hot take (or not idk)

People who complain about the encanto fandom being “dead” are annoying. Encanto isn’t a huge fandom anymore but it’s still active and by forcing the narrative of “nobody likes this movie anymore it’s forgotten” is just dead wrong. Encanto being forgotten sounds hilarious because everytime ppl mention modern disney it always pops up in conversations like ALWAYS. We need to stop thinking that just because not as many ppl are interested because it’s been 2 years now means that nobody cares. Also the people saying this primarily ignore the fanarts, hcs, fics etc! People are talking about it but you’re too busy complaining to notice it!

So like the Illymation drama????

vile take I support illy like fully I don’t get the people who don’t rn

So like ok ok don’t get me wrong, illy isn’t like perfect 100% by any means but who is??? That one carrot and chocolate thing she said in her video could have been worded better but cmon, it’s really not that big of a deal, for the most part you out understand what she was saying. The video that TBYS posted wasn’t “criticism” the way that people are trying to say it was. People are trying to play it off as just a normal constructive criticism video, but if your “constructive criticism” includes like two whole minutes of making fun of someone’s appearance for no reason, I’m concerned. Illy’s response was a bit immature, but I understand where she’s coming from. She said not to send hate and to just take down that one video, not his whole platform, because it was damaging her reputation and mental health because TBYS never even tried to make a statement telling people not to harass illy and she got sent hate for it. People are blowing it way out of proportion saying she was trying to “deplatform him” when she just wanted one video taken down because it was causing her to be deplatformed, and she never even talked about it to her actual YouTube audience, just the small community on tumblr, then TBYS made two more hate filled videos and people just kept dog piling on her. If your gonna get mad at someone for “deplatforming” a known homophobe and transphobe, maybe practice what you preach. And alongside that, I know that some sources were shown in TBYS’s original videos, but there were no links in the descriptions, and absolutely nothing in any of the response videos I’ve seen. There was one video I saw just speculating that all of her doctors were dumb and lied to her, and TBYS also said that most doctors that specialize and make money from being good at nutrition were just wrong. Also, that one response video I mentioned tried to claim gym bros were better at health than licensed professionals???????? It just feels like this is all a massive, overblown hate campaign to a creator because of mistakes. There’s a difference between constructive criticism and just making fun of someone, and while some things that TBYS said were understandable, he made a point to straight up make fun of illy in the middle of his video, not even attempt to stop his fans from harassing illy, then when she replied (and barley received any backlash mind you), he blew up making more videos sending more and more hate and trying to ruin illy’s career. I know illy could have clarified that one point in her video and acted more maturely about the situation, but people are entirely overlooking the fact that TBYS was no where near “perfect” in this situation. (Also, final note, yes, you can absolutely be fat and healthy, saying otherwise is just wrong and makes no sense. Do your research before making half hour long videos making fun of someone)

I assume this drama will just die eventually and people will move on, but either way, I’m going to continue watching and supporting Illy no matter what. She’s a fantastic content creator, and when that video first came out (and there wasn’t some dude bro on the internet telling me it was bad) I absolutely loved at and had a great time watching it. It made me feel really good about myself (since I’ve been exercising daily and been working on myself a lot, but I’ve seen little to no weight loss despite eating healthy and going on a calorie deficit and working hard. It turns out I have something up with my thyroid, and along with that, part of it is just genetics.) I’d started feeling really bad and was trying to eat the bare minimum and it was making it harder to work out and I was feeling sick all the time. One day I was staying home because I felt sick, and I watched illy’s video. It’s not like one video is going to fix my relationship with food, but it has helped. I’m still not losing weight, but I’m getting stronger, feeling better, and eating healthier. Despite all this drama, illy’s videos have helped me feel more comfortable being myself and I will continue supporting her. And Illy, if you’re (somehow) seeing this, just know that there are some people that want to see you fail, but there are so so many more people that love you and your content.

Revenge with a vengeance — The tragedy of Sam and Raiden’s canon relationship dynamic

Alternate title: SamuRaiden is THAT deep, actually.

Although MGR does not have as complex or well researched character lore as the main series, Samuraiden as a relationship is a lot more complex than common fandom tropes and interpretations of their relationship suggest. I don’t mind it when people make funny/meme content about these two, since MGS/R does come with its own flair of humour, it’s very exhausting for me as well as a few others I know who enjoy this ship for it to be reduced to just that — a joke. MGR being perceived as ‘goofy’ is mainly due to how poorly some of the character lines translate from Japanese to English, as well as it being more or less evident that either budget, time or both ran out over the course of development, hence the second half of the game feels rushed and underdeveloped. In fact, the great majority of MGR fans do not understand how serious, dark, hopeless and dystopian its message really is and that is saddening.

The world isn’t black and white, neither is it in MGS/R. Sam isn’t the just the villain (never has been, by the way), Raiden isn’t the just the hero (never has been either, by the way), I’d say it’s rather “depends on who you ask”. They are on opposite sides due to the circumstances of how they meet and not because they wouldn’t get along. Quite the opposite is true, in fact, if they would have met before 2016, they might have become friends based on the fact of how much they can actually relate to each other in many different aspects of their personalities, interests and experiences.

Before we get to fight Armstrong as well as during the Sam DLC (also through very subtle hints during their first fight on the train) we learn that Sam is just like Raiden and that Desperado forced him to become a shadow of who he once was, going against his own morals and values and only Raiden reminding him of who he truly was before Armstrong defeated him 2 years prior, ultimately crushing his spirit — he had no other choice, either die there as a failure or continue to live and become Desperado’s/Armstrong’s puppet [until someone would eventually defeat Armstrong and free Sam from his never ending nightmare — Did I already mention that Sam is a really fucking tragic character?]. Sam joining Armstrong’s laughter at the end of DLC is a reaction of fear, not agreement with him or enjoyment. And if there’s one thing that both MGS and MGR are really good at, it’s the accurate and very realistic portrayal of the human psyche under stressful and traumatic situations.

On the other side we can tell from Raiden’s reaction when holding Murasama after killing Sam that he, for once in the entire damn series, questions if that was the right choice he made. We know that Raiden enjoys inflicting pain and suffering onto others, he enjoys murder — but he did not feel that way when he killed Sam. It’s quite the opposite. It’s very subtle and if you’re not very observant like me, easy to miss. But the way his voice turns a bit softer, how his eyes look listless, almost sad; he regrets it. When Blade Wolf asks Raiden if that outcome was really necessary, he does not answer him, because he knows that Wolf is right, it wasn’t. And Raiden pretty much hates himself for it. To his team he confidently says that Sam isn’t a problem anymore since he killed him, but that’s not the same Raiden that he’s that moment in the badlands (which is another implication to me that Raiden doesn’t fully trust his teammates, although they are friends; he has major trust issues and the only emotions he shares with them is either anger or amusement but nothing outside of that). The way he sheathes Murasama is a way to honour him, and as far as I remember this is a ritual to honour a samurai’s defeat or death.

I believe that there has been a silent understanding between the two swordsmen that they respect each other from the very beginning, but they do not say it out loud. This is a case of “show, don’t tell” but also something I suspect has something to do with the game being written by Japanese authors, and Japanese is a high context language, meaning, very little words are needed to get the meaning across, and I think this may also translate into the words these two exchange with each other compared to how they truly feel about the other. Besides, they probably couldn’t truly speak honestly with each other in the first place because of the unfortunate conditions of how they met and were (more or less) forced to fight each other until one of them would eventually succumb to the other’s blade. Codecs and conversations were most likely recorded by their respective employers, and I highly suspect that in Sam’s case, he was even monitored 24/7 by Desperado since he never was an official member of the Winds of Destruction in the first place, and they didn’t fully trust him either.

At the very end of the game during the fight with Armstrong, Sam’s message plays, and we can hear how Sam also speaks with a different voice to Blade Wolf compared to everyone else (and technically, indirectly to Raiden but I cannot confirm or deny that Sam was aware that Raiden would ever hear this playback), it’s a note softer; Raiden learns the truth, which confirms to him that he was right about Sam after all, that they are alike, that they respect each other, and that there was more to Sam’s story than him being a part of Desperado, he doesn’t know what exactly, but he knows now for sure that Sam was not the person he originally believed he was (and lets his team still believe he thinks that way).

Would Raiden truly say Sam’s catchphrase “Let’s dance” before fighting and ultimately killing Armstrong, if he wouldn’t have been going through a gradual process between originally hating Sam to respecting and liking him but unable to ever express that to him or anyone else?

Would he ever admit to anyone what kind of emotional impact Sam had on him, besides the anger and hatred he openly expressed towards him?

Doubt so. Highly fucking doubt so.

Because sharing his true feelings is a liability to him, and Raiden learnt as a very young child that vulnerable feelings such as sadness or guilt would be used against him, so his psyche is conditioned to discard them immediately. But Sam made him feel those things in their full extent and Raiden is fully aware of that, but he would never share with anybody that he ever felt that way about Sam.

He may or may not take those feelings to his grave.

From Sam’s side, we can only guess how he truly felt about Raiden, but we can only guess by the way he hesitated to finish him off on the train during the prologue, the way he smiled at Blade Wolf before his death (which might be likely another case of a silent understanding between Sam and Wolf that the latter would share with Raiden what he knows about Sam or the playback of their conversation itself, if not both) as well as everything he says with giving Murasama to Raiden. Of course, Sam couldn’t even say out loud to Blade Wolf or Raiden that he planned to give Raiden his sword to take down Armstrong, and he had to be as vague as possible with the information that he shared with the robot dog. Not by choice, no. Most likely because he was being watched 24/7, he knew that Desperado nor Armstrong didn’t fully trust him and if they knew about his plans, they’d make sure to finish him off before Raiden had the chance to do so. Sam knew he would die, and that it would be the only way he would ever be free from Armstrong’s grasp. So he chose suicide through Raiden’s blade, and gave him his sword to finish what he could not back then.

