#again i need to stop posting so late
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Woken up
#my art#miguel o hara fanart#Drider miguel o hara#drider#atsv miguel#I gotta stop staying up so late#besides this I’m working on drawing vig again#given his current description he sounds terrifying and I need to draw this fool#I’m also still working on the continuation of the couch scene :) it’s gonna be a three parter#there’s so much im working on at a time so have patience with me#anyways love y’all hope you have a good night/morning/evening#I’ll post in a little as always
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Hiya! May I ask for a fluff alphabet for Price, if you haven't done that already. Since I saw in a recent post you only do 8-9 letters at a time now (which is okay!), may I specifically ask for: A, B, C, F, G, H, N, & Q? Thank you! 💗
Hey there! Sure you can! I've been in the mood to write something for Price anyway, so this came at a good time ^^
Fluff Alphabet for Price
A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?
On the one hand, he really loves going out to do something with you. Something along the lines of the occasional short hike, taking care of your shared garden or even just taking a stroll through the city, taking in all the sights and finding new ones you weren’t previously aware of. Those are things he likes to do when he’s been home for a while now. However, if he’s gotten home not too long ago then he’d much rather just stay in and sleep a little bit. Will want to cuddle you or just have you be his background noise. Don’t be mad at him if he dozes off while you’re watching a movie together, he’s just extremely tired and needs that rest.
B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?
He admires how resilient you are. Price knows that life isn’t easy, that it always makes an effort to throw one impossible thing after another at you, but you never seem to give up. No matter how rough life gets, no matter how often it knocks you down, you always get up, dust yourself off and continue to smile. Even if it really took its toll on you, you strive to make your life better. Although it may get you down when you’ve had the worst day of your life, you still won’t stay down forever. You do what you can, and that’s what Price loves about you.
C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?
When you’re sad he’ll give you a hug, provided you’re okay with it. He’s a very good hugger, his hugs are very comforting and warm. Afterwards he’ll put on your favorite movie or series and watch it with you. If enough time has passed and you still feel down, then he’ll cook something you really like. Although he knows he can’t make the sadness go away forever, he’ll try to temporarily cheer you up. If you need to talk, if you need some advice, he’s also your man. If you have a panic attack then he’ll try to calm you down by taking you to a location with few people. Price can talk for a while if he needs to, so he’ll ask you to focus on his voice. Might also give you a rather simple task to take your mind off of things, such as counting backwards from 100.
F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?
If it’s you, then he would forgive pretty easily, as long as it’s not something too big. If you accidentally knock down a mug he likes, then he might sigh and be annoyed, but he’ll forgive you. If you cheat on him, then he won’t. He’s usually calm and collected, even while fighting. Sure, he could be aggressive towards you and snap at you, but he loves you, so he tries not to. It’s sort of obvious when he is annoyed, his sentences become much shorter and he’ll actively try to get away from you. Won’t yell at you, won’t do any erratic movements either, but if he’s too angry then he’ll simply walk away from you until he’s calmed down.
G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?
Yes, he is aware and he is very grateful. How could he not be? You have the patience of a saint when it comes to him. He knows it’s rough to be with someone who is part of the military, he’s away more often than not, but you still decided to stay with him. You cook for him when he’s tired, you draw him a bath when he’s sore, you reassure him when he feels like you deserve better than him. You’re so much more than what he deserves, he doesn’t feel like he could ever repay you for everything you’re doing for him. He tries, though, but it’s never enough. Price could give you the universe and it wouldn’t suffice.
H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?
Aside from the obvious, such as military intel, he doesn’t really hide anything from you. Price doesn’t see the point in keeping secrets from you. You’re together, aren’t you? You deserve to know just about anything about him. He might not tell you everything from the get go, but once you’re close enough you can ask him about anything. You wanna know about his time as a private? Sure. How he came to be a captain? Yeah, he can talk about it. Just ask and he’ll likely tell you. But in the same vein he hopes that you trust him enough to tell him just about anything as well.
N icknames - What do they call their s/o?
He doesn’t really use very many nicknames. Just the classic ones, such as “love”, “sweetheart” and “dear”. Sometimes he feels the urge to call you “sunshine”, but he usually represses that since that’s what he’s called his soldiers before. As much as it would fit you, he tries not to bring work home. He likes to call you by your name too, though. But aside from that there’s nothing he really calls you.
Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.
