I have been painfully busy this week but this is a driveby post to update you on my status as a late stage Singto girlie. (Or Singto old womanie..) I am watching SOTUS and Shadow concurrently. 6 episodes into each. Here are my most important feelings: - Shadow is excellent and thought-provoking and filling the DFF hole in my life, but the most exciting FOR ME development was when Dan got stoned and fucked that shadow. Like good for him. His evil Catholic school trying to indoctrinate him into treating it like a figment of his imagination and repressing it into nothingness and instead, with the help of a little mary jane, he just went ahead and fucked that shadow. I was so proud of him. - I don't want to say anything too controversial about SOTUS because I'm watching it for the History and I'm highkey aware that eight years of discourse about the series that launched Thai BL into a phenomenon is not something to wade into ill-prepared. NONETHELESS I will recklessly share that, at least in these early episodes, Kong seems like he's unconsciously searching for a dom, and just really really excited to meet someone who gives him orders and publicly humiliates him and makes him feel small and striving. As a freak sub who used to read hazing stories in teen magazines as wank fodder I feel him, but I do hope Art actually has it in him to fill that need. It already feels a bit like Art is the one who is gonna get dommed in the end, and I mean good for him but ALSO I hope Kong can get his needs met and not just take care of everyone else all the time. Thank you for coming to my uninformed Ted Talk I should have kept to myself til I finished the series.

Never mind, sayali showed me your instagram and i realised how cruel you’ve been all this time

thinking about how the first time I saw an older gay couple in real life. it was my cousin, not all that much older than me, just 10 years or so, and his partner - who was only ever referred to by his name, no title to signify their relationship whatsoever, sometimes maybe as a friend. but. they were adults with jobs and an apartment and cats. they were both invited over for sunday dinners, holidays. his partner brought paints and kid sized easel for my cousin's nice and help her figure it out (acrylics! none of that baby stuff).

god, i couldn't stop staring. i wasn't even that young, 17 i think, i've already figured out my own queerness, i strongly suspected my cousin's. i've seen queer couples on the internet, watched youtube channels of happy, queer couples with jobs and houses and pets and kids. and yet. and yet. i could not stop staring. wide eyed. silent. awkward. i could feel everyone glancing at me, i could feel my aunt watching me but i couldn't stop staring.

because yes, i've seen all this beautiful queerness from all over but it was never this real. in my country. in my, especially conservative, region. in my family. mine.

i keep trying to describe this feeling and the only word rattling around in my brain is: visceral

i keep thinking about it and about how, mere two years later, i went to a wedding at the other side of the family with my girlfriend. and how my cousin, not all that younger than me, just 8 years or so, kept staring

i have SO many things to say about my blorbos

I’m very normal I got the Shinji dlc for p3 dancing and went and listened to every single voice line individually multiple times. Because I’m normal

just watched the school for good and evil and SOME NETFLIX WRITERS ARE ABOUT TO GET A VERY STRONGLY WORDED EMAIL TONIGHT BECAUSE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS THAT

the tumblr pirate poll drama going rn is sooo funny but its like. so annoying because its literally the whitest argument u can make like

"we dont live in a perfect world so you cant be critical of racism in tv shows if those shows also have gay people. you cannot afford to be picky when it comes to allies right now so please stop saying mean things about the show i like or else i cant really be an ally with you. the racism in the show would stick out more (to me, a white person) if there was less racism in the world overall. but as there isnt i think its fine actually."

and this is because of a tumblr poll. youre mad a character you put in a tumblr poll won against another character in a tumblr poll.

