#also gotta move a bunch of furniture while im out there | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

calmlftv · 4 years

Text

safe. - a.i.

description: covid-19, also known as “the zombie virus,” claimed hundreds of thousands of victims in 2018, and while it all seemed to be going great, something much darker was hiding within research facilities across the nation.

word count: exactly 4,001

warnings: descriptions of graphic imagery, blood, injuries, feelings of hopelessness.

w/n: this is my first fic for the 5sos writers collab! i’m so excited to participate in this, i always love reading the fics that come out from this and im so happy i get to be part of it! my prompt for this was zombie apocalypse au so i hope i did it justice!

taglist: @spicycal @n-ctarinenga @irwinkitten @castaway-cashton @blackbutterfliescal @ashtonsos @loveroflrh @bestyearssos @treatallwithkindness @bestyearslftv @another-lonely-heart-blog

****

It’s been 730 days.

That’s 24 months since the world went to shit.

Two years since the haunting screams have driven you to nightmares and panic attacks, something you had never had to deal with in the Before.

That’s all it was now. The Before. The time before the virus contaminated the body, before the monsters smashed into your home and tore your family apart.

Before all of that. Before, you were a nice person. In the Before, you were having the time of your life. But now?

Now you’re miserable.

With a gasp you awoke again, chest heaving as your mind raced. Your palms were pressed against the cold wooden floor of the house you had cleared, eyes quickly darting between all means of entry as you assessed your surroundings. Only when you saw the makeshift barricades you had created did you begin to calm down, your eyes squeezing shut as you pulled your knees against your chest.

I fucking hate it here.

Moments passed until you were able to open your eyes again, your vision blurry as you scrambled up to your feet. The old and ragged coat you had been using as a blanket was bunched up in your hand, the old and rotting pillow you had used being kicked to the side as you quickly found the mass that is your backpack. You stumbled through the house, making all kinds of noise as you made it to the closest counter, a shaking hand already reaching up to open the two cabinets above.

Empty.

Just like the other ones.

The dust on the shelves made your stomach hurt, determination already slumping your body as you pushed off the counter and headed towards the door. You knew it was no use to search the rest of the house for food; you had been hiding in this shithole for 14 hours, and if your searches yielded no results by now, you might as well move on.

Carefully you pried pieces of dusty and damp furniture away from the back door of the home, your foot landing on a shattered picture frame on the floor just as you cleared the doorway. You yelped, leaping away from the frame as your eyes landed on it. Captured within the frame was a beautiful blonde woman, curly hair down to her waist and a jungle green dress hugging her body as her hands rested on her rather large belly. In front of her knelt a man with shaggy brown hair, his lips pressed against her belly as she beamed with joy, the two of them so obviously in love with their bundle of joy that it could have made you sick.

Feeling empty you tore your eyes away, the lack of blood on your foot propelling you forward and out the old, creaky door. You started off slow, like always, watching your footsteps and listening intently as you ignored everything your body was telling you; the aches in your knees and tightness in your jaw could wait; your life depended on it, after all.

After a few miles you picked up the pace, your vision blurring slightly as you moved faster. Despite the pain that was now in your stomach you pushed on, determined to find some sort of shelter before you passed out, your weak muscles and body screaming at you with every step and breath.

You’re not entirely certain how far you made it before you heard the near-silent steps nearby, just out of sight on your left. You sluggishly turned around, quickly trying to wipe the fog from your eyes as you tried to find the creature that stalked behind you.

Much to your surprise a figure appeared, a gentleman peeking around a tree with dark hair. Fear struck you quickly as you backed away, almost immediately tripping over a large branch and landing on your ass as the figure stepped closer, now coming out from his hiding spot as you tried so hard to scramble away.

“Hey, hey, wait,” he said gently, the voice jarring to you.

Another human? You thought, shock freezing you in place. But how-

A grunt followed by a bone chilling moan came from the right, your head snapping in that direction. To your surprise, the man quickly got closer and extended his hand, carefully taking you by the arm and hoisting you up easily just as another man appeared from the direction of the sound.

Another normal, human man, brown hair pulled back into a bun.

“There’s a horde on the way,” he stated, jerking a thumb behind him as his eyes took you in. “We’ve gotta go, Ash.”

“Alright, Logan, but we’re taking in a stray.”

The man stared at you and nodded, a silent agreement you had no idea of happening as the first man - Ash - carefully spun you around and guided you forward, footsteps falling in sync between the three of you as the strangers guided you onwards.

The trees were closing in on you as you gripped Ash’s arm, knees trying to buckle underneath you from pure exhaustion and pain. The man chuckled and soon another hand was on you, the two men hoisting you up and quickly carrying you away.

***

“Whoa-!” A woman said, strong hands immediately trying to push you down as you struggled against them.

“Who the fuck-” you started, panic filling you now as you bit down on the side of a hand. A yelp came from the stranger and the hands were gone, your mind racing as a woman knelt beside you.

“-shh, little love, it’s okay. You’re safe now,” she soothed, hand running in circles along your back as you focused on her voice. It was soft and gentle, the voice a stark difference to the harsh grinding in your mind.

Safe?

Your eyes landing on her, finally taking her in as she gave you a soft smile. “Hey there,” she said kindly, tone gentle and soothing. “Sorry to have given you a fright, Devyn’s just so used to dealing with...rougher patients.”

Her eyes guided you to the other side of the room where a young man stood at the sink, glaring at you while he seemed to nurse his bitten hand.

The woman chuckled, gaining your attention once again. “My name’s Tabitha, but most people ‘round here call me Tabby,” she said, gently taking your hand and turning it over. Her fingers carefully pressed against the inside of your wrist, your pulse pounding against her skin. “And you, little stray, are very much alive.”

You blinked, Tabby’s eyes taking in your face.

“Where am I?”

Your voice was hoarse and broken, vocal chords seeming to ache as they were used again.

Tabby smiled. “You’re in our Community,” she said sweetly, gesturing vaguely to the room around you. “It’s a bit shabby, but not the worst place to be. It’s a safe place for people to be, little stray, I promise.”

“M’not a stray,” you mumbled, your voice slightly stronger but not by much.

Your exam went by fairly quickly, Tabby settling you back into your bed as soon as possible before she excused herself. Once you were laying back against the pillow Devyn popped back over, quietly and carefully adjusting some things as you watched. He glanced at you and nodded, seeming to have gotten over your first impression, before he turned around and left the room.

Once you were alone you finally, truly relaxed, sighing as you carefully sat yourself up. You were able to take in the room, looking around at the chipping paint on the walls and the bits of dust floating in the air around the only window to your left, the light reflecting gracefully as the particles moved within it. Desperate for some light you started to stand, legs shaking as you tried to make your way to the window.

“Hey hey, what are you doing?”

The new voice startled you, adrenaline flooding your veins as you spun around. You grabbed the nearest object that could be used as a weapon and held it in front of you, ready to fight for your life if need be.

The man who found you in the woods stood in the doorway with his hands up, a single dark curl falling over his forehead as he stood perfectly still.

“Hey,” he said calmly, voice soft and warm. “It’s alright, I’m not here to hurt you. We’ve already sort of met, remember? In the woods?”

As he spoke the memory came flooding back to you and you dropped the weapon, a blush settling on your cheeks as you tried to find the right words to apologize.

He chuckled, dropping his hands and stepping in. “Someone’s a bit jumpy, hm?” He teased, obviously trying to calm you down. He glanced at your empty bed before looking back at you. “And a bit eager to explore.”

You cleared your thoughts and nodded a bit, still hesitant to trust him too much. “Just wanted to see outside, sir,” you admitted. “Maybe feel some sun if I’m lucky.”

The man watched you and nodded, his hands going into the pockets of his jeans. He had on a simple black t-shirt that seemed clean, something that was a foreign concept to you these days. “Well I’d definitely say you’re lucky. You barely made it to the gates of the community before you passed out, I had to have Logan carry you in.”

The blush returned, causing him to laugh. “It’s okay, you’re in good hands here. Tabby was a doctor before all this happened, and she’s taught Devyn everything she knows.”

You nodded. “Tabby seems nice,” you said, feeling a bit safer again. “I, uh, kinda bit Devyn on accident, so I don’t know if he likes me.”

