#Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma
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Mulder’s Alien Baby Baby Trauma In-Depth (Part IV): Passive Mulder Turns Passive-Aggressive
As always, interpreting Three Words 'accurately' hinges on the littlest details in every shot, since the writers chose to be overly covert when translating the scripts onto the screen (post here); but the following scene is of paramount importance. It establishes Mulder's reawakened unhealthy routines, his ignited jealousy of Doggett, his distrust of Scully’s judgment, and his choice to push away from recovery and into the pitfalls of from-the-hip reactions. This pattern waxes and wanes the rest of the season until the birth of his child.
Hanging Out in His Apartment
The day after Mulder's return to his apartment, Skinner drops in and relates Kersh's reassignment refusal. Mulder spends the majority of the conversation letting them ride out their steam, shooting down other avenues to get him back, and ultimately revealing he hadn't cared to get back to work, anyway... until Doggett is mentioned.
Mulder is lounging on his couch sporting casual wear and bedhead, likely roused from sleeping-in (or taking a bonus nap) and dressed in presentable clothes for Skinner's sudden visit. Scully is also in comfy loungewear; and wouldn’t have had enough time to drive home, get changed, and drive to Mulder's apartment if she and Skinner left directly from work. Logically, this means she and Mulder were at his apartment all morning.
So, we know Scully was hanging around (either she spent the night, changed at either apartment, and stuck around or she went home for the night and came back the next day) and Mulder was letting her-- but how does Skinner fit into this domestic (un)bliss?
It’s hard to know for certain if Mulder had previously talked with Skinner in the hospital or if this is their first time catching up:
1. We were not privy to their opening “hello” or “good afternoon” scene; and are shown only Mulder’s tailend reaction to Skinner’s news.
2. Skinner is a consummate professional; and having seen Mulder at his literal worst, nothing afterward would, perhaps, faze him as much. At any rate, it’s in Skinner’s nature to keep a cool, professional demeanor when dealing with his agents about business; and that would be the easiest go-to when handling this situation now.
3. Skinner has behaved this way before when discussing his own PTSD and trauma: in One Breath, he put aside his professionalism temporarily to appeal to Mulder; but swiftly packed it away and went right back to his work mode. He knows trauma, knows his agent, and probably assumes this is the way Mulder would want it to be. And he’s not wrong.
What we do know is Mulder, while not himself, is at least acting like himself: trying not to seem aloof; including Skinner in his jokes, ideas, and ruminations; and relying on him-- though in a different way-- as much as he does Scully (and later The Lone Gunmen.)
The only change is the loss of that touch of vulnerability Mulder often showed Skinner in moments of crisis or great emotion. Now, he keeps a wall up, trying to block in what he considers corrosive parts of himself and block out the sympathy of others so he doesn’t have to address the compiling PTSD. Vulnerability comes with a price at this point; and Mulder-- excepting his brief confession in the previous scene (post here)-- is avoiding it at all costs.
The Pivot from Passive Mulder to Passive-Aggressive Mulder
The scene starts out with Mulder sitting, solo, on his leather couch-- more accurately, sinking into it heavily, his normal vibrancy zapped by exhaustion. False bravado is hard to maintain, especially when one has been dead a few days before, is battling worsening PTSD, and now suffers from recurring flashbacks that likely disrupt whatever sleep he can get.
“Kersh wants to put me behind a desk? That is not what Kersh wants.”
He looks over at Scully and Skinner who hover together a few feet from the couch. It appears that they had just finished their conversation about Kersh, pivoting towards him when Mulder piped up. This establishes a few things:
1. Mulder can already sense how close the two have gotten in his absence-- more accurately, that they've formed a tighter bond over trying to find him and battling Kersh in the meanwhile. (Scully picks up on this, and continually draws back to his side at every available opportunity, reinforcing how much she needs him.)
2. Mulder doesn't appear jealous during this exchange or any future one, seeing it as simply another marker of his time gone.
3. Mulder most likely assumes Scully didn't accomplish much on the files without him, his absence and her pregnancy holding her back (he botched one case in the two months she was gone, after all.) He even slips in the reality that she won't be on the X-Files much longer once her baby is born-- something he's already thought through and assumed she had, as well (which she hasn't, as later revealed in Alone.)
Overall, his consternation is at Kersh, not Scully or Skinner.
Scully strides over, silently asserting that her place is by his side, not their boss's. “Well, I think Kersh wants you to quit, Mulder.”
An interesting detail: while Scully spends this scene trying to get a pulse on Mulder’s listless mood and doubting whether she should push him forward or let him hang back, Skinner keeps an eye on Scully, judging (correctly) that he will better understand where Mulder’s coming from by reading how Scully reacts to her partner's responses.
And here’s a crucial detail: this scene sets up Mulder’s back-and-forth when it comes to reaching out and withdrawing from his impending fatherhood. As Scully walks over, her eyes flick down and away; and the camera reveals why when it cuts to Mulder, who has turned away and closed his eyes while she approaches and slowly levers onto the couch.
Throughout Three Words, Mulder does want his child, doesn’t dislike or hate it; but he’s so battered and drained that he can’t bring himself to reach out. In future episodes he bounces between excited father-to-be and man obsessed with answers because he needs to stop what happened to him from ever happening again-- trying to escape his trauma by attempting to stop the source. He begins repeating the past nearly thirty years’ mistakes-- avoiding reality (“life on this planet”) by charging at windmills-- except this time he’s had his peace, had happiness with Scully, and knows he has a kid on the way. It all rings false-- he'll be jumping back into work not because of the wonder of exploration and discovery but because he's using government conspiracies to hide from reality, giving up and reenacting his ‘I did what I could and can’t do any more’ fall back in The Red and the Black, One Son, and Amor Fati. In essence, Mulder is trapped in his trauma response (post here); and-- unable to take a progressive step forward-- he regresses backward to unhealthy Freeze-Flight loops, caught up in unessential “busy work” to distract from the bigger problems he feels he can’t fix. A way to feel in-control in his out-of-control life.
“It’s more than that,” Skinner asserts; and only then does Mulder turn his head, “He wants to punish you. To hurt you.” Another interesting detail: Skinner focuses on Mulder’s emotional well-being, directly stating “hurt you” with venom at Kersh and protective assurance towards his recovered agent. No longer is Skinner willing to be oblique about his care and concern about either agent-- and Mulder responds to this, and lets his boss back in a little bit more.
Another crucial detail (there will be a lot of these): when Mulder rattles off “And you by putting you in this position--” to Skinner, his voice is solid, stable, ‘normal’; but as he continues “--and Agent Scully”, Mulder falters, his voice sinking, some more of his pain and a little bit more vulnerability bleeding through. The thought of his partner being punished-- in his absence, after his return, for his absence and return-- churns his gut and effortlessly draws out his empathy towards her, despite his erected barriers and avoidance of more personal reconnection.
Even more crucially-- and touching-- is that Mulder slows his spiel, staring longingly at his partner while he says, “--for not giving up on me.” He then pauses, giving her his full attention and gratitude through their unspoken: he’s moved by her devotion, words not adequate in his beaten down state; and, in his own way, wants her to know he’s seen her efforts, understood the lengths she must have gone, and is overcome by them.
And Scully knows this, shyly ducking her head down and slightly pursing her lips (a Scully tell of “I heard you, but I don’t know how to respond yet.”)
Back to business, Mulder’s voice loses that soft quality once again: “Truth is, this was a bullet that was fired about eight years ago.” Sardonically waving his pointer finger around for emphasis, he continues, “It’s a magic bullet that’s been going round and round and right now it seems poised to hit me in the back of the head.” He grimly stares at Skinner, who stares grimly back.
Scully cuts in, determination in her voice. ”I think the question is, Mulder, are we going to sit here and let this happen?”
Mulder is amused in spite of himself: he doesn’t lose his edge, but he softens at the corners, shooting incredulous smiles at his five-foot-two battle warrior while he ruthlessly (read: affectionately) tears apart her predilection for war with the facts: “Scully, you’re going to give birth in a couple months.”
She shifts, acknowledging his point, while Mulder keeps talking. “You can talk as tough as you like, but you know and I know and they know that in a little while you’re going to have more important things than whether or not the X-Files remains open.”
But it’s more than just the facts: Mulder doesn’t want to fight.
Mulder is not only traumatized but also willfully passive, seeing no hope in struggling for victory when all options are played out before they’ve even begun. Kersh reassigned him, Scully's leaving, the X-Files are doomed; and because they are doomed, he doesn't want to go back to work (and later doesn't want Scully to go back to work if Doggett is there and he's not.) It’s a cynicism that is hand-in-hand with his eternal optimism: when that optimism burns out, he quickly reverts to cynicism and Freeze-Flight loops.
Mulder has always responded well to Scully’s logical deduction or scathing criticism-- and it is scathing, at times-- because he needs to be told straight, in no uncertain terms, how he’s messing up and how he can fix it and move forward (ex. Scully reaming him about giving up on the world and himself in One Son and Amor Fati.) Scully, however, doesn’t trust herself to advise or even unleash on Mulder, knowing the pain of this specific violation but without the full horror of her memories to contextualize and fully understand it. Likely, she doesn’t even know Mulder can remember, assuming he was returned ‘blank slate’ like herself; and Mulder’s reticence and withdrawal compared to his previous vim and vigor whenever the government or aliens tampered with his memory utterly baffles her. And so, they coast… (until an off-screen scene right after this episode ends. But I digress.)
Scully looks away, knowing Mulder has her dead-to-rights but also knowing a piece of information he doesn’t: that Kersh still wants Doggett on the files. This means she and Skinner talked over Kersh's meeting before Skinner told Mulder; and that Scully still had not shared about Doggett, yet.
“Agent Who?” Mulder asks, intrigued more than threatened.
And then he’s met with silence; and realizing that’s never a good sign, he looks toward the one person he trusts to give him a straight answer… and realizes Scully hasn’t told the entire truth.
“I’ve had a partner… for the last seven months,” she reluctantly admits.
Mulder, struck, doesn’t even realize his head has wobbled back on the headrest while staring (blankly then angrily) at his partner.
The fact that Scully withheld this information means two things to Mulder--
1. Scully and Skinner kept him out of the loop about his job-- which is very different than wanting him back but respecting his distance.
2. Scully intended to keep important information from him, period.
--and sets fire to those old insecurities: Scully “I’m fine”ing through the years, Scully not admitting to what she saw because she was afraid, and Scully not relaying details to him to either protect him or herself. It’s the worst thing to reignite now because Mulder had thought she was the only certainty-- such as it is-- in his new, uncertain world; and now he wonders if he can rely on her, wonders if she trusts this ‘new’ him as much as the ‘old’ him.
“He was assigned to help me find you,” Scully adds.
Increasingly uncomfortable, Mulder pulls his legs into a pseudo-ball and wraps his arms around them, creating a soothing embrace of a sort for himself as well as another barrier to shield his anger at her and Skinner. “Mission accomplished.”
His act isn’t quite good enough-- Scully, dismayed, sees right through it; but doesn’t comment while he continues his questions to Skinner, not to her.
When Doggett doesn’t measure up to Mulder’s paranormal expertise, his dark suspicions become darker and more suspicious: “I see. Then maybe the question is not ‘who fired this magic bullet’ but whether or not it was a lone gunman.” He smirks, a wonky facsimile of his old, self-abasing, conspiratorial humor.
Again, Scully cuts in, not wanting Mulder to waste precious energy on an ally. “Agent Doggett is above reproach, Mulder. He’s being maneuvered just like you.”
Mulder is not convinced. “Good. At least he’s maneuverable.” With that, he immediately launches out of his seat and rushes off.
Mulder no longer trusts the angle of Scully’s judgment, translating her hesitancy to share Doggett as another clue of her blind belief ala religion, science, and some supernatural experiences (as well as her indignation over Diana Fowley in One Son, post here.) To Mulder, Scully was loyal to him and did her best in his absence… but she also let a wolf waltz into their office and remain in her midst, a part of their work, and next to her and her child. From here on out, Mulder chooses to follow no one’s council but his own, his trauma taking on a new shape: thrashing self-protection-- channeling his helplessness into hostility against Doggett and willfully disregarding Scully’s warnings as an effort to ‘save’ her from herself. He’s seen things she hasn’t, he remembers what she doesn’t, and he won’t let it happen again-- for her sake, but really for his own.
