#a real peak of pop culture this shit is SAD!
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wait what did you mean by “kardashians brought pop culture to slaughter and bts delivered the final blow”? I SWEARRRRRR im not trying to be one of those “gotcha!” anons but i keep seeing sm ppl posting abt pop culture / counter culture being dead, and a lot of it in relation to renaissance and i’m just confused by it 😭😭 i’m not even a kpop listener i just think u put these things eloquently
i love asks like this bc my initial reaction before and after i realized this is a genuine question was night n day.
anyways the kardashians were a very very calculated rise to fame at any cost nd were maybe the first people to be on reality tv and skyrocket into mainstream fame (unfortunately) and kim's obsession w stealing everything from black people and marketing it out spearheaded the generic insta baddie aesthetic which is responsible for at least half of the desctruction of unique pop culture. if you look at the 2000s the shit was weird but it was unique. go back even further and the shit club kids were doing influenced fashion EVERYWHERE now everyone is passing around the same name brand outfits, everyone's going to the same surgeon to get their unique features changed into the same racially ambiguous lewk, you don't need talent, you don't need charisma you just need to look like you have money and therefore you deserve fans that will die to be scammed by you.
so the kardashians put pop culture on the slaughtering board right? and then here bts comes. also just copying what black ppl do 1 to 1 until they blow up internationally and start producing some of the most generic western bait pop to be palatable enough to all the white children of the world and their token black friends. but this generic music is taking over the world. the hype isn't in the content but its in the numbers. their fans begin to become obsessed with streaming numbers, video views, breaking records etc. the music is irrelevant. its all about the numbers and being on as many unskippable ads as possible. so now the industry follows behind the biggest (and worst) fandom of all time and award shows, journalists, online content curators who could be informing pop culture accurately are just saying whatever these people want to hear. giving accolades to soulless 'hits' bc they want to avoid death threats or just get a cut of the zombie streaming pie. good pop culture is DEAD. if it werent for the few big black girlies in the industry like beyonce who can do whatever we'd be in hell! no one can sing cuz theyre getting ribs removed to fit into corsets and no one is dancing bc the rented mugler bodysuit has to be returned with no damage and it's all just very very generic.
ofc there are rare interesting performers that pop up but bc they dont fit into the mold they get bullied out like poor mitski wants to be an actual artist nd they hate her for it. anyways kris jenner is going to hell for the evil she's brought into the world
#i blacked out and typed way too much but as a girl whose formative years were in the 00s#a real peak of pop culture this shit is SAD!#and ik its not just me being old bc when u look at what going viral on tiktok a LOT of it is throwbacks#hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm its almost like the current shit not hitting!
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Gossip Girl the og show and astrological remarks : a fun crossover of astro and pop culture ✨
Serena could be a Sagittarius Rising considering the fact that she always has the worst haters ever (Scorpio 12H lol) making machiavelic plans to ruin her life omg (maybe even having her Mars there) : Georgina, Juliet, Maureen, Ben ? Also saying how she's always excited to ride a vespa and how it reminds her of one fabulous summer somewhere in europe was peak Sagittarius/9H behavior hahahaha.
Blair never had a healthy romantic relationship in her life and that's so sad : her first love (Nate) was in love w her bff, her true love (Chuck) was toxic and abusive and the prince ? No really one of the worst characters ever. It screams scorpio venus that never got over her need for passion and not seeing how too much passion can be toxic af. And constantly testing people then asking herself why dramas and schemes follow her ???
She often had premonitory dreams, peak 12H placements energy (honorable mention for 3H Neptune).
Dan is chaotic like a Virgo Rising : people think they have it together and are serious little nerds but all they're doing is fantasizing about experiencing the wildest shit ever and the more pleasures they can along the way. the audacity of him pitching a fit over being lied to or just someone omitting to tell him everything during the entire show, all of that to actually be Gossip Girl and revealing his friends' deepest secrets on a daily basis ? typical Gemini man tbh hahahaha.
Lily and Rufus in season 2 when they decided to make a list of each person they slept with ? LMFAO peak 8H/12H synastry; also the fact that Lily has a 10 pages list LMFAO Jupiter 5H/7H things.
Remember Ivy Dickens (the fake cousin) ? Huge daddy issues, very Capricorn placements/prominent Saturnian energy tbh 😭 like, she fucked Lily's ex and current husband just cause she wanted to be a part of the Van der Woodsen fam but got rejected LMFAO that's also why Mars is exalted in Capricorn, the real ones know that sex can for sure be a weapon.
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Ok so I was reading your little streamer au story Just a Joke and that part about the matchbox bed had me thinking, what if Tommy did a stream where he just showed off his house? Like, just walked the camera from room to room and talked about different stuff he had for fun. (Probably not his whole house, just his bedroom and maybe one other him sized room if he has it)
He would probably see nothing wrong with most of it (or even if he does, he doesn’t think it’s a big deal and ignores it, thinking everyone else will do the same) but his friends see how poorly made and “diy” everything looks (like his bed) and start thinking about how all tinys have to live like that.
I imagine Wilber especially starts to feel bad, looking around his house and seeing all the stuff he takes for granted, all things that tinys could only get a poorer version of, if they got a version at all.
Not to mention, Tommy seems to be a bit better off then a lot of tinys, so some don’t even have the stuff he does, and/or have ones of even lesser quality.
Maybe it’s just a one off little “oh...that sucks...” or maybe they try to do something about it. Idk, just think it’s a cute and sad idea. (I have more to say about this idea, but I don’t want bombard you with a super duper long ask, so just take these basics for now I guess, sorry)
-tired anon
House Tour
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Little Streamer AU
CW: language
Notes: Woah little streamer content?? In this economy??? More likely than you think. And thank you so much for this awesome idea tired anon I love it :D Without further ado have a fun tiny Tommy housetour followed by Wilbur’s confusion over tiny culture
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Tommy hadn’t been this excited for a stream in a long time, but as he set up everything he was practically bouncing on his feet.
He was going to do a house tour- or a room tour- for the chat since they’d only ever seen a bit of it in the background. It was a lot different from his normal content, but it felt refreshing doing something so new.
When he finally stepped back and looked at everything a grin spread across his face. He didn’t think his room had looked this nice since the day they built it. His red sheets were perfectly tucked into his matchbox bed, his dollhouse desk was wiped down and shiny, and even his scrap-fabric rug was dusted.
Pride swelled up in his chest at the sight.
“Mom!” he yelled as he peaked his head through the “window” in his room. It really was just a hole in the wall to the human part of the house, but it also let light in to his room. “I’m gonna be streaming soon!”
He didn’t even wait for an answer before he happily popped back into his small room. It was still a little dusty since it was inside of a wall, but there was nothing he could really do about that. The viewers would just have to deal with it, he mused.
Quickly he sent out a tweet for his stream and hit “go live” on his pc. Almost immediately people flooded the chat even though it was still just his starting soon screen, and one name in particular caught his eye.
WilburSoot: this is not exciting
Tommy grinned and stifled the laugh that threatened to burst out of his chest. Of course Wilbur was messing with him, who would he be if he wasn’t messing with the tiny. And even though it was just one message Tommy was excited to know he was there.
Wilbur had actually been the one to convince him to do a house tour. Tommy never really thought his room was much, it was decently sized but not very exciting, but still Wilbur thought it would be a fun idea for an easy stream. The tiny still has been pretty iffy about the idea but after constant nagging from his brother-figure he gave in.
“Hello chat!” Tommy yelled as he switched his screen to his camera. Dramatically he swung it around to zoom in on his face.
“How are you doing today? I’m doing so well,” he grinned, “Today’s gonna be a little different actually- spicing things up Yaknow. You get to see my big man home!”
The chat blurred in the corner of his eye as he explained what the stream would be, and chugged a cup of coke he’d poured right before he started. It was all going well, and they seemed to like it a lot more than he thought they would.
First Tommy stood up from his desk and pointed it at his setup, “See this is where the magic happens boys.”
He laughed as the chat flew by even faster with one message catching his eye.
“Hey it is not a Polly pocket desk it is a Barbie Ken desk,” he pouted, “please I’m better than that.”
Step by step he moved across his room explaining his furniture and showing off his favorite things. They got to see his cardboard bed, his “borrower hook” he’d been trying to teach himself how to use, and even his “spider hole” in the wall where bugs got into his room.
Most of the time the chat seemed to find it funny, but every once in a while people seemed concerned. He just chalked it up to humans though.
At the end of the stream he put the camera on his desk and jumped up on his bed to say goodbye. To make it even funnier he loaded the tiny nerf gun Wilbur had bought him a while back and tried to shoot the camera.
“I’m gonna shoot you if you don’t leave, go!” he yelled jokingly, “Disparse! Leave! Go home!”
Once the chat seemed to calm down a bit he said his actual goodbyes and teaches as the screen turned dark. Just like always he let out a breath of relief that the stream went well. He enjoyed streaming, but it was still stressful trying to make sure everything went right.
After a minute he fell back onto his bed and scrolled through his phone until discord dm flashed on his screen.
WilburSoot: how did you get a whole fake room for a stream??
Tommy frowned and quickly opened the app staring at the message.
Tommyinnit: what? vc?
The tiny sat back against his bed and waited for his friend to respond as anxiety curled up in his gut.
“Tommy?” Wilbur’s voice crackled.
“Hey Wil, what the fuck do you mean?”
Through his phone he could hear Wilbur shifting around as he stumbled on what to say, “That room.”
Tommy frowned and tilted his head even though he knew the human couldn’t see it, “What about it?”
“What- that can’t be your room, right?” Wilbur’s laugh boomed, “It was a good joke though.”
“Wait wait Wil,” Tommy fumbled, “What the fuck do you mean? This is my room.”
The silence that filled the call almost made Tommy wish he hadn’t said anything at all.
“Huh?”
“Uh yeah,” Tommy coughed, “That really was my room, what’s wrong?”
Wilbur’s staticky hum echoed through his phone, “Oh uh… I don’t know I thought you’d have like…actual furniture?”
“I mean, it works doesn’t it,” Tommy frowned as he leaned back against his sheets, kicking up his feet on the edge of the box, “It’s not that bad.”
“Tommy,” Wilbur paused, “you sleep in a box.”
The tiny froze and stared at the worm edges of the matchbox he slept in. He never really thought about it. It was pretty normal for tinies considering how expensive real furniture was, and he was probably better off than a lot of other tinies.
“Uh well yeah big man,” Tommy stuttered, “I’m a tiny.”
