#SETHS BIGGEST FANS RIGHT HERE
Note
could i also request an imagine where it's reader and roman's wedding day and it's like a story from a fairytale and they exchange their vows that either make everyone laugh or cry because they're just so in love with each other that all the guests can feel their endless love (i'm a hopeless romantic)
WILDEST DREAMS, roman reigns.
warnings: curse words, inaccurate events
tags: italics for flashbacks, pure fluff!!!, afab reader
summary: it's your big day and you couldn't help but to look back at your memories
THE sound of footsteps filled your eardrums as you focused on your reflection. “damn, (y/n) you look amazing!” your best friends, trinity and jimmy, entered the room. “you look amazing too, trin!” you complimented her. “how are you feeling?” jimmy sat down next to you, while trin helped you fix your dress. “terrible. what if i trip down the aisle?” “then we'll fall with you, we got you always.” she always had a way to cheer you up. “it’ll be okay, (y/n).” trin patted your back as you hugged her.
today was your wedding day. after countless days of planning, the day finally came. your fiancé and you were finally going to tie the knot. "right, you ready?" your dad asked you, looking confused at your state. "no, i'm not." you stuttered, anxiousness filling your veins. "hey, hey. it's going to be okay." he walked over to you, to lift your veil. "it's your big day today," your father paused for a second, holding back his tears. "you're my brave girl, this isn't anything compared to what you've been through." with that, you walked down the altar.
everyone's attention turned to you and you immediately made eye-contact with your soon-to-be husband. there he was, with the biggest smile plastered on his face. as soon as you were facing him, you couldn't help but to stifle a chuckle. that made him mimic your gesture and the two of you ended up smiling stupidly at each other. “you look beautiful.” he said. “you look pretty too.” and the ceremony began. the beach was filled with your loved ones; friends, family, and colleagues. everyone was there to watch you tie the knot with your partner.
“friends and family of (y/n) and roman… welcome and thank you for being here on this important day. we are gathered together to celebrate the very special love between bride and groom, by joining them in marriage.” the officiant stated, looking at the two of you with a smile. you couldn’t stop staring at the man in front of you, eyes filled with joy and love.
roman thought long and hard for his vows, he was finally going to say them in front of you. he took the microphone and he was ready to recite them. "(y/n), the first day i saw you... you were with alone, i remember being starstruck, not knowing what to say. our first impressions weren't so good. you picked up a fight the moment i stepped inside the room." the guests laugh at roman's sentence.
“do you want to meet your cousins first?” seth asked, tidying up his outfit before their showtime. "think you should go see them first." dean added. “sure, i’ll meet y'all back here.” roman was finally debuting in the main roster and he was nervous. the first thing he wanted to do when he arrived was meet his cousins. he didn’t knock on the door, he knew that his cousins would be there. to his surprise, jimmy and jey weren’t there, but a familiar face greeted him instead.
it was you. roman was always a big fan of you, especially with your current run. he stood there, not knowing what to say. “can i help you?” you raised a brow, eyeing him from head to toe. “uh…” roman muttered. “hello?” you said once again. “well, if you don’t have anything to say, move along, i’m trying to get dressed.” you closed the door on his face, causing him to tilt his head in confusion.
“damn, uce! been a long time since we seen you!” to his luck, his cousins greeted him from behind. “what are you doing standing here? let’s go chill a bit in our locker room!” jimmy opened the door and roman once again made eye contact with you. “(y/n)! have you met roman? this is our cousin and it’s his first day here.” jey introduced him to you. “oh, hi! sorry, i thought you were just messing around by standing in front of the door not saying anything… i’m (y/n), nice to meet you!” “nice to meet you too, i’m roman.”
you laughed at the memory. you were so used to your male coworkers messing around, you thought he was also going to mess with you. “i actually thought you were going to slam me to the ground… i was so scared of you, baby. remembering that moment actually made me shiver… can y’all believe it? i was terrified of her.”
“but when i got to know you, i think that changed my life. remember our first date? they were trying to set us up and it actually worked. i can’t believe that bar date made me fall in love with you… in the middle of nowhere, just the two of us. i’d take that stale beer any day.”
no one picked up his call. dean, seth, and the twins were no where to be seen. so there he was, sitting all alone in the booth with a beer. they were going to have a night out, but once again, no one answered his call. the bar was crowded but he couldn't careless, it was a busy day and he deserved a pint of cold beer. he laid his head on the table, feeling tired.
"hey! didn't expect to see you here." a familiar voice made him look up from his current position. you were standing in front of him, clearly confused. "oh, hey! what are you doing here?" roman furrowed his brows. "jey, jimmy, and your two funny friends asked me to come here for a night out..." you took a seat in front him. "same, but no one answered my call." roman shrugged his shoulders. "yeah, they didn't answer me too." then it clicked. "they set us up." you chuckled. roman felt his cheeks reddening. "oh, then i don't mind."
that specific date replayed in your mind. the boys set you up with him and you were thankful. you looked at seth who was sitting down and gave him a wink as he was the mastermind behind that plan. "who would've thought a glass of beer in a random city would lead me standing here in front of you, i'm so thankful for you. i love you and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, (y/n)." that made you tear up.
"no one knows about this but i actually cried before going out because i used to daydream about our wedding and it was exactly like this. us on the beach, you looking beautiful as ever... and me being nervous just by saying my vows. you really make me weak. the thought of waking up to you every morning is something to look forward to, (y/n). i love you and i will always do."
roman was always a romantic boyfriend. you knew that he'd give the world to you and you'd do the same. the amount of sacrifices the two of you made were countless–and it was all worth it in the end. "you're gonna make me cry." you mouthed at him. "you're already crying." he joked.
it was your time to say your vows. you breathed out the warm and fresh air of the beach, preparing yourself. "i didn't believe in love at all. when i was caught up in my own feelings for roman, i was in denial of my own feelings. it's not shocking and everyone knew that i was practically against dating people from work... but he changed my perception of love."
"so you do actually love him?" jey asked, taking a bite of his bland catering food. "i do! but you know how hard it is for me to actually say it to him." you were stressed out. you were getting your makeup done and jey was there, bothering you like usual. "damn girl, just talk it out with him. he's practically head over heels for you." jey shrugged his shoulders. "thanks jasmine." you thanked the makeup artist and faced jey, who was sitting in front of you. "i can't... it's hard."
you were never one to be mushy and affectionate, but being with roman changed you. the countless dates, the butterflies in your stomach every time you made eye-contact, and the thought of him... everything made you weak to your knees. he was the one and you knew it. but you couldn't help but to push it all deep inside you as you were scared of being deep in your feelings. you were on top of your game, your career was flourishing and nothing could stop you from focusing on work.
nothing but a certain black-haired man who was carrying a bouquet of flowers, walking towards you. "hi beautiful." you smiled at him. "hey, who are these for?" you teased him. "just for charles, since i bump him a lot." he joked. you rolled your eyes. "it's for you of course." he ruffled your hair. "what's the special occasion? is it my birthday today?" you took the bouquet and put it inside your locker. "just wanted to give my pretty girl some flowers, i should do this very often tho. you deserve all the pretty flowers."
"and i thought to myself, well if this is love then i don't mind being loved forever by you." you cracked a smile, feeling tears slowly falling down your cheeks. "now my makeup is ruined but i don't care, i can't express how much i truly love you." roman chuckled, wiping the tears off your face. "it's okay, you still look beautiful as always."
"you were always there for me, baby." you continued, holding his hands tighter than before. "whether it was a sad day or a tiresome day, you were there. with your stupid smile and flowers. i sometimes feel like i don't deserve your love at all." you admitted. "but you made me realize that everyone deserves to be loved. you're my one and only, i can't imagine my life without you."
roman too, was in tears. the guests were deep in their feelings. people who were close to you knew that you were meant to be with him. ever since he stepped into the industry and became close to you, the two of you became inseparable. there was no roman without you and it goes the same way for you.
"without you, i'd probably still be all alone... maybe bothering trin and jimmy non stop like i usually did. my life has always been monotone but you came into it and suddenly, i saw nothing but colors. you really light up my world, love. i love you and like you said, i too, can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."
"do you, take (y/n) to be your wedded wife, to cherish in love and in friendship, in strength and in weakness, in success and in disappointment, to love her faithfully, today, tomorrow, and for as long as the two of you shall live?" "i do." the officiant looked at you. "and do you, take roman to be your wedded husband, to cherish in love and in friendship, in strength and in weakness, in success and in disappointment, to love him faithfully, today, tomorrow, and for as long as the two of you shall live?" "i do." the officiant smiled. "you may now kiss the bride."
the night went on and you were dancing with your husband. you made eye-contact with him and a grin spread on your face. "what are you smiling for?" he teased you. "i don't know, i'm happy." you chuckled. "i'm happy too..." he muttered, kissing your forehead. "you said that you daydreamed about our wedding... i really got into your head, huh?" "shut up, you know you're insatiable."
"looking back at our memories... and now we're here." you said. "it felt like it was only yesterday you threatened to break my arm because you wanted the last cup of coffee." you chuckled at that memory. "and you were actually scared of me, love." "i was, but look at us now. i wouldn't trade anything for our moments." he held your waist, serenading you to the music. "i love you, joe." you looked up to him. "and i love you too, (y/n). but i think you already know that."
a/n: omg... finally finished w this request... i'm sorry it took so long but to whoever requested this i hope you enjoyed it bc i got all mushy writing this </33 i just love writing couples looking back at their past memories ^__^ feedbacks are highly appreciated <3
#wwe imagines#roman reigns#wwe#roman reigns imagines#roman reigns imagine#roman reigns x reader#wwe imagine#wrestling#jey uso#jimmy uso
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem amplifies the fun of the franchise - REVIEW
*Slight Spoilers for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem*
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has been a franchise that has consistently been rebooted and I have never minded.
While the 2003 series was my initial Turtles introduction, the 2012 series really made me a fan. It had the right balance for me of brotherly affection, drama, stakes, and weird obscure villains.
While Rise of the TMNT wasn't exactly my taste, I can appreciate the animation, comedy, and going for a different new take. Plus my god is the Rise of TMNT movie good. I'm all for making really cool characters into animes now.
Going into this movie I had extremely high hopes. Not only has this franchise rarely disappointed, but it was produced by Seth Rogen, who has worked on shows like The Boys and Invincible, and directed by Jeff Rowe, who is not getting NEARLY enough credit for this movie. He was a writer on Gravity Falls and the co-director of one of my favorite animated movies: The Mitchells vs The Machines.
And I got to say, this movie does not disappoint.
The animation style is both impressive and at times disgusting in the best possible way. This is the first time I've felt New York feel grubby and grimy. Every shot looks wonderful, and that cannot be understated.
The hardest part of the Turtles is usually the brother dynamics. I feel like if not written or performed correctly, the Turtles can come off as buddies or even acquaintances. But this was not a problem here. The idea of having all four actors in the same room clearly paid off, as the four of them riffing and mocking each other were some of the highlights of the movie.
I do think coming out of this, some of these turtles will be the definitive versions of the characters. While Mikey and Raph have their charms, Micah Abbey as Donnie and Nicolas Cantu as Leo were stands out for me.
