#THE FUCKING MEMORIES THAT I AM HAVING RIGHT NOW
Text
promises
part 2 to behave. sol makes some questionable decisions. mapi comes to her rescue. ingrid comes home. ft. someone special.
Your arm was broken, and you hadn’t gotten drunk in months. Of course, the two main reasons you had for sneaking out could definitely be construed as two reasons not to sneak out as well. But Ingrid was out of town only until the following afternoon, and Mapi slept like the dead. It was a perfect opportunity, the only opportunity you’d have for many more weeks to come. And besides, you were 18. You weren’t breaking any laws.
You’d been invited to a party, too, which wasn’t an opportunity you wanted to waste. You hadn’t assimilated to school very well. It was a nightmarish hell, honestly, but in the past few weeks you’d made a few casual acquaintances. They weren’t in any of your classes, and you didn't know them very well, but it was a good start.
You slipped out the front door at around 1, promising Scout you’d be back soon, and began the few blocks’ walk to where the party was. You were excited.
------
You didn’t like this. It was unclear what was so unsettling, maybe it was the fact that everything had changed so dramatically since the last time you’d been drunk. Maybe it was because, now, you cared very much about disappointing the people in charge of you. There was also the tiny detail that you’d had way too much. Your tolerance had evidently gone down in the past several months, but you hadn’t really thought about that until it was too late.
Either way, you just really weren’t feeling the party. It reminded you too much of being back in Norway. How you felt then… you hadn’t really realized how bad it was until you were out of there, and doing much better. The taste of tequila on your tongue was a very visceral reminder of that time.
It tasted like loneliness. It tasted like you hated everyone, yourself most of all. It tasted like you didn’t care much whether you got home safely, or got home at all. Like you were completely meaningless, and you always would be. You were scared, honestly, just wanted to go home. You headed out the back slider, leaving behind the noise of the party, and fell into one of the patio chairs. You couldn’t walk straight, your mind was completely cloudy, and you were having a hard time stringing any coherent thoughts together. You wanted to go home, but there was no way for you to get there; you definitely couldn’t walk. And even as drunk as you were, you knew ubering home in the middle of the night, by yourself, completely wasted, was a horrible idea.
You were considering your options when your phone ringing interrupted your thoughts. Mapi was calling you. Fuck. You had no choice but the answer. She had your location. The only way you would have gotten away with this in the first place would have been if she hadn’t woken up. Now, though. You were completely screwed. You did your best to sound as sober as possible when you answered the phone.
“Hi Mapi.” You said cautiously.
“Nena. Are you coming home soon?” Mapi asked calmly.
“W-what?” You slurred back, blinking hard in an attempt to clear your mind.
“You snuck out a couple of hours ago, and now it is almost 3am. So. Are you coming home soon, or should I come get you?”
“You knew I snuck out?” You asked dumbly.
“Yes, nena. Now, where are you? Are you drunk?”
“No.”
You could feel Mapi roll her eyes. “Liar. I am coming to get you.”
The wind picked up a bit, and you shivered, suddenly feeling very cold, and very alone out in the dark. “Mapi?”
“Sí?”
“Can you stay on the phone?”
And just like that, Mapi’s tone switched from annoyed and slightly amused, to full of concern. “Sí, I’m right here. What is going on? Are you safe? Are you with anyone?”
You looked back through the sliding door, the party still in full swing. You weren’t alone, really, but you weren’t… with anyone. And for some reason, maybe because you were having memory after memory of feeling very similarly in Norway, you didn’t feel quite safe.
“There’s a party inside. I’m outside. By myself. Can you come fast? I don’t feel good.”
“I’m on my way, mi sol.” Mapi promised, and you knew without her saying it that she would go as fast as she could.
------
She should have stepped in sooner. She should have stopped you the minute you’d snuck out the front door, or at the very least, followed you to where you went.
She’d been awake, scrolling on her phone. Sleeping was always a bit more difficult without Ingrid there with her, so though it was later than usual for her to be up, it wasn’t completely unheard of. You were quiet as you left, but Mapi had accidentally picked up your phone earlier in the evening, and seen a text containing an address in it. The Spaniard was young once, too, and she knew pretty much instantly what was going on. She half hoped that you’d just ask about going, but as she was reminded often, your parents had done their damage. You’d snuck out instead.
The thing was, Mapi honestly didn’t care very much that you wanted to go out. It was slightly worrying that you’d felt the need to sneak out, but she understood. The rules were different now than when you’d been in Norway, and it was clear to her that you were still getting used to that.
You didn’t sound good on the phone, though, and she couldn’t help the worry that filled her as she sped towards the house your location was displaying. It wasn’t just that you were hammered. You sounded… far away. You sounded like the Sol she met when you first arrived. Cold, terrified, closed off, and desperately sad. Mapi didn’t like hearing you like that, and now she really wished that she would have stopped you from leaving the house earlier.
There hadn’t been a peep over the phone for a few minutes as Mapi neared the house. “Hey, nena? You with me?”
“Mm hmm.” You hummed, your attention fixed on the sky above you. It was funny, how all the stars could be the same in Barcelona as they were in Norway, yet everything else could be so drastically different.
“I’m in front. Can you walk out to me, or should I come back and get you?” She was thrilled that you’d made friends enough to go to a party, and she didn’t want to embarrass you if she didn’t have to.
“‘Can walk,” You mumbled, standing up from the chair, taking a step forward, and promptly falling face first to the ground. Mapi heard the racket, and was out of her car and running to you before you could get a word out. “Mapi, I fell,” you whined over the phone, completely oblivious to the fact that the Spaniard was sprinting in your direction.
“Idiota.” Mapi mumbled, arriving at your side and bending down to inspect your face.
“Mapiiiiii,” you sang, eyes halfway closed as you grinned up at the other girl.
“Ay dios mio.” Mapi sighed. You were worse off than she’d thought. “Did you hit your head when you fell?”
“No, but I hurt my knee, look,” you said sadly, pointing down to a very small scrape.
“Alright, let’s get you home and I’ll take care-”
“Excuse me, who are you?” A girl asked, stepping out onto the patio, looking between you and Mapi. “Sol, do you know that girl?”
“I am her… Mapi.” Mapi said, internally rolling her eyes at herself.
“She’s my Mapi!” You said enthusiastically, somehow hopping to your feet with a bit of agility, and leaning heavily against your sister's girlfriend. “She’s my sister Ingrid’s Mapi, her name is girlfriend.” You slurred.
The girl just blinked, looking confused. “I am her sister’s girlfriend, María. She called me. I’m going to take her home now.”
The girl’s expression cleared. “Oh, got it. Thanks for coming, Sol, see you monday.”
“Byeeeeeeeee.”
“Have a good night.” Mapi said kindly. She appreciated that the girl hadn’t let some stranger abduct you from her patio. She began the arduous journey of practically carrying you back to the car. Once you were in the front seat, she turned the light on above you tilted your face towards her.
“Nena, open your eyes.” She instructed. You did, opening your eyes ridiculously wide, until they began watering. She just wanted to make sure you hadn’t been drugged or anything, given how out of it you were. Your pupils looked normal, and she decided you had just had way too much to drink.“Okay, you can let your eyes be normal now.”
They fell back into the half lidded state they were in before, and you sagged into the seat. Mapi bit back a smile. Now that you were safe, she was slightly amused at Drunk Sol. You were funny.
She’d noticed something though, and as she buckled your seatbelt around you, she asked a question she knew you’d probably avoid answering if you’d been sober.
“Nena, do the kids at school call you Sol?”
Mapi had been under the impression that you went by your real name at school, as much as you hated it. Ingrid and Mapi almost exclusively called you Solstråle or Sol, now, just out of habit, but she hadn’t realized you’d made the change at school, too.
“Yup.” You said, head turned towards her, though your eyes remained shut.
“Why?” She wondered. She was just curious, honestly. Not only had she not known that you’d had friends at school, you hadn’t mentioned talking to anyone enough to come out of your shell, and tell them something different to call you.
“I like it better.”
“Oh.” Mapi said.
“I like Sol. It’s pretty. And you picked it.” You attempted to poke Mapi’s nose, missed, and hit her cheek, though you continued on like nothing had happened. “And my mom never called me that. It’s a happy name.”
Mapi blinked at you, before she cleared her throat. “Well, I’m glad you like it.” She said softly, before she shut your car door, and walked around to her side. And if she wiped a few tears away as she did so, that was no one’s business.
-------
“That STINGS!” You shouted, sitting up out of what Mapi thought was a light sleep, yanking your leg away from her. She’d been trying to disinfect your knee, taking advantage of the fact that you’d collapsed onto the sofa the minute you made it into the house.
“Sorry, Sol, I’m just cleaning it.” Mapi said, stifling a laugh at the absolutely betrayed look on your face.
“You SCRAPED MY KNEE!” You insisted, a huge frown on your face.
“Sol, you scraped your knee, when you fell down earlier. Now let me put a bandaid on.”
