#PTSD triggers or when I’d get a very distressing intrusive thought | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 2 years

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It’s not necessary but it would be great if Mod Emmet could answer since they answered all my previous asks.

Tw: Hallucinations? Suicide (kinda), self-harm (also kinda)

Alright so I’ve had some really, really bad hallucinations. By this I mean I experience them with all my senses. But lately I’ve been having these, what I can only describe as flashes, I’d just be doing something and then have it triggered by a word, or an object or even just moving a certain way.

As an example, the other day I was putting my jewelry on in the bathroom after a shower and I had this sudden flash of slamming my head open on the marble sheet around the sink. Or I’d just be cooking dinner and while chopping vegetables then suddenly have a flash of me slitting my throat with the knife.

I just really want to know what this might be or what might be causing it. I’ve been tested for Schizophrenia, but I don’t have it. I just really don’t know what’s going on,?I just feel like I’m going mad. It’s just progressively getting worse and I don’t know what it is and how to get help. In all honesty, I don’t know if I can handle this much longer with my mental state deteriorating at the rate it is. I’ve already gone through so much with hallucinations and I don’t know if I could handle it again.

- Lash

Hey Lash,

First of all I did just want to let you know that unfortunately Mod Emmet is no longer a part of the team. But we can absolutely still help you if you want.

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling with this. This sounds quite distressing to experience. I can't necessarily tell you what this is for sure but I can tell you that I know what you're talking about.

I have had similar moments in the past few years where I will also have these sudden graphic "flashes" and they have really bothered me when they happen. And as someone with OCD, I recognize my experience to be intrusive thoughts as a result of Harm OCD. I think this article explains this best, if you want to read more about it.

Intrusive thoughts in and of themselves can be considered a type of OCD, and harmful intrusive thoughts can be further classified as Harm OCD. This type of OCD is very common in those with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Some ways to combat intrusive thoughts are to:

try to acknowledge that these thoughts are intrusive as they come up.

know that, while they may be distressing, pushing them away tends to worsen the feeling, as well as analyzing why you may be having this intrusive thought. Instead, let the thought come and go.

do your best to carry on as usual after experiencing the thought.

While it's possible you may be experiencing Harm OCD, please know that this is not a medical or professional perspective, so I do urge you to talk to a specialist about this more to find out what your experience really is, especially considering the fact that not all intrusive thoughts are a product of OCD.

Best of luck, and we're here for you through this.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #self harm #suicide #lash

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sfcwilliams · 4 years

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Anita has unaddressed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The attack on the IMS Hestia is the main source of Anita’s trauma. In this article, it notes that the soldiers aboard the Hestia had just recovered from Operation: Long Spear and were in triage, insinuating that the fight had injured and wounded a good majority of their unit. All able-bodied soldiers were expected to commit to perimeter checks, which was what Anita and Jackson were doing in the airlock; they were just bantering back and forth before they were attacked by a “406-T” - likely, a new model of the ‘Scorch” Titan.

The sound that they heard prior was likely the Titan landing on the ship, and then the explosion that followed after, breaching the hull, was their first attack. The black box recording was unable to get a majority of the details due to the “explosive depressurization” in the airlock. Immediately, Jackson lost his footing, and while the details are hazy, they reached for one another - Anita’s hand held the area door handle for dear life, while her other hand was gripped around Jackson’s forearm for dear life. But it wasn’t enough to hold back against gravity, and Jackson fell back into the atmosphere.

Ultimately, Anita watched her brother fall to his death.

The symptoms of PTSD are grouped by the DSM-V into five different clusters.

Under the category of “Stressor”, Anita experienced “Direct Exposure to the trauma.” The incident aboard the IMS Hestia led to Anita watching Jackson fall to his assumed death while trying to survive the ship crash, eventually landing on a Syndicate-owned planet in the Outlands. We do not know if anyone else from her unit survived or not at this point.

Under the category of “Intrusion Symptoms”, Anita re-experiences her trauma in a few ways: flashbacks, nightmares, and in distress/physical reactions when exposed to reminders/triggers (e.g. when the reporter continued to harass her about participating in the interview, she reacted with a threat of bodily harm/was distressed to talk about the incident).

Under the category of “Unpleasant Changes to Mood or Thoughts”, Anita blames herself for the trauma (e.g. she couldn’t hold on to her brother long enough to save him), she is unable to remember the trauma clearly (her memory of the moments before the explosion is hard to recount; the article points out her inconsistencies about the black box transcript), and she feels isolated (the IMC has never come looking for her / she has no family/friends in the Outlands).