He can keep calm in just about any situation, so he won’t lash out on you. He has an air of authority to him, so it’s not too often that someone is being a dick to him. And that extends to you as well. Price is a well respected man, so not very many people will come up to you and demand something from you. You, too, will be respected by most people, he’ll make sure of that. Regardless of whether you’re shy and timid or loud and boisterous, no one will bad mouth you. Price can fight, he will protect you. He will also fight for your honor if he needs to. He may have self restraint most of the time, but no one should ever talk badly about his partner.
#cod#cod x reader#john price#john price x reader#I didn't think I'd receive any more requests for the fluff alphabet but I don't mind either#I think a hug from Price could heal broken bones#okay that's an exaggeration but I do believe that his hugs would be so very healing. he's warm he's tall he's strong#what more could you possibly want? I've been talking about hugs again a lot as of late haven't I? but I just can't help it they're so good#I hate it when men touch me but I'll make an exception for some of the cod men. I am just so touch starved#some praise from Price would also make me feel better. just a small “you're doing so good love” and I could keep going#I've also commissioned someone to draw Price for me. once I have the full tf141 set I'll post it#I already asked her to draw Ghost and Soap#now only Price and Gaz are missing#I asked for the four of them with a turtle each. turtles are just such cute and precious little creatures#definitely my favorite animals. I wish I could give one a little kiss on its head. but alas there's salmonella to worry about#anyway Price with a turtle. cute. show stopping. very much needed in my life#I don't care about canon they will be turtle owners and love and care for them. they will build them nice things and take pictures#they send each other unsolicited turtle pictures
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some men that wear hats sometimes maybe
some tf2 screenshot redraws :>
#i need to stop posting so late in the day but also I don’t care lol#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 medic#tf2 sniper#tf2 spy#end of the line#these men have been living rent free in my head since 2014#its nice to be drawing em again :>
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sorry complete change of vibe but i think i need to take a little break i was just hit with devastating news and i definitely need time to process this
#📣 lumes announcements#☁️ lume speaks#i’m sorry for making this post rn if any of you are having a good day#or are in a good mood#i know i haven’t been as active with posts lately here but#i just want to be on break for a bit so i’m letting you all know in advance should i just stop posting/interacting all together#<- (on all accounts)#why did it have to happen again#and why now. the year just started#two people on the same day.#sorry my mood turned sour as soon as i heard of those said news#idk how i managed to take it in maturely but i really need to let out some steam#i really had to hear this before i go to sleep wth#ahghrf i don’t wnat to go through this cycle again#because i never cried in moments like these before as i was always the ‘strong one’ in the family#ughfbsbc but even so i want to cry since this is close to being the last straw#but at the same time i don’t want to bc i want to be the pillar for my family#nvm i almost threw up bc of everything that’d led up to this point#i haven’t been vulnerable like this for a long time but here we are#gonna have to reach out to family members to comfort and be with them for the time being#and i’ll be going to sleep. in tears i think#okay enough of that i’ll see you lovely people in a bit. just need some time for myself. thank you <3
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stares at my bio
#realistically. i do not post owl house anymore and haven’t really for months. and am unlikely to post about it again#but i feel weird taking it out!! i loved that show!! i still love it!! i’m just not fandombrained abt it anymore#like it’s not even on the backburner like tma or good omens is. dw is a long term interest. i’m actively into tlt#i think of toh as a show i love. just not in that way anymore ok this sounds like a breakup why am i being so dramatic#tbh i do not miss the fandom. kinda a cesspit of deranged takes and insane discourse. made me a main tags avoider#it felt like secondary school? everyone being weirdly mean and hiding it under a progressive skin and jokes?#lbr thats bc most ppl were teenagers. me included lol#but it was more good than bad. staying up late to watch the streams and getting excited over theories and all of it. i’ll miss that part#but the next time i say ‘hey this cartoon looks pretty cool’ i need someone to bodily tackle me to the ground and stop me. it’s not worth i#rip morgan’s animation era 2020-2023 i guess <3#nvm. i’ll just replace toh with homestuck! which is still kinda wild to me lol#like if you told the me of a year ago that i would be into homestuck more than toh rn i would not have believed you#morganposting
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Wait shit people might actually care about me
#sorryyy for the personal posts lmao just not having a great time lately . ill go back to posting abt fandom stuff soon dw#hopefully the self loathing phase is over now cuz i really didnt enjoy that!#mf got me thinking thay everyone secretly hates me n itd be better if i was dead ahahaha#but like. my friends talk to me daily. my mutuals love me. i didnt go to school for like 3 days and my classmate who im kindaaa friends wit#texted me saying. and i quote “Hi [name]. I know its late but i hope your doing well. Hope to cya tmr.” (the full stops symbolize each text#cuz she sent three seperate texts)#and i was just. so flabbergasted at that#i didnt rlly think anyone would really notice if i was gone#i didnt think anyone cared me enough for that#i thought theyd just be indifferent to it#also i sound pathetic rn but i reread that girl's text over n over again when she sent rhat. was literally on the brink of tears#and i just. wow.#people might actually care for me. they might actuallynotice when im gone. they might actually miss me#ive been so inside my head n thinking allat bad stuff about myself that i. didnt think that people might see me differently than the way#i saw myself#really and truly i love you guys so much#even if we've never talked to each pther before or interact very little. i appreciate all of you. you guys rock#anyways aha i should stop rambling now loll. as for now i think im doing a bit better#life still sucks but hey at least i have my friends. at least i dont hate myself anymore now#at least now i dont believe that everyone was being friends with me out of pity#thank you all for everything :')#man i need a hug rn lmao#tw vent#tw sui implied#tw sui ideation#tw self loathing#tw self destructive behavior#<- dw about the tags i dont feel/do those anymore#if you wanna talk to me abt this or just talk in general hit me up!! i love talking to ppl i dont like being alone xd#love youu <33
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Gay.
