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milimeters-morales · 14 days

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chapter 5 of the transfem miles fic :3

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chap 6

Wordcount: 4k+

Warnings: Someone's transphobic towards a side character, if you don't wanna read that then skip from "two in the afternoon" all the way to "Miles has been helping around the city all day"

“What did you say?”

Miles swallows down his hesitation, can feel the sweat running down his back, and breathes heavily out his nose.

“I… I told Peter and one of his friends… about us. Being together.” Each word feels like he’s digging further and further into his own grave.

Ganke takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes, “That’s great, man. I honestly didn’t think you’d be ready.” He then places his glasses back on and turns back to play on his computer.

Miles stares at him, dumbfounded.

What?

“What?”

Ganke hums. “What? I mean, you’re always hiding me from everybody, I just didn’t expect you to--”

“No,” Miles says, “is… is that it? You aren’t mad? You’re not gonna leave?” He asks, voice shaking. He can feel the rocks in his stomach and the adrenaline making him his limbs feel light.

Ganke quickly turns to face him again, and Miles can see his eyes shining ever so slightly. Shit.

“Leave? What? Why would I do that?” He asks in disbelief. “Miles, you know I never really liked keeping us a secret. This is… actually amazing, I can tell my mom, you can tell your parents--”

Miles feels cold dread stab him in the stomach, and he holds in the “no” that wants to escape his mouth. Ganke’s eyes lighting up makes him bite the inside of his cheek.

“--well, maybe we can wait a bit before we tell my mom,” Ganke amends with a slightly bitter tone, “but no man, I’m not mad. Should we tell Gwen or do you think Pav told her already?”

Still trying to wrap his mind around Ganke not storming out of the dorm right now, Miles doesn’t respond. His heart feels like it’s beating way too fast, and he feels the sweat coming back full force, running down his face and back. His face feels hot, and he just wants to curl into himself until he gets so small that he merely pops out of existence.

“Ganke, I’m really sorry,” Miles finally says after a few unsure moments of silence. “I just… it was an accident, like with Pavitr. I didn’t actually want to… tell anyone? Not yet.”

Ganke actually pauses the game he’s playing, and fully turns in his chair to give Miles a quizzical look. “What?”

God, here comes the most difficult part.

Miles sits down on Ganke’s bunk, taking off his gloves and fidgeting with his fingers. “I’m still not ready. I know that… I know that you want to let people know, but I… just can’t. I’m--”

Ganke shakes his head, “You’re sorry, I know. I just… why? I mean, your parents are so supportive of literally everything else you do, the rest of your friends are going to accept us,” he trails off, looking away with a frown. “I know you’re scared, but we should at least tell… I want your parents to know about me, I don’t want to just keep lying to their faces and sneaking around all the time ...”

Miles looks down at his hands. He always knew that Ganke never really wanted their relationship to be secret, but already made it clear he wasn’t going to pressure Miles to come out to anybody before he was ready.

“I know, I know. I want to tell them too--”

“Do you?” Ganke interrupts, his tone causing Miles to look up and meet his eyes.

No , he thinks. “I… I already-- I’m Spider-Man, and you know they still aren’t… Look, I can’t keep pushing all this…” Miles struggles to get the rest of the sentence out as he realizes how bad it sounds.

The other boy seems to realize what he was going to say, because his gaze turns sharp, hurt flashing almost too quick for Miles to catch, before he sighs. “Miles, let’s… not. We’ll talk about this in the morning, or something.”

“Yeah,” Miles agrees numbly, crawling up into his own bunk and changing into his sleep clothes. “I love you, you know that.”

Ganke doesn’t respond, which makes the rocks that settled in Miles’s stomach feel like they were going to drag him through all the floors in this very building and into the Earth’s core, but when he looks over, he sees Ganke already has his headphones on, facing the wall.

He’s going to be sick. He’s overreacting to this, it’s normal for Ganke to be upset right now and not want to see him or talk to him any longer. They can work this out. They love each other, and that won’t change.

Miles leans back into his own bunk, and stares at the ceiling for the rest of the night.

____

The cool breeze stings his cheeks as he walks down the street with Ganke. His boyfriend. He squeezes his hand briefly.

“Miles, don’t. I know you don’t even wanna hold my hand right now,” Ganke mumbles.

“I do,” Miles insists, because he really does--

“But you’re scared,” Ganke says--

because he really is.

“I… I don’t want to be, I want to hold your hand,” Miles tries to insist, hating how weak his voice sounded. He did want this, why couldn’t he at least sound like it? “I don’t want to be scared of what anyone thinks--”

“How about this, we start slow. And on purpose, this time, we can…” Ganke trails off.

“You don’t think it’s a good idea,” Miles guesses.

“Well I don’t have any other plans, man. I don’t wanna just keep us secret for the rest of our lives,” Ganke says, tucking his hands in his pockets. His glasses fog up when he sighs, “But I don’t want to scare you off or anything. I don’t know.”

Miles turns his gaze to the ground.

“Maybe… yeah. We start slow. I can tell people… on purpose,” he agrees, swallowing the rocks in his throat. They settle back in his stomach, waiting.

“But you’re not sold on the idea?”

“No, no. But I can… try?” That’s what relationships are about, right? Trying? Meeting halfway and all that.

Ganke is quiet for a few minutes while they walk. His breath fogs up his glasses, and splashes from the puddles they step in are freezing, even through their pants.

“Yeah. Okay,” he mumbles. “Who do you have in mind?”

Nobody, but Miles doesn’t say that. He looks around, squinting at the slowly rising sun.

Alright, he could do this. He could try telling people. Pavitr and Peter already know, and they’ve done nothing but be supportive, or in Peter’s case, be annoying. The man probably told his wife, and his baby, who would’ve babbled nonsense back at him, and that friend-- Richard, he thinks-- probably…

Take a deep breath.

Probably didn’t tell anybody. He probably forgot all about it. Miles doesn’t even exist in that world, he would have no reason to go around telling people about some random guy’s relationship worries.

“Do you have anyone in mind?” Ganke asks him, unimpressed with the answering silence.

“Um… yes.”

“Really? Who?”

Miles gulps.

____

Even on Earth-42, a city that’s overrun with villains controlling more than they should, there’s still annoyingly loud morning traffic. Horn honking, tires screeching, car engines sputtering, and the jumbled muffled noise of people yelling at each other reaches Miles even when he’s hundreds of feet in the air. But it’s all just background noise. He’s not focusing on that. He’s focusing on how to not die inside trying to confess what he’s about to confess.

“So why did you make me come up here? You’re not here to pull an O’hara, right?” G. asks him, slowly coming closer to join him on the edge of the roof.

The two chuckle at their inside joke, but Miles notices the other’s tense shoulders. Does he really look like that right now too? He relaxes his shoulders just the tiniest amount.

“I just… wanted to tell you something. Away from Ma and Uncle Aaron-- it’s personal, so…”

“What? Did something happen? Is it about both of us?” G. suddenly straightened up from his slouch, eyes narrowing slightly.

Oh man, wouldn’t that be a relief.

“No, it’s just… I don’t want anyone else to know. It’s a secret.”

“Is it a girl?” G. asks hesitantly. “Uncle Aaron’s got better advice than me, though, so…”

Miles swallows the rocks in his throat back down to his stomach, where they finally settle and wait. He feels a shiver go down his spine, and sweat forms on his forehead. God, why didn’t he think to put his suit on before he came here? He could at least hide the more obvious tells that he was scared out of his mind.

“Nah, it’s not that,” certainly not a girl, “I just… uhh…”

Say it. Tell him. Tell him you’re-

“Did you kill somebody?”

“No! Dude, what the hell!” Miles shouts.

“Hey, don’t get loud with me! I was just asking! You look like you’re about to pass out!” G. grumbles, running a hand down one of his braids. “Probably shouldn’t be on the edge, come on.”