“I didn’t fall, you fell.” You grumbled, though you extended your leg back out to her. “Mapi?”
“Hmm?”
“Why is my arm wearing a blue condom?” You asked, dead serious, holding up your cast and inspecting it thoughtfully. Mapi bit her lip, trying in vain not to laugh at you, knowing you wouldn’t appreciate it in this state.
“It’s not a condom, Sol, it’s a cast. You broke your arm.”
“Oh.” You sat for a moment, watching as Mapi very carefully ensured the bandaid was correctly placed on your knee. “Are there condoms for lesbians?”
God save her. Mapi looked up at you, trying to tell if you were being serious. Your face was completely blank. No. No. She wasn’t doing this now. She was quite sure you’d had sex education, and even if you hadn’t, she’d make Ingrid do it when you were sober. “We can talk about condoms tomorrow. You’re going to bed now.”
“If there are lesbian condoms, I’m in trouble, because I’ve never used one and I’m a lesbian.” You continued, before sitting up with a gasp. “Oh GOD. Am I pregnant?”
Now, Mapi really wished she had stopped you from sneaking out. She wished she’d locked you in your room for the night, honestly.
“Sol, you are not pregnant. Lesbians can’t get each other pregnant.” She explained, lifting you off the couch and into her arms. You were silent as she walked up the stairs, you curled up against her, until you sniffled quietly. She looked down, seeing tears in your eyes, and hurriedly placed you on your bed. “Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked gently, wiping away a stray tear.
“That’s so sad.” You cried.
“What is?” Mapi asked, bewildered.
“That lesbians can’t get each other pregnant. It’s not fair.”
“Sol, did you not know lesbians couldn’t get each other pregnant?” The Spaniard asked exasperatedly, really starting to doubt the sex education program at your school.
“No. I just didn’t think about it until now and it’s so sad.” You mumbled, flopping back onto your bed. “‘Cause lesbians are the best.”
Mapi flopped down onto the bed next to you, rolling her eyes when Scout picked his head up to glare at her. Of course. Now the dog woke up. “It is sad.” She agreed, thinking it was the easiest way to end the conversation. You didn’t respond, though and she looked over to find you already asleep.
Thank god.
-------
When you wandered down the stairs at 10 the next morning, Mapi was glad to see that you looked relatively… fine. Not hungover at all, which was absurd considering the state you’d been in the night before.
“Good morning, Solstråle.” She said, smirking when you looked at her with a furrowed brow.
“Morning.” You mumbled back, throwing yourself dramatically onto the couch.
“How are you feeling?”
“Just tired.”
“You aren’t hungover?”
“I don’t really get hungover.” You said absentmindedly, scrolling on your phone, only looking up when Mapi didn’t say anything. “What?”
She looked surprised and kind of annoyed. “You don’t get hungover?”
“Nope!” You said cheerfully. “Probably a young person thing.” Turning back to your phone, you jumped when a pillow thwacked you in the face.
“I am young.” Mapi grumbled. You just laughed. “You will not be laughing when Ingrid finds out you snuck out to get drunk.”
You sat bolt upright, staring at her with your jaw dropped. “You’re going to tell on me?”
And though she’d said it mostly as a joke, she’d been serious, and she was surprised you hadn’t known that. She told Ingrid everything. She couldn’t keep this from her. “Sol, you had to have known I’d tell her.”
“You knew I left and you didn’t say anything! This is your fault!”
“My fault?” Mapi laughed. “I wasn’t going to tell her if you snuck back in, but you were so drunk I had to come get you. So. I’m telling Ingrid.”
You studied her for a minute. “I don’t think you will.”
“Oh you don’t? And why not?” Mapi said, grinning.
“Because if you tell Ingrid, I am sure Alexia would love to know that you gave her hermanita a tattoo behind her back.”
The smile fell from Mapi’s face as she stared at you in horror. “You wouldn’t.”
You smirked. “I would.”
“Sol, you promised you would not tell. This is not just about me, this is about Fresa too, and you cannot…”
You began to tune Mapi out at the name. Fresa. The day you’d met her had been… a rough one. You’d argued with Ingrid about Camila, and she’d left the house before you could make up. Camila had been together a week, and Ingrid was far from happy. You were left stressed in your room, worried that Ingrid was going to return and take back every nice thing she’d said over the past week or so. It had been a bad day, yes but you still remembered meeting Alexia’s little sister, very clearly.
-------
A soft knock on your door had you looking up from the school work you were struggling over.
“Come in.”
Mapi popped her head in the door. “Can we talk for a sec?”
You stiffened, though your face was completely blank. “Okay. Did I do something wrong?” You asked quietly. You were always more withdrawn after an argument with your sister. Mapi didn’t say anything about the fact that your cheeks were tearstained, or how you regarded her a bit frightfully. You did so many things frightfully, even now, even still.
“No, no, not at all. I just have a favor to ask you.” You nodded for her to continue. “Alexia’s younger sister is coming over today for a tattoo, while Ingrid is gone. And I really, really need you not to tell Ingrid about it. Or Alexia. Or anyone.”
You were a bit stunned by the fact that Mapi would trust you with a secret like this. No one had trusted you with… anything in a really long time. Things were different, you reminded yourself. “Okay .I won't tell.”
Mapi looked at you for a minute, maybe surprised at how easily you’d agreed. “I don’t mean to make you keep secrets from Ingrid, it’s just that-”
“It’s fine, Mapi. Ingrid won’t think to ask me about it, so it’s not really lying anyway.”
Mapi was aware that she was probably crossing a boundary by asking you not to tell Ingrid about this, but Fresa was practically an adult, had a good head on her shoulders, and honestly, she needed someone to show her some love. Mapi knew she wasn’t doing something bad, which is how she justified asking you to keep the secret. Fresa needed her sisters, but they weren’t paying attention, and she was tired of trying to get it. So, if Fresa wanted a tattoo from Mapi, then she’d get one. And honestly? Mapi didn’t feel bad about keeping it a secret from Alexia. She was pretty frustrated with the midfielder at the moment, but she could only fix the relationship between sisters one at a time.
“Okay. Thanks, kid.” She said, giving you a small smile. You smiled back at her, just a bit, but it was more than Mapi normally got, so she took it.
------
When Mapi had said Alexia’s sister was coming over today when Ingrid was shopping, you’d been much too focused on Mapi trusting you to really process what she’d said. Though it all came rushing back to you when you wandered down the stairs, responding to a text from Camila. She had just invited herself to the next home match and told you she didn’t want to sit with Mapi. You were trying to figure out what to say, because honestly, you liked sitting with Mapi at Ingrid’s games, even if she talked a lot; it was endearing. You had just decided to agree to Camila’s request when Mapi caught your attention.
“Oh, Solstråle,” Mapi said excitedly. You looked up at her in surprise, your eyes flicking over to the other girl in your house. She was looking at you with a smile on her face, as if she’d just been joking around with Mapi. She had that Putellas aura, one that completely projected confidence. It intimidated you, and you faltered, unsure what to do, or say to this mysterious, beautiful girl. You didn’t want to lounge in the living room anymore, waiting for Ingrid to get home so you could apologize and see if she was still mad. You wanted to go back to your room where it was safe and there were no strangers. “This is Ingrid’s hermana, Solstråle,” Mapi introduced, giving you an encouraging smile.
You took a minute step backwards, slightly panicked. You forgot you had social anxiety, sometimes, especially when you went so long without meeting new people, and being expected to talk to anyone other than Ingrid and Mapi. The pretty girl smiled, and your brain fell empty for a second.
If she was beautiful before she smiled she was… otherworldly when she did. She was warm and happy and so… light. She was overflowing with love, and you could tell from just a few seconds of being in her presence.
“Solstråle, this is Alexia’s sister, Fresa.” Mapi continued, pretending that you weren’t acting like a complete weirdo. You still couldn’t talk, your mouth suddenly very dry, and Mapi sighed a bit. That sent you reeling because normally, Mapi was so careful not to ever let you think she was disappointed in something you did.
She really just wanted you both to be friends, and felt like she was blowing the introduction, but you felt like you needed to get out of there before you made even more of a fool of yourself.
“You can say hi Sol she does not bite! Actually you-”
You interrupted Mapi, hastily greeting Fresa in what was probably very poor, and very quiet spanish. Then, you made it even worse, somehow, by turning on your heel and making a break for it. Back to your room where it was safe.
Mapi apologized later for putting you on the spot with a new person, and you’d apologized for acting like you’d never spoken to another human being in your life before. Mapi casually asked if you wanted her to get Fresa’s number from Alexia, so you both could be friends, but you’d declined.
You didn’t need friends. Definitely not pretty friends that made you nervous, especially when there was absolutely, positively no way she’d like you back. Or even that she liked girls. What were the odds all three Putellas sister’s were lesbians? It seemed unlikely to you, and you tried to push Fresa out of your head as the weeks passed. You focused on Camila, and then you focused on anything but Camila. Fresa always… stayed in the background, though. Always a thought. Always there.
