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vocalyrics · 1 month

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Afterpain - Translyrics

youtube

dont point out the way i reached for the rhymes in this one orz

If I was never born in the first place,

If I simply vanished someday;

I heard it all,

I found out,

I've realized now

That no one wants me around.

There's no deeper reason that it was me,

It was just really unlucky;

I heard it all,

I found out,

I've realized now

That no one wants me around.

Hey, why is it that

You never ever ever stop hurting me so much all the time?

My heart really feels like it's gone dry.

The sorry spells that I hid behind

Must already be past their prime.

But even so, I

Guess that if things got this bad then I must be the one who's to blame,

Maybe it's fine if this doesn't change.

I just want to feel alive someway,

Is continuing to breathe okay?

Hey, please tell me.

An “I'm sorry” won't reach anyone's ears now, (but I hope that someday it will)

An “I'm sorry” won't reach anyone's ears now.

I want yesterday's memories all gone,

I hope tomorrow doesn't come.

I was feeling so miserable and so alone,

Someone help me, anyone.

Hey, if you really

Want to make me out to be the real bad guy in the end, then

If you ignore me, I won't complain.

After all, I'm used to taking pain,

I'll just have to taste it again.

But even though

I've erased it from my mind inside my dreams it's still so vivid,

I think I'm almost at my limit.

Just one more time before our goodbye;

Oh, but I'm just kidding, nevermind.

Please forget it.

Come on, let's go meet inside of all the pain,

You and I both in my special place;

Postmortem make-up covering my heart,

The way to solve it hidden away.

A suicide note as a counter-attack,

The stabbing words the little devil says,

“But I really do like you.”

(x2)

Hey, why is it that

You never ever ever stop hurting me so much all the time?

My heart really feels like it's gone dry.

The sorry spells that I hid behind

Must already be past their prime.

But even so, I

Guess that if things got this bad then I must be the one who's to blame,

Maybe it's fine if this doesn't change.

I just want to feel alive someway,

Is continuing to breathe okay?

Hey, please tell me.

An “I'm sorry” won't reach anyone's ears now, (but I hope that someday it will)

An “I'm sorry” won't reach anyone's ears now.

An “I'm sorry” can't reach anyone's ears now, (but I hope that someday it will)

An “I'm sorry” can't reach anyone's ears now.

If I was never born in the first place,

If I simply vanished someday;

I heard it all,

I found out,

I've realized now

That no one wants me around.

#translyrics #milgram #afterpain #muu kusunoki #deco*27 #Youtube

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doodles-in-sand · 5 months

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"UNDER"

#milgram #es milgram #milgram project #milgram fanart #tumblr fucking up my photo quality again but wtv #es milgram everyone!!!!#just a silly lil doodle as i try my best not to go insane trying to finish the inmf/afterpain illust #WHY did i try using a new shading style.......i might make a poll asking on if i should change the composition later im having issues tm #anyways es milgram

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poisonerthing · 6 months

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Fun fact:

Both Muu's and Fuuta's mvs have the same amount of "friends" included in their circle!

9 main people in their friend group (includes them)

3 people who are mainly seen/referenced

5 people when we last see them(??? idk how to word this one sorru) (includes them, first two victims in backdraft also have 5)

(not counting in rei because i doubt she was in muu's friend group and think she was just a bystander)

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #muu kusunoki #milgram is so good that it has both toxic yuri and yaoi #i might be tweakin though because killcheroy has 7 people in backdraft while muu never has 7 if you dont exclude the 2 girls gossiping #at the end of afterpain #cuz you get 7 too when you exclude the 2 hoes not fighting at bring it on #im def tweakin though

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damslietta · 2 months

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#DailyNegativity 🕷 anon is back kyaaaa >~<

i am CONVINCED either you or corsettedsaint r in love with one another, theres NO WAY that COINCIDENTALLY there appeared to be two blogs (that were made on similar/the same times??) that COINCIDENTALLY fitted the arlebina ship theme 😭😭 you want me to set you up with her or what LMAOOO

I Have N♡ Creative Answer F♡r This、S♡ Just Have A Ph♡t♡ ♡f Me。

#W♡rshippers╱Praisers。#Answered T♡ This While Listening T♡ AfterPain。1♡╱1♡、W♡uld Recommend、Please G♡ Like Milgram Because I Have N♡ Friends T♡ Talk Ab♡ut It T♡。

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digi-dol · 1 year

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Bonjour, bonsoir !

Je suis Digi-Dol ou DD, et aujourd'hui je me pointe par ici afin de parler d'un sujet qui touche à la sensibilité. Le premier d'une longue série de sujets... enfin peut-être 👀

Un sujet un peu trop tabu à mon goût et qui fairait peut-être du bien à quelqu'un en passant par là, de le voir mentionné.