The game’s title is REVENGEANCE — Revenge with a vengeance.

They both translate to the same thing in my native language German, but there’s a subtle yet important difference between these two nouns.

“Revenge means when you get back at your enemy who is responsible for hurting you and vengeance is the punishment inflicted or retribution exacted for an injury or wrong.”

But it was never Armstrong who hurt or wronged Raiden in the first place, and we know he’s an essentially selfish person who does not really care all that much about politics, religion or anything like that and he only fights for himself (I wrote in my essay about Raiden’s ASPD that his motivation to save these children from becoming cyborg child soldiers is a trauma response first and his rather lose and grey morality second) and the few people he cares about, so Armstrong being the one one who ordered to get N’mani killed is not the reason Raiden went after him or was that passionate about getting revenge or retribution on him either.

It was Sam who hurt him — wounded both his body and soul during the prologue — but when Raiden got his revenge, he realised that revenge is empty, that he didn’t feel better, and that he regrets killing him, then we get to the vengeance part. From the moment Raiden held Sam’s Murasama in the badlands, he felt no more hatred towards him and the emotional impact his death had on him made Sam transition from a person he hated to one of the few people Raiden truly cares about.

Armstrong may be the villain of the story, but the person who wanted revenge on him never had been Raiden. It was Sam. Always had been Sam, because it was Sam who got hurt by Armstrong, it was Sam who wanted to get revenge on Armstrong for defeating him and crushing his spirit, it was Sam who wanted to punish Armstrong for making him into a shadow of who he once was, making Sam speak about ideals he didn’t truly believe in (like, who the FUCK even thinks that Sam truly believed a single fucking word of that, because I for sure as hell can tell he never did, he either gaslit himself into believing that for 2 years until he met Raiden or only parroted whatever the fuck Armstrong wanted him to say so he would not get killed on the spot).

Revenge and vengeance are very deep feelings and actions of hatred, feelings that are too deep and complex to be associated with morality, hence why I highly doubt that the title of the game is directed at Armstrong from Raiden’s side at all. That between Raiden and Armstrong is not nearly as personal as it has been between Sam and Armstrong. Raiden eradicating Desperado and Armstrong had been about justice [for the kids being killed and their organs sold], not revenge.

"I said my sword was a tool of justice. Not used in anger. Not used for vengeance. But now… Now I'm not so sure. And besides, this isn't my sword."

But when he says this, followed by “Let’s dance”, it became deeply personal for Raiden as well. Because he could confirm that his feelings about Sam had been right, and that Sam wanted to get revenge on Armstrong.

Raiden decides to avenge him, because Sam couldn’t get revenge himself.

Although Sam never told him directly, Raiden understood him from his actions alone, those subtle hints, reading between the lines what the other truly felt and wanted the whole time, eventually passing the “torch” — his sword — to Raiden, to finish what he could not. So while Raiden’s own reasons to finish off Armstrong were (mostly) justice for the innocent lives he destroyed and planned to continue to destroy, they also became feelings of hatred and anger — Sam’s feelings towards Armstrong.

In the end — revenge with a vengeance — is what Sam could get on Armstrong only through Raiden, after Raiden enacted his onto Sam.

Now the question is — if Raiden would’ve never killed Sam, by the chance of him recognising earlier than in canon that revenge is empty and that he won’t feel better after killing him, would Sam go by his example and abandon his revenge plans on Armstrong as well? Or would they fight Armstrong together and get justice?

We unfortunately can only speculate (or write stories about it).

What we can tell from canon though, is that Raiden’s (= Sam’s) passionate feelings of hatred towards Armstrong quickly vanish the moment he finished him off, and he looks into the camera with an empty expression, covered in blood and a crushed cybernetic heart in his hand.

And I think that is exactly what he feels — empty.

Because again, he got revenge and avenged Sam, led by what Sam felt, Sam’s feelings became Raiden’s feelings during that fight with Armstrong. But once that was gone, there’s nothing left. In the case of killing Armstrong, he doesn’t feel remorse or guilt. There’s nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Because revenge is empty.

Raiden defeated his enemies — but at what cost?

By killing Sam, he realised what he had actually lost — a potential friend (or more), someone who understood him in a way that no one else did. Perhaps he thought or felt that, if he avenges Sam, making Sam’s feelings towards Armstrong into his own, he might be able to deal with that loss better, but to no avail.

Because, and I can speak from experience as a person with the same mental health issues as Raiden, that emptiness is worse than regret.

MGR’s ending also implies that Raiden abandons his family and friends to fight his own war; essentially taking the same path that Sam once took in his past, ending up in a personal war and revenge act that knows no end, making one bad choice after the next. If Raiden hasn’t already become the villain of his own story by the end of MGR, then it’s just a matter of time until he becomes that.

And the cycle of violence continues, until the story repeats itself, over and over and over and over and over.

Did I mention already that there is a myth around Murasama being a cursed sword, that will drive its user either slowly insane or make them commit suicide if it doesn’t get a regular ‘blood sacrifice’?

—

“I really enjoy murder, but that one, that I will regret for the rest of my life.”

(tw for racism, pedophilia, transphobia, child impregnation mention)

yeah idk why y'all read this

i was originally going to just post this and have some tags with my reasonings, but i realized that opens me up to too much bullshit from people who may think i'm being unnecessarily mean or whatever. so i'm going to explain exactly why the screenshots above are something i hold issue with.

firstly, and i just want to get this out of the way, this post is not intended to be a hit piece against the creator. i've seen how she reacts to any mild-mannered or slightly joking criticism, so i know this post is probably going to not land well. but it isn't my intention to make her mad or anything--she's writing a piece of content for the internet, which means she is just as open to criticism as any other poster. and what i intend to go into in this post is criticism. i'm allowed to do this, as that is the nature of the internet. people are allowed to critique whatever they please, and if you don't want critique then you shouldn't post. simple as!

i am also making no attempts to posit myself as better than the creator. i'm not doing this for clout or moral superiority or any of that dumb shit. i simply want to discuss something that's been bothering me for a bit, while simultaneously warning people who haven't read this yet (who may be sensitive to the issues above) to steer clear. if things like casual racism or transphobia aren't properly tagged, then readers who are affected by such things run a risk reading this! same goes with people who are triggered by lewd content involving minors. i wanna make sure people are getting a more critical scope of this work than what has been hoisted up by others.

okay, now that i've gotten that out of the way, i'm going to get into my points.

firstly, the subtle and not-so-subtle racism throughout this fic, especially in relation to serizawa. i'm white, so there is only so much i can speak on without trampling over the words of other fans of color, but some of this feels so blatant it's odd it hasn't been noted earlier. it's important to note before i go into it that serizawa is specifically written as half-black half-japanese for this fic, in case the screenshots don't make it abundantly clear. but there are just too many moments of casual racism in this fic. i'm not talking about the plot point of serizawa being bullied as a kid for being mixed; i'm not mixed, so i can't speak on the accuracy there but it is well-known that black people face a lot of racism in japan. i'm talking about how it seems everyone else has these racist moments that aren't acknowledged by serizawa or the narration as being bad.

reigen hypothesizing over serizawa's exact ethnic background is just strange. yes he's a fairly observant guy (he has to be, with his job), but there is no canonical evidence to suggest he would immediately jump to theorizing whether serizawa is american or not. and the way it's posed in that first quote--"he has darker skin and the kind of hair texture that would likely indicate African ancestry"--is not great. that's an extremely inappropriate way to bring up someone's race. i don't think most people would stare at someone and be like "hmmm well your nose shape and hair texture would suggest you're of this race". it's racial essentialization that is only slightly covered up by the excuse of "oh he tweets in english". there are some other smaller moments of questionable wording, like calling serizawa's afro "sloppy" when it isnt (which btw there's another issue with the creator only referring to an afro as a "fro". it's a hairstyle; you're allowed to use the actual name of it). even if reigen cuts his hair in canon, he never states it's because serizawa's afro looks sloppy. (also there's something to be said about the casual racism baked into making your employee cut his natural hairstyle for a job, as that is a very real issue many black people face when wearing their natural hair or even protective styles in the workplace.)

i'm especially bothered by toichiro's very casual racist remarks. toichiro in this fic is a general bother of mine (most of which can be boiled down to "he would not fucking say that"), but the way she chooses to characterize him in relation to serizawa feels gross. calling a black man a slave should be a very obvious red flag, but also saying serizawa (again, as a black man) has a "brutal masculine appeal" is also extremely stereotypical and racist. and really there is just no need for it; toichiro's actions in canon prove how shitty of a guy he is without the need for him to be racist (along with other things i'll get to in a bit). as my girlfriend put it: he doesn't need to be a member of the fucking kkk to show he's a bad guy.

there's also, again, the very casual racist remark of calling serizawa a "dog". i don't care if that isn't the intent; when you are writing a character of color you need to be aware of your wording, even in insults (unless she intended to make tsuchiya racist, which i don't think she did).

secondly, the eugenics/child pregnancy bit. it is surreal to even have to write this, but i seriously do not understand the purpose of either of these bits in the story. they are so minor yet so jarring you can't help but wonder why they're there. once again, i do not think you need to have toichiro doing esper eugenics just to prove he is an evil guy. he has nuance, and by making him casually reference child pregnancy (like that isn't an INSANE thing to say) reduces that nuance to nothing. that's the only reason i could see why that bit was included: to make toichiro look worse. but, even still, the author is running the risk of potentially triggering victims of csa or people who don't want to see that by not properly tagging the mention of it (or, at the very least, warning readers in the intro notes). the only other explanation for it would maybe be shock factor??? but that's a pretty shitty thing to use for shock factor, if i'm honest. also the fact that the esper eugenics was referenced again in a more recent chapter just has me very disturbed and confused. there isn't a canonical explanation for why we see less espers who are women than espers who are men, but that doesn't mean we need to jump to fucking Eugenics. it's weird!

