#That T word GETS ME. EVERY TIME ->_<-
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watching a video on youtube abt making zines and shes like "i have a full exciting life that i create for myself every single day that has nothing to do with zines. and i think that when you have more things going on in your life youre less likely to become hyperfocused on the reaction you get to your work" and im like damn outgecalled, no wonder we get neurotic abt it here on the hyperfocus no life website
#not to call everyone here a loser just myself but i dont think im the /only/ one who....doesnt have a full exciting life outside of#[whatever youre doing on here]#hfkghgjh#most inspiring way ive ever been told to get a life t b h#or maybe just first time im open to hearing it#i was already sorta thinking that. just. not in those words exactly fhkhgj#(watch me remember in 5 minutes why my entire life is doctor who)#(<- suicidal as fuck when not thinking abt doctor who)#anyway#might fuck around and get a life#if only so i can speak smth other than english every now and then
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Late to the game as I’ve kinda been kinda non-here for a minute but I scrolled through the Dot and Bubble tag, and thought I wanted to write this post into existence.
There's this part in Doctor Who Unleashed where RTD says this:
“What we can’t tell is how many people will have worked that out before the ending. Because they’ve seen white person after white person after white person, and television these days is very diverse. I wonder, will you be ten minutes into it, will you be fifteen, will you be twenty, before you start to think, everyone in this community is white. And if you don’t think that — why didn’t you? So, that’s gonna be interesting. I hope it’s one of those pieces of television you see, and always remember.”
And I'm like. Yeah. But the reason this works even as well as it does is largely thanks to the work of the previous showrunner with the previous creative team, which was notably the first era to have any writers of color (amongst other firsts in terms of inclusivity in directors, composer, actors). While Chibnall fumbled whenever he tried to write about race himself, he did have the self-awareness to have Black and South Asian writers writing the episodes where race is the focus (and a female writer for the episode where sexism is a focus; my point is, he seemed to know his shortcomings).
I wonder what the current creative team looks like? (not really, but I wasn't 100% sure for all of them)
To quote RTD:
“...before you start to think, everyone in this community is white.”
This is pretty non-self-aware, right? It's pretty “It is said, and I understand this, there was a history of racism with the original Toymaker, the Celestial Toymaker, who had ‘celestial,’ and I did not know this, but ‘celestial’ can mean of Chinese origin, but in a derogatory way,” right? (from The Giggle Unleashed) It's pretty “and I had problems with that, and a lot of us on the production team had problems with that: associating disability with evil,” right? (from Destination Skaro Unleashed)
—none of which are issues that should be overlooked, but think how much exponentially better they might’ve been addressed if he’d consulted with Chinese writers and wheelchair-using writers before going straight to giving the Toymaker weird fake accents and making Davros walk?
How many Black or non-white people do we think saw the Dot and Bubble script before it landed in Ncuti’s hands?
And this just keeps happening.
And like, from some of the shocked responses I've seen from white viewers to the ending of Dot and Bubble, maybe the episode's unsubtlety was needed? From the way RTD talks about it in Unleashed, the episode was written with a white audience in mind, Baby's First Microaggressions (where of course the microaggressions come from people who are pretty self-admittedly white supremacists). Ricky September, a more seemingly normal depiction of someone in the racist bubble of Finetime, seemed like an interesting element, up until the way he died.
The ending worked for me, because I do think the Doctor's reaction is true to how the Doctor would react. I just keep thinking of how much better the core themes could've been handled by someone with actual lived experience on the subject matter.
