#also it's sunday so that means going to get breakfast in about an hour!! :3
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Hey bestie! I love your works! I was wondering maybe you could write a fic where Emily is cockwarming Aaron while he’s cleaning his gun and she cums very quick because it’s too sexy for her ☺️
A/N: I’ll give an extra warning for this chapter, it contains gun kink, you have been warned!
I would also like to add that I wrote most of this either on the way to or from @sequinsmile-x, as well as in her apartment.
Title: Love like mine (3/11)
Chapter title: But don’t worry I’ll make sure you don’t forget it
Summary: He wasn’t a cheater. Until her.
Word count: 3,7k
Rating: Explicit
Warnings (for this chapter): Smut, cock warming, gun kink, dirty talk, cheating, hinting at abortion
They spend the day mostly naked, starting off with breakfast until Emily casually strips herself from his shirt and he ends up taking her on her dining room table. It’s hours spent together in between sex and jokes and conversation and Emily finds herself liking the way he’s relaxing in her company, the difference between Aaron and Hotch slowly sneaking through in a way he hadn’t let it before.
He’s funny, a dry sense of humor that she finds that she enjoys and she can tell that he likes the way she challenges him. It had been part of his attraction to her from the start, the fact that he can’t really figure her out.
“Where did you get this?” He asks as he traces the tattoo on her hipbone, faded and old on her skin.
“In Italy.” She doesn’t want to tell him the whole story, doesn’t want him to tell him that after one of the worst experiences of her life she wanted something beautiful to come from it. The daffodil tattoo that she at 15 thought was a good idea, the flower meaning change and new beginnings, something she now rarely paid much attention to. “It was a new start for me.” She tells him simply and he seems to understand that she doesn’t want to talk about it.
“It’s pretty.” He says instead and kisses her hipbone before moving slowly up her body, his tongue tasting her skin until he’s face to face with her. “Like you.”
“You’re not so bad yourself.” She smiles into a kiss and when she hears his sated groan she can’t help the way satisfaction tingles down her spine. She knew he wasn’t hers, she knew that part of why she was attracted to him was because he was taken. Him being married meant that she was safe. She wouldn’t get hurt this way, and that was comforting.
Aaron tries not to think about the repercussions of what they were doing, how this could end. He didn’t want to leave Haley, didn’t really know what he was doing spending his weekend with another woman. But as Emily moaned his name in his ear, he didn’t want to stop.
He gets home early on Sunday morning to an empty house and he tries to ignore the guilt that’s creeping up his spine. He had spent the entire weekend with Emily, his mistress, and the thought of Haley had barely crossed his mind. The clothes he wears smell like her and he quickly puts them in the washing machine, needing to hide every trace of Emily before Haley walks through their front door with his son.
It’s wrong, so wrong, this wasn’t the man he had imagined himself to be. But Emily was addictive, something he hadn’t known he needed but now didn’t know how to be without. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows that he should come clean, that doing this to Haley was close to evil. But he loved his wife, loved the life they had built and he didn’t want to give that up.
He realizes that it can’t last, not in the long run but then dark eyes and a teasing smile flashes in his mind and for some reason he finds that he’s not ready to give her up.
Being with Emily was something new, something he’d never had before, pleasures and urges he had always forced deep down finally seeming to have room to breathe. She didn’t judge him for wanting what he did, in fact, she seemed to revel in it. Reveled in the way he let go like he hadn’t before, seemed to love the power it gave her.
He hears Haley call for him just as he’s getting out of the shower, only minutes after he had washed the sin off his skin.
“Hi honey.” She greets him with a soft kiss and a smile, gentle and loving and home and he kisses her back. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” He tells her, the lie sliding off his tongue almost too easily as he takes Jack from her, the toddler babbling happily in his arms. “How were your parents?”
“They’re good. Maybe next time you can come too.” Haley watches as he tickles Jack with a fond smile. She wasn’t an idiot, she knew something had changed between them in the last few months, knew that he was hiding something from her but as she stood there in the home where they had picked out the color of the wallpaper and argued about what couch to buy and listened to the sounds of their sons laugh, she forced those thoughts away.
*
“Is this a bad time?” She knocks on his office door and lingers in the doorway. It’s late, everyone’s gone home and she had every intention to do the same, but then he had given her that look, the look that meant he wanted her to stay late. So she had told a lie to Derek and JJ when they asked why she didn’t go home, blaming paperwork that she didn’t actually have but it seemed to be enough for them to leave the office.
It had been a strange day, a restlessness in her that she wasn’t sure where it came from. She needed something, but didn’t know what. Felt the need for something thrilling, for the restlessness to go away. She must have walked into his office right as he was about to clean his gun, the weapon disassembled on his desk and for some reason her eyes fastens on it.
“Not at all.” He said as he stood from behind his desk. He looked through the window and saw that the bullpen was empty and he closed the blinds swiftly. When he looked back at her he could see how her eyes lingered on his gun that he had just been about to clean, thinking that it would still be a while before she would have been able to join him. “Emily?”
Her eyes snap to his and she licked over her suddenly dry lips. She didn’t know why the thought of his gun suddenly made want stir in her belly, didn’t know why she suddenly thought about how his gun looked small in his large hands and the precision in which he used it. But she did know that the restlessness she felt made her feel something she never had before as she looked at the weapon in front of her.
“Yeah?” For some reason her voice comes out low and breathy, so familiar to him in the throes of passion that he feels a tugging in his groin.
“What are you thinking about?” He husks as he circles her slowly until he’s standing behind her, lets his lips trail teasingly along the back of her neck as his hands grip her hips to pull her back against his chest. The adrenaline that suddenly rushed through his veins was intense, because he knew this was new, something neither of them had done before.
“N-nothing.” She swallows hard but cranes her neck to give him easier access to her skin.
“Tsk, you shouldn’t lie.” He nips at her neck and she gasps in response. “You’re still looking at it.” The way her body tenses slightly as she looks back at him with wide eyes makes him hum knowingly.
She tore her eyes from the gun, felt his lips turn into a smirk against her neck and when her eyes meet his there’s something dark reflecting in his brown orbs, something feral and new, something that sends a thrill through her body. And she knew she was caught.
He lets go of her and goes to sit down at his desk, a small smile tugging on his lips that he bites the inside of his cheek to keep at bay.
“You like my gun?” He beckons her closer and she walks around the desk to stand at his side. “Answer me.”
“I don’t know why.” She mumbles, shy in a way she usually never was with him and the way her cheeks heat up makes him sit back in chair.
“I’ll tell you what.” He pushes back slowly from his desk, one hand hovering over his fly. “You can sit here and watch me clean my gun, and if you’re quiet, I’ll give you a reward.”
She looks at him questionably, not understanding where he’s going with this. Her eyes shift from his gun to his hand as he slowly reaches for her, his fingers expertly popping the button of her pants.
“What are you doing?” She barely recognizes her voice, so thick with want that it comes out low and raspy.
“I’m undressing you.” He tells her matter-of-factly before pulling her pants and underwear down her hips. When they’re a puddle around her feet he stands to help her out of her shirt, her bra soon following as she stands completely naked in front of him. He tugged on the piercing, a nipple ring that she’d started wearing only a few days ago. “You’re going to sit here and keep my cock comfortable while I clean my gun.”
The whimper that escapes her comes without warning, suddenly so aroused that it feels like her entire body was set on fire. He’s barely even touched her, and yet she knows her slick are shining on her thighs already, her skin flushing as he looks at her with dark eyes.
“Aaron-“ she starts but is quickly cut off as he presses a finger against her lips.
“Quiet, sweetheart.” The nickname falls from his lips without hesitation and if he wasn’t so ridiculously turned on himself he would have corrected himself. But instead he simply drags the zipper of his slacks down, gets his hard cock out and sits back down on his chair.
Emily waits only a second before she straddles his legs, her hand around his shaft as she lines him up with her center. She runs the tip of him through her folds, lets him feel her wetness before slowly sinking down on him with a strangled moan. His hands spread her thighs wider apart, as wide as possible as he holds her tight against his chest, his breathing coming out of hot, short puffs against the back of her shoulder. She slowly starts to grind but his hands tighten and he bites down on her neck.
“No no, sit still, just like this.” He smirks when she forces herself to still on his lap, knows that she more than anything wants to move, to create friction for them both. “Rub your clit for me”
His low voice in her ear caused her to shiver and she squeezed around him return. Her fingers trembled as she does as he says, using two fingers to gently circle the bundle of nerves as Aaron hummed, pleased with her obedience.
“Fuck…” she gasped as she clenched around him again and she heard his low groan against her ear.