The idea of taking Donnie from the tech guy to more of a calculating nerdy weeb was genius. Donnie often is the guy who is most made fun of because he is nerd, and I think pivoting to him being a smart-ass and respected for his brain was a nice touch.
Leonardo as the goody two shoes dork who wants to lead so bad also worked for me. Leonardo can sometimes come off a sorta bully or arrogant for even trying to be the leader. Making him unsure but wanting to be a good leader makes him charming and more likeable.
Also among our heroes are Ayo Edebiri as April O'Neil and Jackie Chan as Master Splinter.
While April does not have as much to do as I would've liked, I think Edebiri is a nice addition and I'd be happy to see more of her. She has good chemistry with the brothers, although it did take me out of the movie to think of the age gap between Edebiri and Cantu.
Jackie Chan's Splinter may be my biggest problem with the film. While he is a passable Splinter and has plenty of laughs, he does not seem as fierce of a warrior as he has seemed in the past, nor as wise. I do not mind a flawed, anxiety ridden Splinter, but he should feel like he can take on the Turtles easily, and I don't think he can.
(Also, Jackie Chan is a bad father in real life and shouldn't disown his estranged daughter for being gay. Read all about it here!)
I'm not going to go to into the details of all the villains in the movie, as there are quite a few, but I really loved the inclusion of the vast TMNT universe, and their own fun takes on them. One of the benefits of having Seth Rogen as a creative is access to all his very talented friends. A highlight for me was Mondo Gecko, voiced by the great Paul Rudd.
The main antagonist of the film being Superfly was a rather interesting choice. While I was sure we were going to have a Jekyll and Hyde situation with Superfly and Stockman going in, the idea that it was his mutant son was a weird but fun choice. Clearly Ice Cube was having a lot of fun playing a villain. He gave me quite a few laughs and felt like a proper first villain for these turtles. I'm glad they didn't just jump into Shredder or Kraang.
While all the characters are fun and interesting, what I really love about this story is the central theme of acceptance. Having them all have the goal of being accepted by society felt natural, important, and very teen drama, which is fresh to the TMNT. They are often outsiders who don't really care about that, just protecting the city. Making that at the heart of the movie made me feel for them in a way I haven't before.
Leaving the movie where it does excites me for more movies and the upcoming show they have planned. I think this version of the turtles can last us a good 5-7 years, and will end up being as iconic as the ones that came before.
Not that there is a super high bar for TMNT films, but this is definitely my favorite. I think kids are going to love, TMNT fans are going to love it, and non TMNT fans are going to be pleasantly surprised.
I highly recommend you go see this movie, I know I am definitely going again soon.
Thank you for reading! If you'd like to support me, you can:
Follow me at www.facebook.com/romancomicsnews
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#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#teenage mutant ninja turtles mutant mayhem#mutant mayhem#leonardo#michelangelo#raphael#master splinter#april o'neil#donatello#tmnt 2013#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#superfly#mondo gecko#ice cube#paul rudd#jackie chan#ayo edebiri#micah abbey#nicolas cantu#seth rogen#jeff rowe#tmnt 2003#splinter#hamato yoshi#shredder#kraang#baxter stockman
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I can't bear it any longer. I have to share my thoughts on the Mario Movie because I have next to no one in real life to gush over this with and the next best thing is to scream into the lonely Tumblr void.
SPOILERS BELOW
I gotta say like 90% of the criticism levelled against this movie by critics and fans and haters alike can be countered with 'it's made for a target market of 6 to 12 year olds, adjust your expectations.'
LUIGI IS BEST BOY
NO REALLY
I don't get people who are upset that he's not in the movie more because Mario's entire reason for existing is to save Luigi. Luigi is endgame.
Seriously Mario gets his ass handed to him so many times in this movie. Almost everyone in this film got to take a whack at him, even Peach XD The Bowser/Mario fight at the end, poor lad could barely stand and STILL faced off with Bowser. Tenacious little bugger.
Knowing that Mario would throw himself into such physical danger to save Luigi is both heart-warming and heart-breaking. You can imagine that Luigi is the only thing that can make him stop.
Princess Peach more like Princess PARKOUR.
No really I loved Peach though I found her animation a little uncanny? But her personality was just right. Classy, Sassy and a little bit unhinged :)
Music choices were bloody weird. One of the few cases where Bonnie Tyler felt wildly out of place. More orchestral Mario music and less Kill Bill plz.
Luigi is such a golden boy. The part where Bowser is interrogating him and threatening to rip off his moustache, he asks if Mario is the kind of guy a princess would fall in love with, and LUIGI, WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT, is like 'YES MY BRO IS A TOTAL CATCH'. GOD DAMN. Little guy is scared for his life and he is still Mario's biggest wingman. He doesn't even seem to ponder the question. Sure you can say he's just giving answers to stop the torture but something in the line just screams he believes it to his core. What an A+ little bro
I was a little confused by the Toad personality they picked. Is 'outdoorsman adventurer' Toad a game character? Not that I didn't like it, I'm just wondering what the basis of that personality choice was.
Jack Black as Bowser was just having too much fun.
BABY MARIO. BABY LUIGI. BABY PEACH
I loved the scene where Bowser is 'practicing' proposing to Peach with Kamek playing Peach, and they are both so into it that even when a guard interrupts them they seem more annoyed than embarrassed XD Like 'dude we're in the MIDDLE OF SOMETHING can't it WAIT?!'
Kamikaze blue shell Koopa was NOT what I was expecting to see in this movie. Damn
Yes the scene where Mario and Luigi finally reunite was so PERFECT ♥ I could watch their joyful hugs until the heat death of the universe. The bit just after Mario lands and he looks like he's about to cry before he hugs Luigi, I just see a 'oh shit i almost lost you in boiling lava I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE ALIVE LET ME HUG YOU AND HOLD YOUR FACE JUST TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE REALLY HERE ;-; ' moment.
'Why are you dressed like a bear?!' Luigi I adore you. Charlie Day gets a gold star.
I don't get why everyone hated Donkey Kong's voice, I honestly didn't find it that bad. 'He's just Seth Rogan being Seth Rogan'...yeah and? The voice fit? It wasn't out of character? They got a guy who's voice fit the obnoxious, bombastic Donkey Kong personality, I'm not seeing an issue. Maybe I just don't watch enough Seth Rogan stuff to find his voice jarring.
So many Easter eggs from all sorts of Nintendo properties.
LUIGI FACING HIS FEARS TO PROTECT MARIO FROM A FIRE BLAST HE IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD I LOVE HIM.
I made a prediction a week ago with a workmate where I said 'Mario will get to use all the powers in the movie and show them off, but in the end Luigi will get to use the invincibility star to save the day'....and I was totally half right :)
'See I told you I'd get you a turtle', MARIO XD
Had a convo with a workmate about this. It's interesting that the main conflicts in the film for Mario and Luigi individually (as in their own flaws they want to overcome) is that Mario hates being seen as small and worthless, and Luigi struggles with being cowardly and less assertive than Mario. And yet neither of these issues are the main problem that needs resolving. It's ALL about the brothers working together. 'It's gonna be ok as long as we're together' is the mantra. Mario isn't fighting Bowser to prove his worth or be a hero or even to be Peach's knight. He's fighting to get his brother back. Luigi leaps in to save Mario when things get hairy but the manhole cover wouldn't have stood up for very long. Mario proving himself and Luigi overcoming his cowardlyness is not what ultimately saves the day. The two brothers being together, fighting side by side and using Bowser's power against him does. And it's lovely. Mario may always have issues with people looking down on him, and Luigi might always be the anxious one, but that doesn't matter, because they have eachother's backs and they KNOW together they can save the world.
YOSHI.
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My media this week (17-23 Dec 2023)
youtube
shout out to matt rogers for this delightful new entry to the xmas song canon
📚 STUFF I READ 📚
🥰 Bookshops & Bonedust (Legends & Lattes #0) (Travis Baldree, author & narrator) - prequel novel of Viv's much younger days - just as fun and cozy as Legends & Lattes
🥰 Hashtag Soulmates (everwitch) - 44K, RWRB AU - deliberately tropetastic sort-of meta fic where Henry's a fanfic writer & Alex is one of his biggest fans and they work together but don't know it. Hard to explain but fun to read. Good stuff on the nature of fanfic; also hilarious bits where it walks right up to the crackfic line but doesn't go over. I really enjoyed reading something the author so clearly had a blast writing.
😊 In the Form of a Question: The Joys and Rewards of a Curious Life (Amy Schneider, author & narrator) - entertaining read
😍 Tommy Cabot Was Here (The Cabots #1) (Cat Sebastian) - reread, novella; just really in a mood to reread in this universe! Hadn't read this since I read Daniel's book, so it was fun to see him guest star as a 12 yr old
😍 Peter Cabot Gets Lost (The Cabots #2) (Cat Sebastian) - reread; I love all the Cabots but this one is my #1 fave by a smidge. The grumpy/sunshine is *chef's kiss*!
😍 Daniel Cabot Puts Down Roots (The Cabots #3) (Cat Sebastian) - reread; Alex & Daniel are actually dating but too oblivious (and busy pining in silence) to realize it. I love these dumbasses.
😍 Luke and Billy Finally Get a Clue (The Cabots #3.5) (Cat Sebastian) - reread, set in the Cabots 'verse but with no Cabots in sight. Just two baseball boys pulling their heads out of their asses and figuring out what they mean to one another.
💖💖 +102K of shorter fic 💖💖
📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺
Game Changer - s5, e6
Make Some Noise - s2, e15
Dirty Laundry - s3, e8
D20: Fantasy High: Sophmore Year - e16-20
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds - s1, e1-6
🎧 PODCASTS 🎧
It's Been a Minute - The IBAMmys: The It's Been A Minute 2023 Culture Awards Show
Today, Explained - EU vs. AI
Pop Culture Happy Hour - Songs To Help You Study
The Atlas Obscura Podcast - A Return to Recipe Graves
The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Old City Hall Station
⭐ Switched on Pop - "Did I mention that it's Christmas in this club?" (w Matt Rogers)
The Sporkful - New Year’s Food Resolutions 2024
Today, Explained - How Barnes & Noble survived
Big Gay Fiction Podcast - "Time to Shine" with Rachel Reid
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - “They Couldn’t Be Nicer Boys” (w/ Seth Meyers)
NPR's Book of the Day - 'Black AF History' examines American history from the perspective of Black people
Code Switch - Here are our favorite Code Switch episodes from 2023
Ed Zitron's 15 Minutes In Hell - Episode 20: Jamelle Bouie
Ologies with Alie Ward - Lemurology (LEMURS) with Lydia Greene
99% Invisible #564 - Mini-Stories: Volume 17
Today, Explained - The stretched-too-thin blue line
The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Sniffing out What’s Special with Saskia Wilson Brown
One Year - 1990: The Angry Death of Kimberly Bergalis
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang - "You Can't Trust These Gay Guys"
⭐ Films To Be Buried With - Leslie Jones
Dear Prudence - My Mother-In-Law Doesn’t Wash Her Hands After Using The Bathroom. Help!
