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#PLEASE CAN I BE PRODUCTIVE? PLEASE CAN I JUST. DO THE THING I NEED TO DO. JUST ONCE IN MY LIFE
shurisasthmaticgf · 18 hours
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the curls are curling: lando norris x black social media influencer fem! reader
summary: the secret behind why his curls have been consistently looking perfect is revealed.
authors note: i am still very new to formula one so please don't jump me if there is some slight inaccuracies. i did my best to look things up if i wasn't sure about them. this fic isn't based off of any race in particular either. also, this is a work of fiction meaning it's not REAL so please remember that as well! constructive feedback is heavily encouraged and very appreciated 🫶🏽
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heat pooled through the open windows of the house as you ran around to try and get yourself ready for the long day ahead. you woke up an hour ago to give yourself two hours to get ready because today was a race weekend. usually, you only needed about an hour to get you and your boyfriend out the door but today you'd gotten up earlier to film a vlog.
the whole social media influencer thing was still fairly new for you, only having started to consistently vlog and post a few months ago. before you'd started dating lando you were posting here and there about your day to day as a university student and intern for a large company in the city. every so often one of your videos got a couple hundred thousand views but you didn't really mind that your other content only got a few likes...that was just how tiktok's algorithm worked.
once you graduated from university and your internship ended you didn't have much to vlog about until you decided to film a race weekend and post it. what you didn't expect was the video to get millions of views and likes overnight. a massive influx of fans followed but you didn't really pay too much mind to the number, this was just something you liked to do and people also liked to watch. with time you ended up opening a youtube channel where you posted longer vlogs and other videos, and tiktok became a place where you posted 1-3 minute clips of your longer videos. one thing you never really did was center your entire vlog around your boyfriend. sure, lando was the entire reason you ended up at races but you were also your own person...that and lando was oddly camera shy when it came to your vlogs so he often wanted you to edit him out if he happened to end up in the frame.
which is how you ended up in your bedroom with your tripod pointed the camera directly at you. you smiled widely, hoping that it masked the fact that you were nearly half asleep, "good morning everyone! it's race day and i'm gonna be taking you along with me. everyone's been asking for a longer race day vlog so i'm here to give you all what you want. first lets get into the fit- these pajamas were sent to me from Brooks Avenue, if you like them you can use the code Y/N for a little discount on your purchase!" you backed up to show off your pink and green pajamas that would have definitely cost an arm an a leg if they hadn't come in a PR package. the matching pink and green satin bonnet on your head slowly slipped down your forehead leaving you to push it back up with an annoyed huff. you explained to the camera once more, "okay and first i'm gonna brush my teeth then do my skincare routine...he's in the shower right now so the lens might get fogged up, sorry in advance." you knocked on the bathroom door to let your boyfriend know you were coming in before pulling your skincare products out of your travel bag. quickly you brushed your teeth with until you felt like you'd gotten rid of every trace of morning breath.
just as you finished your skincare routine, the shower turned off and you slipped out of the bathroom. while lando finished in the bathroom you sat back down at the vanity and situated the camera back in front of you. slowly you slipped the bonnet from your head and untied the silk scarf under it, letting the large twists in your hair fall against your shoulders. to the camera you explained, "it's gonna be really hot today so i'm just gonna pull the twists back with a ribbon and call it a day i think." you pulled a jar of edge control and a brush from your bag and began styling your baby hairs, effortlessly into swirls and swoops. a laugh fell past your lips as you admitted, "honestly the only reason i still do this is so my forehead looks slightly less...megamind-esque in pictures." when you finished you tied another scarf messily around your hairline and began gathering your twists into a ponytail to secure it with a holder and ribbon.
the bathroom door opened and lando walked back into your room, fully dressed but his button down left wide open exposing his bare torso. in his hands he held a blow dryer and two bottles, one leave in conditioner and a gel you'd bought for him a few weeks ago. you finished tying the bow around your ponytail then took the two bottles from him and plugged the blow dryer into the wall. a hand gently pulled on your hand and you looked up to see sleepy smile grace his lips, "good morning, beautiful." you drew closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and letting him pull you in by the waist. his head nuzzled into your shoulder as your hand found the back of his head, stroking his hair softly with your fingers you murmured, "hi baby." you could feel the shy smile he wore against your shoulder until you pulled away from him. you pulled a robe from the back of the door and told him, "put this on." he knew most of the reason was so he didn't stain his shirt with hair products but another part of it had to be the fact that his shirt was wide open.