gonna use this ask i didn’t initially dignify with a response to say that not replying to the ask game anons is killing me oh my god. overarching post to everyone who sent one holy shit those are some of the coolest things ive ever heard. really really really incredibly immeasurably happy that i can help inspire some of u, AND that ive met so many cool ppl in the community :] u guys slap
#tham talks#but no really those all are so meaningful?#idk if its just coming out of a rut of ‘it wouldn’t really matter if i stopped posting’ because idk. brain chemistry#and i tend to base my value off of what i can bring to the table so if i feel like my presence in a community isnt like.#actively helping at least *someone*#then it doesnt really feel fair to continue?#idk if thats a good outlook or not- and its not based on numbers#just on like. net effect on the world. unfortunately the discord has NOT been helping with that lately ill be real#but no i do need that kinda bitchslap moment of no! you doing this makes at least one person happy#and THEY deserve the effort your putting in#and that in turn helps me get off my ass or out of whatever rut im in and start creating again#which makes me happy#so its worked out so far!#idk what the fuck im saying and this feels WAY too personal but i dont want to delete or reread it so#anyways. thanks for helping with the weirdest cycle of inspo imaginable LMAO
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i couldn’t even comprehend what longing was before i met you.
#personal#and now i can’t even breathe without thinking about the way you used to laugh#i wish i could rewind time so i got to experience having you all over again#i think i’ll miss you for the rest of my life#that’s okay. missing you means it was real#it’s too late i need to sleep#i don’t know if you read these anymore but on the very slight chance that you do#i hope you have had a soft day#i’ll stop posting abt this now. i just needed it out from under my skin and under my bones#goodnight
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I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever#but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave#I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up#I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault#and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to#I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in#and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen#like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept#than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it#and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do#and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening#and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that#but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse#also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this#I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly#I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection#I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline#hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma#I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything#which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place
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Thoughts!! Read tags for tw
Honestly, A.dam probably hasn’t had a taste of freewill. He’s kept in such tight constraints by G.od, then the S.eraphims, and now by the main S.eraphim. Part of him is defiant but its also within limits. The thought of G.od showing up to force him back into this perfect image is absolutely TERRIFYING. The apple was punishment more than anything as it made him more aware of how stuck he is. However, he will never fault E.ve for opening his eyes.
He never wanted to be in this sick breeding program. He wanted to be friends with E.ve first. Only if they will it for themselves do they have a family
Both of them had their arm twisted by G.od.
Going on!!
After the battle and P.entious is in heaven I imagine this opens up a chance. A.dam is tasked to keep an eye on the newly redeemed and look for any excuse to send him back; finds a truly kind and caring soul instead. Proof. It’s proof! It rattles A.dam to his CORE.
Throw in motivation that he could be reunited with E.ve and he has every reason to see this to fruition. Also add I see A.dam being treated as a test dummy by the S.eraphims to figure out the unknown of heaven he’s perfect.
Because of the many barriers he has to be secretive. But I really like the idea of Charlie gaining a reluctant inside man. Even if he can’t fully be with Eve there’s a chance the big gap between their worlds might narrow enough till it’s tolerable.