#dot and bubble#fifteenth doctor#rtd critical#anti rtd#ricky september#lindy pepper bean#dw negativity#racism#antiblackness#words by seaweed#not to be anti rtd. im just very critical. Anti RTD is just a tag which people use or block#every showrunner has their flaws but RTD is the only one self-righteously virtu signling over NOTHING. which is why im more critical.#plus the on-set sxual hrassment and what happened with Chris Eccleston etc. it vindicates me. idk. not tryna be a hater#ALSO dot and bubble is leaps and bounds better than any racism commentary I expected from Russell T Davies. so theres that.#can you tell I'm shy abt making long posts that someone is likely gonna be not happy about-#I usually search tumblr for posts to rb and talk in tags. but I couldnt find any posts about this this morning! tho I think ppl have since#etc its fine to critically appreciate imperfect media etc I do it all the time (as a Black fan) (who also thinks Rosa has Flaws) etc#I did see someone on twitter pointing out the hypocrisy of all white writers but twitter does not have space to talk about things#also love that The Church on Ruby Road has Mark Tonderai who became the first black director w The Ghost Monument. I love his directing#but that's the Christmas special. it is not part of this season. and honestly fr it's not close to enough#love the inclusivity in front of the camera. lets get some of that in the writing team NOW. it's hurting for it.#bring back Charlene James. can you hear me? was the best episode of Season 12.#the ep felt like a commentary on the “RIP Doctor Who” ppl under every official Doctor Who post? hence social media?#it does work best that way!! it just felt a little off of that way in rtd talking#idk im rambling. I did enjoy it tho. I just wish. but well.
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"careful, or i'll quote that"
#adamandi#was going to be normal but then this scene popped into my head and played on loop and like#guys this scene just makes me Miserable. they're so friends now they're so happy and funny and then later in the show#she manipulates him and he tries to kill her and like. my god beatrix vincent friendship. omg.#im so. it kills me. i realise these arent the most accurate character styles but i Had to get it out. oh my god. literally the other day i#i was like ''oh haha im not going to directly draw scenes from the show im going to be Thinky and Extra'' but no actually sometimes the#the scenes from the show just hit. this line the delivery the Situations it kills me. im so hnnghghf about them#something also maybe about rewatching media knowing the whole plot and the extra Tragedy it all brings also. like to know the ending will#break your heart (but be also some sort of stunning catharsis) and to watch it all!!! again!!!! aaagh.#fun facts about the first time i watched adamandi proper after looking through the tumblrs and half-spoiling it for myself.. i went in with#the strangest assumptions of portia dies/ vincent makes a virus that kills the other nominees instead of actually stabby stabby and the#new invented biological thing would make him the winner a-la frankenstein style //. quincy cuts off his hand????? i am not sure where any#of these came from T-T but im glad i was wrong on literally every count.#miscellaneous brainrots from re-watching.. in the very very start i think vincent is wearing a mask in word to the wise?? like it was probs#a covid safety thing but it makes me go teehee for some reason. like the whole infectious thing was foreshadowed LMAO (approx 35 seconds in#also the balloons. and the admin. and the balloons. the way it's horrific and the balloons gently rain down#and you can see them bounce in the stunned silence. ooo that little detail. what a moment.#also at this point? i have been noticing the little inconsistencies in actions btwn shots but a) they're not seeable unless you're looking#Closely like i was for specific moments as references.. and b) it makes u think about the inconsistency of theatre as a medium and how nth#is ever delivered the same two ways which is really just !!!! to me. smth smth so so many ways to intepret characters and how everything is#always in flux every single cycle. theatre medium my beloved.#last side note from now: i am so abnormal about the marmorius society members who were phaethon nominees in their own right and instead#perished helping ambrose with HIS project. like. that is some sort of love there isn't it? like???? yes they're all bullies and awful but.#i've been reaching tag limit really quickly with all the recent posts. rambles i guess. so so many thoughts. well actual tags now i guess!#vincent aurelius lin#beatrix valeria campbell