-------
You blushed at the memory, at how insanely shy and awkward you’d been. You honestly weren’t really looking to share that story with anyone, let alone Alexia, who was one of the coolest people you'd ever encountered.
“Alright, I won’t tell anyone. I did promise.” You stated, before you grew serious. ��But please don’t tell Ingrid, Mapi. It is never ever going to happen again, I felt so weird yesterday, it wasn’t fun at all. It was a one time thing.”
“What, you are never going to drink again?” Mapi asked, distracted and now slightly concerned.
You decided to be honest, because vulnerability couldn’t be worse than Ingrid yelling at you. It would come close. But it wouldn't be worse. “No, I just…I realized I don’t need to do that anymore, blackout every weekend. When I used to do it before, in Norway, I was trying to forget. I was running away from my problems. I don’t need to do that anymore, I don’t want to.”
“Oh.” Mapi said carefully, recognizing the weight of what you’d just admitted to her. “Okay. Fine. I won’t tell Ingrid. If you promise to stop taking pictures of me sleeping next to Scout, because they are not representative of our relationship. We do not like each other. We just happen to fall asleep in the same spot sometimes.”
You threw your head back and laughed. “Sure, Mapi. If that’s what you want.”
------
Ingrid hated ubering home from the airport. It took forever, the drivers were never very good, and she much preferred her girlfriend to come to the airport and greet her with a warm hug. However, Ingrid couldn’t miss the opportunity to surprise you both upon her arrival home. It had been a tough couple days for you, she knew. You were an emotional mess after the hospital, though you pretended not to be, and you hated not being able to do your normal activities. So, when Ingrid realized she could catch a flight in the morning as opposed to the afternoon, she jumped at it. She missed her girls, and seeing you both sooner was worth the hassle.
You and Mapi had ensured the house was spotless. Early on in the break, you’d suggested making slime. Mapi had agreed, and it went about as well as could be expected. The dining room floor was now bare, the rug that normally lived there was nowhere to be found. Other than that, though, the house was clean, and Scout had gotten a bath, courtesy of Mapi due to the cast on your arm. That went about as could be expected, too.
After cleaning, you’d slumped onto the couch grumpily. Mapi knew you were bummed about your hand. You were such an active person, always moving around, always doing something outside. Now, though, you needed to rest your very broken arm, which meant that you were stuck inside with Mapi. You were grouchy and short tempered, but the Spaniard was doing her best to keep you occupied.
Both of you were too wrapped up in the intense round of mario kart you were playing to notice the car pull into the drive, or hear your sister approach with her suitcase. You could only play with one hand and the thumb of your broken hand, so Mapi promised to only do the same. As soon as you began to beat her, though, she began to cheat, sneakily using both her hands on the controller, much to your frustration.
Ingrid felt a pang of worry flash through her when she heard a raised voice as she unlocked the front door. She knew what your mood had been like, and she was worried you were arguing with Mapi. You’d never yelled at her girlfriend before, but you’d definitely yelled at Ingrid.
“I swear to god María, I am going to throw this at your head,” you shouted.
Ingrid fumbled with her keys in her haste to get the door open.
“I am not cheating!” Mapi defended. “You are seeing things, pequeña, I thought it was your arm that was b-”
Her voice cut off as Ingrid swung the door open, a small smile on her face as she’d realized what the argument was about.
“Ingrid?” You and Mapi said, completely in unison. Scout hopped off the couch, trotting over to his second favorite person, eagerly sniffing at her legs. Ingrid petted him, her attention still on the two of you, frozen on the couch. The rainbow road music still played in the background, and it was truly a comical sight. You had been attempting to kick Mapi’s controller out of her hands, and she was trying to cover your eyes.
“Ingrid!” Mapi said again, launching off the couch to almost tackle her girlfriend in a hug.
“Hi my love,” Ingrid murmured, hugging Mapi back rather tightly.
“I’m so glad you’re home.” Mapi whispered. “She’s scary when she’s grumpy.”
“I heard that.” You said, frowning at the Spaniard. Ingrid was surprised when you yanked on the back of Mapi’s shirt, pulling her away from your sister, and took her place. The hug you gave your sister was fierce and if Ingrid had been wondering if you’d missed her, she no longer did.
“Hi sweetheart,” she said, squeezing you tight.
“Hi.” You mumbled. “Missed you.”
“I missed you too, Solstråle.” Ingrid said with a smile, taking your cast into her hands as she pulled back.
“How is your hand? How are you? Are you doing okay?” She asked worriedly, and you nodded, though you really appreciated how much she cared.
“It’s fine, really. Mapi was… Mapi was really helpful. Couldn’t have done it without her.” You glanced at her, before turning back to your sister, changing the subject. “Blank canvas for you to sign.” You grinned. Ingrid returned that smile and dragged you into the kitchen without further ado. She completely disregarded her duffel bag by the door, and left her backpack on as if she couldn’t be bothered with it before she signed your cast.
“Can I sign when you’re done?” Mapi asked eagerly.
“When I’m done, yes,” Ingrid sighed, though she was endlessly entertained by her girlfriend’s impatience. Mapi was like you in that sense.
Ingrid found a sharpie in the drawer, carefully grabbing your cast in her hands, instructing you to close your eyes.
‘du er favorittpersonen min selv når du faller love, ingrid’
When she was done, she told you to open your eyes, and you did so eagerly, looking down at what she’d written. You weren’t expecting tears to flood your vision, but they did. ‘You’re my favorite person, even when you fall.’ It felt like it had more than one meaning. Ingrid would always love you. Regardless of your mistakes.
You smiled at her through your tears, throwing your arms around her again in a tight hug. She caught you easily, enjoying the moment.
“Ahem. MY TURN.” Mapi said impatiently, causing both you and Ingrid to break into laughter. You let Mapi sign, then, even though she wrote so big it took up half the cast. Ingrid just watched, enjoying the sight of her little family. It was very perfect.
-----
:)
send! your! sol! thoughts! and let me know what you thought of this one 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂
#woso x reader#woso imagine#woso one shot#woso fanfics#ingrid engen x mapí leon#ingrid engen x reader#mapi leon x reader#engen!reader#🍓☀️
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Hiiiii I love your writing!! May I request Azriel x Reader, where reader gets amnesia. She’s Illyrian and was hurt by Illyrian men, so she’s scared of Az because she doesn’t remember him. Then wonderful angst because he never thought she’d be afraid of him, so he avoids her and is heartbroken. Then something happens, maybe he’s forced to interact with her or he says something specific, and her memories come back, so happy ending! Feel free to ignore if you don’t want to write this, thank you!💙
Hi lovely! Thank you so much for reading my work and for your request! I hope you like the story! 💙
Divider is once again from @tsunami-of-tears, eternally grateful to you for your creativity!
Dazelroot Daze
An Azriel x Reader imagine
Warnings: angst, poisoning, swearing, allusions to abuse / previous SA.
"Rhys, I am not cut out for this kind of mission - why did you not send Nesta!"
You huff to yourself as you climb the uneven stairs through the prison, following closely behind Rhys. You hated coming in here, and hated having to interact with the Bone Carver even more. You patted your back pocket, checking your gifted bone for him was still there, before climbing yet another stairwell.
"Y/n, you know I wouldn't have asked if it wasn't necessary. I can't exactly send Nesta in here even if she's only early in her pregnancy, they would sense it a mile off and she'd be a target. Not to mention, I don't fancy getting pummelled by Cassian for letting his pregnant mate in here".
You knew he was right, but it didn't make this any easier. You struggled through another narrow doorframe, trying to avoid smacking your wings against the wood, and stood in front of a metal gate. You hear Rhys hum to himself.
"What's wrong?".
"I've never seen a gate here before, this should be an open walkway".
You begin to feel uneasy as you see Rhys take a step back.
"Rhys?"
Before you can get another word out, you feel a powder cover your face, filling your nose and mouth, causing you to choke. You try to call out for help, but you can't get anything out, breathing becoming harder and harder. You hear Rhys distantly calling your name but you can't respond, can't move, all you can do is drop to the floor, your legs giving out from underneath you.
"Get Madja, now!"
Rhys' voice bellowed through the River House as he winnowed in carrying your lifeless body and placed your down on the living room sofa. The rest of the Inner Circle descended on the pair of you, including Azriel. When he saw your pale body, arm hanging off the sofa, his heart sank. He grabbed Rhys by the collar.
"What the fuck happened?"
Rhys didn't have time to answer before Madja appeared in the room, pushing everyone to the side and leaning over your body. Silence descended on the room as she ran tests, took bloods, checked your vitals - all the while your eyes remained closed and your body limp.
"She has been poisoned with a plant known as Dazelroot. It is highly toxic and can only be found in some very remote parts of the Spring Court. Thankfully, it looks like this particular strain was either incorrectly handled or extremely dried out, as it hasn't taken hold quite as potently as it should have. She will be ok, in that she will live, but we won't know the consequences until she wakes up".
"The consequences?", Feyre asks.
"I have never seen a person be poisoned with Dazelroot and live to tell the tale. We won't know what it will do to her until she wakes".