thirdly (and this is probably one of my biggest problems and the main reason i wanted to make this post), the weirdly lewd/sexual language shou uses constantly, along with referring to reigen as a pedo or a creep at several points. frankly, i think it's pretty fucking gross for someone in their near-40's to be writing a 12-year-old talking so casually about sex like that's normal. which, i'm sorry, but it's not. yes, teens know about sex and like to joke about lewd shit. but a 12-year-old is not about to make references to a grown man's virginity. 12-year-olds draw dicks on their desk bc they think it's funny. 12-year-olds say the word "buttfuck" because it has the words "butt" and "fuck" in it, and those are the two funniest words on earth to a kid that age. i literally do not understand the purpose of having shou be so lewd all the time. for one, it doesn't make sense for his character. shou is shown time and time again to be extremely mature for his age, but that maturity extends to shit like assembling a counter-terrorism unit and extending a hand to his father to allow him to try again. and even then he's still just as naive as any other kid his age! the omake where he's telling his guys to go to the "far right corner" based on ritsu’s advice proves that he still has plenty of blindspots that are indicative of his age. leaning into this raunchy, lewd version of shou is just weird. and, again, i think it is made a bit weirder given the author's age!!! not ageshaming or whatever--i'm 23 and i write fanfic, clearly i cannot judge there--but it is just extremely inappropriate in my opinion. also having shou be more versed in sextalk than serizawa is odd too and speaks to a larger issue of serizawa's infantilzation throughout this fic, but that's something i can get into in another post if people want an explanation.

also, the way she constantly calls reigen a creep and even has him being accused of being a pedophile during the twitter cancellation is extremely inappropriate when, again, there is NO CANONICAL BASIS FOR THIS! everyone just calls him a fraud and a scammer during separation arc; there is never a reference to reigen being seen as a pedophile in that arc. and, yes, while there are versions of mob psycho where reigen is very clearly written as a creep (looking very specifically at the netflix adaptation), that doesn't mean it's good. honestly, the creep mentions all just feel like really poor jokes that do not land in the slightest.

finally, the transphobia (aka WHY IS SHIMAZAKI A CHASER). i literally do not know what else to say other than: why? why is this a thing? why is he a chaser? what is the purpose of this? is it a joke? i feel like it's supposed to be, but seeing as the author is cis i don't think that's a joke she should really be making. it not only comes out of left field, but it's just kind of a weird thing to ascribe to a character for no reason. not to mention, it's uncomfortable! trans women deal with enough creepy antics from cis men in real life--why must they be accosted by this guy too? it's just weird and uncomfortable.

i wanna round out this post by saying, once again, that i'm not trying to attack anyone with this post. but i do hope people come away from this with a new perspective on this work, and maybe think twice before recommending it uncritically to someone. to the author specifically, i hope you can read my post without rage or indignance blinding you. i might be a little blunt or rude in parts, but it's only because i'm passionate and i don't mince my words when it comes to things i'm passionate about. to the readers, understand i am not judging you for reading this fic without noticing these things. your own life experiences will give you certain blindspots and there's nothing wrong with that. i have plenty of blindspots of my own! it's what makes us human.

there is more i could say, but this post is long enough. i ask that if you come to me in my inbox or in dms about this that you treat me with respect, as i will do that for you. writing something like this took a lot out of me, as i'm usually not so open about my opinion on shit like this.

have a good day :-)

Jikook Travel Show + Solo Music Timeline Theory

Alright so I’m slowly losing my mind in the current fandom environment + I think this Jikook drought is starting to mess with my brain so I’m going to share my delusional and increasingly desperate timeline for the Jikook show + their solo music. It’s mostly baseless and probably inaccurate BUT I think it could make a LITTLE sense…

So it looks like they built a mini era for Taehyung and Fri(end)s around the extra content he prepared before enlistment. I actually told someone I thought all the small content drops were building up to a bigger project — AND I WAS RIGHT — so this totally validated my baseless theory and here’s what I’m thinking.

I wonder if they’re going to use the travel show as promotional content for Jikook and build a mini era around it like they did with Fri(end)s. I think this would be an especially good idea considering Jimin mentioned he wasn’t able to prepare as much as he wanted before enlistment. I’m assuming maybe he wasn’t able to film a lot of extra content outside of his music and MV (especially based on iirc THs(?) quality over quantity comment).

But that’s okay! Jikook can’t go on any variety shows to promote but they actually have a whole variety show of their own they could use to promote themselves instead! It would definitely make Jimin and Jungkook trend (at least within the fandom) and put them somewhat in the public eye. I think it’s also the perfect content to bring a portion of ia & casual fans back who would then be able to catch their music announcements easier (which is one of the points of promoting).

BH could be saving the show for a content gap considering it’s not really time sensitive, but I still think it would be smarter of them to make the most out of the show and let it serve multiple purposes and promote Jikook. They don't have a lot to work with, so they should make the most out of every piece of content they have imo.

Point two - I could see them using it for FESTA as well. Obviously Jin returning is going to be the big huge mega amazing FESTA event, but I’m wondering if they’re going to want to have some extra content for ARMYs to consume. It would make it so Jin wouldn’t have the entirety of FESTA resting on his shoulders either. So if they don't have something else already prepared, the travel show would work great.

AFAIK it’s the first proper unit project in CH2 and it’s going to definitely have some OT7 vibes. I’m sure Jikook are going to talk about the group, missing the other members, what they want to do when they’re all back together — stuff like that. The other members might even make cameos (YG talked to them on the phone when they were in NY, I’d be surprised if they didn’t video call TH at some point, and there’s always the possibility that vminkook filmed something together in Jeju).

It’ll probably also be a bit nostalgic for everyone who misses BV and ITS and might have some throwbacks to previous BTS vacations — which is perfect for FESTA month! I think with BTS being ia it would be smart to cater to ARMYs who are probably going to be especially emotional and missing BTS as well as remind those who have started to drift of that bond and partial OT7 dynamic that drew many in to begin with. I think this sort of content has been something ARMYs have been really deprived of so it’s definitely going to be a big deal imho. It’s the most CH1 like content we’re getting so far in CH2.

If they don’t release the show during June, I could still see them dropping the teasers/trailer during FESTA. That alone would bring a lot of excitement and hype and add to the festivities and would be a great time to advertise the show.

Also, Jikook described it as a gift, and FESTA is the perfect time for those so…

If they don’t release it for FESTA (or possibly just tease it) I still think it makes a lot of sense as a summer release for several reasons.

For one, the first part of the show was recorded right when JK released Seven. We know that JK is likely releasing more music this summer so that would actually tie in perfectly. One of my biggest desires for the show is to hear them talk a little bit about their thoughts and feelings on their solos careers (unrealistic I know lmao) but if they reference that at all, it ties even better into new music releases. Especially if they reference or talk about Seven right before JK releases another summer single (or album) around the same time period. It works really well for either of them tbh!

The first half of the show is also going to have summery vibes because of when it was recorded, so releasing during the summer is sort of fitting. This is also the sort of content I think we historically got around summer/fall?

So all of this suggests a possible timeline where we get both Jikook’s music and their show in the same possibly 2-3 month time period around the summer. Fri(end)s only had a two week gap between HOTS so we know they aren’t worried about spacing these projects too far from each other, however I would hope they’d have more sense then to have Jikook’s music overlap or be too close together 😭 I don’t think we could handle the akgae wars if that happened 😭

Anyways, we know for sure that JK is dropping something in the summer based on his comment during his live (he might just have been referencing the show, but I’m pretty sure most of us took it to mean music). But as far as Jimin, we don’t really have any hints about when his music is dropping that I’m aware of unfortunately? But I could see summer making a lot of sense actually!

I can’t remember the exact wording he used but I remember him telling ARMYs that his next release would be something lighter. And during his documentary screening he listed out all the things that he knows ARMYs would like to see from him. I think if he’s going for something lighter that caters more towards ARMYs interests and expectations summer would be a very smart and fitting month to release (and it depends on how he wants to market and promote it — are we going for charts with remixes, or is it going to be just one version no CDs kind of deal — because if it’s the prior, summer would fit better imo).

Anyways, we also do know Jimin filmed something at the hot springs… and I mean… water… wet… hot springs… (shirtless??)... I mean… that could be pretty summery actually right? 🥵

Still he could land in May or September (I don’t think it’s going to be as late as October but possibly. They could tie it into his birthday and if JK released in August it would still fit the travel show theory).

I think this theory also makes sense because the way they were talking in that live before enlistment they sort of made it sound like their content was to tide us over until Jin was back. Obviously there’s no way for the three remaining members to release their projects before Jin returns (nor would that even make a lot of sense to begin with) but if you think of it as them keeping us busy until Jin has time to prepare his album it works actually!

Jin is going to need time to prepare and record his album, MV, and whatever other promotional content he had in mind + probably rest a little. This gives him that time while keeping ARMYs busy, and you know this is just a nice big free gap of time to drop projects whereas when Jin is active (and then JH) it’ll be a bit busier and probably more complicated to organize.

It also would work because JH definitely has plans for when he gets out of the military, so by the time JN1 comes out and has been promoted (maybe he’ll even do a single first and then an album) JH will be back and have had some time to rest and probably prepare whatever he had in mind. Some people have speculated that he might do a mini tour which actually would fit perfectly but I’m not sure how much of a stretch that is. If anyone could do it though, it would be JH!

So yeah, enlisted members all releasing and finishing off their big projects pre-JN1 just makes sense as 2seok will then take over and have the attention on them. I could be wrong, but it kind of fits nicely in my mind lol.

The big question mark is Namjoon because honestly I thought he would be one of the first members to release with the way he was teasing something but now I have no clue. He also said that it was going to have different vibes than indigo iirc so I don't know if he would want to release in the fall/winter months again or if he would actually want to go for a summer release too. I still think the Jikook thing could work even if he releases in summer, it might just shift Jimin to releasing more in the fall.

