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saabbi · 3 years

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Regret part 7

Warmth in the freezing snow

Genshin Impact Adeptus!reader au

warnings: light angst?, mentions of drugging and syringes, probably messy, crappy quality

words: ~2.8k

Notes: series is resuming after the hiatus. I had a hard time writing this chapter (because I suck at writing) so I really hope this chapter didn't turn out to be too messy and confusing. ao3 series link

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Stepping out the ship, you’re immediately greeted by the harsh and nostalgic icy cold breeze. Pure white snowflakes that dance around your vision and the pile of soft snow beneath your feet tells you that you’re back in Snezhnaya.

You asked a subordinate to help you deliver the lantern you had bought for Teucer and obediently followed another Fatui member, who guided you to the chamber where the Tsarista is patiently waiting for your arrival.

“Your highness, I have returned.” You kneeled down on one knee, head lowering to pay your respects. The Tsarista’s ice cold gaze pierces you, making you anxious on why she summoned you.

“My loyal subject.” a voice so calm and quiet, barely to be heard, yet crystal clear and reverberates around the shallow and empty hall, sending a chill down your spine. You look up upon her call, acknowledging that she remains ever so strikingly breath-taking, as resplendent as the most exquisite flower, as elegant as Snezhnaya’s never-melting snow.

“Dottore has found a way to further enhance the capabilities of Fatui, and your aid is needed to achieve it.” She walks closer to you with each step, stopping just before your kneeled figure.

“To achieve it, your aid is necessary. I trust that you will provide all the help Dottore needs dutifully, yes?” A simple question, but her tone indicates that she does not accept rejection as an answer.

“Yes, of course.” The Tsarista seems delighted at your answer, resting her chilly hand on your cheeks and lightly caressing it with her thumb. The subtle intimate gesture however, was nothing resembling that of affection. The Tsarista’s sharp gaze remains fixated on you, yet it doesn’t feel like she’s properly looking at you at all. Her gaze has always been like that, as if she’s looking for something deeper in your soul, but not your existence.

“Dottore, come in. The final mission of our primeval harbinger shall now be performed.” The coldness on your cheeks is replaced by the sudden gushes of wind, the words leaving the Tsarista’s mouth leaving you off guard as you abruptly shot your head up.

“...Your highness? What does that-” Cut off by a harsh slam of the door, you turn to the entrance only to reveal a masked man with curly blue locks- Dottore. The condescending smirk spreading on his face as he meets your wary eyes sets off alarms in your head, screaming that this man is up to no good.

Your hand immediately reaches towards the hilt of your sword resting on your hips, ready to draw it out if he makes any suspicious movements. Furrowing your eyebrows and eyeing Dottore’s every move, unsure of what he would do.

“Relax, relax. This is all under the Tsarista’s orders, doesn’t do too much harm...I guess?” Dottore, now casually twirling a syringe filled with a dangerous-looking fluid, puts his hands up in the air in a placating manner, but his halfhearted response only makes you glare at him cautiously.

“I will have to question you on what you’re about to do, Dottore.” It’s all under the Tsarista’s orders, and you thought it would just be something about training new Fatui recruits, but Dottore’s behaviour insinuates that there is much more than that, and seems like the syringe is to be used on you.

“Oh this? Haha! I’m not quite sure, maybe knock you out for a bit? Y’know, draw out your adeptal powers to the maximum potential, I weaponise it, and voila! Fatui gets a new upgrade! Wonderful plan right?”

Dottore sure made it sound like no big deal, but you know that’s not all the catch. Because if it’s about your adeptal powers, then surely, the Tsarista’s intention is to-

“You’d better not do any stupid movements with your sword, yeah? It would be bad if you were to go against her highness’ orders, after all, you are her most loyal subordinate. Unless… you plan to commit treachery?” Dottore leered as your grip on the sword tightens, conflicted on what to do.

Reluctantly, you peered over to the Tsarista, who has not said a word at the impasse and tense situation between you and Dottore, silently watching everything unfold before her. The Tsarista’s glacial smile never fades as she meets your gaze, not giving you a definite response, but perhaps acknowledging Dottore’s words.