Feyre sobbed silently, her shoulders shaking. Nesta joined her, the sisters holding each other through their sadness. Cassian could only watch in horror as Azriel fell to his knees next to your body and cried into your shoulder.
"Madja, what can we do?", Rhys asks, wringing his hands.
"There's nothing, Rhys. We have to let her wake, and see what happens next. I'll be on hand, as will my assistants. Call us as soon as she wakes up".
Rhys shook Madja's hand and allowed her to leave, his grief weighing down on his shoulders heavily. It was his fault that you were in the prison, that he hadn't seen the trap beforehand, that you were the one to be poisoned. He tried to reach for Azriel, but Azriel swatted his hand away.
"Don't touch me", he gritted, his face still buried in your shoulder.
Rhys could do nothing but watch as his family fell apart in front of him.
It took 6 days for you to wake. 6 agonising days of your family watching your chest rise and fall, terrified that you would never again open your eyes. But you did.
Your eyes opened, and fell on Feyre's face.
"SHE'S AWAKE", Feyre called to your family, reaching out for your hand. You let her take it, but she couldn't overlook the confusion she saw in your eyes, the hesitancy of your body to let her touch you.
The room filled with your family and your eyes settled on a pair of Illyrian wings. Male Illyrian wings. Trauma racked through your body, memories of your life at the Illyrian camps, wing-clipping, assault, and you couldn't hold back your scream as you pulled your body up the bed, as close as you could get to the headboard.
"Y/n?", Azriel said gently, attempting to approach you. He froze when he realised it was him that you were trying to get away from.
Madja burst through the door at that moment, having been summoned by Rhys the moment he heard Feyre's shouts. She saw the blankness in your eyes the second she looked at you, and her eyes fell pityingly to Azriel.
"Hi y/n, I'm Madja, a healer here in the Night Court".
Your family looked at each other in pure confusion. You knew who Madja was. She'd been the family's healer for centuries. Why was she acting like you'd never met before?
Madja carried out her assessment before providing you a sleeping tonic. Once your body settled back into the pillows, looking more at peace than you had when you had woken up, she turned to Rhys.
"The Dazelroot has caused amnesia. She doesn't remember anything after her life after the Illyrian camps".
Rhys shook his head. "Ok, but when will her memory come back?".
Rhys saw the look on Madja's face and his stomach somersaulted.
"Will her memory come back?"
Madja placed a hand gentle on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry Rhys, there's no way to know".
She turned to Azriel, tears falling down his cheeks. He had realised that you had forgotten him, forgotten your mateship, the love you had shared for centuries. You only remembered the trauma you had faced at the hands of Illyrian males, males that bore the same wings as him. He had realised, seeing the look on your face, that you were afraid of him.
"You can try to offer her gentle reminders. It might break through the amnesia cloud. But there's nothing more we can do".
Madja departed, leaving your family to process the news. You didn't remember any of them.
17 months later
It had been 17 months since the incident, and your memory hadn't come back.
Feyre, Nesta, Elain and Mor had made it their mission to rebuild the friendship that you had had with them - regularly taking you out for brunch, shopping, and nights out at Rita's. Over time, you developed a new bond with them, and had started to trust them.
You had also re-kindled your friendship with Rhys and Lucien, the males giving you distance but engaging with you as often as possible, mostly through Feyre and Elain.
But Azriel and Cassian, you couldn't be near. Their wings reminded you too much of the trauma you had faced in the camps. Reminded you that your own wings had been clipped. Reminded you of the males that had used you for their own entertainment. Anytime they tried to approach you, their wings pinned as tightly as possible behind their backs, your body began to involuntarily shake and your eyes would fill with tears.
It had broken Azriel. He had become a shell of the former male he was. He started to withdraw from family dinners, he gave up his morning training. Azriel had slowly started to descend into a downward spiral, feeling the mating bond cold on the other end. His family had tried their best to help, but Azriel wanted for nothing but you. He locked himself in his bedroom most days and nights, seeking solitude in the shadows.
That was why, when his family decided to visit Sevenda's restaurant that evening, Azriel had ignored the inviting knock on his door. He didn't want to make it harder for you seeing him sitting at the other end of the table. He waited for the footsteps to pad away before grabbing a bottle of Whiskey from the shelf and pouring himself a generous glass.
-
Several hours later, Azriel was sat in bed with his book when he heard commotion. It sounded like crying, but it was pained. He sat up, listening out, when he heard it again - this time closer to his door. He thought everyone was out at Sevenda's, or maybe Rita's now, but there was unmistakably someone wandering through the hallway.
Azriel cracked open his door and peered out. At the end of the hallway, gripping the window pane, he saw your small frame huddled over. The scent of blood filled the air. Azriel panicked. He knew how bad your cycles were from the centuries you had spent together, that you needed help desperately, but right now he was the only one in the house with you, and you were terrified of him.
"Y/n?", he called out gently, trying not to startle you with his presence. He watched you turn slowly, your eyes wide in alarm.
"It's ok, it's just your cycle", he whispered, raising his arms to show you that he was not going to hurt you. You whimpered slightly, clutching the window pane so hard your knuckles had gone white.
"Can I help you?", he asked, not daring to move. You looked at him, his wings, your body shaking. But you knew you were helpless, not sure you could get yourself back to your bed even if you tried with all your might. So, you took a deep breath, and gave him a timid nod.
Azriel walked slowly towards you, his hands in front of him, and when he reached you he carefully put a hand forward to touch your shoulder. You shuddered, but didn't pull away.
"I'm going to take you back to your room, ok?". You could only nod as Azriel scooped you into his arms and walked you slowly back towards your room.
He placed you down carefully at your dressing table and silently walked into your bathroom, the sound of running water filling the room. Whilst the bath ran, you watched him strip the soiled sheets from your bed and replace them with fresh ones, putting a pair of your pyjamas neatly folded at the end. He then offered you his hand and guided you to the bathroom.
"Do you need some help?".
You didn't want to admit it, but you did. You could barely stand up under your own weight.
Azriel turned away from you to allow you to undress, holding a hand behind his back for guidance as you carefully lowered yourself into the bath. Once you were in, and hidden under the bubbles, you turned to look at him. At his wings. You had never known an Illyrian male to be so gentle. So calming. Even sat here alone in a bath with him in the room, you felt comfortable. You felt safe.
"Azriel?", you whispered.
"Would you like me to leave you be?" he asked, his back still turned to give you privacy.
"No".
You saw Azriel's shoulders sag slightly with relief, but he still kept his back to you.
"Please could you pass me that bottle over there, the green one?"
Azriel walked over to the counter to pick up the shampoo bottle and attempted to hand it to you behind his back, still not facing you. You giggled as he offered the bottle out to the empty end of the bath.
"It's ok, I'm hidden in the bubbles".
Azriel turned, his eyes not leaving your face, as he handed the bottle to you. You took it, pouring some into your hand, and he watched you wince as you raised your arms above your body to your hair, stretching your stomach.
"May I?", he asked quietly. You nodded, handing the bottle to him. Azriel knelt down behind your head, pouring the shampoo into his hands and massaging it into your hair. The moment his hands touched you, you felt a calming peace descend over you, and you closed your eyes to bask in it. You were about to ask him to rub it into the nape of your neck, your favourite place, when you felt his hands move there instinctively. A jolt went through your body, and Azriel jumped backwards.
"Are you ok?"
You turned to face him, his leathers covered in water, bubbles and shampoo suds, and looked down at his scarred hands. Visions flew through your mind of his hands in your hair, his hands offering to feed you grapes on your honeymoon to the Summer Court, his hands touching your body, his hands placing a ring on yours at your mating ceremony, his hands holding out your cup of coffee to you every morning - black, just how you liked it.
You reached out to take them, feeling every emotion come flooding back to you. A tug at your chest made you look up, as Azriel's filled with tears.
"My mate", you whispered.
"My mate", he replied, his head moving to rest on your forehead.
You held each other, the bath water turning cold and the bubbles melting away, allowing all your love and devotion to flow to each other through the bond. Forgotten, but never gone.
#a court of silver flames#a court of wings and ruin#a court of thorns and roses#a court of mist and fury#acotar fanfiction#acotar#acotar x reader#acotar x y/n#a court of frost and starlight#azriel x reader#acotar imagine#acotar oneshot#azriel x y/n#azriel shadowsinger#acotar azriel#azriel shadowsinger x reader
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NSFW ALPHABET - VESSEL 💘
HI OKAY SO!!!! let it be known that i do not and cannot write to save my life but the horny parasites within me simply demanded this of me so i had to listen to them
fair warning — i am absolutely feral over this man!!! vessel in my head is GROSS and KINKY so don’t say u haven’t been warned!!! (saying that i am feral for this man is the understatement of the century actually but i just don’t have a better word!)
very nsfw thoughts under the cut 🫡
————————————————————
❥ A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex):
• vessel would be so fucking soft with you after sex i just know it.
