#alas this is also the main so fuck it
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i know no one asked for a scribble of the bg3 oc I’ve been obsessing over for the past few months…
but here she is anyway >:3
#not tes#not tes on the tes blog#again#alas this is also the main so fuck it#bg3 tav#warlock got angry and trapped his patron in a mortal body… this is her#fuckin love her#curious and not scared of death has gotten me into so much fucking trouble in the game#must push all the red buttons we’ve been told not to press is the gist of the play through#idk I’m havin fun#i have so many tes doodle ideas that I’ve been too sidetracked to draw oh my goodness#TruthiLiar’s art#give her an oc tag incase i draw hee again#she’s poofy#fun to draw#bg3 oc: Veih
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hot garbage 👇
#making Lori the main character was a mistake there are 0 fun clips of her. she just vanishes after the intro don't worry about it#''journey doesn't quite go as planned'' yeah ya girl fucking died lmao#the context for where the hell all these other people came from is nonexistent#but there's 11 seasons of this shit and I can't find the clips I'm thinking of so#fuck it#I have more important deadlines rn lmao#there's a few clips I had that I'm sad about leaving out but this shit is already too long#I rly wanted the one of Rick putting in that CD and Daryl being like ''please don't-''#also Daryl being horrendous at driving stick with Rosita and Denise#wanted to have everybody bopping to that song drawing the walkers away from the movie theatre...#Carl crashing the car in front of Enid...#the rollerskates...#but alas#twd
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me in tags of posts i am reblogging with no context: haha delilah being ominous? sure. go for it
me, glancing at other posts in the CR tag immediately after that reblog: OH. OH SO LAUDNA DID GO FOR IT. IT BEING. ORYM.
#once again i indulge my curiosity by looking into the main tags. and am rewarded. if i wasnt supposed to consume the campaign this way why#is the universe REWARDING me for it#anyway pvp is SO spicy i love that. what the fuck. wild shit.#critical role#cr spoilers#laudna#orym#c3e95#i am now at peace with understanding bell's hells will just. not have more than like an episode of peace due to both external circumstances#and also How They Are. (aka their kind of non-solving conflict resolution) (said with love)#so that squared away. HELL YEAH PVP WOOOOO#okay tags are rapidly turning into discourse city which means for my own sanity. i should. look away.#which. :( alas. the meta.... the shitposts.... :(
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actually On Your Feet gave us two good things (well. three if you like Realize which I do). Kohane's "it's frustrating" line and the great crack fic idea of Vivid Bad Squad getting cancelled online for skipping school to yell at The Kotaki Taiga as he was about to go back to America.
#no because. he went there to continue radder's dream yeah? the one about becoming world successful musicians#and they had a record label for a bit. they were definitely going to make it at least somewhat.#so we can assume taiga is at the very least a semi well known musician yeah?#one that someone about to either leave or enter japan might know about. who will see this musician they enjoy#being shouted at by a high school girl in her school uniform about how they will surpass him or something along those lines#with three other kids (in uniform from a different school) standing behind her#and then going onto sekai universe twitter to post about it and the taiga kotaki fans taking it by storm#taiga gets off the plane in america and finds he's trending and it's because people are making fun of a blurry picture of his ex pupil#meanwhile vivid bad squad just don't know because it was contained entirely on twitter and.#be honest can you see any of them having twitter because i can't. an maybe but akito doesn't have time for social media and toya is toya#and kohane is a tumblr girlie if i've ever seen one#however it does give the great concept of someone else seeing it and debating if they should say anything#because mmj definitely has an official account they could have seen it on and also there's ena shinonome and mizuki akiyama#but anyway this also means when they do put on the event to surpass rad weekend (or whatever their goal ends up being)#there will be a crowd of people looking at it and going “isn't that the group of kids that twitter made fun of ages ago?”#and then taiga kotaki stans on sekai universe twitter will be stunned because they did in fact surpass him#if it wasn't for the gcses i would write this but alas. enjoy my weird thoughts#bagel's rambles#project sekai#i am scared to main tag this one but. fuck it we ball
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Every time I listen to vintage music, or "vintage sounding" music my dad says it reminds him of his mom. Excuse me while I go cry
#sol talks#my post#vintage music#1950s music#I was showing him Laufey(specfically the song “Dreamer”#It's like it always fucks my brain cause it's like “the 50s wasn't THAT RECENT” makes me feel old for somereason but also so young#iike everyone says “the 50s was in our lifetime” but like my dad say it reminds him of his mom...THAT'LL DO IT#Never got to meet her but I think we would've gotten along well#I also got that when I was sing “Quizas Quizas Quizas” and “Dream a little dream of me” around the house#Also when I curled my hair I would occasionally get that#alas the one thing I miss from having longer hair was my 'vintage' wet sets(I brushed them out say they look vintage enough)#I keep saying I'll regrow my hair but idk man I really like my current hair length(eh I'll do it when I want to)#anyway back to the main post truly a mind fuck
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dude the TOP song you posted (truce) fucking kills me and the way you described the animatic is??? so good???? I'd bawl actually /pos
I need to know if there's any other TOP songs you relate to the furies/any DE character really, or any slower songs even if they aren't by TOP
OH AGREED ABSOLUTELY!! TRUCE MY BELOVED... and THANK YOU!! we are imagining animatics and crying together! /pos :'] <3
ooh!! well, i havent listened to a lot of TOP in a while, so i don't have many recommendations there unfortunately :'] but for other slow, soft songs, let's see... i'll put them under a cut with all my explanations, but ☀️ "See The Day" by The Altogether (Volition song!), 🍃 "Rounds" by The Oh Hellos (Shivers song!), 🦋 "Would You Be So Kind" by dodie (general skills song, Suggestion primarily!) are the best contenders!