The last part of this scene is important, as well, hammering home how disconnected Mulder feels from himself before the Kersh madness was even brought to his doorstep:
“Where are you going?” Skinner monotones, talking down a crazy man.
“Gonna get dressed. For the first time, I feel like getting back to work.”
And for a man who felt alive and as close to whole as possible when chasing down leads with his fearless partner, this is both an alarming tell of his present feelings and a warning sign for his future recklessness.
Thank you for reading~
Enjoy!
#Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma#In-Depth#Part IV#Passive Mulder Turns Passive Aggressive#txf#meta#xf meta#Mulder#S8#Three Words#mine#xfiles#x-files#the x files#analysis
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Today's mood: Sitting down to work on another part of the Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma
Reality: Getting caught up in three separate, shorter metas just because an idea strikes and then snowballs.
XDDDD
Haha, yeah, those things can happen 😁 but isn't that still better than having zero ideas and being stuck with writer's block?
Looking forward to reading all of them!
#lovely anons#too many ideas#i mean they can be annoying :D#but still better than none!#meanwhile i'm stuck writing about ink cartridges
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Saw your tags-- interesting!
I've plopped myself firmly on the side of "Mulder knew the baby was his before Three Words even started" (kind of the reason I started the Alien Baby Baby Trauma series); but since I don't have any proof except a @x-files-scripts script and the chaotic energy of that one meme guy with his conspiracy boards and no sleep, I can't pinpoint any specific moment to prove my case. And, sadly, that one moment that "proves it" was cut from the final scene for maximum drama, uggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Anyway, pip pip cheerio; and I clink my sophisticated and not at alllllll out of sorts teacup to yours in salutations. ;))))
the whole “who’s the daddy” game confused the shit out of me to the extent that while I knew William was Mulder’s kid bc I had accidentally spoiled myself on some revival stuff, in-universe I thought the characters genuinely had no idea where he came from. obviously everyone assumed he was Mulder’s but I thought there was considerable doubt on Mulder and Scully’s parts as to whether he was part Mulder or part alien (because why wouldn’t she just tell him, if he really didn’t know? I guess that’s an argument for the idea that he knew, the reasoning being that they didn’t talk about it because they already knew). I feel like the difference between Mulder’s behavior in three words and empedocles indicates that there was still doubt at least on his end, and then something happened or Scully said something that made him realize the truth.
anyway tl;dr: JUST SAY THINGS SO PEOPLE DON’T GET CONFUSED FOR GOD’S SAKE
also i’m very hungry so my thinking faculties aren’t at their best rn lol
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Cursed asks— old school edition. This is from The X-Files fandom, waaaaay back before AO3 and LiveJournal existed. Nobody tagged shit. It was the wild wild west baby. And things were pretty messed up. I’m gonna give you two examples that I think perfectly illustrate how messed up things were:
1. First is a “fandom classic”. Yeah, you read that right— it is a “classic” that everybody said you had to read. Guess what? Still cursed. Mulder and Scully are kidnapped by aliens. They are forced to live in a giant pink bubble thing with soft fleshy walls. Basically— an alien womb. They are naked, except for a trenchcoat that Mulder gives to Scully because chivalry. They live in this bubble for weeks. Hamburgers regulars appear on the floor for them to eat. They pee and poop on the floor and it goes away mysteriously. THEN randomly Mulder wakes up one day and has blue balls. Literally they are blue and he is in pain. So he rapes Scully. Insert weeks of trauma emotional healing. Then more sex. Then Scully is pregnant with his baby. Or an alien baby? The blue balls thing never happens again and is never explained but now they are a loving couple. Still peeing and pooping on the floor and still eating hamburgers. Scully goes into labor. As she gives birth, she and Mulder are transported back to the place where they were when they originally were abducted. No time has passed, they are fully clothed, and everything is back to “normal”. Let me repeat: THIS WAS CONSIDERED A FANDOM CLASSIC.
2. By comparison here is an actual dead dove story that seems totally tame: Mulder is infected with some kind of pheromones making everyone incredibly horny for him. Every chapter (there are 14) is him meeting another person in the XF universe (everyone from Skinner to Mr. X, Cigarette Smoking Man, Scully’s mom, etc) to complain about how he has been infected with the pheromone and that person being overcome and having sex with him. It ends with a group orgy and Mulder crying because his penis is sore even with all the lube. Points to the author though bc it was the first time I had ever read about someone putting on a condom before sex. There were shitloads of people on the newsgroups complaining about this story. So much complaining. It was scandalous. Everyone was so upset. “Why would an author write this?”. So much drama out of this story. Why? Because slash and het, living together = mass hysteria.
Ah, X files. I don’t see much about em anymore 6.5/10
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The X-Files, Season 1, Ep 12
I want to leave Beyond the Sea for tomorrow, so I'll have something to wake up. Last one of today.
Jeez, how many times will have to see people set on fire, here? For a show about aliens there is quite a few of that.
What the fuck, that's some sick joke.
Oh, an ex... That's even more creepy.
Chris Carter doesn't want people to ship Mulder and Scully and yet every person they date outside each other seems to be toxic as hell. Either he has some fucked up sense of humour or he hates romance as a whole.
Lol, Chris Carter, do you know British kids talk like any other children, right? Sure, a kid is gonna exclaim 'What a pleasant surprise!' Not even period dramas do that.
Things that Chris Carter can't write: babies, pregnancies, PTSD, romance, and British people.
Oh, so this is the fire phobia the actor mentioned... Okay, yeah, huh, Carter has no excuse for forgetting this, for all the shit that the fans said he created the characters, he seems to forget shit from the episodes he himself wrote. I commend David on his good memory for remembering something of Season 1.
Let's add trauma to one of things Chris Carter can't write too, then.
Oh, I know this actor, he was in Doctor Who.
This episode would be more interesting if this show had any emotional continuity whatsoever.
What the hell...
... This episode was... Kind of bad, I must say. 😂 Not very interesting, dumb plot requiring intelligent characters acting dumb... I guess it's the first of many Carter Red Flags.
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I’m going to shake the table a little bit. 👀
People who abhor metas, critiques, and head canons where Mulder and Scully have a healthy relationship want MSR to be unhealthy, dysfunctional, and toxic.
Some of these folks hide under the guise of “that’s how they were in the show” as if 1. That means they stayed that way 2. Chris isn’t inconsistent with Mulder and Scully’s relationship 3. Developing a healthy/healthier relationship undermines their relationship.
Maybe I’m build different, but I’d like to believe that two people who were friends and partners fom seven years, went through some rough shit together, chose to be together, had kids together, ran away together, etc learned to effectively communicate and deal with their problems like adults.
I guess that’s just me.
If what these people believe about MSR is true, why would anyone want them together?
Why would that be someone’s OTP and these same people fawning over their romance?
It doesn’t make sense to me.
Whenever someone critiques Chris’ handling of MSR and his constant need to have them fight, then make up/break up, it’s “you just want them to have babies and live happiness ever after. Of course they’d have issues and break up!”
Well, for starters, they already have babies.
And I’m not going to apologize for wanting Mulder and Scully to have stability with each other.
How dare I expect to adults who will literally put their lives on the line to talk about their shared abduction experiences? How dare I think two adults who agreed to have a baby together to sit down and discuss what this means for them romantically, their partnership, and work in general? How dare I think their relationship problems were bullshit?
These two already have rough, fucked up lives, why in the hell would they choose to be with a person who added to that unless they got off on it.
Like, it’s still possible to have relationship drama without it being on the verge of a break up with every argument. At least make the stakes makes sense. Have the drama be something we can understand and get behind.
No. Mulder and Scully have non sense arguments and break ups with no clear defined reasons it and alleged makes sense and wanting to understand it detracts from the show.
I’m sorry, but Mulder and Scully’s relationship is the driving force behind the show and why the show maintains relevancy the way it has. This doesn’t just refer to romance, but their partnership and friendship.
Whenever Mulder and Scully are in a tough place emotionally, they struggle. We saw this professionally. Somehow, they’re supposed to brush off relationship drama and investigate as case as if they didn’t break up after being together for years???
This may seem like noromos had it right the entire time and if you think they do you aren’t listening. My point is: regardless of what Mulder and Scully are fighting about and why, it’s detrimental to their relationship overall. We cannot expect them to shrug off a romantic relationship just because Chris says so.
It is utterly ridiculous to me that people think Mulder and Scully would not only enter a full blown relationship without ever having meaning conversations, but that they would also be in a deeply committed relationship for years and just not talk about real shit.
Or that their work relationship is even like that for that matter.
That’s what my post about Mulder and Scully’s relationship being alien conspiracies and vibes.
Never mind the fact that Mulder and Scully low key have made love declarations and said why they fell in love with each other.
Never mind the fact that episodes like Quagmire alluded to them having casual and meaningful conversations, until small potatoes said, “wouldn’t it be funny if they didn’t, so Eddie could pretend to be an attentive Mulder to get into Scully’s pants?”
I don’t know if small potatoes changed the perception of their relationship, but neither one of them are entering into no damn relationship with each other off of shared trauma and vibes.
Could you imagine Scully having that father figure conversation with Mulder??? Him taking her for drinks because he feels something’s been bothering her and she opens up after a few beers? The scene could’ve been just as long, but we see Mulder and Scully try to tackle an issue in their partnership.
Or Scully being suspicious of Eddie as they talk and discreetly gets her gun. As she tries to take Eddie down, they tussle then Mulder breaks in?
Of course they’d have their friction. Being around someone all of the time. At times not feeling like your own person, however, the idea that they don’t talk and never talk is something I can’t fathom.
Mulder is the first person she confided in about her cancer. He supported her through the Emily saga. He supported how she handled her abduction and didn’t treat her like this fragile thing. And these two aren’t fucking talking???
Scully knows about Mulder’s trauama surrounded Samantha, has defended him on and off the record, and Mulder even traded his sister for Scully, yet they aren’t fucking talking?
These two had shared hullucinations, ghosts playing mind games on them, has been in quarantine more times than I can remember—month long ones at that—and these two aren’t having meaningful conversations.
Partnered for seven years and countless stake outs and, somehow, hashing shit out in a Taurus never occurred to them.
I can’t speak for anyone else, but myself. For me, Mulder and Scully are more than just their romance. However, we can’t ignore the romance or the implications of Chris’ decisions and claim it detracts from the show. Every facet of their relationship is important. Their partnership informed their friendship which informed their romance. All of these things built off of one another and fed each other.
If what others think is true, there is no way these two would stay together.
No way.
And if they had a major break up, it’d be one.
How in the hell do these two fight to stay together at all costs at work, but break up for any reason in their personal life even if the reason isn’t clear.
I know their relationship is flawed, however, I don’t think it’s toxic like some insist it is even tho they don’t realize it.
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A prompt: AU where Mulder isn't abducted but Diana returns (not dead) with an enticing new investigation during the Season 8 timeline
1
The light is so strong, magnetic, that he is physically pulled towards it. There are familiar faces smiling at him, it feels good to see them. They look happy, they look like they want him to be happy, all part of the same club. It would be only natural to step inside the circle. The light has a warmth to it, casting all doubts aside, bar one. Scully. Her hold over his heart is stronger than the compelling beam glowing before him. Skinner’s voice calling his name snaps his attention away for a second and by the time he turns around again, the light, the people, the urge has gone.
2
Scully’s news is a thunderbolt. That the impossible truth of their quest is revealed as a collection of growing cells in her uterus. It is both absurd and entirely right. The tears he cries with her are hard to quantify. Relief, happiness, fear, confusion. And profound love. They guard their secret like a precious pearl, hiding it away, only prising the clam shell open when they’re nestled together. His love for her, for this miracle is dramatic, overwhelming.
“I feel the same way,” she whispers to him, burrowed as she is in his embrace. They are tightly wound around each other. To hear her confession is utterly astonishing.
So, when Diana makes an appearance at the basement, it’s like the door to their secret world is blown off, leaving them exposed.
