happy friday mer!!! for your mahariel/alistair, "❛ if only the time and space between us wasn’t lonely ❜"
happy dadwc kia and ty for the prompt! it's sad mahariel hours in my house (it's always sad mahariel hours in my house) ;-;
for @dadrunkwriting
-
Sari used the cover of darkness to sneak back into Denerim. When she left, months ago, she’d planned to stay away forever. Even now, with corpses cleared and buildings repaired, ghosts lingered on each and every cobblestone.
But she had to come. Her heart beat against the scrap of paper in her breast pocket, an unsigned message in loopy writing: it is built.
When she rounded the corner up Queen’s Row, Sari’s breath caught. Alongside the palace gates stood a new structure, gleaming in the moonlight. A proud, silver-plated griffon perched on the roof, wings unfurled, about to take flight. Piles of flowers and coin and ribbons cluttered the entrance where a magical flame flickered, blue and undying to honor the one who gave his life to save them all.
Sari kept her hood drawn, past the lone guard and all the way up to the shrine. A few pieces of armor (that she knew to be fakes), a glass case over a polished medal, and a sword affixed to the wall above it. That was real—there could be no mistaking the dried flecks of the archdemon’s Blighted blood.
A smooth inscription in the marble read:
Alistair Theirin
Warrior | Grey Warden | Hero of the Fifth Blight
In Death, Sacrifice.
She placed her hands over the words so that she wouldn’t have to see the terrible code that condemned him to die. As soon as her palms touched cool stone, her knees gave way; she sank to the floor and pressed her forehead to it instead, tasting salt on her tongue as tears made their lonely, inevitable journey to the floor.
I miss you, she cried, silent. I cannot do this alone.
She had not been allowed to grieve for Tamlen. But there was no one in this world or the next, no quest or crisis that could keep her from anguish now. Not when her love was gone to ashes.
They should have been heroes together. Or he should be here, and she in the gilded urn, just a legend, a myth. That’s what she would be, anyway. The people who claimed to exalt her did not recognize her pointed ears or tattooed face—their eyes glazed over her where they would have latched on to Alistair.
You should be here.
She could feel the tears ending, for now. Just as well—she could not linger, lest she invite Leliana to descend her perch from the palace. And she could not bear the presence of her friend, not now, no matter how dear, no matter how she’d covered for Sari’s absence with both the crown and the crowds. Her touch was too gentle and forgiving to survive the barbs that Sari would stake into her if they met now.
With shaking hands, she loosed the leather cord from her neck. She felt off-balance without the weight of the tiny vial at her throat, but she set it alongside the other offerings at the shrine. The dark, sludgy concoction within oozed and warped as it settled.
Sari knelt before the shrine once more and pressed a kiss just over his name. How cold the stone was beneath her lips; the hardness sealed itself in her heart as she stood and wiped her face.
Ar lath ma, vhenan.
With each step she took, pieces of her fell away. A myth, a legend, a cautionary tale left in her wake.
The Hero of Ferelden left Ferelden behind.
21 notes
·
View notes
"it’s not your fault." for mahariel and tamlen?
thank you for the prompt! it's exactly what you'd imagine, I went for the low-hanging angst on this one ;-;
for @dadrunkwriting
She jolted awake at the tugging in her gut.
Darkspawn.
Her bow was in her hand before she’d even thought about it, the ghost of her body heat on the bedroll beside Zevran. It was hardly the first time the camp had been ambushed and Sari doubted it would be the last.
She loaded and shot arrows as if in a fog. Load, tense, shoot. Load, tense, shoot. Morrigan was at her side and she aimed around Zevran and Alistair and Leliana’s melee positions through nothing more than reflex. The last spawn on the field fell to Sten’s blade, but a surprised gasp from Leliana had Sari on edge.
“What?” she snapped, too tired for any niceties.
“It’s…” the rogue faltered, uncertain. “Well, look!”
One spawn still stood, only the slightest hunch in their stance and an unblemished face. No, not unblemished, Sari realized, but marked with vallaslin. Without the balding scalp he might have been—
“Tamlen—“ Sari whispered.
His gaze had locked on her and when she said his name he fled, leaving the range of Zevran’s dagger without a second thought.
“No!” Sari cried, and she chased him with just as little thought, fingers catching Zevran’s wrist before he could release the blade he’d lifted to throw. Not letting her eyes leave the retreating silhouette, she slung her bow over her shoulder and dodged her companions faster than they could move to stop her.
He’d always been taller than her, faster, only ever felled in their childish exploits by her sharp cunning. That would be the case here, as well, unless—
“Lethallin, sathan!” she called desperately.
Right at the edge of disappearing into the forest, he paused. Sari skidded to a stop in a shower of pine needles.
“Lethallin,” she repeated, soft but no less dire.
He turned around.
Fenhedis, she thought, biting her tongue to keep the word from hissing between her teeth. His eyes were sunken deep in their sockets, gone black where they were once rings of pale blue. Cheekbones and a sharp nose gave him the facsimile of a face, but the way his skin pulled taught over them looked false, as though someone had strung him back together in their imagination of what an elf should look like. All of his veins stood out—stark, black, so many and so prominent that they blurred together and made his skin look muddy and dark.