Pretty sure you've seen it already, but from a different ask, i recommend "Almost (Sweet Music)" by Hozier! (and "Like Real People Do" if you want to cry and yearn with me, though my DE ideas for it are very loose hkjhg) these are slow ones i like hkjhg <3
"Goodbye" by The Altogether is a Harry and Dora song :0
"Soldier, Poet, King" by The Oh Hellos is one i specifically relate to Volition (my beloved protector/motivator/crownhead blorbo! [picks him up and wiggles him!!!]), but i would make one of those animation memes for it with every skill slotted into a "soldier" "poet" or "king" position.
☀️ "See the Day" is both another The Altogether song and another Volition song! a real "the worst is over. we made it through. we're going to survive this. it might not get easier yet, but we'll come out the other side and we'll be alive" song. it makes me cry hkjgh
🍃 "Rounds" by The Oh Hellos is a soft Shivers song, though the lyrics don't start until halfway in. ough my god listening to it makes my heart ache (/pos) <3 La Revacholiere singing to Harry in the wind. "Will you start when I end? Yeah, I'm long in the wind..."
"Northern Star" by Dom Fera, a song Harry would sing for karaoke and dedicate to Kim, and then they'd waltz a little clumsily on the dim, starlit sidewalk on their way home for the evening... <3
🦋 "Would You Be So Kind?" by dodie BUT SPECIFICALLY THIS VERSION, because i love everyone's crowded but earnest vibes. this one is led by Suggestion ("oooh you wanna fall in love with us so bad right? right???") and makes me grin, you GOTTA imagine all of the skills squished together in the front of Harry's brain all trying different tactics to get Kim to fall in love with them, (rhetoric: "I HAVE A QUESTION..." ency: "let's write a story! be in my book!") at 2:35, after all the skills singing together loudly, it's just Harry himself singing to Kim, with all the skills slowly backing him up. the ending is all of them fucking ECSTATIC celebrating when harry finally kisses kim hkjhg jesus this'd be so cute hold on i have to go plan this out i have so many thoughts hkjdh
"Seven" by Sleeping at Last would be a sweet Reaction Speed song (ironic that im adding react speed to a list of soft, slow songs though hkjgh) "I'm ready for whatever comes next!" <3 Reaction Speed is a fast, restless little fella who can't sit still for long, always loves moving, acting, doing. he's like the personification of a verb hkjhg <3 i would also accept an interpretation for echem <3
"Cosmos" by Jawbreaker Reunion is a song that The Furies recently suggested to me as a jean song and it's so right for that, very soft and i like it very much :'] (you should also ask The Furies if you want to, it's much more musically inclined than me, i feel hkjhg <3)
awuahg thank you for asking and for reading!! i appreciate it!! <33
oh and here's links to all of the songs in the tags: Come Together Now, Two, Four, Five, Six, Eight, Nine, RPG Animation Meme (<- homestuck lmao)
#volta transmissions#now: songs that didn't meet the requirements (either not a slow song OR doesnt remind me of de characters/skills) but honorable mentions:#you specifically asked for slow songs but i refound ''come together now'' from the lego movie soundtrack and I HAVE SKILL THOUGHTS...#<- no chemi you're not hosting a fucking multi animator project you have enough on your plate THANKS <3#but!! that is my idealized version of the skills to me though. ''we're all really different but we make each other better together''#dodie has many more slower songs but i cant really relate them to DE hkjhg <3 the oh hellos too!! and the altogether <3#''two'' from Sleeping at Last makes my heart hurt but i can't relate it to anyone in specific. but if you want a soft song that i love <3#also from Sleeping at Last but i dont like these songs as much: ''Four'' is Concept! ''Five'' is Viscal! ''Six'' is Psyche in general#but specifically inland and volition!! ''Eight'' is an Endurance song but i'd also take Authority or Phys interpretations <3#but eight is kind of intense so it doesnt go in the actual list. ''Nine'' might be Empathy? get over being a moralist little guy!!#i like ''Two'' ''Seven'' and ''Eight'' while the other ones are not my cup of tea... but they ARE soft songs i associate with skills!#only tangentially related but the RPG animation meme would be. extremely fun to do for the skills. and i think about it intensely.#LISTEN... there's 30-ish beats at the start for characters. theres 24 skills plus room to show group ups by type (int; psyc; phys; mot)#the entire main thing of the meme is [someone says a stupid idea] [everyone disliked that!!] WHICH IS EXACTLY THE RIGHT VIBE HFJKFH#HOWEVER. i still dont have designs for [checks] MORE THAN HALF OF THEM. so EL BIGO MISTAKO LIEUTENANT! YOU CAN'T!#i wish i was more well-versed in music hkjhg im kinda just vibing with what i got <3 this is why daily voltas stopped :'] alas!
