#a betrayal of his trust and autonomy. which it is even with good intentions | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thenarator · 3 years

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Hi please ramble about how much Nighteye SUCKS (either in HAOT or canon) bc ur rambling is very on point it gives me l i f e (don’t do it if u don’t want to tho)

i’m not gonna rant about “heroics and other things that don’t require superpowers” because that fic is going to contain plenty of ranting a few chapters from now, but i will absolutely go off about canon nighteye.

i fucking hate how canon tries to imply that nighteye is a basically good person who’s been driven to extremes of behavior by his desire to save all might. that’s literally not what’s happening here at all. he has been a toxic influence on all might from the beginning, because he perceives his “love” for all might as giving him a kind of ownership. he believes he has the right to dictate all might’s life to him because nighteye thinks he knows best because of his quirk, and if he knows best then what other people want doesn’t matter.

let’s talk about boundaries.

a boundary is a rule that a person sets in place to maintain their comfort. it could be “i don’t work weekends” or “i don’t have sex when i’m drunk” or even “i don’t like to be touched.” all might has set multiple boundaries with nighteye, and nighteye had disrespected every single one. the most egregious form of boundary violation is violation of bodily autonomy, ie. rape, institutionalization, forced medical procedures, etc. however, violations of any boundary are serious business, and nighteye has crossed both physical and emotional boundaries with all might.

first, all might didn’t want sidekicks. he didn’t think he could trust a sidekick with his secret, so he decided to just not have any. however, he broke this rule to make nighteye his sidekick. that wasn’t his idea. he didn’t see nighteye’s career and go “hm, i think i can make an exception for him.” nighteye came to all might asking to be his sidekick. we don’t know exactly how he went about convincing all might, but we can extrapolate that it wasn’t a snap decision for all might. canon tells us that nighteye was his sidekick for less than a decade, and that was less than a decade ago. all might has been in business for like 40 years. he was well established as the symbol of peace before nighteye came along. he didn’t need nighteye, he had no reason to break his personal rule. nighteye was the one who crossed his boundary to gain entrance into all might’s life.

that’s already super sus but let’s continue.

second, all might didn’t want to tell too many people his secret. whether the decision to tell nighteye about ofa came bundled with the decision to take him on as a sidekick we don’t know, but we know that was another boundary nighteye crossed. again, all might didn’t, like, watch nighteye at the sports festival and decide to tell him. it was nighteye’s efforts that put pressure on all might to tell him the truth.

thirdly, all might didn’t want nighteye to use his quirk on him. we know this for a fact: it’s told to us in a flashback in which all might gets justifiably angry about the betrayal. this is a hard physical boundary that all might set with nighteye, and nighteye violated it to look into his future and see how he would die. that’s treated like a small thing, but it’s not at all! that is a huge violation of trust! nighteye’s quirk involves touching someone! setting aside the metaphysical headfuck nighteye’s future vision seems to be, he touched all might with the intent to violate his wishes! that’s super fucking not ok! and then he uses what he learned to try and manipulate all might into doing what he wanted, retiring directly following his injury at the hands of afo. thankfully all might decided there that nighteye’s actions were too big a breach of trust to keep nighteye in his life, but that was a serious decision made with very good justification.

fourthly, and this is a bit weirder because the boundary is fuzzy but the action is unforgiveable, nighteye disregards all might’s choice of successor and tries to undermine izuku’s confidence to make him give up one for all to mirio.

holy.

fucking.

shit.

like, i guess you could say that it’s an implied boundary rather than a stated boundary, but all might giving izuku his quirk (which cannot be taken by force) is a pretty strong declaration of his wishes! all might chose izuku for his successor! that is not something nighteye gets to question! and it’s certainly not a thing he gets to try to circumvent by destroying izuku’s confidence! nighteye’s not stupid, he could tell that this was a huge decision for all might and he did not make it lightly. he knew that izuku was important to all might. but he still attacked izuku. he still took him on as a work study student with the express purpose of undermining his confidence. everything he did and said to izuku was a direct attack on all might’s decision, all might’s right to choose. because nighteye doesn’t think all might deserves the right to choose if he’s going to make choices nighteye doesn’t like.

because that’s the thing isn’t it? all might isn’t a person to nighteye. he’s a thing. a thing that nighteye has decided his has ownership of. he thinks he knows best and so he’s the only one who gets to make decisions. all might is at best a child who doesn’t know what’s good for him, and at worst a doll that has no relevant opinion at all. all might isn’t allowed to have boundaries if nighteye doesn’t like them. he isn’t allowed to make decisions if nighteye doesn’t agree. and nighteye will do anything to gain and maintain the control over all might and his choices that he thinks he deserves.

tl;dr nighteye is toxic as fuck and always has been, thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#bnha #sir nighteye critical #antinighteye #anti sir nighteye #catlady5001

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asterekmess · 4 years

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1-4 What the fuck is a true alpha? A recurring joke? A convenient plot armor? A desperate attempt to make an irrelevant character look ‘relevant’ despite canon showing otherwise? Scott/Posey Stans think that Scott McCall has a right to command and dictate everyone’s life because he is a tWuE aLpAhA; Scott has a right to play judge, jury & executioner with his “inferior” friends, and he has a right to determine what is wrong or right based on his own benefit and bigoted black and white mentality.

2-4 If you think that this sounds an awful lot like the Divine Right of Kings, you are absolutely right. An unearned (and undeserved) mystical superiority or blessing, a fabricated sense of purity, goes a long way in ameliorating Scott McCall’s Failures and Fuck-ups. And like kings who rule by Divine Right, he can do as he likes. Which is why Scott can patronize and lie to Allison and Kira to control them, assault Isaac and Jackson due to his own pathological jealousy and possessiveness,

3-4 use Hayden (Liam’s girlfriend) as bait against the Dread Doctors without her consent to play the hero, dehumanize Stiles and accuse Stiles of being a violent, dangerous, inhuman monster and serial killer for daring to accidentally kill his abuser in self-defense, sell Derek and his Pack to the hunters, refuse to tell his girlfriend Allison the truth about her mother’s death to look ‘good’ in her eyes,

4-4 plot/conspire with Gerard Argent and Deaton behind everyone’s back to violate Derek Hale’s boundaries, bodily autonomy and consent for his own benefit, claim that the Argents had a reason to slaughter the Hales (including HUMANS and CHILDREN) in front of Derek Hale and of his comatose uncle – and then Scott/Posey Stans will consider everyone kicking Scott’s whiny, toxic excuse of an ass to the curb and not giving an utter crap when Scott died in Season 5 as an act equivalent of treason

I put all your asks together so I didn’t get confused (which is v likely to happen) and I thank you for numbering them for me. <3

The concept of a true alpha...sigh. Look, I see the intention, okay? I see the goal, the idea that you don’t have to kill someone to become an Alpha. That there can be “Good” Alphas who haven’t killed anyone. But I also think it’s lazy writing. This is one the few instances where TW hadn’t actually shot themselves in the foot yet. They gave us so little information on werewolves that they never actually said that the only way to become an Alpha was by killing another Alpha. They could very easily have said “Also, you can become an Alpha this other way” (Be it by passing the Alpha spark down to children willingly, or being beaten in a special kind of combat, or through a ritual of some kind)

But they didn’t just want another way to be the Alpha. They wanted a way that didn’t take any effort. It would be too hard to introduce another Alpha that would give up their spark to Scott, or to have him put in the effort to do a ritual. They needed a way to make Scott an Alpha without any additional effort. Part of me honestly wonders if they did it because they knew they’d lost a lot of Scott fans by the end of Season 2, what with all of his betrayals and lies and what he did to Derek. They needed a way to reaffirm that Scott was the good guy, so they made up the True Alpha thing and said “Look! He’s so pure and goodhearted and he has so much good will, that he can’t even help but become an Alpha”

They demonized werewolves by reducing them to murderers who had to kill for power (In Derek’s case it was survival, and i’ll fight for him.) and then held Scott up as a saint because he managed it without killing.

Except that he had killed. Or at least tried to kill. How could he be this pure person they claimed if he spent weeks poisoning a cancer patient, lying to everyone around him, and he took Pleasure in it. He was Proud of himself for his lies and his tricks and for getting back at Derek by hurting him. That’s the kind of behavior we expect from Stiles, who is established as a morally gray character. You cannot have Scott do something like that and then make the claim that he is morally pure.

Once Scott finds out from Morrell that killing someone will take away his True Alpha status, he goes out of his way to avoid killing people even when it puts others at risk. This ISN’T an Avatar moment, okay? He doesn’t summon the power of his ancestors and render the villains completely incapable of harm. He just fucking lets them go! Deucalion gets his fucking eyesight back for fuck’s sake. He was MORE dangerous than before and they let him go! (I know Derek was part of that, but I’m pretty sure Derek was possessed by a pod person by that point)

He never said he’d behave. No one checked on him or watched to make sure he didn’t hurt anyone. They just let him leave. He could’ve just rebuilt a new Alpha pack. Could’ve killed dozens more people.

