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dear-self-this-is-you · 1 year

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January 19, 2023 - 3:11 AM

Hello. After not posting for the longest time, I am back again. Not to rant, but to pray and talk to God. I am no saint & it's been really really bad. my relationship with the Lord right now is on the rocks and I've continued to badmouth him which im not proud of. by the start of the new year, i tried to be a good child - told myself i should be more optimistic and my greatest resolution for this year? to be a kind person coz i feel like thats the hardest thing to do as life tries to shoot me in the head with all these lifewrecking asshole shenanigans that i face on the daily. I was doing better. For a long time, I was trying not to curse - which I think has lessened but still at times I still cant help but find comfort at screaming bitching words in my head. For a while, thought I was doing good & progressing to becoming a better person with clean thoughts, full of hope, & faith. but then you know, life doesn't really go your way for the most part and unexpected things almost always happen - the good and the bad stuff. I don't vividly recall anymore how I got here but it got bad, like really bad. I was having episodes of mental break down every night and there's not a day that I don't cry. whats even worse is that i just spend every day on my phone trying to distract myself drom the merciless and negative thoughts lurking in my mind. I am still here with my family but it doesnt feel like it. Ive been gone long before. I dont even go out of my room and eat with them or watch tv. i dont. i just go out if i want to kidnap my niece who doesnt really want my kisses and cuddles. i dont even take care of myself as much as normal people do. and as much as i should. i dont take a bath and brush my teeth let alone look myself in the mirror in a day just because it feels exhausting for me. the normal routine a normal person does feels too heavy for me. thats how bad it has gotten. but yeah going back to trying to speak to the Lord - I just wanna say that i just hope my one and only dream that i sincerely desire and is deeply planted in my heart is still in line with what's meant for me. they say that it's meant for you if it gives you peace but thats not whats been going on. going back last year, the best thing happened to me - i got a job offer abroad which ive been dreaming for years!!! and whats even greater is that its an opp in London, of all the cities in the world, a door has opened for me in one of the brightest and richest places in the world. what a dream right? I was so grateful I couldnt ask for more and I was so happy to share the good news with my mom which made her also vv happy for sure. I prepared for the interview and had a whole long month of interviews. fast forward to processing the documents, i noticed my old phone was not in my possession anymore. as a memory hoarder myself, i found out that my mom gave my niece's nanny the permission to own that phone thats why she brought it back to her hometown. now all my pics & vids are lost which totally wrecked me. Thats how i got back to square one. became distant & angry with my mom & that nanny living in our house. up until now, havent gotten back the strong relationship with the Lord that I had built when he fulfilled my bigtime dream. But i was able to fully recover & heal from letting go of the memories I made with that phone - the nanny was gone but I wish her nothing but well although I mistreated her because of what happened. fast forward to today, i really dont know why things are happening the way they are now because i thought by now that fulfilled dream must have already come to fruition. i thought by now i was already living the london dream and going places. but still here i am waiting for what feels like so close yet so far. Lord, i really hope this is still meant for me. please let this be meant for me. ive shed billions of tears, got empty after being so empty, lost all my faith in every little thing & was so so so fed up. ive survived & still surviving the growing pains of this waiting game so please let there be light at the end of the tunnel.

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iatasbcl · 5 years

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Howdy! Can I have an imagine for Connor and a gender neutral reader where the reader is best friends with Gavin but has a crush on Connor [RK800]? Could you put a bit of fluff in too? You can change it up if you want, that's cool. Thank you for considering.

The One Where You Confess

Pairing: Connor X Reader, Gavin Reed & Reader

Warnings: Insecurities, a lot of swearing, nothing else just badly written fluff lmao I’m sorry

A/N: Hi! I’m so sorry for not finishing this one way sooner ): It’s just that Uni started so I’m a bit busy! But yeah, thank you for requesting this love, hope ya enjoy it

W.C: 1.9k

“Gavin, if I hear anything else about Shrek in the next five minutes, I swear to god I will throw you into the trash then sit you on fire myself.” You said, holding your index up in the man’s face.

“Alright.” Your brows furrowed at how easily the detective was convinced, especially after hearing him quote Shrek for hours and hours since your marathon last night. You watched him as he went back to his desk and got out his phone. You supposed you could finally do some actual work, but your phone binged just as you reached for the terminal.