3
She slinks into the room with a half-apology and the promise of a new case. From his periphery, he sees Scully’s eyes narrowing, her arms pressing tighter across her chest. There is more than just her job to protect now. He listens to Diana, tries to recall the intelligent, proud, fierce woman she was all those years ago. She was a trailblazer in many ways. A woman in a man’s world, unapologetic, unafraid to stand out. Scully came a few years later and illuminated his life in a different way.
In the light of recent events, his view of Diana has focused to pinpoints of suspicion and intrigue. Why was she still here? To make amends? Her redemption was hardly impressive enough to grant an open audience with him. Yet there is something about her, the way she is standing before them, the way her eyes are almost pleading. Perhaps it speaks more to the absolute certainty of his place by Scully’s side, that he nods to the seat and she sits.
“There’s a case I’d like your input on,” she says, flicking her gaze to Scully every so often during her brief. Diana tells them about an organisation, Zeus Genetics, that, she claims, is involved with experiments on foetuses to create alien-human hybrids. Blood pulses in his ears. His automatic response to believe is subdued these days. Diana hasn’t quite picked up on the change. Scully gets up and leaves the office.
“Is everything okay between you two?” The way Diana says ‘you two’ makes his skin stipple. Is it that obvious?
He doesn’t answer her. “How do you think we can help you?”
“I’d like you to talk to someone. Someone I’m sure will convince more than I can.” She hooks her jacket over her shoulder, and adds a hopeful, “Fox.”
4
Someone turns out to be Duffy Haskell. Haskell claims his wife was murdered after giving birth to an alien baby. He has a grainy ultrasound and a wildly desperate look as his proof.
“Kath was a multiple abductee,” Diana says and looks at Scully a beat too long. Mulder watches Scully’s hands slide over her abdomen. “There are certain similarities to…events that you have first-hand knowledge of and I thought it pertinent to get your perspective.”
Scully looks at Duffy. “I’m sorry for your loss, Mr Haskell. But I’m not sure what more we can offer that Agent Fowley hasn’t already gone through with you.” The look that Scully shoots at Diana is scorching. “Mulder?” Scully nods for them to leave.
He’s inclined to go but there’s something catching in his throat and he moves his arm out, holding onto Scully’s jacket sleeve. “Wait,” he says. “Mr Haskell, perhaps you’d be so kind as to leave the ultrasound and other information with us for a while. So that we can go over it. I’m sure you’ve provided Agent Fowley with your contact details.”
Haskell nods, leaves.
“There’s another group of people I’d like you to meet,” Diana says. “I’ll meet you in the car park.”
“Are you okay with this, Scully,” Mulder asks after Diana walks away. “Because if you’re not, just say the word.”
“I’m fine. What does she want, Mulder? I don’t understand her motivation. And I still don’t…”
“I know,” he says. “Neither do I.”
5
At a table sits a number of people. A woman with red hair and kind eyes introduces herself as Lizzie Gill. A scientist, Lizzie explains she’s been working on human-alien cloning.
“What do you mean?” Scully asks. “How can that be?”
“Our efforts were funded by the Government. Most were unsuccessful, but recently, there have been live births.”
Scully rubs the bridge of her nose and blows out an exasperated sigh.
“Why are we here?” Mulder asks Diana.
Diana stands, pulls out a file from a drawer. Holds the Manila folder up. “This is a contact list of all the women who have been, and who will be, used as hosts for the experiment. They are all patients of the same pair of doctors. Lev and Parenti.”
There’s a sharp silence in the room. Lizzie Gill spreads her fingers flat on the desk. Scully presses a finger under her nose.
“I know about the IVF,” Diana says and Scully scrapes her chair back across the floor. The door slams behind her.
Mulder inhales, grasping for a reason not to follow her. “What the fuck is going on, Diana?” His fist smashes the desk and the file flips up, scattering papers across the surface and floor.
Lizzie swallows, bends to collect them. “Your partner’s name is on this list.”
“Fox…”
He swings to face Diana. “What have you done?” He begins to pace, tugging at the buttons on his cuffs, rolling the sleeves up.
“Fox,” she starts again, casting her eyes over to Lizzie, then finally back to Mulder, when he stops by the door. “Fox, please. It’s more about what I’ve been trying to undo.”
Lizzie nods kindly at him. “Your partner might do well to hear this.”
He can’t put Scully through any more trauma. Her emotional wellbeing is paramount. He’ll filter what he needs to. He’s about to sit in a chair when the door opens.
Chin up, eyes blazing, Scully speaks. “Tell me everything.”
A flash of guilty relief crosses Diana’s face. Her account of CSM’s interference with donations supplied from innocent husbands; of cloning with alien DNA from the Roswell crash; of speculation about an alien invasion are sobering, repulsive.
Later, curled together in her bed, she whispers, “those other women, Mulder. The ones whose IVF treatments worked, what will happen to them?”
His fingers traces around her navel, flattens against the soft skin of her belly. He wants to tell her they’re not important, that he doesn’t care. But he can’t. He brushes a kiss against her cheek, tasting the briny track of her tears. “I don’t know.” She wriggles closer to him so that her head is under his chin, body half across his. “But I do know our baby will be safe.”
“Because Agent Fowley told us about Parenti?” She sniffs and lets out a bitter chuckle.
But it’s not that. It’s something resonant in his bones. A humming of certainty. A knowledge borne of some instinctual place.
Diana and Lizzie did not know about this pregnancy, its natural origins. “If you continue the IVF, you must find a new doctor. We can help,” Diana had said and there was something about the solemn tone in her voice that made him feel that she could be trusted.
“Nothing will happen to our baby, Scully. I’ll make sure of that.” He kisses her hair. “He’s gonna be fine.”
“He?” A tiny murmur of surprise. “How do you know that?”
“I just know.”
“He’s going to be special,” she says after a moment.
“He already is.”
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Y'all: thoughtful headcanons abt the trauma inspired by the William arc
Me: what if Scully and Mulder co-parented a literal alien baby
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Essence / Existence recap (i’m finally done with season 8!), and after a pompous and wordy introduction about the meaning of life (i think?), we open with...
some quality mother/daughter bonding, YES PLEASE. margaret is adorable, look at that megawatt smile!! she’s so happy her daughter is finally getting some semblance of normalcy and happiness, and that she gets to share it with her. the whole scene is cute af. and scully wouldn’t be scully without her fond annoyance for the whole thing. the baby shower was margaret’s idea, wasn’t it.
so much heteronormativity i’m suffocating. scully is right, it is a conspiracy.
she boops him on the nose! mulder is goofing around!! she’s taking care of him and he’s loving it!! i love them!!
mulder knows about as much as scully does on this pregnancy, i.e not much. they were told it was impossible, and yet there’s a baby growing inside of her against all odds. he’s pretty sure he’s the only non-alien and/or non-implant option - whether or not they talked about it, although i do believe they did. he and scully are in this together. their main question now is “how a woman who was diagnosed as infertile and unable to conceive is about to give birth in a couple days,” and that is scully’s question too. even if he is the father, it’s not for him to say. this is scully’s business and scully’s alone. when pressed by skinner, he is the one volunteering to call her. he won’t let anyone ask that question but him.
i just love this shot. did i mention i love it when scully touches her belly? because i do.
it’s in scenes like this i am reminded how much scully loves her mother, yet can’t tell her anything about her fears and traumas. first because margaret wouldn’t understand, and second because it would mean putting her in danger. “you keep everything so bottled up” and she does. she has to. the minute she opens up and trusts someone it backfires and she’s either in danger or her baby is. which is exactly what happened here.
scully has sacrificed a lot for this job. she’s become an x-file herself. but her absolute worst fear would be to be convinced that this is all what mulder sees in her. all that he is here for. but scully has always been bigger than everything to him. he only ever sees her. it’s only ever about her.
“you’re never just anything to me, scully”, echoed here, over 15 years earlier.
if someone says “barren” one more time i’m going to fling myself out of the window.
scully, it’s a nice sentiment, but i really don’t think that’s a good thing. i am very worried. why isn’t she more worried about this?? giving birth is no joke and routinely kills people. like, what kind of plan is “i’m a medical doctor i can coach you through it”? i think she’ll be a little more preoccupied with pushing and breathing and trying to stay alive while giving birth without any medical help or staff around her than giving pointers. this is a terrible plan.
i just like this shot. also, when did reyes start calling her “dana” and not “agent scully”? while scully insists on the formal “agent reyes”, even in the more pressing situations.
you guys, i love reyes sfm. she knows it sucks and it’s not what scully hoped for but she’s going to scrub and clean that house to make it feel homey and comfy for the woman in her charge. her shy little smile when she invites her in, waiting for her reaction... adorable. she did her best to make this place look good and it’s not too shabby, tbh. bless her heart.
and i have to say, my little bi heart is very happy with the reyes x scully content. this episode is so full of little gems between these two. i know the fandom is all over mulder and scully (rightly so), but i’m digging the badass FBI ladies team up. where are the fics of these two??
do not touch her squishy or she will end you.
this ship ships itself monica, that’s really gay.
i don’t even care what’s happening with the guys and all the car chasing, this is where the real action is. the determination. the righteous anger, the protectiveness over this child she hasn’t even seen or held yet, but whom she loves so much already. the fear and the despair, begging monica to protect her baby when they are powerless to stop them and she knows this. all they can do is have her deliver this baby safely.
i love that they showed the birth as messy and ugly as it can be in real life - i mean, as much as TV allows it. she’s grunting, sweating, her hair is sticky, her face torn into a grimace because fuck yeah birthing a child is no small feat. too often on TV we see clean, perfect births that are over in an instant and the mother doesn’t even break a sweat. i love that they allowed scully to look ugly here. it makes the moment all the more raw and human, all the more desperate.
and there he finally is. this is doing things!! to my heart!! seeing scully in her PJs and holding the baby she fought for so much. her little smile. the joy radiating from her face. “how is everybody doing” mulder is going to be the dad with all the embarrassing and corny jokes, isn’t he.
scully literally can’t stop looking at mulder as soon as she sees him with the baby. mulder is entranced, giddy and awed, happy to finally meet their son. william, “like your father” also like your father, scully, and your brother, but ok, let’s say it’s because you want to make it very clear that mulder is the father of your child. anyway, i could watch these two making eyes at each other for hours.
US. EXCUSE ME WHILE I SCREAM
here is the show dropping yet another plot point because it doesn’t know what to do with it. why didn’t the super soldiers take william? is he normal? scully doesn’t understand, mulder doesn’t understand, and i sure af don’t understand. do the writers? i doubt it.
EXCUSE ME WHILE I SCREAM SOME MORE isn’t this the first “real” kiss in 8 seasons of this show?? and with a decent lighting, no less?
“the truth we both know”. the truth is that this show is all about the love these two have for each other and the uniqueness of their bond. forget about aliens and conspiracy and mythology that makes no sense. the truth is in them. they truth is them. we been knew.
can it end here?
#txf watching#i feel like the show could end here and i'd be content#alas i still have 3 seasons to watch and recap#because i don't know when to quit apparently
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Culmination
This is chapter 13A. To go back to the beginning click here. I’ve split this chapter up due to the change in tone. If this first part feels familiar I posted an excerpt a few weeks ago on Existence’s anniversary. Enjoy a bit of fluff before things get heavy again.
DECLARATION
(Existence)
SCULLY
Democrat Hot Springs is typically a quiet place, but not tonight. Tonight it’s a hot ticket, as dozens of alien replicants witness the birth of one William Fox Scully in the middle of the night.
As the hordes of replicants leave, Agent Monica Reyes appears in the doorway of the abandoned storefront, Mulder in tow. It’s not a typical new father scenario, yet his emotional state is a familiar one. Scully sees him burst through the door, eyes searching for her in a panic.
“Scully? Are you okay?” He runs to her, falls to his knees at the sight of her and the tiny bundle in her arms.
“We’re okay, everything’s okay,” she says. “They left. They’re leaving.”
He’s looking at the baby. He’s trying to get information from her but he can’t look away from this child, this new presence in the room. This life they created together. It seems to Scully as if some unseen force has gripped him and will not let go.
“Who were they? Why were they here?” he asks her.
“I don’t know, I don’t know,” she says. “They came and then he was born and then they left.”
He looks at her, eyes wide. “He? It’s a boy?”