Anyways, first few months of 2024 we were in Taehyung era, which led into HOTS era which will last until May, which leads into June FESTA and Jin’s return. JK will have an era in the summer, and if we slot minimoni into summer & early fall it would pretty much perfectly cover all of the empty time until JN1 which is followed by JH return and project. I just think it fits nicely.

That still leaves a lot of space in 2025 but I think that would be better for 2seok to cover, and if the JH tour rumors are true that would actually be perfect (please don’t make me wait until 2025 for Jimin 😫).

Like I know this timeline isn’t actually surprising or revolutionary because most people kind of expected all of this to drop in these months lmao because it’s not like there’s actually a ton of time left, but applying some sort of logic around it helped me I guess 😞 All the uncertainty makes it seem like I’m never going to see Jimin again (at least we know JK in the summer) and I need to gaslight myself into having some sort of expectations otherwise every day is too dark.

Hoping some of this is right but don't come @ me if it's not lol 🤡😩

Mentioning some events that I liked in the midst of beefing with LWs' writers. It's mostly due to very specific things that occur in the events rather than the events themselves to be completely honest with you.

-Casual and fun beach event. Can't go wrong there. Good moments envolving most of the characters. Nomad, Azazel, Kengo, and Oniwaka in particular for me. They deprived me of Azazel content, so this is my only morsel to latch onto. Plus we got SQ Galore, including ones for Mononobe and Lil Salomon.

-The softcore discussion of gender dysphoria was a pleasant surprise and I liked the parallels drawn between MC and Astarte as "trophies". In particular, I liked how this event revealed how much the other guys actually love MC. They were completely indifferent towards Astarte while she was the beloved, which was super weird to her, and when MC switched places with her, they immediately clocked that something was off, but not because they could visually tell MC was obviously not Astarte. They just thought Astarte was more radiant than usual. They were all over MC and giving away their shells because they're MC, not because they were the beloved.

-That scene where Heracles falls into Narcissus' Pond and he comes to the realization that his narcissism and cowardness was what led to Hylas' fate. He thought that a hero of his caliber was too precious to even risk being lost to the naiads, especially not for a guy who was practically beneath him. Heracles put himself before the life of his friend who was willing follow him to hell and back, abandoning him, and he regrets it. The parallels to Hylas' abduction with Heracles' fall as well as dialouge and narration as MC dives after him are an absolute banger. "I knew. I knew you'd come. Not by another's comand but your own free will. Your radiance makes me want to weep. Before you, the thought of the man who failed to follow Hylas makes me want to cry." MC took the leap Heracles never did for Hylas, making them a better person than himself. Such a great moment. Absolutely adored it.

-First of all, exile reveal. Second of all, the reveal that Shiro's crush is more of an all-consuming OBSESSION. Always thinking of them. Always following them whatever path they decide to take. Knowing that they relied on him was his greatest source of happiness. He wanted to help them, to shoulder any and all of their burdens in the hopes that they would eventually feel the same way as him. Shiro was desperately striving for an insane, unhealthy co-dependent relationship where MC validates him by constantly needing him to help them and it's just ?!?!? This came way out of left field.

-Algernon. Algernon. Algernon. I absolutely loved it when he randomly got jealous and tried to change the topic when MC called Yamasachihiko hot. I love that he found someone who could keep up with him, an equal, in MC. I loved that they did a little tapdance routine together while killing the slimes. Oh. And Hombre Tigre. I'm not really a big fan of him. I just really like how interesting his dynamic with Quetzalcoatl is compared to everyone else. Hombre adoring Tezcatlipoca so much that he couldn't even begin to grasp why Quetzalcoatl would leave him behind and envying him for being the one who could consume Tezcatlipoca's thoughts and breaking him in such a manner.

-Sherlock Nomad and Assistant MC, the event we had all been waiting on. Anyways, y'all should know why I liked this event. It's that one scene where they beat Hermes' and he's just sitting on the floor like a pouty little kid when MC grabs his hand and he continues his little tantrum by telling them to let go while doing nothing to stop them. Hermes finally found a friend who could look past all of his lies and accept him with MC and I'm very happy for the bastard.

-That whole chase scene where Balor reveals that he's actually been a twat this entire time and he goes after MC, trying to capture them, is mwah. Love it. Also when Boogeyman triggered that ratfuck, Balor's, PTSD with his sacred artifact just the reveal that Lugh never had a choice in the matter and that Balor caused this fate to be forced upon him, something that he feared for himself in the first place. And the reveal that Balor didn't exactly regret killing his grandson. It was just the fact that Lugh didn't choose to fight him himself.

-The way Vapula was completely indifferent to his golemns until the very end where they're all silently gazing out into the sea after Sand Dragon self-deleted while following orders and are clearly fucked up about what they just witnessed, truly understanding how morbid Sand Dragon's existence was and the inevitability of his death, when MC turns to Vapula and says "Vapula.... We never got to name him" and Vapula just starts BAWLING.

-Oh look. A well executed plot twist. Loved the way that they conveyed Horus and Seth's true bond through how compatible and fluidly their memories were able to work together to fight against the group. Then there's the use of Seth's old memories to reveal that Horus had been on his side the entire time and that he was even the one who let him flee Duat. Also, an expansion on what seemed to be such a simple rule. Being able to control the sand being way more powerful than expected through a technicality.

-This one might actually be my favorite event. No. Not because it's a Fuxi or bird event. Shut your slut mouth. Banger music, great story, great picks for the characters and the dynamics, an exile reveal. Fuxi being so unhinged that he tries to fight literal children and Simurgh playing the straight man to his funny man will always be funny. Also, there was just that one moment where MC went "pull the trigger pussy" while Simurgh held a gun to their head and that's so based of them. Mostly dissapointed we didn't get more Nüwa lore.

OHOHOHOHOHO THIS IS A WHOLE AU???? This is INCREDIBLE my heart is MELTING LOOK AT THOSE SWEETIES!!! A thought to keep Wind away from the Tower of Spirits, in the Septimus Heap books there’s a rule where “when dead you only tread once more; where living, you have trod before” so perhaps Wind being a natural ghost unlike Zelda isn’t able to go above the lobby of the Tower. Cause let’s be real, he would totally go through the dungeons but Anjean would have his hide if he tried to go up the Tower.

Also, is this LU? Totally cool if not! Just the two of them having fun together is enough to get me bouncing off the walls!

Ooooo a lot to unpack with this one!

First of all, THANK YOU! I’m so happy that you love the au!! I’m having so much fun making it, so I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Next, I’m gonna answer the LU question because that answer is going to be shorter.

Honestly, I’m kind of glad you asked because I’ve seen people mention it a few times in comments, reblog tags, etc of some of my AU posts before, which made me wonder if there was some confusion about it. So, I’m glad I’m getting an excuse to clear this up.

While LU is super great (seriously go check it out if you haven’t) and I am incredibly honored that you think they are worthy of standing together on the same playing field, it is a separate thing.

The Wind’s Track AU is not associated with Linked Universe in any way. That is to say: in the “canon” of The Winds Track AU, the events of Linked Universe DO NOT AND WILL NOT EXIST.

Of course, if y’all want to make fan content that is a blend of the two AUs, that’s fine with me. All I ask is that, if you could, please make it clear somewhere that, normally, the AUs are separate entities to avoid any confusion for people who don’t know. Also, it’d be really nice if you’d give credit to the au creators so newcomers know where to find our AUs. (Also tag me so I can see it 👀🤭)

Again, I don’t mind if people make that kind of content to combine the aus, but I would hate for people to come here expecting LU due to miscommunication and then not get it. Y’know?

Now, I can talk about Wind and the Tower of Spirits.

I never actually considered him NOT being involved in solving the floors. The idea that he CAN’T is REALLY INTERESTING. Ohhhh that’d kill him inside.

This boy is so used to being at the center of the adventures, and now he has to leave it to someone else? AND HIS LITTLE BROTHER AT THAT?? AND YOU MEAN TO TELL HIM HE CANT DO ANYTHING BUT WAIT??? OHHHH.

Not to mention the fact that this is the location in the game that you revisit the most for the story.

The way I can picture this poor boy ready to just race up those stairs, regardless of potential consequences. Anjean would probably be tempted to tie him down if he wouldn’t just phase through the ropes.

I LOVE THIS IDEA. Not only is it angsty, but it fixes so many of the potential issues I’ve been trying to solve within this AU.

I don’t think I mentioned this before, but I was also trying to figure out a way to get Zelda to go help in the Tower of Spirits in the first place. The only reasons she goes at first in the game is because Anjean tells them that it’s too dangerous for Link / Spirit to go by himself, and during that time, she is the only one available to fill that role. If Wind were able to go, then there wouldn’t have been any reason to essentially force her in the role. There would need to be a new reason made.

This idea, however, FIXES THAT. THANK YOU!!

I also love that it reserves a portion of the game’s events to just be for Spirit and Zelda. They have such a wonderful relationship in the game, so having the events of the Tower be for just the two of them could really help in maintaining that strong bond that helped make Spirit Tracks so special.

I’ll make a point to find ways for Wind to be more helpful in other parts of the game to make up for his exclusion from the Tower of Spirits’ floors.

TMNT Fandom Issues

I think I've already mentioned this before, but I've been seeing it happen more and more lately, and it's infuriated me enough to make another post about it. Can people please stop dragging other turtles and other 'verses in where they have no relevance?

I was watching some Donnie vids on TikTok and, without fail, almost every video had someone in the comments going, "Oh, but Mikey solos", "Oh, but Leo solos", etc, etc.

No one cares. Genuinely, wholeheartedly, someone making a post showing cool clips of Donnie fighting or being angry, is not inviting a bunch of people to come whining in the comments about how much cooler their fave is.

I see this the most with Mikey fans who refuse to shut up about The Last Ronin or Rise!Mikey and will shove them into everything, even posts that they have absolutely no connection to.

I was mostly watching videos of 12!Donnie, and whenever I looked in the comments, there'd be someone mentioning how one of the other turtles solo. And whenever anyone would be like, "well, Mikey doesn't actually solo', The Last Ronin would be wheeled out as an argument.