Jennifer would have too, had Peter not killed her.

Even better, he brings Ethan and Aiden into his pack. They walked right up to him and told him “Everyone is hunting for us because we killed a ton of people” and he just took them in? Gave them protection from the families of the people they’d slaughtered? All because they followed him around for a bit and said “We’ll only kill for you from now on.”

And this is why I get so frustrated about the blue eyes. The concept of ‘taking an innocent life’ is so fucking vague? Scott is indirectly responsible for countless deaths throughout the show. Whether by inaction or because the people doing the killing were acting on his orders, or whatever the fuck else I can’t think of at the moment. It doesn’t matter if he hasn’t intended to kill anyone. He should not still have his True Alpha status. Period. But he does, so apparently Scott can kill as many people as he wants, actually, so long as he doesn’t do it with his own claws and teeth. Or maybe he just can’t kill a human who hasn’t killed anyone else? Who the fuck knows.

I’ll say it again. If The Alpha spark can be used to heal someone, why didn’t Scott use it to save Allison? She wasn’t cursed. She was stabbed. He could’ve done the same thing Derek did. Peter even said that it can be done on accident. All it requires is that he do the pain drain and not stop when it starts to hurt.

To be quite honest, I don’t blame Scott’s True Alpha eyes for his entitlement and his belief that he can do no wrong. He held that same notion way before his eyes ever turned red. The eyes are to blame for no one else calling him out for his actions. You’re told by the only fucking person who seems to know what’s going on in the supernatural world that this kid’s eyes turned red all on their own because he is meant to be an Alpha. That it’s because he is good and pure and it’s a sign of his worthiness. He literally was just gifted extra power, apparently because he’s the only one worthy of it. How the fuck are you supposed to deal with that? Are you supposed to be the one person who tells fucking Werewolf Jesus (technically Derek is Actual werewolf jesus what with the evolution thing, but before that Scott’s as close as it gets cus’ Peter’s just a zombie.) that he doesn’t know best? That he’s doing something wrong? If the Powers that Be made Scott an Alpha, what will they do to the one who tells him he fucked up? Everyone is just supposed to trust that Scott must be in the right. That his reasons are good enough. That he knows what’s best. Because if he doesn’t, then why the sudden Alpha eyes? Peter questions Scott often and happily, mostly because he doesn’t care if he gets struck by lightning or something. It’ll always be worth it to get that last quip in. Eventually Stiles starts to argue too, because he’s reached the point where he doesn’t care if he dies so long as everyone else important to him stops getting hurt. That’s when Scott starts cutting him out. When he stops believing Scott knows best.

And honestly, it’s like the first post I made that sparked this whole ranting binge. Scott cheats. He cheats and he uses his abilities to his advantage without ever thinking of what it does to other people. Except this time he’s not cheating at lacrosse. He’s not taking credit for bowling six strikes in a row. For some reason his eyes turned red, and everyone else is taking it as a sign that he must know better and he should be in charge, and he never disagrees.

Sure, he complains. “Why me? Why does it have to be my responsibility?”

Guess what buddy? It fucking doesn’t. If you stopped fucking ordering people around and admitted you don’t know what you’re doing to someone besides your MOM and you want someone else to take the lead? THEY WOULD. But because he will not admit any kind of weakness or that he isn’t sure what to do, he puts the weight on himself. He blames everyone else for the lead weights he tied around his waist. He doesn’t want to have to do the work, but he hates the idea of someone else being in charge. Of not being important. We’re told right off the bat that Scott wants to be important. He wants to be on first line not because he loves the game, but because he wants to be popular. He wants Allison to go out with him. This is just another way he wants to be important, and he won’t ever let go of it. He gives orders and makes calls on who gets to know what and who is worthy and won’t take responsibility for the failures, but happily takes credit for the successes. When he fucks up by not talking to people or by lying to them or making a bad call, he doesn’t admit it. He doesn’t tell anyone. He lets them think that he’s blameless so that when he actually says shit like “I lost them” someone will say “They’ll come back because you’re their leader” No. He’s not. He lost them because he pushed them away. It was his fault.

Whatever. I’m salty. *pouts* Anyway. True Alpha is dumb, and I’ve read a couple theories about how Deaton made it up, and tbh, I’d follow that logic. If you’re curious, I think I tagged it ‘true alpha’ or ‘deaton’ on my blog.

#personal #go for it #meta ramblings #anti-scott mccall #rant #much love to you sweet anon #Anonymous

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pollylynn · 4 years

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Title: Nautilus WC: 1600

“So that leaves you with what?” — Vincente Delgado, Always (4 x 23)

Her confessions, from the beginning, proceeded in tight, tiny spirals that resemble nothing so much as the Yellow Brick Road. She came to her first therapist sleep-deprived and half-starved. Obsession, they had mutually decided, was the problem—the entirety of her college years aiming toward the academy, toward homicide, toward autonomy to pursue her mother’s killers to the ends of the earth. In her down time she tried to slay her father’s dragons. She’d convinced herself that anything less was the gravest insult to her mother’s memory.

She left her first therapist with a switch thrown, a door slammed and padlocked from the outside, with years of her life utterly torched, their remains buried at a crossroads to keep their restless spirits from following her. She’d left her first therapist nowhere near the outer spiral that would have cut across the border of Munchkin City.

And then he had come crashing into her life and the next confessions came—they had revealed themselves, really, not least of all to her. These were confessions not so easy to categorize. Fury certainly led the way, cold and implacable fury that, itself, hid behind an it’s-the-principle-of-the-thing argument. In her absolute isolation that first summer, this was her mantra—that it should not have mattered one bit if he reasons for leaving behind her mother’s murder were good, bad or indifferent. She—she—had made the decision to leave it behind and his utter disrespect for that more than justified the fury.

Beyond that fury, though, was misery rattling its bones in the dark. It was more by accident than design that tough love and the Al-Anon way were an appropriate response to her father’s addiction, and later, his recovery; her abandonment of her mother’s case had accomplished nothing.

Obsession had come roaring back that second summer. If she’d had the mental or emotional space to devote to it, she might have wondered about the Yellow Brick Roundabout, the Yellow Brick Cul de Sac, the Yellow Brick Dead Fucking End. If there had been anyone to confess to that second summer—that third summer during the sliver each day she wasn’t knocked out by pain or painkillers or both—she might have bored herself to tears with the epic retread.

Burke was a fresh start. Working with him was supposed to be a fresh start on a less garish, more sensible path, but it’s been the Yellow Brick Road all over again. It’s been Things to Do in Munchkinland when You’re Emotionally Dead, with her showing up in the first instance to enable her obsession and get back on the job, in the second to confess to obsession all over again, in the third to confess, finally, to the sheer scale of her obsession and to take stock of all the things it had kept, it has kept, it does keep her from having for years—joy, proper mourning, friendship, companionship. Love.

But this—even this confession—turns out to be a Yellow Brick Switchback. Her meek declaration that she wants to be more, her earnest conviction that she was ready at last to try, all her apparently noble intentions have turned out to be cover for a monster thirteen years and who knows how many confessions in the making. One address, one connection and it comes roaring forth.

She knows it. She has always known its ugliness, its cruelty. She has, after all, been the one responsible for its care and feeding all this time. She has lived with it lurking in the raw, ribbon-sliced sections of her soul that have never healed—that she has never allowed to heal, knowing this day would come when Marisol Castañeda or someone like her would stand in her way and she would need it, this festering, ferocious, merciless beast.

She has always known, she has never confessed, she has nurtured this. She has secretly nurtured exactly this, and still there is a part of her beating its fists against the door, when the beast reverses field and takes control. There is a part of her—the true her that travels the Yellow Brick Road in a spiraling path of tiny, arduous steps— that tries to rise up from the ashes scattered at a crossroads.

It is the part of her that falls quiet, however briefly, at the disgust in his voice—Beckett, that’s enough. It’s the part of her that feels shame at such a profound betrayal of everything she has been in her professional life—everything she has been in the world since her mother was murdered. It’s the part of her that aches so miserably and throbs with fear at every lacerating word between them when he comes to make confessions of his own.

********************

There may be a moment her future when she rolls her eyes at this—the sheer melodrama of her remaking. A stock footage near-death experience. She may laugh it off or deny it with vigor that events transpired in that way at all. She may forbid him—absolutely forbid him—from telling the damned story all over again, making the rooftop higher and higher each time, reducing the number of fingers she was holding on by until they’re well into negative territory.

There may be a moment when it will seem as though the realization that has set her life on a genuinely new course has arrived in practically unbelievable fashion, but for now, excitement ripples through her like vibration across a drum skin as she imagines forbidding him anything—it ripples through her as she imagines him.