“Well no shit I know that but shouldn’t you have like an actual bed? You have a real pc!” Wilbur said, getting louder by the second.
“Well yeah,” Tommy muttered, “But spending over a thousand pounds on a bed frame just doesn’t seem worth it to me okay?”
Again silence filled the call, and it lasted so long tommy thought the human had left.
Wilbur was the one to break the silence, “One thousand pounds?”
“For a shitty one yeah,” Tommy frowned. He still remembered the day his parents had searched endlessly for any bed frames only to find that they were all thousands of pounds. They had seemed so upset about it, but Tommy never really cared.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” Wilbur dropped, “I shouldn’t have said anything I didn’t know.”
“It’s alright,” Tommy smiled, I’m the corner of his eye he saw one of the hoodies he’d bought during his last visit with Wilbur, “But my spider hole is very real and very important to me.”
Wilbur’s loud laugh burst through the phone making the tiny’s heart swell. He missed the human more than he’d admit, and it was always nice hearing his friend’s voice- even if he was just joking about his spider hole.
“Yeah yeah, your spider holes fine. Very normal,” Wilbur joked before his voice steadied, “Seriously though, sorry about thinking it was a joke. I just- I don’t know. I feel like maybe I’ve taken my things for granted. I didn’t mean to seem rude though I-
“Nah stop,” Tommy smiled, “Your house is shit man, I’ve been there.”
The tiny stared at Wilbur’s profile picture as his wheezy laugh filled the room.
“Yeah yeah whatever,” and then an added, “love you Tom.”
Before Tommy could respond he heard the ding signalling Wilbur had left the call. The silence in his room now only filled by the sound of his parents shuffling around somewhere else in the house.
“Yeah,” Tommy hummed, “Love you too Wil.”
Taglist:
@encaos @blurrybunnie @brooky71 @forgetful-dorito
#little streamer au#mcyt g/t#mcyt gt#fluff#hurt/comfort#corywrites#t!tommy#g!wilbur#tired anon#anon ask
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the worst movie tie-ins in the history of wrestling
Wrestling is stupid, and will show its ass at the mere mention of cross-promotion, especially when it comes to movies, which is it's cooler older brother that can get away with a lot more. Hell, the 2nd ever SummerSlam's main event, in 1989, was Hulk Hogan facing the main villain, Tiny Lister as Zeus (RIP), from the film they were both in, No Holds Barred. So wrestling's always wanted a piece of that. So...
- Army of the Dead
Let's just get this one out of the way. Here's the thing; I thought the WrestleMania Backlash's card was fucking perfect...except for this weird business. WMB MIGHT've been the best show of the pandemic (hot take) were it not for making sure we sell Big Dave's big zombie heist movie. If they had just kept some of the guys in zombie makeup on the Thunderdome's webcam footage, that would have been borderline charming. But instead, the Miz (who was WWE champion 3 months ago, don't forget) and Damien Priest (who they're making WWE's pop-culture liaison so far on the main roster, for some reason) had to sell for zombies in a lumberjack match. If this was the first ever wrestling show you watched with a loved one who had never watched wrestling or hadn't since like, the end of the Attitude Era, would you for a second want them to stick around after Miz and Morrison get, for all intents and purposes, kayfabe killed and eaten, and then watch Damien Priest shoot the logo at the ceiling? My money's on "no."
- Shaft
Speaking of the Attitude Era, anytime someone tells you that wrestling was cooler in that 3-year time frame, point them to the June 15th of 2000 episode of SmackDown, where a storyline that ran throughout the show followed Patterson and Briscoe through New York City to find Crash Holly and his Hardcore Title. Now, I admit parts of this are kinda funny, like Briscoe just wanting to give up and find a "gen-yoo-WINE New York hot dawg!" That's fun! And who does Crash Holly run into but none other than Shaft, and his woman, the only one who understands this complicated man, John Shaft. So, we have real Samuel L. Jackson, playing fake John Shaft, talking to real/fictional Crash Holly, and man is it weird. Anyway, Shaft agrees to be Crash's bodyguard for the night, and he slaps around Patterson and Briscoe in a nightclub. After all, what better way to get across how cool and badass a character is than having him knock around the fucking Stooges?
- The Wrestler
Well, this is complicated. The Wrestler, starring ancient wooden lion Mickey Rourke, is a somber tale about an industry that, in its heyday, left people physically spent, washed-up and addicted to adrenaline at best, and dead at worst. It famously moved Roddy Piper to tears because he recognized what destruction and brokenness the industry once left in its wake. Which is why it's super-weird that WWE jumped at the chance to promote maybe the bleakest possible look at their world in 2009, and did so by having Chris Jericho smack the shit out of three old wrestlers at WrestleMania 25, including Roddy Piper. And then have Rourke jump into the ring, wearing his "do you want to take peyote in the desert?" starter kit and bring out his amateur boxing chops. Tonally, it's just really bleak. Like if the creator of Super Size Me screened the premiere at the world's biggest McDonald's.
- Bride of Chucky
Poor Rick Steiner. You didn't deserve this. You're the sane Steiner. They shouldn't have made you talk to the puppet. So, WCW was heading into Halloween Havoc 1998, and after years of stomping all over the WWF in the ratings, the wheels had come off, and dramatically. Like, all at once. Like the car in the Blues Brothers. To boost PPV buys, they spent a fortune bringing in the Ultimate Warrior to rekindle a feud with Hulk Hogan, mostly by hiding in his fucking mirror. And the Steiner Brothers, one of the best teams of the early 90s, had been feuding with one another since Scott turned on his at SuperBrawl. What was the best way to build hype around this match at Halloween Havoc? Why, to have Rick get into a war of words - and lose - to Chucky. Yes.
Serial killer doll voiced by Brad Dourif, and it's so sad. Chucky cusses Rick out while Rick challenges the fucking doll to a fight, which is promptly ignored (Chucky's video segment is pre-recorded, and you can tell because he starts talking about 3 times in 3 minutes while Rick's mid-promo and missing his cues to stop) and then is made fun of. And all the while, people were probably wondering "what's going on on Vince's show?" and the answer is...that was the episode of Raw where Austin fills Vince's Corvette with cement, which is slightly more badass than being teased by a puppet.
- The Goods
Here's the thing: Raw is, right now, a bad show. It is bad TV. It's been bad for a while now. And as bad as it is right now, it's still not as fuck-awful as it was in 2009, aka the Age of the Guest Hosts (which, in kayfabe, was given to us by Donald J. Trump, so blame that ambulatory Nazi scrotum for one more thing, he's certainly earned it). For those of you fortunate enough to not be watching what was objectively unwatchable at the time - and hell, I sure as shit wasn't checking in very often - from mid-2009 to around mid-2010, a celebrity would be the special guest host of Monday Night Raw, often to promote a TV show or movie, and it was nearly all horribly-written, cheesy wank. Imagine if every week was the week of the zombie attack at Backlash. That's what it was like. Bob Barker was funny. The Muppets were good. And THAT'S the end of the list. MacGruber coming out to blow up R-Truth made me want to fall on a knife. The A-Team coming out to beat up Virgil was fucking awful. Go straight to fucking HELL, the Three Stooges, Dennis Miller, the reverend Al Sharpton, the 2010 Pittsburgh Steelers, Don Johnson and Jon Heder, the poor entire cast of Hot Tub Time Machine...and then there's Piven. Jeremy Piven. He showed up with Ken Jeong to promote a movie no one remembers...called the Goods. He stunk up several segments, infamously called SummerSlam "the Summer Fest" and then got roughed up by John Cena. Wrestling's the worst. Stop watching. And many did. For a looooooong time.
- Robocop 2
This one's infamous, so I'll keep it brief. Robocop 2 came out in 1990, and goddamn, I don't know how much money the producers threw at WCW, but it was enough for them to rebrand an entire PPV "Capitol Combat: the Return of Robocop" and marketed the entire thing around the fancy metallic gentleman. The branding really made it seem like Robert Cop was old friends with the promotion, and indeed, old friends with Sting. Makes sense; two big, heroic idiots running on BASIC. He had been feuding with the Four Horsemen, who locked him in a cage at ringside. Out comes Robocop, called completely straight by Jim Ross, who rips the cage door off his hinges, and then leaves. An accumulated 85 seconds of screen time. Totally worth being the centerpiece of this PPV!
But a little context as to why WCW fans hated it so much: 1989, the year before, was regarded by WCW fans as one of the best in company history. The era that gave us stuff like Chi-Town Rumble and the still-very-much-lauded peak of the Steamboat/Flair feud. To go from that to Robocop was seen as a bit of a slap in the face, because WCW was always seen as the more traditional "wrasslin'" company and was never into cheesy pop-culture crossovers, which is why the last one...is all the funnier.
- Ready To Rumble
First of all, those dumbasses at Turner had to give Michael Buffer - who they still had on retainer - around $350,000 just to use that title, because he owns the trademark to that phrase. Strike 127 million, capitalism, that a guy gets to own a phrase and gets paid an obscene amount when he or anyone else uses it.
Secondly, I initially wasn't going to do movies where the promotion itself is producing the movie, or oh holy HELL would See No Evil and the infamous May 19 shit be on here. But unlike See No Evil, this had a hand in killing a decades-old wrestling promotion, so it feels weird to not include it.
On April 7th, 2000, bad movie Ready To Rumble was released, a film about two hapless dorks trying to help Oilver Platt, aka the lawyer from the West Wing, become WCW World Heavyweight Champion. Two weeks later, to promote the movie, they made David Arquette, the lead actor in the movie, the WCW World Heavyweight Champion. He pinned Eric Bischoff, who wasn't the champion, of course, in a match where he was teamed with Diamond Dallas Page, his best pal and the company's top babyface at the time, but who is also one of the villains in the film to make it extra confusing for the mainstream casual audience the movie was made to attract. And, to be fair, Arquette didn't want to do it, NO ONE really wanted to do it, and it tanked viewership for WCW once and for all. At the very least, David took his payday from the wrestling appearances and the film and gave it to the families of Owen Hart, Brian Pillman and to Darren Drozdov, who had been paralyzed from the neck down in a wrestling match the previous year.
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Im in the mood for something silly, how would the brothers (+ maybe undateables if you're comfortable with it) getting rick rolled by mc? (ps: your writing's really good and cute, I wish the best for you)
Ahh, shit man, I knew I'd have lots of fun writing this by the time I read it. Also tysm, wish you all the best too!
Since this isn't romantic and all, I'll throw in Luke too! Hope ya don't mind!
