#Which is HUGE for me. Like holy shit
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Okay so I was taking a bit of a mental health break due to uni stuff etc but I think that's getting sorted now, so I've only got a commission to finish from Feb and then I'll be opening my slots for March! Will probs only have about 2 or 3 since some have carried over from last month :)
#But yeah ill make an official post like before soon#I think this has been a much more beneficial way of taking comms so far! Was able to pay my bills with month w comms alone#Which is HUGE for me. Like holy shit#Thank u to ppl who like my art enough that this can feesably be my job rn#For as long as this luck lasts as least
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dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden
#chilaios#that's a lie i understand breeding kink very well lmao#HOWEVER IT MUST BE SAID#they finish up a great scene. hot lesbian sex. all going well.#and laios lies back with her eyes closed. still flushed and sweaty. she rests her naked hand on her naked lower stomach and says. 'hah....#'did you know ...that tallmen and halflings can have kids together?' Like its just another fun monster fact.#she's trailing her fingers absentmindedly over her stomach now. tracing idle patterns.#'with our lifespans being so similar it isn't even as big a deal as it is for elves and humans. they're even fertile and that's ...#that's really rare for hybrids.' her eyes are still closed. she swallows hard. She's more red now than she was when they fucked.#'you should talk about that next time you're in me. i'd like it...' and she cracks one eye open a sliver#to see chilchuck . BEET. RED.#because Chilchuck DID NOT. KNOW.#She was already fucked out and now she's dying?? she's dying. Laios still has her huge hand resting on her huge smooth stomach#miles and miles of soft skin...that she wants chilchuck to put a BABY in#she's thought about the hypothetical lifespan and safety of the hypothetical baby! is this just a sex thing? is this a for real thing?#chilchuck does not know and does not know which one she's hoping for now!! cause both sound GREAT#AND OF COURSE THERE'S ALSO#chilchuck remembering that conversaion next time Laios's huge huge fingers are inside her. Laios's hot wet breathing by her ear.#Laios's breathing going ragged even though no one is touching HER she is the one toying with Chilchuck right now. She always does that.#between the breathing and the fingers and the warmth and the smell Laios is all around her and she just thinks -#'Laios is so huge. Laios's baby would be so huge. I'd be so huge. Pregnant with it.' And she cums.#rattles her to her fucking core. Chilchuck who HAS BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE realising. holy shit.#i want this fluffy haired socially awkward 26 year old doggirl to . to fuck a baby into me. in a sexy way.#i think . I think it's hot.#enough to turn you to drink isn't it!#u may ask - hey how come chilchuck has a girlcock and has got pregnant? can laios get chilchuck pregnant?#does anyone even have a womb in this situation? I may answer - don't worry about it#a wizard did it. whatever. its a fantasy world.#whatever is sexiest in the moment i don't care#lesbiance
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I AM MOVING!!!!!!!!!
hiiihihihi everyone! so something CRAZY happened and i suddenly got the oppurtunity to move to a major city! theres gonna be a lot more oppurtunities for both me n my fiance up there AND wages will be higher AND my rent will be cheaper, which meansssss i'll have funds to make more merch for my store
HOWEVER!
this is going to be Very Expensive and like- we r gonna have to downsize a LOT in a VERY short amount of time (my lease is up early july) so that'll net us some money, but its still a lot of cash in very little time SO my fiance set up a kofi goal 4 some help if any of u could spare a couple bucks i would really appreciate it!!
if u want something in return i DO have 3 commission slots open (for 3 cents a word) and u can dm me if u want a lil microfic or smth. we can work smth out!!!