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getting told my professional emails are like fun bedtime stories that get reread & reread& reread by the people i send them to bcs they're always apparently very long(😦😦😦😦), humorous(?!?!??), charming(??), & never have a sequel bcs i do not respond after sending one 😦
#being that one kid who got in trouble for writing off the lines of a written test segment haunts me. literally haunts me#it's not a flex actually bcs there were times in english where i would write more pages for an essay#and get a 95 while someone who wrote it a day before and hit the min word requirement got a 97#LIKE!!!#IT'S . A CURSE.#NOT BEING ABLE TO CONDENSE OR CONFORM IS A CURSEEEEEEEE#DO U THINK I LIKE OVERTHINKING AND OVERACHIEVING THINGS????#NO!!!! I DONT!!!!!#i havespent HOURS on smthing like emails that shouldve been SECONDS#IIIIIII!!!! DONTNKNOW WH Y!!#AND THEN ALL ILL GET BACK IS okay. thank you ted. LIKE JUST SAY U THINK I HAVE RABIES OR SMTHING#i WISH i was into math i WISH i was GENUINELY into SCIENCE! WHY WORDS WHY WORDS NO ONE EVEN CARES ABT WORDS!!!#ARGHHHHHHH I HAT E VALUING EFFECIENCY THEN BEING UNABLE TO DO THINGS IN AN EFFECIENT MANNER TO oTHERS!!!#mY brain THINKS it's being effecient by HYPEREXPLAINING EVERY LITTLE DETAIL THAT IT HAS CONSIDERED TO BE POTENTIALLY CONFUSING IF ABANDONED#IT T HiNKS!! it's HELPING!!#MY BROTHER IN BRAiN! YOU ARE NoT HELPING!!!! YOU ARE GIVING PEOPLE DRY EYES & FATIGUE!!#ARGH! ARGK!#EVERY WHERE I GO IM COMEDY#and i HATE.IT.#BCS IT'S NOT THE COMEDY I CAN CONTROL#life is a sick comedy of underlying helplessness and we're all lear's jesters in the end in the end in the#anyways.#im glad they find it funny#at least
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I think I spoke too soon, it’s time to clear the air
it’s quiet in my room, the silence is unfair
I’ve been hearing voices, none of them are you
late at night I tell myself nothing this good could last forever
no one cries like you
I’ve seen you in the moon, I wish that you were here
you promised me your word, a whisper in my ear
every night I tell myself nothing like you could last forever
no one lies like you
I’ve been hearing voices, none of them are you
speak to me, my love
speak to me, my love
#just putting this up as further proof the whole ‘Dave doesn’t care about him’ thing is bullshit#even tho this song makes me cry my eyes out every time I hear it#unless I tune the words out 💔#not sure why this one doesn’t get as much attention as the rest of the album it’s so gorgeous#foo fighters#taylor hawkins#dave grohl#nate mendel#chris shiflett#pat smear#rami jaffee#but here we are era#2023#audio#t tributes#I guess#💔#I wish I could give them all a big hug 💔#Spotify
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Recording a monumental moment amen 🙏
#jokes aside I am. at a loss for words xbbshsnehdjx#one thousand people have interacted with this post#I S T I L L get compliments on this piece even after so many months#I literally made this drawing just on a whim after I got an idea#I vividly remmeber watching Eddie burbacks video on visitin every margaritaville while drawing his#I have had#a time today#like#one hell of a day#so idk why this is making me so emotional but it is#thanks everyone <3
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exhausted dot png
#i’m cishet neurotypical for the weekend right and i guess bc i was cishet half of the time just two short years ago i thought this would be#a lot easier than it is? like i underestimated how exhausting this would be#not to sound Like This but hanging with all of these protestants really is so different than the catholics. maybe bc i’ve been largely surro#unded by catholics so im well adapted to dealing with them lol idk.#it’s just. i accepted that the cousins wouldn’t accept me if they ever knew but my beloved beloved great aunt…..#my mom is so sure that she would accept me if she knew but i’ve been telling her i don’t know i don’t know now that she’s a protestant it’s#different…. and lo and behold every other fucking word out of her mouth is virulent shit#and idk what to do with it.#i love her too much to lose her over this (for now) but christ i nearly told her i was a dyke at lunch today just to get her to shut up abou#t trans people.#i have no desire for my family to ever know i’m genderqueer bc i don’t need them to know but eventually my aunt is going to need to know the#homosexuality and this trip has just emphasized how. man it’s gonna be shit isn’t it. no doubt to cling to anymore.#anyways i’m expected to go to baptist church tmrw morning and autism brain i kind of want to go just to see what it’s like but me brain i’m#just. so tired. and even if the transgenders don’t get brought up in the service i don’t think i want to go anyways.