She is annoyed by all the things standing in her way, all the boxes she has to tick before she can go to him and confess, go to him and beg forgiveness, go to him and make the case that she is transformed—that the woman he has waited patiently for has arrived at last.

She is annoyed by Gates and the theater of handing over gun, then badge, though It does pluck at mightily uncomfortable things. As she fingers the raised numbers on her gold shield, she imagines Marisol Castañeda’s terror hiding behind her fury, her toughness, her practicality, her survival instinct. Her vision comes, for a moment, in black and red blocks as though the heaving bulk of the dying monster within her is stealing one last look at the world. She—the actual she just emerging, blinking, into the light—punctuates its death rattle with another bit of melodrama.

Keep it. I resign.

It’s a a huge, sweeping gesture accompanied by the satisfying thonk of the heavy badge landing on the wood of the Captain’s desk. It is a hard and irrevocable turn that she has just taken off this godforsaken Yellow Brick Road, and it sends another drum ruffle of excitement tingling over her skin.

There are more annoying tasks. There is her desk, her personal things, and the staples of a life lived right her for more than eighty per cent of the time since the beginning, since Obsession Phase #1. There is her gym bag, which smells even more rank than she remembers it, but it’s what she has on hand, and so in go the elephants, her tiny candy dish, the one or two photos she has tucked away.

There is a trip home and a costume change. There are more costume changes than she will ever, ever, ever admit to, and then there is a pilgrimage.

It is here that she has been as honest as she could be, within the limits of her traumatized soul. It’s here that she finally admitted to herself how essential he is to her life. It is her that she made clear her intention to live—to really live.

She half expects him to walk up and wrap his strong hands around the chains of the swing next to hers. She half expects him to drop into the seat and start pumping his legs, disappearing into the thick bank of fog on the arc of his ascent, coming back into view as their swings draw side by side. She half expects herself to lean over and confess that she’d fantasized—she had fully imagined—those hands being the ones to pull her up and back into the real world.

He doesn’t appear in the moment, of course. She has to go to him. She has to make a beginning, and that is more than fine. It’s as it should be, though she’s impatient with the logistics—with the unanswered phone and the door man who does not seem at all confident that this drowned rat of a woman has Go right up, Detective privileges. Go right up, Ms. Beckett—she tries it on for size, even though she’s flat out impatient now.

Still she swims the moat and scales the battlements. She arrives and realizes that she might fail at this. Tonight, in this doorway, she might fail. She entertains the possibility for the first time and it seems all too real. The monster may simply have done too much damage. He may never be able to trust. She may never be able to trust.

It is a possibility, terrifying and heartbreaking. It is infuriating and possible. It is a possible outcome for the here and now, but it changes nothing.

She has come to confess at last, and it’s as if he knows already. It’s as if he has memorized the lines and she knows hers by a new-made heart.

You. I just want you.

A/N: Things that aren’t things cancel out things. It’s math, which is not a thing.

images via homeofthenutty

#Castle #Caskett #Castle: Season 4 #Castle: Always #Kate Beckett #Richard Castle #Victoria Gates #Fic #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Fan Fic #Fan Fiction #Writing #Interrogatives?

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baby-witch-eli · 3 years

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Research, Charts, and Tarot Readings

After last night's very successful meditation, I've been very keyed up and excited. Today, between homework, I've been reflecting on the meditation and researching an aspect that struck me as odd. I felt compelled to do multiple different tarot readings, all had very similar themes that even lined up with my Horoscope! I'll break down the signs given to me today and attempt to bring all of them together.

Single Card from Familiar Deck

I drew a card from this deck at around 2:00am, soon after my meditation session. I asked for advice on how to proceed and build a good relationship with my spirit guide. My deck, known for its brutal honesty, showed me Reversed Temperance. My life has been chaotic lately and this card reminded me how urgent it is to find balance and moderation. I believe this card is a reminder, or warning, to stop overloading myself with college work and responsibilities. It will be hard to focus and set intentions if I am distracted and burned-out. It's a call to align my inner and outer worlds as I seek to maintain academic standing while deepening my spirituality. Reversed Temperance is yet another sign that I need to prioritize self-healing and make changes for the better.

Horoscope based on Natal Chart

My horoscope seems to be telling me that even though things are hard right now, I'm reaching a positive turning point. Now is a bad time for taking on more burdens, which makes sense as I've been overwhelming myself with work lately. My horoscope is also pointing out all the emotional turmoil and disillusionment I've been grappling with during the last few months, which only serves to give credence to the prior points. However, my health should be improving and I have more energy. Now is a fantastic time for creativity, originality, and intuition Overall, my horoscope seems to be conveying that even though I've been facing great struggles, I have what I need to push past them and meet my goals with good humor. My ascendant sign will be aligned with the new moon. With an upcoming move and a drive to practice spirituality more, now is the perfect time for it!

Daily Draw with a New Deck

For this four-card drawing, I asked for more guidance on dealing with my spirit guide. The grouping of three was the Moon, the Magician, and the Devil. These cards suggested that I'm waiting for the return of a loved one who I rarely see but who means a lot to me. The return of this person has the potential to trigger personal changes that I need by opening new doors to me. A cycle is ending in my life, in which I've made accomplishments I'm proud of, but I'm uncertain and apprehensive about the next one. A new story is beginning and I will be faced with decisions constantly. I have to keep moving forward to make this an upcoming transition fulfilling.

The missing card, Death, communicates me putting forth my sensitivity. My past and my experiences make me who I am and I must use that to push forward and bring out my potential.

Research

One thing that kept bothering me about my meditation was the repetition of the name Brigid. It struck me as odd and I didn't think a fox could represent the goddess of that name. However, I couldn't shake the feeling that its brown eyes were important. I continued my research wherein I tried to find a connection between Brigid and the guide that appeared to me. In a collection of folklore, I was extremely surprised to find a story in which Brigid uses a brown-eyed fox to save the life of a man. The man had accidentally killed the pet fox of the king and a workman had asked Brigid to come save the man from execution. On the way, she came upon a wild fox that took to her immediately. Brigid brought it before the king and showed that the fox could do all the same tricks as his late beloved pet. Overjoyed, the king agreed to let the man live. After Brigid left, the fox grew to see the palace as a prison. It was restless and unhappy without her presence and found itself to be rather neglected when the king left on a journey. Using the neglect to its advantage, the fox waited and managed to escape out of a door left open. The king was furious to find his fox missing when he returned. However, no matter who he sent out, the fox was never to be found again. It had escaped into the woods for good.

Yes or No

I asked the deck whether the fox that came to me in my meditation was Brigid's fox. The answer was 74% yes.

Celtic Cross

I asked this deck for more clarity on the fox's relationship to Brigid. My first pairing was Fertility and Swallows. These cards had the same message as ones I had pulled for my daily tarot: I'm waiting for the return of a person who will help me make the upcoming cycle a successful and fruitful one.

The second pairing was Fish Wheel and Island. These cards are warning me of yet unseen betrayal that has been ongoing for weeks. The reasons for this betrayal are unclear but it will signal the end of our relationship. This draw teaches me to be slow to trust before I get to know a person, lest I find myself used like I have been in the past. I need to be cautious.

The third paring was Panther and Peacock. This pairing points out how quick I am to close doors because of past failures and heartbreak. Instead of letting the past guide me, I live in it. I need to learn to let the past be the guide towards the future I should be paying more mind to. This month will be filled with new issues and challenges but I have all I need to make it through and reach my goals, as long as I make use of my experience, intuition, and temperament. I may meet a man my age who will play an important part in my future, which holds some good omens.

Draw from 32

This was the last draw of the day. I asked the deck if Brigid is trying to reach out to me. The first group of three was the Moon, Strength, and the Magician. These seemed to be telling me that I'll spend happy times with loved ones in April. The cards seemed to say that there was a woman, with considerable influence over me, appears at my side. She shows kindness towards me and I know some feelings she has for me but part of them escapes me. Our communication isn't always clear. It's possible her feelings are more intense than I believe and I may be more important than I think. A sign of her true feelings has the potential to change my life.

The second grouping of three was the Hanged Man, the Tower, and the High Priestess. As with the previous drawing, this one warns of betrayal. Where this betrayal comes from and from whom is unclear. But these cards seem to say I'm being used for personal gain and I must strategically prove I am the smarter one. Whoever this person is, I have a false perception of them. If I fail to come out on top, I could find myself destroyed again by the greed of another. The consequences would be severe. However, a third person may help give me an edge when I feel as if all hope is lost. This person's role will be decisive and they could acquire a new dimension in my life. I won't know how to thank her as it's likely she will have pulled me out of the abyss.

The third grouping of three was the Star, Wheel of Fortune, and the Emperor. These cards also seem to be pointing out that although I have the will to do well but I let the past block me. I have to learn to move on. Inaction will end with no forgiveness. I don't lack imagination or ambition but I haven't been giving myself the proper means to accomplish my goals. I suffer from inaction and need to get moving. However, once I do act, luck will be on my side this week and I could find happiness if I take my life into my own hands. This is especially powerful for me, as autonomy is something I've always felt robbed of.

