college), NOT WITH AN APOLOGY, just simply saying she didn't realize the whole thing would take such a toll, I'm still too hurt to talk to her.... and that's basically the end of our friendship.

OH AND THE WHOLE INSTAGRAM REPORTING THING happened bc her sister invited me to christmas dinner soon after that and she immediately uninvited me... and i made another post about her having made me cry, which her new friend sent, as well as all these other screenshots of posts I made, to her.

i also did eventually get her a birthday gift (as an olive branch) when i was finally not angry and hurt.... but she never ended up acknowledging it (which wouldn't have been super weird except... i was literally at her house celebrating with her sister and she never once spoke to me).

-

SO YEAH. You probably weren't expecting so much but... here it is!! took me like 45 minutes to type out and i'm pretty sure it's still not the best description but........... THAT'S HOW I GOT MY HEART BROKEN BY A FAT FOOTED BITCH (she's also a zionist now tho so lmaooo i really dodged a bullet there) !

HOPE THIS WAS A GOOD BEDTIME STORY ILY

Oppenheimer thoughts.

I’m neutral-to-slightly-positive on Nolan’s filmography but I loved Dunkirk when I saw it back in 2017 so I was delighted that Oppenheimer took many of its stylistic flourishes and dialed them up x100.

the timeline and perspective divisions between 1. Fission and 2. Fusion and how the two intermixed with each other & occasionally overlapping

the unrelenting pace, never stopping or slowing down, with the music almost constantly going except for key moments of quiet

just the sound mixing!! my favorite moment in Dunkirk is the last 30 seconds where the sound finally goes quiet (after having been near constant the entire film) and we get a similar moment twice in Oppenheimer -- once w/ the bomb test, where the bomb silences everything except for Oppenheimer’s breathing, and then when he’s giving his speech to the crowd after the real bomb has been dropped -- that are so so good, and made all the more compelling that the movie keeps going each of them, unlike Dunkirk

I’ve seen people talk about Nolan’s obsession with time, but seen less on his returning to 1) technology & its intersection with war & warfare, and 2) knowledge / uncertainty / action, all 3 of which are super prominent (and were also key to Dunkirk)

there’s a lot to say about the timelines but one thing that stood out what how it contrasted Oppenheimer and Strauss as two sides of the same powerful, horrible coin. I was a little put off by how the film seemed to take some glee in Strauss’s comeuppance at the end, even if Strauss going after & destroying Oppenheimer’s career & reputation was a real shit move, but the final scene was just a devastating undercutting of Oppenheimer & his choices & guilt. the image of Oppenheimer watching the bomb test with eyes wide open vs closing them against his visions of the world destroyed by nuclear catastrophe, huh. men chasing after dreams, men chasing after power, these impulses are both very similar, and it’s very often other people who pay the price (at least at first).

people crap on Nolan for not have good characters or character-driven movies, but that’s bothered me less esp as he’s embraced more technical elements within his style (the focus on how he structures his films, the sound design, editing, etc.) and I thought it was perfect how Nolan focused on the technical and allowed his actors to bring their humanity to their characters, particularly w/ Cillian Murphy delivering such an internal character performance. all those close ups of Murphy where you could tell there was so much going on underneath, in a way that can only be conveyed by an actor, as compared in something in the script, and that not many actors can pull in such a deep way. AND it also worked when Oppenheimer being a cypher was itself a thematic part of the film, in the question of “what did Oppenheimer really think / feel?” being so prominent thru it. it’s probably easy to miss the nuances but that’s not something bad, that just means the film was super dense and needs rewatching to get all of it.

not particularly related to the film but I have to say, people metaphorically comparing eyes to gem stones in writing is super common but never quite worked for me except wow do Murphy’s eyes look like actual blue gemstones at points in this film. he has such a beautiful face, altho in an aesthetic way for me. like a beautiful painting.

some sims questions!!!!

tagged by @pooklet ty!!

What’s your favorite Sims death?

oh gosh, okay, tbh, in general idk if i have a favorite, i do like a classic death by old age just because it makes me feel accomplished, lol, but specifically i think it'd have to be the time forrest bonnet died of cardiac explosion the literal second i hit play once i finished building his house 😂

Alpha CC/Semi-realism or Maxis Match?

idk why but i am definitely more maxis match for ts4 and semi-realistic for ts2? it just feels RIGHT to me

Do you cheat your sims weight?

only for my story sims, in the spirit of keeping things semi-consistent between chapters, because i swear sim stede gains weight faster than any sim i've ever played, and sim ed often ends up TOO BUFF from all of his energized swimming 😂 other than that, i do not, i just let them do their own thing. i dont really use too many custom body shapes for ts2, but definitely coming back to it after playing with the diversity in ts4 has been a bit jarring, but also custom body shapes are a lot of work so. idk what the solution is!

Do you move objects?

is this a real question?

Favorite Mod?

HMMMMMMMMMM! i'd say ACR, the shiftable everything mod, and for ts4 of course ye olde wickedwhims 🤭

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

idk whatever the first sims 1 ep was??? i think? my friend had it and we played it at her house in 4th grade (well, she played, i watched because she wouldnt let me actually play it, lol) and then my parents bought it for me that easter and ive been hooked ever since 😂

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?

living!!!!!!!!!! absolutely mindfuck to realize that some ppl DONT pronounce it that way 😂

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

ed and stede in ts4, altho i didn't TECHNICALLY make their bases, but i have done sooooo much to them and i am so attached they are like my children

prob val in ts2, lol, i am big on fandom sims i guess!!!!

Have you made a simself?

yeah!!!!! in ts2 and 4!

Which is your favorite EA hair color?

uhhhhh, like, for ts4? probably a pink, ofc, lol. natural colors??? idk no preference!

Favorite EA hair?

this is so specific idk i mostly use custom hairs tbh

Favorite life stage?

young adult/adult in ts4 and adult in ts2 for sure

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

oh both! i love gameplay but i also have to have it very aesthetically pleasing, if it's not fun for me to look at im not interested

Are you a CC creator?

yeeeeeee @ailuromancys

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

@angelapleasant @dirk-dreamer @simper-fi are all sim friends who i have formed lasting irl friendships with 🥰 altho i am soooo bad at keeping in touch with ppl anymore and i feel so bad abt that, they are still my favorites

@pooklet is top tier as well!!! 😊

@emperorofthedark i know it's been ages but you also!!!!!!!

Do you have any sims merch?

...no?

Do you have a YouTube for sims?

oh my god, no. the way i alternate between normal speed and triple speed should be outlawed, i cannot imagine it would be any fun to watch AT ALL

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?

i think mostly i've gotten better at taking and editing pics? gos was pretty much my introduction to sims cc (with the exception of some sailor moon skins/heads i had for ts1 that my dad had to help me install 😂) so that had a HUGE influence on my style that i never really strayed from. i think i toned it down a bit in ts4, but at my core, i am still very neon/grunge oriented

Who’s your favorite CC creator?

@pooklet @skulldilocks currantpotpie @angelapleasant @dirk-dreamer @leaf-storm @simmer-until-tender do you see a theme here?

How long have you had Simblr?

2010 i think! holy shit.

How do you edit your pictures?

for tumblr i crop them to 800x500, use the honeycomb psd (with a vibrance layer added) and then use pooklet's sharpening action

What expansion/gamepack is your favorite?

HMMMMMMM. this is a tough one. possibly seasons for ts2? ts4 i cannot even say, because there are so fucking many lmfao it's disgusting 😂

taggin whoever wants to do this!!!!

When it comes to servants, I do believe that I’ve gone on and on about how much she loves and treasures them, but I don’t think I’ve touched upon the extent of this.

So generally, as long as they are servants, they automatically have a fraction of her affection. Granted, these affections vary based on their bond, but she will always give servants the benefit of the doubt. It doesn’t matter if they are allies, rogues, or enemies, she will technically try to appeal to them. For example, in a scenario that I had last year during Ryouma’s Close Call, she offered to be Tanaka’s master so that he doesn’t disappear. There’s also the case with Mitsuhide, where he shot her but she didn’t really care and instead even forgave him. She’s the kind of master who gets into all sorts of troubles and situations just to prove how genuine she is when it comes to them, in light of understanding that each and everyone of them has something that they want which is why they do what they do. So good or bad behavior doesn’t bother her. Takechi is like... well, he’s a special case because he is offending the one servant she has romantic feelings for, so that gets clouded… however, push comes to shove, she is willing to put certain matters and differences aside and help him, if it’s totally necessary.

Altho because of this one server I’m on on Discord, I realize she’s also the type to actually prove these affections in certain ways-- and by certain ways, I mean in ways that the receiving end understands love and/or affection. And on rare occasions, it can fall into the realms of twisted-- things done behind closed doors if only because these are things and or practices that may not be acceptable to those around them. So, this Discord server is actually one dedicated to Douman Ashiya and there were some really very enlightening and interesting things there regarding how they (Douman) understands aforementioned concept. I made a small sketch about it a while back, but I haven’t rendered it yet. And I’m not gonna post the full illustration here to avoid triggering whoever reads through this. But yeah. Just a part of it is enough. Plus I want to share actually being able to draw Douman.

I think that for her, this stems from previously having nothing. Not in the sense of material possessions, but in terms of things that’d make her feel complete. For a fact, she really had no goals back when this all started. It’s just about helping out with Chaldea because it’s interesting and entertaining… until eventually, she found things that she could no longer afford to lose. Which is why whenever her servants are in a pinch or if their existence is threatened, all her reasoning goes out the window.

I know I mentioned it to a few friends, Kiomi’s the type of master who will return from Singularities (major or minute) and Lostbelts half-dead or near death because she will literally fight alongside them-- even if she knows that she’s weaker. This is why she spends time in the simulator as well, to gauge herself as well as train with servants in hopes of growing stronger. And as much as she knows that picking her battles are important, there are times when her logic is overridden by emotions. It does lead her to unwanted situations, but she’s doing her best to make the most of it. As well, she’s aware that masters are integral to a servant’s survival-- which is why Kiomi does make sure to come back alive. Like I told Rachel the other day, I can imagine Kiomi at the beginning of every mission talking to both Nightingale and Asclepius saying, "Revive me even if it kills me." if ever she comes back with one foot already deep in the grave. At the very least, one thing is clear to her. She has to come back alive, even if it meant wringing herself away from Death’s grasp, by force. All this so that she can continue to fight for and alongside her servants.

All so that they can have a world where they will always be remembered, no matter how much time passes, progresses, or changes.

i feel kinda bad for shl cos all the fans of hyx and spl are blaming shl since their dramas are being delayed :(

LMAO I really don’t get that altho i can see that the timing might be a little back to back, and i’m not a SHL-only stan by any measure but:

For HYX especially,

Firstly it was already having problems since the end of last year with censorship and review. This is mostly due to the reason that 2ha is a pretty big fandom and is the cult fave in the danmei industry - what this means is that there are three types of fans basically right, (1) Normal fans who love the novel + show (2) Those who fanatically love the novel in some extreme ways haha (3) Those who hate it and/or are HYX-onlys - so you get it all in a bag. 

The first type of fans is definitely the easier ones to deal with, but unfortunately in big fandoms you get a lot of (2) and (3). It’s not something that’s exclusive only to 2ha/HYX but because it’s a cult fave, and a controversial one at that, problems definitely arise.

(2) are the ones who head down to the filming scenes, take photos and footage despite crew telling ppl not to do it, not to sneak around filming sites and definitely not to leak photos or footage. They do it anyway. Yeah sure of course it’s a couple of photos every few weeks or a tiny video every few weeks but word gets out. They’re inevitably hurting the show and the fandom with their actions, because shit trends on Weibo really fast, and the censorship committee (not just for the film industry or shows) is always lurking on the site to catch any sign of you know, hate speech for the country etc. and more. Not related, but the point is that social media is watched very closely. It’s not a myth or an exaggeration, you really just got to be careful, and HYX is a show that, despite not having been broadcasted, has consistently trended on Weibo over the last few months. Not always because of leaks, but yeah, HYX is in everyone’s faces. Fans themselves put a fucking huge spotlight on the show BEFORE we even have any content at all, and of course this isn’t enough to like create huge trouble for the show but then we have-

(3), which I believe creates the most trouble - the thing is 2ha and meatbun who wrote the book, has a long line of haters and antis, way before HYX came into the picture. I shall not go into details of how I’ve seen some big accounts on Tumblr here spit vitriol at the book without even reading it just based on the content/trigger warnings and playing the morality card (and I think most ppl who’ve followed me for a while know just what I think about that). Like this was way before any footage or leaks or even HYX being a thing came about - as a cult fave it has its share of haters, and this share is a huge. There are those who get off on their moral high grounds XD and I think especially these ones are the most troublesome, all they have to do is report that HYX is immoral, bad for culture etc. etc. hahaha and yeah the censorship team is always ready to step in on reports, especially on BL stuff.