Hey watch this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaUR7h4WunY

You looked back to Gavin, what could he have possibly sent you now? he didn’t look your way and just stared into his computer. Your thumb hovered over the link before finally clicking it.

You knew what this thing was. This awful, terrible, shitty video from 2014 that still haunted you was enough to fuel your nightmares again just by hearing the narrator’s voice. You don’t bother finishing it, the flashbacks were enough.

You slammed your hands on the table and got up. Gavin was laughing now, like the complete idiot that he was. “Gavin, you stupid fucking- “

You were ready to throw hands when you heard him, the man with the beautiful yet goofy voice that you liked so much. “Are you alright, detective?” You turned and saw him standing behind you with two cups of coffee. He wore a casual jacket now and a pair of jeans and you swore that he still looked like a supermodel.

“Hey Connor, I’m good.” You said and side-eyed the Gavin, you would deal with him later. When you looked back Connor had walked towards you with a cup handed out. You stared at it for a second then looked up at the android.

“I brought you a cup of your preferred coffee. You seem to function better with it.”

Gavin laughed and you felt your cheeks heating up. What was that supposed to mean?

“Thanks…?” You reached for the cup and took it slowly, Connor’s LED turned yellow. “What’s on your mind?” the question was said as you walked back to your desk, you sat down and opened the lid covering the cup and took a sip; it was warm and tasted just the way you liked. You didn’t remember telling Connor how you liked your coffee.

You knew of the android’s cute habit. He still followed others around like an adorable puppy. He stood next to your desk and said, “You seemed hesitant to accept my token of appreciation.” It seemed like an interestingly worded question.

“Oh. No, no. I appreciate it! I just- “ just as you were going to make up an excuse for yourself, Fowler shouted your name from his office. You gave the man an apologetic look and went to see what your boss wanted from you.

“that tincan, really?”

You knew telling Gavin about your crush wouldn’t garner you the best reaction. The man, despite being a good friend, was a walking and breathing fiery mess. He disliked androids and didn’t even start tolerating them until he got his own android partner, an RK900. He still hated Connor with the burning anger of Gordan Ramsey himself.

“Look, I don’t want to hear you bitchin’, okay? I just need your help here, not your hot take on androids, especially him.” He raised his hands in defense.

“Woah, Woah, chill.” You sighed, “I won’t talk shit about your little crush, but,” You held your finger up in his face, “No buts. I’m awkward and desperately in love. Just… help.”

Gavin looked at you for a bit, you put on your best puppy eyes for him. It wasn’t like Gavin had a never-ending string of lovers, nope, not the case at all. You couldn’t talk about this to Hank, he was a friend of yours, but this would make things awkward between you, probably. Tina was still recovering in the hospital after her injury. Talking to RK900 also knows as Nines, would be useless since the poor guy’s social skills were worse than yours.

“Ugh, fine. Let’s go get lunch and I’ll tell you what ya gotta do.”

“Ok… so you’re telling me to pretend to be some bimbo?”

“Nah, I was just messing with ya.” He said, stuffing his mouth with another dozen of fries, “You shuff’ juff be yourselph- ” Your face twisted in disgust and you smacked his arm lightly, “finish eating first you despicable egg.” He shut his mouth.

“As I was saying, you gotta be yourself.” You rolled your eyes, “Ugh, please. Nobody likes that.” Gavin shook his head. “The hell are you talking about? You’re great, and if that plastic prick can’t see it then-“

“Gav, please. You’ve been there every time I got dumped… it’s always been my fault.” You looked down at your plate.

“Hey, both of us know that ain’t the truth. Your dump exes just wanted to blame you for how things ended because that shit’s easier. Remember Meg? That chick was a control freak and didn’t like it when you didn’t want any of her bullshit.” Megan. You remembered the last day you saw her, how she screamed and screamed at you for being ‘an ungrateful cruel person’. Yikes.

“Look, you are an odd goofball.” “gee- thanks,” “But you are a good goofball, the kind you wanna keep around forever. So, if you wanna get that prick then go for it, ask him out. If he’s not into you then you’ll be saving your time. And if things go really south…” the previous words warmed your heart.

“What?” you ask, curious. “Remember how we used to go to Disneyland every year since the academy?” you nodded; those trips were some of the memories that you still cherished. You two couldn’t go in the last year because your bank accounts weren’t looking great.

“Well I’ve saved some money, so I’ma take you there. How does that sound?”

