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#WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN LMFAO

phantom-of-the-keurig · 2 years

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This is by far the funniest thing to ever come out of the Kenobi show, the entire thing was worth it just for this

#WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN LMFAO #shows up a week late with a force ghost iced coffee and no fucks to give #qui gon jinn #kenobi spoilers #kenobi series #obi wan kenobi

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 8 months

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heya, i have to wake up in three hours but! here's another lil human au snippet! ft. lightly implied Laughingstock! disclaimer i am so so tired so don't come at me for typos or strangely worded sentences or missing info <3

Before heading home, Eddie swings by a charming little store he’s been to once or twice before. He usually goes to the chain store by his house, but he doesn’t feel like dealing with the hustle and bustle and the endless aisles. This little store is quiet, nice, and strangely has everything anyone could need.

The lot is mostly empty at this hour, so Eddie claims a spot right at the front. As with the other times, the windows are littered with displays and stickers - half off on this, sale on that. Eddie enters Howdy’s Place with the chime of the door’s shopkeeper’s bell. He’ll get what he needs and get out, quick and easy and peacefu-

Boisterous laughter slams into Eddie like a hammer, so sudden that he jumps in place. An employee stocking cans nearby glances weirdly at him. Eddie clears his throat and hurries into the nearest aisle as the laughter tapers off. The silence barely lasts a second before loud chatter starts up. It’s too fast and muffled for Eddie to understand, but he can pick out two distinct voices - one deep, one less so but still decidedly masculine.

Eddie tries to tune it out as he gathers what he needs. Toothpaste, some paper towels, shampoo. For the hell of it, he nabs a box of classic bran muffins from the spacious food section. He lingers for a moment, enjoying how far-away the conversation seems at the other corner of the store. Unfortunately, theft is illegal, so Eddie is forced to move towards the noise.

A strange thing about the store - it’s a combination general store, antique shop, and diner, complete with a miniature gift shop separating the two. One long checkout counter stretches from the open store area, behind the gift shop, and into the diner, where the conversation is coming from. An interesting setup, but an understandable one. It allows anyone behind the counter to move fluidly between customers and sections.

As Eddie approaches, the conversation becomes slightly clearer.

“-said, no wonder you didn’t get her number!” the deeper voice barks, and the two dissolve into that almost-too-loud laughter again.

As it tapers off, the other voice says, “Sounds like a real charmer! But really, you oughta be careful, Barn. One of these days someone’s gonna throw a right hook at ya.”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up. A transatlantic accent? He hasn’t heard that anywhere outside of real old movies and a queen he once knew. It sounds natural too, like the man was born to sound like he belongs on a 1920s radio show. It nudges something in the back of Eddie’s mind. He’s started to get really sick of that nudge.

“Oh, this guy did.”

“No kidding? I don’t see a shiner.”

“Well, yeah. I went left.”

Both of them laugh again, and Eddie feels a tiny tug at the corner of his mouth. That wasn’t funny enough to garner an actual laugh in his opinion, but it wasn’t unfunny.

Eddie steps up to the counter and quietly puts his acquired items on it, not wanting to interrupt. He chances a glance to the side - walking space in front of the counter’s length lets him see right down into the diner.

A large man with dyed-blue hair and an interesting fashion sense is at the bar, talking to an employee leaning against the other side. The employee doesn’t really catch Eddie’s gaze, but the other man… Eddie swears he’s seen him before. He studies him from the corner of his eye, not wanting to be rude but unable to mind his business.

“Our bouncer didn’t even get a chance at the action - the idiot knocked himself out tryin’ a second swing!” The customer says. His deep voice, wavering with humor, only adds to the sense of familiarity. Metal glints in his right ear. Eddie knows this man from somewhere.

The employee shakes his head, tutting. His busy hands polish a vintage pitcher. “I swear, you get all the crazies.”