The Last Ronin has no bearing on any other iterations. Just because Mikey is the last one standing, and is incredibly strong, in that version does not mean that he's the strongest in every version. If any other turtle was the last one standing, they'd probably end up just as strong as The Last Ronin. Even so, stop drawing Last Ronin into conversations that aren't about him. If I'm discussing 03!Donnie for example, I do not want to hear about how amazing Last Ronin supposedly is. The character and plot do not interest me at all, and every time it's thrust into my view by someone clumsily trying to take attention away from another character or 'verse, it makes me even less inclined to ever give it a go.

And before anyone comes at me with the whole "Mikey has the most potential canonically", I would like to highlight that having the most potential and being the strongest are not the same thing. If he put more effort in, sure, maybe he'd be the strongest in every 'verse. But as it stands, the strongest is usually Raph, and the best fighter is usually Leo and/or Raph. (No, I am not counting Rise!Mikey as the strongest turtle to ever exist because most of his physical strength is reliant on his mystic powers. The Bayverse boys can straight up yeet storage containers with no powers).

Also, just because Donnie is usually one of the weaker fighters (I would argue that he is one of the strongest in 87 and Rise, though Rise weirdly tries to nerf him after the Draxum fight), doesn't mean that he can't keep up with his brothers. He is not weak. They all work with heavy machinery, train daily, and are great with strategy for the most part.

Deliberately going onto posts/vids/fics only to diss the character that they are about and try to shove your own fave down people's throats is not going to win you any friends. It's insufferable. Why don't I start going on any posts about Mikey or Leo and say how dumb they are compared to Donnie? It would be an unfair comparison as Donnie is made to be the smart one, but that's what Leo and Mikey stans keep doing to Donnie content. Donnie isn't meant to be the strongest or the best fighter, which I've accepted, but that doesn't mean he isn't a BAMF in his own right, with some pretty cool fight scenes.

If content does not contain your fave character, do not shoehorn them in, and/or degrade the character it's actually about. It's rude, annoying, and it's part of the reason that certain parts of the fandom (*cough* Rise *cough*), get such a bad reputation. All you are doing is making people hate your favourite characters and series, which means less chance of getting content including them.

Also, Rise!Fans, stop trying to make Mayhem posts about Risem I saw a video saying that the fight scenes in Mayhem are awesome (which they are, the animation I'd beautiful and the flow of the fights scenes is handled incredibly well), and one of the first comments was about how "I've not watched the movie yet, bit I doubt that they can beat the Rise first scenes." Firstly, if you havent watched the movie, shut up. You cant compare something you haven't seen with something that you already watched. Secondly, it is entirely possible to say that the fight scenes in both are great. Here, I'll do out right now, I think every iteration of TMNT have some great fight scenes, and Rise and Mayhem bitj definitely have something beautifully animated and choreographed scenes.

Honestly, the fandom has started making me hate most versions of Mikey on principle because they constantly force incorrect characterisations of him down my throat (he's the strongest/wisest/best at feelings, but he's also a sweet abuse little uwu bean that can do no wrong. He's incredibly smart but also mega innocent. He's amazing at reading people, but he also.just wants to believe the best of everyone. It's all so contradictory, and pretty much none of it ever actually fits Mikey).

It's the same with Rise Leo. Most of the fandom seems to make him into someone he's not, siphoning personality traits from other characters and iterations (like making him team medic, making him the one that likes to dance and sing, or the one that gets on my nerves the most, making him as smart as Donnie. That isn't his role, and none of the turtles are ever as smart as Donnie. Don't even try and fight me on that. Leos may be more strategic, but in outright booksmart intelligence, every Donnie takes the cake).

I feel like I'm probably going to get a lot of complaints about this seeing how popular Mikey and Rise!Leo are, but I am just so sick of trying to enjoy content for Donnie when every other comment section is being flooded by people dragging him to try and make their fave appear superior. If you want to gush about Mikey or Leo, go to content made about them where your input will be appreciated, rather than deliberately pissing other people off.

This may possible be my longest rant yet 😅 Congratulations to anyone who made it this far down!!

Here is my Comiket haul, for those who may care!

Arranged on the apartment chabudai for maximum weeb vibes. I won't go through all of them, just note a few to showcase the diversity of things that were on offer. If there is one someone wants a deep dive on, let me know, happy to take photos!

First up, the centerfold star - A Bocchi/Shimo-Kitazawa Fan Celebration doujin in the shape of a vinyl record:

Its extremely adorable, these guys went all in. It comes in an album case with "tracks", the vinyl-shaped doujin has an A side and a B side with totally different content when flipped, and when you are reading it the text slowly rotates page by page as if you are "playing" the disc.

Some of it is the circle's thoughts on Bocchi, but more is about their love for the part of Tokyo that Bocchi takes place in, Shimo-Kitazawa, with sections on show-accurate locations and favourite cafes and stores. They even included a map with all of the spots they recommend you visit in the area!

This one is to me the most "magic of doujin": we all have favourite parts of our cities, and if we sat down could maybe make a map like this. But why would we do that? Who would care? The joint power of a locally-set anime & Comiket, however, makes that personal map into a piece of art people want to own. This piece is pure creativity & passion, and its very special for that - a symbol of doujinshi.

Also one of their members spoke fluent English and aggressively upsold foreigners at the event ^_^ Successfully so! Good job.

For something a little less high concept, this tiny artbook of Rin from Laid-Back Camp as Ghibli characters is adorable:

A smol kiki, too cute. And look at her as Nausicaa! Full blue and ready to kick ass.

Its like 5 pages and each page is a gem, great buy.

This next one is a genre of book I really love - the photography/anime composite book focusing on scene locations, starring our girl Haruhi Suzumiya:

I appreciate how much fun this one has with its concept, lots of cute drawings on the margins; and the photographs are not all Haruhi related, instead it is just the author's own journey put through a Haruhi lens. This book is another great example of how "transformative" these works are, breaking the bounds of their source material.

"Hey, its me!"

Okay, now for some extreme Ash-brand doujin - Flowers for Yamada-san, a history doujin about Hiroyoshi Yamada, also known by the name Koji Kawamoto, a manga & magazine editor who played an instrumental part of the lolicon boom of the 1980's:

He passed away this year, and so this doujin is a memorial to him, an accounting of his influence and role in early manga, a wider discussion of the lolicon boom in general, and its own creative work; sandwiched between essays are comic depictions of moments of his career done in a mimicry the classic loli/bishoujo early 80's style:

This will of course take some time to read - I am excited to dig into it. As I have mentioned before, I am toying with the idea of a deeper research project on the "lolicon boom"; its, for understandable reasons, extremely neglected in western discourse of the history of anime & manga. But that moral aversion doesn't change how instrumental this period was, so I think a lot of good work could be done documenting and explaining its place. This book was an amazing find to stumble upon, and the creators are extremely well-researched on this period.

Anyway this is probably long enough lol. I did find some ero-doujin as well of course, though very few - as I mentioned, Comiket was a warzone, and I did not 'prep' for that side of things. I laughed at the idea of people doing days of research to prep of their porn buying adventure - I was the fool, they the wise, you absolutely need to do that if that is your goal. It wasn't really mine but I respect it now for sure - and I actually found the Comiket experience sort of liberating on that front, I "get it" now in a way I didn't before.

This is of course a tiny sliver of the book buys from Japan - hopefully I can make a few posts about the rest soon.

Whumpmas in July #4

Share a TV show, movie, or any media that gives you the whumperflies! (Feel free to go off about your favorite episodes/moments!)

last year i shared the Black Mirror episode USS Callister for this prompt, which i recently rewatched, still highly recommend that!

so i'm actually a massive anime fan, and today i'm going to recommend TWO of my favorite whumpy anime! (because i couldn't decide which to go with lol)

The Case Study of Vanitas

i've mentioned this a few times before on this blog, but this vampire anime was a major inspiration for my series, Kane & Jim. Bellamy is heavily inspired by the main character Noè. The Case Study of Vanitas takes place in steampunk 1800s France, and it's about an unhinged human man, Vanitas, who acts as a doctor to cursed vampires: a curse that makes them go feral with bloodlust. as well as his partner Noè, a kind and idealistic vampire (pictured above).

this anime has a good balance of drama and comedy, but when it gets serious, it really gets serious. the whump and angst in here is off the charts. everyone has a tragic backstory, with Vanitas's involving being tortured as a human experiment. the vampires are certainly not exempt from this either. highly recommend this one if you want some good vampire whump! it's on hulu, crunchyroll, and funimation.

my favorite scene from this one is actually one of the less-whumpy ones. Noè is attacked by a vampire hunter, promptly kicks the hunter's ass, politely introduces himself, and asks to be friends. when the vampire hunter agrees, Noè starts crying from joy. he's so cute. my favorite vampire character of all time.

content warnings for the show: minor whump in a flashback episode about Vanitas's tragic past, heavily sexualized blood-drinking.

Re:Zero

this one is probably the whumpiest anime i know. it's an isekai, where our boy has been transported from the real world to a fantasy world. but instead of fun adventures, he gets heaps and heaps of trauma!

Subaru is a really interesting protagonist. he starts off like your typical isekai protag who thinks he's gonna be the hero and get the girl, but reality smacks him in the face and he really grows as a character. he has exactly one special ability, and it's a doozy: he can't die. every time he dies, he wakes up at some previous point before his death and gets a redo. this obviously results in countless violent deaths and immense amounts of psychological trauma. you can see him pictured above having a little breakdown about it. that happens a lot, especially considering he's also cursed to be unable to tell anyone.

the one thing i would say i dislike about this anime are the female character designs, which kind of suck. but the plot is great, character development is EXCELLENT, can't wait for season 3! Re:Zero is only available on crunchyroll and wherever you pirate anime.

my favorite scene is the one where subaru finally meets someone his curse will let him talk to about his immortality and he breaks down crying with relief. this is actually great to watch by itself even if you haven't seen the show, poor Subaru...

content warnings for the show: minor whump (Subaru is 17 in season 1 and several children die offscreen in doomed timelines), gore, multiple suicides (temporary due to the nature of Subaru's immortality)

@whumpmasinjuly

Request: DC 8th member au. It's the reader's birthday and the girls surprise the reader with like a surprise party at a fan meet. The fans and members get the reader gifts. The reader is really happy and later goes on a Vlive or Weverse live talking about how happy and thankful she is. Just a whole lot of fluff.