*Dépression*

Qu'est-ce que la dépression ?

Je ne vais pas vous sortir la définition surfaite du dico, nan ! Si vous la voulez y'a Wiki qui se fait un plaisir de vous en fournir une très jolie en quelques secondes, lol. Je vais en parler en tant que simple humaine ayant vécue ce fléau mental à tout casser.

On va faire super simple : pour moi, une dépression est un état psychologique affectant les capacités, physiques et mentales de la personne atteinte. Lui arrachant toute envie de vivre ou de se battre pour les choses et les rêves ou même les gens qu'il ou elle chérissait. C'est un état de profonde douleur psychologique rongeant l'esprit et parfois même le corps d'une personne. Je ne sais pas si j'ai envie de dire que c'est une maladie, parceque je ne pense pas vraiment que ce soit le cas. Tout comme je suis totalement contre la prise de médicaments afin de combattre cette dernière. La dépression n'est pas comparable à une grippe non, loin de là même !

Mais vous allez voir, selon la médecine le trouble dépressif est bien une maladie... Mais bon, passons.

Enfin ce n'est que mon avis hein. Je ne vais pas me fatiguer à l'expliquer à des gens qui n'en ont pas connaissance, je m'adresse à ceux qui me comprennent. À toi qui peut me comprendre parceque tu vis cette situation mentale. Et en même temps je vais m'adresser à toute personne ayant un proche dépressif dans son entourage.

Peut-être que même en lisant ceci tu continueras à te sentir seul/e au monde comme dans ta tête, tu te diras peut-être encore que personne ne peut te comprendre, et que personne ne le veut vraiment.

Sache que tu n'es pas si seul/e que ça, que moi aussi j'ai pleurée dans le noir dans le plus grand des silences, uniquement pour que personne ne sache que je verse des larmes de culpabilité, de tristesse, de colère, de chagrin à cause de choses qu'ils ou elles trouveraient totalement banales... Voir stupide.

Une dépression ne doit jamais être prise à la légère. JAMAIS.

Toi-même ne le prends pas à la légère, car « à partir du moment où une chose nuit à ta santé (mentale ou physique) c'est important ». Quand ça te fait pleurer sous l'oreiller à minuit passé, c'est important.

Il est vrai que c'est difficile de bien vouloir prendre soin de soi lorsqu'on est abattu psychologiquement. On en a plus rien à faire de nous même, que l'on maigrisse ou grossisse ça ne nous concerne plus. On s'en contre fiche même, on pourrait bien en mourir à petit feu que ça ne nous inquiéterait même pas. Les nuits blanches et les insomnies deviennent le quotidien, et la fatigue une lourde amie.

Mais poses toi un peu la question de savoir, ce qui te tue réellement de l'intérieur.

Si l'on devait un instant considérer une dépression comme une maladie, alors elle doit bien avoir une source, une origine. Les maladies ne se créés pas dans le corps du jour au lendemain, nan. Alors d'où provient ta douleur ? À cause de quoi souffres-tu ? De qui ?

Moi j'ai fait cet examen de conscience, et j'ai compris que ma douleur remontait à des années de souffrances répétitives.

Du jour au lendemain toute la peine et les plaies accumulées au fil des années, finissent par exploser et t'enfermer automatique dans ta propre tête. Car c'est ce sentiments là, celui d'être piégé dans son esprit à ressasser chaques nuits tout ce que ton cœur saturé avait pu subir et cacher sans jamais réussir à extérioriser sérieusement.

Voilà que tu te mets à remettre en question le “soi-disant” amour de tout ton entourage, tu ne crois plus en leurs mots, quelqu'ils soient. Tu ne veux même plus qu'ils t'approchent ou te touchent. Tu as peur de dire ce qui se passe dans ta tête car tu sais qu'on va se moquer de ça et le banaliser. Et ça fait mal, vraiment mal. Tu te sens bête, ridicule, à la porte du gouffre et près à en finir avec cette torture. Eh oui, les douleurs mentales sont pires que celles physiques. Tellement que t'essaies de t'en débarrasser par les pires moyens qui soient.

Tu te lacères la peau avec ce qui fera l'affaire, tentant par tout les moyens d'atténuer la douleur mentale par celle physique. Mais c'est pas du tout fe qu'il te faut. Même si on te conseillait de beaucoup rire de t'en foutre de tes soucis, ça ne marche pas. C'est plus fort que soit. Et tu sais pourquoi ?

Parceque en réalité tu as besoin d'aide.