When you met his eyes he was containing a laugh, ultimately failing as you moved back towards your bed. “You bit him!” He chuckled, calming down a bit. “Well, once you’ve got your strength back, I’m sure we’ll have a hell of a fighter on our hands.”

You smiled, chuckling a bit. “Not sure how much help I’ll be until then,” you said, sighing again.

The man moved closer, sitting on the edge of your bed. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” he said softly, flashing a reassuring smile. “Start out with the easy tasks, and work your way up when you’re feeling better.” He ducked his head down, catching your eyes and smiling again. “Sound like a plan?”

You met his eyes and nodded, the hazel color full of so much warmth that you couldn’t help but believe him. Somehow, despite being on your own for two years, it was easy to trust him; it was easy to let the fear melt away.

He grinned, reaching to squeeze your shoulder until you jerked away. Maybe you weren’t ready to trust him too much. “We’ll work on that,” he said kindly, nodding and standing up. “I’ll check in this evening around dinner, okay? Maybe bring by a surprise, for our Lucky Stray.”

You both nodded to each other before he headed towards the door. You quickly remembered something and stood again.

“Wait,” you said, the man turning around in the doorway. “What’s your name?”

He smiled. “Ashton,” he said simply. “M’name’s Ashton.”

You nodded, the man repeating the action before he grabbed the doorknob and stepped out.The door closed softly behind him, the silence making your ears ring as you stared at the window again.

This is a hell of a place, you thought, settling back against the bed once again. A blanket was draped at the end of the mattress but you curled up without it, the previous rush of adrenaline in your system keeping you warm as you closed your eyes.

Maybe I’ll stick around for a while, you accepted, your exhausted mind already starting to settle into sleep. Where it’s safe.

For now.

****

Over time you were able to recover, your days filled with visits from Ashton and other members of the community. The visits you were always most excited for were Ashton’s, the length of them going from a couple minutes every couple of days to a few hours every single day. Sometimes he’d bring in whatever work had to do and set up a table next to you, teaching you the different jobs within the community from cleaning weapons to childcare to anything else that may need to be done. While you absolutely adored being able to learn about the community more and more, you enjoyed your time with Ash a bit more, the two of you building a strong bond that made recovery easier. It certainly helped that your heart would skip a few beats every time you saw him, his winning smile and wonderful laughter having their calming effect on you.

Before you knew it you were moved to your own room, a window looking east over the woods bringing you peace on the mornings you awoke in a panic. Though the things that lurk in the darkness between the trees terrified you, the peace that the air carried would blanket around you enough to calm your racing heart.

The community had slowly become your home, the sights and sounds of the people and the work to be done settling you into a new, welcoming routine that felt like fresh air after the suffocating two years you had been through. All was well and perfect in the months that passed, and as you and Ashton continued to steal glances and flirty smiles, you finally felt normal again.

Until the day that it changed.

Day 1,095. Three years since history was changed forever.

Your normal nightmare was terrorizing your mind again, your body tossing and turning in the restless sleep you had to endure before the dawn of a new day could wake you. This time, however, it felt urgent, more panicked than it had before; the screaming was closer, somehow, the footsteps of your loved ones echoing desperately around you as your mind spun it’s twisted tale. You did everything you could to escape it all but felt the cold hand wrap around your mouth, covering your screams as you tried to launch yourself away.

“Wake up!”

You jumped at the sudden voice, the sound shattering the terrifying images that flashed within your mind. You tried to lurch out of bed but a heavy weight stopped you, the hand from your nightmare becoming real as you fought to get up.

“Stop-” the voice said, the word turning into a grunt as a blow landed against a solid chest. Your eyes began to focus as the voice came again, messy dark hair and hazel eyes finally coming into view.

“Stop fighting,” Ashton asked, voice barely above a whisper as he kept you quiet. You met his eyes and he held a finger to his lips, his other hand still covering your mouth as he paused.

After a moment he nodded and moved, taking your hand to help you up from the bed. “We have to go,” he said softly, with urgency in his voice. “Do you need to grab anything?”

You stopped, your brain stuck on his first request. “Go?” You asked, voice louder than you anticipated as Ashton quickly covered your mouth again.

After another moment he pulled away, hands resting on your shoulders. “We don’t have a lot of time,” he started, “but I’ll make it quick. We’re being raided, and we have to go. Right now.”

Your mind started spinning again, the new information feeling impossible to process as Ashton took your hand again, obviously taking your silence as his cue to start leaving. He led you to the closed door of your room, pressing against the wall as he slowly opened it enough to peek outside.

Your mind snapped to attention at the sound of a distant shout. “Tabby-”

“-is already gone with Logan,” he assured you, looking back at you. “They’re getting everybody else out. I wanted to come for you.”

The gesture was sweet, and while it wasn’t lost on you, your mind now focused solely on getting the hell out of there as more yelling started on the other side of the community, followed by harsh crashing.

“Okay, let’s go,” Ashton said suddenly, hand tightening around yours as he dashed out of your space and dragged you along. Your steps eventually synchronized, the two of you quietly avoiding detection as you tried to loop around to where everybody else was supposed to be.

As soon as you got close enough a loud bang echoed through you, chilling you to the bone as a warm liquid started to trickle down your neck. Within seconds you were being dragged along again, adrenaline giving you strength as Ashton started running. Your mind became cloudy as your body fell into autopilot, the distant sounds of your own footsteps not even feeling real as you carefully made your way through the forest.

Ashton kept the pace, only slowing down as the trees got more and more dense, the path he was taking you down becoming harder to safely navigate as you escaped the home you thought was safe. The questions started racing through your head, each one leaving you more and more confused and frustrated than the last.

While lost in your thoughts your feet collided with a fallen branch, seemingly taking you by surprise as you tripped over it. You tried to catch yourself but failed miserably, your legs giving out from pure exhaustion as your ribs and jaw met the dirt and debris you had previously been running through.

Ashton stopped the second your hand left his, spinning around just in time to watch you land on the ground. He quickly came to your side, kneeling beside you and helping you slowly sit up.

“Alright?” He asked softly, eyes meeting yours as you nodded. He looked around, pausing as he heard the unmistakable shuffling of a zombie. He quickly quieted you and helped you stand, leading you in the opposite direction of the sound as the smell invaded your nostrils, turning your stomach over in protest as you forced yourself to move.

The new path was a large loop, the sound and smell making your heart race. At one point you caught a glimpse of it, the flesh blackened and decaying, exposed bits of muscle staring at you as you held in the contents of your stomach.

Ashton tugged you further, slowly and carefully until you finally broke through into a clearing. He helped you sit and started to walk the edges of the small space you now inhabited, checking the trees until circling back to kneel in front of you.

“Alright, we’re about a half mile away from the meeting point,” he said, meeting your eyes. “The others will be taking a longer route in case the raiders followed them, so it’ll just be us for a day or two.”

You nodded to his words, wincing at the sudden pain in your right ear. His brow furrowed as you reached up, fingertips barely touching it before you hissed.

He was suddenly very close to you, turning your head and carefully inspecting the injury. He chuckled. “They nicked you real good back there,” he stated, your head jerking away as his fingers got too close. “Sorry. We need to get you to the point, get you bandaged up.”

All you could do was nod, your mind still racing from everything that had happened. It was all too fast, too overwhelming and hard to process; you had just been sleeping in the safest place you knew of, finally finding somewhere that feels like home, just to have it all ripped away from you just as suddenly. It gave you whiplash, and quite frankly, it was enough to drive you to the edge of your sanity.

You just wanted one good thing to stay good. Was that really too much to ask?

The two of you were quiet during the rest of your break, the silence only breaking when Ash said it was time to move. Despite the two of you being out of immediate danger he still took your hand, the two of you making your way to this meeting point he had mentioned.

When you arrived you didn’t even see anything at first; the entrance was in the ground and heavily guarded by plants and fallen logs, Ashton brushing it all away before tugging open the heavy metal door. Inside was a ladder, Ash gesturing for you to go down first. Despite everything aching and screaming for you to stop, you obeyed, climbing down the ladder first as Ashton followed you and sealed the two of you in.

According to Ashton a member of the community had found this old bunker while hunting one day, the man literally stumbling upon it and finding his way inside. When Ash and the others caught up to him they decided to keep it hidden, only telling a few others about its existence for situations just like this.