She smiles, laughing. “Yes, Mulder. It’s a boy.”
She knows he would have been thrilled either way, but knowing makes it all real to him, makes this baby a real person.
He is a father. He has a son.
He leans over to her, laughing softly. He presses a kiss to her forehead, hair damp across her brow, sweat still dripping from exhaustion. As she delicately passes the infant over to him, Monica comes back into the room to interrupt them.
“There’s a helicopter outside, Dana. We really need to get you to the hospital as soon as we can.”
Scully nods, and Mulder stands up with the baby. Monica helps Scully to her feet and leads her out of the room toward the helicopter Mulder had arrived on.
As Scully is loaded onto the helicopter, she sees Mulder take Monica by the arm. “Thank you, Agent Reyes. Thank you for taking care of her.”
Monica smiles warmly. “Any time, Agent Mulder.”
He climbs onto the helicopter, the baby tucked in closely. He sits next to Scully and takes her hand.
***
That was only a couple days ago, but so much has happened since. Mulder had stayed with her in the hospital every minute, making sure she and the baby had everything they needed, and keeping an eye out for any rogue alien replicants that might come storming the maternity ward.
Scully wondered then and wonders now if they’ll ever feel truly safe.
He’d slept two nights on the tiny cot in her hospital room, waking every couple hours to change a diaper or help with a feeding. In only a couple days, he’d fallen into fatherhood with gusto. Whenever the baby fussed he’d carefully lift him out of his bassinet and deliver him to Scully for a feeding. The joys of new parenthood belonged to them in these finite, wonderful moments.
She is dizzy and overwhelmed with exhaustion and love for this tiny new being in their lives, and for this new Mulder she’d only imagined could be a reality: the father to her child.
She can’t quite believe the three of them are standing here now quietly, peacefully, in her bedroom. Home at last.
The soft bundle passes from her arms to his, and she is glowing. The sight of Mulder holding their baby is the best thing she’s ever looked at. She wonders at the very possibility that she could be so happy in this moment.
He smiles broadly, a new smile she’s never seen before, at their son. He coos and sings softly. It’s heaven.
“What are you gonna call him?”
She had wanted to name him Fox, after his father, but when the reality of actually sharing this idea with Mulder became imminent she chickened out and changed her mind, relegating “Fox” to the middle name. Mulder dislikes that name for a reason and she feared the sentimentality would be overshadowed by those feelings.
But it was important to her that “Fox” was a part of his name. So she did it anyway, for her. She hadn’t told Mulder the name she’d chosen until now.
“William,” she says softly. And to make doubly sure he understands, she adds, “after your father.”
Her own father is named William too but she doesn’t want confusion. She wants Mulder to know for damn sure she’s in this with him for the long haul.
“From the moment I became pregnant I feared the truth. About how, and why. And I know you feared it, too.”
Now that they know William is safe, and theirs, she has no choice but to believe what she’d always hoped was true. She knows it’s been weighing on them both.
“I think what we feared were the possibilities,” he says. “The truth we both know.”
She looks up at him. “Which is what?” She’s practically whispering.
She wants him to say it: that they know the how, and they know the why. That the only reason this child exists is because of their love for each other, and they both know it.
In answer, he leans in to kiss her. Tears fill her eyes as she holds his arm, leaning into him as much as she’s able. She wants to put her arms around him but the tiny infant between them is preventing that. He seems to notice at the same moment.
He smiles and walks little William over to the bassinet, carefully placing him inside. The baby fusses for a moment but quickly calms, content.
He turns to her and raises an eyebrow. “Let’s try that again, shall we?”
His next kiss swallows them both whole. Just to be holding each other in the midst of such bliss takes her by surprise. If she could stop her watch and suspend time like they experienced all those years ago in Bellefleur, Oregon she would live in this moment, right now, forever.
Mulder then takes her face in his hands, stares directly into her soul and delivers the words she’s been waiting to hear him say for so long.
“I love you, Scully.”
She closes her eyes and breathes him in, every moment precious.
“I love you too, Mulder.”
***
The next twenty-four hours are perfect. She can say now, with absolute certainty, these are the happiest moments of her life.
“Where should we live, Scully?” Mulder asks as they sprawl on her bed together with William asleep between them. She’s propped on one elbow and studies Mulder, his face covered in stubble, a receiving blanket draped over his shoulder, his gray T-shirt with a tiny splatter of spit-up. He’s never looked sexier.
“You want to live together?”
“Well, this place is nice, but I think we’re going to need more space. And my place is out of the question.”
She chuckles. “Yeah, I can’t imagine painting any part of that place a child-friendly pastel.” She looks at him seriously. “What kind of place would you want to live?”
“Somewhere quiet, with a big yard. Just you and me and the kid.”
“And a dog,” she interjects.
��Sure.”
“Sounds perfect.”
He continues. “Honestly, I didn’t think too much about all this after you asked me to… you know, donate.” He grins. “I figured we’d cross that bridge when we came to it. Then after you told me it hadn’t worked, I guess I just thought the whole thing was over.”
“I thought it was over too, Mulder. It came as a huge shock to me.”
“That couple weeks before my abduction, you were sick a lot. It never crossed my mind. Maybe it should have.”
Scully bites her lip, then has to ask.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were sick? Why didn’t you tell me about the brain disease?”
He sighs. “I didn’t even know what it was, Scully. I wanted to be sure. I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to ruin what we had.”
“Mulder. I should have been the one helping you. I should have been the one treating you. Why?”
He looks over at her. ”It’s hard to explain. Maybe you’ll never understand it but it’s just the way it had to be. I didn’t want to worry you, cause you any pain. Especially after everything you’ve gone through.”
“That’s the reason I think I would understand. I wish you’d confided in me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t. I only wanted to protect you.”
There he goes again, trying to protect her. She’s starting to wonder if he’ll always behave this way, regardless of her objections.
He rolls toward her and strokes William’s cheek. “I wish I’d known about the baby, Scully. I’d have never gone back to Oregon. I never would have left you alone.”
She watches him as he gazes at William. “I know.”
“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was sick. I really thought it would be easier not telling you, especially knowing there was nothing to be done. We’d had such a short time together, I just didn’t want to make it feel even shorter.”
“Mulder, you’ve been through a trauma I can’t even begin to understand. I’m not discounting that at all. But you do understand how difficult it’s been for me too, don’t you? I missed you more than you’ll ever know.”
He props himself up on one elbow. “I do understand, Scully.” He looks at her pointedly. “You were taken from me once too, remember.”
“Yes, I know. But… things were different then. We were different,” she says.
“Maybe. But it wasn’t easy for me either. I think… I think I loved you even then and didn’t know it.”
“For that long? Really?”
“It’s hard to say when it changed from loving you as my best friend into loving you like I do now.”
She closes her eyes and smiles. Her heart is so full. She won’t get tired of hearing it.
“I do know I was way too afraid to do anything about it,” he says. “For the longest time, I honestly never thought you felt the same way. Every time I wanted to kiss you I thought you’d probably slap me.”
She chuckles.
“And then… in the hospital after that whole Bermuda Triangle debacle, when I told you I loved you.. you shrugged it off. So I backed off after that.”
She shifts to look at him, eyes opening. “Wait… you remember that?”
“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Mulder, you were so drugged up I thought you were going to start telling Skinner you wanted to marry him, or the Gunmen. Or even your IV drip, for that matter.”
He sighs, laughs. “You’re right. It didn’t count.”
“Unbelievable.”
“And you ended up making everything happen. It was all you. Like all the time, always, doing everything that I couldn’t.”
She reaches over William to run her fingers through his hair.
“Okay, Scully. Give. I told you mine.”
She smiles. “What, you mean… when it happened for me?” He nods. “Well, I think you’re right. It’s hard to really know. When it actually happened and when I was aware it had happened are probably far, far apart.”
“Well, give me something.”
She thinks a minute. “During my cancer. I think that’s when I knew. And then that night we almost kissed outside your apartment… it was the first time I got an inkling that maybe you wanted something more, too. So it was the first time I really allowed myself to hope.”
“That fucking bee.”
She laughs. “I really wanted to tell you that first night... we were together. I don’t know why I didn’t. I guess we never really outgrow these fears of rejection.”
He shakes his head. “How much time we’ve wasted, Scully.”
“Maybe not,” she muses. “Everything that happened got us here, now. And I’ve loved every minute I’ve spent with you, Mulder. Maybe it’s true. Sometimes nothing happens for a reason.”
He nods.They lay there together, the three of them, comforted and secure in each other. It feels amazing. “I guess you’re right. But in case I didn’t make it clear, I’m all in now, Scully. I want to be here for you both. In whatever capacity you’ll have me.”
All in.
She looks at him and is so, so happy. For the very first time they are in exactly the place she wants them to be: honest with each other, completely open. And wholly, perfectly in love.
Her hand moves down to his chest and she feels a pang. “You realize you would totally get laid right now if I was in any way capable.”
He laughs and starts to carefully scoop William up. Mulder had proven himself quite the swaddling aficionado and as a result, the snoozing baby burrito doesn’t stir a bit as he gently lays him in his bassinet, then climbs back into her bed, wrapping his arms and legs around her, getting as close to her as possible.
“So really, Scully. Where are we going to live?”
She sighs, exhaustion beginning to set in. “Anywhere, Mulder. As long as we’re all together.”
“Funny, that was exactly my criteria, too.”
He tips her face towards his for a kiss. “Can I stay here with you?”
“You mean, like… move in? Here?”
“I want to stay here with you and William. And then we can decide where to go from here. I don’t want to leave either of you ever again. Ever.”
She thinks for a moment, looking deeply into his eyes.
“Scully? Is that what you want?”
Suddenly everything that’s ever happened to her in the past feels utterly insignificant. He wants to stay. Forever. “Yes, Mulder, that’s exactly what I want.”
She snuggles closer to him, their legs entwined. She rests her head against his chest.
“We should sleep. He’s going to be up again soon.”
“You know, Scully, I’m unemployed now. So I've been watching a lot of daytime television. I heard on Oprah last week that whenever the baby is sleeping, you should be sleeping. Which makes a lot of sense, because after giving birth, the whole new mom thing is like an adrenaline rush, so when you get really tired it just hits you like a ton of bricks. And then you don’t have the energy you need for the baby. So it’s probably a good idea to just sleep whenever you can.”
She’s asleep.
An hour later, the phone rings and ruins everything.
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Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma In-Depth (Part VI): Bonds Once Forged Are Not Easily Broken
Now, we come to first meetings and (second?) reunions-- and part of that will be focused on Mulder and Doggett's throwdown.
On the one hand, Doggett's poured literal blood and sweat into finding and retrieving this man-- first as a job, then as a friend. Allegations of a crush for Scully (which I don’t buy) aside, he’s a good man that's done good work.
On the other hand, Mulder has primed himself for battle: seething with vengeance for three months of torment and three months of death, and with nowhere to direct this hatred, Doggett has become an easy target. From Mulder’s perspective, sudden helping hands were always revealed to be turncoats; and the newest recruit just so happening to weasel in under everyone's nose at the most opportune (or inopportune) time and being completely "above reproach"? Unlikely.
In short, it’s not going to be a pleasant meeting for the X-Files' newest agent.
Introducing the Buddy Cop
We must devote a short amount of word space to Doggett, since he will morph into a pivotal player in Mulder’s post-abduction shenanigans from here on out.
After his “capture” by Absalom and “rescue” by the FBI, he sits, disturbed, in Skinner’s office while the latter man debriefs him. Both are candid and unguarded with each other-- a dynamic he, Skinner, and Scully developed in Mulder’s absence-- not hiding the fact they're mutually bothered and skeptical over Absalom's claims and needless despite (though for different reasons.)
“It may not be the best way, but it is certainly one way to catch an escaped convict-- I’ll give you that, Agent Doggett,” Skinner remarks, nose still buried in his agent’s report.
“I’d just as soon stick to the old fashioned way, Sir. That shot was a little too close for comfort.”
“You said this man claimed the US Census Bureau had data, information that he was after that connects to this man that was shot on the White House lawn.”
“'Proof', he said,” Doggett nods, adding, “that ‘they were here among us’.” Then, turning away and scowling contemplatively, he adds, “Whoever they are.”