With a huff, Miles joins his alternate self in retreating from the roof’s edge and sitting down near the door leading to the stairwell. He picks up a pebble and tosses it up in the air repeatedly, trying to count his breaths.

He can do this. His anxiety and fears are irrational. Everything about G. shows that he’s bound to be accepting. And even if he isn’t, he wouldn’t gain anything by outing Miles to anyone else here, and he doesn’t even really care about Miles’s friends enough to want to tell them anything.

He can do this. If not for himself, then for Ganke. Ganke deserves it. His boyfriend deserves it.

“I’m…”

G. tilts his head, one brow raised.

Miles lets the rock drop and hides his face in his hands, groaning loudly. “I can’t do thiiissss…”

“Look man, you ain’t gotta tell me if you don’t want to,” G. tells him awkwardly, stiffly patting his shoulder in understanding. “I don’t tell you a lot of stuff.”

Miles peeks between his fingers. “Yeah? Like what?” He asks forlornly.

The other boy gives him a flat look. Yeah, okay.

“That’s the thing though,” Miles sighs, picking at his lip, something G. gently slaps his hand away for, “I want to tell you! It’s super important, and I kinda made a promise to tell you already.”

“And you hate breaking promises,” G. says. “But you hate telling me whatever this super important secret is… more than that.”

“You’re making it sound really bad.”

G. rolls his eyes, “Who did you even promise that to? Ma? Your dad?”

“Ganke. It’s super important to him that I tell somebody, and I promised to tell you like… earlier this morning. I hate breaking promises to him, man.” Miles wonders if that was too much information to give, and that G. would guess what he was supposed to confess anyway. Shit, that would be way worse than him just outright saying it… what if G. guesses it and stays quiet about it but secretly hates him because of that?

Stop it, stop it brain, Miles thinks to himself, furrowing his brows.

“Ganke? Is this about… y’know--”

Miles swears his heart stops for a second.

“--his crush?”

His WHAT?

“Yeah, Barbara? She’s… shit, you didn’t know?!” G.’s eyes widen, and he waves his hands as if trying to dispel the words. “Then forget about it!”

Miles stands up, feeling like ice cold water was just dunked on him. “His what?! No no no, don’t you walk away--”

G. groans and hides his face in his hands, “ Ay, bendito, that’s-- that’s super personal!”

“Then why did you think that’s what I was talking about!”

“Because what else would he tell you to tell another version of yourself that would probably already know?! Dude, seriously , you need to calm down--”

“Calm down?! Calm down?! He’s my--”

G. tugs on a braid as he takes a step back for some reason, “I know he’s your best friend, and we liked Barbara first, but he doesn’t even like her anymore! It’s probably the same with your Ganke!”

Huh?

“I… don’t… I don’t like Barbara,” Miles says after a few moments of tense silence.

“What--”

“I don’t even know who that is, man,” he elaborates.

“Then why’re you so heated?”

This is your chance! Tell him the truth, Miles!

“I just…”

He can’t do this.

“I was upset that he wouldn’t tell me something like that. I’m his best friend!” He settles on. The words make his entire body feel cold, and the rocks in his stomach grow heavier with guilt. He isn’t the best liar, but a shamefully large part of him hopes G. buys this one.

“Well, if it’s the same in your world, maybe he just wasn’t sure. And just because you’re friends doesn’t mean he has to tell you everything, you sound overbearing.”

“I didn’t say he had to tell me everything,” Miles bites out.

“Yeah, whatever. What were you gonna tell me?”

Miles shrugs him off, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you some other time.”

G. gives him another flat look and crosses his arms. “Aight, I’m leaving. Waste of my time…”

“Tell Mom and Uncle Aaron I said hi.”

G. doesn’t answer, and leaves Miles alone on the roof.

Ugh. Way to go, genius.

____

How is it only two in the afternoon?

“Well, thousands of years ago, some ape invented keeping track of time, so now we’re here,” the caretaker responds humourlessly.

Miles went back home, deciding to spend the rest of the day helping out in his own world. He’s in a homeless shelter, keeping the lights on with his own electricity until the backup generators are fixed. “Don’t quit your dayjob, ma’am,” he responds dryly, startling a laugh out of the lady. “How’d those generators break, anyway? I never asked about that.”

A somewhat elderly man sitting nearby responds, “Rats.”

A woman texting on her phone nearby scoffs, “Dad, it wasn’t rats. You were hearing things, again.”

“I’m not the crazy one, I know what I heard.”

“I’m not crazy, I told you to stop calling me that!”

The caretaker brings the man a sandwich and bowl of banana slices, shooting Mlies a look as if he started the argument. “The official story is that it’s an old generator, it was just a matter of time before it went kaput,” she tells him.

“And the unofficial story?” He presses, crossing his arms and raising a brow.

“Some assholes took a whack at it,” she whispers to him.

“Why cover that up?” He whispers back, eyes widening.

“So that some people here don’t lose it. A lot of them have no where else to go after this, and we don’t want them to get scared and think we’re being targeted,” she explains, glancing at the two still arguing, “we don’t want to take this away from them because of this one-off thing.”

“What if it’s not a one-off attack?” Miles can’t help but ask, frowning. “Even if it is, you should still let them know the truth.”

“Wow, your mask is really expressive. You look devastated,” the caretaker comments, not answering his question.

“Thank you, I helped design it,” he replies instead, making a mental note to swing over this shelter more often. Something tells him now isn’t the time to debate or argue with her.

Another woman, probably around his mom’s age, shuffles into the room with a tall pile of clothes in a basket. “Hey, the washer and dryer working?”

“Yeah, thanks to Spidey here,” the caretaker says, waving her hand in his general area.

“Thanks Spidey,” she says, “I’m Jeremy.”

Miles blinks, “No problem, Jeremy,” he tells him. Hopefully his embarrassment doesn’t show through the mask either.

Jeremy walks past everyone to another room, presumably the laundry room.

The old man scoffs loudly, “You’re still letting her work here?”

The way he says it makes Miles tense his shoulders and jaw.

“He,” the caretaker corrects sharply, “is a great volunteer, and is washing your clothes for you without complaining.”

The old man grumbles, goes to look at his daughter, and gives up the argument when he sees her glaring angrily at him. “Whatever. Too old to be dealing with this,” he mutters as he walks out of the room.

“I’m sorry about him,” the daughter says quietly and stiltedly to Miles and the caretaker, face quickly turning pink as she follows him.

The caretaker doesn’t respond to that, only dragging her hand down her face and rolling her eyes. “Poor kid. He’s gotta deal with those types that don’t even like him. I don’t know how he keeps coming back.”

“Well, my mom has to treat some real jerks at work, and she still goes back,” Miles tells her, “I think it makes Jeremy a pretty great guy. Putting up with all that so people can have clean clothes.”

The caretaker looks at him and smiles warmly. “You’re a good kid, Spidey. Don’t let anything change that.”

“I’m--” Miles coughs, and deepens his voice slightly, “I’m a grown man.”

The caretaker laughs at him, shaking her head.

____

Miles has been helping around the city all day after that, not stopping once for a break for himself.

It started storming at one point, rain seeping into his suit and chilling him to the point of numbness, resulting in a peaceful trance as he swung around, offering a hand wherever he could.

Sent down to the subway, Miles helps a group of teens find their art wall. Two boys and three girls were just wandering down here, clearly lost, and with their descriptions, he was able to figure out exactly what mural they were looking for. He hopes they don’t realize another mural-- his own, with the other spider-people and his uncle-- is nearby; he doesn’t want it to end up getting attention if the kids decide to take a picture or something, and he couldn’t really explain why he’d stop them either. “The guy who painted this is my friend,” doesn’t sound convincing, and even if it did, what if he ran into these kids as Miles down here? That would be a whole new thing to deal with and lie about!