“Now watch.” He let go of her hips only to reach for his gun. When he held it up Emily bit back a moan, eyes fastened on it. “Dirty girl, you probably want me to fuck you with my gun.” He cleaned the muzzle as he talked.
She didn’t respond, but her hips buckling slightly and her fingers speeding up against her clit was more than enough of an answer. The danger of his words made her head spin, images of what he was saying flashing in her mind.
“Mhmm, you want me to fuck you with my gun like I fuck you with my cock, hard and deep. You want to drench it, want to ruin it with the mess you’d make.” He continues conversationally as he continues to clean gunpowder out of the barrel.
”Aaron, Jesus Christ.” Her eyes rolled back as heat spread through her, slowly building her orgasm up. The heightened situation made the familiar heat she now associated with him spread quicker than ever before. All she wanted was to move, but she stayed still even as her thighs shook, afraid to break whatever spell he’d managed to put her under.
“You want to clench around the barrel of my gun just like you’re clenching me right now.” Aaron growled at the way her tight walls were trembling around him. He didn’t know what kind of primal desire had set off for her, all he knew that the brutality of it was making it hard for him to control himself. He licked over her fluttering pulse, tasted the vibration of her moan as she trembled hard enough for him to stop what he was doing to keep her on his lap.
“C-can I?” She panted through dizzying pleasure, her fingers moving in quicker and quicker circles against her clit.
“Good girl.” He praised her with a low groan. “Come for me.” He let go of the grip and put down the rag he had used and wrapped one arm around her middle to keep her still, let the other move to tug gently on her nipple ring and then she was coming, a loud cry that he knew would have been heard through the door leaving her as she rocked on his lap, unable to keep from buckling as pleasure spread through her body in powerful waves.
Once she had calmed and he was sure that she wouldn’t fall off his lap he let go of her only to pick his gun up again. He could see how her eyes, heavy lidded and dark followed his movements as he reassembled his gun, slowly, deliberately.
“Did I tell you to stop?” He asked then, his hand wrapping around her wrist to place it back against her clit. “Keep clenching around me baby, make me feel good.”
She whimpered, her clit sensitive to the touch but she did what he said, rubbing slowly over it as Aaron simply held the gun out in front of her again.
“My filthy girl.” He licked a stripe up her neck, her skin tasting of sweat and adrenaline. “You’re enjoying yourself almost too much.” His hand gripped the gun tighter, making sure her eyes stayed on it as he slowly trailed it down her body. The muzzle grazed one of her nipples, the cold steel making her gasp before slowly moving it down her body, letting her feel it gently press against her stomach.
“Aaron I don’t-” Her words were cut off by him nudging her hand away from her clit, only to graze the gun against it, the muzzle scraping it gently. It was cold and hard, the feeling new and she whimpered.
“You’re soaking me.” He let the metal slide over her clit slowly, up and down, up and down, until she was clenching around him again. The barrel was shiny with her slick as he kept moving it against her clit, glinting in the low lights in his office and he grunted against her ear.
“I’m close.” Her hands were gripping his desk, her body trembling as she tried desperately not to move. The sight of his hand, large and strong, holding the gun, something dangerous and risky between her legs was something she knew she’d never forget. It was maddening, the excitement she felt as he brought her closer to the edge. She knew he was getting closer too, his low groans against her ear deep and raspy, the hand not holding the gun gripping her hard enough to leave bruises.
Then he pressed the barrel of the gun a little harder against her clit and she was coming with a guttural whine, her head thrown back against his shoulder and body trembling as she spasmed around him. The feeling of her clenching walls around him was enough for him to come as well, his release hard enough to knock the air out of him as he jerked up against her.
She was still coming down when she heard the thump of the gun hitting the floor and then his hand on her jaw, pulling her face towards his to kiss her deeply. He tastes like Aaron and adrenaline, almost metallic.
“You really will be the death of me.” He whispers once they pulled apart and she smiles lazily, a low hum leaving her.
“Let’s hope not. This is too much fun.” She kisses him again, kisses him until the need for air becomes too much.
When she gets home that night she can still feel him, can smell his cologne on her body, feel his warm hands on her skin. She pretends that thinking about him isn’t something she should see as a warning, that pressing on the bruises on her hips was only to remember the way he had felt as he grabbed at her and not thinking about the way he’d kissed each one after they were done.
She pretends because he’s married. He was a father. He was something fun to pass the time, to use as a way to get frustrations out. Wasn’t he?
*
It’s been three weeks since that night in his office, three weeks of things seemingly falling into chaos. The cases they worked were grueling, somehow worse than ever it felt like. They didn’t get much time to rest, flying to and from DC in a way they usually didn’t. It made Aaron want to be home as much as possible, because he missed Jack, missed Haley. But he also missed Emily.
They never spend the night together while on cases, knew that it was too risky. But as the days passed on, he could feel the tension build, pressure slowly making him close to agitated. He was too mad at the world, the cases they worked, the victims he met somehow getting under his skin in a way they usually didn’t.
And then it’s like something snaps, a local case, an unsub telling him in detail about his victims, all of them children, all of them dead. And Aaron can’t handle it.
She can tell, can tell the second her eyes meet his and she is quick to find him alone.
“What can I do?” She asks and he looks relieved to see her standing in the doorway of his office.
“Can I come over tonight?”
She can tell everything he doesn’t say, sees the anger and the way he wants nothing more than to scream his frustrations out at the world.
“Of course.” When his shoulders lower the tiniest bit she smiles. “I’ll take care of you.”
He calls Haley on the way, lies about an emergency meeting as he knocks on the door to Emily’s apartment door. She opens it with a filthy smile and nothing else and the second he’s hung up she’s on him, clawing at his clothes and kissing him like her life depended on it.
He lets her take charge, lets him get him undressed and up the stairs without question and then she’s pushing him back on the bed, quickly following him as she straddles him. It’s not often he does this, but tonight he feels like he needs it and Emily being her, already knew that even without being told. He sits up to kiss her, hands on her naked waist but she pushes him back against the bed again, hands flat on his chest as she slowly grinds on top of him, a smirk on her lips when he hisses at the heat of her along his shaft.
“I know you like this, having a dirty little secret.” Her lips ghosts over his and when he tries to kiss her she pulls back. “I know you come to my apartment to get out all that tension you can’t with her.” She licks across one of his nipples and when she tugs it between her teeth his jaw clenches as he swallows down a groan. “You use me, but it’s okay because I use you too.”
She’s sinking down on him and rides him until he’s groaning and swearing, her body dragging pleasure from his. When he comes it’s with her name hissed from between clenched teeth, his body sweaty and heavy with pleasure as she lets him enjoy the release he really needed as he relaxes back against her bed.
After, he cleans himself off in her bathroom and when he comes back to the bedroom, he finds it empty. He dresses, buttons every button and ties his tie before combing his hair quickly. When he walks downstairs he looks like Hotch again and Emily smiles at the sight.
She’s standing in the kitchen, leaning back against the same kitchen counter that he’s fucked her on more times than he’d like to admit, looking so effortlessly gorgeous and he has a hard time looking away from her.
“What?” She asks, teeth digging into her bottom lip.
“Nothing, I’ll see you at the office.” His hand gently grasps the back of her neck and pulls her into a kiss.
“I never thought I’d do this.” She admits once he’s pulled away and he looks at her questionably. “Help a man cheat, I mean.”
“I never thought I would cheat, but here I am.” He stays close and she lets her arms wrap around his neck loosely. ”Do you want to stop?”
“No.” She says softly and for the first time Aaron finds himself wondering if maybe they’re getting in too deep.
“I don’t either.” He tells her honestly as he rests his forehead against hers for a brief second.
The moment is interrupted by his phone, loud and obnoxious to his ears and when he looks at the screen he sees Haley’s name flashing on it.
“Hi honey.” He steps away from Emily and she gives him a gentle nod. “No, I’m heading home now, sorry the meeting ran long.”
Emily watches him go, his hand squeezing hers quickly before he heads to the door. Once he’s closed it behind him she finds herself not liking the silence of her apartment. It’s the first time she had ever come close to regret
#hotchniss#hotchniss smut#hotchniss fanfiction#aaron hotchner x emily prentiss smut#aaron hotchner x emily prentiss#hotch x emily#criminal minds smut#criminal minds fanfiction
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good morning!! <3
#hehe made it to 80% yesterday#so now i have basically just underground stuff and a few that are linked to specific quests#so i'm gonna work on the world quest for a bit before going to the other region i need to work on :3#also it's sunday so that means going to get breakfast in about an hour!! :3#then the other plans depend on if it keeps raining#if it does then i'll just mostly try to write & stuff#if not we need to go grocery shopping again (either today or tomorrow :3)#but anyways!!#i hope you'll have a good day/night! <3#morning rambles
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hi! i dont think i can ever get enough of yan! platonic! Batfam 🥲 can i get a neglected reader who has successfully escaped, only to come back to gotham by some unprecedented causes a few years later? i have plans to write a fic like this and want some inspiration (and to fill the yandere batfam tag)
Platonic Yandere!Bruce, Dick, Jason with a darling who escaped and returned to Gotham
Headcanons, WC: 1,048
Notes: SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! This ask is five months old lol. I had to cut out the baby boys to finish </3 If I can come up with ideas for Damian and Tim then I'll add to it.