The missing card for this draw was the Chariot. By not picking this card, I further emphasized my cautiousness. I am analytical person and prefer to reflect on a situation before acting on it.

Bringing it all Together

The signs I've received today seem to point towards great changes for the better in my future. However, to reach these changes I must take action. I need to learn to stop overwhelming myself with work and instead focus on what matters. Self-evaluation and perseverance will be crucial during this next cycle in my life. However, it would seem the cards are warning me that I should be prepared to face yet another devastating betrayal. They warn against the consequences of continued inaction and clinging to the past. The challenges I'm facing are not yet coming to an end, although the end is in sight. My readings today seem to suggest that the fox appeared to me in order to help me use discernment in my relationships and to guide me on my path towards healing and improvement. If my interpretations are correct, Brigid may be reaching out to offer me aid. Overall, I think that my ascending sign, Aries, aligning with the new moon at this point in my life is a sure sign that now is the perfect time to act.

#baby witch #witch tarot #witch notes #divination #brigid #deities #brigid goddess #witch journey #witch life #red fox

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baconsoupforthesoul · 4 years

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The Ink Demonth - Day 26 - Crying

Restless Nights

A/N: The Borderlands au has no breaks apparently, so have another drabble. I swear, I didn’t plan for the second half of the ink demonth to be all Borderlands au, it just happened. Anyway, Harrison belongs to @inkspottie and I hope you all enjoy~

Harrison huddled up under the threadbare blanket, watching as the embers from the fire started to fade. The dying light flickered across the walls of the cave as he shivered slightly. It still surprised him just how cold this desert could get at night. Although he supposed, there were a lot of things about Pandora that surprised him.

It was hard to believe that just over a month ago he’s been nothing but an Hyperion office boy, used as a secretary and errand boy without any pay or autonomy. And then just a couple weeks ago he had tried to rescue that poor girl, that siren being drained of her power, attached to an inky parasite. A parasite that was now attached to him, along with her powers which she transferred to him as she breathed her last breath. And finally after weeks of being experimented on, subjected to serums and needles, he had made it here, to the barbarous planet called Pandora.

To most of Hyperion, getting stationed on Pandora was considered a death sentence. The planet was infamous for its lawlessness and violence, it’s inhabitants considered deranged and dangerous. Harrison had thought he was a dead man when he had hit his head on the escape pod door when it landed and passed out in the middle of the desert.

But his luck, for a bad as it was, turned around when he was rescued by a man who called this barren wasteland home. Henry, he said his name was, was not what Harrison expected to find on Pandora. He wasn’t a raving lunatic, but rather a quiet, solitary man who had been nothing but helpful. He had bandaged Harrison up, lent him some clothes and even given him food and water.

But despite how helpful Henry was, Harrison still found himself somewhat nervous around the man. For one, he could barely get a word out of the guy. He was fortunate enough to even get the guy’s name. Whenever Henry tried to speak it seemed like it was difficult for him. The older man would scrunch up his forehead in concentration, as if desperately searching for the right word. He often resorted to just miming what he was trying to tell Harrison.

The man was always jumpy too, twitching at random noises and whipping out his gun whenever he thought he saw something moving in the rocky desert landscape. He almost had given Harrison a heart attack multiple times already. It scared the siren to see that wild look in Henry’s eyes, frantically scanning the desert for an enemy that wasn’t there.

He also seemed to be the only living person for miles, staying in a cave completely alone as far from civilization as you could get on Pandora. Of what little Harrison had managed to learn from him, he had found out that Henry had been living out here by himself for six years. Harrison couldn’t imagine being alone for that long.

Well, not that Henry was completely alone. Harrison glanced over to the skag on the other side of the cave. Skags were not the most… appealing of creatures, with their spikes and horrifying mouth that required them opening up their whole face, but Henry had somehow managed to tame one. The hermit had named the creature Boris, and for as intimidating as he looked, he was actually quite friendly, even begging for scraps of food from the both of them.

Harrison sighed, shuffling a bit to try and get as comfortable as he could on the cave floor. It bothered him that he just couldn’t get a good read on the man. Why was he living out here all alone, with only a skag for company? Who was he before this? And… could Harrison truly trust him?

Harrison couldn’t deny that he wanted to trust him. He was the only one who could help out here, the only one who could help him get to where he needed to go. Miracle Station. He didn’t know how to explain it, but he could hear someone call out to him in his dreams. Miracle Station, you must go to Miracle Station. And Henry had offered to guide him there, leaving behind the life he’d lead here for six years just to lead some random stranger. It was almost too good to be true.

And it really might be too good to be true. Despite Henry’s kindness so far, Harrison still had a hard time truly putting his faith in the man. All he’d known was the cut-throat world of Hyperion, where you didn’t make friends, you used people to climb the social ladder. Betrayal got you to the top, and back-stabbing was all just part of the game. Trust was for those who ended up pushed out of an airlock, left to suffocate in the vastness of space.

What were Henry’s true intentions for helping him? What was he gaining out of all of this? He didn’t understand, and that just made him more nervous of the other man.

As Harrison’s lay there with his mind going back and forth, his thoughts racing, he heard a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the cave. Harrison froze and looked up to see Henry turn over in his sleep, breathing heavily. His face was scrunched up, almost as if he was in pain as sweat dripped down his forehead. Harrison could hear him mumbling under his breath but he couldn’t make out what the man was saying.

“H-henry?” Harrison whispered softly, biting his lip nervously. He watched the other man grit his teeth, his whole body tense. He was clearly still asleep but… it looked like he was caught in a nightmare. With how jumpy the other man was though.... Harrison was a little scared to try and wake him up. With how quick the other man was to reach for his shotgun, he might just attack Harrison, not realizing who he was before it was too late.

Henry showed no indication that he heard Harrison though, letting out a groan as he curled in on himself. “No….” Henry muttered under his breath, the rest of his words indistinguishable as his voice grew more and more pained. “No... nononono.” The older man clutched at his chest as his breathing sped up. Harrison felt his heart clench as he heard Henry give out a soft whimper, a few stray tears slipping down his face.

Watching the older man struggle through his nightmare… it brought Harrison back to his time on Helios, in that cell he had been experimented on. So many nights curled up and shaking, gripped by dread and fear. Living a nightmare both in his head and in the real world.

Just as Harrison was about to reach over and try to wake the other man, another sound caught the siren’s attention. Harrison looked over to see that Henry’s skag companion had woken up, and was whimpering softly as he watched his master struggle through his nightmare. The creature slowly stood up and padded softly over to Henry. Boris made a keening sound as he nudged Henry’s head softly. Henry’s breath hitched but he didn't show any other sign of waking up.

“No… please no…” he whimpered softly under his breath, more tears escaping his eyelids as Harrison looked on helplessly.

Boris whined as he nuzzled Henry’s hand that was lying on the cave floor. The older man scrunched his eyebrows before he woke up with a gasp, sitting up abruptly. He clutched at his chest, his breathing heavy as he looked around the cave frantically. As soon as he saw Boris next to him though, he let out a sigh of relief, his gaze turning soft.

“H-hey,” Henry’s quiet voice was barely audible as he laid back down, the skag settling down next to his master. The creature whimpered again as he saw the moisture on Henry’s face. Harrison had to stifle a gasp as he watched the skag open his terrifying mouth and start licking the tears from his master’s face. Henry let out a soft chuckle, not even phased by the skag’s horrifying maw. Instead, he smiled at his companion as he wiped the moisture from his face.

“Good boy,” Henry murmured, his voice a little thick with tears. Henry scratched Boris behind the ears as the skag cuddled as close as he could to Henry without hurting him with his spikes. Henry’s smile slowly faded into a frown though, as he laid his head down next to Boris. He squeezed his eyes shut and took in a shuddering breath, as if to try and calm himself down. A few stray tears sliding down his face as the man tried to regain his composure.

Harrison stared at Henry with wide eyes, shocked to see such a stoic man in this state. But perhaps this loner hadn’t always been so reserved. What could have possibly happened to Henry to lead him to such a life? Who was he really?

While still overflowing with questions, even Harrison couldn’t deny that this man still cared. He had helped Harrison after all, a complete stranger, and seemed to expect nothing in return. And the way he interacted with Boris, with so much love and tenderness. All for a creature most would run from or kill And that love was clearly returned, from the way Boris acted around Henry. Maybe… maybe Harrison could trust this man. Silent though he was, his actions showed his true character.

As Harrison was lost in thought, Henry finally looked up and saw Harrison looking at him. A flush raised to the man’s face, clearly embarrassed having been caught crying.

“H-Henry!” Harrison startled when he noticed Henry’s eyes on him. “Are...are you alright?”