THE BROTHERS' + THE UNDATEABLES' REACTION TO BEING RICK-ROLLED
LUCIFER
→MC was casually texting Lucifer.
→They were having a conversation about how tiring the council could be.
→An idea popped into MC's head.
→They sent him a link with the caption "This is a link to relaxing sounds^^"
→Lucifer thanked them and tapped the link, expecting some classical music or nature's noises.
→Bitch you thought.
→When he saw that weird guy singing about never letting someone down, he was confused.
→"What is the meaning of this?"
→"It's a rick roll"
→Poor MC, got an entire speech about how the joke was tasteless and didn't make sense to a demon.
→Rip.
MAMMON
→MC straight-up sent him a link.
→They knew he wouldn't question it and just opened it.
→But just to be safe they wrote "It's a new money making scheme!!!"
→Mammon didn't question the sudden interest
→Just pressed on the link before he saw Rick Astley.
→Wtf.png
→"MC who is this???"
→Low-key liked the song.
→Listens to it unironically.
LEVIATHAN
→Actually knew what a Rick Roll was
→But had never experienced it because, duh, people are normies.
→So, MC decided to give him the real experience.
→"This is Ruri-chan's new trailer!!" wrote MC as they pasted the link.
→After Levi calmed down about forgetting to check it out, he pressed the link.
→"Woaaaaahhh!"
→Was low-key excited that he got Rick Rolled.
→"I see you're a person of culture as well"
SATAN
→Had studied human pop culture, so he kinda knew what a Rick Roll is.
→Thought it was a tasteless joke.
→Didn't really see the point of it.
→So when MC sent him the link with the cover-up of some e-book
→He was a bit pissed.
→"MC why"
→Wasn't that angry, though, thankfully.
→However
→He found out that the song annoyed Lucifer
→Blasted it on speakers at crazy hours during nighttime.
→Rip Belphie's sleep.
ASMODEUS
→He was just confused, but still laughed.
→MC had sent him the link under the disguise of some make-up store.
→He sat through the whole video and actually learnt the lyrics.
→He loved it.
→Sure, he was confused at first, but later found it funny.
→Deadass tried to do it to Solomon.
→But of course, Solomon knew better than that.
→He was whiny about it.
BEELZEBUB
→He thought it was a link for an e-food app.
→He was so confused to see this human singing.
→"What is he doing, where is my e-food service app?"
→But when he found out MC did this to him as a prank
→He laughed and smiled a bit.
→Because if MC found it funny, he did too.
→Tried to Rick Roll Belphie.
→The latter never actually bothered to open the link.
→Poor Beel.
BELPHEGOR
→MC had just sent a link.
→No context.
→Belphie usually didn't bother, but it was from MC
→Surely, they wouldn't send him something weird, would they?
→Wrong
→He chuckled, but would never admit it.
→Fell asleep while attempting to listen to the whole song.
→He sings it completely ironically to piss Lucifer off.
→And blasts it during nighttime with Satan.
DIAVOLO
→MC sent him jokingly "This is peak human culture", and then the link.
→They should have been more careful with their words
→Diavolo deadass thought that it was something all humans listened to.
→Unironically sang it a lot after it.
→Blasted the song through the school speaker to "make the human students feel more at home and spread human culture."
→Lucifer was so tired with his shit.
→MC didn't have the heart to tell him it was a joke humans did.
→Mostly because he'd attempt to do it too.
→And MC didn't want Lucifer to throw them out because of that.
BARBATOS
→Barbatos already knew what was coming.
→He occasionally sees the future and knew there was this possibility.
→Wasn't surprised when he got the link.
→He just kinda chuckled.
→Decided to Rick Roll MC back so he wouldn't seem rude or mean.
→They occasionally have a chuckle about it during their tea sessions.
→Thought of doing it to Diavolo too, but after checking the future, he just did it to Lucifer.
SIMEON
→He didn't know how to open the link when MC sent it to him.
→"Just tap it, Simeon."
→"But how?"
→"With your fingers."
→"I'm tring."
→When he managed to open it, he thought he had done something wrong.
→"MC, there is a man in my sceren."
→Knowing it wouldn't go far, MC told him the truth.
→He chuckled.
→Didn't actually get why it was funny.
→Kinda sad that MC didn't get the reaction they wanted.
→Told Simeon to "Rick Roll" him when he was next to MC so he could have a proper reaction.
→MC knew what was up, but thought it was sweet regardless.
LUKE
→Under the guise of a human recipe, MC sent the infamous link.
→Poor boy was so excited to learn a new recipe.
→Was really confused and pouty when he realised MC had pranked him.
→"Why would you do this, MC? :("
→Oh no, the parent instincts kicked in.
→They sent an actual recipe to compensate for the Rick Roll.
→Luke wanted to do it to all of the demons.
→But he was ignored by most!
→>:(
→Although Beel answered and he got him.
→Made the angel really happy.
SOLOMON
→Bold of you to assume Solomon and MC don't Rick Roll each other on a weekly basis.
→The first time it happened, he laughed so hard.
→But revenge mode was on.
→And they've been constantly doing it since.
→He's also done it to the demons.
→Cue an endless cycle of Diavolo playing the song at school.
→And a cycle of Lucifer waking up to Rick Astley in the middle of the night.
→Let the chaos ensue.
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A love letter to The Wombats
First, a brief background about The Wombats: The Wombats is an interesting English Indie Rock Band. They started back in 2003 in Liverpool, United Kingdom. The most interesting thing about them is how experimental they are with their albums — considering their vast range. One might think that The Wombats don’t care about what you and I think. They care about their art and what that represents. This is what makes them free to do whatever they want. Now, the album that I want to talk about is some of their earlier work. It was released back in 2007. Damn, that feels like an eternity ago. So let’s begin our journey.
The first track: Tales of Girls, Boys and Marsupials. For me, this track prepares you for what’s to come. It is a good melody and relatively simple. I’ve always enjoyed it because of how strange it is. From this, we move onto the second track.
Kill the Director. This is the song that brought me to the album, and for a long time, it was one of the most played songs for me on Spotify. When I think of this song, I think of the music video which you should watch. The song is different from the first track, and it is faster and has a lot of content. My favourite things are British pop culture references. The nods to Bridget Jones’s Diary and EastEnders make this a quintessentially British song.
Track 3: Moving to New York, this song has always been close to my heart because it is edgy. It tells us what the British think of American cities like New York. I have always had trouble understanding this song due to multiple reasons. Even right now while I’m reading the lyrics and thinking about what to write about them, I am confused. If you look at it literally, the song talks about sleeplessness and Christmas for some reason. Now, let me tell you what I feel about it. This has always been a song to which I headbang and do the air guitar. I never really understood the lyrics. I probably never will. Though, my favourite part has been these lines.
“I put one foot forward and ended up 30 yards back.
Am I losing touch, or am I just completely off the track?
And I don’t know why I want to voice this out loud.
It’s therapeutic somehow.”
Especially the line, “Am I losing touch or am I just completely off track”. Back when I first heard this song, the pandemic was at its peak. I was preparing for entrances, and life was a mess. I related to this, and I’m sure you guys will as well. This song will make you feel things and reconsider life as a whole.
Now, moving onto track 4, Lost in the Post. This is the most popular song on the album. The song sounds surprisingly happy, but when you pay attention, the lyrics are depressing. It is my kind of music because it tells us a story with a catchy chorus. The line that has stuck with me is “She Wanted Mary Poppins but I took her to King Lear”. It represents so much more than you and I can comprehend. It represents not being enough and a theme of overcompensation followed by under-compensation. Its a simple song but the Wombats have done a good job of packing it with references. It is a song about insecurities and love, the two things that are fundamental to any artist.
Track 5: Party in a Forest(Where’s Laura?). Laura, oh, Laura. I will never truly understand this song. Is it a love letter to Laura or is it a desperate man singing for a girl who will never love him back? Throughout the song, he keeps calling out to Laura, but there’s no response. By the end of it, it seems like he has almost given up. Maybe I’m just reading too much into music, or perhaps this boy is writing songs about a gender he doesn’t understand.
Track 6 is something most of us can relate to. Titled “Schools Uniform”, it is literally from the perspective of a teenage boy going through puberty. It is not the typical “Oh. I miss school” song, but maybe a more realistic approach to what school was. Those uniforms, which most of us claim to miss, perhaps made a joke of us. He sings about a girl he likes and who he used to be friends with, but now she has an older boyfriend. The most important thing about this song is how teens romanticise/think that smoking is cool. It’s the whole trope of doing something because someone else is doing it. After all, someone has deemed it cool. The song does an excellent job of talking about how teenagers try their best to fit in to get the validation they so desperately want. This is generally executed by doing things that most of the time is not good for them, and here ends track 6.
Moving on to track 7, the song I’m most excited to write about. Here Comes the Anxiety is the epitome of a cry for help. It is probably the most painful to listen to because it doesn’t even hide that it is sad. I have to give it credit for being honest about its message. In a messed up way, this taught me how to be honest about myself. The song starts by calling out what I think is all music where creators hide the real message behind catchy hooks and other techniques. The essence of the song is hypocritical; it has a catchy hook line(It is literally in the title). The song is just lying to you; it tries to sell an honest image, but it is not. Don’t get me wrong, it is a good song, but it is just like everything else. It is a dark song like it claims to be. It is a song about a lonely man who doesn’t want to be alone, and that’s about it for track 7.
Let’s Dance to Joy Division is one of my favourite songs. So, I have a sort of personal bias towards it. It is happy and real but also quite sad. The lines
“Everything is going wrong but we’re so happy” perfectly captures the essence of this kind of music. It is happy music, so don’t question it. You don’t need to be comfortable while listening to it, maybe sing along and pretend that your life isn’t going to shit. My interpretation of this song is, you shouldn’t question life while it is happening. If something has to go wrong, it probably will, so why even worry about it. Just be happy and maybe play this on a loop.
Track 9 is Backfire at the Disco. It describes a heterosexual first date. A guy gets ready at 8 pm, meets the girl and then gets slapped. The story is pretty straightforward. The guy makes a move at the wrong time. The girl slaps him in response and has to go back home alone at 3 am. What’s important to me isn’t the story but how it’s told. The song starts with how everything is fine and how it is all going okay. It sounds like the girl is in the wrong and that we should feel bad for the guy. The song gets pretty misogynistic when he calls her dress whorish. To give him some credit, he does admit his mistake by the end, but then it is too late, and the narrative has been set. This victimisation of the perpetrator is extremely harmful. It creates a story that men don’t know what to do and how it is an honest mistake. This message is toxic, and anyone listening to this should keep this in mind.