Mais tu ne te l'avoueras peut-être jamais, c'est humiliant d'une certaine manière. Mais c'est vrai. Je parle surtout pour les dépressifs en dépendance affective. Si tu es de ce cas là, tu as besoin qu'on t'aide à tout prix mais ta conscience ne veut peut-être pas l'admettre. Tu as besoin d'une oreille, d'un câlin, d'un sourire, de réconfort et de tendresse. Les personnes en dépendance affective en ont le plus grand besoin, mais là j'en parlerai en profondeur dans un autre poste.

Un/e dépressif/ve a besoin d'être entendu/e et non jugé/e d'une manière ou d'une autre. Ces personnes n'ont pas besoin de commentaires du genre :

« C'est juste ça qui t'inquiètes ? Mais c'est pas grave toi aussi ! T'es bien comme t'es hein, pleures pas pour ça »

« Dépression ? Mais c'est une maladie de blanc ça, t'es triste à cause de ça ? C'est moi qui devrait pleurer même, avec tout ce que je vis et pourtant regardes je m'en fous ! »

Les gars évitez vraiment de sortir ce genre de choses à une personne souffrant de dépression, surtout si ce dernier vous confit un tel problème dans sa vie. Ça détruit plus que vous ne le pensez, croyez-moi.

Non seulement vous allez accentuer son mal mais en plus vous allez diminuer le degré de confiance que cette personne a en vous, d'une manière significative. Une personne ayant un trouble dépressif est plus sensible que la normale et prend plus à cœur la moindre réflexion que vous lui ferez parceque, inconsciemment, elle a besoin d'être sûr que vous vous inquiétez vraiment pour elle, que vous en avez quelque-chose à faire de ses sentiments, et que vous pourriez lui donner un peu d'amour car elle-même n'en n'est plus capable. Mais elle ne le dira jamais.

Une personne dépressive ne s'aime plus, et n'a plus la force d'aimer les autres ou ce qui l'entoure. Rien ne l'intéresse plus.

D'une certaine manière, le ou la dépressive se rejette la faute de son malheur. Les personnes au cœur le plus sensibles ont la forte tendance à s'accuser elle-même pour tout ce qui se passe dans leur tête. Sa peine, sa haine, sa colère sont dirigées vers elle-même et non envers les autres ou quelqu'un d'autre.

« Tout est de ma faute ! Je mérite ce qui m'arrive »

Un sentiment de culpabilité intense rongeant l'esprit.

Les Africains, mes frères et sœurs, évitez de sortir le «maladie de blanc» à quelqu'un qui en souffre, oui, moi aussi j'ai longtemps pensée comme ça jusqu'à en souffrir à mon tour. Et je vous le dis les gars, ça tue, ça flingue, ça blesse🥺 ayez le cœur rempli de compassion, voyez la douleur dans le regard des autres et faites attention aux grands sourires mensongers.

Une personne dépressive s'isole et refuse d'avouer son mal au risque d'être traité comme un faible et être incomprise. Surtout pour un africain. Alors choisissez vos mots face à quelqu'un d'aussi blessé. Ou même juste triste, au moment où ça fait pleurer la personne face à vous, c'est grave.

Lorsque l'on souffre de la sorte sans vraiment savoir pourquoi, que l'on a des crises de larmes incontrôlées alors que tout semblait aller bien ; c'est souvent parceque son enfant intérieur a besoin de s'exprimer. C'est incontrôlable.

Oprah Winfrey a dit un jour : « Nous avons tous un enfant blessé en nous » et elle avait bien raison. Temps que cet enfant demeure meurtri et brisé, notre conscience ne pourra pas vivre indéfiniment dans la joie et la paix. Cet enfant finira par trouver un moyen de s'exprimer.

Il met personnellement arrivé des moments où je me manquait à moi-même, je désirais plus que tout pouvoir voir ma “mini-moi” et la prendre très fort dans mes bras en lui soufflant que je l'aime et je serai toujours là pour elle. Et aujourd'hui je tiens cette promesse faite dans une visualisation au fond de mon esprit, puisque je ne peux pas la voir je m'imagine et lui donne une dimension réelle dans ma tête.

Alors toi qui souffre, souffles un bon coup et vas te réconcilier avec ton enfant intérieur 😔 il ou elle a besoin d'affection et personne d'autre que toi ne pourra lui en offrir assez. Malheureusement personne ne peut te comprendre mieux que toi-même malgré tout les efforts du monde, alors même si tu n'arrives pas encore à accepter ton reflet dans la glace, au moins parles-toi, et ne le fais pas pour t'insulter cette fois, mais pour te demander pardon car à tes yeux tu es fautif/ve pour tout.