Cautionary Tales - When Stalin Killed the Weekend (with The Happiness Lab)
Our Opinions Are Correct - How Doctor Who Stood the Test of Time
Our Opinions Are Correct - BONUS: If You Could Turn Into Any Form of Transportation, What Would You Pick?
It's Been a Minute - Why does flying suck so much?
Off Menu - Ep 217: Ross Noble (Christmas Special)
⭐ Song Exploder - Foo Fighters "The Teacher"
⭐ Overinvested - Ep. 290: The Cutting Edge
🎶 MUSIC 🎶
my christmas playlist
Celtic Christmas
The Beach Boys' Christmas Album [The Beach Boys] {1964}
Merry Axemas & Merry Axemas 2
Orchestral Christmas Pops
Latin Jazz Christmas
Punk Rock Christmas
Lindsey Stirling Christmas
Orchestral Holiday Pops
It's a Holiday Soul Party [Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings] {2015}
my Christmas Divas playlist
Have You Heard of Christmas? [Matt Rogers] {2023}
Simply Christmas [Leslie Odom Jr.] {2016}
The Christmas Album [Leslie Odom Jr.] {2020}
Christmas With You [Laufey & Norah Jones] {2023}
Christmas Island [Jimmy Buffett] {1996}
'Tis The SeaSon [Jimmy Buffett] {2016}
Quality Street: A Seasonal Selection for All the Family [Nick Lowe] {2013}
The Muppet Christmas Carol (Special Anniversary Edition) {2005}
Punk Rock Christmas
Classical Christmas
Rock & Roll Christmas
#sunday reading recap#bookgeekgrrl's reading habits#bookgeekgrrl's soundtracks#i just decided to sink into cat sebastian's warm '(almost) no plot only vibes' stuff for this holiday season#i am having zero regrets#the cabots series#dropout tv#star trek: strange new worlds#christmas music#i never listen to christmas music before my bday or after xmas day so i cram it all in to those 10 days#i do strenously maintain that “my favorite things” is not a xmas song but i don't care so much when leslie odom jr sings it#switched on pop podcast#song exploder#overinvested podcast#films to be buried with podcast#99% invisible podcast#one year podcast#big gay fiction podcast podcast#cautionary tales podcast#the sporkful podcast#the atlas obscura podcast#ologies podcast#npr's pop culture happy hour podcast#off menu podcast#today‚ explained podcast#npr's code switch podcast#it's been a minute podcast#npr's book of the day podcast#dear prudence podcast#our opinions are correct podcast
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WWE WrestleMania 40 - REVIEW
What an experience WrestleMania 40 turned out to be and may well rank as the best WrestleMania experience I've ever had even if it may not have been the best WrestleMania I've ever seen. I'm a fan of the 2 night format introduced for WrestleMania 36 and for me allows the overall event to flow better without feeling overstuffed with content. WrestleMania 40 is no different in that regard and featured what I thought was an overall good card although I personally thought it wasn't quite as tantalising as the WrestleMania 38 and 39 cards. The biggest and best thing going for this WrestleMania and made all the difference however was the storytelling. All the major matches on the card had a decent story going in and even the ones that carried my interest the least such as LWO vs. Dominik/Santos Escobar, Biance/Naomi/Jade vs. Damage Contrl and The Pride vs. Final Testament made up for it on the night with some solid performances, comedy elements and/or star power. If I was to judge Saturday and Sunday against each other then I would say that Sunday was the better of the two in but as a complete event, this was a WrestleMania that did not produce any absolute stinkers but rather some generally quality matches with a few absolute stand out moments to say the least.
Whilst this was a WrestleMania that was brewing a number of stories going in (LA Knight/AJ Styles, Bayley/Iyo & Ripley/Lynch) there's little doubt that the whole event was centred around the Bloodline, Seth Rollins and Cody Rhodes. Whether Roman Reigns vs. Cody Rhodes was their original plan or not, few could seriously deny that WWE had crafted yet another compelling story from the Bloodline Saga going into yet another WrestleMania. At WrestleMania 38 they marketed the third Reigns/Lesnar encounter as 'The Biggest Main Event of All Time', frankly they could've done that here and it would've actually delivered on that tag line. The Bloodline is perhaps the greatest faction in the modern era of WWE that has dominated the landscape since 2020 and has constantly evolved to keep itself fresh and relevant when it sometimes felt that the story had run its course. The double Bloodline Main Event delivered two classic matches with finishes that felt right and complimented each other leading to the triumph that was the Sunday Night Main Event. Cody Rhodes' 'finish the story' arc has been going on for a lot longer than I think any of us expected. Many, including myself, felt that the WrestleMania 39 Main Event went the wrong way and was a missed opportunity yet the irony is that the result of this event was even more tantalizing because of the previous year. It felt poised for the story to finish but there was always a doubt about whether they would or not. It's testament to the long term storytelling approach of the current era and what makes it all work even more is the genuine emotion behind it. The closing moments of WrestleMania 40 are right up there alongside WrestleManias 20 and 30 yet those moments shouldn't overlook that Cody and Roman worked an an outstanding match to get there as did Seth Rollins and The Rock the night before. Both Saturday and Sunday's Main Events were full of near falls and incidents and the run ins (on Night 2) went completely off the chart with the Undertaker's appearance especially feeling very distinct. I can't remember the last time the Main Event of a WrestleMania was actually the match of the night but with WrestleMania 40, both main event matches stole the show for me.
Rhea Ripley and Becky Lynch opened WrestleMania 40 with a very good match that I felt never quite reached the quality that Rhea Ripley vs. Charlotte Flair did at WrestleMania 39. I was initially disappointed because I was hoping for an absolute classic but it was later revealed that Becky Lynch was wrestling unwell which changes my perception a lot of this match. It was the predictable but right result and further cements Rhea Ripley as the top female wrestler in WWE today and it certainly didn't make sense for me to move the title onto Becky Lynch who frankly didn't need it at this stage of her career. A strong opening for WrestleMania 40.
Sami Zayn defeating Gunther and ending the longest Intercontinental Title run in history was a big WrestleMania moment for him and turned out to be one of the best matches on the card. Was this better than the Triple Threat Match Gunther had with Drew McIntyre and Sheamus last year? Not for me and I'm still not 100% sure whether Sami was the right person for this but there's no denying the quality of the execution. It was a great feel good moment that was well positioned to balance the card out when you consider how the result of the Main Event tag match was going to go. It was the feel good moment Saturday needed and was the second best match on the Saturday card for me. I'm a huge Gunther fan and while I'm disappointed his run as champion is over, truthfully he's done as much as he can with that title and will hopefully be positioned into the main event scene in the coming months.
The type of match Seth Rollins and Drew McIntyre worked was not what I was expecting and reminded me of the sort of fast paced, frantic, finisher heavy encounters that we saw with Brock Lesnar in recent years. Yet it made sense when you factor in the long running injury storyline with Seth Rollins plus Rollins had worked a 45 minute match the previous evening. This certainly set the pace and mood for WrestleMania Sunday that it would be one that they followed all night right into the Main Event. What followed with CM Punk and Damian Priest however I thought was storytelling genius. McIntyre vs. Punk is gonna be a long gestating feud and the inevitable clash is going to be something to really look forward to and that's going to be in no small part due to this moment. Well judged, smart and forward thinking; this was one of WrestleMania 40's best moments.
I love a triple threat match especially when done well with superstars who have great chemistry, timing and creativity. Logan Paul/Kevin Owens/Randy Orton made for a great WrestleMania pairing and it delivered exactly what you would want for an event of this magnitude. It keeps getting said however Logan Paul deserves plenty of plaudits for the performances he delivers and this year is no different. Better than the WrestleMania 39 triple threat match? Still a no for me but then again that was a very different type of match that played out. This match here is one of the best WrestleMania 40 served up.
What a statement this match was. Not only was this match high up on the card but it featured a trailblazer for women's wrestling who finally got her WrestleMania moment against one of the finest to come out of NXT. A real opportunity to showcase the biggest night of the wrestling year and neither of them disappointed. I did wonder whether they had the best chemistry but they put on a great performance and the match was helped by a crowd who were into it from the very start. Very good match.
BEST NIGHT - Sunday/Night 2
BEST MATCH - Cody Rhodes and Seth Rollins vs. Roman Reigns and The Rock (Night 1)
WORST MATCH - Jimmy Uso vs. Jey Uso (Night 1)
BEST MOMENT - Cody finishes the story
WORST MOMENT - The table accidentally breaks in The Pride vs. The Final Testament match
EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS - LA Knight vs. AJ Styles
SHOULD'VE BEEN BETTER - Naomi, Bianca Belair & Jade Cargill vs. Damage Contrl
BEST ENTRANCE - Seth Rollins (Night 2)
WORST ENTRANCE - Bayley
UNSUNG HERO - Seth Rollins
VERDICT OF WRESTLEMANIA 40
A WrestleMania of generally high quality matches supporting two Main Event matches telling a compelling story. This is a WrestleMania that will rightly be remembered as the night Cody finishes his story in one of the greatest feel good moments in WWE history. A very good WrestleMania but perhaps not the best WrestleMania.
****
#wwe wrestlemania#wwe#wrestlemania 40#wrestlemania xl#wrestlemania 2024#cody rhodes#seth rollins#roman reigns#the rock#the bloodline#the tribal chief#the american nightmare#drew mcintyre#undisputed wwe universal champion#world heavyweight championship#the usos#solo sikoa#john cena#the undertaker
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what if Pathologic but it was a wrestling match
OHHH yes. this is important. i forgot to do this for like 8 months thank you for reminding me
wow! i ended up writing way more than this question necessitated! no surprise there tbh
mechanically speaking: pathologic is framed as a play in a theater, and wrestling is a very specific kind of physical theater. the concept of kayfabe is interesting here- there are certain pathologic characters that are or become aware they're in a play. a lot of wrestling is buying into objectively ludicrious plot lines for the purposes of having a good time. i feel like clara and artemy are definitely characters that understand. daniil just. does not understand that anything that's happening is plot and finds himself immensely frustrated. alternatively, he's the kind of person who goes "um actually, this is super fake!!" before being suplexed by an odongh into oblivion
Mark is the promoter/booker designing all the plot lines/match endings to see what will create the biggest draw. he's kind of terrible at it tbh
re: futility and disempowerment: part of being a wrestling fan is also feeling incredibly disillusioned by the state of the industry, by the unsung, all too real tragedies. (I am thinking about women on the 2000s indies). Mark's booking is terrible but like actual pathologic, he's trying to prove a point by fucking up people's lives for no reason. well, the reason is that sometimes life just sucks and nothing makes sense! life sucks and nothing makes sense in wrestling sometimes too
a lot of wrestling is also being super worried about how much your favorite wrestlers are fucking up their bodies (seth rollins is on break right now for knee injury number 3). this fits nicely into Mark's whole theater of pain thing. Playing the role of artemy means giving up your body to save people you know aren't "real." Fitting!
tldr; the town on gorkhon is a tiny pretentious independent wrestling promotion that takes itself too seriously and books its matches so poorly as a point or something.
also artemy + the 3 families are wrestling nepo babies. that's exactly what you think it is
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Right? We all know who it should be. With this narrative, their building, in any other circumstance, we know who it should be. Then you got these Cody fans frothing at the mouth saying, "Jey isn't a main event guy like Cody. He can't get over like Cody. Jey is a tag team guy. " Like, so wasn't Cody? WWE tried DESPERATELY to build Cody up before, and he couldn't hack it. He's only a "main event guy" because he started his own company and made himself one. Then they caught on to his Schtick and turned on him. He wears suits and hands out belts and built his character from a checklist he found on a how to be a babyface reddit forum. I need someone to ACTUALLY tell me why this guy deserves it besides having the keys to the kingdom thrown at him because nobody has caught on to how much of a try hard he is. People booed Roman for YEARS because he was "shoved down our throat.". How is Cody different?