Little Miss Pipedream describes a toxic one-sided relationship. The song is comparatively slower-paced, where the stress is on the lyrics. The song expects us to feel sympathy for this man who is madly in love with this girl. The protagonist is portrayed as a friendly guy who is willing to wait for this girl. This man has selfish ideas of love, and he’s trying to convince the listeners to sympathise with him. These ideas are selfish because they are all based around him. Lyrics like, “Don’t leave miss pipedream cause I love you.” is an example of what is incorrect with this song. Pop culture has often romanticised these ideas and portrayed these men as heroes.
Track 11 is about a therapist named Dr Susan. It is clear that Dr Susan is treating and is prescribing him narcotics. He is infatuated with her and is willing to do anything for her. This is clearly some toxic behaviour. The singer keeps repeating “This Time” which means that he has done this before. The most concerning thing is “Help Me Help Help Me, Susan”. We can see a theme where he asks for help but no one gives it to him and there ends track 11.
Track 12 is about loving a woman who doesn’t want to be loved. The singer has fallen in love with a stripper and is willing to do anything to be with her. His behaviour indicates that he has lost track of reality. In his head, his actions are part of a grander love story but it is psychotic behaviour. This is ironic cause the last song was about a therapist. He clearly knows what he is doing is wrong but he still continues to do so. This entire song does a good job of showing a messed up, toxic relationship between a desperate man and a stripper.
The story of Track 13 is set at the wedding of the protagonist’s ex-girlfriend. It does something unusual by portraying alcoholic tendencies at a wedding. The lyrics make it clear that he still has some feelings for his ex-girlfriend. I don’t know where the blame lies on this one because of the conflicting narratives. The repetition of the line, “She’s not that beautiful” shows us his hatred towards the bride and how our emotions are more complex than they seem. One would assume that after all this time he wouldn’t resent his old partner but he does. This is because humans are complicated and irrational and there’s nothing we can do about it. This also shows how when we are with someone everything seems romantic but when they leave we criticise all their actions. To conclude, the song is quite entertaining and definitely worth listening to.
If you have read this until now and not skimmed as most people will, you must be thinking that all these songs sound somewhat similar. It’s a simple boy loves girl plot which is portrayed in multiple different settings. Before I started writing this, I thought that I would have something unique to write about each song, but I don’t. As I moved on from track to track, I realised that most of these are about the same thing. Does this mean the songs are not great? No, of course not, they are amazing. Each track is unique and has a storyline, the music is good, and that’s why people enjoy it. Music is subjective, and at the end of the day, my opinion means jackshit. Yeah, enjoy the music; I hope what I wrote made you think and introspect about the music you listen to.
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have you listened to lover yet? thoughts??
HAVE I LISTENED TO IT, YOU ASK
the real question is if i listened to anything else on the 24 hours straight of travel home from south africa last weekend
(i did but. like. barely.)
THOUGHTS:
it’s no 1989 but like
shit
it’s still really fucking good
like there are obviously some duds on there
the spelling thing
the gay one is like...idk fine but it’s just not As Good
the london boy one is just like
c r i n g e
but the rest
the rest
hnnag;lkjflk;jasag
cruel summer!
paper rings!
the man!
sleeper hit i think he knows is such a fucking jam that i was like ehhh about initially but now i’m fully obsessed with that one too
miss americana and the heartbreak prince is like full-on 2010 lana del rey but. like. better? and i liked 2010 lana del rey, so that’s A Lot
also like: conceptually i’m fascinated by this song
it’s so broad and so targeted at the same time
and it’s targeted at the entirety of the midwestern/southern united states
y’know
the places full of people who threw a tantrum when she went from country to pop
a lot of trump voters
etc
and it’s such a scalding assessment of the culture of these places
places where people unironically find high school to be the peak of their life
because they’re indoctrinated into the idea
and the way that intrinsically inward-facing mentality has and does fuel the us-vs-them mentality for teenagers that can grow right up into xenophobia
not to be like too serious on main or whatever but like
f a s c i n a t i n g
also disclaimer that i am from one of those places so. like. don’t @ me
also like musically it’s SO GOOD
the way it’s so restrained the whole time and it’s always on the edge of building up and blowing out but even when it does it’s still just this big heavy sound that sounds like it’s trying to blow up into something bigger but it never does and instead it just keeps slogging on and moving along but never moving forward is just aldkjfslk;jf
i’m a sucker for juxtaposition of content and sound but i’m also just as much a sucker for content and sound tying perfectly to each other and honestly this song is the best example of that sing kacey musgraves’ merry go round
which you should also listen to if you haven’t yet fyi but also like: it’s sad. be ready to be sad
seriously paper fucking rings though
b o p
bop bop bop
i think i almost poked out my girlfriend’s eye bc i was trying to dance to it in an airplane seat
it’s such a fucking bop
also seriously cruel summer i am obsessed with that song
i’m such a slut for jack antonoff’s production
and also for annie clark’s production
throw that all together into a taylor swift song and what doesn’t kill me makes me want you more and i love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard ASD;FKLJASL;KFJS
anyways
for all that there are ballads a-plenty
lover!
the archer!
cornelia street!
this whole album is just like a sixty minute bop from start to finish
that’s it that’s my thesis
bop bop bop
bop
bop
b o p
!!!!!
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Album Review: Ville Valo & Agents - "Ville Valo & Agents"
I spent the better part of my life following Ville Valo around — Finland’s most cherished heartthrob. In my youth, you couldn’t tear me away from my CD collection which consisted of a lot of cringey pop punk (let your mind run free with that) and every HIM album. I was a mixed bag of early/mid-2000s alt culture; Ville Valo was a reflection of the times in many ways. He made baby bats like myself fall overwhelmingly in love with this genre called “love metal” and I never really looked back further than that. Metal never interested me, but HIM’s pop sensibilities and obsession with unrequited and desperate love had me in a very tight grip. I was eleven lol.
When I found out in 2017 that HIM was breaking up, my little goth heart grew twice as big. I tend to be understanding whenever a group disbands, mostly because I too get bored / run out of ideas / stop having fun. Whatever the reason, I was immediately transported back to the early 2000s where my love of music was conceived and I picked up my His Infernal Majesty records once again to re-live some of that good old fashioned Sad Girl Music. My retrospective HIM vinyl collection, Lashes to Ashes, Lust to Dust, is perhaps the one thing I hold the dearest and boy, did I give those records a major spin that year.
Valo’s announcement in 2018 that he would be starting a new musical endeavor with the Agents was a goddamn godsend. I remember watching his performances with the fellow Finnish band on Finnish TV YouTube back in the earlier days of the internet and recall thinking, “Wow, singing in Finnish is… extremely captivating.” Listening to music in a language you don’t understand is a trip. Finnish is one the hardest languages in the world to learn (but people talk a lot of shit about English too so, whatever I guess). Regardless, I already knew that Ville Valo & Agents was a project I could get behind entirely.
Agents, led by guitar legend Esa Pulliainen, had recorded an album of songs written by legendary Finnish singer Rauli "Badding” Somerjoki with Finnish goth rocker Ville Valo. Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Lo, when I heard the first proper track, “Ikkunaprinsessa” or “The Window Princess” I was enthralled — it sounds like “Secret Agent Man” by Johnny Rivers but it’s not. I know, I was just as shocked as you are. Due to the fact that this song is sung in Finnish, I spent most of my time listening to it picturing Valo in a tux wielding a small pistol and shimmying around corners (until I looked up the translated English lyrics). Even though this is not a Finnish cover of “Secret Agent Man” I still love it, if not more now that I know it’s about a man establishing a weird fixation on a department store mannequin and later being deeply disturbed as he watches it get disassembled while the store undergoes some renovations.
“Paratiisi” or “Paradise” matches itself in title and tone — the sound is very summer-y and reminds me of the beach. The production is so fresh; the Agents I’m sure would agree that some of these recordings needed a facelift and a new coat of paint and they delivered with Valo’s angelic vocals in tow. In case you didn’t know (I didn’t before writing this), the majority of this self-titled record is actually re-recordings with Valo putting his own dynamic range on tracks that were originally played when the Agents were working with Rauli Somerjoji, who was a Finnish songwriter who passed away in 1987. "Kuihtuu Kesäinen Maa” is one example of this. It’s a super soft track; the Agents sound like they’re floating on a cloud while Valo croons like velvet. It’s a definite highlight to this whole release and HIM fans will be surprised by how at-ease and mellow Valo is.
This isn’t quite a new band for Valo, as much as it is a new project to toy with. I can imagine the guy just wanted to change gears and occupy himself with something completely different to what he had been pigeonholed into before, and the Agents are the ideal band to place that energy. They mesh a variety of styles together and the instrumentation, in general, is exceptionally pleasing — track to track this record is the opposite of boring from a purely musical standpoint. Each song, despite its written age, is recorded and produced really well and Valo’s vocal style is flawless in conjunction with the Agents, giving the tracks an ultramodern revamp.
Obviously, if a HIM fan approached this album expecting to hear Valo’s signature ascending vocals and heavy sound to back it all up, they will be extremely disappointed. I, like many other HIM fans, couldn’t imagine him sounding even better than he already did in his love metal days, but he certainly proved us all wrong. Valo is at his peak here and he sounds healthier and calmer than ever before — it’s in stark contrast to his “glory days” of goth but a welcomed one all the same.
Catherine Dempsey still owns a pair of heartagram fingerless gloves. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
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#ville valo#ville valo & agents#the agents#finnish#finnish music#HIM#his infernal majesty#H.I.M#H.I.M.#heartagram#catherine dempsey#album review#ville valo and agents#ville valo and the agents
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ChosenMindset - The Passion Of The Flame Inside Of Me - by Vlad G
1.Good heart living in toxic parts
2.Emotions caused by fear
3.Hell’s cycle
4.Depression killed the kid
5.Mentality of a lion
6. Inner piece of a lion
7.A message for your mindset
Good heart living in toxic parts
The inner rage of a child is one that is developed from birth.. A sense of hate that is fed by the toxic parts of earth. Growing up in poverty I couldn’t tell the difference between fun and dumb, gum and rum, and my fam did their best to keep me away from drugs and guns. Being the oldest son got me feeling like I am the chosen one because my older sisters born before me have put the pressure on me like I am the only one. As a child I was only trying to survive the cold and chase the cool, be like Simba from lion king and be a leader who rules. What is the cool? As I got older I seen why drugs were boomed, Children were doomed and making it out of the struggle was hope we knew wasn’t coming soon. Now the question is what is self? Why must I go to a therapist to learn about me and he just getting paid to learn about you. It is hard to understand us humans and we will forever be confused. We all got a fuse and the wrong spark will blow you up but the right spark may light you up so you can shine like a star. The goal is to be on top and higher than the clouds that used to bully us with it’s pouring rain.. And I hope one day I can conquer this pain.. or you can say this flame..