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this summer i need to cut my hair and buy silly t-shirts and stop being apologetic abt merely existing and do things even though i'm very bad at them and be earnest & bouyant and stop thinking i'm being punished when bad things happen and read books i've never heard of and be in any body of water as much as possible and be less afraid of people crushing my heart when i give them it!!!!! Basically i need to go on walks even when i don't feel like it so every time i do i will be enraptured by the world like i always am 🙏❤
#i booked an appointment to cut my hair & got two books i'd never heard of before and every time i go to the thrift store i look for silly#t-shirts and in regards to all the other stuff i will try very hard. and that at least is something.#ALSO i will watch tv shows from ten years ago and go to concerts without feeling alienated when i'm there and stop feeling like i'm running#in a race of time with other ppl my age that i will never win and be open to new experiences and push myself out of my comfort zone 👍#double also!! i will stop being scared to wear certain clothes bc i think i'll be judged for it and i will be more easygoing with strangers#and i'll stop feeling like i'm slowly wasting away and i will stop feeling like i'm bothering everyone all the time and i will learn arabic#and greek and hindi and freshen up on my spanish & latin. the latter ones i am already busy with <333#owl app i hate u but u do get me places. oh also if anyone's studying languages atm memrise.com is a pretty good site too!!!#ANYWAY. bucket list 4 the summer 👆#through rain and wind and other hashtag bad weather i WILL swim this summer mark my words ☝️
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oh did i mention i FINALLY finished watching s3 of the witcher lmao
#*t#final verdict: it was......fine??#CGI and costumes looked worse than ever#whoever made the final decision for yen's party dress should be executed in town square#the elves (especially francesca) were.....annoying?? idek if that's the right word but they pissed me off at every turn#also kaitie can vouch for the number of times i said aloud 'i wish we were watching dune' when ciri was in the desert lmao#but i was glad to see geralt FINALLY get over his neutrality stance#(though imo babyboy hasn't been truly neutral in ages lol)#and it was GENUINELY sad to know that was henry's last time as geralt :(#i guess i'll give liam a shot if/when s4 ever arrives#but damn. what a waste overall#(also i know vilgefortz is a ~villain~ and all but i'd still sit on his face tyvm)#anyway i hope anya henry and freya have good chiropractors after carrying this show on their backs for 3 seasons
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Watching Casanova is divided into two parts.
Part the first: This is spent absolutely loving everything. The acting, the writing, the characterization, and so forth. It is spent in cackling at hilarious lines and in fond comparisons between Giac and Ten. (Seriously, it's like they took a Doctor Who episode, made it longer, and then turned it R-rated... And I love it.) It is also spent in appreciation of the music, and in a game of trying to identify every actor that both looks a bit familiar and ends up having been in a Doctor Who at some point. Finally, it is spent in anticipating a happy end to the love story: a positive conclusion for Giac and Henriette.
Part the second: this is spent in wondering how the hell it's possible to be dumb enough to think that a Russell T Davies script, Murray Gold soundtrack composition, David Tennant's acting, and a character with heavy parallels to Ten would ever have a happy ending. It is also spent in sobbing your eyes out.
That being said, it's a brilliant film and I highly recommend it. (Also, if I had a nickel for every line or delivery that made me think of Ten, I'd have enough nickels to buy me the therapy I need after both the film itself and Tennant's era of DW.)
#casanova#david tennant#russell t davies#murray gold#giacomo casanova#tenth doctor#10th doctor#they're basically the same character#i love them so much#not me chortling every time they said the word 'doctor'#or 'run'#or... you get the point#it's painful#but delectably so#as queue wish
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wrists are funky things, huh?