Before Skinner can voice his next thought, the door snaps open and in walks Mulder.
A few interesting first thoughts:
Mulder’s shirt is at least a size (if not two) too large, adding to his disheveled, harried integration back into a normal life. And, yes, Skinner’s shirt is also oversized… but not that oversized. It makes me wonder if the clothing department created the illusion of Mulder’s weight loss and trauma by sizing up his wardrobe; and if so, clever touch. (Will have to keep an eye on the rest of the men’s wear this season to compare and contrast... if I remember.)
His face is very grim and very serious; his posture is rigid; and his eyes remain fixated on Doggett's, even during his cursory “Sir” to Skinner as he closes the door.
Doggett senses his animosity immediately, turning grim as well-- but doesn’t think to take a defensive stance, likely chalking up Mulder’s standoffishness to natural aloofness exacerbated by his inexplicable return.
And his instincts seem to pay off: Mulder collectedly walks up to him, softly asking, “Is this John Doggett?” with an upward head tilt thrown in. All signs point to the returnee being tense but friendly; and the newcomer stands with a hand outstretched to welcome the other man home.
And then, the push.
Mulder barrels past Doggett’s handshake, not breaking form as he immediately shoves the other man back into his chair-- a very pathetic smack, really, despite the force that could have been exerted from his forward momentum (another little tell that Mulder is not physically up to snuff, yet.)
Doggett, collapses, stunned; and Skinner rushes into to grab his former agent as he launches into rapid fire accusations.
“I hope you’re not commending him as a hero for what he did in this thing because he is not,” Mulder insists, maintaining burning eye contact with his adversary while ignoring and talking over Skinner’s commands to back off.
“I’m not about to referee a boxing match,” Skinner warns (hey, an S.R. 819 reference!)
Doggett’s scowl deepens as reality sinks in, his emotions vacillating from utter befuddlement to insulted awe while rewinding the last few seconds. He attempts to recapture the friendly mood; but it fits falsely on his face, making him look even more like a stilted, Consortium double agent.
“Just what’s the problem here?”
Mulder is not convinced-- no one in his shoes probably would be-- and he spells it out for everyone in the room.
“The problem? You occupy an office that used to be devoted to finding the truth and now you’re busy burying it, that's the problem.”
Doggett tries again, a little more animosity seeping out through his voice, shifting posture, and wagging finger: friends he will be, but not punching bag. “Whoa, you musta got your wires crossed somewhere, Agent Mulder.”
“You got that man killed,” Mulder snaps.
Incredulously raising his eyebrows, Doggett snarkily repeats, “I got him killed?”
“Because of what he knew, of what he could expose,” Mulder continues, pushing closer against the boundary of Skinner’s shoulder (who, it seems, is destined to referee Mulder’s fights with or without his say so.)
“You see this, Agent Mulder?” Doggett snipes, pointing at the deep cut across his cheek.
Undeterred, he responds, “I see you sitting there, Agent Doggett.”
After a weighty pause, Mulder ends the interrogation with, “It’s good enough for me”, another haunted pause, a last look at Skinner, and a swift trudge back out the door.
Skinner waits until he leaves before lowering his guard, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to drum up an explanation for Doggett. Slowly turning, he begins, “You gotta understand what he’s been through, I mean, now he’s back and you’re--”
But Doggett is nodding dismissively and leaping out of his chair to the other door before Skinner can finish, unwilling to hear out a string of weak excuses for Mulder's appalling behavior.
More interesting thoughts:
Even though Mulder is biased against Doggett, the latter does seem paint-by-the-numbers guilty, an exact specimen the Syndicate used to dig up and dance around with impunity. Doggett gives very little away, doesn’t justify his position, and uses survivable wounds as "evidence" of his innocence-- all of which have been used at sundry times throughout the show.
Mulder is obviously not in a state to clearly weigh evidence in Doggett’s favor, running blindly around to stop the aliens from abducting anyone else ever again (alluded to in this post.)
Although Mulder is furious for Absalom during this conversation, he is really demanding justice for himself. Every line spoken to Doggett points right back in his direction; and he is conscious of that, trying to avoid his experience and safeguard against it permanently simultaneously.
Skinner is aware of this on some level, excusing Mulder’s bad behavior to Doggett’s face while also understanding Doggett's righteous anger at boss in turn.
But the conflict doesn’t end there.
Doggett has struggled all Season 8 to support, befriend, and be an ally to Scully. He advocated for her, saved her life, and kept her from danger over and over again; yet she didn’t open up to or confide in him unless absolutely forced. Despite that, he still helped safe guard her secret, find her partner, and support her after Mulder’s death-- and all this while battling imposter syndrome in himself.
Doggett never tried to compete with or measure up to Mulder (that was Scully’s struggle); but from day one, he felt isolated and rejected, doing his best to build good relationships with Scully and Skinner. By proving his stripes, he thought it would earn him equal consideration as a partner and a person. However, his insecurity-- that the others would sideline him the minute Mulder came back-- is proven true (and would continue to be proven true the rest of Season 8.) He suspected Mulder curated a type of jealous loyalty, and he was right: even Skinner, whom he formed the closest friendship with, takes Mulder’s side over his own.
Skinner is left alone in the office, pondering how best to tackle both agents’ issues.
Friends in This Life and After (and This Life Again)
Mulder hops over to Scully’s apartment where he is surprised by Frohike opening the door (tilting his head and immediately pulling up his cheeks in a smile.)
It’s a beautiful moment: the man in Scully’s kitchen six years ago is here now to greet and invite him in, rushing over to it before the others could. Not only that, but Frohike is also the first person to make a genuine joke at Mulder’s expense, one so cheery and hearty that it redirects Mulder's sarcasm into sincerity.
“You know, it’s really not fair. You’ve been dead for six months and you’re still better looking than me.”
An interesting note: something strange and morbid begins to happen here as well: Mulder uncharacteristically sticks his hand out for a shake, standing on formalities with a friend who’s been through thick and thin with him.
And while it’s bad enough to view this as an insecure attempt on Mulder’s part to become "reacquainted" with his former friend, another-- and worse-- parallel could plausibly be drawn: his father’s distant overtures in Colony: a way to keep loved ones at a distance so they don't see flaws and scars up close, perhaps.
Frohike ignores the handshake entirely, finishing his joke and latching onto Mulder with a fierce, all-encompassing hug.
And Mulder is euphorically happy: that someone saw him instead of his traumas, that he’s been recognized as “normal” despite his experiences, that his experiences don’t define him in at least one person’s eyes.
Frohike’s lack of reserve and whole-hearted affection frees a part of himself still under lock and key; and he laughs unreservedly, returning the unexpected hug with affectionate back pats and thrilled cooing noises after the former somberly concludes, “Though not by much.”
There is no expectation or agenda or fear or worry between the two, allowing the undead to relax into the moment and fully feel for the first time: he picks up on Frohike’s pain, soothes it by letting the hug last longer than usual, and even settles into the moment with him-- “Melvin…”-- before keeping their dignity intact with a well-timed joke.
Abashed that he might have lingered too long-- but not ashamed--, Frohike steps back, assessing his friend’s mood with a completely serious “Sorry”; then, after Mulder nods good-humoredly and walks off, reaches over to close the door.
An interesting speculation: why would Mulder cut the moment short?
Obviously there’s discomfort he’s still navigating post resurrection, but he was never the huggy, touchy guy with his friends to begin with. Frohike’s hug, while welcome, is more unnatural than normal.
And, personally, I like to think the eagle-eyed staring from the rest of the group is the real reason. (The cut-to is hilarious if you aren’t expecting it, by the way.)
Byers advances with a welcoming “I think it goes without saying that we’re all, uh… tremendously relieved,” too overjoyed to notice Mulder’s polite, tight smile.
Langly’s greeting is tremendously less subtle: “And not just because we had big questions about your involvement in a certain blessed event.”
This next interaction is the second huge make-or-break for this episode: like the first scene back in Mulder’s apartment, this, too, can be easily misconstrued; and is entirely dependent on context.
Caught off guard, he raises his head, freezing his face and darting his eyes over to Scully. He and Scully have not yet discussed the baby, but he knows it’s his (posts here and here.) Are Langly's implications a result of her indirect interference or a natural result of his normal impetuosity? Furthermore, what has Scully told his friends about the baby? Has she told them about the baby? Has Scully rustled up an opportunity to press for more, he wonders.
Mulder knows Scully is not above premeditation, especially about big events in her life (her father’s death, her cancer, her adopted daughter, her distrust of Diana, etc.), and this incident harkens back to another four-against-one scenario in the not-so-distant past (her confrontation at TLG's in One Son.) He and Scully just resynced yesterday, post here; but this comment out of the blue immediately activates his conspiracy radar.
One look at her face, however, dispels that notion (for now): Scully didn’t know this was coming, eyes pivoting sharply from Langly’s direction to Mulder's. Having nothing to hide, she doesn't look down or away; and even betrays a sense of humor in the tilt of her head and tuck of her chin. Her relaxed face invites Mulder to see the absurdity of this strange moment rather than be bowled over by it.
The camera pans back to Mulder right before everything registers-- showing his downfallen face and penetrating gaze--
and captures the split-second of reassurance and quick snap back to good humor. Catching Scully's comedic undertone, he reciprocates with a mock suspicious face-- the same used later in Empedocles-- complete with squinting, glinty eyes, head tilt, and imperceptibly opened mouth.
Scully-- relieved he’s gotten her point, amused at his antics, and intuiting his unreadiness to broach the baby topic-- deadpans, “So much for playing a hunch, Mulder,” while raising her eyebrows and shifting her head level-- a tease back, and a transition to more serious discussions.
“The, uh, Gunmen were able to decrypt the data you found on Howard Salt’s hard drive.”
Frohike joins them in time for Mulder’s roundtable “thank you” nod; and, all together now, the men give their full attention to Scully's synopsis of their findings.
CONCLUSION
Doggett has been shoved, his friends have embraced him, and he and Scully have reengaged their unspoken effectively-- all good things for Mulder. Firing on all cylinders in the company of those that love him helps resurrected man feel back in action, feel alive, feel like himself.
Of course, this is a small bandaid for the bigger, gaping wound of his abduction trauma… and, of course, that problem isn't helped by the confirmation of Scully's (well-meaning) premeditation during the course of the next five minutes.
Thank you for reading~
Enjoy!
#txf#Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma#In-Depth#Part VI#Bonds Once Forged Are Not Easily Broken#S8#Three Words#Mulder#Doggett#Skinner#Frohike#Scully#TLG#xf meta#meta#mine#xfiles#x-files#the x files
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My S8 meta post is still up, PHEW. Here's the link: Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma In-Depth (Part VII): Trickery, Terror, and Tears – @randomfoggytiger on Tumblr
It was an older reblog I pruned out of my timeline, I think!
...I need to go get a snack now and decompress. XDDD
I saw a reblog and tried reblogging that but that didn't work! Found the original now and that one worked 😁 I was so worried it was gone!!
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Fic: Between A Rock And A Hard Place (Part Four)
Timeline: Season 10 (replaces My Struggle in the All The Choices We’ve Made ‘verse - Visitor + Resident + etc.)
Rating: PG
Characters: Mulder, Scully, Tad O’Malley, Sveta (established MSR)
Content warning: canon-typical body horror (mentions of abduction, forced pregnancy, etc.)
A/N: I’m collecting all the related stories that go with Visitor/Resident under the title “All The Choices We’ve Made”, because it felt right at the time. This story is an alternate My Struggle that reflects M&S’ growth/change in the ATCWM ‘verse. I’m weaving canon dialogue into the stories in an attempt to keep the reframing plausibly in line with canon.
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
It seems inevitable that Sveta and O'Malley will want to meet with them again, so Mulder short-circuits the whole thing. He's impatient in his old age. He was impatient in his youth. He texts O'Malley and asks for the name of Sveta's hotel. He's waiting in the lobby with a coffee when she comes down. Scully's back at Quantico. He expects O'Malley to find her in the morgue. A tv personality shouldn't have that kind of access and yet. O'Malley clearly knows which strings to pull. Sveta wanders down eventually, startled when he waves at her as she crosses the lobby with halting purpose in her step. She turns to him and wavers, like she's torn between wanting his help and fearing that no one can help. Another symptom for his checklist. He waits and finally she steps toward him.