Bruce
The weight of Bruce’s mistakes hangs over his head every day, but his mistakes with you are by-far the heaviest.
He should have appreciated you more. He should have told you what you meant to him. Instead, he let you feel invisible. It kills him.
When you’re spotted in Gotham years later, he can hardly believe it.
He’ll drop everything and go straight to you, deploying all the boys to ensure you don’t slip away. If it’s daytime, Bruce Wayne will make a rare appearance and corner you with paparazzi, and if it’s nighttime, then Batman will swipe you off the streets before you can cry out.
He’ll forgive every outburst you give. You’re furious and he understands—he considers your anger entirely his fault so he’ll give you a lot of slack.
Bruce will drown you in gifts. Because Batman takes up so much time (and it was lack of attention that drove you away in the first place) he’ll try every means at demonstrating his love. Gifts, vacation homes, front row seats to events (with strict supervision).
This version of Bruce would keep you under 50 cameras and a body guard at all times, but he’s also very conscious of your mental health. Where he’d be able to guiltlessly lock you up forever if he hasn’t neglected you, he can’t in this timeline. Your life would be heavily supervised, but you’d also get a lot of perks.
He would make a routine with you.
Every morning, he’d eat breakfast with you, and every Friday would be a special dinner with just the two of you. His hours are valuable so it means a lot for him to carve out the time just for you.
Dick Grayson
Dick prides himself on his strong leadership and generosity. Ask anyone whose ever met Dick to describe him, and they could list pages of positive traits. So it's a wonder how you, his precious little darling, managed to be overlooked by him.
Guilt literally eats him alive. Dick begins to second-guess every interaction with you, going over all clues he might have missed. He throws himself into the investigation looking for you, investigating every single fact you've ever mentioned about yourself.
When you finally return, he's dead-set on making up for lost time.
Dick wouldn’t approve of your reasoning for leaving. You should have told him--should have insisted on being heard--instead of leaving. He feels terrible that you were neglected, but he feels worse knowing that you’d rather be thrown to the wolves than seek their help.
It's a steep learning curve for him to realize you're not the lonely child you once were, but instead a bitter, jaded young adult who confides in only themself.
Dick drowns you in attention. He tries forcing your innocence back, not accepting your refusals and anger. You're still so young, and even if the sparkling child-like hope is missing from your eyes, Dick still believes he can make things right.
Family bonding time is a must. He arranges play-time with you and Damian. He insists on Sunday movie nights. He learns how to cook new dishes with you and Alfred. He will keep you busy.
These activities are only a surface solution for a deeper problem. Fundamentally, you've changed, and Dick knows this. He has no idea how to treat you now, so he resorts to what he does know--your childhood he missed out on.
Jason Todd
Jason is particularly torn. He knows what its like to feel abandoned, yet he realized too late that he was the perpetrator.
When you are finally back in the arms of the Batfamily, Jason has no idea what role to take in your life. He sees you turning down the family when they offer love and he doesn't know if his heart could take your rejection.
Jason is stand-offish. Playing the role of "tough older brother" doesn't bode well, so he needs time to rework his philosophy on handling siblings.
Instead, he does your bidding. He would help fix whatever unprecedented reasons that led you to return to Gotham, no questions asked. If you need to pass a letter on to a friend, Jason is your guy. His regular possessive yandere tendencies are hampered by his guilt, so he'll be very lenient with you as long as it's nothing dangerous.
The fact that you escape and survived by yourself cast you into a new light in Jason’s eyes. He thinks you’re impressive, dependable, capable. He wonders how he didn’t see it sooner.
That being said—you’re his little sibling. You shouldn’t have to be so strong, and Jason wants to ensure you’ll never have another reason to protect yourself.
He hopes that over time, you'll trust him. He wants to be able to sit with you and talk about whatever is on your mind, to be able to hug you as he leaves for work, and to send you off to bed when it's late.
But right now, you need space. He'll let you heal, and he'll take whatever anger you give him. Because he knows that this is the only way you'll let him into your life again.
Bonus: Y/N
Considering Y/N was clever enough to escape the Waynes while also having the willpower to return to Gotham shows that they’re intelligent, good-hearted, and forged from steel.
They probably rank somewhere between lawful-good to chaotic-neutral. (A lawful-neutral would be infuriated by the Waynes’ underhanded tactics, and probably wouldn’t return to Gotham.)
Y/N is done yearning for attention (or, if they were originally kidnapped, done with playing nice), so they’re immune to the Batfam’s manipulation.
Upon first glance at the Batfam after all those years, they’d immediately go fight or flight. Y/N would pull every dirty trick in the book to escape, and would be as hateful as possible to kill any affection they have for them.
After being kidnapped, Y/N gets very good at playing mind games and deflecting their submission tactics. They’d be able to manipulate the household like a giant game of chess.
Y/N’s only weakness is the child inside of them that still cries for their family’s approval.
The conflict revolves around how the Batfam can extort this weakness vs. how well Y/N can stay true to their values.
#batfam x reader#yandere x reader#platonic yandere batfam#yandere batfam#platonic yandere#platonic yandere batfam x reader#yandere batfam x reader#yandere jason todd#yandere dick grayson#yandere batman#yandere bruce waybe#dick grayson x reader#platonic yandere batman#jason todd x reader#bruce wayne x reader#yandere imagines#yandere scenarios
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hiiiii i am absolutely in LOOOVEEEE with your fics<3333
i wanted to request something for peter b parker x fem!reader where it’s just a day in their life (domestic fic basically :3) like the reader owns a flower shop so she gets dressed in the morning so she can open it all while peter is watching her from the bed and talking about all the plans she has for today (and maybe telling her why she can’t stay for awhile in bed with him🤭🤭) then maybe once she’s at the shop, peter stops by to talk to her and leaves her lunch so she isn’t hungry :33
AND maybe possibly peter helping an old lady pick out some flowers and reader being surprised he knows what flowers go with what LMAO
i hope this makes sense and i would love to see what you do with this<33333
have an amazing day/night 🤍
This is so cute 🥺 and thank you!! I hope you like it. I got to use my flower language!
A day with Peter B!
He's most likely coming in from a long night of being spiderman, slipping out of his suit and under the covers next to you around 6 in the morning
You usually wake up around that same time, and aren't usually in bed at the same time as him, usually just walking out as he walks in
But it's a Sunday
And so you both cuddle in the early hours of the day, quiet mumbles passed between you two
Because it was Sunday, you opened your flower shop at 10 instead of 7 in the morning
You had sat up in bed at about 8, his arms around your waist and his head nestled into your stomach, your legs on either side of him, running your fingers through his hair, as he sighs in content
These were his favorite moments
He's dozing off, completely at peace, when you have to get up and start getting ready
He tightens his arms around you, a sound of protest leaving his lips
"Gimme like... 5 more days." "Pete, I have to make breakfast at least."
You end up having to get a muffin at a coffee shop near your flower shop
By around 12:30, he stops by to do his daily visit
"You never gave me my goodbye kiss :(" "Petie, you had your head under the pillows. I had to kiss your shoulder." "It's not the same :((("
He brings you some of his brownies that he had made at around 11 when he woke up that day before heading to see you
You two sit in the back office as he tells you about how his night went
He also brought the leftovers from last night that you had set aside for him
"This was my third plate. Your lasagna always hits the spot honey!"
In turn you tell him about your day so far, and he listens intently. No matter how wild his life as a hero is, he always finds your life interesting
You guys actually met when he was stopping these robbers from breaking into your store. You had been in the back, a baseball bat by your side, shaking
You almost hit him, but he dodged it and helped calm you down
He thought you were really headstrong, and stopped by the next day
He actually was too scared to talk to you, his confidence leaving him every time you'd smile
It took him a week to properly start talking to you
And you've been inseparable since
You guys finish your little lunch at around 1:30
On his way out, he quickly picks out a bouquet and hands it to what looked like a new couple
"Get her some red tulips and red roses. It means I love you newly in flower talk."
