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#TWO DAYS. Two days since I've been better post COVID and yet... And yet!
iero · 2 years
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I eat Taco Bell in the evening... I wake up in a cold sweat hours later feeling sick as fuck... Tale as old as time.
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sekritjay · 7 months
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I did the thing I normally do when I experience a big setback and recoil in on myself and lie to everyone whilst I "figure it out" and by figure it out I mean alternate between vacillation and despair. Because I'm a indecisive coward. Because I loathe leaning on others for help because they have better things to be doing then helping out a 35 year old loser. Because frankly I've never known what I've wanted in life, only that I don't want whatever I have now
I started typing out this post two weeks ago and I got my rejection message a week before that. And it's been sitting unfinished since because that's just how much I hate asking for help. But current events and personal events outside of my control means that if I don't act I'm going to be stuck again with nothing to cushion my fall.
The restaurant is failing. I thought I'd have another six to twelve months to get out on my own terms on my own schedule but looking at the finances... I'll be lucky to see Christmas, if I'm lucky. If my electricity company finds out they've fucked up their billing and start sniffing for what I ACTUALLY owe them I could be out by tomorrow. And I can't keep throwing good money after bad when I've lost any enthusiasm to carry on anyway. 60 hours, seven days a week for ten years yet no savings is no way to live
And... thinking about it, I'm honestly getting more and more worried about the state of the world, especially here in Europe. Lockdown drained my mental resources. Post-lockdown inflation and Ukraine sucked up the money I made during Covid. And the anti-immigration sentiment that I had to tolerate won't diminish because Europe's back garden is on fire. I... I need to get out
Despite all the setbacks I still want to go to Canada I think. I'm whatever about expensive housing despite what people keep trying to tell me. I'm not trying to be lazy, I AM searching for a job in Canada myself who... may? support a work permit. But all I've ever done is run a restaurant, and I've worked in one since I was twelve and knowing that I don't want to stay in catering means that I don't know what I'd be good at. Hell I'm not really convinced I did a good job at that
So... this is me... asking for help. Deciding where to go and what to do. And swallow my pride and ask others if they can get me a look-in by an employer instead of jealously guarding it. Just got to... rehash my CV
And take my anti-depressants. God knows how long I'll have to stay on those...
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thistransient · 6 months
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- If I had a nickel for every time I posted a photo of a goose and it ended up getting over a thousand notes, I'd have two nickels. I would say 'who can fathom the whims of the tumblr audience', because photos I love often go totally unappreciated in favour of something random I shared on a whim, but clearly there is a trend here. Also, the first time around I warned new followers the goose was a one-time phenomenon, and clearly I lied. There may well be future geese, just keep your expectations reasonably low.
- The other day I was talking to a Japanese friend about how jarring it is to overhear one's native language when living somewhere it isn't spoken often. Forced to eavesdrop because you can't not understand it! (Unlike the blissful white noise attained by zoning out around a language that requires some focus to understand.) Recently a loud American guy has started turning up with a companion at my local breakfast joint and inflicting this very situation upon me at high volume. I might not mind so much if I couldn't still hear him when they sit at the very back of the shop and I at the very front. To be fair, a) they come at the same time daily so it's within my power to simply go earlier and b) I'm sure I've tormented enough people with my own public English conversations (although I don't think anyone will ever accuse me of being loud, after a lifetime of complaints that I'm nigh inaudible). In a moment of pettiness, however, I decided to bring my loud Canadian friend today and sit in the back at their usual table. "I can see why you call him your nemesis" he commented, after witnessing [hearing] the state of things. I felt somewhat validated.
- Further brekkie shop gossip (what a fulfilling social life I have, you see): my slutty bisexual summer completely failed to manifest, but we can still have awkward bisexual autumn. Last week the cute guy who also eats there regularly and I ended up putting our trays away at the same time. He looked at me (probably on the simple basis that I was standing next to him). I glanced back and then quickly away. Outside the shop, he was organising his scooter when something possessed me to make direct eye contact. He gave me the nod, and something possessed me further to smile radiantly in response (albeit under the mask). He smiled back. I ran away.
- Because I agreed to model for a friend at a rope class this weekend, I have been faithfully abstaining from anything that could overly aggravate my ribs in their healing (although this also means I haven't been socialising much, hence the most interesting thing recently being the breakfast shop dynamics) and just going biking instead (safe enough so far). The blissful but brief window of perfect fall weather I waited for all summer has already started edging into "I could go outside and gambol about without getting too sweaty, buuut actually now I'm cold and would like to stay under the blanket." (Complain as I might, I actually do appreciate the return of boot & coat season. Or at least for myself, raised somewhere around the 43rd parallel north, since it's apparently always boot & coat season for locals.)
- I suppose the counselling I started has been having some effect, because I've begun to get some of my shit together (some, not all, but better than nothing). However, I think I will still have to do my December visa run (that ironic ticket to Macau). Because I haven't bought a return yet, I started to ruminate on the possibility of getting another Chinese visa (my previous one was invalidated when I updated the personal details on my new passport)- I could in theory take the ferry to Hong Kong and do it at the same agency where I got my first one, except that things have changed post-Covid and one must enquire personally about their rates and conditions. I may have enquired and am awaiting a response...
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djemsostylist · 8 days
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I've been really offline this year, and it's due almost entirely to my work. I'm mostly just venting now, but this year has been the hardest I've had since Covid, and I fear a future where it doesn't get any better.
This year, I have not one, but TWO students who go off at nothing. And by go off I mean I have to evacuate my room and just hope they don't break anything or throw anything at me that I can't dodge. And this happens for no reason--a simple direction, passing out a piece of paper, giving a direction I've given 100 times could result in a tantrum that clears my classroom for over an hour as a bunch of adults stand around watching, because restraining a kid now requires at least five adults and a mountain of paperwork. So instead, I'm forced to watch as a 7 year old destroys my room and their mom tells me "at least it's not as bad as they were in kindergarten" or blames me for not calling them in the middle of class when they first started throwing things.
Beyond my two, I have another 4-6 who are simply obnoxious. I'm often loathe to call kids obnoxious, but these students are rude, inappropriate, refuse to follow basic directions, and generally make my every day horrible. They fight and bicker and argue and then get mad and rude when I ask them to please stay seated and follow basic directions.
The others aren't bad, but they laugh and encourage the bad behavior, talk incessantly, and basically need constant supervision and stimulation. Law now states I'm not allowed to discipline kids--no missing recess, no writing lines, no missing resource, no anything I used to be able to do to make an impact. Students are mandated to attend quarterly parties that we can't take away because every students has the right to attend.
I get no breaks during the day--I'm required to watch them at lunch because half of them are incapable of sitting still for a half an hour to eat food, and many of my resource class breaks (while the kids are at gym or art) are taken up with meetings.
And that doesn't even address staff shortages. Today a teacher on my hall called out, and there was no one to take her class, so we were all saddled with 4-5 extra kids. I ended my day with 27, and with no music teacher, I also had to watch them during resource, so I got no moment to myself between the hours of 9-4:30.
I've also had two teachers on my hall quit this year, which means I've been responsible for writing plans and grading papers for three classes, getting two long term subs set up in a classroom that has been left in a lurch, and also becoming a surrogate teacher for 46 extra students (on top of my 23).
I sit in on every IEP meeting for the grade level, which sometimes means 4+ a week.
I'm tired. In my bones, in my soul. I come home tired every day, and some days its all I can do to lay on my sofa and scroll through youtube or reddit. I don't even have the energy for tumblr, because liking something means the likes will pile up or I'll need to comment on something a mutual had posted and it feels overwhelming. I'm back playing Destiny because it's the sort of mindless thing I can do almost without thinking. The Horus Heresy is done but 40k feels lifeless by comparison so I'm sort of slow in getting into new things. Last weekend I painted a little, and that feels productive at least.