“So what happens with it when we don’t need to hide in it?” You asked, venturing to what seemed like a bedroom with a single bed in the middle of it.

Ashton chuckled. “Nothing,” he answered, following you and leaning against the doorway. “It just sits here, really, until we have a use for it.”

You sat on the edge of the bed, eyes taking in the concrete around you as Ashton moved towards you, his eyes locked on you.

“You should get some sleep,” he stated, holding up a hand before you could protest. “It’s obvious you’re exhausted, love, and I know you’ve got to be in pain.”

You dropped your eyes. “I’m fine, Ashton.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

The tone in his voice made you look up, meeting his eyes again. “M’not lying. I’m fine.”

He sighed, moving back towards the door. “Fine. But I’m cleaning up your ear.”

Before you could protest he was gone, only coming back once he had found a first aid kit. You huffed but let him take care of you, hissing as he cleaned your wound and wrapped it with a bandage and gauze.

“There,” he said, sitting back and cleaning up the mess. “Once Tabby gets here she’ll really get that fixed up for ya.”

You nodded, his voice sounding far away as the bandage muffled him. He tossed the kit on the ground beside the bed, the two of you sitting in silence.

“What are we going to do now?” You asked softly, your mind still thinking of the home you had lost.

He shrugged. “We’ll start over,” he answered, his voice just as soft. “Find a new place for everybody. Build new defenses. Maybe start planting our own crops, even.”

You looked over at him, chuckling a bit. “Alright, Farmer Ash,” you teased, the man laughing lightly. You both fell silent until you found the courage to speak again. “Maybe I am tired.”

He chuckled and looked at you, gesturing for you to lay down against the pillows. “Get some rest, then,” he said, standing and moving towards the door.

“Wait,” you said, the man pausing and turning towards you. “Stay with me? Just until I fall asleep.”

He smiled and nodded, coming back and sitting on the opposite side of the bed as you got settled. You gave him a look and he rolled his eyes, laying back himself and settling in.

You faced each other, eyes locking as he smiled. “You can’t sleep with your eyes open,” he teased, earning a light laugh from you.

“Fine, fine,” you said, letting your eyes fall shut as you slightly adjusted your sleeping position. After a second you opened your eyes again, seeing Ashton with his closed.

“Ash?”

He cracked one eye open. “Yeah?”

“You promise this new place will be safe?”

“Darling, you’ll always be safe with me. I promise.”

#ashton irwin #5sos #5sos au #ashton irwin au #zombie apocolypse au #blurbs.ai #pls dont hate me for ending it where i did #i rlly didnt it to be like 10k words #also sorry for my lack of imagery y'all #im trying 😔#someday i might revisit this and do it over

32 notes · View notes

revol-lover · 4 years

Text

i know i have become a shit post queen but this site is a good place to just dump thoughts when i’m too lazy to actually write them down so don’t mind me. also i’m “ok enough”. like i’m not ok-ok but i’m not like badly not ok.

ok? anyway.

so idk what it is. being raised by emotionally distant parents esp my mom or the depression thats probably also related to that but man i just feel so empty for such long periods of time. empty, or maybe detached is a better word. and just really really restless. and also that when i have good emotions, i dont feel them all that much. idk. sometimes i feel like i’m on the outside looking in on my life. i have a lot of feelings but then at the same time i dont. maybe because i repress a lot then it all builds up and explodes. idk. its awful though.

i also feel like i have two very distinct sides to me. half of me is like fuck this shit i just want to self destruct but i wont because i’m too responsible to do that and the other half is like wow life is so interesting i am a spirit not a body and i want to be an enlightened being. neither of those sides of me is less me than the other. neither is a farce or anything but its fucking hard for those two sides of me to coexist. the only middle ground, which is probably like 1/3 of the time how i feel, is blah. neutral to absolutely everything.

and i think ive talked about this before but before the whole corona/quarantine thing i was at this extreme level of DONE with feeling isolated in my life, esp as a sahm. done with falling into the trap of believing being a mom was my whole identity (and its definitely a part of it, of course. but i think its unhealthy for moms to think its all we are) like i totally lost myself for a while. my daughters birth being traumatic and her having potential life long complications (and ‘potential’ meaning, her diagnosis is so complicated. theres never going to be a time where we get a real “all clear”. some kids have developed seizures again way down the road, especially at certain ages where kids go through a lot of development.) and then ofc just raising a child with all of that going on, plus normal toddler craziness, plus having a kid who is super hyper and smart and amazing but parenting after having a difficult relationship with your own mother is one of those things that is really hard and not talked about enough. i never feel like im doing enough. i never feel like she likes me.i know thats so stupid but i really am that insecure about my parenting, no matter how hard i try. i just want my child to love me and sometimes toddlers do things that make you feel like crap (ex ‘i dont want u mom i want daddy!’ and i can rationalize it, dad’s the exclusive parent. i’m just here all the time like the furniture. i get it.) and its just a big complicated thing with my emotions. not what i was trying to say tho i got off track.

anyway the isolation thing. so i had a plan. a plan!!! i have this one awesome long time friend, honestly my only friend outside of my husband who knows me like the good bad and ugly, has known me for a very long time, and has been there for me through some really tough shit. he’s like the brother i never had, truly. (i have a biological brother but we dont really talk.) so i talked to him about things i was going through and he’s also been going through a challenging time in his life and he told me he’d help me get out there. we were going to force me to learn to socialize and make friends in “real life” by putting me in those situations. we were going to go to some poetry club. a show downtown. like i was ready. then corona happened. and my already crawling out of my skin isolation got worse because hey we cant do anything now, not even see my one friend.

so yeah. i was fine in the beginning of all this because i figured, hey by may itll be over! then hey by june! then maybe 4th of july. which has become, my daughter is so excited about her birthday party in august and i dont even know if i can throw her one and i dont know how to deal with this or explain it to her.

i know this is major first world problems and im all over the place and i document this dumb shit because i hope one day i’ll be so far past it and be able to look back and think well wow i made it through 2020 but yeah idk

i think part of it is i’m turning 27 in two weeks and my saturn return thing is just getting so close and i’m starting to see the beginning of shit in my life crumbling underneath me. like i know what i gotta do. i have to put myself out there. i have to get out of my safety zone. and i have to use my gifts to help others not just sit here drowning in my self pity but obviously its hard to challenge yourself and put yourself out there, literally, during a pandemic.

and the last point which is just something that boggles my mind about myself that i dont understand. like i’m definitely depressed. i have very bad anxiety too. and even though i can be extremely self pitying and go into like a black hole of sadness, i still dont let myself do bad things. which is good, obviously. but its iike i’ve been recovered from self injury for probably about ten years but some days i am so deep in my shitty feelings or empty feelings that i just want to do it again but i cant. theres something in me that wont let me. and i guess im glad for that, obviously. i guess my life/universe/guardian angel is trying to force me to face shit for real and not just have shitty coping mechanisms but idk. like it was a bad outlet but idk. sometimes, just sometimes, i feel like it did more for me than just writing things out. which is bullshit because it did nothing for me except give me a bunch little permanent reminders of shitty times. but idk. that’s my brain for you. sometimes i want to just let it all go and be a mess in my feelings and not care if i’m ok but then my brain is like nope bitch you cant do that. youre not 17 anymore, get up.

and i know some people would read this (well no - no one would read all this lmao but in a theoretical sense) and think like, oh did you try therapy or oh maybe try meds and the thing is

therapy - i tried it. i liked the idea of it. bad fit with the therapist tho. didnt like being kicked out after 45 min (which i understand but bitch i need more than that to explain one problem) and it felt weird to be told by her, that she felt like i had a good handle on things. cause i dont really feel that way and i feel like she didnt have much to tell me in terms of how to idk fix myself besides journaling, which i’ll give her. it helps

meds: i i dont really want to go that route yet because my body is really sensitive to medication. like i dont even take bc or anything like that. however i think ive decided that since its super legal and obtainable i might try pot once we are able to move into our own place. so if anyone did actually read this far and have experience with that (esp w anxiety) please enlighten me. i had some samples of some cbd stuff and it was amazing for my anxiety but it’s way too expensive for me to use consistently.

this has been a very long shit post but i feel better so theres that.