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Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner
#rat rambles#oc posting#warriors posting#spiraling upwards#long story short they had a shitty awful terrible leader who sucked absolutely ass and they tore him to shreds#I mean that literally they pinned him onto the mountain side and slashed and mauled the shit out of him so hard that his lives evaporated#and several of the cats involved in that scene are sill alive and major parts of the story and I love them#oh also the cat that pinned him through a stab through the throat was his own daughter btw everyone hated his ass so much#and for good reason get his ass#alas in the main story I dont rly get to go too deep into how he harmed everyone involved mostly just three main ones#aka bristlestar because shes murtlepaw's ghost mom dawncrackle because hes also haunting murtle and gullspot because shes bristle's kit#so basically all the flashbacks we get involve those three in some form or another#honeystar was also there and involved but Im not currently planning on having her rly talk abt that#most of her more modern angst is the fact that she was forced into leadership against her will#and shes been alive long enough that shes been leading birchclan far longer than she ever lived in her old clan#but she did go through a lot of shit before birchclan was founded and it definitely shaped her a lot#she used to be a very determined and high spirited lil kitty cat who tried to be optimistic#but her family began to slowly be picked off one by one by both the old leader and the one whod later get evicerated#some of the older cats around her hoped it make her back down from her revelutionary ideas but she noticed that and it backfired on them#instead of being worn down to submission she became absolutely Furious and began to lash out more and become more demanding#it got to the point that she really only had two friends in the entire clan and one of them was her aunt whod later also die after coming#out abt having witnessed the leader killing his own kits#that was the final fucking straw for her and she was fully on board when bristle and dawn started looking for cats to join their rebellion#she did get rly frustrated with them as they waited patiently for the right moment but her remaining bestie kept her from going apeshit#so once the big fight finally broke out she was more than eager to join the hoard of cats chasing the bastard upwards#now unlike some of the other cats involved this legitimately actually made her feel a lot better for a while#for the first time in ages she finally felt like she could be optimistic abt smth again and was excited abt the idea of leaving this place#she had lost so much in this damn place since she was an apprentice and just wanted to finally be able to rest easy#but once they got to their new territory and set up camp things went south real fast as a flood fucked everything up#and after losing the only cat she had left in her life and losing her tail and being made deputy on top of that she deteriorated quickly
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i honeslty haven't thought about survivor since i played it..
#i just like jfo so much better 🙏#also because my main hype for the game turned out to be a pos (FUCK YOU BODE)#and also i think bc i dont like a lot of the ways they took the game...#alas past spidezer would murder me if he knew i'd not enjoy survivor after putting every cent away for months to buy a ps5
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A group of besties started playing Guild Wars 2... idk, like the other week? Time is fake and everything is an illusion to me, so, anyway, photodump excuse of uhhh... I half-accidentally recreated Tyr & Rhiannon, but GW??? I think, idk, I’ve never played another GW in my life, but look my brainworms are having a great time.
Featuring, I would die for this raptor and also my necromancer minions (he waited for me when I was trying to get a vista, I felt like I’D ABANDONED MY BOY), and also that time I thought “what’s the worst that could happen, let’s do the jumping puzzle�� (swtor this is ALL YOUR FAULT, fucking corrupting me into enjoying jumping puzzles and now there’s VISTAS. what the FUCK) and uh, tldr, Tyr was in a really dark jacket (see the lizard pics) and the rest of him just deadass kinda disappeared and I spluttered about this for about 5 minutes.
What’s NOT pictured is landing on necromancer as my beloved took about 3 or 4 other character attempts (including would-be Tyr) and all I’m saying is that I’m now way more familiar with the first 30 levels of the human origin story than I ever planned to be, do NOT ask me why or how I did this, I don’t know, okay? I don’t know. Tyr doesn’t know, Letallia doesn’t know, we all don’t know.
What I HAVE decided: is necromancer fucks. I’d die for these creepy little bony bastards. (They’ve done a lot of dying for me. MVPs, they’ve been real ones) Necromancer fucks and also fuck you, I kind of love you GW2 vistas and other little jumping activities. How fucking dare you do this to me.
#dot plays ANOTHER war#also imagine my UTTER SHOCK to hear my male jedi consular in ANOTHER fucking game#dude i had a fucking WHOLE CRISIS ABOUT THAT AT LIKE 1 AM#full on borderline meltdown on main in the discord no lie#idk why i was so shook but i had been just like casually playing a ranger right#and i was like 'this bitch i know this bitch sounds familiar' so i googled it right#and WHAT DO YOU FUCKIN KNOW#god i almost forgot about that anyway#letallia is my queen and she's doin queen shit#summoning bone animals and i guess leading a war against the dragons#that seems to be the plot#so like hot girl shit for her wooo!!!#so yea tldr am i already thinking about them being siblings ala tyr and rhiannon? yes#look the lost our parents raised in nobility now we're fighting for the greater good to honor their memory as servants to the crown#REALLY got me okay#anyway why the hell are you still reading this i love you kisses you on the forehead and gives you cookies for making it this far#storing the lore in tumblr tags has to be the worse decision ever but also don't expect that lore to go anywhere just yet#it's still marinating okay we gotta fight the dragons or whatever first#dot plays the guild wars
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It is gensh1nposting
:readmore:
Hope that works uhmmmm HEE HEE
So I'm in the rana quest because I love her and exploring and stufffff also . Mihoyo let Rana become playable ? Please please please ur nothing?
