You were my home, one that was bad in the bones
Yet, I still have dreams that you return
and I fear they'll never move out
never stop lacing my vision with unconscious doubts
nightly flashbacks to when you came out of the blue
He touches my waist, brushes my hand and I think of you
You make loving feel so cruel
Sent back to how you painted my skies and we fell in love, just like that
It was months later that I started to memorize the shape of your back
I knew your every freckle like the back of my hand
and we were in a shit storm, but promised to stay standing
Romancing and dancing and planning the rest of our lives
Months later still, I wasted my breath trying to save us
I wasted my time trying to make things happen as they should've
Wasting tears on shattered trust and love for someone that didn't want it
Things I should hate, I guess, my mom saw it right out the gate
The dominos to my destruction were clearly in your heart
but I still stuck around to play my part
Looked up from your sharpest broken shards and unspoken regards
The things you didn't say, things you needed to in order to stay
I'd like to tell that version of myself how deep you'd cut
She'd meet my reasoning with a series of "but"s and rejection
Far too deep in her affections
When you struck those chasms I should have seen it
When we stopped fighting, that should have been another sign
It should have moved the light to your lies, or just things you couldn't admit yet
Things you said when I couldn't hear
Wilting wishes that I could be there
You didn't mean it at first, but it was always there
We could always see it, but we drowned it out with a screaming loud affair
The closer I held you, the less we could hear it
So now I try my best to hold on to that
Block you out with the noise when my apathetic parade is washed away
Make a show of dancing in the rain
Maybe I can keep on track, maybe I can turn this pain into words
That's all you are now, and I'm not ruined.. I can't give you that award
So I'll wake in someone else's room and hold someone I can't really afford
because that's better than letting your winter winds push me back into the floorboards
The sun is still out warm, and it will mend what you left torn
Not enough to be friends, just to grow around what's forlorn
What once melded you into my bones
Will melt our old ideas of home
There isn't a place anymore to return to
It's only in a graveyard, I can speak to you
Still, I fear I'll drive here with my eyes closed
Carrying flowers from the man by my side
Somehow debating, if I should lay them at the crypt we died
Dragging my love through the catacombs if we ever fight
Wondering who could fully cut my gravity to those loud nights
A love that embodies daylight itself
but I fear that anybody like that would rather someone else
That it couldn't really work
You've made loving me feel like so much work
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