You squealed, “Are you the real Gavin Reed? What did ya do with him?” you asked playfully, “Hey! I’m always nice.” “Right.”

You looked at your watch and got up, “C’mon, we gotta go.” You waited for him to walk past you and you smacked his head, it was more of a rough tap really. He winced, punching your arm.

“What was that for?!”

“Never send me Shrek memes. Ever.”

Tonight was supposed to be the night. You were going to ask the cute, adorable, handsome android out. Everyone went to the bar after work, wanting to celebrate closing an important red ice case, it would’ve been the perfect opportunity for you to ‘declare your love’, hell, you practiced your speech. It was supposed to be perfect.

Instead, here you were, stuck in a nearly empty office when everyone was out having fun. You just had to procrastinate some of your reports, didn’t you?

You sighed, whatever. This might be the universe’s way of telling you to abort your mission, to not ruin your precious friendship with Connor. You wanted to believe that, but god, you loved him.

You loved every part of him; his adorably weird social antics, his gorgeous smile whenever he would see you, his kind personality, the tiny freckles adorning his soft face, just, him.

“Detective.”

You yelped when you finally snapped out of your little bubble only to see the man of your dreams Infront of you. Was it whatever it was that rested in the skies up above that wanted you to constantly wish to have the ground beneath you split open and swallow you whole? Probably.

“C-Connor, hey.”

“I apologize for frightening you.” You waved your hand, “No, it’s fine really.” You let out that awkward laugh that you hated so much. Connor’s LED turned yellow, shit, did he notice you being weird?

“Um, I thought you went with Hank?”

“I came back. I would like to assist you if that’s okay.” You blinked, “You don’t have to do-“

“I want to. I don’t like seeing you stressed.” Your heart skipped a beat, something about the way he said it made you feel like a teenager who just discovered what love is. “Alright, be my guest.”

Damn, you forgot how good androids were at basically everything. Connor took half of the workload despite your protests. You were still halfway through your share when he finished his. You spent the rest of the time talking about whatever came to mind, turning the atmosphere of the room into a comfortable one.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure.”

“Does my presence bother you?”

The comfort you felt was immediately thrown out of the window. You stopped typing and looked at the desk across you, where he sat. You saw something new, an expression that Connor usually didn’t show, hurt. His eyebrows were brought together, his lips pursed, and his eyes got a bit intense. Too intense.

You scratched your neck and looked back to your terminal. “What would give you that idea?”

You could see him tilt his head from the corner of your vision. “Well, you seem to fidget and become increasingly anxious whenever I come near you,”

“You also seem far more comfortable with Detective Reed, Nines and Hank. I am sorry if did something wrong, but I would appreciate it if you told me what it was.”

“Connor-” You stopped yourself, what were you supposed to say? Sorry, I just really like you and I don’t know how to deal with it? I’m scared I will mess everything up?

He stared at you and you looked anywhere but at him. Ugh, fuck it, you were gonna wing it, by being yourself. All the preparation you had gone down the gutter.

“I, uh, the reason I get nervous around you is that, well- I like your face, no wait not just that I’m not that superficial. Not that it isn’t great, your face is gorgeous. Ah shit. I- Ireallylikeallofyou.”

Connor blinked, the ring on his temple turned yellow, again. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

The following silence was too much, you’d rather be watching weird Shrek parodies. You stared at Connor, waiting for an answer, for anything really. He didn’t say a word. Time to back up.

“Okay, sorry, shit, you can forget I said anything- “

“No, ____.” You paused; you weren’t used to him calling you by your first name. “I also, uh- “

You didn’t think melting was something your body was capable of, but that was how you felt. This cool, calculated android just stuttered. You almost giggled, but luckily held back.

“I also like you. I was trying to bond with you as several sites suggested, but it seemed to backfire.” You chuckled. “No, I am sorry I acted like a high schooler,”

“Your nervousness was justified. Please don’t was be hard on yourself.”

You smiled; it was a rather bittersweet one. His hand was on the desk, you moved yours and put it on his slowly. Connor froze for a moment but regained his composure after, he gently massaged your hand with his thumb. It wasn’t your first time touching an android but the artificial skin still had that unique feeling to it.

“So, do you want to go out next Thursday?”

“Yes, that would be preferable.”