• extremely cuddly, pulls you close to him, hands running over your body, stroking your hair, giving you soft little pecks all over your face.
• if you’d had a particularly intense scene he would absolutely check in with you afterwards, seeing what you liked, if there was anything you didn’t like. your favourite parts (he would absolutely tuck this knowledge away for later to drive you crazy in the future).
• would be more than willing to get you anything you needed after so you didn’t need to move a muscle. would wrap you in a soft blankie, get you water/snacks, would hold you and hum sweet tunes to lull you to sleep.
• would be absolutely BURSTING with praise for you afterward (also during and just like, always, but we aren’t talking about that right now!!). “you did so good for me, baby. i’m so proud of you.” “such a good girl for me.” “you took me so well, darling.”
❥ B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s):
• his favourite of his own? has to be his toned chest and stomach (we’ve all seen the way this fucker shows it off — there’s no way it’s not his fave).
• fucking loves when you run your hands all over his torso, will absolutely walk around shirtless and smirk when he catches you ogling him.
• his favourite of yours? your lips/mouth, without a doubt. no one will ever convince me ves does not have an oral fixation.
• is obsessed with kissing you, feeling how soft your lips are against his.
• loves the way your lips feel on his skin as you kiss all over his body.
• just about cums in his pants when you put his fingers in your mouth and suck on them.
• swears when you suck his cock that he’s died and gone to heaven, can’t stop staring at his cock disappearing past your lips, will burn the sight and feeling into his memory for the rest of eternity.
• has to stop himself from pouncing on you when you do something as simple as pouting at him when you don’t get your way, or giving him a particularly sweet smile.
❥ C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically):
• this man cannot get enough of his cum all over/in you i just fucking KNOW it.
• not a wasted drop of cum with this man!! ALWAYS in or on you in some way.
• thinks you look so fucking pretty when he paints your face with his cum, and tells you as much every single time. always wants to take pics of it that he can look at when you’re apart.
• sometimes will use his fingers to scoop up the cum he’s painted your face with, just to feed it to you to make sure it’s not being wasted (i told u he’s gross ok!!!)
• is also OBSESSED with cumming inside you, no matter which hole he’s cumming in. loves feeling his cock twitch and pulse while he’s deep in you.
• absolutely DOES have a breeding kink so his ultimate fave is definitely cumming deep in your pussy. nothing makes him feel closer to you than this.
❥ D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs):
• listen. two words. panty! sniffer!!!
• will pocket your soaked panties and take them on tour with him so he can still smell your pussy when he’s not with you.
• embarrassed as hell when you find out. turned on as HELL when he realises you’re just as gross as he is, intentionally leaving your panties around the house, giving him a little wink if he notices.
• just about loses his fucking mind when you mail him a pair while he’s on tour.
• also a lingerie lover!!! loves to see you dressed up all pretty for him.
• makes him absolutely FERAL!!!! apologises profusely after ripping every piece of lingerie you ever wear in front of him right off of you (but you lowkey love it and start dressing up more and more just because of the reaction you get from him).
❥ E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?):
• oh vessel ABSOLUTELY knows what he’s doing. expert with his fingers, expert with his tongue, expert with his cock.
• regardless of how many people he’s actually slept with, he’s done his research. knows how to do things and knows how to do them properly and safely.
• also experienced with bdsm. knows how to dom the FUCK out of you and will enjoy every second of it.
❥ F = Favorite position (this goes without saying):
• some ppl will say this is cliche but — missionary king!!!!!
• loves it so he can look into your eyes & make you look into his.
• means he can watch your pretty mouth and listen up close to all the noises that come out of it as you unravel.
• means he can kiss you as much as he wants!!! can and WILL kiss/lick/bite anywhere he can reach: your lips, all over your face, your neck, all over your chest.
• means he’s in a perfect spot to whisper absolute filth into your ear as you whimper beneath him.
• he loves that missionary means you can also kiss all over his neck and chest, that your whimpers and moans go straight to his ears, lowkey loves when your nails dig into his back hard enough to leave a mark.
❥ G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.):
• i think it depends on the scenario and the moment, but most of the time hes gonna be very serious about giving you pleasure and seeking out pleasure himself.
• takes making you cum/teasing you incredibly seriously.
• if y’all are in a more lighthearted moment, he’s absolutely not above having a little laugh or a joke with you while in the midst of it.
❥ H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.):
• very well maintained — trimmed short. nothing exciting! wants to make sure you don’t have a face full of bush when he fucks your face.
❥ I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect):
• the MOST intimate man you will ever meet.
• inside and outside of the bedroom, incredibly touchy feely. always wants to be touching you. holding your hand, a hand on your thigh, your thigh against his if you’re sat next to each other. he just wants to feel you physically close to him (you can’t convince me his love language is not physical touch i will never believe u!!!)
• absolute hopeless romantic at heart!!! will send you flowers while he’s away on tours. hand writes and mails you love letters. writes you poetry. writes you songs!!!! will do anything and everything to let you know how much he loves and appreciates you.
❥ J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon):
• if he’s with you: why would he ever need to masturbate when he’s got three perfectly good holes right there with him?!
• only time he’ll jack off when he’s with you is to tease the fuck out of you. he’ll have you restrained and be stood right in front of you, out of your reach, making you whine and beg for his cock in your pretty mouth.
• if he’s on tour: this man is so horny, there’s no way he’s not getting off while he’s away from you. forever wishing he was deep inside you, but he’ll settle for getting off to your pics and videos.
• begs you to send him voice messages and videos of you masturbating and moaning so he can cum to the sound of you.
• absolutely sends you filthy voice messages and pics and videos in return.
• will sniff the aforementioned panties so he can smell you, look at you, hear you, while he cums thinking about you. wants all his senses to just be you, you, you.
❥ K = Kink (one or more of their kinks):
• KINKY MOTHERFUCKER, just try to fight me on this!!!!
• dominant as FUCK. loves the thrill of you being completely under his control. loves that you trust him enough to submit fully to him. makes him feel so close and intimate with you in a whole new way. mostly a bit of a soft dom, but if the mood strikes, he can definitely be a bit of a mean dom too (and yeah, maybe sometimes you’re a bit bratty just to bring out his mean side. you can’t help that he’s so hot when he’s like that!!)
• dirty talk KING! this motherfucker will NOT shut the fuck up in the bedroom. he doesn’t even do it on purpose, it’s just like a stream of consciousness. spilling out all his filthy thoughts and desires. can and WILL also whisper these thoughts in your ear in public just to get you all flustered.
• ownership kink. has multiple collars for you, some with his name, some with his favourite pet names for you. some with a matching leash, some just for the bedroom that look more obviously like collars, cute ones that look more like necklaces with his initials on them so that you can wear them in public and still feel and know that you’re owned. will remind you VERY regularly that “you. are. MINE.”
• along with this, vessel is also lowkey (highkey!!!) possessive as fuck. if he sees someone else getting physically close to you or flirting with you? you better be prepared for the angry “you’re fucking MINE, you belong to me” rough and nasty kind of sex. forever leaving marks anywhere and everywhere on you. hickeys, bite marks, bruises, anything to let everyone else know that you’re spoken for.
• breeding kink!!! forever wanting to fuck his cum as deep into your pussy as he can.
• oral fixation: this goes both ways. he wants your mouth everywhere on him and his mouth everywhere on you. wants his fingers in your mouth, his cock in your mouth. fucking LOVES the way your eyes glaze over as he fucks your face. could spend hours between your legs getting lost in the way you taste.
• primal!! this is a man that would chase you through the woods just to fuck you on the forest floor once he caught you. thinks it’s fucking HOT to think of himself as the predator hunting you, and you his prey — to do as he wishes with once he has you in his grasp.
• you cannot convince me this man isn’t at least a little bit of a sadist and masochist — “let me wrap the chains, addicted to the pain.” “manifest pain at the core of pleasure.” — you get the idea, yeah? i think homeboy is into some pain, both giving and receiving. nothing too crazy but i just know i’m right on this!!!!
• bondage — loves having you restrained and helpless beneath him.
• edging/orgasm denial. like i said earlier.. very possessive man w an ownership kink!!! you belong to him. you’re HIS. that includes your orgasms. he won’t let you cum without his permission, and will rarely let you cum if you’re apart while he’s on tour. will get you on the phone with him, touching yourself and bringing yourself to the edge just so he can hear the sweet noises you make, but will tell you he doesn’t want you to cum unless it’s around his cock/fingers/tongue. when you’re together? will edge you until you’re begging, pleading, crying for release. then he’ll make you cum over and over and over and overrrrr again until you’re begging, pleading, crying for him to stop (and you fucking love him for it all).
(i truly could probably continue this list as its own post for all the boys lmao)
❥ L = Location (favorite places to do the do):
• listen. this fucker is chronically horny and will happily take you anywhere and everywhere you will let him. he can barely keep his hands off you!!! he’s taken you in countless green rooms and random rooms backstage at shows, if you’re snuggled under the same blankie watching a movie with the boys, he is absolutely teasing and touching you. getting you all worked up while you try to stay quiet. just so obsessed with you he wants to be touching you all the fucking time. big fan of teasing you in public!!