And of course the larger part is the change in censorship processes - honestly even way before SHL came out in end Feb, HYX was no closer to getting passed by the review committee than it is now. Maybe yes, SHL scenes may be now used as reference for comparison but seriously? People are deluding themselves if they thought pre-SHL HYX was going through the review process smoothly and only hit roadblocks after. I mean, we’ve all seen the leaks, some of them are truly like god-tier scenes that may be hard to explain away. It’s not like they can repackage the script especially because they have to submit everything to the review committee.

I mentioned this in a post yesterday but how SHL passed reviews is due to the fact that they didn’t have to submit a full script. They only had to submit a partial script, and that makes a world of difference. Basically a team, under these requirements, can repackage the script to include the more het looking parts even I feel, and of course some heavy misdirection by the team, it could work. Now that you have to put an entire script up for scrutiny.. I mean, it’s hard. This is just a game of probability.

And the last reason I think is still Tencent. Honestly, I’ve never seen a huge ass MNC like this handle a show this terribly.

1. No control over leaks - This is honestly the dumbest shit to do

2. Terrible crisis management response time - When fans leak footage, it’s standard and practical business sense to control it IMMEDIATELY. They shouldn’t just leave it up to the crew to put up notices and as the company that owns the rights to the show, it’s up to them to possibly threaten legal action as well. Basically a sterner stance would have helped a lot, but Tencent is a motherfucker of a company who only cares about free marketing and publicity without any considerations over impact to the show itself 

3. Terrible at communicating with fans - Seriously, I’ve never seen a company or team that’s been this bad at confirming delays etc. and providing updates about a show. I understand that it’s mostly due to them not wanting to affect the review process or create more chaos within the fandom but lmao Tencent allowed the hype to build so much and then goes absolutely silent at crazy rumours. I mean we had to find out about a delay from Cai Bao, their cat mascot, like??? In a really veiled and poetic message that didn’t outright say the word ‘delay’ like damn these ppl have a lot of time

As for SPL,

Lol we don’t know anything about this show. We don’t know if they took out or left in the Yifu part that would supposedly make it less gay or whatever, we don’t know anything about how gay it should have been or could have, so this one might be a tad more ridiculous. I mean none of us have seen any good leaks, and we haven’t seen any of the script, we got ZERO idea about this. Maybe they really went hard on the bromance, how would any of us know hahaha so all the more it’s like people have zero basis to go on, to say that it’s because of SHL. Seriously, everyone’s shooting in the dark.

Technically if laws didn’t change last Feb, I think SPL/WIK should have been passed in the same way as SHL did, but it’s just inopportune time for them.

===

- So tl:dr HYX already had tons of problems, that I doubt were going to go away just because SHL didn’t air, honestly. For SPL, it’s really hard to tell what failed the review, because none of us know what’s going on in the script.

No one cared about SHL, even I only realized the show was airing on the day itself and then made a rec post after I watched the first 4 eps. And if it truly was anything to do with SHL, I’m telling you that the first thing the censorship committee will do is basically shut SHL down, get Youku to take it off sites etc. until it’s reviewed again etc. etc. That hasn’t happened yet, at least not before HYX and SPL were stalled.

===

ALSO!! Don’t have to feel sorry for SHl fans hahaha I’m telling ya a lot of us definitely weren’t OG SHL or TYK fans, seriously! All the bigger accounts I see on Twitter are a combination of CQL/SHL or MXTX/SHL, SPL/SHL and I am personally 2HA/HYX/SHL. The fight is all out on Twitter HAHAHAHA but it’s not that bad, we’ve all got practice. Seriously WHO ACTUALLY is an SHL only stan I’ve honestly not seen much?! HAHAHA the point is we’re all yelling on behalf of SHL as a cross fandom fan, easier for us to do so as well. We’re talking about 2ha/HYX/SPL/Priest dedicated accounts that delved deep into SHL championing for no-nonsense in the space hahaha

Here's an ask: what are some betty & jug moments or scenes that you've always wanted to see on the show? I don't necessarily mean relationshipy stuff (altho yes sure that too), but investigation stuff, family dynamic stuff, serpent stuff, etc etc. Expand this ask outside of bughead too, if you'd like!

A good but difficult question!  Let's see, let's see...

- Jughead proposing for realsies is one I desperately want.  Like, he's had two pseudo-proposals already, where is his real one?  I deserve to see it.  Bonus points if it's impulsive and he uses one of the rings he's always wearing to do it.

- I really, *really* want Betty and Jughead to be engaged and then do some crimes and have to rush up their wedding so they won't have to testify against each other.  I will also accept them dating but not engaged, and then Betty is going into emergency mode, but Jughead is like, "So, uh, I've had this engagement ring ready for like three months, and I know this is a bad time, but will you marry me?" And then Betty says yes and they get married and don't go to jail.

- I want to see Betty and Jughead have to makeout as a cover when they're caught somewhere they shouldn't be.  Like, that's a classic, I want to see it.

- I need more of Betty and Jughead doing shady shit while both wearing their Serpent jackets, I want scenes of them acting as a clear power couple, I deserve this.

- More dark bughead!  I don't even care how it manifests, I want them doing morally dubious things because the ends justify the means.

- Vengeance quest!  I want Jughead to go on a vengeance quest like the one Betty went on for him in season 4.  I deserve this parallel.

- Cooking!  I want to see Betty and Jughead cooking for each other, bonus points if it's Jughead doing the cooking because Betty deserves to be taken care of for once.

- Jughead getting better at writing!  I just want the show to hire someone who actually is good at writing prose to write his narrative segments.  Just, please, show, you want me to believe he is a good writer, so just hire someone who can write prose, I am BEGGING you.

- Betty and Gladys!  I was ROBBED of seeing them together!  In fact, I desperately wanted the whole Jones+Betty family to sit down to breakfast or dinner or something because I bet it would be so awkward.

- Betty and Jellybean!  Betty, Jellybean, and Jughead!  I already made my post about this, technically, but I would still love to see it, especially the three of them together.

- Serpents + Betty!  I so wish they had explored this more, to have the Serpents see Hardcore Scary Betty and Betty see how much the Serpents and Jughead are friends.  The 3x01 Hot Dog mission was good, but I wish I had seen them working more as a team in some heisty situation.  Bonus points for throwing Cheryl into the mix.

- Toni joins the Blue and Gold!  I'm still mad I didn't get this.  I crave Betty/Toni interactions, and I think Toni would make an interesting addition to the investigation team, and I'd enjoy seeing them all in planning mode, only for Betty and Jughead to drift off into "Investigations are sexy" mode and then Toni has to spray them with water to get them to focus.

- Jughead + Serpents!  All permutations of this are important to me.  I think Jughead's friendships with the Serpents are really interesting because they're based on a common experience that Jughead just doesn't share with anyone else.  There's a sense of community and family, of sorts, that I get from the teen Serpents, the feel of those friends who you can not speak to for ages but then easily slip back into normal patterns once you see each other again.  I think they're four people of varying levels of impulsiveness and "I will FIGHT YOU, right here, right now" who have to keep each other in check.  Like, there is not one single one of them who stops the others from doing stupid shit; they ALL are capable of doing stupid shit and picking fights on principle alone, but there's also usually at least one of them who's like, "Ok, guys, calm down", and I find that hilarious.  Also, bonus points for being three grumpy people and also Fangs, a ray of sunshine and king of bad decisions.  I really wish we got more of Fangs as a speaking character; for all he's had screentime, he doesn't talk much, and that leaves him with considerably less characterization, and it's frustrating.  Also, I wish we had gotten more of watching them play G&G, I find these seemingly tough kids playing tabletops games to be the funniest fucking thing.

- Betty + Veronica!  I would like to see more of this friendship, and specifically I'd like to see Betty supporting Veronica, because we haven't gotten much of that.

- Betty + Kevin!  I wish I knew more about their friendship and could see more of it.  I want to see Kevin try and pry details about all the drama in Betty's life out of her.  I also wish we had gotten to hear even one of his gossip columns.

- Jones family!  I just want more of the Joneses, they're such a disaster family.  Like, I want more of every permutation of this dynamic, it's fascinating.  I mean, I especially want Jughead and Jellybean, but I'm also interested in FP and Gladys, FP and Jellybean, Gladys and Jellybean, Jughead and Gladys (outside of drug lord problems), the whole family at once.  I know it won't happen, but I'd love to see the whole family reunited because it's clearly something Jughead wants and I want him to have all the things he wants.

- Unrelated to Betty and Jughead, but, more than anything, I want a shot of Veronica standing in front of that painting of herself ala Hiram.  We have been doing parallels with them and "If Veronica isn't careful, she could become like her father" stuff since season 2 at the latest, I DESERVE this shot.

- Archie's gay awakening!  Look.  Look, they have given Archie so many homoerotic friendships, and RAS famously wrote a play about Archie being gay that he got a cease and desist letter for.  Everything should come full circle and RAS's Archie tv show should include Archie's gay awakening.  Bonus points if he's with Reggie.

- Betty v Hiram!  Everyone else has gotten at least one season where they went up against Hiram, Betty deserves hers.  Granted, she would probably take him down, or almost do so, so it might be best saved for the last season, but still, I want it.

And I think that's it?  At least, I think I've got everything I can think of for now.

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

Every Time Hermione Cries in Canon

One of the most frustrating (and frequent) criticisms I got while writing The Minister’s Secret that I absolutely did not understand was the insistence by some readers that I had somehow written Hermione as “unstable” because “she cries too much”.  It was confusing because I didn’t believe these readers read the same books I did.  Even super unobservant Harry noticed Hermione crying A LOT in the books.

So, to prove my point, I reread all seven of the canon books and wrote down every single time Hermione cries or is believed to have cried.  Because the list is actually very long, you can read them (and therefore see that I did NOT write Hermione “out of character” because she cries) by clicking the “Keep Reading” button below.

While I won’t guarantee that I was perfect and got EVERY single instance, I found plenty.  Seventy-one instances to be exact.  (Please let me know in an Ask or a reply or a reblog if I’ve missed one.) SEVENTY-ONE times that Mr. Unobservant actually witnessed her cry.  That’s a lot!

I understand that there are a lot of readers in this fandom (and some writers too which absolutely blows my mind honestly) that have never read the canon books.  Honestly, I don’t think there's an excuse not to.  They’re wonderful books.  But, if you’ve never read the canon books, don’t tell me or any other writer that they’ve written a character OOC ... because chances are very good you don’t actually know what you’re talking about.

And now I’m curious to do the same thing with The Minister’s Secret just so I can compare how many times she cries in that story with the books.  I think they’ll be pretty comparable.  Lol!

Every Single Time Hermione Cries in Canon*

*Cursed Child is not canon.  Don’t even start with me on this.  

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s (Sorcerer’s) Stone

Chapter Ten: Halloween

Someone knocked into Harry as they hurried past him.  It was Hermione.  Harry caught a glimpse of her face - and was startled to see that she was in tears.

On their way down to the Great Hall for the Halloween feast, Harry and Ron overheard Parvati Patil telling her friend Lavender that Hermione was crying in the girls’ bathroom and wanted to be left alone.

Chapter Sixteen: Through the Trap Door

Hermione’s lip trembled, and she suddenly dashed at Harry and threw her arms around him.

Chapter Seventeen: The Man With Two Faces

Hermione buried her face in her arms, Harry strongly suspected she had burst into tears.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Chapter Twelve: The Polyjuice Potion

They heard the lock slide back and Hermione emerged, sobbing, her robes pulled up over her head.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Chapter Nine: Grim Defeat

Hermione went very red, put down her hand, and stared at the floor with her eyes full of tears.