lando sat in front of the camera and you laughed at how awkward he looked compared to normal. you prompted, "baby, say hi to everyone. they ask for you all the time." he stiffly waved a hand in front of the camera and you sighed, "i don't know why you act so funny around my camera but everyone else it's fine." he mumbled a soft, "because it's you..." but only the mic on the camera caught it. he sat on the bench in front of you and slightly leaned back into your body before letting his eyes flutter shut.
meanwhile you showed the leave in conditioner to the camera, "this is the kinky curly knot today leave in-" despite his eyes being shut lando let out a small laugh and you asked, "what?" he mumbled cheekily, "kinky." you let out a exasperated sigh, "oh god you're like a child...anyways i was saying, i put a little of this in his hair but not too much just a tiny amount to add moisture." squeezing the leave in conditioner into your palm then applying it to his hair you hummed along to a sza song that ran through your head. the gentle work of your fingers running along his scalp nearly lulled lando back to sleep. you worked through his hair with a practiced ease, adding product and coaxing the curls atop his head to take perfect shape. not wanting to disturb his peace, you silently showed the matching brand's curling custard and then applied that lightly to his hair. once you'd finished you turned on the blow dryer, accidentally jump scaring your boyfriend under you. a soft melodic laugh fell past your lips and one hand fell to his shoulder before you leant down and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek, "my bad babe." the camera didn't miss the way he leaned into your touch, pushing his cheek closer to you with his shoulders dropping further in relaxation.
not even half an hour later you were done and the light brown curls on his head were perfectly defined. you wiped your hands on the hand towel you'd slung over your shoulder earlier and laughed when you realized your boyfriend literally fell asleep. you gently cupped under his chin and pressed another kiss to his cheek. just above a whisper you mumbled, "all done, bubs. " he opened his eyes and smiled while you mused, “my pretty boy.” his cheeks flushed slightly, “thank you” and you brushed a few curls into place before looking at his reflection, "of course." he stood up and pulled you out of the frame to gave you a quick kiss before going downstairs where you'd meet him when you finished getting dressed.
the white and navy blue floral sundress you wore was both nice and simple enough to wear for today. simple gold jewelry and a pair of white sandals finished off your look and you grabbed the camera to show your reflection in the full length mirror on the wall, "all dressed so i'm gonna go meet lando downstairs and i'll see you all a little bit later!" you stopped recording and went downstairs to find your boyfriend sitting and ready to go, his cheeks burning pink when he laid eyes on you. a subtle fluttering erupted in your stomach at the familiar gaze, the one that made you feel like the only girl in the world.
*extra*
you scrolled through your social media accounts, something you never really did if you didn't have to. the first thing that came to your attention was the flood of pictures and comments that were about your boyfriend's hair. for the past few races you'd been doing his hair and more and more fans were noticing it looked better than normal. honestly, you found it amusing that people were bringing it up and so much at that, so you decided to add to the conversation just a bit:
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fans reactions to recent vlog upload:
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ethereallocs · 3 days
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Arrogance Pt 2. Modern!Au
Pairing: Daemon Targaryen x Fem!Reader
Content/ Warning ⚠️: 18+ only, teasing, tension, dry humping/grinding,fingering, revenge, romance, talk of sex, p in v penetration, oral male receiving, oral female receiving
Summary: “I could think of so many things that are much more sweeter than whatever dessert you made..”
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Chapter Two
A few weeks had passed and the thought of Aemond being in the same room hadn’t bothered you much anymore. He only annoyed you now constantly asking you how you were doing and wondering what was going on with you and his uncle. “Not everyone is horny dip shit like you Aemond. He’s my boss nothing more nothing less. But if he was my “lover” what’s it to you exactly? You didn’t seem to care when you were fucking my bestfriend behind my back.” You spoke so nonchalantly it was something you learned to do well being under Daemon’s tutelage. You didn’t even bother to look at him while you printed off the papers Daemon requested. “If this is all you’ve come to harass me about today I’m sure you have more…productive things to do besides worry me like a school boy…perhaps Alys needs your attention or has your cock grown old to her as well?” You decided to take your eyes off what you were doing for a moment to cast your gaze upon him. If looks could kill he’d be unrecognizable. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Finally! He was quiet. He stood there for only a moment more before leaving your office. “Thank the seven!” You exclaimed.