I just don't know if it's going to get better. This year, the students seem to not care, about school or about their behavior, and the parents know they're awful (I've had parents openly admit their child hurts them or their siblings at home) but yet seem to have little desire to make any changes to try and curtail the behavior.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say I guess. Just that I feel like we are genuinely raising a generation who doesn't understand consequences, that we are not allowed to discipline because parents refuse to allow their child to be held accountable for their actions.
I'm tired. And I genuinely don't know if it will get better.
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indigo-a-creeping · 8 months
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So anyway, top surgery is scheduled for May 9! Anybody want to go explore San Francisco with me for a week (squeezing drains may be required a few times)? I've put out a few feelers, and have a couple of possible people to go with me, but nothing set in stone yet.
We had a hurricane come through today, but it went more to the north, so we just got a lot of rain and wind in the morning. Everything's back to normal now.
My (nearly) hairless guinea pig has had an eye issue since I adopted her, and I haven't been able to resolve it, so I took her to the vet and he said it looks like either an abscess or scarring. I'm giving her antibiotic eye drops and antifungal cream twice a day for two weeks. Hopefully it'll help! I was expecting the vet to take one look and say she needed the eye removed, so this is hopeful.
I've been struck with some terrible affliction for the past week. It's not Covid. Possibly a cold, but more probably allergies. Just so much snot. Coughing, sneezing, feeling awful. Can't taste or smell anything unless I manage to clear a passage in my nose, and it doesn't last long. It's been getting better in the past couple days, though yesterday I almost left work early it was so bad. Hopefully all the rain will clear out the allergens and I'll feel better!
I'm deep into planning my Nanowrimo project for this year, and thinking of trying to make it a podcast. I've been listening to a lot of queer post-apocalyptic supernatural (and adjacent) podcasts lately, and I have some ideas.
And next month I'm driving up to the Mothman Festival! So excited for that! I'll also visit the Flatwoods Monster Museum, the Bigfoot Museum, and the Back of the Dragon, among other things.
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thevindicativevordan · 4 months
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Comics this week ?
Anonymous asked: Thoughts on Kneel Before Zod's first issue?
Apologies for the delay, caught a case of Covid I'm still recovering from.
Kneel Before Zod #1 - Loved it. McDaid's art evokes memories of the DCAU for me, and his style is fantastic when it comes to scifi concepts. Casey has a great approach to Zod here, his son is the hot headed conqueror who wants to force everyone to KNEEL immediately which forces Zod to be the adult and actually plan things out. Complicating things is the cosmic politics of the United Planets breathing down Zod's neck which I've been begging to see for ages. Bendis formed the United Planets out of pure optimism and almost immediately after everyone started deconstructing the hell out of them. Zod's philosophy that peace can only be assured through mutually assured destruction is exactly the kind of philosophical differences I've wanted to see explored between him and Superman. Kal believes you can unite everyone by appealing to their better natures, Zod believes you can unite everyone by terrifying them into submission. Ursa here is an interesting question mark - she's no less ruthless but maybe a touch softer where her son is concerned? Speaking of which, Lor getting banished out into the galaxy where he's forced to undergo a version of Jon's own trip through space is actually brilliant and I adore it. Sets Lor up as a contrast to Jon in a way where I actually want to see the two meet. Oh and for those who want to see some Injustice type violence, we get that. Normally I'm not a "feats" guy but I actually am eager to see Zod kick ass and claim some skulls for his trophy room. Glad to see Casey following up on that plot thread from Williamson's Batman/Superman run where Zod has half of the Kandorians and is working on curing them. Zod tapping into the planet's core for his super weapon makes me think this series will end with New Kandor being destroyed as a result of Zod's own hubris, but Zod will successfully revive the Kandorians and they will blame the United Planets for what happened/not supporting New Kandor as agreed, causing them to attack the United Planets in retaliation.
Superman '78: The Metal Curtain #3 - Think I get why this series isn't hitting as hard as the first. With Brainiac Venditti had a take that allowed him to position Brainiac as a foil for Superman, plus he had the Bottled City of Kandor to give Superman a new internal conflict. Here there's no new internal conflict for Supes and Metallo doesn't contrast well at all. The Soviets view Superman through the lens of being an American icon, but Superman himself isn't even aware yet about that being why they're targeting him. Hopefully Lex entering the fray spices things up.
Blue Beetle #5 - Will the twist be Victoria doesn't betray Jaime, because right now they're practically screaming what's coming in your face.
Fantastic Four #11 - North speed running his way through a topic that the X-Line has been dealing with since HoX/PoX, and doing a better job of it than the post Hickman X-Writers generally have in the bargain, is one of life's funniest twists. Glad that the kids are finally back.
Dr. Strange #11 - Teasing that maybe Strange and Clea will one day have a kid of their own? Or that they'll raise Donna full time? Could get behind either one of those.
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thewardenofwinter · 8 months
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Hi Morana!
How are you doing? How is the writing going, what are you up to?
Greetings Sam, thank you so much for this ask! I've been meaning to do a little update for a while and this gives me a perfect excuse lol
On life (tw for mentions of illness):
It's still very hectic at the moment which hasn't really allowed me time to pursue any creative avenues. I've been fighting off various illnesses since my younger brother started school because my immune system isn't used to all the germs he's around, including covid and strep, and on top of that there was a West Nile Virus outbreak in my state which my mom ended up catching and had to be hospitalized for a few days but she's doing a lot better now. We still have not found a place to live yet, but we managed to finagle two more months from our landlords to find a place since moving during the summer is damn near impossible when they rack up the prices and everything is being taken. There's also a lot going on in my more personal life that's left me quite stressed and lethargic. A little bright side though is that we also found two itty bitty stray kittens under a house and I had to take care of them for almost 2 weeks, but they ended up getting adopted which is great! They were both very cute gray tabbies like their mom, and they were technically my other cat Ivan's half-siblings. I've also got a queens of the stone age and hozier concert coming up soon which i am SO hyped for, my entire life has been In Times New Roman and Unreal Unearth for the past weeks.
On writing:
In the past few days, I've finally found some peace to write and draw some. I've been mainly focusing on The Resurrectioners and trying to get at least 50k words by the end of October. I've also been outlining The Stray Girls and trying to work on a cover in Photoshop (which i got recently totally legally, but i usually just use Clip Studio). I've sort of put What We Undertake on the backburner for now, it's not that i don't want to work on it or am burnt out, it's just that I'm not nearly as passionate about furthering the plot like I am with The Resurrectioners. I've sort of fallen into a hole of mythology and folktales about necromancy trying to learn more about the history behind its representation.
I've also gotten back into drawing now that I've actually had time to do so lol. Here’s some drawings I’ve gotten done recently!
(in order from left to right: Nazriya from The Resurrectioners, Circe from Give No Quarter, A quick sketch of Zekiah from The Resurrectioners, and a face study of Charlie Hunnam)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
I've also put off studying Russian for a month or so and am trying to get back into my one-hour-a-day studying routine I had previously which is taking a toll on me to be honest lol. I bought the Curse of the Pharaohs DLC for AC Origins and I've also started to play Assassins Creed: Liberation for the first time and so far I'm loving both. I can't believe some people say it's the worst installment. I'm working on Aveline fanart as we speak.
But yeah! There's a little update, I'm going to be posting some of my writing soon/doing a few tag games to get back into the groove of things so watch out for those. Thanks again Sam for checking up on me and sending the ask!