5 notes · View notes

cyanpeacock · 5 years

Text

god... the fuckening happening continues. i've catalysed Some Shit up in here in my thinkpan. and like this doesn't feel in a sick way? like kinda, because a lot of what is being remembered is sickening. but, uh, woah, well, i remember that again now. not... experiencing it? but yeah that is DEFINITELY a thing the body remembers happening. a Whole Bunch of things.

i'm... considering calling my g adrian tomorrow, which is an irregular move for me, but i have been making many more moves which are irregular for me, and mostly they are turning out okay, now i'm figuring out better which voices to actually listen to and act with. i think i gotta talk a bunch more this week, after my Decision and the PIP thing digging up even more stuff a week after that, and this whole, internal revolution i have finally noticed going on.

freaks me out this is a whole Thing I Could Not Perceive. but yea ig brain do the protecty thing when shit feels like That for such a long time. oof no wonder parts of me are so angry. and why it took such a long time for me to think i was actually, like... free.

like i still wanna ask is it real? am i dreaming? because i was lying in the sun earlier and just for a moment i like, forgot. i mean really Forgot. not dissociated from, it just like, wasn't all Right There any more. and like i felt the sun on my body and grass on my legs and my hair over my eyes and i had my shirt off and i just felt like, okay, this is a thing a human body does. which, is strange. often the body feels unnatural? there are two animals here also, but one doesn't have a name and isn't ready to come out yet. the other is... mostly just a big dumb yelling peacock that likes shiny things. oops making my mind wander. not that it isn't already all over the place but maybe this is just how i'm meant to be now? at least for a while? i have a weird feeling i'll figure something out.

and like, who saw? who saw all, like, That, before i could, before like, i understood what and how i was supposed to Do to do that. was i really that, like, miserable? did i imagine it? but like... how could i make ANY of this up. i know there's somewhere i could look, but like, that's still a danger zone for me. anything could happen.

and, am i supposed to feel like I've suddenly stopped going in circles? is that a point people reach? if i've ever asked i could never believe the answer i heard before, or it wasn't me asking, or somebody got in the way.

ah lord. it is so hard to trust in something built under such harsh conditions. like, the house isn't always dark any more, and increasingly the lights aren't on when nobody's home. but dude... there's no furniture in here. we must have electricity? metaphorically speaking. kinda literal. i don't know who installed that! i'm pretty sure i got in the way actually! but we don't have a fridge and i haven't seen a tap. but like... i've been too scared to look. too scared to like, allow myself to exist there. i'm like, dude, what, is this even my house to live in? i'm just like, squatting here, i might have to dash at any time, or somebody will throw me out. but... i guess i'm living here?

oh man im going through a writing a lot phase. or maybe this is like, just me? is this why i feel so like... disturbed when I find a journal that's clearly like, my handwriting, more or less, but i don't remember writing it? or i do, but whoever is there doesn't, and that spooks me?

somebody's telling me to go to bed soon, it's like, way past bedtime. he's very tired and barely understands a word and i'm tired too tbh. all this is wild. i suddenly understand in more depth why i was so drawn to the borg specifically Lmao... many acting as one. kinda hard to pull off in practice.

man. yeah. continuing the process of Going Through It. have a feeling im gonna dream a whole bunch that i may not quite remember tonight, but if i wanna get met office on my personal forecast there's also like a solid 50% chance of lucidity tonight. it's just a feelin.

ok i'm going to bed. it is a good place to rest this. got there eventually. now zzz.

#fliptext #recovery #abuse #neglect #uh #dissociation #mothers #poverty #long post #ask to tag!!#i will gladly

1 note · View note

verritytorres · 7 years

Text

CALRON WEDDING HCS

(cause i’m an emotional bitch at 1am apparently)

• moon @frogpepsi: HAVOC THE RING BEARER

• they don’t know who of either of them should have tamara as their maid of honor until one day after lunch with jasper, call comes home and says “so i guess you can have tamara” and aaron looks at him and knows and smiles and says “and yet you say he annoys you as much as he did in school” “shut up he’s still a thorn in my ass”

• aaron having a freak out before the wedding cause “oh my god tamara i just!!! i love him so much and i don’t want this to ruin anything!!!! we are starting a family and tamara, i don’t know families and i might fuck this up but i really don’t want to—“ and tamara covers his mouth, looks him in the eye and says “after this party’s over? everything will be largely the same. you’ll still wake up to him, you’ll still have to deal with his bullshit, you’ll still have dinner with me, and you’ll still be in love. i don’t know if you noticed, aaron, but we were already a family years ago.” and aaron just, nods with a new light in his eyes. “you know i love you, right?” “so you’ve said. now go get married, dumbass.”

• meanwhile elsewhere, jasper and call…

◦ “i’m not gonna cry at the altar, that’s lame” “ten bucks says you will, fucko” “oh yeah? ten bucks says you cry too, asshat”

◦ they both cry and hand each other $10

• but tbh everyone cries. call, aaron, tamara, jasper, alastair, fucking rufus cries

• ALSO THEIR VOWS WOULD BE. SO TEARJERKING

◦ call’s would be “the first time i saw you, i thought “wow. what a jock asshole” which is a pretty big word for a twelve year old but. yeah” cue audience laughter, but call only hears aaron’s light chuckle, only sees the little crinkles by his eyes and the freckles dotting his nose “and then…you were nice to me. you were nice to me, the short, slow, pissy kid, when i did nothing to deserve it. god, aaron, you were—you’re the best person i’ve ever met. and i couldn’t let you get away.” call starts tearing up “i couldn’t let the world go on without you in it. you’re the sun to me, aaron, and i know i complain about the sun a lot—sneaky bastard won’t let me sleep in—but in the end it’s the only thing i can count on to never stop showing up. you’re the most stable thing i’ve got, aaron, and i can’t fucking wait to officially have that for the rest of my life.”

▪ “god,” aaron chokes, wiping at his eyes. “did you write that down? was that all you?”

▪ “jasper helped with the metaphors, so that’s why they’re a bit extra. but yeah.” call smiles, but it’s a bit shaky. he is crying, after all. “memorized it, too.”

▪ “god. i love you so much.”

▪ “ditto.”

◦ aaron comes next. “okay, i didn’t plan to do dramatic, but i’ve gotta upstage that little speech somehow. i…i grew up without a home, you know that. i never had a fixed place to run back to. i was always moving around. then i got into the magisterium and i thought, “maybe here i’ll find some place to stay”. and i did. i found you and tamara. and about half an hour ago, i was having a bit of a freak out—not cause i don’t want to marry you cause believe me i really do—but because i was afraid that i couldn’t give you the family you deserved. and tamara reminded me of something: we made a family years ago.” he hears a soft gasp behind him and he doesn’t have to turn to know that tamara is breaking out the waterworks. "and after i—came back—i was so scared i was gonna lose it, that i’d go batshit with this chaos magic in me, but you reassured me. you told me you’d never leave my side over and over until i believed it, and that’s when i realized for the first time in my life i had something to come back to. i had a home, call, and that’s you.”

▪ by now, call's covered his face with the hand that wasn’t holding aaron’s. “you sappy fucker.”

• after the officiant declares them husband and husband, they kiss, and it’s wet and gross and they’re both smiling too much for it to be a real kiss, but they both think it’s the best one yet. tamara starts cheering loudly, and jasper joins in, and eventually the room is filled with applause and joy, joy, joy.

• (if u think im not moving on to the reception u r sadly mis-fuckin-staken)

• tamara was in charge of most of the reception. she chose the venue—the gardens at the gables, with its open space, fragrant flowers, and magic everywhere. she hired metal mages for the music, water mages for the furniture (“ice furniture that doesn’t melt, how fucking cool is that—“), fire mages for performances, earth mages for the fresh food, and air mages to make little images of call and aaron throughout the years float around the space. call keeps saying it’s a bit much, but tamara knows he loves it.

• the cake—painstakingly chosen by call, since aaron couldn’t give less of a shit as long as it tasted good—is a red velvet/vanilla monstrosity covered with fondant in a strange, pastel color mix. when aaron asked why it was that color, call just muttered, “it’s the closest color to your soul.” aaron grinned until his cheeks ached.