Hermione made a small, squeaking sound.  Her eyes were extremely bloodshot.

Chapter Eleven: The Firebolt

“Harry, please,” said Hermione, her eyes now shining with tears.

Chapter Thirteen: Gryffindor Versus Ravenclaw

Hermione burst into tears.  Before Harry could say or do anything, she tucked the enormous book under her arm, and, still sobbing, ran toward the staircase to the girls’ dormitories and out of sight.

Chapter Fourteen: Snape’s Grudge

“Because her cat acted like all cats do,” Hagrid continued doggedly.  “She’s cried a fair few times, yeh know.”

“No,” said Hermione.  She was holding a letter in her hands and her lip was trembling.

Chapter Fifteen: The Quidditch Final

“Malfoy’s dad frightened the committee into it,” said Hermione, wiping her eyes.

Hermione flung her arms around Ron’s neck and broke down completely.

“Ron, I’m really, really sorry about Scabbers…” she sobbed.

She was usually last to leave the common room at night, first to arrive at the library the next morning; she had shadows like Lupin’s under her eyes, and seemed constantly close to tears.

Chapter Sixteen: Professor Trewlawney’s Prediction

Hermione, who had been rummaging in Hagrid’s cupboard for another milk jug, let out a small, quickly stifled sob.

Silent tears were now streaming down Hermione’s face, but she hid them from Hagrid, bustling around making tea.

Chapter Seventeen: Cat, Rat, and Dog

To his right, Hermione gave a dry sob.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Chapter Eighteen: The Weighing of the Wands

Hermione let out a whimper; her eyes filled with tears, she turned on her heel and ran, ran all the way up the corridor and out of sight.

Chapter Twenty: The First Task

Hermione burst into tears.

“You two are so stupid!” she shouted, stamping her foot down on the ground, tears splashing down her front.  Then, before either of them could stop her, she had given both of them a hug and dashed away, now positively howling.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Madness of Mr. Crouch

“Ow!” said Hermione, tears starting in her eyes as she tried to rub the pus off her hands with a napkin, but her fingers were now so thickly covered in painful sores that it looked as though she were wearing a pair of thick, knobby gloves.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Chapter Four: Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place

“Harry, we’re really sorry!” said Hermione desperately, her eyes now sparkling with tears.

Chapter Twenty-One: The Eye of the Snake

Hermione had tears of fury in her eyes now.

Chapter Twenty-Three: Christmas on the Closed Ward

“I never knew,” said Hermione, who looked tearful.

Chapter Thirty: Grawp

“But why?” asked Hermione, who sounded as though she wanted to cry.

There was a pause in which Harry glared at her, and her eyes filled slowly with tears.

Chapter Thirty-One: O.W.L.S.

“I suppose so,” said Hermione, who looked tearful.

Chapter Thirty-Two: Out of the Fire

And Hermione began to cry weakly into the back of Millicent Bulstrode’s robes.  

(All right, so technically she was fake crying, but still.  There were several more mentions of her fake crying in this chapter as well that I didn’t feel needed to be included because you get the point.)

Chapter Thirty-Three: Fight and Flight

“You said you didn’t hurt the innocent!” shouted Hermione, real tears sliding down her face now.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Chapter Fourteen: Felix Felicis

“You go!” said Hermione, blinking back tears.

“Gerremoffme,” he yelled, but with one last look of vindictive fury, Hermione wrenched open the door and disappeared through it.  Harry thought he heard a sob before it slammed.

Chapter Fifteen: The Unbreakable Vow

Hermione laughed unkindly at Ron’s disastrous first attempt, during which he somehow managed to give himself a spectacular handlebar mustache; Ron retaliated by doing a cruel but accurate impression of Hermione jumping up and down in her seat every time Professor McGonagall asked a question, which Lavender and Parvati found deeply amusing and which reduced Hermione to the verge of tears again.

“Oh yes,” said Hermione in a choked voice, taking her things and turning away quickly to hide the fact that she was wiping her eyes on her pencil case.

“She’s a bit upset,” said Luna.  “I thought at first it was Moaning Myrtle in there, but it turned out to be Hermione.”

Chapter Nineteen: Elf Tails

Hermione gave an almost inaudible sniff.

“Then the poisoner didn’t know Slughorn very well,” said Hermione, speaking for the first time in hours and sounding as though she had a bad head cold.

Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Phoenix Lament

“Outside Snape’s office yes,” whispered Hermione, her eyes sparkling with tears, “with Luna.”

Chapter Thirty: The White Tomb

Tears were falling thick and fast into both Ginny’s and Hermione’s laps.

Hermione’s face was glazed with tears, but Ginny was no longer crying.

Ron, he saw, was now holding Hermione and stroking her hair while she sobbed into his shoulder, tears dripping from the end of his own long nose.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Chapter Six: The Ghoul in Pajamas

“Don’t!” squealed Hermione.   Startled, Harry looked over just in time to see her burst into tears over her copy of Spellman’s Syllabary.

“C-constant vigilance,” said Hermione, mopping her eyes.

Hermione’s eyes were swimming with tears.

Chapter Seven: The Will of Albus Dumbledore

She held the book in her lap and gazed at it.  Harry saw that the title was in runes; he had never learned to read them.  As he looked, a tear splashed onto the embossed symbols.

“He… he knew I liked books,” said Hermione in a thick voice, mopping her eyes with her sleeve.

“No, I didn’t,” said Hermione, still wiping her eyes on her sleeve.

She suppressed a sob.

Chapter Eight: The Wedding

Hermione turned and beamed at Harry; her eyes too were full of tears.

Chapter Nine: A Place to Hide

“Ron!  Ron!” Hermione called, half-sobbing as she and Harry were buffeted by terrified guests.

Chapter Ten: Kreacher’s Tale

“Oh, Kreacher!” wailed Hermione, who was crying.

Tears flowed down Hermione’s cheeks as she watched Kreacher, but she did not dare touch him again.

“Harry, Kreacher doesn’t think like that,” said Hermione, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand.

Chapter Eleven: The Bribe

“Remus!” whispered Hermione, tears in her eyes.

Chapter Fourteen: The Thief

Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears as she nodded.

Chapter Fifteen: The Goblin’s Revenge

The rain was pounding the tent, tears were pouring down Hermione’s face, and the excitement of a few minutes before had vanished as if it had never been, a short-lived firework that had flared and died, leaving everything dark, wet, and cold.

Harry stood quite still and silent, listening to her sobbing and calling Ron’s name amongst the trees.

She threw herself into a chair, curled up, and started to cry.

Chapter Sixteen: Godric’s Hollow

Hermione’s eyes were puffy and red; she looked as if she had not slept.

The instant they arrived, Hermione dropped Harry’s hand and walked away from him, finally sitting down on a large rock, her face on her knees, shaking with what he knew were sobs.

Harry was determined to never mention his name again, and Hermione seemed to know that it was no use forcing the issue, although sometimes at night, when she thought he was sleeping, he would hear her crying.

Chapter Seventeen: Bathilda’s Secret

She was biting her lip, and tears swam in her eyes.

Her face glazed with tears, Hermione handed over her wand, and he left her sitting beside his bed, desiring nothing more than to get away from her.

Chapter Eighteen: The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore

Her face streaked with tears, she crouched down beside him, two cups of tea trembling in her hands and something bulky under her arm.

“You’re still really angry at me, aren’t you?” Said Hermione; he looked up to see fresh tears leaking out of her eyes, and knew that his anger must have shown on his face.

Chapter Nineteen: The Silver Doe

“After you left,” he said in a low voice, grateful for the fact that Ron’s face was hidden, “she cried for a week.”

Chapter Twenty-Two: The Deathly Hallows

Harry looked at Hermione, whose eyes were full of tears.

Chapter Twenty-Three: Malfoy Manor

“We only met him tonight!” Hermione sobbed.

Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Final Hiding Place

Behind him, whether from delight or fear he could not tell, Ron kept swearing at the top of his voice, and Hermione seemed to be sobbing.

Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Missing Mirror

Hermione’s face was wet with tears, and Ron was almost as pale as Aberforth.

Chapter Thirty-Two: The Elder Wand

She was crying too, and she wiped her face on her torn and singed sleeve as she spoke, but she took great heaving breaths to calm herself as, still keeping a tight hold on Ron, she turned to Harry.

We will find a way out // Taekook

Gender: The maze runner au

Description: 35 people were stuck into this hell hole, trying to survive and find a way out. But with people that make you feel at home, it's not all that bad.

“If you don't move faster I swear I will leave you here.” - Park Jimin

masterlist

Taehyung was woken up by loud noises from the outside world he was not ready for. He could hear Hoseok’s annoying yelling from his small cabin he shared with his lover. He turned towards the little balcony, that was wide open as the sunlight was flashing inside. You could see the big walls and a clear blue sky and a few people in the distance passing by. Taehyung wouldn't mind staying in the bed, feeling his whole body was sore (since he had a busy night if you know what I mean *wink wonk* :)), but thing needed to be done today and cuddling without your boyfriend is impossible. Jungkook was a runner, so it wasn't a surprise that he wasn't in the bed with Taehyung, since he needs to wake up early every day. After 15 minutes Taehyung finally got up, washed his face and put on some clothes. He probably took one of Jungkook’s shirts, but not like the younger minded anyways. He got out of his little home and stretched as he looked around. Most of the people were already up, doing their jobs. Taehyung walked around, not really interested in doing his own job, he was feeling lazy today. “Someone finally decided to get up.” Taehyung turned his head, with a smile on his face. “And someone finally decided to take a shower. I'm actually surprised.” The person put a hand on his chest near his heart, making a fake injured sound. “I'm hurt, but not as hurt as your ass probably.” Taehyung blushed. “O shut up Joshua! You're just jealous.” Joshua laughed, opening his mouth and showing his beautiful white teeth. His skin was a lot darker than Taehyung’s, it was like a night without moon and stars, Taehyung found it fascinating. But it wasn't hard to guess they were from different rases, not at all. Joshua had long hair, so long it takes two hours sometimes to wash it all. That's the reason he always has his hair in a ponytail, it's impossible to move and work around with so much hair. And Yoongi tried at least five times to cut it off, but Joshua would always notice and hide away till Yoongi gave up. “Take an apple, I'm pretty sure Jin is not planning on giving you food right now since you missed breakfast.” Taehyung chaced the apple thanking, Joshua, as he continued to his workplace. before he got a chance to start working, the box suddenly started rising up. O, he forgot that the box was supposed to come today. When Taehyung got there, everyone has already surrounded the box. “Who do you think it will be this time.” “It better be a girl.” “O, please it's going to be a boy.” and so on. “O Taehyung you're up.” Beside him was Tammy, She was one of the first people that were sent here, like Taehuyng himself so they were pretty close. Tammy had red hair and beautiful green eyes with freckles. Taehyung gave her a smile as he looked back to the group of people. “Are they still fighting over girl boy bullskams?” Tammy smiled at the nickname he called them. “They are, altho I am a little bit jealous, the creators could give us another girl.” It was like this every time when the box came, it wasn't anything serious, just childish fights between two genders and which gender there is more of. The first time it happened was when there were nine boys and seven girls. Taehyung doesn't remember who made the game or how it even started, he was always more worried about how the person inside the box is going to react. He was once in there and it wasn't a great experience. He was the sixth one that was ever in the box. Taehyung remembers it so clearly it's scary even. He’s lucky he wasn't sent here first, he would’ve probably died alone. Well, technically, Namjooon wasn't left here alone, Jin was also with him. Butt apparently Jin got sick, so Namjoon took care of both of them. And Namjoon takes care of everyone in here honestly. He was the first one to be here and survive, so when it comes to who is going to be a leader, it wasn't asked. Sometimes some of the people don't like the ideas that Namjoon had, but he's always thinking three steps after his idea and how’s it going to go. The box opened, revealing a guy, he had blue eyes and reddish hair like Tammy's, he was around 17 years old and he looked like he hasn't eaten for weeks. He covered his eyes from the sudden sunlight pressure on his eyes. All the girls groaned while the boys cheered in happiness. “That would be quite enough.” Everyone went silent. The owner of the voice was Namjoon himself. To most people, he would probably look intimidating, rude or arrogant. The truth is that sometimes he has to act like this, especially if someone new comes. There were some people that didn't want to have Namjooon as their leader and they rather chose to live in the maze than to live under his rules. Namjoon walked through the crowd of people, with no one in his way. Right behind him was Amanda. The first girl ever to be sent here. Amanda wasn't as bubbly as Tammy or as Funny as Lara, but she was an honest and brave person. Taehyung personally doesn't talk much with her, but when he does he know he's going to get an honest opinion. Apparently, Jimin was really good with her, they hung out most of the time, some people would think that they were together, but First of all, Amanda was only interested in girls, actually, she was only interested in Tammy. Tammy is the only person that was ever in her private room, and let's be honest, nobody can resist Tammy’s smile. Namjoon walked in fort o them looking inside the box, Amanda next to him. “Kwame and Isla, I'm letting you two handle this one.” The girl named Isla stepped forward while the guy named Kwame just nodded his head before jumping into the box, helping the greeny get out of the box. Amanda turned around looking at everybody. “Get back to work Slimskulls. This is not the first greeny you saw, we will have the bonefire today evening like always.” Emidietly, everyone went their own ways, Namjoon was talking with the newbie and Amanda walked by Taehyung and Tammy. She nodded her head at taehyung while she kissed Tammy’s forehead telling her something and leaving the place. Taehyung pouted while looking away from two lover birds, looking deep into the maze. “You're thinking about him again?” Taehyung didn't answer but just looked at Tammy. “Taehyung, I know you're worried, but Jungkook decided that he's going to be a runner on his own. Besides, it would be a waste of talent, He’s fast, he was a good stigma and he can easily remember all the ways in the maze. We need them to find a way out, they're our last hope keeping us alive.” Taehyung knew that, and he hated every single part of it. When they made runners, he didn't think much about it, but then Jungkook came and everything changed. They already had a fight about Jungkook being a runner and it ended up with Taehyug crying and Jungkook holding him in his embrace for the rest of the night. “I know, I know I just-..... I hate it when he goes in there, I hate the feeling of the sun going down knowing that the doors will close soon and that maybe he won't come on time, I hate every single part of it. Tammy put a hand on Taehyung’s back moving it in circles. “Everything going to be alright TaeTae, we always found  a solution.”