#wakyuu e begging era!! ♡#im trying not 2 e beg which is why i wanna offer something in return#but ofc no pressure or anything but any help will be GREATLY appreciated because holy shit#this is a huge oppurtunity for BOTH of us#cus not only will we be living in a city#we'll be very close to TWO(!!!!!) MORE *EXTREMELY MAJOR* CITIES THAT WILL B HUGE FOR OUR RESPECTIVE CAREERS#waposts#so ya dm me if u want a lil ficlet or smth! i can also do other stuff for cheaper#like. if u want an analysis post i can do that for only ONE of gods own cents per word#or smth#im open 2 negotiationz
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pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:
the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon
to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)
the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon
pretty much everything about that gible
blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)
boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen
pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character
#sorry ik i keep bringing up the throwaway line but like. its SOOOOOOOOOO bad holy shit#the heracross one isnt aaaaaas bad tbf bc they really make up for it in the sinnoh league#but aside from one ep in the miniseries we never quite get an episode where oshawott proves itself in a battle#i still love that episode bc it still kinda feels like an apology for all the oshawott bashing in bw but i am a little :/#that battling didnt even come up once#ive kiiinda eased up on gliscors benching episode bc at the end of the day it isssss pretty good to her. also its the best animated one#but its treatment like what i mentioned that still really drags it down to me#and also like. i know ppl praise gliscor being so powerful after the episode but i really dont get why we couldnt have just#had a gliscor training arc onscreen. but ig we wouldnt have that stupid ass gible plot that went nowhere now would we#but like.... we had such a huge stretch between that episode and the league. i really dont get why we couldnt have had a mini arc#where gliscor realizes shes not pulling her weight that well and really starts hauling ass#she doesnt really even sweep in the paul fight. she gets beaten immediately by ninjask#the drapion part was awesome tho yayyyy#but my point is that it wouldnt really change much if gliscor just stayed and got stronger on its own#have the bench episode be a wake up call for gliscor rather than a goodbye one and she becomes super competent#like im not just saying this bc gliscor is my favorite character in the entire show. i feel like its straight up kinda lazy and less reward#rewarding#imagine how the drapion fight could be EVEN MORE cathartic if we saw gliscor struggle and fight to get better throughout the show#as much as i like that specific battle and ash vs paul as a whole... it just kinda proves my point that sending gliscor away at all#was kind of a shitty move#like ohhhhh ash's team is all getting revenge for lake acuity yay!!!!! oh one of them was kicked off for the sake of a shitty gible plot th#which really only served to make shitty piplup bashing jokes and only actually had a conclusion in the league itself#by which time it was too late to actually do anything else with it. yeah we kicked someone off for that. but shes back now!!!#like it doesnt weaken the battle THAT much. in fact theres some value in how ash went out of his way to make sure gliscor could be there#so her defeat could also be avenged. and its still my fave battle in the whole anime. but it just proves to me how pointless that was reall#echoed voice
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if you’re interested in seeing some more blind!light, i recommend trashking’s in the eyes of god! brilliantly written and a really interesting exploration of how light would deal with losing his sight as kira
Yes, I actually do have it in my bookmarks already. I don't think I'll get to read it anytime soon, though. I also feel like I'll need about a week to prepare (my body yk) for that one because, just by reading the tags, I know it might hold a kind of vibe I need to conjure a certain amount of patience for.
#not a huge fan of slowburn#not a huge fan of (personally. oh god please don't stone me holy shit) trans!char themes if it's not focus of the plot#like yes normalize it but to me it often feels kind of forced bc i don't need that sort of affirmation in my fics idk#but we fuck with a fix-it in these parts#we also fuck with a post-canon & most definitely a#'sacraficing myself to save you which leaves me in a lithe dependency on whoever you might be'#death note#light yagami#l lawliet#lawlight#ty for the fic rec tho
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Had an idea for an excuse to have cool fight scenes. The manager, annoyed with Roxy and her security clearance being able to do - in his eyes - whatever the fuck she wants and get away with it, and shuts security down to hopefully strip her of some of her clearance. It doesn't. The manager just straight up removes the security on Sewerhell and hell literally breaks loose.