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graphicabyss · 2 years
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War Chronicles (reposted from Twitter)
Just thought I'd repost it here for posterity.
Day 1: There are bad mornings and then there's waking up to sirens because Russia invaded at 5 AM.
Day 2: Was woken up by sirens and had to hang out in the shelter, which is just an ancient basement. The capital is under siege. I've no idea what happens next.
I've left Kiev and staying at my sister's in the country where it's safer.
Day 4: We're all fine and optimistic. The Russians haven't managed to take any major cities and suffer heavy losses. They expected an easy win so they're in for a big disappointment. They're demoralized and running out of fuel and ammo. Shouldn't be long.
Day 7 of war. I'm fine, except I got sick, possibly with Covid. Spent a few days lying down but I'm better now. We're holding on well and it's nice the whole world applauds our resilience but we still very much need foreign assistance to win.
Day 9: I'm feeling much better but there are others who are more sick. It's relatively quiet here but the cities are still being bombed. There's no time to worry. We also make short informational videos and post them online to try to get through to Russians.
Day 10: We're mostly recovered but yesterday the water pump broke so we had to bring it from the well. The men finally managed to fix it now and I had a very luxurious shower. It's starting to feel like a new normal.
Day 14… I think… Time has somewhat lost its meaning now. Doing fine overall but the exhaustion is taking its toll. Normal life seems so distant, like a blissful dream.
Day 18: It's actually pretty hard to get depressed when you have a 6-year old who randomly leans in to you and whispers to your ear "karapupskin!!!" [s]
Day 19: The village I'm staying at is actually a great archeological site of one of the world's oldest civilizations. Right now many museum artefacts that are like 6,000 years old, books and documents are just lying randomly in the basement. [s]
We didn't go there for the artifacts though. We went to help the local women knit some military camouflage nets. I don't know if they will be any good but it felt good to be a part of this.[s]
Day 20: There's hope that war ends within a week or two since Russian forces have exhausted their resources, losing about a 1/3 of its army already. But each day is innocent lives lost.
The 6-year old loves to read and she reads everything she sees. You have to be careful though coz today she came over to me and bagan to read the headline on the monitor "As of today, 97 children have died in the war" I manged to scroll the page just in time.
The little one doesn't really seem to realize what is going on. Or so we thought. Today she hid from me and told me she teleported to Kiev. When I asked her what she was doing there, she said she killed all the tanks there so we can now go home.
Day 24: I feel more angry and upset than I ever was since the start of war. Our troops miraculously pushed the Russians away form the cities but we can't stop the planes and missiles. Our cites are being leveled. Burned to the ground. People are dying.
The West promised us help but they mostly sent old useless stuff. We badly need aircraft and anti-missile systems to fight back. The West won't give us any or only agrees to give it in exchange for something better. What's the use of NATO and UN if they just stand by and watch?
Day 31: It seems like Russian lost hope of capturing Kiev and focused on the East instead. Maryana (6 yo) with her family left for Kiev today but I decided to stay for longer and make sure it's safe.
Day 38: After 5 weeks in the country, I finally came home today. Hopefully, to stay. It's not 100% safe yet, but nowhere is right now. The road was long and every mile was secured with anti-tank "hedgehogs" and stoic men from the volunteer militias.
Day 40: The Northern front, including Kiev region, has been liberated. It brought relief but also immense pain at the horrors found there. Many people wonder how Hitler and his people managed to commit all the atrocities. This is how.
It's good waking up in your own bed. You can lie in bed for some time and pretend that everything was but a terrible dream.
Day 41: The first few days back home were a nervous wreck but turns out you can get used to things very quickly, even things like sirens several times a day, iron anti-tank hedgehogs outside your window, military men and women everywhere. It's all fine when you know you are 99% safe.
Day 49: The war is stalling but that's somehow even worse as the news all deal with the horrors found in liberated towns. Every day a new mass grave discovered, often just miles from here. Grief is a life state now. I knew humanity can get ugly but never so close to home.
Day 51: The infamous battle ship finally went where it was directed but it got them really pissed off, so we went from 1 siren a day back to 5. Whatever. The embassies who fled before the war even started are coming back and the "hedgehogs" beneath my window are gone.
Day 53: I'm not a military expert and I've never been patriotic, but with the stuff our army's pulling in the past 7 weeks, I'd expect NATO to beg us to enter. Especially considering they expected us to fail within days.
Day 62: Descended into the vault the other day. In the month we've been away, it hasn't changed much. The only additions were a lightbulb and crates with gas masks from I assume the WWII? Hopefully, we won't need them any more. [s]
Day 64: The situation is stable. Battles continue but we're holding our ground. The next few weeks will be decisive. All I hope for is that the besieged civilians will get evacuated, our army will handle the rest.
Spent over 2 hours bracing ourselves from the threat of air strikes. Two explosions were heard, several blocks away. Talk about a ruined evening.
Day 65: Wait, US… you can't give us 1 fighter jet but Taliban gets 78? That's lovely. [s]
Haven't listened to NEWS in weeks. Though uplifting songs is their thing, they're the "you can pass this test!" songs, not "you can survive this genocide!" type.
Day 71: After a few quiet days, it's now sirens for hours a day. The Russians target the railroads and supply lines and try to delay the delivery of the weapons from the West.
I tend to forget the pandemic is still going on. You see, here in Ukraine it ended on February 24. No more masks and mandates. Not a word of it. Thanks, Russia.
Day 73: Russia is poised to celebrate Victory Day so it could announce war and mobilization, claim the territory it already captured, attack Moldova, … idk nuke something? It's the world's shittiest lottery and I'm not sticking around to see the grand reveal.
Day 77: Nothing apocalyptic happened on May 9. It's almost disappointing, really. In the country, with all the bloom and without even the sirens, you tend to forget there's a war going on and it feels wrong. So I'm back home again.
Day 80: They say it's now a war of attrition. At best, we'll be able to counter-attack effectively in a month and it might take months more to reclaim our territory. The city is fairly safe but people still die from missiles once in a while. And I thought life was strange before.
The girl I was teaching Japanese before the war has become a refugee in France. Now I'm teaching her French.
Day 84: I had a dream where I was sitting on a bench with my mother at night, in an unfamiliar town, when missiles started falling right before our eyes, spreading fire, getting closer to us. We didn't run, there was no point. I prepared to die. They never reached us.
Day 87: Today is my birthday and the first to greet me today were Russian missiles announced by sirens. Thankfully, they were greeted in turn by Ukrainian air defence systems.
Day 90: It's been 3 months and the martial law has been extended to another 3 months. It's unlikely to end by then but… We just hope that 3 months from now, the war map will be a very different picture.
Day 92: The following month will be brutal, they say. The landlease will give us weapons but it can take a month or more for it to get here and another few weeks to get the training. Until then, it will just be more death and destruction every day without much gains.
Day 94: At least 30k Russian soldiers lost their lives trying to conquer my land. How many more?
Day 95: Today is City Day, the annual Kyiv festival. I totally forgot about it and I never really loved my city - it's messy and ugly. But today I'm just happy the city still stands.
"They are worse than the Nazis" is not a phrase you expect to hear from multiple elderly people, well, ever.
Day 101: at this point half my mind wants to forget about everything and pretend it's business as usual and the other half feels really guilty about that.
I wouldn't say interactions between people have changed much but these days when you make a deal at online shops, many wish you "a peaceful sky". And it's more than a pleasantry.
Day 102: Just when we started to feel safe, thinking the city's defence systems can hold any strike, 5 missiles crashed over the city. They were sent from the fucking Caspian sea, some 1,5-2k km away. No casualties, but then I think it was just a power move.