“Makes for a good story, though.” The customer takes a sip from his tall milkshake and scoffs. “Though if it wasn’t all well-ending, amusing bull, I doubt I’d be so tolerant.”

Minutes drag by as the two keep talking. Eddie goes from patiently waiting to awkwardly trying to get the employees attention. If only there was someone else behind the counter, but the only other staff member is elsewhere, likely still stocking shelves.

The two men are too absorbed in their little world, even though both are facing Eddie’s way. The customer has both elbows on the counter, one of them bent to prop up his chin. The employee has his hip leaned against the edge as they chat. They’re obviously very familiar with each other, and clearly deeply enjoy each other's company.

Still - and Eddie is sorry to say, but it’s bad customer service. He’s not in a rush, but he’d still like to be on his way home. He could be fishing out the complex keys right now. He checks his phone - he’s been here for nearly fifteen minutes. Picking out the items took less than five.

Eddie sighs, staring at the various cigarette packs displayed behind the counter. He’s never seen the appeal in smoking, but as the laughter starts up again, he almost wishes he did. He’s going to treat himself to a very long shower once he gets home.

The store’s other employee walks behind the counter, carrying a box. Eddie lights up. Finally - she pointedly clears her throat and heads into the back.

The constant conversation stalls for the barest moment, and he looks over. The customer grins at him for a second - lord he’s handsome - before turning that grin towards his friend.

“You’re losin’ your touch, Howds,” he teases, bringing his shake straw to his lips.

“I resent that statement. You’re just distracting.”

“Lil’ me? Distracting? C’mon, you can just tell me I’m pretty to my face. I’ll take it like a champ, I swear!”

“Ha, good try.” The employee sets the pitcher down and starts to mosey in Eddie’s direction. “Your ego is big enough for the both of us as is. One more compliment and your head’ll pop like a balloon.”

“Well, given that most balloons don’t really pop, they just kinda deflate slowly-”

“Sorry for the wait!” the employee says loudly in a glaringly obvious customer service tone. He stops in front of Eddie with a cardboard smile. At the other end of the counter, the familiar man snickers and hides his grin behind his drink. “I trust you found everything you did - and didn’t! - need.”

Eddie just stares up at him for a moment. At six-one, Eddie hasn’t felt small in a very long time. He usually stands at least a full inch above other people. This employee - Howdy, his name tag states - has several more on him.

“Uh, y-yes, I uh, I did,” Eddie stammers, glancing at his items.

“Wonderful! And again, my sincerest apologies for the delay. My friend makes a game out of keeping me from my job.” Howdy shoots his ‘friend’ a glare with enough heat in it to make an ice cube sweat.

“No worries.”

Howdy scans the items at an almost frightening speed. Beep, into a paper bag. Beep, in. Beep, beep - “Oh, no.”

“What?” Eddie says, dread plucking at his ribs as Howdy holds the bran muffins and shakes his head. “Is there somethin’ wrong?”

“Indeed there is! You’re making a mistake with these. They’re absolutely horrible, I tell ya - and bad for you, too!” Howdy tuts and puts the box to the side. “No, no, you don’t want those.”

“I… don’t?”

“Not if you knew better! Lucky for you, I’m here to set you straight. What you need is-” he snaps his fingers, “Barnaby, be a pal and-”

“Already on it,” ‘Barnaby’ says, appearing next to Eddie.

If Eddie weren’t already paralyzed, he’d jump right out of his skin from how Barnaby towers over him. He has to be a scant inch or so shorter than Howdy, but he still makes Eddie feel tiny. Unfortunately, Barnaby is even more handsome up close.

“Here ya go.” Barnaby hands a plastic container to Howdy and taps it, smiling lazily down at Eddie. “I’d take his advice on this one. Those bran-named muffins may sound fancy, but they’re pretty crumby! You want muffins of quality. Real breadwinners!

Eddie can’t help a soft laugh. “Breadwinners, heh, that’s a good one.”