Voilà ce que j'avais à dire sur ce sujet assez large, je pense qu'on va s'arrêter là. J'espère mettre assez bien débrouillée afin de vous plonger un peu dans ce sujet délicat qui me tenait à cœur. Si jamais toi qui lis ceci, tu éprouve le besoin d'en parler eh bien sache que je suis toujours prête à tendre l'oreille et à aider, étant une peacemaker🥹 aidons-nous vivant les gars, le suicide n'est pas une option, JAMAIS. Alors écris-moi ! Sois peace ☮️

@Digi-D mon insta si tu préfères ☮️

#Dépression #tristesse #solitude #afterpains #sadnees #lonelly

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mukuberry · 1 year

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Just remembered that all the angel Muu stuff is entirely in my head and no one else views her with an angel/devil theme

#chernikocore #there's like 1 line in afterpain but to me it's one of her main themes... she told me this telepathically

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mizumuu · 1 year

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HI sorry if im being annoying but since the shoe muu left at the crime scene seems to have been placed on her desk later that means the people investigating the crime scene wouldnt have that piece of evidence so it’d take a lot longer to catch her than if the scene wasnt tampered with. theres no indication that anyone saw her stabbing rei either

hiii dw abt being annoying i like discussing this stuff i just. get real hyperbolic with my wording,, so sorry if i made you feel bad or anything my bad completely i should be more careful abt what i say,,

i havent seen the mvs for muu in hot minute (and i actually hadnt caught the detail of the shoe!!) but I personally take the scenes in the classroom a lot more symbolically (like for example rei at the end of warukunaimon being drenched in water and crawling on the floor or rei stomping muu's phone. i think its much more likely that theyre representations of muu's emotional state) so to me the shoe feels like a representation of mus guilty conscience than any literal tampering of the scene, though I do think the rei being drenched in water might actually be implying that mu threw reis body to the river after stabbing her?? so while muu might have tried covering up the murder 1. shes clearly shown to be hysterical right after so she probably wasnt thinking clearly and didnt do a very good job and 2. in afterpain we can see the classmates' reaction to the murder so they found out at some point, and theyre HORRIFIED. I dont think they would even want to be in the same room as her after that, let alone harass her. plus the biggest problem i have with that theory is that afterpain's entire premise is that muu was at her limit and murdered rei BECAUSE of the bullying so afterpain kinda stops working if you strip off the narrative of a girl who was desperate for kindness and forgiveness and snaps as her last plea for it was rejected by saying that the murder came first and THEN she was harrased,, like it doesnt make a whole lot of sense to me

#and probably this whole paragraph doesnt make a whole lot of sense to YOU bc a boy forgot punctuation as soon as he left highshool!!#asks #i guess you could argue that the classmates' reactions in afterpain are also not to be taken literally so maybe im dumb 😐#//#long post #<-forreal #how do i put a read more on mobile this shit is so longgg

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dai-mondai · 22 days

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naki as the 'afterpain' thumbnail?

First ever attempt to try to do the Milgram style. This is technically more of an edit than a drawing.

Thing I tried to do but went unfinished for now

#naki kawai #milgram #milgram light novel #art

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quitealotofsodapop · 4 months

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Ok but what sort of side effect does Wukong deal with when it comes to making stone eggs? Because if the usual procedure would result in a Stone Monkey's death and damage to their very soul, then there has to be long lasting effects. Is Wukong just... permanently weaker and doesn't have as much endurance as he used to? Does he have moments of chronic illness and pain? Does he lose his breath easy or have lung and/or heart problems? What does the recovery look like for Wukong?

Permanent power debuff during and even after the Stone Egg pregnancy. In addition to a lot of typical pregnancy symptoms... for the next few centuries.

So much energy is needed just to form the egg, that having the parent "awakened" and surviving the process puts a *Huge* biological pressure on the body.

Wukong experiences a much weaker immune response than normal - his divine body and immortalities no match for regulatory T-cells keeping his immune system dampened to protect the Egg and/or to reduce post-partum inflammation. First time he ever caught a cold on the Journey - he thought he was dying cus he'd never experienced that kind of illness before. Spent the rest of the Journey super sus of anything that could get him sick. Same in the modern day; huge advocate for vaccines and mask-wearing. He wont die of illness, but he'll feel like it.

Chronic pain in his lower back and abdomen for like ever. Wukong's body argues with him after the baby arrives since it's been the same shape for hundreds of years, and it takes a while for him to stop having post-partum afterpains. Lots of heat packs, cold compresses, and massages from Macaque are needed to soothe this sore monkey.

Wukong also retains a bit more water afterwards (normal hormonal thing) so his ankles still swell up at odd times.

Gets short of breath a lot faster than he used to. Just something he has to deal with now.

Slightly gross but 100% normal post-partum symptom; Wukong is left with some issues making to the bathroom on time for the next few months or so. The Egg wrecked his "downstairs" on the way out.

Aesthetically; Wukong gets left with some gnarly stretch marks that are really hard for him to glamour off and it makes him a little self-conscious, but he's really proud of them esp since the marks are literally scars from surviving the Stone Egg pregnancy.