Henry heaved a long sigh as he looked away from Harrison, absentmindedly scratching Boris behind the ear again. “Yeah,” Henry murmured, his voice low and scratchy. Harrison stared helplessly at Henry for a moment, unsure how best to comfort a man he hardly knew.

“I-I…” Henry started, but the older man lost his train of thought as he scrunched up his forehead in frustration. “Sorry…” Henry whispered, letting his hand fall from Boris’s head, his gaze drifting to the ground.

“No… no no you don’t need to apologize,” Harrison assured him hurriedly. The siren wasn’t sure what the man was apologizing for, but he was having none of that. “I...I know a thing or two about nightmares. I know how bad they can get. It’s not like you can help it. So really you don’t need to apologize or anything. Goodness knows I’m probably the biggest crybaby on all of Pandora. I don’t think any less of you or anything. I mean I… I …” Harrison realized that he was babbling and shut his mouth, breathing out through his nose. “Do you… do you wanna talk about it?”

Henry gave the smaller boy a small smile as he rambled on. At Harrison’s question though, he shook his head and turned back to his skag companion.

“Oh… okay…” Harrison looked down at his lap, wringing his hands nervously. “Are… are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

Henry seemed to consider the question for a moment. “Mmhmm,” he hummed softly. “M’ fine.”

“Alright then… I guess I’ll just… try to get some sleep… or something.” These awkward silences were starting to get to Harrison, making him more nervous than usual. He laid back down and pulled the blanket over himself, trying to will himself to sleep so he could escape his embarrassment.

“...thanks,” Henry murmured after a moment, looking over at Harrison, his gaze warm and genuine.

Harrison’s eyes widened for a moment, surprised by Henry’s thanks.“You’re welcome,” he replied, giving Henry a small smile. As the siren rolled over, letting the tiredness tug at his eyelids, he felt some of his worry slip away. While it would be a tough road ahead, with so much uncertainty, he felt that he had finally found someone he could trust.

#the ink demonth #ink demonth #bendy and the ink machine #batim #henry stein #henry batim #harrison #boris #boris the wolf #borderlands au #inkspottie #spacy writes

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despiite · 4 years

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so, like... i've been thinking some Thoughts about lana and the way she connects with other people/muses post-briarcliff, because anytime these stories are started with from the beginning, it's a very fraught process (and often remains as such, but on a more periodical level). in my portrayal, she's always had a tendency to run hot and cold, sometimes both at once, and i feel like it can be a bit difficult to navigate without some kind of insight into the thought processes behind her patterns of behavior (there ARE patterns there, i promise). which, i want to be absolutely clear, i welcome questions on at any time whether we're writing together or not! but i do feel like some blanket explanation on this is long overdue; just please bear with me on it because this is mostly going to be semi-stream-of-consciousness musing and will likely be quite long and rambling.

TW // IN DEPTH TRAUMA DISCUSSION (FEARS, GUILT, DEATH MENTION, ETC.)

so, the most fundamental point that i can make here is that, after briarcliff and thredson, lana is socially motivated chiefly by two opposing forces: a profound loneliness and need for understanding and - more subconsciously - validation and acceptance (leading to a want for closeness, companionship, and to explain), and a strong trauma induced fear (leading to cynicism, wariness, mistrust, poor/indirect communication, isolation, and avoidance).

while several facets of her traumatization contribute to that fear, i need to first address the part that betrayal played therein. with regard to wendy: her lover, the person she trusted and counted on the most, betrayed her in signing her over into briarcliff's "care." while she never stops loving wendy and does forgive her on a conscious level, it instills in her a certain sense of paranoia that extends into her romantic life; the people who love her, the people that she loves, are capable of hurting her, and that's not something easily forgotten. add to that her initial trust of thredson and his far more cruel and glaring betrayal, and perceived kindness from any angle becomes suspect. first impressions can be horrendously wrong and, to quote sondheim, ‘nice is different than good.’ this inevitably makes her question the intentions and motives of anyone who shows kindness towards, an interest in, or attempts to get close to her.

loss, grief, and guilt, too, fuel her anxieties. on the simplest level, she’s had it proven to her that present happiness is transient and far from concrete. wendy’s death instills in her an anticipatory dread that makes her fear, in particular, attachment to another person; that kind of grief is not something that she’s keen to experience again, and because of this, she’s prone to holding others at arm’s length. even if she has already managed to form an attachment, there’s a high tendency in moments of self awareness to fight against it, as well as for denial. her guilt surrounding her lover’s murder plays into this too, feeding a very negative inner monologue that paints her as selfish and convinces her that others are better off for that forced distance (another side effect of this being an internal sense of dishonesty and fraud when presenting herself in a positive light). feelings of a loss of safety, bodily autonomy, authority over her own life, etc. have made her excessively controlling, and realizations of a momentary lapse in that control is met with gut panic. grief plays a major role in her disillusionment with others in that, romantic/sexual interests are/will inevitably at some point be held up against wendy’s memory and lana’s melancholic nostalgia for the past. this is rarely intentional and not always conscious, but, for example, acts of domesticity that run parallel to her old life and late partner run the risk of sending her right back into a state of mourning, and, occasionally, triggering her survivor’s guilt for attempting to move on (and may cause her to lash out, depending on other factors).

all of this (and, admittedly, more) is in constant contention with that desperate sense of loneliness. she wants companionship, but fears being betrayed and harmed. she wants intimacy and attachment, but fears loss, grief, and her own capacity for selfishness and wrongdoing. she wants to be understood, but fears vulnerability. she wants to be liked, but fears her own perceived dishonesty. she wants acceptance and validation, but fears rejection. even her attempts to explain herself and communicate her feelings are buried under vague language and metaphor. her wants and her fears are in a perpetual tug of war from the very moment someone introduces themselves to her, and, frankly, never fully dissipate. it does however become easier overtime to swallow and ignore her anxieties and the voice of fear gets quieter and quieter - if, and only if, it has all been consistently disproven. i realize that this sounds rather morbid and daunting, but, that is often the case for those so heavily traumatized, doubly so for someone who, like lana, does not undergo therapy.

note: the majority of what i’ve described above isn’t on an entirely conscious level. rather, she is (typically) aware of her anxiety, but the reactions to that anxiety are most often instinctive. for example, she doesn’t think ‘i’m afraid of your possible motivations for speaking to me so i’m going to give you the cold shoulder,’ but experiences a discomfort that compels her to behave in such a way as to deter the speaker.

#(lana winters.)#(lana winters; headcanon.)#800+ words later...#jesus fuck this got long #if you actually read all of this....ur a fuckin mvp dude #u deserve an award #and now i'm gonna write even MORE on this and get super specific about it #long post /#trauma /#anxiety /#death mention /#ask to tag /

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

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Ultimately I think the most defining characteristic of Dick Grayson - and the thing that makes him most distinct from Bruce, Jason and Tim (though possibly not Damian)....is that Bruce, Jason, Tim and most of the other Batclans’ morality is based on their worldviews, certain personal codes.

Dick’s sense of right and wrong is based entirely on people.

Don’t get me wrong, Bruce, Jason and Tim all care very deeply for the people they let into their hearts, but they all have certain lines they won’t cross. With Bruce and Tim, its because they’re afraid of what crossing those lines would turn them into, who they might become. With Jason its because he’s always had a personal code of honor, who deserves his righteous anger and who doesn’t....and there are absolutely certain things that a person can do that might result in moving from one side of that line in his head to the other. He partners with morally gray characters all the time, and is fine with them up until the moment he’s not; there are some things he can overlook and other betrayals he won’t tolerate. In ways that are more reminiscent of how strictly Bruce sticks to his personal standards than the way Dick will bend until he breaks in order to make allowances for those same things.

With Dick though...he doesn’t care about right or wrong so much as he cares about people. For the people he values most in his life, there is NO line he won’t cross. People focus on the fact that he freaked out after killing the Joker and that Bruce brought him back, but that doesn’t change the fact that he still killed the Joker. When he went undercover with Spyral while knowing how much it would hurt his loved ones to believe he was still dead, I’ll always emphasize the fact that he was in an extremely traumatized state of mind having literally just DIED and also Bruce was using every tool in his I Know Dick Grayson And How Much He Needs to Be Needed And Valued By Me toolbox to browbeat him into taking the mission, BUT I think in particular, its extremely key that Bruce was able to convince him that was necessary not because the mission required it, but because it was what was safest for his friends and family.