“That’s… not all there is to this, is it?” Despite your loyalty to the Tsarista, this question must be raised for your own sake. Adeptal energy has always been a rather sensitive subject to both you and the Tsarista, with you knowing that she has always wanted to utilise your mysterious powers to help her achieve her goals.

“Quite the sharp one huh? Well I suppose there’s no use beating around the bush, I’ll do you the favour in telling you this- Your adeptal energy is to be drained completely for us to use, ahahaha!” A fit of manical laughter jolted through him, his atrocious appearance matching his abhorrent personality.

“And that would leave me...vulnerable and powerless?” The appalling smirk that makes you want to throw up, the messed up plan that makes you want to run away from the Tsarista’s chambers.

“B i n g o! You neither have a vision nor delusion, so without those powers, you’re pretty much useless.” Dottore approaches you, barely stopping in front of you. Lowering his voice, he mumbled into your ears, “and you’ll be thrown away by the Tsarista, officially being useless to her. I’m sure you know by now, that all her highness cares about is that adeptal energy of yours, and not you yourself?” even at such a low volume, his mockery towards you can clearly be heard.

Of course you knew, that all the Tsarista’s interested in is your mysterious powers. It doesn’t take a detective to figure out her intentions in bringing you to her nation. Even after millennia of you serving her with your utmost loyalty, all she has taken interest in is your powers.

The cold Tsarista that requested you like an object from Morax as a trade of peace, and never paid you much attention. The Tsarista who only shows you some form of affection and addresses your name when she needs you to carry out her plans. To her, it was obvious that you are a mere chess piece, for her to attain her grand goals.

Despite knowing this, you still turned your head once more towards the Tsarista, locking gazes with her, searching for something that even you yourself wasn’t sure what you’re looking for in her eyes, but to no avail, the same empty eyes with no any sort of emotion returning your disappointment. That is how little you meant to her.

It has always been, a foolish hope of yours, to believe that one day, if you stay by her side long enough, you would become a figure that holds much more place in her heart. But that has never been the case, her icy heart never had space for you, locking you out. She has enough love for all the other harbingers, all except you.

The best course of action right now, is to draw out your blade and resist against the Tsarista. You have to defend yourself, you have to get out alive and well, because you promised Zhongli, Xiao, and Ganyu to return. You have to unsheathe your sword right this instant.

But your hands remain frozen, disobeying your commands and desperate internal cries. It should be simple, to protect yourself against those who could not care less about your existence and never acknowledging you, and flee to Liyue. So why can’t you bring yourself to do so?

Because it would mean that you’re defying the person whom your loyalty is dedicated to, denying the Tsarista’s ambitions.

The same Tsarista who ripped you apart from your family, but also the one who gave you a new identity, and a new place to call home, giving you a reason to live on by serving her.

And you who watched over her carefully throughout your lifetime; when she became obsessed with the idea of bringing down celestia, to the point where delusions are invented just for the sole purpose of resisting against the sacred land where gods are rumoured to reside.

You never found out the reason behind her obstinacy in bringing down celestia, but you stayed beside her long enough to witness her desire for power and authority to continue to expand into a bottomless abyss, and the times when she struggled.

Times when her immature plans backfired, times she felt livid and Snezhnaya would be in raging blizzards for weeks, times when she doubted her own decisions. You were always there, by her side and ready to jump into action whenever she needed you to.

Through trial and error, she learned to develop well thought-out plans after calculations and taking precautionary measures, and recruited talented individuals. The harder she falls, the higher she bounces. She was undeniably a dazzling existence to you.

The Tsarista is a blinding lone star that continues to glisten even if other stars have faded, showing its resistance towards the devouring night sky. Someone so cruel and brutal, yet ever so resplendent, that you couldn’t peel your eyes off her.

A star that defies the night sky.

And you, who only knew how to live under orders and pretty much lived a tedious life besides carrying out Fatui duties, are dull and have long succumbed to darkness.

So how could you deny her? The one who never faltered, the flames of ambition that refuses to die out no matter what? You couldn’t bring yourself to betray her even at this very moment, because you have watched over her for far too long.

“This turned out to be rather...disappointing.” Seeing you loosening your grip on the sword and putting down your defenses, Dottore scoffs.