This is such a cute idea :,) I really hope you like it/ hope it’s what you envisioned and thank you so much for the request! <3333

Pairing: uhhh none? Unless you count ALL of Dreamcatcher lmao

Word count: 1,441

Genre/contents: Dreamcatcher’s 8th member! AU, Fluff, there was an attempt to be as wholesome as possible.

Note: Not too familiar with what all goes on at fan meets or how vlive/ weverse live works (on the artists POV) so I went on a limb and pretty much winged it but hey, happy birthday!!! Also tried my best to include all members D: if someone is under mentioned, pls know that I love them and didn’t do it on purpose!!! Also, anon, if it’s your birthday (or was), happy birthday!!! I hope you had a great one :) <3

Divider from pinterest

Couldn’t find a gif with them all facing forward(?) so fck it, I’m using this gif

You didn’t feel any different today, despite it being your birthday. Everything was normal.

Waking up felt normal, save for the messages you woke up to of your friends and family sent wishing you a happy birthday.

But other than those, you felt as if it were an average day. Your own members hadn’t wished you a happy birthday yet, although the post wishing you a happy birthday on the groups official twitter account had been posted an hour before you had actually woken up and seen it.

“Hey, sleepy head.” Siyeon greeted you, smirking as you entered the backstage area where the fan-meet was taking place.

“I’ve been awake for two hours! Why are you still teasing me?” You tried to hide your smile by forcing a pout. Siyeon grinned, indicating she had gotten the reaction she was looking for.

“Alright! Let’s stop teasing her! We have our InSomnia’s waiting for us!“ Jiu put her hands on both yours and Siyeon’s shoulder’s, ushering you two after the other girls.

You fixed your hair last minute, despite the stylist having done that for you.

Greeting the fans that had shown up to see you, you waved at them and posed for your fan-sites as they had taken pictures of you to post later.

A majority of the gathering even had banners with your name and face on them.

But neither of the signs had acknowledged your birthday. Not that you were upset about it, you just thought it would feel nice.

The fan meeting had happened as per usual; You and the girls performed a few songs, interacted with fans, and played some games that entertained the crowd.

“Our next game, we will have Y/N lead.” Jiu announced. The girls and the fans had cheered you on.

Stepping forward, slightly confused as you were only aware of the activities, you’d all be doing at the event- Which had all already passed.

As far as you were concerned, you thought the meeting was ending right about now. Not that you were complaining, though. You felt the love from the fans as they cheered you on.

“What is my objective?” You asked, putting your hands behind your back as you awaited instructions for the next game.

The girls looked at Gahyeon, who happily skipped over to you and handed you a blind fold.

“Put this on first.” She watched as you tied the blind fold over your eyes. Judging by how the blind fold had completely blocked out your vision, you assumed it was a ‘guessing’ game.

“Now what?”

“Patience!” Handong spoke with a chuckle. You felt two hands on your shoulders soon after and another hand had taken yours into theirs.

“Careful- Walk towards me.” Sua spoke, tugging your hand. You felt the person behind you softly push you ahead until They and Sua had stopped.

“Okay,” Dami shuffled in front of you, you heard a soft puff of air being blown out of someone’s mouth- You had assumed it was Dami, as she was the last to speak. “Okay, you can take it off now.”

“Ah! Let me!” Yoohyeon offered from behind you. Your hands had met hers as she had offered right as you were just about to remove the blind fold yourself.

You dropped your hands as she had untied the knot. Upon adjusting your eyes, everyone- Jiu, Sua, Siyeon, Handong, Dami, and Gahyeon had stood in front of the fans, while Yoohyeon had jogged over to join them, holding the blind fold.

You stared in awe and surprise, first noticing the signs InSomnia’s were holding had been flipped around and had read, ‘Happy Y/N day!’.

Then you noticed the tray in front of you with a medium sized cake that had a small caricature of you on top of it and also had the spelling, ‘Happy Y/N day!’. Beside the cake, was a table of gifts- All for you, that had previously been hidden behind a curtain you had thought was something else.

The candles on the cake had been lit and you noticed Dami holding a used match. You grinned widely, wrapping your arms around yourself from all the love you felt in that moment.

“Oh my…” You moved your hands to cover your face, feeling yourself tear up. The girls came up to join you, Sua and Siyeon were at your immediate left and right, their arms around you as you let a few tears of joy escape.

“Everyone! Happy birthday to you,” Jiu urged the crowd to sing with her. Soon the other girls had joined in as well as Sua and Siyeon had hugged you while you had gotten emotional.

“Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Y/N, Happy birthday to you!”

You sniffled, blowing out the candles before melted wax had dripped onto the cake itself. Everyone in the meeting had cheered for you once again and you picked the candles out, setting them to the side.

“Thank you- All of you, so much!” You spoke, gratefully after Handong had passed the mic to you.

“I am so very grateful to all of you,” You wiped the tears from your face as you continued. You turned towards the girls, a fond smile on your face, “And I’m very grateful to my members as well. I’m proud to be a part of such an amazing group.”

Soon after you had said that the girls had rushed to engulf you in a group hug. If you didn’t love them as much as you did, you’d have felt suffocated in their hold.

“I think this is officially my best birthday ever.”

Later on that evening, you had decided to go live to thank fans before heading to bed and ending the day.

You waited a moment for more people to join and almost immediately had a chat full of birthday wishes and various emojis.

You smiled, waving at the camera and covering your mouth to hide a yawn.

“Sorry- Hello everyone! Welcome in!” You read a few comments in the chat, each of them making your heart feel full.

“Thank you so much for the birthday wishes!”

You read another comment, wishing you happy birthday, but the poster had also added a small paragraph of how amazing you are and how much they love you.

“Gosh! I’m going to cry again! Why are you all so sweet?!” You laughed away the tears.

“Why did you cry?”

You read that comment out loud, raising your eyebrows as you had initially forgotten not everyone was aware of your emotional reaction earlier.

“Ah… Today I thought everyone forgotten my birthday- I admit, that was a bit dramatic of me. But during our fan meeting, my members had surprised me with a birthday party,” you paused for a second, smiling at the memory.

“I felt very… Happy… Thankful… Loved. My heart is full, and I really do love you guys. If any of my members are watching, I love you too. I don’t think I could do anything without your love and support.”

You laughed at a comment that read, ‘now you’re going to make me cry!’

“Don’t cry! Let’s be happy today before it ends.” You smiled at the camera.

Hearing a knock on your door, you jumped as you had thought everyone had been fast asleep by now. Before you could open the door, it had been opened by whomever was behind it.

“Ah! It’s just Dami.” You teased, earning a playful nudge.

“And Gahyeon!” Gahyeon had entered after Dami. Both girls sat beside you and soon Jiu, Sua, Siyeon, Handong, and Yoohyeon had entered, all sat around you as you had adjusted your webcam so that everyone had been in view.

“My second family is here, everyone say hi!” You grinned. The girls had simultaneously waved at the camera, saying ‘hello’ while the comments had been spammed with various ways of saying ‘hello’ back.

“Y/N grows up so fast, don’t you think?” Jiu spoke up, a smile on her face. You groaned, “I don’t feel any older.”

“Does anyone ever?” Jiu added. You read more comments, most of whom had agreed with Jiu.

“One more hour until your birthday is over,” Dami smirked, “should we sing to you again?”

You shrugged, “one more won’t hurt- “

“Happy birthday to you!” Gahyeon had led the song, barely letting you finish your sentence.

The other girls had joined in, “Happy birthday to you!”

You giggled at them singing to you, deciding to just go with it, waving your hands from side to side as they continued.

“Happy birthday dear Y/N, Happy birthday to you!”

Have you noticed any trends/patterns in what makes you 'fannish' about something? (Particular mediums, character dynamics, aesthetics etc.) Also, is there anything you love but don't feel the impulse to engage in fandom with?

This was a really interesting question, and I had to sit and think about it for a while before feeling like I had some good conclusions to share with you, Anon! I think in general there's three things that have to be in the mix that get me feeling 'fannish'/involved in the fandom for something: 1) Regularly engaging with the source material 2) A good community 3) Space to play

I'll put the rest under a cut because I'm sure I'm about to ramble for a while

So, with regards to point one, it feels relevant to mention that I don't particular feel like I've been a member of too many fandoms. I'd say two, exactly -- Zombies, Run! and The Wayhaven Chronicles. I've dabbled with things like The Locked Tomb Series and Dragon Age of course, but I never necessarily felt like part of the fandom, just because it was so large and multifacted, and I only briefly engaged with it as someone who contributed to those respective fandoms. But with ZR and TWC, they're both things that have stuck around longer, mostly because I've continued to play them for a very long time. I got started with ZR about 10 years ago. When I was my most active with it was when I was going out literally every day and listening to missions, which helped keep the story and characters really fresh in my mind. It also helped me constantly think up new themes and ideas I really wanted to explore within the setting and with the characters. Similar with Wayhaven -- I played through all the books when Book 3 came out in April and I've more or less had a play-through going since then. My actual play-throughs have fallen a little on the wayside just because of life things but I'm still thinking about it & engaging with the source material a lot. So I guess my point is, to truly feel 'fannish' about something I need to be a little bit obsessed, lol!