“Hey, are you actually allergic to cinnamon?” One of the teens ask him, breaking him out of his thoughts as he leads them down the tracks. “Or am I reaching?”

“Why would I be allergic to cinnamon? Where did you hear that?” He questions her, dropping down now that they were getting close. He looks at the group of teens, noticing most of them were slightly taller than him. Which was only slightly annoying.

“Well,” one of the boys begins, “we binging your fail compilations--” Oh come on , Miles thinks-- “and you ran into a wall when running from that candy cane villain. Remember that?”

“Uh-huh,” Miles nods, crossing his arms. It was a few days after Christmas when he first became Spider-Man, and a major embarrassment even if he did end up winning.

“You said you were allergic to peppermint when a reporter asked why you ran, so we searched it up and spiders hate cinnamon too.”

Damn, he did say that, didn’t he? It was to save a bit of face, but the smell honestly did make him want to gag and made him so irritated that he had to do more running away than fighting. Sue him, he wasn’t about to throw up as Spider-Man. Guess he has to roll with the lie now.

“I like cinnamon most of the time,” Miles finally answers, “only really how my mom uses it.”

“Oh!” One of the girls pipes up, “Have you ever done the cinnamon challenge? You totally should!”

Miles lets out a sharp laugh, “And what, embarrass myself on the internet again? Willingly?”

“You already do that,” one of the boys says dryly.

“Ouch, you should be a little nicer! I am the one leading you through here,” he jokes.

“Sorry,” the boy drawls, not sounding sorry in the slightest.

They are quickly coming up to the mural, so Miles takes his leave. “Will you guys need help getting out of here?” He asks them, placing his hands on his hips. “I can hang around, and you can just call for me when you’re done.”

“Nope, her uncle can come pick us up when we’re done adding the finishing touches to this,” one of the boys responds, pointing to a girl that’s pulling out her phone.

The mention of the girl’s uncle sends a pang straight through his heart, but he just nods his head, taking in the mural once more.

He’s passed it maybe twice before, and It was a really beautiful work of art, messy in a way that screams authenticity and just pure fun, not following any sort of rules or guides. Just a collage made and continuously added on to by complete strangers. There was a group of smiling stick figures all circling the planet, and a realistic heart painting above in the colors of the gay pride flag. There were several more hearts painted haphazardly around, all in different styles, some of them were national and disability flags too, each surrounded by flowers and more smiling stick figures, a few in wheelchairs. There were even some printed out articles glued or taped around, mostly about accomplishments great and small for the communities painted. There was a cardboard sign nearby that said, “Make Your Mark!” with an arrow pointed to the mural, inviting anyone who wants to add to it.

It was probably one of his favorites, if he was being honest.

Miles would have to come back later anyway, just to see what these kids added to the mural.

____

He sighs and opens his bedroom door. “I got the oranges,” he calls out, peeling off his mask and tossing it behind him.

“Miles, go change, no Spider-Man at the table. You’re soaked, what did we tell you--” His dad tells him as he takes the bag from him, tossing a large towel at his face.

“But Spider-Man did really good today, can’t he get a few scraps?” He jokes.

“You know what I meant,” his dad mumbles, “go change. Your mother’s trying a new recipe, and I’m not getting my tastebuds burnt off alone.”

Miles’s eyes widen, “Are you sure Spider-Man shouldn’t get involved?”

“I can hear you two!” His mom laughs from her experimenting in the kitchen.

Once he’s in his room, he takes a few minutes to relax. He removes his suit, dries off, and puts on a plain tee shirt and some shorts, wincing when the shirt snags on his earrings. After giving himself a once-over to make sure there aren’t any bruises, cuts, trackers, or old gum he missed, he decides to text his friends.

|Miles Morales 1610-B: Hey hows it going

|Gwen Stacy 65-B: bsuy w fight

|Miles Morales 1610-B: lmk if you need help

Okay, well Gwen’s occupied. Pavitr’s… probably still asleep, since it’s the weekend… Hobie prefers calling, and Miles really doesn’t want to do that right now… hmm.

|Miles Morales 1610-B: Hey margo how have you been?

|Margo Kess 22191-B: hi it’s been going i guess! Wbu

|Miles Morales 1610-B: Nothing much just saving the day and hating school

|Margo Kess 22191-B: felt that lol

|Margo Kess 22191-B: im actually about to help gwen with this weird villain

|Margo Kess 22191-B: its a surprise tho so dont tell her

“Oh,” Miles quietly says aloud, sitting down on his chair.

|Miles Morales 1610-B: Thats super nice of you!!

|Margo Kess 22191-B: yeah i want to be close again like we used to be

Huh. That’s interesting. Gwen never mentioned that she used to be close with Margo, and vice versa. Miles fights down a rush of… something close to jealousy, but not quite that. He knows Gwen made a few friends while she was in the Society, but she didn’t really like to talk about her time there in general. And he never really asked anyway, with a wound that fresh. Shoot, should he have asked at any point regardless? He doesn’t want to come off like he doesn’t care.

You’re overthinking again.

|Miles Morales 1610-B: Good luck

Does that look sarcastic? Or bitter?

|Margo Kess 22191-B: thanks dude :)

“Thank god,” Miles lets out a sharp breath, not realizing he was even holding it. He puts his watch in his nightstand and lays back on the bed, pulling out his phone, about to text Ganke--

Nevermind! That would mean he’d have to tell him he didn’t tell G. about their relationship. If he simply… forgot to text Ganke, perhaps…

No.

He needs to tell somebody . Tonight .

“Miles, come help cook!” his mom shouted from the kitchen.

____

“You okay?”

Miles blinks, looking down at the ball of meat he’s been rolling for the past five minutes. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he answers. “Just a bit tired after saving the day, you know how it is.”

“Mm,” his dad hums, not wanting to talk about anything Spider-Man related, Miles guesses. “Just checking. You’re really tense.”

Miles unclenches his jaw and lets his shoulders drop to a more natural position. “I’m not.”

“Miles, you can talk to us. Me and your mother have seen a lot--”

They have? Miles feels lightheaded, and the rocks forming in his stomach are making him tense up again to not fall over.

“--whatever happened out there tonight, you can tell us. We know there’s a lot of stuff out there, stuff no kid should have to handle, and… we just want you to be honest...”

Miles could cry right now. Oh my god. They didn’t know, his dad was just talking about being traumatized on the job from getting horrible injuries or whatever. He swears he heard angels singing for a second there.

“I know, Dad,” Miles says, slightly impressed at how steady his voice sounded. He can’t see his dad, but Miles swears he can sense the unease and disappointment in the air around him.

Miles understands. The part of him that isn't cheering is screaming that he’s ruined his chance to be honest again, for his own selfish reasons. But the other part, the one that fiercely shields him as he hides away in that closet, simply leaves a cold relief as it washed over him.

“Miles, are those piercings infected? They look dark,” his mom points out as she comes back into the kitchen to finish cooking.

The lobes themselves are warm to the touch, now that he actually pays attention. “They do?”

“Yes, are you pulling on them? I told you not to go through any sewers, any dumps, and to clean them everyday!” she scolds, “They’re going to itch like crazy and drive you mad now.”

“It’ll be fine, ma,” Miles chuckles, realizing he actually has been slacking in cleaning them, “I can handle some itching.”

“Oh, Jeff, our son’s laughing about that infection,” his mom places a hand on her cheek, “We’ll have to call the priest.”

“It’s not an infection, mami.”

“Yep, I see the life leaving him right now,” his traitorous dad joins in.

“Guys, c’mon,” Miles laughs, “I’ll clean them after dinner.”

“Our last meal together,” his dad mumbles, shaking his head and wiping away imaginary tears.

____

Miles waited until his parents were asleep to sneak out onto the roof of their apartment building, creeping into the greenhouse.