You take a sharp inhale, making up your mind. Regretfully, your decision is to stay loyal to the Tsarista and faithfully do as she wishes up until the very end. A very foolish decision even you are aware of, and one that makes your heart scream in agony knowing that you’re once again being thrown away. Even so, this is the path you have chosen.

Drained, you felt. It felt as if your powers erupted all at once, and got sucked dry by a vacuum cleaner and left to die on the road. Your role as the twelfth harbinger has been dismissed, now just an identity-less wanderer. The Tsarista truly is a cruel person, you thought, to just throw you out and let you crawl away all by your own whilst surrounded by nothing but coldness and snow, knowing that you right now are incredibly weak and vulnerable. She didn’t even have someone to escort you to a shelter, simply took away your harbinger identification with the usual eerie smile.

But archons do you feel horrible, dizzy and nauseous, on the verge of passing out. Now that you’ve lost your place, where would you go? Tired, cold and nowhere to go, you lean on a nearby bark to grab a hold of yourself, trying figure out what to do from now on.

Slumping down and shutting your eyes, you are forced to face your own emotions that you have repressed in the Tsarista’s chambers. Your heart aches so much, the strong pulsations being the only thing resounding in your ears, it hurts more than how your body is right now.

What a pathetic destiny you face, to be thrown away whom you trusted and served twice in your lifetime. It hurts so much, your heart continuously screams to you, not forgiving the way you hurt it so severely. So pathetic, you are so pathetic, you thought.

Even after millennia, you still never found a place you truly belonged to, your miserable and pathetic self was not accepted anywhere. You know very well the Tsarista has always been using you, yet facing the harsh reality is not as easy as you thought.

Wouldn’t it be better if the abyss consumed you? To be embraced by darkness and vanish, not having to face pointless emotions and drama? If only your eyes never opened back from the first time you dirtied your own hands, and instead swallow by the cold and hungry arms of demise- if you only died back then, would you still have to face such circumstances?

“...Hey, comrade.” a light whisper of a familiar voice enters your ears, dragging you back from your thoughts. You looked up at the one who called for you, only to find your vision blurry and cheeks feeling wet and cold. You didn’t even realise droplets of tears had trickled down your cheeks, you are even surprised that you’re capable of crying, you hadn’t shed a tear, let alone cry out loud for so long that you had forgotten how it felt.

Childe crawls closer, slowly wrapping you into a warm hug and gently strokes you on the head like how he has treats his siblings. You feel embarrassed to be comforted by someone much younger than you and being treated like a child, but returned the hug nonetheless. Not knowing how much you needed a hug, you find his embrace to be pleasant and safe.

“There’s a ship heading to Liyue, so let’s get you home to where it’s warm and safe, yeah?” Home, Childe said, you wanted to retort, but somehow ‘home’ and ‘Liyue’ just sounded right. Is it okay if you return there? To seek asylum?

“Come on comrade, it’d be devastating if you missed the ride!” slumping your weak arms over his shoulders and a hand on your waist to support you, lifting you onto your feet to lead you to the harbour.

“I-I’m sorry for what happened, and that I...I couldn’t help you. If I had known what Dottore was scheming, I would have talked to the Tsarista and convince her not to adopt such a brutal method.” His cheery voice is replaced by one with remorse, avoiding your eyes.

“I didn’t know Dottore came up with such an outrageous method, the Tsarista didn’t inform us of her plan! I- I should’ve known Dottore was up to no good! I could’ve done something-” Getting agitated, his speech hastens and stumbles over his own words.

“Hey, hey. Calm down, you know it’s not your fault.” You cut him off, giving him a soft slap on the back. “The Tsarista had such plans a long time ago, she just...never found the right methods until today, I guess.”

Somehow, it only made Childe feel even worse, guilt and sympathy all shown on his face.

“Come on, where’s your usual jolly self? A gloomy expression doesn't suit you at all. Teucer and Tonia will be worried for their #1 toymaker of Snezhnaya.” you mustered a feeble smile, assuring him that you’re fine.

“Well, never thought I’d hear you crack a joke after all these years…” Childe’s lips curve into a relieved and playful smile. Although, you have to admit, it does makes you feel better knowing that he’s worried for you.