He absolutely loves whenever you'd ramble on about different flowers and what they meant
You were always so passionate whenever you spoke about them
And it made you blush whenever you catch him staring at you with such a lovesick look in his eyes
And so you couldn't help but smile whenever he'd help out your customers
He leaned over the counter, planting a big ol kiss to your lips, grabbing your face between his hands
"Big Smooch!" He'd say before doing it
"There's more where that came from ;)"
It always left you flustered, even after he'd flash that goofy grin and flutter his eyelashes at you, almost skipping out the door and on his way back to your guys' apartment
He usually goes back to take his evening nap before you came home to wake him up and have dinner with him before he went to work as the vigilante on Sundays
But when you get off of work at 7:00, you're surprised to see him waiting outside your door, wearing a suit and holding one of your favorite dresses, along with some of your shoes and some of your makeup
"Get ready, doll face. I'm taking you out tonight, and taking the night off to romance your ass."
You roll your eyes, before getting changed in your office, dressing up nicely for him
"Okay pretty lady, hang on tight!"
He swings you two over to a nice restaurant
You guys enjoy a night of laughter and good food, drinking wine and having a lovely date at 8:30
By 9:30 or 10, it didn't really matter, you guys were back in your living room, dancing to a song neither of you cared to learn the name of
You'd start out fast dancing, honestly just stumbling and shuffling around eachother
Then eventually he'd hold you in his arms, your head on his shoulder, his hand holding yours over his heart, the other wrapped safely around your waist. Ever the gentleman
Eventually you'd doze off, and he'd carry you to bed and watch you as you rest peacefully, his heart racing as he watches you
By 11:30, you both are out like a light, in each other's arms and dreaming of more days like this
#peter benjamin parker#peter b parker#peter b parker x reader#spiderman#spiderman x reader#spiderman x you#spiderman across the spiderverse#spiderman into the spiderverse#headcannons
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(Tw ED related stuff under the readmore, this time talking about purging too)
(Don’t worry I’m safe/fine and didn’t engage in any disordered behavior)
So y’all know how I went on a hike yesterday and saw beautiful foresty sights?
Well idk how many calories I actually burned because fuck that, but I was out for a while, about 2.5 hours of actual moving but that involves very slow going on snowy patches. I spent maybe half an hour total with taking pics or stopping for a snack midway, some of that time getting low underneath trees to get closer to the creek (which was very active!).
Anyway, I was SUPER HUNGRY yesterday which is totally fine because 2.5 hours of activity requires fuel.
But today I’ve been having like a really hard time feeling full and satisfied, which is probably also related to hiking. Doubly annoying is that my body doesn’t want protein. Like I had a protein heavy breakfast but needed to pair it with potatoes (which, like carrots, are absolutely not a vegetable 😉) and toast because alone the idea of eggs and a vegan sausage like. I felt nauseated thinking about it.
Now I believe my body is trying to replenish its glycogen and is like “feed me carbs so I can continue to take you on hikes through knee deep snow!” which is fine but I don’t make carb heavy meals. Like they just aren’t in my repertoire of things to cook. And the few I do make that are carb heavy are also still protein heavy- like a turkey bagel sandwich is carb heavy because carbs in bagel, but I also put goat cheese (maybe with avo) and deli turkey on it and have vegetables and dip which I like with yogurt. Even my pasta is more protein heavy because I use lentil pasta (I honestly love the taste). Anyway most of the meals I know how to make and can do without much executive planning will have 25-35g protein in it.
And my body today is just not wanting it. I try, and the moment meat is being cooked, or cooked meat is being prepared, or I even smell the yogurt or milk, I literally feel so sick.
I could just eat carby things alone but something about it ALSO felt wrong- like just a bagel? Boring. Bagel with jam? Also boring. Also, snacky. I couldn’t bring myself to actually make a meal- even like, cutting up fruit I just couldn’t do. It didn’t make any sense to me. So after breakfast I finished an older protein bar I had forgotten about from last week, and then just didn’t eat.
Husband made (quite large) garlic knots tonight to use up old pizza dough. THIS smelled divine. I ate one- still hungry. Second- still hungry. Third- why tf am I still hungry? He only made 6, 3 for me and 3 for him, so I couldn’t have another one. So I was rummaging through the cabinets and remembered all the candy and treats we got on Sunday. I still had some of those, so I finished off the licorice and hello panda cookies (maybe 1-1.5 “recommended servings” left for each), have a couple pieces of fruit mochi, even have some coffee candies and a lychee gummy because they sounded super good. I was sipping water throughout too, as I do throughout the day.
But nope, still hungry. And now I’m craving something salty. Like great I satisfied my need for carbs, but my body is still hungry and is now wanting salt. So I have a couple handfuls of cashews. Keep in mind this is all spread out around 3.5 hours. It’s not all at once. I’m giving myself time to eat, to get it in my body, have my hormones adjust to the new fuel, etc.
Finally, after the cashews, I feel ACTUALLY satisfied and full. Not sick full but like, appropriate full. The full that means I won’t be hungry at an inappropriate time but I’m not over full. No more cravings. Like “move on with your life” full.
But what does my brain decide to do with this? It’s like I’m 19 or 20 again and my brain is saying “nope we can’t feel full, hunger is good, get rid of it.” (Note: I primarily exercise purged, so this little voice isn’t just like throw it up or abuse laxatives, which I also have done, but also “count up all the calories, try to estimate, and then go to the gym and burn it all off, you haven’t gone since Tuesday!”)
It’s just this small little instinctual urge which is likely coming up because stress and new scholastic endeavors and being forced to have people perceive me. Just got me in that old headspace again because of situational similarities.
Also: the fact that it was cashews that did it at the very end is killing me. Like not even after the mochi or the lychee gummy. Something with micronutrients and very very much needed salt because I DO get dizzy without it. Something traditionally considered “healthy.” THAT is what turned ED brain on. It’s literally about how full or empty I feel and how many calories I believe I’ve eaten vs burned in a day. Doesn’t matter where it’s from. Oats or chocolate or molasses or fucking carrots or nuts.
I’m just annoyed that even this far into/past recovery, my brain still goes back ten years when my body literally just feels NORMAL. Ten years into recovery and my brain is STILL triggered sometimes just by *actually feeling fully and completely satisfied.*
Anyway: I’m totally safe, not going to do anything, it was just like this little whisper of old times which I can easily tell to stfu now, but these moments are so rare I forget they exist and when they come back, it’s just a reminder that I will likely always have them trying to peak through stressful times.
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the items from my recent work trip i'm going to claim reimbursement for, ranked & reviewed:
train fare from the hotel to o'hare - $3 to get from the loop to o'hare in about 45 minutes, the same amount of time it would have taken to drive (without the wait to get an uber or taxi). i support public transit.
parking at logan - but i don't think i green-line-to-red-line-to-silver-line support public transit (i also don't green-line-to-blue-line-to-airport-shuttle support it). $86 which is honestly reasonable for about 40 hours of parking. the sumner tunnel being closed is outside the purview of this review but if it weren't this would rank lower. accidentally parked on the roof during a heat advisory but got back home after dark so it kind of worked out, i think.
one night at a hotel in downtown chicago - hotel was nice enough but the building was about a hundred years old, which means the rooms were small. small enough that the tv was not opposite the bed, which you usually see in most normal hotels. small enough that the bathroom door had to be a double door, opening into the room. smaller rooms than the los angeles biltmore. appreciated that the conference room was above ground. catered food was good. paid $25 to check in early (??????) and this is called an upsell on the bill which i'm sure will make it real fun to justify. but also wouldn't have minded staying two nights. overall like $280 or so.
cab ride from o'hare to the hotel - this took about as long, if not a bit longer, than the train did. driver did not talk to me the entire time, which is a positive. views were uninspiring. $64
potbelly bacon egg and cheese breakfast sub - got this mainly because the line at dunkin was too long. that should've been a sign. $14 for this and an arizona iced tea, but the iced tea is the only thing i finished
items i'm not claiming reimbursement for because they are already paid for, but that i need to mention on the reimbursment form anyway, ranked & reviewed:
flight from chicago to boston: no one sat in the middle seat, so me and the guy sitting in the aisle seat got to spread out. my boss' boss sat two rows in front of me, but i pretended i didn't see her at all and she didn't make conversation with me on the plane or at either airport, which worked out because i was exhausted. read some le carre. got both pretzels and cookies from the flight attendant. could not smell the bathroom, despite being the same seat as below.
flight from boston to chicago: someone sat in the middle seat. flight was at like 8am and i closed my eyes for about an hour without falling asleep because it is a biological impossibility for me to sleep on a plane. opened my water bottle which lead to my water bottle spilling on my pants on account of the pressure difference. also read some le carre but not as much. could smell the bathroom.
items that i bought in and around my recent work trip but can't claim reimbursment for, ranked & reviewed:
hotel bar sazerac: love a sazerac, and this was a good one. i do not mind drinking at hotel bars when the bartenders are actually good at making drinks. i think if i'd ordered a margarita it would not have had much sugar in it. cannot reimburse because of alcohol on a federal grant
limes at wegman's: wegman's has pretty good produce. i needed the limes to make a baked chicken recipe (and a jack rose) on sunday night, both of which turned out alright. cannot reimburse because an item purchased to make food two days after i return is outside the purview of reimbursement for this trip.
iced tea at a o'hare: they only had green tea, but while i prefer black for an iced tea, green is a good change of pace. small size for $4.50 but that's airport pricing for you. cannot reimburse because both breakfast and lunch were provided, we have no reimbursement for snacks, and calling this dinner feels like a stretch.
qdoba burrito: order placed in the logan parking garage and picked up 20 minutes later. exactly as good, bad, and sad as i expected. the guy working there recognized me. won't reimburse because i don't want anyone to see my shame.