❥ M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going):
• as previously mentioned, lingerie lover!!! seeing his love all dressed up for him like the absolute GIFT they are will instantly get him rock hard!
• i just fucking KNOW my man is a sucker for neck kisses. you kiss his neck? you better be ready to get absolutely RAVISHED by him.
• he really just loves the way you look when you’re all fucked out. the thought of that alone is enough to motivate him.
❥ N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs):
• he won’t let anyone else cum inside your pussy. that’s for him and him only!!!
• won’t let you not have a safeword. even if you say you won’t need it, absolutely insists on it!!! will put the brakes on absolutely everything if u don’t respond properly when he checks in mid scene.
❥ O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.):
• once again this man has an oral fixation so he is OBSESSED w this both ways! both giving and receiving.
• giving: man will eat you like you’re his last fucking meal. gets absolutely lost in the way you taste, the way you smell, the sounds you make.
• gets off on it so much that if you could focus for like 2 seconds you’d see him rutting and grinding until his pre-cum has leaked a wet spot onto the bed.
• would happily stay between your legs for as long as you’ll let him (and will sometimes insist on staying even longer).
• loves when you lose control of your own body and clamp your thighs together around his head.
• i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, he’s GROSS so he really just wants to try and make you squirt all over his fucking face. just once!!!
• receiving: fucking loves loves LOVESSSSSS having his cock sucked. will lose his mind over a messy blowjob.
• adores when you take your time to really worship his cock, makes him feel so fucking good and like he’s the only thing that matters in the world…
• but there’s only so long he can handle things being slow and leaving you in control of the pace of things. can and WILL end up fucking your face and throat without fail every single time.
• the noise he makes the first time his cock hits the back of your throat and you take him even further, deepthroating him? absolutely fucking SINFUL.
• ever since, he’s been obsessed with the feeling of his cock deep in your throat and loves throatfucking you until you’re a gagging, drooling mess for him.
• is absolutely the type to pull you straight back up to him after sucking his cock to give you the most violently passionate open mouthed tongue kisses.
❥ P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.):
• he can be either — totally dependant on the vibe/day/his mood/your mood, etc!
• if he’s mad or needs to get out a lot of pent up energy, it’ll be fast and hard and maybe he’ll be a lil mean (all consensually obviously, as w everything else i’ve mentioned in this post).
• if he’s feeling soft and lovey dovey, it’ll be slow and so so fucking passionate, but it doesn’t mean that it won’t also be a little rough sometimes.
• no matter the actual pace, he would always find a way to make it feel sensual as fuck.
❥ Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.):
• maybe a controversial opinion based on what i’ve seen on these nsfw alphabet tumblr posts from others but i think he fucking LOVES a quickie!
• this man is chronically horny and is fucking OBSESSED with you. if you think he’s not pulling you into a green room to make out with you and then fuck you stupid just before or after a show, you’re soooo wrong!!!
• that being said, he fucking LOVES taking his time with you, letting the rest of the world melt away until there’s nothing but your bodies tangled together.
❥ R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.):
• soooo down to experiment!! like i said before he is GROSS. u never know when you’re gonna unlock a new kink!!!
• will absolutely mess around and fuck you in risky places where there’s a chance you could get caught, but he lowkey loves the thrill! (and loves getting to clamp his big hand over your mouth or make you suck on his fingers to stay quiet).
❥ S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?):
• have you seen the way he fuckin moves around like a gremlin at rituals???? man could literally last all night!!!!
• lasts a fairly decent while each time (he’s well practiced!!), but after he cums, he will absolutely continue messing around and keeping you all hot and bothered for him until he’s ready for another round.
• multiple rounds, all night long, i said what i said!! this man cannot get enough of you ever.
❥ T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?):
• he definitely owns handcuffs and ropes and other things to help restrain you.
• blindfolds, gags, y’know — the fun things to heighten any experience you might have together.
• don’t think he himself owns a lot of toys unless they’re ones he’s bought specifically to use on/with you.
• but be will happily make use of any toys you might have, especially if he knows they drive you crazy.
• will MORE than happily use a vibrator to edge you over and over and over and over until you’re drooling from both ends.
❥ U = Unfair (how much they like to tease):
• patron saint of teasing!!!! you will never find another man that will tease you more.
• edging and orgasm denial is like the fucking teasing olympics and he is absolutely going for the gold.
• will whisper absolute filth in your ear when you’re in public.
• will touch and tease you when and where possible in public.
• just thinks you sound so fucking pretty when you beg for him.. so he wants to make you do it ALL the fucking time.
• just wants to keep you turned on, worked up, and needy for him 24/7!!!!
❥ V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.):
• as previously mentioned this motherfucker will not shut the fuck up EVER in the bedroom!!!!
• will absolutely NOT hold back any moans, growls, whimpers, etc.
• will especially not hold back any sounds because he fucking knows how much they turn you on to hear how good you’re making him feel.
❥ W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character):
• will share you but only with the boys!! they are the exception to his rules.
• he will still absolutely be possessive as fuck about you when you’re with them tho don’t get it twisted!!
• while one of the other boys is balls deep in you he’ll still be whispering about how “even though i’m letting someone else fuck you, that pussy still belongs to ME,” or how “you’re making such pretty noises for him, baby. but he doesn’t fuck you like i do, does he? nobody else fucks you like i do. that’s why you’re all MINE.”
• if he sees one of the other boys has left any marks on you? FERAL!!!! sedate this man!!!! he will mark you the fuck UP!! will leave a bigger, more impressive mark right over the one that was left by one of the other boys as if to claim you.
• highkey loves watching you with the other boys though, turns him on so much and makes him swell with pride at how well you take them and how fucking good you make them feel.
❥ X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes):
• we already been knew this man has a MASSIVE cock. it’s not a secret with the way he jumps around on stage in those pants!!!
• a few hidden scars.
• one or two small tattoos that are easy to keep out of sight in his stage fit.
❥ Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?):
• INSATIABLE!! if you haven’t already got the message, this man is almost ALWAYS horny!!!
• highest sex drive you’ve ever seen on anyone.
• will finish, be cuddling with you, and you’ll feel him getting hard again within minutes because of the way you’re pressed up against him or because he’s thinking about how good you took him or how good you looked while you were cumming around his cock, etc. etc.
❥ Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards):
• depends on the day/mood/etc!
• will stay up with you all night if you want.
• always always ALWAYS makes sure you’re okay/taken care of before sleep ever crosses his mind.
• will happily tangle your limbs together under the covers and fall asleep with you after if you’re sleepy!
• lowkey think he would enjoy watching you fall asleep feeling safe in his arms so maybe he waits up, trailing his arm up and down your back, playing with your hair, soothing you to sleep, just so he can stare at your pretty peaceful sleeping face for a little before dozing off himself.
———————————————————
once again i cannot and do not ever write but the brainrot has become too much and i simply had to get this out!!!! i’m only even posting it so like 2 specific people can read it lol SORRY I MADE VESSEL GROSS BUT ALSO !!!! tell me i’m wrong (u can’t i won’t believe u!)
#sleep token smut#vessel smut#vesselposting#vessel x reader#vessel x you#vessel#idk how this post got so long ok i just have a LOT of filthy thoughts about this man
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The Story of Minglan
Honestly, I don't think any of this was cruel to Wang Ruofu.
First, she backed her sister when she stuffed a concubine into Minglan's house in a clear attempt to shit all over her marriage. Then she poisoned Granny Sheng when she rightfully punished her for it. She deserved both her punishments. In fact, they didn't go far enough, IMO.
***
I cannot anymore with this fucking woman 🙄
Who gives a fuck who gave birth to him? That is his GRANDMOTHER. Whom you tried to POISON. Also, he is a government official, and a moral and sensible man. Him covering up for your crimes would have been a failure on all fronts.
***
No.
Your best hope is that Granny will not live longer than ten more years since she is already quite old. And if she does, that she will have moved over to Minglan's house by then, so that she doesn't have to look at your stupid face every day.
***
And after all this, she still continues to be driven by grudges and resentment.
Of course he will have no love for you. Of course he will try to get some recourse for his dead mother. It's no wonder that none of the illegitimate kids love you because how have you treated them? Certainly not well. You may not have sold them into slavery the way your sister did with the kids in her home, but if it had been up to you, all three of them would have died of neglect and you would not have cared. Changfeng and Molan luckily had their real mother with them until they were grown, and Minglan had Granny. You deserve nothing from any of them.
***
I AM ANNOYED BY YOU!
DOES THAT COUNT? YOU ARE STARTING TO GET ON MY VERY LAST NERVE.
My guy, you cannot force trust and intimacy and yelling at her about it is not helping your case!