“Are you selling these or am I?” Howdy says, raising a bushy eyebrow.

“Hey, I’m just doin’ what you asked! I’m bein’ a pal.”

“And I - I’m sorry," Eddie interjects, "but you’re awfully familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?”

“Eh, I’ve been around, but uh… you ever been to [INSERT GAY BAR NAME HERE]?”

Howdy clears his throat. “I’m trying to make a sale here, Barn. You can flirt on your own dime when you’re not costing me mine.”

“Didja know your nose gets redder when you’re jealous?”

Howdy rolls his eyes and shoves Barnaby in the diner’s direction. Barnaby goes with a hearty snicker. Despite the joke, Eddie thinks it has some merit as Howdy scans the final item and rings him up, considerably frostier than before.

Belatedly, Eddie realizes that he didn’t actually agree to the different muffins. Too late now. “Say, what kind of muffins are those?”

“Poppyseed-lemon.”

Eddie relaxes - that is a lot better than boring bran. “Y’know, my mother loved poppyseed-lemon muffins.”

“Did she now,” Howdy drawls.

“Like you wouldn’t believe! If baking was so much as mentioned, she’d jump right on houndin’ us to whip some up for her, or send us to go buy some. We’d never even get a taste! They’d be gone the moment they hit the air, I tell ya.” Eddie chuckles. “Took me a while to understand what all the fuss is about, but man was she right. They are good!”

“Uh-huh. Well, we have a fresh batch delivered every morning. They’re not the same type every time, mind you, but I can promise that they’re all of the highest quality.”

“Breadwinners, right?” Eddie jokes. Howdy doesn’t blink, but Barnaby snorts. He’ll take it. “I might have to come by more often, if that’s the case! Thank you kindly, sir.”

“Mhm, have a good day.” Howdy hands him the bag and strides away without a glance. The dismissal is clear as day. “Say, Barn, did you hear about the racket one of those cult crackpots stirred up at our dear friend’s tearoom?”

Eddie doesn’t catch the tail-end of the sentence as he hurries away, but he frowns. Cult? What cult? There’s a cult? He certainly didn’t hear of one before moving here, and none of his background checks had turned up anything of the sort. He hopes it was just a figure of speech.

The door chimes again as Eddie leaves. It isn’t until he’s in his car that the embarrassment of that whole exchange catches up with him. If he had a nickel for every time he’d made a fool of himself in front of a gorgeous, strangely familiar man, he’d have three nickels. At the rate he’s going, he’ll either be rich, or he’ll have to move.

Eddie subtly tries to peek around the store’s window displays from the safety of his car. He catches a scant glimpse of blue hair - come to think of it, it’s a similar shade to Wally’s. But where Wally’s had, to Eddie’s memory, been uniformly dyed right down to his eyebrows, Barnaby’s rich brown roots were obvious. His beard and eyebrows weren’t dyed, either.

As Eddie relaxes back into his seat, he re-reads at the store’s name. The color drains from his face and he barely restrains himself from slamming his forehead against the steering wheel.

Oh, of course. Of course he made a fool of himself in front of the owner. Eddie can never come back here again. And it was such a nice store…

#wait wym this is almost 2k words what the Fuck!#ok! the writing gods blessed me tonight i guess!#anyway slight context -#in my mind there's a whole Plot and stuff for this au #where it starts off with eddie running into The Group™️ and meeting them mostly separately #before they all meet up and go 'hey yeah you guys ran into eddie from high school too? cool. he's ours now'#and forcibly drag eddie into their little Circle #wh modern human au #snippets from the bog #also sorry about the [INSERT GAY BAR NAME HERE] lmfao i cant come up with one atm #i want it to be wh-related and Clever #but i am not very clever on a good day and this has been a bad one! and again! im tired!#i. dont know how to tag this. whatever! if you see it you see it!#ok im going to sleep. for a whopping three hours before my alarm goes off. *less than three. Sigh.#i always do this! its like 'oh i have to wake up early tomorrow! lets not sleep at all! im feeling so creative!'#gonna go think about this au's laughingstock as i drift to sleep #FOR THREE. HOURS.#have i mentioned the three hours????