#all out war against swarms of chipless bots... and asshole animatronics like the old Foxy...#he wants Roxy dead btw. he doesn't care which one he just wants 'em dead.#anyway fun idea I'm rotating in my brain for funsies!#roxy standing on the atrium balcony staring down at everyone completely awestruck#like holy shit it's Chica mark 4!! and that's the special carnival freddy!! and WOAH LOOK IT'S HELPER BONNIE!!!#they're like celebrities to her sdfsfs#Chica 4 specifically is her hero she's a HUGE fan#chica 4 thinks she's adorable. pats her head. completely oblivious to the fact she's on a pedestal...#'roxy wouldnt hurt a fly!' she says while she beats the shit out of her apprentice/best friend in the background and her cupcake watches#bluebell is just. completely unimpressed with this lmao#bluebell is the chica 4's cupcake btw#they're all named Flower and are based on a different flower and chica 4's is bluebell :)#I'm thinking springtime Chica from the carnival could be snowdrop but I'm not sure#daffodil feels more spring to me but hmmm we'll see
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the little bit of riis-reborn you see in the post campaign beyond light missions makes me so miserable. like the approach from eventide makes it seem (to me) like its primarily one large building and a couple outgrowths but then you see its a whole city. its enormous. they are rebuilding what they remember of their home in the bones of a place that was only ever used for violence. you you can see the pyramid clearly on the horizon whenever you can see past the rest of the city. people’s homes are in there. its the biggest architectural construction we’ve seen from fallen anywhere. there are wires between buildings that kids probably climb around on. man.
#pers#it just makes me so emotional. theyre trying to rebuild their home...#i think it was the kridis mission when we went in there the first time and i was like. holy fucking shit this place is huge#and destiny always does a REALLY good job of showing scale so it FELT huge it felt like it just kept going#society if we had let there be a permanant fallen city on europa..................#society if clovis' legacy of violence and fear in eventide (which is linked to the darkness) was replaced and overgrown with#families building new homes in familiar architectural styles#society if we got to see if eliksni social structure changes at all in a permanant dwelling and not on a ship
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basement is flooding 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥 :(((
#my most favorite magical amazing silliest place in the universe (my room) is in the basement :(#it’s not like Actually flooding but Someone (we don’t know who. might be our new neighbor.) turned on the hose outside and just. left it on#and the water leaked into our basement and into the walls and shit. there was a huge pool of water in the furnace room or whatever it’s#called and. there water literally underneath the floor. like literally water is leaking through the floor boards and i found out when i sat#on my rug and realized i was getting all wet. like i literally walked across my room and water was seeping through the cracks of the floor#water was EVERYWHERE#in like over half the basement. the floor of the main area is ruined i think and holy shit apparently like the inside of the walls or#foundation or whatever is so like wet and soggy that we might have to take out the entire wall that separates my room and the furnace room#and if we have to do that my stepdad says he’ll just remodel the entire basement while we’re at it. which means my room would basically be#gone. this is so fucking stupid#all because some idiot left the hose on. and we don’t even know who it is either. i think it’s our new neighbor because he kinda just#comes to our house a lot and talks to us or just hangs out in our yard. and sometimes he shows up when none of us are home#idk it’s stupid apparently there’s a shit ton of damage and that’s freaking me out because i literally love my room so much it’s my favorit#place to be ever and all my friends call it the autism room because it’s filled with all my favorite things#like my walls are bright neon lime green i got collections and shit i’ve got minecraft posters and like a million plushies everywhere#my room is literally so autism coded#ANYWAY. probably nothing will happen but yeah#side note i have a shit ton of asks to answer and tag games to catch up on and stories to read but i’ve had literally zero spoons lately#i’m gonna play minecrafttttt (in the process of building a pc so soon i’ll be able to get mc java!!! excited about that!!!!)#wyrms says stuff
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hi hello it's the end of june which means!!! half of the year is already gone!!! i love your book recs and was wondering if you have a list of everything you've read so far this year??? and your favourites. i need to buy some books!!! thanks <3333
thank you so much for the reminder that this year is half over <3 yes i have been reading A Lot to quiet the brain demons so here are my very long list & recs!!