Day 106: I can recognize the voices of various military analysts mom is watching in the next room by now and I wish I didn't.
Day 111: Relatives in Russia say "Hope it ends soon." They don't get it. It never ends. Even if by some miracle the West gives us enough weapons and we push back, it won't end. This is just the beginning and there's no escape from it.
Day 112: If you listen to foreign politicians, you'd think we're getting a fuckton of weapons but we're not. It's just talk, stalling, more talk and more stalling. And here we're losing our best day after day.
Day 121: Yesterday we were granted EU candidate status. It's great news though right now it's hard to feel joy and gravity of the moment.
Day 122: "The Russians kept me up all night" got a whole new meaning lately. 48 fucking rockets...
Day 123: Woke up at about 6.30 from the swishing sound followed by explosion, 3 more followed. Today we met Russian "Caliber" missiles.
Day 134: After about 5 quiet days, 3 nights of terror. It's the world's shittiest lottery - every time it's over you're glad it didn't hit your city but wonder if someone died somewhere else.
One of the nation's favourite shows now is "interviews with Russian soldier captives". It's simply amazing how out of 200+ men, not one shot or shelled anyone. Every single one of them is a confused innocent bystander. It's tragic, really.
Day 141: Some days you can phase off the war, shield yourself and try to find some good. And days like today you can't. You just hurt, wondering how much longer? When will you wake up and not see reports of how many babies died from the shelling. When does this nightmare end?
Day 150: Poor UN leaders so proud of their historic deal, a diplomatic triumph. We knew better.
Day 155: Three alarms this morning, back to back, and one more at noon. The explosions were outside the city but I still heard them. A charming midsummer morning.
At night I try to escape to the world of adventure and magic and then I wake up to the world of destruction, murder, rape and torture.
Day 167: They really need to stop smoking near the air bases. Bad for tourism.
Day 181: Two national holidays in a row, which is practically asking Russia to shell the fuck out of us. Surviving the day feels a little too literal.
Day 182: Today is Ukraine's Independence Day. It also marks 6 months of the war. Russia made sure to congratulate us with massive shelling. How considerate. Never cared about the holiday but today I'm just glad we exist.
We survived another day. Except those of us who didn't. Alarms went off all day long, in some cities up to 14 times. I am so exhausted I barely function, sleep-deprived and nauseous. But there's nothing to do but keep going.
Day 183: The day went by quietly. No wonder, shelling a large country all day must be exhausting. Scumbags need rest too.
Day 187: We're counter-atacking! We're actually counter-fucking attacking for real! Blessed be the day. There is hope yet.
Day 195: Over 50k Russian soldiers died in these lands and I fear there shall be a lot more.
Day 197: We're taking it back. South and East, village by village we're taking our land back. I haven't felt this joyful in a long time.
Day 214: There has been some terrific news and some terrible as well. But what is clear is that the end is nowhere to be seen and that terrifies me.
Day 229: Woke up to missiles hitting the city centre. We thought we were safe here but looks like that was an illusions. There are massive strikes all over the country, perhaps the biggest in the war. Power outages and deaths.
Day 230: Another 5-hour alarm but Kyiv wasn't hit. It's light compared to the 84 missiles yesterday. Street lights are out at night for safety and saving energy. Hopefully, we won't have to resort to mass power outages.
Day 236: Not a boring day goes by. I already knew what missiles sounds like. Now it's fucking Iranian kamikaze drones. For the record, it's kinda like a deranged landmower that shoots fireworks.
Day 237: The government says to prepare for the worst. The power outages could get severe. That could mean no light, no water and no heating. Not to mention the internet. And here I thought it was bad.
I just want to skip to the part where Netflix makes a drama series about the war and foreign artists come here to make pretentious grungy videos.
Day 241: More massive strikes. Millions of people are left without power. I almost feel bad I haven't had any blackouts in recent days.
Day 250: Monday mornings are seldom pleasant but lately they became massive shelling days. Ukraine needs no Halloween. It's fucking scary every day.
Never thought I'd feel so privileged to have power and water and internet to keep my low-paying job. Though things can get worse any moment.
80% of people in the capital are without water, and many without power. Fuck this shit.
Day 252: You have to condition yourself to not mind the explosions without prior alarms. They are probably just planned detonations of the unexploded rockets. Probably.
Day 253: There's just one thing that is certain: no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse. Today a pipe broke in mother's bedroom, we were ankle deep in water. Spent 1,5 scooping in out with pans. Everything's wet now. Still, it could be worse.
Running around the apartment ankle deep in warm water is the closest thing I got to a holiday this year.
Day 257: Every day is a weird day these days. You think what to get for dinner but also what to do if the city's power grid is destroyed entirely.
Day 262: It started out as a lovely day. Now, alarms and more missiles on the way. And it was pretty expected. They wouldn't just let Kherson slide.
Day 265: One of the worst days of the war so far. The biggest shelling yet. 90 missiles and 10 drones. It was terrifying. And thing are gonna get even tougher. Electricity has become a privilege, not a given.
Day 269: It's been nearly 9 months and I'm the most anxious I've been. The constant stress pushed down the mental and physical health. And it's only bound to get worse. I still have power and heating but it could be gone any day and the winter hasn't even started…
Day 274: Another massive shelling yesterday left me without power for over 24h and partly without water. It seems the energy infrastructure is hanging by a thread and so does my health and sanity. Don't know how much more damage I can sustain. But what do you do?
It's weird living in power saving mode. Half the time half the city doesn't work. You make your way outside, trying not to break your neck in the dark in the snow only to find shops, pharmacies and post offices closed or semi-functioning.
Day 294: Woke up at 6.30 AM from a massive explosion close to us. It went on for 3 hours. Fucking drones. Thankfully, it seems like they're just debris and nobody died. Another lovely morning in town.
Day 296: Woke up to sirens and no power. Another 4 hours of massive shelling. Now there's no heating too. But it's not too bad. Kharkiv's infrastructure is basically destroyed. And I thought the week was going bad before…
Day 297: Another country-wide alarm. This time is was just cheap intimidation. Actually, very expensive intimidation. But you start to forget what peaceful mornings feel like.
Day 299: Waking up to explosions is really starting to get old.
Social anxiety is such a luxury. I used to have the "making a phonecall" kind once. Now it's mostly "I wonder if I'll get murdered in my bed by an Iranian drone" kind.
Day 300: 12 hours without power. Had a feeling my luck would run out eventually. And it can still get worse.
Day 301: I quit my job. It was a long time coming and felt natural, especially since the total blackout the next day. It was not sustainable among other things. Things keep getting harder but at least I won't have to worry about that anymore. Sure not gonna miss it. Can't decide what I hated writing more: Economist-worthy texts for $1.5 a piece or texts about Taylor Swift's cats while hearing explosions outside.
Day 302: It's Winter Solstice. I don't care about Christmas but this day is worth celebrating. It means we have survived the darkest day of the year.
Day 303: There are already over 100k dead Russians in the war. What a waste of lives. Meanwhile, we're bracing for another massive strike. Christmas seems like a fitting time for it.
Just learned that the Kyiv Trolleybus network is the largest in the world. Or was. The city decided to suspend it for now, along with the trams, to save power.
The city is crippled. My post office had power for just few hours in days so they couldn't do much. My local mini-market was cast in darkness, with confused employees escorting you with flashlights. Some shops have generators but only for light, not freezers. Normalcy is gone.
Day 305: Tried to get myself into a somewhat Christmassy mood but the sound of sirens drown my merry music.