• tamara could have clinked the glass and quieted everyone down the normal way, but no. she used air magic to make everyone hear her say, “eyes up front.” and waited until everyone did so until she stood up, champagne glass in hand for dramatic effect. she summoned up every inch of charisma in her, and began. “you all know me and these boys have been friends since we were twelve, or—as aaron well put it in his sob-speech—family. i’d give my life for either of them, just as they’d die for each other. now, i could say a bunch of other cheesy stuff and go on about the power of love and my role as a spectator in their evergrowing romantic shitfest but i’m working to make this an unforgettable night, and what’s more unforgettable than a good ole embarrassing-yet-heartwarming engagement story.” she hears call groan behind her, which sharpens her smile even more. “they’ve been dating forever, right? since we were wee little sixteen year-olds. one late night at the collegium, while i was calmly—in a loose sense of the word—studying flame theory, call bursts into my room looking like there were five chaos elementals on his ass. i put my book down, thinking the third mage war was about to begin—we just barely avoided it last time—and ask him what’s wrong and he just says, “i think aaron is going to propose to me.” i ask him what’s wrong with that, cause i already knew they were bound to tie the knot eventually, and he just looks at me. and he silently takes out a velvet box from his pocket. and i think oh you pair of suckers.” that earned her a chuckle from the crowd. that means she’s doing good, right? “so after i treat call to some calming ice cream and send him off to jasper’s, i call aaron. apparently, he does indeed have a ring bought and ready for call. obviously, i told jasper and we sat back with popcorn to watch this all unfold. in the end, at a cute little cliche restaurant, candles and all, something happened—they still won’t tell me what—that made them both whip out the rings at the same time. or, at least, aaron did. call accidentally threw the thing and gave his new fiance a black eye. anyway, moral of the story? these crazy kids are way too in love. i thought they reached rock bottom years ago, that you couldn’t love someone more than going through all that effort, giving up a piece of your soul to bringing them back from the dead. but i can tell all of you that call and aaron keep proving me wrong. to these suckers and their happiness.”

• also, call denied jasper the speech. he gave it to havoc instead.

◦ “havoc, speak.”

◦ (LOTS OF HOWLING AND BARKING)

◦ “fucking beautiful, man,” call says, tears in his eyes and clapping.

• call’s been smiling slyly for a while now. aaron noticed, and frankly, he’s pretty confused. not the smiling part, obviously— they just got married oh god this is his life this is really his — but the sly part. call only ever has that smile on when he’s got a trick up his sleeve. he’s also been sharing weird glances with tamara since they arrived at the gables and it’s driving aaron a little nuts. he tried asking, but only got a “what i can’t smile on my wedding day?”, and after he gave his husband— his husband —a Look, he got a much better “just hold on, babe. all will be made clear.” so aaron stops thinking about it.

• anyway, it’s time for the first dance.

• and when aaron turns to call in the middle of the dance floor, he expects to see a loving, heartfelt look for a loving, heartfelt moment.

• instead, call is seconds away from pissing himself laughing.

• “call—“

• “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,” tamara’s voice booms over the garden, and that’s when aaron knows his best friends were up to some fuckshit once again.

• “LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE LOVELY FUCKIN COUPLE WHO PUT A RING ON IT.”

• and beyonce’s “single ladies” deafens the crowd.

• call and aaron make it through the dance laughing and smiling and leaning on each other every second of it. and that’s a good enough description for the rest of the night.

#IM EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!#calron #callum hunt #Aaron Stewart #magisterium #this is. so long. i was literally belting all this out last night to the only other americans in the gbgc since europe was still zzz #fuckin worth it tho i made everyone cry

97 notes · View notes

organictaeyong · 7 years

Text

boyfriend!yixing

FORGETFUL

will literally forget everything and anything

speaks Chinese all the time when he comes in because hes tired and not thinking

and you’re like ????? I don’t speak Chinese

and he’s shook because he didn’t even realise he’d slipped into it

even though he’s maybe the most forgetful person in the world he never forgets important dates

your birthday, anniversaries you didn’t even know you should be celebrating

he never misses them

always wants to do couple things with you

couples cooking !!

which really means he hands you things and drinks wine

and you make sure he stays far away from the rice

even though he insists he knows how a rice cooker works now

he just really thinks it’s important you sit together and eat with each other no distractions

couples workout !!

which really consists of you drinking the protein shake you made and watching him do push ups

he wants to make sure you share everything like your hobbies

so he takes you dancing with him

he loves trying to teach you his dances

and you always wanna know they newest exo choreo tbh

you die a little every time though because its S O HAR D

and youre not a good dancer

but yixing is always patient with you trying to teach you as best he can

and he insists on sharing your hobbies with you

he always makes time to share yours

and he’s always got some crazy new hobby to try together

y’all have done everything

synchronised swimming

bird watching

anything you can literally think of tbh

literally just loves spending time with you

tries to teach you guitar and you sort of suck

but he just thinks its so adorable you’re trying

he usually puts you in his lap and guides your hands

but you actually started to get really good

and he’d always catch you playing his

so he buys you a guitar for your birthday

and you guys always have impromptu jam sessions

also tries to teach you Chinese which you are also really bad at

but you try and you leave him little notes written carefully in Chinese

he keeps every single one

loves solving puzzles with you

he finds it really therapeutic

you get all the answers wrong but y’all have fun doing them

once he brought home a jigsaw puzzle of the globe

y’all spent daysssssss trying to solve it and you leave it half solved and the next morning it’s complete and you’re like ???????

and kyungsoo’s like lmao took me 45 minutes whats up with you two??

hes always up at like 5am so you pack him a lunch box and leave him a little note on the bathroom mirror with dry erase markers

and when he gets up he always erases it and leaves you a sweet little note

he loves talking to you and telling you about everything

whenever he gets homesick he just lies down with you

and tells you everything about china

and what he wants to show you

and makes a bunch of plans of where to bring you when you finally come visit

you’d been going out for years when you finally had your greatest test

you asked him to help you when you moved

and of course like the sweetheart he is he did

he spent like a week with you

painting the rooms

(which always ended with a paint fight)

assembling the furniture with you

you guys spent like an entire day trying to assemble your bed

you hadn’t slept the night before

and being as clumsy as you are you knocked over like everything else in the room

and you spent the whole night mad at inanimate objects

but y’all never got mad at each other

and that’s when you realised he was the one

because you were both tired, way too warm and angry as hell but you never snapped at each other

you guys never really had a fight until he came home too late one too many nights

you didn’t mind because it was his job and he just wanted to prepare for his solo as best as he could

to make everyone proud

but he had been home past 4 or 5am every night this month

if he even came home

and you saw him once in the last two weeks

and you were getting a little bit more than upset

even though it felt unreasonable

nd you told him you were getting kind of lonely by yourself and you missed spending time together

and he was like omg because he didn’t even realise really that he was upsetting you

so he promised to be home by 9pm and you could have dinner together and just spend time together

and then it was 2am and he still wasn’t home

and it all got too much for you and you just started crying

he came in and your eyes were all swollen and you were just sitting on the floor drinking some wine

and he’s like ????? what happened why r u crying?

and you’re like omg amazing!!! You’re late and you didn’t even remember!! Love this !! im going to bed!! Thanks for wasting my entire night!!

nd then he’s like no NO NO NO IM SO SORRY I FORGOT

nd you want to be mad at him but you cant because he didn’t mean to

nd you just breakdown and start sobbing and he runs to you

he’s cuddling you and stroking your hair and apologising

because he didn’t mean to and you know it and he doesn’t know how to fix it

nd eventually you fall asleep because you’re so tired

when you wake up yixing isn’t there

and you almost cry again until your door opens

and yixing comes in with water and some painkillers

in case you have a headache

and then he asks If you want to go out for breakfast or cook some

and you cry all over again because he is so sweet

always thinks of everyone but himself

so you always gotta remind him to look after himself

hugs hugs hugs

always hugging you

bear hugs

back hugs

side hugs

surprise hugs

hugs hug HU G S Hu GS

just loves to shower you in affection

like always kissing your cheek

or shooting you winks

nd you think its lame but that makes it all the more adorable to you

always cuddling you

sometimes he comes In late and sees you curled up on the couch asleep waiting for him

he just grabs a blanket and curls around you

nd you wake up and youre like ??? but you fall back asleep because he’s so warm and he’s home and you can relax

you get really lonely when he’s away

so he bought u bear to cuddle while he’s away

nd you do because it smells like him

nd he doesn’t feel so far away when you have the bear

really nice couple bracelets

the thing is you guys didn’t get them for each other

Suho got them for you

after a year

he says it a blessing so you will have a long happy relationship

since then you haven’t taken them off

lots and lots os skype calls when he’s away

if he’s gonna be somewhere for a while you actually send him letters

nd he loves every single one

it’s always such a nice surprise for him

nd he thinks its so precious you take the time to write to him

loves taking walks with you

especially in spring by the cherry blossoms

nd he’s just strolling through the park with you holding your hand when he casually says something like