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anotherpapercut · 4 months

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this was an addition on another post but I thought it deserved its own because I keep seeing posts about marriage that would fit in on right wing conspiracy YouTube

people should be allowed to choose whether or not they want to get married. posting about how people who don't want to get married are idiots and there's no viable reason why a person might choose not to get legally married makes you sound like Jerry Falwell. marriage should be legally accessible by ALL people regardless of disability, gender or sexuality, but basic rights should ALSO be available to all and not, as this person puts it, locked behind dominant cultural institutions

#jerry falwell was like a big marriage and family conservative btw #theres a post I see going around sometimes where they basically assert that the only reason people choose not to get married #is that they think its 'too permanent' and the post is like 'as if buying a house and having kids arent permanent'#reblogging that is an autoblock for me. you have to be such a fucking ridiculous asshole to agree with that post lmfao #people have been choosing to have long term relationships that dont involve marriage for thousands of years #and they have a myraid of different reasons that dont come down to being too dumb to understand long term commitment #how far down your throat does the boot have to be for you to think the institution of marriage should be the only way to access rights #especially if youre american #its hilarious to me seeing tumblr gays coming on here making posts that sound like things southern baptists have said to me #when the missourian thinks you sound like a reactionary evangelical you know its bad

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angorwhosebabyisthis · 2 months

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[cws: drugging, SA and SA apologia, fantasy racism/ableism, forced institutionalization.]

i know i never shut up about it but god i am still just. So Salty about how the show handles the dynamic between mayor jones and pericles for many reasons, and one of the biggest is that there are really strong overtones here of sexual assault.

a character who already brings to mind the Slimy, Shady Cis White Guy with Buried Allegations archetype:

takes advantage of the trust of someone who's doing something with him in secret--

(which will get that person in a disproportionate amount of trouble compared to him, if they're discovered)

--to catch him off guard so he can grab him, drug him, and do violent things to his body while he's unconscious; scars him for life in a way that is disabling and should cause a lot of ongoing suffering, which, like many other things that should have a strong negative impact on him physically or psychologically, the writers ignore; and dumps him there alone to discover what's been done to him when he wakes up.

specifically, he does this to someone from a marginalized group that's highly unlikely to be believed if they tell anyone what he did--and going by the fact that mayor jones never got in any trouble until present day, he wasn't.

goes out of the way to ruin the life of the victim and discredit him as thoroughly as possible, because he's a loose end and he needs to shut him up.

flees the scene and gets away scot free with this for twenty years, has a successful privileged career and is considered a pillar of the community in the meantime.

when his dirty secret, which he's been paranoid about finally facing consequences for after the victim has recently become a risk again, is discovered, it's a huge career-ending scandal.

is redeemed by the end, while his victim goes on to be the Monstrous Irredeemable Pure Evil Main Villain and also sexually abuse someone himself, which is played as horrific and traumatizing (as it should be).

more specifically, is portrayed as showing redeeming, heroic anti-villain qualities by backhanding the victim into a wall as hard as he can in present day.