Daemon being your boss wasn’t at all what you expected. You recalled him being rather rude to you on many occasions before now. But with the two of you working so closely and even living together you realized he was actually a good man. Knocking on his door you had finished printing off the contract needed for the Velaryon Project and called you to come in. He was standing at the window of his office looking out into the city when he turned to look at you his slicked back tresses were beginning to fall from him constantly running his hands through it when he was stressed a quirk you often found yourself losing your self in while you stared. Snap out of it. “I-uh have the contracts you need for today’s meeting, Sir.” He chuckled softly at the word. “I already told you, Y/N. There’s no need to be so formal here, please call me Daemon.” You rolled your eyes at that gorgeous smile. “I would but your bitch of a nephew already questions if I suck your cock underneath your desk every day. I don’t need anyone else getting that idea in their head.” His brows furrowed and you saw something in his eyes while he looked over his shoulder at you.
It was uncomfortably quiet and you cleared your throat to break the silence. “Well, you said you had the papers that need to be signed just place them on my desk. I was going to let you know that you can leave early I have the meeting forget Velaryon Project and then that’s it for the day hopefully our cousins will make the deal with us.” You did as he asked and smiled at him before leaving. “You’ve been working really hard for this and you’ve made a good impression you’ve got this one the bag.” You softly rubbed his shoulder and he seemed to relax feeling your touch. “Thank you, Y/N. Also…I..wanted to know if you wished to stay longer. You’ve been a great help to me and the company and I know soon you’ll be able to afford a place of your own…you could stay at my place longer…maybe save up a little more money…” You listened attentively and tried to keep a straight face but inside you were smiling from ear to ear. “I would like that…by the way I have a surprise for you when you get back so I need to go if you don’t mind.” And with that you were leaving the office for the day.
While he was gone you had made proper use of your time you had made a 5 course meal and decorated his dining area. You bought a bottle of champagne and placed everything out just so. You thought this would be a great time to celebrate and also in away thank him for his kindness. It took you a few hours, but after everything was done you were getting ready and not too long after you heard him coming inside. Your hair was in lovely bombshell curls that flowed over your shoulder so beautifully and you were a black dress that hugged your curves just right and stopped mid thigh. You walked out to him with two glasses of champagne in your hand as you greeted him. “I see you started the party without me.” He chuckled to himself taking the glass in hand and tapped it against yours before taking a sip. “So how does it feel to nail one of the biggest deals for the company, sir.” You spoke playfully giggling into the glass as you took a sip. He didn’t have much to say his eyes were wandering over you and that dress. You were growing a bit nervous under his gaze and decided to change the subject. “Maybe we should go eat…it’s been a long day.”
He saw the dining room and gasped loud enough for you to hear. Everything looked and smelled delicious. He was in shock honestly having know idea just how talented you were at many things. Aemond was a fool he thought to himself. You both sat down and he had his fill of bubbly and food. After the two of you were pretty tipsy again. Something the both of you did often together drink and watch movies or gossip. The two of you were giggling and the newest hot topic Alys was fucking Aemond’s older brother now, Aegon. You were tickled at how fucked up and messy their family was but it seemed that even though they were chaotic they were great at building empires. “And to think I wanted to marry that prick and have his babies. Served him right the fucker.” Daemon watched you all but too closely almost like prey. “I could’ve told him it wouldn’t have worked out I’ve had my experience with the whore myself.” Hearing that you were all to intrigued to hear about this hot escapade. “Oh? And tell me was she a good lay?” He shrugged and rolled his eyes. “She wasn’t anything special to me, I didn’t even pursue her. Too easy…I like a challenge…it makes the victory even more…satisfying.” He spoke intensely slowly swirling the last bit of champagne in his glass before gulping it down a bit dropped down his chin and he instinctively licking the corner of his mouth making you turn uncomfortably in your seat. “You alright?” You jumped out of your thoughts and walked toward the kitchen. “I almost forgot dessert.” He spoke lowly watching the way your hips swayed. “Indeed.” He quietly followed behind you and saw you going into the fridge. He grabbed your arm and pulled you close to him. “I could think of so many things that are much more sweeter than whatever dessert you made..” He nestled his face into your neck and inhaled your perfume groaning. His hands holding onto your hips tight to keep you from moving.
“Daemon…I…don’t think…” He smiled you finally said his name. “Ah…there it is…it sounds so delicious coming from that pretty little mouth yours.” You shuddered involuntarily feeling the soft kisses on your neck and shoulder as he backing into the counter. He kissed his way up your neck until he found your lips. He’d wanted to do this for a while now….when he first met you actually. His tongue demanding entry and you let him instantly melting as his tongue twirled around yours. His hands hiking up your dress he used his thigh to spread you legs apart pressing his knee into your warm core. You gasped and sucked his tongue in slowly beginning to grind your hips forward. He smiled into the kiss moving his knees up into your thrusts. Your quiet moans got him so excited and he wanted more. He pulled one of your breasts from your dress and lazily licked and sucked your nipple biting and tugging at it softly while you made a mess on his Armani slacks.