He still needs to tell somebody, even more so now that he has an entirely new person to potentially worry about. Miles doesn’t know who this Barbara girl is, but if she exists here, that means Ganke could have a crush on her, and the very thought of that is making Miles’s brain go haywire. It doesn’t even make total sense in his brain; instead of neurons, there are just jumbled wires and a cacophony of incoherent panicked shouting.

He sits down on the floor of the greenhouse, hunching over and pulling at his hair.

Be smart about this , Miles thinks to himself. Don’t freak out, don’t freak out… He needs-- there’s gotta be a list. What was it Peter’s friend said? Start a journal, or something. He should list the problems, make a plan of action. That’s the smart thing to do.

#my writing #transfem miles #miles morales #spider man #spiderman #atsv fanfiction #atsv #spiderverse #fanfic #trans miles morales #m&m posts #ganke lee #milesganke #well the ship isn't the focus but yknow. wait why did i say that? the ship is VERY much a focus of the fic. who said that first shit #anyway... don't worry about all this shit rn im setting stuff up #but keep it in the very back of your mind #this chapter was a lot of filler tbh. as filler as i can make a chapter. which is not very much #also tumblr is formatting this weird as hell wtf???

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cygnusdoesthings · 1 year

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January 10th; so many cacti. cactuses. cactiuses. MULTIPLE CACTUS!

(squints) CACTUS?? THERE ARE SO MANY TYPES WTF

Anyhoo! There are (checks notes).. mainly four? Cacti I will be talking about today, so this will be A Long Post. Are you all ready? Okay! As a blanket rule, cacti are generally under mars, element fire, which you'll see why later.

First off, the common cactus (cactaceae). This is the one that most of the Victorian-era mostly talked about- actually, that's not really... true, I guess, they mention everything except for the optunia, (editor cyg here; i'm a buffoon, i lied) I suppose. But!

I'm sure you know what cactuses are. If not, then... what are you doing here? Anyway. These are the 'trademark desert plant'. They're like camels, except a plant, and spiky.

Also, it's in a Dr Seuss book- oh, wait, camels are also in there. Stream of consciousness, am I right?

Anyhoo. They conserve the little bit of water they get. They're very cool.

I almost put a normal picture, until I remember this beautiful thing exists. Say hi to the middle finger cactus.

As 'cactus', it takes most of the fall for definitions. So. There's gonna be a few.

Including but not limited to: Ardent love, warmth, I burn, burn with love, chastity, endurance, lust, maternal love, protection, sex, you left me.

Told you there were many definitions. I had to look up what 'ardent' meant, so..

In most of the really old sources, it just means 'I burn' and 'warmth', but it's not clear whether this is referring to a prickly pear cactus or not, so better to err on the side of caution.

In more of the modern sources, it also means 'our love shall endure', which seems to be a more inferential definition (one that I can definitely get behind). Also coming with age is the definition 'endurance'.

html im coming for you (shakes my fist @ you) how do i do it in rich text hold on.

mobile viewers, you guys'll just have to suffer for this one, sorry. tumblr formatting can suffer in a hole.

The serpentine cactus (stenocereus eruca), or creeping devil cactus (as the term serpentine cactus is hardly used these days). As you can probably guess, from it's name and the fact that it includes 'serpent', this cactus is *not *the best of meanings. It gets it's name from the trailing roots it throws out, which resembles snakes.

It's commonly meaning 'horror' because of this. Modest genius, modest gain. Also, it's kinda terrifying. But also... DANGEROUSLY PHALLIC- yeah, okay, I'll leave. My bad.

(tw for uh. fuckin. snake cacti. yeah.)

Wow, okay, that's... uncomfortable. Oh, I hate that, hell.

The night-blooming cactus (selenicereus grandi-florus), also called the grand cactus, vanilla cactus, sweet-smelling cactus, is the one most talked about in Ye Olden Sources. It's gone through, like, so many scientific names, but I'll settle on this one.

So! This plant is called night-blooming because it's flowers open only at night. When they do, they emit a vanilla-like sweet scent, which 'reaches a considerable distance'. The flowers can be very large, spanning up to 5 feet.

Native to Jamaica, this plant's flowers open after dark, and close by the first light of dawn (I had to look that one up, because I had a bit of confusion as to why the Victorian sources said 'dies off completely'. Thanks, discernment.)

There are some medical stuff mixed in with the properties of this bitch, but I am SO not going to delve into that because a) too long b) too hard to explain. so with that in mind.

Night-blooming cactus: transient beauty. (Also grandeur, because of it's grandness. Is that a word? It is now.)

The prickly pear cactus (optunia ficus-indica)- possibly one you've seen as a 'stereotypical cactus', if ever that were a thing. It's shaped like- you guessed it- a pear. Huh. Weird (imagine me giving you the most sarcastic look rn).

There's actually not much backstory for this one, but it is unanimously agreed that it means 'satire'. Other sources mention it also as 'I burn', with another one quoting 'I did not forget'. Also, 'chastity' and endurance. Yeah, man, I don't know the flore (flower lore) either.

But! Here are some interesting tidbits, if you're so inclined.

"Opuntia is native to the Americas, with samples being brought home by the Spanish, where it spread from Spain to all parts of the Mediterranean and North Africa. • The Aztecs grew Opuntia for the purpose of harvesting the cochineal scale it would be infested with, using it to produce red dye that was eventually worth more than gold, to ultimately be the same scarlet dye that was used to to color the fabric used *for British soldiers’ “redcoat” uniforms."

^ obviously not my own my words. you really think i'm scholarly enough to type all that up? because i am.

Anyway. Prickly pear; satire, I burn, chastity, endurance.

Oh, and here are a couple of other species of cacti's definitions, but I'm not going to go deep into them, because this is already a long post.

Crab cactus (Schlumbergera russelliana)- Dependability, loyalty

Chainlike cactus (Cylindropuntia imbricata)- sentiments of honour, uprightness

Neoporteria cactus (Neoporteria paucicostata)- motivation

Noble star cactus (Stapelia nobilis)- compassion, service

Saguaro Cactus Blossom (Carnegiea gigantean) » will to live, inner wisdom, compassion, endurance, self-empowerment

I have a floriography blog! @bloomsong-from-a-swans-breath :D

#cyg's flower series #floriography #language of flowers #cactus

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natalieironside · 2 years

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Hey Natalie, I was wondering if you had any guides you used for self publishing? I've written like..... 2 and a half kissing books and I'm considering publishing them for fun and profit 😳 if not nbd, I am proficient in google, I just have trouble figuring out how much of that grind mentality is actually important.

I'm mostly blundering my way through this myself, but I'll give it a shot.

No matter what anybody tells you: Once you've written the book and cleaned it up for publication, the hard part's over. My sales as a self-pub author of extremely niche fiction are already way higher than I expected, and none of the work I've put into marketing has been half as much time or effort as actually creating the thang dings.

If you have the money, hire an editor. The Last Girl Scout was a self-edit (on account of I didn't and don't have the money), and while I am still very happy with it, it's nowhere near the book it could've been as a consequence--as many Goodreads reviewers will tell you.

I also recommend hiring a formatter. You can do your own formatting if you're like a nerd who knows about computers and stuff, but it's a lot of work and not everybody has that skill set. Also, like with editing, it is very very easy to overlook mistakes when it's your own work your dealing with. Here I'm gonna plug @kodyboye, who's formatted all the stuff I've sent to print and does excellent work (also fast as hell; iirc he had like 24-hour turnaround on the typescript of TLGS, which is a 600-page leviathan).

Once you've got your formatted files and cover art (which is a whole 'nother kettle of worms that I do not feel qualified to get into, I have An Associate who handles that for me), self-pub is as easy as hitting a button if you use Amazon KDP or as easy as hitting 3 or 4 more buttons if you use another service. Then you'll have a book and you'll be like "Wtf I'm an author."