Now, in Jey in Sami, you have two performers who have been with the company for years and have put in fantastic work whatever was given to them who have elevated THEMSELVES. Nobody starts at the main event. You work to get to that place, and that's how you get to that place. They've taken a story and ran with it. Some say Jey has only gotten to where he is because of Roman, but no, because if Jey wasn't the right guy and couldn't pull it off, this story would have fallen flat. It's not that Jey isn't the right guy. He just didn't have the chance. Everything about their rise is organic not try hard.
Sorry for the wall of text 😭
it's not even about jey. it's not even about sami. it's the fact that there are a dozen people who deserve the spot more than cody does, and cody's only there because of who his dad was and because vince wanted to piss off aew. he isn't good in the ring, he isn't good on the mic, and then you have someone like jey, like sami, like la knight, like seth, like sheamus, like drew, like kevin, like fucking matt riddle of all people who have more charisma in their little finger than cody has in his entire body, and yet they're not the ones getting shoved down everyone's throats. it's fucking embarrassing, bro. it's embarrassing because not only have they now involved him with dom so they can pretend he's over when people boo dom enough that he can't speak (even though they've been doing that to dom for months and it has fuck all to do with cody), they've also now re-involved him with sami and kevin because they're arguably (aside from seth) the biggest faces on raw right now. and then, on top of that, they've even started fucking interviewing him in front of the crowd? are you kidding me? nobody else gets that. nobody else gets interviewed by cathy in front of the crowd and yet he does. and it's because they fucking know he isn't as over as he was when he first came back because the novelty for a lot of people has worn thin, and the only people who give a fuck about him are children, dudebros who think guns should be legal and people who wanna fuck him. that's literally it. he isn't a main event guy, he'll never BE a main event guy, and it doesn't matter how fucking much he uses his father's legacy to push himself to the moon, he's shit. he sucks. he's barely even mid-card at best. and that isn't me sitting here as a little uwu jey fan because jey's earned his fucking flowers and then some so i don't need to be insecure about whether my fave is thriving or not because i fucking know he is. this is just a fact of life. yeah.
#anon ask#💜#ask#if you're sorry about the wall of text then so am i lmao you caught me in a heated moment#cw: long post#my problems with cody go way beyond whether or not he's going to be the reason#the ending to this storyline sucks#it literally has nothing to do with jey and everything to do with the fact he's a chump#also i'm sorry but the people who think jey only got to where he is#because of roman#are fucking dumb.#the usos were popular while roman was still getting treated like shit by the company.#don't lie to me.#adrenaline in my soul this blog's anti cody rhodes
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Everybody Hates Adam
While there are many diverse opinions and mindsets here in the Foundation, we can all agree on one thing: Adam, the first man... is by no means a tough act to follow.
There's not a lot of consensus here, and by and large we aren't supposed to really feel one way or another about the anomalies in our custody. We do all agree on a few things; the first snowfall of the year feels like magic, 999 and 343 give the best hugs, Cain is an absolute gem, Dr. Bright is nuts... and 343's son can choke on a bag of dicks. I've met the guy once... gotta say Lilith and Eve both made the right call in dumping him. Here are some collected thoughts on Adam, from those who know him best.
The Administrator: "I swear, I know 13 languages and I cannot string the right words to convey how much I want to run him over with a zamboni."
Lilith: "My ex? Oh, you mean the King of Inadequacy? Hope he drops dead."
Eve: "I'd say screw that guy, but he's lousy in bed."
Lilith: "Eve, honey... isn't that what got us in trouble in the first place?"
Cain: "As much as I do not wish to speak ill of my father... he is not a very nice man, and I do not wish to ever see him again."
Abel: "I hate my father, even more than my brother. If I see him, I will strike him dead myself. There will not even be enough left to bury."
Dr. Bright: "Anyone who says I have issues, go talk to Adam. I'm sane compared to him."
343: "Easily my biggest mistake since the mosquito. I regret creating him." A pause. "I should have made Eve first."
Seth: "My father is an absolute asshole."
Dr. Gears: "Worst. Father. Ever! He doesn't deserve his children, especially not 073. Frankly, we're shocked they're related. I can see the resemblance to 076-2 in some ways. They have the same temper."
Dr. Bright: "I've met terrible fathers, but Adam is easily the worst."
Dr. Clef: "I see him, I'm shooting him in the junk. With an Uzi. Until the clip runs dry. Especially after what 073 told us."
Dr. Glass: "Normally, I'm against neutralizing anomalies. In his case, I wholeheartedly recommend it."
Dr. Iceberg: "Let me at him, I'll make him a true Popcicle."
Mikell Bright: "Man gives fathers a bad name."
035: "Adam makes me look like the most empathetic anomaly here. I hate him."
Agent Thompson (Iris): "That guy needs a hug. From 173."
682: "I wouldn't eat him. I'm not a fan of junk food."
Yeah... much like Tuna Surprise... nobody likes Adam much.
#tales from site redacted#agent rabbit#scp foundation#adam sucks#although if he did that more often with his exes they might have stuck around#probably not#he is the biggest asshole
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The Super Mario Bros. Movie: Review
It's-a meh
With the riotous fun of Dungeons and Dragons: Honour of Thieves and HBO’s compelling Last of Us series, it’s easy to forget just how bumpy the history of video game adaptations has been. In many ways, 1993’s Super Mario Bros. set the example for what not to do, stripping the game of its colour and carefree tone. Three decades later, The Super Mario Bros. Movie goes in the opposite direction, but ends up prioritizing fan service over a decent story.
For better or for worse, the plot feels stripped straight from the Mario games - which aren’t known for being plot-heavy to begin with. Mario (Chris Pratt) and hapless brother Luigi (Charlie Day) are two Brooklyn-based plumbers whose attempts to strike out with their own business haven’t quite gone to plan. Trying to make a name for themselves, they randomly find themselves pulled into a colourful alternative universe through the Brooklyn pipe system. But while Mario lands on his feet in the cheery Mushroom Kingdom, Luigi falls into the clutches of lonely villain Bowser (Jack Black), who has sinister plans to marry Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy).
As Mario sets off on an unlikely quest to free his brother, we follow a familiar story about an average joe who is somehow destined for great things. Set in a beautifully realized world, children will lap up the colourful visuals and stunning animation, while Mario fans will be delighted with the sheer attention to detail here. Pretty much every aspect of the games is lovingly accounted for, from the cool question mark power-ups to the irritatingly cutesy side character Toad (Keegan-Michael Key).
If only as much love was lavished on its story and characters. Written by Matthew Fogel, who had a hand in Minions: The Rise of Gru and Lego Movie 2: The Second Part, the film struggles to make you care for any of its characters, least of all Pratt’s Mario, who feels a bit bland. Instead, it feels more concerned with shoe-horning aspects of the game in a way that doesn’t feel natural - right down to Mario’s signature catchphrases.
In place of an interesting plot, what you get is an episodic trip through some of the game’s biggest highlights. Want to see some Mario Kart scenes? Here’s a convenient racing sequence on a rainbowed road. Want some platforming action? Here’s a random scene where Mario has to prove his capabilities seconds after meeting Princess Peach, here presented as a fearless warrior with little or no backstory. While The Lego Movie (also starring Pratt) was able to pay tribute to its properties in a refreshing way, this feels like a soulless exercise in tick-boxing.
This is directed by Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic, the brains behind the brilliant Teen Titans Go! To the Movies, but there’s little of that irreverent humour on display here. Though it has all the ingredients for a fun Mario film - the Mario Karts, fan-favourite characters, and side-view pipe action all make an appearance - the set pieces feel weirdly tame, while there’s only a handful of truly funny moments. Even Seth Rogen, virtually playing himself as Donkey Kong, fails to inject more than a laugh or two.
Thank the mushroom gods then, for Jack Black, whose big bad carries the film on the back of his signature spiky shell. Whether he’s terrifying his boney goons or penning a hilarious song dedicated to Peach (complete with cheesy music video flourishes), Black has a ball playing Bowser as a rockstar, stealing pretty much every scene he’s in. If the rest of the film had as much fun, this might’ve been a game adaptation worth pressing start for.
Powered up by an unshackled Jack Black performance, The Super Mario Bros. Movie slips on the banana skin of its weak story and lack of creative ideas.
★★
#super mario bros movie#review#nintendo#jack black#anya taylor joy#seth rogen#mario#luigi#princess peach#donkey kong#bowser#mario kart#minions#video game#2 stars#chris pratt#keegan michael key
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I SAW THE SUPER MARIO BROS MOVIE!
Overall verdict: I liked it! The art and animation are beautiful, there are SO MANY fun nods and Easter Eggs to the franchise and Nintendo's history as a whole, and it felt like the creators really wanted to do right by the series. There are some small things in it that either felt out of place or didn't quite work, but taken as a whole package, I enjoyed it. The last third of the movie especially was fantastic and had me grinning like a fool all the way to the end. If you're a fan of the series, you should definitely see it at some point, either now or when it comes to streaming. Totally worth it.
Some other thoughts with some spoilers under the cut.
-I like that they didn't try to explain or rationalize the inherent weirdness of the Mushroom Kingdom. We don't need to know how or why the blocks float, or where the powerups and prize blocks come from. They just exist, and that's how it should be. The Mario universe runs on being wacky and strange and I'm glad the movie didn't try to make it something it's not.
-I generally have a not-so-great opinion about casting celebrities to do the voice overs in animated films, because I see it as a big F-U to actual voice actors. But the cast here is fine. Jack Black's the standout as Bowser as we all pretty much knew, but the rest of the cast does a good job overall. I do not like Seth Rogan and he didn't make any effort to not sound like himself as Donkey Kong, but I was able to ignore it anyway. YMMV. I don't dislike Anya Taylor-Joy's take on Peach, but her voice feels too deep for the character.
-I laughed at the reveal that Mario doesn't like mushrooms (womp womp). Poor guy.
-The brotherly moments between Mario and Luigi were super wholesome and I loved them, especially how they hug when they're reunited.
-One of my fears about the film was what they'd do with Peach, mainly a concern that they'd turn her into a more generic Hollywood "girlboss" and strip her of her personality. Or turn her into a snarky jerk. Thankfully, that's not the case. While she is more of an action princess here than we typically see of her (and to anyone complaining about or questioning that, shut up. Peach has always been capable of platforming and kicking ass since 1988), she is still essentially Peach. She's always in her signature pink aside from when she's using a power up, she's sweet and kind and protective of her subjects, and she grows to be Mario's biggest supporter (Luigi aside).