Most of the symptoms don't stack (thank buddha) when the lunar node twins happen, but Wukong does experience bonus morning/midnight sickness with them.

#stone egg talk #slow boiled stone egg au #pregnancy tw #sun wukong #jttw stone egged au #century stone egg au #lmk #lego monkie kid #jttw #journey to the west

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mrgoodenough254 · 4 months

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WARNING SUICIDE MENTIONED

So I was rewatching milgram MVs, and I noticed in "it's not my fault", the flowers on someone's desk is still there.

(it's not my fault) (Afterpain)

So I got curious and looked up what it could mean, apparently the flower is a chrysanth? And white ones are used in Japan for funerals, and putting one on someone's desk if they're still alive is a insult (an old one, it doesn't seem to be used that often anymore), it's saying someone should be dead (this would be better if they died, kind of like saying they should kill themself).

I don't know if that's true for this, or whose desk it's on, but I wonder if the end of Afterpain (flower part), happened before the end of it's not my fault? Because I don't know why the flowers are still there.

Either way I found it interesting. And confusing.

(these are white chrysanths, I think the MVs flower look similar to these.)

#milgram #muu kusunoki #rei #what is muu holding? (right pic)#I want someone more knowledgeable on this to give their imput...#I dont know much about flower if that's not obvious already. oops #typos

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dearmahiru · 1 year

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tw: discussion of suicide, descriptions of stabbing

I mentioned in a seperate post that in Japan, abandoned shoes are symbolic of suicide because you'd leave your shoes before entering the afterlife. I think amongst the whole "It's not my fault!! 🥳🎉 I'M INNOCENT BABABABA" people forgot Mu intended to commit suicide in order to escape her life.

"That’s right... I killed someone. But I had no choice... I could only kill to escape. Muu... isn’t at fault here...."

We know this because a noose appears near her feet in After Pain and the line "counterattack being a suicide note."

There's also this theory that Mu hadn't intended to kill Rei. She was attempting to kill herself.

Ofcourse, we aren't privvy to the conversation leading up to Rei's stabbing to 100% know but there's so much imagery of Mu replacing Rei.

In the end of Afterpain we see Mu standing infront of a chalkboard with insults directed at Rei ("Reeks of poverty" "Acts like a heroine.")

Symbolically, Mu is replacing Rei in this scene. One of the bullies asks Rei, "Hanging or stabbing, which will it be~"

As established, Mu intended to die from hanging herself. Judging by the fact she had a box cutter in her pocket, she also intended to stab herself.

(Also notice how you could easily mistake the doodle of Rei for Mu because they both have short hair!)

As I said in my previous Mu Socks post, Rei is always depicted with white socks until she walks past Mu. Her socks then become the same shade of black as Mu's socks. Once again, Mu is replacing Rei. This is also the line where Mu sings counterattack being a suicide note.

Obvious parallels when Mu frantically chases after Rei.

When Mu stabs Rei in "It's Not My Fault," the lighting changes her hair color to mirror Rei's. (Again, her shoes flies off!)

Even when the lights go out in Rei's eyes it's clearly a parallel to Mu's pupil expanding before she chases after Rei! It drives me insane shwhwjwjw

As the rest of the theory goes, Mu had frantically chased after Rei to plead for help. Mu didn't even have enough time to get her backpack or change into her outside shoes like Rei had. After pleading with Rei for something (like forgiveness or help) she was coldly rejected and Mu snaps. With no other choice to escape her life, she attempts to kill herself infront of Rei.

Rei tussles with Mu over the box cutter and Mu ends up stabbing her in the stomach. She's horrified by her actions but she desperately clings onto the belief she did nothing wrong. It's not her fault.

#it's so interesting to me that symbolically rei's murder is mu's suicide #something something it's the end of mu's life as being bullied. the hourglass flips yadayada #milgram #mu kusunoki #tw suicide #tw stabbing #꒰ 🕊 ꒱ ── cinnamon lead astray

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doodles-in-sand · 5 months

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got too tired to finish the inmf/afterpain illust today so celebratory doodle for cat man that took me half (haha) a day to finish so its not really a doodle

#milgram #milgram fanart #kazui mukuhara #anyways the funny spotlight scene change thing is something that i realise i use alot but in my defence. it looks cool as fuck #anyways dont look too close at his hands OR the birds. i did this thing while havingt he worst headache in my life #maybe ill do something like this for triage also if it hits a mil idk but cat as an mv specifically inspires me soo much i love cats mv #its so cool lookin and i can incorporate elements from half in some way (spotlight)#anyways im going to bed #also!!!!! his t2 haircut is ugly as hell (affectionate)#by ugly i mean i hav e such a hardf time trying to draw it like what the fuck #also i spent like. 3pm-12am on this lol

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opalspring · 1 year

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About Muu's murder possibly being an accident

Here are some ponders over Muu’s killing of Rei having been potentially unintentional, as well as some observations on her way of thinking.