Somewhere around Late afternoon was when the runners came back, two or three hours earlier than usual, but form Taehyugn’s point of view, Jimin looked quite nervous and Jungkook didn't look any better. They didn't even take a sip of water as they hurried towards Namjoon’s cabin. Taehyugn looked them confused and than Yoongi called him to come too. Taehyung got inside but nobody looked at them. Namjoon was looking a the map of the maze, as Jimin and Jungkook took turned at explaining something Taehyug wasn't sure about. Jimin rested his arms on the table looking at Namjoon death serious. “This is not a joke Namjoon, whatever that was, it could be it, we need to try.” Namjoon shook his head. “You want me to send more than ten people into suicide blindfolded? Not going to happen.” Jimin made an irritated sound, walking away from the table. It was Jungkook’s turn to speak. “Hyung I know it hard to believe, but we never witnessed something like this, this could be a way out, our escape.” Namjoon stood up. “I will not risk any more lives, do you know how many we already lost because I agreed on stupid suggestions? I am not going in there not knowing what's there.” Everyone was quiet, Namjoon had a point, only runners knew how to survive in the maze, sending others there would be a suicide mission. “But we know what is there.” Jimin looked a the ground. “Hyung what are you talking about?” Jungook looked confused, just as everyone else, everyone but one person. “This isn't the first time that the gate seven opened Namjoon.” Jimin looked at Yoongi. “I and Yoongi know that the best.” This was maybe the first time Taehyung saw Yoongi so surprised and scared. “Gate seven was open?” Jimin noded and Yoongi cursed. “You know something Yoongi?” Yoongi looked at Namjoon walking towards the map. “It happened long ago, but I still remember it so clearly.” Yoongi let out a shaky breath.  “It happened at the very beginning, just when Jimine came here, a week later we went out to look into the maze, everything was still new at the time so we didn't pay much attention to it. One more week later.... the gate seven was open for the first time. I went ahead to look whats there when... the Griever  attacked me.” Taehyugn’s eyes went wide. A Griever ? The monsters that were in the maze every night? “Apparently, the message was that we still weren't ready to go to the gate seven so they made sure I never go back there with my own two feet. Just one of them was awoken do I was lucky to even gave an injured leg. But we never found out why was it awake at daylight.” Yoongi looked at every single person in the room before he looked at Namjoon. “If the gate seven is open again... it could mean something big Namjoon.” Namjoon’s eyes for the first time in this conversation softened, looking at Yoongi. Jimin walked next to Yoongi, putting his hand on Yoongi’s shoulder. “Right after I found hyung and carried him here, then the rest happened and gave seven was never open again.” Namjoon looked at the map. “From tomorrow, the runners will move in bigger groups, I'm not risking any of your lives. Yoongi.....if you think you can....Go with Jimin to the gate seven, but that doesn't mean I want any of you running there. We still don't know much about it. Magnus is the sneakiest so he will go with you two. For the rest, you will find out your positions tomorrow.” Everyone nodded their heads, nobody dared to speak, probably from the fear the felt after finding out that the grievers are active in the day too. “Come on people. We knew all this already, and if we want to get out, either way, we need to go into the maze. But don't you all worry your heads tonight. If you forgot its a bonefire. And I'm pretty sure that Maison is ready to beat you all up.” Hoseok said walking out of the room, and Hoseok was right, outside was already the night falling, the gates of maze closed. Most of the people went off, forgetting about the problems that are waiting for them tomorrow. Taehyung walked towards Yoongi, as he Namjoon, Jimin, Amanda, and Jungkoook stayed behind. “It’s best if we don't tell what we find after a week or two to everyone. We shouldn't get their hopes up, or should we give many pieces of information that the runners will find, it could come to a big war not just outside the walls.” Amanda said, getting up and through the doors. Jungkook opened his mouth to speak but Namjoon stopped him. “You are not removing your free day Jungkook, you deserve it and just like Amanda said. We will pretend like everything is normal, and I'm pretty sure that Taehyung would love to spend some time with you.” Namjoon walked to Jungkook patting him on the shoulder. “Don't be so hard on yourself we have enough runners, and relax today on the bonefire.” Namjoon smiled as they all walk outside of the meeting room. Jimin and Namjoon walked to the kitchen to get Jin, while Jungkook and Taehyung stayed behind. Taehyugn looked at Juungkook’s tense face, he was in big thoughts and Taehyung didn't blame him, for not saying anything to him since he came. Instead, he gently touched Jungkooks arm walking behind him and hugging him from behind. Resting his head on his higher back and gently wrapping his arms around his lover. Taehyung whispered an ‘its ok’ as if meaning to be scared, heck he was scared himself. Jungkook finally let out a shaky breath under Taehyung’s arms. He looked up in the sky, the back of his head touching Taehyung’s head. He took a hold of Tehyung’s hands, that were still on his waist. Taehugyng nuzzled into Jungkoook’s back, rubbing his forehead and leaving small kisses on his shoulders. They stayed like that for a while, not saying anything, just holding each other dearly. When they finally heard that most of the people were at the bonefire they went there themselves. They were scared, but they won't be scared tonight. Tonight all of them are going to forget about everything. The maze, the Griever, the whole thing about this prison. And just laugh.

Laughter was everything you could hear. Every person was at the bonefire, eating, talking, enjoying the free time they had after a tiring day. “And then do you know what she did?? That skumbuger pushed me off the roof! I could've have died!” Joshua  said dramatically as everyone laughed at HIs story. “Did you just call me a skumbuger Josh? On your place, I would sleep with my eyes wide open” Answered Alva. Alva was a little taller than Tammy, Her black hair matched her Storm Black eyes. She was the keeper in builders. She may be a girl but she was strong as an elephant. “You pushed me off the roof!” “And you survived, stop whining like a baby.” Alva made a talking motion with her hand, rolling her eyes. “Maison tell her to stop being such a grugly bummer!” Maison raised his arms in the air as if he was saying he doesn't want to get in the conversation. “Sorry man  you did this to yourself, next time try not to get on her nerves while working.” Everyone agreed as Joshua fake cried. someone threw a plastic bottle at his head and Joshua let out a groan as he rubbed his head. “Gods, you're such a child. And I'm supposed to be a child here. I don't even know how some of you hurrly buggers survived this long.” There stood Emma. she was the third to last person to come into the maze. She was around thirteen, but she acted as mature as an adult. her skin was white as Yoongi’s, dark brown hair and brown eyes, and the two were actually pretty close. Since she was still so young, someone needed to spend a lot of time with her and in the time that was Yoongi. The first time she came here she cursed at every single one of them. everyone is actually a little bit scared of her, but nobody has to guts to say it out loud. “Aww come on Emma! Don't be like that.” Emma rolled her eyes, sitting next to Alva. Jimin walked to them, taking some of the food as he chatted a little with Joshua and Lara. “Baby, it's rude to take something that is not yours.” Jimin took a deep breath, looking at Maison who was smirking at him. “Do not call me that.” Maison only smirked more. People around him patting him on the shoulders, thinking how Jimin has nothing more to say. “And for the record, this is not your food, but Jin’s. I could just go and tell him your opinion if you want Maison.” Everyone gulped. Nobody messes with Jin, especially with his food. Jimin took the opportunity and walked in front of Maison, bending down so his lips were next to Maison's ear. “Watch your tongue next time, and besides, I'm not interested in little boys like you.” Jimin smiled at everyone going back to his place on another side of the bonefire. The Maison Jimin moment was forgotten by everyone as Namjoon stood up, going in the middle. “Today we welcome a new family member in here. We curse the names of people who put us here and we pray to find a way out. You all worked hard and you all should be proud of how far you have gotten and what you had accomplished. Now come.” Namjoon pointed at the new guy, who didn't look like he liked the attention. He walked slowly to Namjoon who took his hand. Namjoon pulled out a knife and the newbie tried to get away but Namjoon was stronger. He cut newbie’s hand and he hissed when Namjoon was done. Namjoon shook his hand strongly, leaving blood on his own palm. “Say your name, so every single one of us remembers the day you came.” Namjoon moved out of the middle as the newbie looked at everyone. he was silent for a few moments, but everyone's soft and supportive gave made him relax. “My name is Noah.” Namjoon spoke loudly. “Welcome, Noah!” Everyone repeated after Namjoon, cheering patting and shaking Noah’s hand. Jungkook looked from the side, holding his cup up in Noah’s name. Then Joshua yelled something about the bonefight, and everyone made a big circle. A bonefight was for fun, nothing serious, where two players would go against each other. hand to hand combat. Jungkook didn't plan to fight anyone tonight. Simply because he was exhausted and he already won against everyone. People started singing, some cheering the players on. Jungkook can ee Namjoon And Yoongi sitting next to each other, talking. Yoongi had his head rested on Namjoon’s shoulder with a little smile on his face. Namjoon was looking at the bonefight feeling someone’s gaze on him he looked at Jungkook. he smiled and nodded at Jungkook, Jungkook nodded back. Soon after came Taehyung kissing his lover on the lips, sitting next to him. Some joined them. Talking and laughing all together till the late in the night.