italic = gay/queer
bold = so good. SO good
italic and bold = so good AND so gay
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JANUARY
middlesex - jeffrey eugenides
the mountains sing - nguyên phan qué mai
the vegetarian - han kang
the galaxy and the ground within - becky chambers
to be taught, if fortunate - becky chambers
when we were orphans - kazuo ishiguro
americanah - chimamanda ngozi adichie
h of h playbook - anne carson
klara and the sun - kazuo ishiguro
the space between worlds - micaiah johnson
FEBRUARY
normal people - sally rooney
circe - madeline miller
blood of elves - andrzej sapkowski
gideon the ninth - tamsyn muir
time of contempt - andrzej sapkowski
baptism of fire - andrzej sapkowski
MARCH
the tower of the swallow - andrzej sapkowski
lady of the lake - andrzej sapkowski
harrow the ninth - tamsyn muir
the last wish - andrzej sapkowski
we should all be feminists - chimamanda ngozi adichie
a memory called empire - arkady martine
burnt sugar - avni doshi
a psalm for the wild built - becky chambers
APRIL
the alchemist - paul coelho
sword of destiny - andrzej sapkowski
oranges are not the only fruit - jeanette winterson
the colour purple - alice walker
the midnight library - matt haig
where the crawdads sing - delia owens
10 minutes 38 seconds in this strange world - elif shafak
the discomfort of evening - marieke lucas rijneveld
crying in h mart - michelle zauner
my year of rest and relaxation - ottessa moshfegh
the shadow king - maaza mengiste
the virgin suicides - jeffrey eugenides
sapiens - yuval noah harari
MAY
the manningtree witches - a. k. blakemore
parable of the sower - octavia butler
hot milk - deborah levy
an unkindness of ghosts - rivers solomon
the water dancer - ta-nehisi coates
pure colour - sheila heti
this is how you lose the time war - amal el-mohtar & max gladstone
five little indians - michelle good
JUNE
indian horse - richard wagamese
ducks, newburyport - lucy ellmann
the vanishing half - brit bennett
medicine walk - richard wagamese
crier's war - nina varela
a quality of light - richard wagamese
after the quake - haruki murakami
death in her hands - ottessa moshfegh
the school for good mothers - jessamine chan
bluets - maggie nelson
of women and salt - gabriela garcia
lapvona - ottessa moshfegh
mcglue - ottessa moshfegh
songbirds - christy lefteri
to paradise - hanya yanagihara
sankofa - chibundu onuzo
#yes i DID read this is how you lose the time war again this year#and you know what? it still SLAPS#i'll never shut up about it. just as i'll never shut up about becky chambers or tamsyn muir for queer fiction#gideon & harrow new loves of my eternal life this year. i need the next book like i need air#also shoutout to huge rack winter for the rec of 'the space between worlds' which i LOVED#for non-gay recs the authors that can do no wrong in my eyes this year are ottessa moshfegh (holy SHIT); jeffrey eugenides; maggie nelson#those guys really Get It. and their use of language is just so incredibly delicious#reading their books is no longer enough i need to EAT THEM#hope u like my long list!! if u ever want to come chat to me about books i would love that#in this house we love to read so that we can't be thinking about anything else!!!#god bless books and the ability to escape from the world when it becomes too hellish#as always check content/warnings before reading!! some of these deal with some heavy stuff#but if you wanna chat about any of these hmu!! i love Books#hope you're having a great day & tysm for this lovely ask!!#asks#anonymous#book recs
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#well#I fell asleep#and the employees called the cops on me#so that was fun to wake up to#also not going to be parking here anymore#which is a huge bummer cause idk where else to fucking park#but ngl#the cop that I met was actually the sweetest person I’ve ever met????#that’s what cops should be like#he basically realized that I was just sleeping in my car instantly#and was like#oh I’m sorry to wake you up#and then he gave me a bunch of numbers to call to help me get back on my feet#like I’m still sobbing#he only had a paper at first#and then was like#I’m not doing anything right now I can always get more numbers for you?#and I was like sure if you don’t mind#and then he walked back to his car and called his office to get more numbers for me#I’m genuinely going to look into some of these mental health ones cause holy shit I’ve never been given so much information#eventually found out that the employees called the cops on me cause they thought I was going to kidnap someone??#like it’s their employee parking lot and they didn’t want me to harm anyone#and I’m like#ok I totally get it strange car at night is there most nights#but 1 I have a super small clown car so it’s not like I could really shove anyone in here if I wanted to#and 2 I feel like some of them have seen me get out of my car so they should know I’m just a lil innocent girl#but I get it I get it#my mind would go there too#anyway to that amazing police officer (feels weird saying) I can’t thank you enough. he was the coolest and sweetest dude ever#shut up rosie
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I WAS gonna do commissions today but then I saw how the weather was all dark and gloomy and the house is cozy and warm and it’s a perfect day for curling up on the couch and playing Genshin for 6 hours straight........yeah