(note on the above: Do not fuck w/ any service that asks you for money. Pay-to-play publishing services are 100% a scam; a publisher or publishing service asking an author to pay them is literally the same thing as your boss making you pay to come to work)

As for marketing: If you don't have the budget for paid promotions (which I don't and I'm assuming most ppl reading this don't), the best thing you can do is to Be A Person On The Internet. I'm lucky b/c I'd already developed a not-insignificant following from being a weird nerd Tumblr shitposter before I had to make a book happen, but you can speedrun that by just being generally active on your blog. In addition to whatever your regular blog content is, post samples of your work, talk about your creative process, be ready to talk about your books A Lot even on those days when it feels like nobody else is, and follow tags like #writeblr and #bookblr. (I'm also gonna tag in @thebibliosphere who is an A+ Tumblr follow and way better at this game than me)

I also very recommend joining a trade organization; I've been a member of the Horror Writers Association for a little over a year now and it's pretty great being automatically plugged into a network of other ppl in the industry.

And for broader-scope industry networking w/ people who are also very very invested in Writers Getting Paid For Their Work, I encourage (that is: beg) everybody who's even thinking about putting pen to paper to join the Freelance Journalists Union:

Hope this helps <3

#writeblr

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solardragun · 3 years

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Oz salt? Please spare Oz salt. 🥺

rubs hands. let's do this again because tumblr crashed.

first things first: I want everyone who has ever called him a liar to pay me $20 and then turn in a 40 page essay on how he's a liar, MLA format, sources cited.

now, onto that. everyone harps on ozpin for lying. keyword: lying. they call him a liar, they say they can't trust him, etc. let's talk about this. keeping secrets is not lying. lying is intentionally FALSE statements / information.

so, with that, let's count the number of times ozpin has GENUINELY LIED. that'll be a total of one (1) time. what lie was this? the relic having questions.

this ENTIRE time, everyone has been dragging this poor man by the ankles and punching at him while he's down when he's lied... once.

he's kept secrets, he's kept information to himself. that, by definition, is not lying. keeping secrets is not giving false statements. to keep calling him a liar is inaccurate.

now, let's move onto the way the narrative paints him.

"he forced pyrrha to be the maiden. he didn't give her a choice. he told her to pick or everyone would die. he guilt tripped her." — to that I say, no he didn't. he explained the gravity of the situation. if he didn't tell her the heavy parts, everyone would've ripped him to shreds because he "didn't warn her". he explained what he felt she needed to know: they needed someone to take the other half of amber's power. it's a big decision to make and it will change your life. there are people out there who want their hands on this power and we don't want the wrong person to have it, like cinder. you can take your time to choose. if you don't, we will consider another option.

he gave her the information she needed and he gave her time to think about it. when she accepted, he continuously asks her for consent and if she truly wants this. she said yes multiple times.

on that note, he is not responsible for her death. he told her to LEAVE when cinder attacked. he told her to go get qrow, james and glynda, and then get to safety with the rest of the students. SHE chose to come back and fight cinder all on her own. jaune even begged her not to do it before she shoved him in a locker and launched him away. ozpin is not responsible for her death.

"he's evil because he tried to leave salem and take their kids" — okay so clearly male abuse victims don't exist to you or the narrative. ozma was MANIPULATED by salem. jinn says as much: "the hearts of men are easily swayed." this is said over salem goading ozma into being a false god with her. he continuously questioned their choices, he was consumed with guilt, his host even asked him wtf was going on.

when their daughter came into her power, ozma decided to lay the truth out, and with it came the horror of salem wanting to USE their daughters to start a new generation of magic-users. she SAID it, right to his face. he BACKS AWAY IN DISGUST AND HORROR. his logical thought then was to LEAVE. wouldn't you if your spouse decided they wanted to use your children??

it astounds me because if the roles were reversed, ozma would be the villain and salem would be justified in leaving. interesting, isn't it?

next, we have the girls ripping his past away from him and then blasting him for hiding information. this... look, I don't care how "urgent" it was, there is NO excuse for doing this. if this had happened to blake when she was keeping secrets about being in the white fang or being with adam, the characters and audience would be livid, especially when the white fang were written as dangerous terrorists and adam was written as an abuser. they're dangerous, they posed threats. if this had happened to blake, if someone forced her trauma out into the open, they would be in the wrong. but because it's ozpin, it's fine.

moving on. "lying about lionheart." — this is just ridiculous. telling the world "hey, the headmaster of haven, who was a faunus by the way, was actually the one behind huntsmen dying and the attack on the school as well as contributing to the fall of beacon." it sends a BAD message and sets the human-faunus relationship back even further. ozpin chose not to tell the people about lionheart betraying them because not only would it cause issues, he also says that he would rather people believe in all the good leo had previously done. your mistakes don't define you, that kind of logic.

"oz lied about the lamp attracting grimm" — no he didn't. he didn't SAY that it did. that's not a lie. he kept it a secret so the students wouldn't worry and actually attract grimm. which, by the way, interesting how that "attraction" seemed to have disappeared by the time v7 and 8 dropped. never once saw grimm following them around because of the lamp. the only grimm that actively attacked were the ones coming through the hole in the wall. weird, huh? almost like the story NEEDED something for the characters to be mad at oz about.

anyway, I'm gonna move on. the fact that ozpin received ZERO apologies and / or sympathy, especially from those we'd expect it from (ruby, weiss, blake) is infuriating. EMERALD was forgiven in a heartbeat, and she actively helped cause the fall of beacon, she helped kill penny, she killed a faunus in vale to prove a point to cinder (who got mad at her for, btw), she helped frame yang into "attacking" mercury so she'd look violent, she worked for salem by proxy of cinder. emerald did way much worse than ozpin, and she was forgiven !! in that same episode, ozpin is given dirty looks and "hm, idk if we can still trust you." hell, HE apologized. he had NOTHING to apologize for. these kids were in the wrong, especially when they lied throughout all of volume seven and then were justified for it. "you're not like oz, you're trusting people to prove themselves first." uh. you mean like ozpin was doing???? these students actively lied to ironwood for most of v7 until it finally caught up to them, and then they were STILL in the right. yet they got on ozpin and still reprimand him.

idunno man, I'm so tired. this isn't even the half of it but I'm angry all over again.

in any case, ozpin isn't perfect, he has made some really stupid mistakes (CCT towers that cause global disconnection when one tower falls, etc.), but like, he's not the devil either.

#invincibleweasel #asks.#aphs.#rwde #rwby #anti rwby #rwby critical #pro ozpin #ozpin #ozma

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steve0discusses · 3 years

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Yugioh S5 Ep 20: Yugi’s Senshi Outfit

So I’ve been doing a lot of work, and I haven’t looked at the blog for a hot minute and when I finally checked back in to do these posts I noticed something on my tumblr was just blowing up. I got all excited thinking “oh shoot, Did I draw something right??” and instead, it was a random post I made about the bootspants from season 1. Three years later, resurrected from the grave and covered in...thousands of notes? I don’t understand how this website works.

Anyways, the comments are mostly good, but a little bit wild. A lot of people seem to think I would know what Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure is, when I’m an adult who is still watching the first 5 seasons of Yugioh. (I will never have time to watch Jojo,) and then some other people started talking about Actual Card Mechanics that went...completely beyond my comprehension. But then there was one person. One person who said one thing, and brought it all together.

Poots.

The boots that are pants.

Poots.

I can’t believe I looked at all the different combinations, but a Poots never crossed my brain.

It is so perfect, so cathartic, although it took 3 years to get there.

Poots.

Anyways, we’re in S5 and unfortunately not in poots anymore, Yugi is now dressed in a tupperware container from hell and they have wandered into a desert. On cue, Grandpa has an injury, but at least this time it’s not his ass.