I’ve been thinking about all this for a bit and wanted to share it. This is gonna be a little long.

Cw: discussion about suicide

About the “Muu chasing Rei” scene

So, the scene in Afterpain where Muu runs after Rei has always seemed a little strange to me. Why are there so many cuts in the montage, on top of the tone of the song changing completely (not sure that’s the right term)?

It could have just been a way to save on the animation budget and fit the music’s rhythm better, but still.

Let’s have a look at some shots I think are important in this scene:

This shot could hint at the fact Muu’s school shoes were wet and slippery at the time. This will be important later.

Note how the hourglass looks balanced on both sides here.

We can’t see Muu’s shoes here. Why? This has to be important imo

Basically, I think the running scene is made up of two completely distinct scenes. From my understanding, there is one scene where Muu possibly confessed to Rei/ apologized for her actions and ending with Rei leaving, and another where Muu chased after Rei in her school shoes (probably slippery from stepping in the water) and accidentally stabbed her after tripping while she was planning to commit suicide in front of Rei.

Here’s a possible montage of how the chasing scene (with the stabbing) happened chronologically. Added some extras from inmf at the end too.

(This took way too long to make lol)

The ellipse with the screen turning white is important: we’re missing a lot of context on what happened before the stabbing. One way we could explain Rei turning around would be if Muu called out to her (explaining the crows dispersing). But maybe we’ll see in her 3rd mv.

In any case, Muu’s expression during the stabbing shows she’s just as shocked as Rei about what’s happening. Plus, the shoe falling far back behind Muu indicates she tripped with a lot of force, and there’s the detail of her shoes being slippery because of the water from the hose at school. This could reinforce the idea that Rei getting stabbed was an accident.

The other scene would probably just be Muu apologizing/confessing to Rei, then getting ignored. The biggest hint for this is how Muu’s shoes are hidden from view when this happens. This is probably a clue on how she actually has her outdoor shoes at that time.

About Muu being in denial about the murder

One thing a little eyebrow-raising about Muu is how she keeps denying being in the wrong whenever asked about her murder. At first glance it looks like she feels unconcerned by it and maybe that’s partly true when looking at her second trial interrogation answers. However, I don’t think that’s all there is to it.

Muu might actually be so traumatized by the accident that she simply refuses to acknowledge it, or even think about it, period. This is hinted at in this interrogation question:

What’s the thing you’re most afraid of?

“Painful things, scary things, and also embarrassing things.”

From this we can guess Muu prefers to pretend like things she’s not happy with never happened, since they're painful to think about. It’s not the best idea when it comes to her murdering a person, but this might be what’s happening here and not her not caring about the whole thing.

In my opinion, Muu’s stubbornness about not acknowledging her murder could be partly because she doesn’t want to admit she killed the girl she loves, while she was (maybe) trying to stab herself instead. It was such a huge mistake for her that Muu’s mind likely refused to process it.

Another detail hints at Muu’s repressed feelings about the crime. As much as she claims to not think it’s her fault, imagery from her mvs /where she can’t lie/ suggests she’s very affected by it in reality:

Whether Muu stabbed Rei out of her own volition or by accident, one thing was sure, she was not in a right state of mind when it happened. Her face here also looks too shocked for the stabbing to have happened intentionally in my opinion.

The trembling hands add to this.

This is just my interpretation but here Muu really doesn’t look like she meant for the stabbing to happen, since she's hyperventilating and sweating.

Why the attempted suicide in the first place?

A thing of note from inmf is Muu’s insistence on everything being “as she wishes”. The milestone post for inmf on the yt channel says this:

“God gave me everything”

“Everything is as I wish”

Looking at inmf, it certainly seems this way from Muu’s perspective. However, after this shot of Muu looking back (at Rei calling her out on her actions most likely), we get this:

I find this transition interesting. It’s as if the existence of Rei put Muu in such turmoil it spinned her life around, and led to Rei's demise. It was definitely the turning point moment in inmf. The details are still unclear, but it could be that, when Rei entered Muu’s life, everything wasn’t “as she wishes” anymore. Muu had found something (well, someone) that she couldn’t control (and make hers since it’s implied she loved her).

To complement this, please look at this quote from Muu’s first voice drama:

“I did kill her. But she’s the one to blame! The situation was to a point I had no choice but to kill her. I had such an awful time.”

While I think Muu feels horrible about her murder like mentioned above, this quote, depending on how we interpret it, could show us how Muu couldn’t bear the thought of not having full control in her life. The “awful time” part could be a reference not only to the bullying, but also to the fact she couldn’t control Rei/ get her to love her.