#just me hi#i've started wearing jewelry (this developed earlier this year somehow lol) and bracelets are Still killin me hfvhs#i can wear them for a bit but then the tightness or the loose rubbing on my wrists starts to Really bother me. hmn!#i wear a ring all the time and it took me some months to get used to it lol#i can't even wear necklaces/chains/anything round my neck without clothing being between me and the entire encirclement of neck#or it's Not Fun!#anyway i got this really neat bracelet that has little beads for the 9 planets. and i Am going to wear it#i just break time loll :)#//Also i think we should have a word for 'earlier this year'#there probably already is. but i just made a typo and i think it should be 'yearlier' :3#yearlier than i thought it would...#you see what i'm sayin yah?#yater for yater. or later this year :)#i don't like the word Later (it's a T that sounds like a D and it trips up my tongue sometimes Hbvfh) so i think this is Great !#we'll do it yater. cuz we already did it yearlier. ya know ?#//also i was thinking about something earlier and it was Super Neat but i forgot what is was again loll#i think it was black ? but also i could be getting that confused with the clothing i was wearing. so hmmmmm#/brains are so confusing hfbhsj#i like mine pretty well though. we're good friends !#usually! friends have spats. and we're cage-fighting every wednesday#//i've been kinda brain-tired too so : '#<- everyday my little emoties get less distinguishable hvfhhs#but yea i dunno!#//it's super nice out#it's really cold inside for some reason though. which is really silly when you think about it for longer than 3 seconds#like we built the box to Not have to be as uncomfortable as we usually are outside. why am i wearing a blanket when it's So Nice outsideLol#'go outside' i would but also. [walks away]
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Hi tumblr why is my dash header upside down against my will just to promote a TV show I have blocked
#even when i have things blacklisted i STILL cant avoid them#thanks staff for forcing s*ranger t*ings directly into my face all the time i hate you#i hate you so much please put it back#i dont have anything against that show because ive never seen it#however the amount of times ive literally been forced to look at it against my will has made my brain do the thing#where it fucking hates something after its been repeated too many times#and if i have to keep looking at this show im literally going to kill a man#its the mental illness for sure doing this but that being said maybe this shouldnt happen#i think maybe i should get to choose what fandoms are being blasted into my eyeballs at any given time#and the fact that i CANT because staff is doing this on purpose acrod the entire website is... not great#i should be allowed to make every single tumblr user look at MY very specific piece of media that not everyone likes too#yknow. since we're just fucking doing that now#god why do so many things trigger these responses in my brain i hate living like this#remember when this happened to me with zelda? even my own favorite things arent immune#anyway this has turned into a tangent but whatever its 4am and this is my blog#get your media away from me i dont want it#also incredibly inconvenient trying to read things when theyre upside down#accessibility loss. the person who already struggles to read words in order has to read upside down text now :(#this website is killing me and the only reason im still here is because of my mutuals fuck literally everything else about tumblr#i hate it here... god do i hate it here
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🥹🥹🥹🥹
#i am always going on about how feedback is lovely but doesn't particularly motivate me#buuuuuuuut#i got a bunch of reblogs tonight on the ayan's instagram edit i made#and i am now back working on kan's#i have his and akk's almost ready to go i just ran out of ideas for posts#i have a few ideas for wat's#i am going to s t r u g g l e with thua's lmao#i may end up doing a second aye one#i'm trying to incorporate their personalities into every element and some are relatively easy#aye am i being a play on words on his name#umakktually being both a sarcastic interjection and a play on um being a common way of transcribing 'yes'#watadirector is pretty self explanatory at the same time as him Doin A Funny#ka555n is just fun to say honestly. but he's the joker of the group so. obviously.#i VERY NEARLY went with etthuabrute for thua but i'd get eaten by thua stans lmao but i think i'm funny#findingnamo was a last minute stroke of exasperation. kid's a cartoon fish or something#i wanna wait for our skyy to incorporate potential uni stuff but i'm#1. not that patient and#2. have absolutely zero impulse control#anyway my period's nearly here and i'm emotional about everything rn so#thanks guys u rly made this old boy's day#about jay#mine: eclipse socials#so it is decreed#but i am putting an absurd amount of thought into other things#kan has more followers than anyone. he also posts constantly. about everything.#akk has the least followers because he barely actually uses the thing and is mainly a lurker on his friends' profiles#like an overbearing parent#wat gets photo credit on half of everybody's posts#which is fun because wat's ig is probably going to be full of photos of everyone else#alksjdfas anyway more coming i promise