#SORRY (except I'm not)#TO BE FAIR I did work on commissions a couple days ago so#It's not like I haven't touched them in two weeks. In fact I JUST finished one#Let me have this 🥺#I started playing Genshin on my secondary account again and WOOF#There's SO much you can't unlock until you're like. AR 45#I'm only 25 🤧#But also playing co-op with myself is hilarious bc like#I'll bring in my fully built Nahida and she absolutely WRECKS SHIT#Probably bc A. She's fully built like I said and B. She's lv 90 when the highest level enemy on my second account is like. 30#I tried getting Nahida on my secondary but I ended up pulling Diluc instead#Which is fine. Bc I didn't have him on my second account.#I still wanted Nahida tho.......F#That's alright I can either try to get her guaranteed before her banner ends (unlikely)#OR I can go for another character guaranteed when their banner drops (likely)#Genshin's SOOOOO fun when you've just unlocked a huge map you haven't explored yet#I literally collected like 8 geoculus' in record time bc they were all so close to each other. On a new area of the Liyue map#Me: HOLY SHIT THERE'S SO MANY#Anyway yeah today is video game day uwuwuw#ALSO can't believe SV drops in *checks watch* five days#That's insane actually#You won't see me for 72 hours after SV drops. Just be aware lol#Shima speaks
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#yo. my sister came out to our mom yesterday which is something i NEVER thought would happen bc um. religious parents and all that#and it actually went super well????#her response was instantly 'i love you unconditionally and god does too'#and she didn't condemn her at all and even said her most important callings are to serve god and love her children#which is like.............actual fucking christianity. holy shit.#and i really do think so much of this is due to the cancer...like it really put things into perspective for her.#she realized what's actually important in life#so my sister did this at the perfect time bc she was ready to say it and my mom was ready to hear it#and due to personal reasons i will NOT be following suit lmao but it's really nice to know#that if i ever /did/ come out my mom would still love me#i mean she ain't gonna be at the pride parade waving some bi flags around lmao but at least we know she accepts it and doesn't condemn#which is huge and totally enough for me tbh#esp after a lifetime of terror and wondering if i'd lose everything#anyways. yeah. fuck. WHO KNEW
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🫢
#holy shit!#this might not be a big huge deal to errbody else on here#but it is for me#i just came across some … info … that lists *extremely* comprehensive deets about my neighbors#(dont worry - its probably legal)#ive nevr seen such detailed info all in *one* place for an entire neighborhood#that shit was deadass accurate for my ass so i assume its fairly close for everyone else#it lists stuff like address - no biggie bc lol i already have an idea of where my neighbors live right?#but the surprising part was it lists last 3yrs income and voting affiliation (which party ur registered with or npa)#the income stuff (including the *exact* price you paid for ur home/condo) was not too surprising#i mean not too too surprising#but! the political party affiliation stuff??#mind boggling 🤯#im looking and im like - THEYRE REPUBLICANS?? the ‘nice’ gay couple?#the ‘freindly’ older white guy who walked up to me and just spontaneously telling me why he isnt racist? a republican ofc#and that one old dude who looked like he saw a ghost the 1st time he saw my black lives matter bracelet - republican ofc#now im just paying a bit more attention and def taking notes - literally#the arabic + korean families = republicans#the russian family = democrats#literally *all* of the neighbors who are cool and have hung out with - all registered democrats#look - I know this is all anecdotal at best but damn if it dont track#my condo houses about 2100 families and unfortunately not too many of us are black - maybe 2 or 3 of us??#in light of kanye i have absolutely no doubt i would be similarly surprised at finding some of my black neighbors are republicans 🤮#like i said - nothing too shocking but actually lowkey shocking#i understand this doesnt necessarily mean *everything* but its handy info to know - a shorthand of sorts#its funny bc yesterday i had lunch with my mom and the subject of hershel walker came up and its#the 1st time i can remember hearing my mom curse and use the n-word in my 38yrs#we werent everrrr allowed to say it even when we were (briefly) growing up in the projects#anyway - very interesting stuff#now - just as a kinda empirical exercise imma start comparing incomes with party affiliation
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Just finished The Santaroga Barrier by Frank Herbert (my dad likes to play audiobooks in the car on trips) and I didn't like it much (and there's quite a bit of Yikes in it, because frank herbert and the 1960s in general,) but the aspect I found most interesting was the concept of like. A world's subconscious desire to kill The Other.