"Agent Mulder. Hello."
"Hey," he says. "Dr. Scully asked me to check on you." It's as close to truth as he can get.
"That's so kind," Sveta says. "I knew she was kind."
"Can I buy you a coffee?" Mulder asks.
"Thank you," Sveta says. They order and he pays, and they return to the table he claimed, his newspaper still open to the half-done crossword.
"I had a few more questions for you myself," he says, after some small talk.
"I know," she tells him. "You can ask."
"There was a moment when we were talking to you about your abductions - about your pregnancies. We asked you a question and you looked at Mr. O'Malley before you answered. Why?"
She laced her fingers around the heat of her coffee cup. The barista hadn't even tried to get her name right. There was just a Z and a scribble. "Because it's not exactly the right question."
"I'm sorry," Mulder said. "I don't understand."
"Mr. O'Malley told you it was aliens who took my babies," Sveta said. "But I don't believe it's aliens who are taking them."
"If aliens didn't abduct you, who did?" Mulder asks, already certain of the answer.
Sveta's lip trembles and her eyes shine with tears that threaten to brim over. "It's difficult to talk about. The memories are difficult and the answers you want...they're dangerous, Mr. Mulder."
Twenty years ago, they would have sent a girl like her to distract him. Twenty years ago, it would have worked. He was a knight errant then, imagining he could save every damsel in distress. He's learned not to gallop off in all directions now, though he paid more than he should have for the lesson.
"Everything stays between us, Sveta," he promises. "This isn't an interrogation. It's not on the record. It's just a conversation."
"The things I've experienced," she chokes out. "They've affected my entire life. They've made it impossible to have anything like a normal existence."
Mulder leans forward, reminded that therapists guide a conversation in much the same way interrogators do, and he's trained in both. "What are you afraid of, Sveta?"
"That it only gets worse," she says, and the tears spill over at last with perfect cinematic timing. He believes in her pain. He also believes in O'Malley's showmanship.
"Who took your babies?" he asks in his most soothing, most confidential voice.
"Men," she says in a hoarse whisper. "They took me aboard their ships. Their human ships. I was afraid they would kill me if I ever told anyone the truth. When I saw Mr. O'Malley...he seemed like my best chance to find out what happened to me."
"You didn't see a doctor because doctors did this to you," Mulder says.
"Who could I trust?" Sveta asks, tears running down her cheeks again. "They would erase the evidence. Call me a liar. They're the liars."
"You can trust me," Mulder says. "You can trust Dr. Scully. Our job is to protect you while we bring justice to those who harmed you."
"You work for the government," Sveta sniffles.
"Sometimes the best place to find the lies is inside the house," Mulder tells her. "They call me a liar too. They call Dr. Scully a liar."
"How do you keep going?" Sveta asks. Her eyes are wet and she looks so young.
"One step at a time," Mulder says. "Right now, your trauma is an open wound. You'll heal with time. And you'll help us bring these men to justice."
"I want to believe you," Sveta says.
"Me too," Mulder sighs.
He calls Scully from the car. She sounds distracted as she answers.
"Is he there?" Mulder asks. "Why am I even asking, of course he's there."
"Of course, Assistant Director," she says. "Just finishing the preliminary notes. Let me wash up and I'll be right there." He hears her turn her face away from the speaker. "So sorry, but I've got a meeting."
"What a shame," says O'Malley's voice, distantly, muffled. "Let me know if you ever want to grab dinner sometime. I'm sure you're a veritable library of information. I'll bring the Scotch and you bring the weird science."
She laughs politely and he hears the door close behind her and then the sound of water running. "Sorry, Mulder. I pretended to hang up and put my phone in my pocket."
"At least you got offered dinner," Mulder says. "You going to go out with Tad O'Malley? The Tad O'Malley? He'll show you a good time."
"I'm married," she says casually but firmly, and his heart flipflops in his chest. "How was Sveta?"
"Rattled," he says. "You were right. The same story about humans abducting her, and O'Malley just running with the notion of aliens. No one can really explain the craft without ET, but everything since then - all the work after the initial abduction, anyway - that's been us. Humans."
"Does that surprise you?" she says after a pause.
"No," he says. "You?"
"No," she says. "I seem to recall you having a meltdown over the same revelation sometime circa 1998."
"I seem to recall you being next to Cassandra Spender as she vanished off a bridge the same year," he counters.
She sighs. "There are days I don't regret getting that tattoo."
"We've been chasing our tails for decades," he agrees.
"They'll reopen the X-Files if he asks them to," she says. "You know they will. And then what will we do?"
"That was my next question," he says.
"We can't help her without access," Scully says. "But it's highly probable we can't help her at all. Ten year of unraveling the lies and we never got any definitive proof we could take to the public."
"You were right," he says. "We need help."
"He brought me a collection of photographs," she tells him. "He wanted me to tell me if they were alien hybrid children."
"Were they?" Mulder asks.
"I can't make that kind of designation based on a photograph," she says sternly, "but my medical opinion, which I shared with Mr. O'Malley, was that they shared a rare disease called microtia, which causes children to be born without the external apparatus of the ear. Rare, but not unearthly. Alien in appearance, but not in origin."
"Did he ask you about the X-Files?"
"Of course," she says. "He wanted to know if I missed the work."
Mulder taps on the steering wheel. "What did you tell him?"
"I told him it was some of the most intense and challenging work I'd ever done," she says. "I told him I thought I had felt most alive when you and I were working together."
He swallowed against the lump in his throat. "Laying it on thick, Dr. Scully."
"I told him that working with you had led to the most intense and challenging and impossible relationship of my life," she says. "And after all of that, he still tried to ask me out."
"Intense and challenging and impossible aren't necessarily positive," Mulder tells her. "You left an opening."
"He wasn't really listening," Scully says. "But you know I love a challenge, Mulder."
"Yes, you do," he says.
"We need to talk to Skinner," she says.
"I'm on it," he tells her, and hangs up.
Skinner meets them after hours at the elevator. They all ride down together. Scully kissed Skinner in this elevator once, Mulder seems to remember, but he only heard about it later from the security guard watching the video feed. He doesn't remember much from that particular adventure anyway, except kissing whoever Scully was in 1939 and getting a gaudy bruise for it. They don't talk on the way to the basement. The place smells the same. The office still has pencils in the ceiling. Somebody's taken the trouble to gut and repaint the place, and it still has pencils in the ceiling.
"Where are the files?" Scully asks.
"I don't know," Skinner says, but he looks away as he says it. Play the game, Mulder thinks, and they'll find out later.
"You said no one had been down here, that it hadn't been touched," he says, letting a little anger color his voice. Skinner will forgive him. They all have to play their parts. New paint means new bugs.
"Not since you and Agent Scully left the Bureau," Skinner says.
"We're back now," Mulder tells him.
"You certainly are," Skinner says. "As of this morning, you're reassigned to the X-Files, pending approval."
"Whose approval?" Scully asks.
"It's above my pay grade," Skinner says.
"We need access," Mulder says, "and we need backup. We need a staff. If the X-Files are so important, there should be more than two agents."
"I'll see what I can do," Skinner mumbles. "Your mysterious benefactors seem willing to allocate whatever resources are deemed necessary."
"Who do you take orders from, sir?" Scully asks sharply.
"All you need to know is that I'm looking out for you," Skinner says dismissively. "I've always looked out for you."
"We've been led through one dark alley after another, and all of them dead ends," Mulder says. "What makes this time different?"
"The world is different," Skinner says. "Since 9/11, this country has taken a very big turn in a very strange direction. I'm not the only one who wished you were still down here. You've got friends in high places."
"All the better to spy on us," Scully says.
"The danger is real," Skinner tells her, "but the opportunities are too. You can do something about it, agents. Together. You may be the only ones left who can."
"Do we have a choice?" Scully asks. She's gotten better at lying in the intervening years. Mulder isn't certain whether he should be grateful for that.
"Do you ever?" Skinner says.
"We'll need desks," Mulder says. "And a new poster."
"I'll see what I can requisition," Skinner tells him. "Welcome home, agents."
Scully goes back to the hospital after they finish the paperwork, murmuring about test results. Mulder doesn't mind. He has his own contacts, even after fourteen years out of the game. Tad O'Malley isn't the only one with a fan base, not that he likes to think about his informants that way. It's evening by the time he gets to the Mall, but he enjoys the walk. He's missed working down here: the bustle and the restaurants, the museums and the tourists. He walks toward the Washington Monument.
"Is the hour absolutely necessary?" says a voice at his shoulder. "I had dinner reservations."
"It was important that I see you," Mulder tells him.
"We made an agreement about our meeting in unsecured environments," grumbles the doctor. Apparently working in Area 51 makes a person paranoid forever. He can relate to that. He's just lucky that anyone who was in Roswell when the crash handed is willing to speak to him.
"I can't provide a high-security cordon like your former establishment," Mulder jokes. "For one thing, I don't have a couple hundred square miles of desert to drop the facility in the middle of or a guard to patrol the perimeter. But anyone who's out here isn't looking at us. I called you because you said if I ever put the pieces together, you would confirm."
"And have you put them together?" the doctor asks.
"I've met someone," Mulder hedges. "I've seen something."
"You weren't even close before," the doctor scoffs. "Warring aliens lighting each other on fire. Weaponized bees. Every distraction they organized for you, you swallowed hook, line, and sinker."
"I was being cleverly manipulated," Mulder says in a tone even he hears as sulky. "I admit to a certain credulousness in my youth."
"And what brings this new clarity?" the doctor asks.
"I saw an ARV running on free energy," Mulder tells him. "I touched it. I saw it disappear."
"That's what they all seem to do," the doctor grumbles.
"Their scientists said the materials were salvaged from Roswell." Mulder paces back and forth. "The technology exists. And it's been in use, being used on humans, for human testing that has been consistently misreported as alien abductions."
"So you believe you know how," the doctor muses.
"Yes," Mulder says. "And I think I know why."
"That 'why' is more complicated than you may ever know, Mr. Mulder," the doctor tells him.
"I've heard that a lot over the years," Mulder says. "Try me. Sixty years ago, we were warned about the military-industrial complex gathering too much power. Now alien technology is being used against us. Not by aliens or with aliens as I believed in the past, but by a venal conspiracy of men against humanity."
"You're wasting my time," the old man said dismissively, turning away. "There's always a bad man in the shadows or a monster under the bed."
"What are the tests for?" Mulder demands. "The babies? The samples? The implanted DNA?"
The doctor squints as he steps under the streetlight. "You tell me, Mr. Mulder."
"Ten years ago you came to me, saying you couldn't take your secrets to your grave, that you couldn't live with it." Mulder steps into the doctor's personal space.
The doctor sighs. "I"m a man of medicine. I didn't know how my work would be used. The lies are so great, Mr. Mulder. I imagined that I would come forward, but I knew that the truth must be unassailable. I am not sure that kind of truth exists anymore."
"Let me tell the world," Mulder tells him.
"They'll make a mockery of us," the doctor says sadly. "They'll pillory us in the town square."
"So what else is new," Mulder says. "I've been a punching bag before. I can take it."
"These men are capable of knocking you out," the doctor says. "You're nearly there. You're close." He turns away. "You listen to me because I was there in Roswell, but Roswell has become a smokescreen."
"So I've been told," Mulder says to himself. He wonders when all the informants began to sound the same. They promise him the truth but only speak in riddles. They offer him the world, but won't give him the map. He'd have better luck with a sphinx, and she'd probably be more coherent.
He goes home. That, at least, is new, that after submerging himself for hours in the kind of paranoia his younger self lived and breathed, he gets to emerge from it and go home to spend his life with Scully.
She's reheated the chili and she's sitting at the table in the kitchen, stirring sour cream into her bowl. "I wasn't sure when you'd be home," she says.
"Sorry," he says. "I meant to text you, but I had to talk to someone."
"Just like old times," she says.
"Except I get to come home to you," he says, and leans down to kiss her. "How were the test results?"
"Strange," she says.
"But you expected that," he says, ladling chili into a bowl and joining her at the table. "Didn't you?"
"They're in line with the results from around the time of my cancer," she tells him.