-They also slipped in an origin story for her (kinda) which was neat. And possibly a sequel hook. And I like how this movie makes clear that she loves the toads and they love her too, something that's implied in the games but wasn't always explicitly shown.
-THE ARE SO MANY EASTER EGGS. I'm guessing it's impossible to find them all without a guide. And the references generally aren't slammed in your face but hidden in background details or in the music, which makes it even better. I think my favorite was Luigi's ringtone being the Gamecube startup jingle.
-Seriously, the art direction and animation are incredible. I hope the entire crew gets a raise. I love how the Mushroom Kingdom looks and my only complaint is that I wanted to see more of it.
-The score is incredible too. It's mind-boggling how many classic Mario themes and musical nods you can hear at different points. If you played a drinking game with it, you'd be dead of alcohol poisoning less than halfway through the movie.
-Bowser's probably the funniest character, and it does nothing to reduce how threatening he is (he's downright terrifying in the climax). But special shoutout to the Luma who spouts some of the best lines in the film. They're incredibly dark, but I love that little guy.
-Dry Bones are nightmare fuel here and I love it.
-The complaints about the pacing aren't entirely off. The movie does feel a little too brisk, but some of that I think is that early in, there's a lot of "bullet points" plot progression, where Mario and Peach are just doing X, Y and Z for the plot while we intercut with what's going on with Luigi or Bowser. There's not a ton of connective tissue between these scenes and so it feels a bit disjointed, and the result is that things happen rapid fire. It's not necessarily bad, but it is something that could've been done more smoothly.
-The third act is by far the strongest part of the film. Once the Rainbow Road sequence starts (which is a gorgeous set piece), the flow of the movie feels more natural. The strong ending does a lot to patch up some of the flaws in the middle parts.
-The final battle with Bowser is awesome. Mario and Luigi both kick the crap out of him while powered by an invincibility star, and they cap it off by spinning him by the tail a la SM64. Perfection.
-While the original score is great as I mentioned, I think some exec made them shove in some 80s pop songs and they feel quite out of place. The worst offender by far is "Take on Me" playing when Mario reaches the Kong Kingdom. It doesn't fit for either the vibe of the scene or for the movie in general. You can't tell me they couldn't have done a remix of some DKC music there instead.
-The jokes are a bit hit or miss at times. There's plenty of genuinely funny moments (Bowser's love ballad is probably the highlight), but there are some one-liners that don't land. They're too "captain obvious" to be either jokes or exposition, so they just fall flat.
-I think the complaints about the "thin plot" comes from Disney/Pixar bias that animated movies are supposed to have hidden deeper meanings and there needs to be angsty moments within the wacky hijinks. And uh...Mario's never been about that. Even the more story heavy RPGs in the series tend to run more on rule of funny rather than trying to be dramatic. If they make a Zelda movie (please), I would expect it to have some genuine pathos, but I don't need that in a Mario movie. To me, the thing that is quintessential about the series (especially the platformers) is a sense of wonder and joy. I think they ably captured that in the movie. There are two emotional through lines: a) Mario and Luigi's brotherly love and b) Mario trying to figure out who he is what he wants to do. And neither needs to be dwelt on much because the brothers are happily reunited and Mario becomes a hero over the course of the film. It's simple and it works.
-The movie is very "safe" in that it didn't take any real risks with the property, but that's OK too. Given how infamously horrible the 1993 film turned out, it's hard to blame Nintendo for wanting to stick with what they knew would work.
-THE YOSHI EGG AFTER THE CREDITS OMG!
-This really is the Mario movie I wanted back in 1993. I had to wait 30 years for it, but I think it was worth it. Bring on the Nintendo Cinematic Universe!
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A Review of “The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)”
Nintendo has decided to give another attempt after the disastrous 1993 live-action Super Mario Bros movie. Super Mario is a huge part of my childhood, so I was thrilled at the idea of a movie that actually resembles the game. I was a little put off by the not-so-positive critic's review but is their score justified?
Let's get the biggest worry out of the way, Chris Pratt as Mario. He is all right in the role. I think he does a good voice for Mario that works for the whole runtime. Likewise, Charlie Day as Luigi is good as well. The first act of the movie with Mario and Luigi together is incredibly enjoyable. The pacing is great and they do a great job illustrating the strong bonds between the brothers. This is also thanks to the great chemistry between Chris and Charlie. In terms of great voice performance, Keegan-Michael Key as Toad is terrific. We have seen in interviews that he does the high pitch voice without just sound editing tricks. His voice as Toad works perfectly for the film while still having the same energy as Toad in the game. He is only outshined by the best voice performance in the whole film, Jack Black as Bowser. Jack Black gives a voice performance that actually sounds different from his normal voice to the point that you won't be able to tell it is him. His voice was perfect as Bowser's as he gave a menacing tone but a slight goofiness to the performance as well. Charles Martinet (the video game Mario voice) is also here and not just as a cameo which I appreciate as well.
Brian Tyler is the music composer for this film and he does a great job. They incorporated a lot of the great music from the Mario games into the film wonderfully. He sometimes does it subtlety and sometimes uses it fully for big moments but it is done tastefully. The visuals are also great and they did a great job of making the world of Mario look alive. This is definitely one of Illumination's best-looking films. There are also some great, enjoyable action sequences such as the obstacle course that reminds you of the classic games, Mario vs Donkey Kong, the Rainbow Road, and the whole final act. These sequences utilize the elements from the game superbly. On that note, there are so many references and easter eggs to not just Mario but Nintendo in general. There are easter eggs in the sounds, the music, the visuals, and the dialogue and it is just a lot of fun spotting it all. There is no doubt that this movie was created with the fans in mind.
However, I do have some issues with this film. The first is the plot splitting up Mario and Luigi. It was great seeing them interact but the movie hints at some issues in their relationship and the movie could've explored their brotherly relationship. Unfortunately, the plot splits them up and changes it to be about Mario rescuing Luigi which is super generic. It's a shame, as the plot didn't need to be about Mario saving anyone as Bowser was already a looming threat anyway. The plot being straightforward isn't a massive problem though. The issue is that there is no proper character exploration or development in this straightforward plot. Every character remains the same from beginning to end, except for one character but they just change because the plot demands it to. It isn't naturally built up or earned. Peach's character is also just perfect with no flaws which is kind of boring. The pacing is also incredibly fast after the first act. The movie doesn't spend any time letting a scene breathe with our characters. It is always on to the next thing almost instantly. This is jarring as I wanted to see more of the adventures with Mario and Peach but this is just dealt with in a quick montage.
In terms of voice performances, I do have issues with some. Anna Taylor Joy is just phoning it in as Peach. She is just speaking in her normal voice and that is fine just because her normal voice suits the character but I wish she put some effort into it. Seth Rogen as Donkey Kong is another performance where they are just speaking in their normal voice. I don't like the casting of Seth and the film doesn't change my mind. On that note, Fred Armisen as Cranky Kong is another big miscasting. He doesn't sound old enough or cranky enough as the character. There is also a weird creative choice in having 80s song in the film. There is AC/DC Thunderstruck and Take on Me in the film and it is just very off-putting. These songs didn't work for the scene and I'm not sure why they put the songs in a Mario movie. I also didn't find the jokes laugh out loud funny but kids were laughing so it was maybe that the jokes just aren't funny for adults.
Overall, my biggest worry was The Super Mario Bros movie sucking. Fortunately, this movie does not suck and is actually a very fun movie. I do think the critics were a bit harsh but their criticisms are understandable. The movie plays it very safe with the plot and characters. There is not any meaningful message in this film. Nevertheless, the movie succeeds in delivering a fun Mario adventure that is fun for kids while being enjoyable enough for adults. A kid behind me in my theatre called it the 'best movie ever' so clearly it is doing something right! Hopefully, this movie opens the door for more Mario or Nintendo properties getting their own film adaptions. Luigi's Mansion, Metroid, The Legend of Zelda, Star Fox, Kirby! The possibilities are endless!
For more reviews like this visit:
https://moviewarfarereviews.blogspot.com/
#movies#films#Movie Reviews#Film Review#mario#super mario bros#nintendo#the super mario bros movie#the super mario bros film#the super mario bros 2023#Chris Pratt#jack black#anna taylor joy#marvel#the legend of zelda#metroid
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What a time to be a wrestling fan!
It's the biggest non-Wrestlamania wrestling weekend of the year, with 3 major shows and a ton of intrigue surrounding the main events of at least 2 of those shoes. As such I thought I might do a little preview for all three shows, attempting to predict what's going to happen in every match in as economical a fashion as I can.
I'll preview these events in chronological order and the matches on each card in the order they were listed on Wikipedia. Full disclosure, I think that Clash at the Castle had already got underway before I started transcribing these predictions (that I recorded on my mobile phone as I was out and about on Friday) into this blog.
WWE Clash at the Castle
Bailey, Dakota Kai & Io Sky vs. Bianca Belair, Asuka & Alexa Bliss
The heels need to go over here. It could have gone the other way had Sky and Kai won the Women's Tag Team Titles on RAW, but they didn't and this group still doesn't have a big win to hang their hats on. Belair hasn't taken an L since Extreme Rules 2021 as far as I'm aware, and she didn't take the pin in that match, so she can be on the losing side here,. Asuka or Bliss can take the pin. One of those two should also turn heel (I'm getting soon-to-be-heel vibes from Asuka right now) once they've distanced themselves a little from this programme.
Sheamus vs. Gunther
A Sheamus W wouldn't be the worst, but Gunther is the right call. Conventional logic suggests that either Sheamus or Drew needs to win in order to truly satisfy fans in attendance. Sheamus deserves something for the effort he has put into elevating middle material for who knows how long, but Gunther needs another big scalp. A W for Gunther does more for him and the IC Title than it does for Sheamus. Craft stories, not just moments. Even a quick hot shotting of the belt onto Sheamus and then back to Gunther would damage the effort that has been put into restoring the perceived prestige that has been built over the past couple of months.
The Judgement Day vs. Edge & Rey Mysterio
Finn Balor and Damien Priest should get the W because this stable is only now, FINALLY starting to get some momentum. They lost their last high-profile match - Edge over Priest in Toronto - so they come out on top here. Dominic costing Edge the victory ahead of an eventual full heel turn on his old man is a good way to go about this. The Dom tun feels both inevitable and hopeless, so you may as well roll the dice at this stage. You can't read water forever. It's sink or swim time, Dom.
Shayna Baszler vs. Liv Morgan
This one sucks either way. Liv wins clean and you're immediately undercutting Shayna's recent positive character development. Liv wins dirty and she looses the fans. Shayna wins clean and you've given up on Liv entirely, for now. Shayna wins dirty and both women look a little weaker or stupider but the story suffers. The best way to go is to rip off the band-aid as quickly as possible. Liv is young, give her a little break from the main event and rebuild her over the next 6-8 months. Just don't fumble at the goal line this time. This could be the last chance for a Shayna monster heel run and a big time feud with Ronda Rousey while they're both hot. Shayna wins, clean.