This isn't the worst war the humanity has seen but it's the most public one yet. There has never been so much destruction and death so well documented. On the one hand, it's a good thing, but on the other, it makes it so much more painful to live through.
Day 309: Another waking up at 5 am to alarms. A generous 69 missiles from Russia. Most shot down but we heard probably the loudest explosion yet, even if not the most violent.
Day 311 (Dec 31): Generosity is giving when you have little left. Thanks, Russia, for your precious missiles. We appreciate the gesture.
Today there isn't much to celebrate and much to mourn. At least we survived another year. I don't expect 2023 to be good. I just hope it's a little less terrible. Happy New Year, world! I wish for you to never go through what we are facing every day.
Day 312: 32 drones over Kyiv. All shot down. Fuck Santa. Hail the military, utility workers, medics and rescue teams.
Day 320: Just when it seems like things might be getting better, a new enemy appears - a debilitating chronic condition that you thought long defeated. Have fun getting your body to function.
2022 was absolute horrible. And yet, somehow not the worst year of my life. There's no hell like the one that opens up inside of you.
Day 325: It's been quiet for over a week now but guess they made some more of those big blasty thingies because the day has not been fun so far.
Day 335: The past 2 weeks have been mostly quiet but there's no peace of mind whatsoever. I'm trying hard to recover and brace for things ahead but wounds don't heal, they fester.
Day 358: Got a little freaked out looking out the window tonight. It took a few seconds to comprehend what was off. Instead of the usual gaping darkness, the street is now lit. It feels too bright almost.
Got too cocky, I guess. At night 36 missiles were launched and now we have no water, none. We can't have good things. Oh, there goes another one.
Day 359: Trams and trolleys are back! The city is coming back to life again. But so are the shellings.
Day 362: People in the street were complaining about all the city centre being restricted. Turns out it's Joe coming to visit.
Day 366: It's been a year. I remember waking up to sirens but nothing else of that day. I only hope this anniversary is first and last.
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theghostpinesmusic · 2 months
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I've been traveling for a bit, so I haven't been watching any new shows, but I have a little catching up to do, so today I'm going to write at you about the 7/29/23 "Fuego"! From Arkansas!
As in "I'm in Arkansas right now," not "This Phish concert was in Arkansas," because it was in New York City, where all Phish concerts are now contractually held.
This was the second show of the summer MSG run, and it was just as good as the first. If I was being a neurotic Fandom fan, I'd say that the first show was a wee bit better because it had better paced-setlist, but I don't rate Phish shows anymore. I'm in recovery!
Anyway, the first set of this show has a freaking excellent, bliss-jammed version of "Down With Disease" as well as a well-placed "Bug," cleanly-played versions of Trey bugbears "Sugar Shack" and "Foam," and closes with a barn-burning version of "Moonage Daydream."
The second set is anchored by the "Fuego," for sure (it's thirty minutes long, as we'll get to), but also has a great post-jam landing pad in "Oblivion," a great ballad tune in "Wingsuit," and a weird and wonderful take on "2001" that melts into some Fishman shenanigans toward the end of the set.
In short and as usual, it's all good, but Phish saw fit to post the "Fuego" online, and I like writing about music a lot but not enough to talk about the whole show in detail, so we're gonna focus on that.
"Fuego," for any uninitiated, is from the same-titled 2014 album, which, like most latter-day Phish albums is weirdly paced but also full of good songs that get shit on because they weren't written in the 90s. "Fuego" in particular is a great example of a post-breakup Phish tune that contains lots of the proggy twists and turns fans say they want to hear in the new tunes, but it often gets poo-poo'd anyway because it isn't literally "You Enjoy Myself" or "Divided Sky."
I like it a lot. It's a fun composition that throws a lot of different ideas out there and, like the best Phish tunes, stitches them together seamlessly. Everyone gets moments to shine, but to me "Fuego" is primarily a Jon Fishman showcase.
Since there are a lot of instrumental passages built into this one, it can be hard for the non-fan to figure out what's composed and what's improvised, so, for your reference, the song proper runs up through 5:15.
From there, we start with what I'd call a typical outro, following the song's chords and Trey playing variations on the song's main melody in a grungy blues tone. While this isn't immediately that exciting, the lights sure are. I seriously can't get over this rig, even just watching from home.
Things start to get a little weirder right before 7:00, when Trey changes his tone to something spacier and chunkier (I think of this as one of his quintessential post-COVID tour tones). It's not until 7:45, though, that we really start to break away from the song entirely. Here, Page adds some synth droning, and Fish starts playing a more complicated beat. Trey reprises the "Fuego" melody a few more times, not entirely letting it go yet, but you feel the band starting to launch.
At 8:35, Trey starts chording instead of solo, and we're off to the races. The lights seems to respond in kind.
Even though we're in a much jauntier, abstract space by 9:15, thanks mostly to Trey and Page's playing, I appreciate that Trey still takes a minute to reprise the "Fuego" melody again, reminding us where we came from.
There's a really gorgeous section of Trey and Page interplay starting at 9:45. Fish and Mike do a great job of filling in the edges here but not getting in the way as the other two play off of each other. This leads into a really upbeat, unique jam section. Mike's bass eventually takes on a sort of droning quality that encircles the jam and holds it in place for a bit.
At 11:20, Fish changes up the beat, and the band moves toward something with a little more form to it. By 11:45, it's Trey and Mike that are playing off of each other, while Page has moved over the clav. For a minute here, it's hard for me to tell which is the guitar and which is the bass, Trey's guitar is so wonderfully distorted.
They come out of the distortion in a bit more of a traditionally Phish-y space, and though Trey seems to struggle playing what he wants to be playing here briefly, it's a nice section of the jam anyway. Fishman's drums remind me a bit of "Manteca," and I found myself singing the lyrics while I was watching this live. The rest of the band seems to lock on to the "Manteca" feel, and we get a jam that highlights Page's piano and Trey's...robot guitar (?) in equal measures.
I didn't pick up Mike's playing on this too much when I watched the whole show because of the mix on the webcast, but I can hear him a lot better now through my headphones and he's a much bigger part of the sound of this jam that I realized before. As usual. Go Mike!
Around 17:15, Trey switches from his murky tone to the quintessential sharp, clear Phish tone and proceeds to absolutely rip a solo. He and Page have another great moment of chemistry here, and though Fishman's initially introduce some tension with the feel-good soloing, eventually he and Mike help power Trey and Page to some major-key fun.
At 19:05, the band engages in some stop-start jamming, which is always good for a few "Woo!"s from the crowd. At 19:35, though, Trey jumps right back into playing smoothly, and leads the rest of the band into what sounds to me for all the world like a "Golden Age" jam. I wondered the first time and again now if they were originally planning to go into "Golden Age" here (I'm not-entirely-but-mostly-sure it's in the same key and everything). Regardless, Mike is an absolute beast out in front of this part of the jam while everyone else is adding some fantastic accents.
To clarify, I am not sad that this jam does not turn into "Golden Age": this section is amazing, and reminds me of some of my favorite dark, funky jamming from the early 2000s, post-hiatus.
It feels to me (again, not a music theory guy) that Trey throws out a key change at 23:28, which changes the feel of the jam again, moving us toward a more uplifting space. Page switches to the piano, Fishman simplifies the beat to something a bit more rock-and-roll, and Mike...well, Mike just keeps doing his Mike thing. Which is fine. It feels though like the band is rounding the bend on the space exploration that has been this jam here, though, and heading back to the barn. If I'm not mistaken, this new section of the jam is in the original key of "Fuego," so we're musically as well as existentially back at home base. Pretty sure Page teases the "Fuego" melody a few times here.