While she didn’t mean to, she killed Rei, and to cope with the thought she comforted herself by thinking about how it was "the only solution". For possibly the first time in her life, Muu couldn’t get what she wanted, so this was the “only possible outcome” (though I don’t think she believes that deep down).

It’s more complicated than that even, Rei may have been the first person Muu fell in love with. It’s only a headcanon I have, but it’s possible Muu was overwhelmed by her feelings and did everything she could to get Rei to like her (maybe the part where she’s apologizing). She didn't know what to do with her feelings and wanted them reciprocated at all costs. But when Rei understandably pushes her off, with Muu being a bully and all, Muu snaps and becomes suicidal. Some time passes, and her suicide note on her, Muu runs after Rei to take her own life, though we know how this ended.

Muu’s conflicting feelings for Rei

We talked earlier about the visuals during the Muu running scene in Afterpain, but the lyrics during this part are also worth looking into:

“Let’s meet up inside the pain, a place just for me

Postmortem makeup to hide my heart, how to solve it is a secret

The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note

“I love YOU” ”

In my opinion these are definitely the most important lyrics of the song. The whole thing is too difficult for me to decipher, but I think the “postmortem makeup to hide my heart” could refer to Muu’s romantic feelings for Rei, and how she plans to “bury them” with her suicide. Another thing is the “I love YOU”. I think this is probably the contents of the suicide note, as it goes right after its mention in the song.

Earlier we mentioned how Muu could have tried to commit suicide “because of Rei”. The catalyst for this could have been Muu realizing her crush on Rei, and how she became Muu’s sole weakness.

Do you have apologetic feelings for the person you killed?

“I think the person who wronged first should apologize”

This question was released during T1, but with the additional context from inmf we can infer a few more things here. In Muu’s mind, Rei was the one who did the wrong thing first. That’s quite something to say when Muu was a bully at the time she met her, and the implications of Rei calling her out on it. So why did Muu answer this way?

It could be simply because of the fact Muu felt unsettled by both Rei having the courage to denounce her bullying, and Muu’s own feelings for her. Once again, Muu was probably scared of things that were out of her control, and so she made Rei "the bad one" in her mind.

Muu's romantic feelings for Rei are also hinted at with Muu’s fondness of tropical fish, that could be influenced by Rei (because of the fish on her backpack).

This part from inmf is also noteworthy:

Muu’s visibly distraught from what just happened (whether it was an accident or not, it must have been traumatizing for her). This here could be Muu’s mind trying to cope with the situation. And these are the words she chose:

“可哀想なの” = “I’m always the drama queen” in the official English tl, or alternatively “I’m the one who should be pitied”

Why would she say that in that situation? No matter how one looks at it, she just stabbed someone. So why should we pity her?

In Muu’s mind, it could be that Rei was a component in her life that, for the first time in her life that could make her lose face, like we discussed earlier. We don’t know how Muu’s parents would react to their daughter being a lesbian, but some part of society at least would shun her for it. And the thought of this might have been unacceptable for Muu, who thought since childhood she'd always be pampered no matter what.

That and the fact she accidentally murdered her crush.

So there it is, I hope this wasn’t too confusing! It was very hard to organize all this because Muu, much like Fuuta, keeps her feelings hidden and has sides to her that seem contradictory at times. Muu is a very complex character but very well-written imo, she has both redeeming qualities and bad parts that really make her feel human so it was really fun to come up with this. I hope it didn't look like I was trying to make excuses for Muu or demonize her actions because I feel like it's important to look at the whole picture when discussing her case in particular.

#milgram #milgram theory #muu kusunoki #long post #this didn't fit into the post but here's a random fun fact about Muu #it's interesting she's from Nice bc it has a reputation for being a rich people city #who knows if this was intentional or not but it's fitting nonetheless lol

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pendulum-motion · 4 months

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in honor of deep cover tomorrow here are my milgram survivability rankings going into round 3:

haruka: 0/10. sorry buddy. if anyone is dying (which they almost certainly are) it's gonna be our favourite blue boy. i trust him to carry out his threat, and i think anyone who has any possibility of stopping him is too busy with their own nonsense. who's going to stop him?? mu?? rip.

yuno 10/10. yuno is probably the only person who has gone through milgram and (as of now) come out fine. she needs therapy as much as anyone else for her intimacy issues but those issues are making her pursue unhealthy venues of affection instead of, say, tearing away her very basis for living and denying her personhood. also her third verdict is almost certainly going to be innocent. i'd be really surprised if anything happens to her.