Jungkook can feel the sun in his eyes, but he doesn't open them. The grass around him touches his head here and there when the wind blows. he can feel the sudden weight of another body on top of his own, but he doesn't make a sound. He can feel Taehyung blowing onto his face, but he still didn't give a reaction. “did you was your teeth this morning?” “I wouldn't know I forgot.” JUngkook smiles with his eyes closed. “That explains why your breath stinks.” He can feel Taehuyng slapping his chest with no power. “That's so mean.” Jungkkok put one hand behind his head and one around Taehyugn’s waist, opening his eyes for the right time. Fist the light hit him like a slap in the face, but after a few moments, his eyes adjusted to the light and he could see Taehung’s face clearly. he was already looking at his smiling. He gave Jungkook a peek on the lips, resting his head on Junkoook’s chest. “You should take a day off more often.” Jungkook chuckled, looking at the beautiful blue sky.  To say that he didn't miss moments like this would be a lie. Just being with Taehyugn for a whole day. Or to just sleep in here and there. But that would be a waste. Firsts Jungkook wasn't a runner. The first time he came here Namjoon wasn't planning on giving him that job so fast, he was actually a builder with Josua, Maison, And Alva. But one thing led to another, and Jimin asked him if he wanted to join him for a run. He immediately said yes. So after that, he went with Jimin again, again and again, Till he just started running on his own. Namjoon didn't really have anything against him being a runner and he talked to Jimin about it. It exactly one week after the bonefire He does feel a little bit guilty for leaving Yoongi and Jimin alone today, but seeing Taehyung so happy makes his day. and besides nothing will happen in one day without him. Or so he thought. “Taehyung! Junkook! It's lunchtime! Get your asses here!” Taehyung looked in the direction of the voice. “We better get up before Jin hangs us both.” Jungkook smiled getting up. They ate lunch with everyone, besides runners. Jungkook felt at ease. Not knowing that this is going to be the most terrifying night of his life.

The sun was going down and most of the runners are back, but not all of them. Magnus and Alexus were the last two to come back, gulping down two bottles of water just in a second. And that was half an hour ago. Now Jungkook is looking at the gates with everyone else as they all wait for the last two to come back. Jungkook can see the nervousness on Hoseok’s face as he stood beside him. “where are they?” Tammy asked worried looking at Amanda beside her. Amanda just gulped, keeping her eyes on the gates. Just when they started losing hope two bodies appeared at the end of the hallway. There was Jimin caring Yoongi’s body on his back, you can see he puts more pressure on his right leg so something was definitely wrong. The gates started closing, making everyone’s hearts stop. “Come on!!” “You can do it!!” “Jimin you better make it!!” Magnus and Kwame were holding Maison down. Too scared that he would go in the maze. seeing Jimin lie that, knowing that there is a possibility that he won't make it make his heart stop, regreding everything. Jungkook couldn't hear anything. Everyone around him was screaming moving faster than Jungkook could see or hear. Jimin collapsed, trying to get up as fast as possible, but there wasn't enough time. they weren't going to make it. And Just as The gates almost closed, just as Hoseok started crying, just as Namjoon felt his heart stop. Jungkook moved, he moved so fast nobody saw it. Just when he was in the middle Taehyung tried to reach for him, screaming his name. But Jungkook slipped through his fingers and a second later Jungkook was in the maze, and the gates were closed shut.

“No! Jungkook!” Taehyung rested his hands on the closed gates, punching them with his fists. “Open! Open! Right now! Jungok can you hear me! Please!” Taehyung was shaking, looking at the ground crying his heart out. he didn't care that everyone can see him, so weak, so helpless, but he doesn't care. He keeps screaming, punching. Maison saw still on the ground, but Magnus and Kwame weren't holding him down now. He didn't have an expression on his face, it was just blank. “I.....I didn't get to tell him.” Kwame and Magun got him up, taking him away from the horror he just witnessed, others went with them too. Jin got closer to Taehyugn putting his hand on his shoulder. “Taehyung - “NOO! DO NOT TELL ME IT OVER! HE PROMISED!” Taehyugn looked Jin in the eyes. “He.....he promised me.” Taehyung kept his eyes to the ground, rubbing his eyes from the tears that just kept on coming. Then he felt a hand on his chin before it grabbed his cheeks. Taehygn was forced to look at the usual cold ocean eyes., but now, they had anything but coldness, or boldness in them. Instead, they were teary and hopeless. Amanda’s lip trembled as she spoke. “Jimin was like a brother to me, he was always there for me when no one else would. I'm not saying it's over Taehyung, but I'm not saying that we will ever see them again either.” And for the first time ever, Taehyung saw Amanda cry. “But, no matter what happens, we will get through this together.” Taehyung broke down again, resting his head in Amanda’s shoulder, as he petted his head. She looked at Tammy telling her to get Namjoon to his cabin. Tammy wanted to stay with Amanda, but seeing Namjoon’s completely ruined face made her realize just how much was Namjoon actually suffering too. His face held no life as tears come down his face. Yoongi was with Jimin and Jungkook there. And Jimin was carrying him even before the gates closed, which may be meant he wasn't even alive then. whatever will happen after this, can't be worse than the pain everyone felt right now.

JUngkook kept panting for a whole minute after the gate closed. Jimin was looking blankly at the wall in front of him. Jungkook moved closer to him. “hyung! are you ok? Is Yoongi hyung ok?” Jungkook looked at Jimin’s left leg, right above his left knee was a deep cut, so Jungkook tore apart his shirt and used it as a bandage. After he bandaged Jimin’s leg he looked at him. “Come on hyung. We need to move, we can’t just stay here.” He tried to get Jimin up, but he didn't budge. “Why?” Only that could be heard from him. Jungkook didn't answer but tried yet again to et Jimin on his feet. “Why?! Why did you commit suicide!?! He pushed Jungkook away, standing up. “You do know we will never see the sunrise again!! WHY!? You could've lived happily!?” Jimin heard the punch before he felt it. He cursed under his breath, holding his cheek. “I'm scared too!!” Jimin looked at Jungkook. He had tears in his eyes. “But I can't help but feel guilty! I wasn't three! I wasn't there to help you! Instead, I was relaxing! I was selfish! And if I didn't move when I did. I would have felt the guilt eating me alive every day! And every god damn night!” Jimin’s eyes soften. And Jungkook pointed at the gates. “There are people waiting for us to come back. And we will, It’s just a few hours and we know these walls like nobody else.” Jungkook took Yoongi in his arms, he was out cold, you could see a little bit of blood on his head. “Who can you be so sure? That we will come back?” Jungkook looked Jimin in the eyes. “Because I made a promise.”

“More to the left.” Jimin said as he let go of Yoongi’s body. Jungkook puled to the left, letting Yonngi’s body be held in the vires with rope. As long as the rope holds, Yoongi is safe. Jimin looked down the hallway with nervous eyes. “What Do we do now?” JUngkook looked at him, thinking. “Maybe its the best if we keep moving, the separating is not an option as stupid as it sounds, but that's better. If we could find a gap like where we hid Yoongi, maybe we will have a chance to survive.” Jimin was about to answer when the noises started. They both looked down the hallway, the noises were louder and louder, till it seemed as the monster started running. Jungkook and Juimin started running in the opposite direction, but they were stopped by another Griever. The monster turned around to look at them, making the most horrifying sound ever. It strikes at them making them separate. Jimin fell down, not seeing the big rock behind him. The Griever  wanted to use the opportunity to make its last move, but the thrown rock on its head made it stop. It turned in Jungkook direction. “Come at me you son of a bitch!” The Griever moved and Jungkook quickly slid through its legs, using the opportunity to run in the hallway where the Griever  was originally. “Jungkook!” Jimin screamed for him, but Jungkook kept on running the Griever  on his tail. “I'll be alright! Just make sure not to die! We will see each other at the gates!” JUngkook didn't wait for a response, not with a killing machine right behind him. His legs carried him as fast as they could. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left yet again. Jungkook tired to concatenate on the maze, to follow where was he going, but it was kinda hard with a Griever  right behind you. Jugnkook made one more turn when he finally saw the gap he was looking for. There before was a bridge, but for some reason, it broke down. It wasn't impossible to jump it, but usually, Jungkook would give himself a little bit of time to prepare himself. But nobody was asking for his opinion right now. Jugnkkook looked behind him. The Griever walked slowly towards him, moving slightly faster every time it got closer to Jungkook. ‘Not yet’. JUngkook waited for the perfect moment, and when the Griever was only two meters away from him when it finally moved to make a strike at Jungkook, he jumped. He jumped as far as he could, he jumped the fares he ever did. And the Griever jumped right behind him. But it was too heavy and it didn't have enough energy in its legs. Jungkook looked as it tried to hold onto the edge, but it broke and so the Griever feel deep down. Jungkook finally took a deep breath he was holding onto. Just as he thought he could look for Jimin, another Griever showed up. It noticed Jungkook right away and Jungkook cursed under his breath. Second, later, he had another Griever on to him. He's now on the other side of the maze, so there is no chance he could do the same trick again. He needs to find another way. He eventually got a plan, it was risky, but the last one wasn't the safest either. At the gates number 5 you could find a little gap where you could squeeze in. It was a perfect size for Jimin, so Jungkook always had problems to go through it, but it wasn't impossible. Just as he wanted to turn another way to the gap, he was meet with the eyes of another Griever. This one was bigger than the last two, and it looked more terrifying. JUngkook stopped in his track. What is e supposed to do now? He was in between two huge monsters. But for some reason the bigger one didn't pay any attention to Jungkook, instead, it looked behind him, hissing at the other Griever. The smaller one returned the hiss, forgetting about JUngkook. Just when the bigger one started to run at the smaller one, Jungkook used the opportunity and run through his legs. Jungkook turned around, looking at the two monsters fighting each other. He was breathing heavily, thinking about where to go next. just when Jungkook wanted to turn around he felt something touching his shoulders turning him around. He was ready to punch whatever was touching him, but there was Jimin looking as surprised as him. “we need to go. Like right now!” Just as Jimin said that, the fight between two Griever ended. The bigger won, tearing apart the smaller one's body. I made an inhumanly sound, looking at Jimin and Jungkook before it started springing towards them. Jimin puled Jungkook by his arm, Screamin ‘go go go!’ They were running for a good 20 minutes without rest, they need t find a way to get rid of this thing. They were getting tired, while the monster could go like this for another year. Apparently, it was close to sunrise, as the walls of the maze started moving, changing positions. JUngkook can hear the walls changing behind him. He got an idea, suddenly stopping. Jimin didn't notice till he was already at the other hallway, stopping and screaming at Jungkook to run. JUngkook still didn't move, he waited for Griever to be as close to him as possie without hurting him. When the walls behind Griever closed, JUngkook turned around and started sprinting. The walls in front of him started closing too, every time it almost closed on him, but he as fast enough to run tough. Jimin was screaming for him to hurry. The last walls were closing so fast Jungkok tough he wouldn't make it. But just as he runs between the walls and bumped into Jimin did the Griever comes, but it wasn't fast enough, and you could hear a monstrous scream through the maze.

Taehyugn was in front of the gates in the early morning, the gates themselves weren't open still. He was chewing on his bottom lip, almost making it bleed. Last night, He, Tammy, Amanda, Namjoon, Maison, Jin, And Hoseok were in one room. They shared their tears, prayers, and pain together. Eventually, everyone went to sleep, but Taehyung stayed awake. he just could sleep, not when he knew that Jungkook maybe won't be coming to him anymore. Juungkook was his reason to fight through this hell. His strength, his kindness, his braveness, his everything. If he's going to lose him, Taehyung isn't sure he wants to fight anymore. “He will come back” Taehyung didn't even notice Emma standing next to him. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hear messy. She took a hold of Taehyung’s hand, squeezing it. Taehyug returned the squeeze. troung the time, more people came to the front f the gates. Some didn't show up, which was understandable, they didn't want to be disappointed when they won't see anybody on the other side. They all held they're breathe when the gates finally started opening. Taehyugn felt his heart stop when no one was there, his body felt week and his head was spinning. He heard people going away, he can hear the tears of the others, he can hear their breaths shaking. Taehyugn felt like he was going to vomit, so he turned around, he didn't want to look. amanda was crying, hugging tammy as tightly as possible. Tammy was crying too, her pretty face had so many tears on it, as he patted Amanda’s head. Namjoon was nowhere to be found and so were Jin and Hoseok, they probably went after the leader to make sure he doesn't do something stupid. Taehyung didn't try to hold his tears back. his two friends and his lover were gone. And nothing will bring them back. E turned around looking at the gates one last time, when she suddenly gasped, screaming on top of her lungs. “They are back!! They are alive!! Everyone!” She started running around screaming. Taehyung’s heart stopped When he turned to see what was  Emma talking about... He saw them, Jungkook and Jimin were each Were holding Yoongi’s shoulders, helping him walk. Tammy started crying even more, from relief she felt. Emma was running around getting everyone to come. Jungkook and Jimin were breathing heavily, with Yoongi hissing here and there. The healers took Yoongi to take care of his wounds, while others gave Jungkook and Jimin bottles of water. The second Jungokok saw Taehyung he stopped. Taehyung moved towards him, running and jumping into his arms. Jungkook caught him, holding him in his arms. Taehyung was crying yet again, moving his thumbs in a circle on Jungkook’s cheeks. JUngkook was holding him tightly just looking into his eyes. “I told you, I never break my promises.” Taehyung cried harder, kissing Jungkook. Jungkook kissed Taehyung back, needing him as much as he needed him. When they parted Taehyung rested his head on Jungkook’s shoulder. “I was so scared. I was so scared that I was going to lose you.” Jungkook smiled sadly, kissing the top of Taehyung’s head. In one moment Taehyung cried out a ‘Jimin’ as he started crying again hugging Jimin. Jimin told Taehyung not to cry. Amanda and Jimin also didn't let go of each other for some time. tammy gave them a little hug, smiling so much her cheeks could fall off. Others hugged too, asking many questions, but Amanda made them shut up. She said that they just came back from the worst night they could've had and that they could talk about everything once Yoongi was back on his own two feet. The whole time Taehyugn and Jungkook didn't let go of each other.