As for my second point, I've truly felt my most 'fannish'/part of the fandom when I find a good community to interact with. One of my favorite parts of being a fan is actually getting to talk about the material in question -- play with it, theorize, etc. The Zombies, Run! Fandom when I joined was amazing for that, and there continued being a really good group constantly discussing meta on their Rofflenet website the entire time I was a player. There was even a weekly zoom book club to discuss the current releasing missions! It was awesome! And with Wayhaven I feel like I've found a really nice circle of mutuals to sit and talk about the books with (and also obviously, my dearest Delucadarling, who I constantly talk about it with). Which brings me to my last point, is I really like having a lot of space to 'play' and feel fannish. With ZR, it has a huge sprawling universe of a zombie apocalypse, and only a very small portion is shown to the players via the audio. It leaves a lot of room to imagine what happens around the missions. And with Wayhaven, since only a portion of the story is out, it leaves a lot of room to imagine with happens next to all the characters. That is the sort of thing I really find motivating! And there's for sure plenty of things I love that I don't really engage with the fandom for, or engage pretty lightly. For example, I've really been loving Star Trek: Strange New Worlds and Lower Decks, but I haven't really done more than chat with a few friends about it. Similarly for a lot of the books I read -- I'll talk about them with a friend or two but not really seek out a lot of online content for them. I also watch a lot of cooking competitions, lol, so that's different for me to. If you've stuck with me for this long thank you! I really appreciated the question and I hope you have a great day <3

Since I'm sure there will be a lot of new people from Twitter, I want to personally say welcome, but also please don't make the shipping wars any worse. Lol

You can do that by tagging correctly, blocking people you don't like, and muting tags that upset you. Tags are like folders. When people tag correctly, it's like opening a book with only the things you like on an endless school. Very handy.

Are you making a post about your favorite ship? Excellent! Tag it correctly. Do not tag a bunch of irrelevant tags as that's considered spamming. Your tags should look like:

#shipname #charactera #characterb #whatever else you want that is actually related to the post

By the way, this isn't twitter. Tags can have spaces in them. You can write a whole ass paragraph almost. It's enouraged to do so!

Also, this isn't TikTok. "Unalive" and other censored words for the "algorithm" are dumb and pointless. There is no algorithm. Use the right words so that people can filter what they don't want to see.

Are you writing a negative post about a ship you don't like? Well that's a waste of time but you do you, just tag it correctly. Your tag should like like:

#anti-ship #dont mention the ship in any other way! It could pop up in their tags when those shippers are trying to do their own thing

Don't cross post KNOWING your post can upset someone. Don't play coy. Don't play dumb. Don't start drama on purpose. If you're bored and want some action, why not get a real hobby instead of fighting on the internet?

If a tag is meant for a platonic ship, then you should find the proper romantic ship version of that name. If another character or pairing has nothing to do with your post, then keep it in your pants and don't tag them. It's rude and could earn you some blocks.

That is the proper tagging etiquette for tumblr.com. You can mute any tag you want by visiting your settings and adding a tag to filtered tags and/or filtered content.

Anon hate is a thing of the past. Grow up. You can send anonymous or faced questions to almost any blog you want. You can also turn off that feature entirely if you don't like it.

If you don't like someone, you can select the three dots on top of their posts and block them. You can save yourself a headache if you learn to curate your experience~

Here in Tumblr, there is no reliable algorithm. More than likely, Tumblr won't be showing everyone posts that are relevant to them automatically. You'll have to visit the tags yourself to see what you want to see.

If YOU LOVE SOMETHING, REBLOG IT. Likes work like bookmarks here on tumblr.com. Everyone appreciates likes on their posts, but sadly, that's all it is. A post can die in the sea of irrelevance if no one reblogs it.

You know all those cool popular posts you see with thousands of notes? They only got like that because thousands of people reblogged it.

Do your artist friends, writer friends, and normal friends a favor by reblogging their posts and spreading the good word~. If you consistently reblog good posts on a consistent basis, you'll likely find yourself some cool followers as well who have the same interests as you.

By the way, while you can be a little well known here in Tumblr, you'll never have any clout. Give up now before you even begin. Everyone is an equal here. We're all just fans being fans of whatever content we're consuming that day alright? There are famous people on here, but unless they're chill and breezy, people will tend to chase them away anyway.

Do you want separate your personal blog from your fan blog? Well no need to make a new account, you can just add a sideblog and it's practically the same thing. You only have to log in once. I have at least a dozen active side blogs for every new interest I get very invested in. Great for organization and keeping your main blog for your personal rambles and posts.

By the way, there's no need to tell everyone your name, your phone number, your address etc. This site is anonymous. Enjoy the anonymity! Let yourself be a faceless fan among other faceless fans, keep your personal details safe and private.

And finally, don't be a creepy weirdo. That's pretty self explanatory. If your are a creepy weirdo, stop while you're ahead. You know you're gonna get caught and ousted. You aren't slick, you're just a weirdo.

That is all. This is meant for the Stranger Things fandom but it can be applied to any fandom. Hope this helps.

Hello there. I've been following your blog for awhile now and quite enjoy them since I too am a Arya & Jaqen fan, as a pair and as individuals. I find Jaqen fascinating but underappreciated (i blame grrm lol not really but yes). However my pressing question to you is, where do you stand on rhaegar-elia-lyanna-robert? I'm sensing you are a shipper/supporter of rhaegar x lyanna? If so (or if not), how do you feel (perceive) about Rhaegar? About lyanna, elia & robert too, if you may. If you've written some metas or posts about this before, I'd be happy to read them if you could show me where. Thank you :)

Hello Anon!

I'm so happy you have enjoyed my content. I also blame GRRM for leaving the books unfinished. A girl can only wait this long!

Honestly, I can't remember how much I have written about the characters you've mentioned. I usually mention them in relation to what is happening to Arya and Jaqen. Unless someone asks a specific question about them and sometimes people do. Please, use tags with their names to search through my blog. Or the "asoiaf meta" tag. I haven't been active here for a while so there might not be that much to read. I will be writing more this summer though.

I acknowledge Rhaegar and Lyanna as a canon ship. I like both characters and I think their story and Robert's Rebellion would make a great Game of Thrones prequel. If done right it might be even more popular than Game of Thrones.

I believe Rhaegar was exactly how people remember him: an honorable young man, a king-to-be who cared about the realm and the people regardless of their social standing, a man who wanted to reform the kingdom, a romantic stuck in a loveless marriage. Someone who wouldn't abandon Elia and the children but rather tried to secure their rights before marrying Lyanna. Also, someone who would be mad at the rebels for what they have done to his family. Someone capable of exacting a severe punishment, especially for the crimes done to Elia and their children. A very well written character that is hardly on page.

Lyanna is the original Arya so obviously I love her. I forgive her falling for the married man. I think they both were the victims of the system.

I adore Elia. I think she is one of the most respectable women in Westeros. A wonderful, caring mother. Elia is kind and protective even towards other people's children. I believe she was the only person in the books who showed love and tenderness to baby Tyrion. Though I also think she had spirit and she might have fought for her husband like she fought for the lives of her children. I wish she had a safe way out of the marriage to Rhaegar.

As for Robert, he is the least deserving of the bunch. Actually I think he is one of the least deserving characters in the story. He had been drinking and whoring his way through Westeros long before he was betrothed to Lyanna. Yet, he had the audacity to rage when she chose someone else. He has some redeeming qualities like his sense of humor and his respect for Ned. I also like the fact that he admitted to his crimes on his deathbed. Still, he hurt too many people, including his own children, to be a respectable man.

Thank you for the question.

Pairing: Steddie

Characters: Eddie Munson, Steve Harrington, Nancy Wheeler, Robin Buckley

Warnings: explicit sexual content, drug use, underage drinking, almost public sex (they're all at Steve's pool and the girls didn't get the memo at first), anal fingering (past mentions), anal sex, cockwarming, rough sex

Words: 1243

Kinktober: High/Drunk

Ao3 link Masterlist

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The best part of the Upside Down making itself known to Eddie is that he’s got some pretty great friends now. Not to mention an even more amazing boyfriend. Now, less than six months ago, if someone had asked him if he could see himself dating Steve Harrington, Eddie probably would’ve punched them. But here he is, sitting around Steve’s pool, drinking and smoking with him, Nancy, and Robin. 

He’s more than okay with it. 

While he loves his Hellfire club, it’s nice to have other people in his life who don’t look at him like he’s some kind of freak. A satanist. Or whatever other bullshit Jason tried to call him. Eddie doesn’t have to be afraid to hide anything about himself with them. Robin was a little less surprising than Nancy. She’s Steve’s best friend and just as fucking weird as he is. Nancy shocked him just for the fact that Eddie thought she still liked him.

“Hey there,” Steve pulls him out of his thoughts, offering the joint as he settles himself on Eddie’s lap. “What are you thinking about?” His boyfriend pokes the space between his eyebrows. 

Eddie hadn’t realized they were pinched together until Steve did that. “You,” he grins cheekily, bringing the rolled paper to his lips. With a finger, he beckons his boyfriend closer. Brown eyes light up and Steve leans in, opening his mouth to let him exhale into it. Eddie blows it out, sealing their mouths together, loving the soft noise in the back of his boyfriend. 

Robin wolf whistles at them when Steve straddles his lap, Eddie dropping the joint on the concrete to wrap his arms around his boyfriend. That’s the thing about Steve. When he’s high, he gets really fucking horny. A simple kiss from Eddie turns into a heated makeout. Eddie isn’t even remotely complaining about it. Groaning around his boyfriend’s tongue he brings a hand up to fist into Steve’s hair, tugging lightly. 

Steve moans into his mouth, grinding his hips down. Eddie feels just how horny his boyfriend actually is. Hard as a rock and digging against Eddie’s own stiffening pants deliciously. And that’s the thing about Eddie. He’s not ashamed in the slightest when it comes to having sex with Steve. Or even the topic of sex in general. So if Steve is really wanting to do something right now, Eddie is going to be the last person to stop them.