“I think id like to have our wedding here”

nd you just choke on the coffee you’re drinking

because ?????????? marriage ???????????

nd he’s just like omg r u ok what happened should I call a hospital???

nd he doesn’t even realise why you’re having a heart attack

he just adores you so much

pls love him just as much

if not more

#exo scenarios #kpop scenarios #lay scenario #another request done lets have a round of applause for kayla #slowly working our way through #boyfriend!series #boyfriend!yixing #request #admin pear #headcanon

151 notes · View notes

strawbrry-jam · 5 years

Text

im so xcitd to have my v own house w jst me and my bf its literally all i can think abt since we found out we got the house. i feel like a little kid and its almost christmas or summer. i havent been this excited in a while. both of us saw the house jst once but we saw like 5 other houses that day so neither of us rlly remember what it looks like at all by now and im jst soooo sosososo ready to see it and start like deep cleaning and then moving all of our shit in!!! also i havent seen my cat in soooo long and he’s gonna get to be the first animal in the house bc the doggos aren’t gonnnnna be there until we’re moved in, so i jst get to spend all day explorin and watchin him sniff everything, pickin where the furniture will go, puttin stickers on a bunch of stuff, playin music real loud, taking off my clothes bc theres no roommates!!!!!!!!!!! omg it jst doesnt even seem real. gotta wait until the 1st though

0 notes

strawberryspeachy · 6 years

Text

The only reason “cleaning is therapeutic” is that it distracts me. I’m still suicidal. But so long as there’s a bunch of shit that needs done - my brain is preoccupied

Tbh I’d rather all the work was done so I could sit here and cry and daydream about slitting my wrists

My house. is worse than google images of condemned houses. My family. Is in the highest percentile of hoarders. The house is almost 300 years old and the dust will never go away. It’s build sturdy which is the only reason it’s still standing because the aestestetics have been falling apart since before we moved in when I was 5.

I spent 2 weeks a couple months ago cleaning my moms room over and over and over again

My mom walked around spilling whatever drink she had in her hand all day long. I’m the only one that cleaned or threw stuff away. The puppy ripped up stuff. My grandfathers barn cats pissed and shit and threw up everywhere and he tracks all the literal shit around the house.

While I was away at college, an inch this of literal hardened shit formed in the kitchen and dining room on floors that can be mopped (my moms dementia stopped her from cleaning and she was the one that kept this from happening by cleaning every day)

I cleaned it up. I cleaned the whole house. There away boxes and old mail and sweeped up trash. Digged molded food from the bottoms of stuff and sweeped down the cobwebs (the worst) I scraped the spots the cats went to the bathroom when the literboxes were full and took out litter boxes that hadn’t been changed in months.

I scrubbed the spilled juices and food off of the stove and microwave and counter and fridge.

My family - annoyed not appreciative - just have things to complain about and they continued their errorts or keeping the house a habitat only comfortable to spider and snakes and rats and insects.

Every few months when the house gets too much and it stresses me out to even leave my room - I do all of that again.

Back to my mom spilling stuff - she did that all over the house and a few months ago I had to scrap from the hallway from the dining room to the living room to the hallway to the stairs and the stairs and the hallway upstairs and the bathroom. I had to scrape. A combination of shit and trash and EVERYTHING. From the entire house. ON TOP OF what I mentioned before.

Then I tried to make mom moms room habitable which was an uphill battle - cause every night that I would clean - she would spend the whole day destroying it again. After two weeks I slightly won the battle - and gave up. It was clean enough that I decided to stop. Her dementia makes her EVENE MORE OF A HOARDER cause instead of stuff she fee sentimental attachment to - she hoards EVERYTHING in sight - including trash. She yelled at and pushed me over trashhhhh

That she washes (dumps water on) and hides (creating mold)

Her room had that layer I scraped off of the whole house AND DESPITE ME ASKING MY FAMILY FOR TWO WEEKS TO JUSTTTTTTTTT JUSTTTT clean that so I can stop smelling shit all day long. That I feel having done it for the WHOLE house was enough. Please. Someone else. Scrap the floor. I still just scraped the damn floor

The room of the worst hoarder in the world. The woman who made the house this way. The woman who yelled at my mom for cleaning the whole time we’ve lived her (and me as well) and would deliberately trash any clean spot. Who taught her son to follow in her poopy footsteps. The woman whose car had so much mail and junk in it that I - a 4’5 tiny child - could not fit in it to sit. That woman. Her room. Her giant room. That she spent the past 60 years collecting objects in. That’s where my uncle decided to put my mom after her fall.

I helped them clean that damn room with mummified rats and god knows what else (Well me. I know. It’s too much to list) I cleaned half that damn room hopinggggg that they’d come help me clean the rest of the house afterwards (I’m silly. As iffff) I cleaned half of it and mopped the floors and walls and ceiling and painted it and put cement down on the one spot and sparkled the holes.

For the past two weeks I’ve been cleaning that room and cleaning the attick (another atrocious spot that had accumulated 80 years worth of stuff and NO THIS IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION if anything - that’s underestimating)

Also two closets.

And my moms room AGAIN

There is a point. That one gets sick of cleaning. That point passed when I was like 15. But but. How many weeks can you clean and arrange and plan and *screams SCREAMS***

Well now my room. Where I spend most of my time. In my comfortable bed. The smallest room in the house. Jam packed with all my belongings so my mom wouldn’t take and ruin them. I now have the chance to make it comfortable.

My mom moved downstairs - I could put this giant heavy ass bulky furniture in her room! I never wanted this furniture. The demon woman forced me to take it because her friend didn’t wanna throw it away and she wanted me light small furniture.

I can move it out so I can have room to actually move!

And I can move me bed back to the corner now that my grandfather moved downstairs so is loud tv won’t blare in my ears anymore (actually he gave that tv to me~) so I also have a big tv!

But I gotta clean my moms room. Wash the floor and the walls and the ceiling. Then take all my stuff out of the heavy furniture so I can MAYBEEE (probably need help) push it into the other room. And then re put my stuff back on and in them. And then. I gotta sparkle my room. We have it. So I can take the tape off of all the holes in my room and put real wall materials on them! And maybe. Rats and bugs won’t be able to push themselves through them YES THIS IS HOW I LIVE! I CLAP AND YELL AT RATS TO STOP TRUING TO COM THROUGH THE TAPE ON MY WALL AND HAVE A PANIC ATTACK BECAUSE I HEAR SOMETHING CREEPING ITS WAY THOUGH THINKING ITS A WOLF SPIDER AND BEING RELEIVED WHEN ITS A GIANT BEETLE.

and then I gotta find a new set up for my lamp cause right now I can only see Well because the light bounces off my mirror (which is held to the wall with tape through 10 year olds mes very hard determination to make is stay)

So gotta figure out how to put mirrors (which I may need more of) and my lamp (which I may need a taller one of or install a shelf)

And I gotta wash the blankets under my bed with level my bed since my room will one day fall into the dining room. And I gotta wash my curtains. And figure out where to put the tv so that there’s not a glare

I just killed the 11th mosquito in a row tonight and went to wash my hands AGAIN cause all the screens in the house are broken ANOTHER THING and my family keeps opening all the doors and the mosquitos all come to my room and feast on me.