(And someday soon, I reeeeally need to make a post talking about how the thing on Dick’s mind the entire time he and Bruce fought in the cave in NW #30, and the death he was feeling guilty about...was Damian’s. Because Damian, not that long before, literally died TO SAVE Dick’s life, and there’s no way Dick doesn’t blame himself for THAT in particular. And add in Bruce’s tendency to tunnel vision in his grief, and despite how good he is at comforting his kids when grieving for others he doesn’t have a close personal relationship with, like helping Dick deal with his first parents’ deaths, when Bruce additionally is grieving, he absolutely loses his perspective and fails to EVER factor in the fact that people other than him are grieving too. See his reactions after Alfred’s death, Damian’s death, Jason’s death....at no point does he EVER check in with his kids and acknowledge that many of them have their own feelings about these losses and are grieving, that its not just HIM affected by these things. Taking Jason back to Magdala Valley after Damian’s death, kicking Dick out after Jason’s....Bruce has an unfortunate tendency to compound his childrens’ grief by virtue of the writers making any loss all about being HIS loss and never even considering that his kids are feeling things too. The second someone in Bruce’s family is hurt, the writers are like, well clearly Bruce is the only one who cared about them, and this trend fucking SUCKS, but I progenitor-fucking DIGRESS.

Anyway, my point being.....Dick absolutely blamed himself for Damian’s death, and fearing someone else getting hurt because of his actions or inactions was I think the pivotal point in getting him to take the Spyral mission, and it being Bruce who expressed that in particular.....matters. Because I also think Dick ADDITIONALLY felt that because of how Damian died, BRUCE blamed Dick for Damian’s death, and Bruce never offered anything to make Dick feel otherwise, or make Dick feel like Bruce in any way acknowledged that Damian’s loss weighed heavily on Dick too, as Dick had freaking RAISED the kid for over a year when Bruce was thought lost....AND I also think its important to acknowledge that the LAST time one of Bruce’s children, one of Dick’s siblings, died.....when Jason died in A Death In the Family....Bruce ALSO blamed Dick for that, verbally and with intent. And never ever walked it back, apologized or expressed otherwise.

And that’s a HUGE plot/character point that has never been adequately examined in my opinion...that Dick’s tendency to be self-sacrificing when it comes to his siblings’ safety is NOT because he doesn’t care about their own autonomy or wants to take away their choices or doesn’t trust in their own competency to protect themselves....its because history has shown that BRUCE tends to hold Dick accountable for what happens to his siblings, as Bruce desperately attempts to deflect from his own feelings of guilt, and Dick’s the closest/easiest target for deflection. Except given that Bruce sucks at apologies, Bruce also fails to ever point out AFTER the fact that no, Dick isn’t to blame for these tragedies, and without that crucial point....why WOULDN’T Dick believe that deep down, Bruce DOES blame him for these things, and thus Dick considers his own safety less paramount than that of his siblings?

Also keep in mind that when you factor in Bruce’s death-wish after Jason’s death and quest to bring Damian back to life, versus after Dick’s death sending him into kinda exile where he’d be literally out of sight/out of mind in a constant state of danger rather than where Bruce could reassure himself that Dick was safe and protected by him and the family....and ALSO factor in the period after Dick left home, when they went over a year without talking and which included myriad missions where Dick came very close to dying and there was no acknowledgment of any of this from Bruce or attempt to reconcile on his end or even make sure Dick was doing alright by checking in......and all Bruce really had to do to change this situation was like.....take the initiative to reach out to Dick.....basically I’m just saying, from Dick’s perspective, it looks like history proves that he’s the one kid of Bruce’s that Bruce is most capable of living without. And all that matters in the Spyral discussion. BUT I DIGRESS).

ANYWAY.

Back to Dick and his morality:

For the people he loves, there is absolutely no line he won’t cross, no crime he won’t commit, no betrayal he won’t enact. He might beat himself up for it until the day he dies, never forgive himself, decide he deserves to never be forgiven by anyone else....but he’ll still DO it, first.

After the Spyral mission and Dick being alive was revealed, Tim accused Dick of being just like Bruce, but I disagree. The lines Bruce crosses in others’ eyes, he crosses for the sake of his mission, for the good of people in the ABSTRACT, the overall populace. There’s never been any mission that makes Dick cross similar lines...unless that mission is saving or protecting or rescuing someone he loves INDIVIDUALLY, a specific person or persons. And at that point, he’ll go much further than even Bruce will, no matter what it costs him.

Because of that, this trait of Dick’s is a flaw as much as its a virtue. DC writes Dick as a multiversal constant, with him being incorruptible across all universes. I agree and don’t agree. I think this could certainly be true, but from a different angle than DC usually goes with. Its not that Dick will always stick to ‘the right side’ in every reality, based on what the majority of people would deem being the right side. Its that what Dick views as the right side is whatever’s on the side of those he loves. THAT’S the way in which he’s truly incorruptible...the one essential truth of what it means to be Dick Grayson that he’ll never betray.

So IMO its not really a given that Dick would always be a hero, no matter what....its more that those who have his loyalty most, earned that by being the people who showed him the most genuine affection when he needed it most. And in most realities, these people are heroes themselves, hence Dick is a hero like them. In a reality where say, Slade Wilson rescued him from juvie before Bruce found out he was in there, if Slade took him on as his apprentice and gave him at least as much praise and attention as Bruce did in other realities.....there’s every likelihood that Dick Grayson would have grown up adhering to Slade’s far more flexible sense of right and wrong.

Back to the various canons however, this is why Dick will never fully separate himself from Bruce, no matter how mad Bruce makes him, or how much he hurts him. It’s also why Dick’s always so prone to trying to play peacemaker in his family....while the times he fails at that are the times someone in his family NEEDED him to take their side, and he’s trying futilely to take ALL sides. He could forgive Jason for anything Jason does....but he can’t defend Jason trying to hurt Bruce or Tim or Damian, who have Dick’s loyalty just as fully. He can understand and sympathize with most anything Bruce does....except for when that leaves Jason out in the cold. He’ll give Robin to Damian because he truly believes Damian needs it more than Tim, but fail at explaining himself to Tim, defending himself, because he doesn’t actually believe he can defend himself, he knows he hurt Tim, he’ll beat himself up for it forever, but he also knows that it was what Damian needed, so he’s just sorta....stuck.

He’s always on every one of his family member’s side, but never as much as they WANT him to be, because they’re all usually so at odds that sometimes they basically demand that you’re either with them or against them, and Dick just fundamentally can not DO that, make that choice. He just tries to...and fails, because its literally the definition of impossible for him.

And it becomes even more of a problem in the instances where he gives his loyalty to someone who doesn’t deserve it or have his best interests in mind. Its why he gives more second chances than most anyone else, something that’s been to the benefit of many of his friends and family....but also why he gives more second chances than he should to Slade or others that he feels a sense of responsibility or obligation or even just kinship to.

Look at the fallout of Blockbuster’s death. As much as Dick blamed himself for not saving Blockbuster, that he decided that was his responsibility (based on his perception of the moral codes he lives by when a loved one’s life isn’t on the line, his ‘default’ morality, one shaped by the opinions and values of the PEOPLE Dick values most)....the other side of the Blockbuster fallout was that Dick felt that he’d failed TARANTULA. Blockbuster’s actual murderer and Dick’s actual rapist. This is actually completely in character if you consider the fact that Dick took responsibility for Tarantula long before this. He agreed to take her on as kind of an apprentice, try and steer her away from her tendency towards killing and teach her to be a vigilante in line with the Batfamily’s personal code, someone who could work with them and gain Bruce’s approval.

Problem is, after Tarantula made HER choice to turn her back on that and go in the opposite direction, it wasn’t that simple for Dick, not a matter of just snipping the thread that connected them in his mind. He still felt responsible for her, and thus responsible for her decisions. Her murder of Blockbuster was his failure because he’d failed to convince her to act differently. He held himself accountable in place of the accountability he knew she’d never accept...because in Dick’s mind, a mind where right and wrong are dependent on how much he cares about the person doing right or wrong, feels responsible for them....he’d already designated Tarantula as someone he’d go to most any length for, and thus he genuinely had trouble accepting her actions as wrong, and something he should turn his back on her for....and the only option that left him was accepting her actions as HIS fault, that HE’D been the one to do wrong, by not keeping things from ever getting to that point.

And the other area where this tends to be a flaw most, is the way this creates such a disconnect between him and people he cares about, who don’t get his reasoning, the fundamental logic at the heart of all his decisions. Because most of the people in his life DO base their sense of right and wrong on certain immutable standards, rather than their morality being inherently flexible, depending on who they focus it on at any given moment, like Dick does.

Again, look at what Tim said when they all found out Dick was still alive. Tim was disappointed, he said he’d thought Dick was different from Bruce, that this was something Bruce would do but he’d never have expected it from Dick.

Except its about context. Dick IS different from Bruce, just as much then as any time before. Bruce would always have done something like that for the sake of his mission, if he felt it demanded it. And Jason, Tim, the rest of the Batclan, they would always say that was wrong, because THEIR code of conduct, their sense of morality was set to different standards, ones that didn’t go as far towards the mission and away from its effect on people. They couldn’t sympathize with ever going to that length, doing that to people they loved, for the sake of the mission. And in that context, Dick would always be on the same side as them, here. Because he would agree, in his mind it would be equally indefensible to do that for the sake of an ABSTRACT, you don’t do that to the people you care about, for some goal or ideal or pursuit that you’ve placed above the actual people you care about.