(I love her ridiculous half hoodie girl why is only one side warm. I also love that she has a big hammer)(the npcs have pretty strong characters even if they still arent allowed luxuries like moving mouth)(also. I could fix her (minmax her stats and be really stubborn about keeping her on the team))
I GOT sidetracked POINT IS
we are talking about the children avoiding questioning and she mentions that the dendro archon is connected to the forest people SO
I think she was a forest people like how venti was a wind spirit
(I'm connecting the doooooots)
I wanted 2 post this so I could have surety of my bragging rights when this is confirmed later. Because it will be because I'm Right
#beeep#gi#<- i assume some of u have this blacklisted djbjbzjv#also the baby lesbian.....i believe in u you will get a coolgirl gf later#for real though some playable characters im like. i struggle to care about you in your dedicated story quest#but then genshin is like here. world quest npc lesbians.#and i am like 🥺 omg#idk if rana is a lesbian. she could be ! but also the other time im thinking of was the whale research lesbians#like fuck yeah girls..... write your funky whale essays. that could be a date#the main quest npcs plotlines were hitting a little too close. aheemheem#its not even that similar but flares restricting your ability to exost is like. yeah . it is SO frustrating#so i went to party with rana my other npc bestieeee#sumeru spoilers#this might also be blacklisted hrmmm#but also ooooh rana . rana quit your job. join my emo band#i could triple crown you. you would fight like a princess's champion#could even use elemental stuff if i stick you with chongyun....#. it did not work. alas
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I was on the wikipedia page for phobias just for fun but just discovered theres an actual word for a fear of being touched.. 🥹
#haphephobia.... and they list guts from berserk under pop culture references 😢😢😭😭 thats my guy....#not gonna lie i teared up a bit i didnt realise it 'counted' as an actual phobia#i find it really difficult to talk abt but i have a complicated relationship w touch/physical contact (likely trauma babeyy)#and while i do crave it a lot i also have a very physical reflexive fear response especially if its intentional + i dont expect it#which can sometimes even get triggered just being in proximity to ppl bc like. even the possibility sets me on fucking edge#it would be nice to be as physically affectionate as i naturally want to be without dealing w my fight/flight/freeze but alas#its weird bc there are some random situations where it doesnt get triggered at all but its so unpredictable every time#and varies wildly person to person for seemingly no reason. there r strangers im innately more comfortable with but also friends ive known#for years and will never be comfortable around. i think part of that depends on how strongly the other person communicates and whether-#i feel as if theyre demonstrably able to respect boundaries not just mine but their own too + understand theyre not always fixed#ideally i need to have had this conversation with them so i Know they understand. which is rly difficult i find it so hard to admit#and i have a complicated mental block where i need the other person to naturally bring it up which very very rarely ever happens#idk just an atmosphere of safety yknow. i think its intentional touch that specifically makes me panic bc im usually fine w like-#bustling crowds or even expected social rules like handshakes at interviews. bc its not like they're Trying To Touch Me its just rote idk#hopefully eventually ill reach a place where im able to unpack it and reduce its severity bc man sometimes its fucking heartbreaking to me#bc i do genuinely really like physical contact im an incredibly physical person its my main way of interacting w the world#and the way having to force myself to avoid it meshes w my rsd too augh.... its a clusterfuck#even just having one person im completely comfortable with. maaaaan.#almost makes me miss my ex. at least i was mostly cool around them#god its sucked lately ive been having weird vivid dreams related to it. but whatever its so far down my list of problems to prioritize#and at least i dont get it w my familys dog so i can cuddle her :^) i miss her i cant wait to see her next month :D#anywayyyy thats enough im so tired goodnight every1...#.diaries
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o*tnb is like. sincerely the worst show we ever watched and we hated every second of it but we finished it out of like. 'well it was so unbelievably popular it had to be good at some point, right' and like. that moment never came. but it seems to have become our 'we're having a shit time and are bored avoiding Thoughts' show cause we're watching it again and this time around we can put the issue into words.
it REALLY just comes across as one of those adult shows where it's just trying to be as edgy and raunchy as possible and it can be excused for absolutely abhorrent shit happening left and right, just normalizing the use of absolutely horrific language cause 'oh it's taking place in a prison.'
like.... icb this show is basically what kicked off netflix's catalogue when it cant go one episode w/out throwing around the r slur or numerous lesbiphobic slurs and just homophobic language in general.
i mean maybe it's realistic and maybe we're just ~sensitive~ or whatever, but. idk. it's weird that some intention behind the show is very clearly to show that prisoners are still human beings who deserve rights and respect (which is TRUE and i wish that was focused on better instead of focusing on the weird edgy shit)
but like. also we have like. two. maybe three in later seasons. characters that we dont absolutely fucking despise and also the ending of the series is so fucked up why did everyone get so gruesomely fucked over. like again tbh that is unfortunately quite realistic but it is infuriating to go through a show this edgy and it ends as bleak as possible.
though if you did like the show or do like it. we won't judge. though we are sincerely curious if anyone who does enjoy it sees this to let us know what makes them like it because genuinely we just dont get appeal when it really does just feel like edgy central
#mine#also piper is the worst main character we have ever seen in our entire lives#she sucks even more now bc we know so many ppl like her and she gets called out SO many times#and damn she might be the most realistic part of the show cause she does not fucking change#she just gets worse actually and like. i mean. yeah. yeah thats accurate#dont ask us why we're watching it then we dont fucking know we're mentally ill and in a weird place alright#also the characters we DO like are claudette and... hm........#idk actually. we're still figuring out but we respect claudette at least#we'd respect red too if her running gag was a fucking ableist slur but ALAS I FUCKING GUESS#red did deserve better though. so did morello. like...#IDK THE SHOW IS SO BAD WE HATE IT SO MUCH WE DONT KNOW WHY WE'RE REWATCHING IT#WE JUST DONT UNDERSTAND HOW IT EVER BECAME SO POPULAR#YALL CANT EVEN FUCKING SAY THE WORD BISEXUAL IN IT YOU SET US BACK 70 YEARS IN EDGINESS UHGBGHDFKJH AAAA#maybe it's brilliant and we just have snarky standards idk. the ONE thing ill give it is it does have some damn good continuity.#which is always appreciated. but. also. like. must we have continuity over slurs....#that can go. this show was made long after the general public knew the r slur was bad. come on. HNG.#ANYWAY. we wont dwell on it we just had to get this out. we're having a terrible time.