You know how there’s artists who do hyper-realistic versions of pokemon monsters with detailed bone structure and muscle anatomy? I dare them to look at this orb and tell me how the hell it has wings. Like go ahead and try and pin a spine down on that thing. I’ll wait.

(read more under the cut)

So Joey decides to sprint down this endless desert with just boundless positivity.

Over the edge of this sand dune is a whole bunch of huts,just random civilization out in the middle of no where.

One girl walks over and it’s a look.

She’s really the only one here who can talk, and she just seems...so incredibly bored to be here. A whole lot of Wednesday Addams energy. She leads them into a hut where an old guy pulls a scroll out of blue fire. As you do.

Again, this arc should have been a video game, because while it’s something to get the player interested if there’s some riddle they have to solve to progress, when you’re watching a TV show, it’s not like I’m the one solving the riddle. The format is honestly one of the downers of this arc, tbh.

It has strong “I played a D+D sesh and made a webcomic out of it vibe” and I know I just called out like half of you, but listen, I will not take it back.

This episode, our gimmick is some asshole is going to be yelling at us from the other end of the map, just shouting in the background for the entirety of the episode like that tangible human skull meme.

Then Wednesday Addams hands over yet another MacGuffin because why not?

Tea can twin it up with Yugi now. Her necklace doesn’t seem haunted, but it’s only a matter of time. (also her necklace looks so freakin terrible, we’ll see it later and I’ll have a lot more to say because wtf it looks like some sort of polly pocket.)

I’m not 100% that the voice that shouts at us from the end of the hall this episode is Mokuba’s voice actress. But I’m 99% positive it is, or Mokuba’s voice is just really that type of vibe.

Stuff happens, and it felt like card duel stuff, so I’m gonna skip over the part where they pulled out their duel monsters one by one, since the fight was pointless anyway because the worms can turn you into stone. So Yugi and Pharaoh decide to have a chat about it because their plan is clearly not working.

This is when Pharaoh has a vivid lucid daydream, which seems like something that would have been more convenient before he ended up turning into stone on the floor of some desert. But, hallucinations never come when they’re convenient on this show. They usually come during card games, tbh.

Imagine with me that you’re dreaming of like...an old ass greek guy who is 99% Alexander the Great. Imagine he tells you to fuse with a sentient paper card that you already carry around in a weird capsule.

Please

For the love of all that is holy

Do not think about what it means to fuse with the Dark Magician.

Dark Magician is...he “exists” but he’s like not even a person. There seem to be whole fleets of dark Magicians, which are all the same guy, just cloned, right? Or maybe they’re a family? Or like...I don’t freakin know. Like they’re all hanging out together in some card dimension so it’d be more like fusing with the guy who dresses like Barney the dinosaur instead of actually Barney. Like he’s more of like a concept than a dude, but apparently you can just introduce him to your...whatever this armor is supposed to be, and Dark Magician turns into a Super Suit.

I want to express my thanks to the Yugioh team for not putting Yami in his underoos. Hell, they didn’t even take off his jacket. I do not know what art directer ok’d this for animation and said “yeah, this won’t kills us if we animate it.” but that is a hell ton of lines and design right there. Yeah they have 3d, and probably had to 3d that staff...but that doesn’t mean you don’t end up drawing it, in the end--you still have to draw over your 3d. You still have to draw literally everything.

Anyway, when we get to the eye of the storm. The secret to getting there was that you have to fly, which again--3/5 of these guys already have a monster that can fly. We can finally tell the voice at the end of the hall to stop yelling because it’s really bothering all the townspeople, and then move on with the quest.

Everyone else was stone during this. So when they un-petrified they kinda looked over at Yugi and were like “how freakin long was I out???”

But youknow, Yugi’s 2 people, so it’s fine. So long as you don’t get down to the third bastard still sitting around in there.

After this, our NPCs vanish, and the show pushes us directly forward. No time for them to piss off a land turtle or set a bunch of wolves on fire. Just get out of the desert and freakin go.

I’m just so bothered by this random ass huge chunky necklace.

It’s like the size of your freakin fist. And it’s just...a pentagon. Congrats Tea, you have a fake ass plastic necklace. I guess it’s so that when we’re far away we can still see it on her chest but like...This show loves huge ass necklaces, and they’re all basic ass shapes. We got a pyramid, the Kaiba’s wear squares, Bakura wears a circle with kind of phallic bits hanging off of it and this is just...it’s literally just a pentagon.

I guess Ishizu wore a wadjet and Duke has an indecipherable clown as his necklace. But man...the Yugioh necklace game is just a lot of shapes.

And so we continue on with this filler arc, which is also a pokemon arc, and even secretly has a Sailor Moon arc just stuffed in there for funsies. This arc is weird.

Also, I brought up the human skull so I legally have to post this.

youtube

Anyway, here’s a link to read these in chrono order, in case you just got here: https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

And I’m off to drink a bin of ice water because it is 5 billion degrees right now in this house.

#ygo #yugioh #yu gi oh #episode recap #photo recap #S5 #Ep 20 #yugi muto #yami #grandpa muto #tea gardner #and her new accessory #tristan taylor #joey wheeler #and that time that Yami fused with dark magician and we all acted like that wasn't extremely weird

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tirkdi · 7 years

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Thoughts on Raven Stratagem

Many spoilers! All below the cut.

I loved the book. It was so good. It was so good! It was so good that at multiple times throughout the book I looked up at my husband and said: “This book is so good. IT’S SO GOOD!” Then he gave me that weird look he sometimes does when I’m just repeating myself a lot. So, okay, I loved the book.

I liveblogged it on my reading freakouts tumblr so I had a place to put my on-the-go thoughts, but there are a few things I wanted to say more broadly before I get to the main point of this, which is: Khiruev, And Where The Hell Is Nerevor.

(Also, I’m writing this all without looking back at the book so if I say anything that is Actually Incorrect … that’s why.)

I was really surprised to not get any Jedao/Cheris POV in this. I thought it was going to come slamming back at the end.

WHERE THE HECK WAS KUJEN!!!!!!!!!!! He just flipping disappeared??

Based on all the tension built up from these first two points, I think RG is going to have to be all Cheris & Kujen POV with comedic relief servitor bits thrown in. Also, I’d straight up adore a chapter from the perspective of the onion plant.

I loved Kujen and Jedao in the black cradle. So much. SO much. My entire black cradle fic was destroyed, and I’m not even mad.

The flowers they showed Jedao in the black cradle. The flowers.

I LOVED HEXARCH SHOUS FUCKING MIKODEZ!!! When I was reading Ninefox Gambit, I finished chapter one and was like “wtf was that.” When I finished chapter 2 with Kujen & Miki (!!!), I was all “I still have no idea what this is but I love these two characters.” Seeing more of Miki was amazing. I love what an interesting and important character he became.

Although, Istradez, what the heck! I didn’t get that at all, right up until he stared at his palms and punched me in the gut.

Need more ugly green onion plant, stat.

I currently have no idea of much of anything “Jedao” “remembers” I should trust. I kind of like series that explicitly destabilize a narrator late in the game (Terra Ignota whaaaat) – it makes it a much more complicated read.

KIDS! WHY SO MANY CONVERSATIONS ABOUT KIDS! JEDAO HAS A KID OR SOMETHING???

Kujen’s kids, though. Or like, great-great-greats. Are they also sociopaths or did regression to the mean really help his family out? I need fic about this, for science.

Seriously how has the Hexarchate stayed standing if there are so many traitors and even the Hexarchs (or at least Miki) are okay w missing remembrances.

Okay. So, Let’s Talk About Shipping Cheris.

As is well documented on tumblr (I’m not sorry) I’m a fan of Cheris/Nerevor. I was thinking that YHL would bring Nerevor back (we were all thinking that), but she does not make a triumphant return in this book.