Even if said boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is sitting all of two chairs over. She might want to leave soon. Tugging Steve’s shirt off, Eddie licks and sucks at his neck earning him some beautiful moans. Steve grinds again and he’s done for. “That fucking sound, Harrington,” Eddie groans, cupping his boyfriend’s cheeks. 

“Eds, please,” Steve grinds again, “it wasn’t enough.” 

Eddie chuckles despite himself, not wanting to hurt the other boy’s feelings. But Steve seems too pent up to be bothered. What his darling boyfriend is talking about is Eddie fingering him before the girls showed up in hopes it would satiate him until they left. “Poor thing,” Eddie tuts, brushing the hair from Steve’s forehead, whispering, “you’re just aching and empty, huh?” 

Steve whines and nods, eyes glassy with lust. 

Flicking his eyes over to where the girls were sitting, Eddie’s prepared to tell them they should go. But when he looks at their spots, the pool chairs are empty. Guess they got the hint. Steve will surely complain about it in the morning, but he’s also a big fan of Eddie showing his strength, so he tears the back of Steve’s swim trunks open. “Lift,” he instructs, unbuckling his pants and pulling them down with his boyfriend hovering over him. “You know Robin’s gonna give you shit tomorrow, right?” 

“Don’t care,” Steve clips, taking Eddie’s cock out of his boxers himself, sitting on his slick shaft with a broken moan. When the fuck did he get his hand wet? How did Eddie miss that? “Fuck,” his boyfriend moans, eyes rolling back as he swivels his hips as best the chair will allow. 

“That desperate?” Eddie chuckles mostly to himself, “would’ve fucked me in front of her, wouldn’t you, big boy?” He holds Steve’s waist tight, bucking his hips. “Need my cock that badly that you don’t care who sees, 's that it?” 

“Yes,” Steve moans, though it sounds more like a praised admission, holding onto Eddie’s shoulders like a vice. Probably for the best. Because to be perfectly honest, Eddie’s been half mast damn near the whole night. Steve’s ass in swim trunks is quite the sight. So he doesn’t hold back, fucking up into his boyfriend as hard as he can. “Eddie,” Steve cries out, flipping his hair out of his eyes. Pupils so wide, his beautiful brown eyes are nearly black. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Eddie muses, wrapping his arms around Steve to bring him impossibly closer. “You can have my cock whenever you want it. I don’t care who’s around either,” he paints the words on his boyfriend’s lips. That fucking small, little sound in the back of Steve’s throat breaks him. 

At first, Steve was incredibly nervous about even holding hands in public. People can be fucking brutal and Eddie didn’t blame him in the slightest. Seeing this beautiful man become comfortable with himself, with them, is amazing. Also nice to know that Steve’s willing to fuck him in front of other people because he needs him that badly. Not like Eddie hasn’t thought about doing it before. He just didn’t want to scare Steve away. 

“I love you,” Eddie rests their foreheads together, such a soft gesture despite the brutal pace he’s set. But he knows if Steve’s this far gone that nothing less would suffice. 

Steve chuckles, “I love you too, Eds.” He leans in and kisses him hard, “now stop holding back. I want to cum.” 

“So demanding,” Eddie slaps his ass, though he’s smiling. “You asked for it, handsome,” he says, holding the back of Steve’s shoulders and fucking up into him as hard as he can. He’s mildly concerned about the harsh way the chair is scraping against the concrete. There’s a good chance he might break it. 

The way Steve’s moans turn into blissful cries pulls at Eddie’s balls. He can hold out. Eddie licks his boyfriend’s neck, waiting until his breaths get quicker, higher in pitch. When they do, because Eddie’s learned Steve’s body perfectly, they always do, he bites his boyfriend right at the crook. Steve cums with a shout, Eddie can feel it soaking through Steve’s trunks his shirt rode up. 

“I’ll never get over watching you cum,” Eddie grunts, thighs slapping together, warmth pooling in his gut. Steve’s swollen lips and red cheeks are fucking gorgeous. Eddie thrusts up a few more times before slamming Steve down in his lap, spilling his cum deep inside. His boyfriend’s head slumps against his shoulder, both of them desperately trying to catch their breath. “You okay?” Eddie asks, his hand tracing shapeless designs on his boyfriend’s back. 

Steve lifts his head, groggy eyes and lust-fueled grin meet him, “I’m fantastic.” 

Eddie snorts a laugh, playfully rolling his eyes, “happy to help. Ready to go inside?” Steve scrunches his face, grunting. Eddie laughs again, full of love, “come here,” he opens his arms. Steve beams at him, happily settling back against Eddie’s chest. Neither caring that he’s still balls deep, keeping his cum deep inside Steve.

Heyy! Not sure if you’ll remember me (since you have quite a number of fans 🤭) but im the same anon that sent you a really long ass message (and a little rant about my final year hardships) about loving all the heeleads and wishing i had someone who will live only for me and dropping anything they have or are doing just to be with me. This was back in early august if im not mistaken and you’ve also sent a really sweet reply with a little drabble? of a part of HHP of a similar situation i was going through that you had in your drafts. I just wanted to say thank you for it and ngl, i actually sobbed reading that drabble you attached cuz it honestly hit me hard. I sent that message right before i went to bed of the day of that big presentation and submission and im so grateful it went so well! Like after just sending you that message, rereading some of your heelead series, it just made me feel comforted and reassured that it will be alright in the end, and it was! I was even lucky to win the best presentation in my class, and thats kinda saying a lot seeing that im in fashion styling course and I’ve been so insecure and had super low self esteem my whole life, especially when it comes to academics, like yeah fashion isnt really like math or science or language, but as much as i enjoyed it, throughout my 2 years of studying, i felt like i was so out of place because it seemed that everyone knew what they were doing, they were always up to date with trends and runways and fashion weeks, heck even the people like creative directors and stuff, whereas I just tend to go with the flow of what I actually take a liking to and what possibly pops up onto my socials, idek more than half the people my lecturer mentions. It made me second guess my work all the time, but for once, i was reassured that it was just my low self esteem and lack of confidence because out of all my classmates (who are mostly generally rich kids who wear and keep up to date with lv, miumiu, those brands and some who likes to try to be better than others, and who actually takes the time to dress up for class *like i just wear sweatshirts and jeans 90% of the time cuz the classrooms are like a freezer!), the judges from the industry (mostly fashion writers or part of the pr team in brands) chose my work as the best. I had soo much doubts but it turned out well for me. For once, i even saw how proud my family was for my achievement. I was usually the trouble maker, the one who’s obsessed with bts and enhypen, the one who hates studying and getting every single grade a syllabus had. For the first time, my hard work and tears actually paid off and i kinda owe it to you and other writers on here that has provided so much great content that actually makes me feel like i could run away from reality for a bit and imagine i had this great life with someone who loves me for me.

Ik this is another long ass message that will turn into a bit of a rant right now. Im having hardcore heeleads missing day. Not even hours, but like days, maybe even weeks cuz I’ve been having a particularly hard time again, now its my internship that makes me cry at night. I had a hard time looking for somewhere to do my internship at especially since this industry isnt all that big in my country, especially fashion styling. At first i applied to quite a few places, most didnt respond, while a select few did. 1 had rejected my application after my interview (most likely cuz i had to complete 480 hours by end of nov, latest, first week of dec), then the other that offered me a spot was more of a marketing aspect and i was not keen on it so i rejected their offer. It came down to the final week that i had to really start my internship, if not i wont be able to complete it, i decided to go into retail. Applied to 3 places, interviewed all and got offered 2 places. I decided to take up both the offers since its part time roles and i wont be able to finish my hours if i took only 1. Fast forward, im actually enjoying my working life so far, made a new friend that’s actually around my age, everyone is super friendly and nice and offers help whenever. Its just that now, as you’ve probably guessed from something i said earlier, i suck at maths, so i had my mum to assist me in keeping up with my hours, she helps me calculate how much I’ve achieved and how much more i need. I’m grateful she wants to help me out, im kinda a little like the one that sticks to her a lot, but with that, comes the actual practical? side of her. I enjoy what im doing, but when she starts telling me that i have to push up my hours, take up more shifts, no more breaks in between, actually needing to work 7?! days a week so i could finish my 480 hours, its kinda hit me hard and made me start to be demotivated. I still enjoy my job, but i always thought internships wouldve been about gaining more knowledge, learning new things and experiences, but at this point, it just seems like i have to work my ass of for 7 days a week, more than 8 hours of shifts just to pass my internship, if i dont finish my 480 hours, it’ll consider as a fail… its not even about the money i can get anymore (all goes into my enhypen funds and a little to bills and spending of course), or the experience i can get with the job, it makes me feel like my life right now, revolves around hours. Its gotten to the point that i started hating time, hate looking at the clock. I look forward to lying in my bed at the end of the day and drifting to dreamland, i used to look forward to waking up to a new day and doing what i wanna do. But now, i just look forward to lying in bed whenever i get the chance to, maybe read a few fics here and there to get my mind off my problems, and going to sleep. I started to dread the morning, to finish work just to come home and calculate how much hours I’ve finished and how much more i need. It wouldn’t be too bad if not finishing the hours just means i get a lower grade, but it means i fail my internship program and have to retake it again. Working 2 jobs is already exhausting for me (i salute those who’ve worked for years and work multiple jobs at a time) but i knew that thats not the life for me, i already have plans on resigning one job but staying in the other once I’ve completed my internship. But everytime i think that ive hit a milestone, enjoying my job each time i walk in, being able to save up for things i wanna do, get and experience with my own hard earned money, its like i hit a wall that takes me to rock bottom. I probably sound dramatic but its honestly not that easy for me. GrMy sis always says “oh you’re just doing part time, interns are supposed to do the same thing as full timers but get paid less, just wait til you get a full time job then you talk” like it honestly hurts me cuz i just dont feel understood or heard. I’ve never, in my whole life feel understood or heard by anyone, besides my best friend who’s like my soulmate at this point.

And i'm also glad that heethan and heeleads bring you joy. they would be so proud. ❤️