His hands gripping your ass cheeks pulling them apart and back together he pulled your thong to the side and let two thick fingers rub over both of your holes. Daemon pulled was cheek apart and felt the pool of warmth which was your cunt and slowly pushed a finger inside. You moaned at the entry and groaned at how tight you squeezed just his finger. He bit his lip and eased it in and out slowly torturing you. “Please…Daemon…more…” you begged and how could he resist just a sweet request. He pushed the second finger inside and almost drooled at how you stretched around them. “Fuck…I can’t wait to feel you on my cock…” he cooed kissing her lips, neck and shoulder pumping his fingers into her while his other hand was filled with your ass cheek and you were helping yourself to his knee. His cock was severely constricted in these pants and he needed to free him. Pulling his fingers from you he unbuckled his belt and unbutton his pants let his cock free. He was thick and long…just right in your opinion…so much so that you were damn near drool at the sight of it.
“So…Y/N you were saying something about sucking my cock earlier…that’s been on my mind since if I’m being honest with you.” You smiled and got down into a low squat looking up at him as his cock hovered over your face. “Gorgeous…” he whispered rubbing your face before guiding his cock towards your lips. You opened up and sucked on the head cooing at the salty taste of his precum with the mixture of him and you were in heaven. Your head bobbing away and you sucked and licked him hungrily while he pumped into your mouth like an animal. That throat of yours…how could someone look so sweet but be so damned deadly. His head was tilted back and his mouth agape. Were you trying to suck him dry?…maybe…of course you were. “Fuck..babygirl if you keep this up I’ll be done before I’ve even gotten started…” he pulled away and propped you up on the counter kissing your sloppy lips before shoving his face in-between your legs. He pushed your knees to your chest and lapped at your clit like he was starving. He suckled your pearly so attentively and looked up at you occasionally reveling at those sexy ass faces you made…perfection. He sucked a few orgasms out of you and he was pleased with himself.
Now it was time to fill you up and he wasted no time “You ready…” you nodded and as he lined himself up with your entrance he slowly eased inside of you hissing all the way in feeling you opening up but quickly gripping him like a vice… ”That’s it…heaven..” he growled into your neck slowly pumping into you trying not to cum prematurely. Slowly he picked up his pace shuddering every now and then hearing how his cock were stirring you up…those sweet sticky sounds..and you could barely think just take his cock while he was losing his mind. At this moment he was yours mind, body, and soul. If this is what being with you was like all of you…he needed you all of you. “Please don’t ever leave me…Y/N.” He whispered into your ear practically begging. You couldn’t really get out word so you just pulled him in closer and he pushed himself deeper until he was stopped by your cervix.
“Baby…you’re gonna make Daddy… fucking cum…” he growled and bit into your shoulder letting you orgasm first before he pulled to spill his seed on the kitchen floor. You both were breathing heavily trying to catch your breath and you kissed him one more time. “You made a fucking mess.” You breathed out and he laughed lowly… “I’ll clean it up don’t worry.”
to be continued…
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@malfoycassimalfoy @wolflover252
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bullet-clubs-bitch · 2 days
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You scared me
Nicholas Jackson X Fem (wrestler) reader
Summary: Y/N scares Nick during her match.
Warnings: Mentions of blood steel cage death match type shit :)
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I watched the cage lower from above, the steel shining in the arena. Tonight we would see the TBS championship being defended in a steel cage match. Normally I woudn't think much of a match like this, I was familuar with the cage and I trusted Y/n. However with Adam Copeland breaking his leg in that same cage not even a month ago had me on edge.
"Stop worring Nicky, I'll be fine" Y/n told me reassuringly as she kissed my cheek. "You know you're not supposed to be calling me that, you must call me by my god given name" "Well Nicholas, you know these kinds of matches arn't new for me. Willow and I will go out there and protect each other, you know that" "Just promise me you'll be careful, no stupid moves off the cage" "I promise I will be carefull but I don't know about the other part" Y/n told me playfully, I however did not find her joke funny. "You're out in 30" called one of the members on the production team. I gave Y/n a quick kiss before letting her get into posistion for what would be yet another history making moment in AEW.
"Jesus Christ!" Matthew called out "Did you see that!" Everyone was gathered around to watch the match from a monitor backstage, everyone wanted to see the bloody brawl that was about to take place. I couldn't watch, the sound of the steel chair cracking Y/n's skull made me sick. The blood poured out of her head leaving a puddle in the ring. "Nicholas! Are you even watching?" Matthew asked me "This is kinda hard for me to watch" I told him. "Think about all the stupid things you do that Y/n has to deal with, you should be watching!" He had a point.