I just put a lock on my moms door so the cats can’t get in there and I installed a fense so I can lock the not house broken puppy in a room where when he shits on the floor - it’s easier to clean up (I tried to train him but it’s hard when you’re the only one that cares when he doesn’t listen)

I have to put two more gates up to keep him in there

And I have to install three locks in my moms room since she really wants to get out of there and I canttttt sit in the room with her all day every day. But she can’t get out and I gotta get a bad of some sort so she can’t go up the stairs in the there when no ones in ther and fall cause she does things REALLY FAST

I’ve spent 100 bucks on gas on the past month driving back and forth to see my mom. They’re working on EVERY. ROAD. AROUND. MY HOUSE.

More cabinets still need cleaned out and furniture needs moved. And my mom needs appointments made

And I gotta find ankle black boots with grips on the bottom and an arch so they don’t hurt my feet but a very short heel to meet my haunt jobs criteria - FOR UNDER 20 BUCKS BECAUSE IM BROKE

And I still need to fucking fill out applications. To more jobs. Which I’ve been doing for 3 years. And just got rejected from a fucking job I was more than qualified for and was actually excited to do.

Oh and I have to do a shit ton of laundry. And clean my car. And clean the chair I have for when I sit with my mom. Actually organize stuff...

Oh yea. And also. Summer is my favorite season... and I kinda wanted... to...enjoy it????? A bit more???? Before the dreaded winter and depressing holidays come.

Today’s my birthday. Happy fucking birthday to me.

Now to go pack away the soup I made thinking anyone would eat it. Lol. Nah. They only eat stuff that I don’t want to share. 😩

Oh. Anddddd I gotta make a toy for my mom to amuse herself with...

0 notes

thegeminisage · 7 years

Text

i realized i had been typing up zelda blogging into notepad for like a week plus without posting, cause i didn’t wanna post everyday once i finished the main story? but then it got SUUUPER long. i waited for it to kinda taper down since now i’m mostly down to completionist stuff, and since it has, i’m gonna post it & just do small posts if i decide to blog abt anything else.

it feels rly weird not to zeldablog now

i ran into a blue? silver? lynel and got trapped fighting it on my way out of hyrule castle AND KILLED IT!! yay!!

also im going back to the mountain to check out that glow

i checked the shrine out next to it, since i was only activating them near the end and not DOING them

and they've gotten way more complex

now i understand when the monks commend your resourcefulness like before i was like, pls. that was way too easy. literally anyone could have done that

i went to the lake at night and it isn't glowing ): idgi did i see something else? does it only do that from a distance? on certain nights? i could see it from SO far away...

o my god theres a GOLF minigame the camera angles even do the thing

fucking fuck dinraal showed up WHILE I WAS PLAYING GOLF

i MISSED him im so mad i couldnt fast travel away bc minigame!!!

WOW AND HERE COMES THE BLOOD MOON WHICH I WAS WAITING ON AT THE LAKE MOUNTAIN im so pissed i fuckin hate golf at this point its faster to finish than to run all the way back and quit :|

i finished golf but the blood moon just turned into?? a normal moon??

ah okay the glow is random and it's a rare mount!! thank god it wasn't just me losing my mind lol

haha i went to kill the shock arrow lynel just to see if i could and it only took like less than a minute with atk+ armor and decent weapons/shields

plus i'm just better at that special timing stuff now

figures it wouldn't happen til post-game

wtf another blood moon only a few nights later???

i read it was super glitchy but i never really realized until i was paying attention...

aww i bought a house!! maybe link and zelda can live there until the castle is restored YES THEY WILL BE MARRIED SOMEDAY

it's a cute quest i wish i had brought enough rupees to buy all the furniture in it

anyway like. it's super nice to have finally beaten this game's story?? i feel like now i don't have to Rush, i can stop and poke around and explore just like i want, tbh i kinda wish i had done it sooner

anyway im done for the night but i think i will rack up a bit more blogging before making a post i don't wanna be making one every day anymore

——

okay so im gonna wait for the blood moon at this shrine

ive been reading that its random and glitchy?? but had i never read any of that i would have been SURE it was just every full moon, like clockwork

so maybe i'm wrong or the internet is

anyway i have enough fire arrows and wood to camp for a full 10 nights, after which im bailing lol

OH FUCK CANCEL EVERYTHING A SHOOTING STAR

I WONDER IF I CAN FAST TRAVEL TO IT??

only one way to find out

I CAN!!!!!

tonight's a halfmoon...if it's waxing then only 2 more nights, if the blood moon is the fullmoon

waning - 6 more nights :/

and who even knows if the blood moon is the full moon...

i've been reading so much and there's so much i was aching to do while trapped in bed that i don't know where to begin...! yet i am waiting at this dumb shrine, haha

i think i wanna to the terrytown quests? tarrytown? where you build a town, those sound so fun, but ofc i need rupees

three-quarters moon! pleeease letthe next one be a blood moon, i say for once in my life lol

oh no...full moon but no blood moon ):

ugh i do not WANT to camp here for a hundred years

i suppose with the nearby shrine i can get to it fairly quicky but not quickly enough for my liking...once the moon rises you only have literally like two minutes before it leaves

so i have to notice it, get out there, and get naked in less than 2 minutes, without warning :/

ok yeah no this is stupid i'll just do something else while i wait

ah, but what! this is what i was talking about earlier, where do you even BEGIN

i could go back and solve shrines, but puzzles are only fun for so long, i wanna explore and there's so much left to see

i could also rupee farm hahahaha

and for better or worse i do eventually wanna get all the korok seeds...

actually i think i wanna fight minibosses?? which is so weird but i feel like i can take em

i know the silver lynels will kick my ass from reading tvtropes but i can take the others!!!

i also read about the lon lon ranch ruins, which i either missed or didn't realize what they were...i don't have a clue as to where they are, but i wanna see them, i know i'll be Sad

omg people startle when i get close to them wearing dark link armor

oooh i was wondering what this big circular tower was...man i havent seen ANYTHING in hyrule field

apparently there are monsters inside...i see a blue lynel? silver lynel? who knows

but i fought one before, so maybe i can take it

i WAS wanting to fight stuff

camera says it's silver, tvtropes says silvers are harder than calamity ganon himself

but the ones that aren't red all look alike to me, so i have no idea which kind i fought in hyrule castle...and my sword had superpowers then

the problem is all these OTHER monsters...no way could i take them on all at once

so i gotta go around and pick them off first without being noticed if i can

omg i cant drop the master sword when electrocuted ahaha nice

oops i dropped a lizalfos down there with the lynel....lmao maybe i better just go fight him before i fuck up anything else

ah no it's coming back on its own. well done

ok, got em

man, wouldn't it be just my luck if the blood moon rose NOW

tbh if it did i would have to abandon this entire thing, which i would, reluctantly, just so i wouldn't have to wait anymore

ooh god he saw me i was hopin for a sneak attack ;w;

ok here we go i guess!!

i did it!!!!

it actually wasn't that bad, tho it got a bit dicey a couple of times

so much of this game is like, your buffs and armor and weapons, i've had harder fights against weaker foes just bc i wasn't properly equipped

but learning to dodge and use my shield a bit better certainly didn't hurt

tbh it looks like most of what i wanna do requires rupees, so i should go farm some i guess!

boring, but you know

apparently i was wrong about the music in goron city and the gerudo areas and they ARE the classic tunes...i just didn't hear it??

AAAAH the satori mountains are glowing!!