Yoongi was awake the whole time when they needed to stitch up his wounds, but after everything that happened, he didn't feel any pain. After Hosek was done with taking care of Yoongii’s wounds, he let Jin give him so fun for strength. Now Yoongi was lying in his bed, looking outside. When Namjoon got into the room, hr froe. When Emma told him that they came back, he ran as fast as he could to Hoseok, but he didn't let him ender, not while he needed to take care of him. But now when he was in front of his lover, he couldn't move. Yoogni looked at him, giving him a smile and opening his arms. Namjoon let a tear run down his face as he quickly hugged Yoongi, he still didn't hug him to tightly, because he could open up his wounds. “I told you, you can't get rid of me so easily.” Namjoon laughs, remembering the first time Yoongi wounded his leg, he told him the exact same thing. They stayed like that for the reso of the night, in each other's arms.

To say Jimin wasn't nervous would be a lie. After Hoseok and other healers took care of Jungkook’s and Jimin’s wounder, everyone went their own ways. Jimin’s leg still hurts but he didn't pay to much attention to it. He was looking around looking for one person, one person he should hate, one person that always made fun of him, one person that made Jimin’s hear beat fats. When Jimin finally found him, his back was turned to him. Maison was looking through some papers, but when he noticed someone’s presence he turned around. Maison’s eyes softened, letting go of papers he was holding. “Jimin.” for Jimin to hear him say his name saw enough for him to run to him, pulling his collar of the shirt and kissing him. Maison was first surprised but kissed back. After a short make out, Jimin pled away. “If you tell anyone about this, I'm giving your body to the Grievers.” Maison laughed, holding Jimin’s cheek.”I missed you too.” Maison kissed Jimin once again, putting his hand on Jimin’s waist. After they needed air they parted, ut kept their foreheads together. “I like-like you.” Maison said looking into Jimin’s eyes. After what happened yesterday, he will not hold back anymore. Losing Jimin was the most terrifying this that happened to him since he came here. Jimin’s eyes widen, but he smiled. “I like-like you too.” 

Taehyung was holding his lover while they were lying down on their bed. Jungkook was lying on his back one hand in Taehyung’s hair and another one on Taehyung’s wist. Taehyung kissed Jungkook’s chest looking outside. “It was scary.” Taehyung looked at Jungkook. His face git another little scar, right below his eye. Taehyung was a little sad about it, but Jungkoo jokes around, saying he looked sexy with it. “It was a scary thing, that I won't see you ever again, or that if  I die, you will stay here on your own.” Taehyung sat up, looking down at Jungkook. he was quiet before he sat in Jungook’s lap. Jungkook didn't have time to react before Taehyung kissed him deeply. “I won't be scared anymore, do you know why Jungkook.” Jugnkook looked tTaehyung’s eyes that held so much love in them. “Because you came back to me, when it was impossible, you came back, and I know you will come back again.” Jungkook didn’t wait for another second as he kissed Taehyung. That night they made love, and night after that too. There are a lot more things they need to survive tough. But they can do it together. They and their family.

skumbugger = idiot (a person that does something without knowing/thinking)

grugly = evil

bummer = annoying/grumpy person

hurrly = useless/needless

bullskams = someone who acts like an animal

slimskulls = dumb kids

Tammy

Maison

Joshua

Amanda

Alva

Noah

Emma

Kwame

Alexus

Hope you like it :). there are some mistakes, get over it :).

ok lads i’m be real for  a sec

ordinarily i wouldn’t feel the need to post this kind of thing online bc i usually rely on a support system in real life but idk ... i just wanted to and it gets to a relevant point irt experience on here and how you guys are Really Cool Okay i promise

the start of this year has been like Fucking Shit for me personally. if you don’t want to read the reasons why bc they deal with animal death and family loss then that’s cool like just scroll to the next paragraph. but basically at the end of january my family’s black labrador of fifteen years passed away which i was absolutely devastated by and i had the support i needed at the time, however on the 2nd of this month, my grandad also passed away and i just WAS NOT able to work through the grief properly bc of university work and pressure to meet deadlines, it wasn’t until the funeral & wake yesterday (which was actually rly nice) that i felt guilt-free of not doing work buuut bc of this prior mental compartmentalisation i was going thru to get work done,, i p much just emotionally crashed at a friend’s bday party in the evening i rly wanted to go to (luckily i didn’t ruin it and had friends who supported me throughout and we all wanted to leave early anyway but breaking down was the one thing i didn’t want to do) and like YEAH U GET IT

so with those losses, i want to be there for my fam as much as possible, and my family environment is the healthiest in terms of support i need, but i can’t mourn with them nor support them fully because this university year is my last. technically no one is allowed to request extended deadlines (more time to get final assignments done) bc then they can’t graduate this year -- if you get the extended deadlines you have no choice but to go to the graduation ceremony next year which would fuck me up a lot bc i want to be there with the friends who have been with me in my classes and who i’ve made warm 90s music video montage memories with from year 1

on top of that, i’m moving house and have to be packed and ready by saturday. this would usually be rly exciting if not for everything in my life being so AAAAA already and so any excitement is overridden by stress. left, right and centre i have people asking me what i want to  do after i graduate, what job i want, how i’m going to get it etc. and in any other context that isn’t my family asking it, i get hypersensitive and encouragement just translates as expectation and bc i have no answer (bc am literally just tryna get thru what’s happening NOW thanks mate) it immediately feels like i’m failing expectation so i just shut down. with everything going on i’ve just had to accept i may not get my ideal grade that i originally aimed for and lecturers said i could get, but that’s just how life works -- your priorities change and only now, after being able to process everything emotionally, have i been able to get the necessary motivation to even do the uni work i need to, as well as figuring out what i can get done and when. it’s just REALLY SHIT timing that all of this is happening at once, like you’re being kicked repeatedly while already on the floor

venting over now but my whole point with this post is that being on here has been the least stressful place for me. like i know everyone has their own issues but the fact that everyone is on here just kind of enjoying they’re thing and you’re being you on the dash is ideal respite from the amount of shit i’m trying to carry in me life. as well as this, the people i’ve spoken to, even if only briefly through IM, have been hugely helpful and has honestly meant a lot to me. talking with you guys is SO easy and fun and it means a profound amount to me that you’re taking the time out of your day to just have a laff or plot or make a starter & reply to a thread. you’ve all been such a positive influence and mood booster at times when i rly needed it.. like not once have i gotten into a rly bad depressive funk where i’m like THE WHOLE WORLD IS AGAINST ME !! bc it just doesn’t feel that way w ppl on here being so kind and punk

bc of this, i just want to clarify as well that  if we DO talk and i’m suddenly absent for a couple days, and if it seems like i’m relying on you to write the starters, you’re mainly initiating conversation, i’m not sending memes (tbh i rly encourage ppl to send link to memes they’ve reblogged so i don’t miss them) etc. it’s not me being uninterested AT ALL nor am i putting on a front abt being excited for threads n stuff, it’s literally that w/ the amount of stuff going on sometimes i need to be away from my laptop, and rn it’s a lot  easier to have the energy to chat w/ someone for a bit or reply to an ooc post than to try and find the time and energy to write something Properly.

but yeah the tl;dr is life is the most stressful it’s ever been for me atm but you all have been proper quality, incredibly supportive altho u may be oblivious to how exactly and if i could i give u all a teletubbie hug i so would.. or at least have michael farm dbd points with u all and moonwalk across ur screens ..... @bhvr just let me party on a map with all my friends and mutuals pls. but for now all i can offer is pumpkin ferret ..... 

peace & love always !! ✌🧡

hello. ummm. i want to have a little rant.

basically i just wanted to express some of my feelings. i've been part of this fandom for a while now (almost 3 years), i've been on and off a lot because at some points, there were moments when it was just too much for me. now i know what you think "why do you keep coming back when it's too much for you?" well, i just simply love sharing the joy of this sport with people and unfortunately i can't do that irl, because i simply just don't have those people around me.

DISCLAIMER, THESE ARE ONLY MY OWN EXPERIENCE AND MY FEELINGS, IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME OR YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE IT, THEN I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU!

first things first, i want to talk about a pressure. a pressure that i just need to like and adore every single jumper. now don't confuse like and respect. i respect every single jumper that has ever competed in wc, coc, fisc, etc... because they are all far more successful then i'll ever be. but as everyone else, i'm a human being. and for some reason, some of the jumpers are just "not my type". i have nothing against them, i don't know them (personally) and i don't hate them, but i just don't feel the way i feel about some other jumpers/athletes. and this comes to another thing and that's never would i ever talk about any jumper/athlete in a bad way only because they are doing better than some of my favourites. in my opinion that's just disgraceful and it's wrong. and at the end of the day, they (jumpers) can take it. they are able to admit that one is better/in better shape than he is and so should you.

second thing is more of my personal problem. i feel really weird about shipping. and it's not the fact that it's male and male kind of a thing. it's more of a fact that, those are real people. they are regular people just like you and me. and i don't really care that they might not ever see this (altho vojtěch štursa does have a tumblr and he knows about some of the stuff that has been written). i think my biggest issue is that some people, no matter what you tell them, they are still going to tell you that lellinger/kraftböck/literally any other ship are together because you know it or because it is obvious. no matter how close you are to ski jumping, a fan, a journalist, a person who helps out during competitions. unless you are an immediate friend of theirs or a relative or they say it themselves, you will never know, what relationships the jumpers have. not only with other jumpers but also with ordinary people. i'm a strong believer that all of the jumpers respect each other. i also believe there are some beautiful and strong friendships within the sport. but i really feel wrong about suggesting a romantic/sexual relationship between two people you technically don't know.

last thing i wanna say is that, people often say that we should be more positive and that we should stop bringing drama and negativity. so i'm saying it now. this post is not about drama nor negativity. it's about expressing my feelings after bottling them for almost 3 years.

15x18

Jack’s explosion leading directly into the title card is a nice touch: it’s a fun forth wall break, intertwining Jack’s explosion in the fiction story into the real-world title card, and fitting in terms of how Jack goes onto become God and the fictional creator/shaper of SPN’s world.

Jack becoming God also fits with the standard superhero trope of the “reluctant hero.” In contrast to Billie, in contrast to Chuck, Jack doesn’t desire the power of godhood for himself, but takes it on to save the world. It shows up multiple times in the MCU and almost entirely uncritically in each case. (Of course “God” as a role isn’t something to get rid of; it’s about taking the “Bad Guy” in Chuck out of the role and putting the “Good Guy” in Jack in that role instead! Problem solved.)  I’m entirely disconnected from Marvel now so I hadn’t realized how much the end of this season drew on the MCU. Chuck even does a Thanos snap to kill the whole world at the end of the ep lmao.