It felt like a dream, the man you liked felt the same. You were so ready for rejection that you didn’t know what to do now. A yawn escaped you, it had gotten pretty late. You finished the last of your work and shut off the computer. An idea came to your mind.

“There is this sweet spot around the block, do you want me to show it to you?”

Connor immediately nodded, “Alright, wait I gotta send something.”

I DID IT DUDE

#this is so cliche i wanna die #also that vid? cursed dont open it #platonic gavin reed x reader #platonic gavin reed #connor x reader #rk800 x reader #dbh #dbh imagine #i need to sleep #bye

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violetnotez · 3 years

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fic or whatever concept: fushiguro is in love w the reader but they have a huge crush on yuuji and it’s just megumi suffering as the reader and yuuji get together and they’re actually really,,, happy??? and in love???

This is the shit I LIVE FOR -also I made a whole playlist for this idea-you can watch the vid here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Megumi x reader (not really?), Yuuji x reader

Songs to Listen to: Treat You Better (but the Kurt Hugo version, seriously, thank me later!)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Maybe if he had tried harder, this wouldn’t have ended up like this. He just felt alone, empty, with nothing to show but a broken heart and head full of bitter dreams.

Did he fool himself? That maybe, some miraculous way, he would have won?

Megumi lay on his bed, worn sweatshirt making his skin crawl and his black sweats uncomfortable to wear, his toes curling from disgust.

Nothing could get his mind off of you, even months after you started dating Yuuji.

It almost got worse, now that you were off limits.

Funny how it works like that.

His brain seemed to just always want to think of you-the way your voice seemed to sparkle when you yell out his name, the way you look too damn cute when you’d walk out of your dorm room in the morning, hair messy and feet bare-

Fuck fuck fuck.

Megumi groaned, placing a hand on his forehead and smoothing his hair back in exasperation.

You weren’t his, and you’d never be his-he shouldn’t be thinking of you like this. You were dating his best friend after all-didn’t he have any shame?

Even though he was in so much heart ache, so much pain from the fact he couldn’t have you.....he couldn’t ever hate his friend from taking you away from him.

Yuuji was good to you, and painfully, he had to admit Yuuji was better than him in every way as a boyfriend.

Yuuji was sociable, able to strike up a conversation and make everyone feel like his best friend-Megumi wasn’t like that.

Yuuji wasn’t afraid of physical touch, constantly having a hand on your hip to keep you near him or swinging you around lovingly like he hadn’t seen you in years- he was terrified of physical touch.

Yuuji was strong, powerful, and able to protect you from the world- he couldn’t say the same for himself.

Megumi’s insecurities were infesting his body, gnawing at his bones, squirming through his muscles and into his skin, making his jaw clench and nails dig deep into his skin from disgust within himself.

Why hadn’t he at least fucking tried?

But he had been too placid, too worried of rejection, too worried of ruining your friendship-

But then again....he was just too selfless. He was willing to let everyone around him surpass him if it meant they would win, thrive, and live happy lives- even if it meant he had to suffer the consequence.

Megumi squeezed the white sheets around him, twisting them into tight spirals around his digits.

He let it happen again-he had succumbed to that fear.

Years worth of affection, years worth of admiration and dedication-washed away like it never happened., because of it And now he was dealing with the repercussion with phantoms of what could have been, with the jealousy, and a broken heart.

Megumi shifted in his bed, feeling his sweatshirt stick to his back, his hand reached out to grasp at the white beams of moonlight drifting into his room.

What would have happened if he had said no that day? Would anything have changed-if he had admitted that he did like you, that he had wanted to call you his?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

He remembers that day like it was yesterday, that feeling of dread filling in his stomach as if he knew something was about to change, the shift of energy making an icy chill run along his back.

Yuuji has been behind him, leaving training as they usually do with his hands in his pockets.

It was quiet, the hallways empty except for the two of them, the wooden floors making soft clicks as it reacted to their footsteps. It should have felt peaceful, a soft breeze fluttering in from the opened windows as the sun began to set outside. But that errie sensation was still boiling in Megumi’s gut, that gnawing feeling of dread making him unable to enjoy the peace.

“Hey man, I wanted to ask you something real quick,” Yuuji’s voice stopped Megumi in his tracks, his feet halting with an echo in the empty corridor.

Megumi turned around slowly, tentatively, almost too worried to face what was behind him.

Maybe at this time he knew what was about to happen, the feeling of dread settling.

