AFTG
Tw(all mention) child abuse,SA/rope,
Cw- Mostly just sfw
Andrew/neil.
(things that I noticed+my thoughts and speculations)(head cannons)
Things that the fandom asks for but I don't think we can really handle, But we really want it....
Let's be honest we say we want to see Andrew actually genuinely smiling expressing his happiness but let's be completely honest we wouldn't be able to handle that, my heart would literally implode (especially with the head Cannon of him having dimples OMG dig me an early grave)
When I really think about Andrew genuinely crying I just can't handle it even thinking about it makes me want to cry; Him physically expressing that he's in pain would actually mentally hurt me
Already knowing that he's in pain hurts but him showing it would actually break my heart, he's definitely a pretty crier and silent crier too.
2. You know the scene on the roof when Andrew gets back from rehab, I vividly remember him turning away from Neil to put on his arm bands and when I think about it I start thinking he doesn't turn away from him to just hide his scars, Andrew just doesn't want Neil to pity him
especially after seeing him in such a weak state after the incident at Thanksgiving and seeing him genuinely helpless and weak, he just doesn't't want Neil to think he needed his pity and treat him any differently or even think he's weak
(am I precisely remembered somewhere in the extra content Andrew openly admits to not wanting neil to pity him)
But let's be completely honest during the whole series of us reading the all for the game Neil never really shows any pity for anyone.
I know people like to regularly joke around and like to show neil as this supreme joker and prankster and up his sassiness to a level higher than a supreme,
But let's be completely honest for a moment not only does Neil rarely socialize with people he most definitely rarely smiles for anyone and honestly he only shows a little bit more emotion than Andrew
And when I think of Neil's emotional expression level compare him to todoroki cuz he's just as dense and he's just as bad at showing his emotions.
And we most definitely don't see nail smile very often like go back and reread the whole book and there's only a few moments Neil smiles 2+
And the only person we really see him smile for is Andrew which is cute and is completely adorable to think about he smiles a lot more often around Andrew(Andrew is able to make neil smile by just being himself and that's really cute)
Physical affection.
I know people like to write Neil as someone who is starving for physical affection look I have a love-hate relationship with that thought on one hand it's really adorable but on the other hand I don't like how people completely ignore how awkward Neil is when it comes to physical affection,
Like are we going to completely ignore that Neil does not know how to comfort or even handle being hugged like I git it let's be delusional but let's not be that delusional where we completely ignore that neil rarely had any form of physical affection in childhood the only thing we ever got hinted at of him having any sign of affection was his mother sleeping on the same bed as him which is sad.
like the only physical contact that Neil had was violent and was company by pain(this man didn't even know how to be a friend nor did he pick up on people genuinely liking him and even caring about him)
So the thought of Andrew genuinely liking him risking it all for him sacrificing for him puts his brain on the loading screen.
But the point is Neil never asked for anything really physical he doesn't ask for it he doesn't want to be hugged but that doesn't mean he doesn't mind it he may not want it or need it but he doesn't mind having it that's the whole point with neil he doesn't expect anything more and Andrew really does notice these things about him.
Watching Andrew fall deeply more in love with the things that are Neil josten it's even more beautiful than anything and romance may not be what that book was about but it showed it beautifully(it makes me wish there was more of just them.)
And the same thing goes for Andrew,
In all the adoption homes orphanages that Andrew has been to he has never had a good home some may have been better than others but they weren't in the least bit great, taking into account that he was always being abused in some way whether it was sexual or physical and emotional it makes sense that Andrew is so used to people not caring about his opinion because he's so used to being ignored so the thought of Neil genuinely showing care and protectiveness over Andrew well of course to Andrew Neil is in fact a pipe dream cuz something like that is really too good to be true.
Andrew hates it he hates that Neil will listen and cares about his opinion whether it's a yes or no neil listens and cares about him and he hates that neil is the one thing that would truly hurt him to lose because neil genuinely cares about him just as much as he cares about neil.
So when it comes to physical affection between them though they lack it and aren't used to it it's not something that they need or want but it's not something that's unwelcome under their own conditions
But in my opinion I think Andrew likes touching neil just as much as Neil likes to be close to Andrew, but let's always remember even without touching or kissing they like enjoying each other's presents and Andrew's attraction was never only physical with neil.
Happy?
Well yes they're happy why wouldn't they be they live together they own animals together they joke together
They go on little dates together and spend money on each other, they work and spend time together, so why wouldn't they happy not all happy endings need to end with a marriage because who says marriage is the way to happiness just because they aren't married doesn't mean they aren't happy I know some people don't think it or even think about it in that way some people understand it but still want it and that's understandable,
But for these characters I never really expected them to get married though it's a pleasant thought to have to see but to be completely honest these characters never been around happy marriages or grew up in a family with a happy marriage it's never been on their mind to marry it's something that they don't indulge in it's like a tie and though some marriages aren't a tie down or even to be tied to anything period but,
For these characters they are all about regaining their freedom, freedom control and freedom of change or freedom of distance at some point freedom to stop hiding the freedom to speak without pretending to live without fear is the true definition of living they don't need be Married to be happy and if they want to be separated they can be separate without needing to sign papers.
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