"You're disappointed," he says.
"I don't know what I was thinking," she says, dropping her spoon. "I thought maybe the chip had removed the junk DNA, or that something about the pregnancy had rewired my system. Dr. Parenti told me that all of my test results were normal. But I suppose he lied about almost everything."
He aches for her, thinking of her going through all of that alone. “I’m sorry, Scully.”
She lifts one shoulder. It isn’t quite a shrug. “I never quite learned to trust no one.”
He smiles at her. "And Sveta's results?"
"Like mine," she said. "Anomalous. Like purity control, all those years ago, and all those women in Pennsylvania." She looks at him across the table and reaches for his hand. "I wish it weren't always so personal."
"Me too," he says.
"Do you still believe we can save the world?" she asks, her voice just slightly shaky.
"I want to believe," he tells her.
"So do I," she says. "I badly want to believe that there is some point to all of this, if we take up this cause again. We've come so far, Mulder."
"One foot in front of the other," he says. "That's how you walk through the desert, Scully. Or the fire."
"It's always worked for us," she says, smiling at him. "I just hope that Sveta's all right. I don't trust O'Malley's intentions. She's vulnerable. She wants answers as badly as I do. I know what that can do to a person."
Mulder sighs. "He'll contact us again. He's had his chance to influence us separately. Do we play along, pretending to be true believers, or do we reject his tangled web of conspiracy theories so flimsy and fringe even a teenager would be ashamed to believe it?"
"To be fair to teenagers, they're ashamed of most things," Scully murmurs. "It is the part you were born to play."
"We all have our faith, Scully," he jokes. "Our belief in things unseen."
"I know," she says.
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Untitled MSIV Post-Ep Ficlet
Chapters 1 and 2
A little bit of angst, a lot of fluff. Rated PG-ish.
---------
Skinner had survived, they learned from two police officers guarding the scene. He had been taken by ambulance, unconscious, in very serious condition, to the closest trauma hospital. For the time being they couldn't do anything to help him, so they decided by unspoken agreement to head for home. They left Norfolk with heavy hearts, holding hands in the car until Scully fell asleep.
Mulder glanced over at her repeatedly as he drove. She was exhausted. He wasn't surprised that she had passed out so quickly on the ride home. He glanced over again at her beautiful face. Her face seemed to be full of pain. He thought she might be dreaming. Pregnant. Jesus. At 54 years old, she was pregnant and they were going to be parents. Again. But, not again. Painful. Leave it alone.
How could this have possibly happened? What barren woman goes for the better part of two decades with barely a thought about birth control...? And then, at 54, to be miraculously pregnant? He couldn't fathom it. She was early into menopause, it was true, but how often did a woman her age get pregnant?
As he turned onto the street that led to their house, he looked over at her again. God, how he loved her. He had missed everything last time. This time he would be there for every minute of it. And surely it would be even more critical for her to have support now, expecting a baby in her mid-fifties. His thoughts turned bitter. Didn't matter that he had missed it all, as it turned out. William wasn't even his. The pain. All these years, dreaming of his son. He had held it in, the longing and regret, to stay strong for her. He closed his eyes, teared up.
He heard a soft cry from Scully. Reaching the end of the driveway and parking next to the house, he looked over at her. She appeared to be in distress from her dream.
"Scully, Scully, wake up."
"Mul, Muh..., Mulder!" She woke up with a start, looking around frantically.
"Mulder, ohh God, William is alive! I saw him! I think he sent me a message. He survived and he came up out of the river. I don't know where he went, but he's alive! Our son is alive!"
"Scully..." he started quietly, sadly. "That's, that's wonderful. I believe you. I'm so glad he survived. But...he's not our son. He's your son."
"NO, Mulder. That bastard may have done something to me, somehow engineered it, but we still conceived William together. Oh my God, did you think I was telling you that you were not his father? Mulder..."
He couldn't believe it. They were both in tears. She leaned over, her forehead resting against his.
"Mulder, when I was pregnant and you were gone, I considered every possibility. The timing with us was the only thing that made sense. I ran tests. Later, when you were on the run and everyone was coming after him, I did the DNA tests again. I can tell the difference between a brother and a father. YOU are William's father. He may have alien DNA from both of us but he's ours."
"God, really? Scully, I can't believe...I was so devastated. Are you sure?"
"You didn't believe the first time either. You came back from the dead and thought I was having a baby without you. Do you remember? Mulder, we still have William's hair in a vial. I will take it to Quantico and test it again for you if it will convince you. That is, if we still have jobs." They huffed out a little laugh. "But I am 100% certain."
"On the dock, I said 'What am I now if I'm not a father?'"
"Oh, Mulder. I thought you were talking about losing William, like I was. I couldn't deal with the grief. I didn't get to be a mother to him for long enough. You didn't get to be a father at all. We both believed that eventually we might see him again. I was so...heartbroken at the thought that he was set up as an experiment that I wasn't clear. I still feel like I failed him. But he is alive. And he's no less ours."
"And you're pregnant?"
She nodded, crying.
"How did this...? How could this possibly have happened?"
"I can't explain it. This is going to be so hard, Mulder. I'm too old. There are risks. But I want this baby."
"Scully, I'm going to be there for every minute of it this time. I'm going to be such a pain in your ass for the next nine months."
They both chuckled through the tears. "Closer to seven months now. Even less, maybe," she replied. "I think we might have gotten lucky on the first try. Or maybe the second..." They laughed. She looked into his eyes, leaned forward. They kissed once, slowly. Came back again. They kissed for several minutes, just sitting there in the quiet car. Finally, pulling back, she said, "I love you so much."
"I love you too, Scully. I still can't believe this. I'm not ready for this. But I intend to get ready."
"Good, cause I'm not going anywhere and we're doing this together." She yawned.
"You're exhausted. We need to go inside and you need to get some sleep. I will call the hospital and see how Skinner's doing. If you're up to it, tomorrow or the next day we can go and see him in Norfolk."
"Yeah, okay. Come on..."
--------
The next morning, Mulder woke up and quietly went down the stairs. He wanted to serve Scully breakfast in bed. Yesterday had been long and exhausting, and she could use the rest today. He pulled the eggs out the fridge but then thought better of them. From what he remembered hearing some time years ago, the smell of eggs sometimes bothered women who had morning sickness. She had told him yesterday that she had hid the morning sickness from him for a few days because she didn't know if she was ill and didn't want to worry him. On a whim, she had bought a pregnancy test, but she hadn't expected anything. And then she was shocked to see a plus sign.
Mulder decided that oatmeal was a safer choice for breakfast in bed, at least until she told him what would bother her and what wouldn't. He heard the upstairs bathroom door open and close, and then again a few minutes later. Guess he'd better get up there with her breakfast.
When he arrived in the bedroom with her tray, she was sitting half-propped up on two pillows, looking a little pale.
"Scully, are you okay?" he asked, worried.
"Yeah, Mulder. It's okay. I just need to eat a little something to help with the nausea."
"How's oatmeal?"
"That's perfect. Mmm, thank you. Tastes good. Oh, and tea, too, thanks. I could probably use some saltine crackers on the nightstand here. We'll have to go out and buy some. They really helped the first time...eighteen years ago. God, what are we getting ourselves into?"
He chuckled with her.
She finished up and then started to get up from bed. "Where are you going?"
"Relax, Mulder. I'm just going to brush my teeth.”
"Sorry, Scully. I guess I'm going to be nervous for a while."
"S'okay. I like that you worry about me." She walked over to the bathroom.
"I'm going to call the hospital soon to check up on Skinner," he called out to her from the bed, making sure she could hear him from the bathroom. She finished up. As she returned and approached Mulder, who was sitting on the bed, she unbuttoned her pajama top.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to seduce you," she responded with a grin.
"Really?”
"Really. I've missed you the last few days. And I’m feeling a little better right now." She smiled at him, biting the edge of her lip.
"Is it safe?" He touched her belly, looking down at it while she stood still between his legs.
"It's quite safe now. Nothing will happen to the baby. Now kiss me."
They sank back on the bed, the call to the hospital temporarily forgotten.
-----------
Fluff to be continued...
This is my headcanon.
There, I fixed it for you.
#My fanfic#Spoilers#MSIV#Post-ep#Fluff and sadness and angst and happiness#Sorry it's so cotton candy sweet#I don't know how to give them anything but a happy fluffy ending#I just gave myself a cavity with the fluff
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the managing of patient 309: crack!fic written by my friend who hates the x files
pretty much exactly what it says on the tin: this is a fic based off of a dream had by my friend who hates the x files. said dream was likely brought on by the four episodes i’ve made her watch around a year ago (squeeze, irresistible, pusher, and detour) and me never actually being able to shut up about the damn x files. yes, she really hates the show after seeing the badass fucking episodes listed above; however, this friend of mine is a saint, not only for listening to me talk about the x files even though she doesn’t give a shit, but also for drawing me hilarious fanart (she’s the artist of “go-fuck-yourself/well-should-we”) and for writing me this hilarious fic. it’s kind of amazing how well she gets the show after only four episodes. it’s probably because i never fucking shut up. i have a problem. anyway, go read this hilarity because it’s kinda epic. you can feel the bitterness.
The Managing of Patient 309
I found myself in a tacky nurse´s outfit. That´s the only way I can really start this situation off. It seemed like the exact replica of what Elle Driver wore in the hospital scene of Kill Bill (a great movie if you haven’t watched it already). Anyways, I was walking down a dimly lit hospital hallway with a tray of prescription pills. As I walked down the deathly quiet hallway my footsteps echoed, ¨clack, clack, clack.¨
I stopped in front of a door labelled 309. I knocked once and entered without hearing a response. Inside there lay a curtain veiled bed with a nightstand and an IV drip. I pulled the curtain to reveal the patient sleeping in the bed. There… (you like that suspense? I bet you can guess who it is) lay a typically beat up Mulder. I set the tray down on the nightstand and gently shake him awake.
¨Scully…?¨ He mutters.
¨Nope. Just your nurse.¨
¨Where am I? Why do I feel like I got attacked by a Werebuffalo?¨
¨I don´t know anything about a Werebuffalo but I do know that you’re here because of blunt force trauma. Left you looking real nasty mister.¨
Mulder looks around the bleak hospital room in bewilderment. I make myself busy and prepare his dosage of pills.
¨Okay Mr. Looney Tunes, time to take your medicine. Would you like a glass of water?” I ask.
¨I want to know where my partner is. I need to leave right now!¨
¨Now, now, Puppers McAlienConspiracy, calm down and just take your pills. I think that would make everyone happy in this situation. Relax. Chill for once.¨
Mulder tries to get out of the bed but winces in pain.
¨I told you to stay in bed! You wanna die more than you have before?¨ I say exasperated.
Mulder sighs but looks at me with a determined glint in his eyes.
¨I’ll only take the pills once I know Scully is okay. Better yet if she were the one giving them to me,¨ He says.
I roll my eyes, ¨Scully is not qualified to do that. I’m your nurse, not her.¨
Mulder takes a deep breath and says, ¨Scully is perfectly qualified to give me my medicine. You know how smart she is?? Super smart. Although sometimes she doesn’t believe me when I tell her about the aliens and their cryptic companions even though it´s very obvious half the time and this dynamic is the driving force of the plot in the earlier seasons; nevertheless, she’s perfectly capable!! For all I know you might be trying to give me some alien drug that turns me into a puppy because that sounds like a perfect way to set up the plot for a lot of X-Files fics out there.¨
I stare blankly at Mulder.
¨Take the fucking drugs Mulder.¨
¨I refuse. Bring detective Scully.¨
¨No. Calm your needy ass for once in your life and just cooperate.¨
Mulder turns away from me and begins to try and take out his IV. I sigh and walk to the other side of the room and push a nearby intercom.
¨We need some restraining in here ASAP,¨ I say in monotone.
Soon enough very muscular male nurses burst into the room and restrain Mulder. He begins to shout and try and resist.
¨We could have avoided this Mulder. This story might have ended up where you take your pills, you go on an acid trip and dream about marrying Scully and capture all your jolly aliens and everyone is happy in the world. You might have even dreamed about holding hands with your precious Scully and eating ice cream in Bigfoot’s backyard. But noooo, you had to complicate things (sound familiar?)¨ I say.