“Sure,” he simply stated, shrugging nonchalantly as the golden sun set the room in a red hue.

“This might be a little personal,” Yuuji began, hands placed in the pockets of his sweatshirt still, “but I got a question about y/n.”

Yuuji looked at him, staring him down like two men in a duel. He was serious, more serious than Megumi had seen him in a long time.

“I know you guys are pretty close...”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Megumi stated, swallowing a ball of saliva down his dry throat.

“Well, I-“ Yuuji sighed, pink hair swaying as he looked down at the floor quickly, almost preparing himself for what he was about to say next.

“I-I wanted to ask them out.....out on a date....”

“- it okay with you?”

Megumi’s eyes widened in shock, the his whole body feeling as if hit by a ton of bricks from Yuuji’s words.

This was it-the worst case scenario, the worst thing he knew was happening but didn’t want to admit.

Megumi tried to recover quickly, his eyes slanting back down to unamused slits in a matter of seconds.

“Why are you asking me?” he questioned, trying to keep the growing panic inside him at bay,” It’s not like I dictate who she dates.”

“I think you know why.”

“I don’t.”

“Fushigoro-“

Megum sighed violently, eyes looking up at the ceiling as he tried to fight the growing pain in his heart.

“I don’t dictate your life-I don’t dictate them-and you don’t dictate mine. Do whatever the hell you want-“

“I won’t date them unless you say it’s okay for me to Fushigoro.”

Itadori’ voice had none of that boyish, playful tone to it. It was more mature than Megumi had even heard it-but something behind it was different.

It was almost like there was this desperateness to it- Yuuji needed him to say yes. Yuuji so badly wanted to call you his-just like him.

“You can say no-“ Itadori rushed on, eyes intense with anticipation, “-I won’t think less of you or hate you for it.”

Megumi watched as he shuffled uncomfortably, the knowledge that he just admitted his crush making him slightly sheepish as he scratched the back of his head.

“Hell, I know I would-” he said truthfully, “ I just don’t want to ruin our friendship by going behind your back.”

Fuck, Megumi wanted to fight for you. He wanted to so so badly.

Megumi had known you for longer, you two were close friends, he had a connection to you-didn’t he deserve to be yours after being so dedicated to only you?

Fushigoro was there for when you cried over your stresses, rubbing your back patiently as you let everything out of you, summoning his animals because he knew how much they made you happy.

He was there for your late night study sessions, the lighting hazy as the pouring rain pounded on the window, cleaning up your room of the papers and flashcards after he convinced you to go to sleep.

He trained with you when you worried you weren’t strong enough, always making sure to congratulate you in someway, fighting the redness in his cheeks after you had successfully completed a new move, your skin dangerously close to his.

God, he had waited for so long-why did the world have to fuck him over? Why did his best friend, out of all the people in the world he could form a crush on, like you like that?

But looking at Yuuji, he knew he wouldn’t win this war. Him and Yuuji were very similar in their passion and devotion, but the simple difference between them was Yuuji wasn’t afraid to be selfish.

Megumi was accustomed to backing down for everyone, sacrificing himself so the people he loved could succeed. It was an awful habit of his, maybe due to his insecurities, maybe just a routine he learned at this point, he would never know- but the fact was he knew that Yuuji would never stop fighting for you. Even if Megumi screamed at him, cursed at him, told him to fuck off and leave you alone-Yuuji wouldn’t ever stop loving you. Itadori would respect Megumi’s wishes, but he would still protect you, fight for you, and love you with everything in him.

And that much devotion coming from someone as charismatic and kind like that-what person wouldnt fall for that?

Megumi sighed, his heart breaking in two at the sudden realization hit him-he was too weak to be any threat to Yuuji.

”You’re not going behind my back.” He finally said, looking down at the floor as the self loathing boiled in his stomach.

“But you-“

“I don’t. Like them.” Megumi was seething, hating every fiber in his body for doing this to himself. Each word was choppy, the sentence laced with sternness and bitterness.

“-Do whatever the hell you want.”

Megumi needed to leave, and leave quick. He hadn’t felt this emotional in a long time, and he didn’t want Yuuji to start thinking that he was actually bothered by all of this.

He turned on his heel, ready to get out of there as quickly as possible-

“Hey Megumi- you really okay with this? This won’t change our friendship? I won’t do this unless youre okay-“

Yuuji took a step forward, hand reaching out to his friend as a peace offering, a sheepish smile on his lips.