Under the category of “Avoidance”, Anita refuses to speak about the event, and is very reluctant to discuss the topic of her brother (e.g. she “threatened bodily harm” to the reporter harassing her about giving an interview).

And lastly, under the category of “Changes in Reactivity” , Anita has experienced aggression or irritability (see past example; and also went on an “unhinged tirade” claiming that Jackson was still alive to the reporter), and she has difficulty sleeping, as well as engaging in destructive or risky behaviour (e.g. participating in the Apex Games, a gladiatorial blood sport).

Because Anita survived this incident and landed in the Outlands, she did not have access to any form of therapy or counselling. Instead, she needed to seek out work in order to try and find her brother and find them someone to take them on the decades-long trek to the IMC homeworld.

It is noted, also, that Anita has consistently denied the fact that Jackson is very likely deceased. In the “Hero’s Fall” loading screen description, it is a clear insight into the “unhinged tirade” she supposedly gave to the reporter about printing the article. She believes that as a Pilot, Jackson would have had his jump kit equipped because he was a ‘stickler for protocol’, and yet, she cannot remember if he had it on his person or not. She believes that in his time stranded in the Outlands somewhere, that he could have settled down and had a family, living his life. She does not dare mention that he could be dead; she refuses to accept that notion at any point as truthful or likely. This constant denial is also another aspect of her unaddressed PTSD. Accepting the truth that her brother was likely killed-in-action, will be the first of many steps forward for Anita.

**One last point I’d like to mention, however, is that this article is painting a traumatized woman as the voice of the IMC “covering up” aspects of the Frontier War and what happened on that ship, which is vastly unfair, and meant to create doubt in a survivor’s story. I hope going forward, we do indeed get the “truth” without doing so at the cost of Anita’s well being.

#HEADCANON.#ptsd tw #[ i think it's important to break it down and talk about because ptsd isn't just flashbacks and nightmares like media wants u to believe ]#[ and it's very clear anita demonstrates a lot of the signs when discussing the incident ]#[ and her denial about Jackson likely being KIA is a really big component of it ]#[ anyway i wanted to make sure that y'all read this and understand that it's a part of her character ]#[ and until she gets closure one way or another... she's going to assume he's alive and settled and happy bc that's ... how she's coping ]

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leaving-anorexia-behind · 6 years

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04.06.18

Writing for my ED therapist for Monday. I’m shitting bricks.

I hope you don’t mind me writing this rather than speaking, I’m just not always able to get my thoughts across the way I want to.

While I certainly don’t see this happening, this is a “just in case plan” to be considered for if I were to get to a point where I’m too unwell to be in the community. Although I’m doing my best to make the changes I need to, I’m currently really struggling to do them. So, I thought I’d like to make both you and Dr R aware of what I’d probably find (un)helpful in terms of admissions since ultimately my end goal is recovery and don’t want to set myself back even further.

I can certainly see the reasoning behind a short admission since it should restore my weight quickly (although past admissions would suggest I tend to gain weight pretty slowly!) and get me back in the community sooner and able to start trauma therapy, which is what I’d want. Although this would certainly seem like a good plan I have a couple of reservations if this were to happen;

1. My PTSD/ depression often get much worse and unmanageable for me to cope with during weight restoration so I may need more support at those times somewhere which is able to deal with them. Most NHS units seem to only treat one or the other and I’ve found when one gets treated, the other gets worse, which ultimately isn’t helpful since it exacerbates the cycle I’m already in.

2. I’ve never maintained a BMI of more than XXish and will need to prove to myself that it’s possible, as well as, learning how to. I will probably need lots of home leave to practice.

3. When thinking/ talking about difficult/ intrusive memories I often use ED behaviours to cope and am much more likely to if I already feel vulnerable (weight gain is a big trigger in that sense).

As I’m medically stable and not a priority and if it gets to the point I need an admission, please could I wait for a bed to become available at the Priory as I find unfamiliar settings very disorientating and often distressing. As well as knowing the routine/ expectations etc, I established trust in a couple of the staff including Dr C which often takes a long time for me to build (although I still don’t agree with the olanzapine!). I know this may not be feasible considering the current bed shortages, so if I couldn’t go back, please could I be placed in another Priory as apparently most of them are able to deal with PTSD or at lease the acute symptoms until I start trauma therapy in the community.

Even though I desperately want to make the changes, I’m very aware that the more my ED clouds my mind, the more I can become challenging to work with and will probably push away at any opportunity. Please know that I don’t mean to be like that as I genuinely do want to work with you as a team, I just sometimes find I get caught in my ED and don’t know how to break back out of it.

#personalposts #eatingdisor #anorexia #depression #ptsd

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