muu: 3/10. i'm really unsure about how muu's going to be doing. my first instinct was that she's going to survive no matter what comes her way because she's the queen!! she can deal with anything!! but then i gave the subtext of afterpain some more thought and... she was most likely actively suicidal as a result of that situation, which is behaviour she might return to if she falls back into that headspace. i'm just not sure how badly she's going to take her verdict, especially with her only support system (haruka) out of the picture. worst case scenario, she dies. even if she survives, she won't be doing well.

mahiru: 8/10 mahiru is also pretty hard to judge, because i don't know how she's going to take her verdict. or, being more precise, how far she's going to take it, because i'm pretty sure she's going to take the innocent as confirmation that she was right all along and Love Wins and her worldview is healthy and correct, actually. obviously not a healthy mindset, but arguably not one that's detrimental to her immediate survival, at least. her status should also be pretty tied to shidou's considering the severity of her injuries, so her rating goes down to a 2/10 if he's taken out.

kazui: 10/10 i'm going to continue the trend of comparing kazui with yuno in that both of them have made it through milgram largely unscathed and will continue to do so. unlike her, he will probably be involved in any physical altercations in the prison, but i really doubt any of the other prisoners will be capable of harming him in any way that matters. (physically at least. i hope yuno keeps owning him every chance she gets). tangentially, i also think it's possible to read romantic connotations onto his interactions with shidou?? i would be interested to see if that persists, and how it plays out. this section just turned into the kazui gossip corner orz. sorry.

mikoto/john: 10/10 and 0/10 (but not necessarily in that order). please excuse my inexpertise with this terminology. so the system's body is definitely making it out of this intact. john is seeing to that, and mikoto's isolation is kind of a blessing in disguise because the other prisoners are going to leave him alone and out of any interpersonal conflict. however, according to the rules milgram has imposed (the project, not the prison) either mikoto or john will be 'dying'. i think the third verdict will determine that; innocent and mikoto lives, guilty and john lives. of course, whoever makes it is going to be intensely affected and traumatized by milgram; those interrogation questions are looking rough. i miss shidou's little drawings.

THE BATTLE ROYALE SECTION

so the defining conflict in milgram round 2 was definitely kotoko vs. the guilty prisoners. going off of the interrogations and timelines thus far, i think round 3's central conflict will be prisoners vs. es, and by extension milgram itself.

amane: 10/10. i think amane is going to be the figure a lot of this conflict centers around. she's stated direct opposition to es and milgram, knows the truth about us, and has threatened one of her fellow prisoners. add in the innocent verdict and i definitely think that she is not going to spend the time between trials idly. despite her position as an agitator, i don't think she's going to face any real danger for now. shidou and kazui, her only active opponents, are both against child murder (a high bar in milgram) and i don't think they want to see her hurt. also purge march just reached 4.3M views so she's fine on a meta level lol.

fuuta: 7/10. ah fuuta. what an absolute wet cat of a man. fuuta is almost definitely in the amane camp (cult?) going from the timelines, and i think he will take action with her. any danger posed to himself, will be, then, all his own stupid fault. however, i don't think his addition to her faction adds any substantial danger to their opposition apart from a numbers advantage? fuuta is a half-blind gamer who will be actively neglecting proper medical care for his multiple fractures. i do think he's in more danger than amane purely because i don't think kazui and shidou will have as many reservations about harming him in the course of proper self-defense.

shidou: 6/10. i would like to say shidou will be fine, but i think that's a fast judgement to make regarding how little we know of the situation in milgram. he is the only prisoner who has had a direct threat against his life made. also, while he has gained new (and incredibly unhealthy) purpose for living by helping the injured, he does have a massive guilt complex about the death of his children. part of him might still see being killed by a child as proper atonement. obviously, he could take amane one-on-one. he could probably even deal with amane and fuuta at once. with kazui backing him, he's coming out of any straight-forward assault okay. but i just don't know how amane is going to approach this. can she set traps? can she poison him? can she catch him alone? on a meta level, would it be more engaging to have amane commit another murder and the prisoners lose their doctor? i'm bumping him down just because of these possibilities.

kotoko: 10/10. kotoko will be fine. she has no intent of harming herself, and i don't think kazui or john are going to want to pick a fight. i will say that i think a guilty verdict (which she will almost certainly be receiving) is the best thing for her to keep the peace at this stage. we are now going to enter the wild speculation zone.

i think kotoko has a strong chance of joining amane's faction- not out of religious zealotry, but out of opposition to milgram's judgements. she very much wants to tear the system down and then reshape it in her image, and i think that her desire aligns with amane there, as amane herself stated in her round one voice drama. that's why i think the guilty verdict is ideal - if kotoko is found innocent, she could join in on the attack against shidou. with her distracting kazui, fuuta and amane could have a chance of taking shidou down. this shouldn't happen if kotoko is restrained, so his survivability is much higher as of now. (otherwise i'd give him a 3/10). es had better watch out though.

#milgram

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