In contrast to the last ep, Dean jumps to protect Jack when Billie tries to kidnap him, and so ends up the first one to maim Death (even if Cas technically takes her down in the end). Then again, it’s also Dean who chooses ‘wrong’ in going after Billie to kill her (wanting revenge / leaving family & friends) and unintentionally gets Cas killed, just as Billie is in the wrong to go after Dean in revenge and gets her desserts when Cas drags her to the Empty with him.

SAM Hey, I got a job for you. JACK Me? SAM Yeah. I need you to drive. JACK But I only drove once. SAM I've got work to do. You know, I gotta dig through the archives and work on finding spells. I can't do that with one eye on the road, so. SAM gestures for JACK to move over. JACK slides into the driver's seat. JACK Okay. Okay. I'll... Drive. JACK starts the engine, and they pull away from the gas-n-sip.

Sweet little scene between Sam & Jack. Of course Jack wants to feel like he’s doing something, so Sam gives him the rein in driving the car. Also some very obvious symbolism for Jack “taking the wheel.”

CASTIEL I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean. ... I love you.

It’s confession time! And it’s... fine? It concludes an arc for Cas that was a long time coming--the writers were clearly aware of Bibro/Wincest vs. Destiel within fandom, and wrote the story to draw in both sides of the fandom, even if the bro bond is overall more emphasized--and Berens being gay himself gives the scene a certain legitimacy it wouldn’t have had otherwise. It’s fully within the show’s framework that “love” is the highest virtue, that caring about people means you’ll do good, which is a very bog standard idea (and one I disagree with, but that’s a tangent). Also repeating S15′s idea of sacrificing for what or who you love, and those sacrifices being worth the cost.

I don’t see Dean as being written, nor Jackles playing him, as reciprocating Cas’s feelings, altho I can understand why someone would want to read it that way. (There’s a funny meta abt how the show ends up being kind of like a YA love triangle between Sam > Dean < Cas, particularly in Dabb’s seasons.) Also recently watched a vid arguing the confession is queerbaiting, by putting it up alongside the latest season of Doctor Who (which in its penultimate ep had the Doctor and her companion Yasmin confess their feelings for each other, and then ignore that confession almost entirely in the finale and they go their separate ways) to talk about how sometimes, queerbaiting = queer representation = queerbaiting. I don’t agree with everything in how he frames Destiel before 15x18, but do think his discussion of 15x18 is fairly good.

Concerning that 3x10 reference... imo Berens doesn’t at all understand the nuances of that ep, esp the Dean - Dream!Dean scenes, so the call back rings unfortunately hollow. Because the way Berens frames “daddy’s blunt little instrument” neatly skips over Dean’s internalized anger at John for treating him like a soldier, even a tool, instead of a child, and how that particular dynamic warped his identity and sense of self.

“Are you okay down there?!,” a female voice boomed from above. “Don´t move! I called 911, help is on the way!”

Jared looked up but the darkness which had fallen over the Malibu hills shielded the owner of the voice from his gaze. Thank god she was there tho, whoever this saving angel was!

“Thanks,” he replied with a huff.

“Are you badly hurt? Can you move?,” the voice inquired. He could just about make out her shape hovering somewhere in the distance above him.

“Yeah I´m okay, but I think my ankle is broken.”

“Okay don´t move around, you´ll only make it worse. The medics will know what to do!”

“Thanks,” Jared sighed quietly from the pit.

Great. A broken ankle...

There goes that tour then.

How could he have been so careless?! He had been so deep in thought, so angry over Alice´s baby bombshell that he simply failed to notice that massive hole in his path before it was too late.

Before he now found himself sitting in a dark pit with a shattered ankle.😭

“Wow you really took a tumble, didn´t you?!”, the voice from above quizzed, snapping Jared back to reality.

"Yeah... I got distracted I guess...”

“Well don´t you worry, dude. You´ll be good as new in no time,” she continued as she laid down on the ground next to the hole.

“I´ll be up here keeping you company until the medics get here.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” Jared answered back, feeling gratitude that this saving angel happened to be near in his time of need. Without her, this thing could have ended pretty badly!

“So what got you so distracted that you didn´t spot a huge hole in the ground, dude?” 

"Eh... Nothing... Just preoccupied, I guess...”

“I get that,” the angel replied. “I sometimes come here too, to get away from... well, “nothing””.

“Yeah...,” Jared chuckled.

She seems cool.

“What’s your name?”

Ah… the dreaded question rang from above.

He didn’t want to tell her the truth.

What if she’s some crazy echelon psycho who loses her shit and jumps in the pit too? No room for heifers down here! 🐴

Or she could be a fame-hungry LA pap chaser who sells this story to the TMZ for 20 bucks… 😒💰

No, better play it safe and keep it neutral.

“I’m… uhm… Joseph.”

“You don’t sound sure, Joseph.”

She was very quick and alert, he noticed. Damn.

Maybe play it cool. She seems like she could take a joke.

“Well… I figured since we don’t know each other and I’m kinda at your mercy here… what if you’re like Kathy Bates in Misery and I gotta make a run for it?!”

“Oh… Well would be a kind of a sllllooooow run for it tho,” she quipped back with a giggle.

Phew! She got it.

She’s cool. She’s very cool.

“It’s actually my middle name. I sometimes use it when I wanna escape real life,” he continued.

“That’s smart, Joseph. I might start doing that too!,” the voice from above yelped excitedly.

“In fact: imma start right now!”

She rolled on her stomach and peeked her head in the pit, but in the pitch blackness there was no seeing her face from below ground. Only a few blonde-ish locks waving in the soft evening breeze.

“Hi, Joseph. I’m Michelle.”

Michelle.

Lovely name.

“Hi, Michelle.”

“Hi.” 😊

They both giggled and then fell silent. Michelle’s head disappeared from above as she retreated back to lie on her back next to the pit.

“Sooo… Did you just make up that name, Michelle?”

“It’s my middle name. I figured that was our thing, "Joseph”,“ she laughed.

Aaaaaaah, we have a "thing” now…😏

Jared always enjoyed a bit of flirting with the fairer sex, and since he´s now stuck in this pit...

“So... eh... what do you do, Michelle?”

“I… uhm… I… I suppose you could say I’m a… housewife…”

“Well now YOU don’t sound sure!,” Jared picked up on her hesitation.

She chuckled.

“Oh you noticed that… Well it’s a relatively new thing so I’m still getting used to it, I guess! How about you?”

Crap…

Another opportunity for exposure.

“Well… I work for a record company.”

Technically not a lie! 😁

“Aaaah so you’re in the music business?”

“A little bit yeah.”

“A musician?”

“Uh… part-time.”

Technically also not a lie! 😝

“Would I have ever heard any of your music, you think?”

Goooooooood, if only… 😞

“I… uh… probably not.”

His heart sniffled. 😔

“Oh… Well maybe one day, Joseph!”

“Yeah… maybe…”

Well now he wasn’t just lying to her… He was also lying to himself. 😶

They both fell silent, just laying there in the moonlight, one in a pit and one above ground, staring up at the starry sky. Jared felt oddly at peace, even tho he was stuck in a pit with just this one stranger keeping him attached to life outside his hole.

Their silence was peculiarly comfortable.

Just two strangers, sharing a moment in the wilderness.

“So what brought you up here this evening then?,” Jared finally decided to spark up their conversation again since the medics seemed to be taking their sweet time.

“Well… I was at this party with my husband and-”

“Oh… You’re married?”

Bummer.😔

“Yes. I’m a housewife, remember?”

“Oh…”

For some reason Jared felt a little bit hurt by this news.

“Anyway, so tonight I’m at this party with my husband we got into an argument and I took off ‘cos otherwise I might have slapped him… So I just drove around and finally ended up here!”

“What’d he do?”

Michelle laughed.

She had a wonderful laughter. Warm, catchy, strangely familiar.

“What makes you think it was his fault?”

“Oh please, isn’t it always the dude’s fault?,” Jared snorted sarcastically.

His quip was met with more giggles.

Her giggles made him giggle under his breath as well.

“Well… yeah! Why is that tho?!,” she quipped. “Men are always stirring up shit!”

“Heeeeeey, that’s not true! Women are the nutters who constantly create drama and misunderstand everything! I swear women have some weird-ass gene that makes them incapable of letting shit go,” Jared protested.

Still more giggles from above.

Jared enjoyed knowing he could make her laugh so effortlessly.

“So what did this hubby of yours do then?”

Michelle described how they had gotten into an argument over her hubby’s upcoming work trips abroad, and how she jumped in her car to drive off for some alone cooling-off time. Jared listened quietly in his pit, soaking in her stories as her mesmerizing voice filled the air...

Her voice made him feel warm even tho temperatures in his little prison were slowly dropping.

She effortlessly moved on to chatting about her love of nature and surfing, and Jared entertained her with (partly truthful) tales from his rock climbing treks.

They shared giggles and witty back and forth banter as the minutes ticked by, and Michelle even playfully “scolded” Jared by throwing her Manolo Blahnik at him when he made yet another sarcastic remark about what bitches all women are.

He didn’t mind being shoe’d by her.

“You sound bitter, Joseph. Girl trouble?”

He hesitated with his reply.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s just… really complicated right now,” Jared sighed quietly. He wasn’t quite ready to get into that whole Alice/baby mess yet.

Michelle peeked her head through the hole again.

“It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it.”

“Thanks.”

Jared again tried to make out her face in the darkness but… nope.

But going by her dreamy, comforting voice and fun, sparkling personality, she no doubt was beautiful on the outside too.

A silence descended upon their little “campsite” again.

“Wanna know something funny, Joseph? Your voice sounds familiar.”

“Oh…?”

Jared still didn’t wanna explain to her why that might be…

“It’s… uh… it’s probably just a really common voice, I get that a lot,” he fibbed, hoping she wouldn’t probe more. For some reason he, a proud lifetime-long Liar Extraordinaire, felt bad about lying to her.

She was so nice and helpful and made him feel safe even tho he was sat almost 3 meters underground in a dirty pit in pitch blackness..

“Oh… Yeah that must be it,” she replied.

“In LA you meet so many people that names and faces and voices all start sounding the same.”

"Yeah,” Jared replied. On one hand his ego was nagging him to let her in on his real identity so he could get some much-needed fawning-over which would be more than welcome after the shitty day he had lived through, but still he held back.

“Your heel broke btw,” he said as he picked up her stray shoe and took a closer look.

“Damn... I just bought those last week!,” Michelle sighed.

“Don´t worry, I´ll buy you new ones if I ever get out.”

“Thanks but I don´t know if my husband would like it if strange men bought me shoes,” Michelle giggled.

“Ugh fine, coffee then! Surely this dude won´t mind if I treat you to a beverage?!”

“I´m sure coffee would be ok,” Michelle agreed.

“Okay good, it´s a date then,” Jared smirked in the darkness.

If this chick is even halfway decent in the looks department, and more importantly in the weight department, he knew once the secret of his identity was revealed, she´d be thanking HIM for... well, for whatever would happen after he invited her over for a... “cup of coffee”... ☕

“Shhh! Listen,” the angel interrupted his daydreams. “I think I hear the ambulance”. 🚑 

“Ah thank god,” Jared sighed in relief. Finally he could get out of this stinkin´ hole! 

Altho in all fairness this evening had not been a total disaster... This savior angel had not only physically helped him in his hour of need by calling for help and staying to make sure he was okay, but also helped him get his mind off that scandalous baby business back home...

Perhaps, since they now had this nice connection established, if there was trouble in her marriage and seeing as there definitely was trouble in his own little relationship, maybe... maybe... 😜

Jared heard a car approaching and a male voice joined Michelle.

"What´s your husband´s name, ma´am?”

“Oh no, that´s not my husband! I just happened to be nea-... actually I don´t even know his name!”

She peeked in again.

“Yo! What´s your name? Like... REAL name.”

Well, there was no use in hiding it anymore...

“I´m Jared,” he answered. “Jared Leto.”

Silence.

A loooooong silence.

All Jared could hear were nasty ants scurrying around him in the pit and the medics shuffling around somewhere above him, but other than that... 

Nothing.

“Hello...?,” Jared hollered. “Are you still there?”

“Uh... Yeah... I´m here...,” Michelle answered. Her voice sounding unsure and a bit strained all of a sudden.