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trying to use that one method of solving a problem by thinking of it as if you were explaining it to someone else to sorta force a new perspective on it and going crazier and madder each iteration until im so devoid of any mental capacity i just stare blankly into the dark of my drawing tablet and die of spontaneous combustion and rising from the ashes like an integer overflow time and time again for as long as theres a fuel to change the variables
#maybe i wouldnt be so nitpicky if i just made a single base for my fursona and made its constant design changes a part of him#maybe i would be able to be happy with a base if i wasnt constantly changing my artstyle and inspirations driving me to get better#its all of this for what. whaqt made me a perfectionist. who even.#im like hmmm but this specific shape isnt very realistic to how an animal looks in real life#..i say as i design a creature that barely follows any biological rules at all#this fucking looming unconscious desire to want everything to look like whatever other things youre already familiar with#a rooted and cemented fear of change that i only feel safe from detaching when making a character that doesnt represent me#what if i did the same to myself. what if i changed my persona for every pimple that surfaced and every stretch mark i gained#would i be as frustrated as i am now or would i finally realize and incorporate the futility of such an idiotic mindset?#anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk. next week ill talk about my fears of failing college and reiterate on whatever i said in this pos#t but with different wording. till next time#dextxt
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"He's one of my fav serial killers, I love him!" Get some reality check and therapy please.
#true crime#people with blogs dedicated to wanting to fuck serial killers dong interact#every time some t*d b*ndy or jeff d*hmer groupie reblogs something from me or likes on of my posts i have to block yet another person#you either don't see the difference between fiction or reality or need some serious therapy#or get your wording more accurate: 'i think their case is very interesting.' or something like that
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...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈
#i just spent like an hour writing and rewriting a post trying to explain myself amd its just so hard to put into words#im bored here but not in a ew not enough content for the dopamine hit shit#in like a every time i scroll through I dont smile I dont see anything that makes me happy at all i dont get a laugh or anything#its just mindless brain rotting scrolling nothing wasting my time hoping maybe ill see a new artist to follow or something#and every time its nothing#so much nothing taking up so much of my time and space in my life and i already dont have a lot of time to begin with#ive made some awesome friends here ive had lovers from here ive had people who are no longer on this earth from here who ill never forget#i dont think ive really enjoyed anything on here in 7 years#ive left before for a really long time i think like a year or more or something#and i wont be totally unreachable of people message me ill respond but im so sick of this stupid app taking up my life#and all i ever get out of it is getting mad or getting depressed over shit that really is t worth my mental state over#all i ever feel on here is that the world fuckin sucks and theres not even anything here to make hanging around worth it#im not new to this site making me suicidal for an abundance of reasons and im luckily in a spot where i wont actually hurt myself#its just ideation and intrusive thoughts but its a pattern i cant keep ignoring#also im old tumblr im old tumblr and i think i will always be old tumblr im just not catching on to new shit anymore#the fact im even saying anything about a hiatus should show how pld tumblr i am no one does this anymore lol#i just don't want to be here anymore i dont really want to be anywhere online anymore tbh#its always something and i cant mentally keep up with it anymore i have too much going on in my life#my wife is having cancer removed on Tuesday im a lead teacher who has to take care of i think 8 babies now#i have problems i have actual problems that need me and need me to be as there as i can be#i cant be spiraling over stuff online on top of real world problems im in no position to do anything about on top of personal life problems#that are drastically affecting my life at home and hurting my family and loved ones#i have a mass in my thyroid which is so big i choke to the point i stop breathing if I dont have my meds i throw up all day#i have to see a neurologist because at best i have a pinched nerve at worst im having seizures and i might have to move states again#i dont have it in me to come on here and see stuff that makes me upset for the chance i might see something i like#and i can unfollow people and whatever but I dont have the energy or time to sift through people i follow on here#if you want to talk in dms or asks or you want to send me posts pls by all means continue to do so thats fine#but i think i need to take the app out of my line of sight again for a bit and just be in the moment again same with twitter#anyways i love yall i promise i am safe and not in harms way im just stressed af and i have got to start cutting things out that#arent doing anything other then making me miserable
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