Emotions caused by fear
Having to put my ego at check because this year I pushed really hard to hit my peak. Breakdown after breakdown I can see myself dying inside, not able to let go of the pain and feeling caged in my head and wanting to escape outside. Being stumped trying to find my purpose in a head that is as crazy as a circus.Trying to avoid being alone in my head by going wild with different women in my bed. Is lust really a cure for loneliness ? Maybe at the moment but I know for sure it isn’t permanent. It may numb the pain but that will never go away. Probably damaging your spirit the more bodies you try to slay. I want peace and love to stay but it’s axed by the feeling of fear I develop by them racing thoughts I get everyday. Hitting 100 on the dash because it’s a fast life and I’m not afraid to die, and if I’m pulled over I’ll just be cussing out the police like I am daring them to put a bullet in my eye. Exploding in city daring a nigga to kill me, when all I want is somebody to hear me. Comfort the tears from the trauma that I’ve had to deal with on my own. The sadness, madness, and feeling of self destruct left me stuck. I want to feel at peace and have these memories fade away but I know I want to keep the good ones but flashing back on them have been overshadowed by the bad times and it makes me scared of life because I feel like I’ve been living in a nightmare the whole time.. Young trying to hit my prime in a land where they won’t let you shine. I must wake up and face reality and find my peace and maintain that mentality.
Hell’s Cycle
He got to a point where that rage has took over him. Demons control him and the person he thought he would become is nothing more but the worst version of him. At this point he has convinced himself that he’s crazy and nothing but a madman and no matter what anybody tells him, he remains a sad man and them pills ain’t working so he out here moving like a zombie who is depressed feeling like he has no motive or purpose.. gotten himself in his own hell, his own jail, and nobody can bail him out cause it’s only him who can figure out how to get out of there. With this depression and being in a society where his skin color has him feel the severe oppression.. It should be his mission to recover and his desire to get better, but he got caught up in his own ways, doing those drugs that made him feel good back in the old days and now he has dug himself in a deeper hole and his mind has wandered away. Lost soul becoming helpless… stuck in the institution where he won’t get any real help cause everybody is selfish. Family trying to fix him but he see there is nothing wrong but he start to cry cause he don’t feel like he belong. A weak man who can’t even enjoy the small pleasures of listening to his favorite song or eating his favorite food. I want to help him.. Tell him he needs to get out of there and find his faith.. I can’t reach him though he’s stuck in hell’s cycle.. Nothing I can do but pray and hope somebody give him a bible.
Depression killed the kid
He was walking one day thinking about his life and how he has failed.. then he started to realize he was starting to feel old and frail.. Living day to day hoping one day that things will change overnight. Scared to take a leap of faith he just wasn’t feeling right. As he started to realize he had no love in his life he started thinking about taking flight.. The leap of death. This is the end.. Hoping if he dies that God will forgive him for all his sins. Contemplating this decision he starts to take shots of gin.. Reminiscing over his life the crying then starts to begin. He wants to end it all because he doesn't ever believe he will win.. Battling them demons inside they forever have been convincing him.. He has made the decision that his life is not valuable and this is the end. He gets to the bridge he takes the leap and before he hits the ground he opens his eyes to take a peak and right then and there he wakes up with the bottle of gin next to him and realize that the decision to end his life wasn’t meant for him.
The mentality of a lion
You ever have a bad day a sad day and a type of day that make you want to go on a mad craze. Shit wild how you get back to back bad news and you can’t even gather your emotions to stay cool. Gotta be resilient or else that anger will consume you. Being in a state of mind where you can fuck up and you want to give up, fighting your emotions inside got you taking punches to your gut, and you need to clear your mind because those messages just torn you up. Close your eyes and wait… just know this feeling you have is not here to stay and that it is all temporary and it will go away.. You got a mentality to be great, fuck the negativity and the hate.. Don’t let these people or them situations control your fate. Be patient you gonna get that smile back..You gonna see those toxic emotions can’t hold you back. I know it’s hard but don’t ever forget your worst day means the next day has to be better. Remember cloudy rainy days is only temporary weather. Now keep moving and continue this journey on your path because the road to peace is within yourself and only you can put out the flame to your wrath..
The inner piece of a lion
To understand my pain is to understand my brain, I don’t feel pain anymore and I don’t see love the same way I used to. I love my people but I hate the system that has tricked them into believing the Lord is our enemy and that we must remove him to bring equality. Equality isn’t a realistic goal and equity should be the real change we should be chasing for. I am a speaker for minds like mines, minds that care and minds that doesn’t want to be scared. The loss of someone is a pain that can be hidden until you truly understand the meaning and by that point it is too late to try and control it, you are in tears , you are in pain, and you can’t stop that mental pain in your brain. Life has now become meaningless and now you want to give up, but that is not the purpose for you… your suppose to continue the fight and beat the system, beat the numbers they use to define you, use your creative insight on the world to create change. There is no such thing is I can’t because you’ve been created by a God who has given you all the power in the world to show you can. The journey to peace and happiness starts with yourself and once you open your eyes and wake up from the nightmare you will begin to see what is destined for you. As for me , I’ve gotten my peace a long time ago and I’ve found my happiness recently, now my purpose in life is to maintain both and continue to motivate others to find their own destiny.
A message for your mindset
I’ve realized that humanity doesn’t care about your sanity and most people only care about their own vanity. Still being controlled by what hollywood, society, and media throws at us, they control your perspective and the pop culture that’s suppose to distract you from all of this has influenced you to be drugged out by the new heroin in a pill and when you overdose the doctors prescribe you a medication that has the same side effects but with a psychosis that makes you depressed so you won’t get the same thrill. We are in the age of anxiety and we are starting to feel the illnesses of our ancestors, but being more conscious and aware, looking in the mirror not recognizing who you are no matter how long you stare, with God’s throne being dethroned we are in need of more blessings in the air. We lack empathy with others and so when you're hurt I can’t even cry with you because as a man I’ve been taught crying is weak so I can’t be vulnerable with you. Conquering my own fears so I can’t help you with yours but I can tell you it is easier to accept your flaws and not look at yourself as your own enemy. As difficult as loving yourself may be it is the best remedy. Clear the head and rid of the toxins trying to kill you and stop your progression. Being ill isn’t your fault and learning how to take care of yourself is the best lesson. Gotta keep fighting even if you don’t think you have anything left and you need to keep living and try to enjoy every last breath. The passion of the flame only has the desire to burn you down so create your own wave so you can cool down..
- Written by Vladimir Gaetan between the times of June - September in the summer of 2017.
© 2018 Vladimir Gaetan
#Poetry#Writing#Concept#About#Life#Innerpeace#Peace#Rage#Conquering#Overcoming#Depression#Suicide#Anxiety#Negativity#Looking to#Inspire#More Self love#Motivation#To put out#The flame#That is trying to burn you down#Have#Faith#Trust#Love#Devlop your own#Chosenmindset
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Confessions
I’m not a fan of this chapter and so I didn’t really edit it that much, apologies x
Plot: Zendaya and Tom have to deal with seeing Elle.
Confessions (Chapter Eleven)
Tom had tunnel vision as he sprinted up the stairs. His mind solely focused on what Zendaya would think of the whole situation.
He couldn’t believe Harrison hadn’t told him about Elle earlier. Truth was, Tom and Elle had ended on bad terms – really bad terms – and he hadn’t heard from her since then. It was weird for her to have reached out to Harrison of all people let alone be here for his birthday. That was another thing, why had Harrison invited her over for his birthday? Today was meant to be a day spent with people whose company they actually enjoyed … why, all of a sudden, was Elle a part of that list?
Tom shook his head, promising to interrogate Harrison later as he weaved in and out of the now packed villa. In the space of time that Harrison and Tom had had their talk, the whole place had filled. Tom couldn’t even register the fact that his brother’s or Tuwaine, another one of his best friends, were here; his mind in a frenzy to find Zendaya. And, he did.
She was sat on a chaise, her clothes from earlier discarded. She had stripped down to an all-black bikini, one that seemingly showed off her dancer’s body. Her caramel skin tone glimmered under the bright sunlight and Tom was frozen in his spot, forced to admire her. A pair of shades sat on top of her head and despite the amount of people around, she was sat by herself. But what truly stunned Tom was the object on the table beside her – was that a drink, he saw? Tom, still paused in his spot across the pool, watched as she gripped the bottle and chugged … the contents emptying down her throat.
“Did you just-“ Tom scurried to her side, his eyes scanning between the now empty bottle and Zendaya’s blank expression; had she found out about Elle? Was drinking alcohol her way of coping with the uncomfortable situation of having Elle in LA? He suddenly felt really guilty and his eyes softened. “Since when do you drink?” Tom didn’t mean it in a patronising way, but he couldn’t help the way it came out, his eyes narrowing into small slits. Zendaya didn’t drink … from what he knew of her, she had never had a drink in her life so, this was definitely a first.
“You said we had to act normal today.”” Zendaya swung her legs over the side of the chaise, pulling Tom into the now empty spot. His body was awkwardly perched on the edge and he looked his girlfriend over, trying to determine whether she was tipsy, angry, upset or all three. “This is what normal twenty years olds do, right?” Zendaya reached for another bottle and Tom grabbed her wrist, halting her actions instantly. Yes, he wanted Zendaya to forget about her stalker – just for one day – but this wasn’t her. She wasn’t the drinking, partying type of girl.
“Babe, stop.”
“You wanted this, I’m just having some fun.” Tom could tell she wasn’t drunk, so he knew she was in a right frame of mind, but he didn’t want her to conform to what everybody else was doing either. Zendaya didn’t need a drink to have fun. But, yet again, she tried to reach around him and go for another drink. She didn’t get what Tom wanted from her … she thought this would be a promising idea. All of her friends had told her that a few drinks always made you feel on top of the world. Getting that right level of tipsy made you feel invincible and ready to party, regardless of all of the background bullshit. That was exactly what she needed, and she didn’t get why Tom-I-am-having-an-affair-with-my-Heineken-Holland was being such a downer about it.