Of course not content to just roll to the finish line, the band takes one last foray into space around 26:30, with Trey moving to the octave shifter and the music becoming...circular? I'm not sure what you'd actually call it, but it's great and the lights are insane. I feel like I'm at EPCOT Center in the 80s. It's these sudden, brief-but-intense forays into different soundscapes that makes me love post-COVID Phish so much (among other things). A show (or a run of shows) with so many of these little moments would have easily been in the conversation for show of the year between 2009 and 2019, but now it's just sort of seen as "normal." I hope it never stops making me as happy as it does now.
Brilliantly, Trey signals the return to "Fuego" at 28:08, at which point, watching live, I remember standing up from the couch and literally pumping my fist at the TV in joy. For the next minute or so, the band expertly weaves the previous jam and the "Fuego" melody in and out of each other as the music ever so slowly winds down. Ultimately, the jam/song lands perfectly in "Oblivion," though, unfortunately, the stand-alone YouTube video cuts off before you get to hear it.
It's wild to listen to this again and immediately think that if this had been a jam at, say, a 2014 or 2018 show, it would likely have automatically been seen as the jam of the year. Here, in 2023, it's just one of many such performances I've already seen in the first four shows of this seven show run, and is probably outclassed by at least a few jams from the band's December MSG run (as well as the recent 2024 Mexico run that I haven't listened through yet). It's a crazy time to be getting back into Phish, and it's moments like these that have me thinking about making the drive out to Denver this summer for the first time since 2017 to see them play for four nights.
Anyway, more from summer 2023 soon!
FUEGOOOOOOOOOOO
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thesocialgremlin · 2 months
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I've been meaning to sit and write a proper post for a while. I am so exhausted with life. I'm so tired of being alive in this era. Why should I have to earn a living when I'm alive? Why am I slaving my life, my body, my hopes, my dreams, my relationships, everything and anything that ever mattered to me. Why indeed?
My dad slaved away, but at least he could sustain his wife and three kids. Meanwhile, most people my age have to put in the same effort, just so they can afford a roof to starve under. And why? All so some rich asshole can have more money than they can even conceive?
Since Covid "ended", the cost of life skyrocketed. I've been working in the retail industry, different places since then. Retail prices used to be cost plus 30, 35%. Now, it's cost plus 40, 50, 80% on lower priced items. And why?
I can assure the wages haven't changed. What has changed is record breaking numbers every fucking quarters. Management going off on extravagant meetings outside of this forsaken country. I'm trying so hard to survive, to get by, working for these people who waste wealth when their people desperately need it.
I'm so over it, my hands are shaking as I type. They could have their fancy meeting in a fancy hotel in the city. Instead, they flaunt hundreds of thousands to get their ass down South while leaving the baseline staff to handle affairs.
Mind you, affairs seem to run hella smoother without management than it would if even one or two of the baseline stepped out for a day.
We don't need them to do our job, but they need us to make their money. They tell us it's like a family, and they treat us like it; work hard, go above and beyond, all day, every day. Do it all, we'll give you a pat on the back. A freebie you never asked for to make you feel better. Anything but pay you and treat you with human dignity and respect. The same dignity and respect we DESERVE because we are ALIVE and we are PEOPLE.
The world is broken.
I never wished for anything extravagant; If I were living on my terms, I'd happily live in a small shack, working part time in a cafe, dedicating myself to all the writing and reading and researching and adventuring my soul craves.
Instead, I'm caught grinding my soul away. My life beating to the rhythm of a business shamelessly exploiting me. My hopes and dreams to live my own life wither as my government choses to wage war on vulnerable children instead of fixing any real problems.
All I wanted was to live a peaceful life and make art. I had no agenda but to live my life. Now, I have to fight for the life stolen from me, so the next generation may yet see a better world.
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mitigatingacademics · 4 months
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{12.25.23}
Merry Christmas, friends. 🎄
This year truly reminded me why I enjoy working the holidays.
Despite baking copious cookies, offering up Party Perks full of slow cooker hot cocoa (they're not made for that...have you ever tried to clean one after it's been used for something it's not made for? 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣) and dressing like an elf for the past four Christmas Eves, it's been hit and miss.
In 2020 we only had two trains and half the crews due to Covid furloughs. Last year we were blasted by winter weather so severe that I came back from my annual December vacation (for baking) to 3 nights without trains and finally, at least, 2 on Christmas Eve.
Last year's (workplace) Christmas was even harder than 2020's, to be honest. With the Covid cuts we knew what to expect. Fav co-worker was at a down-line station and we sent each other gifts on the train. One of my favorite Conductors was furloughed -- I actually took her gift to her house and got to see her extensive Christmas village set-up and gorgeous real tree. We adjusted.
Last year's arctic blast was unanticipated (at least beyond a few days out) and we were left, more or less, with our hands tied as to options and little else to do but apologize and feel bad.
To put it into perspective -- this year's company official ugly sweater says 'Getting You Home For The Holidays' ...which is exactly what we were NOT doing last year. 😔
This year, fully staffed and 60 degrees (which I admit I also complained about a bit, but...less -- the sweet spot is, failing a dusting of our own, being able to chisel a piece of a white Christmas off the New York train and hold it in your hand -- I'm not kidding, see below from my first Christmas at this station 😂 ) spirits were festive and good times were had.
It felt right and I'm very grateful.
White Christmas 2018 be like:
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Favorite and most meaningful gifts this year include:
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From Mom (selected by me).
I also received two books by Rachel Maddow and a whole-ass desk situation (I've needed a desk for so long, I can't wait to get everything put together and arranged!).
When Jamie's book arrived:
Mom: Who is Jamie Raskin?
Me: He's a Congressional Representative from Maryland. ... He was on the J6 Committee.
Mom: Of course he was. 🤦🏻‍♀️
Me: He's also an incredibly intelligent and articulate professor of Constitutional Law? 🤷🏻‍♀️😂
Dad gave generously in the form of gift cards, several of which are for Amazon and will undoubtedly go towards more books.
You can never have too many books. 📚
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From fav co-worker.
I'm no longer holding a (selfish and inappropriate) grudge against her for bidding off the regular that had us working together 3 nights a week. She had her reasons and, as I told her the first time she brought it up (though it took a hot second to get over myself and actually mean it 🤦🏻‍♀️😂); I hope it helps in the way she thinks it will.
Even when we're not working together multiple nights a week, she still knows me better than just about anyone these days. These items are just a few from a huge bag of individually wrapped thoughtfulness.
I love Harry Potter in Dutch more than I could possibly explain.
Once I get through the Feb. LSAT (decided we're sticking with that one, for better or worse -- last night and tonight are the first nights since my last real post that I haven't spent at least an hour with Brad Barbary 😂), I want to get back to practicing Dutch (and French) for more than just keeping my Duolingo streak alive.
Inspiring Women Fisher-Price Little People edition is equally amazing. I'd never even seen this set (and I love it!) but also, I now have a 'collection' of these items so the next time Amazon tries to sell me the Sanderson Sisters or Golden Girls I don't have to worry about starting yet another collection. ...it was done for me! 🤣
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It goes without saying that Sweet Liz telling the world, in a best-selling memoir which will undoubtedly be instrumental in the way that she's remembered far into the future, that the GOP is led by morons, is one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given.
Beyond my unending appreciation for the commendable sass with which Liz so articulately expresses herself, I am truly and seriously so grateful for the time and effort she put into not only the things that she's done, but the book she wrote about it.
I was asking for a book before its existence was announced, it had a great deal to live up to in my mind, anticipation aside, and it went above and beyond. Full review to follow (I'm almost done with my notes).