In the book an investigator visits a small cultish town in order to investigate it for a market study after a few other researchers mysteriously died. he gets into a frightening number of "accidents" while he's there (like the former investigators) and starts believing that there was a conspiracy among the townsfolk and all of them were intentionally trying to murder him.
tl;dr, it turns out it actually was a subconscious yet intense phobia/hatred they had of The Outside they had as part of their personal traumas, childhood indoctrination into their local cult, and the LSD-like drug they were constantly on. They didn't mean the investigator any harm, if anything they were extremely welcoming, kind, well-meaning people, but this background radiation of fear and rage kept making them accidentally do things to kill him - mixing up insecticide and spices in his food, gas fumes being pumped in his hotel room after a botched maintenance job, a torn carpet tripping him off the railing of the balcony, and Many Other subtle attempts on his life that he just happened to avoid by sheer chance.
But all the townsfolk don't really think anything of it - the town doctor, especially skeptical, "diagnoses" him as "accident-prone" until the investigator begs and pleads with him for days after several brutal accidents in a row, and only then does the doctor start believing him but even then only comes up with the theory that all of this supposed malice towards the investigator is "subconscious" - later shown to likely be correct when the investigator himself, after overdosing on their special drug, "accidentally" shoves his colleague off a roof, killing him, but the investigator physically cannot see it as anything but an accident anymore. it simply doesn't reach his mind that he killed a former friend of his. it was just an accident. he just fell, all on his own.
the idea of A Town That Wants To Kill You, But It's Nothing Personal resonated with me from the perspective of being a disabled person, especially one in a generally welcoming, accepting environment. when you're disabled, not a lot of people will come to you bearing their ableism between their teeth. They'll be nice, insensitive maybe, but nice, and are often outwardly willing to accomodate you. But they also stick out their leg as you're walking along to trip you. They'll apologize, and you'll maybe even believe it, even though to you, from your perspective, it was obviously an attempt to harm you. You excuse it once, maybe twice, but after a point, you realize that this world, this community you have entered, is actively hostile towards you and everyone like you. so you start screaming it to the rooftops. you tell authorities that the world wants to hurt you, but they begin affixing labels to you like "paranoid" or "anxious". they know no one actually has it out for you, personally, after all. that would be ridiculous.
but you still keep getting tripped down the stairs. the rat poison and the sugar at your favorite coffee shop still keep getting mixed up, but only when it's your order. in the hospital, recovering from your previous "accidents", a nurse will still accidentally pump you full of saline instead of medicine.
after a point, doesn't the fact that all of these are "accidents", and that no one WANTS to kill you, just... stop mattering a little bit? Yeah, no one wants to hurt you, but they just keep doing it. They keep making stupid little mistakes. They know everyone like you who has visited their community has died or been seriously injured under suspicious circumstances, but the idea that they, themselves, could be a little bit at fault just doesn't even register to them. they don't even consider that they might have to change their ways in order to protect people like you. After all, you can't prepare for every "freak accident". Even when the solution could be as simple as "stop putting rat poison next to the sugar", every time it happens to you, or a person like you, it's just an "accident", that no one "meant" any harm, and "nothing could be done".
it doesn't cross their mind that a string of unfortunate accidents ceases to be accidents, but serious negligence. it can't cross their mind, because they're not the victims here. they only even begin to acknowledge something might be wrong when the victims are screaming in their face, day after day. even then, they come to the conclusion that even if you're right, and the community does want to kill you because you are Other, they won't immediately see anything wrong with that. To Them, the answer is clear as day: just become one of Them, and you'll be safe. They take care of their own.