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in another life id of done wrestling
#the bin#literally always wanted to. maybe cause im a lesbian lol#but alas i have joint disorder and also other disorders so its not possible :(#its fun. i did some once and it was fun and i always wanted to do more but didnt have the opportunity#literally i dont think anybody would guess this about me based of how i am usually bc of my demeanor but like#ugh. it makes me sad#i have like 0 interest in most wrestling stuff bc theres just. so many issues with it (misogyny for the most part) but womens wrestling is#cool a lot of the time. idk. wrestling that really puts the performance part into it. cause its like. not just ppl beating each other up#tho it is that too (and thats fun also lol)#i dont talk abt it much anywhere but i should more i think#my sisters sort-of-ex-boyfriend/current best friend is really into wrestling and its made her interested so ive been thinking abt it more#bc im finally gonna have someone to be into ut with me#like. just LOOK at womens wrestling and tell me its not cool. u cant. its gr8#and the clothes are super cool like wow#also its like so fucking gay like oh my god#why does god hate me and everything i wish to do and be?#me as a child deciding not to do wrestling bc my body is in constant pain for some reason and i feel dizzy a lot so itd a bad idea#and then doing gymnastics instead which just fucked up my joints real bad#well. at least i didnt get to do ballet. i wanted to so bad but itd of messed me up even worse 4 sure#tbh the main reason i didnt do wrestling is bc i knew my mom wouldnt get it and would prob say no and think its weird cause she had#expressed that she didnt get it before. but i guess in the long run its good#ugh whyd my childhood crush have to do gymnastics. my being gay only made my joints worse! noooooooo
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𝐢 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ─ 𝐜𝐥𝟏𝟔
summary... a reunion between old lovers after five years and charles can't keep his eyes off of you. or his thoughts for that matter.
faceclaim... christina nadin
pairing… charles leclerc x reader
warning… none so far. petty charles.
note... this is going to be part of a series that includes both one shots and smau but can be read as a stand alone
series masterlist
main masterlist
part two → current (part three) → part four
charles is a mess. truthfully this is to be expected but after five years, he thought he would be better than this but alas, you’re still as magnetic as he remembered you to be – even more so, if he’s being completely honest with himself.
you look different – older. where they used to be rounded, baby face is all sharp bones. your hair looks different, longer and styled. and you smell different too, no longer the floral scent you’ve been using since you turned fourteen.
you’re a stranger, he thought. he no longer knows your favorite color or your favorite meal or if you still like strawberry yogurt. he doesn’t know your favorite show or what perfume you use. he doesn’t know you. you’re a stranger and yet your eyes still do that thing where it creases to the point of being close when you smile and you still run your hand over your hair in an attempt to subtly fix it and your eyes still looks like pooled honey when the sun shines on it.
you’re so different, a practical stranger and yet so familiar, like going back to a childhood home finding everything in the wrong place yet still knowing your way around with your eyes closed.
he’s staring. he knew he is and he knew the amount of trouble he’d get from his team for it. he knew that everyone on twitter was probably already freaking out about it. he had clear instructions to act like nothing had happened and that the leaked pictures didn’t exist all. he’s supposed to act like you’re just another interviewer and this is just another media obligation he’s forced to do and you’re no one to him but he can’t help it. he can’t pretend like you’re a stranger when you left such a big imprint in his soul and he doesn’t have every freckle and skin tag and every inch of your skin memorized.
and so he stares. he stares at the way you shift in your seat in an attempt to get comfortable. he stares at the way the long sleeved white dress hugged your curves. he stares at the way you smile, the way you laugh. he stares and tries to remind his heart the way you’d left, the way he’d begged you stay. with you a few feet in front of him, closer than you’ve ever been in years, charles reminds himself the things he had to do to put himself back together after you broke him.
he tells himself that he hates you the same way he has been telling himself for five years now. he hates you and the way you walked away from him so easily. he hates you and the way you moved on so quickly. he hates you now for the way you’re not even affected. he hates you for loving him only to leave him.
“and that’s all for today, everyone,” you say with that dazzling smile that makes him dizzy. he needs to get away from you. you’re clouding his judgment and messing with his emotions.
after making sure the camera has stopped rolling, charles quickly removes the mic attached to him. the smile drops from your face as you see him so desperately hurried to get away from you. though you supposed you deserved that.
“mate, you good?” carlos asked him quietly as charles practically slams the mic on the table. he seems worried and charles hadn’t even realized how angry he looks right now. he glanced at you, watching as you discussed with the producer, the wind blowing at your hair and the careless smile on your face. he hates you but you’re also the most beautiful person he’s ever met. he hates you and he’s so fucking tired of wanting you.
he forced a smile on his face for carlos’ sake. “fine.”
he’s already walking away when you called his name, not like you had in the show – filled with fake friendliness. this time, his name rolled off your tongue effortlessly. you called his name like you had a thousand times before, like nothing has ever changed. the entire set was calling to him but he didn’t seem to hear.