“This is the Crux, you might’ve seen their crew around Liyue before. I spoke with the captain, and it’s a huge relief that she accepted our request!” You and Childe stumbled into the guest room that is kindly lent to you, with Childe immediately helping you get on the bed and wrapping you in blankets.

“You had a not-so-pleasant eventful day, it’s best if you warm up and rest now. I can’t go back with you, but I’ve contacted Zhongli, he should be there to pick you up when you arrive.” with a soft tone, Childe picks up your hand and gently strokes your palms, taking a note of your pale complexion, you remind him of his siblings when they were sick. He turns to leave you alone, about to close the door.

“Hey, Childe?” He abruptly stops and turns back to you with a concerned look, worried if you’re still feeling unwell and perhaps he could help.

“Thank you.” but only two simple words came out of your mouth. So simple and short, but more than enough to convey the gratitude and respect you held for him.

Childe breaks into a beaming smile, “Of course! We’re friends after all, right comrade? I think I’m even your best friend!” to which you chuckled. Yeah, you suppose he isn’t wrong on that.

Just before he closes the door completely, he halts and opens his mouth, “Teucer adored your gift, he and Tonia wanted to prepare something in return… I’ll bring it to you next time, yeah? And perhaps drink tea too at Zhongli’s?”

“Yes, I shall look forward to dear Teucer and Tonia’s gift then, it’s a promise.” You feel your consciousness slip away, closing your eyes and replying to Childe with a light smile on your face.

“It’s a promise!” He enthusiastically replied, only to realise he should tone it down to let you sleep in peace. “Sweet dreams, comrade.” Just before passing out on your bed, you hear Childe’s almost inaudible reply and a click on the door shutting close.

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rayofsunas · 3 years

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cherry blossoms | scaramouche

A/n: good evening guys! how is everyone? I hope you're all doing well this week :) reader insert is fem once again (I've explained why in another recent post) but if someone would like a gn version let me know! I kind of think of this as a prequel to scara's mini-series, but rather the happier version shh- (I'm plotting things in the mini-series). since I was running late with this post, and I feel as though this is unfinished, if you guys want a part two, let me know!! as always, thank you for requesting anon, and enjoy!

Summary: s/o is a fatui harbinger and scaramouche's fiancé, who’s good friends with aether, paimon, mona.

Parings: Scaramouche/Fem! Reader

Warnings: swearing, fluff, angst, pregnancy (hinted + implied), Mona being Mona and Paimon being Paimon ;-;

Word count: 1k

"Mona, please, I just need you to try and get along, for once." You exclaimed, staring at the tall cherry blossom tree in your backyard, wondering if it could support a small swing; you hoped it could.

The beautiful astrologer huffed from her seat on a nearby large stone, that was now a bench of sorts. Your wish seemed to be the last thing on her mind, far too stubborn to give in completely.

"I'm trying! He's just so annoying..."

"Understood," You agreed, Mona tilted her head to the side. "But, I want you two to stop. I know he makes it hard, but be the bigger person, yeah?" She was your best friend, why wouldn't you want them to get along?

She nodded nonchalantly, only partly agreeing. She couldn't get along with your fiance no matter how much she tried. Everything he said was both annoying and infuriating.

Plus, he was a danger! But then again you were a Fatui as well... No, your personality and actions couldn't be chalked up to that of a Fatui, you and your fiancé were different, very, very different.

"By the way, where's Aether and Paimon?" You asked, moving away from the beautiful cherry blossom tree to bump your hip with the astrologers, eventually taking a seat when she scooted over.

"On their way, they decided to stop into town for something." A sneaky grin was on her face and you couldn't help but feel sick because of it.

"What's with that grin?"

"Nothing, no worries."

You hummed, looking back at the tree in thought. You'd have to figure out what that meant when the pair returned soon.

"Must you have such a grandiose house, so far away from the town?! It was really hard getting up here!" Paimon complained, large eyes angry. You couldn't help but smile cheekily at the small floating being, not phased at all by her behavior.

"Apologies, Paimon. My only excuse is we like privacy; being a Fatui isn't easy and brings a lot of unwanted attention."