#mentions in post: breeding experiment - lack of choice#g.od is sick man#and A.dam is so stubburn that man is still in there and strong#he just needs to make amends to everyone / change / and try fighting for whats right again#he cant keep using idiology to cope#ive been chatting abt this non-stop but in greater detail lately#i think it means more if he changes on his own freewill instead of being a sinner……like its the first choice HE MAKES#pepsi. | big dick is back in town
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↖️ *guy that is having such a normal one right now* *guy that totally isn't fucking losing it* *guy that surely isn't about to explode into a million pieces with no idea how to put itself back together this time*
#gamer txt.#i cant i can do this i xant its too hard its too hard#zo yous know that post i made a bit ago? how o said i was fuvking desperate and hanging on by a thread?#well unsurprisingly as it turns out the sevonf ppl extended help i closed mysf back off and started lying again. who couldve daw that coming#ive vroken down plenty of times over the years but ibe always got back up ive bever had a 'i cant do it this time' moment#well i mean. until now#i just cant i cant do it it all hurts so much i cant enjoy anything i dread everutbing theres nothing theres fucking nkthing#it hurts all the time and i xant do anything about oy because no one in this house gives a shit#and i ca t do anything becayse eberyone online is do easy to ignore so easy to lie to#ive never veen this bad before ibe never dreaded life like this#i really dony know if i can xome back fron this#ya know on the 24th i would've been 3 years clean. i relapsed about a 2 months ago i wanna say? im really close to doing ot again#but i dont know if i wkuld stop. nor when i isuallu do anyeay i think i would keep going past what i know i could take#it would be stupid#no one gere would nhtive anything wrong until ot was too late id hust be making the worst mistake of my life#but despiye that. despite everything its so tempting. just for the chance that someone might notice#that someone might actuallu acknowledge theres sometjing wrong with and gove a fuck about me#i know this fanily. i know how they work. i know how they treated my xousin the last 2 tjmes she tried to off herself#but one of them would care right sureky? even just kne#i need someone yo see me to actually fucking see me and not all the walls ibe set up#someone to recognise that im in no state to take care of myself and never has been#something that will fight me when i obviously lie#but theres no way for me to get that#im not stupid enough to risk myself and um too much of a coward to call out in any other way#what the duck an i meant to do?#im a wreck thats too scared to tell anyone#ive been theoen into the middle of the ocean and the water is the strongest ots ever been#and there is the vague imsge of a life boat off in the distance but its too far and ny arm hurt too much to swim#even if i did make my arms hurt too much to climb aboard and theres no one on it to help me up either#so i just have to float here because at least drowning is less shameful than yaving made it to safety and been too weak to grasp it
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the last remaining threads of my sanity are slipping through my fingers rn 🚬 😑
#i'm out of cigarettes i'm incredibly ill and i'm reconsidering my relationship to a certain fandom.#look i'm NOT saying i'm gonna stop the divorce proceedings but uh. fuck. i may have been re reading some of my older works and unfinished#fics and i MAY. i repeat MAY. have some tiny shred of interest posting about st*r w*rs again#motherfucker i'm SO hesitant to speak that into existence and will be absolutley APOPLECTIC if it happens bc i don't fucking WANNA like sw!#i divorced it! i took the kids (my ocs) & filed a restraining order & crossed state lines & broke all contact and yet! and fucking yet!!!!#i find myself in tags i havent visited in over two years on the archive like some beaten dog slinking back home to a shitty master#i honestly hate like. fucking ALL of the shit i've written from then that i reread and some of it was so bad i couldnt even bring myself to#click on it after reading the summary. like. UGH! i have a half baked fic idea i wrote a little for and i think it's more compelling than#any of the literal dogshit i posted back then so i MIGHT work on polishing that up and posting something that isn't actual garbage by my#current standards. all of this is still up in the air tho bc i dont know if the hyperfixation or even the bare minimum lvl of interest has#returned or if it's just fever induced delirium. i've been having INCREDIBLY fucked up bad horrible awful vivid dreams as of late so fever#induced brain fuckery isn't out of the question. sigh. i'm so mad abt this#even if i do regain some interest in the fandom i don't think i'll have any interest in new source material after the mando s2 finale &#tbo.bf sucking ass & the obi show being mid & everything with the ST. i plan on watching ando.r but after that? zero interest in anything#new from sw. so. if anyone still reading this and is getting excited abt me POSSIBLY MAYBE being interested in sw just know i still hate it#a bit and feel like i'm being dragged kicking and screaming back into this mess unwillingly. or it's due to a fever. god i need a smoke#len speaks#that's literally the longest tag rant i've ever gone on. fuck that's a BAD sign
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as of rn the general november vibe is “if you want to keep talking to me then you have to do so first because unless you’re one of maybe ten people (and that’s being generous with the number) I do not think you want to hear from me” so if you DO want to hear from me then you have to make that known, otherwise idk, we’ll see