“You’ve had enough already, come on. I want to talk to you.”
“We’re talking, what’s going on?” Zendaya gave up on the idea of getting another drink at Tom’s tone. His eyebrows were frowned together, and it was as if he had suddenly aged a few years in the space of a few moments. “Hey, what is it-“ Zendaya grabbed his hand only to have him yanked out of her hold within seconds.
“Thomas!” Two very distinguishable voices called out before jumping on him – Harry and Sam. Tom’s teenage twin brothers hadn’t seen him in a few weeks and their excitement regarding a reunion was clear. The boys had all grown up being really close and they enveloped their brother into a weird three-way hug before ushering him towards the pool. Having lived a fairly normal life in Kingston, London, the boys weren’t used to the cultural change that was prevalent in LA; the sun, the pools, the relaxation. Both Sam and Harry shared the same opinion regarding their eagerness to embrace Californian lifestyle.
“Z-“
“Go have fun.” Zendaya shook her head as Tom struggled against the hold of his brothers - who would have thought, Spider-Man was being taken down by two teenage boys. “We’ll talk after.” As soon as Zendaya uttered the words, Tom was being pushed into the pool. His body hit the water with an audible splash and his brother’s chuckled before diving in themselves. Jacob soon followed and then the war was on. Zendaya pulled out her phone as the older boys surged for Sam first, Tom dunking his head forcefully underwater.
Once Tom was in the company of his family, he seemingly forgot about Elle. Hours went by and the worries melted away as quickly as they came, and he was enjoying the time spent with good company. It was easy to forget when one was having fun. Jacob handed Tom a beer and he sipped at it, his body enjoying the contradiction of the cool pool water and a warm sun. He couldn’t see Elle anywhere and he was relishing in that fact, maybe she wasn’t here … maybe this was all some kind of sick, twisted joke. He knew he needed to tell Zendaya the truth but with Elle’s absence, maybe Tom could just ignore the whole situation; pretend like it wasn’t happening. He could hear Zendaya’s infectious laughter in the background alongside the high-pitched squeals that were escaping Sam every time he lunged for him; this was what today was meant to be about … plain and simple fun.
“Hey, Laur,” Zendaya had taken to sitting at the edge of the pool with her co-star, Laura, their feet dipped into the water leisurely. The girls had spent the day lounging on deck chairs, relaxing, but the heat was slowly starting to get to them. They had surpassed the sun’s peak but as the sky started to filter to a warm orange glow, Zendaya found herself extremely parched. “I’m going to grab some water, you want anything?”
“I’ll come with you.” The girls waved at the boys who were still messing around in the pool before making their way back into the house. The kitchen was a mess now, bottles littered everywhere, and Laura grabbed at some water bottles from the fridge whilst Zendaya rummaged through drawers in an attempt to find something other than the kettle chips she had been munching on all day. She discovered some jelly sweets which she instantly decided to devour, her eyes glazing over as she tried to fish out her favourite green ones from the bottom of the packet. “Zendaya?”
“Hmm?” She responded, her eyes totally fixed on getting to the bottom of the inhumanely small bag of sweets.
“Is that-“ Laura’s voice trailed off and Zendaya looked up at her expectantly, awaiting an answer. However, Zendaya’s facial expression changed as soon as she saw Laura’s stare was directed through the large doors onlooking the pool. But, it wasn’t just any sort of stare … Laura’s eyes had narrowed into slits and she moved between looking at Zendaya’s slowly registering face and the sight outside. Laura and Tom were friends … she knew exactly what – or who – she was looking at – Elle Lotherington, Tom’s ex-girlfriend. “What is she doing here?”
Cautiously, Zendaya approached the double doors, her eyes trained on Elle as she inched into the pool. Zendaya didn’t know much about Elle but she knew enough to know that she didn’t like her. Tom hadn’t told her much about how the two ended, he had just confessed that their relationship hadn’t been a pretty one. And, as Elle waddled through the water to Harrison, Tom, Sam, Harry and Jacob, Zendaya felt a weird sense of nervousness bubble within her. Despite Elle and Tom’s rocky past, Elle was really the only other girl that Tom had been seriously committed to and that made Zendaya feel threatened. The blonde bombshell was capable of taking away what Zendaya had been accustomed to and that feeling … that feeling of complete vulnerability made Zendaya’s heart sink. A sudden rush of sadness enveloped her, only to be replaced by anger.
Practicality flooded Zendaya and the question popped into her head – why was she here? And more importantly, why was Tom greeting Elle as if he knew she was going to be here? Elle had approached Tom and his brother’s in the pool and he hugged her; no surprise of her being here visible on his face. As if fate were taking her side, Tom turned his head at the perfect time, his eyes meeting Zendaya’s gaze instantly. The smile on his face dropped and Zendaya gave him a smile that was lemon level bitter before retreating back into the house.
“Shit.” Tom watched her slowly before her actions processed in his mind. He looked over at Harrison before treading quickly out of the pool. His movements were clumsy under the pressure of water and he didn’t even before to dry off as he chased Zendaya through the villa, a slippery path left in his wake. “Z, wait, wait, wait I can explain-“
Zendaya spun around on her feet abruptly, her loose hair swishing dramatically with her.
“Did you know she was going to be here?” In all honesty, Zendaya was threatened – yes – but her real problem wasn’t because Tom’s ex-girlfriend was here, it was with the fact that Tom had with held information about Elle being here. And from the silence she was receiving from Tom in return, Zendaya pretty much knew the answer to her question. She scoffed throatily before proceeding to turn back around. Tom grabbed at her wrist and she stumbled backwards into his sopping chest.
“No, wait … that was what I was going to tell you earlier-“ That was the truth, Tom had intended to tell Zendaya … he’d just gotten pleasantly distracted by the happiness that was evident in their surrounding atmosphere. Tom didn’t want to ruin the smiles and the happiness by bringing up his tragic past love life. “I just-“
“That was hours ago, Tom! We’ve been together loads of times since then, why didn’t you bring it up after?” Zendaya ran her hands through her hair, anger uncontrollably filling her.
“Okay, babe, relax, you don’t have to be mad … we can talk about this, it’s just Elle-“ Tom took a step closer to Zendaya only for her to take a step back. His heart sank at the gesture and soon enough, his anger was meeting Zendaya’s levels. He wasn’t necessarily angry at her … just at the situation, at Harrison, for putting him into this situation, at Elle for being here.
“You got angry because I didn’t tell you about the messages and the pictures from this creep. How is you not telling me about Elle any different-“
“Because I don’t need protecting from Elle!” Tom was yelling and Zendaya flinched at his tone, her whole body cowering away from him. Tom inwardly cringed at himself, he had only blown up because he didn’t know what Zendaya’s stalker was capable of and he wanted to her to be safe, needed her to be. So, yeah, he always had bouts of anger that arose because he knew Zendaya was too blasé about her physical safety. She’d go out by herself, no security, no Darnell and the thought scared Tom … he was scared something awful would happen to her and he wouldn’t be able to save her.
“I’m not some damsel in distress, Tom.” Zendaya, being the feminist that she was, believed she was capable of being independent. Everyone around her recently had been treating her like glass and it was slowly driving her up the wall.
“But you are!“ Tom didn’t mean it in a demeaning way. He just knew that if it came to the worst of scenarios, it was unlikely that Zendaya would be able to fight off a man who was double her size and taller than her. It was basic common sense. Zendaya had no self defence skills; this creep who was following her could be a serious threat to her life which meant, yes, she was a damsel who did need saving.
“I can take care of myself.” Zendaya’s eyes widened as Tom spoke. She had always prided herself in being a strong, self-dependent woman and she didn’t like that Tom was degrading her to somebody who was neither of those things. With those final words, Zendaya spun around and this time, Tom didn’t stop her. His body was heaving with this pent-up anger and he knew if they continued to fight, he would lash out in a way that neither of them would be able to forgive … so, he let her go.
Zendaya walked out of the villa with nothing on her; no phone, no wallet, no shoes, no car keys … just this heavy weight on her shoulders. She took a seat on the patio stairs, her head falling into her lap as she tried to control her breathing. It was so rare that her and Tom got to spend sufficient time together, she hated fighting with him, but she couldn’t help but be angry right now. Because if the situation were reversed and that was Trevor at one of her parties, Tom’s reaction would have been exactly the same … maybe even worse.
A few tears sprung to her eyes and soon her vision became clouded. The briny tears restricted her face long enough for her to not notice the man stood oddly close to her. As she blinked furiously, her sight was regained only to be restricted once again. However, this time it wasn’t by her tears … it was by a cloth. The cloth was being tied to her head and she scrambled against the oppressive hold violently. Her captor was strong, and she kicked at him furiously – he didn’t budge. Before Zendaya had any time to scream for attention, a gauze was stuffed into her mouth and her scantily clad body was being dragged away from the villa thumping loudly with music … nobody noticed her muffled screams.
There was only one thing circling around in Zendaya’s mind – Tom had been right, she couldn’t protect herself.
#tomdaya#tomdaya fanfiction#tomdaya fan fic#tomdaya fan fiction#tomdaya fanfic#confessions#confessions chapter eleven#ritebeforeyoureyes
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Just Chugging Along
A new coffee shop opened in Nailsea while I was away, replacing a pub which I had never been in and which was always skipped on even the biggest of pub crawls. I met Daisy there yesterday. Daisy is a girl in the school year below mine, just finished her A Levels, who is going to Colombia in January, enrolled in the same Gap Student Programme as I finished about a month and a half ago. She wanted to ask some questions about the job, the country, the culture, and I found myself almost self-indulgently spewing out any relevant information that popped into my head, rarely pausing to take breath. It felt good to rant so gleefully about my time away, instinctively babbling out advice and recommendations, having an answer to every question that she asked and seeing the nerves and excitement build in her as the conversation went on. It was like a confirmation that it had indeed happened, that I hadn’t just imagined or dreamed it; it was real and I loved it enough to want someone else to love it too.