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get well soon bff 🫶🫶🫶 sending love x
Thank you so much sweetie ♡ it means A LOT you have no idea !
Cuddles ?
Today was one week anniversary of this *bitchy* infection yeah I called her *bitchy*, she costed me more money than if I was her sugar mommy and she made me suffer all week.
Joke aside we are drifting away from the lowest point. It happened on sunday, it was so painful that I was about to risk all by taking more meds than I was supposed to just to ease the pain and end it with it. I was alone at home since 4 days and it was getting worse and worse.
To describe the pain it's like ..~mussels shells crushed , the sharp edges pointy and cutting everything they touch and now those crushed bits are pushed into your ear canal so faaar that you can ear ocean waves and those bits are also heated with flame🔥 because it's very warm all around your ear , swollen, painful, anyway and sometimes one Sharp bits hurt you more than others like a violent note created on a violon , pinch of the string ziiiioup..🎻🔪 constant vibration tho it's persistent and you feel liquids going out and on inside your head and not hearing a thing like being in a tunnel , someone is pushing those sandy mussel sheds constantly so you feel your own heartbeats. And last but not least for my part it wasn't only the ear the jaw was also blocked and when crushing food it resonated directly vibrating the painful ear like when your teeth touch something they shouldn't a bone or squeeze something acid. .. And they slide. When the pain wakes up it goes to all my teeth of my left side it's like they were pealed with razor blades.
I had like crying crisis you know like the ones when you have almost the hiccup because it just go through all your body by waves like you were a metalic foil? It was too late to ring anyone and I felt just so bad.
Now after healing my moral as well as my 👂 and after the deception that were the ER with doctors basically saying "courage we know it hurts a lot we can only give you higher dosage of painkillers that's all about it and new antibiotics with larger range to get rid of the infection. That will be 70 euros . Good luuuuck"
That day^ in total I saw 5 doctors. Not gonna tell the total amount I paid between 3 apointments + ER apointment + meds price... I was at the end of the roll.
Currently I have a shedule and plan to manage the pain that goes :
8 AM first ibuprofen + antibio + breakfast made of something goey to be able to eat it.
Try to sleep while the ibuprofen kicks in because the night was tough
2 PM maaaax second antibio + ibuprofen best moment of the day because it's the more efficient pain relief so the only time frame I can do something with my life for +- 6h
4PM 1st Dafalgan because the pain starts to tickle again the ear
6PM 2nd Dafalgan to be able to eat at 8
8PM last antibio with or without ibuprofen trying to make the ibuprofen last to sleep more than 4h if it's ok to postpone
10PM big max so far : ibuprofen with something to eat and hope for the best.
3AM last Dafalgan
5AM to 8AM prayers , it will hurts hold on
I added some tricks to it :
warm water bottle every 3hours , harleem oil in and out of ear , cleaning of the ear a bit , wearing a hat all day long at any cost, travel cushion to stay steady and not lie down, drinking a lot of water, probiotics and yaourt and yakult (funny it's now sponsor of LTigers) for the stomach and that's rather all about it !
Ok I know why I took time to write all that it because we are near the last Dafalgan and I need it really tonight so... It was good distraction to write this guide of what to do with ear infection and eardrum pearced ✌
Me going downstairs early hours of the night for microwaving my water bottle like a sneaky racoon :
#sorry about the rant#welcome to my hell#I am not exaggerating anything it's why the post are so erratic and my mind flowing away
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thing #3 Sunday, October 16 2022 11:43 pm
I’m not doing these in the morning anymore but it is a vaguely after breakfast so yeah. I’m doing this again instead of my homework because I’m a terrible person blah blah blah you know the spiel. I’m listening to some good old Vox Akuma ASMR right now while typing this, and yes, I’ve fallen into the vtuberchat rabbit hole. It’s his fault.
I remember that I had so much left to say yesterday but right now, I got nothing. You know that feeling when someone asks you what your favorite movie is then suddenly you’ve never seen a movie in your life? yeah that.
Typing without looking down is still absolutely excruciating, but it kinda feels cool i guess?
I’m typing even slower now compared to—jesus christ Vox just said i love you and I feel like I had a stroke. Listen, I’m not that much of a simp for Vox but holy fuck does that man make damn good asmr.
Who I am a simp for, however, is that dumbass Mysta Rias. I never thought I would have a crush on an anime boy ever again since like, what? tenth grade?
Let me rant about Mysta Rias for a while alright? I, truly, have never felt more cringe than when I think about that guy. And by cringe, I mean like absolutely head over heels, leg-swinging, butterflies-in-your-stomach—type crush. Because, oh my god I— alright, I just want to preface that he is indeed a real person, not purely fictional. And I do acknowledge the fact that the persona that he projects online might not entirely reflect his real-life human person personality.
That being said, I’m absolutely whipped. I don’t know if the term whipped applies to girls but whatever here i am. whipped. I don’t now when this feeling will subside, I have not been as diligent with watching each and every one of his streams like I had a few months ago. B ut still, the feeling comes bubbling up every time I see him. I think one of the things that contributes to this, and I just had this realization a few hours ago when I was watching his bathtub stream, each stream kind of feels almost like a date. Hear me out, it’s not like I’m imagining that I’m on a one-on-one date with the guy every time he streams, that would be dumb. I’m aware that obviously, I’m not special, there are thousands upon thousands of people here with me, experiencing the exact same thing. It’s just similar to a date in away that, well, it’s like a couple hours of just getting to know the other person while doing an activity. of course, this is completely one-sided unless the viewer pays for a supa, which Mysta would then see it and maybe respond. I have yet to send my first supa, I’ll do it probably when I have some extra cash to burn.
i don’t really have the words to describe my feelings toward that person right now. Partly because i’m really really sleepy, and also because i kinda want to have a whole thing dedicated to just a rant about my story with discovering the vtuber world and stumbling across nijisanjiEN and mysta and stuff. Maybe next time. Til then, enjoy this rant about being lonely that I wrote a couple of hours ago.
My love.
Why am i doing this to myself? The romance genre of…anything, really, is one that I frequent very often. Love songs are some of my favorite songs of all time, romance books(smut), and of course, I love me a good romcom anime. But each and every time I consume any of these, I feel like I’m indulging in a world that I, myself am worlds away from. My love. I’ve heard these words being uttered to thousands of people that are not me. And I know the obvious answer to this would just be to go out and meet people ad find someone. I know this. But as a woman living alone, who has no source of income other than my allowance, and as someone who lives in a place where a 14-year old just got kidnapped, I don’t really have lot of options for going out. That, and the fact that I am just terrible at approaching people. A skill that I actually used to have, but due to me being a shut-in for the past few years. i feel like I’ve reverted back to the social skills of an awkward 16 year old.
I long to have someone to fill up space in my arms, someone to kiss and hold and caress. I don’t think I’ve touched another person in about three weeks now. I feel like I’m one male disappointment away from being a full-blown femcel. It’s like, actually, daunting.
Okay, i’m not gonna lie, the asmr made me horny. And it’s been two hours since the last paragraph. Since then, I’ve jacked off, marinated two family-sized servings of pork belly, and made myself an iced latte. The latte, by the way is a desperate attempt to stay awake. Desperate, because a.) I’m starting to feel sleepy and like I’ve wasted the day again and b.) I’ve run out of monster energy drinks.
I ordered like 11 things of yarn a few days ago. I think it’s been like less than a week but oh my god I feel like i might explode If i have to wait any longer. I did have like a shit-ton of yarn back home, but my dumbass forgot to pack them. Now my crochet hooks just sit in their box waiting, mocking.
I also desperately need like, something to do with my hands while I watch youtube or listen to podcasts and stuff like that. Right now, i jut scroll on twitter or online shopping sites or something. At least if i crochet, I have something cool by the end of it.