;w; i caught him

what a freaky-lookin boy

i wish i could keep him!!

jesus fuck the blood moon came up and i idled at the screen without looking, god, the ONE TIME

i bet i'll never make it in time but i gotta try

dark link armor will make me move a BIT faster at night for what its worth but i dont even think i have revali's gale ready jfc

thank god i made it with just a few seconds to spare

yikes its lightning af outside so im gonna quit for now

——

aww tarreytown looks so cute so far!! i wanna build it up ;u;

lol i hate when you know a guardian is nearby and can't find it even tho i can fight them now my heartrate is still so jacked up

——

god the tarreytown sidequests are so pleasant and relaxing like

i havent felt so calm playing this game since...i don't think ever

and like, they talk about the yiga clan and the monsters outside

and if i were a person with more time i would write the cute genfic about how tarreytown gets put under seige but their location makes that hard and they fight off the bad guys

it's always sunny there!!! no matter the weather elsewhere :')

also i finally did break the hylian shield cleaning out the guardian room on maze island and i got a replacement there......for3k, but still

anyway im finding all the chests from the shrines i missed and one is in the plateau ): my heart

like, i can't believe i used to think this mountain was massive, this plateau was massive. it's so small compared to everything else. and so lonely ;_;

like, i miss it, weirdly, but i miss the version that had the easy enemies and the old man and where when i looked outside of the walls it was all very misty and i couldn't even comprehend the true size of this world

so: nostalgia, i guess

——

jesus FUCKING christ i went out to see the ranch ruins with epona and i got attacked by a guardian, a yiga clan member, and two silver bokoblins on horseback

FINALLY fought them off, terrified the entire time something would happen to epona, and i got attacked by three stal moblins

fought THEM off and there's a stal bokoblin on a stalhorse! but i can't catch it or ride it because of all times, the blood moon is rising!! j e s u s c h r i s t

now i've gotta get on my horse and get the hell out of dodge before those things come back to hurt her

i was thinking of a nice relaxing-if-sad trip before bed but no i gotta come back on FOOT to kill these guys AGAIN and then bring her back during the DAY so we can properly look around

who KNEW this would be so awful, jesus

okay update i did get on the stalhorse bc i have about 30 seconds to snap a cool pic (no way i can ride it out to whatever stable i need for the quest...even if i could leave epona here, it's much too long of a trip) but fucking hell dude

FUCK i took too long it rose epona and i are STILL HERE LMAO (((:

i didn't know if i should get on epona and ride for it or teleport to the stable and then board her

i teleported and it looks like she's still safe bc they boardered her ;_;

i took her back out and gave her a bunch of apples ;____; my poor brave girl

lol as if that wasnt enough its about to start lightning

ugh i'm coming back tomorrow and cleaning that place out good and fucking proper

i'd kinda like to do it tonight but it's already so late and i don't feel well and it would take a long time and also be a bit stressful probably

at least now i know where to find lots of stalhorses lol

although if you think about it they're there bc a lot of horses died

aaaaand i'm sad again

(super mad i didn't get pics on my in-game camera of the horse, but the snapchat pic i snapped of dark link riding it under the blood moon was still pretty damn cool)

——

w o w

i kinda wish i had been able to bring epona, but i couldn't—it's so dangerous here

but after clearing it out and actually getting to look around, uh

this is brick-for-brick the most faithful recreation of oot's lon lon ranch

and i am SO sad

ugh i just had to restart an entire shrine bc i dropped my korok leaf at the last second bc i was trying to open all the chests and i had to go back and get my good spear that i had to drop to get the korok leaf in the first room...but i needed the korok leaf to get back to the end!!!!!

i hate the weapons system in this game sometimes i won't lie like sometimes it's really good and sometimes it drives me bonkers

oh my fucking god lmao

i can't even RESTART the shrine bc the leaf was in a CHEST which is now empty. holy shit

like, that is NONFUNCTIONAL

they should have had a tools section for leaves and axes and shit i swear to fuck bc i always drop korok leaves as soon as i can bc i don't ever use them to sail and i have so little room and there's so many weapons...jesus christ

i made a huuuuuge list of everything i need to fully upgrade all my armor. it took hours but i think i did the math wrong

remember when i said i was never going back to eventide? well here i am! i'm farming bokoblin guts/general monster drops lol and i knew there were a bunch here :|

but i'm better armed now! so it should be a cakewalk

even red hinoxes don't give me much trouble these days. we'll see

sniped the upper camp no problem with some pretty basic bows. don't know WHY i sniped it, i could have fought them...

haha just kidding. yes i do

time to fight the hinox, i suppose

tbh this is giving me trauma flashbacks lol

duuuude theres a lil star by this hinox's name!!

does that mean the game keeps track of which i kill.......awhile ago the fang and bone guy said he wanted me to kill every hinox and i'm like "fffft yeah right like the blood moon wouldn't come up halfway through each and every try"

but maybe that doesn't matter O:

now i can use stamps to only mark hinoxes i HAVENT killed............interesting

unfortunately i've also been stamping lynels, and i'd hate to take stamps off just bc i'd killed something...man

i wish i had more kinds of stamps and the ability to USE more stamps, geez

i could kill all four moldugas first and see what he did before deciding if it was Worth It

this doesn't make me feel like a badass and i'm not actually getting any great drops. i just have war flashbacks and feel slightly creeped out and anxious. so i'm leaving

holy fuck i finally got the rubber armor and duuuuude it really is shock proof! i got struck by lightning and it knocked me off my feet but only took a quarter of a heart!!!

——

guess i should make a list of taluses, hinoxes, and moldugas i KNOW ive killed :|

it won't be comprehensive but i wanna keep track of it, sigh

i'm trying to farm bokoblin guts but this one area is like all these high up bridges and platforms and they ALWAYS fall so every time i have to fly down and climb back up :|

this place was from one of the coolest parts of the trailer though i really like it

i thought foolishly to knock them all off and then go down and get them. of course they'd despawned by then </3

——

I FOUND KASS IN THE RITO STABLE? HE HAS A WIFE AND KIDS BACK HOME??

like tvtropes spoiled that for me i'll admit but im still cryin...hes so homesick!! he fulfilled a promise!!!! kass buddy i'm gonna clear those shrines for you ;_;

also update i get medals for killing all the things so ofc i gotta do that if i want 100%

i Dread the getting of the korok seeds i just dont know if i am Capable especially knowing there's no reward

like, i'm trying to get all the shrines done before i finish off the sidequests bc once i finish off the sidequests i am not gonna wanna play anymore, the story stuff and exploration stuff will mostly be over, my drive to keep going will drop dramatically, so like

gotta do the shrines first so i actually have time to WEAR the super cool armor i get

otherwise it would be sidequests, shrines, armor, but then no more playing lmao

——

I GOT IT AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL

I MAY NEVER WEAR ANYTHING ELSE

(thats a lie i gotta wear other stuff until i can get this upgraded bc the stats are so low...but its BEAUTIFUL)

——

i did all the stables so why won’t kass come see his daughters? ;_;

oh ok i had to go get the cache

AWWW BUDDY

he finally knows it’s me!! furthermore zelink #confirmed thank u nintendo this is probably the most overt it’s ever been tbh

——

finally fully upgraded my armor & i never wanna see another dragon again

they kept failing to spawn where they were supposed to and the only one who spawns reliably/is easy to hit/doesn’t send scales flying 100000 miles away is farosh, naydra and dinraal are absolutely horrible, naydra in particular has nowhere you can fast-travel to, you have to fast-travel to a nearby shrine and then walk a good distance no matter where you drop in at. naydra was also the most finnicky about showing up when she was supposed to

at least i figured out i can use a flame sword instead of fire arrows to light campfires

getting honey was pretty easy there’s a fuckton next to those hinox brothers and acorns are kinda everywhere

the beetles were a little more tedious but once i put them on my sensor not too bad...the worst part was turning beedle down every time he wanted one because he does a LONG speech that is SUPER annoying after the 100th time and you’re just trying to buy arrows

anyway im gonna go test the defense

surprise! lynels and guardians can still kick my ass!

everything else seems to fly right off me tho so that’s something

it’s been ages since any hinox or talus was able to put up a fight against me

i’ve still only killed about half of each tho like :/ damn they are everywhere & there’s sooo many

——

i’m lowkey wondering if i will attempt to 100% this game like i do Not look forward to getting all those fucking korok seeds, at that point it is no longer fun, yk, and the reward is so stupid

also i saw a video about having to visit every major named place on the map as well

and both of those things obviously guarantee that you see EVERY INCH of this huge and exapansive and beautiful world, but i feel like if i forced myself to keep going and doing it i would learn to hate the game a little bit lmao. lowkey feel like that’s adding fake hours onto your game for something that stop being fun and turns into absolute tedium, but i guess i can understand wanting to give completionist players a reason to see EVERYTHING

we’ll just see how i feel - i still have quite a few sidequests left, and while i don’t wanna burn thru them too quickly (bc again, after they’re over my interest will drop dramatically) i also still wanna fight the minibosses and upgrade as much of my armor as i am able to

but like, who the fuck has time to farm 160ish star pieces...? not me my dude and that mmo-type drop rarity is like :/ i disapprove, that’s like...cheating. but anyway. we’ll see how far i get

#/#//#///#////#/////#loz #botw spoilers #loz blogging

0 notes