I watched as Willow pulled out a large black bag that was wedged between the cage and the ring. My first thought was thumb tacks but I felt my jaw drop when Willow dumped a variety of mouse traps in the ring. "Jesus" I mumbled under my breath. I watched Willow Suplex Y/n into the traps. Some stuck to her skin while others were left with chunks of skin.
The crowd was going nuts, the women were left covered in blood, welts and bruised scattred their skin. They were proving once again that the women can do death matches. Everytime I thought it was over I was shocked by the last minute kick out. My worries had disappeared, I was on the edge of my seat wanting to see what would happen next. Just then I saw Y/n start to make her way up the steel cage and that nervous feeling returned. The arena went scilent as Y/n stood atop of the cage. They watched as Y/n took a few moments to compose herself, talking in the view and how quet everyone had become. They were showing their respect, allowing total concentration for what was about to occur. I watched Y/n execute a perfect corckscrew shooting star press (Pac's black arrow) but to my supprise Willow moved out of the way at the last second. Y/n went crashing hard into the table she had set up. Everyone was in shock with what we just witnessed. Y/n lifeless body lied in the middle of the ring as Willow went for the pin. 1...2....3...
Y/n didn't move a inch as Willow celebrated with her new title in the ring. "She's dead" called out another wrestler. "She's not dead, chill out" Matthew spat but I coudn't help think that maybe she was injured. She hadn't move at all. Medical staff tended to her as I ran towards the entrance way to make sure she was okay. They carried her backstage and I was to greet her. "What the fuck where you thinking" I asked Y/n as I held her tightly in my arms. "Owww" she called out "Sorry, Sorry but like what the fuck Y/n!" "I'm fine, don't worry about me" "You are not fine, you're going to need stitches and you just fell 15 feet to your death. You scared me Y/n!" I told her "I'm sorry I scared you" she told me "Please tell me you won't do something stupid like that again" "No promises"
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spllwys · 26 days
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i'm going on exam season lockdown as of today, which means no more gifs/edits/anything else because i spend way too much time on them for an engineering student in the trenches lmao. posting this not because i think anybody will notice or care, but so i can hold myself accountable and get embarrassed if i break the pledge. see you on june 3rd for a ghovie creativity extravaganza
edit: besides the ghovie trailer 😭 i cant restrain myself from that one
#actually june 4th because i will be drinking on june 3rd from the moment i close my semiconductors paper#cold turkey on gif making KHBJDGVSCDH RIP#genuinely its such a relaxing thing to do that i find myself prioritising it#and unlike other chill activities it gives me the illusion of productivity#i really need to be getting that from my work and not silly bands#anyway. see u#also in my 4 years of making edits like this in many different circles i've never once felt the need to mention a like/reblog ratio#and i'm fully of the opinion that people can do whatever the hell they like and i never expect interaction#i'm grateful for what i do have#but what primarily motivates me to do this is people sharing their love for whatever is on the post#in the tags or elsewhere#i'm not talking praise or thanks or anything to me i mean 'i love this song' or 'papa looks great here' skdcvkdgvs#'this is my favourite band' u know? it's sharing passion with other people and having them share theirs with me#and in all the 4 years and many many fandoms this (ghost/st) is by far the worst for interaction like that#i'd say ghost especially skhjcsd#and this tag rant isn't a request or a 'please interact more!' or anything like that it's just#a reason as to why i'm a bit discouraged that i'm chatting about to nobody#oh yeah and especially seeing photos posted with no source and no edits get 5x the notes you'd get#the quantity of notes doesn't matter to me but the discussion and tags do#just checked my notes in the middle of typing this and someone rbed some papa ii gifs with#'hope he's steady on his feet the way i would run into him'#KDSGKDSD that's what i'm on about 😭😭😭😭😭#makes me smile knowing something i posted made somebody feel joy abt a silly band and then shared that with me through the tags#i'm aware i've been here for just over one month so shouldn't be making judgements just yet#but sometimes i wish there was more of that
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clown-femme · 3 months
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I kind of resent when other adhd people talk about hyperfocus only because I'm jealous that I don't do that. I WISH I could zero in and stay focused on one task at a time. Can you imagine. I can't even do that with things I like.