But where I think Tim and Jason and Barbara don’t understand Dick is they read his siding with them on matters like that in the past as an indication his sense of right and wrong is right in the same general area as theirs.....instead of being the complete opposite end of the mission vs people spectrum. Bruce is unerringly on the side of the mission, the thing he values most because he bases his OWN worth to people on how well or not he commits to the standards he’s set for himself. The others are in the middle of mission vs people, sometimes choosing one over the other, sometimes the reverse, with it dependent on context - who are the people in question, what is the mission in question, what matters most in this particular instance, someone they know or something they know they’d agree with them is the right thing to do, etc. But though Dick is facing Bruce from the same general direction as the rest of them, resulting in him often taking their side of an argument more fully than he takes Bruce’s.....Dick’s in a whole separate sphere behind them, fully in the people above all zone.

So Dick never changed position, he never swapped his morality with Bruce’s, he never did anything differently from how he’s always acted...he’d just never before been in a position with his family, where they realized they weren’t as much on the same page with him as they’d thought. Dick understands what he did hurt them, he always knew it would, he accepted the guilt from that....but he never apologized, because he knows he’d make the same choice again. He didn’t do it because the mission demanded it, because Bruce said this was important enough to warrant lying to everyone - because he’d never agree with that. He did it because Bruce said this was the only way to keep his loved ones safe, and that he needed Dick to go on this undercover mission to end Spyral’s threat to the family and hero community at large....and ‘you need to do this for your family’s sake’ are the magic words for Dick. The ones that’ll make him agree to anything. (Such as agreeing to be the Court of Owls’ Talon - even with the intention of bringing them down from the inside, he’d still never agree to that, submit to that, unless someone he loved was on the line, like Damian had been). And that’s the part Tim, Jason and Barbara didn’t get...he acted like they expected Bruce to act, but for entirely different reasons.

Don’t get me wrong - I think Dick knows right from wrong no matter the context. Its not so much as his view of whether or not something is right shifts from one moment to the next. Its more just how much he allows whether something is right or wrong to influence his actions, based on the context around it...THAT’S what shifts. Because again.....his willingness to BE wrong is key. He engages in a lot of actions at times that on the surface might appear hypocritical given how much he talks about those very kinds of actions being wrong in other circumstances....but I’d argue that its not really hypocritical because at no point does he reverse course in what he actually states or believes is the right thing to do, just because he actually does something he’s previously stated is wrong. Its not hypocrisy when he does something he’s said is wrong, because he’s not fooling himself that its suddenly NOT wrong just because he’s the one doing it. Its just he believes its necessary to the point where he’s okay with the consequences or moral conundrums of doing it even WHILE accepting that its wrong.

He thinks killing is wrong. But if it came down to killing someone or letting someone he cared about die, with NO other way out....Bruce might find himself frozen, paralyzed by being faced with an impossible choice that he finally has NO alternative to without plot contrivance, which is realistically all that really keeps Bruce from never ending up in this situation. Thus keeping Bruce from acting, meaning his loved one dies....and then Bruce would torture himself forever with that failure, and with his choice or lack of action. In the exact same scenario though....Dick would have no illusions about what he was doing, he wouldn’t suddenly decide, oh, killing this person is fine....but he wouldn’t hesitate to kill them to save his loved one’s life....and then Dick would torture himself forever with THAT choice, that action, with his failure to find an alternative solution. Similar situations, similar outcomes, entirely opposite motivations and choices.

So yeah, Dick always knows right from wrong, no matter the situation - its just that he doesn’t always CARE. Not when someone he cares about is at stake. The moment that becomes true, the second he can’t find ANY viable alternative to whatever ‘wrong’ thing he’d have to do to save or protect or rescue them....he’ll do what he thinks he has to. He’s the walking epitome of ‘they can hate me as much as they want, as long as they’re alive to do it.’

And similarly....he might lecture or yell or judge or any and all of those things, but again I think that has less to do with hypocrisy and more to do with being caught between a rock and a hard place. I think he KNOWS his moral flexibility works way differently than most people understand. He doesn’t expect people to be like him, or even understand him, it just is what it is. So he doesn’t bother trying to explain it nearly as much as he should, I think....probably because it IS so opposite to Bruce’s motivations and personal code, that Dick decided early on there just wasn’t any point trying to convey how and why he makes certain decisions he makes.

So yeah, he might lecture Jason about killing, but he’ll never actually give up on Jason, no matter what he does. But at the same time, Dick can’t ever actually give up on Bruce, no matter how much Bruce pushes Jason away because of their opposing stances and how much that hurts Jason. And it all tends to snowball, because as much as Bruce and Jason are frustrated at each other for their opposing stances and are unwilling to concede, Dick’s eternally frustrated with BOTH of them, because the part he thinks is most significant is that they both still care about each other and he just bottom line doesn’t GET why that isn’t enough for them to find an understanding.

Back to Damian....I said at the start of this that Dick might not be so distinct from Damian here, and I think they actually have more in common than people realize. They DO have a closer relationship than any others in the family, and its not unreasonable that Tim and Jason have concluded that Damian is Dick’s favorite and vice versa...but I don’t think that’s quite true. It’s not that Dick loves Damian more than them or that Damian loves Dick more than their father. Its that they understand each other in a way that the others don’t. (I also think it has to do with the fact that as much as Dick eventually made his peace with Jason, Tim and even Steph being Robin and taking his family name, IMO its still a big deal, even if only subconsciously, that Damian was the first time HE got to give Robin to someone, to choose, to say here is my name, my family name, I’m inviting you into my family with this).

But yeah, as much as Damian’s learned to question the teachings he grew up with, I think ultimately that’s only been possible to the degree that its happened, because Damian is like Dick in that his morality revolves around people. Whether or not this is because Dick was the one to first break through the walls he put up, the first one to truly show Damian the affection he’d been starved for his whole life....who can say. He definitely played a formative role in who Damian’s become, but I think it comes down to the nature vs nurture argument, and where you stand on that. Is Damian like Dick because Dick’s the first one to really care about him and make him WANT to be different? Or is Dick the one who got Damian to care and want to be different because Dick was the one most like Damian in this particular way?

Regardless, yes, Damian knows right from wrong now, he understands his family’s stance on killing...but his abiding by those rules and overriding everything he’s been taught about killing, I think has less to do with him AGREEING with this new stance and everything to do with him wanting to be who they want him to be. Refraining from killing because he knows its what Bruce - and Dick - and the others he cares about want from him and for him. But no matter how far in the future, or how long he lives with Bruce and the family and goes without killing, if it came down to a choice between killing someone and letting someone he cares about die - Damian wouldn’t hesitate. And I think a lot of people both in universe and in fandom would point to that as him reverting to form, or character regression, or have them say he hasn’t changed as much as people thought after all....but I think that’d be just as much a mistake as the way Tim said Dick was just like Bruce now. Because if that happened, it would be because Damian NEVER changed....in the sense that he was always going to do what he thought was right based on what was at stake for the people he values. And he always has.

I think it fits perfectly that Damian was the only one who didn’t give Dick any shit about his death and Spyral when he returned - and not just because Damian had been dead when that happened and thus Dick hadn’t actually ever lied to him. It was because at the end of the day, Damian instinctively GOT IT in the way the others didn’t. He understood Dick’s reasoning because he knows Dick in ways the others don’t, because the things Dick taught him that resonated most with Damian, Damian in turn knew Dick only said because he understood they would resonate, and why. Damian didn’t judge Dick for it, because Damian would have done the same thing. And for the same reasons Dick did it, not because Damian’s any more like Bruce in that regard than Dick is.

So yeah, for all that the various members of the Batfamily have very different specifics to their personal moral codes, I think Jason and Bruce are actually the most alike in WHY they do what they do, and Damian and Dick are the most alike in the opposite regard. And Tim I think is in between them, not AS flexible in his morality as Dick and Damian, but not as rigid as Jason and Bruce are either. His flexibility has more to do with Tim NOT wanting to be anything like Ra’s and keeping a tighter leash on his own views and choices. Tim’s probably the most introspective of the Batfamily, and I think he’d likely be closer to Dick and Damian in this way if not for the fact that he’s also so analytical and constantly evaluating his own choices and reasoning in ways Dick and Damian - both more intuitive and emotional people than Tim - don’t necessarily bother with as much. Tim’s also come closer to making decisions he REALLY isn’t proud of or comfortable making than either Dick or Damian, and thus like Bruce, he’s more afraid of who he might become if he doesn’t keep such a tight reign on his actions.

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ketzwrites · 5 years

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Rewatch 109: Rise Up

This might be my least favorite episode of the whole show. I make no secrets that my biggest interest in Shadowhunters is the political scenario and the possibilities of it.