“So who´s this guy down there then?,” Jared heard a male voice coming closer and saw a dark figure appearing above. 

“He´s... eh... Jared Leto,” she replied with a slight stutter and a half-chuckle as she disappeared from Jared´s view.

“Right, okay. Well, let´s get him out then!”, the medic sounded unimpressed as he leaped into the pit, craftily maneuvering himself so he didn´t land on his patient. A quick check on the ankle revealed that luckily it indeed wasn´t broken but definitely severely twisted so a trip to the ER was still needed.

A second medic appeared above, and then a third. They lowered a few ropes down the pit and Jared sighed in relief as he was finally hoisted out of his underground prison, two men pulling from above and one pushing his ass from below.

Once he was safely back on solid ground, the three men helped him to a gurney.

"Did you wash your hands after your last patient?,” Jared asked as he was being strapped in.

“Sir, I´m wearing gloves,” the medic replied with a slight eye roll.

“Good! I´m very sensitive to germs.”

“Well you must have had fun down there in your hole then...,” the medic chuckled.

“Listen, Seinfeld. I´m not paying you to do stand-up over here. You better get me to a hospital asap before I have your license.”

The medic thought it best to not even respond, but rather just quietly rolled the gurney to the ambulance.

“WAIT!,” Jared yelped just as they reached the car.

“What, sir? Are you in pain?”

“Where´s that woman who called you?”

"I... I don´t know. I guess she left,” the medic replied.

“WHAT?! What do you mean she left?! She can´t just leave, I don´t even know her name!”

“Calm down, sir. Please, we need to get moving, we have a long wa-”

“No we can´t go! Go out and look if she´s still there!,” Jared demanded. “I need to see her again! We had this connection and-...”

“Sir, this is an ambulance. Not a tinderlance. We´re going now,” the medic calmly replied as he shoved the gurney inside and started filling his patient´s information on his clipboard form.

“Let´s go, Larry!,” the medic called out to the driver.

“YOU MOVE THIS FUCKING THING ONE INCH AND I SWEAR I´LL HAVE YOU ALL FIRED!,” Jared screamed at the top of his lungs.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO YOU´RE DEALING WI-,”

“Wooooow... Talk about a blast from the past...” the familiar female voice suddenly sounded from somewhere off to the side just as the doors swung close.

“WAIT! That´s her!,” Jared yelped again. “Don´t go, I need your number!”

He didn´t get a reply but instead heard her giggling outside.

"Michelle! Can you hear me?! I don´t know your last name! Please!” 🙏🏻

No response, just giggles.

The ambulance driver slowly started backing away, despite Jared knocking on the side windows to grab Michelle´s attention.

There was no response coming, and in a last ditch effort Jared grabbed the medic´s clipboard.

“Hey, you can´t read that! It´s privileged information!”

“Oh shut up, that´s MY information!,” Jared barked. 

Her name has to be in there somewhere...

Jared glanced the clipboard up and down, looking for some clues to who had alerted the medics to save him, and finally at the bottom of the page...

“There it is!,” he shrieked.

“identity of 911 caller: Phone number 555-9227. Name: Cameron Di...”

He froze for a second and looked up at the window as the ambulance slowly pulled away, only to spot his saving angel waving him goodbye with a smile, the ambulance lights finally revealing her face... 😲

DISCLAIMER AND RULES

(PS. Thanks for the vote and fic idea, anon! I took some liberties with the execution tho... hehe...)

❤, ♬ and ❈ for Valko & Brynja!

ahhhh thank ya! 

❤to learn about my character’s past relationships

valko: hooooo boy….this is a big can of worms. so…technically, officially, he and grisha were never actually together together. there were rumors/speculation of course, but as far as valko knows, they never slept together. it is worth mentioning that valko did get blackout drunk relatively frequently from ages eighteen to twenty-two and he supposes it’s possible something happened during one of those many blackouts, but he doesn’t think it’s likely. 

regardless, valko was very much deeply in love with grisha and he followed him so loyally that people called him grisha’s guard dog (to his face) and grisha’s bitch (behind his back). he did just about anything and everything for him. and grisha, master manipulator, was very aware of valko’s love for him and used that to his advantage. valko craved his attention and praise and grisha always gave him just enough to satisfy him in the moment, but not enough 

eventually valko started to subconsciously pick up on these games and was tired of it, and at around the same time grisha was getting bored of playing those games, and he started to withhold information and plans from valko. thus the rift started to form. valko lashed out, demanded attention, and this is really where their relationship got (even more) violent and destructive. ultimately valko tipped off some guards and botched a job in an attempt to to prove that grisha still needed him. he was supposed to save grisha, they were both supposed to survive and grisha was supposed to be humbled, realize that there were some things he couldn’t do without valko. but grisha died, had his throat cut right before valko’s eyes, and valko fled the scene, lied in his report, and spent the next few months guilty, paranoid, and in charge of the thieves guild. his betrayal was eventually discovered and he was forced to flee the city.

then there was poor artemesia who deserves so much better. she was different than anyone valko had ever really interacted with and he met her at around the same his relationship with grisha was beginning to deteriorate. she’s a dragonborn scholar and linguist who works for the university and lives in the rich district. she’s also a badass sorcerer. the conditions under which the two met aren’t really established but i like to think they met via thanos because she was looking for something that might have ended up on the black market

anyway, the two of them hit it off and it’s…almost an actual relationship. sometimes they’d go out. sometimes they got each other gifts. mostly they had sex. she taught him draconic (or he learned draconic for her), but he didn’t really do much in return for her. his true affections were still entirely directed at grisha. he told himself that he cared about artemesia (and he sort of did, he liked her, really, just….not like that) but really he was using her to make grisha (who is, among many other things, possessive as fuck) jealous.

brynja: she hasn’t had any romantic relationships, so i’m gonna answer with her familial relationships instead. she never knew her mother (who left before brynja was old enough to have memories of her), but she had a good relationship with her older sister dagny, a druid and follower of skadi. dagny told brynja stories about their mother. she was kind of the nani to brynja’s lilo. 

now brynja and her father, ingvar are a different story. brynja always believed that he resented her because he thought she was the reason why her mother left. Whether or not he actually thought that she doesn’t know for sure, but she’s convinced it is. he’s a paladin of frey, the sun god, and is generally the self-righteous sort and was insistent brynja follow in his footsteps. she didn’t, of course, and was chosen by thor to be a cleric of his instead. infuriated, her father told her that “no daughter of mine will be a stormbringer!” to which brynja responded, “then i am no daughter of yours!” which was when she gave up her surname of ingvarsdottir and took on the clan name bearbreaker as her last name. 

then there’s grettir, the storm giant who taught brynja how to harness the energy of storms and use that in her magic. it took some convincing to get grettir to teach brynja, but brynja was persistent and grettir was maybe a little lonely. throughout the course of the training, grettir became the mother figure that brynja never had and the two of them were very close. grettir was sad to see brynja leave and brynja was sad to go, but they both knew that brynja was made for something more than just the graypeak mountains. 

♬ to learn about my character’s music taste

valko: i mean within the canon setting it’s whatever music gets played in taverns or during festivals so….like….the witcher soundtrack….but if we’re talking a more modern setting/au he’d be into folk and indie rock with a side of johnny cash when he’s feeling particularly down and depeche mode when he’s feeling horny

brynja: within her canon setting it would be the worldstate’s equivalent to traditional celtic and norse music (stuff kinda like wardruna) but expanding to a more modern setting, i’d throw in celtic/norse rock, and heavy metal

❈ to learn about my character’s eating habits

valko: he tends to hoard food and only eat as much as absolutely necessary (sometimes a little less). ever since he was a kid he really didn’t know when his next meal would be. when the plague struck the farm’s crops his parents couldn’t cultivate enough, so they had to ration. when they moved to the city, they were poor and couldn’t afford much (of course his parents made sure he had something to eat, sacrificing their own meals, but he felt bad about this). when he was part of the thieves guild (which he joined so his parents could have regular meals) starvation was part of training and used as a way to weed out those who couldn’t handle life in the guild. you either starved or you learned how to steal – and more importantly, you learned how to steal without getting caught. those who were caught were punished. and then when he fled the thieves guild and left the city he had to relearn the bits of hunting his father taught him when he was a kid. he picked that back up pretty easily (he always had good aim) and he probably could have sustained himself pretty well hunting and gathering, he purposefully starved in order to punish himself for getting grisha killed. altho now that he’s a part of team rood he’s definitely eating much more regularly 

brynja: she does love herself a good hearty meal and will maybe eat just a little bit more than her full share, but only if she’s sure there’s plenty enough to go around. she loves feast days. but she’s perfectly willing and able to hunt and scavenge for her own food should she have to. when relying on rations she tries to split it so that she has maybe 1/3 of it for breakfast, snacks on some of it during the day, and then whatever’s left is what she has for dinner, so she tries to get at least two meals a day. 

The cure for nonstop FOMO and comparisons and jealousy

I’ve been admittedly having a streak of extreme FOMO and envy.

Between all the crypto, working in sales, people getting promoted in my tech job and more…

Living in reality and not just sitting on a rock all day is truly difficulty level: legendary…

Extreme Buddhism is like “oh be one with the earth sit here and meditate all your days ”— it’s WAY harder to live a normal life and I think true feats happen when one can detach from worldly bullshit. That’s where I respect some “gurus” over others. (I believe in God but like to observe what others are up to)

I just spent thanksgiving in a topic that was 80% crypto and I have PLENTY to be thankful for but it’s like mofo, this is so irking no matter how far I go, the desire for FU money is never ending…

It’s like a disease. There are three types of earning and desire for money- the good and bad… and ugly

Good I feel is my brother who just got a job by the grace of GOD it telling you a miracle if I ever saw one. He now is less depressed because he no longer has to live in my moms basement. He prays to God more, Altho maybe I’m shallow, better than not!

Bad (but funny) - My other friend sells hobby gear (technically a weapon but it’s more like a sporty thing). Not the kind that have ever been used on people just hobby weapons for fun. In fact they’re so hard to use it would be impractical in most cases more of a “look how manly I am” sort of thing. He obsessively looks at his bank account and says that’s his main hobby. And thinks of ways to sell it. That to me at least he’s aware that’s all he cares about and he is an honest man who says himself he’s scum… I appreciate his awareness!!

Ugly- This is the kind I feel I just came from. The kind that’s undetectable because everyone is lying to the other… crypto is constant FOMO.

I don’t have it and never had more than a few bucks. We only hear of extremes - great amounts or losing it all. And everyone getting rich doing nothing but taking great risks. It’s the same disease of FOMO of working in streaming where we tell people they can

Have “fame, fortune, and love” but we’ve perverted love to be shallow online bullshit.

I literally used to say I worked for the devil. Whole different story but people thinking FB is evil. Most companies are “ evil”. If this is the case

Potential cures

I am not sure as I’m just a mere mortal but here are things that have helped:

* God - Jesus - The Bible - It all came from God and will all go back to God. in the end it doesn’t matter, shit look they all were obsessed with the denarus, the currency of the day. That stuff we don’t care at all about, just some ancient ass artifacts. Some day the dollar nay be dead. Crypto as we know it could be dead. All that remains are relationships and God.

Start with a beginner’s mind. I always think… there’s a reason Jesus lasted all these years.. only the real deal could survive!! Plus WAY too many miracles and times I could have died, it was definitely God.

* The Torah (Old Testament and modern rabbis - not the strict stuff but gives some ying to the New Testament yang) Rabbi Yakov a texas rabbi’s newsletter- the print version (free). This guy actually texts back if you text him (I donated and he said a podcast you could text him. I live in CA. lol). That’s real leadership to me.

* Krishna Murti - It’s like you take the stuff Jesus said and put a Buddhist spin to it - this guy even said he was no ones guru

* Bruce Lee quotes - his childhood was actually p funny he got in hella fights then chilled out a wee bit. He was also materialistic but had great dedication

* Be aware you’re jealous af (note to myself)

* Learn some crazy sport- something opposite of money, it can become an obsession as anything can but can shift your thinking to get you off of the obsession with money. And keep you in the real

* Dance - I can be mad af and cheer up.

* Shinryu Suzuki

* Yoga - I need to be in person for this to work