I’m really hoping this coffee will be enough for me to stay awake for a few more hours. I really don’t want tomorrow to come, It’s too soon.
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Sunday 3 July 2022
Three days in and this is my first post! Alan and Jess are moving to Perth to start a new chapter and Jess’ father (also Alan) and I are driving over with them.
Day 1 ended at Murray Bridge in South Australia and Day 2 at Streaky Bay. Tonight we are at Border Village, just steps from the quarantine station on the WA border and a giant kangaroo - and in a time warp that a Dr Who scriptwriter would be proud of. This roadhouse stop is 45 minutes behind WA and 45 ahead of SA. That means that the time zone we are in is set to the quarter hour. This only affects a stretch of 340 kilometres along the Eyre Highway and is very rare. Apparently this came about as the result of a compromise back in the days when the Eucla Telegraph station was operational. It took an hour and a half to pass messages between each capital city so they split the difference. We have racked up 1964 kms - only 1440 to go.
The Murray Bridge leg is a blur to me now. Our first pitstop was in Ararat, our second at Nhill and we arrived at our destination just in time to see the old one-lane bridge we were crossing and find our way to the hotel bar before the sun went down. Lured by a river view and the idea of stretching our legs we trekked cross country to the Community Club. No lights on the river unfortunately but the food didn’t disappoint. The raffle draw was a highlight also. Winners spun a wheel to claim their prize, which more often than not landed on a stubby holder or a $5 voucher. This procession of winners looked like they knew what to expect. We were up and out of the Bridgeport Motel the next morning before daylight to get some kms on the board.
The Gawler bakery provided a surprisingly good breakfast. Driving though the Clare Valley brought back happy memories of the cycling David and I did along the Riesling Rail Trail some years ago. Everything was just where we left it, including the Sunrise Hotel. We drove alongside the Ghan railway line into the Spencer Gulf, stopping for lunch at a little shop in the city centre that promised home cooked meals. One of the great things about travelling is that eventually every experience ends up reminding you of something else. This little place that looked more like someone’s house than a cafe, reminded me of a restaurant David and I stumbled upon in Portugal that really was someone’s lounge room. Despite not being able to read any of the items on the menu, we ended up with the best chicken and chips we had ever had.
Streaky Bay came into view not a minute too soon for Al and I. Not as salubrious as the Bridgeport but the colonial looking West End hotel facing the bay had everything we needed, including a continental breakfast the next morning after a stroll along the pier at sunrise. Streaky Bay, home of the Wirangu people, is a coastal town on the Eyre Peninsula in South Australia just off the Flinders Highway. It is the centre of an agricultural district with established fishing and tourism industries. The streaks Matthew Flinders saw in the water when he named it are now thought to be the result of oils released by certain species of seaweed in the bay. Dinner at Drift was the best so far. It had to be as it started with a dozen oysters. As elsewhere on the Eyre Peninsula, Streaky Bay and nearby Elliston were the scene of some terrible conflicts with Aboriginal people.
We had less driving to do today so allowed ourselves the luxury of a bowl of coco pops and a sunrise (in reverse order) before hitting the road. Streaky Bay was asleep when we bought the makings of lunch to enjoy when the opportunity arose. Fortunately Jess and her dad found a turn off to the coast and with some strategic manoeuvring we managed to create some tasty and rustic ham cheese and salad rolls (if you count cucumber as a salad). The expanse of the Great Australian Bight was something to see. Limestone rock underneath us and dainty little pig-face and leptospermum plants emerging from lesser trod sandy paths. Very lovely. On the Eastern end of the Nullarbor today, we experienced more of the short sharp rains that seemed to be the handiwork of just one single cloud, soon outrun by the Corolla doing 110.
Tomorrow we head for Norseman.
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Wednesday 10 July 1833
10 ½
1 50
not noted but I think a grubble or a kiss last night or this morning – fine morning F65° at 10 ¾ am breakfast at 11 55 - Mr Poynet from 12 ½ to 3 at M-‘s portrait and from 3 to 5 at mine (done in crayons price 2 guineas each) - Charlotte Stuart and Miss Hyriot (the governess) called (walked from St James square) about one and staid perhaps about ½ hour - C.S. waiting to speak to Mr Poynet went into the bedroom for a moment or 2, and saw M- but of course I did not introduce them - Mr Lawton and Mr Sweatenham called at 3, and sat sometime with M- shouting and bawling I was ashamed of them and thought myself lucky to be engaged and out of the way. Lady Mexborough and Lady S. Savile and Miss York (Agneta Sir Joseph Y-‘s daughter) called about 4 ½ - I was at the moment changing my dress and putting on an evening gown for Mr Poyet - they waited a few seconds - and then Poyet being in a hurry I somehow begged them to walking to the bedroom and they staid a moment or two and then went away Lady M- saying she would send me her son’s letters from Russia I had at the moment congratulated myself on having never before felt so at ease with these people and thought I received them very well till all this comfort vanished and the bugbear gaucherie haunted me again at the thought that I ought not to have shewn them into my bedroom as if intimate with them but ought to have made Poyet wait or let him come again I said not a word to π- who thinks my fine people all couleur de rose to me how little she dreams the truth! If she did would she exult and be pleased? I fancy if I had more money I could do better but Heaven orders all things rightly - Lady S- and Miss Mayow called at the door about 5 ½ and took me to Thomas’s and fixed for me on the coffee pot and tea pot - choosing also the lamp which makes this second-hand concern come to about forty pounds I could have done better at Rundle [Rundell] [and] Bridges vexed at heart but said nothing even to π- may I manage better another time mind how I make promises of coffee pots they have managed well to get tea pot into the bargain V- told me at Hastings she had no remorse for me I had money enough but she will not get much more I had before told π- if they had asked me to stand and called this child Vere Sibbella it might perhaps have got a thousand pounds by it never said I had offered and no notice had been taken I do not mean to offer again and have now no idea of anything more to do in the matter if I can at all help it (it was on Sunday Lady G- asked Mr Cameron what the child was to be called said not fixed Lady S- and his mother to be godmothers so perhaps Louisa and Ann after them). Just before dinner Lady S de R- sent little note and some fish very fine trout and 4 ditto ditto eels hoping they would be in time for my dinner - Immediately wrote and sent note to Mrs Hall Stevenson and one trout and one eel and had the one trout for dinner meaning the eels for Lady S- tomorrow - very civil of Lady S- de R- she will do this kind of thing but not give me
SH:7/ML/E/16/0080
letters to anyone she said I ought to get somebody to speak to Pozzo di Borgo [the Russian Ambassador in Paris vid. Friday 26 November 1830] for me and when I said I did not know anybody who knew him she turned it off and said oh it did not signify I should not stay long enough to want society anywhere thought I this is enough I am not so dull as not to understand dinner at home at 7 - tea at 10 - had continued to have this quiet evening together before our parting - Mr L- talked of going on Friday or Saturday that I did expecting seeing M- again after tomorrow - wrote note of thanks to Lady S- de R- to go early in the morning - set down accounts in the rough book - π- low cheered her as well as I could without compromising myself - came to our room at 12 ¾ - very fine day – F67° now at one tonight –
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June 02 - 2024 Sunday
11:00pm
3/10
Today I woke up an immediately started cooking breakfast instead of showering. My plan was to eat and start up an early TOTK stream on Twitch because I always say I wanna stream early in the morning because I do. After breakfast I ended up showering instead because I wanted to maximize the coziness of being clean and having my coffee while I played. It worked and I streamed for a couple hours before noon. Usually I don't get anyone chatting but a few people showed up today including JG which was welcome, he is clearly reaching out very kindly to me.
After streaming I joined BR's server to play more than I meant to of A Dusty Trip on Roblox. For the first time I found a shop and learned a bit about what does/doesn't sell well. I left to go make and eat lunch which was butter noodles and a slice of pizza. I learned recently it's a really good combo. While I ate I tuned into the Farlands or Bust stream for Minecraft. I tried to settle my brain down with that because the guy doesn't talk too much and the gameplay is methodical in a hypnotizing sort of way. I felt good for at least a little bit content with this low-thought activity. I sorta peeked at this text based sex/vore game that was being advertised on Furaffinity just for shits and giggles. I'm not into vore at all but the game didn't force you to partake in that. After a bit I figured I should do my therapy homework since my appointment is tomorrow so I started on that but got interrupted by BD who I offered to take a model retexture commission from. We went over what she wanted and I briefed her on the time period and price estimates. Then DS was free to chill.