#this isn't even really what the santaroga barrier is even about i just found this to be a useful structure for talking about disability#It's not... NOT what it's about??#it's definitely got themes of Otherness#but it's more about like.#My dad put it as 'how much of your individuality would you give up to live in paradise'#which is also interesting to think about but . imo if i have to give up parts of myself it would no longer be paradise#But also a lot of what the cult-town tries to get you to 'give up' is. like. Believing in capitalism#And to me it definitely feels like Herbert was on the santarogan's side with that part at least but it's still interesting that that's like#it's still interesting that That of all things is what you have to give up in order to Become Santarogan.#Like. Personally i'd have to change very little to become a santarogan. the trade off for me is not that huge#which makes the protagonist actually seem a little unhinged and unnecessarily hostile#Does daesin just want to believe in capitalism That Badly even when he doesn't understand that that's what this is about#Is it like the scene from They Live where the protagonist tries to get his friend to wear the Anticapitalism Sunglasses but the friend#just refuses point blank even though he has no reason to?#idk. it's definitely an interesting premise. but the racisms. and the misogynies. it's really hard to look past that#especially the part where one black character describes himself like#'before [santaroga] i was an ignorant [n slur hard r]. now i am an educated n-gro“#which was just. holy fucking shit. that is unspeakably awful. shut the fuck up frank#Also a part where a woman disrobes herself to prove herself to be no harm to the investigator [her fiancee]#and he says something like. 'you're so beautiful i just might rape you' and shes just like teehee thats sweet :)#Which. Bad. Very nasty. Don't say that.#And the general concept of potentially using that woman to lure the investigator into the cult. it's unclear how much of that was#on purpose on the part of santarogans but it does have this slimy Women Are Evil Temptresses That Trap Men In Bad Situations miasma to it#anyways. sorry for blabbing on and on about a 50 year old book by the same guy who wrote dune which is clearly an unquestionable masterpiece#/s.#I just had no choice in listening to this story while sitting in the back of a car on Very Empty Montana And Wyoming Highways#so I might as well rotate it just a little I guess. nothing better to do
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got tickets for ateez but god at what cost
#lina talks#nas#ateez#my sanity#anyway I hate Ticketmaster with a burning passion#and to every ticket scalper out there: I hope you burn#anyway I am def grateful I got a ticket and have the opportunity to see ateez again but holy shit this crap is a nightmare#the horrible promoting. the general admission. Jesus Christ#this feels like just a huge cash grab by kq which makes me feel kind of disappointed#like I love ateez and I’m seriously grateful to go to another concert of theirs#but all of these tiers and vip things and shit…. and making it GA while covid is still not over and we have monkey pox to think about.#also has ateez even been given a rest this entire year. what the fuck man#idk. I’m excited to go but it’s dampened a little#maybe it’s just bc I’m tired
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does your mood ever just get completely ruined remembering every embarrassing thing youve ever said
#the amount of times ive made shit attempts at fitting in at work through the mutual teasing everyone does but like#going in way too hard and making everyone uncomfortable#i love when i do that#or when i say something really fucking stupid that makes me laugh but everyone just kinda looks around in silence#also another favorite of mine 💔 FUCK MAN#i know people joke abt being awkward and stuff but THIS AINT QUIRKY#THIS IS EMBARRASSING . AND JUST PLAIN AWFUL#like one time i was messing around and my boss was making jokes abt how hes my favorite or something#and said something abt getting a hug from me (not as creepy as im describing#i really just dont remember specifics)#and i deadass said 'i have never wanted to hug you a day in my life' AND EVERYONE WENT 😶 and i walked away BFJFJG#MF LITERALLY FOLLOWED ME INTO THE BREAK ROOM TO BE LIKE 'hey we're cool right'#LIKE BRO I DIDNT EVEN PICK UP ON HOW AWKWARD IT MADE EVERYONE FEEL UNTIL AFTER I WAS LIKE...YEAH DUDE I WAS TOTALLY JUST KIDDING....#*painful realization of how unfunny it was to say that*#WHICH HONESTLY. unfair bc i can name a coworker specifically thats mean as shit on purpose as a joke and has made fun of me multiple times#LIKE HE SAYS HARSHER SHIT AND ITS LANDED IDK HOW THE FUCKER DOES IT 💔#maybe i should just not try and joke like that#its just so bad idk how to relate to people or. be natural and just hang out#how tf do people just DO THAT.#anyway sorry for the huge rant i just needed to get it out of my system bc holy fuck man 😭 ITS SO BADDD#bug.txt
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