I have an incredibly blessed life and I am very grateful.
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ezekieltobiasfletcher · 6 months
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"Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you."
— Carl Jung
Sonofabitch. It's true. Things are okay in my relationship with my partner, but I'm really working this year to not let my "-isms" overwhelm them. Living in our COVID bubble for a couple years exposed some ways how my anxiety/depression/adhd can put an undue burden on my partner, and I'm working my program to better handle that shit. Things with my "sister" (chosen family whose been in my life for a loooong time) have been complicated lately. While I know that if the chips were down, she'd be there for me in a heartbeat, but there's been a growing list of things that I can't talk about with her for the time being. If I push too much, she'll go radio silent, and that won't be good for either of us. It sucks, but this is just a period of time where she needs me more than I need her, and that's okay. I've had much healthier boundaries with her since I actually started working my program, and that did wonders for our relationship. Still... I've lost her as my everyday, random thoughts/fears/OMG-i-need-to-share-this-with-someone-or-I'm-a-gonna-explode, bestie. The only two other people I have after that are my sponsor, who has long since become a trusted friend, and my therapist, or as I have been jokingly referring to her as, my bi-weekly rent-a-friend. I can't shell out more $$$ for therapy, and while my sponsor is an awesome human being who I feel safe with telling my deepest thoughts to, he and I are just different enough that I don't see us doing more than having coffees and going for walks and bike rides. So, as my overall mental health continues to ebb and flow on an excruciatingly slow yet upward trajectory, I've been pouring my "loneliness" into Tumblr lately. It's a safe place for me since I don't share it with people IRL (like my other social media feeds except reddit), and frankly, Tumblr has always felt like a safer place for LGBTQ+ people, and people who have to work harder at their mental health that all the "normies" take for granted every day. (I swear to the gods, if one more normie gives me toxic positivity vibes, I may have to finally smash my happy-go-lucky mask once and for all and just let it rip. Okay... I'm still too much of a people pleaser to do that, yet. Fuck.) Frankly, I need to find another meeting or an Adult ADHD support group. Not that I can't say what I feel in my home meeting, but the group decided to keep it an electronic meeting after the mask mandates were lifted. I had last Friday off for Veteran's day, and my sponsor invited me to a meeting he goes to during the day. The topic was exactly what I needed, I shared from a depth of my heart that I haven't in a while (I didn't realize I was holding back subconsciously because I wasn't consciously aware that was fearful that someone in my house may overhear me even though I close the door during my e-meeting), and I talked with a person in the parking lot of the church after the meeting for almost as long as the meeting itself. I haven't done that since before COVID, and I haven't had that post-meeting pink cloud feeling in a long time. I guess I need an in-person meeting. So, where do I go from here? Well, I need to search. I am committing to myself that I will find a list of meetings/support groups, and start trying them after the holidays. I have way too much going on between work and the ramp up to the holidays. If I'm not careful, and I try to solve all my problems too soon, this motivation will blow up in my face. I'm not desperate. I am not alone. I'm only feeling a tinge of loneliness every now and then, but always at the worst time with a low mood. One step at a time, one day at time.
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warriorofteaching · 8 months
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Coming to Teaching
Here's a quick (I swear, I promised it was going to be quick until I started typing) sweet introduction: I'm an educator. Over the past 5 or so years I've worked in a few different educational settings including organizing sessions on corporate training, digital media safety, and teaching kids to code. Notice what's missing? I haven't been a teacher.
I graduated from my teaching program a few years ago in a big metropolitan city and lucked out getting a part time job teaching options at a charter school. How'd I get so lucky? I happened to be a graduate from the illustrious school many, many years ago. Maybe we'll talk about that spicy experience another time.
During that year of part-time teaching, COVID hit. Oh baby. As you can imagine, teaching jobs got even harder to find (despite constant news articles proclaiming a shortage of teachers). The charter school chose not to renew my contract because hey, with COVID, a part time options teacher isn't you main priority. Besides, see the aforementioned spicy experience for later. I wasn't interested in sticking around either.
This was at least half a decade ago so why am I bringing it up now in this first post? Like any good writer, I need to set the scene. I'm an English teacher and writer (duh) by the way, not an options teacher. See, this experience, along with many throughout my tumultuous non-existent teaching career, have turned me off from being a classroom teacher for many years.
Yet it's the thing I always come back. I honestly don't know why that is. I've wanted to be a classroom teacher ever since I was a kid. Since I had amazing teachers be role models in my life replacing my absent parents. In my weaker moments, I wonder if I want to be a teacher because it's the only thing I've known. It's the thing I've wanted since I was a kid and it's what I chased (and ran away from) for many years. I also wonder if it's because it's the only thing I've ever really felt good at. I can talk and connect with youth. I'm (somewhat) good at literary analysis so combine all those things and what do you get? An English teacher who can't make up his mind!
Over this five year sabbatical from being a classroom teacher, I've explored different educational opportunities both as a teacher and a student. I have the aforementioned teaching experiences but I also explored what would be necessary to become a video game writer? Or a project manager? A digital music composer or a digital media artist? I'm here so obviously none of those panned out. It does occasionally leave me wondering: if I was younger, if I hadn't been so focused on teaching and stumbling my way through it, would those have been a better fit for a career path? It's naturally compounded by the added complication of: I've thrown a tremendous amount of time, effort, and money into running away becoming a classroom teacher. I'm getting to an age where I can't really afford to explore other career paths anymore.
So here's the plan (TM). Teach in Canada for two years then strike out as an international teacher and explore the world (mainly Japan and maybe Scandinavia. We'll get to that story). Before you get excited about figuring out who I am, I am not a world traveler or explorer of different civilizations. I've spent my entire life in one city (minus the past two days. We'll get there). I've never left the country and I've only travelled across the country twice. And I'm old. So why do I want to suddenly become an international teacher? The short version is I have a lot of baggage in Canada I'd like to leave behind. The long version deserves another post.
Dang, I think that's long enough for a first post. You'd think as a writer I'd learn to be succinct but ya know what, streaming consciousness is a great starting place for any writer. Especially if you're reflecting on your own experiences because if you filter yourself, if you try to organize your thoughts to fit on a page, a lot of that critical, interesting reflection vanishes. Guess this wasn't long enough for a first post.
One final thing (lol). If you're wondering about the title of the blog or the post, it's a reference to a game where the main character is the Warrior of _ _ _ _ _. The game I will play until I fucking die.
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lpfreakification · 9 months
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Unorganized thoughts?
1. Felt quite on top of things during work tonight to make up for being lazy all week. Either that or hormones. Blaming period XP
2. Doodled during work felt good, too. I doodled another (human) Dratica head that made me realize that I need to practice drawing heads again. Tried to remember my proportions on the next doodle. Almost elongated the face again 😅 Lastly, doodled from a nicely rendered face of Cloud. Got the head/face shapes right, but the eyes = yikes? Could've done better on the eyes, ngl.
3. Made me feel nostalgic about how I used to draw from pictures on my PSP so often X3 (I miss it)
4. Summers this decade have been quite eventful.
2020 = COVID-19 Pandemic
2021 = Chris' gaming lovestreams + the start of my KH journey XD
2022 = online drawing sessions + shiny watercolors
2023 = successful summer plans >X) (+ Gensin)
5. The Void... what was once a dark hole where lost words go. Now, don't need it anymore :)
6. Thinking about doing the ReCoded finale b4 the semester starts on Sept 6th or closer to the date 🤔 That way, I can get Peli done in time.