Matt Riddle vs. Seth Rollins
Give this one to Seth. His last win at a major show was the DQ win over Roman Reigns at the Royal Rumble in January and yet he hasn't lost any heat. Watching that one recently, the way it played out didn't put him over as much as I remember. The man is pretty much Teflon. You need to keep him at the top of the card because he is just that good. He can slide into the main event picture for a PLE or 3 when you need him to, or help elevate the tier below. This should be a luxury for WWE but feels more like a necessity at this point. Riddle can take an L here, particularly given this rivalry will likely continue into Extreme Rules.
Drew McIntyre vs. Roman Reigns
Roman has to win. Sorry, Wales (Scotland?). Roman's Title reign has to end in a way that makes someone new, not someone who has been hovering around the mid-card for almost 2 years, pinch-hitting in the main event. Drew deserves another reign at some point, just not now. The build over the last month or so has papered over the fact that there was almost no build at all up until then. The U.K. crowd will get over the "disappointing" end to the show. There are more fans out there than the ones in attendance and more fans will engage if the story is told properly. Besides, WWE aren't in Wales every week, they have more than enough time to reheat the crowd to ensure they sell out their next major event in that part of the world.
NXT World's Collide
Ricochet vs. Carmelo Hayes
Theoretically, this should be a banger. It's a strange use of Ricochet given the mini push he's had on Smackdown recently, but maybe that was more about the 2nd downfall of Happy Corbin? An L for either man isn't a great look. Hayes is brilliant but isn't quite ready for a move to the main roster; what would he do there? Ricochet can get his heat back on Smackdown with another W or 2, or by hanging out with Pat McAfee some more. Ricochet endorsing Carmello post-match could be on the cards.
Pretty Deadly vs. Gallus vs. Brooks Jensen & Josh Briggs vs. The Creed Brothers
Least enticing match of the entire weekend? Although there is that mixed tag on All Out. NXT might want Gallus to win here, so as to put The Creeds back in that chasing position. A better option is to keep the Creeds as the top dogs in the division. Throw a new challenge their way every week and when the time comes, make a new team by knocking them off. Schism are next on the dance card, right? This division is pretty weak right now.
Katana Chance & Kayden Carter vs. Doudrop & Nikki A.S.H
The main roster team should lose and then revert to their actual names before being given a better showing on RAW or Smackdown. Chance and Carter are fine here. Their promo saying how they had beaten all challengers on NXT lacked credulity but also spoke to the lack of thought put into this division. They're going to face Toxic Attraction once again after this. NXT need to build up some new teams while that feud plays out.
Blair Davenport vs. Meiko Satomura vs. Mandy Rose
Mandy is main roster-bound, surely. All three of Toxic Attraction will probably be on RAW or Smackdown by the end of the year. If Meiko is also headed in that direction then Davenport wins by default. It's not a bad outcome; there are plenty of good challengers lining up. Mandy should get a one-on-one rematch before she leaves. If Meiko is sticking around in non-developmental developmental, put the belts on her and let her do her thing for the next year or until she decides to hang up the boots really.
Tyler Bate vs. Bron Breakker
Bron wins. He is much further away from being main roster ready than most people realise. Also, he's going to look small when he gets there so will need to add some more interesting aspects to his character first. The incoming NXT UK talent should give him a handful more options to feud with over the next 6-8 months. Also, Apollo Crewes and Giovanni Vinci. Not sure where Tyler Bate goes after this. His character is interesting but doesn't scream "future face of the industry". Bate would make a good opponent for Carmelo Hayes, JD McDonagh or Tony D (conspicuous by his absence on this card), or an interesting foil for Grayson Waller. The NXT pecking order is hard to gauge.
AEW All Out
Tomohiro Ishii vs. Eddie Kingston
The brief history/hype package on Rampage was really good. Great match. Eddie wins.
Kip Sabian vs. Pac
A loss on return isn't a great look for Sabian but it's too early fo a title change. The match should be good. Hopefully it is competitive and both.
Angelo Parker vs. Hook
A really fun squash. Hook wins, obviously.
Tay Melo & Sami Guevara vs. Ruby Soho & Ortiz
Why? Intergender Titles are silly and not good silly. It's great that the talent gets a PPV payday but do we really need 15 matches on a single night show?
Bryan Danielson vs. Chris Jericho
It's pro wrestling blasphemy but I generally really like rather than love Danielson matches. Jericho matches have over delivered in 2022, Eddie Kingston and barbed wire aside. This one will be better than solid but has a ceiling. Danielson gets the win and moves back in the World Title picture. I'll explain further in a later prediction but AEW has made it really difficult for themselves with regards to that picture. It will be interesting to see how the Daniel Garcia piece of the puzzle fits here. He should side with Jericho for now, tease out the face turn a little longer. Jericho vs. Garcia at Full Gear?
Dr. Britt Baker D.M.D. vs. Hakaru Shida vs. Jamie Hayter vs. Toni Storm
I like this match. It's a bit of a no can't lose situation and a chance at a soft reset of the AEW Women's division, which has been a bit of a disaster, to be honest. Baker is a safe choice and is an all-around excellent performer. Shida is great and it would be fun if she swept in and won the (interim) Title after the other 3 and Thunder Rosa have spent so much time feuding amongst themselves in recent months. Toni Storm is slowly building a potential face-of-the-company type skillset. Hayter is the most interesting choice and the direction they should go. She'd be the least stale opponent for the returning Rosa. She should win that unification bout too.
House of Black vs. Miro, Darby Allin & Sting
Malakai Black and co. can't just keep losing and still be considered a threat to anyone. Sting can lose and still be Sting. Allin can cop a loss without losing too much heat. Miro shouldn't lose right now, but what can you do? Buddy Matthews will probably end up taking the pin and the feud will continue as HOB feuds tend to do. The match will be fantastic but I want more for everyone involved.
Athena vs. Jade Cargill
Cargill's run has been approximately 70% of what it could have been given some more competent booking. The lack of a compelling feud has been the main issue. This Athena programme threatened being that feud for "that bitch", but alas. Cargill should retain until (a) they build up the right succesor and (b) they know what she is going to do next.
Jungle Boy vs. Christian Cage
Or is it Jack Perry vs. Christian Cage? This hasn't landed as it should have despite solid work from all involved. The Luchasaurus stuff has been strange. If they think they can get more from the programme and want another go at getting Jungle Boy proper over they should extend the feud. Maybe have the big dinosaur man turn on Jungle Jack for real? Otherwise, put Jack Perry over and get him into a programme with another established heel. Jericho vs. Jungle Boys anyone?
Jay Lethal & The Motor Coty Machine Guns vs. Wardlow & FTR
The good guys obviously go over here. MCMG should probably turn on Jay and friends post-match. It's a shame they lost faith in Satnam Singh, or lost faith in Wardlow's ability to powerbomb Singh, because that was the hook for this match. The FTR and MCMG exchanges will be the highlight but I'm not sure where everyone goes after this. It's a shame MJF ruined the conclusion of Wardlow's last extended programme, but please give the big man something to sink his teeth into.
Casino Ladder Match
We've seen almost every combination of these performers in either singles or tag team action over the past 3 months, so it's difficult to get excited about yet another ladder match. It will be fun, no doubt, and the joker gimmick always holds some intrigue. It will probably be W.Morrisey and he will be the odds on favourite to win. Dante Martin getting a W because he's taken more than his share of Ls recently would be a plesant surprise. Whoever wins isn't winning the title.
The Acclaimed vs. Swerve In Our Glory
One of if not the weakest AEW Tag Team Title PPV matches ever. I feel bad for all 4 men; the booking of this division has become an afterthought. Swerve and Lee to win. Not enthused about whatever angle develops on the back of this.
Ricky Starks vs. Powerhouse Hobbs
I'm getting The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock circa 1998 vibes about this feud. Hobbs to win this match and potentially the feud but Ricky to be the breakout star. Starks looked strong on Rampage dispatching the entire Factory with ease. Hobbs is a beast and so much fun to watch. The feud should continue because there isn't enough space up the card for either man at the moment.
The Elite vs. Hangman Page & The Dark Order
The Elite are brilliant. Hangman is eternally endearing. The Dark Order are fun. Kenny and The Young Bucks will and it will be a great match. The Hangman interactions with Omega and Matt Jackson will be hot. The Elite melodrama will continue after this, which will be interesting because the Trios Titles will still need to be defended. Who will challenge for those belts? Do they get their own rankings? DO rankings still matter? Surely Adam Cole will be involved somehow, though he no longer has a team with him.
CM Punk vs. Jon Moxley
The first match was so unnecessary. You could have gotten to the exact same spot, with the exact same story beats without that match. now, if Moxley wins the Punk, arguably the biggest draw in the company, is ruined for the foreseeable future. If Punk wins clean then Moxley's first win means nothing. Also, it recontextualises all Mox's recent promos as the nonsense talk of a blowhard. Moxley won't cheat to win, so the best bet is to have Punk cheat or take shortcuts. Basically, Punk needs to turn heel. That's a tougher sell than it would be if the event weren't Chicago, but Mox and Punk can make it work. An MJF appearance is likely, in what capacity remains to be seen. MJF as a face doesn't really work long-term.
Finally, contemplating the immediate future of the AEW World Title picture, do they build Bryan Danielson vs. CM Punk for Full Gear? Danielson really needs to win the title on his next attempt, but that would make for another short AEW World Title reign; another reason they shouldn't have done the first Mox vs. Punk match.
Cheers.
#wwe#aew#nxt#roman reigns#drew mcintyre#clash at the castle#all out#cm punk#professional wrestling#bianca belair#wrestling#the usos#jon moxely#chris jericho#bryan danielson#mjf#bron breakker#sting#ronda rousey#shayna baszler#liv morgan#seth rollins
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Maybe this is a bit too soon to ask this since we haven't even gotten a teaser trailer for it, but what are your hopes and fears for the upcoming Illumination Mario Movie?
Not to be a downer, but let’s just say I don’t have a lot of hope for this movie, while simultaneously having many, many fears.
Firstly, the good. Cranky Kong, Kamek and Foreman Spike are in the film! I love these three characters, and it’ll certainly be interesting to see Spike with a 3D model after all these years. The voice actors hired for these three also seem to be great picks.
My main hope is that the movie remains its own thing, separate from the greater Mario brand. I don’t want anything from the movie to start affecting or appearing in the games, I don’t want the characters’ voices and designs to change to match their movie counterparts, etc. This was a problem Rovio had with Angry Birds and it practically killed the franchise. I hope Miyamoto will keep things on track and keep it faithful to the Mario world we know and love (though based on what we already know I think it’s becoming clearer and clearer he hasn’t done that).
Now for the bad, hoo boy. Basically everything else about this project rubs me the wrong way. Illumination is by far the most creatively bankrupt, cheap, uninspired major animation studio in the modern day. I do not like a single one of their movies. They lack soul and charm. My biggest fear is that Mario will be dragged down into that mediocrity. Reminder that Illumination’s MO is to produce marketable products with as tight a budget as is possible. They’re about as corporate as an Animation Studio can get.