I knew the ship was a long shot – it felt like they had a little chemistry, but handling someone whose lost their memory (not to mention the whole formation instinct thing) was always going to be an uphill battle. But, I could see a world where Nerevor reappears, recovers some of her memory – just enough to be happy but not enough to be Kel – and then she and Cheris fall madly in love and live on a beach in their retirement. Or whatever.

But Then, Khiruev.

The parallels between Khiruev and Nerevor are too strong for me to really in my heart of hearts believe that Nerevor is coming back in book three. It’s kind of weird, because we don’t see much of Nerevor and we see a lot of Khiruev, but their setups are similar for shipping: Nerevor was skeptical of Cheris/Jedao, Khiruev started their relationship with an assassination attempt; they both have the formation instinct issue which makes consensual sex impossible; but then that changes (Nerevor gets wiped, Khiruev goes all suicide-rogue); they both made enormous sacrifices for Cheris/Jedao (memory, life) that cannot be explained by formation instinct alone. One might be led to believe these things are done out of pure belief in them/the cause/desperate love that they are hoping will someday be requited even if they don’t remember or are dead.

RS ends in an odd place, though – Cheris has been (very illicitly) falling for Khiruev, but Khiruev has been falling for an impeccably performed Jedao. How do they move the relationship forward from there? Their relationship at the end is a little strained and a little strange, though it seems like as everything began to crumble there was maybe a change of heart, somewhere?

My hopes for book three are more pinned on Cheris/Khiruev now, even though it’s not clear to me how it shakes out. With this setup, I’d feel a little bad for Nerevor returning into the middle of it and being part of a weird love triangle that is almost a square because it kind of involves Jedao.

I intend to reread RS like I did with 9fox, but haven’t yet, so if anyone has more thoughts on Khiruev and Cheris’s relationship position at the end I’d love to hear.

To wrap up, I’ll revisit my lead-up-to-RS’s-release meme’s response of what the plot of RS would be if it was fanservice just for me. Let’s take it line by line and see how I did:

“KUJEN BLOWS TONS OF STUFF UP!” Kujen did … very little blowing up. A different Hexarch really was holding down the blowing up fort in this book. I have high hopes for Kujen in book three though.

“Cheris/Jedao BLOW THINGS UP IN RETALIATION!” They blew up so much!!!

“The Andan appear and stab everyone in the kidneys.” bY ENTHRALLING THEM

“The universe collapses” “A green onion is planted”

“around Nerevor, who has fully recovered her memory,” :( :( :(

“and Cheris” :) :) :)

“as they share one beautiful kiss.” :/ :/ :/

“For some reason, Shuos Mikodez is there.” Honestly, this isn’t such a bad summary of the book.

#raven stratagem #machineries of empire #raven stratagem spoilers

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tearsinmysoupp · 5 years

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LET GO BY AVRIL WAS THE BEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME F PITCHFORK

Hey all,

I wish I could be a little less cliche with the whole tumblr thing, but this is what it is, and this is where we are, soooooooooooooooo sometimes you have to take a deep breathe and say “yolo I am making a tumblr.”

Where are we today? My Dad’s at this very moment. But sheesh. To tell everyone the truth, I have no fucking clue how we got here. And by “here,” I mean HERE. (RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW.)

Life is feeling very strange right now and I am sorry this is in blog format instead of LIVE on periscope. I suck. I know, ok? So try to forgive me.

So let’s just talk here, and catch up on WTF is newwwwwwwwwwwwww

Well things have been CHAOTIC to say the least. I have every middle aged person who attended my graduation (with the exception of my mother) at my Dad’s house breathing down my neck, so I know what you must be thinking: “TARYN!!!!! NOOOOO, WHAT IS IT LIKE TO NOT HAVE THE SPACE NEEDED TO FULLY EXPRESS YOURSELF ON PERISCOPE?!?!HOW ARE YOU SURVIVING WITHOUT YOUR ART?!?!?”

GUYS, let me tell you THIS: it has been incredibly challenging not having the proper space or time to CREATE my art. It has been hard having people come to basically babysit my 22 year old ass. Pathetic, I know.

But sometimes you have lupus and a weird tick borne infection (BARTONELLA) that impact your mental health come up and you need the extra help, so you just have to pat yourself on the back and remember that BENJAMIN BUTTON had it worse than you. (spoiler alert: the guy literally is born an old man and reverses as he ages and eventually becomes A BABY!!!!!! which totally sucks. I feel for the guy.)

Sorry for the caps guys.. Really just trying emphasize how humiliating this is in a semi-humorous/self deprecating way. But in all seriousness, this EXPERIENCE has been so humbling. From panic attacks in parking lots to not being able to talk to crazy hives, I have been living it up in ways I hope to never live through again.

So what have I been doing with all of my time? Now that I am officially unemployed or #takingaleaveofabsencefromwork, I have been feeling pretty fucking weird. No school, no work, just me. WOW. And my family .. wooooo. turn up.

Last couple days has been managing my allergic reaction and I had to go off my antibiotics, so that was damage control and as a result I felt foggy and weirdly more depressed than usual, so that SUCKED.

Yesterday, things got back to normal as far as feeling like myself even though my right eye was still a little puffy from the allergic reaction from hell. Things being better as far as my mental health goes were a result of me taking my antibiotics, which is pretty crazy when you think: “my anti-FUCKING-biotics” are making me SANE. And let me clarify, these antibiotics are not just making me SANE, but I haven't felt even a little bit of anxiety while on them, which would lead one to suspect that my issues with my mental health were not rooted in my “psyche,” instead, these issues were part of a disease process #TURNTHEFUP !!!

Ok but continuing.. WHAT DO I DO??!?!?! 2 days into this thing so far. Today, I found myself being fucking furious with pitchfork. I hate to say it, but pitchfork is the worst. They do album reviews where they rate an album 0-10, which is problematic, because art, music, whatever IS SUBJECTIVE, and it is based on who is fucking consuming it, so to RATE something 0-10 is so backwards and stupid that UGH!!!!!!!

And this is not even the worst part... JUST wait for it guys. So I kind of lost my shit when I saw this: Avril Lavigne’s album Let Go in 2002, the one with Sk8r boi, complicated, I’m with you, ECT was rated a 6.6 by some girl in DECEMBER 2018..... I know guys. Try to contain your rage, because I know this is complete bullshit.

For some reason, Pitchfork feels the need to have an opinion on everything, so it is reviewing influential albums of the past and rating them NOW? There is so much wrong here that I need to stop talking about it because my BLOOD PRESSURE IS THROUGH THE ROOF!!!!!! (jk but I am getting heated) “LET GO by AVRIL WAS THE BEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME”-KANYE

But seriously, someone on Pitchfork gave Greta Van Fleet a 1.6, which to be real was a unfair rating of their album, but yeah, Pitchfork can be the kiss of death to smaller groups who are just getting started. Good news is that Greta Van Fleet had a solid fan base who rejected Pitchfork’s review, so they are all good. Also, things really do not get scored at like a 1.6. Like Pitchfork sucks but not THAT BAD, so I wouldn't be surprised if the author of that review did that to personally spite that group or someone in that band lmao. DAYM #DRAMAALERT

Moving on my friends, I got lit off of that. So I hate Pitchfork. THE CAT IS OUT OF THE BAG.

Talking about something I do like: James Blake’s new album “Assume Form.” Prior to this release, his albums focused on feelings of isolation or alienation whereas this one centers on intimacy, so unsurprisingly it is unlike anything he has put out before. QUITE THE PLOT TWIST. Would highly recommend “Power on.” Blake is able to capture a feeling or situation that feels familiar while also having vocals that sound like butter.