That said I am also annoyed when people misuse the term hyperfocus to just mean 'the thing I'm into right now' but that is Beside the point
#i think my Heavy depression makes it hard for me to get the brain chemical response needed for the adhd brain employees to go 'mm yummy'#'more of this please' and make me lock into focus#i think there is a factory between my ears and there are two departments that are at odds#and one is my depression and the other is the adhd#and the depression has halted production of dopamine. it cut funding on serotonin and dopamine because of my life's conga line of misfortune#and the adhd side is like. goddamn we need some dopamine bad. we are going to try to do everything at once to get some. 87 tabs.#14 rps going on at once. three songs stuck in head. click teeth together too.#we are NOT touching a single thing that doesnt help the dopamine machine make more dopamine for us so cut all other activities. work??? well#work is hard. actually most things are hard. and they take too many steps. now i know things like our hobbies Might produce dopamine but#well its not fast enough. and also tooooo many steps. everything too many steps.#sit on couch and 87 tabs just enough steps.#this has to be the case until we can get enough dopamine from anything at all to want to linger on an activity#and then back to depression#where its like. see?? look. we dont do anything and we hate ourselves. we cant make ourselves do things that we like or dislike.#this is why we cant have dopamine or serotonin.#and then i am left on the outside unable to focus on my work or my writing or even on fun things like rp#sorry for wall of tags
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binders-and-beanies · 16 days
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#sry I need to vent more abt my tattoo pain bc I physically cannot do anything productive rn im completely and totally incapacitated#can’t read anything beyond short posts or texts. can’t eat or move at all#tried to sleep through it so it would at least Be Tomorrow so I can get medical help. but the jolts of pain make me like Jump#hence me being sent home from work early today like it’s not even that I was complaining I was just flinching involuntarily so much#and was unable to work or function at all. thank god I don’t work retail rn I remember the pain of tattoo infections in that context#it’s so Abrupt it feels like I’m being stabbed or repeatedly bitten#literally trying not to scream bc I have a roommate. but he almost certainly hears me crying and saying ouch#which sucks bc I barely know the guy lol he has no context. At least on my drive home I could scream as much as I needed#literally would go to the ER if I could afford it and that sounds so dramatic bc it is#it doesn’t feel like it can wait. genuinely don’t know how I’m gonna get through the night#I haven’t slept in like 60 hours and I doubt I will tonight. but it hurts too much to even tell if I’m tired#and I don’t have time for this!! I have so much I need to be doing. I hate that the only way I can have Time is to be Extra Disabled#in a way that leaves me completely unable to do the things I normally can fight through despite burnout#and I was just at health services yesterday asking them to do insurance paperwork that they couldn’t do#it’s embarrassing having to be like hey I was just there but can I come back#I have Another tattoo infection but I pinky promise I take such good care of them#and my artist is like the best of the best too. it’s like it doesn’t matter what either of us does to keep me safe#and I know if anyone responds to this it will be to tell me to stop getting tattoos#but that’s literally like telling me not to get top surgery if I’m immunocompromised n might have recovery complications#both are equally important gender affirming medical procedures to me I’m not joking#and I hate always having to justify this whilst in agonizing pain. I hate answering the same things every time bc still no one believes me#I say this as someone who lives every moment in baseline pain that would have your average person writhing on the floor and I ignore it#this is truly unbearable if I hadn’t been through it a million times I would think it was life threatening#just needed to get it out ig. bc it’s all I can physically do. until health services opens in 12 hours#PLEASE let them have availability tomorrow bc i have literally no option on weekends#this is just. so upsetting and embarrassing. I don’t have time or emotional capacity for this#personal#mine#vent post
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sugar-free-byproducts · 3 months
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why can i only do research/work on things that are trivial?? i want to take some graphic design classes, and i'll need to sign up in time to do so. but also...i could spend 3 hours researching rollerskates that i have a 65% chance of not using instead.
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end-orfino · 5 months
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i feel like it's such a cruel joke from God that everything that makes me better also makes me feel worse.