And then there’s the voice actors. Every single one of these picks aside from the three I’ve mentioned above already is terrible. Not only are they all celebrities hired not because of talent but name recognition, not only are they replacing voice actors who have been providing these characters’ iconic voices for decades, but they simply do not fit the characters they’ve been cast as. I say this as a fan of most of these actors in most other projects they’ve been in - they were not the right choices here. Charlie Day is not Luigi, Anya Taylor-Joy is not Princess Peach, Seth Rogan is not Donkey Kong, Jack Black is not Bowser, Keegan-Michael Key is not Toad and Chris Pratt is certainly not Mario. I could go through all of the issues I have with each of them individually, but I don’t want this post to turn into a rant.
The voice lineup has extinguished any potential hope I may have had for this movie despite its production studio. It’s also clear that Illumination only gave Charles Martinet a cameo role soon before the reveal direct in an attempt to appease fans when he said only a few months earlier that he had not been contacted about the film. I feel extremely bad for not only Charles Martinet, but also Samantha Kelly and Kenny James who weren’t even given cameo roles in the movie as Martinet was. These three voice actors above all else have provided some of the most iconic character voices in the world. They are not easily replaceable.
Overall, my main fear is that the movie just ends up being bland and forgettable like so many other Illumination movies are. At this point, I’m not expecting it to be good, but I wouldn’t be opposed to a trainwreck. Something that’s so bad it’s good would be a more favourable outcome to something that’s mediocre.
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I'm sorry, but Roman calling Seth a crossdresser is nowhere near as bad as people who make fun of Roman for aging and looking older, even when they know about his health issues. But funny how no one says anything about that. It's also funny how other heels have said way worse and more offensive things than what Roman said for the sake of getting heel heat, and no one says anything about that either. I don't know why any of you act as if Seth is completely innocent and a total saint, when he's not.
Woah there is a lot to unpack here.
I, wholeheartedly, have not seen anyone making fun of Roman for his physical appearance. I don’t doubt for one second that it isn’t happening ands that’s absolutely horrible.
I am a fan of Roman and I’ll ALWAYS be a fan of Roman, so that hurts me to hear and thank you for bringing it to my attention because that is, again, horrible and disgusting. Joe’s leukemia is no joke and his medication has a lot of side effects that he unfortunately experiences.
Never, ever, ever, will I make fun of someone’s, especially Joe’s, appearance.
Regarding heels saying worse, you’re absolutely right. Heel promos should put over the baby face, that’s the job of a heel. My BIGGEST pet peeve in promos, are middle school insults. So, Roman and Punk, two people I have a shit ton of respect for and love dearly, rely on these middle school insults. They contain sexist and homophobic undertones, which is rude and disrespectful. That’s my issue with it.
Drew McIntyre saying to Punk , “I prayed for this.” Horrible, absolutely horrible, but that’s what made it good. It was a perfect heel comment and made the crowd loathe Drew. It also, put Punk over. Someone praying for you to get injured due to their envy and jealousy? Absolutely disgusting, which is what made it great.
I will always critique my favs and their inappropriate behavior. All of 2015, I was so proud of Seth and his career accomplishments but I could not stand him the person. I was calling him out left and right for his inappropriate behavior.
My point is, and I apologize for the length of this. I just wanted to clarify everything you wrote to me and I hope I did that anon 🥺 but my point is, I will call anyone and everyone out for their inappropriate behavior. Especially if it is racist, homophobic, sexist, xenophobic, etc.
I hope anon you have a great rest of your day or night. I apologize if I offended you and I appreciate you sending an ask and allowing me to clarify my points. 🥰
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Careful
So after I wrote that last Paul fic involving vaginismus, I got quite a few messages saying how much it meant to some of you and I just want to say how much it warms my heart to bring others joy or comfort through my writing. Like I’ve been telling a lot of you, fan fictions are amazing. I love them. But they’re not always realistic, and that can be damaging to people who think sex is supposed to go a certain way and then blame themselves when it’s not like that. We’re all different, and everyone deserves to have a partner that cares about your well-being and pleasure. Don’t settle for less.
Seth Clearwater x vaginismus!reader smut
(Seth is 18+ in this)
Being with Seth Clearwater was, in a word, magical. He truly was the best boyfriend you could ever ask for. He was always there for you when you were upset or having anxiety, always made you smile and laugh, got you cute little presents or sometimes cool rocks that he found on patrol, and was super physically affectionate. Hugs, kisses, cuddles, hickeys, hand-holding. Y’all were the poster children for PDA. It made you nervous when you first started dating, because you thought he would want to get intimate right away. You knew that if you told him you didn’t want to have sex right away, he would be more than understanding. That’s just the kind of person he was. But you feared that holding off on intimacy would damage your relationship. Seth’s love language was physical touch. Yours was too, so stopping things every time it got too heated was a big roadblock in the relationship. Or so you thought.
The day came where you had to tell Seth about your vaginismus. He had asked tons of questions before letting you know how he felt about it all. What causes it? What does it feel like? How does the physical therapy work? Is there anything I can do to help? Once you explained the logistics of it all, you guys could start to be more open and honest about what you were comfortable with doing. It turns out, he thought you just didn’t want to be intimate with him. He thought you were only sticking around because of the imprint bond. Once you explained that yes, you definitely really really want to have sex with him, you just can’t right now, he was all smiles and wanted to try all kinds of stuff that didn’t involve penetration. You guys would have super open conversations about what he could and couldn’t do to you, and started experimenting with the things you were comfortable with. Let’s just say, Seth became an absolute master in the art of oral sex. For a while, it was all he could do, so he did it. A lot. I mean, you’d have to physically pull him away sometimes when it got too sensitive. He loved knowing that he could make you feel so much pleasure. It made him feel needed. Wanted. And of course you returned the favor.
You guys definitely have the foreplay routine down pat. Seth was almost always there when it came time for you to dilate every day. He would sit next to you, hold your hand, kiss you, or just talk to you about his day. Whatever you wanted, and whatever would distract you. He was so supportive, that when the day finally came that you wanted to try having penetrative sex with him, he said no. He didn’t think you had been using the biggest dilator long enough. What if he hurt you? What if you just didn’t like it? What if what if what if…..
But you had been waiting long enough. His support honestly turned you on. Every day when he would sit there while you did your therapy, you wanted to jump his bones for being so. Damn. sweet. No guy had ever cared about you to the point of withholding from sex for you. They always just let you put up with the pain. Not Seth.
“But baby, what if it hurts you?” he voiced.
“Then we can stop and try again another time.”
“But what if-”
“Seth,” you cut him off. “I know my body. Believe me, I’ve had to pay attention to it every day for the past year and a half while I did my exercises. I’m ready. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, but don’t say no because of me. I want to try.” You sounded so soft and adorable while you said the last part that he nearly melted through the floor. Here he was, with the most beautiful girl on the planet all but begging him to have sex with her, and he was hesitating. That’s what love made you do.
“Ok, we can try. But you have to promise, I mean really promise, that the second it starts to feel anything but good, you’ll tell me.” His voice was laced with concern.
“I promise,” you said with so much confidence that he had to believe you.
“Alright. So we’re doing this. Did you want to… try it like, now?” The poor boy was a blushing mess right now. You just nodded your head and smiled. “Okay. Cool. Yeah, that’s cool. We can do it now. I’m totally down with that.” You knew based off of the way he was acting that you were going to have to make the first move, so you walked up, grabbed his face between your hands, and kissed him.
He seemed stiff, so you pulled away and said, “Everything ok?”
“Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Everything is perfect. I just… do you want to go to my room?” Again, you just nodded, and let him take your hand and lead you into his bedroom, closing the door behind you guys. Jeez, he seemed more nervous than you were. You sat down on the middle of his bed, and reached your arms out and did grabby-hands until he laughed and joined you, lying you down and hovering over you. He kissed you sweetly, giving you every opportunity to say stop. You didn’t, but instead threaded your fingers up through his inky hair and pulled him closer to you. He took this as a green light to deepen the kiss, and brush his tongue up against your own. You guys continued kissing for a while since this was comfortable territory for you both. He eventually started moving his hands under your shirt, first massaging your stomach with his thumb and then moving up. He pulled back from you suddenly, eyes wide. “No bra?”
“Nope. I didn’t want anything to get in the way today,” you smirked and slid your hands over his shoulders. He had a look of awe on his face as he pulled the hem of your shirt up. You sat up and took it off, throwing it to the floor. Okay, yeah, so you were eager. You’d never enjoyed sex before and you thought you actually might for the first time. It was exciting.
As you laid back down, his eyes never left yours. He came back down for another kiss before trailing his mouth down your jaw, suckling at your neck for a few minutes before it was covered in faint red marks, and moved down to your breasts. Seth had always worshipped your chest. It was one of his favorite parts of your body. The size, the shape, the feel, were all beyond perfect to him. You gasped as he took a nipple into his mouth, your back arching up into him. He brought his hand up to massage your other breast while his tongue continued swirling around the first one. You closed your eyes and tipped your head back, just relaxing into the feeling and letting your muscles be at ease. He sat up for a second, which was far too long, to take his shirt off, and you opened your eyes to admire his sculpted body. You would have loved him even if he wasn’t a shapeshifting beast, but damn, the muscles that came with were such a nice bonus. And they weren’t just for show. You never told him this, but whenever he picked you up so easily or carried you around or pushed you up against a wall, you got beyond turned on. You always wondered what it would be like to have him actually get rough with you, but that would be for another time.
Once Seth thought your boobs had been shown enough attention, he slid his hand back down to your stomach, and then lower. He fiddled with the waistband of your jeans before popping the button at the front and dragging the zipper down torturously slow. You felt so hot at this point that you thought you would climb out of your skin if he didn’t touch you properly soon. You raised your hips in a silent signal for him to take them off, but he was too distracted by the feeling of your soft skin to notice.
“Seth,” you whispered. He looked up at you, hand already stilling in case you wanted to stop.
“What’s wrong?” he panicked.
“Nothing is wrong. Can you help me take these off?” His eyes widened at this, and then he smiled. He sat up on his knees, gripping the waistband of your jeans on either side of you, and you raised your hips as he pulled them down slowly, admiring your legs as each inch of them was revealed. His breath caught in his throat as he took in the lacey g-string you were wearing, which you had bought specially for this moment. You never really cared about wearing cute underwear before since it would always end up on the floor anyways, but this was a big day. At least you hoped it would be. So you wanted to wear something cute, and boy did Seth appreciate it.
Once your jeans were all the way off, he gave a low whistle and said, “damn. My girlfriend is the most beautiful woman alive. How did I get so lucky?”
You hit his shoulder and looked away blushing at this. And then… oh, then.
Your sexy werewolf boyfriend lay down on his stomach in between your thighs, lifting your legs onto his shoulders, and gave you a smirk that could only be described as savagely canine. He kissed the insides of your thighs, nipping here and there before soothing with his tongue, inching closer and closer to where you really wanted him to be. He liked to take his time with this part. He flattened his tongue and gave your center a broad lick over your panties, eliciting a small gasp. He did this several more times until your hips were writhing and grinding, desperate for more friction. He reached under you, gripping the fabric of your underwear before all but ripping them off you.
“Hey, easy. Those were expensive,” you haphazardly pointed, too lost in the moment to really care.