7. So glad I'm not going to the beach tomorrow. It's usually an uncomfortable time bcuz of the heat, mosquitos, feeling worse about my belly in a bathing suit, the sand 🙃, ofteb awful timing bcuz of period, socializing XP, + not fond of going in the water (hydrophobic maybe?).
8. If DaArk's human name were to be Derrick, what would Dratica's human name be? 🤔 One time in Acting for Animators, one classmate thought he'd look like a "Blake." Dumbfounded, + yet, it's been lingering in my head since.
9. I wanna add some chub to some OCs so I can feel better about my belly 😖
10. Elephant :P I wanna draw an elephant?
11. I'm honestly don't like my phone's camera for taking pics of my doodles. I feel like they come out blurry no matter how many times I try to focus. That's the main reason for the lack of uploading doodles on IG X( I'll figure this out eventually XP
12. I pretend to be a viewer reading this. I ask myself, "Is this interesting?" Sometimes. Like a pen that writes, but then skips or like a light bulb burning bright but dims, flickers, or glows again.
13. I'm feeling more conscious about the top of my back + the back of my neck. Conscious of how I recline, how I lay in bed (side sleeper, i am), slouching, + bending over to doodle (to the point my whole face is up close to the paper 🙂).
14. Ew. My mind's imagining how much heavy breathing I've done while I painted. *thinks back to the last one I made* 😐 Thank goodness I did not get covid! (Maybe I did but didn't know).
15. Quite the physical toll on me this year. From January to March, I went to the gym. But wasn't feeling it + would feel quite sickly (like sneezing, constant runny nose, + got stomach flu for the 1st time?). From late March to early June, sitting on my butt for 2 months straight, doing two two-minute animations for a semester. It was such a wise decision to leave my main day job bcuz that was a lot of work for those animations. Noticed gray hairs for my bday. (I'm a 29yo lady!) Got super lazy after the semester until late June. Went back to kickboxing. July was a better productive month. Currently, August, where my period's sucking up my energy. Nah, I'm just being lazy again?
It's 11:48 pm + I can feel myself drifting off to sleep. Imma end it here. If they're going to the beach + the weather is favorable, then I can go out to the backyard to do something.
Nite yall!
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(OMG, I FOUND MY FAVORITE GIF AGAIN!)
(It's the "dreamplz" gif from DeviantArt)
(I used to end my posts w/ this gif all the time + I miss this so much 😭)
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jasmiiine · 1 year
Note
🐣🐨🦔🐢🐄🐸🐧🦭
DID YOU LIKE MY COUNTDOWN!? That was fun! I had fun. That was actually more fun than I thought it would be! There were too many good posts to name. It was very fun reading all your comments and theories.  Though side note: animal anon has no problem with people joining her BUT it must be animals and it must not mess with my countdown. No statues! Animal anon does animals, not statues. Side side note: can someone settle the debate of if that emoji is a hedgehog or a porcupine? Because I have no idea. Side note side note side note: sorry if you got multiple asks in a day...my system isn't perfected yet so sometimes I send two (or three) because I forgot I sent one and didn't want to accidently miss anyone (also sorry if i did miss you, still perfecting the system, no one has been animal anon blacklisted, i promise!)
Anyway, GUESS WHAT TODAY IS!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 It's been one year since I started animal anon! How exciting is that?! Phew, what a year we've had together! I mean what better way to start this second year than some chaos since that's how animal anon started to begin with! I will admit, it was slightly stressful coming up with something to meet the occasion of this event. I hope the countdown and this post live up to it. No, I'm not going to reveal myself just yet.. maybe that will be for year 2...😏😏. BUT I will give you some fun facts about me! So let's see; first, I'm from the Midwest (so not Canadian, but close so I do have a slight accent), but I currently live in the TriState area. Second, I am a MASSIVE theater nerd. No, seriously I have been to 21 shows since Broadway reopened in September and I'm actually going to my 22nd tonight. I don't know if this makes that fact better or worse, but I've really only been to about 12 different show because out of those 22, 10 of those are one specific show. Third, I am fluent in German and English. Though, I suck at writing in German, I never learned how to, so don't ask me to do that please. Fourth, my favorite color is red, so you can guess my favorite Taylor album (and coincidently also the show I've been to see 10 times on Broadway...). Fifth, I love to talk A LOT if you couldn't tell by the essays I send yall. And lastly, I can also confirm I am not Taylor...but I will say that I do share something very important with her... tell me your guesses down below as to what very important thing you think Taylor and I have in common, and I'll send some extra animals to whomever I see gets it right first!
So contuining on with my dissertation here, this week I have been trying to figure out a prompt to live up to this occasion. As I already mentioned, my system isn't perfect! And I've been thinking a lot about community lately and how that's been lacking for so many because of Covid. So what I want yall to do is if you get this dissertation of mine, please send a message, post, anon, whatever you want to at least 1 other blog (though you can do more), telling them something you like about them and giving them an animal emoji! That way we can keep spreading the love all day long to as many as possible! 🥰
As always, you are all brilliant, kind, worthy, beautiful and as this past week has shown, hilarious and unique human beings. No seriously, some of your posts had me kneeling over in laughter. If you would so like, you can tag #animalanon so I and everyone can read all your lovely posts! IM STARTING EARLY TODAY SO WE CAN PARTY ALL DAY LONG BECAUSE I LOVE YALL SO MUCH 🎊 🦥🦁🐯
amazing
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chelleztjs18 · 1 year
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Hello you mrs. archer in training, baseball playing, lady that still has to finish writing her dark fiction lefty eyebag. 😅
I think I'm slowly getting better. I've been having runny nose, coughing, aches in my body, the migraines. I've been taking medicine though, but still feel like crap.
How are you today? Any exciting plans?
Also, from the last last post.. I work at home, answering phone calls. Right now, since the department is new, it's really boring and not getting a lot of customers in. It should pick up soon, hopefully.
Not sure if ube and taro is the same hahaha I just know ube is the purple one.
The Corrs... I haven't heard of them in a long time. I like Lady Antebellum too. What's your favorite song by them?
Do you make new years resolutions?
-CuriousGeorge
Hello hello sickly right eyebag.. thats all i can say compared what u called me.hahaha.
Thats a good news that u r getting better.. n oh no! That doesnt sound good at all..have u got covid test yet?
Im okay.. i woke up with baaaaaad baaad alergy that cough like crazy n even my asthma attacked me n my throat was closing up so i had to hurry up n grab my allergy medicine in the cabinet. It has been a while my asthmatic allergy attaked me. It was because the wind was sooo hard last night, blew in the ashes in thr fireplace n i gues also blew the christmas tree pollen every where in the house.. so we deep clean the house to clean the ashes n pollen.
I dont have any plan for today..just enjoying the day n writing if i can. Was gonna put up the tarp for my archery, so it can catch up the arrows if i miss it but we found that we need extra plank or pole to hang it better so we'll wait until we get one. My target stand wont be here until next week anyway. 😁
Ah okay.. well at least u work from home.. do u like it better to work from home?or u like to work in office better?
How was ur day? N what did u do today?
Ah i see.. i think taro is purple too... im gonna google it.haha.
Yeah The Corrs is pretty old band. Well, remembering our age range is getting up there 😅🤣
I dont know much about Lady Antebellum songs but everytime i enjoy a country song i heard, it turns out to be their song.hahaha.
But there r two of their songs that i really like. "Need You Now" and "Just A Kiss" . I try to not listen to those song anymore because it reminds me of my ex gf. 😅 it was kinda two of our songs together especialy Just A Kiss
No i havent really thought of some resolutions. I know i would reorganize my tumblr,get all my requests done, n maybe write for Florence Pugh n Yelena.. (maybe) 😁
What about u?
Cheerio?
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