writing dean winchester is like. he’s hideously selfish. he’s the most selfless person in the world. he’s pathetic. he’s strong. he’s completely clueless about his feelings. he feels everything too much. he hates himself. he’s the cockiest son of a bitch you’ll ever meet. he ignores his fear. his fear consumes him. he’s protective. he wants someone to protect him. he’s controlling and possessive. he’s soft-hearted and kind. he wants to bear the weight of the world because it’s the only thing that makes him feel useful. he doesn’t want to feel responsible for everyone and everything. he loves the hunting life. he just wants to be normal. he loves his brother. he hates his brother. he loves his father. he hates his father. he loves his mother. he hates his mother.

and writing sam winchester is like. he’s never fit in anywhere. he just wants to belong. he wants to get away from his family. he doesn’t want to let his family down. he’s full of anger. he’s the gentlest man in the world. he’s never had the ability to choose. he’ll do anything to preserve other people’s ability to choose. he’s a good hunter. he wants to be anything else but a hunter. he’s defiant. he’s complacent. he’s ashamed of the things he’s done. he’s proud of himself for who he is. he doesn’t ever want to kill. he’ll kill anything that threatens someone he loves. he feels suffocated by his brother’s love. his brother’s love is the only true thing he’s ever known. he hates his father. he loves his father.

everything about these characters is a contradiction. how can you not want to eat them alive, absorb them into your blood, and then spend the rest of your life trying to write them into a world where every single one of these things is true at the same time??? i’m absolutely. insane

I took care of him in a way most people could never understand I took care of him in a way most people could never understand I took care of him in a way most people could never understand

Timestamps.

One feature never changes: Dean looking at Sam. You're here, brother of mine. Now it's ok.

can’t believe there’s still people who get angry at the fact that wincest shippers exist when the show’s creator openly said he puts homoerotic subtext between brothers

Destial is so talked about i got into supernatural thinking they'd be too overwhelming of a canon to ignore and all that hearsay. But then I watched supernatural and found out they got NOTHING on what samdean have. The hundred crammed-in fic/romantic tropes. The yearning glances and looks of pure love. The constant sexual innuendos and parallels to lovers. Soulmates unhinged codependent freaks who'd damn the entire world and sell their own souls to save each other time and time again. The chemistry, the storylines of them being forced to separate by every higher power yet desperately coming to each other every time. Most romantic relationship i ever seen on Tv.

Destial is an ant before a mighty God (samdean) it's not even near them.

#top ten anime betrayals...

do i ship wincest. yeah they're an inseparable pair on a narrative and thematic level, can you truly understand one without understanding the other? they're two halves of a dialectic on heroism and sacrifice. they're two points on the family trauma survivor spectrum, sometimes opposing, sometimes intersecting. they're like watching your parents who should've gotten a divorce years ago somehow stay together, against all reason. they're two inheritors of a rugged American masculinity and isolated individualism, internal and external violence springing forth. regressing to the nostalgia of frontier brotherhood as substitute for the nuclear family. they're a set of quintessential outlaw lovers. maybe true love only exists in the kind of freedom you keep when you're always moving, on the road, in your childlike bubble excluded from society, left with nowhere to burrow your roots except into each other's very being. they're the world's loneliest childhood shared between two feral dogs, one biting down on the other, unable to let go. they're the fantasy of an unconditional love so powerful it can survive the apocalyptic enormity of your own self-loathing. they're a set of matryoshka dolls, one consuming the other. journeys end in lovers meeting, but what kind of journey is it really when you've never left home: it's been sitting in the seat next to you this entire time. your haunted house is not a home but a person who'll never let go. they're an erotic fantasy of domestic horror as a sweet, sickening embrace as opposed to an all-consuming fire, a car driving off into heaven's sunset as opposed to one crashing into a tree. (wrong: they're both). so horribly enmeshed and trapped in a magnified love so destructive to the world around them they leave catherine and heathcliff wuthering heights in the dust. they're two brothers trapped in a 15 year long spiral of an abusive codependent pseudo-marriage, in part due to a network unable to let go of a successful show format, thus unable to afford them any growth that might disturb the status quo. but the implications of it all.

I love the way Dean tells Sam “ come here”

This is actually my third favourite hug of the guys, i will talk about first and second in later posts, but this hug is just awwwww

I love the way that Dean says “ come here” and Sam just goes, no awkwardness just right into his big brother arms.

I actually love the idea of Dean being the one who initiate the hug, the same guy with the “no chick flick moments” rule. He is the big brother, he started this stupid rule, but he is also the one who needed to have his baby brother in his arms, before they both go on the toughest mission ever. When it’s all said and done, we all need hugs. They both needed the assurance, and Dean not being on big words, this was “ i love u, i trust u” hug

I love how bitch/ Jerk is Sam and Dean way of saying “ i love u “ ❤️

sam n dean growing up so isolated they never really internalize the fact that incest is widely considered gross until sam gets to college and talks about his brother in ways that majorly freak people out 🫶

oh the elements i do not fear, but i fall apart when you appear

SNEAK PEEK at the evil art style challenge thing so far😗

“Stood before the alter, choked by devotion turned resentment. Born for him, raised by him, his child bride, his blood, his brother..“ - C.M.F

Dean manipulating his brother is great

Sam manipulating his brother is fantastic

However, both manipulating each other at the same time, being possessive and jealous freaks together, with eyes only for each other, that's the real good.

very small detail in mystery spot… but the very first tuesday sam goes to brush his teeth and there’s toothpaste like all over the tube and it’s mostly empty. and he looks at dean like “seriously?” and dean shrugs. then after dean dies, during the montage of sam living alone on his revenge mission, there’s a shot of him brushing his teeth and the toothpaste tube is clean. the trunk is organized, the photos on the wall are lined up, the guns are spotless, the bed is made. the toothpaste tube is clean. dean was always the one who made the motel room a home, made it messy, made it lived in. there’s no mess. there’s no dean. sam doesn’t know how to do that. he’s never needed to. maybe never even noticed that’s what dean was doing; he was too busy complaining about his dirty clothes being everywhere.

it is so extremely codependent how sam’s ocd behaviours spike when dean is gone. like dean is his emotional support animal. “we keep each other human” in a very non-supernatural way. sam can only function on a normal level if he knows dean is ok. no one and nothing can drag sam out of that spiral other than dean, because there’s no reason to get out of the spiral if dean isn’t there. sam calls dean selfish for making the deal not because sam wouldn’t do the same thing, but because the prospect of living without dean is hell to him.

The Winchester brothers, again.

This looks like a recurrent move from Sam's part, in their relationship. 😄