I keep thinking about the mechanics for how to make kazumaji happen outside of adrenaline fuelled lovemaking , like obviously majima isnt going to solicit him for an actual relationship because whatever they have going on is already more than he expected to get because majima isnt a wanting man he gets dealt his hand then he plays (plus hes waiting for someone else , he cant leave and have his story end with kiryu , they both know this) , kiryu isnt a wanting man either i mean not for his love life but you know this guy fights like hell to get what he wants. He doesn’t exactly have a problem pulling girls but its the commitment after thats the issue , he always has someplace to be thats not here no matter how suave and charming he is youre gonna be wondering why he ghosted you for three years then find out he just got released from prison the point is that he doesnt follow through. Once youre done with him then youre done and very rarely is he gonna come back (unless he wasnt actually done with you). Majima offers to help him out in osaka and kiryu says no no no see ive left you behind i have to live this next chapter of my life properly now , without you. He has this inability to understand that people want to spend time with him thats not him helping them / repaying him a favour / working together to achieve a common goal. You literally cant assume he’ll be around you really have to cling tight or he’ll find some reason to fuck off and by then you cant even ask him to stay because Shit is it a good reason. Y0 nishiki got so so fucking close to showing kiryu he didnt need to have any redeeming qualities for people to like hanging out with him. He didnt need to be fun or like to party or entertaining at all , just him sitting quietly on a nearby barstool and maybe clapping along is enough to make his night fun as hell. Im sure kiryu realises that he can be distant and lack initiative , im sure this self awareness has convinced him that hes an undesirable long term romantic partner , and majima fucking up big time with mirei also forces him to internalise the fact that hes not a good partner either. So the two of them have to really really Really want something to start it because otherwise theyd be gracefully and expertly sidestepping any mention of commitment , pirouetting around the word “partner”, assuming they’ve made things clear when no discussion had taken place. They dont figure it out because its obvious to everybody thats not them, all the thinly veiled offers to be useful to each other, the leaning forward when they speak to each other , the open mouthed kisses with tongue , they want each other. More than one time , more than This... but how does one communicate something they havent realised yet ...

have just realized I'm literally incapable of watching the lucia scene without wanting to cry because I really can't watch both of them on the verge of tears and be okay

I lied

Agghhhhhhh sorry for boy posting again but today I learned he was a theater kid AND played trumpet in high school. Everything I learn about him makes me a little more down bad for him.

also edited to add so i dont spam posts again tonight. but today was fucking nuts. i worked for 2.5 hours and i was like holding myself up with equipment and trash cans and trying not to fall asleep or throw up. and then all that stuff happened with my food eng exam and i hung out with my two friends for like 4 hours and got a job and yeah. wacky day. i was nauseous the whole time and barely awake but good day

i fucking forgot what my chemistry test was gonna be about..

im so tired dude i cant-

.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

-🔥

Awwww thanks for also including the question in the ask mysterious fire emoji nonny you're so thoughtful and considerate and helpful—

💝 what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

In general? All my shin megami tensei (smt) v fics lmao I largely expected them to be ignored since the fandom is so small but nope they've done as well as my fics typically do

Ygo specific? Mean Girls for sure again also expected it to be largely ignored but nope it also did better than expected and it even got fanart!!! Which I still love and still have with me lmao

🤲 What do YOU get out of writing?

Lots of things actually: an outlit for when I feel overwhelmed by my emotions, self-expression, also an additional thing to bond with my friends about if I want to interact with friends but don't know what to say I can always just plop a fic and strike up a conversation lmao

. . . At least in theory I can LOL

It also helps when I'm bored or helps me break out of the doom scrolling of social media I can just open one of my many wips and work on it when I find myself refreshing Twitter or tumblr for the nth time akxmsjkdjd

being overly emotional when pmsing when ur usually a reserved blank face 😐 kinda person is genuinely the most embarrassing thing in the world

i hate the fact that happy ending romance/outside the fence/idol romance (or whatever the kdrama is called now) has turned into a bunch of “will taekwoon be kissing boys” and “will he or will he not be topping” bs. 

i do not care if he ends up not kissing anyone or doesn’t end up with the lead guy. i’m just glad that we’re going to see taekwoon in a kdrama (even though he said in the past he would never do one) and get to see him act! like i’m seriously so excited to see him tackle this role because i’ve always thought he was a great actor in his musicals. but instead, some people are fetishizing the hell out of taekwoon and summing up his work in this kdrama into nothing but a kiss to satisfy their delusions.