#the attitude of 'no one else will do it if not you' along with 'you need to put in more than the bare min. because--#--this bare minimum does not make an effect on people tf is this'#was things i started thinking to motivate myself to draw more than headshots all the time & actually start putting the ideas i had onto--#paper and at least trying to tell my stories in anything more than a meaningless ramble#(i still ramble sometimes but i at least try to think of how to do it now)#and it worked#and im doing actual things now#but now this same logic is hurtful because it pushes me to make more&more&more#just to get my ideas out there#bcs just saying the idea out loud isnt enough. people will not be interested in just listening to that#i need to like make a drawing or something#and theres so many ideas and i cant make something for all of them but IM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DO THAT.#im the only one. and i should be the only one because getting someone else to do so is 1. not possible 2. shameful.#like oooohhh can you make this idea i had real because i cant. jesus christ id rather fall into the ground.#please dont internalize this btw. this isnt a good attitude to have. not at all!!#but now im stuck in this hell because its the only way i get to keep going#the only way im capable of doing anything and being productive is by forcing myself to do so. by pulling myself up by strings#and beating myself up into what i want to do#i will not do it if i wont force myself to.#...does this classify as executive dysfunction?#i never thought it did but#now that i phrased it that way#god i wish i had the balls to ask my parents for therapy#BY THE WAY TO CLARIFY#'DOING THINGS'? IN THIS CONTEXT?#MEANS LIKE. MAKING SHITPOSTS.#SOMETIMES MAKING COMICS OR WRITING A ONE SHOT BUT I STILL STRUGGLE WITH THAT TO THIS DAY.#IT WAS MOSTLY LITERALLY DRAWING A DOODLE COMIC INSTEAD OF WRITING SOMETHING IN A DIALOGUE FORM#BECAUSE DIALOGUES DIDNT CHANNEL WHAT I WANTED TO SHOW RIGHT AND SHITPOST COMICS MADE IT MORE INTERESTING TOO.#oh yeah and theres a thing to be said about how so much for this if not all is just so that other people would look at it.
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theorderofthetriad · 2 years
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again with this shit
Stop acting like Ed’s some unhinged abusive monster for the toe thing while trivializing Izzy’s bad choices in the same breath.
Stop acting like Izzy is some unhinged abusive monster for his litany of bad choices while trivializing Ed's violent actions in the same breath!
Everyday I get less and less tolerant of people acting like Ed overreacted and Izzy did absolutely nothing to justify what happened to him in episode 10.
Everyday I get less and less tolerant of people acting like cutting off someone's toe while they sleep and forcing them to eat it is ever a justified action!!!! It does not matter what the person you're doing it to did in order to "justify" having it happen to them, you are still maiming someone!
Besides “Ed’s becoming a different person so Izzy has the right to be upset” does not track
I don't think i have ever in my time scouring the Izzy Hands tag seen someone say that Izzy has the right to think or do the things he's done. I've seen people explain the why of those things, but never justifying the actions. Someone explaining why Izzy thinks his actions were the right choices in the moment is not the same as them actually saying that Izzy's actions were the right thing to do.
I think the reason people see these things as lesser than the choking or toe incident is because of the subconscious tendency we have to deemphasize emotional abuse.
I think the reason people are trying to justify Ed permanently maiming Izzy is because they subconsciously think that some abuse is okay and maybe even deserved if the victim is an unpleasant or "bad" person. I mean this person literally said "people acting like [...] Izzy did absolutely nothing to justify what happened to him." as though what Izzy did justified what happened.
The pain Ed caused Izzy was not worse or “disproportionate” to what Izzy caused Ed just because it was physical.
yeah actually it fucking was disproportionate. like, yeah, the things Izzy said were supremely shitty, but i've had people say things to me that were way worse and I'd chose the mental trauma of those cruel words over the physical trauma of getting my toe cut off (and the mental trauma of being forced to eat my own fucking toe) literally any goddamn day.
"just because it was physical" as though there's gonna be no mental element to that trauma. jfc
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seeminglyseph · 8 months
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Look, if anyone wants to pull a snit about realism and the historical significance of Lord of the Rings having to technically be a mythology for the English Area before we all warred our history out of each other, I’m bringing up that it would put us in a world where
“Po-ta-toes! Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, put ‘em in a stew!”
Cannot exist. I’m tired of making thoughtful answers to stuff questions. I require potatoes.