I pick up a syringe and prepare to inject Mulder. The muscular male nurses are doing a great job at restraining him. Maybe Mulder is even happy he is being restrained by muscular male nurses. Maybe he planned this from the beginning. Maybe he imagines Scully as a handsome, muscular, male nurse. Who´s to say?
After I inject Mulder he is soon unconscious. I thank the male nurses and then travel to the Dean’s office to report what had happened.
I knock on the Dean’s door and enter. In front of me lay a large office with a giant painting of the Dean in between Mulder and Scully. Underneath the painting it says, Your happiness is mine. So please be happy and give each other lots of cuddles. In the center of the room was the Dean’s desk and behind it their ¨Big Boss Man¨ chair.
¨I´m here to report the incident in 309, Ms. Dean.¨
¨Ah, what did he do this time?” She asks.
¨He refused to take his medicine unless it was given to him by his precious Scully.¨ I subconsciously gag.
¨Of course. He loves her so much after all. No worries though, I have a plan for a good countermeasure.¨
¨You do Ma´am?¨ I ask.
¨Yes. Bring me Ms. Suckerpunch!¨
***Wooop Time Skip Yoooooop****
Once again I am walking down the hallway to room 309. I believe the Dean´s plan was very silly but I don’t get paid enough to care. Do I even get paid?? The Aliens are stealing my money. Actually it’s more likely the Bees. They are probably after anyone they can get after being featured in that one X-Files movie. Anyways, this time I am accompanied by none other than Ms. Suckerpunch.
¨You know what to do correct?¨ I ask her.
She smiles and nods.
When soon reach the room and enter. I walk over to Mulder and wake him up.
¨WATCH OUT YOUR EX VAMPIRE ONE NIGHT STAND TEAMED UP WITH THE BEES AND THEY’RE OUT TO GET YOUUU,¨ I shout.
Mulder awakes with a start. He frantically looks around the room and then sighs after he remembers where he is.
¨Good you’re awake. I have a surprise for you,¨ I say.
¨Ẅhat is it?¨ He asks with puppy eyes in a puppy tone (you know cause he´s actually a puppy in disguise apparently).
I motion to Ms. Suckerpunch. She waves and says, ¨It’s me Mulder.¨
Mulder starts tearing up because he’s a puppy and that means he is a baby dog, so naturally he starts crying at the sight of his special person.
¨Scully!¨ He shouts happily.
I shake my head. Ms. Suckerpunch is actually a person who the Dean hired in order to dress up as Scully and get Mulder to take his medicine. Apparently anyone with red hair and a pantsuit will do.
¨Will you take your medicine now Mulder?¨ I ask.
Mulder looks to the fake Scully and she nods.
¨Yes,¨ He replies.
I give Mulder the pills and a glass of water. He takes them and at long last takes his medicine.
¨I suppose that wasn’t so bad,¨ he says.
I smirk, ¨We´ll see.¨
Mulder gives me a puzzled look and then collapses. I shake my head. In actuality Mulder was right in the beginning and I was an alien trying to give him alien drugs. Too bad no one ever listens to Mulder. Poor Mulder.
THE END…Or is it??? Who know cause this show never dies.
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Paging Dr. Scully, chp 3
Paging Dr. Scully, chp 1: Squeeze
Paging Dr Scully, chp 2: Jersey Devil
Paging Dr. Scully, chp 3: Shadows
Why had she let Gina convince her to wear the lace bodysuit?
“I look like a preteen in a Love’s Baby Soft ad,” she mutters to herself in the bathroom mirror at the restaurant as she touches up her lipstick and pushes carefully-curled tendrils behind her ear.
Normally, she’d have called up Melissa to come help her get ready. Melissa keeps up with fashion trends – she wears chokers and Doc Martens with bohemian dresses, not a predictable rotation of petite-sized scrubs underneath bleachy-white doctor coats. Scully rarely has a reason to put on anything other than jeans and a sweatshirt in the all-too-short hours between shifts.
But Melissa is away “on walkabout,” as she had put it. Scully had teased her repeatedly for calling an aimless American road trip by the Australian term for an adolescent spiritual rite of passage. “But it IS meaningful, Dana,” Melissa had insisted, her voice deep with conviction. “I want to see what the world holds for me, to open myself up to possibilities.”
Scully had nodded, only the slightest raise of her eyebrow betraying her scepticism that the trip is anything other than an excuse to hook up with random strangers and experiment with mind altering substances of one kind or another. She could have been jealous of Melissa’s unencumbered ways, but that had never been what she wanted from life.
She had thrived on the challenges of school and the thrill of the ER’s energy. She likes knowing she has control, giving commands to nurses and technicians, swooping in to bring order out of the chaos. That’s what she does. And it’s what she wants – to make sense of things, to categorize and pin things down. Life should be conquerable, ordered, stable. She needs a partner who wants the same things, right?
Which is why she finds herself sitting across from Rob, the tax accountant, easily eight or ten years her senior. A divorcee. Talking about taking kids to the park, or the museum, or is it the circus? Her mind is wandering.
He is nice enough, pleasant, average-looking, but clean. Uncomplicated. The first date she’s had in far too long. Unless you counted that hospital-basement coffee that the cute FBI agent bought her the night before.
Fox. Why is she thinking about Fox right now? Rob is explaining some intricate new estate tax law that Congress is considering, which will wreck havoc on his clients’ attempts to exploit the gift tax loophole.
She keeps the polite smile plastered on her face, ignoring the back part of her brain that begins comparing this conversation to the bizarre repartee she’d had with Mulder – she remembers he had said to call him Mulder – his skulking around the morgue, the story about Jersey Devils. She wonders if he’d called up Dr. Diamond, and if he had, what they’d found out.
Rob is still rambling and she hopes her face isn’t betraying anything but eager, engaged first-date interest.
Would he call her? She’d basically asked him to. She never does that. Why had she done that?
“Dana,” Rob says her name suddenly. “Do you need to get that?”
“Hmm?” She gives her head a startled shake. “What?”
“Your pager went off, do you need to call in?” Rob looks dutiful and concerned.
“Oh, sorry!” She looks sheepishly down at her pager. It’s the hospital. “I’ll just be a minute.”
Walking toward the restaurant desk phone, she can’t put her finger on why she feels disappointed. It’s not like she’d given Mulder her pager number. And for goodness sake, she’s on a date with another guy! Get it together, Dana. Her internal monologue is confusing but mercifully cut short when the call in to the hospital switchboard jolts her back into a role she’s more comfortable with.
“Multiple victims from a ten car pile-up headed in, we need you here tonight, Dr. Scully.”
“I’m on my way.” She doesn’t pause to measure the sense of relief that floods her, which is not a typical reaction to news of a long night of triage and trauma. She’ll make her apologies to Rob, but she won’t say anything about rainchecks or next times.
She dodges Rob’s phone calls for the next week, although work is genuinely busy enough that she doesn’t have to actually lie about why she’s not calling him back. Her mom is not so easily dissuaded. Maggie can’t seem to understand why her highly eligible daughter has made it to the ripe old age of 29 without at least a steady boyfriend.
“We just didn’t click, Mom,” she explains as Maggie questions why she’s not going out with Rob again.
“Well honey, sometimes you have to give a guy a second chance to make an impression,” Maggie sighs.
Scully sighs as well. Sometimes she placates her with promises to be more open, but other times, the best approach is to deflect attention to Melissa, who is several years older and also equally unattached.
“Mom, how’s Melissa? Have you heard from her?”
Maggie knows this is a diversionary tactic, but lets her off the hook anyway. Their conversation wanders away from the topic of Dana’s love life and onto speculations about Melissa’s.
It’s not until a week later Scully remembers that Mulder neglected to call her. And then it’s a quiet Friday another week after that when her phone rings.
“I don’t suppose you’re in Philadelphia right now?” He doesn’t even bother with hello, so it takes her a minute to place the confident, teasing voice on the other end of the line.
“Alas, no,” she smiles, settling down into the soft corner of her couch, propping her feet up on the coffee table. “Why? Should I be?”
“It’s just that I have the strangest hankering to go and see the Liberty Bell. I’ve been here a hundred times and I’ve never seen it.”
“You’re not missing much. It’s a big bell with a big crack, and you have to wait in a long line.”
“Still,” Mulder pauses, “I’d really like to go. You want to come meet me?”
“At the Liberty Bell?” She incredulous, sitting forward on her elbows now.
“Yeah, it’s only, what, three hours drive?”
“Three hours and a dozen tolls,” she laughs. “Plus, I think they’d be closed by the time I get there.”
“Hmmm,” he hums looking at his watch, “true. They probably close after 11.”
“So you’re assuming I’m just going to hop in my car at 8 p.m on a Friday night and meet you in a city three hours away?” Scully is almost impressed by his audacity. “If I remember correctly, we’ve only met twice, and the second time you never called me back.”
“I’m calling you now, aren’t I?” She can hear the smile in his voice.
“Okay, fine. Let’s imagine I hop in my car and meet you in Philadephia. What are you doing up there anyway?”
“On a case. I think I’ve got real proof of psychokinetic activity this time.” He’s breathless, eager.
“Psychokinesis?” Scully laughs. This is an entirely different galaxy – nay, universe – from conversations about tax accounting. “You mean how Carrie got even at the prom?”
“Basically, yes.” He laughs too, and then there’s an awkward pause between them, a low hum over the telephone line that’s neither physical nor entirely imagined.
Scully takes a deep breath before she can change her mind.
“Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
“Okay, let’s go to the Liberty Bell.”
“Really?” His voice raises half an octave.
“Don’t make me second-guess myself, G-man,” she retorts, getting up from the couch and hurrying to change into something resembling an outfit. “And you better be buying the cheesesteaks because a girl gets hungry after a long drive.”
“You got it, doc.”
Three hours is a lot of time to second guess oneself, so she finds herself pushing the speed limit more than her usual nine-and-a-half miles over. If she drives faster, she won’t have a chance to analyze the logic of driving three hours to meet a man she’s only met twice – both times in a hospital, and both times he has talked about monsters. Well, monsters or aliens.
What the heck is she doing? She doesn’t know, but she can’t suppress the giggle that bubbles in her belly when she imagines his face when she told him she’d come. Somehow she can picture his wide-eyed surprise, and the way his lower lip must have turned up in a smile.
Why is she thinking about his lip? She barely knows him. Shut up brain. She drives faster.
To his credit, Mulder is waiting at the entrance to the deserted Liberty Bell pavilion parking lot with two oblong foil-wrapped cheesesteaks.
“I had to guess how you’d like yours.” He raises hers up in the air as a greeting as she steps out of the car. “Sorry.”
“I’m sure you did fine,” she smiles, reaching for the sandwich. Now it’s awkward. Should she hug him? Give him a kiss on the cheek? Shake hands?
He’s not helping, staring at her with a quizzical look, his eyes darting between the sandwich in his hands and still-lit pavilion behind her. Scully raises her eyebrows in a question, and shrugs.
“Well?” She says.
“C’mon,” he gestures with his head toward the lighted building. “I bribed the guards to keep it open.”
“You bribed the guards?”
“Bribed, threatened, cajoled, whatever.” He smiles. “The badge comes in handy sometimes.”
“So you’re saying you misused your credentials to convince some poor, beleaguered Liberty Bell attendants to stay open three hours past closing just so we can see this big cracked hunk of tin?” Her words are sarcastic, but her tone rings with delight.
“You make it sound so nefarious,” he says innocently. “Like I said, I just wanted to see it this time.”
“What about the sandwiches?”
“We can eat them inside.”
Scully shakes her head, smiling. This is, hands down, the strangest date she has ever been a part of. And now she’s not even sure it’s a date. He hasn’t attempted to touch her. Not a hug, not a hand on her shoulder. She’s suddenly worried she has misread this entirely, that this is just some strange overture of nerdy friendship. An uncomfortable sinking feeling lodges in her stomach as she searches for a way to ward off her embarrassment if it turns out she made too many assumptions.
But as they walk up to the building, he reaches ahead of her and opens the door, making an arch with his arm for her to walk under. She looks up at him with a smirk as he follows behind her, his hand pressing the lightest touch in the hollow curve of her back.
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