Megumi turned, his chest tightening as he looked down at his hand, too tired to reach out for it and pretend like he didn’t hate his friend at this moment.

“They dont like me. They like you- I see it. You’ll make them happy, and that’s all I want for them.”

Yuuji smiled , seemingly content with his quiet friend’s answer.

“Thanks man,”

Megumi turned again, head hanging low as he quickly left the corridor, desperate to get out of there.

“Tell me thank you when they say yes.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

He groaned, letting the painful memories overtake him as he turned his back to the wall.

It just hurt-maybe he would get over all of this one day, but right now he couldnt.

As if on cue to deepen his torture, he heard a giggle from you across his room, the muffled noise of Yuuji’s voice making him cringe.

Thin ass walls-you were probably visiting Yuuji again for the night, staying up all night to watch movies.....

This was destroying him-but he couldnt ever blame you for it, because you were oblivious to his love for you. He had made sure you would never catch on- and now you would never know because he was too cowardly to ever say it.

God, what he’d do to have the roles switched though...with you breaking school rules to come visit him at night, to here that sweet laugh in his room, to feel your head cuddle into his chest, or see you slowly begin to wake up in the morning....

Megumi felt a pain in his chest at the wanting feeling that would never fully be satiated gnaw at his chest, his hands despertedly grabbing at his pillow and shoving it against his ear.

He didnt want to hear you, he didnt want to see you...at this moment he didnt want anything to do with you or Yuuji.

This hurt too much...

Fuck, he really screwed up.

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iluvphatz · 3 years

Text

⧉ Hanging out with 1-A students Pt.1

characters ;;

Mina Ashido, Kyouka Jirou, Momo Yaoyorozu

Warnings ;;

curse words,, and a lot of “yall” with my black ass

A/N ;;

this is my first little headcanon (?) thingyyy,,, if these things are something you’d wanna do with them, its for you. Also, this is mainly platonic but heyyyy do what you want with it ;p

✦ Mina Ashido

shopping spreeeee!

mina would take you to the mall for sure.. i feel like shes one of those girls night/day gals so

you guys def had no prior plan to do this,, mina just hit u up like “hey lets go to the mall” with her usual excessive emoji use and yall just went

she’ll hype you the fuck up while you try on clothes to the point where staff has to ask her to quiet down 😖 i swear she is gonna have you feelin like the baddest bitch known to man

when yall get done shoppin yall dont even have to go no where else,, cause mina will have yo ass lit asf in the dorms with yall lil outfits on

and better be lookin your best cause there WILL be vids and pics posted to instagram and tiktok

✦ Kyouka Jirou

jirou my beloveddhbkfnjlm <3

So,,, you know those um, music stores?? i looked it up and they dont seem to have a particular name, but they have CDs and Vinyls and guitarssss and other stuff

well, i think Jirou bb would take you there

i feel like it would first come up as an idea while you guys plan but she gets reluctant and a bit flustered about it. but ofc, you find that as a great idea and reassure her that its something you would love to do,, and boom. weekend plan done

she would def open up more once you guys are there, being more out of her shell

now shes eager to show you some new genre’s of music, talk about instruments, exchange song recommends and listen to them, etc.

you guys would maybe also find a song you mutually like, and purchase it to listen to it together later too

it’d overall be a lot of fun and yall will def grow closer during the event <33

✦ Momo Yaoyorozu

ah momo,, my kin <3333

ok, so, we all know that momo is rich or whatever,, but you werent rlly rocking with momo treating you the ENTIRE day,, it just didnt feel right to you yk

sooo, you guys decided to go to a really nice public library

momo is still a little reserved atm, but you see some enthusiasm slip out of her a few times,, nonetheless, shes having fun with you

she would probably recommend books to you and just walk around the place with you. neither of you have ever even been to this place, and yet the girl seems like she knows her way around the entire library

whether you like to read or not, momo must have worked some magic because you ended up with your nose all up in a book she suggested you read,, it made her really happy to see you so interested in a book she likes <3

you’d end up borrowing the book she gave you to read,, momo would walk u all the way to your dorm, even if you insisted that she didnt have to, and you parted ways there, with her giving you a pretty smile (sbghjfknjnf i love momo so much help 😖)

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throwing-summers-at-the-walls · 4 years

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Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot. but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :( -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛

#half valid anon

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