“charles,” you called and immediately, he stopped in his tracks. he only heard your call and somehow that made him angrier at himself than he ever could be at you.
his face is empty and void of any emotions as he turns to you and you swallow down the lump in your throat as you force a smile at him. you hoped it doesn’t look as fake as it feels. “we need to take a picture. for social media.”
he may as well have spat at you with the look in his eyes. it made you feel small. he makes you feel small and suddenly you’re eighteen again, so small and insignificant next to him.
as you and the two ferrari drivers posed for the photo, both charles and carlos respectfully wrapped an arm around you. you can feel the heat of charles’ body next to you, seeping right through your dress and spreading across your skin. his cologne is different – more rich and expensive but somehow still so him but his aftershave is the same as it has been since he was fifteen, so familiar and comforting to you and you almost can’t help but lean into him.
he’s pulling away before you can gather your thoughts, already walking away from you.
—
charles should be celebrating. he finished on the podium which is pretty much a miracle nowadays. in fact, it’s a miracle to even be finishing the race with how his season is going but he’s been pretty distracted the whole weekend, seemingly only ever able to get you out of his head whenever he’s going two hundred miles per hour. he almost wants to laugh if he doesn't feel so pathetic. it’s somehow still exactly like before - with him needing to find some ways to risk his life just to be able to get you out of his mind.
drinking the night away as he wallowed in self pity due to the thought of you is also entirely too familiar.
“mon pote, comment peux-tu encore la laisser te faire ça ?” hugo asked, watching him. “cela fait des années” mate, how are you still letting her do this to you?... it’s been years.
charles only gave a sarcastic smile. he doesn’t entirely know the answer to do that either. apparently the years between the two of you didn’t matter because you still have the exact same reaction to him. you make him lose his fucking mind, unable to to think straight. he does things he says he never will when it comes to you. he becomes desperate and weak and unable to handle his own emotions. he doesn’t understand himself when you’re around.
maybe that’s why you left in the first place. the two of you affected each other far too much. it’s entirely too easy to get lost in each other and forget about everything else.
“elle a l'air différente. elle a aussi une odeur différente,” he says before taking another shot. you’re so different and he hated it. he hates that there are things in your life he doesn’t know anymore. he hates the fact that you changed your perfume and that you can so easily pretend like he’s no one to you. if you can act like he’s no one to you so easily then perhaps he didn’t mean as much to you as he thought he did. she looks different. she smells different too.
you were his lifeline, the air in his lungs. you were everything and he would have given up anything just to keep you. he would have given up racing and his dreams – everything so he didn’t have to lose you.
joris rolls his eyes. he knows this entirely too well unfortunately, he’s seen this exact scene before. “cela fait cinq ans, charles. bien sûr qu'elle a changé.” it's been five years, charles. of course she's changed.
that only makes him laugh bitterly.
—
on the other side of the city lies you, cocooned in your fleece blanket as you stare at the wall.
throughout the years that you and charles have bumped into each other, it had mostly been just surprise in his eyes – as though he could never quite believe that you’re in front of him. usually, you’ll be gone before it can change.
today was different. there’s no surprise in his eyes nor was there any of the familiar warmth you’re so used to. today, he was filled with anger and indifference. he looked at you as though he hated you. and the worst part is that he probably does. the entire time it was as though he couldn’t get away from you fast enough, like he couldn’t stand even being in the same room as you. your entire life, charles has only ever looked at you with adoring and devoted eyes and now he can’t even stand to look at you.
“il ne vous déteste pas,” arthur says over the phone with a roll of his eyes as though you’re being ridiculous for even suggesting such things. he doesn’t hate you.
but arthur wasn’t there. arthur didn’t see how charles practically ran away from you. still, you say nothing to the matter, far too upset to even bother trying to defend yourself.
“i’m going to go to sleep, art,” you say softly instead. “it’s pretty late here.”
you and arthur say your goodnights before you shut off the call. but just as you’re about to place your phone down for the tonight, it lights up with a text message. your eyebrows knit together in confusion. who’d be texting you this late anyways?
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The things I would do if I had a less shitty laptop (things being streaming dst)
#rat rambles#I recently started a new world with the purpose of actually doing everything the game has to offer#and dude itd be so fun to stream it I think especially since I could ramble abt my hcs while not doing anything important#but alas. my laptop would explode I think#hey it at least runs dst well enough thats all I can ask for rly#but yeah so far Ive been mostly focussed on exploration since this isnt like a speedrun or anything#I wanna go to the ruins soon but I was hoping to build a shadow manipulator first#and ofc that means no tree guards for me#I might just have to try my luck with finding the lunar mushtree biome if I dont find treeguards or living trees soon#my main thing is that Id just rly rather go there once I already have the irridecent gem for the archives#which requires me going to the ruins first. lol.#idk I could just take a hambat and go but also some ruins stuff also needs living logs so like. fuck me I guess#at times like these I miss my wormwood friend even if they used our living logs as fuel to save on normal wood
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I saw Challengers earlier today and I decided to start a running doc of some of my feral thoughts in an effort to not forget what's currently marinating in my brain after my first watch
I want this movie to get a long theatrical release/run because it deserves it, but that's unfortunate because I also NEED to have it accessible to me in my home ASAP so I can pull on all its threads and take screencaps. Alas.