I read her this poetry a guy in my mom's store gave me randomly, most of which was about god. Some of it was decent but again, very religious and kooky to me. Then we watched furry con vlogs like usual and finished this Oneyplays video referencing The Nostalgia Critic a bunch. DS was stuffing the tail of her fursuit and I think it looks really good, I try to express the pride I feel in seeing her do such good work on this big project of hers. Then we watched some pet grooming videos before we did puzzles and she headed off to bed. I felt awful because there was a lot on my mind and I wanted to talk but I didn't speak up because I guess I didn't feel worth it. I corrected this by texting after the fact explaining this.
I played a bit of Roblox and texted a couple people just trying to see what was up. I ended up calling JD for a bit and we talked about how we've both been and oddly enough, politics for a bit. It was nice though, he clued me in on how I sorta behaved when I first moved here and the kind of impression he got of me. I feel like the most accurate versions of my history come from other people's perspectives. I just don't hear it a lot.
Due to book club on Saturday, the topic of self trust has been on my mind and the concept of the "vault". It refers to the information you have about yourself and others and if you are sharing properly. In my case, I think I air out people's business sometimes in a way I shouldn't be. My philosophy has always been that it's okay to spill anyone's deepest secrets if it's towards people that will never interact with them, especially if I don't name drop. But I guess I'm questioning that and I feel I haven't been respectful of people's information. I also haven't been respectful of my own. I do overshare sometimes. I think this journal in general might be disrespecting my own vault. If so then it might be taking a toll on my self trust because in a way it means I'm setting myself up for failure, directly acting against myself. Something I gotta think about. I do want to be heard but maybe this isn't the right way.
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January Plan
School Week:
Breakfast is forbidden. Unless, for any strange reason I'm feeling really weak and extremely tired.
If that happens, I'll have a banana and 1/2 cup of oats cooked with 1/2 cup of alpro coconut milk. No excuses if I eat more. Either this or less. But my breakfast will basically just be a black coffee for basically everyday.
This is obvious, but no eating in school whatsoever!! I'll start drinking more water in school. And I'll bring one zero cal or sugar free energy drink to keep me going.
I reach home at around 3:40 pm, but when I change etc it's basically 4 pm. I usually take a nap during this time until 6 pm to be completely honest lol.
This means I can't eat past 6 pm. If it's 7 pm and I'm hungry, then too bad. I need to study and get it over with.
On school days, I'll eat around 200-400 calories. I have PE everyday now. High school is so different so my schedule is quite odd. I'll try eating 200, but like I said, I already feel weak when I don't eat above 500-900 which is so strange. I realized this just today. I can't think straight and my mind is somewhere out of earth. I thought I was going to die this morning because I had the worst cramps and I was getting really hot. I almost puked, but I took a dump instead LMAOO.
Weekends:
Ok so Friday is a half day where I live. So I start school at 7:45 am and end at 11:40. But I reach around 12:30 pm because my siblings get picked up earlier.
This is the day where I usually LOOSE IT!! But not in 2024. I have drum classes at 5 pm. So I will eat around 3 pm. This way, I won't be extremely bloated to wear my fitted tops and also I won't feel so full. And I really need to eat before class because like I said, I can't function.
I can't eat past 5 pm on weekends.
Workouts on Weekends:
I might start teen beginner ballet classes hopefully soon!
But other than that, on Sundays when I have drum class, I can walk home takes me about 40 minutes depending on my speed. I can get myself tired to sleep immediately when I reach home.
My class starts at 10 am. By mid January I'm gonna be so weak I suppose. If I feel so weak now even though I eat around 500 cals then imagine.
So depending on how I feel, I have to try and eat something. I think a granola bar would be perfect with a hot cafe latte or alpro soya choco milk. It literally has around 69-76 cals I think for the WHOLE CARTON!! It's sooo good too.
Saturdays:
I think on Saturdays, I'll eat around 700 cals. Or a 20 hour full fast. Depending on how I feel. This is like a free day I suppose. But if not, then I'm counting it as a meta day. I don't want to mess up my guts completely.
I'll go for a walk/run on the treadmill and try to burn 300 cals. I can try 400 but 300 seems like a good amount.
#ana rant#ed not ed sheeran#tw ed diet#tw mia#tw ana diary#ana bllog#ana trigger#ed vent#starv1ng#ana e mia
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Best Friday!
+ Stopped at the library to pick up one of my hotly-anticipated requests
+ Went to an estate sale and got a new-in-box pair of shoes for $3
(planning to go back on Sunday because there were TONS and I mean TONS of clothes but $5 apiece was a bit steep for there not being anything I super-wanted. There are some generic/staple pieces I'll be happy to pile in my arms on half-price Sunday though)
+ Garage sale next door! (didn't get anything but fun to look)
+ Sat in the park by a small lake and enjoyed my new book for close to an hour; hot and slightly humid day but also breezy, so in the shade it was beautifully comfortable. Left only because I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast.
+ Filled up the car so I don't have to worry about getting gas tomorrow (going to the county fair if weather cooperates!)
+ Quick Aldi trip
+ Came home to compile a very unusual meal, but one that hit all of the exact cravings I developed while out: Aldi sushi, canned peas (I specifically wanted that overly-sweet-and-soft flavor/texture), baked potato chips, blackberries, and a perfectly chilled bottle of the best summery alcoholic beverage husband has ever surprised me with, a berry punch "Country Cocktail" from Jack Daniels.
+ Followed by stretching out on the couch to finish my wonderful book.
And it's still barely 7:00!
#a day in the life of televinita#realizing now that I sent the chocolate chips post to queue instead of posting last night. oh well
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15.06.23
PTW
My journey at the Priory is finally coming to a much needed end. I officially have the funding in place and will be going back to residential. I just hope it's the right decision on my part.
I'll miss some of the staff (namely my key nurse and therapist) but I won't miss being here. I've had enough. I'm not magically cured but I'm in a far better position than when I first came, even I can recognise that.
The days here are monotonous. Tuesdays and Fridays (for some, including me) are weigh days (Mondays and Thursdays for the others) where we dress in little blue paper gowns tied up at the back. We are woken up at the horrible time between 6 and half 6 am where we then step on the scale to see the dreaded number, praying we haven't lost weight (that would mean an increase), or go up "too much" that our heads can't cope. Even maintenance is difficult to see.
Back to sleep until 8am, meds are at 8:15 (I'm on 5mg aripiprazole, 60mg fluoxetine and inhalers) and breakfast at 8:20. I'm lucky. I'm allowed to maintain a low weight so I remain on quite a small meal plan. Not like some who are forced to a healthy weight but we all know the battle I faced with that one! One box of cereal (usually shreddies or bran flakes), 200ml soya milk (with chocolate nesquik) and a slice of melon.
Next up is hour after where I usually doze. 2 coffees (I have caffeinated coffee and sweeteners that I smuggled in) and a 15 minute walk around the block is followed by a group at 10:45-12:15pm. My favourites are discharge planning and body wise. They are often held by my therapist. Lunch is at half 12 but I always go down 5 minutes early to avoid the rush of patients from the other wards.
I usually have a sweet chilli quorn salad wrap or tuna mayo salad wrap followed by a portion of berries. I'm meant to have a soya yogurt too but I don't have it. I'm too scared it will make me gain weight and my dietitian and the staff know.
Another hour after spent either outside in the sun (recently it's been such nice weather, yes, even in Scotland!) or watching TV. Then another coffee before group (today's is bodywise) and another 15 minute walk (with a quick coffee) after afternoon snack at half 3.
Dinner is at 5:20pm, but as usual I go down 5 minutes early to avoid the rush. I have vegan cottage pie with veg and a scoop of soya ice cream for dessert tonight. After another hour after spent in the lounge, I tend to sit at the nurses station, bored. At 8pm I'll write my daily menu (most people do theirs weekly but I like to do mine daily!) and I'll usually phone a friend to pass some more time until I need to get my nightly meds (just inhalers for me) before night snack from 9-10pm. I tend to go straight to bed as I'm already falling asleep in hour after!
I should also mention that once a week we see the dietitian. the therapist and have ward round. Today was a therapy day where I rambled on about my anxieties for visiting T House tomorrow, seeing some of the staff and desperately wanting my pass to go well. We spoke about my experience and how I felt ashamed, dirty and like I was overreacting. I worry that I won't be able to do the trauma therapy I need but at the same time, maybe it's best not to delve into the past? I don't know what would be for the best.
I also had ward round where as usual nothing much agreed. I'm still to use the lift (instead of the stairs, despite being allowed home passes and daily walks!), no extra time out although I am going on pass tomorrow (Friday) until Sunday and discharge will be decided at my case conference next Tuesday. I just hope my key nurse can do the transfer.
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April 8th - April 15th 2023
I know it’s going to be a well over a week’s worth of multi-day post, but my wife’s father passed away. I’ll try to chronicle the week and maybe reflect on it on the end.