In the nigh-on-month I’ve been home, the coffee shop is the only thing in Nailsea that appears to be new. A couple of shops and business ventures finding their feet in the town centre in January had ran out of legs by July it would seem, but everything else is basically the same; the same faces are scattered round The Moorend Spout on quiz night; the usually interchangeable neighbours in the house next to mine look as if they are the same; the buses are so late that they’re technically early in proximity to the next one, and the wind blows the first days of August silly and cold. Spoons is dead on weeknights and rammed on Friday and Saturday, full of the local football heroes, the ‘hands-on’ figures of the community, the hard-workers, the pre-drinkers, the students back from uni (usually grouped together with the pre-drinkers), and a small congregation of twats in the corner. And in the morning we all step outside to the same smell of horse shit and weed, the latter of which was so strong this past week that it actually made headlines in the North Somerset Times. But amidst all the similarities, I feel the comforting pass of time through every conversation I have. My friends for the most part are happier, more grounded in the people they are and want to be and firmly on their paths to achieve that. Nearly everyone I bump into has something to show for the past half-a-year; Ellie finished her first year at university with a first; Cop’s started designing and printing his own clothes; I haven’t seen Cara yet but she finished her A Levels as is currently blessing the States with her ridiculousness; I saw my old work-friend Genevieve in a play devised by her and her theatre company, whose existence I only knew of beforehand through snippets of conversation over early morning mass sandwich production. Hell, to be fair to them, the twats in the corner at spoons have progressed in some way, in that they’re into harder drugs now. So although the town itself is as still as it’s always been, I’ve returned in exciting times. I can feel everyone starting to get into their stride, transforming from school friends into real people.
I had a fantastic time in the States. I loved travelling, or rather vacationing alone, making my own spontaneous plans each day and meeting several other travellers whom I’d met the night before for breakfast. I drank malts with a couple from Brighton in Atlanta, I ate fried chicken with biscuits and gravy with a guy from London in Asheville, I sat at the counter in a roadside diner and chatted with the waitress and an older gentleman next to me about how ‘things ain’t how they used to be no more’. I went back to the same diner the next day and the same waitress (also named Alex) asked if I wanted ‘the usual’. From Asheville, I went on a 3-day hike up in the Smokey Mountains and saw a sunset atop Gregory Bald, the awe-striking beauty of which I thought could only exist in Google Images, with all the orange and purple oozing into the clouds and the steam rising from between the slumbering peaks and valleys. I saw 3 members of B.B. King’s band perform in Nashville and, in Memphis, stood in the spot where Elvis Presley first recorded and sat at the piano that he, Johnny Cash, Carl Perkins and Jerry Lee Lewis all crowded round in 1956. That day also happened to be the 4th of July; the rain had washed out the already deserted streets of Downtown Memphis, and I couldn’t foresee watching fireworks in the lashing rain at a place literally named Mud Island being any fun, so I watched the festivities from the balcony of the Airbnb with Aisha and Tom, two other lodgers I had just met who were roadtripping their way to New Orleans. Once satisfied that the last red, white and/or blue firework had burst, we watched ‘The Nightman Cometh’ musical episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
On the night I got back I hugged my Mum very tightly and went out to see my friends at the place where all roads lead to: Ringers. I walked there leisurely, like I’d never been gone, not having to even think about where I was going and what were the best roads to take. Ellie was waiting outside for me and like me she’d changed her hair to blonde, then Jess came, then Harvey appeared and sprang straight into the tale of how he got stuck in a door in the London Underground earlier that day, then Joe and Charlie came, then Cop, then Chris. All these faces I knew as well as the route to the pub came round the corner and exchanged grins with mine like a reunion episode of some sitcom that’d been off the air for years, or like that really lame scene at the end of The Lord Of The Rings. The more people who showed up, the more I melted back into the familiar flow or banter and inside jokes, so naturally and so easily, as if the night were a record that someone had taken the needle off of 6 months ago and had just put back down. In the days that followed I caught everyone up on what I had done and where I’d been and who I’d met, and in the weeks that followed I came to feel completely reintegrated into the ordinary Somerset Summer daze, crashing out on Golden Valley field, binge watching some TV show when the rain comes, turning up late for every social outing and crushing cans of cider in the garden of whoever’s been kind enough to offer it.
With every new day, everything feels more normal and Colombia feels a little further away. And as bliss as coming home has been, how much it came at exactly the right time, there are things and people that should be here but aren’t here and which Nailsea could never recreate. I think about my housemates from Bogotá every day. Those thoughts manifest in things as little as songs on the radio that I think they’d like or in grand visions of them bursting through the Spoons doors as part of some massively extravagant and completely-out-of-their-way surprise visit. I went to a rave in Bristol with Dom and I’m going to Norwich this weekend to see George, but as I write I suspect that Stephen and Ela may be wrapping up their extended travels in Bolivia and arriving at their respective homes in Roanoke, Virginia and the British Virgin Islands, so very far away. I realised on a dragging Greyhound journey from Atlanta to Asheville, miles and miles away from anyone I even remotely knew, that from now on, no matter where I go, it’s a certainty that I will be far away from at least one person that I love. This fact is actually a good thing, the slow dispersion of loved ones is a symptom of everyone finding their way and achieving their goals; I accept this, but I am still entitled to a touch of sadness every day when I don’t say ‘good morning’ to my friends in the Gap House and every time I go to bed without saying ‘good night’.
The stars over Nailsea are better than I remember. They splash and scurry across our countryside sky in ways I never saw in the orange, cloudy haze of the Colombian night. Sometimes walking back late from Charlie’s or Jess’, I crane my neck up at them and wish that my friends across the sea, in the States, in Spain, in the BVI, could see them, and then I remember that they probably can, and that’s a nice thought. To borrow some words once spoken by a sleepy, traffic-frustrated Stephen, life is ‘just chugging along’ everywhere, and everyone will keep achieving things and developing themselves and I’ll just be so proud of them all.
Be proud of what you’ve done so far this year, and if you feel like you haven’t done much then there’s still a lot of time left in it for you to change that.
#travel#writing#colombia#north somerset#usa#england#memphis#nashville#asheville#smokeymountains#atlanta#home#bogota
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How I Get Through Depression with Kylie Minogue
I have been taught through the gay guidebook circa late 90’s, early 00’s that each homo should seek out a diva. This diva should resonate with you on a seemingly personal wavelength when it comes to her personal and professional tribulations. She should break through all the barriers and after years of struggle, should express all of it in song to not only speak to your tired soul, but to uplift you. The popular deities are outlined neatly throughout VH1’s Diva series throughout the years, but I, often persuaded by hipster tendencies early throughout my developmental stages, sought out a diva less frequently mentioned by my peers.
Kylie despite all her international success, is often described as not being able to conquer the American market. She is often referred to as being a Madonna equivalent, a title that was briefly emphasized during Madonna’s 2000 tour when she wore one of Kylie’s concert T-shirt. Although Can’t Get You Out of My Head is a song that most know and can sing along the chorus to, all her other efforts remain relatively unknown by American pop culture.
Kylie’s 11th studio album Aphrodite, which is the second album post- breast cancer, is in my book Kylie being Kylie. Although it reached moderate success and was certainly an improvement of her 10th album X, it still lacks a twist and falls short. X always had mixed reviews and there was not a single thread of unity throughout the album; a fact that I always felt, but forgave because honestly the woman just had to deal with breast cancer for chrissake. Aphrodite is hailed as a back to form for her, but in no way innovative and furthering the genre of pop that she had often experimented with. (Body Language in my book is when she is at her artistic peak of cohesive innovation.)
However within a somewhat solid bland effort that is Aphrodite, there is a gem of a song that has never been recognized and heralded as a gay anthem. The second track, Get Outta My Way not only celebrates her skills as a performer, but utilizes an intricate storytelling method in which she reaches out to sad depressed gay men and gives them a solid push to continue moving forward.
On the surface the song is a story of a powerful woman who has been fed up and is ready to slap some sense into her lover for not recognizing what he’s been taking for granted, a very common theme throughout gay anthems. However for the purposes of my life, I am not interested in this “my boyfriend doesn’t appreciate me” business. It may seem like Kylie is talking to her dumb lover, but during my periods of devout depression, I know she’s speaking to me.
K: What's the worst thing that could happen to you?
Me: Everything Kylie, Everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong.
K:Take the chance tonight and try something new
Me: That would require a shower and for me to put my contacts in. I’m not ready to face that stupid world.
K:You're getting boring; you're oh-so boring
Me: Girlfriend I know, but legit I cannot get off this floor. I know I haven’t showered in two days.
K:And I don't recognize the zombie you turn into
Me: I know I need to shave too, but there’s no real point in shaving if I haven’t showered. Cleanliness is a priority for going outside, I’m staying inside. I know from many episodes of Hoarders that I need to stay inside for like two years before I start actually getting sick. My toilet is working. I’m not shitting in the middle of my living room.
K: Don't worry 'cause tonight I got you
Me: I trust you girl, but you’re not here. Well you are here spiritually, but physically you’re in Melbourne polishing your statue.
K: You can take a seat, do what you normally do
Me: That is super judgmental. I’m going through (insert origin of depression). Give me a break.
K: I'm about to let you see
Me: and?
K: This is what'll happen if you ain't givin' your girl what she needs
Me: Girl? I don’t care about you. You got your shit together, I never understood why you would be with a loser anyhow. Oh wait, are you talking to me? Like the spiritual me? Is the girl you refer to like the “girl” inside me? Have I been not feeding the spiritual goddess inside me? Is this why I’m feeling weak?
K: Leave you, move on to a perfect stranger
Me: Kylie I’m not self actualized yet. My spiritual journey began about seven hundred times and I never finished a single journey. I can’t really leave myself to self reflect. It does sound nice… Wait do you think this is a bad spirit situation? Are you not talking to me, but to like the ghost of some terrible spirit that is like fucking with my life because it cannot move on from this world? Should I go buy a bundle of sage?
K: You talk, I walk, wanna feel the danger
Me: I have always been there for you. I might’ve never made it to one of your concerts, but I have always defended your honor to the Beehive, the Butterflies and all the other tribes.
K: See me with him and it's turning you on
Me: Him? You mean money? Success? Confidence? Everything that is not me at this very moment on this bus?
K: It's got me saying
Getting me back at the end of this song
Me: Yeah I miss me. I want me back. I want me circa five years ago back.
My experience of this inner monologue requires a proper viewing of her live performance during her Aphrodite Les Folies tour. Kylie has referred to herself that she is a showgirl and that not only does she proudly takes that title, but she holds herself up to that certain standard. She has never proclaimed herself as the voice of an angel. She does not take her difficult emotions and translates it into a vocal riff, she takes her hard times in true showgirl form and stomps on it.