EXTENSIVE SPOILERS BELOW
might add to this later as I remember things, idk
-The parallel of Art spitting his gum in Tashi’s hand and in Patrick’s hand… My jaw dropped soooo early on. Anyway they obviously both act as Art’s “coach” at different times in his life in different ways. (The jerking off teaching?? Scream???) Art craves their guidance and approval as a form of love (which is also directly responsible for his confidence issues) and initially likes to follow their leads in every situation
-The parallel of Tashi making out with both Art and Patrick up against cars… delicious
-Patrick’s car is his “bed” and it’s where he and Tashi fuck. Nice
-Wait now I’m sad because… lowkey Patrick is homeless because Art and Tashi are his home…………….
-The storm = Patrick and Tashi having sex = the reason why Art’s half of the giant poster/ad on the side of the building falls down so only Tashi’s side is left up. Iconic, loooove a good visual metaphor, especially shown nonlinearly
-The parallel of the forehead kisses??? Art and Patrick on the court at the start when they won the doubles, and Art and Tashi in the sad almost-sex scene towards the end??? I will throw up
-Disclaimer and reminder I’ve only seen this movie once and might reform any of these thoughts later BUT…
One of Art’s main things is, as he tells Patrick towards the start, not wanting to be “left out.” He loves and he wants both Patrick and Tashi (but he doesn’t fully want to acknowledge the extent of his want for Patrick for years, and that repression is part of his problems…). He gets “lit up” about the thought of them together not because he’s jealous of one of them but because he’s jealous of BOTH of them; he wants to know it all, he wants to be in the room, he wants to be with them both, he despairs at the thought of losing either of them (but, at the start, especially at the thought of losing or being of lesser importance to Patrick. Obviously he’s a fucking idiot as evidenced by how Patrick goes to see him FIRST at Stanford. Ugh). We see all of this at the start when Art wants to know if Tashi and Patrick fucked. We see this in Atlanta when he witnesses Tashi cheating on him with Patrick but doesn’t directly confront either of them about it; he only skates the edge of confronting it with Patrick in the sauna while also lashing out at him. Patrick tells Art at Stanford “it’s nice to see you so lit up about something, even if it’s my girlfriend” during the homoerotic churros scene because Patrick’s clocked all of this about Art, too. He clocks it further in Atlanta when he shows up to Art’s practice with Tashi and his mere presence makes Art hit the ball harder. It obviously all comes full circle; the cocktail of emotions that Patrick and Tashi being together gives Art coalesces again for him on the court in the Challengers match: Tashi’s threatened to leave him if he loses… and she’s maybe got one foot out the door with Patrick of all people, who Art already “lost” in the past as the love he’s been mourning for 13 years. But what’s important is that THIS time, unlike Atlanta, Art learns about Tashi cheating on him with Patrick not by accident but rather because Patrick actually tells him. Patrick understands the significance of how this will get Art lit up again and make him play the way he needs to for all of their sakes, and it’s fucked up, but… what this means is Patrick doesn’t leave Art out. He TELLS Art – and he tells him in a way only they understand while they’re on the court together again. Of course Art goes through several stages of emotions in response to that fucked up information… but ultimately that moment of honesty and realization between the boys is what Art needed and puts where all 3 of them stand into sharp relief, shedding a light on who they’ve all always been and what their individual needs are.
Art’s always wanted to play tennis, but that desire is framed around his relationships. Tennis is only something he truly enjoys or that fully makes him happy when he’s experiencing it through his connections to other people: he wants to impress, earn the approval of, or celebrate with those he loves who are watching (like his grandmother or Tashi) – which is partially why he wants Tashi to be his coach in the first place. And of course, tennis all began as something Art found joy in because he was always doing it with Patrick. It’s clear Patrick feels the same. At the start, neither of them cared much about winning for the sake of winning unless it was doubles because they competed as a team and that was “really fun” for them. With the singles competition, they kind of cared less about the wins at the start; Art assumed Patrick would win and didn’t care back then, and then Patrick was willing to let Art win so he could impress his family, and they were both fine with all of those sentiments. Tennis was first and foremost something they did with and for each other. As Patrick later tells Art in the sauna, “I miss playing with you” – and, of course, at that point he’s definitely not only talking about tennis. But in that final match, after so many years, Patrick and Art finally understand each other completely again. It’s like they’re in love (because they are and always have been), they go somewhere really beautiful together… etc. They finally reconnect on the court and feel that thrill as they become synchronized again, which is what tennis was always about for them.
And Tashi, who’s irrevocably connected to them both and whose primary love is and always has been the sport itself, gets what SHE’S always wanted: to “watch some good fucking tennis.” It’s why she pitted the boys against each other vying for her number at the start. Though she needs/wants both boys in different ways on an individual level, she doesn’t particularly need or want anyone to ~be in love with her~; she wants the men who are in love with her to entertain her and challenge her and give her a show. So that’s what she tries to accomplish again in the end by telling Art she’d leave him if he lost the Challengers match… but the missing piece in her making that threat – the element that would get Art truly fired up – was that she’d potentially leave Art for Patrick. That final piece of info, when Art finds out about the cheating, is what reconnects them in all of the above ways. Because it’s about all 3 of them and their triangular codependency. They’ve all been broken for 13 years because they all need each other and tennis to be fully functional. Split any of it apart and they just don’t work.