me: hm. yeah fuck this

#sdmi #scooby doo: mystery incorporated #professor pericles #fred jones sr.#SDMItag #SDMIcrit tag #the crit files #cws in post #like. jesus christ dude.#i'm guessing there's probably been You Can't Like Mayor Jones He's Abusive discourse before; i don't want to contribute to it or anything #no shade to mayor jones enjoyers y'all have fun #but holy shit i do not like this man lmfao #this isn't even getting into the fact that it is extremely easy to read pericles as a victim of *other* SA both metaphorical and literal #(metaphorical: the entity groomed him his entire life)#(literal: the creators intentionally made reference with him; onscreen; to Inappropriate Handling that happens to parrots in real life)#(he comes from a world where people assume there is zero difference between him and an animal; and would probably touch him the same way)#(no one would have *recognized* it was inappropriate and there is not a chance in hell he would have been allowed to say stop)#(many many MANY things about his character immediately make sense with that reading whether the writers thought it through that far or not)#(which i have a Whole Post planned to go into; but this bit was enough of a detour that i felt like it should just be its own post lmao)#also re: scarred for life and ongoing suffering + disability as a result: on a literal level a scar like that would hurt like a *bitch*#especially with the complete lack of medical care it seems to have gotten; going by how it looks. it would be a huge source of chronic pain #on a not-literal level: boy howdy what a metaphor!#anyway yeah i would say this is roughly equivalent to if they'd had ricky finally get free from the snakes after twenty years #had him go into a Scary Evil Villain Spiral after while completely ignoring how horrifying it was or the trauma it'd have caused him #had pericles gloat about having pulled off injecting the snakes; and say he should have lived 'the rest of his miserable life' that way #and not only had no one go 'wtf' at any of that but given him a Redeeming Moment where he incapacitates ricky with venom again #and also tried to frame ricky as deserving the snakes/having done it to himself because he Did Bad Things while looking for the treasure #and also had him abuse someone partly in reaction to them mocking him over the snakes; and saying that being tortured and abused with them #for twenty years makes him unfit to be anything but subordinate. on a watsonian level ricky's standing up for himself against abuse but jfc #don't get me wrong there are definitely still differences in their dynamics but yeah i am not happy about it lmfao

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crybaby-bkg · 1 year

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I love mythology so much and it’s taking everything in me to not write a full fledge fic about a Cupid and Psyche au omfg

justttttt Cupid Bakugou who is just so, so fucking beautiful. he’s always been recorded by other mortals for being akin to sunlight himself—all golden hues and sharp angles and high cheekbones and massive wings. wings that span as wide as an entire village, that sparkle when the light hits them, loud when they beat to send him soaring into the skies above. but his mouth? his attitude?

everyone always wonders why he was never the god of war, instead. but he’s damn good at his job, with his arrows propped up on his back, swift with discharging them into another stupid mortal who’s fallen for the local towns idiot. but hey, they’re in love, and it’s his job to enforce that love go over well.

and then he sees you—the most beautiful mortal, that you’re even compared to the gods, to his mother. he wants you so bad, if not to treasure and keep you against his side as he travels over the oceans cold waters, than to keep you safe from the vile men who want you as their partner and the disgusting women who envy you for having it all.

omg and the part where he takes you to stay in his palace and asks you not to ever look at his face???? it’s killing him, to wear that mask to your nightly dinners, to be able to look at the soft curve of your mouth when you frown and ask him to reveal himself. to be able to look at how you stare back at him, eyes pretty and furious, frustrated and mad, wanting to go back on the conditions you agreed upon because having to sit across from him without seeing him is absolute torture. I am. vibrating.

#I’m so sad bc I’ve been having so many ideas without having the energy to actually write them #I know it’s bc this past semester was hard on top of other things #but I really just wanna get back into the groove of things #but yes omg I LOVEEEE mythology #I’m taking a mythology class next semester and I’m genuinely so excited for it!!!!#would not be surprised if I started an entire mythology series on ao3 after that class LOL #I’ve written war god bkg before and I loved it #omg it pissed me off so bad when ppl were like “war god bkg is so cliche 🙄’#girl eat my dick HOW ABOUT THAT #I also kinda love psyche bkg too ngl #I sat here for like an hour tryna figure out which one he could be lmfao #bc him as psyche where he’s SO beautiful and is so pissy about not being able to see you UGH he’d be such a brat and I’d love it #also if you haven’t read the story of Cupid n psyche pls do it’s so good #I’m sorry I’m talking so much I just really love mythology #—new treat in the streets! 🍫#bakugou treats! 🍬

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