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lakemichigans · 2 years
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anger management issues are so cringe
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pollen · 2 years
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i seriously should propose my own promotion. nothing goes out that i don't get my hands on and 50% of the time i'm restructuring and rephrasing every piece of copy that goes out, and more like 90% for some of my more involved accounts, especially the account whose brand identity is 100% from me. i have a social writer who writes bare-bones copy and then gives it to me like "i don't know how to make this work please help me, edit what needs it and feel free to make content suggestions" and most of the time i end up scrapping what she writes and i handle it from there. she can't push anything to client approval without my ok on it. i even edit her content schedules and recommendations sheets before the client sees those. and when we're in a pinch trying to clean something up for production that requires a miracle to be worked, or if we have a pitch going out, or any kind of internal communication or file that's being distributed, or if we have a presentation in mere hours but the content needs to be completely redone, the executives call me in on it. like. make me the content director already i'm so -_-
#it's so frustrating idk the corporate structure we have is like. there's two departments. creative and accounts#and within creative we have the creative director (who does a lot of conceptual and visual work) who oversees the designers#and then we have a handful of copywriters and proofers for various things. most of whom are freelance or contract#and then there's me. who does QA/QC and proofs and copyedits and checks for tonality and compliance#and landscape research and conceptual direction for messaging and all that. and i'm in accounts technically.#so do we see the issue. who is the creative director for the writers. they don't answer to the creative director. neither do i#the creative director and i are like. equals. we get pulled in on kickoffs and he handles visuals and i handle messaging#so why the hell am i not the content director. god it would streamline so much. we need someone to manage traffic#and organize the writers and get messaging and structure figured out before it even goes to production for versioning#it's just soo......#my supervisor is the vp of accounts/vp in general but she doesn't.. supervise me and never really has? i just#ask her if i can get time off for things. otherwise i'm on my own. and last year i remember the director of ops#saying my supervisor was feeling bad because i work on my own and there's no one i collaborate with as equals and#i had no guidance really after onboarding so it was horrible adjusting to the workload especially because i started in the MIDDLE#of AEP so we were slammed. so i'm like. overseeing things with virtually no direction#and i get so frustrated when i get copy written by another writer and 15 minutes to edit but it's so poorly constructed#and so off brand that it takes me 45 minutes to edit. like can i please just talk to the writers#if i'm already fixing their work and spending so much time doing it how about we do that before they start writing#or before it's 'done' like please let me give them direction. god#anyway hi thank you and welcome to my post about work. i have to go edit a powerpoint now
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technoxenoholic · 2 years
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(post in tags)
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megroha · 3 days
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tired tired
#ok venting for a moment#everything is so much all the time and i'm always saying this#right now everything is far far too much i think#and it always has been but i've gotten good at ignoring it#it only takes One negative external force to break the facade and make me remember how bad it all is#i really do try#but its always someone or something else that brings me back down here#i really try#anyways i won't be able to get my meds for a while due to stock problems and i do not feel good about this#really not at all#just waiting for the situation in my household to snap also because there's only so long i can effectively ignore the people i live with#even if i was able to form the words to talk about things. they are not typically able to listen or understand in any way#i do not know what is going to happen#but its like i've been stuck in a very slow and subtle state of panic for around 2 days now and my chest hurts and my bones hurt#i dont feel good hehe#if a particularly intense and productive hyperfixation could hit rn that would be great. please#but i am going to be braindead for a while without my meds so thats a big hope!#i just need some time and some peace and to be left alone in my space#i probably need the events and issues causing me stress to resolve but i don't see how they will!#and i just feel its not my job since i'm not the one causing them!#now i think i just need to remember and hold onto how this has hurt me and why i'm allowed to feel hurt#i'm allowed to be bitter about it because i was deceived and betrayed and lied to#i am really trying
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dredshirtroberts · 2 months
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having to physically remind myself i'm allowed to enjoy downtime especially if i've already done Tasks and Important Things.
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starpros-sunshine · 2 months
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It's is especially at one in the morning that you realise how ridiculous "I shouldn't go take dancing classes even though I desperately need a hobby that would let me fix the issue of me being so ridiculously short of breath that they genuinely worried about my health because, well, i can't dance." actually sounds. My brother in Christ you're supposed to learn how to do that there.
#apparently I have the same lung volume as someone with copd according to the tests#i don't have copd though I don't think so at least#too healthy for that#sigh there's some classmates of mine who dance I could ask them where they do it but....hmm thats always more embarrassing#when there's people you know so mean#I'd have no issue teaching tht myself but problem one is learning wrong technique can in a lot of things result in health problems#and problem too is that you can't really do stuff you need two people for alone#i don't even wanna /dance/ you know I just think knowing the standard stuff would be nice#i can walz kind of#as said you don't really get good when your partner is a blanket#but I can so the leading position in a standard waltz#ahh and I don't know if that would work out anyways I graduate next year would it even make sense to start something new now#but I really do need a hobby thats not. nothing actually I have video games but I consider those a hobby i just play them in my free time#to relax you know#it's not like I'm actually doing anything much#i mean I am#but I don't know if I'd call it a hobby#reading also isn't really a hobby to me I read in the evenings before bed i don't think thats already hobby status#and drawing lost hobby status when I picked the art major now it's something productive#but I don't want to do like. actually hard sport or anything in that direction i don't want to take up swimming again for example#i just want to do something with myself i guess#but this is all hypothetical anyways for now i better worry about my theoretical tomorrow and pray i know the question#please don't let me fuck this up#delete later
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