-Literally this is a film where from the moment of the injury they’re all constantly mourning. They all lose their greatest loves that day… Tashi essentially loses tennis, Art loses Patrick, and Patrick loses the two of them. Everything after that is just them being affected by how they’re all mired in various grief and feeling incomplete… until that synchronization at the match when they finally become whole again. Going from that bed scene that was breaking my heart to the final match was HEALING. Things are still fucked up and in progress, but they’re fucked up in a way they all understand, which gives them a path forward. This movie has a fiercely happy ending in that regard… and what I’m saying is that… after the match, once they communicate further, and much later down the line… Art and Patrick should go back to playing doubles and Tashi should coach them as as doubles team. God they’d eventually all be so happy I wanna CRY just thinking about them doing that. It would take them awhile to get there — because yeah, Tashi is living vicariously through Art’s career as an individual player and maybe if Art retired she’d then want to live through PATRICK’S career for awhile — but I think if they worked out their relationship then their tennis could come to reflect the needs of that relationship too, and doubles can still be “good fucking tennis” in its own satisfying right, y’know? I think they could get there and it would be a beautiful collective restart.
-I gotta say, I can't imagine Tashi pregnant. Wild to me. Sorry to their daughter. Oooo also... I think Patrick would be great with kids... when he gets to meet Lily and become "Uncle Patrick" they're gonna hit it off so fast. Help me
-*holds up Tashi watching them kiss after she orchestrated it*
*holds up the Challengers match*
It’s the same picture. Except the kisses were kisses whereas the match was actual sex.
The moaning and grunting… I’m insane.
Also Tashi’s “COME ON!!!!” is arguably the sole orgasm/climax we witness in the whole movie perhaps? Though you could argue the hug is too. In this essay I will, etc.
-Art begging for Tashi’s love/validation saying “Tell me it doesn’t matter if I win tomorrow” vs Art telling Patrick in the sauna “this is a game about winning the points that matter” / Patrick saying “I don’t matter?” AAAA oh my fucking Goddddddd I’m gonna die
-Thank you Luca Guadignino for your dedication to having Art and Patrick hold phallic drinks and food in each others’ presence. Specific shout out to Patrick at the beach party holding the beer bottle on his crotch
-Patrick = comfortable with who he is and secure in his bisexuality; honest and open
Art = repressing his queerness and his overall desires
Tashi = hiding who she is aka her dissatisfactions with life and the lengths she’ll go to because tennis is her true greatest love and always has been
COMPRESS, REPRESS... REPRESS, COMPRESS... AND THEN JUST SURRENDER, ONE TWO THREEEEE
-I need to rewatch to catch the dialogue because it was difficult for me to hear it over the music, but I think in the 3am Atlanta scene Tashi tells Patrick that Art’s grandmother had a stroke. IF that’s what she said (and if there’s no reason to believe it’s a lie Art told; like I said, I need to rewatch)… my immediate impression was that it’s a nod to Patrick being the voice of accuracy and prediction in this movie. Towards the beginning he tells Art (jokingly) that he hopes Art’s grandmother dies of a stroke, and that’s seemingly what literally comes to pass. He repeatedly clocks both Tashi and Art’s behaviors, describing them brashly to their faces (and to us as the audience), and he was right about his predictions. He’s the one who’s not repressed or unaware of who he is out of the 3 of them: when Tashi first asks if there’s something between him and Art, he looks away because he knows the answer is yes; he’s openly bi on dating apps; he tells Tashi he won’t be her lapdog unlike Art which we see later ends up becoming literal; he clocks how Tashi is hiding some of her true motivations when she seeks him out in the storm; and even from afar he predicts Art’s mindset about wanting to retire. For the most part, what Patrick does / says either seems to be or becomes truth. Hmmm, wait, as I’m typing this… something to look out for: the “I TOLD YA” shirt. Working theory: Tashi briefly wears it, she’s the voice of accuracy; then it blatantly switches over to Patrick and he wears it throughout the film and [waves to all of the above]
-Head in my hands thinking of how the word “love” is used in these tennis matches. Also something I need to make detailed note of when I rewatch
-Patrick grabbing Art’s thigh when they first watched Tashi play… oh my GOD
-Patrick pulling Art’s stool close and Art just smoothly sitting on it with no reaction… the way they kept looking at each others' lips... oh my G O D
-I just remembered Tashi referred to the boys being known as as “fire and ice.” What the fuck even.
-Tashi going to Patrick asking him to lose the match for Art… she’s literally like, "do this because I love tennis and if I lose Art then I lose the way I live tennis through him. Do this because if he loses this match he'll lose himself." And she's really like, "Do this because I know you’re in love with both of us." And Patrick is like, "A) fuck you because you know I’ll say yes precisely because I'm in love with both of you so how dare you ask this of me, and B) you’re kidding yourself if you think you don’t miss the challenge I give YOU simply by being myself because I don’t take your shit." Something something they're peers, you know
-Tbh for 13 years when Patrick gets his rare opportunities he’s @ both Art and Tashi like “you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid.” And the thing is that he’s RIGHT. He’s right! Art in particular doesn't want to admit it because he's trying to convince himself he outgrew being bisexual / outgrew Patrick but it's obviously bullshit
-Realizing some of the sounds in the soundtrack intentionally emulate the sounds of tennis balls and rackets???? MADNESS
#challengers#challengers movie#challengers 2024#tashi duncan#art donaldson#patrick zweig#char writes things
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