#deity dialogue#we shall see how long I last this time#probably once I realize people are going to actually reach out to me first but I start to miss hearing from them because that’s typically#what happens#idk how to articulate how I feel#I don’t like dislike or blame anyone for me feeling the way that I do#but I very much am upset and feel like I’m trying to hard and that it’s a burden and that I need to stop trying to get peoples attention and#trying to get people to talk to me#but this post itself could also be seen as another pathetic attempt to get people to actually want to talk to me#blah blah crystal you’re so sad and pathetic this is why you’re friends all hate you ♥️#it’s just another case of crystal feels like they’re nothing and they should stop trying because it doesn’t matter whether they do or not#and it seems easier to just stop trying to force myself into relationships but it also hurts to stop as well#oh hey I finally started crying I’ve been trying to cry all day so I can it out of my system#who knew all it took was once again thinking about how stupid I and my feelings are lmao#basically I’m having a hard time with like feeling wanted and like I’m not an annoyance lately#and I don’t want to continue annoying people and adding to that feeling#so if you want to hear from me then I’d love that I love my friends I love hearing from y’all#I just am dumb and upset and stupid
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#i am once again here to talk in the tags#tw for mental health issues and me just generally talking about struggling i guess#this is your chance to scroll past#so i am once again feeling overwhelmed haha#yeah texting my parents about taking a gap was the smartest thing i did#i can't do this for a while#i just need to like stop for a year and not run on empty anymorw#i feel like I'm drowning in school work all the fucking time#i didn't even submit this essay because my brain was just not#I'm hoping my convenor let's me submit it late#i honestly just need to submit it because the way things are looking I'm a little worried about graduating ngl#or graduating well enough to enter my next phase of study post gap year#it just feels like so fucking much all the time#on a brighter note i took a shower and took care of my hair and i feel more human now#so there's that in the realm of small victories#i know i can do this#i still have a little over a month to turn shit around#well around enough to graduate with a decent average#hopefully#there is always tomorrow#rj vents#this feels more like a vent so I'll tag it as such lol#i don't even do things i enjoy#i really need to try reintroducing stuff that brought me joy in my life again#outside of writing that is#that does still bring me happiness#other than that? lmao.#but i do need to try
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TikTok needs to be so fr with the amount of porn or fetish content it's giving me ENOUGH of this
#ive gotten several today just on my for you all for RANDOM shit#the mud/ cow poo bath was upsettjng#then the wedgie one is so be fr#along with a slew of other ones#OH AND I KEEP SEEING DICKS ON MY FOR YOU STOP YHIS!!!#my posts#i might need to delete it again#but theres a obscure actor on it that i like seeing#but i have to wade through so much shit for it and theres so much negativity#idk#tiktok is also getting more invasive for me which is really upsetting#like its straight up is not giving me good enough content for thid at this point#idk i might just look for the guy i like on insta and follow his stuff through there#but insta has also been feeling super invasive lately
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Absolutely horrific heart pounding nightmare woke me up for the day. That's. a start to it lmao
#text post#it started out so cool and had like. Jim as a diver? in something v futuristic for some docu that olu was narrating#but it just got. horrible minute by minute#Olu's narration revealed that the earth had been decimated by a war involving multiple nuclear weapons#and somehow things were like. okay enough for some survivors like him and jim to make it? but things were V Fucked lmao#then midway thru jims device/pod thing broke and it felt like i was literally controlling them thru an ocean under the crust of the earth#(no idea what that's abt lmao i think my brain spaced on set dressing this dream a lil bit)#and it was like trying to swim them thru pudding but with so many irradiated and fucked up and ANGRY sea creatures all around#i got them to the surface after floating past a bunch of bodies but they were basically out of air by then so they were gasping hard#and i woke up right then and woke up basically the same way lmao#it's been several minutes now and my heart is still pounding like mad#and im crying a little and can't seem to stop but today i set aside to try and force myself to have a good big cry#i need to find something to watch to make me cry tho so maybe s2 thus far again lol bc certain moments might do it#more likely i need to see what else i have from my past watchlists that are Guaranteed Cry items and try one of those#so i can get over this current thing with the ptsd and get my shit back together even temporarily#duct tape that all back together in the box in my brain until the next random trigger (bc i still dunno exactly what made this one go)#i think it might actually be my brain processing late a lot of Move Feelings re: mum & family bc that's what Housemate#and i talked abt last night a lot but ultimately im ???? as to a for sure trigger#anyway GOOD FUCKING MORNING i guess aksndjffjfj
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