I find him so pointless as a male lead. He has not done a single plot-relevant thing since he married Minglan. He just whines and whines about how he's not getting enough attention from her while she goes out and about, making new friends and solving Imperial marriage problems. In this last arc, he just swooped in at the very end to take credit where none is due because of course, the writers couldn't have had Minglan resolve the situation, no, Mr. Feng Shaofeng had to have a place in the spotlight too. After everything she did, right at the end, they made her so bumbling and helpless, so that he could swoop in to rescue her. I'm beyond pissed.
***
LMAO, imagine bringing up Wang Ruofu as a role model for anything.
Shut up, shut up, shut up. This drama was miles and miles better without you looking for trouble where there is none.
***
I am on her side here.
I'm super aroace, though, and I can't stand whiny, needy men encroaching on my space and time, demanding more than I am willing (or able) to give. Seriously, fuck off.
***
LMFAO
Minglan did him the biggest favour.
***
Wait a minute.
Doesn't that make Old Master Kang her grandfather??
Gross.
***
What you don't know and don't want to know not only about your daughter but about your entire family, could fill not just a book, but an entire library.
And she is like this because you are worthless and spineless.
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LMAO, she read him to filth 🤣🤣
I love her so much! Definitely one of my favourite heroines, if not THE favourite right now!
***
Pathetic.
***
Wait. Her??
Didn't Sheng Hong get rid of all of them?
Also, what happened to her leg? Did she also get caned or tortured or something?
Terrible fate, she had such a comfy life with Concubine Lin for so many years and now she has to do hard labour with no hope for things improving.
***
LMAO, so what?
It's not you who has served three Emperors and it's not your memorial tablet being worshipped in the Imperial ancestral hall.
***
LMAO, that's right Minglan, put them on the spot!
They want you to do their dirty work for them.
***
LMAO, of course, let's change the topic quickly, now that the spotlight is on them.
***
Ah, so all of them are slaves, after all.
MInglan gave her the greatest gift. Her freedom to live as a free citizen. I hope she does the same for the rest of them, if she hasn't already.
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So I was thinking about wash. I watch the show out of order, so there are a lot of scenes I haven't seen. I consider this enrichment. Anyway, because of that, I knew about his injury but hadn't watched the seasons surrounding it for a while.
I thought of it like this: wash finally accepting that his memory and skill doesn't define him, and that they don't keep him around for his ability. And that he can let go and stop fighting now. It's okay. He's released from fighting.
And then I watched some scenes. And one scene completely changed my opinion of that.
Deets under the cut:
(excuse the screenshots, i am a fraud)
He sounds so genuine when he's saying this, too. He likes going on his misadventures with the Reds and Blues. In light of that, it's no wonder his injury would upset him. He doesn't want to lose that. Not just belonging, but the ability to just... be a trusted member of their team.
In light of that, I really don't like the idea of his injury taking that away from him. Instead I think it could represent a final shift in power.
Wash had started to take on more of a supporting role since season 11. As Tucker grew more and more into the role of a leader. Tucker had this devastating moment of reflection in s17 about it, too.
But the season never quite got to bring this idea around to anything. I liked the ending of the season a LOT, don't get me wrong. Carolina's arc had an awesome finale. But between Wash and Tucker, this really felt like setup for something that never got paid off.
Tucker trying his best to reconcile the role of a leader. Wash wanting to stay with his team, but no longer being fit for a leader role. I think that would have been the perfect time to pass the baton, fully and properly. To tell Tucker that it isn't just because he isn't fit to lead, but because Tucker is the best one for the role.
I think in my own perfect world, season 18 would have been a very chill season a la the early seasons where they just hang out and talk with very little plot, at least for most of it. Give them all a chance to catch their breath and figure out what's what. Let Tucker and Wash have a conversation about how Tucker still looks up to Wash, about how Wash has nothing but respect for who Tucker has become. How they didn't get the best hand, but how Wash doesn't want to retire, and Tucker doesn't want him to leave, even if he's not the soldier he used to be. About how shit is fucked but they can still be happy.
And then Grif drives a Warthog through the wall right into Tucker. At that moment, the ritual is complete.
#rvb#red vs blue#tucker rvb#wash rvb#david washington#lavernius tucker#i love them so much your honor#i feel like i didnt do them justice in this lil post#oh well#tuckington#if you squint ig#it's no tucknut but it is a ship i like very much#anyway this is more platonic to me#i love these idiots#so much#so so much#they are so special to me#it's a shame we'll never get those fleshed out seasons that we could have gotten#whether it's the meta tucker arc or post s17 arc#but hey thats what the mind palace is for#it's nice in here
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“we’re not some prisoners for you to toy with like… like…” “like a bunch of toy prisoners!” “yes! thank you, lance!”
#THE FUCKING MEMORIES THAT I AM HAVING RIGHT NOW#they really should have kissed at least once :/#SORRT#actually not sorry thisnis the cringe website i’m allowed to admit i still enjoy klance#vld liveblog
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youtube
Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared
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So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.
Julian Bashir.
From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.
This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."
This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.
Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.
Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.
#i've called julian jules before simply as a normal nickname but i don't think i ever will again. not after this#and knowing that if it had been possible i would have probably gone the way jules did. knowing that at his age i would have gone willingly.#fuck dude i am literally actually crying literal tears irl right now this is not a joke#fuck!!!!!#julian bashir#jules bashir#doctor bashir i presume#came back wrong#star trek deep space nine#HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND THEY KILLED HIM!!!!#i cannot stop crying i am literally crying and like not even just a little#i cannot... poor julian how the FUCK do you ever come to terms with something like that#and like... julian remembers. he has most if not all of jules' memories and also knows he was murdered simply for not being julian#like how did he cope#(im about to go off on a tangent that will contain censored names for the sake of not clogging those tags if you dont know who i mean hmu)#like this is literally the thing that fucked up j*ran so bad he went on a murder spree isn't it#he remembers the one who came before who was killed. very different circumstances of course esp since tr*ll are expected to replace one ano#another but he remembers this person he remembers BEING this person who was young and simply enjoying life and who died a sudden death and#he remembers the experience of that death as well and how it lead to his own creation. it's not remotely similar ofc but considering that#the only time we see t*rias in alpha canon is in julian's body... i need to lie down for a moment.#and jor*n couldn't cope! he couldn't! it was far too much and the weird thing is right now in this moment i GET it y'know?? like that's#so horrific. and i haven't watched any jo*an episode besides facets yet but do you think. do you think j*dzia told julian about all this an#he nodded along and kept composure and then when he was alone he broke down crying? like julian you're doing SO well ily you're coping and#you shouldn't have to obviously but you do nonetheless!! do you think julian still has something from jules? like i've heard there's a tedd#but i mean jules prolly didn't keep a diary he was a six year old with an intellectual disability it's pretty unlikely he could write but#does julian have drawings made by jules? i'd like to think so but honestly his parents probably threw them out. like they also moved so#sorry i'm just. many thoughts head full. ive stopped crying now but who knows for how long. also i'll have to tag this with my original tag#maybe i should've picked something less silly for when i make serious posts but like what am i gonna change my url as well? don't think so#original posts fresh from quark's pussy#and thats the tag limit folks it's been fun. i had to delete two other tags but my god. anyway. thinking about jules bashir forever & cryin
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“Dear Diary”. Zexion’s Mystery Gear. “A weapon that draws forth its wielder’s personality.” Sleek and cold and gray exterior, decorated only by the symbol of the Organization. A tool with access to more information than a normal book can grant, and capable of holding more secrets than a normal book could store. But then, open it up- the wallpaper is an eyesearing red, so vivid in shade that it leaves afterimages. Something you wouldn't be able to see when the laptop was closed unless you used it for violence.
Mystery Gear weapons are designed for being overanalyzed as symbols. This thing represents Zexion. What’s the red wallpaper imply then, huh? Mr. “Intellectual with no room for feelings”?