“I’ll buy you new ones,” he spoke lowly into your center right before diving in and wrapping his lips around you, sucking and kneading with his tongue. You gave a small moan, fingers once again tangling in his hair. He kept this up, alternating between firm licks and small sucks, his tongue constantly flicking that perfect spot. Seth heard in Paul’s head through the mind link once that porn wasn’t accurate at all to what women actually got off on. You were supposed to pick 2, maybe 3 key moves and do those until she was close, and then just keep doing exactly that until she came. Women are about consistency and rhythm, so if you change it up, they have to start all over. This advice had not failed him yet. Had not failed either of you, and you could have kissed Paul if you found out that that’s where Seth had gotten this tip. Fifteen delicious minutes later and you were teetering on the edge. You used to be insecure about how long you took to finish, but Seth had always reassured you that he just wanted you to feel good, and he would spend all day between your legs if he could. You were right there, legs shaking and eyes screwed shut, but couldn’t quite get that knot in your stomach to unravel. Seth pulled away, sensing your impatience, and knew you needed a little push. He got up and opened your bedside table, pulling out the large bottle of lube that you used for dilating, slathering his middle finger in it, and laid back down between your legs.
You knew what he was going to do, and trusted him enough to be careful, so you lie back and relax, knowing he would get you there no matter what. He dove back in with his lips, tongue flicking and rubbing for another few seconds before positioning his finger at your entrance, swirling it around to distribute the lube. He looked up at you, knowing you liked to guide his hand at first to make sure you were comfortable. You grabbed his hand, sliding his finger in slowly, inch by inch. You were pretty worked up at this point, so it didn’t take very long before his finger way fully inside you. He stilled his hand, waiting for you to give the all-clear, still sucking at your clit like a starving man. You tugged at his hair, shifting your hips against his hand, which he knew to be the cue to start moving. You didn’t much like the in-out feeling of being fingered. You preferred the pressure of him pressing on certain spots. He twisted his finger slowly so that his palm was facing upward, and began to stroke your top wall, making you shudder.
This was going to push you over that edge. Several minutes of consistency, pressure, and suction had you cumming hard, grinding on his face and moaning his name loudly. When you came down, Seth was still going, though more gently since he knew how sensitive you got post-orgasm. You had to whine and tug on his hair to get him to take his mouth off you, his finger stilling but remaining inside.
“Wow,” you breathed, eyes closed in a haze.
“Wow yourself, Gorgeous,” he winked at you. You made a move to reach down and grab him through his sweatpants, but Seth was quick to pull your hand away. “This is about you tonight,” he said with total sincerity. You wanted to argue that it was about both of you, but you knew he had his mind set on taking care of you, so you decided to let him. “You ready to try, baby?”
“Hell yes,” you laughed, sitting up. “Maybe I could start on top? That’s how I dilate and I could control it better that way.”
“I was just about to say the same thing,” he teased back. He moved to lie back against the headboard after taking his pants off as you kneeled on the edge of the bed, grabbing the bottle of lube. While you were turned away from him, he brought his hand to a cheeky slap on your ass, catching you by surprise.
“Hey!” You squealed and then giggled, turning to give him a playful glare.
“I couldn’t resist! It was right there,” He said, holding his hands up in surrender.
You simply rolled your eyes at this, grabbing a condom from the bedside table as well. You turned to him, still kneeling, and handed him the condom, which he ripped open with his teeth (and it was so hot). He slowly rolled it onto his rock hard dick, keeping a hand around the base as he looked up at you. “You absolutely sure about this?” he questioned.
“Yes Seth. I really want to.”
With this, you climbed up to straddle his lap, squirting generous amounts of lube onto him and spreading it around with your hand. You knelt up, positioning him at your entrance after throwing the lube on the floor. He sat straight up, hands going around your waist, one reaching up behind you to cradle your head. He gave you a passionate kiss as you lowered slightly, letting the tip of him find its way in. You stopped here, doing some deep breathing as Seth stared intently at your face, looking for any signs of discomfort. Seth was slightly smaller than your largest dilator, but what had you slightly concerned was the friction. The in-out-in-out factor usually caused you pain when you tried bouncing on your dilators. You would just have to keep the lube on stand-by and remember to breathe with your stomach.
When you were sure you would be ok, you lowered more, sinking down an inch with every exhale. Seth lovingly rubbed your back, hand petting your hair as he waited patiently for you to adjust. You felt unbelievable around him, but he didn’t want to express too much pleasure, fearful that you would put up with any pain for his benefit. He settled for nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck, holding you as close as he physically could. You lightly scratched at his shoulders, holding on for dear life. You had to stop for a moment at the half-way point, trying your best to control your pelvic muscles and picturing a flower bud opening in your mind. Slowly, you lowered another inch, and then another, and another, until you could feel his thighs touch you. At this, you sat down fully on his lap, his cock sheathed fully inside of you.
I need a minute you thought. This was a lot. Silicone dilators were one thing, but to have your boyfriend inside you like this was completely different. He was warm, hot even, and you could feel his pulse, feel the throb in his veins. The twitch of him deep inside you.
“Fuck,” Seth gasped quietly, as if he didn’t want you to hear.
“Feels good?” you questioned.
“Mm-hmm. Are you okay?” He asked right back, face still buried in your neck.
“I think so. Just give me a second.”
“Take all the time you need, baby. Do you want me to touch you?” His hand came over from your back and he grazed your lower stomach with his knuckles.
“No. Too much,” was all the answer he needed before he wrapped his arm around your back once again, massaging your skin soothingly. This was going on too long, you thought. Seth was probably dying right now. You didn’t want him to suffer, so you lifted your hips a couple inches, sinking back down on him. You felt a stinging sensation at your entrance, but ignored it. Before you could lift your hips again, Seth grabbed your waist in a vice-like grip, still holding you against him but stopping all movement.
“Don’t you dare,” he spoke softly yet firmly. “I can feel how tense your muscles are right now. Relax and then you can try again.” You wanted to cry at this. He was getting frustrated. He was going to break up with you! But you silenced those negative comments and realized he was right. So you took some deep breaths again, focusing on the pressure of his tip deep in your walls, the feel of his fingers grazing your back, his other hand playing with your hair. You closed your eyes and focused only on the sensations. “There you go, Sweetheart,” he said as he felt you relax around him. Instead of going straight up and down this time, you ground your hips against his, making circles on top of him. And it felt… good? Jesus. For the first time in your life, sex wasn’t hurting. It still felt a little tight and stiff, but it didn’t hurt. So you kept at it. Your breathing picked up at the sensation, along with the exertion of kneeling for so long. Seth pulled his face out of your neck and used the hand that was petting your hair to pull you into a passionate kiss. You guys made out as you continued to circle your hips, both of your breathing labored. Seth gripped your ass in one of his hands, helping control your movements as your legs began to shake.
“You getting tired, baby?” he questioned, even though he could see that you were. You just nodded, slowing down a little. “Do you want to try a different position? Maybe one where I could do some work?” You wanted to, but were nervous. The trust you had for Seth was absolute, but what other position could work?
“Like what?” you questioned hesitantly.
He thought for a moment, hands stilling your hips, before he cracked a smile. “I have an idea. Here,” he spoke as he shifted you both further down the bed and laid back so he was flat on his back, you still on top of him. He brought you down so you were stomach to stomach, hands going to the small of your back, and planted his feet on the bed. He held you close as he lightly thrusted up into you.
“Oh,” you breathed a moan. This felt really good. Being on top and controlling the movement had been good to adjust, but having Seth fuck up into you like this was another level of pleasure. He barely thrusted, but still hit the right spots. And you could still easily lift your hips to pull away if it started to hurt.
“Good?” he whispered.
“Mm-hmm. Oh my God,” you whispered to yourself, reaching up with one hand to grab the headboard. You thought you heard him breath a laugh, but were too lost in the moment to pay much attention to anything but Seth’s movements. He kept a steady pace of small thrusts, going slowly, never questioning the pace or pushing your limits. After a while, you started to push your hips back against his as he went into you.
“You want to try going a little faster, Sweetheart?” he questioned gently.
“Yes,” you said with half-lidded eyes as you looked right into Seth’s coffee-colored irises.
He brought himself out a little further at this, pushing back into you slightly faster than before, and hitting that perfect soft spot inside you that had your toes curl. You released a real moan this time, and Seth swore he could have cum from that sound alone. He kept this pace up, not daring to go any faster since you both were already enjoying it so much and he didn’t want to risk ruining the moment with pain. For the first time in your life, you felt actual pleasure from penetration, and you wanted more. You wanted to cum, and you felt like you actually could. With this realization, you brought one of your hands down to your swollen clit, rubbing tight circles on it that had your moans go up in pitch.
Seth grabbed your hand, putting it back on his chest as he reached down and began rubbing you with his own fingers and cockily stating, “That’s my job.” You felt your eyes roll back in your head at this, and it was the hottest thing Seth had ever seen. You felt a knot begin to form in your stomach, tightening faster than it ever had before. After just a couple more minutes of this, you moan “Oh, Seth. I think I’m gonna cum.” Of course this only spurred him on to keep going. Consistency, he reminded himself. Don’t change a thing. And he didn’t, not until you were seeing stars, trembling on top of him and screaming his name as your climax crashed into you like a wave. You had to rip his hand off your dripping center when the sensations became too much, and he stilled inside of you.
“Did you finish?” you questioned him once you came down, confused. If he had, it had sure been subtle.
“No, but I didn’t know if you were okay to keep going. You seem pretty sensitive right now.”
“Seth, I want you to cum too. Just… do you think you could like, not take a while? Like, could you finish in the next couple minutes? I’m okay now but I don’t want to push it.”
“Baby, I can finish in the next 30 seconds after looking at your face while you came like that.” You blushed deeply at this, breath picking back up again as he continued to gently thrust into you. He screwed his eyes shut after a couple thrusts, losing rhythm in his hips as he spilled into the condom with a growl and relaxed underneath you. “Fuck,” was all he said.
You laughed. “Yeah, fuck.”
He let you sit up and pull off of him at your own pace before dismounting and moving to walk to the bathroom.
“Wait! Wait,” he almost yelled, startling you half to death as he sat up, removed and tied off the condom, and hopped off the bed to throw it away. “This is the part where you let me clean you up and take care of you.”
“You just did take care of me, Seth,” which made him giggle.
“Not like that silly goose! Just stay there.” He joked as he made his way into the bathroom, coming out with a damp towel. “Spread ‘em,” he motioned towards your legs. You laughed deeply, obliging. He was ultra gentle as he wiped the lube off the insides of your thighs, kissing your knees as he finished. Then, he threw the towel into the hamper and retrieved his softest sweatshirt and placed it over your head as you moved your arms into the sleeves. “And now, we cuddle.” He looked so damn pleased with himself.
You laid your head on Seth’s warm chest, his arms coming to wrap around your waist. You two stayed like this for a while, just soaking in the details of what just happened. You did it. You had sex with your boyfriend. Actual penetrative sex, and it didn’t hurt.
As if reading your mind, Seth spoke. “I’m so proud of you.”
#twilight#twilight smut#seth clearwater#seth clearwater x reader#seth x reader#vaginismus#dilating#booboo stewart#paul lahote#embry call#wolf pack#sam uley#jacob black#jared cameron
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