#Monkey's Paw
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I wish I had a big dick, like a horse big dick
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The monkey's paw of Capitalism really heard us when we were 7 years old saying "I want to live with all my friends when I grow up, and be a firefighter and a teacher and run a shop".
That finger curled around, wish granted, and forced us to split the inflated rent with the homies and work 3 jobs for the privilege.
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I guess I had a monkey's paw when I asked for more Megamind. Guess it's time to live in denial like there's only one movie!
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The Guy that's About to Invent La Croix: [Holding a Monkey's Paw] I wish to invent a soft drink that everyone talks about
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"I want an episode with Chilli's mum!"
(A finger on the monkey's paw curls)
#those bits were touching but personally i can't stand the doodle episodes tbh#original post#cartoons#bluey#bluey season 3#bluey dragon#chilli heeler#emily says some things#monkey's paw
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me: I wish that my next wish be granted as though I personally decided on all the details of implementation
monkey's paw: finger_curl.exe
me: Okay, now I wish for infinite wishes
>Paper begins raining from the sky. Grab a piece. It has this on it:
>Crumple it in disgust. Spot a differently sized piece of cardboard:
me: I thought this was real fucking funny, didn't I
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went out to dinner with my folks and the waiter asked me "and what drink do you want buddy?" kill me
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You Asked For It Department:
Who agrees with me that these things should be regulated?
THE BUCK STOPS HERE
© 2024 by Rick Hutchins
Ain’t nobody would say that Buck Green is stupid. They might say that he’s a no-good, rotten, evil son of a bitch– but they would say it behind his back, cause none of them would dare say it to his face. But ain’t nobody would say he’s stupid. Evil, though, there was no question about that at all.
What else kind of a man would hold a gun to somebody’s mom, right up to her head, the poor, gray-haired old lady crying and shaking and begging for mercy, and him all stone-hearted and vicious? He knows what he wants and knows how to get it, and he won’t stop at nothing, not even cold-blooded murder.
“Pick it up,” he said, “and say what I told you to say, or I’ll put a bullet right through the old bag’s head.”
The thing he was referring to was laying on the floor where he threw it, kinda like a bean bag; it was black and leathery with patches of brittle fur on it. What else can a guy do when his mom has a gun to her head but pick up what he’s been told to pick up?
“Good boy, good boy,” said Buck. “Now say what I told you to say, you little pussy, word for word, or else. I’m not gonna wait all day.”
“But, Buck. This is a Monkey’s Paw. You gotta know that the magic of a Monkey’s Paw will kick back atcha.”
“Of course I know that, you stupid prick,” he snarled. “That’s why you’re gonna say it. I ain’t no fool. The Monkey’s Paw will kick back at you and I’ll be sitting pretty. But if you don’t say exactly what I told you, the old cunt gets it right through the head. I can pull the trigger before you can finish a sentence.”
He wasn’t kidding, either. He done stuff like that before. He got the Monkey’s Paw by crossing over into Louisiana where there was an old Voodoo Priestess that he heard about. The woman didn’t want no part of making a Monkey’s Paw, but Buck held that gun right to her teenage granddaughter’s head so she had no choice. And when she was done he shot her stone cold dead so she couldn’t get after him once he’d gone.
But he left the kid alive so she could spread his reputation. Buck Green wanted to be a big man. In fact, he wanted to be the biggest man of all.
“I ain’t kidding, motherfucker,” growled Buck, sticking the gun right into the side of the poor old lady’s head so it would hurt her, and she sobbed something fierce. “You got till the count of five!”
“Okay! Okay! I’m gonna do it. Relax.”
“Say the words!”
“Okay, okay.” Slowly and clearly: “I wish that Buck Green was the President of the United States of America.”
And that was the end of Buck Green.
I ran right over to my mom to hold her and tell her everything was gonna be okay, cause she was freaking out like nobody’s business at that point. While I hugged her, I took a look at what was left of Buck, which wasn’t much, kind of like what I expected. Just a few dry bones and some shriveled up yellow skin. Ain’t nobody would say that Buck Green is stupid, but my mother didn’t raise no fools neither.
What I had in my head when I made that wish was the president that we all see every day when we take a buck out of our pocket– George Washington.
#short story#short fiction#microfiction#flash fiction#fantasy#horror#monkey's paw#george washington#rick hutchins#rjdiogenes
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proof of life on Monkey's Paw while I'm getting through some stuff
#me talking#monkey's paw#kineticallyart#not any horrible stuff really#just work and some sort of Thing with my istestines
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The Good News: The Tumblr Live Snooze button now goes for thirty days!
The Bad News: It doesn't work.
Another glorious day on Tumblr.
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Christina Hendricks As Marge Simpson
Two ways of writing "Evangelion"
Hayao Miyazaki coloring book
If a person told me they were in love with me and it seemed like it was too good to be true, would that be a cognitive bias?
Considerable work has gone into making the following image as obscene as possible:
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monkey's paw is making me insane. btw. like how am i supposed to be normal about that. god damn
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Careful what you wish for.
Simba learnt it the hard way, as you can tell.
Probably the only Spooky Month-related piece that I'll have time to draw this year lol
Merry Spooks, folks!
#TLK#The Lion King#Disney#monkey's paw#horror#humor#comedy#comic#funny#cartoon#creepy#Simba#Nala#Zazu#Mufasa#Scar#Rafiki#parody
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The 2.0 transformation was sort of a monkey's paw situation. The wish is granted, but in the most horrifying and annoying possible way.
ALVIN: I wish I wasn't grounded so much and I could make Dave proud of me, somehow.
SIMON: I wish Alvin were slightly smarter.
BRITTANY: I wish to be more popular than Alvin!
THEODORE: I wish Alvin and Simon had more in common, so they'd fight less.
ELEANOR: I wish Alvin would pay for mocking everyone.
DAVE: I wish Alvin could be more mature about things.
JEANETTE: I didn't wish for anything. Wishes can be trouble if you don't word them correctly.
Their reactions
ALVIN: He's proud of me now, but at what cost!
SIMON: I DIDN'T MEAN AS SMART AS ME!
BRITTANY: I wanted us both to be popular with me above him! I didn't mean make him a nerdy unpopular guy.
THEODORE: And....they still fight a lot. They do have more in common now though!
ELEANOR: I wasn't aiming for this, but it's really funny.
DAVE: Who is this kid and what happened to my son?
JEANETTE: That Alvin 2.0 is dreamy!
#alvin and the chipmunks#alvin seville#simon seville#brittany miller#jeanette miller#theodore seville#eleanor miller#aatc#alternative universe#alternate universe#alvin 2.0#wishes#wishes gone wrong!#monkey's paw
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