April 8th:
My wife comes back home from work. As she is about to head to bed she gets a call from her sister that her dad is on his last breaths. We quickly find her a flight to get on and she packs last minute. We spend some time together and plan out when I should head out. I take her to the airport and she leaves. I forgot that there was a birthday lunch. I go to that and hangout. I come back and take the dog to the beach. I call a friend and chat with him a bit. I text another to see how he is. Also my crown popped off. I had to go to a buddy’s house to see if someone could help me put it back in. I spend some time with them and watch UFC. After I head home and head to bed.
April 9th:
Forgot that it was Easter Sunday. I wake up to the text that my wife's father passed away. I am running around doing bunch of errands and cleaning the house as best I can. I was thinking about going to a social event, but I head to my friend’s place to drop off a blue apron mean and to hang out. It was good to talk to someone about some of the events that transpired over the past couple months.
April 10th:
I finish packing. Fortunately the dentist was able to squeeze me in the morning to get my temporary crown put back in. I walk the dog, finish some more errands, and take the dog to the boarding place. I head to the airport and head to Springfield. I got into town around 9 PM and my brother in law picked me up. I met some of the family at my wife’s mom’s house and we hung out. We went to bed a bit early.
April 11th:
I decided to go for a long run. I ran for about 7 miles. I took a shower and I’m trying to remember what I did. Well for lunch all the family came over to my mother in law’s place for lunch to hang out and eat. I saw all my nieces and nephews and we hung out there. For dinner we went to a Mexican restaurant and ordered 3 towers of margaritas. I guess it’s only fitting that we celebrate the life of their father. When the family members that were staying over at my mother in law’s place came back we all drank whiskey and played cards until pretty late. It was a good evening.
April 12th:
Today was the funeral. In the morning we all got ready and had breakfast. We took pictures. The funeral was around 1 PM. There was a short service and then some light snacks at my mother in law’s place after. People hung out for a while. For dinner one of my brother in laws and I went into town and bought bunch of liquor for drinks and groceries for dinner. We grilled venison and pork and made daiquiris and bunch of other stuff. There were some people who stayed over longer and we kept making drinks and chatting. I’m not going to lie I got really really drunk.
April 13th:
Woke up hung over but not the usual kind. Said good bye to family that were leaving. A few of the brother in laws took me out to the lake to go fishing. We were out there for about 5 hours. I caught 3 fish. After we got ready for dinner. What we caught was what we ate. We gutted the fish and cleaned them. One of my brother in law deep fried them. We had a pretty big dinner. We came back to my mother in law’s place and had a quiet conversation and went to bed.
April 14th:
The ladies wanted to go get brunch so one of my brother in law took time off to show me around town. We just hung out most of the day. We saw some trailers he needed to see and we went to go shoot some guns and got pizza afterwards. For dinner we went to another brother in law’s house and had Chinese food and hung out. We all decided to go to a quarter arcade nearby and took 10 kids and 8 adults. We all had fun playing really cheesy arcade games and what not. The wife and I said our goodbyes to the remaining family and headed to my mother in law’s place.
April 15th:
Woke up and slowly packed. The wife and I helped my mother in law clean up some of the furniture after all the visitors. We had an early lunch and she took us to the airport. Came back to San Diego around 5:30 pm. Came home and picked up our dog. We picked up some groceries and made dinner at home. The wife went to bed early because she was tired and I stayed up a little bit late to catch up on this.
Reflections:
When I got the news that my father in law passed away, I texted a few close friends, “This thing called life is short. Hug your kids and call your parents.” Don’t know if they actually did that or not, but it was more of a coping mechanism for me. The other thing to as I saw my 4 brother in laws carrying the casket of their father, it just reminded me the mistake I made in waiting a bit longer to have kids. We should’ve tried earlier. My ignorance, hubris, and whatever else failed me. I don’t know if I’ll ever have kids of my own. This recent episode really showed me the importance of children. Children are suffering, long lasting, joyous, sorrowful. It brings out the best and worst of us, but I think it is what we are evolved to do. Somehow in today’s culture children are seen as just burdens. They are burdens and they are much more than that. Jordan Peterson says that early on you get to choose your suffering, but if you wait too long time will eventually choose it for you. I don’t know what lies ahead for me and my wife. It’s not like we haven’t tried. We tried to choose the suffering, but maybe we haven't tried enough. I don’t think the window has closed quite yet, but I know it’s closing pretty rapidly. There are some hard decisions we have to make either way. May God be with us if he is out there. God if you are real, I’ll make the sacrifice like you required Abraham. Maybe there are more things I need to sacrifice.
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The Tweedles are at it again. We're off, this year for the holiday's we're trying out a new cruise line. We will be sailing with Avalon Waterways on the Avalon Visionary doing the Festive Season in the Heart of Germany from Nuremberg to Frankfurt am Main. We are both excited to be trying out a new cruise line and a new river, seeing more of Central Germany at the holiday time. Yes, that means even more Christmas Markets.
Ready, set go. I'm just back from Orange County and with just a little over 24 hours at home, spend some holiday time with friends, before packing up and heading to the airport. We are on our usual flight to Amsterdam with a tight connection to connect to Munich. To our surprise we actually make the 27 minutes from landing, through customs and board with group 3. We got to our seats and settled in for the one hour flight, or so we thought.
Nope we have some engine troubles so we are parked until it is repaired. Two hours later we are off and in the air. As we come down under the clouds you can see Munich. They have a fresh new coat of snow and it is like a winter wonderland. We stop first for our first Christmas Market of the season right there at Munich Airport. It's actually a pretty large market with an ice skating rink and everything. A nice welcome to the holidays.
We then head to the hotel and to our surprise they have our room ready for us immediately and we got lucky, an upgrade to the Executive Suite. Not too bad for our home away from home for two nights. To avoid jet lag we get out, you know what they say Frische Luft is good for you. It is chilly here in the low 20's so we bundle up and head out to explore the city and see some markets.
First Market that was recommended by our friends Ben and Camille at Near From Home is the Medieval Christmas Market. It is pretty small, but pretty cool. It's like the Renaissance Fair meets a Christmas Market. Hungry we stop for some sausage, but decide with the crowds to keep moving. It is Sunday afternoon and everyone is out at the markets today.
Christmas Village at the Residenz and this one is small but has a lot of items for kids, including some very cute animatronics telling holiday stories, singing songs and more. This place is packed, like the State Fair on the last day. However, it helps to keep warm. We are going to move to our next, but really need some indoor time.
Marty finds a great small cafe and we stop for cake and tea. It is good, the atmosphere amazing and it's nice to sit and warm up for a while. We planned on going to the Pink Market but we're getting cold so we stroll through the biggest market Münchner Christkindlmarkt.
We make our way to our final stop of the night, dinner. It is next to our hotel and features some traditional Bavarian items. It's time for bed and with only an hour or two of sleep on an airplane, it is easy to do.
I'm combining days and today after a very long, leisurely, lavish breakfast, we make our way downtown and to the English Garden. It is still dang cold, but the sun is shining and when in direct sunshine it is kind of warm, however in the shade with the wind, uff da. The park is stunning with the fresh snow, the sunshine and people out enjoying the day.
We then made our way to our favorite market Schwabing Christmas Market after a stop at the Chinese Tower Christmas Market. The reason we love Schwabing the most is that it is small, has some delicious food items, but has booth after booth of handmade items from local artisans from around the area. All labeled with where they were made and the artist working the booth to tell you about their craft. There were so many things that if we had room in our bags we would have bought. Just amazing and it's so eclectic that I bet at night it is even better. I also love it as it isn't in the tourist area and feels more local.
We stroll back to the hotel to warm up for a while before deciding to make the later afternoon a spa day. We stop for a hot tub and sauna time and just relax. With being outside most of the day, the heat feels great and so relaxing. After a sauna we then head back toward the hotel going past Rindermarkt Christmas Market. We have really hit the markets and are wrapping up the amazing day.
A stop for dinner before calling it a night. Tomorrow the fun begins, we hop a train to Nurembur to board the ship and meet our traveling companions. I'm almost too excited to sleep but need the rest. A river cruise is amazing, but one thing they are not, is relaxing. We do and see so much and we have a busy schedule to see new cities and of course more markets. Guten Nacht aus Deutschland. Thank you for following us on this next adventure.
Tschüs
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#ttvvf&m #selfie #justfrank #tweedles'travels #vacation #vacation2022 #urlaub #urlaub2022 #reise #spaß #friendship #adventure #2022 #fernweh #video @marty.reynoldsohana #fall #december #germany #deutschland #munchen #rivercruise #main
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