Watching the performance we can confirm a couple of suspicions. She’s talking to a gay man. The images of men’s torsos projected behind her in bright bold colors and artful extensions of bodies reminiscent of America’s Next Top Model beckons all the memories of you as that one sad gay man in a loud club. She asks you to trust her. She has a top hat forcing you to judge her for a quick second and question her validity as spiritual guide. It’s black and sparkly. Are you basic? No, she says. Her voluminous skirt covered in black feathers is supported by the boning reminiscent of royal portraits in art history classes. She knows her demographic, her waist is cinched with a large gold situation, perhaps she wants you to remember she is a self actualized pop star in the arena of Dance music. Her hat isn’t a cheap party favor, she is the ringleader and as she says in her song you need to take a couple of seats and trust her.
Live performances are tricky for pop music fans. Most times they disappoint and utilize back-dancers and other visual cues to distract the viewer from actually appreciating a star’s voice. The beginning of the performance is no exception. You realize quickly that her Australian twang is auto tuned out to a soft sexy exasperation on her tracks. However on a second viewing you become more aware of her audience interaction at the beginning of the song. She puts London in their place by proclaiming they’ve “been good tonight,” as if she is the dominatrix mistress herself. When she begins the song with “What's the worst thing that could happen to you?” she needs to be strong and cheeky. It doesn’t need to be melodic, she needs to grab your attention by your balls if necessary.
The chairs seen throughout the performances can be passed off as visual gags and a reference to the times she asks you to take a couple of seats throughout the song. During my periods of devout depression I sometimes view them as seats at the table. There are so many times throughout my life that I find that my depression creeps in when I so desperately want a seat at the table. At the start of the second verse she reassures you, she knows of and has experienced insecurities. You’ve been coming up short she half speaks/sings in the performance as she points to a dancer through a chair.
During the bridge of the song she sings a soft cry of emotional release. What the recording of the song takes away is the fact that the emotional release is due to a re-confirmation of self assurance. If you’ve only heard the recording of the song you can easily miss it, it’s a quick couple of seconds in the background before you become entrenched in the repetitive lyrics. However in her live performance you become fully aware that it’s a full blown Braveheart battle cry. She first bellows out her anger and frustration as she finds inner strength. Then she follows that with a softer I’m getting my shit together, here’s a sign of my composure ooh.
It’s at this point you realize what she’s been telling you from the get-go. All these things that beat you down are dismissible. Why do you think she’s been brushing you off dismissively the whole entire song? Was she flicking away a moth from her feather skirt? No. She’s been telling you that all these things that’s been weighing you down are useless. I’ve told you to sit down, but don’t listen to me, Stand up. Stand up, stomp down and flick away the negativity.
The line Getting me back at the end of this song always stood out for me. Is she saying that she will go back to that guy who has taken her for granted all this time? However if we were to take that line literally this is what we end up with:
No, I ain't goin' home
But I won't be alone
Now I've showed you what I'm made of
Now I've showed you what I'm made of
We did our battle cry, we’re ready for battle she says. We need to show the world that we deserve a seat at that table and that the depression caused by the sadness of your insecurities is that dumb guy who only realizes you’re great only when it’s too late.
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yellin’ at songs, week forty-two
10.25.1997
10.27.2007
10.28.2007
10.25.1997
81) "You're Not Alone," by Olive
Context matters. I react poorly to a lot of these European dance anthems. But real talk, if I heard this song in Eurovision, this would be extremely my shit. This song would finish fifth place in Eurovision and part of my shit is really loving the fifth place finisher in Eurovision. And this is at least somewhat subtle, it nicely builds to the moments of loud synthy garbage. I'm down with this! No, it's not good, but a song doesn't have to be good for you to like it.
95) "Sunshine," by Jay-Z ft./Babyface & Foxy Brown
How come there aren't any hip-hop love songs? Thre aren't any rap songs that begin by saying, "Yo, I'm takin' my best girl to the Japanese place downtown!" and THEN describe how big her ass is and how lovely her breasts are. There's been a long and steady devolution to this point where dudes are singing "I know you wanna love but I just wanna fuck" and all that, and I don't wanna seem like a prude, but songs about going out for sushi are way more interesting than breaking sex down into this animalistic transaction of pleasure from which no pleasure is ever actually derived because the singer is sad all the time and sex is meaningless.
97) "Pushin' Inside You," by Sons of Funk
OK. OK, I wasn't saying music wasn't crass in 1997. Of course there was shit going on, but you at least had counter-points to the more explicit songs.
98) "When Love Starts Talkin'," by Wynonna
Hey, remember the LeAnn Rimes song for a few hours ago? That was a lovely up-tempo hoedown, and I said I wouldn't mind to encounter it again, and guess what! I encountered it again, and I didn't mind! I love that 1997 put a fast country track with a dope female vocalist in my path! Good work this week, 1997, even if I don't have much to say about anything you offered. A B can win you most of these weeks, though.
10.27.2007
74) "As If," Sara Evans
So this week, Garth Brooks becomes the 37th member of the Decade Dance Club and the twelfth country dude, and the ratio is 12 country dudes to 2 country gals, and it's kind of weird that Keith Urban has made a decade-long career making perfectly cromulent songs that sometimes have a fiddle, but I haven't seen Sara Evans on this chart this year! This song is at least as OK as "Everybody." I wonder why Sara Evans didn't last in the country culture for as long as Keith Urban has! Very weird that country radio would just discard a woman, usually they treat women with a ton of respect and also as equals, it must absolutely be something she said. I am not going to look up what she said because I'm convinced it's her fault she couldn't find enduring success in a genre with as much equality as country music.
89) "Stay," Sugarland
The last country song had the phrase "blue jeans" in the first line and this song has the phrase "praying, PRAYING" in the second line and OK while modern music is all same-y and one song is indiscernable from the next at least it doesn't feel like pandering. You can make the argument that Post Malone is making an effort at honestly portraying his life (his "mood," as it were), and while his music is absolutely garbage, he's chosen a style of music he believes is consistent with his state of affairs and not the style that will make him most rich. I would have respected this song so much more if it were just an acoustic guitar and the vocals the whole time. What's that in the background, an organ or something? It's bullshit. It's dumb that you put it there.
91) "Clumsy," Fergie
I have made the argument before that Fergie's songs are actually good and that we have trouble separating art from the artist, have trouble considering "Glamorous" independent of the Humpsy context. I am not making this argument here. This song is horrible on every level. It's like someone half-heard an Amy Winehouse song in a grocery store and was asked two days later to write their version of that song.
95) "Pictures of You," The Last Goodnight
Real talk: I own this album. I have no idea why I bought it. I have no idea what about this song made me want to buy an entire album by this band. I think I just related to a dude with a mohawk making shallow pop music about how nice it is to remember someone you like, because hey that's pretty much me. "Yeah, man, I'm punk as fuck, I think capitalism is a failed experiment and I post on Facebook about Pokemon Christmas Bash."
10.28.2017
20) "Almost Like Praying," by Lin-Manuel Miranda ft./Artists for Puerto Rico
Help how you can.
55) "Pray," by Sam Smith
A MID-tempo Sam Smith song?! My stars! I didn't know he had it in him! Someone must have tricked him into eating a candy bar, or gave him one of those things that come from the granola bar companies that is real talk just a candy bar. "This is covered in chocolate." "It's Nature Valley, Samuel, a brand you can trust." And while he was in his sugar rushed state, they got him to agree to perform a song that had drums in it.
Sam Smith: I don't go to church.
A choir: NOOOOOO
this song is stupid
60) "How Long," by Charlie Puth
It seems redundant that Charlie Puth is a thing while Maroon 5 is still a thing. My theory is that, when Adam Levine said "I hate this country so much" on a hot mic when his The Voice children were in a bad situation, Maroon 5 was Not A Thing for long enough that a new Chosen One was allowed to activate, and now there's two Maroon 5s wandering the earth and fighting evil with absolute peak sexiness. Is Charlie Puth hot? I think he might be hot in the sense that he's a music celebrity and there's a team of people making sure he looks at least acceptable when performing even mundane tasks like getting a Coke from a gas station, but would you give him a second thought if he were just a dude? Like, Adam Levine, you'd fuck that dude even if he weren't famous. You wouldn't give Charlie Puth the time of day if you didn't know his name from his dumb songs.
72) "Heaven," by Kane Brown
I'm back to being OK with this dude. His voice is pleasant, and I appreciate a small dose of sacrilege in a country song. I want this dude not to try for pop/country stardom and try for that Chris Stapleton stuff. Like, if this dude could add a convincing growl, he'd be unstoppable. But this needs to be the last time he makes a song like this.
91) "Dear Hate," by Maren Morris ft./Vince Gill
listen, country music, you can't say "Dear hate, I saw you on the news today" and then not name names. you also can't say "Dear hate, you sure are colorblind" and expect me to think you stand for anything. draw a line. tell me what you believe so i know if i can fuck with you. if you're gonna make a song called "Dear Hate," it's gotta do more than say "it'd be nice if people liked love!" it's "FDT" or nothing, y'all.
95) "Lights Down Low," by MAX ft./gnash
I appreciate that two young men with such different approaches to the caps lock key were able to bring their perspectives together for this song. This song was fine! I like that it goes somewhere and that MAX actually did things with his voice beyond lazily whisper over some EDM nonsense. I'd like to hear more from this guy, though I'm probably not gonna seek it out! He seems to really have a handle on how to make decent pop songs, and I'd like to hear what he does with less slow-jamzy stuff. Congratulations, MAX! You made me forget you put gnash on the track!
97) "Too Hotty," by Quality Control ft./Quavo, Takeoff & Offset
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is this not credited as a collaboration with migos? did we all just sort of agree that migos isn't a thing and the three members are now only solo artists? This was about as good as any other Migos song. And that's fine! Migos is good! I mostly like what they do, I just, I'm just typing words. At this point, y'all give me trap, I'm just gonna type until it looks like there's enough words and decide the content is substantive. Here you go. Hot content, fresh off the fingertips.
Who won the week?
Uh... Honestly, this week was more or less acceptable for everyone. No truly standout tracks, but nothing I’d be angry to ever hear again. I think 1997 takes it because light-hearted Jay-Z is such a rare and delightful version of Jay-Z we don’t really hear from that much, so yeah, ‘97.
Current standings:
1997: 16
2007: 12
2017: 14
Next time: we consider the Dawson’s Creek theme song, we listen to four songs people made in 2007 because they were out of ideas, and I get to find out what Russell Dickerson is. What a dumb name! I know he’s not a country dude because there’s no way you’re making it in country with a name like Russell Dickerson, too many syllables.
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