Sari reached for him, but he flinched away.
“No,” he croaked. “Don’t touch me. I’ll…hurt you.”
She shook her head. “Stubborn fool,” she choked out. Despite his words, she pressed forward and caught his face between her hands, bringing their foreheads together.
“You can’t hurt me,” she whispered. “Can’t you feel it, Tam? Beating through me, just like you.”
“No…” he said hoarsely. “Not…you too…..”
“Not yet. But someday. Someday soon.”
A wail of despair tore from him and Sari heard her companions shifting uneasily behind them.
“For what, lethallin,” her friend sobbed. “What was it all for?”
At that, Sari could no longer look at his anguished face. Her legs gave out beneath her and she let them; they crumpled to the forest floor in a twisted tangle of limbs. It was so familiar and also not—like breathing only to find what you’d inhaled wasn’t oxygen at all.
Hadn’t she wondered the same, a hundred times over? Since this all started? When the Keeper turned her over to Duncan, when she woke up in Flemeth’s hut, when every supposedly sworn ally had demanded some sort of favor for their allegiance? And yet she had no answer to give him, because she had found no answer for herself. In lieu of that, she buried her face in his shoulder and rocked them back and forth through her silent tears and his wracking sobs.
When she pulled away, his grief had streaked in black blood down his cheeks. The sight jolted her and an idea blossomed, a thought, that maybe—maybe, just this once—
Without loosening her grip around Tamlen, Sari looked over her shoulder. In her peripheral she could see Zevran comforting Leliana even as the assassin watched her with no small amount of concern. Most of the others were collecting the corpses for burning, but the one she wanted was stood just slightly off to the side of Zevran and Leliana, locked on the exchange with a mix of horror and worried fascination.
“Alistair,” she called. Her voice came out as a croak, but he seemed to understand and stumbled forward.
“Sari,” he said uncertainly, eyes darting between them. “What can I do?”
She swallowed against a dry throat. “I—can we—he’s Tainted, like I was, so we can—“
Alistair was quite smart and he saw her line of thought even through her fragmented request. He fell to his knees besides them and the sorrow etched on his face crushed Sari as surely as any ogre.
“It’s—he’s…no, Sari, we can’t.” Alistair caught her lightly by the shoulder, hesitant, as if she might recoil from his touch, but she merely sagged into it, though her arms around Tamlen remained as vigilant as ever. “He’s too far gone to the Blight. I’m sorry, but even the Joining can’t help him now.”
He glanced away, wincing. “Nothing can except…well, except a quick death.”
It was Sari’s turn to wail, because what was the point, why had she suffered through all of this religious shemlen nonsense, so many thinly veiled insults, sleepless nights and painful days. the lives of Clan Zathrian gone—
And for what? To fail her best friend a second time?
“He’s right,” Tamlen croaked. He seemed to have overcome his reticence to touching her, either through her assurances or through the Taint he could surely feel coursing through her. He ran his calloused hands up over her ears and down her braid, a motion as familiar to her as her own touch and it made her sob harder. Who else would ever know her so well? Who else could touch her like this, bring her back to the moment when all else was lost?
“Lethallin,” he murmured roughly. “It is not your fault.”
“Of course it is!” she snapped, her anger as wet as a raging storm. “I should have stopped you, I should have dragged you out of that damn ruin, I should have—“
She broke off with a sob, fingers fisting in the straps of his armor. “I should have saved you. I should be able to save you now.”
“It was my decision,” he insisted gently. “It was my decision and you could not have changed it.”
“What does that matter, now? Whoever’s fault it was, we’re still here, you’re still—“
He caught her face between his hands and for a disorienting moment Sari could feel the pulse of the Taint under his skin and it reverberated off the Sound in her own veins. She blinked, stymied.
“It matters,” he said, “because after this you will go on. And I would not have you drag my corpse with you like a cuff about your ankle.”
He brushed her still-falling tears from her cheeks and she forced herself to meet his gaze, because she could feel the anguish and fear coming off him in waves. His Blighted eyes were fixed on her and in them she saw a lifetime past and a stolen future.
“Remember me, lethallin,” he whispered. “Remember me, but let me go. I would not have my memory be a heavy weight in your chest when it could bring a smile to your lips instead.”
He brought their lips together and she tasted blood and Blight and she could not distinguish the two, but she kissed him with all the desperation, with all the longing and yearning and the wishing that there was something, anything, she could do to turn the time back just enough to save him.
When they parted, he’d pulled her dagger from the place she’d always kept it at the small of her back. He pressed the hilt to her palm and smiled, a sad, painful twist of his lips that came more as a grimace.
“Please, lethallin.” His voice was like gravel. “I would ask no other.”
Sari stared down at the simple blade, and at his Blighted reflection in the steel. Her hand tightened on his shoulder and what had been an anchoring grip moments before became a point of leverage.
“Ar lath ma,” she breathed. He nodded once, closed his eyes—
She drove the knife home.
18 notes
·
View notes