"Paimon doesn't like the long walk,” She said speaking in third person. “Thank the Archons we don't come here often!" She smiled.

"Hey..." You said teasingly, with a frown.

"S-Sorry, um,-" She looked frazzled before floating over to Aether and snatching a small brown paper bag from his hands, "Here, an apology gift...?" The mysterious being nervously giggled, you stared at her in confusion.

"A gift, for me?" She nodded.

"Paimon!" Aether hissed lowly, glaring at her. It sounded like she wasn't supposed to give this to you... Because of that, you were going to give it back but then Aether relaxed and motioned for you to open it.

"We were hoping to give it to you when Scaramouche was here too, seeing as though it's a gift for both of you..." You gave him a questioning look. What could it be? For the both of you? Hmm... How thoughtful.

"Go ahead!" Paimon said cheerfully, a huge smile on her face. Aether's features mirrored hers and even Mona had a small smile on her face. You followed their orders, unfolding the fold at the top of the bag and reaching inside to grab the contents. Whatever it was felt small, soft, and there was even something round in there. Your eyebrows pinched in confusion as you grabbed the first item.

It didn't take long for you to realize what it was. A white baby blanket, dotted with tiny glittered silver, purple, and blue stars. It was beautiful...

"Oh my." You said shocked.

Everyone's faces seemed to drop, scared you hadn't liked the gift.

"What's wrong?" Mona was the first to question. "You don't like it?" She asked frantically.

"I love it... It's just-" You continued reaching into the bag to grab a little hat that looked exactly like your Fiance's, without a doubt for a baby's head. Glancing up at the group, you stared cluelessly. "How did you guys know?"

Paimon giggled, "Mona told us, duh!"

Looking at Mona who wore a bright smile on her face, you only stared in amusement. Of course, she'd find out first... She always did.

"You read my horoscope?"

She nodded, mimicking you. "I read your horoscope." She confirmed.

A sigh escaped past your lips. "I thought I told you to stop doing that?" The last time she did, she read Scaramouche's without permission and ruined the element of surprise when it came to his proposal. You assumed that was one of the other reasons why the two hated each other, outside the fact that he was a Harbinger.

"I couldn't help it!" Your best friend exclaimed, throwing her hands dramatically in the air. With a smile you approached her, wrapping your arms around her frame.

"Thank you," You whispered. She returned the sweet gesture, smiling. "It's nothing."

Pulling away, you asked, "So, who's idea was it?" Aether and Paimon looked directly at Mona, you smiled at her once again. Maybe she was coming around if she thought to have a milliner make a tiny hat much like Scaramouche's for the baby. "Yours truly." She said cockily, arms folding.

"Hey!" Screeched Paimon. "You can't take all the credit! We picked out the blanket! Plus, you didn't have any money so you couldn't even go with us!"

Scaramouche arrived much later, closer to dinnertime, and you were the first to greet him at the door, shoving the blanket and hat in his face. He cracked a grin at the hat but didn't care much about the blanket.

"You should thank her," you had said to him, teasingly reaching for his hat to plop on your head; something you’d grown accustomed to. “She was very thoughtful." He watched as you hopped through the house towards the living area, the charms and tassels of his hat jingling with each hop, without a doubt you were in high spirits.

"Them leaving tomorrow should be enough of thanks they deserve." He said once he was beside you again. You smacked his shoulder with the baby blanket. He just grinned cheekily at you.

"Asshole, they traveled all this way just for you to rush them away. The least we could do is host them for a while." He shook his head, frowning when he heard Paimons loud screeches coming from the living room, cheering about something to do with food. Annoying... "I don't owe them anything. They're guests in our house, I should be able to kick them out if I wish." You ignored his comment.

"About guests, I received a letter from Dottore,"

Scaramouche's face paled. Archons, what did he want now...? His presence was annoying as it is, almost matching Childe's, but because Scaramouche was ignoring that crazy clown, now he writing to his fiance?

With a teasing smile, you announced, "He'll be stopping by sometime this week. I hope that's not too much of an issue!"

3.24.21, rayofsunas

#rayofsunas #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact imagines #scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche is really the loml

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