This episode takes the political scenario and cynically destroys all the potential real-world criticism that could be done. Clary gets to play the white savior, the Downworlders are childish and incompetent, Alec is complicit to torture, and - ultimately - the Clave’s twisted distrust of Downworlders is proven right.

I really hate this episode.

Teaser

Alberto is such a good actor. I wonder if this is the first time Raphael is dealing with a fledgling. He seems to know what he’s doing.

Act One

It’s good that Clary intends to tell Simon that it was her decision to bring him back, not Raphael’s.

I don’t get why Alec can’t just Iratze his arm. I also don’t get how Jace didn’t feel it when half of Alec’s bicep was smashed away.

Oh, okay. So, the Forsaken was after the MC. Not exactly the best plan to send the Ogre-like creature for a heist, but it’s not like Valentine is supposed to be a mastermind- No, wait. He is.

Look, it’s great that Clary was able to fight one Shax demon. Really, kudos for her. But when every single person in the Shadow World is looking for her, she is not right to want to stay on the streets and look for Simon. I swear, I don’t get this logic.

I enjoy how we are always reminded that Magnus is performing magic for payment. It’s part of his autonomy as a warlock (in fact, as the High Warlock since Magnus doesn’t take other clients besides the Institute).

Izzy has zero qualms in hugging Meliorn in the middle of the Institute. Noted.

Again, it makes no sense whatsoever to think the seelies would be working with Valentine. This “seelie always take the winning side” doesn’t work when Valentine’s side means, at best, their permanent banishment to the seelie realms, and at worst, their annihilation. That’s why Shadowhunters never showed the conversation between the Seelie Queen and Valentine in 219. There is nothing that Valentine can offer the seelies that truly interest them.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Maryse and Robert made a deal with the Clave prior to the Uprising? The event that Maryse helped organize? Honestly, the history of the Shadow World is so poorly crafted. The Clave knew the Uprising was coming but still failed to prevent it. Oh, but one shadowhunter and a recently turned werewolf were able to stop Valentine. I’m not buying it.

Both Alec and Jace have good points about Maryse and Robert. They are hypocrites and Alec is right to refuse to do their redemption for them, especially since neither Maryse nor Robert shows any regret for their past actions. But Jace is right to doubt they are working with Valentine again.

Can you imagine if Clary had told Elaine that Simon died in an accident and then Simon showed up at home like that?

Act Two

Clary is smart again and looks for Simon at his own house. Though, the lighting of this scene is so weird. In Simon’s bedroom is night time, but the corridor looks like it’s illuminated by the sun. It’s really weird.

Shots fired. Spill the tea, Alec.

I’m glad we get Simon telling Clary off for turning him into a vampire. She did it for love and it wasn’t her fault that Camille is a murderous monster. But actions have consequences nonetheless.

Lydia is terrible at interrogations and Meliorn is great at shifting the focus. He was called in to talk about the seelie blood in the Forsakens and, instead, he got the shadowhunters investigating each other. Lydia walked out with no confessions, no leads, and inner division.

Act Three

Oh, look. Raj!

Anyway, here is where Jace puts Clary’s need above Alec’s needs. He isn’t just prioritizing Clary’s quest to get her mother back over the safety of the Shadow World – which is bad enough for other reasons. He is purposefully deceiving Alec in the name of Clary’s interests. This is a betrayal of trust.

The dispute between Luke and Raphael is a classic vampire vs werewolf dispute. Fair enough. But it’s a writing decision to keep that animosity in a context where both races are oppressed by a third race. A writing decision that will annoy me in a couple acts.

Izzy and Jace are correct: torturing Meliorn will lead nowhere. That decision, though, follows the modus operandi of the Clave: Lydia failed to properly interrogate Meliorn but the blame for her lack of success in getting information from him is blamed on Meliorn’s supposedly ability to skirt the truth.

That said, there is no logic casualty between the Clave getting the MC back and the Clave doing bad things to Downworlders. In fact, I’m surprised Izzy doesn’t urge them to give up the MC as a way to prove Meliorn is cooperating and, thus, spare him from torture.

“If the Clave is willing to do this to Meliorn, what do you think will happen when they get the Cup?” Logically, they’d stop. Like they will stop in a few episodes when Imogen gets the Cup and stops Izzy’s trial.

Not that keeping people in cells is a particularly nice move, but I'm surprised Raphael is the first to do it to Clary. Lucky her the person in charge of the Institute when the story started was Alec: had it been Lydia or Aldertree or basically any other shadowhunter, she would’ve been put in a cell in the first episode.

Act Four

Fun fact: Simon almost becomes a Daylighter this episode as he struggles not to feed on Clary.

The stele stealing scene is actually very entertaining to watch even if it’s about the two people Alec should trust the most betraying him.

This conversation between Alec and Magnus breaks my heart. Rewatching the whole season, I don’t have a problem with how Magnus reacts to Alec’s marriage announcement anymore. It’s a matter of miscommunication: Alec came to the conversation looking for a confidante, Magnus came to the conversation looking for a hookup. When Magnus realizes Alec is set on following shadowhunters costume in detriment of his own happiness, Magnus gets angry but ultimately minds his own business. It works for me.

Hodge’s character is all over the place. He is the opposite in this scene as he was with Alec in 103. It’s essentially the same thing: Hodge catches the Lightwoods preparing for an unauthorized mission. But, with Alec, he was ready to let him go without further comments until Clary was mentioned. Then Hodge got angry because she is Valentine’s daughter. Now, Hodge gets angry because Jace and Izzy were about to lie to him but lets them go if that means saving Clary. The only intention I can see behind this is that Hodge is supposed to be seen as a sketchy character.

“Do you think I’d be sending Meliorn to the Silent Brothers if I thought there was another way?” Yes, I do. Because you suck at interrogations and clearly doesn’t care about Downworlders. I’m glad Alec doesn’t answer, forcing Lydia to further explain herself. Also, it seems this isn’t Clave’s orders after all, but a decision that came from Lydia herself.

Lydia’s sob story perpetuates the shadowhunter biased notion that all Downworlders are the same. One warlock in Rio betrayed her – after being threatened with torture -, so all downworlders are liars and should not be trusted. The fact that Alec doesn’t realize that is a huge problem but at least the ominous music is proof of that the writers know that.

Simon forgives Clary because he sees her need for his support as an opportunity for them to get together romantically. Understandable reaction, though I wish it was revisited when they do get together and then break up.

Up until Clary meets with Raphael – a public meeting, for some very idiotic reason on Raphael’s part – I’m on board on Izzy, Jace, and Clary trying to protect the Downworlders side by side with Luke and Simon.

But then her first words are “we’re offering an alliance with the seelies”. No, you’re not. You have no authority to do so. Also, Luke still holding a grudge against the vampires at a time like this is childish and uncharacteristic of him.

“We are a new generation of shadowhunters. We believe everyone to be equal” said by one of the people who attacked a whole clan for the actions of a couple vampires with no way of knowing it had been the leader’s orders to kidnap Simon. The person that, up until a few minutes ago, had to be told by a fledgling that this world sees them as different. The person that, during that same conversation, presumes to speak for Simon and is against him joining the vampires, who clearly know how to take better care of him that she does.

Maybe it’s a good thing that this show doesn’t delve into politics. If this is the best they can do, I don’t want it.

Act Five

More childish animosity between werewolves and vampires to prove that, without Clary, they would be incapable of working together.

Clary doesn’t know how the portal shard works. She’s only ever activated it by mistake. Do the writers think the audience is stupid?

And, in the same episode that Clary is being glorified as the conciliator of the Shadow World, she is ready to “call the whole thing off” because it might inconvenience Jace to fight his Parabatai. Oh, I’m sorry saving Meliorn might personally affect your boyfriend, Clary. You’re right. Forget about it. It’s just a Downworlder life you believe to be saving. Jace’s feelings are more important. Fuck this episode and whoever came up with it.

No women among the shadowhunters with Alec, hm?

It’s a smart writing choice to have Izzy use the whip against Raj. It seems an insignificant thing in this episode, but it entails bitter consequences for the next one.

As wrong as Alec is for going through with this plan, I’m happy he gets to punch Jace on the face for making Alec’s choices all about him. And for winning the fight and refusing to work outside the system again just because Jace asked him to.

Act Six

I’m really not interested in watching Jace being jealous of Clary and Simon’s friendship.

I ship Meliorn and Izzy so much.

Did Izzy also tell you Clary offered to call off your rescue if Jace felt uncomfortable in fighting Alec, Meliorn? Or are we ignoring that to sing her praises she does not deserve?

I guess the worst part of this entire episode is that, in the end, Lydia was right. Meliorn was being uncooperative. He knows a way to find Valentine and chose not to disclose it. That also shows that the seelies are rather incompetent: they can get to Valentine and kill him but choose not to.

#ketz rewatches shadowhunters #sh 109 #sh meta #as a brazilian I stand with the warlock that lied to the gringos wanting to torture him #fuck them #there #i said it

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