#kingdom hearts#358/2 days#zexion#what the fuck!!!! zexion!!!!!#this was supposed to be a post making fun of his desktop wallpaper and speculating on what his applications are#but i got sidetracked#sighing tragically because i love the interpretation of him where he really is cold and unfeeling at all times#but between this and his reactions to losses in days multiplayer i think that just can’t be true#right before his death in chain of memories too but there he’s actually regrowing a heart so it’s a little different#and the way he acts in combat in every game- he lets loose and gets unhinged#he's so... what's wrong with him....#this is it i have to incorporate 'zexion/ienzo's most common emotion through all incarnations is frustration' into my belief system now#also his mystery gear is the only one to have nobody iconography in it which i of course am taking as further evidence of my beliefs#me post
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seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing
#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident#I straight up forgot#and just didn't show up to the session#my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked#I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up#my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january#I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted#like mentally and spiritually#all the time#my memory and sense of time are both shit#my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason??#I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me#I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir#and yet#idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason#fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly#due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me#aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory#it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever#like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype#but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here#doing whatever this is#maybe I should drive out to the coast#maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long#I mean it can't make me worse#I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark#everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone
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had a day that made me think oh that was a bit heavy on the symbolism, wasn't it
#j. talks#went to visit my brother in his uni city and also connected it with an event there#I know this event because I went there once with a uni course that of course was with my fave former prof#so I know she's usually there but it's a bigger city and Friday and there are a lot of things at different locations#chances are not zero but I thought come on if anything it will be casual running into her#well as I was waiting with my brother and a whole crowd of people to be let in who do I hea#and see :))) yeah it's my fave prof. and I told my brother and he told me to go and say hi but there were so many people already talking to#her and also going there and saying hi so I simply couldn't. I literally froze our shoulders were nearly touching but she wasn't even facin#me and taking and I just followed my brother and he was like???#what was that?? and I didn't know. and he asked my why I looked so shameful out of all the emotions I chose shame#and I don't know. I don't know why shame I consuming me no matter where I go. but she was busy and imagine I go up and she has no idea who#am anymore. they had to burry me right there and then. so that was that :) now#the name of that street of the location burned into my memory as I was facing the wall well it's the name of [redacted] who I never really#get over and it's been 10 years now soon. and we had a similar experience in December :) where I would have loved nothing more really than#to talk (in Decembar definitely also other things that I miss on some days very much) but I barely got a wave#so yeah :) I actually had a great day but I am more than overwhelmed. I feel like crying and hiding#taurus season is apparently not here to save me? idk#is this all about wasted potential and shame stopping me? maybe. but how the fuck do I get it out of me
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someone send help i keep thinking about normal helping scary through the terry jr aftermath.
____________
Scary knows Normal is the kind of person who would do anything for his friends, even if he didn't agree with their decisions.
She knows, after months and months of spending the night at the Swallows-Oak-Garcias, that Normal loves his friends with all his heart. It's just the way he is, and, for a reason she will never understand, she's found herself being one of those friends. She's never felt deserving of it, to say the least, and she still feels guilty for all the things she put him, Link and Taylor through, but she will take it because she loves him too, and his presence has warmed its way into what she thought was the cold tundra of her heart. So, she never asks him for anything, Scary feels like that would be crossing a line. But in their endless sleepovers, when she wakes up crying and screaming over the bloody hole in Terry's face, and he holds her until her breath is even, the warm light of the sun finding them crying until the early hours of the morning, she feels selfish enough to ask Normal to help her forget.
"Forget what?" he asks, wiping his wet cheeks with the palm of his hand, looking at Scary with a knowing look. He knows what she is going to ask, she's sure of it.
"I can't... I can't live like this, Norm. I can't keep remembering him and reliving that day." scary says, clutching her chest, choking tears away. "If I forget about Terry, at least... fuck, I don't know." she burrows her face in his shoulder, and he hugs her. "I don't want to feel this empty inside." Scary whispers, sobbing quietly into her best friend's arms.
"Yeah." Normal says, as she knew he would. "We'll find a way." he whispers back.
Scary doesn't know if they will find a way, but she knows Normal will do everything in his power to help her, and she's never felt less deserving and grateful of his friendship.
#dndads#dndads s2 spoilers#dndads s2#dungeons and daddies#i am ill with them bonding and hanging out and helping each other through trauma ok#normal insists that scary spends every waking second with him because he is worried and wants to be there for her constantly#scary doesn't refuse because. well she is fucking broken. how can she refuse when she really needs someone to be her pilar right now#all of this is prompted by the idea of scary asking normal to erase her memories of terry jr and the only way normal can do that is#by changing his alignment to trickter cleric and having the doodler as his deity and unlocking the modify memory spell.#and you know what? he would do that without a doubt#because normal oak swallows garcia loves his friends and he would risk his life for them#normal oak swallows garcia#scary marlowe
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when i move out i need to find a good old vhs tape player so bad
#do most tvs still come with vhs tape jacks. if not ill find an older tv too#u cn find these things at used places all the time but i simpy do not have room for any of that right now#i just need this n a record player n a dvd player and im all set i fucking love physical media grahhhh#found my cloudy w a chance of meatballs 2 (got for bday one year) dvd holder the other day and even tho the dvd is no longer with us#i kept the packadging for memories sake#AND AND AND i cant wait to have enough privacy i can buy whatever books and comics i want without my familys judgement#theyre crazy#but im feeling positive. i Am capable of moving out and living on my own its whats gonna save me#theres a lot of good things 2 come with the scaries of it all too. so i will survive for joy
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is rizzoli and isles worth starting/watching?
i VERY much think so but i’m likely a bit biased because it was one of my first real true loves when i was a teenager, so watching it now feels like seeing old friends i had a crush on lol
that being said it is a police procedural (boooooo cops) with absolutely stunning leads (yay hot women) with some really really incredible complexities and characterisations. it’s a little bit bad-guy-of-the-week with continued overarching season-long plots, and sometimes it can be a little goofy (moreso in the later seasons when the quality dropped) but when it’s good i do genuinely think it’s good.
the humour is very well done, there are a fair few real tearjerker storylines, and the characters are just fascinating and so easy to fall in love with. it’s much darker in the first few seasons and becomes a little more loosey goosey toward the end, but if you’re like me you’ll already be neck deep by then and it won’t even matter.
but, most importantly, and i mean this when i say it, this show will queerbait you within an inch of your life. this is like the OG 2010s bed-sharing, fake-dating, platonic-love-confession, save-each-other-above-all-else disaster of every gay person’s worst nightmare but also wildest dreams.
i both adore and highly recommend it
#also the fic environment was fucking INCREDIBLE when i was in the fandom#i cant speak for if its actually as good as i thought or if maybe i was just 17 and my standards were a little lower#but i have many a memory of absolutely sobbing my way through some of those fics#and also the sex . my god#upon reflection#it is very clear that the rizzles writers were largely lesbians in their 30s#nobody else could have done it that good i am telling you right now#anyway! i hope you do watch it lol#rizzles#answered#anonymous
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Someone (a stranger) ever do something that annoys and pisses you off so much that even over a year later you refuse to rb anything with them on it even going so far as clicking the rb before them to rb a post?
#personal;#i need to get around to blocking the url but i always forget when i'm at the computer#i don't even remember /when/ what it is happened but i sure am fundamentally still Angry at them about it#esp bc people kept lauding them as right just bc they're popular and they really really weren't#edit: have blocked and blacklisted now#i just hate her so fucking much bc of One Thing where everyone acted like she was right when she WASN'T#and it's significant that i remember the details of it bc my memory is shit but that drilled in bc i was so angry watching it happen
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Reason number idk to keep my shot day more consistent (tho tbf i had been doing really well on timing up until last week lmao):
Shot day being off means i get extra weepy over just. anything. everything. My brain looks at anything and goes 'oh yeah, that's like (horrible traumatic memory), you 'member that? Yeah, sure ya do! here's a recap of that particular time for ya too.'
and like??? I am not a fan of it today. i mean i never really am but, I have shit to do rn lmao (dishes and i keep having smutty ed/izzy and nathan/pickles ideas that refuse to actually flow on the page once i open a word doc.)
#text post#typing this up more as warning that i might be extra messy the next few days#there's an in person work thing this Friday im terrified of bc my transphobic supervisor is gonna b there and like#it's abt four hours counting travel time so i know I'll need the bathroom at least once while im there and he made a Big Deal of it b4#and i just. am not looking forward to figuring out how to handle this in addition to it being So Many Ppl in One Small Room w/me#my brain deciding that anytime i have even a minor hormonal shift means weeping and constant memory reliving time is not helping that either#all the more reason to keep next week's shot on fucking time!!!!!#but. yeah. might be some sad lil text posts like this and reblogging a lot of my usual fixations to distract myself#but for now: dishes while i consider my ed cockwarming Izzy's strap idea &#my nathan panic proposes to pickles post apocalypse w/the ring he made for Abigail idea#that one is actually mostly written but. doesn't feel quite right yet#i do like the detail that nathan got it in pickles size & planned to resize it for Abigail#bc he didn't know her ring size but he has pickles' memorised along with all his other measurements tbh#so it just. fits right away and is revealed that they designed the ring as their shared dream engagement ring during a frienderbender#and 'whoever finds the right person first can use it with them' but oh. it was made for the right person all along. right there#a stitched up charles officiates while they're just. sitting in a pile of burning rubble aksndjfngn#anyway enough of this i must dishes and address the anxiety stomachache starting now that i thought abt the work thing 💀
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I'M FREE FROM MY FUCKING CURSEEEEEEEE
#I was finally able to get EVERYTHING worked out#I'm fucking freeeeeeeee thank you ME thank you MY MOM and that's ALL#the only thing is it looks like my pictures weren't backed up on Samsung's shit so I've likely lost them all forever.#I'm going to have to learn to be okay with that. At least this nightmare is mostly over#I'm gonna go ahead and order a new phone and hopefully my life can only get better from here#I'll keep my old phone around just in case it's ever possible I can get back into it#even if it's just to transfer all my pictures somewhere else#this has been such a nightmare I am definitely gonna have an ulcer and like 50 more gray hairs due to it but OH WELLLLLL#Girls. Back up your memories right now. just for me.#I'm patron saint of losing the things you can never get back
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