POWER ON LYRICS:

“I thought I might be better dead, but I was wrong I thought everything could fade, but I was wrong I thought I'd never find my place, but I was wrong And where I least wanted to look, it came along I thought sex was at my pace, but I was wrong I thought it mattered more I'd say, but I was wrong I thought you were second place to every song I thought you'd overstayed your welcome I was wrong, power on, power on

Have you ever coexisted (Power on) So easily? Let's go home and talk shit about everyone Let's go home, finally”

HERE IS THE LINK TO THIS SONG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZe3mq9EJ90 -------------------

RELATABLE?!?!?!? let me know WTF IS UP fam. HMU tearinmysoupp on insta/twitter. Email is [email protected] ily

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ais-n · 7 years

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Ajin is so great wtf! (no spoilers, no worries ) ALSO, lots of other anime recs mentioned

I started watching an anime last night that @danisnotonfire and @amazingphil keep mentioning especially in their liveshows -- Ajin. I think I thought it was something completely different, like a continuation of another series or something. But I was bored last night and saw it on Netflix so gave it a go.

What the actual fuck, guys! This series is AWESOME so far!!

It actually gives me a lot of Tokyo Ghoul vibes, and from what I can see they first started serialization as manga about a year apart, with Tokyo Ghoul first. But Ajin feels sort of like, if Tokyo Ghoul had focused on the start of all the craziness in Tokyo instead of after there was the full formation of their law enforcement crews and etc etc.

The designs have sort of similar vibes too, from the elite dude in LE to the MC to the MC’s childhood best friend who I also wish was in the series more just like in Tokyo Ghoul, but the personalities aren’t all the same.

I’m not finished with what’s out of Ajin in anime yet--just finished the first season last night, saw the first ep of season 2 this morning, will have to wait till after work to watch the rest this week. So I probably will avoid tumblr for a bit just to avoid spoilers until I’m up to date on the anime at least. Also, I see there are 9 volumes of manga so I’ll probably read the manga too if I continue to like the anime.

I’m feeling about Ajin so far the way I first felt about Tokyo Ghoul -- that I really like it, although sometimes the government or LE make really weird decisions as if it’s to make sure the MCs win, but imo the bad guy in Ajin is way cooler than TG. He’s way more intelligent about the way he’s systematically dismantling shit. Actually, the way social media is integrated into Ajin reminds me a bit of Zankyou no Terror which I ALSO really loved the fuck out of in the beginning but the fucking ending of that and the choice to MC that stupid ass girl totally ruined the series for me.

Also, while I loved the hell out of Tokyo Ghoul, I’ve so far been largely disappointed by Tokyo Ghoul:re (so much so that I stopped reading the manga months ago but I plan to give it another go soon).

So right now, Ajin is reflecting the love I had for Tokyo Ghoul and Zankyou no Terror, but has yet to disappoint me like both of those did. I hope that continues going forward because wow would it be nice to finish an anime series or continue a manga series with as much love as I started it lol

Anyway, Dan and Phil--you guys give good anime recs! (More about their other recs behind the cut)

I also watched Magi after you kept talking about it, even though I’d tried reading the manga years earlier and didn’t like it. But then I gave it another go and now I fucking love that series. Alibaba is the actual fucking best and has become one of my favorite anime characters, period. I’m a few chapters behind on that one because I think the series is ending soon and I kind of wanted to read it all at once, but we’ll see.

Also, I know I’ve watched or heard of a number of the other ones Dan has mentioned in his anime recs. And for the most part, I also have liked or even loved those. Dan’s videos are: Anime Will Ruin Your Life, Dan’s Anime Recs, and Dan’s Anime Recs #2. Also here’s Phil’s video where Dan and Phil cosplay.

The main place where we differ is I didn’t much like Erased (can’t fully recall why), Sword Art Online I gave a go for an episode but didn’t get into it (but this may be a generational thing; I have been into anime like 13 years longer than Dan so I think it’s just that SAO feels like a really new concept if they haven’t seen the 10,000 anime like it I watched ages ago, but it ALSO may be that maybe it gets way better later and I just didn’t give it a good enough chance), and.... that’s actually it. All the other ones he lists I either love, really like, thought was cool, or haven’t seen yet.

Honorable mentions:

I started Haikyuu!! because they mentioned it and OH MY FUCKING GOD THANK YOU DAN AND PHIL.

Chihayafuru--my friend recced this separately to me, said it was one of her favorite series ever. I did start watching it and liked it, I stopped it because idk I just took a break, it’s a bit slower moving of a story than I usually do. BUT it’s good!

Madoka Magica, Soul Eater (the bit I’ve read), Black Butler, Death Note, Free!, these are all good.

Neon Genesis Evangelion and Cowboy Bebop are classics. If you haven’t watched them you have to! Kaworu all the fucking way in Eva <3333333, and Cowboy Bebop is just all around incredible.

Tokyo Ghoul I watched on my own before they recced it --like I said, I liked that too; Tokyo Ghoul imo is super good, it’s just :re that’s meh. Your Lie in April is really good for the most part (although a relationship thing of it bugged me because I knew from the start what was going on, not because spoilers but because it was obvious to me, so that kind of ruined the story a little because I think it was meant to be a plot twist, BUT it’s still quite beautiful and moving)-- Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood is fucking incredible and if you haven’t seen that WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. Magi is awesome. I started reading Parasyte because I got the first volume in the $1 bargain box at rightstufanime. I have Stein’s Gate but haven’t watched it yet.

Attack on Titan was one I was suuuuuper into when I first started reading it/watching it when it first came out but then idk. I got caught up to the manga, had to wait for chapters, the art quality deteriorated/changed, I didn’t like most of the characters and the one I did like kind of wasn’t around as much, so I lost my love of that series. I’ll probably watch the anime sometime to see what happens because the anime is much more well done than the manga, in a shocking turn of events that’s contrary to usual.

Fruits Basket is another classic and IT’S SO FUCKING CUTE AND GOOD, if you haven’t seen that WHAT ALSO ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE.

re:ZERO I’d found on my own and I loved it. I agree with Dan on having that as a rec. It’s very interesting.

Yuri on Ice I feel pretty meh about. I know everyone thinks it’s the best thing ever but I think it’s really poorly written and I don’t really care too much about the characters. idk if I’ll even bother watching season 2. We’ll see. I kind of don’t like any of the relationships tbh. Not really a fan of the two MCs.

Hunter x Hunter ... I think it’s good through the Yorknew City arc, and I love the FUCK out of Kurapika as a character just generally in anime/manga ever, but I don’t really like the series after that. I am behind on the latest chapters. I tried reading it when the new ones came out after the hiatus but I was kind of turned off by the first 2 chapters and set it aside. Eventually I’ll continue that again.

The rest of the ones Dan has mentioned, I have yet to see but I think I’ve heard a number of them before on other recs.

You should watch his videos for more information on those anime, also you can get a free trial at Crunchyroll using their codes if you need it. tbh I did eventually buy Crunchyroll so I can watch anime on my roku and I’m really happy with this decision. I will continue to pay for it because it’s super nice--even just in watching One Piece for the 10,000th time with my friend.

That became way more rambling/in depth than I planned lol I was just gonna be like “LOLZ AJIN = GOOD SO FAR WOW! :D” but then I wanted to link Dan’s vids and basically say that I do think you should listen to Dan and Phil’s recs. So far they seem like they have really good taste in anime.

And that’s coming from a 33 year old who’s been watching anime/reading manga since 13/14, and has seen/read a shit ton of series over that time. I’m pretty critical of series by now. And for the most part, Dan and Phil have been recommending genuinely awesome series. And I’ve found new series I wouldn’t have watched without them so I’m really happy.

Anyway those are my thoughts! I’m excited to watch more Ajin when I get back from work today! PLEASE DON’T LET ME DOWN AJIN T_T

#anime recommendations #random #about me #the anime/manga nerd

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